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San Jose I'm bringing the

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1:07

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Ryan sickler dot com The

1:14

honeydew with Ryan sickler Welcome

1:26

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over here doing it in the

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1:33

Saying thank you. Thank you for

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with you all. right, it is this

2:01

show with y'all and y'all have the

2:03

craziest stories that I mean you hear

2:05

me say it for years And it's

2:07

five bucks a month. It'll be five

2:09

bucks a month if you were someone

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you know as a story that has

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to be heard Please submit it to

2:16

honeydew podcast@gmail.com. All right. That's it You guys

2:18

know what we do here? We highlight the

2:20

low lights. I always say these are the

2:22

stories behind the storytellers. I'm very excited to

2:25

have this guest back on the honeydew. Ladies

2:27

and gentlemen, Felipe as far as I welcome

2:29

back to the honeydew, brother. What's up everybody?

2:31

I'm very structured podcast. Very, thank you. I've

2:33

been doing my podcast. We have 500 episodes.

2:35

Yeah, I came out. Am I allowed to

2:37

say you out by the airport? Yeah, yeah,

2:40

yeah, I loved it. I loved it. We

2:42

don't. We don't even know what we don't

2:44

even know what we don't know what we

2:46

don't know what we don't know. Not

2:48

even structure like

2:50

this. Well, let's let's

2:53

stay structure real quick

2:55

and stay on point.

2:58

I don't guess name

3:00

on my hand. Promote

3:03

your new special right

3:05

now. My new special

3:08

comes out February 11

3:10

raging today. Today. Today.

3:13

Directed by my wife

3:15

Lisa O'Daniel Asparza. So

3:17

out today on Netflix

3:20

called Raging Fool. Raging

3:22

Fool. Raging Fool. It's

3:24

Raging Fool like that

3:26

movie Raging Bull. Yeah.

3:28

Because when I saw

3:30

Raging Bull, the movie,

3:32

I felt like, wow,

3:34

man. Like this guy's

3:36

life was bad as

3:39

a boxer. He became

3:41

a championship. He got

3:43

arrested for dating young people.

3:45

But, and, um, they were, he got

3:47

a mouthful to put a bar, but

3:49

they, so those women came in with

3:52

a fake ID, and he thought, he

3:54

was, in the night, took him out

3:56

of the bar, they were drinking

3:58

in his bar. Anyway. Nothing to

4:00

do with what I was

4:03

talking about, but he had

4:05

nothing to do with his

4:07

career. He had nothing else

4:09

to do with his career.

4:11

He couldn't be a salesman,

4:14

he couldn't be pretty much

4:16

an actor. This guy does

4:19

tandem. He's doing stand-up

4:21

comedy. And most of his

4:23

jokes are. I don't know

4:26

they're funny man like one

4:28

of the jokes was real

4:30

funny man I got a guy

4:33

catching his wife with another

4:35

man the wife the wife looks

4:37

at him he goes great now

4:39

he knows not a whole neighborhood

4:42

I know a big blabber

4:44

mouth what what the fuck but

4:46

they're the dark funny joke

4:48

that he goes the wife

4:50

the wife gets caught With

4:52

another man by her husband

4:55

and her wife for her

4:57

respond was great Blabbermouth catches

4:59

us now everybody kind of

5:01

know So he gets heckled

5:03

for that joke because I

5:05

get belong to somebody else

5:07

And he goes um you

5:10

know he goes you know

5:12

I used to box right

5:14

you're gonna make it a

5:16

combat down down there and up

5:18

to the show But then he

5:20

goes back to his room and

5:22

he's by himself with a cigarette

5:25

and he has lines from a

5:27

movie and he's doing now

5:29

a one-man show after a

5:31

stand-up so he's going he's

5:33

going red elephants pink elephants

5:35

it's going over and over

5:38

he goes um he's doing the scene

5:40

from um I don't know that we

5:42

were Marlin Brando where he's telling

5:44

his brother that he could have

5:46

been a contender I could have

5:49

been a good day. I gotta

5:51

have been somebody. I never really

5:54

like, I never watched these movies,

5:56

but when you watch them, and

5:58

they're very outdated. as far as

6:01

the acting goes, because I guess people

6:03

back then, they were making movies to

6:05

look like a stage play. I think

6:07

that car is called a street car

6:10

named Desire, right? So he goes, he

6:12

tells them, I remember that one,

6:14

remember that night, when you came

6:16

into my dressing room and you said,

6:18

hey kid, this is not your night.

6:21

And he was ready to, he was

6:23

not my night. I could have beat that

6:25

guy, I go ripped that guy apart, you

6:27

know, but. I ended up taking

6:29

a dive in. You, um, he ended up,

6:32

the guy that I'm getting a shot

6:34

at the title. And I got,

6:36

and I ended up, and I

6:38

got a shot to Palucoville. And

6:41

he tells me, brother, because

6:43

that's what we are. We're bums.

6:45

We ain't shit. He goes, but

6:47

you got, but then he goes,

6:49

I got you a good fight,

6:51

but you don't understand, man, I

6:54

could have been somebody, I could,

6:56

you and my brother, you didn't

6:58

look out for me. And that

7:00

part always stuck to me like,

7:02

oh yeah, that's. It's the brand

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at brainscarf.com, where it doesn't

7:27

cost more to get more. His

7:29

brother, and he didn't look out for

7:31

him. And like, um, and I'm thinking,

7:33

wow, that's a good movie, man, that's

7:36

what breaks in a great movie. Because

7:38

two brothers, I wonder about doing

7:40

give up, I thought about the other

7:42

one. Did that happen in your

7:44

life? Hell no. I was going

7:47

to say, is that what it's

7:49

fine? If you want to replace

7:51

them to a son, hey, you

7:53

never, or you want to replace

7:55

the brother, you were my father,

7:58

you were there for me? Okay,

8:00

nah, all right. Well, I talk

8:02

about it in my podcast. I

8:04

don't know if I were talking

8:06

about it. Your podcast is called,

8:08

what's up, fool? What's up, fool?

8:10

I don't even know, man, we

8:13

have no structure, man. We

8:15

just, we need to have structure.

8:17

Something matter about, I'm

8:19

running down questions on the

8:22

way to the podcast. And

8:24

I have them on the floor.

8:27

That's all right, man. How ever

8:29

you get it done? It's all

8:31

right. Or sometimes the guest is

8:33

not like a talkative person. So

8:35

we gotta like mess with him. That's

8:37

tough, man. When you get that.

8:39

Are you good? Yeah. I get

8:41

mad when we have a guess

8:43

and then they go to another

8:46

podcast. They're talking their ass

8:48

off. But in our part, got

8:50

nothing, man. We're pushing. But I

8:52

know now. I know one guess. that

8:54

was thrown off because I

8:56

guess he's a gangster or

8:59

a cholo or he's

9:01

been in like he

9:03

always plays a gangster

9:05

in movies and we threw

9:07

him off because we were

9:10

watching a video about why

9:12

are you gay? Why are

9:14

you gay? So when he

9:16

was not talking so much I

9:19

turned over here and I said

9:21

why are you gay? So then

9:23

we're, the question was, so we

9:25

were locked up, right? What was

9:27

that like? But that was after, like,

9:29

why you came? But we were being

9:32

funny, like, maybe he'll play, maybe he'll

9:34

play, maybe he'll see the video, but,

9:36

then a comment where you got to

9:38

never let that guy talk. You didn't

9:40

want to throw it in having. You

9:43

got never to answer the questions. Well,

9:45

let's talk about this, because I had

9:47

asked you coming in, because I'm. about

9:49

to be 52, I thought you were

9:52

younger than me. You look good. You

9:54

say you're 55. We're talking about how

9:56

like, you know, I do feel like

9:58

as comedians and the. we've lived

10:01

with all substance and

10:03

alcohols and the chicken

10:05

fries and everything out

10:07

the monsober all that

10:09

garbage we could look better

10:12

but I don't think we look

10:14

as bad as we should and

10:16

you talked about I think I

10:18

look good bro people say I

10:20

look like a summer high acre you

10:23

do you look like a pretty

10:25

summer I don't know how she

10:27

feels about it but I like

10:29

it How would it make me? Okay.

