0:00

Hey friends and welcome to the Happy Hour

0:02

with Jamie Ivy Podcast! I'm your Host Jamie

0:04

and I'm so glad you're here! Each week

0:06

on this show I invited to join me

0:08

and we chat about the big things are

0:10

my, a little things in life and everything

0:12

in between. Least

0:23

a little on behalf of same. Yeah, the I'm

0:25

going to work. Either that the our. Oh

0:27

I'm so glad to be here. I love

0:30

Jamie. I love you too. And so when

0:32

or honor? yeah, that is that. an honor

0:34

to sit here and and chat with you.

0:36

We've chatted many times before true, but I'm

0:38

so grateful for Jamie just inviting us to

0:41

come talk in the space. And so here's

0:43

what I want to talk to you out?

0:45

Okay, You. Know we're friends in

0:47

real life yes and profound time. How

0:50

many years good your? Let's just say

0:52

this. We worked at the clinique counter

0:54

get litter, did yes, we did yet.

0:57

Okay, so we've known each other longer

0:59

than we'd known her husband's That's true.

1:01

Yes, yeah, we have days where that

1:04

way back. I'm. Okay, but I

1:06

was scrolling on Instagram as you do

1:08

the other day and my friend Lisa

1:10

widow was on their know make out

1:12

like bare faced. She's like recorded a

1:14

video, she's put it on Instagram and

1:16

I was getting ready. So I mean

1:18

I would much rather listen to my

1:20

friend Top for for five minutes than

1:22

a podcast right? Well, I'm getting ready.

1:25

So. Of course I listened. And

1:28

you. Kind. Of stopped me in

1:30

my tracks a couple of times. Delicious. Talk

1:32

about it. Well how

1:34

about the fact that it took a

1:37

lot for me to get on there?

1:39

And. With. No makeup on because

1:41

at my age that she's not something you

1:43

really do. I mean I remember when I

1:45

was in my thirties I would kind of

1:47

bopp around town with no makeup on end

1:50

days. Is that the same anymore? Yeah, you

1:52

know, is that the same to do that?

1:54

So report that was part of the reason

1:56

why. did honestly Angie without with a bare

1:58

faced with no filter. The most shelters

2:00

by the way, bryce. I did that

2:03

because the video was all about. The.

2:05

Idea that performances killing

2:07

him and. You. Know

2:09

whether it's and ministry.

2:12

Whether it is in our regular life

2:14

is how we feel like. We have

2:16

to perform for our friends by

2:18

making. Our house. Perfect. I don't care

2:20

how to touch with all of us in

2:23

some way or another. Yeah for me because

2:25

I have weird a quote unquote ministry life

2:27

my entire life. I

2:30

am familiar from that perspective

2:32

and I know how. This

2:34

sort of celebrity christianity. Is

2:37

it's it's. The performance aspect is

2:39

is really. A certain lifestyle,

2:42

but generally totally and so I wanted

2:44

to talk about that. And here's the

2:46

trees. about that video of sitting in

2:48

my office and. I.

2:51

I've done a lot of video, done

2:53

a lot of podcasting, all that kinda

2:55

stuff, and most of the time when

2:57

I do a video, I

2:59

like to have it pretty wrapped up.

3:02

I like to have it pretty tight

3:04

as hell. Ain't no. I didn't even

3:06

have the map it out my bike.

3:08

ride it out and I will not

3:10

necessarily have notes in front of me.

3:12

but I know what I'm gonna say

3:14

this. I had an idea of what

3:17

I was gonna say but I decided

3:19

on script this at all and I

3:21

sat my office and even touch should

3:23

celebrate my oh shit I had me

3:25

to brush. My theory is now and

3:27

I just saw it on the wrist.

3:29

Is amateur? Say what's on my heart. Or

3:32

many hit. Record. And

3:34

I may or may not ever posted.

3:36

but I feel compelled to say exactly

3:39

what I said. Like. Were telling me the

3:41

same and what came out as what you see?

3:43

yeah for I did sit on it for twenty

3:45

four hours. Because I find very important

3:47

sometimes when you're gonna say something that. Really?

3:51

Pretty pretty strong, I've

3:55

found for myself that it's. Important

3:57

to sit on it because. So.

4:00

I'm some of that can be a

4:02

ransom and when. You sit on it, sleep

4:04

on it for twenty four hours. Then you

4:06

can know the difference and I felt compelled

4:08

to go. hadn't posted. I think it's really

4:10

good because. It not only did

4:12

a talk about performance which use if you're listening

4:15

to this you may relate to that. You

4:17

may not, but it's the same

4:19

thing as people pleasing. I

4:22

mean honestly. A lot of

4:24

us are people pleasers in a

4:26

lot of different ways and areas

4:28

of our lives that people pleasing

4:31

that desire to be like bf

4:33

the desire for approval. I'm.

