0:00

I'm headed back to Zaines in

0:02

Nashville Friday March 28th and Saturday

0:04

March 29th Madison Wisconsin I'm excited

0:07

to announce I'm shooting my next

0:09

special at your club comedy on

0:11

state I was there not too

0:14

long ago had such a great

0:16

time such a great club that

0:18

I'm excited to work with them

0:21

and bring you my next special

0:23

two shows Saturday April 12th get

0:26

your tickets now at Ryan Sickler.

0:28

The Honeydew with Ryan

0:31

Sickler. Welcome back to

0:33

the Honeydew y'all. We're

0:35

over here doing it

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in the Night Pan

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Studios. I am Ryan

0:42

Sickler thanking you for watching

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this show and supporting this

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show for all these years.

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And you know what? whatever

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you do that supports anything

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i do thank you very

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much i don't care what

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all right, that's the biz. You guys

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know what we do here, we highlight

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the low lights, I always say these

1:51

are the stories behind the storytellers, and

1:54

I'm very excited to have this guest.

1:56

team. Welcome back to the honeydew buddy.

1:58

It's always good to see you ma'am. Yeah,

2:19

because 40. Hold on, let's pause this

2:21

for a second. Promote, promote,

2:23

promote everything you want to

2:26

promote. Jim florentine.com. I got

2:28

a podcast called Everybody Is

2:30

Awful. It comes out every Monday.

2:32

I got a book called Everybody

2:35

is Awful. It's Out There and

2:37

yeah, that's it. My comedy special,

2:39

you can't please them all. It's on

2:41

Amazon Prime. I got three or four

2:43

specials up there. You can catch up

2:46

there. And just dates, where can they

2:48

go. Is

19:45

that right? Yeah. I was thinking a

19:47

world where everyone's divorced. No, they're all...

19:50

Your neighborhood's all good to go, huh?

19:52

They're all Brooklyn and Staten Island people

19:54

moved in and they married the high

19:56

school sweethearts. And they just stayed together.

19:59

And they're all... I'm like, man,

20:01

nothing, this man, there's no,

20:03

there's nothing. Yeah, so I'm

20:05

like, pretty much the only one.

20:07

What, um, at the time when

20:10

you first split and you're a

20:12

single dad, what was the hardest

20:14

thing for you at first? Well,

20:17

not seeing him. Yeah. You know,

20:19

not, you know, on Thursday morning

20:21

or whatever. He's with his mom

20:23

till, you know, Sunday or Monday

20:26

when I get him back. You

20:28

know, just missing them. you know that

20:30

I don't but I had to make that

20:32

decision at that point where you know I had

20:34

to go okay I can't be in a

20:36

relationship like this so I have to do

20:38

this even though it's going to affect how

20:40

much I'm going to see him and like

20:43

I always worry about the 18 years too

20:45

like you were talking about before he's 14

20:47

I got four years left so I'm

20:49

trying to spend every moment with

20:51

him You know, we have the routine every

20:53

night after I cook dinner, we watch

20:55

a movie or a TV series together

20:58

or sports on the weekends and stuff

21:00

like that, because I know it's coming.

21:02

I know, I think about it too, like

21:04

selfishly, I'm like, I, you know, stay close,

21:06

go to college, close by or whatever close

21:09

by, and I think, what are you talking

21:11

about? Dude, you left Maryland all the way

21:13

to California, you can't tell her, she can't

21:16

do that if she wants to, too. Yeah,

21:18

you can't do that. You know what I mean? You

21:20

know everything about that? Like, oh my God, you married

21:22

somebody and moved to Germany? What? You know, then I

21:24

never see you or my grandkids or anything. Like,

21:26

what? Yeah, I worry about that too. I'm like, man, if

21:28

he goes to Phoenix, I go, I'll fly out there to

21:30

have lunch with him. You know what I mean? So it's,

21:32

yeah, I'm worried about that. And also what I gotta

21:35

worry about in a couple of years is him

21:37

driving. And then all the other kids and then all

21:39

the other kids and getting in getting in getting

21:41

in getting in getting in a car with

21:43

a car with a car with a car with

21:45

a kid. I know I say to my my

21:47

stepson I went out and drove with him for

21:49

a while and I was like look you say

21:51

I'm an old man all you want to but

21:54

I'm telling you this texting bullshit that didn't exist

21:56

right I go look pull up at the light

21:58

I see people nothing me crazier more

22:00

than watching it's always a lady too holding

22:02

her phone talking like this in a 2024

22:05

car that has car play where you can

22:07

go hands free and talking to fucking car

22:09

and you're on speaker driving and looking at

22:11

it and stuff like why are you doing

22:13

that yeah it automatically connects for you yeah

22:15

no I know there's so much more out

22:17

there now than there ever was that's another

22:19

reason like I've today a motorcycle forget it

22:22

No way. For never. Get it today. Yeah.