10:31

But you mentioned like going home

10:34

and you're like, we have a little

10:36

more style than some of the people

10:38

back home when they, you know, I

10:40

mean. Tell me, tell me about guys

10:43

like you grew up with back in

10:45

the day and where, what's it like

10:47

now and stuff? If I go back

10:49

home, I'll never hear my name

10:52

being spoken by anybody or

10:54

the neighborhood. Nobody's gonna say

10:56

Felipe. What did they say? Batman.

10:59

Why? Because they called me, they

11:01

called me Batman, so they're lucky.

11:03

Nah. No, that was it. No, look

11:05

man, Batman, you made it, Batman. You

11:08

know, like the time and stuff like

11:10

that. But my friends, man, like

11:12

I have a friend that, when I was

11:14

out, when I was down and out,

11:17

now when I was partying, and like,

11:19

this guy, my friend was like, who

11:21

I always hung out with, I haven't

11:23

seen him in a long as time,

11:25

and when they were hanging out. This

11:28

is before last

11:30

comic standing before

11:32

I won. Before 2010. We

11:34

were in 2008. This kid

11:36

was living in his garage.

11:39

Like, they were renting him

11:41

on a garage. But then I

11:43

thought about it, man, growing

11:45

up, he lived right next

11:48

door to me. His house. His

11:50

room was a part that opened like this,

11:52

so he always been in a garage, so.

11:55

Like the carport? Yeah. It was just, he

11:57

didn't have walls, he just had a roof.

11:59

That was. this room. Man, let me

12:01

tell you something. I have seats

12:03

of weird shit here in LA.

12:06

I used to go hang out

12:08

with some friends in Eagle Rock,

12:10

all right? And in Eagle Rock,

12:12

they had this house across the

12:14

street. And these people, I have

12:16

no idea where they were from

12:19

or whatever, they didn't give a

12:21

fuck about their house, nothing. They

12:23

spray painted the fucking house number

12:25

on the, above the door. Just

12:27

not even nicely. just like tagged

12:29

it like 1716 or whatever like

12:31

what the fuck and they didn't

12:34

have air condition or anything like

12:36

that so one night I'm outside

12:38

I'm smoking to join on the

12:40

porch and I see like three

12:42

I don't know middle school kids

12:44

laying on the hood of this

12:47

pickup truck I'm like what the

12:49

fuck and they're just giggling land

12:51

but they're laying there so I

12:53

go down I thought I'm like

12:55

what do you guys doing they're

12:57

like 12 people there We don't

12:59

have air condition, it's hot and

13:02

shit, we're just gonna lay out

13:04

here and sleep on the truck

13:06

tonight. I was like, you all

13:08

gonna sleep outside tonight on this

13:10

truck hood right in the dry

13:12

way. Like, yeah, and I was

13:15

like, man, have fun, dude. Have

13:17

fun. Wow, I didn't have an

13:19

air condition into 2010. That's when

13:21

you first got it? Yeah, when

13:23

I went on last common standing

13:25

in front of it. We

13:28

had a house. that was so

13:30

hot Felipe, my dad would go

13:32

to work, we put a thermometer

13:34

on the wall and it would

13:36

go well over 100 degrees in

13:38

the house, we're like dad, and

13:40

finally, my dad waited though, my

13:42

dad was smart, he's like wait

13:44

till, wait till we divorce mom

13:46

and then we'll get that air,

13:48

so that he waited till she

13:50

got out and we got air

13:52

conditioneded out. But we had an

13:54

attic fan, did you ever have

13:56

ever had one of those? No,

13:58

we had no fan. mother's house

14:00

in Baltimore, a row home, we

14:02

would get in a shower. You,

14:04

it's so humid, you're sweating in

14:06

the shower, you know what I

14:08

mean? You get out and you're

14:10

like, what do I even do

14:12

that shit for? And then you

14:14

get air conditioned, you're like, oh

14:16

my God. We have one of

14:18

the fans with no gate on

14:20

it, no fans. So we're like

14:22

bored, right? When I was watching

14:24

soccer, we didn't like soccer. So

14:26

we would take turns on to

14:28

stop the fan with our hand

14:30

with our. Petzels and shit. Just

14:32

right in it. I will start

14:34

the fan while we're holding it.

14:37

And then turn it on and

14:39

then see who could I hold

14:41

it along and then stop it.

14:43

And he's just sitting there watching

14:45

soccer. Boy soccer. I like soccer

14:47

now, but back then I didn't

14:49

like it. What were some of

14:51

the things you did for yourself

14:53

when you first got? money then

14:55

I mean I and listen I'm

14:57

not sitting here it got a

14:59

new face my teeth like I

15:01

say yeah there you go there

15:03

you go you look good yeah

15:05

yeah what else when you first

15:07

like started doing things how did

15:09

you take care of yourself you

15:11

took you got your teeth did

15:13

you buy a home or anything

15:15

like that or you go on

15:17

a vacation no I took the

15:19

what it took me a while

15:21

because only one like when I

15:23

was coming standing with a quarter

15:25

of a million dollars was it

15:27

yeah but then my son's mom

15:29

fought for child support for child

15:31

support So she became the last

15:33

baby mamma stand. Yeah, man. She

15:35

was rooting for me, bro. 250,

15:37

20% minimum off the top to

15:39

reps. Uncle Sam comes in, so

15:41

then she's coming to get what's

15:43

the net. Yeah. Oh, bro. But

15:45

she was, she tried, um, that,

15:47

she found out the next day,

15:49

like, she was rooting for me,

15:51

like. I

15:54

don't normally like your dad but I'm a

15:56

boy for him. Did

16:00

she really the next day?

16:02

That's all he's called, bro?

16:05

Your teeth aren't even done

16:07

yet, bro. I didn't even

16:09

know, man. I could have

16:11

broke my teeth open in

16:14

the envelope. So NBC, like,

16:16

I didn't have a manager

16:18

then or an agent. And

16:21

I had an Asia, but

16:23

he was more like theatrical.

16:25

So he didn't really count.

16:28

NBC approached me, like the main heads,

16:30

the big shots, and they put him

16:33

to the side, he goes, that the

16:35

county of Riverside just put a child

16:37

support on you. They're trying to get

16:40

the whole check and then cut you

16:42

a check. So what you should do,

16:44

like, they give me like, um, advice.

16:46

They say you should, um, you should

16:49

incorporate yourself so that we could write

16:51

the check to the corporation and then

16:53

a corporation could write a check to

16:56

child support. and then you don't lose

16:58

out. And I never remember what I

17:00

thought of nothing like that, so I

17:03

did it, man. Did that work? Yeah.

17:05

Did now, did they have to serve

17:07

you? Did you have, you're a public

17:09

figure too at that point, so it's

17:12

easy to find you? Did they have

17:14

to? Oh, they were serving me my

17:16

whole life, but I've been, not open

17:19

of envelopes. Wait, they give them to

17:21

you, just don't open them. That's how

17:23

I dealt with jury duty forever. I

17:26

studied Al Capone in high school and

17:28

he said something one time that stuck

17:30

out to me and he was like,

17:32

you don't have to go. to jury

17:35

duty and I'm starting to I'm studying

17:37

what a summons is because it's always

17:39

a summons and a summons is a

17:42

hey we'd like you to come to

17:44

court a subpoena is you better have

17:46

your fucking ass in court oh yeah

17:49

right and it's always us a jury

17:51

summons and he said I refuse to

17:53

be judged by a jury of my

17:55

peers that are too stupid to get

17:58

out of jury duty And I was

18:00

like, well, how do you get out?

18:02

And he was like, you say you

18:05

never got it. You don't sign for

18:07

it. Nobody hands it to you. The

18:09

mailman puts it in the mess.

