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ryancycler.com. The Honeydew with Brian

1:53

Sickler. Welcome

2:05

back to the honeydew 'all, we're over here

2:07

doing it in the Knight Pant Studios. I'm Ryan

2:09

Sickler, ryancycler.com, Ryan Sickler on all your social

2:12

media, and I'm starting this episode like

2:14

I I start all by saying thank

2:16

you. Thank you for not only supporting

2:18

this show, thank you for supporting

2:20

anything that I do. I genuinely appreciate

2:22

it. I love my life because

2:25

of you. I love doing this job.

2:27

So you for that. And

2:29

if you've got to have more, you've got

2:31

to check out the Patreon. I'm telling

2:33

you, it is this show, It's the honeydew with

2:35

'all, and it's five bucks. It's been

2:37

five bucks since day one, and

2:39

I will not raise it. It's your

2:41

show, and y 'all got the craziest

2:43

stories. I I you, at this

2:45

point, you got hundreds of episodes to go listen

2:47

to for $5. five bucks, all right? And

2:50

you're getting the honey -do a day early. getting

2:52

it ad free. no censorship, Nothing.

2:54

all right? So go check that out. And

2:56

come see me on tour. If If I

2:58

am in your town, when you're around, tickets

3:00

are on my website at .com. All

3:02

right, that's the biz. You on guys know what

3:04

we do here. We highlight the lowlights and

3:06

say these are the

3:08

stories behind the storytellers. And

3:11

I am very excited to have

3:13

this guest back on the honeydew. Ladies

3:15

and gentlemen, Frankie Quignone. welcome back

3:17

to the honeydew. Hey. Hey. Hey.

3:20

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

3:22

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. thank you for being

3:24

here again. Hey. to be back,

3:26

man. Hey. Hey. we get into your

3:28

story, please promote everything you'd like. Yeah.

3:31

Oh, wow. Yeah. no, find

3:33

me at at Frankie Quignone's or Cholo

3:35

Fett Creeper on TikTok Instagram. You

3:38

can watch this full on Hulu. There's 20

3:40

episodes, two seasons of that on there,

3:43

me and my best friend, one of my best friends,

3:45

Chris Estrada and Michael Emperioli, who you know from the Sopranos, the main

3:47

characters in that. We've got a lot of awards, a

3:49

a lot of good writers. so please watch that show.

3:51

I'm in the episode of The

3:53

Dead spin off The Ones Who Live. And

3:55

I'll be, I'm in the last three seasons of

3:57

What We do in Shadows on FX. the

3:59

Latin very last season is about to premiere

4:01

this fall. And I got to be in

4:03

a harness with a bat and fight some

4:05

vampires. yeah, check that out. yeah, bit. You

4:07

did? but Yeah, yeah, I did. But for

4:09

tour dates, yeah, frankiecanonus.com. And yeah, come

4:12

check me out on me. Well, dude, I

4:14

want to first of all thank you not only

4:16

for being back, but being your last episode. It

4:18

was, I'm telling you, you've got to go

4:20

watch Frankie's first episode. And also there's going to

4:22

be a few people to go, how come

4:24

you didn't ask them about advice? You give it

4:26

to a 16 year old self and it's

4:29

because I only do it the first time you're

4:31

here. So that's why you don't get it

4:33

again the second time. Right, right. right. you So

4:35

there's the answer to that question, but your episode

4:37

was a really heavy episode and it was

4:39

also, I mean, you're obviously completely I I

4:41

didn't know that until today. You said

4:43

you'd never talked about any of

4:45

that stuff publicly or openly on any

4:47

sort of platform Yeah, man. I

4:49

mean, know, it was something that especially.

4:51

you mind just recapping with my community.

4:54

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, You're tired to

4:56

suppress, you know, was always saying, use

4:58

as a child and And by a

5:00

family member. Yeah, yeah, buy one of

5:02

my older cousins. And,

5:04

And, you know not

5:06

even my parents or anybody talked about it. It's

5:09

like something you're just taught to just sweep it

5:11

under the rug, hold it in, basically pretend it

5:13

didn't happen. You know, but you feel like

5:15

a crazy person because you're like, you know, they stopped

5:17

it from happening when I was like around six or

5:19

seven. But, you

5:21

know, you're still going to the family barbecues with

5:23

that person there. Your family is bringing you

5:25

there, so you're just like, OK, I guess you just,

5:27

you know, I'll pretend that. It's all

5:29

good and well in the meantime in

5:31

your head, you're like, am I crazy?

5:34

Like, Or I guess it's just normal,

5:36

you know, you just do that. As

5:38

I got older, know. it it did work

5:40

to, you know, I mean, you know, I a little angry

5:42

for a while. You know, sometimes I'll

5:44

get like in fights, that like Napoleon complex, but

5:46

complex, I'll get my ass beat every time anyway.

5:48

So just like, but then,

5:50

you know, I found like alcohol and drugs and shit. And

5:52

I drugs was like, you know, what, it's positive vibes, I

5:54

mean, it's all good. You know and that was my way

5:56

of dealing with it. And so I think that's why

5:58

I got funny is I needed some. validation

6:00

people because way I felt about myself

6:02

was like fuck I'm just like this piece

6:05

of meat or I'm basically worthless you know like

6:07

that's how you feel when nobody speaks

6:09

up for you at that young

6:11

such a young age and this was

6:13

a male figure too yeah and I say that

6:15

because a while back we had moronsio Vance

6:17

and he was also molested he's talked

6:19

about how it's also swept under the

6:22

rug in the black community oh yeah

6:24

men especially and yeah but this was

6:26

by a female cousin Okay, I

6:28

say that because it's you know, you it's

6:31

they always say it's Most

6:33

of the time is someone you know

6:35

or someone you're close with that does

6:37

this to someone. Yeah, yeah. yeah so

6:39

you texted me and said a

6:41

lot of things sort of

6:43

popped off after that. oh my god I

6:45

mean listen I again only talk talk about

6:47

what you're comfortable talking yeah yeah obviously it's

6:49

a a really deep thing, but

6:52

you know you got me to open up and

6:54

it felt good to be honest, you know,

6:56

and and, um you know, three days after I

6:58

recorded that with I flew to Utah to

7:00

a trauma processing center. you do and went in on

7:03

me and it was this dude I met. Um,

7:06

man, I mean, I'm gonna

7:08

this to him His

7:10

name is a Darren and um he's blind can't

7:13

see anything. He has implants on the side

7:15

of his head so he can hear, so you can

7:17

barely hear, he's blind. and he

7:19

goes in the room, he he brings me in

7:21

the room. because first five days over there, this place

7:23

is expensive, on I mean it's like You know he a counselor

7:25

is he another patient? He's a counselor. okay Yeah. so

7:28

this place is like it's in Utah. you know,

7:30

it know, it says know, rich, white, warm in

7:32

Mormon, Mormon money homies real quick, why you pick

7:34

this place? What made you know the

7:36

top in the country. okay And I said,

7:38

I'm trying to this. what we would top in the

7:40

country for what for a - just trauma

7:43

in general is a sexual addiction any

7:45

of addiction. also

7:48

but mostly trauma processing, you know what

7:50

I'm saying so and one of the top in

7:52

the country. so So I said you know what? I'm gonna drop

7:54

this bread, I'm gonna do this and it basically in myself. Cause if

7:56

I can get through this, then I'll be able to get

7:58

this money and take this career. as far as as I

8:00

go. for Good you for you, dude. so, so, but honestly, man, the

8:02

first four or five days I was there, I was was

8:04

was of like, man, what a waste of money. I

8:06

could have just got Airbnb and jossed with a and myself in a

8:08

room for a week. Took some They some

8:11

shrooms and meditated like, hey, homie. Well, Well, wait, tell me

8:13

about the blind almost- But tell the this I had this session,

8:15

this dude. it It was my first session.