22:24

But then also, you know, they got Uber,

22:26

which is good. We didn't have. I mean,

22:28

it's true. I probably was in a thousand

22:30

cars where a guy was drunk. Yep. And

22:32

it might have been 200 I was driving.

22:34

You know, I have a friend and we

22:36

figured out how many times he drove drunk.

22:39

He's 60. How? We put through... How did

22:41

you do the math on that? Because we

22:43

started when he started driving at 17, so

22:45

from like 17 to 27, how many times,

22:47

and then when he got married at 27,

22:49

so 27 to 47 while he was married,

22:51

not as much, and then the last 10

22:53

years, so he's been driving 43 years, 3,

22:55

216 times. No, I just had to change

22:58

it to three thousand two hundred seventeen because

23:00

two weeks ago he left my house after

23:02

football So I marked that to cross up

23:04

to six and put a seven So his

23:06

wife found that about so now you've got

23:08

two hundred and seventeen Yes, and his wife

23:10

just got him finally got him the Uber

23:12

app He's like I don't know what this

23:15

thing is, but I got my what I

23:17

got to take this I go I've been

23:19

telling you about that for ten years. Yeah

23:21

So now he's good about taking ooburs and

23:23

shit? He's not, but he does. But from

23:25

17 to 27, he figured out four days

23:27

a week. Jesus. Yeah, because that's what we

23:29

do. We just get a case of beer

23:32

and just hang out and drink and listen

23:34

to music and do whatever. So we always

23:36

were doing that. So that's one thing I

23:38

don't have to worry about. My son is

23:40

he's gonna have an Uber app, he's gonna

23:42

have an account, and he's never gonna get

23:44

a car with somebody that's a car with

23:46

somebody that's drunk. is easier said than done.

23:49

I said, look, there's always gonna be a

23:51

hot girl that's gonna offer you a pill

23:53

at a party, gonna tell you to get

23:55

in the car and call you a pussy

23:57

if you don't. And if you do, listen

23:59

to where you might get in their pants.

24:01

You have to somehow resist that. It's gonna

24:03

be tough. It's gonna be really tough. A

24:06

kid with a boy with testosterone. The boner

24:08

just leading them everywhere. Yeah. You know, I

24:10

told him, I had to be honest with

24:12

him, I go, look, I was in a

24:14

room with two strippers. They had cocaine and

24:16

they were both gonna, I was gonna be

24:18

with them at the same time if I

24:20

did coke. You're telling him this? I told

24:23

him I had to, because he's getting at

24:25

age, you know, and I go, and I

24:27

go, and I didn't, I told him I

24:29

had to, because he's getting at age, you

24:31

know, and I didn't go down because I

24:33

don't go down because of that, because of

24:35

that, because of that, because of that, because

24:37

of that, because of that, because of that,

24:40

because of that, because of that, because of,

24:42

because of that, because of, because of, because

24:44

of, because of, because of, because of, I,

24:46

because of, I, I, I, I, I, I,

24:48

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

24:50

I, I, I, I, I, But I didn't

24:52

do it. I said you so you got

24:54

you're gonna be in those situations. You gotta

24:57

just say no It's gonna be tough. You're

24:59

gonna be at a party take this pill.

25:01

It's gonna make you feel come on. We're

25:03

all doing it And for them are dead

25:05

over there and shit I told them I

25:07

said this your excuse I can't make it

25:09

feel come on. We're all doing it And

25:11

for them are dead over there and shit

25:13

I told them I said this is your

25:16

excuse. I'll never go through that for three

25:18

I go, so no one's gonna go. No,

25:20

it's not gonna happen this time. Oh, sorry.

25:22

You must have just saved somebody actually. Right.