18:11

He probably didn't that day. Oops,

18:14

he forgot. You moved. It's in

18:16

an old address. So man, I

18:18

would take those motherfuckers. I would

18:20

throw them in the trash. Felipe.

18:22

Listen, seven, eight years. Then,

18:24

one day. I get an all red

18:26

one. I mean all red, everything. But

18:28

I'm like, oh shit. And it's a

18:31

subpoena now. Now I gotta come in

18:33

for jury, dude. I'm like, oh, fuck.

18:35

So I go in, this black lady's

18:37

working at the window. And I

18:40

hand her my thing, you know, and

18:42

she goes. got one of these huh

18:44

and I was like oh man I'm

18:46

doing the whole well sum and she's

18:48

like mmm that's you're accurate but good

18:50

luck telling them that what do the

18:52

red one mean it meant you better

18:55

fucking have your ass here now we've

18:57

been trying to get a hold of

18:59

you for years and you've been trying

19:01

to get a hold of you for

19:03

years and you've been a dodging it

19:05

or avoiding it or avoiding it and

19:07

we fucking now have a current address

19:09

on get it and you know what happened

19:12

what See I got stuck

19:14

on a fucking jury case

19:16

downtown Los Angeles for the

19:18

month of February. Four

19:20

weeks and it was a

19:23

fucking case like wiretaps. They

19:25

had guns. ARs and shit

19:27

in the washers and dryers.

19:29

This is two million in

19:31

cash at a jack-in-the-box minivan.

19:33

I was on that thing.

19:35

That's what I get. I

19:37

was on that shit. So

19:39

you were part of a

19:41

jury for robbery? Like a

19:43

whole, no, a whole drug

19:46

ring. These were just people,

19:48

they were grabbing. And it

19:50

freaked. It's an old school

19:53

mafia trick. But they were all the

19:55

people in your eyes or Mexican. These are

19:57

Mexican gang members for sure. Big time, right?

20:00

Big time. And they were like, well, what

20:02

city? It was out, like, I want to

20:04

say it was out, like Pomona or something

20:06

like that. And they brought him in. And

20:08

every time, because you know, when you go

20:10

to jury, dude, you got to say, my

20:12

name's Felipe, but you got to say your

20:14

shit. And they look in your eyes and when

20:16

you say it, they go, I

20:19

like, they're writing it. And then

20:21

the jury's open, you know, you

20:23

know, courts. Anyone could come in.

20:25

So their gangbanger friends are right

20:28

there too. And it terrified the

20:30

jury. I would have got out

20:32

of that jury right away. You

20:34

couldn't. They would have asked me

20:37

how what's your name? A Philippines,

20:39

Parza? And I would have said

20:41

something like, listen man, we know

20:43

the motherfuckers are guilty. Why are

20:46

we going to raise the waste of

20:48

time? You're right though, they had them

20:50

on wire. They had them left and

20:52

right on everything. Man, I was, I

20:54

was hanging out on a bus that

20:56

one time and I was like leaving

20:58

work and they pulled over a guy,

21:00

a random police officer pulled over a

21:03

guy, LAPD, and they're searching the

21:05

guy's car for fucking all kinds of

21:07

stuff, right? The guy opens his thing,

21:09

what is that? He thought he had

21:11

drugs and he started pulling out, he

21:13

pulls on a wire. The LAPD

21:15

fucked up an investigation right in

21:17

front of my face. Uh-uh. You

21:19

saw that? Yeah. So the guy

21:21

had nothing. So the cop had

21:24

to release the guy, ignore the

21:26

wire probably. Now the guy knows

21:28

the wire. So he knows. So he

21:30

knows. I don't know what was the

21:32

process. Well, the guy should put the

21:34

car on the fence right now, and

21:36

let them know that we found the

21:39

wire. You're seeing that. I watched it

21:41

in the bus stop. And then they're

21:43

like opening a drugs. or something,

21:45

right? Yeah, but, um, the rally PD

21:48

messed up on the investigation.

21:50

So it's being wiretapped, man.

21:52

Yeah, for something. Yeah. How

21:54

many times you've been arrested,

21:56

ever? Never, man. I've been

21:59

arrested for. for only for

22:01

like, not paying tickets, a jaywalking

22:03

ticket that it went five years.

22:05

So now it works a lot

22:08

of money. And where did they

22:10

get you? When they get- Downtown Los

22:12

Angeles? But I mean, where did

22:14

they pick you up? Like, would

22:16

they catch you for and then

22:18

go, oh, you got all these

22:20

jaywalking tickets and shit. Oh, well,

22:22

I was a kid, I live

22:24

in housing projects, and, and,

22:27

and. I don't know how many

22:29

acres is, but it starts

22:31

off on Mission Avenue by 101

22:34

Mission, and it goes all the

22:36

way to 6th Street and Anderson,

22:38

which is the factories.

22:40

So the cops, 25 cops, they

22:42

will walk from Anderson,

22:44

from Mission, and they'll

22:47

get randomly walk to

22:49

the project. Oh, just

22:51

25, I'm on foot. I'll put like

22:53

a beat, beat tops. And you literally

22:55

look crazy, they'll ask you for

22:57

an ID. I never had an ID.

22:59

And they'll run my name and

23:01

go, oh man, they'll be looking for

23:03

you. Does that what it adds

23:06

out to you? But they can't

23:08

do that to me no more.

23:10

I became a US citizen. Are

23:12

you officially a citizen? Yeah, man,

23:14

last three months ago. Oh, fuck

23:16

yeah. Well, welcome to the fucking

23:18

country. Now I could commit crimes

23:20

without the fear of deportation. Can

23:22

you vote? Yeah, you can vote.

23:24

I could vote, I could. Here's

23:26

why I want to ask. If

23:28

you have felonies or

23:31

anything like that, do they

23:33

carry over? No, no, you

23:35

can't be a felon and

23:38

be a U.S. citizen. Oh,

23:40

is that right? I don't

23:42

know. You can have a

23:44

green card and be a resident

23:47

with a criminal record. And I

23:49

found out the hard way man

23:51

was something that should have taken

23:53

care of when I was last

23:55

comic standing. Like what? Good when

23:58

I when I when I when I when I was coming. standing

24:00

they were going to kick me

24:02

out of the show oh because

24:04

you weren't a citizen no

24:07

because the they had lawyers

24:09

to do a prior investigation

24:11

all the other other comedians

24:13

oh is that right so

24:15

they can have no like child

24:18

or a bank robber or a bookie

24:20

and a show who's a

24:22

hardcore criminal So they did

24:24

a background check on everybody,

24:27

man, everybody. So when they

24:29

came back to me, they said

24:31

that you have three bench warrants

24:33

on you and a rest on

24:35

site. Arestle site out there for

24:38

you, you didn't know it?

24:40

Arestle site? You didn't know.

24:42

Arestle on site? So my head

24:44

is spinning like. They're fucking

24:46

something high. I got full

24:48

of time on somewhere. So

24:50

they didn't know that they were looking

24:52

for me. Yeah, so I just told

24:54

the guy, I said, man, like,

24:56

anybody, that ain't me. It ain't

24:59

me, man. No, man, that's your name.

25:01

Yeah, it could be my name. Anybody

25:03

got my name, but it can't

25:05

be me. You know, they have

25:07

the social security number, I had

25:09

the right birthday. It goes like,

25:11

my brother probably stole

25:14

my identity, and he got

25:16

arrested, I used my name, because they

25:18

had done that before. So, yeah, so.

25:20

I had to get a hold of

25:22

his daughter and she's telling me a

25:25

picture of him and I sent it

25:27

to him. And they checked the photo

25:29

to the arrest for arresting photo and

25:31

it wasn't me. Because my brother, he

25:33

had never had a Yahoo or a

25:35

Facebook or nothing. He liked Jason bored,

25:37

bro. He's just off the, off the

25:39

grade. So what I'm doing my, you

25:41

were sitting, so I cleared up, so

25:44

I cleared that, so I cleared that,

25:46

I cleared that up and I got

25:48

a last comic standing and I won.