4:36

In your book, I want God. You call

4:38

it Popularity? Yes, Yes. And and a lot

4:41

of times we want that more than we

4:43

want God. And and

4:45

so I really resonate with the approval

4:47

saying like for me there have always

4:50

been certain people in my life who

4:52

I the as a like a bend

4:54

over backwards to get their approval in

4:57

It must have the time. I don't

4:59

care what people think. You. Know

5:01

what I'm saying Yes but there have always

5:03

been keep people in my life who I

5:05

feel like have been put their to expose.

5:07

That. I care a little too much about approval.

5:10

Yes, I'm so if you are one

5:12

of those people, if you if you

5:14

are concerned about people pleasing may be

5:16

struggle with that or popularity wanting to

5:18

be popular or even the performance aspect

5:21

of it, this is what we're talking

5:23

about today. So welcome to the conversation.

5:25

France A the get will. He in the

5:27

funny thing or the interesting thing about the word

5:29

popularity is a lot of people don't attach themselves

5:31

to that were. Yes, if they do, they

5:34

they think back to high execs and

5:36

so they're like was that you know

5:38

I'm grown and pass that. It doesn't

5:40

matter whether you consider yourself. Wanting.

5:43

To be popular in your daily life. Now

5:45

as a thirty five year old woman, you.

5:47

You like I. Am not in

5:49

that space anymore. But

5:52

do you struggle with saying no to

5:54

people? Do you struggle with wanting people

5:56

to approve. Of you and to like you. We all

5:58

want to be loved and we are. The white

6:00

but doesn't get to that space

6:03

where it occupies that. That's part

6:05

of your brain. To.

6:08

Where you second guess yourself and

6:10

you spend an enormous, enormous amount

6:12

of your time. Trying.

6:14

To City and and also. Try

6:17

to avoid being rejected or marginalized.

6:19

Yes, I think one of my

6:21

biggest struggles is not wanting to

6:24

be misunderstood. And that plays

6:26

into that. It's another side of the

6:28

same coins know. I have the saying

6:30

that. I say is very

6:32

auto biographical and it is If

6:35

your goal in life is to

6:37

be liked by everyone. Welcome to

6:39

a life. Of exhaustion. Because.

6:43

It is this endless

6:45

chase. That will never

6:47

ever. Had at

6:49

a place of a rival.

6:53

You're. You're always going. To have one

6:55

more person that doesn't like you that

6:57

doesn't approve of you. And so that

6:59

in essence his popularity. I think when

7:01

you think of the space that I

7:03

spend a lot of time in which.

7:05

Is sort of this ministry space

7:08

as of writing. And. Speaking

7:10

and all of that platform whatever

7:12

you wanna call it. Popularity

7:15

has gotten in the way over and

7:17

over again Because what happens is. You're.

7:20

Not willing to have the hard conversations.

7:23

Or. You're not willing to do things

7:25

that you feel the Lord really wants

7:27

you to do because guess, What We

7:29

live in a cancel culture and if

7:31

you do and say those things that

7:33

you really feel compelled by. What?

7:35

If you get cancelled and so does

7:38

you, what might water down the golf

7:40

on, you might not have the

7:42

real conversations that you need to be

7:44

having and that has happened over and

7:47

over again. Too many preacher to many

7:49

an author and dad so that's

7:51

how popular he may play out in

7:53

those spaces. So I thought it

7:55

was really into scene and I saw

7:58

a post on Instagram that. Oct

8:00

about how seventy five percent of

8:02

women. Deal with an

8:04

auto immune disease. A combat connect the

8:07

dots for he hears this ago

8:09

they were we going rate of

8:11

success and. A lot of

8:13

that comes from that stuff

8:15

down. Since as I

8:17

need to please everyone. And. Keep

8:20

repressed seen. My

8:22

desires and. Okay

8:24

network we're gonna hang with. think is we're

8:26

gonna animal at least impact desire and just

8:28

a second. But

8:30

this idea that. In

8:32

are finally The Keaton talks a

8:35

lot about storing painting your body

8:37

and this idea that. As

8:39

working and striving and trying

8:42

so hard to please people.

8:45

Has actually been remembered by our

8:47

body and could be coming out

8:49

in it you know as the

8:51

various amount of ways physically. But.

8:54

Maybe even some kind of auto

8:56

immune disease or I'm diagnosable illness.

8:58

Me: This was just an idea

9:00

we saw on Instagram. so we're

9:02

not doctors, but I do believe

9:04

the body does remember. The.

9:06

Body keep the School A Body Keys

9:08

to Score Everybody talks about that Burke

9:10

and so to think about. I'm

9:13

doing this to myself because I am.

9:16

Not bring me my desires to god

9:18

really instead of trying to please people

9:21

were how have you seen that play

9:23

out in your life like you tell

9:25

a great story in in your book

9:27

about. changing your t

9:29

shirts, That said, I'm not ashamed and me

9:32

like I'm. I'm not wearing that

9:34

sir to a place where I'm going to be made fun

9:36

as. And. That kind

9:38

of where my mind get it's like a popularity in

9:40

high school. Like you said earlier. But.

