2:00

For me, it was really ugly. I'm

2:03

just playing. I don't fight. I do the praying.

2:05

I only go the way. It's not often I

2:07

sit down with somebody and they say something that

2:09

makes me think. This was great. I

2:11

love you, Bax. You gave

2:13

me something to think about. I

2:15

had a lot of fun on this interview. Thank

2:19

you so much for being here, bro. Absolutely, bro. This is

2:21

exciting. I'm actually pumped. I know this

2:23

episode is just going to be amazing, bro, because there's

2:25

times where, like, for example, John Bellion, we're talking about

2:27

John Bellion. But there's times

2:29

where I meet an artist and I get

2:31

so excited when they're super authentic. Oh, yeah.

2:33

When an artist is authentic, you could smell

2:36

it. You could feel it. You could taste

2:38

it. It's like something that I get excited

2:40

to dive into. And I guess, like, the

2:42

first question, I know this is going to

2:44

be a spiritual, like, conversation,

2:46

but I also want to make sure that

2:48

we tie in your talents that God gave

2:50

you. But my first question overall, before you

2:52

had the love of music, was the love

2:55

of God there before or after? Heck no.

2:58

Heck no. No.

3:02

So could you, like, just give

3:04

me a timeline. When did

3:07

you find music? When did that touch your heart?

3:09

Music was my mom,

3:11

single mom. My

3:15

mom listened to music for

3:17

everything. To cook, to

3:20

clean, to freaking make

3:22

breakfast, just music always.

3:25

Like, everything was a soundtrack. She was

3:27

the first TikToker before there was TikTok.

3:30

She had music for everything she did. So

3:32

I just grew up always hearing music. And

3:34

then, like, 11, my neighbors.

3:39

I stayed with my grandmother because my mom,

3:42

single mom, she was struggling

3:44

to, like, provide. So she worked

3:46

and sent me to stay with my grandmother. Honestly, she was

3:48

in her 20s. She probably was partying while

3:51

I was with my grandmother. But it's fine.

3:53

We're good. But at least she left you

3:55

with your grandmother. That's right. So I'm with

3:57

my grandma, and then my uncles

3:59

were... big in the music, my cousins were big in

4:01

the hip hop, and then my

4:03

next door neighbors were musicians. Their

4:07

grandfather was like a musician in a church,

4:09

and he taught them how to play. So we

4:12

would all make up songs, and

4:14

I just would like 11 years old just making

4:16

up songs, rap songs, singing

4:18

songs, and then I was trying

4:20

to get this girl in

4:25

the neighborhood to like me, and I wrote a song

4:27

for her. You know mommy at what age?

4:31

11 is when you wrote her a song? Do you

4:33

remember the song? Yeah, do you remember it? It was something like,

4:37

I didn't use her real name, but her name was

4:39

Beverly. It's an old name, isn't it?

4:41

It sounds like your grandmother, Beverly. That's why I

4:43

probably didn't put her name in the song. You

4:45

know what I mean? That

4:48

would have sucked. Beverly! But

4:51

it was like something, I

4:53

don't remember. I just remember the words like, I

4:55

won't treat you like they did the other girl.

4:58

It was all like, I know how they treat

5:00

girls, and I won't do that to you. That's

5:03

basically just stuff. What a romantic. Oh

5:05

yeah, big time. Did you get the girl? Absolutely

5:07

not. No. No, she was 13. She

5:09

was 13, I'm 11. So

5:12

it was like, that's the

5:14

rules of the teenage world. Girls

5:17

never liked guys younger. They always liked the guys

5:19

older. I bet she tell all her friends now.

5:21

She's like, you know when I was 13, he

5:23

wrote me a song. I

5:25

hope it's not like that. I hope it's like,

5:27

dang, I missed out. Yeah. Hopefully

5:29

that's what it feels like. It better be. Yeah, that's

5:31

what it is to be. Imagine she kept it. Oh,

5:34

that'd be crazy. Yeah. That would be crazy.

5:36

Hopefully she sees this clip, and she's like, no, I actually, and then

5:38

she plays the song. She's somewhere like, yeah, I

5:41

used to date him. So she is old.

5:44

I remember the cray. He

5:47

was cute, but he was 11. I'm 13, what

5:49

the hell do you want me to do? What am I gonna do? So I

5:51

don't know. I love that you have

5:53

a podcast, by the way. Man, that was

5:56

an accident. How? Talk to me about

5:58

that. I was kind of like making music,

6:00

and then. in this place of like, man,

6:02

how do I, all the things I'm learning,

6:04

I can't say it in a song. And

6:07

my cousin was doing a podcast, his name's Tim

6:09

Ross, so Tim's doing a podcast and he was

6:11

like, hey, I came and did his,

6:13

and he was like, you should do one. And I

6:15

was like, I don't know what I would do, how

6:17

I would even do it, what is that? He was

6:19

like, well, I got a whole like, setup, and

6:22

I'll connect you with my people, and

6:24

you know, we can give it a run. And

6:26

I was like, I'll try it, you know. I

6:29

think it's a great idea. You're very, very, very

6:31

good at expressing yourself. And I

6:33

think limiting yourself to just music is

6:36

kind of steal people's information if they could get to

6:38

it, you know what I'm saying? Because a lot, maybe

6:40

some people don't like listening to rap, but

6:42

what you have, the medicine that you're putting in there,

6:44

they could digest it this way. Whoa,

6:46

I like that. Okay. I thought that's what you were going

6:49

on. I didn't know that, that's good. You

6:52

have two compliments in a row I get from this guy.

6:54

Let's go, let's go. You know, I'm saying the good energy

6:56

and the whole vibe. Really,

6:59

it's like cool to be authentic. Because I'm

7:01

not really, like I'm not guarded, and that's

7:03

probably part of my problem is I'm not

7:05

guarded. That's good. But it is, but it's

7:08

not. Because sometimes you like overshare, and

7:11

then you gotta like backtrack, and people, you

7:13

know what I'm saying? Super vulnerable. Yeah! So

7:15

let's tap into that, dude, because as an

7:18

artist, it's like, I could see this man

7:20

in front of me, creating music and podcasts,

7:22

expressing himself. When you make a mistake, does

7:24

it weigh on you more knowing that you're

7:26

representing Christ, and then you

7:28

have these audience that are trying to be like

7:30

you, that's trying to be like Christ? Yeah. Yes

7:34

and no. So, so

7:38

before, like when I first

7:40

started following God, I

7:43

didn't, like, it's been, so to say

7:46

this, it's been dope to watch your journey, because it

7:48

reminds me a lot of mine. Like you're just like,

7:50

bro, I don't know, what's up, what's down, I just

7:52

love Jesus. What is this wrong? That's wrong, I don't

7:54

know, you know, can I cuss, can I not, can

7:56

I drink, can I smoke? What

7:58

do I do, how does this work, you know, and it's like, That reminds me

8:00

of me. And when I first came

8:02

in, I was like, oh, I

8:04

need to follow these people. And so you get with

8:06

this group of people, and they say, well, you can't

8:09

do this, this, this. And you got all these rules

8:11

in your head now. And so

8:13

when I dropped the ball, I'm like, oh, man,

8:15

I messed up. Because those are the things that

8:17

they told me about, more so than like, how

8:20

does God feel about me? So I

8:22

used to feel a lot of pressure to

8:25

not drop the ball because

8:27

people were watching. But

8:30

it was like I

8:33

was more committed to my

8:37

faith in God

8:46

than God's love for me, if that makes sense.

8:48

It was kind of like I was

8:52

so worried about how I looked to the

8:54

world with my relationship, I was not thinking

8:56

about how God saw me and what God

8:58

thought of me in my relationship with him.