25:50

I never fixed that. That's something

25:53

I should have taken care of when I

25:55

won. I never doubt what that. So I

25:57

just walked around with a bench ward

25:59

still. And a rest on site

26:01

for how many years? So 2010.

26:03

So 2023. That's 13 years. Never

26:06

to care of an idiot. Idiot.

26:08

So doing my US citizen test?

26:10

Wait, I can ask you a

26:13

question. Is there any like service

26:15

out there that we could enter

26:17

our information in and see if

26:20

there's some shit out there on

26:22

us? Where is it a rest

26:24

on site for 13 fucking years

26:26

out there? It's crazy. It's the

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26:58

more. So

27:00

I didn't, you're sorry, you're

27:03

doing your citizens. They didn't

27:05

let me be in Canada the

27:07

last time. They say I was

27:09

arrested recently, right? So man, there's

27:11

a problem here. So when I did

27:13

the U.S., I'm in a fan of

27:15

the show and he works with, he's

27:17

a lawyer for immigration. Okay. So he

27:19

helps immigrants. So I hired him. And

27:21

I said, bro, bro, I want to do my

27:24

citizenship test. So. They

27:26

do the background check and I'm

27:28

honest bro, like you gotta be

27:31

honest, like you're being arrested. Yes,

27:33

these are the dates. No, there's

27:35

more dates. No, that's not me.

27:37

So I really got to like

27:39

think if that really was me.

27:41

Isn't me? Because there's stuff that

27:44

you got away with, you know,

27:46

but you never got arrested for.

27:48

How do they know that? So, um,

27:50

this, now I had a, the port on

27:52

site. Damn! So, oh no more... He

27:54

found that out for you? Yeah, so it

27:56

wasn't a rest on site no more. It

27:59

was a port. So they would have

28:01

picked me up, a regular guy

28:03

that's coming, they could have deported

28:05

me back to Mexico. And where

28:08

do you go for that? Like

28:10

detainment first somewhere before they... I

28:12

have to doing it, especially

28:15

now. So they did a more investigation and

28:17

FBI, and they found out

28:20

that that was my brother again.

28:22

It was. Yeah, so I clearly let

28:24

up this time. Yeah. No shit. So

28:26

I cleared that up. So I cleared

28:28

that up. And no criminal

28:30

record now. They found out that

28:32

I would all do the whole time

28:34

with him. So I have to learn

28:37

now. No, that cleared up, right?

28:39

So now I got to

28:41

learn a hundred civil questions

28:43

about civics. I firmly believe

28:46

most Americans would fail that

28:48

test the first time through.

28:50

Fail hard, bro. First of

28:52

all, I didn't know my local

28:55

civics. I

28:57

didn't know who the mayor was to

28:59

the fucking fire. I thought it was

29:01

still, we ever had a ghosta.

29:03

Who's it saying the way

29:06

down the escalator at LAX?

29:08

That's how I know it. You're

29:10

saying Bass? I said this fucking

29:12

white lady. They care about us.

29:14

But in the black lady. So

29:16

I didn't know who the mayor

29:18

was. Wait how long have you

29:20

lived in Los Angeles? My whole

29:23

life. Right. Yeah, okay. I

29:25

don't know who the speaker of the house

29:27

was, I don't know who the two branches

29:29

of the Congress, they can say, I don't

29:32

know, none of that. But it's, you gotta

29:34

know 100 questions? Is it a three? Because

29:36

they're gonna ask you, I don't know how

29:38

many are gonna ask you, but you can

29:41

only get four wrong. Oh four. Out of how

29:43

many, how many, how many, a hundred?

29:45

But they're gonna randomly ask you

29:47

like just 10 or seven. They

29:49

decide. So like, and I have my lawyer

29:51

with me. And I have my lawyer with

29:54

me. when they were in the questioning

29:57

and I thought that I was I

29:59

was being comedian brush what

30:01

I shouldn't have done so

30:03

they asked me how I

30:05

didn't know the question or

30:08

what's the answer my fucker

30:10

and they didn't laugh bro

30:12

what's the answer so they asked

30:14

me um who's Susan B.

30:17

Anthony bro black that on

30:19

that one bro look at

30:21

me I'll just say centennial

30:23

something about. I just I

30:26

knew I had the wrong

30:28

answer so it's gonna be

30:31

funny again I said that

30:33

the white lady who drowned

30:35

her kids and blamed

30:38

on two Puerto Rican

30:40

guys I looked at my

30:43

lawyer like the we got

30:45

her bro nothing on her

30:48

nothing at all this lady

30:50

not even a smile

30:52

you just went And

30:54

then two more wrong, and they told

30:56

me to go study again and come

30:58

back. You got one more chat. Like

31:00

right over there immediately or you gotta

31:03

go home? Okay. So I went in

31:05

a rabbit hole, bro, but who the

31:07

fuck is the B. Anthony is? Tell

31:09

us. She's a woman who fought for

31:11

civil rights for women in America, so

31:13

women can have the right to vote

31:15

in 1921. And I didn't know that woman.

31:17

So it's a whole bit now. Because I didn't know the

31:19

women could vote, they couldn't vote for another 21? I guess

31:22

that was when America was great. We were fucking up ever

31:24

says. But I went on a rabbit hole on women, right?

31:26

Because you know, as a stand-up comedian, you just talk about,

31:28

well, I'm a Latino guy, so I got to talk about

31:30

being Latino or life in America, being Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican,

31:32

Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican,

31:34

Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican,

31:37

Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican,

31:39

Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican,

31:41

Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican,

31:43

Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican,

31:45

Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, Mexican, You never thought

31:48

to think about, you know, how the struggle

31:50

with women. So I went in a

31:52

rabbit who brought, found out that the women,

31:54

they were burning in Salem, that were supposedly

31:56

witches. Yeah, the witches. They were not witches.

31:59

Side bitches. Side. Yeah, bro. You

32:01

know, grims were not fucking

32:03

around, bro. Like, like, the

32:06

fucking, like, oh, it didn't

32:08

rain. We get no corn,

32:11

side bitch. She's a witch

32:13

killer. And, or you got

32:16

pregnant and it's a pastor,

32:18

side. We killed this bitch.

32:21

So then, I think I

32:23

found out that. they stopped burning

32:25

women for being witching or fake

32:27

witches, you know, or a woman

32:30

had a thought, you know, an

32:32

idea. I have an idea, you

32:34

do, because you're a witch, burner.

32:36

So, 1860, bro, was the first

32:38

time that a white man put

32:41

his wife into an insane

32:43

asylum. It was Elizabeth Packard,

32:45

bro. She was thrown into

32:47

an asylum for heaven

32:49

for trying to be

32:51

independent. She must be

32:53

crazy. Yeah, she must be

32:56

crazy. You're right. That was

32:58

the first time somebody said,

33:00

bitch, you're crazy. Yeah, for

33:02

real. He was like, what?

33:04

It was 1860, bro. A

33:06

little bit careful, bro, they

33:08

put it into an stainless

33:10

asylum, bro, for how trying

33:12

to be independent, trying to

33:14

have a thought. I saw that

33:16

bitch reading, yup, which brings me

33:19

back, because if I didn't know,

33:21

I would have never got that

33:23

episode of Family Guy, which

33:25

I saw later on after

33:28

I went to my ribbon.

