0:06

Would you please stop that . You

0:09

know , I think that's the first time I have ever heard you

0:11

say please , gold star

0:13

, for me , fucking

0:17

stop . If we can turn the radio on

0:19

. No , put your headphones

0:22

on , or something . I would if you gave me time

0:24

to grab them . I'm

0:29

gonna drive this truck into oncoming traffic if

0:31

you don't fucking stop so

0:33

radio . You wouldn't

0:36

be able to hear anything anyway . But static

0:38

. We're out in the middle of nowhere . I'm

0:43

just gonna keep doing this . Then , dude

0:47

, see if there's a gun in the glove

0:50

box so I can blow my fucking brains out .

0:55

The Gentle Art of Making Enemies , Written

0:58

and directed by Ben Qaddafi

1:00

, Episode 5 . Noah

1:05

may be the hothead and Isaac

1:07

knows it . Any time spent

1:09

together makes you understand damn

1:11

well . They don't communicate . These

1:14

boys got a long road ahead of them and

1:17

it will only get longer if they don't learn

1:19

to get along . A man who

1:21

bites his tongue may have blood in his

1:23

mouth , but has a better chance of getting

1:25

out alive . I think Isaac

1:27

might be biting off more than he can chew

1:30

. You can't make a silk

1:32

purse out of a sow's ear . And boy , let

1:34

me tell you , things can get

1:36

pretty ugly , pretty quick .

1:45

Hey , harmonica , I

1:52

could make a song for us . I'd rather listen

1:55

to a dog raping a dying rabbit . Oh

1:57

my God , what Booty

1:59

, fucking licious , booty

2:01

, what Licious , you

2:05

know , booty , licious . That rapper from the 90s the

2:07

hell's it doing in the glove box ? It's probably

2:09

yours from when we were kids . It would have beaten

2:12

me for listening to it if I were dad . We

2:14

have to put this in , please don't . Oh

2:17

, shut up , it's gonna be terribly great . I

2:19

said no , what are you fucking stupid

2:21

? You said please don't . There's

2:23

a difference , like the difference between

2:26

a broken finger and a broken nose

2:28

. You've already had one of them . Fine

2:31

, I'm just going to play the harmonica . Never

2:33

learned this thing , so this should be riveting . Jesus

2:38

God , my

2:46

name is Noah and I'm a huge prick

2:49

and everyone around me thinks that I'm a huge

2:51

dick . Hey , hey , my

2:58

name is Noah and I think I'm tough

3:01

and I'm really just a power bottom . That

3:03

just likes it rough , jesus Christ . Alright , that just likes it rough , jesus Christ

3:05

. All right , put in the fucking tape . Perfect

3:19

song . I'm going to rewind it . Jesus

3:21

, I remember this stupid shit Oof

3:25

. That doesn't sound good . Hopefully

3:27

it eats the tape . Oh , calm down , you

3:29

grumpy gust . Oh

3:34

, sweet baby Jesus , just let

3:36

it play , hold on . I'm starting the song over

3:38

. If

3:41

it'll make it Woof , there

3:47

we go . What I want to listen

3:49

to is next dude .

3:57

Are you ready for this shit ? Y'all ain't ready .

3:59

Look at that butt , big ol' butt . Look

4:01

at that butt . Ha

4:03

ha ha . Come on , man , you singing this in public's probably gonna get you put on

4:05

. Ha ha ha . Come on , man , you singing this in public's

4:07

probably gonna get you put on a list . Oh

4:10

, come on , man . Ha ha ha

4:12

, look at that butt , big

4:15

ol' butt .

4:17

Come on , dude .

4:18

I know , you know the words Just

4:20

buck , buck , butt . Come

4:24

on , oh man , I just died

4:26

. This is fucking great . You

4:28

don't remember this , jesus

4:32

? Oh , my them thighs

4:34

. Watch

4:37

it before they hypnotize . You got

4:39

another word , dude , look at that butt

4:42

, the big old butt . Look

4:45

at that butt . There you go you . That butt , the

4:47

big old butt . Look at that butt , there you go you . Sour puss .

4:51

Big old butt . Look at the butt . Look

4:56

at the butt . All right , all right , all right

4:58

, all right , all right , all right .