9:44

Do a story about something that

9:46

has happened in adulthood. Where.

9:48

You know, maybe I eat your

9:51

on the border at his unpopularity.

9:59

I think this. Something that

10:01

was especially. Prevalent.

10:04

When cancel culture.

10:06

Was really hot even a

10:08

couple years ago. I

10:11

mean it still is very present,

10:13

but I remember auto knows Twenty

10:16

Twenty one. Everybody was getting

10:18

cancelled for something yes and so

10:20

what comes to mind was. You.

10:22

Know. Having this moment

10:25

of. Even. Been with the

10:27

Lord where I remember. There was something that I

10:29

felt really compelled to speak into. And

10:33

as. I remember saying

10:35

to the lord you know if I talk about

10:37

this. I I

10:39

could lose my ministry. I

10:42

could lose followers. I

10:45

could lose Podcast listeners and I kind of

10:47

went down the list and remember the Lord's

10:49

begin to mean say keep going. Keep.

10:52

Listening and you could lose. And you

10:54

could lose. And

10:58

I I I kept listing and

11:00

yet. As I would list

11:02

I I. I felt in my

11:05

spirit liked. This

11:07

sort of. Com. Of.

11:11

If I lost all

11:13

of those. Things. It.

11:17

Still would be. Okay,

11:21

Like ultimately you would be okay

11:23

because the list. Can be long

11:25

but the reality is if you live.

11:27

As a prisoner to the list.

11:30

The list will always grow it. it makes it

11:32

feel like a bigger risk. Yeah, like if you

11:35

have this list of things that you think you're

11:37

risking. Then. Of course,

11:39

it makes a hard to follow

11:41

god order to want died and

11:43

entities died over the list and

11:45

that. The truth is, you're not

11:47

really. Risking anything is what you're saying.

11:49

I think we don't understand why. maybe

11:51

we're not growing spiritually. We say oh,

11:54

you know, I don't know why can

11:56

get closer to god? I don't know

11:58

why. He and I. The arts

12:00

having traction in there. Are relationship

12:02

wise it's tail between the board

12:04

and I and one of the

12:06

reasons why in I Want God

12:08

I wrote the chapter on Once

12:11

in God More Than Popularity was

12:13

because. In. My own mice.

12:15

One or two things I've come

12:17

to realize is that desire. For.

12:20

Other people. To approve of

12:22

me. Has gotten in

12:24

my way. Of my relationship

12:26

with the Lord because you can have

12:29

it both ways if you are going

12:31

to be. We know that even script

12:33

silly if you are going to desire

12:36

to please mayor and then you are

12:38

going to water down. Your.

12:40

Relationship with Ward in the process.

12:42

It just will naturally happen that

12:45

way and on the other side

12:47

of things as you desire to

12:49

please God. Your. Desire

12:51

to please man not only. Will.

12:54

It. Naturally, happen. Within

12:57

you that debt. Debt. Naturals

13:00

saying that they use

13:02

to be so president.

13:05

We're with ice. I just

13:07

want to please others. I

13:09

just want to do things. It

13:11

makes me fit in with

13:13

them. It just continues to lesson

13:16

and lesson and lesson and. There's

13:19

something about that that grows actually a

13:21

confidence. so he does use a big

13:23

a saber in that way and adding

13:25

we don't realize that I think we

13:27

think or what I need to do

13:29

is I need to take a course

13:31

on how not. To. Want to please other people?

13:34

That actually when I need to be right,

13:36

but I need to know how to have

13:38

more confidence in myself And if you know

13:40

how to it, you know strengthen my self

13:42

esteem. And what I'm here to say is

13:45

the only way that I've known how to

13:47

ever cure something like that and I've lived

13:49

a good long while now. Is

13:52

to. Seat. First,

13:54

the Kingdom of God. And

13:56

to dive into my desire to

13:59

please him. that we in that

14:01

way it is true. As scripture

14:03

says, my desire to please others

14:05

has continued to lessen and lesson

14:08

and lesson. And that. Has.

14:10

Been a real. Eye opener

14:12

for me. Neither my life. so we

14:14

were talking earlier that I told you that

14:17

was reading in the B B Attitudes. And

14:19

I came across her teeth the says. Blessed

14:22

are the two: Hunger and Thirst

14:24

for Righteousness and the way that

14:26

hunger and thirst. The reason he

14:29

uses that metaphor there is because

14:31

you think about. If. You've

14:33

ever really been super thirsty or

14:35

are hungry. It's not something that

14:37

you are unaware as at any

14:39

moment. It is

14:41

like a nine constant awareness.

14:44

I am hungry right now

14:46

and. When. I think about

14:48

the way you play as what

14:50

God I think that is the

14:53

kind of what. That

14:55

I want to have for him like

14:57

is always it. I never unaware of

14:59

it, I never. Unaware of the fact

15:01

that I'm hungry for him in my

15:04

life right now. and am I just

15:06

think that such a good metaphor for

15:08

that? And. I thought

15:10

of this. Funny story because as

15:13

I was telling you like popularity

15:15

for me I think as adults.