25:24

And that's what I do with drunks when

25:26

they want to offer me a shot after

25:28

a comedy show. I go, nah, man. Come

25:30

on, man. Just do one. I go, listen,

25:33

I got three DWIs and I get a

25:35

fourth when I go to jail for 10

25:37

years. Like, whoa. All right, so sorry. Oh,

25:39

no problem. Believe. Believe me. Believe me. I

25:41

believe me. I believe me. I believe me.

25:43

I would. I would believe me. I would

25:45

believe me. I would believe me. I would

25:47

believe me. I would believe me. I would.

25:50

I would. I would. I would believe me.

25:52

I would. I would. I would. I would.

25:54

I would. I would. I would. I would.

25:56

I would. I would. I would. I would.

25:58

I would. I would. I would. I would.

26:00

I Just a way to get out of

26:02

it. No one's ever going, oh, come on.

26:04

Yeah, who's looking the record up? Yeah, yeah.

26:07

Or they're not going to go, you just

26:09

can't do one? Yeah. They understand when you.

26:11

put it to that. So I said, this

26:13

is your excuse. And we go over in

26:15

the car like once every two weeks. So

26:17

I'm a girl at a party or for

26:19

you. You do it. Or a line. What

26:21

do you say? I can't. I got a

26:24

stomach pump. I tell all the parents. I

26:26

go tell them what you're going to say.

26:28

I go tell them what you're going to

26:30

say. I go tell them what you're going

26:32

to say. I go tell them what you're

26:34

going to bed. I go. Never. There's no

26:36

way. That's what they say. A real parent,

26:38

you really never sleep. You go to sleep,

26:41

but you don't really sleep. But meanwhile, it's

26:43

very to manage from, you know, six to

26:45

now is so easy to manage. But it's

26:47

once they're in that car and they're out

26:49

and the parties and all that stuff, that's

26:51

when you're really going to have to worry.

26:53

What, what was the hardest part about? I

26:55

know you say missing him, but like just

26:58

actually being a single dad for you. Was

27:00

it more like adjusting your comedy schedule and

27:02

work schedule to that? I'm home these nights.

27:04

I'm not out now and and what are

27:06

you doing those nights? Yeah, and those are,

27:08

you know, there's a lot of things going

27:10

on where I have to miss because I

27:12

got him. I've also had this regulated schedule

27:14

for what 20 some years on your own

27:17

where you're doing it this way and now

27:19

all of a sudden switching. Yep, and you

27:21

know, you miss so many things. I'm like,

27:23

I can't take him into New York for

27:25

this thing because he has to get up

27:27

to school in the morning. I can't have

27:29

him out to 11 o'clock at night. So

27:31

I got to miss this. You know, so

27:34

it's tough. But, you know, to me, it's

27:36

more important. See, that got easier for me

27:38

too. I'll be like, I'm... Right here at

27:40

my kid though, where I'm supposed to be.

27:42

Right, no, that's true. But you know, when

27:44

it's something for your career, not that I

27:46

need to, oh my God, I gotta be

27:48

there, but something like, man, I really should

27:51

be there, but I can't. You know, but

27:53

I have no choice. Like, you know, just

27:55

recently, Bill Burr and Shane Gillis were playing

27:57

in LA, and I was gonna come out

27:59

a day earlier, but I couldn't because I

28:01

had my kid and I couldn't. So I'm

28:03

like, I'm going to miss that, which I

28:05

would have liked to be at. But you

28:08

know, you got to do it. That's way

28:10

more important for me to, you know, be

28:12

there present for my kid, be around them

28:14

and know that, because I need to, we

28:16

need to set an example for him for

28:18

when he gets married. I always go, I

28:20

always tell him, I said, when he's over

28:22

like a friend's house. I go watch that

28:25

couple that you know the great marriage and

28:27

never putting each other down they'll pass a

28:29

aggressive stuff. I go that's what a marriage

28:31

is so just remember that that's normal. You

28:33

know I always and he knows those parents

28:35

like so that's the relationship you want to

28:37

be in. That's good that's really good advice.

28:39

It's also good that you do have that

28:42

because I'm trying to sit here and think

28:44

like a lot most of people I know

28:46

are probably not together. Right,

28:48

you've got good couples in your neighborhood.