8:17

I session was already there about four or

8:19

five days And he's blind as, you you

8:21

know, and he's, you know, you of have to

8:23

help to help guide him to his office. You go

8:25

in there and he goes, all right, the couch right

8:27

there and he sits down. Are you ready to

8:29

do some trauma trauma work? And I'm like, all right, yeah.

8:31

And he dims the lights, you know,

8:33

and we start doing breathing. and And he

8:35

goes, okay, let's go back to an incident, you

8:37

know, like when your cousin's doing this to

8:39

you And, know, what me what's happening. Tell

8:41

me how you feel. Like know, Like I'm fucking, I

8:43

don't know. I'm scared of me. I'm frozen. I'm

8:45

confused, I'm you know, all this stuff. And

8:47

also real quick at the time, you're what, four

8:49

five? You're looking little, little, you? me. Yeah, I I'm about

8:52

five, five, six five and six years old. yeah. stuff. So,

8:54

you you even defend yourself. defend yourself. You're not a just,

8:56

school. you don't know. I mean, what's happening,

8:58

you happening. You know, you're just like, so

9:00

just do it. know, I don't know, you

9:02

but you still feel, even

9:04

now being in my forties, I still

9:06

feel the guilt and shame of doing

9:08

that. So that's why I do this

9:10

therapy to try to get that to disconnect.

9:13

like, yo man, you responsible. You know,

9:15

it wasn't your fault. That's right. And so

9:17

so, anyways, it's about the Blind

9:19

Yoda, be does. He does the

9:21

Yoda. Yoda. So name

9:23

is Aaron. I nicknamed him blind Yoda and

9:25

he embraced it. know what I'm saying? saying?

9:27

then one of the And then one of the props guys from our

9:29

is making me a little Yoda with walking, like a

9:31

white stick with a red tip tip some shades.

9:33

He's gonna put it in his office, But but

9:35

blind we did the breathing, right?

9:37

We go back in time and man, you know, and

9:39

then you start crying, you're sobbing, there's fucking snot tears

9:41

coming out of me. And walking, he goes, all right,

9:43

right, is it okay that you introduce me to him?

9:46

You know, to a a younger Frankie? And I'm like, yeah, yeah.

9:48

And I'm like, like, okay, hey Frankie, this is Darren. He's like, you wanna

9:50

hold his hand? wanna grab his hand? I'm like,

9:52

yeah, I'm yeah. And I yeah. And his hand like, you're

9:54

there, homie. It's a trip. It's like, all right, tell your cousin he

9:56

has to leave. I'm like, you got to fucking bounce homie. So he

9:58

leaves, you know, and he's like, all right, you want

10:00

to you want to hug him and tell him it's okay. You know, you tell him, hey,

10:02

it's not your fault. Come on, He's like, what's your

10:04

favorite place to play? I'm like, you to be a little

10:07

dirt pile on the side of our house. And

10:09

I'll my little Hot and dig little tunnels there. But

10:11

I remember being like peace, cause I was by

10:13

myself and I just just the trees and

10:15

just dirt. and then my mom and dad

10:17

weren't there, nobody was there because I would have

10:19

resentment towards my even though my mom and dad are my heroes,

10:21

hold me straight up. But there was that level

10:23

of resentment because I'm like, damn, you guys didn't do

10:25

nothing about it. it. You know what I

10:27

mean? It's the only way they knew how to handle

10:29

it. So when I would be by myself, I'd

10:31

be at peace and I'd be like there. And he goes,

10:33

OK, let's take them there. And I walked with a

10:36

little Frankie to that pile of dirt. I'm there

10:38

playing with him and he's like, all right. right, I tell him goodbye and tell

10:40

him he's gonna be okay now. and you know, I'm you know, I

10:42

hug him, homie. And I'm like, I got you now, you know,

10:44

you don't got worry about nothing anymore. It wasn't your fault that you

10:46

know, did that fucked up shit. but I got you now. you

10:48

know what I'm what I'm saying? And other people got you. And

10:50

And then so Now now

10:52

I do these sessions. where,

10:54

you know I other people in now and you

10:56

know my sister will come in and take her along. Were you

10:59

there? 30 days. Oh, wow. OK,

11:01

You're there for a full 30 days. Oh,

11:03

yeah. mean, Yeah. Well, you know, I was was partying

11:05

too, know, but but it was

11:07

it was that when you come back

11:09

to L.A., what happens? Yeah,

11:11

when I come back to L.A. I mean, it was I had a

11:13

lot of work to catch up on, man. It was

11:16

right to work, but then. Do you confront anyone? Do

11:18

Do you reach out to anyone? Well, this

11:20

this podcast is what a lot of

11:22

my family, That that's how they

11:24

out, of You know what I'm I'm saying? They

11:27

watch the podcast. I told you my my mom's

11:29

sister called her crying. She's like, oh, my God, like

11:31

Frankie, so courageous. She said that and and

11:33

know, I can't believe it. And, you

11:35

know, I can't believe, you know,

11:37

you know, know, people didn't help us

11:39

and, you know, because of what my grandfather

11:42

did to her. it was just I

11:44

I hearing that there's support there. like. Yeah. And

11:46

just unearthed so much of the

11:48

trauma you're dealing with for someone else.

11:50

You unlock it ain't And even now It's so

11:52

common on me it's and they all unbelievable. It's mind

11:54

blowing. But these motherfucking weirdos, that keep getting away with

11:57

it because of that, because we're taught to just sweep under

11:59

the rug. Black and brown communities have

12:01

always done that. Like, hey, I'm on, that didn't happen. Or

12:03

their own mothers or their own grandmothers be like,

12:05

like, nah, come on, you're lying, you know. And

12:07

you just to deal with it internally yourself. And

12:09

And eventually gonna come and get you, homie. And

12:11

that my success is what forced me to

12:13

deal with it. How that? Because I thought

12:15

if I checked these boxes, it would

12:18

it would away these demons, these things that were

12:20

eating at me every day, you know what

12:22

I'm that saying? I'm saying? Because day that God hasn't

12:24

gone by that haven't thought about what happened

12:26

to me. You know by I'm saying? I'm saying? Yeah.

12:28

you, homie, you to eats at the mirror every day,

12:30

You look at them every day like you're you know, cocksucker of

12:32

shit, you know? That's all you talk, that's how I

12:34

would talk to myself. But I would go

12:36

make people laugh, go through my day, walk

12:38

by a stranger, what's up, homie? You know, and

12:40

that would get me through. You know through

12:42

I my mean? Yeah, Because I them feel good. Yeah, making

12:44

people feel good is what got me through.

12:46

I have worst I make people feel good. Yeah.

12:48

if I feel like shit. Exactly, homie. so that's

12:50

you know, comedy was my lane, but because

12:52

I just had so much pain in me

12:54

every day that I needed to make people

12:56

laugh, homie. So. But then the messages, the amount, sorry,

12:58

I didn't mean to cut you off. no, No, no. the homie,

13:00

amount of messages I got after I did

13:02

this first honeydew overwhelming. I couldn't even get to

13:04

all of them. I'll tell you, you, right? Wow. like,

13:06

I was was even like, damn, this motherfucker, this much, much

13:08

listeners. That much, me feel me. That makes me feel awkward. Yeah. That's

13:10

it. That's it.

13:12

But, but yeah. No,

13:15

homie man, think of that though. Like that's very flattering

13:17

for you to say, but also how

13:19

many of those people have, have gone

13:21

through what you've gone through too. That's

13:23

all the, that's what all the messages were.