9:01

So it was way more like, what

9:03

did they think? And less like,

9:05

God, what do you think? That's very honest,

9:08

bro. That's a very honest look. This

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10:09

impressive your lyrics to me when I'm going through

10:11

them before if I'm listening to your music I'm

10:13

just at the gym and I'm pumping but then

10:16

before this interview I'm like going through and I'm

10:18

skimming through your lyrics and there's a

10:20

lot of that's there I'm like damn I can't believe

10:22

he was so vulnerable to even put that in there

10:24

that gets I literally sat around and played it forever

10:26

Did you hear like how could you how do you

10:28

have the confidence to say that? I love to do

10:31

two of them and if any of them make you

10:33

feel uncomfortable You could always say it like no pass

10:35

go for it man. The first one is and man

10:37

this one touched my heart I give out so much.

10:39

I don't want to talk about that. Yeah, it's too

10:41

much. Yeah I

10:47

give out so much love, but I don't know where to go

10:49

find it and to me

10:51

I think every Christian that truly is

10:54

chasing after Jesus's heart Fall

10:56

into this category because once we start

10:58

emulating Jesus We then realize how selfish

11:00

our family and friends are And

11:03

like and then you have to humble yourself to

11:05

remember that we were just like them until we

11:07

got our eyes on Jesus How did you wrestle

11:09

with this in the industry man? First of all?

11:15

You just you nailed it because

11:17

So I'm a story

11:20

true story so

11:23

I think I was so I've

11:25

become a Christian right and I'm

11:27

in my little bubble around Other Christians

11:29

and everyone in my bubble is like we're just trying

11:31

to outdo each other just like no you do I'll

11:33

do it for you No I'll do it for you

11:36

and that was like the world we kind of lived

11:38

in and then I got out of my bubble more

11:40

in the industry and You

11:42

forget like people are fake and people

11:44

are just like like oh, this is

11:46

just an act You'd

11:48

like you don't really care about me at

11:51

all. You don't care about what I have

11:53

going on like nothing there's no sincerity here

11:56

and I I

11:59

just got a grin and like

12:01

love you through this. You know what

12:04

I'm saying? So, like

12:08

one scenario I can think of is like, oh

12:10

my gosh, I don't believe I'm, I'm not gonna

12:12

use names, but. We can also beep

12:15

them out if you're comfortable. So you can say

12:17

the name and we'll always beep it out. Okay,

12:19

cool, perfect. So Diddy. Damn! I'm

12:21

just joking. That's going viral. We

12:25

messed up. It

12:28

was a joke. Let's go. Oh shit. It

12:31

was a joke. Oh damn. It was

12:33

a joke. No it wasn't. Illuminati, I

12:35

told y'all. Look, there he goes. Now,

12:39

so I had a good friend and

12:41

he becomes a Christian, but

12:43

he's still in the music industry. You know what I mean?

12:45

So he doesn't really, he's like trying to figure out how

12:47

to walk this out and we

12:49

get to working together. He's tied up in the

12:51

hip hop space and a lot of rappers and

12:53

whatever. And

12:56

so I'm going with him on like these missions

12:58

to just like connect

13:00

with the artists and the producers and then

13:02

more and more I'm just in these rooms

13:04

and around all this stuff. And

13:09

you know, people, you start doing favors

13:11

for folks. Okay,

13:13

I'll do that for you. I'll give you the song. I'll

13:15

do this for you, do this for you. And

13:18

little by little, like

13:20

my friend, for me, I'm

13:23

serving him. I'm just like, yo, I'm trying

13:25

to hook you up. I'm trying to make this happen. But

13:27

we started getting wins. Like the song

13:30

started streaming well or, you

13:32

know, awards, all this

13:34

different type of stuff. And man,

13:37

it just started to get to a point where it was like an

13:40

entitlement thing. Like the people around him were

13:42

like, hey, where's my credit? Where's my this?

13:44

Where's my that? And I was like, bro,

13:46

I wasn't even in it for this. I

13:48

was just- Helping. Yeah, I was trying to,

13:50

you know what I mean? They take your

13:52

kindness and they make it

13:54

your weakness. So I think for me, I just

13:56

learned, like it's very hard for me to like

13:58

really be friends with people. who

14:01

I have to share some kind of credit

14:03

with, or like, we're

14:06

working on building a platform together, because

14:09

I'm always nervous that you don't really genuinely,

14:11

you're doing this for you and not for

14:13

a greater cost. And then you get your

14:15

emotions mixed up, and then the friendship just

14:17

goes. South. Exactly. What's helped

14:19

me with this outlook, and I don't know

14:21

if you're even looking for, but

14:24

what helped me is like, it

14:27

happens so much back to back to back, setting

14:29

up somebody I love and then drop and set

14:31

it. And then I became spiteful,

14:34

not spiteful. I had my

14:36

walls up, like bitter. And

14:39

I stopped making

14:41

friends, I stopped being there for my neighbors.

14:43

I just became so cold to

14:45

the atmosphere. This is not good advice, by

14:47

the way. Not great advice. This is your

14:49

advice? Yeah, put up walls. Okay. And

14:52

I basically brought it to God,

14:54

and I said, what would you want me to

14:56

do? And he said, remember how they treated me.

14:59

And I was like, okay, so let me marinate that.

15:02

Every day I wake up aiming to please God,

15:04

but I do what that friend did to you.

15:07

Every day I do that to him. Every day I

15:09

say, I'm gonna stand up for you, I'm gonna do

15:11

this for you, I'm gonna take this away from you.

15:13

And I fall straight on my face, and God says,

15:16

instead of worrying about how they do that to you,

15:18

you worry about how you do that to me. You

15:20

were like a super underachiever in school, weren't you? Super.

15:22

I could tell. Super. I could

15:24

tell. Like, as I'm listening to

15:27

you, I'm like, yo man, like this

15:29

is a profound guy, but I can tell you

15:31

just were like the ADD kid or something who

15:33

just didn't. Failed so bad. I can

15:35

tell. Failed so bad. I got suspended for

15:37

going to the bathroom too many times. I

15:40

could so tell. I could tell. Who

15:42

was your life like at school? No, similar.

15:45

That's why I knew. This is me. I

15:48

was like, yo, my man is killing it. And

15:50

your mom's like, why don't you kill it like

15:52

that on the brakes? How

15:54

about that? I tried, did you try? Did

15:57

I try? I don't know if

15:59

I tried. Damn, you didn't pay attention so

16:01

much, or you didn't even pay attention to how much

16:04

you tried. 9th grade, true story. 9th

16:06

grade, I

16:08

was so worried about what everybody thought of

16:10

me. I needed glasses, right? Yeah. And

16:13

I couldn't afford contacts. So I needed

16:16

glasses, and I

16:18

wouldn't wear my glasses, because I was like, I'm not

16:20

gonna... Like, yeah, if you're a Gen Z, glasses are,

16:22

like, cool. It's like, oh, look at you, man. Glasses,

16:25

it doesn't matter. Nerds are cool. Now people

16:27

wear fake glasses. Yeah, so no big deal.

16:29

But when I was in school, that was

16:32

not cool. So I wouldn't wear my

16:34

glasses because it was like, nah, I'm not gonna sit here

16:36

and look like a nerd. So I literally failed.

16:40

Like, I got an F in

16:42

every class except gym. I got a D in

16:44

gym that year, that semester. Because

16:47

I just wouldn't... How did you get a D being 6'4",

16:49

bro? Because I didn't wear, I didn't dress out. I was

16:51

like, I'm not wearing them dumb shorts, man. I'm not finna

16:53

dress them dumb shorts. I

16:56

don't change your clothes, bro. I'm too cool for school.

16:58

I'm gonna be honest with you, all I hear is

17:00

that God was sculpting you in school to remember that

17:02

you shouldn't carry your surroundings. So when he puts you

17:04

in the position you are, you now

17:06

know that that's worthless to think about. That's

17:09

very true. Do you know what I'm saying? That's how I

17:11

feel about Hollywood. That's how I feel about the industry. It's

17:14

like, it's so funny, because I got younger artists and I'll

17:16

come out here. Like, we came

17:19

out here one year for, like, Grammys. I

17:21

brought some of my younger artists with me. And

17:23

we're at all these events. They, you know, when

17:26

you're in the industry, they have all these, like,

17:28

events and showcases. It's like the Diddy parties. Listen,

17:30

you wanna talk about Diddy parties? Okay, I didn't

17:32

go to those parties. I feel like you did.