5:00

Just look at him , he just ain't in the race . Isaac

5:03

likes it right in the face . You motherfucker

5:05

. What , what , what , what , what , stop

5:14

, stop , stop , dude , this song is fucking

5:16

killing me right now . I love this . Oh

5:20

, holy shit . Noah Link McConaughey

5:22

, we have to stop . No , we're on our way home . I'm not stopping . Oh

5:24

come shit . Noah Lake McConaughey , we have to stop . No , we're on our way home , I'm not stopping

5:26

. Oh , come on . We used to go there all the time as kids . We have

5:28

to go . Why ? Because you have

5:31

some stupid song reminding you of our childhood

5:33

. That's precisely the reason I want to stop . What

5:35

better way to remember Dad than to stop at our old camping

5:37

grounds ? Well

5:40

, I'm thinking

5:42

. Well

5:47

. Well , I'm thinking . Well , don't think too hard

5:50

. The exit's coming up . Stop

5:52

talking . Let me think One

5:55

mile , just saying

5:58

Fuck it . There you go . This is gonna

6:00

be fucking great . Don't make me regret

6:02

this . Isaac what is there to regret . When

6:05

was the last time you got to do something like this , dude

6:07

? I'm just saying , you always find a way to

6:09

make things more difficult than they need to be . What

6:12

? No , I don't . No shenanigans

6:15

, dude . Come on , I'm not gonna do

6:17

anything , dude

6:19

, I mean it . No fucking around . I

6:22

promise . No fucking around . Alright

6:26

, then I

6:41

cannot believe we're here right now . I

6:43

know I've been here since

6:45

what ? 96 ? Yeah , something like that

6:47

. I'll race

6:49

you , you little dick fart . Look , dick

6:53

, he

6:57

even runs like an idiot . You

7:03

dropped your cocaine . Fucking

7:09

mook you . Alright , good

7:13

Cause I'm not taking you

7:15

to the hospital . Can you

7:17

at least help me up jerk-off . Noah

7:37

, look at this , I

7:41

see it . And

7:43

this is still breathtaking

7:45

. You remember building sandcastles over there , of

7:48

course . So much fun

7:50

. Dad would help us make moats and bridges and Mom

7:53

playing Godzilla . She

7:55

did what she would stomp all over the castles when she wanted

7:57

us to get into the water . Oh my

8:00

god , I completely forgot about it . That crazy

8:02

lady . And you would cry .

8:03

Mom , this is my masterpiece

8:06

.

8:06

Is that an attempt to make fun of my childhood speech impediments

8:09

? I'm seriously speechless that you think

8:11

I would do something stupid like that . Funny

8:13

, hey , just to be happy , our

8:15

parents took the time and the money to

8:17

get you to speech therapy . They

8:21

, they , bought me a slap to the face any time

8:23

I'd say something incorrectly . These

8:27

were good times , man , a

8:29

time before you hated me . Oh , stop the poor

8:31

pity me routine . I hated you long

8:34

before you ever became a poster child . We're

8:37

here , though . Let's just enjoy

8:39

it Just for a little bit . I

8:41

want to get home before it's dark . Why

8:44

so soon ? A pregnant

8:46

wife at home who is eight and a half weeks along

8:48

and is a continuous ball of joy Emphasis

8:51

on the cunt . I'm

8:53

gonna tell her . You said that , be my guest , she'll

8:56

slap you first . Yeah

8:58

, good point . You

9:12

know , it's almost as if Mom and Dad are here with

9:14

us . You

9:17

feel that ? Yeah

9:28

, actually I do Love you like a sister , little brother . Shit

9:39

, it's Kirsten . Why the hell is she

9:41

calling you ? Did you leave your phone in the truck

9:44

? Shit

9:50

, if she's being the magical C-word , I don't even want to

9:52

talk to her . Yellow , why the fuck doesn't your brother answer my calls

9:54

? Well , I'm 70% convinced he's gay

9:56

, so that could be a contributing factor . You know , he grabbed

9:58

some old man's breast in the rest stop bathroom . Saw

10:00

it with my own eyes . Isaac , seriously , I'm not fucking

10:03

around here . Wow , sorry , he's

10:05

right next to me . He probably just left his phone in the truck

10:07

. What's she saying here ? Just talk

10:09

to her . I'm gonna go piss . By

10:15

the way , she's in a great mood . Hey babe , you

10:17

need to start keeping your phone on you at all times . I'm sorry , pulled over

10:19

, got out , stretched our legs . When are you

10:21

coming home ? That's all I care about . What about

10:23

world peace and all the hippie commie

10:25

bullshit ? You don't care about that . Noah , not

10:28

in a joking mood ? Huh , noah , just answer my fucking

10:30

question Seven hours , jesus

10:32

, where are you ? We're just

10:34

outside Ogallala , honey

10:37

. It's five hours from

10:39

Ogallala , but

10:46

I'm taking Highway 30 , which is about 20 miles an hour slower . Yeah well , you were supposed to be home yesterday , kirsten