13:25

That's what I'm saying. saying. stood out to

13:28

me. And that upsets me upsets me you're saying, man,

13:30

this motherfucker's a lot of listeners, but all those

13:32

listeners have been gone through the

13:34

same thing. Homie. God. God. one There's out to

13:36

me. to Yeah, that's Yeah, tell me. big homie. He's got

13:38

big neck. He's tatted on the neck. He

13:40

looked like a truck driver or something. And,

13:42

you know, I I'd at his profile, but he he

13:44

DM me and he goes, hey homie,

13:46

he was fucked. He's all, fuck, you you know,

13:49

much respect for talking about that. He's

13:51

like, you know, I never told anybody,

13:53

but the same shit happened to

13:55

me, you know? And he, the only person

13:57

he ever told my DM in his whole

13:59

life. You know know what I'm saying? That's

14:01

yeah. And I responded to him, said, hey homie, you

14:03

know, God bless you. you know that I love you. I

14:05

I got back and I'm, you know, I'm, I'm grateful that

14:07

God gave me the courage to speak up about this shit,

14:09

because know, fucking, would you talk about it it? People are

14:11

gonna think you're gay or fucking da da da. And it's like, you know,

14:13

that's how it is in our community. But

14:15

I'm like, no, fuck that homie. Something needs to be

14:18

said. And he was like, he gave me props

14:20

this food looked like a fuck, like a bouncer. know, like a

14:22

bouncer. And I said, homie, go talk to

14:24

somebody, please. You know, I I said, if you

14:26

need my help, I'll pay for your therapy

14:28

session. You know what I'm saying? And you know

14:30

that's awesome. And awesome. And like, right, all right, yeah, like,

14:32

you know, I'm gonna do it. do it. was

14:34

like was like surprised I responded though. He's like, whoa,

14:36

you responded. He goes, He hey, thank you. But

14:38

I I so many messages. I mean, some of

14:40

them are very long and just, you know,

14:42

they're telling me their whole story and it's

14:44

like. you know, we we gotta. And I'll bet

14:46

you the first time like you said

14:48

a lot of them ever even putting

14:50

this down and writing or telling outside

14:52

their fucking inner thoughts for sure.

14:54

I'm telling you, it waves on me Wow. and

14:56

then it made people think about what

14:58

happened to them to them and then it's

15:01

like, hey, because know, there's there's, there's great fans.

15:03

is like when kids goes, I say it

15:05

all the time, when your kids go to

15:07

sleep over they come back and the

15:09

parents are like, they were so well behaved

15:11

so nice. Y

15:13

'all the shit. Thank for for supporting

15:15

Frankie. And I mean, and he's

15:18

right, go talk to somebody. Yeah,

15:20

yeah, go talk. There's a lot of free

15:22

resources out there too get some

15:24

therapy. So coming out of

15:26

the Um, rehab and stuff.

15:28

What mindset you

15:30

have when you came back home outside of

15:32

the work? I know. cause that also keep

15:34

us occupied. We don't even have to think

15:36

about this thing. And that was same way same way as this work

15:39

through, walk off. That was a dangerous thing

15:41

for me in in my sister pointed out

15:43

to me. know, she goes, cause I would.

15:46

You know, like I said, thought, You know

15:48

chasing dream and was 35 I was 10 years in

15:50

I I started when I I was 25 I was already

15:52

years in the game and I'm 35 already and I'm

15:54

sleeping on my homies couch. charging me 200 bucks a month.

15:56

I'm chasing this dream though, but I but get I nobody

15:58

pregnant. I just to wear a box out. You know, my my family's worried

16:00

about me. I'm like, like, I'm I'm like, hey, hey, I'm a comedian. They're like,

16:02

like, hey, a job, you know? But like,

16:05

but eventually when I was 36, it popped

16:07

up for me. and then, you know, know, Cholo

16:09

went viral. Then me and dress up gang sold show

16:11

to TBS. It all happened within

16:14

the same year. And then, you know,

16:16

I told you this story. I was delivering

16:18

a sandwich on DoorDash whatever. And And was was

16:20

my last delivery because I got the call while I

16:22

was delivering that we had sold the show.

16:25

so, you you know, I I delivered that sandwich and and go in

16:27

the car and I'm crying and and my mom. So we fucking did it on

16:29

me. know and I I mean? Because my mom was Because my mom's like my

16:31

had me at a young age. And

16:34

she's like, she's real hood, you know? Even

16:36

though she knows how to put on

16:38

her face. Like, I always make of her because she should work

16:40

a chiropractor office as a like in the

16:42

hood though, you know? And And then be like, she

16:44

would always stash me under the desk. guess,

16:46

you know, to, to, to, to, so she got off work.

16:48

So in between school or whatever. And

16:50

she'd be be always like me, you know, like yelling at

16:52

me and I'd table. hey, come on, come on, come on, come on. shut

16:54

up. shut up. Can I get like a presun. She's like a And then

16:56

the doctor would walk She'd be at like, hi doctor, know,

16:58

like doing that whole thing. So could, she

17:00

could, she was, she did a good job of that. But, you

17:03

know, she, uh, and my

17:05

sister carry a lot of her pain. Like,

17:07

you know, she went through a lot and

17:09

I learned that through getting educated on this

17:11

stuff when I went to get treatment at these

17:13

places, you know? Have you had sit down

17:15

with your mom about all this? Oh yeah. Since did

17:17

that go? It, It, it it was heavy,

17:19

you know? They came out, they came out, you know,

17:21

to to place in Utah with this Oh, they came to

17:23

see you. We did this thing called the of fire.

17:25

Okay. you sit knee to knee sit knee to knee each

17:28

other. And you, you know, you just go through

17:30

it and there's a room full of other families

17:32

going through the same stuff. Homie, oof, it's,

17:34

it's of the hardest things I've ever done.

17:36

I would never have expected my mom and to be

17:38

doing some shit like that. But they stepped

17:40

up for me, Homie and they apologized to me

17:42

for the first time last year. And it

17:44

all, it all started because, you know, when

17:46

I spoke up on this honeydew thing and created

17:48

all these waves. And now that line of

17:50

communication it just open my mom and dad, which

17:52

I would never have expected on me, you know

17:54

to I'm saying? I'm saying? Like my dad's fucking, know, just,

17:56

you know, it just holds everything in, Homie, know when no.

17:59

we were cursing. I talking about I think you said

18:01

he used to get you up like 5am because you

18:03

were like you want to fucking be that Yeah, you

18:05

you're gonna you're gonna get up and do it right.

18:07

Yeah, when I wanted to go to be a troll You're

18:13

gonna crease those motherfuckers at 5 a .m.

18:15

Before I leave to work Okay,

18:18

so you got a hardcore dad breaking

18:20

down and He's as he got older.

18:23

He's soft. No, he's so cool man

18:26

Creepers based off him, you know, it's so positive should

18:28

have you know my dad's You know Positive is hey,

18:30

you know, he was a little little rough

18:32

around around the edges when I was younger

18:34

But you know as he got older have

18:36

you talked to your mom's sister who came

18:38

forward about? I Uh... Did

18:40

know what? I do? I do want to have

18:42

a deeper talk with my Tia Linda. She's definitely

18:44

going to watch is a What's

18:47

up Tia Linda? Yeah? But

18:49

um, yeah, I do want to

18:51

have a deeper talk with her about

18:53

it. But I'm also proud of

18:56

my mom because she started going to

18:58

therapy too. know, Yeah, all from the

19:00

honey do yeah all from the honeydew, homie.

