0:00

This is This is a message from

0:02

sponsor into it TurboTax. Taxes

0:04

was getting frustrated by your

0:06

forms. Now, taxes is uploading

0:08

your forms with a snap

0:11

and a TurboTax expert will

0:13

do your taxes for you.

0:15

One who's backed by the

0:17

latest tech, which crosschecks millions

0:19

of data points for absolute

0:21

accuracy. All of which makes

0:23

it easy for you to

0:25

get the most money back,

0:27

guaranteed. Get an expert now

0:29

at turbotax.com/guarantees. shot from the hip for

0:31

so long. Like I said so

0:34

much shit. I have a sitcom

0:36

right now in development. And then

0:38

they had an intern look into

0:40

it. They were like, you've said

0:42

so many things that we actually

0:44

think they all cancel each other

0:46

out. And there's nothing really to

0:48

pin it on. We actually feel

0:50

like we're safe here. Like you

0:52

just kept digging. They said the

0:55

intern in one hour found over

0:57

500 things that could be flagged.

0:59

I'm excited about this episode. I

1:01

love it for real gift to

1:03

be around. That was awesome. That's very

1:05

good Chris. I love you guys. You

1:07

give me something to think about going

1:10

for a while. I'm excited about this

1:12

episode. Are we rolling Reed? Reed

1:14

is literally about to hit Roll and

1:16

then just take off and get my

1:19

man Chris some muffins. Hell yeah, dude.

1:21

That's what it is. Get me some

1:23

muffins. I love it. I love sweets. Before we

1:25

even got started, I asked him how many

1:27

times he's been here and he goes as

1:29

least as possible. You hate LA. You're a

1:31

New York... I don't hate LA. I'm happy

1:33

that it's an American state and part of

1:35

the continent of the United States. So you don't

1:38

tour outside of America? I do. I go to

1:40

the England, right? But it's like, you know, I

1:42

don't want to go to Dubai. You know what I mean?

1:44

Why? I just don't want to want to go.

1:46

Because it's like I if it's you know

1:48

what I mean if I'm gonna see sand

1:50

and two thousand dollar glasses of wine I'll

1:52

just go to Vegas like I don't understand why

1:54

I have to go all over the fucking world

1:56

that doesn't make sense to me what why why do

1:58

you what I need to go do a show in

2:00

Iceland, even though it's nice. You know what

2:03

I mean? But your fans are out there.

2:05

Yeah, but I want to stay in the

2:07

original 13 colonies. I'm an American. The

2:09

founding fathers, they believe, they, when

2:11

they talked about this country, it was

2:14

the 13 colonies. And that's, I

2:16

still hold that up. Whatever the

2:18

founding fathers wanted, that's what I

2:20

do. That's what I thought being America

2:22

was. Arizona and California, California,

2:24

I like them. That was

2:27

the fucking. Mexican Forest

2:29

back then. You know what I mean? I

2:31

gotta say, the first minute and 30

2:33

seconds of this episode was was

2:35

jam-packed. That was insane. Welcome back

2:37

to the George Jago show. I

2:40

am with Chris DeStefano and you

2:42

guys have not heard of this

2:44

man. He is absolutely hilarious. He

2:46

is actually on tour right now.

2:48

So please go get his tickets

2:51

and come watch him live. I'm

2:53

headlining Madison Square Garden in September

2:55

11. I swear to God, I

2:57

really am. I'm bringing 9-11 comedy

2:59

to Madison Square Garden. That's my

3:01

only goal ever I've ever had in

3:04

my life and career, is to do Madison

3:06

Square Garden, so I'm doing it September 11,

3:08

2025, maybe the last show I ever do.

3:10

And this is, it literally is just to

3:13

show you that the terrorists did not win.

3:15

And we fucking won. I'm comedy

3:17

at the arena. The Master is

3:19

great. You're an American hero. Thank

3:21

you, ma'am. Shake this American hero.

3:23

By the way, I scan the

3:25

both of you on the Yuka

3:27

app and you're both 100 out

3:29

of 100. Let's go. Good scores.

3:31

Thank you. Let's go. Let's go.

3:34

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

3:36

Let's go. Let's go. Do before

3:38

we get start, I want them

3:40

to picture who you are. But

3:42

to picture who you came from.

3:46

Every person is just listening. I don't

3:49

know. They're like, okay. Yeah, I'm Elliot

3:51

Page if he was from New York.

3:53

Okay, I feel that I'm in New York

3:55

Elliot. I feel that. Yep. There's a story

3:57

that you told once and I like I

3:59

think about every time I see your

4:01

face like every single time I see

4:03

your face I think of this because

4:06

it's super relatable to me my dad

4:08

came from a different country what

4:10

country Iraq oh and so the

4:12

way he raised the big guy

4:14

you know I mean like he

4:17

raised me very first-generation American and

4:19

when I heard that your dad would

4:21

handle business the way that

4:23

he handled business I relate

4:25

to that because my father

4:27

didn't really understand boundaries and

4:29

rules of like let's go can we

4:31

talk about the story where he got

4:33

into it with your principal oh yeah

4:36

that's that's that's kind of why I'm

4:38

playing Madison Square Garden on September 11th

4:40

because I have a comedy bit on

4:42

YouTube called my 9-11 story Chris is

4:44

Stepano's 9-11 story and my dad on

4:46

9-11 just came into I got him

4:48

to a fight because I thought my

4:50

mom died in the World Trade Center

4:52

we got into all boycott the high school

4:54

fucking this kid starting laughing me broke a

4:57

Well, no, no, no, pause, pause. Did you

4:59

really break a chair over? Yeah. Yeah. So

5:01

you were about that life. I was, well,

5:03

because he was laughing at me, but

5:05

I literally was so upset because I

5:07

thought my mom was dead, so my

5:09

emotions just flipped. Well, but as a

5:12

child before that moment, were you the

5:14

type to break a chair over somebody?

5:16

Not really, no. So it's just in

5:18

the spur of the moment, you're probably

5:20

a fighter, but in that moment,

5:22

things got wild, hit him, hit him.

5:25

Big problem at all boy Catholic high

5:27

school. I mean you would get detention

5:29

if you had like a top button

5:31

unbuttoned in your shirt They get detention.

5:33

So now I just put a kid

5:35

in a coma. Yeah, so this is no

5:37

Bleno as my you know Spanish speaking

5:39

audience and so I Thought I was going

5:42

to get thrown out so I call my

5:44

father and my dad's like, you know real

5:46

deal New York guy and I say I

5:48

got thrown out of school and he was

5:50

like no you didn't even hear you didn't

5:52

get thrown out It's just not happening. And

5:54

so I was like, okay. So I tell

5:56

him, he's like, I'm coming down there. So

5:59

he comes down, we're in the. principal's office

6:01

and my dad's just like my son didn't

6:03

do anything and they're like we literally

6:05

have footage of him hitting a kid over

6:07

the head with a chair and there he's

6:10

like no he did it there's no

6:12

evidence he's like it's not a court

6:14

of law so finally he says to him

6:16

he goes listen to me you're not throwing

6:18

him he goes listen to me you're not

6:20

throwing my kid out of school he's like

6:23

because it's nine eleven it was a trash

6:25

at the moment like so that happened on

6:27

nine eleven you know 9-11, you know,

6:29

this is the biggest tragedy, okay?

6:32

Kid thought his mom was dead.

6:34

He saw the fucking kids

6:36

laughing at him. What would you

6:38

do? To the, you know, the

6:40

principle is a priest. So what

6:43

the fuck would you do? He's

6:45

like, well, I'm a man of

6:47

God, I wouldn't, I wouldn't do

6:49

it. I'd pray for his sins.

6:51

He's not going to throw him

6:53

out. He goes, here's what we're

6:56

going to do. Because the principal was

6:58

like not budgeting and my father was finally like,

7:00

listen, all right, he was like pissing him off.

7:02

He goes, he goes, he's going to give you

7:04

two options right now. And the second option sucks

7:07

for you. He goes, the first option, just put

7:09

my kid back in school. No problems. He

7:11

goes, the second option, I'm gonna

7:13

come over there, I'm gonna break both

7:15

unique habits. He goes, and here, like

7:17

guys will say that, but then when

7:20

he's followed up with, you're gonna think

7:22

that I heard that line in the

7:24

movie. He goes, but I'm one of

7:26

the guys they write the movies about.

7:28

He goes, so I will call 911

7:30

right now. This is a direct quote.

7:32

He goes, I will call 911 right

7:35

now. I will tell them what I'm

7:37

about to do to you and then

7:39

I'll fucking do it. He goes, I'll

7:41

give them my address, my social security

7:43

number, whatever you want. He goes,

7:45

because I'd rather go to jail

7:48

for the rest of my rest

7:50

of my social security number, whatever

7:52

you want. He goes, because I'd

7:55

rather go to jail for the

7:57

rest of my life. So that's

7:59

So when you break it down

8:01

like that, the principal is like, okay,

8:04

well, he's back in school. And then

8:06

I just got back at the high

8:08

school, man, and I had the

8:10

detention before and after school for

8:12

like the whole year, but that's it.

8:15

I was good, and my dad was

8:17

like, his kids back in. And yeah,

8:19

that's just how my dad would do

8:21

shit. He's not like that anymore,

8:23

but while I was in high school.

8:26

He's relaxed. And I'm gonna tell

8:28

that story. At the Garden, September 11th,

8:30

2025. That was a great story. All

8:32

right, so you guys know that I

8:34

already have a clothing line called The

8:36

Heart of David. But what you guys

8:39

don't know, and I actually don't break

8:41

this down too much, the quality is

8:43

insane. People that come up to me

8:45

at the gym and they're wearing the

8:47

clothing, the first thing, people that come

8:50

up to me at the gym and

8:52

they're wearing the clothing, the first thing

8:54

they say is, the first thing they

8:56

say is, and they're wearing. by the

8:58

words that encourage me. That's from the

9:00

gospel. If you're looking for good quality

9:02

garments, I think you guys should check

9:05

out the heart of David. And to

9:07

be honest, if you don't like the

9:09

quality, just return it. We'll give you

9:11

a full money back. I love you

9:13

guys. I thank you guys so much

9:15

for supporting me. Thank you guys for

9:17

supporting me. Thank you guys so much

9:19

for supporting me. Thank you guys so

9:21

much for supporting me. Thank you guys

9:23

so much for supporting me. Thank you

9:25

guys. I'm just, you know, I'm

9:28

sorry. Congrats on your marriage. Thank

9:30

you so much. Speaking of a union,

9:32

I heard you got back with your

9:34

union. Are you, are you back to

9:37

being Catholic? Yes, oh dude, shout out,

9:39

shout out, shout out Jesus Christ all

9:41

fucking day. Okay. In the great war,

9:43

in the, in the great war you

9:45

show me, I mean, dude. If, listen,

9:47

what the Paul, listen, these

9:50

guys, these the Paul brothers,

9:52

anyone who does these fights,

9:54

anyone who does these fights,

9:56

Just, you're going. I'm just

9:59

saying, read. You left for all?