17:34

Those things I don't know about. The

17:37

quiet secret freak-offs. I know nothing.

17:39

Heart cut, we see the court

17:41

dates. Nothing about. He lied to

17:43

us. The media-sanctioned events, sure, I

17:46

went to those. There's media there.

17:48

There's cameras and security. And

17:50

everyone is there. When the lights got dark, I

17:53

don't know what happened. I was not there. I

17:55

don't know anything about that. There's

17:58

other show cast. and

18:00

like, you know, there was one event I

18:02

remember like SZA performed before she was big,

18:05

you know, we were watching SZA and I

18:07

got my young artist there and they

18:10

were just like, wow, I said, bro, none of this is real.

18:13

He was like, what? None

18:15

of this is real. You're gonna go back home

18:18

to Atlanta and be on your patio

18:21

and none of these people are gonna call you and

18:24

nothing, there's no magic fairy dust out

18:26

here. Like it's all fake. It's just

18:28

smoke and mirrors. It's crazy. Yes. It's

18:31

really crazy. You know what else? It

18:33

all leads to death. Facts. Do

18:36

you ever get on yourself because like, you're

18:39

creating music, right? And you hear like this music

18:41

that's hitting the radio stations and you know that

18:43

your tongue only bends for the Holy Spirit because

18:45

that's where you received your gifts. Do you ever

18:47

listen to other people cooking in the studio and

18:50

you're like, oh, I could body this in such

18:52

a better way than they're doing, but my gifts

18:54

are from God. So I'm just gonna hang back

18:56

on this type of music. Bro, when I first

18:59

started like rapping for the Lord, when I first

19:02

got, you know, when the Lord transformed me, like

19:05

I was like, yo, I need to say the

19:07

things that God is doing in my heart over

19:09

this music, right? And I would go to this

19:11

studio. It was a famous studio in Texas. All

19:14

the big rappers would go to this studio. And so

19:17

the producers are in there, the engineers in there. And

19:20

I asked them could they record me, right? So

19:22

they're recording my music and they're like, yo, this

19:25

is crazy, bro. Are you sure you just, you

19:27

only rapped for God? And I

19:29

was like, that's it. They was like, that's crazy.

19:32

Cause you would be hard, you would really make

19:34

it. You know what I mean? And

19:36

it was like, nah, man. You're like, hey, Allegiant, shut up.

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in your career did you realize like did you realize

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you came with your fourth album. You got to

20:52

perform for the BET Awards. That must have been

20:54

huge for you So massive where were you at

20:56

in your journey your faith? Yeah, I

21:00

My model even to this day is if you live

21:02

for people's acceptance, you'll die from their rejection And

21:04

so it's kind of like the idea that if if

21:08

the world defines you Then

21:10

when they turn their back on you, you'll be crushed right

21:13

and and I say that

21:15

because I know that's what I Internally

21:17

battled with was this massive insecurity. It's

21:19

already like you're already insecure in

21:22

a space like hip-hop Representing

21:25

God like you're an alien so much

21:27

so that during the BET cipher they

21:29

do the cipher at the BTA hip-hop

21:31

Awards They didn't know what category to

21:33

put me in my publicist was like you we got you

21:35

in the cipher and they were like What category do

21:37

we put them in they put me in an international? Category

21:40

because it was like we don't have a place

21:42

for you like there's West Coast

21:44

East Coast and then Jesus I don't

21:46

put them with the Yugoslavian

21:49

rapper, you know, that's what they

21:51

put me There was no gospel

21:53

category for the BET hip-hop awards,

21:56

so it was just that so

21:58

for me In

22:01

that space, my insecurity and knowing

22:03

I was already like, my

22:07

back was against the wall just made me

22:09

more aggressive. It made me more like. Hungry.

22:12

Yeah, I was like David when it's time to kill

22:14

Goliath, is like, okay, word, I

22:16

know I'm little. I know

22:18

I'm the son of Jesse, the most least likely

22:20

to make it. So I'm about

22:22

to chop the head off of this thing because

22:24

I only power I have is from God. I

22:27

don't have anything to stand. I can't stand on

22:29

my block. I can't stand on, I

22:31

got the whole West coast on my back. I don't

22:33

have any of that. All I have is Jesus. So

22:36

for me, it was like, let me double down on

22:39

Jesus and just like

22:41

see what happens. So you just kind of

22:43

go in there swinging your sling. And I

22:46

think people respected that. I think even if they

22:48

didn't like it, they were like, I gotta respect

22:50

that. You know what I mean? It's deep down

22:52

in their core. What part in your career where

22:54

you like, okay, it's me and God. And then

22:56

I know this happens to

22:58

you, bro. Because if God is using you,

23:00

then I know this happened. The devil snuck

23:02

his way into your garden and said, hey,

23:05

remember all these other people that are critiquing

23:07

you, they didn't walk your footsteps. Remember stay

23:09

true to who you are. And

23:11

that little sneaky line is like, well, the true version

23:13

of me is evil. And I gotta leave that behind.

23:16

Was there any a part of your career where you're

23:18

like, all right, I gotta crucify myself. And like now

23:21

really, really be about Jesus. Big time.

23:24

So when

23:26

I first started off, like

23:29

you said, just like, rar,

23:33

you know, Jesus. The lion version. Yeah,

23:35

the lion version. And

23:38

then what happens to

23:40

every artist, every public figure, is

23:44

people build them up to

23:46

unrealistic expectations just to tear

23:48

them down. So like,

23:51

folks were like, yeah, go, go

23:53

harder. You're killing it

23:55

for Jesus. Then you get so

23:58

high. that

24:01

people are like really

24:04

like scrutinizing everything you do. So

24:06

it's like, well, if we

24:08

put you there, you better do it exactly how we

24:10

would do it, right? If you're

24:12

going to be on Jimmy Fallon, you

24:14

better save the word, repent. If

24:18

I don't hear repent come out of your mouth

24:20

on Jimmy Fallon, bro, you are fake. So

24:23

it was like, I just, I was

24:25

lifted so high by the Christian community. Like all I did

24:27

was let them down after that. And it was like, oh

24:29

my God, oh my God. So it

24:31

got so bad. And no one taught me about social

24:33

media back then. Like it was like, I didn't know

24:35

you weren't supposed to read all the comments. There

24:39

were no rules. So I'm

24:41

just reading stuff like all the feedback. Yeah. It

24:43

was like, oh, and it was so negative, negative,

24:45

negative, negative, and just tear you down. I mean,

24:48

the truth of the matter is probably like 200,

24:50

positive, four negative, but the four were loud. Sticks.

24:52

Yeah, just like, uh. And

24:54

so from there, I just

24:56

got this chip on my shoulder just kind

24:58

of like, you guys always critique everything I

25:00

do. I can never do anything right. And

25:02

it's like, I'm like, oh. And

25:04

then I'm like, yeah, that's right. They hated Jesus too.

25:06

So they go hate me. And you're just

25:09

like, you know what I mean? It's like, where do you

25:11

guys want to think? You think, oh, yeah, that's what you

25:13

think. Well, I'm a be kind of do it. Yeah, try

25:15

to do it. Yeah, you can do what I do. Be

25:19

me for a day. So

25:21

I got this real kind of chip on

25:23

my shoulder. And then

25:25

that turned into bitterness. And

25:27

then the bitterness turned into like, you

25:30

just, you stop blaming the church and

25:32

start blaming God. Like people

25:35

hurts become God hurts. And

25:37

it's like, yo, God didn't hurt you. Some of

25:39

his people may have, but God didn't do that.

25:42

But then, so for me, the blame went to God and just

25:44

like, well, if you're going to treat me like that, forget it.

25:46

I'm going to do it my way. And

25:48

in my way was just like, and

25:50

that's where Satan is an angel of light.