33:30

Because there's a episode of

33:32

Family Guy with Peter, is

33:35

that a carnival, and they

33:37

have an old-time one of

33:39

those picture, picture, vendor machine,

33:42

it's not a, it's not a,

33:44

it's free. Film but it's a

33:46

bunch of pictures. Yeah, it's it's

33:49

a picture show right? They call

33:51

it the picture show because it

33:53

was picture moving The black

33:56

and white no sound. Yeah, it

33:58

was pictures moving so Oh Oh,

34:00

Peter goes, oh, look at

34:02

this old-timey porno. And there

34:04

was a woman voting. Cool,

34:06

you rebel, you rebel, you

34:08

rebel riser, you. So yeah, man,

34:10

my U.S. citizen now. What

34:12

made you want to do it? Like,

34:15

why wait? You were born here? No,

34:17

I was born, I'm seeing a law

34:19

in Mexico. So how, what age did

34:21

you come here? When I was like

34:24

three or four? So you're talking about

34:26

50 years you've been here? What made

34:28

you finally say I'm going to do

34:31

this? Because I'm not going to live

34:33

in Mexico ever, so and I'm a

34:35

U.S. citizen. I love America. This is a

34:37

play, the only place I ever known. And

34:40

I married a white woman, didn't work

34:42

out like I used, like they thought it

34:44

was like in the movies. Like in a

34:46

movie you married a white woman and

34:48

you become a U.S. citizen? Bull shit.

34:50

I found out like she can't be from

34:53

Ohio. You

34:59

know, why couldn't you be a citizen

35:01

for marrying a citizen? Stop that. You

35:03

know, in the movies. That's not true.

35:05

You can't bullshit. If you marry a

35:07

citizen, oh, you do you have to

35:10

have a kid? Is that what it

35:12

is? The child, is that what it

35:14

is? I guess you got to be like

35:16

real, like freshly, from another country,

35:19

but I don't know. It didn't work out

35:21

that way. So I have a new name

35:23

now, man. I thought my name was

35:25

Felipea Felipez. Felipez. My

35:27

birth certificate, she just decided

35:30

not to write the whole name.

35:32

So it was too long, so

35:35

she just wrote Philippa's Barza. So

35:37

when I became a U.S. citizen,

35:39

I'm my real student, my American

35:42

citizenship, naturalized citizenship, it has my

35:44

full name. I tried to go to

35:46

the airport, bro. They thought I

35:48

stole somebody's identity. They didn't

35:50

want to have to prove, but

35:53

that was me. Because my name

35:55

is Philippa Jesus as Barcelona. That's

35:58

your full proper name. that

36:00

name. And your mom just put Felipe

36:02

as far as I meant. Did you

36:04

know this was your full name? Yeah,

36:06

you did. But I never used it

36:08

and I didn't use my mom maiden

36:11

name. So your driver's or your ID,

36:13

whatever is Felipe asparza? No middle name.

36:15

Okay. And no my mom's last name

36:17

in the back. I see. So now I'm Sadrina

36:19

too. So Pepe, Sadrida, the actor,

36:21

I think were related. Wait.

36:24

So what's your whole name

36:26

when you're Felipellapere. And you

36:29

had to prove you was

36:31

like, I couldn't be a

36:34

football player, bro, they couldn't

36:36

feel my whole name

36:38

in Jersey. There's no

36:40

way, man. Pronels is

36:43

my name. Your whole last

36:45

name is a they them. It's

36:48

an L-L-L-A-Y-A. Do they?

36:50

I never thought about

36:52

that. The pronouns. Do

36:55

the hellmen Spanish? Do

36:57

they translate? Like, what

36:59

is it? He and

37:02

she? Mm-hmm. Eh-uh.

37:04

Eh-huh. Eh-huh. Eh-huh.

37:06

Eh-huh. I don't know.

37:08

I don't know. Ah-huh.

37:11

Allah, Chingada. I'm getting

37:13

lost with it. I

37:15

have a friend of

37:18

mine that just, he's

37:20

a special ed teacher

37:23

and they said, hey,

37:25

he's... I grew up with this dude

37:27

in Maryland, like it's a big football

37:30

player and everything, so the principal came

37:32

to him and said, hey, we have

37:34

to let you know we hired a

37:36

new teacher and she's trans. And

37:39

to his credit, he looked right at

37:41

him and he was like, okay, what

37:43

are her pronouns? And they were blown

37:45

away that he was even that, like,

37:47

and they said, well, here's the thing.

37:49

They don't go by pronouns. He's like,

37:52

what do you mean? And he doesn't

37:54

want to be caught. So there's a

37:56

new thing called mix. I'm just learning

37:58

about this one, mix. He's telling

38:00

me about this. They don't

38:03

want to use the Mr.

38:05

or Mrs. So eliminating the

38:07

R and the S male

38:10

female is now just MX.

38:12

So there's no more R

38:14

or RS. And it's mix. And

38:16

he's like, huh? And he's

38:19

so confused. I'll be honest

38:21

with him. So am I. I

38:23

have first I've ever heard

38:25

a mix before. Do you

38:28

feel your life's

38:30

gonna be different

38:32

now as a citizen?

38:34

Do you feel your

38:36

life's gonna be

38:39

different? Do you

38:41

feel your life's gonna

38:43

be different now

38:45

as a citizen? Yeah,

38:47

you did it at the

38:49

right time, bro. Yeah, you did

38:52

it at the right time, bro.

38:54

Yeah, bro. Whoa, you sure did,

38:56

because they're coming hard right now.

38:58

Coming hard, bro. Do you think

39:00

if you weren't, you think you

39:02

would have to go? I think

39:04

I was more afraid during Obama

39:07

than I was now. Well, that's

39:09

what I've, look, I am not

39:11

a political guy. Me neither, bro.

39:13

But I have read that Obama

39:15

deported more people than any US

39:17

president ever. He was picking up

39:19

Mexican, bro, like that little claw,

39:22

bro, from the arcade. When

39:24

he left, he was called

39:26

the porter-in-chief. Is that right?

39:29

See, but he just did

39:31

it without fanfare and tweets.

39:34

The Democrats moved in silence.

39:36

Yeah. Yeah, but my father,

39:39

he became a U.S. citizen

39:41

during President Obama. He did.

39:44

Yeah, okay. And I didn't,

39:46

there's so many rules men.

39:49

I didn't know that if

39:51

you've been in his country.

39:53

25 years or more with a

39:56

rhythm with a rhythm and alien

39:58

you could take your relationship class

40:00

in your home language. So

40:02

if you're like Spanish, you

40:04

could take it in Spanish

40:07

or Portuguese, Portuguese, Chinese, or

40:09

whatever. And I was like,

40:11

whenever I was taking my

40:13

test and I got them all

40:15

wrong, I looked at my dad and

40:17

said, there's no way you got them

40:19

all right the first time. I bet

40:22

you'll feel in English you would

40:24

have got them all wrong. I was going

40:26

to throw my dad under the

40:28

bus. You know, way, man.

40:30

I was like, no way.

40:33

I was like, no way.

40:35

I read English. I forgot

40:38

who Susan B. Anthony was.

40:40

I read English. There's

40:42

no way this guy

40:44

knew who Susanna B.

40:47

Anthony was. Susana. I

40:49

don't know where he knew

40:51

who Susanna B. Antonius was.

40:54

heterosexual men, the women have

40:56

to cook. There's no way

40:58

he would have got that

41:00

one man. No, he didn't

41:02

give a shit about that.

41:05

He's like, I'm definitely gonna

41:07

get, how am I allowed to get

41:09

wrong for? Here's one. Yeah. Yeah.