10:48

. I'm trying to get a giant baby with an Oedipus complex to come home . It isn't the easiest thing to do

10:50

. Come on , he's not that bad . He sabotaged a fucking

10:53

truck . What do you mean ? He's not that bad . He

10:55

did what ? Wait , you know what ? I

10:57

don't care . I didn't call to argue what argument

10:59

. It's a fact . He's a 35-year-old

11:02

emo kid . Then hog , tie him

11:04

and throw him in the back of the truck . Problem solved . That

11:07

actually is not a bad idea . Just

11:09

get home safe , please . I'm

11:11

back on the road now . Very

11:13

good , I love you . I know you

11:17

what . Sorry , I love you too , babe . Thank

11:21

you . Now get your ass back home before I lock you

11:23

both out

11:26

.

11:26

Shit .

11:43

Dude , what's going on ? We were enjoying the moment

11:45

. Yeah , well , that moment's over . Here's

11:47

your phone . Get

11:55

in the truck

11:57

. Okay , I'm

12:31

sorry . What the fuck is that ? What

12:34

is what that ? I don't hear anything

12:36

Bullshit . What did you do ? What

12:38

did I do ? You went to piss and now there's a fucking weird

12:40

noise . You're blaming me again . Of course I'm blaming you . What the fuck did I do ? You went to piss and now there's a fucking weird noise