10:01

I really wish you would have stayed.

10:03

First of all, give my man the

10:05

muffins, right? Give me the buffet, dude.

10:08

Get the fuck. Dude, I'm not eating

10:10

a muffin, a muffin, a muffin, plant-

10:12

Why would you, why would you, just

10:14

lie to him? Show me this fucking

10:17

muffin, look at this, wrapped in plastic,

10:19

right now. By the way, by the

10:21

way, giving him a bag like that?

10:23

After the story he just told is

10:26

hilarious. Oh my God, let me give

10:28

it a take. Now this is the

10:30

Asian, this is a Chinese fucking,

10:33

whoa, look at that. This is

10:35

a Chinese muffin that reads, Washington,

10:37

Reed, by the way, Reed told

10:39

me he was born and raised

10:41

in Washington, Washington, Washington, Washington, he

10:44

was born and raised in Washington,

10:46

then he lived in Oregon, and

10:48

one of those other Pacific Northwest

10:50

states, you're a fucking five out

10:53

of ten. I got an

10:55

apple fritter. An apple fritter. The

10:57

way he's eating it in the mine.

10:59

Yeah. I like you. Do a nice

11:01

ASMR eating. I met him on Craigslist.

11:04

Really? And I invited him

11:06

to my house at 1130 at night.

11:09

I literally had a pistol tucked

11:11

away because I thought he was

11:13

going to kill me. He looks

11:15

like it. He looks like he

11:17

had like a very very nice

11:19

guy but he showed it. He

11:21

had long long hair too. Oh

11:23

yeah, it's good now, is it?

11:26

Yeah, now he... It's so funny,

11:28

now he took merch pictures of

11:30

him another day, and I was

11:32

like, oh my god, he's a

11:34

model. You have hair, you have

11:36

like a bob, you have hair

11:39

like a 16th century night. You

11:41

know what I mean? You got

11:44

like Lancelot. Yeah. I liked it

11:46

though, dude, it's good. Very medieval.

11:48

I think it's very 70s music,

11:51

you know? off the side of the highway

11:53

and they're like, I thought I was a guest. You

11:55

gotta get the full experience. I do, I appreciate

11:57

it, but I mean, this is great, I mean.

12:00

Mary and I'm fucking two hotties. Look at this. Yeah, thank you.

12:02

Appreciate it. And that was peace in the Middle East, man. Iraq

12:04

and America, we've come together as friends. You know, this is what

12:06

happens. I appreciate that. Me too. Also, like, I grew up during

12:08

9-11 when I was a little boy and no white girl would

12:10

ever talk to me. So the little me inside married a beautiful

12:12

white girl like her just made me. Because at that time, at

12:14

that time, that was impossible. Listen. Listen, and things have changed, and

12:16

things have changed, and things have changed now, now, now, because things

12:18

have changed now, because I remember, because I remember, because I remember,

12:20

because I remember, because I remember, because I remember, back then, back

12:22

then, back then, back then, back then, back then, back then, back

12:24

then, back then, back then, back then, back then, back then, when

12:26

the whites, when the whites, when the whites, when we

12:28

the white meetings we just were scared we

12:31

were nervous yeah and we just we thought

12:33

you guys with the enemy but now when

12:35

we have the meetings with the whites we

12:37

know that you guys are our friends and

12:39

the Chinese are enemies yeah I had a

12:41

mustache in the third grade really I would

12:43

have to near it and this is a true

12:45

this is a true statement when 9-11 happened

12:48

they had the the the therapists

12:50

and the principal had to pull

12:52

me aside because everybody kept calling

12:54

me a terrorist You're like, oh,

12:56

he's a wrap, he's a wrap. No,

12:58

but they weren't doing that. That's because

13:00

you were coming into school with C4

13:02

trap to your chest. I wasn't allowed

13:04

to do that. You were coming in.

13:06

Oh, I thought you were coming in.

13:08

No, no, no, I wasn't allowed to

13:10

do that. No, no, no. You're like,

13:13

oh, it's racist. It was just sitting

13:15

with a detonator in every class like

13:17

this. That would have, that would have

13:19

scared me. And it's just a goof.

13:21

Yeah. And so they pulled me aside

13:23

because they thought I was gonna be

13:25

heartbroken that everybody kept calling me Arab.

13:27

And I was really excited that

13:29

they stopped calling me a wrap.

13:31

So I was like, no. Seriously,

13:34

I gotta be honest with you,

13:36

dude. You do look like, and

13:38

I'm sure you've thought this in

13:40

your family. So you do look

13:42

like, like, like, hot Jesus. old

13:44

paintings of him. He kind of looks

13:46

like, you know, obviously they used to paint him

13:48

white, blonde air blew out. I mean, they used

13:50

to paint him like he used to look like

13:53

your wife when they used to paint him. And

13:55

then, and then just like this beautiful white figure.

13:57

It's like a trans, they used to paint like

13:59

a trans figure. How are you back to

14:01

your Catholicism and not any fear of

14:03

God by saying that? Because I, because

14:05

here's the thing, dude. Because you're just

14:08

saying that. I'm just like, because here's

14:10

the thing. First of all, I got

14:12

scripture and I got cross his tattoo

14:14

to my body. So you think you're

14:16

gonna go to heaven and be like,

14:19

no, no, I'm a party in the

14:21

army of God? And I just feel

14:23

that why Jesus wants us down here

14:25

to just be us. He knows that,

14:27

listen, I'm doing the right thing every

14:30

day, I'm taking, you know, I'm going

14:32

to church, I'm taking, you know, I

14:34

do the right thing by everybody, treat

14:36

everyone with kindness, love everybody,

14:39

give everybody little, just

14:41

soft kisses on the forehead, just like

14:43

this. I do that, I'm nice to

14:45

people, you know, I try to, you

14:47

know, I give back, I volunteer my

14:50

time, I volunteer my time. You know,

14:52

I'm like John the Baptist. I just

14:54

go and I go out there and

14:56

I just preach the word and I

14:58

baptize people with my comedy and I

15:00

will eventually be beheaded. This video

15:02

is sponsored by. Man-scaped. Yo before I

15:05

even get into the talking points that

15:07

they want me to talk about I

15:09

just want to let you know from

15:11

a personal standpoint these products rock like

15:14

I really use these products I love

15:16

them with all my heart and also

15:18

if I leave them out my family

15:20

will take them out my family will

15:22

take them and they'll take them out

15:25

my family will take them and they'll

15:27

take them and they'll take them and

15:29

they'll take them out my family will

15:31

take them and they'll take them out.

15:33

Perfect, dude. This is not going to

15:35

take up any space at all. This

15:38

is waterproof, too? Oh, dude. Are you

15:40

joking? Where was this stuff when I

15:42

was a kid growing up? If you're

15:44

a teenage boy, I feel your pain,

15:46

dude. When you're starting to learn how

15:48

to shave, and you just cut yourself,

15:50

and you show up to school, and

15:52

it looks like you have a bunch

15:54

of hickies around your neck, but you

15:56

got no girls, because you don't even

15:58

know how to shave yet. is use

16:00

my code Janko20 to get 20% off

16:02

plus free shipping. I don't know if,

16:04

I don't know if you heard me

16:06

right now, 20% off plus free shipping.

16:09

Use my code. Hit the link in

16:11

my description. Back to the show, ladies

16:13

and gentlemen. So what brought you? I

16:15

didn't know where to go. You know,

16:17

what brought you back to your faith?

16:19

What was that moment where you were

16:21

like, oh wow, like, like, this is

16:23

my connecting moment with God? when I

16:25

had my first daughter, it's the first

16:28

daughter, when I first daughter is, I

16:30

started to think about it, like a

16:32

little bit more, like hmm, I should

16:34

probably reconnect, and because I was just

16:36

20 years of just an, you know,

16:38

absolute pagan, and so I was just

16:40

like, I can't do that, and then,

16:42

but it didn't initially do it, and

16:45

then when I had my second daughter,

16:47

I was like, okay, now got more.

16:49

Now, yes. Now, now, now, well, because

16:51

my first daughter was black. And so,

16:53

and so, so, but my wife is

16:55

white for both of them. So that

16:57

was just, I don't know how that

16:59

happened, but it happened and I love

17:02

my child children and they just look

17:04

different, but. Wait, this is, this is

17:06

the joke, right? Is one of them

17:08

actually black? Yes, my oldest daughter, but

17:10

it's not because my, my, my, it

17:12

is my child, biologically, biologically, it's just.

17:14

My wife, she's just has a condition,

17:16

but she's not a condition, you know,

17:18

but she's just she's she's black. And,

17:21

um, your wife is black. No, my

17:23

wife is white, Puerto Rican. But my

17:25

first child is black. And it's just,

17:27

I think you got Steve Nash. It

17:29

just happened. My second daughter is half

17:31

by Puerto Rican. My oldest daughter is

17:33

just, she's, she's black. Yes. And, and,

17:35

um, And so, so yeah, but that's,

17:38

but it happened, you know, she's just,

17:40

I just have a black child, but

17:42

she is biologically mine and my wife

17:44

did not cheat on me. Did you,

17:46

did you get like a DNA test?

17:48

Yes, and it doesn't conclusively say that

17:50

it's mine, but those tests aren't always

17:52

accurate. And what happened is, big man

17:55

upstairs, Jesus told me in a dream

17:57

that it was my. Wait, are you

17:59

serious? Yes, her name's Tanisha. DeStefano. Bro,

18:01

you go in and out of like...

18:03

I can't, I can't, I can't reel

18:05

in what is real and what is

18:07

fake. What do you think of these

18:09

puppies? I think they're nice. Dude, right?

18:11

Yeah. I'm ready to go tonight. Whole

18:14

outfit, where do you think it's from?

18:16

Uh, uh... All saints? Zara. Gap. No,

18:18

but I love I reconnected with Christ.

18:20

I love I love my kids go

18:22

to Catholic school I went to Catholic

18:24

school my whole life grammar school high

18:26

school college Catholic school Now is that

18:28

because it is a better education or

18:31

you want them to have that relationship

18:33

with God? I want them to have

18:35

a relationship with God. I think discipline

18:37

is very important as well. But I

18:39

also just think faith, restoring your sense,

18:41

like everyone goes meditation and deep, you

18:43

know, breathing now and everyone's in a

18:45

fucking cold plunge. And I'm like, yes,

18:47

girl, yes. But I also think going

18:50

to church for me is like my

18:52

meditation. It is my cold plunge. Center's

18:54

you. Center's you. Everything. Because other things

18:56

happen with our societies. A lot of

18:58

people, they don't know. They're like, I

19:00

gotta meditate, I gotta do deep breathing,

19:02

I gotta fucking pox breed, I'm on

19:04

anti-depressants. It's like, no, really, you just

19:07

have to, you've lost your faith. Doesn't

19:09

have to be Catholicism. You've just lost

19:11

your faith. You've just lost your Catholicism.