15:19

Sometimes. It can look like. We.

15:22

Want people to like us but also we

15:24

don't want to embarrass them or a thin

15:26

then so we're not gonna stand up in

15:28

the moment. Do you know what I'm saying?

15:30

Yes yes and I remember to funny story

15:32

I thought I would share with you. Okay,

15:34

I'm. This has been probably ten

15:37

years ago. Adam How I was at a

15:39

birthday party and. The birthday girl

15:41

was opening Mm Birthday Growth by like

15:43

a fortieth birthday party shoes as earning

15:45

her gifts. And someone who I

15:47

didn't really know very well. At the party brought

15:50

her that bird fifty Shades of Grey

15:52

as a birthday gift. And.

15:55

As of course which he opened it. Everybody

15:57

squeal than they were all yeah.

16:00

May may start talking about it. And.

16:03

I was like i don't wanna be

16:06

in this moment like where do I

16:08

had to do You know that but

16:10

you know it really comes to my

16:12

mind is what are they gonna think

16:14

Yeah. What? Are they going?

16:16

It's not like me anymore. If I

16:18

do something that makes them feel foolish, same

16:21

or whatever like and want to be accurately

16:23

there. So.

16:25

I just said where the bathroom and I just

16:27

happened to them as. Assists.

16:30

And that when I came back. The

16:32

girl who had gifted the book said and

16:35

said, sorry I embarrass you or I didn't

16:37

mean to. Do. That as said no,

16:39

no, it's fine, I just had to go bathroom

16:41

you not try to play it down as much

16:43

as I could. But what really stands out in

16:45

my mind about that experience was how I was

16:47

so much more concerned with what they were going

16:50

to think about me. For. Leaving than

16:52

about leaving. Yeah, one of

16:54

the things that. That.

16:56

I talk about in the book in were things

16:58

that really stands out to me about this idea

17:00

of once in god more the popularity. Popularity.

17:04

And the desire to be approved of changes. What we

17:06

want to change is what we fight. For changes

17:09

what we're willing to chase. You.

17:12

Know it's the best! The. Interesting thing about

17:15

it if you really think about it in your

17:17

own life. A story like

17:19

that could come to your mind and up my be a

17:21

funny story but. The. Reality of it is.

17:25

Popularity. Changes what you're willing to fight

17:27

for Rang because in that moment. Is

17:30

there was a different sort

17:32

of motivation for you Then

17:34

approval? You might be

17:36

willing to stand out. More in that moment. for what

17:39

you really think it's right, for what you really

17:41

believe. In and I've watched this happened in

17:43

my own life over and over and over

17:45

again. You know what it is saying that.

17:48

Compels me. One of the

17:50

most compelling scriptures to me

17:52

is. John. One

17:54

Thirty. Six through thirty

17:56

eight in it's where John has

17:58

been preaching about. Jesus coming

18:00

and he says on this

18:03

particular day when he sees.

18:05

Jesus he points about. He says they're very

18:07

is the either slices paraphrase be sufficient their

18:09

their yes, there's a guide and yelling. About

18:12

and the to disciples that. Are

18:14

Falling John Amelie Certain. Certain they

18:16

turn and a follow Jesus and he turns

18:18

around and he asked them. To me when

18:20

I must compelling questions and all of the it's

18:22

six hundred and some questions that Jesus asked in

18:24

the. Bible. And. It

18:26

is what do you want and the

18:28

original translation is what. Seeking what are

18:31

you looking for? A

18:33

didn't ask that question like an irritated.

18:35

Parents. When terrified, what do you? why?

18:38

Yeah, yeah, it was. It was what? What

18:40

Are you? Such a

18:42

sovereign guy. didn't know Angie? it. Was

18:44

what? What are you looking for? What

18:46

do you want in your. Core: what do

18:49

you want here? He knew what they wanted, but

18:51

he wanted them to know. Here's why: Because. He

18:53

knew that desire would. Be the

18:55

motivator of action and our allies

18:58

as he knew it would determine.

19:02

How they would live in the

19:04

presence and how he die and

19:06

so does that does sound a

19:09

reality of it. If.

19:11

If we don't understand what.

19:14

We want in life. Then.

19:16

We really don't get ah

19:19

anything and also the reason

19:21

why we talk. About things

19:23

like popularity control, comfort

19:25

wanting. Blessing. All those things are

19:28

talk about. I want Gods is because we

19:30

need in know the main things that get

19:32

in our. Way of wanting God the

19:34

very most that can. It's it's

19:36

it's important to see those things

19:38

for what they are. And see

19:40

why they took the Sat because we've got

19:42

to know where we're kind of office and

19:44

if we know Massachusetts. Thirty Three A Cg.