12:42

. You're blaming me again . Of course I'm blaming you . What the

12:44

fuck did you do ? I don't know

12:46

. Did you check the tailpipe ? Dude

12:49

, I hate you so much . Seriously

12:56

, what the fuck did you do ? Where

13:01

the fuck is the harmonica ? The

13:03

air intake , dude , I'm gonna fucking

13:05

kill you . Seriously , I'm gonna fucking kill you . Oh

13:08

, shut up . It's funny Zip-tying a harmonica

13:10

to the air intake . Come on now . How

13:12

the fuck do you know about cars ? Well

13:14

, the Ottomo car was invented by a German

13:17

man named Sven Ousterfaus . Isaac

13:19

, I'm serious . Dad used to show us

13:21

how to work on cars all the time . Or have you forgotten

13:23

that ? He showed me how to do that

13:26

shit . You were too busy trying on Mom's

13:28

clothes . You are a fucking delusion

13:30

, fuck you . I was right

13:32

next to you when he gave you those lessons . How else

13:34

would I know how to unhook the fucking ignition module

13:36

? I just assumed you jumped in like

13:38

an ape and yanked on the first thing . You fucking saw

13:40

what is with you and assumptions . I

13:42

don't just assume everything . Ha you

13:45

automatically assume I'm this dipshit Colorado

13:47

junkie with no job ? I don't assume

13:49

it's the truth . What you know of me is

13:51

a shadow , noah Bullshit . You

13:53

quit your job with the city , which was a great fucking

13:55

job , cashed in your 401k

13:58

and you moved away to do fuck all . And

14:00

you moved away to do fuck all . Am

14:02

I wrong ? Am I wrong ? Not

14:05

technically , not technically . Get

14:07

the fuck out of here . You know what ? I am a fucking

14:09

millionaire , oh , bullshit

14:11

. I wrote a book called the Butcher of

14:13

Bronson Street , that teeny-bopper

14:16

bullshit that sits on my wife's nightstand . Fuck

14:18

off , yes , that teeny-bopper bullshit

14:20

. Nice try , isaac . That

14:24

book doesn't say written by Isaac Peterson , it's some author , pj Williamson

14:27

or some stupid shit . Rj Staker

14:29

, I used a pseudonym . I call bullshit

14:31

. How ? How the hell are

14:34

you a millionaire from writing one fucking book ? Well

14:36

, for one . It became a bestseller . That

14:38

doesn't make you a millionaire . You're such

14:41

a fucking liar , isaac . No , but investing

14:43

a portion of the profits does . I took a big

14:45

chunk of the profits from the book you don't believe I wrote

14:47

and I invested it into the stock market , the stock

14:49

split , and I made a fucking fortune

14:51

. Then I had a buddy dealing with overseas trademark

14:54

rights and I fucking made a shitload

14:56

of money off of that . That's what made me a millionaire

14:58

. You miserable dick . Wait , you

15:00

buy other people's trademarks in other

15:03

countries and charge them money to sell

15:05

their own fucking brand . Yes , there

15:07

was a lot of money in that shit . That's fucking

15:09

low , super fucking low . It's

15:11

not low , it's fucking business . Business

15:13

it's scamming someone who worked hard

15:16

for the right to be rich . If they're

15:18

too dumb not to trademark their name in a foreign

15:20

market , they deserve to get charged . Congratulations

15:23

, you have become a world-class

15:25

piece of shit . Good luck with

15:27

the blood money . Well , fuck you . Good

15:29

comeback . You fucking reprobate . You're a fucking

15:32

joke , dude . I'm a fucking joke . Refer

15:34

back to your business practices , dude

15:36

. Who do you think paid for Dad's funeral

15:39

, that so-called blood money

15:41

? Who do you think was paying for Dad to live those past two

15:43

years ? Sure as shit wasn't the fucking

15:45

slaughterhouse . They fired his ass and closed the

15:47

doors , didn't even fucking look back . Why

15:49

are you telling me this now ? We're brothers

15:51

, we're supposed to trust each other

15:53

. Trust each other . That's a fucking laugh

15:55

. You haven't trusted anyone since you cheated on your wife

15:57

. Hey , we have moved past that

15:59

. We are doing counseling once

16:02

a week because of my fuck up . I

16:04

admitted it , I fucked up . That

16:06

was two years ago anyway . You're

16:08

the one that diddled someone else . I told

16:11

you we have worked on our marriage . Now fucking

16:13

drop it . You haven't moved on at all , you moron

16:15

. You are constantly angry . You piss and moan

16:17

about everything . You think everyone is out to

16:19

screw your wife . You blame everyone

16:22

for shit that you caused . You are a miserable

16:24

prick . What the fuck's that supposed to

16:26

mean ? Comes a point in every man's life , they need

16:28

to realize they're chasing their own tail . Riddle me

16:30

this dickhead . Have you ever manned up

16:33

and taken responsibility for any of your

16:35

actions ? Have you , like I said , you

16:37

blame everybody but yourself . God forbid

16:39

the words I'm sorry ever spew from your fucking

16:41

mouth . Half the shit you've done to me in

16:43

the past two days renders an apology . Is

16:45

that what you want ? An apology ? Well

16:47

, I'm sorry . I'm sorry . You're such

16:50

a fucking cunt . Oscar

16:52

nominee Noah Peterson , is

16:54

that how you apologize to Kirsten you better

16:56

fucking stop bringing my wife's name into this

16:58

. There hasn't been a thought in your mind that your wife

17:01

got revenge , what you know ? I wouldn't be

17:03

the least bit surprised if there was another man's

17:05

baby brewing in her belly right fucking now . Fuck

17:10

, dude , I'm sorry

17:12

, I didn't mean it . I was crossing the line . Seriously

17:18

, dude , I'm sorry . I

17:21

was getting pretty heated and I was just trying to get under your skin

17:23

. That's it . I didn't mean anything

17:25

. That

17:29

fucking harmonica , whoa

17:32

, jesus Christ . What the fuck are you

17:34

doing , dude ? Slow the fuck down . God damn it , noah

17:36

. Are you trying to fucking

17:39

kill us ? Whoa

17:44

, whoa , whoa , whoa , whoa , whoa . Dammit , noah , are you trying to fucking kill us ? Woah , woah , woah , woah , woah

17:46

, jesus Christ , you're gonna give me a heart attack . Fuck

17:49

it out of the fucking truck . What the

17:51

hell are you doing , you , nut bar ? I said I was sorry

17:53

. Get out of

17:55

the fucking truck , you little bitch Shit

17:58

. I really pissed him off . Are

18:02

you serious ? The lock ? You're

18:04

a lot dumber than I fucking thought . Shit , I really

18:06

pissed him

18:10

off . Get

18:16

the fuck

18:18

out . Fuck , dude , seatbelt . Fuck

18:20

. Say , get

18:23

up . You want to be a fucking tough guy ? Get the fuck out . I'm not gonna fight you , noah , hit

18:26

me pussy . Noah , stop Hit

18:28

me . You are a fucking psychopath . You

18:30

wanna see fucking crazy . You fucking cunt

18:32

Fucking . Stop , just

18:35

let me hit you . Come

18:37

here , you fucking baby , stand

18:41

still Fucking

18:45

headlock . You fucking pussy , are you

18:47

done ? Fuck you . You need to

18:49

calm down .

18:51

I'm gonna fucking kill you when you let go . How

18:54

?