19:02

Proud of this dance show. proud of what

19:04

I'm doing. So yeah, yeah, so I told

19:06

you I said, Mom, know, I'm grateful that

19:08

you did that because you learn you get

19:10

educated in these things where. if you hold

19:12

this heavy trauma in and you're

19:14

having kids, it goes through the DNA

19:16

and it carries in it could

19:18

could create knots in areas of your

19:21

body. that could eventually manufacture into a

19:23

disease, homie. cancer So, you know, it's like,

19:25

or whatever. You got to get it out,

19:27

bro, or else, you know. or And I'm asking

19:29

a personal question, you do not need to

19:31

answer, but has your mom discovered that

19:33

things like this have gone on in her

19:35

family as well? Is this something that's been

19:37

going on? I mean always

19:39

been swept under the rug, or was

19:41

this more it happened happened in own

19:43

home growing up, you know? and she

19:46

was the oldest of all her

19:48

siblings, you know. And she had

19:50

a a lot of siblings. and And, you know,

19:52

she started off, they started off in the projects,

19:54

you know, and she's, you know, military dad,

19:56

he's from Indian Reservation, so he grew up. you

19:59

know, a a beauty beginning. and his ass by his stepdad on an

20:01

Indian reservation, he couldn't wait to get out of

20:03

there. He lied on his military application and said

20:05

he was 18 when he was really still. or

20:07

17. 16 or 17 But,

20:10

you know, he spread that. trauma

20:12

to his own daughters and and what he

20:14

did. And, you

20:17

know, and and people like, oh, oh, you know,

20:19

say that about it. I don't give

20:21

a fuck on me. I'm not saying this

20:23

otherwise that's why it's gonna keep happening.

20:25

I hope that these fucking weirdos or whatever the

20:27

message they're like, hey Like people

20:29

are gonna start speaking up now. That's

20:32

right. Your secret is not a secret anymore. Yeah,

20:34

it ain't no secret. Like, oh, that weirdo. I tell my daughter

20:36

that shit all the time. That weirdo, keep your distance from

20:38

him. like, fuck that weirdo. No. him the

20:40

fuck out of there, fuck out of there, homie. out gonna

20:42

calm out at Christmas front of everybody. Exactly, homie. Yeah.

20:44

Yeah. My Uncle Larry stopped fucking to touch my kids. Yeah.

20:46

Yeah. Quick, Quit trying to my

20:49

daughter's son in her lap, you little

20:51

weirdo. Yeah, yeah, Fuck that. Yeah, agree,

20:53

man. Put them on blast.

20:55

Yeah, yeah, but it's, yeah, I mean, heavy,

20:57

man, but it's... Have you talked to

20:59

the cousin, your cousin who did this. You

21:02

know what? None of this

21:04

would have ever happened if he would responded to me

21:06

when I I gave him chances, homie, just he's

21:08

my family. he's my first cousin homie. We

21:10

grew up like brothers, up is is who, brother,

21:12

mom's? It's my dad's sister's sons, right? There's

21:14

three of them though, okay? And we grew

21:16

up, we know, we know, go fishing, We go

21:19

to, go to, know, my dad would, you

21:21

know, help take of him. And he was, you

21:23

know, so was was oldest son. You

21:25

gave him an opportunity to. Yeah,

21:28

so this is like, what's, maybe 10 years ago,

21:30

texted him, right? right? I go, hey, hey, pretty

21:32

more. You know what we to talk

21:34

about? they me back, ghosted me. right?

21:37

And then I see him at my grandpa's house, another barbecue.

21:40

This is I go, hey, I'll you

21:42

to lunch, my treat. know what we need to talk

21:44

about? like let's take care of this, homie, you know? And

21:46

then he at me like sideways, I like, like, yeah, okay, yeah,

21:48

yeah, yeah. And then see me

21:51

again. So gave him

21:53

chances on me twice to just squash

21:55

this shit, to talk it out, just

21:57

cause we're family. Like I wanted apology homie. I

22:00

wanted to be fuck, sorry man, and duh, duh.

22:02

he never apologized to me You

22:04

know, he he to my dad, never

22:06

me, you know, and then he tried

22:08

to deny it at first and he admitted it And he not

22:10

to say we're lying. So what, admitted

22:12

it the podcast came out like had

22:14

to fess up to the family.

22:17

Yeah, well, yeah. That's when he finally- He was denied it at

22:19

first and then he admitted it. And then he finally came- He

22:21

admitted it to his parents. He admitted it to

22:23

his parents, to his wife. He did.

22:26

Yeah. Yeah, no, not to me. Not to

22:28

you though. No, I gave him to your dad. Where

22:31

did apologized. because my dad went to his

22:33

work and like, homie, you away from, you

22:35

know. you can't come to the pat no more

22:37

or none of that. And guess he

22:39

broke down and cried and apologized to my dad, but

22:41

never apologized to me. And it's crazy because

22:43

I found out in the treatment that they

22:45

said like 95 % of the time, predators not

22:47

apologize to their victims for whatever reason. It's

22:50

crazy, homie. So said he admitted it

22:52

to some family members and

22:54

you said he now

22:56

it? Yeah, but then,

22:59

yeah, so okay, so he admitted it. So all

23:01

along. Admit it. tried it. And And

23:03

then I guess him another, whatever, so

23:05

one of his family members was trying to

23:07

tell people where, because another victim came out,

23:09

my other cousin. I was gonna ask. After

23:12

this came out. this I'm sure. You know? And

23:14

it's another. I'm sure there are more are probably

23:16

scared. probably another cousin, homie, who- It is. And I

23:18

And I can't that, you you know, I

23:21

was pissed that it happened to him too, I'm also

23:23

grateful that he spoke up because he's a

23:25

real machi, He He works for LA Water and Power. I

23:27

don't want to say his name because you

23:29

know, that's a job. but you you Well, know,

23:31

what I'm saying? He's a tough-ass fool, fool You know what

23:33

I'm saying? Yeah, He knocks out. You know, know

23:35

what I mean? Just this other Family member that's supporting him.

23:37

Did this guy also do the same

23:39

shit to people is that why he's got

23:41

this guy's back? You know what

23:43

asking. Wait, wait, say again. You said there

23:45

was something You one of their family members

23:47

Started saying it was a lie as

23:49

well like supporting him. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that guy Guilty

23:51

of the same thing? No, that

23:53

I know of. But I know is you

23:56

know The the that I met when I

23:58

was able to you know, cause I, I was grateful

24:00

now I have insurance obviously through you know

24:02

sag and Riders guild and all that but

24:05

You know, I got so much education on

24:07

it it. they were like, you know, the average

24:11

You know like my has about 12 to 24

24:13

to 24 victims. Oh that's sad.

24:15

the average on me and me

24:17

and my my first cousin are

24:19

definitely not his only victims

24:21

You know I'm saying I'm saying? that's

24:23

when I was like, all

24:25

right. I'm I'm I'm gonna say

24:27

something now Have you talked to the other

24:29

cousin? Oh yeah, you did. Yeah,

24:31

I was triggering. He He you called me, you know

24:33

He's Who's older? Him. He is yeah And

24:35

then and the other one's older than both of us.

24:37

than both of us did it happen to

24:39

both of them Yeah. It did So this to

24:42

them before you then Yeah,

24:44

so he so He called my mom shaking. He goes,

24:46

yeah, I'm right now. I I told anybody but

24:48

that should happen to me, too And

24:50

I wish I would have said something because

24:52

I I could have saved Frankie, you know, Oh, and

24:54

so he's carrying that But But you

24:56

know now he goes to therapy homie, It's

24:58

like, you know, I I mean? I

25:00

don't mean to land the whole family. I know, it's like, hey,

25:03

it's time to go to therapy. He

25:05

did an episode of the honeydew with

25:08

the whole goddamn family. Frankie's on this podcast putting us

25:10

on blast, so we need to go to therapy now

25:12

homie. Oh

25:17

shit. this go sorry.