19:13

You've lost, now you're like, like, looking

19:15

for all these other answers. No, I'm

19:17

not saying that's the only way, you

19:19

know, but it's like, you know, like

19:21

you can be Catholic or another type

19:24

of Christian and then that, you know,

19:26

or Jewish. So you're holding your other

19:28

baby and you're like, man. Okay, question,

19:30

this is actually a serious question. Was

19:32

the love of your kid reminded you

19:34

like that you're his kid and then

19:36

you're like, I would want my kids

19:38

to have a relationship with me? Yes,

19:40

the love, well, you mean like that

19:43

I'm Jesus's child? Yeah, like did you

19:45

feel like you're stealing the joy that

19:47

these kids could steal from you if

19:49

they left you? No, I don't know

19:51

that I felt that. I don't know

19:53

that I've ever even thought that Jesus

19:55

is my dad, but now I guess

19:57

now that you're saying it, he is.

20:00

I guess I am part Middle Eastern.

20:02

then. Right? Well, he's the... Well, he's

20:04

our father in heaven. Yeah, but I'm

20:06

saying, but he was... Well, you're Catholic.

20:08

The beginning of the prayer is our

20:10

father that hour in heaven. Right, I

20:12

understand that, but I'm saying that Jesus

20:14

is my big brother. And I am,

20:17

then, technically, here's the thing. If God

20:19

made Jesus, and then he made him

20:21

Middle Eastern, and we're all those kids,

20:23

and I am half Middle Eastern. Well,

20:25

okay, I see where you're going. You

20:27

know what I'm saying? I see where

20:29

you're getting that. You're fully, you've been

20:31

fully chosen. I actually speak the language

20:33

he spoke when he was down here.

20:36

I'm a Syrian. So, did he actually

20:38

speak Syrian? He spoke Aramaic. I have

20:40

his writing right here. So like when

20:42

he said, when he said like, you

20:44

know, what's like a good Jesus quote?

20:46

When he was saying the the the

20:48

prayer, Bob of Michme, Pashmehmay, Pashme, Ipah,

20:50

Pashme, Pashme, Pashme, Pashme, Pashme, Pah, Pah,

20:53

Pah, Pah, Pah, Pah, Pah, Pah, Pah,

20:55

Pah, Pah, Pah, Pah, Pah, Pah, Pah,

20:57

Pah, Pah, Pah, Pah, Pah, Pah, Pah,

20:59

Pah, Pah, Pah, Pah Yeah, it was

21:01

pretty cool. I'm telling you, it was

21:03

a really cool moment when I'm watching

21:05

The Passion to Christ and I'm like,

21:07

whoa, dude, I get this. Dude, I'm

21:10

telling you, dude, because you have positive

21:12

energy and just your overall look, you

21:14

are, you might be him. No, I'm

21:16

being dead serious because he has, man,

21:18

you're saying he's not? Is he circumcised?

21:20

Yeah, I am circumcised. I don't think

21:22

Jesus was. So that did it for

21:24

you? I don't know why. I just

21:26

don't, I don't know that the real

21:29

Jesus would have done it. He wouldn't

21:31

have clipped himself. Well, he was Jewish.

21:33

Right. They started that. I started Judaism.

21:35

Not just not about circumcision. You guys

21:37

gonna have kids? Yeah. Are you gonna

21:39

have more kids? Um. It's fair, I

21:41

want, hypothetically, I want to say yes,

21:43

but it's. I love being a dad,

21:46

I love my kids. It's very, very...

21:48

very very very difficult to have little

21:50

kids they're just it's it's it's it's

21:52

you don't like you're you know life

21:54

yeah well no it's not even about

21:56

a life it's just like you're you

21:58

I don't know that I could go

22:00

through another three to four years of

22:03

like absolutely no sleep like just constantly

22:05

like go I don't know that I

22:07

could do it we could I don't

22:09

think I'm my wife and I want

22:11

to do it again like that we

22:13

got three I think we feel good,

22:15

we feel complete, we feel so blessed.

22:17

I don't know that I could, if

22:19

I could, if we could do it

22:22

again. And it's really more on her

22:24

because I could feel her when the

22:26

third one. She was like, I, like,

22:28

this, I'm so thankful, I really am,

22:30

I love it, but I can't, like,

22:32

the thought of getting pregnant again, she's

22:34

like, like, I can't do it. So

22:36

the women who go out there and

22:39

have, I don't know physically, physically how

22:41

they do that. She's a full, she's

22:43

a spin instructor that she does kind

22:45

of like part-time she likes doing that.

22:47

She writes bicycle in place, which I

22:49

like. And then, and then I, I,

22:51

I do, it's all I'm, you know,

22:53

I'm the, this is what how we

22:56

pay for her. This is how we

22:58

pay for the life is just. These

23:00

comedy pots. Well, dude, that's a blessing.

23:02

That's such a blessing. How much? I

23:04

think it's a beautiful number. Well, also,

23:06

but like, you're touring a lot too,

23:08

so you're away from them. The boy's

23:10

out there, well, that's the hard part.

23:12

I'm so sorry for my throat. Dude.

23:15

I feel like his next fucking victim.

23:17

So, so, but I feel. That's the

23:19

hard part about this career now is

23:21

when you have a family kids You

23:23

know because your wife you can bring

23:25

your wife with you like what you

23:27

guys have it's beautiful You got your

23:29

wife here, but you guys had three

23:32

kids. She's you know So you can't

23:34

just be bringing the kids all the

23:36

time. They're in school There's all like

23:38

right now. It's you know. It's you

23:40

know. It's a random weekday. My kids

23:42

are in school. They can't I wish

23:44

my family could come they can't come

23:46

so That point is hard and it's

23:49

to the point where it's hard where

23:51

it's actually is getting to the point

23:53

for me where it's like is this

23:55

actually what I want to do like

23:57

are you willing to like you know

23:59

because the sacrifice you have to make

24:01

to like make it next next level

24:03

in comedy I'm like I don't know

24:05

if I'm if I even want to

24:08

go on a world tour or whatever

24:10

it's like I think I'm the guy

24:12

that I'll be happier with less because

24:14

I'll get to see my kids more.

24:16

But dude, that's a blessing that you

24:18

understand that a lot of people don't

24:20

grasp that and they always try to

24:22

achieve more and more Sometimes more isn't

24:25

great. No, it's almost exclusively not great.

24:27

Every single one of my peers that

24:29

I know that have it all are

24:31

angry at some in some way shape

24:33

or form. I was just talking to

24:35

read and bell about this. The idea

24:37

of like making it in our head

24:39

is like we're at the top but

24:42

it's truly holding something up for a

24:44

whole long time and then you start

24:46

getting weak and tired and then you

24:48

start getting overwhelmed that it might crush

24:50

your loved ones. Here's making it for

24:52

me personally it's just very making it

24:54

for me is I heard Joe Rogan

24:56

say this once and I was like

24:58

that is true making it for me

25:01

are two things one. When we go

25:03

out to restaurants, me and my family,

25:05

when I take my wife and kids

25:07

out, they can order anything they want

25:09

on the menu. They don't have to

25:11

even look at anything. I know that

25:13

it's going to be okay. That's one.

25:15

Two, that I get like many, many,

25:18

many nights and weekends especially with my

25:20

family at home where we could just

25:22

like watch a movie, go to the

25:24

park, whatever we want to do, and

25:26

I don't worry at all about... anything

25:28

financially like with them like because we're

25:30

living within our means could I have

25:32

a house twice as big finance technically

25:35

yes but then I would have what

25:37

would that would cost me is having

25:39

to go on the road and having

25:41

to be away from the morning I'm

25:43

just not willing to do that dude

25:45

and I love your mindset so I

25:47

just very New York mindset that's it

25:49

yeah I'm trying to stay like my

25:51

goal is what my money to me

25:54

now I just look at them as

25:56

freedom coupons so rich. That's all I

25:58

am is freedom. I'm thinking about like

26:00

for me it's like okay you make

26:02

10 million a year that's amazing but

26:04

if you spend 9.9 what are you

26:06

doing? Yeah. So it's like for me

26:08

I'm like any money that you give

26:11

me I look at it as how

26:13

much I weighed in my head I

26:15

have a simple my agent will come

26:17

and say hey Chris we have this

26:19

this and this for you and I'll

26:21

say the money has to make sense

26:23

for me that whatever money I make

26:25

this week and leaving my family. I

26:28

can buy four weekends back with them.

26:30

So if it's like, hey, come out

26:32

to, you know, hey, just fly out

26:34

to, you know, you, George, hey, fly

26:36

out to Phoenix do my podcast. I

26:38

want to, can't do it. I'm not

26:40

gonna leave my family because I just,

26:42

there has to be some financial reason

26:44

why I'm leaving. If I was taking

26:47

them with me, great. I'll take them

26:49

with me, that's no problem. I'm here

26:51

in LA for five days because I

26:53

have to promote, I have to promote,

26:55

I have a special. It's

26:57

called It's Just Unfortunate. Hulu picked one comic

27:00

a month to give a Hulu special, and

27:02

they picked me for Black History Month, and

27:04

it's a big honor. February. It's a big

27:06

honor, and that means a lot. Yeah, it's

27:08

because my daughter, Tunisia, shout her out. And

27:11

I am her father. But I say, you

27:13

know, for like, times like this, I say,

27:15

you know, I have to come out here

27:17

and do this, you know, because part of

27:19

a contract, but the money that I got

27:22

for the Hulu special bought me like a

27:24

summer with my family with my family to

27:26

stay home. So because my agent will constantly

27:28

be like, don't you want to work more?

27:30

Like we have so much opportunity for you.

27:32

I'm saying, you know, I have enough with

27:35

the way I'm doing it. Because if I

27:37

didn't have kids, sure. But what is the

27:39

cost of me missing? How many swim meets

27:41

do I need to miss? How many, even

27:43

not even swim meets, how many homeworks? homework

27:46

time at four o'clock with my daughters do

27:48

I need to miss? Some I do because

27:50

of the way the career is. But for

27:52

me it's like you gave if I got

27:54

like one major opportunity and I made like

27:57

real money I would absolutely step out. I

27:59

have when I mean zero. I mean, fucking

28:01

zero desire to be number one. I couldn't

28:03

care less about being the greatest to ever

28:05

do it. Well, I mean, dude, you're being

28:07

the best father and husband. Trying to be.

28:10

No, I mean, that mindset, you are, bro,

28:12

for real. That is a mindset that every

28:14

child would dream that their father had and

28:16

every father dreamed that their kids would obtain.

28:18

That is a great mindset. When we first

28:21

started dating and she started realizing what my

28:23

finances were, I got a little nervous because

28:25

I was like, man, I don't want her

28:27

to think I'm cheap because I'm not going

28:29

to buy her pearls and diamond and stuff.