19:46

First, the kingdom. Of God And we think

19:49

about that compelling question as by Jesus not

19:51

least little bit Jesus. Would.

19:53

You want what c what he's looking

19:55

for on that makes all the difference

19:57

And you know thinking. About you talking.

20:00

About hunger and thirst. I mean, and.

20:02

You the reality of the question. What

20:04

are you White. Which. Really is

20:06

a question that we all should be thinking about.

20:08

We don't think about Iraq's would always talk about

20:10

desire. By the way, I

20:12

think about. The. Question and

20:15

Jesus asking that and I

20:17

think about yes. I

20:19

want God as a hunger and

20:21

thirst, but if I'm honest, I

20:23

haven't always hunger and thirst. It

20:26

after guy and I don't every single

20:28

day. I wish I wish I did.

20:31

Sometimes. I think about that

20:33

declaration. Of I want God as. My.

20:37

Mind when I was little. I

20:40

remember I used to have terrible nightmares

20:42

and in the middle of the night.

20:44

I used to cry out to my

20:46

mother. And I used to

20:49

say mommy mommy it so it's almost

20:51

brings tears my eyes right now I

20:53

would cry out like that and I

20:55

was so terrified of these dreams that

20:58

I would have. I couldn't even get

21:00

up to go to her room. To.

21:02

Find her cause I didn't want to get up. She

21:06

would come to me. And

21:09

when I think about I

21:11

want God and that declaration.

21:14

I. Even think of the

21:16

desperation. Of a

21:18

cry. Like

21:20

I'm I'm I'm even just crying

21:22

out in a nice i may

21:24

not even be there right now.

21:27

But. It's like a declaration of i

21:29

want to why you. And.

21:32

I need to what you and

21:34

so there's a lot of play

21:36

even in those. Words: Sometimes we

21:38

don't hunger and thirst. Asked her

21:40

guide me. Sometimes I have. Wanted

21:43

him that much where I've been

21:45

in that place, yet biblically. But.

21:47

I think wherever we are on the scale.

21:50

We've. Gotta really drill down on.

21:53

What? Do we wants and if we want to

21:55

be approved of and. Popular. You.

21:58

Know what? I think? We just need a ticket. Look

22:00

at it and start asking why. And.

22:03

I'm I do believe got me this.

22:05

Even right there, it's not like he's

22:07

gonna. Be mad about that or like he

22:09

doesn't already know. There's a hits and honesty

22:11

thing. I love what you said. Even

22:13

when you don't really want him, isn't

22:16

you want to want him? Yeah, And

22:18

he honors that. Yeah, I

22:20

just think this Beautiful. I mean I

22:22

highly even suggest. Starting.

22:25

Their with a prayer god I

22:27

don't want you to wear should

22:29

right now or the way the

22:31

want to but I want. To.

22:34

Warn you and I think

22:36

that is a heart of

22:38

intention that. The Lord

22:41

will never. Cease. To

22:43

meet? Yeah, So

22:45

I'm thinking about the listener who

22:48

is a people pleaser. How

22:50

does pleasing people because I you know

22:52

in our Christian culture. It's.

22:55

Really? Admired. To

22:58

please people To put yourself aside

23:00

to serve someone else. But so,

23:02

how can people pleasing get in

23:04

the way of us getting more?

23:06

God Well as a people pleaser

23:08

is interesting. in this culture. I

23:10

think there's two things at play.

23:12

I think there's either, You know,

23:15

Serve. People are having on a

23:18

christian scale. It's. Serve people yeah

23:20

endlessly and never said a boundary

23:22

and said is that unhealthy thing

23:25

going on I think now in

23:27

sort of secular space. It's

23:29

hey be be all about

23:31

you sitting both. Ends of the

23:34

Spectrum: A really unhealthy. Ah,

23:37

You. Know, people pleasing is most often

23:39

not even about people anti. It's

23:42

really. Bad as oh say the hat. Well I

23:44

me because of the end of the day. It

23:47

is really to get something from them

23:49

so at the end of that I

23:51

get it. It is actually a very

23:53

self serving. Service.

23:56

That we are providing

23:58

And so it. In

24:00

a way because you

24:03

literary can not. Be

24:06

chasing after people. Yes,

24:08

And. Chasing God as the same time as right

24:11

You hear. That. It's impossible

24:13

because you have a dual

24:15

focus. You got only so

24:17

much breath in your body. You've only

24:19

gets you were all born with capacity

24:21

see. I only have so many hours

24:24

in day he that only so many

24:26

so as raising your body. I'm yeah

24:28

I remember very very vividly. There

24:32

was a point in my life where. I.