28:50

Oh yeah, everybody and they're all and

28:52

there's no stable family. There's never any

28:54

tension in those marriages either where you

28:57

could tell, you know, man, this is,

28:59

they don't like each other. This one's

29:01

gonna end sooner or later. Yeah, so

29:03

he knows that, so it's good, he's

29:05

got that, but you know, and you

29:07

both, you and your ex, good about

29:10

not shitting on each other around. Probably

29:12

not. I'm a lot better at it

29:14

now. Of course, the ganger came out

29:16

early and stuff, so I wasn't. But

29:18

now I know, you know, as he's

29:20

older, he doesn't want to hear it.

29:23

So I don't do it anymore. I

29:25

always just say, I go, look, you

29:27

got one mom and you got one

29:29

dad. So just remember that. Yeah, I,

29:31

a therapist told me one time that,

29:33

you know, like, if you're shitting on

29:36

the other person, like, like, your child's

29:38

half that person, half that person, I

29:40

was like, I had never even thought

29:42

about that letting either. Like you're, yeah,

29:44

I know you're that person, but I'm

29:46

half of that and you must, I

29:49

was like, yeah, I don't like that.

29:51

So I've, I made sure. or even

29:53

early on, like, just when she wasn't

29:55

with me or when she was asleep,

29:57

I'd go back and shut that door,

29:59

I'd go off about it then, but

30:02

never in front. Yeah, it was rough

30:04

in the beginning. I was probably a

30:06

little childish about it, but no, I've

30:08

gotten way better over the years. I

30:10

don't say anything anymore. And what changed?

30:12

I just think he'd just accepted it.

30:15

Maybe it was, you know, I was

30:17

angry. You know, so this time processing

30:19

yeah, instead of holding it But that's

30:21

what I'm saying what change instead of

30:23

holding it and still You know, you

30:25

know those people still 14 15 years

30:28

later like fuck this guy or this

30:30

bitch or whatever and you are still

30:32

holding on of that thing What was

30:34

it for you that you just for

30:36

like I got to let this go?

30:38

I think just over time it just

30:41

did I don't hold grudges You know

30:43

I might for a little while, but

30:45

I get along with everybody else is

30:47

doing as long as you don't fuck

30:49

me over There's nobody I'm not that

30:51

I hate right now like I just

30:54

never like if something happens whatever you

30:56

move on from it you might be

30:58

mad for a little while so I

31:00

just learned not to hold a grudge

31:02

it took a few years you know

31:04

and then you know but then we

31:07

worked it out I'm like look I

31:09

got to do this for the kids

31:11

so you know and now my whole

31:13

thing is I got to make sure

31:15

that he's set up for the rest

31:17

of his life like I got to

31:20

make sure like I got to make

31:22

sure like a college fund. That's

31:24

the thing I don't want him to take

31:26

a shitty job at 23 or 24 because

31:28

he has to pay all these bills And

31:30

then he doesn't really want to do pursue

31:32

what he really wants. I want to make

31:34

sure it isn't you know have student loans

31:37

for the net till he's 45 years old

31:39

paying that shit off Yeah, when I could

31:41

so I don't I don't live an extravagant

31:43

lifestyle I never did, but I drive used

31:45

a Honda Accords. I don't buy I don't

31:47

live beyond my means. I don't really buy

31:49

anything you know, you know, you know, and

31:51

just make sure that money's for him to

31:53

make sure that's covered. So you can figure

31:55

out what he wants to do. You know,

31:57

that's what my parents did for me. I

31:59

only want to... community college but you know

32:02

I had no debt coming out I just

32:04

figured it out and even when I was

32:06

making when I first started doing comedy it

32:08

was like perfect I wasn't I didn't have

32:10

all his debt there yeah like $80,000 worth

32:12

of debt you got to pay off for

32:14

the next 50 fucking year yeah so I'm

32:16

making sure that he set up for that

32:18

whatever he wants to do to me

32:20

that's really important you know to do that

32:23

for him do you have living will and

32:25

trust yeah good man we have life insurance

32:27

yeah You did it all right then? Yeah,

32:29

that's it. That's what you need to do.

32:31

Yeah. Yeah. Get a living will and trust,

32:33

get your life insurance, and then hope

32:36

you don't, he doesn't cash that fucking policy.