28:32

And I sat her down, I said, if

28:34

you bear with me and we grind and

28:36

we store this and we invest this, I

28:38

go, there'll be a day that you look

28:40

at your children and your mother and my

28:42

mother and nobody will need. Nobody will need

28:45

and that's freedom. That's freedom baby. The way

28:47

people buy things now and they try to

28:49

make themselves look stronger and more successful it's

28:51

like dude I'd rather look broke and quiet

28:53

in the corner. By the way that's the

28:56

best way to do the last thing you

28:58

want to do is flash your wealth in

29:00

today's society like the why would you want

29:02

to do that? Have you ever gone through

29:04

a time in your in your career? By

29:07

the way as I'm wearing let me tell

29:09

you something. Let me tell you something. Yes.

29:11

Talk to them. There was a little bit.

29:13

This was a gift that I bought. I've

29:15

never buy myself anything. My family was like,

29:18

after I sold out Radio City, which was

29:20

a big New York City accomplishment, they said,

29:22

you know what? Even your own wife was

29:24

like, you're a gorgeous. My own wife was

29:26

like, you never, you always buy stuff for

29:28

us and whatever. Go about, you know, I'm

29:31

wearing old Navy gap jeans to go do.

29:33

So she's like, why. A watch would be

29:35

nice and why I want you to buy

29:37

a watch is because it appreciates in value.

29:39

You're not buying a depreciating asset. I don't

29:42

want you to buy any depreciating assets. At

29:44

least you wear this, it's like an investment.

29:46

So this is for your family. Even though

29:48

you're wearing it, it is for you because

29:50

you'll keep this and God willing price keeps

29:53

going up and then you have it. You

29:55

give everything to your kids. Like, you know,

29:57

dude, I don't want, I, I, I, it's,

29:59

I work now, I do this because I

30:01

love doing it, creative, I love to be

30:03

creative and free, but it's really like, the,

30:06

the, the amount of things I say no

30:08

to, my agent like can't believe it sometimes.

30:10

He's like, why? Why? I'm like, because it's

30:12

not enough money to justify me missing my

30:14

kids, anything. What cause this? Like, what cause

30:17

this spur in the spur in the heart?

30:19

I know a lot of good men, they're

30:21

like, I love my kids, but this is

30:23

for my kids, and they could always convince

30:25

themselves to chase the dollar. What made money

30:28

not your God? Well, it's not that it's

30:30

not, I mean, I still value money. We

30:32

need money. But I just feel like I

30:34

don't need money. But I just feel like

30:36

I don't need all of it. I just

30:38

need enough. Like things have to be good

30:41

enough. So for me, I'm like, I didn't

30:43

grow up. I've now, I don't know, once

30:45

I had kids I was like, I started

30:47

listening to like every single one of my

30:49

peers on podcast or the radio. I noticed

30:52

there was a common theme for people that

30:54

went really far who were older. There was

30:56

like, oh, you know, I would hear guys

30:58

that done crazy shit in this business, always

31:00

somewhere, shape or form in some interview, they'd

31:03

say, but man, I'd give half of it

31:05

back, I missed my whole kid's life. Or,

31:07

you know, I'm just reconnecting, I'm just reconnecting

31:09

my children with my children with my children

31:11

with my children now. I really don't want

31:14

to be that. And so if there's a

31:16

way that I'm trying to figure it out

31:18

now, how I can, you know, get to

31:20

these levels without leaving home for a long

31:22

periods of time, I would love to do

31:24

that. I would really would. But I, you

31:27

know, I'm working, I mean, in some ways

31:29

the podcast, the internet, all that stuff is

31:31

giving us that, you know, like you, if

31:33

you guys had kids, you could create everything

31:35

from home, freedom. I think people, that's what

31:38

I think, I mean that is how I

31:40

play with money now. It's like, is this

31:42

buying me freedom or not? Also to attain

31:44

free... you have to get rid of your

31:46

bondage and slavery. And that's debt. A lot

31:49

of people live beyond their means. Sure. Yeah,

31:51

and that's a big thing. Like, you could

31:53

be working at a fast food restaurant or

31:55

you could be a doctor. But if you

31:57

don't know how to spend your money, you're

31:59

always going to be in bondage. For me,

32:02

I always think about like, okay, we have

32:04

a nice enough home. It's nice. You'd come

32:06

and you'd be like, this is a very

32:08

nice, this is a nice home. It's a

32:10

nice home. It's not like in a nice

32:13

home. It's not like in a gate, it's

32:15

not like in a gate, it's not like,

32:17

it's not like, it's not like, it's not

32:19

like, it's not like, it's not like, it's

32:21

not like, it's not like, it's not like,

32:24

it's not like, it's not like, it's not

32:26

like, it's not like, it's not like, it's

32:28

not like But what we can do is

32:30

we go on like vacations together. And when

32:32

we go on vacations together, we'll go stay

32:34

in like a beautiful resort. We'll all fly,

32:37

you know, like a nice, sometimes we'll even

32:39

go like first class if it's just like

32:41

me, my wife and like one kid. We'll

32:43

do it because I've saved the money because

32:45

I'm not spending it all on the other

32:48

stuff. So I'm trying to think about like

32:50

experiences more. And that's what we do even

32:52

with gifts, with Christmas and their birthdays. to

32:54

do. It's so much better memories forever. That's

32:56

what we try. And by the way, you

32:59

know, and also too with the power of

33:01

the internet, I know even I was just

33:03

talking about us, people are like, fuck you,

33:05

you only talk about that now because you

33:07

have made money, fuck you. It's like, all

33:10

right. You know what I mean? Like does

33:12

your family appreciate the sacrifice you do? Um,

33:14

I don't know. I think so. I think

33:16

that I think that. We, I think my

33:18

family, we all appreciate each other and I

33:20

think that, you know, we have our problems

33:23

like everybody else, but I think that, I

33:25

think they do, I think my, my older

33:27

daughter now and my wife are more like,

33:29

they feel like a little, even though we're

33:31

doing good, they feel a little like shit,

33:34

they could see when I have to leave

33:36

how much I really, really, really don't want

33:38

to go. And there's like these dileas that

33:40

even my wife has brought up, but she's

33:42

been like... You know, like, you really got

33:45

to think, like, is this what you want,

33:47

like, your life to be, like, I know

33:49

it's fun. I know you love doing this,

33:51

but, like, do you want to go on

33:53

the road and... right now I have to

33:55

I have to like financially I'm trying to

33:58

buy that freedom but she's like do you

34:00

want to do this because like when you

34:02

started doing this you didn't have a family

34:04

like we were not here yet and and

34:06

you know you've moved quick in this business

34:09

she's like but is this actually what you're

34:11

actually what you want is there a way

34:13

you could sustain it and just do podcast

34:15

or stuff like yeah I think so yeah

34:17

podcast and why don't you just run it

34:20

up for like maybe a few more years

34:22

like maybe a few more years Keep going

34:24

and then see if you can, you know,

34:26

fucking buy yourself some like lifetime of freedom

34:28

financially. By the way, that doesn't mean stop

34:30

working. I love doing comedy. I just don't

34:33

want to have to. do things I actually

34:35

don't like from the soul want to do.

34:37

I pray that you get to a situation

34:39

where you're like, okay, cool, like just these

34:41

two months out of the year, I'm out,

34:44

and then the next 10 months, I'm with

34:46

my family. Well, already? Because you're going to

34:48

need some space, because if you sit with

34:50

your family, you're going to need some space,

34:52

because if you sit with your family forever

34:55

and always, you're going to be like, like,

34:57

Okay, I'll only do like what I actually

34:59

want to do. I want to I'm never

35:01

gonna I'm not gonna stop working I love

35:03

I'm not just gonna I'm not the guy

35:06

that just like sits home. I go run

35:08

around I do spots in New York I

35:10

just like your family I just like being

35:12

them near them that's all like being them

35:14

near them that's all like right now I'm

35:16

the other side of this country. Why not

35:19

home school them? I like I like I

35:21

like them to have the social aspect of

35:23

the playing with the other kids hanging out

35:25

you don't you don't you don't, you don't,

35:27

you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't,

35:30

you don't, you don't, I just like being,

35:32

you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,

35:34

you, you, you, you, you, I just like

35:36

being, I just like being, you, you, you,

35:38

I just like being, I just like being,

35:41

just like being, just like being, just like

35:43

being, You know, I don't, yeah, I don't,

35:45

I think everyone, you know, when you're a

35:47

parent, it's like, everybody's different, everyone's got different

35:49

ideas. I just love my kids. I'm just

35:51

like that parent where I was just like,

35:54

I don't know, it feels like, you know,

35:56

I feel happy to be almost in like

35:58

fourth place in my own life, where I'm

36:00

just like, you know, I want my kids

36:02

and family to... Be happy first eat first.

36:05

I feel like that's like my role. I

36:07

guess I'm old school a little bit mentally.

36:09

That's what my dad was It's like yeah,

36:11

I'm gonna provide for you. I want to

36:13

help you guys like life is now It's

36:16

it's a you know, I need to be

36:18

happy because that like transfers on to the

36:20

kids I understand that but I'm very much

36:22

like Well, whatever's best for my kids like

36:24

even like Even like when my wife goes,

36:26

what do you want to do for your

36:29

birthday? My birthday? I'm like, what do the

36:31

kids want to do? Whatever the kids want

36:33

to do? That's the only way I'm going

36:35

to be happy. I'm not going to do

36:37

something that I want them? What do they

36:40

want to do? That's like my life. No,

36:42

my parents were divorced. They're nice people, but

36:44

they weren't not necessarily. So you're holding on

36:46

something you've always wanted? I think so, like,

36:48

it's something like I notice, it's funny you

36:51

bring that up because I was, the other

36:53

day, I was thinking about this, and I

36:55

was noticing, like, how much I say to

36:57

my kids, like, I love you, and I'll,

36:59

like, hug them and kiss them, and, and

37:02

my mom always says, love you. And I've

37:04

always says, love you. And I've always says,

37:06

love you. And I've always says, love you.

37:08

And I've always been like, love you. And

37:10

I've always says love you. And I love

37:12

you. And I love you. And I've always

37:15

says love you. And I love you. And

37:17

I've always says love you. And I love

37:19

you. And I love you. And I've always

37:21

says love you. And I love you. And

37:23

I love you. And I love you. And

37:26

I love you. And I love you. And

37:28

I love you. And I love you. And

37:30

I love you. And I love you. And

37:32

I love you. And I Now me subconscious,

37:34

I'm like, be like, I tell my kids

37:37

I love them, like, too much, almost, where

37:39

they're like, stop. It's impossible. Yeah, that's impossible.