25:19

Yeah. yeah, no, no, but yeah. Yeah, so

25:22

that that cousin, yeah, had back

25:24

man I didn't know how even his whole

25:26

family because I got no problem with Tio and Tia, you

25:28

know, what I I mean They're the parents of

25:30

this cousin. Yeah, obviously felt bad They They apologized to

25:32

my dad and da, da, da. I still got love

25:34

for them They were always cool to me,

25:36

you know, I'm saying, I'm know And obviously something

25:38

happened to him for me to do this

25:40

for him to do it to me But

25:42

his younger youngest brother is one of my

25:44

closest cousins, right? And I didn't know

25:46

how he was gonna it but took my side, And

25:48

know, he hasn't talked to his brother since October

25:50

last October Okay, and And know, he's checking on me

25:52

all the time because and you know, he he's

25:54

the things he had to go through to find

25:57

out that the person his brother was But

25:59

it happen to him? know, to him as well? No,

26:01

no, he says he didn't, but you know, did it, but

26:03

you know, yeah, I don't

26:05

you know, people are gonna. But you're right, it

26:07

happened to him too, the abuser. So who's

26:09

doing that? And is it someone else in

26:12

the family that's holding that

26:14

shit you know? It could be me. I

26:16

mean, he would fuck, same cousin, I'm listening to other fucked shit

26:18

to me. Like he get a a weed whacker

26:20

have me in the corner of the

26:22

garage, I got my face, and I'd be like,

26:24

oh, crying, And then be be like, ah, right, and

26:26

I'm gonna go fuck you. And I

26:29

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

26:32

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. That's wild, let me get it,

26:34

yeah. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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28:47

Now Let's get back

28:49

to the do. But you know But you know

28:51

what? But like honestly, like had so much to

28:53

be grateful for. because know,

28:55

my mom dad are still married, man. And

28:57

you know. You seem like you have a good close family. Yeah, came

29:00

from nothing. Homie the bottoms, you know, and

29:02

they they their asses off. And we

29:04

started out at at a bedroom apartment in

29:06

the valley then they they their way up.

29:08

You know what I'm saying? saying? And

29:10

then I witnessed that. I was honored

29:12

to witness that, know, and their religion

29:14

was like old school funk. And like, you

29:16

know, they were paying and all that too, but like

29:19

diehard funk fans. Like my sister's name

29:21

is Tina Marie. Oh yeah, no, oh.

29:23

went to Rick James' funeral.

29:25

They're like, yeah, yeah. yeah. And that's

29:27

how they dealt with this shit, you know?

29:29

Just fans, not because they knew him for

29:31

a second. Yeah, Yeah, because yeah, just

29:34

his fans, homie. So like, you know

29:36

what mean, that That whole like, hey, positive bias is

29:38

how they got it. got it. Who's the Frankie

29:40

after? Uh-oh, well, you know, they say Frankie Beverly,

29:42

but it was like, you know, you

29:44

know, Mays? Yeah, yeah, but you

29:46

know, but really I'm after my grandpa. His name's Francis Cole,

29:48

but he changed his name to Frank. So he can

29:50

get a job in America because he around that time. But

29:54

sister really is,

29:56

yeah, after Tina Marie. My mom was so

29:58

mad because Tina Maria died shortly after. to

30:00

James and they didn't make like a big

30:02

thing of it. So my mom was like

30:04

letters to like the new guys, to like channel five news, you

30:06

know, like, hey, like Gina Marie died, you guys are

30:08

going to say nothing about it, it, know

30:10

you know. That's wild. That's wild. saying?

30:12

So know that that part of it too

30:14

like, as I got older too and

30:16

I realized how much pain my mom

30:18

was living with, I could see like, oh,

30:20

is a a remedy, you know, like music

30:22

and comedy, you know, You know, even they

30:24

were struggling, homie, we would get our water

30:26

turned off our light, get our lights we get

30:28

our but she had a but she had a boombox

30:30

on with double batteries and she would light

30:32

a bunch of candles and she put

30:34

on some, some old school jams, you know,

30:36

and I remember she put on, you know,

30:39

some maze or some, you know, cameo, confunction, you

30:41

know, some old Smokey or something. And we,

30:43

me and me and my sister would be

30:45

just dancing with her, you know, in in

30:47

the living room. And we're thinking like, oh,

30:49

we're having a little like candle party,

30:51

but looking back on it, like, damn, like for a parent

30:53

to, like what having was going through her

30:55

head And make it fun and enjoyable to Damn

30:57

homie, I mean, that takes some, takes a special heart

30:59

right there. know sure does. saying? it So

31:01

it's like, you know, and I've had a know, I've had

31:03

a, I've had a good life. So that's why I kept,

31:05

it saying? was, it was another reason for me

31:07

to suppress what happened to me because I'm like, I'm

31:09

come on, come on, you gotta have to be grateful for it,

31:11

You know, Like, you know, cause we worked our way

31:13

up, you know, and my mom and dad, we

31:15

we man, from a one bedroom apartment to a town home

31:17

a coldest -sac and then I had a rollerblades. all that.

31:20

I'm like, hey, you know? My My

31:22

would get jealous, soon. of the life. Listen,

31:24

this is I love about where I come

31:26

from, too. That is, that's it. That's

31:28

making it right there. Rollerblades and a cul-de-sac. You

31:30

know what I'm what I'm saying? That's amazing. other people

31:32

were worried about Lamborghinis and shit. I'm like, like,

31:34

man, let's just live with the back of a cul

31:36

-de -sac. We're a good place to fuck it. And my mom jealous

31:39

of my rollerblades, homie, you know? Cause y'all, oh, you having

31:41

fun on your little rollerblades, yeah. You know,

31:43

I had like one white friend that lived down

31:45

the street, she was oh, oh, you got a a

31:47

white friend? No, yeah, cool. Enjoy that.

31:49

know, I'd be like, be yeah, like, yeah, mom, man,

31:51

you, like, you know, Like you gave to

31:53

me, Like, you know, yeah. yeah. Should

31:56

like? But

31:58

yeah. But yeah,

32:00

I think the most important thing, man, is is like, you

32:03

know, you know, Ali is

32:05

producing and directing my first one

32:07

special. that's, you know, we'll be you you

32:10

know, that be a be out. We're going to record

32:12

it it year and it'll be out. And, And, you you

32:14

know, I talk about, I've been working on material. I

32:16

open up about a lot of this stuff. And

32:18

I asked her, you you know, I go, man, is this,

32:20

is this to be too heavy for like a mainstream or

32:22

that da, do? And she goes, not only do I

32:24

think that you should talk, say those

32:26

jokes, and talk about that stuff,

32:28

I think it's important that you do.

32:30

I I agree. And so I I think

32:32

you're opening up something that needs to

32:34

be opened and talked about, especially

32:37

on the male side of things, but

32:39

yeah, many people can relate to this,

32:41

obviously, male and female, but especially male

32:43

and men suppressing all this. And like I

32:45

say, walking off and just moving on.

32:47

Most of them will will die holding

32:49

it it in. Oh, they'll never want

32:51

to it. But they can

32:54

get to a spot and get enough

32:56

courage to go talk about it or go

32:58

get therapy or just, you know Tell

33:00

their family or whatever the kid whatever

33:02

step is to get it out, they

33:05

could have such a better life, you know, and they

33:07

don't have to die that way, You know what

33:09

I'm I'm saying? Which is crazy, hold me some heavy shit.

33:11

Tell me that, Like, I would died that way if

33:13

I didn't have success, you know, so it's like.

33:15

How do you, do really believe that? you You don't

33:17

think you ever would have talked about this if

33:19

success didn't come your way? I I don't think so,

33:21

I mean, eventually, you You know, you

33:23

don't have to be successful to

33:25

deal with it, obviously. That's not the reason.

33:27

But in my head, I was like, if

33:29

I check these boxes, if I become a

33:31

headliner, if I imagine if I was

33:34

able to buy a house, imagine if I I was on

33:36

a TV show and I checked all those homes, I checked all those

33:38

boxes, you you know? and I was in

33:40

the home that I bought doing

33:42

comedy, the thing that I love, you know,

33:44

I would finish a project and

33:46

I would be home, you know, having

33:48

be with myself, you know, especially during

33:50

the pandemic. And And I was the most

33:52

miserable. I I ever been Homie. I had

33:54

I checked all your boxes I had

33:56

everything I wanted, didn't solve one thing

34:00

Yeah, it a it was a

34:02

illusion in my head, you know So coming

34:04

out of the therapy then how things changed

34:06

for it with your mindset about all of

34:09

it Oh, man, it changed my life like

34:11

Yeah, first of all working up the courage

34:13

to open up about it that my life

34:15

And then going to get that treatment with

34:17

the blind Yoda, man. That fool changed my life. He rocked my world, dog.