41:11

So, I mean, I know you wanna be

41:13

here, you don't wanna go back, you love

41:15

the US, but is that the only

41:17

reason you did it? make sure

41:19

you're safe or did you really

41:22

want to just as it's something

41:24

you've always thought about doing so

41:26

always thought about you know like

41:28

I've been here this long yeah

41:30

you're almost your whole life yeah

41:32

yeah do you have dual suit

41:34

citizenship I think I do yeah I think I

41:36

do I think I do I'm gonna have

41:38

dual city and I'm through them too will

41:40

you how do you do that I don't

41:43

know but I made an American I

41:45

bet an American over there Shout

41:47

out to the Dutch oven

41:49

podcast. That guy from Beaverton,

41:51

Oregon, white guy, comic,

41:53

and he found a

41:56

program where you could go

41:58

live in Amsterdam. and

42:00

gets to it and get a

42:02

residence if you just prove that

42:04

you're gonna sustain yourself. Like you

42:06

can't come in there and say,

42:08

I'm gonna go like they do

42:10

here, you can't come in here

42:12

talking about I'm gonna look for

42:15

a job, I'm a final job,

42:17

you're gonna have money already. So

42:19

he came in saying, well I'm

42:21

a self-employed comedian and he said

42:23

that I have my own podcast,

42:25

my own crew, whatever, you know,

42:27

he wrote it down and said,

42:29

okay, you could stay. and then

42:31

they move there and now it's

42:34

starving and if you it's the

42:36

same over there too. We live

42:38

with like 10 people bro got

42:40

good help here. Wait so it's

42:42

only one year you stay for

42:44

a year. Yeah, you gotta, I

42:46

don't know how long he's been

42:48

there, but now he's about to

42:50

get full health. He's about to

42:52

get the full benefit as a

42:55

Dutch resident. But I went to

42:57

do his podcast, but it looked

42:59

like he was living in a

43:01

Dutch project. Really? I looked around,

43:03

bro. You know how, you're from

43:05

Boston, you know what projects look

43:07

like? But instead of a basketball,

43:09

you know, the house is so

43:11

narrow, you know, like there are

43:13

no elevators. So everything has to,

43:16

all the furniture has to go

43:18

in through a crane through the

43:20

window. Oh, that's how they get

43:22

it up. I noticed this time,

43:24

but I saw a hook. Oh,

43:26

that's where the, okay, I see.

43:28

So the hook on top of

43:30

the building where they put the

43:32

rope and they pull up your

43:35

couch and stuff up. Damn, that's,

43:37

that sucks. I've been to Amsterdam

43:39

when I was 16. I played

43:41

soccer for the US I made

43:43

a team my brother and I

43:45

made these like a development team

43:47

we were good and I got

43:49

to go over there for a

43:51

month Europe and we stayed in

43:53

Amsterdam and Rotterdam two different times

43:56

and I love I've never done

43:58

stand up there, but I really

44:00

loved being 60 in this fucking

44:02

Amsterdam was wild. You know, we're

44:04

going to the Bulldog Cafe, we're

44:06

going to the Red Light District,

44:08

we're just kids, getting wasted. We

44:10

didn't win one game. We got,

44:12

you're in Amsterdam every day. We

44:15

lost every fucking game. You know,

44:17

sleeping three hours, how are you

44:19

going to win? We, our first

44:21

day there, we, you know, those,

44:23

like you said. Oh, we had

44:25

chaperones and you know, shit like

44:27

that, but we, our first day

44:29

there, our first game, we go

44:31

right down the field. Score, like

44:33

that. We were like, we're gonna

44:36

fuck these European kids up. They

44:38

whipped our ass. Like, we got

44:40

lucky. We realized, oh, we got

44:42

lucky on that goal. We didn't

44:44

win one game. We played for

44:46

a month, like three a day.

44:48

We got our ass, fucking handed

44:50

it to us, dude. I remember

44:52

getting my ass, be that bad

44:54

bad too. I was in a

44:57

little youth, semi-pro league baseball game,

44:59

team, it was 16 and over.

45:01

Okay. So you could be 30

45:03

in our team. 16 and out.

45:05

Yeah. So it was semi-pro, yeah.

45:07

So we get to this park,

45:09

Salazar Park, and Pico Rivera, bro.

45:11

And you get a dress, black

45:13

and orange, okay, that's the colors.

45:16

Tigers I guess and they're like

45:18

men bro like they're they're seniors.

45:20

They're like men and we're all

45:22

like we're gonna fuck these mother

45:24

fuckers up or we're gonna fuck

45:26

them up. We had our best

45:28

picture bro his first pitch that

45:30

fucking ball flew to East Los

45:32

Angeles bro. It was screaming chinga

45:34

to mother than I bought. It

45:37

just went chah! They fucked us

45:39

up right. Like they were having

45:41

bad in practice with us. It

45:43

felt like a, it felt like,

45:45

it felt like sooner or later

45:47

the umpire is gonna say, listen

45:49

man, I'm only gonna, I'm only

45:51

gonna hire for two hours bro.

45:53

Everybody, bad at twice. I was

45:56

only hired for two hours. In

45:58

the inning? About a twice in

46:00

the same inning? Yeah, bro. They

46:02

fucked us up, bro. And then

46:04

we came to a bat. That's

46:06

18! The guys struck out the,

46:08

struck out the, everybody, bro. Like,

46:10

yeah, like, he got nine straight

46:12

outs, bro, like, he struck out

46:14

the side. And only one person,

46:17

two people, he didn't strike out,

46:19

two people, he didn't strike out,

46:21

man. And they were drinking before

46:23

the game. They were getting fucked

46:25

up. Some of them were playing

46:27

with boots. Boots. They're still there.

46:29

They didn't have a full uniform,

46:31

bro, like the guy had a

46:33

dodger shirt, but UPS pads. Or

46:35

a FedEx shirt. Yeah, with a

46:38

soccer shirt, they fucked up, bro.

46:40

One of my favorite, favorite teams.

46:42

to support and watch was this

46:44

team called the Dirty Sox. All

46:46

right, so a buddy of mine

46:48

played in like this adult competitive

46:50

Softball League and I happened to

46:52

go back to Maryland. This is

46:54

a little while back and he's

46:57

like, come see me play this

46:59

fucking game. I'm like, I'm not

47:01

coming to watch you play softball.

47:03

He goes, listen to me. We

47:05

play at the old prison by

47:07

where we grew up. I'm like,

47:09

do you play the inmates? He's

47:11

like we do. That. Prison is

47:13

a minimum security prison at this

47:15

point now when they're about to

47:18

put you back out there in

47:20

the society It's a laundry camp.

47:22

It's right by Springfield Hospital in

47:24

Maryland and they have a saltball

47:26

team They call themselves the dirty

47:28

socks there are a laundry facility

47:30

These are all fucking inmates are

47:32

out there believe it every game

47:34

there. I'm like why are they

47:36

even in your league? How do

47:39

they play is like every game's

47:41

a home game for them? You

47:43

got to go to prison and

47:45

play so this side of the

47:47

like right field first base right

47:49

field side is where you can

47:51

if you're free you can sit

47:53

out here but then there's just

47:55

right here and all the way

47:58

around and you can't get over

48:00

there. Best they talk so much

48:02

shit dude it's so they don't

48:04

care that your kids are out

48:06

here it's so much fucking. Are

48:08

they good? They're all right they

48:10

won that game they're all right

48:12

they're all right they're not bad

48:14

but but also they turn on

48:16

each other like if we're prisoners

48:19

and you strike out they're like

48:21

you're just jogging back you know

48:23

like that kind of shit. Shmi,

48:25

one Los Angeles, we got inmates

48:27

fighting fires over here. Yeah, they

48:29

let inmates out to fight fires. Yeah,

48:31

man. I know two fire camps when

48:33

I was a kid. What do you

48:36

mean? Two juvenile fire camps? What is

48:38

that? Tell us what that is. Well,

48:40

one of them is for like juvenile

48:42

kids, like kids who are like 12.

48:44

Well, if you're a kid, you get

48:46

sent to juvenile hall. So they want

48:49

to scout camps, camps, got fire camp.

48:51

And it's on the national. Angeles

48:53

National Forest. So it's a bunch

48:55

of inmates, but they're all juvenile,

48:57

juvenile kids. So what they do,

48:59

when there's no fire, they get

49:01

in, they clear out the fire

49:03

trail for the firemen in all

49:05

mountains. All right, they clear it

49:07

all out, clean esters. So they

49:10

clear brush, it's basically what they

49:12

do, but they never get involved

49:14

with fires, their kids. But the

49:16

male counterpart of them is what

49:18

you saw and during the fires now.