37:41

Have you ever asked your mom how her

37:43

relationship with her parents were? Well, I know

37:45

how it was. Her mom died when she

37:47

was young and her father left the family

37:50

when he was, when she was like, like,

37:52

hardcore, like Catholic. like real deal like doesn't

37:54

miss church every single day is like are

37:56

you praying are you thinking God for this

37:58

and that I'm like a hundred a hundred

38:01

percent ma do you hold your mom and

38:03

say I love you no unfortunately I should

38:05

try to do it no I think you

38:07

should I'll tell you why bro because I

38:09

bet when like this is what I've learned

38:12

when I got a wife all it did

38:14

was like with my mom obviously all it

38:16

did with my mom is highlight everything that

38:18

she did and so like it's a beautiful

38:20

reflection and it's such it's such a beautiful

38:22

gift from God so like whatever God is

38:25

planting in your life right now in your

38:27

garden and blessing it right you should bring

38:29

the first fruits to your mom because she

38:31

never got it from her generation before her.

38:33

So if you start hugging her and saying,

38:36

I love you and you train your kids

38:38

to be like, hey, go up to grandma

38:40

and hug her and say, yeah, she might

38:42

be reciprocating. Yeah, because I noticed too, like

38:44

even now, like when my mom wants to

38:47

like face time or whatever, my kids are

38:49

like very much like, they love her, but

38:51

they're very much, I don't want to talk,

38:53

it's like, they're like, they're giving the same

38:55

energy back, like, like, with like my immediate

38:58

family like we're all like love kisses like

39:00

all that but with the grandparents get involved

39:02

they're they're much different and I'm like huh

39:04

I wonder if that's you're right I got

39:06

to just hug it out sometimes you gotta

39:08

just hug it out you need to get

39:11

a love kids know like if you're off

39:13

there they're gonna be a little bit more

39:15

off you know what they're literally they're literally

39:17

they a trial is an empty cup and

39:19

whatever you're filling into them they will do

39:22

the same. So like when they see grandma

39:24

and grandpa and this is the energy they're

39:26

giving them but when they see their dad

39:28

and they're like hugging and kissing they're gonna

39:30

reciprocate it but if you train them at

39:33

a young age and this is the craziest

39:35

part of it if you train them that

39:37

like hey like you know grandma didn't get

39:39

the same love that we did not only

39:41

are they gonna learn within the family oh

39:43

she needs more love than an average human

39:46

being. Right. they'll able to be have more

39:48

empatheticness and sympathy when it comes to their

39:50

own students, students, and like friends, they'll notice,

39:52

okay, that's like a dad, and that's like

39:54

my grandma. Okay, so I know how to

39:57

love these people differently, if that makes any

39:59

sense. It's a strong tool for them to

40:01

have. Yeah, and I think too, like, also

40:03

now I've gotten older to say like, well

40:05

my mom and dad, there were things that

40:08

I would be like, I would be like,

40:10

but I'm happy with my life and my

40:12

family so like why don't I try to

40:14

you know like bring them into my world

40:16

and like you know they can be like

40:18

as happy hopefully as me because they just

40:21

very very different lives than I have like

40:23

they both come from very different childhoods very

40:25

different experiences very grew up very poor so

40:27

that's a good point I never thought about

40:29

I've only recently started thinking about like you

40:32

know how can I they've helped me so

40:34

much how can I they've helped me so

40:36

much how can I now I'm at a

40:38

poor I can help them more than money

40:40

not about money like other ways well think

40:43

about it you know fertilizer shit yes right

40:45

so the shit that they had in their

40:47

heart in their life and they in that

40:49

manure they planted a seed, Chris, and that's

40:51

where your comedy developed. That's where your skill

40:54

set developed. If you didn't have that life,

40:56

you wouldn't have the life you have now.

40:58

So it's truly just giving it back. You're

41:00

just replanting. You're just planting the things that

41:02

they missed. So it's just planting the things

41:04

that they missed. So it's just the love

41:07

aspect. And it's unfortunate because they gave you,

41:09

they're absolutely. best is what your fruits came

41:11

from and for you to go bring back

41:13

the one thing it's hilarious to see it.

41:15

You say it all the time, money is

41:18

not going to be the aspect that fixes

41:20

this. It's relationship, it's time, it's love, it's

41:22

hugs, it's kisses. And that's all they need.

41:24

You taking care of their financial things just

41:26

puts rest in their heart that they did

41:29

enough. They're like, okay, cool, my son is

41:31

successful, I made sure that I would break

41:33

the principal's legs before he gets out of

41:35

the school. But if you come and you

41:37

give him a hug and you say, I

41:39

appreciate what you gave me, It's the older

41:42

they get they more child like they become

41:44

sure and it's really it's something really special

41:46

dude we got to go to Iraq you

41:48

and I got to go to Iraq did

41:50

this is this is where this is where

41:53

I fucking we strive let's do it I

41:55

would do it I swear can we go

41:57

I don't know if I actually can go

41:59

what are they like isn't that Georgie's son

42:01

yeah hey come here who's are dead you're

42:04

not supposed to be here No dude, I'd

42:06

be sick. Has there ever been a story

42:08

that you've told about your family like on

42:10

stage and then you're like, you kind of

42:12

regretted giving that intimate part of your life?

42:14

That's literally my life. Is saying too much

42:17

on stage or on a podcast, getting a

42:19

call from a family member, getting yelled at,

42:21

apologizing, saying, can I give you free tickets

42:23

to the show, do you want to go

42:25

to dinner, love you, I don't know what

42:28

to do, but that literally is a part

42:30

of my life where I'm like, where I'm

42:32

like. How do I do my comedy, which

42:34

is always about like, you know, my experiences

42:36

and a lot of times talking about my

42:39

family, but also not embarrass them and protect

42:41

them and all that? And it's a difficult

42:43

thing. I know even like my kids, like

42:45

I talk about my kids, but I try,

42:47

like I'm not going to be the guy

42:50

that does a bit about, you know, my,

42:52

like my daughter's first period or something, like

42:54

I just won't do it. I'm just like,

42:56

I'm not going to do something that even

42:58

like, that could potentially embarrass them down the

43:00

line. Some of the things I've already said

43:03

and done will, I can't get around it,

43:05

it's the internet, it's there forever, but I'm

43:07

trying like moving forward to be like, how

43:09

can I, you know, just like, share stuff,

43:11

funny stuff that is relatable, but not embarrass

43:14

them or embarrass myself in the future? But

43:16

it's hard because I've just said, I've shot

43:18

from the hip. For so long that I

43:20

there's so much shit I've said like I've

43:22

said so much shit that even like I

43:25

have a sitcom right now in development right

43:27

with a network whatever cool and I've told

43:29

them I've told my age I'd be like

43:31

the amount of things that I've said Like

43:33

in publicly arts fucking crazy. It's all been

43:35

in the name of comedy, but like it's

43:38

crazy how many things I've said and they're

43:40

like okay. We'll look into it and then

43:42

they had an intern look into it And

43:44

then I was figuring they're going to take

43:46

the sitcom away from me, which is like,

43:49

fine, I'll just talk about it on my

43:51

podcast. And they said there's actually, they believe

43:53

that this network said that they're going to

43:55

move forward with the show, you know, hopefully

43:57

gets on the air, but they were like,

44:00

you've said so many. that we actually think

44:02

they all cancel each other out and there's

44:04

nothing really to pin it on. So we

44:06

actually kind of feel like we're safe here.

44:08

It would be worse. You just kept digging.

44:10

They said, we found, they said the intern

44:13

in one hour found over 500 things that

44:15

could be flagged. So they were like, we

44:17

don't know that the networks or the powers

44:19

that be are even going to sift through

44:21

all this. So we could just move forward.

44:24

And everything's great. And it was like nice.

44:26

They were like, that's the way to do

44:28

it. You know what I mean? That's the

44:30

thing with me is I've never, I've

44:32

never come out publicly and said

44:34

that I'm anything that I'm not.

44:37

Like I've never been a clean

44:39

comic or a guy that's like

44:41

Mr. Goudi teachers. I've told you

44:43

from the beginning like this is,

44:45

I'm a fucking wild guy. So

44:47

it's like anything you say. I'm

44:50

like, your laugh is diabolical. I'm

44:52

like, yeah, like anything somebody would

44:54

bring up and be like, yeah.

44:56

Yes, yes, it's, it's, um, I have had

44:58

multiple, you know, mainly with like

45:00

my wife, you know, like where I've

45:02

said, like I've went too far, like,

45:04

you know, talked about, not even about

45:07

her, but like I've talked about like

45:09

my ex or I've talked about like

45:11

sex or I've talked about like

45:13

sex or I've talked about like sex

45:15

stuff or whatever, and she's like, you

45:17

know, like, I'm just get screamed out,

45:20

I'm just used to it, I'm just

45:22

used to like, I'm like, I'm just like,

45:24

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like. I made some

45:26

like hyper sexual joke and then we had

45:28

our both daughters but the older one was

45:31

like seven and she was like you know

45:33

now like like tomorrow your daughter is old

45:35

enough that these kids some of them have

45:37

phones okay they see that bit on TikTok

45:40

seven eight-year-old kid doesn't

45:42

know how to process that they're

45:44

gonna start making they're gonna start

45:46

asking your daughter questions and it's

45:49

your fault so like They're not

45:51

baby, she's not a baby anymore, she

45:53

is our baby, but she's old enough

45:55

and also the parents. What's, what about

45:57

some of the goody-tushue parents who hear...

45:59

this comedy and think it's crude, they're

46:01

gonna not let our daughter hang out because

46:04

of your fucking shows. And I said, well,

46:06

I'll give the parents fucking tickets to the

46:08

show. I'll give them free shit. You know,

46:11

you should have said it'd be like, we

46:13

already went through this, the intern found over

46:15

500. The kids could search, but it cancels

46:17

each other out. Yeah. Well, I mean, that

46:20

was one of the fucking crazy, when they

46:22

told me that, I was like, oh my

46:24

God. Because that is the one good thing

46:26

about not the one good thing about not

46:29

the one, there's not the one, there's not

46:31

the one, there's many. Good things I'm grateful

46:33

about. But with our career specifically on the

46:35

internet, when the power of our career is

46:38

in the hands of our fans, there's almost

46:40

nothing they can take from us. Like a

46:42

network can take from you. You have a

46:44

deal with Celsius. They could take from you.

46:47

But when the fans are the ones generating

46:49

your life, what are they? They're your fans.

46:51

You know, you know, disrespect them. Unless you're

46:54

an actual fucking criminal. Like unless you've done

46:56

something that's truly like your... criminal then I

46:58

understand but if you're like just saying wild

47:00

shit and doing comedy and like expressing yourself

47:03

that's why your fans signed up so so

47:05

it is crazy that we like the modern

47:07

day famous man has a direct connection right

47:09

it doesn't have the middleman networks or the

47:12

record labels or not as necessary going back

47:14

to you talking about your family on stage

47:16

There is positives to this, because I watched

47:18

this with Joe Coy, he would say stuff

47:21

about his son, and I would be in

47:23

the audience, I would be like, damn, bro,

47:25

like, that's crazy, that you're saying that. And

47:28

then I turned to his son, and his

47:30

son's just sitting there smiling. So depending on

47:32

the relationship, because they're like, they're best friends

47:34

and like the father and son figure, which

47:37

is so cool. But he would welcome him

47:39

on stage. And the audience would go crazy.