34:19

then we might be all like crying, then he'd dim the

34:21

lights up when we were done And then

34:23

he would for that he had a little M&M

34:25

home with the hand and he's blind though, so would feel for

34:28

it and he would feel the little hand and he click it and

34:30

two little M&Ms would come out and then he would give it

34:32

to me and I'd be be like, oh, okay. like,

34:34

and I'm all like crying. But

34:37

but yeah, that changed my life and

34:39

I've been doing work ever since now

34:41

I'm doing like EMDR and Pasadena. Yeah. I

34:44

mean, all what changed doing me. the things

34:46

You know, I I preach on this podcast.

34:48

Dr. Drew at Turn-On. Oh really? I didn't know

34:50

about it either I had know about it

34:52

story short my daughter had almost got

34:54

hit by a car and Man

34:57

And man, it unearthed.

35:01

Like I had had idea all the anxiety

35:03

and issues I had they were had

35:05

been laying in a hammock just

35:07

chilling for 35 motherfucker years. Oh, it's our

35:09

time now? and they fit

35:11

I got I became

35:13

scared to fly heights. couldn't go up

35:15

escalators I came unhinged and

35:17

I had to go to EMDR and he had

35:19

told me about it. He's like it's not

35:22

talk therapy It's different. Oh, Oh yeah. said, no, never

35:24

done it. I went to this lady, like, oh,

35:26

I'm a lady, dude therapy dude. And he said there

35:28

is a beginning and there's an end to

35:30

this and some people get there quicker She

35:32

would tell me man, I sleep

35:34

on flights now. I fucking, I I live on

35:36

the top floor of building. You know

35:38

what I mean? I Like sleep mean? shit shit

35:40

but you got to understand What

35:42

is driving that and it's all

35:45

trauma. it would be go back to that time.

35:47

Yeah, where this is happening What and then they

35:49

will talk to you about it and you're either clicking

35:51

the things in your hands or whatever moving your

35:53

eyes And yeah, and And the end she would say,

35:56

okay, these are the things you said and here's

35:58

what I heard a bunch and

36:00

you start to see this common thread

36:02

that you don't even realize And you're

36:04

like, so about this and this thing like, oh,

36:06

shit. Yeah. And then what happens next

36:08

and you're like, this this

36:10

and this and this It's because that's

36:12

our trauma response. Yeah, is to just moving

36:14

forward? Yeah. Keep fucking going. Just

36:17

keep it moving on me. Man,

36:19

I I got be honest, like I first went to the

36:21

the MDR and he out the little lights, I kind of rubbed

36:23

eyes. I like, oh, yeah, if it was to to be a little light show or

36:25

we at the rave now? Like, to you know. but

36:29

they're like minutes later, I'm I'm like, oh, yeah, but

36:32

with the rave like, little hand. like, Like,

36:34

yeah, but uh, but the little

36:36

hand, But the

36:39

little hand buzzes were me. You know, and he was like, it

36:41

was like, it's get to let the left and the right brain

36:43

to talk to each other. He's like your, your right side

36:45

is holding your trauma. He's like, in your

36:47

left side is the language And feel like you

36:49

still feel the guilt and because you like it

36:51

just happened yesterday which is how I feel And

36:53

was on my knees doing all that bullshit

36:56

or whatever He doing to me. And

36:58

but you get the left side to talk

37:00

to it, it explains the trauma like, yo, it wasn't

37:02

your fault and it was a long time

37:04

ago, like you're good now, you're protected

37:06

now, you know, and it's all that stuff.

37:08

And so it's interesting that they figured

37:10

that out mean, but, but like,

37:12

yeah, I was a, I was numbing

37:14

it all out with, with drugs, you

37:16

know? And, you know, I was,

37:18

cocaine was never really my thing. I would dabble in it here and

37:20

there, you know? we're comedians. I I mean, it'd be at the

37:22

comedy club. Hey, you want to buy sugar? I would

37:24

never like me during the pandemic when I was

37:26

forced to like with myself. I wanted it. I

37:28

needed to numb it out. And

37:30

so, yeah, I was going crazy. Homie, was fucking around the paddock

37:32

little grumbling all sweaty, just how I do another line. I said,

37:34

that's about a half an hour. or So

37:37

another half an hour I could do it. You

37:39

know what and like?

37:42

Hey, homie, I fucking I turn I a lab rat. to

37:44

a lab rat. You know what I'm

37:46

saying? Yes. Oh, Oh, God, it was terrible, homie. And

37:49

yeah, and that was never even my choice. choice. You were

37:51

detoxing as well at this facility as

37:53

you're doing a double duty on the trauma. I wasn't the

37:55

detox. That's a a fuck lot. I was already of of cleaning

37:57

out because I, I. I with you like days

37:59

before I left over there, but I was

38:01

already kind of cleaning it up. Did

38:04

you know you were going? when we

38:06

did the the podcast, we did, okay. I

38:08

knew. I I already knew I

38:10

was going, yeah, yeah. And so, and my cousin I had show, I

38:12

remember I had a show at the comedy store

38:14

and then I was opening for Ali Wong and at Long Beach

38:16

or whatever that theater is down there. the convention. And

38:18

my cousin cousin, Ruben was with me, he had me like in

38:20

a a headlock, you know, to make sure I didn't

38:22

go nowhere, on me. And he took me to the airport

38:24

in the morning, boom, and And they had had the representative

38:26

there pick me up in Utah, you

38:28

know, and and was it, homie. And

38:30

so, yeah. Yeah, And since then

38:32

I've been doing work on myself

38:34

every day, you know? I've always

38:36

prayed, but now I like pray a different way

38:39

because processed this stuff, you know, and

38:41

I'm just like, I get on

38:43

my knees every morning, know, I thank God, you know,

38:45

I'm grateful to be alive because, You

38:47

know, I got close to death, man, and, And, you know, I

38:49

was... know, I was, I I to die,

38:51

you know, And it weak and all that

38:53

bullshit. And, you you know, and I

38:55

felt, I like fuck,

38:58

know, I was a little bitch to talk

39:00

about oh, I was molested or fucking, or oh,

39:02

wants to die and dah, dah, dah. but you

39:04

know, nobody under, you never know what going

39:06

through or or to deal with that. Like

39:09

I would fucking to fight somebody. You know what I'm You saying?

39:11

I'm saying? Like not the answer either, you know? And it's like,

39:13

okay, you I'm fucking weak? What's up then Hold me, let's go, you

39:15

know? And then fucking I'll probably get get my ass kicked, but whatever,

39:17

you know? And so I don't I

39:19

don't to have that anger in me anymore.