49:20

I see. and that's a real

49:22

fire, these are firemen for the

49:24

prison. So there's a fire outside

49:26

of the prison or nearby the

49:29

volunteers. So I had this whole

49:31

bit, bro. I didn't say it

49:33

in Los Angeles, I just say

49:35

it outside of Los Angeles. I

49:37

was in Connecticut. I said, yeah,

49:39

man, they had people finding a

49:41

fire from Mexico, man, because they

49:44

needed wet back, you know, and,

49:46

and, and they were, but before

49:48

we get the firemen to, Coming

49:50

to the United States, they have

49:52

to wait for other firemen from

49:54

all over the country Sacramento They

49:57

had to get inmates to come and

49:59

fight the fire That was the first

50:01

time I saw Blood's Crips and

50:03

Cholo stabbing the fire. You should

50:05

have seen these guys. They were

50:07

sodomizing the fire man. And they

50:09

were getting paid $5 a day to do

50:12

this. So they were doing it for

50:14

a bag of the readouts. Is that

50:16

really what they were getting paid though?

50:18

Five a day? $10 a day? No,

50:20

for a inmate to fight the biggest

50:22

fire in the city's history. People

50:25

say, well, $10 a day is too

50:27

little, but you gotta think about the

50:29

cost. for that person to be there,

50:31

you know, it cost money to

50:33

supervise, you gotta have a fireman

50:35

who's not gonna fire fire to

50:37

supervise the firefighters. Then you gotta

50:39

fucking transportation, gas, you know, this

50:42

guy gets probably three meals a

50:44

day in a prison, probably has

50:46

dental. So $10 a day, man,

50:48

it's pretty fair. What if, I mean,

50:50

you wouldn't get away with it or get

50:52

far, but I could, you could

50:54

fucking. kill a fireman in

50:57

there put his clothes on

50:59

then get the fuck out

51:01

of there. Bro I was

51:04

accused of blackface during the

51:06

fires bro. Are you really?

51:08

This restaurant in

51:10

Sherman knows giving

51:12

off sushi. So I put

51:14

some ashes on me to

51:17

go of there standing line

51:19

like I locked the house.

51:23

Oh god damn. For some people

51:25

man like, I have friends, of

51:27

course you have friends who last

51:30

the fire right? Who what? You

51:32

have friends who lost the fire,

51:34

who lost the fire, who lost their

51:36

homes? I don't, I, my daughter, I

51:38

don't know if I should, I don't know

51:41

if I should, yes, we do

51:43

know people who, I won't say

51:45

who just okay, say right. I

51:47

have to direct who lost her

51:49

fire fire, hopefully they lost my

51:51

original photo. There's

51:53

a lot of evidence for God in these. But

51:55

since you've been living here a lot, how long,

51:58

20 years in Alabama? I've been here since. 97.

52:00

So there's been a lot of fires

52:02

since you were at the Thousand Oaks

52:04

Fire, remember? Um, it's a fire. So

52:06

I'm saying it's a fire season here

52:09

now, they call it. Like we live

52:11

in the desert. We have five seasons

52:13

and fire is one of them. Fire

52:15

is bad. It's bad now. It's been

52:17

bad, but it's worse now. And now

52:20

you got this one right here.

52:22

So where we are, I don't

52:24

want to say too close, but

52:27

you know, up there, just we

52:29

have a brand new one now.

52:31

My brother's high school was burned

52:34

on. He went to,

52:36

he used to get

52:38

bust too Pacific Palataze

52:40

High School. Oh, is that

52:42

right? Yeah, so his school was

52:44

burned. Yeah. Yeah, tell me about the

52:46

first one you remember. Oh man,

52:48

the first one was the whittier

52:51

narrowed earthquake. It was seven point

52:53

something and it shook the housing

52:55

project. And you're downtown and you're

52:57

feeling it like that. Yeah, it

52:59

shook and I was hung over

53:01

from the night before. So I slept

53:03

in my other my mom's house and I

53:05

was hung over and it was shaking right,

53:07

but I told I sleep through it. So

53:10

when I ran out, bro, bro, my feet

53:12

were all cut up. from my

53:14

mom's crystal that she saved

53:16

up there for special occasions

53:18

that never shows up. All

53:21

that shit fell. All those

53:23

punch stuff that we never

53:25

used. All those cuffs we

53:27

never used. That punch said

53:30

the dip, the dip thing,

53:32

man, a crystal, it all

53:34

broke, bro. Like Bruce Willis

53:37

and Diehard, bro, picking

53:39

out glass, you know. with my

53:41

brothers on a scoop on a

53:43

public bus she said that the

53:45

bus driver ran out of the bus

53:48

and left him in the bus

53:50

get the fucking out he just

53:52

panicked and took him you

53:54

can't do that for the busload

53:56

of kids I remember that

53:58

there was crazy You

54:01

get pulled down, bros. That's crazy,

54:03

just that fucking open door ran

54:05

right to fuck out. Ran in

54:07

the projects. Wait, how high are you

54:10

up at that time? Are you up pretty

54:12

high? Are you close to the ground and

54:14

where you live? I live in the flats.

54:16

They color the flats back then. So stories

54:18

are just one. There's heels above

54:20

us, but we live in the

54:22

bottom. Okay. But you could see

54:24

a rumbling. It was so bad,

54:27

because there was aftershocks, afterward

54:29

they were like six, five,

54:31

five, nine. So they were

54:33

hit 4.7. So people were afraid

54:35

to go back in their

54:38

homes because of the earthquake.

54:40

So we started camp making

54:42

houses outside. So our whole,

54:44

our whole projects, it

54:46

looked like a POW encampment. Did

54:49

it really? Yeah, man. It was

54:51

like Valley Forge during Washington, bro.

54:54

A bunch of tents, bro. Stringing,

54:56

a bunch of tents, bro. Drug

54:58

dealers were setting up tents, bro.

55:01

And then all the public parks

55:03

were like that for a while.

55:06

There was no water, water, you

55:08

couldn't use water, so they were

55:10

taking water out of any faucets.

55:12

Well, I came here in 94

55:14

the first time. I came here

55:16

Northridge earthquake. I woke, okay, so

55:18

I was sleeping in my buddy's

55:20

place. And I'm waking up to

55:22

drive to California that morning and

55:24

his mom is shaking me awake.

55:26

Like Ryan, you don't have a

55:28

college, your school's gone. You know,

55:30

you put CNN on, I think

55:32

I'm totally dreaming. you know, and

55:34

I wake up and I'm like,

55:36

is this real? She's like, they

55:38

just had an earthquake and I

55:40

had just been accepted to Cal

55:42

State Northridge and I was like,

55:44

holy shit. So I came anyway,

55:46

like a moron and I remember

55:48

seeing families in the park on

55:50

the corner of recida and I

55:52

want to say Nordhoff and the

55:54

National Guard surrounding the perimeter. Yeah,

55:57

people were homeless and fire just

55:59

coming up. through the fucking streets and

56:01

literal faces of buildings just like tipped on

56:03

themselves on the sidewalks and I was like

56:05

what the fuck and I went to I

56:08

did a whole semester here and they brought

56:10

in those like trailers and shit so I

56:12

lived off of I lived off of Zelsa

56:14

and Nordhoff I don't know if you know

56:17

the area okay and I was right where

56:19

the parking structure was down I lived in

56:21

a I ended up I was supposed to

56:23

be in a quad I was supposed to

56:26

be in a red lobster yeah I was

56:28

supposed to meet three new got people, you

56:30

know, and have roommates and up

56:32

fucking in this tiny little studio

56:34

off the thing sharing a Jack and Jill

56:37

bathroom with a dude on the other side.

56:39

I never met it was in and we

56:41

would get those I was in a little

56:43

twin bed and that little bed with her.