47:41

Went through his childhood with him like yeah,

47:43

when ten years ago or five years ago

47:46

And he was telling these jokes about his

47:48

son being this and now he's this age

47:50

And now he's a teenager and now he's

47:52

gonna get married. Yeah, they literally grow with

47:55

this child right there stories with him So

47:57

that's pretty I think it's a case-by-case basis

47:59

too It's like because like Joe Coy and

48:02

his son like beautiful relationship and Joe is

48:04

one of the best to ever do it.

48:06

I mean you want to talk about at

48:08

the top he's at the top yeah and

48:11

so and so those but and they have

48:13

a special thing what I recognize with my

48:15

family I brought certain family members out like

48:17

you know like we talk about them on

48:20

a podcast or stand-up and then actually bring

48:22

the physical people out and it was fun

48:24

but then I realize like you know I've

48:26

been doing this for a long time like

48:29

15 years so I've gotten used to you

48:31

know when a fan recognizes you or like

48:33

being in this business the ups and downs

48:36

where it's like you just take someone plucked

48:38

them off the street then you put them

48:40

on stage and then all of a sudden

48:42

you know you got 2,000 people like scream

48:45

they want their autograph and all that stuff

48:47

their psyche is like oh wait like this

48:49

is my life I'm famous now and then

48:51

they want more no way from you then

48:54

they want this affected you then it messes

48:56

their brain up yeah and then it messes

48:58

their brain up then they start to get

49:00

depressed to get depressed how come I don't

49:03

have that hey hey hey hey hey hey

49:05

You're only sold those tickets because you put

49:07

my, you said I was going to be

49:10

there. How come I don't get money from

49:12

that? Like it's right. So then it is

49:14

a learning lesson too where it's like okay,

49:16

okay, okay. It's hard to do business with

49:19

family. Because for me, I'm like, I'm all

49:21

about like, dude, I'm just dividing it. Shoot

49:23

from the hip and I, everyone's having fun,

49:25

we're in this together, like. Also too fame

49:28

has become because of you know it's because

49:30

it's because it's not what is fame it's

49:32

it's over saturated Yeah, it's well, it's just

49:34

everybody's a network everybody's famous everybody has a

49:37

movie production studio in their pocket So it's

49:39

like what does that mean like so people

49:41

recognize you as fame now? What is it

49:44

like so for me? It's like the fame

49:46

is not what I care about if you

49:48

reckon I mean I put out four comedy

49:50

specials specials I'm like trying to do this

49:53

comedy and people will be like aren't you

49:55

that guy from tic-toc that's what you get

49:57

deluded down to but and it's fine it's

49:59

just what it is the medium that's being

50:02

consumed today so but I'm like it's there's

50:04

no it's not you know Frank Sinatra was

50:06

like famous because it's like you couldn't, you

50:08

saw him in the street, it was a

50:11

moment. Now, again, I feel grateful and blessed,

50:13

but it's like you get recognizing the street,

50:15

it's like you're probably the tenth recognizable person

50:18

that person saw that day because everybody's famous

50:20

from their living room. It doesn't matter. So

50:22

for me, it's like the creative part of

50:24

it is what's important. The joke writing, you

50:27

know, I know, like, specifically with stand-up crowd

50:29

work. is everything now and crowd work is

50:31

great I do it but I we take

50:33

the pride on but can you write the

50:36

material that's what stand makes us stand out

50:38

creatively won't sell as many tickets as the

50:40

crowd work guys no way because that is

50:42

supercharged right now and it's and I understand

50:45

and thank God because that's what we're doing

50:47

on tour next hundred percent and I do

50:49

it too in the live shows I'll do

50:52

it but the creative thing for me like

50:54

war stand-ups like little badge of honors like

50:56

what can you write the new right the

50:58

new hour can you write the new hour

51:01

can you write the material yeah It's the

51:03

art of it. Yeah. And I'm not saying

51:05

there's no art to, you know, being like,

51:07

you're fucking shirt-assault. But you're obsessed with the

51:10

craft of stand-up. Right. But that's me specifically,

51:12

you know, so like, but I get the

51:14

audience. You also, though, like, in stand-up specifically,

51:16

it's like, you can't get too far into

51:19

the weeds. It's like, okay. I can write

51:21

this well-crafted joke and it'll make my comedy

51:23

peers laugh, but if the majority of the

51:26

public is like that's over my head and

51:28

I don't understand that, why can you just

51:30

make fun of my father because he's fat,

51:32

then I'll just have to balance that a

51:35

little bit. Go back and forth? Yeah, just

51:37

call someone a fun thing. But what does

51:39

this have to do with you giving the

51:41

stage time to your loved ones? It gets

51:44

to their heads? Like I've realized this. Fame

51:46

and money and any type of power that

51:48

falls into the hands that somebody didn't work

51:50

for it. Yes, that's what it is. They

51:53

don't understand what they're wielding. That's why I

51:55

brought it up too because we talked about

51:57

bringing the kids on stage how Joe Coyne

52:00

brings his son on stage and he gets

52:02

adoration. That's beautiful and that may work specifically

52:04

for them but I know me if I

52:06

brought my daughters out there. I don't talk

52:09

about them I've never post pictures of them

52:11

or anything. And if I talk about them,

52:13

it's never really, it's very frequently by name.

52:15

But don't post pictures of them. Nobody really

52:18

knows what they look like. But I would

52:20

feel like, yes, they're gonna get this like

52:22

unearned, like power now. That's not, that's just

52:24

dangerous. Like my daughter wants a YouTube, she

52:27

wants to be on YouTube, and I'm like,

52:29

we gave her YouTube, but it's private. It's

52:31

just like for us, you know, like she

52:34

can, I want her to creatively creatively creatively,

52:36

creatively, get out, Content I don't I don't

52:38

know that that so far all of us

52:40

in this content world I don't know that

52:43

we have the case studies yet to see

52:45

how this ends it does this end well

52:47

now when you make your whole life content

52:49

I understand the financial gain and I understand

52:52

people are doing great at it I really

52:54

do I'm not even judging them not I'm

52:56

just saying I don't know that it will

52:58

ruin their development that's what I mean like

53:01

if she she's nine Yeah, that's so young.

53:03

She's nine. My daughter, I told about, like

53:05

my daughter, my kids are not even touching

53:08

technology until they've adapted into the world. Like,

53:10

they have to be a part of the

53:12

world. Now mind you, we don't want to

53:14

deprive them to the point where they're older,

53:17

we don't want to deprive them to the

53:19

point where they're older, we don't want to

53:21

deprive them to the point where they're older,

53:23

like, we don't want to deprive them, to

53:26

deprive them, it's not, it's not, it's not,

53:28

it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not,

53:30

it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not,

53:32

it's not, it's not, like, like, like, like,

53:35

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

53:37

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

53:39

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

53:42

like, like, they're doing exercise with their kids

53:44

for the iPad. So if they have to,

53:46

if they want to do on the, if

53:48

they want to sit on the iPad for

53:51

20 minutes, they have to exercise for 20

53:53

minutes. Oh, that's smart. So I'm like, nice.

53:55

So the more they exercise, the more that

53:57

they'll give them. time with the iPad as

54:00

a reward if they want that. So I

54:02

would, but it caps at 60 minutes, which

54:04

I like. I think that it's going to

54:06

be different for our children versus how we

54:09

were raised. We were raised with like dial-up

54:11

and then it went up to like high-speed

54:13

internet and then we were just sitting in

54:16

front of a screen. Yeah. I think technology

54:18

would like AI and like those helmet stuff.

54:20

I think they're gonna start breaking sweats when

54:22

they're gaming. running around. I went into this

54:25

thing where it was like, I forgot what

54:27

it's called. The VR. The VR world. Bro,

54:29

I had so much fun in that place.

54:31

Yeah. And I was drenched in sweat and

54:34

I was like, whoa, bro, I had a

54:36

great time having fun in this like technology

54:38

world, but also I was breaking a sweat.

54:40

Very different from us. Yeah. I think the

54:43

unhealthy part of technologies that were just sitting

54:45

still, our neck is bent down. Yes. I

54:47

think they're gonna fix that. I think too,

54:50

I saw something, and this was interesting, I

54:52

think that things are cyclical and going back,

54:54

like, you see, I saw that, what's the

54:56

generation, I'm generation X, and then is it

54:59

generation Z? Who's like the 20-year-old kids now?

55:01

I'm a millennial. I'm a millennial. I'm a

55:03

millennial. I'm 40. Am I a millennial? You're

55:05

a millennial. How old are you? I'm 32.

55:08

So we can't be the same. I got

55:10

it. I'm Gen X. You're Gen X and

55:12

how old are you? 26. 26. So what's

55:14

the one right below you? Is that Gen?

55:17

Like Gen Z? Like, no. Oh, I'm Gen

55:19

Z. They're Gen X. Yeah? Kids right now,

55:21

kids right now, 18 to 25, 26, say,

55:24

I just saw a study, like today, that

55:26

said that they are now more inclined. to

55:28

want to get married and do things traditional

55:30

way as opposed to the generation just 10

55:33

years older than them. Let's go. We're like

55:35

all about no marriage, you know, we want

55:37

only fans, we want to be sexually free

55:39

and all that. Garbage. It's changing now. It's

55:42

changing now. It's changing now a little bit

55:44

because I think what I think is these

55:46

kids who have grown up and have seen

55:48

their parents go through like I'm 40, you

55:51

know, imagine someone's 40 a little even bit

55:53

older, going through their kids might be 18

55:55

19 now and really go through a lot

55:58

of stress because of this content this never-ending

56:00

thing because of this hyper sexualization so I

56:02

and again this is not a this is

56:04

not everybody I'm just saying like that these

56:07

studies are saying percentages of people now are

56:09

going back to the more Additional thing you

56:11

even saw it politically where it's like when

56:13

I was growing up if you were in

56:16

college Everybody was liberal like you had to

56:18

be liberal Nobody nobody would ever say that

56:20

there and now it's flipped now you go

56:22

to these colleges. They're proudly conservative. I know

56:25

I Tell me I think it became godless

56:27

I swear, I think it came down to

56:29

as simple as this, our country became so

56:32

godless, didn't want anything to do with God,

56:34

and now people are like, wait a second,

56:36

those people are very depressed, and very lost.

56:38

Let me give what Grandma and Grandpa was

56:41

talking about, a try. Right, I think, and

56:43

I think even that has to be balanced,

56:45

because if you look at history, I love

56:47

history, at times when... Religion was up, like

56:50

really up the height, science was down because

56:52

they would get no science. So then when

56:54

the flip, when science is through the roof

56:56

and religion is down, godless, moralist society. So

56:59

there's got to be, hopefully we can reach

57:01

the balance, moral society. So there's got to

57:03

be, hopefully we can reach the balance where

57:06

science and religion are kind of right here.