39:21

know what I I mean? And And then- is what

39:23

kills what kills you, it does. But But demons that that for

39:25

you every day that you have to deal

39:27

with every day, they got so strong, man,

39:29

especially after I thought I did all the

39:32

things that were gonna make me happy and

39:34

they didn't. Obviously I what I do and

39:36

And I would never fuck around, I would never

39:38

party while I was working. Like what we

39:40

were doing this full, I was in that shit. it

39:43

was saving me, it know? It keep me occupied and

39:45

I was able to stay in character because the

39:47

days are so long, 12, 15 hour days, you

39:49

go home, study your next for the next

39:51

day for an hour then you go to bed, hopefully hopefully you sleep four

39:53

or five hours and and back on the set the next

39:55

day. It just takes over your life, but you're able

39:57

to dial in the character and that was it. And then,

39:59

but- But then you finish, you know, and then you have money

40:02

you have have time. And so, yeah,

40:04

man, I just started doing a bunch

40:06

of drugs and then I just, you know, and

40:08

I kept thinking about these, the pain and,

40:10

you know, and and the worthlessness you feel

40:13

like, fuck, man, nobody is a fuck and

40:15

And spoke up for me. nobody, like,

40:17

like, why, why Why this happen, you know,

40:19

and it happened in my home, you know,

40:21

or our home, you know, that's where I'm

40:23

supposed to be safe I mean, That's where everybody's

40:25

supposed to be safe in their home, you

40:27

know, and instead I'm fucking, you you know, my

40:29

life was, got fucked up. My head got

40:31

fucked up. But there's a silver lining

40:34

because I don't think I would be a

40:36

successful comedian if I didn't have that pain in

40:38

me, you know, because that's how I dealt

40:40

with the pain was being funny at it was up,

40:42

positive vibes, I was hurting so

40:44

much inside, you know, and it's like now,

40:46

I know that it'll always

40:48

be a part of me, but I'm

40:51

able to like, kind of harness the

40:53

pain and and with it and, and, you

40:55

know, just find that balance, you know,

40:57

where it's not where it's not eating me. I'm

40:59

able to bring in protection. I know, talk

41:01

to the younger Frankie day like, hey, homie, because

41:04

did a lot of to me in the shower.

41:06

So every day I get in the shower, I'll think

41:08

about it. But now I get in get the shower, I'm like, hey

41:10

homie, not here no more. I got you. like, we're

41:12

just bathing. you know, we're going to start this day, we're

41:14

going to kill this shit, and I look in the mirror

41:16

and I say, you to get it it Boy, let's

41:18

go. You know this I'm saying? saying? And so that

41:20

been like a a tremendous, tremendous

41:22

help on me. and it's just like, and

41:25

now, you you know, prayer, meditation, all

41:27

those things, my relationship with God

41:30

has just been my lifesaver, know on

41:32

I me. mean? And so when

41:34

I'm able to help people, that's

41:37

the number one thing. It's like

41:39

whether it's feeding homeless at Skid Row, just

41:41

like helping younger people or or

41:43

with charities or whatever I could do

41:45

to help. It's like the number

41:47

one thing that kind of keeps

41:50

me, you you know, you know, cool,

41:52

know, not from the benders, but But with

41:54

you know, the darkest moment was,

41:56

you you know, when I I

41:59

had show at the... at the Laugh Factory and at the

42:01

Comedy Store the same night, right? And

42:03

after I out of the the the comic store, get a suite

42:05

at the Andas, know, it's it's next door to the comic store. And

42:07

and get a suite with the balcony, a and I'm like, hey, we're partying.

42:10

And I'm like, it's time to celebrate. I had just

42:12

finished doing season of this

42:14

full, The Walking Dead and what we in the shadows,

42:16

some shows in Austin. So I was

42:18

like, I had working for five months

42:20

and I'm like, I'm gonna celebrate. But

42:22

then I, then it came me, know, I

42:24

was partying for, kept extending the stay, stayed for

42:26

like three days, then I'm getting all fucking

42:28

twisted and paranoid at the end. I

42:31

think I think motherfuckers are come, like they're gonna me that

42:33

these fools are people. So I fucking kick all out.

42:35

You know, I I was like, nice about it. like, like, hey, you guys

42:37

gotta jam in little bit, okay? Cause I like, hey. And then they

42:39

up leaving and then I party for like whole

42:41

nother day then I take like- By Yeah, and then I Yeah, and

42:43

then I take like a few Xanax watch the down with bottle

42:45

of Crown Royal, My head's up against the

42:47

headboard like this. Jesus Christ. Like this and like, like, can't

42:49

move on me because and I'm saying, I'm sorry, I'm

42:51

saying my goodbyes, and I'm sorry, apologizing to my

42:53

sister. I thank God for my time

42:55

on earth. This is what you're doing

42:57

out loud. I Out loud,

43:00

I'm saying it. I'm sorry, you know,

43:02

thank you God my time.

43:04

Da da da, know know, I'm sorry mom, sorry

43:07

dad, know Fucking saying, listening to my

43:09

homies my cousins. Sorry step on you

43:11

know Esteban, he's out here helping me so much. Some

43:13

of the main people, fuck your father. I'm like, get

43:15

him all out of me, where you got him? I said,

43:17

get you a lot. Get the, I got some long road

43:20

calls over here. If you'd have had a mom, dad, and

43:22

dog, give me this. Shit homie. But

43:25

yeah, yeah, I it's all right. But

43:29

if the hotel security didn't wake me up, I

43:31

don't think I'd be alive almost Well they be

43:33

honest. be wake you up. Yeah, they woke me up

43:35

and they were like, hey, we call it paramedics, you gotta

43:38

up. up. Were they trying up. up? get? No, because time, was

43:40

the was the checkout time and I guess the

43:42

maids went in there and I'm fucking there, fucking, you know,

43:44

know, there's pedo all over, pedo is like, you know, know, things

43:46

like drugs and shit like around. All over. And so they called

43:48

the fucking room, I'm like, you you know, and I,

43:50

I I like up and I thought it was still

43:52

like, okay, I'm somewhere else and I'm like oh

43:54

shit, alive still. And then, and

43:56

that's when I finally got sister. I I got my

43:58

sister on the phone. goes, motherfucker. You me right now,

44:00

you're gonna go get help. know, and I

44:02

said, okay, man, promise you, you know? And

44:05

I And I just in that cloud homie, of like,

44:07

this is the path that God laid out for

44:09

me and now it's time for me to

44:11

go, you know? I was convinced. And

44:13

then now I got through it, you

44:15

know, my sister is like,

44:18

you know, she saved my life, man,

44:20

and she's like the heart of her

44:22

family, you know? And she's an artist

44:24

she's got such a a big heart. And

44:27

my mom and dad went through

44:29

so much, especially my mom, know?

44:33

So we carry a lot of her

44:35

pain. And me to, my wrote me a letter

44:38

to to say things would play out

44:40

if I died, you know? like my Godchildren,

44:42

for her, for my mom, for

44:44

my dad. And

44:47

after I I that letter, I

44:49

said, this ain't about you

44:51

no more homie. you know? This

44:53

ain't about you. right. That's right. is about

44:55

all the people that you can help.

44:57

most importantly, about your family, your about

44:59

your Godchildren. my This My goddaughter's name's Frankie, you

45:01

know, after me. And to think

45:03

that I was in a place where I thought it'd

45:05

be better for her if I left, you know? It's

45:08

crazy, homie. But that's where those demons

45:10

and the shit take off. That's why it's

45:12

important to process this trauma, you know

45:14

what I'm I'm saying? And now I'm so grateful

45:16

to be alive. And I I so

45:18

much talent. I got so much

45:20

ideas in my head that I I

45:22

to share with the world, you know?

45:24

And I go into a room full

45:26

of strangers, homie, is you know, performing for 5,000, 12,000

45:28

people, 12 ,000 people. I'm floating,

45:30

I'm like, I got you. Like, want your heart, homie.

45:32

I'm giving you my all right now. And

45:34

I love you, you know? And when walk out of

45:36

there, I want you to feel like I'm your

45:38

friend, you know? Cause that's

45:40

one thing that God gave me is

45:42

is for people, you know? Well,

45:45

you really, how long ago was your episode? Whew.

45:48

it was early, early last year.

45:50

last year. So let me me

45:52

see, I I your went in 2023. It was

45:54

probably like April or May of 2023. I mean,

45:56

you really fucking, you you really do. into this

45:58

and went all in. really did.