24:36

I really saw it. I

24:38

will struggle with people pleasing. I. Do

24:41

Not struggle. I don't care what

24:43

people think and alexander that false

24:45

assumption and big and I was

24:47

pretty good in this area because

24:49

I will say that. Out

24:51

of a lot of areas I struggle

24:53

with, this one is more. Minimal

24:56

than others. However, If

24:59

you wanna know if. You struggle with

25:01

people pleasing you. Just ride or

25:03

write a book and in read

25:06

reasons about that book so it's

25:08

pretty humbling. So I remember I

25:10

read a. Review. About

25:12

what am I? What am I Early books? And

25:15

it it was. brutal. It. Was this

25:17

and this is Brutal and the person that

25:19

reviewed it will either went on to say

25:21

things about me. That they didn't

25:23

even know they were like assault on my

25:26

character there is his ribs is really all

25:28

have center as his is a person that

25:30

clearly a dozen data about. Christians.

25:32

In general. As. Hey, unfair Madison and

25:35

fairer and more to and

25:37

I remember I went into

25:39

my bathroom after that and

25:41

I went to the Lord

25:43

and I said. God.

25:46

This is untrue. This is unfair. What

25:48

are you going to do about this?

25:50

This is wrong In I am just

25:52

because I'm a justice driven persians you

25:55

in the system. Was really mad

25:57

about it. And lords

25:59

that. The So clearly Angie and he

26:01

said lisa. Don't fight for people to love

26:03

you. Fight for people to love

26:05

me. him. Any

26:07

really, Reminded. Me: you

26:09

only have so much for us

26:12

and Iran. Isn't. The only

26:14

have so much time. In.

26:16

A day you only have so

26:18

much capacity you're either going to

26:20

chase. People's. Approval of you

26:22

People loving you, people accessing you or

26:25

you're going to give your life to

26:27

what you said you gave your life

26:29

to which is the Kingdom of God.

26:31

And honoring me and

26:33

helping people. Get

26:35

to love me disciple in people. That's what

26:38

you said you were going to do with

26:40

your life. Know which is it. And I

26:42

saw it right then and there. I mean,

26:44

I really, really one side for people to

26:46

love me to doesn't right? Reality. But.

26:49

I don't have the time for both

26:51

and I think that's where we have

26:54

to get at the end of the

26:56

day. Know Why? Do it perfectly know?

26:58

Does it still hurt when I am

27:01

rejected, maligned? misunderstood? Absolutely. But. As

27:04

we all have to make a

27:06

choice at a certain point which

27:08

is the better use of my

27:10

time, which is the richer use of

27:13

my life. And what have I

27:15

actually. Signed on the dotted

27:17

line to do with my eyes and I

27:19

know what the answer is. Yes! I.

27:21

Sell You know I think that all

27:24

of us that struggle with this people

27:26

pleasing whip. Hopefully as are listening this

27:28

you're trying to process what it says

27:30

look like for me and because that's

27:32

when we feel the conviction. it's not

27:34

like this over arching. I'm gonna make

27:36

a decision to never proceed. People pleasing.

27:38

It's almost like it can see the

27:40

back door and we don't even realize

27:43

that's what central line this behavior when

27:45

it is for you. He talked about

27:47

this many times is sapping and so

27:49

will you. Kind of unpacked for the

27:51

listener. How your shopping? Would

27:53

you call it an addiction? At.

27:56

I don't know if I would go that far, but it certainly

27:59

isn't as that in a. Fashion A Session:

28:01

Okay, you're shopping obsession. How.

28:03

Does that connect? To. People

28:05

placing. That's an

28:08

interesting question. I don't have as the

28:10

ever been as I want to maybe have

28:12

any the internet connected people please Yeah how

28:14

does it connect to you not wanting.i think

28:16

it certainly connects to self esteem. A pack

28:19

of hapless go there. But I want to

28:21

say this i was thing about this the

28:23

other day. I think the very first time

28:25

I ever talked about my soppy yeah was

28:27

on the happy hour. Oh my gosh yeah

28:29

I know our Mothers' day I be brought

28:32

this out and media says it has to

28:34

my friends on. Yeah,

28:36

I will. It a hundred percent

28:38

ties into a self esteem which

28:40

by the way, It there's

28:43

a thread to people pleasing his self

28:45

esteem so began as only make that

28:47

connection you know for me my wanting

28:50

to shop which the interesting thing I'm

28:52

just going to be a quick timeline

28:54

for. Folks, if you don't know it what

28:57

we're talking about here. In.

29:00

Twenty. Sixteen to twenty sixteen. I did

29:02

a one year shopping fast. By.

29:04

The way I'm on another one right now

29:06

now. I started it lands. I don't

29:08

know how long I'll do attack. But

29:11

we'll see. I. Just know that when

29:13

I set out to did it and to do

29:15

it and twenty sustain a thought, I was gonna

29:17

do it for a month and after months God

29:19

said you're not done and I ended up doing

29:21

it for a year. Blaze

29:24

of put myself back in the shop with

29:26

as a think sometimes you need all to

29:28

novels week to sister. Now I'm back to

29:30

an hour. we'll see how on that last

29:32

this time but what's interesting about this time

29:34

when then I'll tell you is. In.