25:52

Because people always like make him like this

25:54

devil with horns and like, ah, come here,

25:57

come in my closet. And really he's like

25:59

gorgeous. And what do you want? Exactly. Yeah.

26:01

I'll give you what you want. Exactly. And

26:03

what I wanted was to show Christians I

26:05

didn't need them, and I can

26:07

do it without them. And he started to boost

26:10

my career in the mainstream spaces. So

26:12

now it's like big songs on the radio.

26:15

I got the song with Todd Dolla Sign. They

26:17

want me to come perform in the clubs now. And it

26:20

was like, yeah, you Christians would never

26:22

come in here, would you? Well, I'm here. You

26:24

know what I'm saying? And so that's

26:26

when it just

26:29

got so dark for me. You know, that's

26:31

when the drinking got really crazy. I

26:34

already knew my Bible so well I could justify anything

26:36

theologically. So it was kind of like, what do you

26:38

want? What did you see me do? Oh,

26:41

you saw me sniffing cocaine with a stripper? Was that what

26:43

you saw me doing? Well, let me tell you what First

26:45

Corinthians says. There's no real way to justify

26:47

that, by the way. That was an example. I was

26:49

going to be honest, dude. I was like, I'm a

26:51

fellow Bible reader, too. Don't know

26:53

where you're going with this one. I

26:56

never did that for real like

26:58

that. But the point I'm making is it

27:00

just was like, what are you going to say to me? You

27:02

know what I mean? And

27:05

God just had to humble me. You know what I mean?

27:07

And that's the best thing God could ever do is to

27:09

humble you before. Like, honestly, it's better to humble yourself

27:11

because if God has to do it, it's going to be

27:13

ugly. And for me, it was really ugly. But

27:17

in him humbling me, I remember coming

27:20

to the scriptures and man, this is after

27:22

just benders and feeling depressed and being drunk

27:24

all the time. Even

27:30

as we talk about smoking weed and stuff like that, it's

27:34

not that alcohol is a sin. It's not that

27:36

it's like, oh, this is a sin. It's that

27:38

the dependence on it was. Yeah, it's

27:40

your God. Exactly. It was

27:42

the idol factory that I was creating. And

27:44

so for me, I just

27:48

crashed. You know, I

27:50

remember being out drunk

27:54

and I wasn't really out. If you saw me on

27:56

stage, I would never talk about God. I would say

27:58

positive things. But I would never talk about God. There

28:00

was still some respect I kind of had for God

28:02

to where it was like, if

28:04

I'm going to be out here wiling, I'm

28:07

not going to do it in the

28:09

name of Jesus. So and

28:11

I was drunk one

28:14

night, woke up hungover and something

28:17

was wrong with my brain. Like I just

28:19

couldn't. It was like there was like a

28:21

haze. And I was like, what the heck is what

28:23

is this going on? And I was like,

28:25

this is weird. Like this is the weirdest hangover I've ever

28:27

had. And then as the day

28:29

wore on, it wouldn't go away. And then

28:31

I was like, what the heck is this? And

28:34

I couldn't I wasn't hungry and I

28:37

couldn't feel I was watching something and it wasn't funny. It's

28:39

supposed to be funny. And I was like, what the heck

28:41

is going on with me? And

28:43

then I was like, this is

28:45

probably depression. And then

28:47

I started googling and it was like, oh, I'm

28:49

in a clinical depression right now. You separate yourself

28:51

from God. Yep. And it

28:54

was like I didn't know that internally

28:57

I was just like wrestling

29:00

with guilt and shame and all this

29:03

stuff and just pushing myself away. And

29:06

I think that was the moment, you know, where

29:08

it all broke. And down the line, I went

29:10

and opened up the scriptures in where Jesus

29:13

comes back to Peter and

29:15

after Peter's denied him three times. And this makes

29:17

me cry every time. And he's

29:20

like, do you love me? Three times.

29:22

Yeah. And it's like

29:24

Jesus wasn't asking Peter because

29:27

Jesus didn't know. Jesus

29:29

was asking Peter because he was like saying, hey,

29:31

Peter, what's going on in here? What's

29:34

happening in here? And he's like, you know, I love you. He

29:36

was like, if you love me, feed my sheep. To

29:39

me, it wasn't a command

29:43

to feed God sheep. To me, it was

29:45

a privilege that God was

29:47

still giving me after I

29:49

denied you. You're still telling me I'm

29:52

I'm allowed to feed your sheep. I

29:54

wept. And you're like,

29:56

how exactly like why you let

29:59

you know how I. felt in my heart. And

30:01

I think this is such a beautiful take

30:03

because I had the same exact take and

30:06

I came to the conclusion that it is a

30:08

gift that he gave us that we're in our

30:10

position and when it comes out

30:13

and harms us instead of being brat

30:15

about it, we should just ask God,

30:17

hey, lift me up above the storm

30:19

and like, let me see it the way that you want. And now all

30:21

of my prayers are like, I want to see the way you want me

30:24

to see. I want to hear the way you want me to hear. I

30:26

want to speak the way you want me to speak because

30:28

it's for me now. And it sounds selfish,

30:30

but it's like when you have a calling

30:32

and God is calling you to do something

30:34

and I'm reading the gospel, I did see

30:36

that some got drunk and wept because they

30:38

couldn't hold it. But then I also saw

30:40

some people saying and praised while the chains

30:43

broke off of it. So God's saying you

30:45

have lack of faith to know that you're

30:47

in the middle of these wolves, but you

30:49

forgot that I'm with you. I always remember

30:52

a mentor of mine years ago told me

30:54

that peace is not the absence of the

30:56

storm. Peace is a bird on a branch

30:58

still singing in the middle of the storm.

31:01

And that's kind of how I look at it is like,

31:04

bro, I don't like people

31:06

will say, Oh man, such and such said this about

31:08

you or such and such did this or, or

31:11

even if I hear somebody say they have

31:13

like, yeah, Lecrae and him have beef or they

31:15

have problems. I'm like, Lecrae doesn't have beef with

31:17

anybody. Now he may have issues with me. I

31:20

promise you. I go to sleep fine at

31:22

night. I have no bitterness

31:24

in my heart because at the end

31:27

of the day, I've been through too much and God has

31:29

shown me so much grace. How could I ever hold

31:31

you to a higher, like take

31:37

the moral high ground on you. I

31:39

am trash outside of the grace of God. There's

31:41

no way in the world I'm going to be

31:43

sitting around thinking I'm better than you for whatever,

31:45

whatever you did. I don't care. It's

31:47

something that God can forgive you for. And so

31:49

can I, you know what I

31:51

mean? It's kind of like it ties back to

31:53

what we were saying earlier about, you know, you're

31:55

saying it's hard sometimes to, you feel like you're

31:58

giving so much to others because you want to

32:00

reflect Jesus, but then the other don't give you

32:02

back, but then you realize that, well, you have

32:04

to do it because you want to, and you

32:06

realize that you're doing it because that's how Jesus

32:08

treats you. And that if other people don't amount

32:10

to the same that you're giving them, it's just

32:12

because they weren't given the gift of the wisdom

32:14

that God has given you. Because it's like the

32:16

gift that he gives you to know, to want

32:18

to treat other people around you with grace and

32:20

with peace, you know, that's a privilege that we

32:22

have that other people are lacking. And so they

32:24

can't reciprocate that. Right? Yeah, man. You know, dig

32:26

deeper into that thought. It's like you're going to

32:28

punish them for not having the gift that God

32:30

gave you. Right. Right. So you're going to punish

32:32

your brother and sister, because you know that where

32:34

you were a couple of years ago, in the

32:36

same position. And this happens in the industry all

32:38

the time. We level up and we look at

32:41

them like, Oh, we're still there, right? Right. You

32:43

haven't figured it out, my man. And like when

32:45

we walk with God, we remember that it ain't

32:47

us. So he could take it away from you.

32:49

And if I saw my son smacking his neighbors

32:51

with what I gave him, I'm taking that back.