46:00

Yeah, so that was the beginning of

46:02

it. you. I did it, hold me

46:04

in there. But I mean, we're

46:06

a little over a year right now

46:09

and you've been all still And crying,

46:11

huh? Nah, you're gonna cry forever,

46:13

bro. gonna cry forever, bro. cry I

46:15

want to ask you a couple questions

46:17

before we wrap this up. Like, I

46:20

guess it's a two -part question. Do

46:23

you think you will ever have a

46:25

conversation with this cousin? if so, how

46:27

do you think you'll take it now

46:29

knowing the way he's behaved and blown

46:31

it off? Would it be different than

46:33

it would have been if it was,

46:35

you know, he just was honest, or

46:37

are you gonna be more defensive about

46:39

it now? Fuck, yeah, I don't know,

46:41

man. What's happened lately is, I don't

46:43

know. Are there any functions you run

46:45

into? him the face -to -face, you know?

46:47

And he bitched out, basically, you know?

46:50

He goes to me, didn't respond, and

46:52

I would even try to make efforts.

46:54

I'll go to his family, his whatever,

46:56

barbecues, and I'm showing my face to

46:58

him, you know? Hey, hold me, I'm

47:00

here, you know? you're not gonna say

47:02

nothing, you know? I'm your first cousin,

47:04

homie. I fucking apologize, at least, but

47:06

he's too weak to even do that.

47:08

So, you know what? That's it, you

47:10

know? Like, do it's one thing, it's like,

47:12

well, those people need help. Yeah, he

47:14

needs help. He said he those get

47:17

help. I hope he does get help. to

47:20

not apologize when I gave you

47:22

the opportunity to, fucking weak, homie, you

47:24

know? And, you know, and he's

47:26

not a small guy, and he's you

47:28

big know? one, he's like, he's fucking

47:31

a bitch, homie. But the thing too

47:33

is like, and I don't know

47:35

this, I'm asking because I'm ignorant to

47:37

this, but like, I feel like

47:39

that's a behavior that doesn't just stop.

47:41

That's what, that's my main concern.

47:43

Right? So then you're talking about nieces,

47:46

nephews, grandkids, whatever it is, but

47:48

he knows he's a sick person. That's

47:50

what I'm saying. Like, Like, so

47:52

go do something about it, he you

47:54

don't fix it, it doesn't seem like

47:56

you age out of fucking being

47:58

a predator. Yeah, you don't. You don't

48:01

just be retired. I don't care from it, like I

48:03

that that shit anymore. I'll do that shit anymore,

48:05

man. I'll touch kids anymore, man. You little plackers. That's

48:07

young man's, I'm done now, man. I'll stop kids. kids.

48:10

And the told me that, they go, once

48:12

they go once they start, they can't stop. There's

48:14

no way. there's no way. If you're

48:16

going to risk life in prison

48:18

and shit like this, then you can't

48:20

stop. If don't just one

48:22

day wake up, and go, not gonna do that shit

48:24

anymore. No, not into that anymore. Yeah. No,

48:27

you know. I hope he gets helped

48:29

man. He He my family, he is my first cousin, but.

48:31

Like I said, know, for me to, even people are

48:33

like, man, that was a nice you to give them those

48:35

chances. And he knows. is. is. And he

48:37

knows, he and I'll say it it camera, he

48:40

knows that I texted him. And if he

48:42

tries to tell people that I didn't, didn't

48:44

or try say, no, he never hit me

48:46

up, that's bullshit. Well, here's the

48:48

other thing too, Frankie. There's

48:51

that would think. I'm

48:53

gonna do this to this kid And then

48:55

one day, this kid's gonna grow up. up and

48:58

have a voice louder

49:00

than anybody ever, and then

49:02

can call me out. You

49:05

get to live with a lie

49:07

for what, 30 years? years? Imagine that,

49:09

and it comes back to getcha in your,

49:11

how old's he? Yeah, well, he's

49:13

probably in his 50s. much older is he than

49:15

you? Yeah, he's in his fifties. Okay. Yeah.

49:17

So you think about that, 40 years, 45

49:19

years, you you get to live with this

49:22

lie, and then all of a sudden. Well, he's been

49:24

away with it. Yeah. This

49:26

guy. gets a show.

49:28

oh oh shit, it'll be successful, yeah.

49:30

Kaboom. Kaboom. Kaboom, Yeah, and it

49:32

also me that having to hold that

49:35

in for 30 plus years on

49:37

me. How fucking? that's, Like you know

49:39

what? to hear my mom

49:41

say, you know, cause my mom accomplished a

49:43

lot, she used She used pain and everything she's been

49:45

through to as her motivation to be like,

49:47

everybody told her, you ain't be shit, you ain't know, you're

49:49

fucking dah, dah, dah. and And she she

49:52

was a a hustler, on know hustled, I was mean? and she worked and worked and

49:54

worked. And she's you know, and we're

49:56

still young, know, like we're homies, we she's to concerts

49:58

together, we we go like. you know, like. Funk concerts. Yeah,

50:00

yeah, That's the homie, man. my dad just

50:02

in the background like, know, like, you

50:04

know, know, shit. But

50:06

my mom's the firecracker, My mom's the firecracker,

50:08

you know? so. So, the Yeah,

50:12

So you so to, my mom's

50:14

like, you know, she

50:16

said, Miho, you know, we both did the same thing to

50:19

be able to accomplish as

50:21

much as you did with the amount of pain

50:23

that you have to deal with every day is incredible,

50:27

you know, and it's something that, you know, it me

50:29

want to cry right now. but it's like, but

50:31

that it also was like a part of the

50:33

motivation. It's like, damn, man, this shit is

50:35

so dark. It's so heavy. The

50:37

demons that I deal with every day.

50:40

But that's what made me like not miss

50:42

a day of work, fucking ready to work

50:44

all day, be ready for another 10 hour

50:46

day because I'm because I'm

50:48

like, well, you know, I'm gonna, I to like,

50:50

I'm trying to fight this, you know?

50:53

And so it was something that we had,

50:55

But now we're taking it to a

50:57

whole different level with with doing, you

50:59

know, the the EMDR, the therapy, the fucking, I'm doing

51:01

everything on me, you know, I go

51:04

to groups, I go to because, know,

51:06

like you almost died, me. I was supposed to be

51:08

dead, you know? And so

51:11

and I almost died in a car accident

51:13

on highway one I was 17. So I

51:15

thought about that. I'm I'm just like, man, I

51:17

got so I have so many brushes

51:19

with death and I'm still here. So

51:21

I know God wants me here. homie.

51:23

And so- And making it count. Yeah, You're

51:25

not just coasting along. you're it fucking count.

51:27

You're making a difference for a

51:29

lot of people. I Yeah, know that, people,

51:32

especially people in my community, the black community that this,

51:34

they're gonna, there's going to be at least one

51:36

person that's going to speak up about what

51:38

happened to them just from hearing this, you

51:40

know? And that's a win for us, homie, you know

51:42

know I mean? Dude, thank you.

51:44

Thank you for doing this episode. I know very

51:47

pleasantly surprised and

51:49

happy that that all

51:52

of of work you've

51:54

done since the last episode,

51:56

I'm glad that this did that.

51:58

I You I know we laughed about everybody popping off.

52:00

into therapy now, but it's good. Good because the

52:02

generation and the one after that in

52:04

your family are to be safer and protected. That's

52:06

the whole thing, man. That's who we got to

52:08

look at. Now, it already happened to us.

52:10

Got to look out for it easily. Yeah, it

52:12

because it goes in your DNA. Homie

52:15

trauma goes in the DNA. So you, dude. Promote

52:17

you'd like one more time. Oh yeah, oh

52:19

man, just yeah, yeah, the things. man. Go

52:22

to check out Frankie Quiñones YouTube, check out

52:24

Cholo Fit Homie, you know know cholo I'm

52:26

fit saying? This one, Hulu. And

52:28

then I'll look out for my

52:30

special producer and by Ali Wong

52:32

dropping Hulu next year. That's what's

52:34

up. up. Thank you, brother. Thank

52:36

you, you, appreciate I appreciate always, as Ryan

52:38

Ryan Sickler all your social media.

52:40

Come see me on tour tickets

52:42

for all dates are or my

52:44

website at .com. We'll talk to

52:46

you all next week. Hospital