32:38

Yeah. I think there's some clauses in the

32:40

in the will at certain ages, you know,

32:42

where you do all that stuff, but you

32:45

know. Yeah, God forbid you can't let

32:47

a 18 year old kid have life

32:49

insurance money, they're going to piss that

32:51

away. Oh yeah. Yeah. No, no. There's

32:53

no. There's no. There's no way. But I

32:55

always tell them, you know, I explain about

32:57

the money, you know, you don't, I go,

32:59

you're gonna have more, any more friends if

33:02

you buy the new Jordans or whatever, the

33:04

Kanye sneakers. I go, people gonna, I go,

33:06

I can have five Tesla's in the driveway

33:08

if I wanted to. Is anyone gonna like

33:10

me anymore? You gotta realize, no, no, no,

33:13

that shit means anything. It really doesn't. You

33:15

know, so just know that. You don't have

33:17

to try to impress people with expensive stuff.

33:19

And he's pretty, he just wears, he's like

33:22

a t-shirt, sweats, same thing with me. So

33:24

he's not high maintenance at all. Get him a

33:26

Miami dolphin, Jersey, whoever a new good player

33:28

is, and he's happy with that. Yeah, yeah.

33:30

And I like him raised like that where he

33:32

doesn't. I go to, no one's gonna care to you

33:34

got the new Nikes. You know what I mean? No,

33:36

and one's not. Or that you don't. Or that

33:39

you don't. Or that you don't. Or that you

33:41

don't. the other way you know what I

33:43

mean or that you don't nobody's I

33:45

don't I don't remember anybody's shoes from

33:47

fucking I don't either but see we

33:49

would get fucked up we had Kmart

33:51

back in the day and they had

33:53

McGregor that was like their line and

33:55

if you have McGregor's on man you

33:57

was you're probably gonna get stomped yeah but

33:59

now stores like Target Carry Tony Hawk and

34:02

you know all these popular lines where

34:04

you can go there and get clothes

34:06

and kids don't get clounder or beat

34:08

up and show over dumb stuff. Right.

34:10

I mean they figured it out. Yeah.

34:12

But who cares if you have the

34:14

New Jordans? Who cares if you have

34:16

that? Well sometime you know when you're

34:18

insecure like that and you feel like

34:20

you have to have a because some

34:23

of his kids do it but yeah

34:25

he's he's he's getting raised like low

34:27

maintenance and that's where you need to

34:29

be. You pick your spots when you

34:31

want to spend your money. Yeah, my

34:33

daughter's in the makeup and that shit's

34:35

wildly expensive. Right. And then she'll get

34:37

an allowance and I'm like, you go

34:39

in, you take your allowance. spend whatever

34:41

you want, I don't care, but you're

34:43

not getting any more, and I'm not

34:46

covering tax, you know, I teach her

34:48

about tax. She's like, wait, that's $10

34:50

more. I'm like, yeah, well, that's 10%

34:52

on that right now, basically out here.

34:54

She's like, what? She's like, that's not

34:56

fair. I'm like, yeah, get in line

34:58

with all these other people. Welcome to

35:00

the show, lady. You think you got

35:02

$75, you got $75. You know. I

35:04

got $75. I got $75. I got

35:06

$4. I got $4. and then you

35:09

know like for ninth grade going in

35:11

there is an elective course he could

35:13

take his video editing I said take

35:15

that man yeah ninth grade bro and

35:17

I go take that because I go

35:19

what I go do you want to

35:21

work as a bus boy in a

35:23

restaurant or you want to do video

35:25

editing you could do my stuff or

35:27

I have other comics you could do

35:29

if you're good at it and so

35:32

you don't have to go to be

35:34

a bus boy but it's a digital

35:36

age now just to have that skill

35:38

and be able to like I say

35:40

all the in time. Well, no, I

35:42

don't. It worked out for me. But

35:44

either way, if I did, I wouldn't

35:46

go back to college with the focus

35:48

on this four-year plan and this piece

35:50

of paper. And the curriculum that they

35:52

set for said whatever you want to

35:55

go, I would go back and diversify

35:57

myself. I would take a video editing,

35:59

I would take a finance class, I

36:01

would take a business class, I would

36:03

just try to learn a little more

36:05

about, you know, business, money. editing and

36:07

just be a little more well rounded

36:09

instead of this you know yeah funneled

36:11

into this one program with this thing

36:13

and very focused on these and not

36:16

whatever the fuck else is going on

36:18

out there well I found the community

36:20

college that I went to one my

36:22

dad wanted me to go to finance

36:24

and he was in that I was

36:26

like after one semester I can't this

36:28

is not for me so I found

36:30

a community college where communications they had

36:32

radio and TV acting yeah film and

36:34

all this stuff and I was like

36:36

this is part and I excelled in

36:39

that I loved it I was on

36:41

the radio station at the at the

36:43

school there then I got an internship

36:45

at another radio station after two years

36:47

I was already like a morning DJ

36:49

at like 19 years old is that

36:51

right yeah so I didn't even go

36:53

I didn't do four years, a little

36:55

small station, but I was already on

36:57

a station at that point. But I

36:59

love that once I found out what

37:02

I really liked in those courses. That's

37:04

what I'm saying. I did, I had

37:06

an AM radio show at my college

37:08

in Towson. I had all those classes

37:10

and courses too, and I'm saying like,

37:12

but and then everything evolved so fast.