32:53

Yeah. You ain't going to touch my other children

32:55

like that. To me, I think that's that

32:58

is maturity. And that's

33:00

like, like, maturity is not

33:02

just age, you know, anybody can get older,

33:05

but only some some people get more mature.

33:07

And I think if if

33:10

you can't control your emotions, what you're

33:13

showing is a lack of maturity. You

33:15

know what I mean? And you're

33:17

not allowing God to really

33:20

mold you into the person that you're

33:22

supposed to be because you you can't

33:24

you can't control your emotions, especially like.

33:26

I don't

33:29

know, like the way I grew up, it was

33:31

all about bravado. And when I

33:33

go back to my old neighborhood. Like

33:37

I still struggle a little bit less

33:40

now than I used to with not

33:43

becoming the men that I was raised

33:45

around the men I was raised around.

33:48

Went to prison. You

33:51

know, they they shot people, they stabbed

33:53

people. And it's like God rescued

33:55

me and didn't allow me

33:57

to even go down that path. And

34:01

a lot of guys I will see

34:03

feel like to be a man

34:05

is to be the toughest most,

34:08

like to let your emotions take

34:10

you to a place where you can pummel somebody, crush

34:14

them with your with your words or whatever

34:16

it may be. And

34:18

that looks like you're

34:20

the winner. You're the one. And

34:23

for me, I'm like, actually taking

34:25

the route Jesus took is the more mature route. Like

34:27

that shows growth. You know what

34:29

I'm saying? Like he wore shame. And

34:32

and I think that's the other thing I'm just now

34:34

learning too is like, I'm reading this book called, um,

34:37

misreading scripture with western eyes, because I've

34:39

realized like, I'm such an American. Like

34:42

this is a whole other culture when I'm looking

34:44

into scriptures. And, uh, and it

34:46

talks about honor, shame cultures. So like the east

34:48

is like more about honor and shame. The West

34:50

is more about like conscious and like guilt. And

34:53

so like, honor

34:55

and shame, like Jesus to be shamed in

34:57

his time and his culture was like the

34:59

worst. It's like when you, you,

35:01

there's a place in Japan, I guess, where people like

35:05

go and unalive themselves because

35:09

of shame. Like, Oh, I dishonored my family. And

35:12

like for us, it's like, what? Like who

35:15

cares what my mom thinks? I don't like her

35:17

anyway. That's kind of the more western mentality, but

35:19

the eastern mindset is more like, I cannot bring

35:21

shame upon people. My

35:23

family. And that's the world Jesus was growing

35:26

up in. And then he's like, yeah, I'm

35:28

going to let them shame me, accuse

35:30

me of stuff. I didn't do string

35:32

me up on a cross, crucify

35:34

me, strip me naked. Cause a lot of times they

35:37

got this little cloth over Jesus. Like when you look

35:39

at the little relics in the store, it's like a

35:41

little, little cute cloth covering it,

35:43

but they didn't have a cloth in Rome.

35:45

It was like man parts exposed, which is

35:47

the most dishonorable thing ever. And

35:50

it's like, wait, if Jesus

35:52

could embrace that shame for

35:54

the sake of something greater, what the heck am I doing? Why

35:57

do I have to destroy somebody

35:59

with my word? or

36:01

pummelom or whatever it may be. And

36:04

so for me, maturity has been learning how to,

36:06

like you said, to manage my tongue. Maturity's

36:09

been, because boy, if some people online, sometimes

36:11

I'm just like, well, I would destroy you.

36:13

Yeah. I would destroy you

36:15

in my comments talking crazy, fam. Man's

36:18

talking crazy. We grew up in a time that we didn't

36:20

really hear anybody talk unless it was right in front of

36:22

us. Yeah. So the whole

36:24

concept of like watching them speak behind our backs

36:26

is weird. What you're describing to

36:28

me is what the Jews

36:31

felt like when they were being moved

36:33

from Egypt to the Promised Land. That

36:36

little transfer, they kept wanting to

36:38

be slaves because they were like

36:40

so used to how they were

36:42

treated. And they want to go

36:44

back, and they feel like this is what's needed

36:46

to be done. Yeah. But that's our flesh. That's good.

36:48

That's our flesh. The devil will make you do something

36:50

in your heart or in action and then be like,

36:52

you did that? You're more like me than

36:55

me. You're an evil person. But that's

36:57

why you got to know the gospel. So as

37:00

you say this, though, my fault. It's my ADD kicking

37:02

in a little bit. Welcome to my life. But

37:05

you're like so you believe and I can

37:08

just tell

37:13

you're passionate about what you believe, right? So

37:18

before your transition, were

37:21

you like this about something else?

37:24

Before Jesus got a hold of you, were you

37:26

like passionate? What were you passionate

37:28

about and dogmatic about? Like you're like, no,

37:30

I believe this. I'm sticking to it. I

37:33

really, really love Jesus. And I had no idea who he was.

37:36

And I think that's a lot of Christians. Your mom

37:38

and dad tells him about Jesus. And I'm like, I

37:40

love Jesus. And they're like from Nazareth? I was like, who?

37:42

And they're like, I was like, no, Jesus

37:45

is our God. He goes, yeah, from Bethlehem. I go,

37:47

was it Nazareth of Bethlehem, buddy? And like, I just

37:49

didn't know him. And so once I found out

37:51

who he was, I was like, oh, I'm

37:53

not really behaving in the way that. One

37:56

day when I'm at rock bottom and I'm like, all right, I'm

37:58

in this industry. Everything. that I've

38:00

ever had my heart want is here

38:02

and I'm miserable. And it took

38:05

me years to digest that. It wasn't the people

38:07

around me. It wasn't my career. It wasn't my

38:09

point of view. It was the fact that I

38:11

was doing all these things and then putting God

38:13

last. And then wondering where

38:15

the peace and joy was. I don't know how

38:17

to make, people don't believe,

38:19

like you said it and I say

38:22

it, people don't believe that you can

38:24

have everything you ever imagined and feel

38:26

empty. Oh yeah. I

38:29

just wish there was some way to like make

38:32

people really believe that like, shit if I

38:35

had it, whatever

38:37

bro, give me what you had

38:39

and I promise you I'll be

38:41

good. And I'm like, bro, I'm

38:43

telling you. Because I

38:45

think another way, maybe this is a way for people

38:47

to get it is like, if

38:49

you got running water and

38:52

you lay on a bed every night and

38:55

you don't worry about food for the

38:57

most part, you

39:00

have what someone else in another part

39:02

of the world would be like, if

39:04

I had that, I would have peace.

39:07

And you don't have peace with

39:09

your running water, your mattress and

39:11

your three meals. So

39:13

I think it's like, I don't know how to, because

39:16

I've been there. I'm like, I'm

39:18

the most depressed I've ever been and the

39:20

most successful I've ever been at the same

39:22

time. That is the biggest blessing. And

39:25

I think a true Christner understands that bro.

39:28

Someone who really thirst for Jesus knows

39:30

that that is such a privilege that

39:32

God was so graceful to take our joy

39:34

and peace because he's reminding us, hey

39:36

man, where you're walking towards ain't

39:38

life. Ain't nothing. Ain't life. And dude, I've

39:40

been dabbling and journaling in this thought and

39:42

the thought is this, there's two men in

39:44

front of God's eyes. One

39:47

who's grateful, one who's not. There's

39:49

different levels of life. You could be poor or

39:51

you could be rich. That does not consume your

39:53

peace and joy. He says

39:55

in the gospel that I give you peace and

39:57

joy above humans understanding, right? So we don't even

40:00

know how to do that. comprehend it. But what

40:02

I found is I found peace throughout my life,

40:04

throughout every vertical of my life, is when I

40:06

depended on him and not me. That's good. I

40:08

need to do a gratitude journal. I thought about

40:10

doing that before but I never really like took

40:13

the discipline and do it. I think thoughts of

40:15

gratitude. I actually pray that way now. Like

40:18

I pray the Lord's Prayer.