18:54

about now , uncle

19:00

, uncle , big man had too much . You're tapping

19:02

now . Do you see

19:04

what happens when you lose your temper ? I

19:07

didn't want to do this asshole . Why do you have

19:09

to solve everything with fucking confrontation ? You

19:11

bitch and moan about everything , but look where it gets you , motherfucker

19:15

. I see it . Get you a shot to the dick

19:17

. I'm

19:21

done . I've had it with you this trip

19:23

. This fucking truck . I'm

19:36

fucking out . I'm going home . Good luck with

19:38

your fragile masculinity and a broken nose

19:40

. Bitch . Go right

19:42

ahead , fucking , leave . Nobody fucking

19:44

wants you there anyway . You've

19:50

been a coward your entire life . Why

19:53

should Dad's funeral be any different ? Run

19:56

away like you always do . Abandon

19:58

us all . That's what you're fucking good at . Abandon

20:00

you . I left to get my head

20:03

clear . I spoke to Dad every fucking

20:05

day after I left . Bullshit . You left to

20:07

fill your own selfish fucking fantasies

20:09

. It's the truth . Mom's death fucking

20:11

destroyed me . She was my

20:13

world , dude . I couldn't fucking

20:15

take it being in the same city . She died in Everything

20:18

she taught me about life , about

20:20

women . She was my fucking

20:22

mother . Oh , fuck off . You

20:24

barely said a word at her fucking funeral . It's

20:27

like you couldn't fucking be bothered . Seeing her

20:29

put in the ground destroyed me in ways I can't even

20:31

put into words , noah . It fucking

20:34

destroyed me . I had a breakdown

20:36

that involved a shitload of whiskey and

20:38

thinking about blowing my fucking brains out

20:40

. I wanted to get far away from

20:42

anything that reminded me of who she was

20:44

and I just I had

20:47

to jump ship . She was my

20:49

mother , too , and

20:51

I was going through the exact same thing

20:53

, and the only person I felt

20:55

would get what I was going through abandoned

20:58

me . He just fucking

21:01

vanished . Dad

21:03

was there , but he was going through

21:05

his own loss with the love of his life

21:07

. I needed my goddamn

21:10

brother , the only goddamn

21:12

person that would fucking understand my plight

21:14

. And you laugh . You

21:18

could have called you , fucking idiot . You

21:20

think Dad's funeral is any different ? I

21:23

needed my goddamn brother , and you refused to

21:25

go . How do you think I feel I

21:27

can't bury another parent ? Not after Mom

21:29

, not after how it obliterated

21:32

me . Why

21:35

the fuck do you think I came to get you ? You honestly think I can

21:37

do this alone ? Fuck

21:39

you and your goddamn ego

21:41

, afraid of how it's gonna make you

21:43

feel . What about how

21:46

I feel , noah ? You aren't the only one

21:48

hurting . I'm fucking dying on the

21:50

inside . Our father is dead

21:52

. He's fucking dead . There

21:54

is nothing either of us can do to change that

21:56

. I can't just come back with a smile

21:59

on my face and shake hands with dad's old pals

22:01

. The world is crumbling around

22:04

me and I don't know what the fuck to do

22:06

. Bitch , I have kids coming

22:08

into this world in a few weeks , so

22:10

I'm about to be a dad

22:12

, and the only person I knew who

22:15

would come show me how to be

22:17

a good father is fucking dead . I'm

22:19

fucking scared , isaac . Oh

22:21

, come on , don't try to guilt trip me with this shit

22:24

. Guilt trip you , motherfucker . I

22:26

have a wife that is dealing with all of this

22:28

bullshit on top of being pregnant

22:30

. I have to comfort her and suck

22:32

up my feelings , because the moment I break

22:34

down , the whole entire ship goes down

22:36

. Now I'm fucking losing

22:39

it because of you and

22:41

I'm afraid I may not be the man I need

22:43

to be for my fucking family . How

22:47

the fuck am I supposed to know what to do with my

22:49

life , with my son's life ? I

22:51

have no idea what to do and I just

22:54

need my god damn brother Get

23:06

up . I don't need your help , just get in the

23:08

fucking truck . I'll need your help . Just

23:11

get in the fucking truck .

23:13

The Gentle Art of Making Enemies , written

23:16

and directed by Ben Gaddafi

23:18

, starring Tim Welsh

23:20

, ben Gaddafi

23:22

, samantha Johnson , wren

23:24

Soren , katie Lee Rumpf

23:27

, tessa Thompson , alexander

23:30

Hamilton , ryan

23:32

Rumpff , nick Vodica , jason

23:34

Flynn .