37:14

Like I was, I know you were,

37:16

we were cutting with a razor blade,

37:18

splicing tape to tape, and then. two

37:20

years later it's like CDs and digital

37:22

it's like we don't even need to

37:25

what the fuck I showed up on

37:27

a Saturday to do that project in

37:29

college you know what I mean and

37:31

now it's just boom boom so I

37:33

was just telling a friend like we

37:35

learned MS Doss and Lotus on floppy

37:37

disks and shit and now it's every

37:39

kid knows Photoshop yeah I wish I

37:41

wish I grew up we were typing

37:43

literally typing 101 A. S. D. F.

37:45

J. K. L. Semicone. I still know

37:48

the home row, but but I wish

37:50

we had because we're a generation that

37:52

didn't have it and then it did

37:54

exist. Yeah. You know what I mean?

37:56

We're that high. like I still forget

37:58

sometimes I could just easily take a

38:00

picture or something and have it in

38:02

my phone and I don't need to

38:04

take a business card or whatever you

38:06

know shit like that yeah these got

38:08

these kids today so I agree like

38:11

video editing any of that stuff just

38:13

even to know that's a great skill

38:15

that pays well I know it pays

38:17

well I go you could do it

38:19

from home you could do it from

38:21

any with your mom's house my house

38:23

you can probably do it from your

38:25

fucking phone right you really can and

38:27

the more that evolves he's gonna be

38:29

able to do it wherever you want

38:32

yeah and there's always a market for

38:34

that always and I you know me

38:36

being a comic and then my friends

38:38

I got my son will do it

38:40

25 bucks a clip or whatever. I

38:42

don't have to do that. I was

38:44

a bus boy, the worst jobs ever,

38:46

you know, and all that stuff, you

38:48

know, unloading track the trailers. Where were

38:50

you a bus boy? A couple different

38:52

restaurants, this country grill, it was, I

38:55

was right, then I lived down in

38:57

Florida, I was a bus boy there,

38:59

make it 335 an hour, so. like

39:01

an import album was like 12 bucks,

39:03

it was four hours of pay to

39:05

buy like Aussie, I was born, blizzard

39:07

of Oz. It was worth it, four

39:09

hours of doing dishes, just about an

39:11

import record. But it just taught me

39:13

a work ethic and you know, the

39:15

only time I ever stopped working was

39:18

doing a pandemic since I was 14

39:20

years old. Yeah. You know, and you

39:22

know, I've been, I've had a job

39:24

since seventh grade and during the pandemic,

39:26

I really did almost lose my mind.

39:28

I realized that I'm not a big

39:30

social person, but I'm a solo social.

39:32

I like to go out and be

39:34

around it. Yeah. And or have dinner

39:36

by myself or a lunch by myself

39:38

and sit and watch and observe and

39:41

you know, see how people are and

39:43

things like that. And then you can't

39:45

even do that at a time like

39:47

that. Like forget stand up. Stand up

39:49

is great, but that's gone. But just

39:51

anything. And I was like, man, I

39:53

wouldn't say I'm like a social. person

39:55

but I do like to go out

39:57

and even if it's just take a

39:59

ride by myself go somewhere grab something

40:01

you know what I mean I'm not

40:04

a I'm not better than going to

40:06

a home deep phone just strolling to

40:08

look at shit yeah I like stuff

40:10

like that yeah well that's when I

40:12

really realize I go wow if I

40:14

didn't have a kid during a pandemic

40:16

I'd be out of my mind in

40:18

my house by myself isolated not seeing

40:20

anybody so it's just time we spent

40:22

together was amazing yeah in those, especially

40:24

the first like four or five months,

40:27

we're on the driveway playing basketball, which

40:29

people would drive by and be yelling

40:31

at us. What are you outside? It's

40:33

my driveway, I'm screaming at it because

40:35

I live on a busy road, I

40:37

go, what are you talking about? Go

40:39

inside this screen. We were outside across

40:41

the old studio and there will be

40:43

people across the street and the other

40:45

sidewalk, outside of masks on yelling at

40:47

us that we're outside without a mask.