40:20

Most of my prayer is just a rendition

40:22

of the Lord's Prayer and I'm like using

40:25

it to practice gratitude in the midst of it

40:28

because a lot of times I think we just...

40:31

Our Father who art in heaven hallowed be thy

40:33

name. What the heck am I saying? So I

40:35

like try to like understand what

40:37

I'm saying and then like, oh

40:40

you're my father. You

40:42

live in a whole other dimension in time

40:45

and space. Man,

40:48

use me some kind of way to make

40:50

your name holy. Like you're already holy but how

40:52

can my life reflect that holiness? Like holy

40:55

be your name through whatever I do

40:58

today. You know, your kingdom come through

41:00

this podcast, through me going to

41:02

get some shoes, through

41:04

me eating some ramen. Your kingdom

41:06

come, your will be done. And

41:08

just like then I get to

41:12

give us this day our daily bread. I'm like, Lord I

41:14

already have my daily bread. Like you

41:16

already fed me today. Like my goodness. Like

41:18

just trying to feel that sense

41:20

of gratitude and walking through that and then

41:23

you know another thing

41:25

that has encouraged me too, because

41:27

I think for me I've

41:31

just become way more aware

41:34

of the spiritual realm and

41:36

so it's weird because... You can't

41:39

unsee it. Right. It's the

41:41

only thing you see now. Bro. And it's like you're living

41:43

in a different world than they're looking at. Bro, get out

41:45

of my head. Yeah, right. Get out of my

41:47

head. Can I say something that's gonna touch you a little bit? Go ahead. Not

41:49

like Diddy though. So you see when

41:52

you're with somebody in the jewelry on them, if

41:54

they're positioned in a certain way, it hits your

41:56

eyes and you're like, hey dog. But

41:59

they have to be positioned... in a certain

42:01

way that the light reflects from there to

42:03

here to you. And Jesus

42:05

is saying position yourself so that way

42:07

from there it can hit me and

42:09

then it can hit you. And

42:11

as Christians we know when we're not doing

42:14

that. Boy. Do you get what I'm saying? Boy.

42:16

And that attacks you when you especially ask for

42:19

it. Man, that's where my head space is, is

42:21

like, I see it, I can't

42:23

unsee it. And then the crazy part too is

42:26

like, it's the weird thing,

42:28

especially with like my non-Christian friends, like

42:32

they believe in

42:34

positive spiritual realm. And

42:37

even like my Christian friends, they'll

42:40

believe in like, oh yeah, there's

42:42

a good God and there's a

42:44

heaven and there's angels, but they

42:46

don't believe that there is an

42:48

evil spiritual realm. And

42:50

like, it's like, yo, y'all are tripping. Like

42:53

y'all are, That's the best trick the devil

42:55

got. Man, I'm like, the best trick the

42:57

devil got is I don't exist. Yeah. And

43:00

bro, when the CIA comes and strikes or like the government

43:02

strikes another country, they don't call them and be like, hey,

43:04

we're on our way. Do

43:06

you get what I'm saying? They're like, they're

43:09

undercover, they're sneaky. And you only know when

43:11

the job is done. Facts. Yeah,

43:13

I never, that's what I'm saying. Like I always

43:15

hear people, especially like my

43:18

non-Christian friends or family or whatever. And they're

43:20

always like thanking the universe. And they're just

43:22

like, you know what I'm saying? I'm like,

43:24

you never attribute any negativity to the universe

43:26

ever. You're never like, man, the universe is

43:28

whack, man. Like the unit, man, look at

43:30

all these homeless people. The universe is tripping. The

43:32

universe just gets all the positive credit and none

43:34

of the negative. And I'm like, what do you,

43:36

what do you think the evil is? Like,

43:38

do you not think there's evil out there? You

43:41

know what I mean? Like you're blinded by evil

43:43

in this very moment. And

43:45

in the spiritual space,

43:48

because I'm looking and I'm seeing

43:50

like, oh shoot, like I see

43:54

evil in that happening all over

43:56

the place. Like I see it all the time now.

43:59

I think I, It used to freak me out. And

44:02

then I got into Ephesians and I started reading

44:04

about the armor of God. And the thing that

44:06

gave me the most encouragement is at the end

44:08

it says, if you put on the armor of

44:10

God, you will stand. Not you might, but

44:13

you will. And it's like, oh, okay, cool,

44:15

we win. So all this crazy stuff I'm

44:17

seeing is like, oh, you don't really stand a chance.

44:20

They can't even say their name, you know that, right? In

44:23

the scripture, the devil refers to them as a

44:25

holy one. You know what gangster that is, dude?

44:27

All of the other religions, I saw this on

44:29

an Instagram thing and he goes,

44:31

I debated all of this religion in one way. He

44:33

goes, if we go to the end of the road

44:35

and there's two doors, he

44:37

goes, are you gonna ask advice from

44:39

the man who's dead or alive? And

44:43

so all these other religions when they come to

44:45

me and they go, well, why is it Jesus?

44:47

Why is it Jesus? I'm like, because Jesus came

44:49

back to life. Yep, yep. And

44:52

they're like, well, you can't believe that. I go,

44:54

dude, everybody who saw it with their eyes lined

44:57

up to die right after. So

44:59

if they're not scared of death, then I

45:01

gotta stop being scared of death. And

45:03

once we start moving in life,

45:06

not afraid of death, then

45:08

we could truly have eternal life in him. I'm

45:11

a masochist, I'm ready.

45:13

Me too, bro. I'm ready. Yo, I'm done. That's good,

45:15

because that means you have peace, you know? We used

45:17

to talk about this all the time. We'd be like,

45:20

oh, what if something's gonna happen, there's gonna be war

45:22

and the world's gonna end. And I

45:24

realized, I came to an understanding, I was

45:27

like, I honestly have so much peace and

45:29

now I know Jesus, I know his love

45:31

for me. Like, I'm okay, if

45:33

that's in his path, if that's in his will,

45:35

then I'm good to go. Because what are we

45:37

gonna do, spend the last few days having anxiety

45:40

and stress about the fact that we may die

45:42

and we're gonna ruin our last few days, and

45:44

we're gonna die anyways, or are we gonna rejoice

45:46

and have a beautiful last few days? Yeah, I

45:48

already have anxiety and stress as it is, just

45:51

because I've lived on this earth long enough to

45:53

see. Like, if you just keep walking in your

45:55

faith enough, you're gonna be like, oh

45:57

yeah, this place is broken. Yeah. It's

46:00

time for a redo. The kingdom needs to come.

46:03

Okay, now I got another point of view now.

46:05

Alright, so that was the last trap in my

46:07

life now. Here, check this out. I

46:11

believe you could bring heaven on earth now. To

46:15

a degree, I agree. Yes. Let's see where

46:17

you go. I think that I true... Okay,

46:19

so listen to this. As soon as I

46:21

foregoed my own life... Is that a word?

46:24

I don't know. Foregoed? I don't know. I'll

46:26

make it one. Okay. Sounds good. So we

46:28

forgot this and foregoed it, right? And

46:31

when I gave my life to God, I

46:33

said, I'm done worrying about it. I stumbled

46:35

upon the verse that says, whoever worries about

46:37

saving their life will surely lose it. And

46:40

whoever gives his life for my account will gain

46:42

it. We always think that God's going to take

46:44

away the gifts that he gave us. And we're

46:46

just like, no, but we love this gift. Yeah,

46:49

yeah, yeah, yeah. But then we are showing that

46:51

we love the gift more than the gift giver.

46:53

That's good, man. So... That's good. As soon as

46:55

he sees that in your heart, you don't love

46:57

the gifts more than him. I think much is

46:59

given. Yeah. Much is tested. Yeah. And I think

47:01

the testing is, do you love this? Have you

47:04

made it your God? You're in the music industry.

47:06

You're highly respected. Do you not love that position

47:08

more than who gave it to you? I

47:11

agree with you. I think and

47:14

I think that like

47:17

Paul said, I've had plenty

47:19

and I've had none and I found contentment.