57:08

A relationship with God. Yeah. Too much religion

57:10

it could be too. Nobody I mean like

57:12

that, that's real. that happened in our society

57:15

which is crazy it's crazy it's crazy that

57:17

we went from that so only fans there

57:19

you go no I know it sounds like

57:21

I'm joking but I'm being so serious imagine

57:24

imagine technology just came in right now where

57:26

they could bring people back from the dead

57:28

from like 50-60 years ago yeah they would

57:30

be like no bring me back I don't

57:33

want to be here I mean do things

57:35

things are I saw this once too, and

57:37

it's always stuck with me because of how

57:40

quickly like this ride we're on now in

57:42

the time we live in. If you took,

57:44

if you pluck someone out of, call it

57:46

the 1500s, and you pluck them back in

57:49

200 years later in the 1700s, their world,

57:51

their life would look relatively the same, definitely

57:53

some advancements, but not crazy, like still relatively

57:55

wearing the same clothes, getting their water and

57:58

meat kind of the same way, living in

58:00

their villages. relatively the same. Maybe the structures

58:02

look a little bit different, a little bit

58:04

more advanced. But now if you pluck someone

58:07

out from 1995 and you put them in

58:09

2025, just 30 years as a book. there

58:11

they wouldn't even know what to do yeah

58:14

like they would have no idea what they

58:16

might not survive you know like they would

58:18

have no idea because that's a fear of

58:20

mine that I'm how high fast we're going

58:23

no no that's a fear of mine because

58:25

like there's a fear of mine because like

58:27

there's a lot of times where I feel

58:29

like an old man where I feel like

58:32

an old man where I feel like an

58:34

old man where I feel like an old

58:36

man where I don't like there's a lot

58:38

of times where I feel like an old

58:41

man I feel like an old man where

58:43

I feel like an old man where I

58:45

feel like an old man where I feel

58:48

like an old man where I don't catch

58:50

of relatively did 30 years in prison. 30

58:52

right so that's real that's real is the

58:54

get the the the person you have on

58:57

your podcast yes yes so real so is

58:59

this the person that got in their head

59:01

with fame not really in their head no

59:03

I mean in some yeah in some way

59:06

you're trying to like no because I got

59:08

another family member who's like worse but no

59:10

so yeah so TT Jerry that's who you

59:12

know she was on the show a lot

59:15

and you know my wife's uncle and she's

59:17

trans she's trans so she but anyway she

59:19

was She was like, you know, she said

59:22

this to me and I was like, this

59:24

is interesting. She was like, you know, when

59:26

I went to jail 30 years ago, I

59:28

was trans, right? She was like, and it

59:31

was like unheard of. I was the only

59:33

person in the wing of it. She was

59:35

like, and then throughout the 30 years, it

59:37

became so many, like more and more trans

59:40

people coming in. And she was like, maybe

59:42

that's because like things are just freer outside,

59:44

I don't know. people in prison with me

59:46

where I was the only one then I

59:49

I'm talking she was like there was like

59:51

maybe 200 trans people in the like it

59:53

was a real thing like everyone coming in

59:56

was trans and she was like so but

59:58

she was like but that's just one thing

1:00:00

I know she's like the second thing I

1:00:02

notice is when I went into prison 30

1:00:05

years ago maybe one guard would get into

1:00:07

like an altercation with an inmate a year

1:00:09

like one maybe two like she was like

1:00:11

when it became when I left every single

1:00:14

month multiple guards were getting sent to the

1:00:16

hospital because of how aggressive the population was

1:00:18

outside these walls she was like so I

1:00:20

noticed how maybe this sense of free because

1:00:23

you know you're you don't have to be

1:00:25

go to school to like she's very intuitive

1:00:27

so she was like you know just sitting

1:00:30

to sell and think all day she was

1:00:32

like you know she said I notice that

1:00:34

people must be really free out there because

1:00:36

everyone's coming in trans and living their truth

1:00:39

if that's what they want whatever she was

1:00:41

like but then I also noticed how aggressive

1:00:43

they were like everybody's angry she's like because

1:00:45

I feel like there's no rules out there

1:00:48

anymore and this is from and from prison

1:00:50

she was like I felt like so I've

1:00:52

gone to the godless she was like I

1:00:54

felt like there's no rules begins you've let

1:00:57

everyone do everything's okay and everybody's mad yeah

1:00:59

so so I was like interesting I was

1:01:01

like well you're going to hell because you're

1:01:04

trans Just kidding. That is very interesting. They're

1:01:06

so free that they can't take any regulations

1:01:08

and it just drives them crazy. That's wild.

1:01:10

What made, what was the name? Who? Who

1:01:13

was just talking about? TT Jerry. What caused

1:01:15

this person to go to the prison? You

1:01:17

know what is at a time, another just

1:01:19

fucking luck of the draw at a time

1:01:22

when you would get like 10 years, 15

1:01:24

years for like grand larceny. for you she's

1:01:26

in prison she stole something I forgot but

1:01:28

anyway was over $10,000 and they just gave

1:01:31

you 10 years like they wouldn't do that

1:01:33

today you wouldn't even go to prison today

1:01:35

but 10 years and then within the prison

1:01:38

when she was there fight fighting fighting fighting

1:01:40

fighting dealing with shit and then they would

1:01:42

just keep giving her five years five years

1:01:44

so as opposed to if she was born

1:01:47

you know she was whatever she was 19

1:01:49

years old I think when she went into

1:01:51

prison she was 19 years old today that

1:01:53

first she would just be out just be

1:01:56

out in a But back then, it was

1:01:58

like, you just, there's people, you told me

1:02:00

there's somebody, there was somebody in her prison

1:02:02

that is serving life in prison for selling

1:02:05

weed. No way they are they have life.

1:02:07

They are not getting out really. Yeah, it's

1:02:09

real. She's in her prison I find that

1:02:12

to be crazy Yeah, they're letting out a

1:02:14

lot of inmates like I know that the

1:02:16

Los Angeles Jail they were letting out a

1:02:18

lot of like amidst I should not be

1:02:21

you know free to go yet right yet

1:02:23

They're not like you know the ones that

1:02:25

are like on small charges like weed. Yeah,

1:02:27

well I think it's probably because when that

1:02:30

person was selling weed it was like in

1:02:32

America's like him selling cocaine Yeah. So they're

1:02:34

probably like, it's not the point of like,

1:02:36

if it's okay now, it's that you chose

1:02:39

while it was wrong. Dude, what's worse is

1:02:41

fucking sugar. The people who sold you that

1:02:43

muffin should go to jail. Can I have

1:02:46

the other half? Let

1:02:50

me start a nut guy. I love

1:02:52

a little nuts. So you love history.

1:02:54

I do love history. What's a historical

1:02:56

event that you love and that either

1:02:58

that you love or that you think

1:03:00

would be hilarious in this time and

1:03:02

age if it happened now? Hilarious if

1:03:04

it happened. What, well here's what I

1:03:06

love. Like one thing I love in

1:03:08

history is how nowadays nowadays nowadays like,

1:03:11

you know, they're fighting these wars with

1:03:13

drones and all that, but like back

1:03:15

just like a couple hundred years ago,

1:03:17

like the revolutionary war, like the revolutionary

1:03:19

war. You would fight the war based

1:03:21

off the weather. So like you could

1:03:23

win or lose like your country based

1:03:25

off it was like cloudy or not

1:03:27

So like there was a battle. I

1:03:29

swear to God there was like you

1:03:32

could literally like be storming a city

1:03:34

Well, that's what World War one ended

1:03:36

over. They went towards the winter Right

1:03:38

well that World War two too Hitler

1:03:40

I'm sorry World War two he tried

1:03:42

to invade Russia in the middle of

1:03:44

the winter Yeah, fucking dumb ass. Oh

1:03:46

dude, that's correct. He did all of

1:03:48

that and the cold beat him They

1:03:50

were like the German did you ever

1:03:53

seem like the like there's like you

1:03:55

know transcripts of like the German high

1:03:57

command telling him don't do it like

1:03:59

these should not not good. We should,

1:04:01

they said what, Russia and the winter,

1:04:03

what? No, they're saying, this is, no,

1:04:05

and then he was like, shine, they

1:04:07

shine, they're right. And then they just

1:04:09

went and then the Russian army, you

1:04:11

know, it's fucking wild, Joseph Stalin, the

1:04:13

leader of, you know, Russia at that

1:04:16

time, he was like, look, they're going

1:04:18

through like this big open field, like

1:04:20

a hundred miles. Field in Russia and

1:04:22

they were like everyone that you know

1:04:24

Russia had their tank set up whatever

1:04:26

so Stalin was like just tell the

1:04:28

people to move back because they had

1:04:30

a head start tell them to move

1:04:32

back like 30 miles only soldiers are

1:04:34

gonna die they're not gonna be able

1:04:37

at all to survive it they're not

1:04:39

gonna be able at all to survive

1:04:41

it no and then what all they

1:04:43

did is they took when they were

1:04:45

moving back they just took hoses and

1:04:47

sprinkles and they just wet the fall

1:04:49

through yeah they're just like the winter

1:04:51

the weather is our weapon where now

1:04:53

that wouldn't matter right now they make

1:04:55

it now they're making the weather yeah

1:04:58

so so so so they but like

1:05:00

did that's so funny it was a

1:05:02

battle of in in the Revolutionary War

1:05:04

it was called the Battle of Brooklyn

1:05:06

right August like 1776 and we were

1:05:08

gonna lose the art the full colonial

1:05:10

continental army, we were focked, like the

1:05:12

British had us surrounded in New York,

1:05:14

Brooklyn area, completely George Washington was there,

1:05:16

like was going to take 90% of

1:05:19

the army, and then there would be

1:05:21

no America, it would just be British

1:05:23

subjects. So they're like, what are we

1:05:25

going to do, what are we going

1:05:27

to do? And then all of a

1:05:29

sudden, these clouds roll over the bay,

1:05:31

the Hudson Bay of New York, and

1:05:33

so George Washington is like, okay, what

1:05:35

we're going to get in boats. like

1:05:37

in the middle of the night because

1:05:40

they can't see the British now can't

1:05:42

see is because we're covered in fog

1:05:44

and we're just going to go across

1:05:46

take this entire army across the river

1:05:48

and get up to New Jersey and

1:05:50

basically run away and like live to

1:05:52

fight another day and regroup and that

1:05:54

that's what happened. Where if that weather

1:05:56

pattern wouldn't have come in, the British

1:05:58

soldiers would have just seen that what

1:06:00

they did is they had the American

1:06:03

colonists just had a few guys like

1:06:05

standing around walking around to make the

1:06:07

British think like oh they're good but

1:06:09

those clouds were all down and they

1:06:11

were like no we can't. you know,

1:06:13

because the fog was there, the British

1:06:15

soldiers thought the whole army was there,

1:06:17

they couldn't go anywhere, because they thought

1:06:19

they thought they were seeing them, but

1:06:21

they were all going up, boat by

1:06:24

boat, and saved the whole army, got

1:06:26

saved by the weather. I'm telling you,

1:06:28

God was with George Washington. I'm telling

1:06:30

you 100% that Jesus Christ himself is

1:06:32

an American citizen, because not only did

1:06:34

he do the weather to save us,

1:06:36

but he put oceans on either side

1:06:38

of us to protect us. Could you

1:06:40

imagine if we were on Europe? Jesus

1:06:42

doesn't love Europe. He's got every, all

1:06:45

the countries are there together, he's always

1:06:47

in finding, you can't do that. Jesus

1:06:49

literally specifically was like, this is my

1:06:51

favorite country, I'm putting the Atlantic and

1:06:53

the Pacific Ocean on either side, that's

1:06:55

protecting us. I believe that. Anyone who

1:06:57

says Jesus is not an American citizen

1:06:59

is a fucking crazy, you're an infidel.