56:46

It would slide across the floor. I to

56:48

this day man, they make my fucking I'll

56:50

tell you I like to think I'm a

56:52

fucking strong man, but this was like

56:55

10 years ago there was an earthquake

56:57

to hit right in Sherman Oaks where

56:59

I lived like the fault line right

57:01

there and whenever you're closer to it

57:03

it feels it's summer I got the

57:06

windows open I'm sleep but I'm just

57:08

by myself before my daughter is born

57:10

and that mother fucker hit and I

57:13

just got up and I say god

57:15

no I'll never forget that's what I

57:17

yelled and I started running like I

57:19

was like you bitch you fucking bitch

57:22

Out of a dead sleep it was

57:24

God know and I just started running

57:26

like a buck. I hate them. I hate

57:28

earthquakes. I know man just a sound.

57:30

Yeah and the way you got three

57:33

kinds you got the ones that do

57:35

that you feel them coming and then

57:37

you got the ones that wave like

57:39

this. The wave one like you live

57:41

in long enough you can feel it

57:44

coming. Oh yeah you hear your glasses

57:46

rattling. Slowly when it goes like this.

57:48

Yeah, for sure. And you're like, whoa,

57:50

we've had, we had a few last

57:52

year. You ever heard people say, oh,

57:54

it's earthquake weather. A lot. Only when

57:56

it's cloudy, right? Yeah. And then it

57:59

drops at night. a lot. Yeah. But

58:01

that's not going to do with

58:03

it, right? And here's the, I

58:05

don't, I'm fucking, listen, I know

58:07

as much as apparently these people,

58:09

right? Let's burn, no. Yeah, yeah.

58:12

All I know is they talk

58:14

about this earthquake hitting California and

58:16

it's going to fall off into

58:18

the ocean and the valley's going

58:20

to be ocean side, but nobody's

58:22

ever really talked about that same

58:24

damage being done by fire. Yeah.

58:26

That's crazy. That's what Malibu's gone.

58:29

The Palisades. All the Malibu is

58:31

gone? A big chunk of it,

58:33

like moon shadows, dukes, all those

58:35

big spots, real in. They're all

58:37

gone, dude. We're lucky. And now

58:39

there's one burning right outside right

58:41

now, another one, another one, another

58:43

new one. You can't, you drove

58:46

through it today, that area. So

58:48

all of Malibu, like, even that

58:50

Taco Bell by the ocean. I

58:52

love that it. It's the best

58:54

Taco Bell in the country. We

58:56

had never been there this Taco

58:58

Bar Malibu. You could eat a

59:01

bean and cheese burrito for it.

59:03

Look at the other. Look at

59:05

the ocean. It is a great

59:07

one. It's great. I know exactly

59:09

if you're talking about a gas

59:11

station right over next to me.

59:13

I 100% know. That was my

59:15

go-to bro. Back in the day,

59:18

I would like get a bunch

59:20

of weed and... new hot chick,

59:22

I'm dating you know, say cruising,

59:24

oh look that's my name right

59:26

there on sunset right there from

59:28

the comedy store and then we

59:30

just cruise bro all the way

59:32

to Malibu and stop by that

59:35

Ralph's and Malibu and by the

59:37

fried chicken right there, take it

59:39

to the beach and then you

59:41

know a fucking pelican takes off

59:43

with the chicken, you're not looking,

59:45

yeah that's just all about snack

59:47

packs, they know how to open,

59:49

these bird in the beach, they

59:52

know how to open chips, they

59:54

know how to open cliff bars,

59:56

They know how to open KFC.

59:58

They'll take me a while and

1:00:00

this shit. They do. Oh, just

1:00:02

one time, man. You'll let. is

1:00:04

that I'm driving my daughter's really

1:00:06

little and the babysitter at the

1:00:09

time is like hey my car

1:00:11

just died and she lived like

1:00:13

two blocks from us. She's like

1:00:15

could you just take me back

1:00:17

with you and drop me off?

1:00:19

I go yeah sure we started

1:00:21

driving my daughter might be two

1:00:24

or three. She still remembers this

1:00:26

because she brings it up but

1:00:28

all of a sudden out of

1:00:30

nowhere. This full fucking turkey sandwich

1:00:32

hits my windshield. And I'm like

1:00:34

mother. I'd do a circle back

1:00:36

around, listen, there's nobody, I look

1:00:38

up, this is small fucking bird.

1:00:41

Yeah, took somebody else's fucking shit,

1:00:43

didn't like getting fucking dropped, I

1:00:45

mean all over my windshield, dude,

1:00:47

I had to get out and

1:00:49

wipe mad ace and shit. I'm

1:00:51

like, fuck this bird, man. You

1:00:53

ever see the video of those

1:00:55

kids that gave, I think it's

1:00:58

here in Venice, they gave the

1:01:00

seagulls laxatives and they're just shit

1:01:02

and all, oh God, everywhere, on

1:01:04

everybody, everybody, everybody's like, does that

1:01:06

kill them? It probably, I don't

1:01:08

know, I don't know, yeah, I

1:01:10

don't know. That was the old

1:01:12

school, was it, you give them

1:01:15

pepto and they blow up, they

1:01:17

didn't do that, they just gave

1:01:19

them laxatives and made them shit,

1:01:21

shit, shit, and made them shit,

1:01:23

shit, shit, and made them shit,

1:01:25

shit, shit, and they're just. A

1:01:27

full, I do. Like, imagine somebody's

1:01:29

about to bite that, you know

1:01:32

what I mean? It's full, it's

1:01:34

completely full. No bites out of

1:01:36

it. It hit my window, like

1:01:38

a punk kid through that shit.

1:01:40

You know what I mean? I

1:01:42

was like, oh, fuck. I got

1:01:44

a babysitter. And my kid, my

1:01:47

car, I'm like, I mean, go

1:01:49

see you this. I know that

1:01:51

the bird people, we gotta preserve

1:01:53

the birds. We're losing too many

1:01:55

birds now, man. Dude, thank you

1:01:57

for coming on here and doing

1:01:59

this with me, man. I always

1:02:01

love having you on Felipe as

1:02:04

far as a... Thank you for

1:02:06

having me, man, the honeydew, etc.

1:02:08

what? Yeah, the honeydew, bro. It's

1:02:10

not it. Promote... Go ahead, you

1:02:12

want to say something else? 11

1:02:14

when this come up? Today. Today,

1:02:16

man, watch my special on Netflix

1:02:18

raging fool. Your podcast. My podcast,

1:02:21

History for Fool's podcast. We talk

1:02:23

about the history of everything. Me

1:02:25

and my host, we read one

1:02:27

book and then we talk about

1:02:29

it. The last episode was three

1:02:31

weeks ago, we talked about the.

1:02:33

The 1916 uprising in Ireland when

1:02:35

Iran became a republic and then

1:02:38

in 1922 when Irish had the

1:02:40

wrong revolution when they fought the

1:02:42

IRA that I really did not

1:02:44

like how the treaty that they

1:02:46

signed, they fought each other, brothers

1:02:48

against brothers, cousins, killing cousins. Your

1:02:50

other podcast. Oh, the what's of

1:02:52

full podcast? Also man, if you

1:02:55

speak Spanish. I have a Spanish,

1:02:57

a Spanish podcast, a scripted podcast

1:02:59

that I did for Sonoro out

1:03:01

of Mexico City. It's called Nase

1:03:03

Una Le Jenda, the story of

1:03:05

the Chesperito. I did a documentary

1:03:07

of a Spanish comedian. Oh yeah.

1:03:10

And I talked about his life

1:03:12

and everything about him and his

1:03:14

writings and... You narrate it? Yeah,

1:03:16

and there's people, there's interviews with

1:03:18

actual people. Oh, that's cool. And

1:03:20

I just talked about it. And

1:03:22

I introduced it every day. Nationalienda,

1:03:24

a podcast of Sonoro, on Felipe's

1:03:27

Parsa. Don't forget, my Spanish isn't

1:03:29

that good, so you might hear

1:03:31

a little English here every once

1:03:33

in a while. All right? Okay,

1:03:35

listos. Thank you, brother. As always,

1:03:37

Ryan Sickler on all your social

1:03:39

media, talk to y'all next week.

1:04:02

You