47:21

And I think like that's where the deep

47:23

that's where the heaven on earth is in

47:25

a lot of ways. It's like that place

47:27

of contentment like where it's like, oh,

47:30

yeah, God, if you want to give me 10 times

47:32

this or you don't like

47:35

you're you are my real treasure.

47:37

Amen. So however, this rocks, but

47:40

I also agree because I

47:42

think you were talking about earlier when you talked about

47:44

fruit. It's like the fruit of

47:46

the spirit love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,

47:49

gentleness, faithfulness, self-control. It's

47:51

like no one else except

47:54

for a follower of Christ has

47:56

the fruit of the spirit. Amen.

47:58

No one, the world cannot really.

48:00

truly experience love, joy, peace, patience,

48:03

kindness, gentleness, self-control, unless they encounter

48:05

us. So we're

48:07

literally here to bring the kingdom

48:09

forward on earth by

48:12

showing the world the fruit. And

48:14

to me, I

48:16

agree like we are bringing the kingdom

48:18

here in that regard. Like, oh you

48:20

thought money was gonna bring you love,

48:22

joy, peace. Come here, come

48:24

here. Let me show you what's really gonna make

48:26

that happen for you. That's kind of where my

48:29

headspace is to where it's like, like

48:33

for instance, true story, like I just

48:35

bought my wife a car

48:38

and it's like, I'm like, yo, should

48:41

we get this car? Because

48:44

she's the frugal, frugal, frugal person and

48:46

I've been more like, man who cares

48:48

bro, it's like you know what I'm

48:50

saying? Like, I mean it's just

48:52

a car, like it's not a big deal because at the end

48:54

of the day, whether you pay $10,000 or

48:57

a million dollars, it's like it's more money

49:01

than somebody else, than you need to spend on

49:03

a vehicle at the end of the day. And

49:06

I was like, I

49:08

don't know man, maybe we shouldn't, maybe we

49:14

should just chill. And then

49:17

I had to get to a place in my own

49:19

heart where I'm like, it's,

49:24

you're afraid. That's why you don't want to buy

49:27

the car. You're afraid. Like you're scared. You're scared

49:29

that now, you know, like, oh, the money was

49:38

your security and if you let go of

49:40

it, you're

49:43

not gonna be in good shape. Like God's not

49:45

gonna show up. It's like, you're afraid. The money

49:48

is really what's protecting you, not God. Is that

49:50

what you're thinking? And it's really not enough. There's,

49:52

first of all, we're not buying this type of

49:54

car. It's gonna like ruin me financially, but still.

49:57

No, it sneaks up on

49:59

it, bro. It sneaks up. Do you know

50:01

that there's only one place in the Bible where God

50:03

asks you to test him? Mmm,

50:05

did you know this? I didn't did you guys know this?

50:09

There's only one place in the gospel Bible, so

50:11

they don't know No,

50:16

there's one place and it's

50:18

with money God says if you

50:20

test me With the

50:22

money you have I will bless

50:24

you so much that you and your neighbors

50:26

will not know what to do with it

50:29

So this is so funny because also in

50:31

the scripture in another place. He says there's

50:33

two gods, right? There's the God that you

50:35

create here and the real God and

50:38

a lot of people make money their God

50:40

Yes, I could pay the light bill. Yep.

50:42

God forbid something happens, sir So now I'm

50:44

positioning to the God that I have the

50:46

control of what's going on here, right? Yeah

50:48

through money and so God says if you

50:50

take what I gave you ie what I

50:52

gave you and you distribute it

50:55

through your neighbors And you don't and by

50:57

the way when you're doing this this hand

50:59

shall not know what this hand gives So

51:01

I don't tell anybody besides my wife Yeah,

51:03

who is getting from what it is and

51:05

when I do give it I do not

51:08

boast in glory Yeah, I say it has

51:10

been put in my heart that my Lord

51:12

and Savior Jesus Christ wants to give you

51:14

this And then I'll give them

51:16

what I feel the Lord wants me to give

51:18

the day that I started doing this was the

51:20

day I never stopped worrying about money. That's good,

51:23

bro Okay, let's think about if you had a

51:25

children and you dispersed money between them and one

51:27

was buying shoes a t-shirt and headphones and one

51:29

kept Some to himself save some for his family

51:31

and helped his neighbors. Who are you gonna give

51:34

more money? Yeah, absolutely not the spoiled one Not

51:36

the not the wasteful one and by the way

51:38

anyone who spoiled and ungrateful I could give you

51:40

a billion dollars next year You'll want more you'll

51:42

be broke. Yeah. No, I agree with you 10,000

51:45

percent and I think to like

51:48

it's dope to To Have

51:52

that perspective and to be like, okay God

51:56

Like test me and and see what

51:58

I do and I think the problem

52:00

for a lot of us, at least

52:02

for me anyway, is I'll have a

52:04

season where I trust them and

52:07

then I'll see the

52:09

fruit of that season and then I'll

52:11

be good and I'll forget that God was the one that

52:13

took care of me and I'll be thinking that it was

52:15

me. Adam and Eve. You know what I'm saying? You know

52:17

what I'm saying? And it's like. Adam and Eve, they're in

52:20

the garden but they forgot who built the garden. Yo. It's

52:22

like you teeter back and forth and then you're like oh yeah right and then you

52:25

run back. Yep. Do

52:27

you still deal with that? What? That teetering back

52:29

and forth. Well not in, yes but

52:31

not in the same way. It's kind of like

52:33

y'all are just newly married but it's kind of

52:35

like arguments with my wife where we've been married

52:38

so long. When we first got married we had

52:40

arguments they would last long. Now

52:42

they last like a second. Like they used to be

52:44

like well I'm just gonna go

52:46

for a drive. You know what I mean? It's

52:48

like. Could you stand in front of my car for a second?

52:52

Now it's just kind of like we work through it and

52:56

we're good so it's kind of like that now. It's like

52:58

the teeter is not the same as it was. It's

53:01

more like a quicker conversation

53:03

internally before it was like

53:05

this war. Now it's more like

53:08

oh you're afraid. Oh you

53:10

need to do this. Like

53:12

there's a dude I know, his name

53:14

is Andy Crouch and he, every

53:18

so often he gives away 10% of

53:20

his net worth. Like not 10% of what he brings

53:23

in but

53:28

if he's worth $100,000, no I'm lying, he

53:32

gives away 50% of his net worth. That's

53:35

right, every so often, I think it's

53:37

like every few years he gives

53:39

away 50% of his net worth and so

53:41

if he's like oh I'm worth $100,000 I'm giving

53:43

away 50 grand and we're just gonna let the Lord, he's

53:46

like it frees him so much to trust God.

53:48

Oh he must be at such crazy peace, it's

53:51

insane. Like I'm just like. He's walking on water.

53:53

Bro. He's walking on water. Like I

53:55

think about it, I'm like that's crazy. I was like

53:58

I'm not there yet Yoda. I'm

54:00

not there yet, Yoda, but I'ma work toward it. I

54:03

mean, I'm- Have you been in your prayers talking

54:06

to God about your craft? You

54:09

know what? Sometimes. I

54:11

think when I'm in the middle of it, I do. And

54:13

we were funny, we were having a conversation

54:15

earlier because we were talking about what

54:19

inspiration looks like and what's working.

54:21

And like, I'm

54:23

just convinced that God does not,

54:25

like, he just

54:28

doesn't, his character is consistently

54:30

using the underdog. He

54:33

just doesn't like want the prideful,

54:36

got it all together, stacked

54:39

team. He's like, nah, I can't

54:41

use you. Yeah, he doesn't pick the qualified, he picks

54:43

the under qualified and make him qualified. And if you

54:45

have too much, he's like, yo, like

54:47

getting, you gotta get rid of some of that army.