1:07:01

That's what I believe. There's so many

1:07:03

history battles. Just the wind. Or do

1:07:06

you know how many times a fucking

1:07:08

boat like a wooden boat was coming

1:07:10

down the river and then the wind

1:07:12

just stopped blowing and they're just stuck?

1:07:14

Their whole army just you know like

1:07:16

they completely break the element of surprise

1:07:18

where like they're trying to get there

1:07:20

to like kill the soldiers and then

1:07:22

everyone just wakes up and there's just

1:07:24

an enemy boat in the middle of

1:07:26

the water. Another one, the British Army

1:07:29

was coming down the water in New

1:07:31

York in the redcoats in the 1700s

1:07:33

and the American Army was on either

1:07:35

side and then the British Army was

1:07:37

coming on their boats and we were

1:07:39

shooting. canons at them and the cannonballs

1:07:41

just couldn't reach. So the British people

1:07:43

were just like, good job assholes, as

1:07:45

the cannonballs were falling like 20 feet

1:07:47

away. They were like, we're just gonna

1:07:50

continue going and kill all of you

1:07:52

now. We're like, that just wouldn't happen

1:07:54

today. Like you would just be able

1:07:56

to figure it out. But there were

1:07:58

just be able to figure it out.

1:08:00

Like you would just be able to

1:08:02

figure it out. But there were like,

1:08:04

the wind wouldn't happen today. Like you

1:08:06

would just be able to figure it

1:08:08

out to figure it out. Like you

1:08:11

would just be able to be able

1:08:13

to be able to be able to

1:08:15

be able to be able to be

1:08:17

able to be able to be able

1:08:19

to be able to be able to

1:08:21

be able to be able to be

1:08:23

able to be able to be able

1:08:25

to be able to be able to

1:08:27

be able to be going to be

1:08:29

able to be able to be going

1:08:32

to be able to be going to

1:08:34

be able to be able to be

1:08:36

able to be able to be going

1:08:38

to be going to be going to

1:08:40

be going to be going to be

1:08:42

going to be going to that I

1:08:44

ask you this because I feel like

1:08:46

something great would come out of this.

1:08:48

Ask me a question. Do you know

1:08:50

anything about pirates? What do I know

1:08:52

about pirates? Somalian pirates? So I don't

1:08:55

know anything about pirates, but I just

1:08:57

found out other day that there's still

1:08:59

pirates. Oh, Somalian pirates. What does that

1:09:01

mean? Somalia, the nation of Somalia, a

1:09:03

big, not a big part, a part

1:09:05

of their like economy or like criminal,

1:09:07

you know, South American countries have cartels.

1:09:09

They have pirates, and what they have

1:09:11

pirates, and what they will do is,

1:09:13

they will go... You'll be near Somali

1:09:16

or coast of Africa somewhere, you know

1:09:18

some ship in any any country their

1:09:20

goods taken their Whatever they're packing and

1:09:22

Somalian pirates will come on little boats

1:09:24

like motorized boats with the fucking machine

1:09:26

guns and steal your shit Isn't that

1:09:28

crazy? And have you seen like there's

1:09:30

like certain shipping like big boat when

1:09:32

they know when they have to like,

1:09:34

you know, drive? drive a boat yeah

1:09:37

when they have to like drive through

1:09:39

that area they have like metal railings

1:09:41

around they have protection like they have

1:09:43

to get ready to fight to pass

1:09:45

through the water. Captain Phillips you ever

1:09:47

seen the movie Captain Phillips you ever

1:09:49

look at me I'm your captain no

1:09:51

never seen that no that's it go

1:09:53

watch Captain Phillips and it's all about

1:09:55

pirates Tom Hanks is Captain Phillips this

1:09:58

is a real story this guy Captain

1:10:00

Phillips got he was an American boat

1:10:02

captain and Somalian pirates came on board

1:10:04

and basically were trying to steal his

1:10:06

stuff. He fought back. He was somehow

1:10:08

able to alert the US, like I

1:10:10

think there were Navy SEALs, and the

1:10:12

way, and they, but. and then they

1:10:14

had Captain Phillips hostage. So the Navy

1:10:16

SEALs came in like the middle of

1:10:19

the night on these boats and they're

1:10:21

fucking, you know, crazy. And they were,

1:10:23

they like at the same time, I

1:10:25

think they had one Navy SEAL like

1:10:27

floating in the water, one of them

1:10:29

on a boat and one of them

1:10:31

somewhere else and they like at the

1:10:33

same time killed all three pirates. Like

1:10:35

one of the pirates had a gun

1:10:37

to Captain Phillips's head in real life

1:10:39

and the Navy SEAL from the water

1:10:42

like bobbing up and just perfecting. Dude,

1:10:44

that's so crazy. How great are we,

1:10:46

dude? Anybody who thinks we're not number

1:10:48

one is out of their fucking minds.

1:10:50

When I start to listen to people

1:10:52

say that other countries are even remotely

1:10:54

close. I'm like, what? We have fucking

1:10:56

Jesus on our side, A. B, we

1:10:58

have the Navy SEALs. We have Elon

1:11:00

Musk. Do you ever get worried when

1:11:03

you hear like, oh, we might go

1:11:05

to war? You just don't get worried

1:11:07

about it. Because my, I have a

1:11:09

friend, Kave, and he doesn't. What's his

1:11:11

name? Kave, he's Persian. And he literally

1:11:13

just goes, whenever you get nervous, he

1:11:15

goes, go home and see how much

1:11:17

we spend on military. We, no, no,

1:11:19

here's the thing. is like what we

1:11:21

put into our military every other nation

1:11:24

in the world combined doesn't put what

1:11:26

we put into the military it's like

1:11:28

the shark tank like you know like

1:11:30

all the millionaires and that Mark Cuban

1:11:32

has more money than all the other

1:11:34

sharks put together we're Mark Cuban we're

1:11:36

like Mark just goes on the show

1:11:38

for fun he's just fun but if

1:11:40

you literally do the math he has

1:11:42

more money than the other sharks put

1:11:45

together that's our military Now I'm not

1:11:47

a part of it, I would never,

1:11:49

I'm too scared, I have eczema and

1:11:51

psoriasis and other ailments, that I can't

1:11:53

be a part of the army, and

1:11:55

I'll just, I'll keep them loose. That's

1:11:57

why I'll keep the soldiers loose. I'll

1:11:59

fluff with jokes, but that's it. I'm

1:12:01

not going to go to war. I'm

1:12:03

not going to go to war. I

1:12:05

have daughters, they're not going to, I

1:12:08

don't think we'll feel it. But I

1:12:10

also think if we go to war,

1:12:12

we are, you're sitting, you know, like

1:12:14

when you learn about, like, the warmongering,

1:12:16

like, Genghis Khan, and the warmongers, and

1:12:18

the Mongols, and the, you know, Mohawk,

1:12:20

Native Americans, those, and that's like, oh,

1:12:22

the war clan, that's, we are, the

1:12:24

United States is the war clan. So

1:12:26

we're just, we're the war clan, we're

1:12:29

not, I'm not a warrior, I'm a

1:12:31

warrior, doing the war country. Do you

1:12:33

think they're still going to be using

1:12:35

soldiers like Navy SEALs or is it

1:12:37

all technology now? I think it's going

1:12:39

to be all tech. I think most

1:12:41

of it. I mean they just put

1:12:43

a fucking laser on one of these

1:12:45

ships. Did you see it? It's like

1:12:47

the first laser that's in use as

1:12:50

a weapon. So like what are you

1:12:52

going to do? Now we have lasers

1:12:54

and lasers. Shut up. Oh, Russia, stop

1:12:56

it. Just stop it, you gave it

1:12:58

be Ukraine. We got fucking lasers. I

1:13:00

heard that that war is coming to

1:13:02

an end, thank God. Yes, that's what

1:13:04

they said, Russia, Ukraine. Well, we'll, you

1:13:06

know, we'll see it. Not gonna say

1:13:08

why things are getting better. My last

1:13:11

question. Did the right thing in November.

1:13:13

My last question is, is there anything

1:13:15

else you would like to say to

1:13:17

them before you leave. And by the

1:13:19

way, out of all podcasts. This is

1:13:21

one of my favorites. Really? You are

1:13:23

unbelievable to see it. No, I mean,

1:13:25

just like, I feel like we could

1:13:27

have sat here for hours. I could

1:13:29

have. You've robbed us and the audience.

1:13:31

Well, that's gonna come back. I'm gonna

1:13:34

bring my family to Phoenix. I love

1:13:36

that. I'm gonna bring my family to

1:13:38

Phoenix. I love that. I'm gonna bring

1:13:40

my family to Phoenix. I love that.

1:13:42

I'm gonna bring my family to Phoenix.

1:13:44

I would not be nuts. Would not

1:13:46

be nuts. Would not be nuts. I

1:13:48

would try a drug. I don't, I

1:13:50

don't, I don't, I don't need to

1:13:52

right now, but I would in my

1:13:55

life. Don't do it. It's good if

1:13:57

you don't. Nobody wants to start trying

1:13:59

to do drugs in a sport. What

1:14:01

are I going to say? What are

1:14:03

I going to say to you guys?

1:14:05

Well, I appreciate it. If you want,

1:14:07

you know, you thought this is wild.

1:14:09

If you want to hear like me

1:14:11

fully, like I'm talking about out of

1:14:13

my mind, out of control, go to

1:14:16

patron.com/history hyenas. I have a history podcast

1:14:18

with my good friend Janus Pappus where

1:14:20

we combine humor and history and I

1:14:22

mean the things that we say though,

1:14:24

like if the network ever found the

1:14:26

Patreon, then we'd be in the this

1:14:28

one. patriot.com such history

1:14:30

as Martinez, come see you at

1:14:33

Madison Square Garden in September

1:14:35

11, 2025. All my dates, Christie

1:14:37

comedy.com. And yeah, whatever you guys

1:14:39

want to do, man, I just, I

1:14:41

mean, you know, in closing, what can I

1:14:43

say? Give us Greenland, where we kill

1:14:45

you. Thanks for watching guys, I will

1:14:47

see you guys next week.