29:36

The Book I Want God In

29:38

Chapter twelve you can hear the

29:40

first paintings of when God began

29:43

to convict me. About how

29:45

sobbing had become too much about a

29:47

focus for me. I think it

29:49

had become an idol. That's what

29:51

I'll call it. and you can

29:53

hear it because I'm in the

29:55

you read chapter twelve. You know

29:57

I'm in an antique mall shopping.

30:00

Parking lot and I.

30:02

Actually have a journal entry from that

30:04

in the book and so I share

30:06

that and you can shoot us first

30:09

pangs s and twenty twelve. I don't

30:11

actually do a shopping fast until Twenty

30:13

fifteen. Three years later, I'll do the

30:15

math on that. Took me three years

30:17

to say yes to to the Lord

30:19

I did for a year and then

30:22

I don't write about. The.

30:24

Shopping Sas until my but Jesus

30:26

over everything in Twenty Twenty. So

30:28

there you go. That's your timeline,

30:31

but. You know, One.

30:33

Of the things that I i i

30:35

realized that I was doing was it

30:37

Every time I began to see all

30:39

this. Sort of a swelling up in

30:41

mean maybe. I'd had a

30:43

hard day. Maybe I had an email that

30:45

came through. The that was. A

30:48

little difficult that I didn't want to.

30:51

Face. Maybe I saw

30:53

Chubby know? maybe you know

30:55

I just was bored. Or

30:58

a way to look cute. That's

31:01

when I realized I would go

31:03

shopping and then it became a

31:05

habit for me and that was

31:07

even. Before I was really doing a lot of

31:09

shopping online. But it's easier than ever

31:11

now. And so those were the things and

31:13

it's a a lot of good have to

31:15

do with a self. Esteem. Issue. The

31:19

way it.between God and me was.

31:21

Instead of turning to. The Lord and as moments

31:23

where. I could say God as. I

31:26

don't want to steal something, right? Now, but I

31:29

need you to help me through this moment.

31:31

I would instead slap my debit. Card and

31:33

it was way too easy. Was way

31:35

too easy for me to just run

31:37

to target And you know, bison? By.

31:40

Cute surge? Yeah, but as many cute searches

31:42

I would buy. I. Would have to

31:45

buy another one and another one. And it

31:47

was. I had the adrenaline high for that

31:49

and I would look to the and hit

31:51

a yes yes but then. As. Soon

31:53

as I was over, I'd need to buy

31:56

another one and before I knew it, my

31:58

closet was busting at the scene. The course

32:00

I write about the. Catalytic moment that I

32:02

really realized own and as I can

32:04

even see what close I have in

32:06

my closet and their them, their shame

32:09

and then there's overwhelm and in your

32:11

life is more complicated than ever. And

32:13

maybe you even run into a problem

32:15

where you got more bills and usually

32:17

keep up with you know how many

32:19

times since I've shared about this shopping

32:21

thing Angie that women have come to

32:23

me and said i the secret cook

32:25

credit card the my husband is nothing.

32:28

Last and here's what the problem was.

32:30

I got tired of sneaking. In bags

32:32

the my husband knew nothing about. yeah.

32:34

And I thought I don't want to live like

32:36

this. I want to be clean before guy and

32:39

have nothing to hide. With the people

32:41

that I was just. Keeping

32:46

secrets from either person closest to

32:48

you is gonna get between you

32:51

and.the absolutely One hundred percent Yeah

32:53

so well that's I mean I

32:55

felt the conviction Assist Assist assist

32:57

or not, you're holy spirit. I'm

32:59

just sharing from my experience for

33:01

some people it's not something for

33:03

some people's netflix for some people

33:06

feel as alcohol. Is things that

33:08

we it might do that we face

33:10

of this is harmless or. You know this

33:12

isn't a big deal or other people thing to

33:14

do it and me it's not a big deal

33:16

for hims night but for us we know that

33:19

it goes. Too far, we do it in moments that

33:21

we needed her to. Italy. And myself a

33:23

said about something one day am. And

33:25

of course the first thing I thought

33:27

of was a milkshake. Sounds really good

33:30

right now. There's nothing wrong with a

33:32

milkshake, right that it is. I mean

33:34

this continues to be my issue. As

33:36

you know we've touched many times about

33:38

it. Just how I have turned over

33:41

and over to sued to. You

33:43

know, eat We say eat my feeling yeah

33:45

you know we say that in a funny

33:48

way. but that's exactly what I'm doing. and

33:50

bad health food that between mean god and

33:52

him and. Suit as a kid

33:54

the yeah he made it for as. We.

33:57

Are supposed to be hungry for

33:59

it so. Yeah, I

34:01

think that's really, really challenging.

34:04

And important for all of our. Listeners. To

34:06

hear this am anything else you want

34:08

to say about. Maybe

34:11

work could get between us? A guide? Oh

34:15

I I I think the biggest things. That

34:17

I have come to realize is.