54:50

So you're talking about the first is last and the

54:52

last is first. Basically, yeah, cause for me, I'm like,

54:55

as an artist, you

54:58

do it so long, you're successful, you win the

55:00

Grammys, you win the awards, all these things, you

55:02

kind of know how the game is played, you

55:04

know what buttons to push. And

55:07

you can say, well, we need to push all these

55:09

buttons again, so we can have success. And

55:12

then God's like, oh

55:14

yeah, I'm not gonna let that happen. And

55:17

you'll say, oh, we gotta get the pieces

55:19

back that got us the win last time.

55:21

And you'll think the pieces are the

55:24

provision, but God

55:26

is the provision, he's the one that provided the pieces in the first place. So

55:29

I think as far as my craft is concerned, I'm in a

55:31

place now where I'm like, Lord, I

55:34

don't really care if you're gonna, like, let's say the

55:36

best producer on my team, like he just is like,

55:38

y'all don't wanna work with you anymore. Or let's say,

55:41

you know, we had a guy that

55:44

was working for Apple who was

55:46

a big fan and he was always making sure

55:48

that they paid attention to my new music. And

55:50

then he's like, yo, I don't work for Apple

55:52

anymore. It's like, we don't have any of

55:54

those pieces. I actually

55:57

like being there. It's weird. when

56:00

the odds are stacked against me, and

56:03

it doesn't look good because I'm like, okay, this is

56:05

good weather for God to come and do his thing.

56:07

But when all the pieces are lined up,

56:10

it's like, we got an all-star cast. Look

56:12

who's on the album. Look at

56:14

the producers. Look at who works

56:16

at Apple. Yeah, we got

56:19

everything lined up. I'm like, ah, yo,

56:22

I don't know. If we

56:24

did it, then we can

56:26

take credit. If I can look back

56:28

and say, oh, I know how we did that, then it wasn't

56:30

God, it was us. I like to

56:32

look back and be like, we didn't have the all-star

56:34

cast, we didn't have the producers, we didn't have any

56:36

of those things. And maybe God brought them at

56:39

the end, or maybe God

56:41

never brought them, but some random

56:43

song just took off. Then

56:46

that's what I love. There's

56:48

this new thing that I'm like, I

56:51

pray that I say this right, but

56:53

this is, now mind you, I'm not a teacher, but

56:56

this is the biggest teaching in my heart

56:58

right now, and I'm praying that this seed,

57:01

if it is from the Holy Spirit plants in your

57:03

heart, and millions of people's heart. I've

57:05

came to the conclusion from taking a step back

57:07

and looking at my career when it's coming to

57:09

success and peace, and I've came to this

57:12

conclusion. Hold on. Hold on. Let

57:14

me get ready for this. All

57:17

right. Are you ready for this? Yep.

57:19

The gospel, when it says, seek first the

57:21

kingdom and all of

57:23

its righteousness, and then the

57:26

rest shall come. When I asked the

57:28

Lord, how many die justice? What does this mean? This is

57:30

the most simple way that I could think about it. You

57:33

wake up and you put me first,

57:36

I'ma put you first. I'm

57:38

gonna need you to stop worrying about

57:40

your needs. I want you to

57:43

worry about my needs, so that way I

57:45

could worry about your needs. We

57:47

will be a perfect partnership,

57:49

but get up, stop being

57:51

selfish, be grateful, search for

57:53

my righteousness, my throne, my

57:55

kingdom ship, and my army

57:58

will. pave your feet. You

58:00

will not be bothered. You

58:02

will not need. You will

58:04

not want. You will not

58:06

fear. If you get up

58:08

and your heart is saying,

58:10

Lord, what do you need

58:12

from me? I turn

58:14

to my angels and I say, go and do his

58:16

work. I

58:23

want to tell you that

58:25

you're a liar because

58:30

you are a teacher. You

58:32

just struck a chord and I

58:34

don't say that like cuz I'm sitting here with

58:36

you. You know what I'm saying? Because I'm actually

58:39

a very skeptical person. Like I'll be kind and

58:41

I'll be like, oh thanks. You know what I

58:43

mean? I appreciate you but sincerely

58:45

that resonates heavy. Like I feel like that

58:48

was flesh and blood did not say

58:50

that. That was the spirit of God. Not

58:52

for real. For real. I think that's

58:55

part of what I've been wrestling with is I've been

58:57

creating music and it's been like

59:01

what do I need to say? What

59:03

songs need to be written? And

59:05

I think it's funny because

59:07

I posted something. I took it down but I

59:10

posted something on my page where I was like,

59:12

hey y'all, what do y'all want to

59:14

hear from me? And what do y'all? And there

59:17

was a very convicting comment in there and it

59:19

said, it said, we want to hear

59:24

what God is telling you. And I

59:26

was like dang. And if

59:28

that hit you and my words hit

59:30

you, I always tell this to people. I

59:32

don't believe in tongues being like shabalabalabala. And

59:35

I don't mean any disrespect to anybody who believes in

59:37

that but I believe that my God

59:39

could take a hold of a man's tongue. And

59:43

when it really resonates with you, you can't hide from

59:45

the Spirit of God. So when you read that comment

59:47

enough to take it down and you heard this, I

59:49

think what you need to come to the conclusion of

59:51

as a brother is stop asking

59:53

the world what you should be asking God. Thank you so much

59:55

for coming. This

1:00:00

is an amazing, we gotta run this back, dude. We

1:00:03

gotta run this episode back. That's too much. That's

1:00:05

good, man. Yeah, that was great. So

1:00:08

many beautiful wisdom from the Lord. There's so much

1:00:10

more that I wanna know about you, but I

1:00:12

mean. You know what we're doing another episode for

1:00:14

yours, yours and your podcast. Come on. So

1:00:16

I think we do freeze it here and we pick up part two

1:00:19

on your show. I would love to. I think me and you should

1:00:21

stay close, dude. And really, if you

1:00:23

ever need iron that needs to be sharpened,

1:00:26

I have brothers like Cliff, Stuart. I love them.

1:00:28

I just wanna sit one day with all of

1:00:30

them and just sit and just ask them a

1:00:33

million questions. I do that all the time. They're

1:00:35

like the breath of fresh. I always say it

1:00:37

and I will say it again. Like when you're

1:00:39

around them, it's like you're breathing the freshest air.

1:00:41

Yeah. Do you know, when God says, when two

1:00:43

or more gather in my name, a lot of

1:00:46

people think that Jesus is only present when a

1:00:48

few brothers and sisters are talking about Jesus. And

1:00:50

that's not true. What Jesus is saying is that

1:00:52

when you're with brothers and sisters that know the

1:00:54

word of God, you could be held accountable for

1:00:57

your words. Because one person will remember scripture, be

1:00:59

like, whoa, whoa, brother, you're being too skeptical here

1:01:01

when she'd be more faithful here. Yeah. And

1:01:04

I think too, we are so,

1:01:06

again, I'm reading this book and

1:01:08

it convicts me again, like we're

1:01:10

so individualistic and God intended for

1:01:12

us to be like community oriented.

1:01:14

Like even the Lord's Prayer is

1:01:16

our father. Yeah. Oh,

1:01:18

no, dude, you know how much that affected me?

1:01:21

Do you have any idea how selfish I have

1:01:23

been with my God? And be like, because when

1:01:26

I've been saying, yo, my God, my God, my

1:01:28

God, I brush shoulders against people, I'm like, this

1:01:30

guy ain't part of the family, dude. Yeah. And

1:01:33

that type of habit started from my mouth. As soon

1:01:35

as I said our father, when I'm in traffic and

1:01:37

some dude cuts me off now, I'm like, that's his

1:01:39

kid. I can't flick him off and pull over and

1:01:41

beat his ass. Like that really changes the way you

1:01:44

look at things. I love

1:01:46

this episode, bro. Thank you so much for being here,

1:01:48

my man. I appreciate it. Thank you, man. Thank you

1:01:50

so much. I appreciate y'all. Is there anything you wanna

1:01:52

tell them before we get going? I

1:01:55

just want you to know that... I'm

1:02:00

just trying to hear from God right now. That's it. That's all I have.