34:21

At. The end of the day most

34:23

things are comfort idols. Yeah. You

34:27

know, even warnings. And

34:29

troll wanting to predicts are

34:31

those things. Have become big

34:33

thing for. Me as a grown woman

34:36

you know my as of the

34:38

car had to come face to

34:40

face of my desire to control

34:42

my world. I'm. Wanting

34:44

God to bless me even like he's

34:47

blessing someone elses which can turn into

34:49

jealousy and in the in. Built

34:51

with. Blessing of goodbye

34:53

Only one of the plus side:

34:55

God. But that's the thing about

34:58

idolatry. We

35:00

expect Idolatry com with like.

35:03

Looking very snarly and you know,

35:05

years old. And in

35:07

reality, The. Things that have become. Idols.

35:10

Are things that can be very good

35:12

and nothing? That's why we elevate them.

35:14

Most of us don't. Go.

35:17

Into things. That.

35:19

Are. Bad. We.

35:23

We. Have before we know it moment And

35:25

that's what's happened for me over and over.

35:27

Again, until the story. Was

35:30

told that often from the stage where I was.

35:33

The I was asked to go speak somewhere

35:35

that was a overseas it was tropical it

35:37

as as a tropical place and so I

35:39

was like oh I got to get some

35:41

tropical close of and get a sitter because

35:44

you have to match you know that your

35:46

environment you're speaking ha ha and is So

35:48

I was like I got to go buy

35:50

some tropical. Looking and I go into

35:52

the store and I've before I know

35:54

it. I've got all these clothes and I'm taking

35:56

to the dressing room to trial And before I know

35:59

it, I'm trying all these

36:01

clothes are in miracles guide their fitting me

36:03

and before I know I'm taking not them

36:05

all to the counter and before I know

36:07

it the the woman at the counters bringing.

36:09

Them all up and. I

36:11

want to protest that, my mouth says

36:13

nothing and before I know it's she's

36:16

telling this total that is going to

36:18

send my husband into orbit. And before

36:20

I know it, I'm signing this ticket.

36:23

When. My name on it. And.

36:25

Before I know I I'm sitting all of

36:27

these that these bags in my hands and

36:29

I'm carrying them to the car so my

36:31

husband won't see it's I. Before I know

36:33

what I'm telling you, there's only one bag

36:36

in the back When there's actually do I

36:38

mean this isn't a say yes, we don't

36:40

go into it with bad intentions, but it's

36:42

before we know it and I just. Honestly,

36:45

as with both ways, Angie,

36:47

I was. A secrets yet. And

36:49

I was clean. And

36:51

have like women playing. Yes, there's

36:53

nothing. Worse. Coming between

36:55

you and the God of the universe, there's nothing.

36:58

There's nothing worth it. And

37:00

dumb. And I

37:03

just really like been a woman. That.

37:06

My. Biggest sizes Diet coke and voice is

37:08

it like is probably ruining my insides

37:10

as. We seek. And

37:13

as please know, I have plenty of

37:15

sense. but I'm just saying like I

37:17

don't leave with the secret life. And

37:20

their says. Something about

37:22

that that helps. Me sleep

37:24

at night in a different way and I

37:27

have lived with. Secrets of my Life and it's

37:29

just not the way to live. In south

37:31

you know I just i would say

37:33

that. If. You

37:35

are living in a way that

37:38

you just feel is. Compromise.

37:41

That something's coming. Between you and guide,

37:43

you know it in your guides. Yeah,

37:46

And the funny thing is that people try to make us

37:48

feel better all the time and when I would tell. People

37:50

I'm going on a shopping fast nebula

37:52

a girl woman lasagna I don't like.

37:54

It's true yeah we do have muslim

37:56

and not every woman but most of

37:58

on them as illness. right? Yeah,

38:01

Please don't make me feel better because at

38:03

the end of the day you're getting in

38:05

the way of what com might want to

38:08

do in me and as soon as businessman

38:10

like as I'm done that a million times

38:12

I stepped in the way absence growth. okay.

38:15

And. I. Stop. Doing

38:17

that because God is just remove

38:19

my him from office from from

38:22

people's lives. Were God needs

38:24

to do a word? Yeah. So.

38:26

Lisa. Get out of the way. Because.

38:29

You are preventing

38:31

repentance. You are

38:33

presenting a restoration.

38:35

Redemption. Because. You

38:37

think that your little piddly way

38:39

of helping them feel better in

38:41

this moment is better? But were

38:44

you doing is an Am. I

38:46

missing. There's a lot of this in

38:48

a church that. We. Need

38:50

people to get out of. when said that

38:52

god to do a thorough work in us

38:54

in it might be silly the sales sounds

38:57

silly like shopping. But

39:00

let us to businesses guy. So

39:02

that weekend with cleaning and others

39:04

or something like down. And

39:08

you to refuse? To

39:12

Happy Hour is produced and hosted by South

39:14

Sydney Id with assistance from Nicky Are Dead

39:17

and Ashley Call Out and a Suit edited

39:19

by Jason How are you.