40:50

I'm like, you're 40 fucking feet away.

40:52

And we're outside. Yeah we play horse

40:54

but we call it bitch instead of

40:56

and so yeah and then we could

40:58

be cranking music we put music on

41:00

and stuff so but just the time

41:02

we spent I was like man if

41:04

I didn't have my son I'd be

41:06

you know I had friends that have

41:08

no kids there were like man I'm

41:11

doing really bad is that right I'm

41:13

doing really bad is that right or

41:15

not time yeah but I just that

41:17

time that we spent together at bonding

41:19

was just amazing you know we did

41:21

all these little projects we decorated a

41:23

whole room with all my stuff he

41:25

helped me what's always great You

41:28

know, so it's just, no, thank God,

41:31

believe me, if I didn't have a

41:33

kid, I don't know what I'd be

41:35

doing right now. I probably live in

41:38

somewhere else. You know, I stayed on

41:40

the East Coast, I made sure I'm

41:42

in a good neighborhood with good schools.

41:45

I knew I have to stay here

41:47

until at least he's 18. It's important.

41:49

I can't be moving around, you know,

41:52

in a... Private Catholic school, I didn't

41:54

know anybody, I had one friend. for

41:56

two years. It was really tough, especially

41:59

in high school. The day I graduated

42:01

from high school from Florida, I moved

42:03

back, I hated it that much. But

42:06

I made sure I go, I need

42:08

my son have a stable, same friends,

42:10

same school, same school, same school, you

42:13

know. I see most of your kids,

42:15

you're gonna have friends for life. I

42:17

agree with that. I still have five

42:20

guys that were over last Sunday are

42:22

guys that I know since first grade.

42:24

I agree. I go and that's really

42:27

important. It is. It's really important. That's

42:29

good that you're giving them that. Yeah.

42:31

Are your parents still alive? No. Neither

42:34

of them? No. So he doesn't have,

42:36

does he have grandparents on his mom's

42:38

side? He does. They're both alive. Yeah.

42:41

Are they in the area around? Yeah.

42:43

So he's close with them. They were

42:45

just at his basketball game the other

42:48

day. My mom was there for until

42:50

he was about eight. I think she

42:52

passed away. It was tough for him,

42:55

but kids deal with it, you know.

42:57

They're on to something else right after,

42:59

but he was really bummed. He was

43:02

really devastated over it. He was. You

43:04

know, and he definitely misses her and

43:06

stuff, but it's still, you know, and

43:09

then our dog at the same time,

43:11

like a month before, passed away at

43:13

the same time too, so it was

43:16

a lot for him at that. That

43:19

is a lot. I know and now

43:21

he's really close to his grandfather and

43:23

his grandmother and they're getting up there

43:25

in age So it's you know, I

43:27

know that's coming My stuff didn't happen

43:29

till I was like in my early

43:31

20s all my aunts and uncles went

43:33

in like two or three years It

43:35

was crazy. Yeah, same for one after

43:37

another another another another rip through him

43:39

and then my dad passed away when

43:42

he was 58 so I was like

43:44

28 at the time And that's another

43:46

thing like I want to be around

43:48

for my son like when I have

43:50

my kid I go I got to

43:52

be healthy I got to make sure

43:54

I want to be there for him.

43:56

I told him I said listen I'm

43:58

probably going to be 80 I'm hoping

44:00

I think I'll last 80 so you

44:02

got me for 34 years is that

44:04

enough? I don't know if I can

44:06

go 80. I think about all the

44:08

time, like if I check out at

44:10

75, how old, like 25 more years,

44:13

my daughter will be about 39, like

44:15

you go with that, you're almost 40,

44:17

you can handle that. Right, I think

44:19

about that constantly, you can handle that.

44:21

I think about that constantly, you can

44:23

handle that. Yeah, you can handle that.

44:25

Yeah, you can handle that. I'm like

44:27

34, is that good? And then are

44:29

you gonna have kids at 30? Yeah,

44:31

maybe he could. He might not wait

44:33

as long as you. It's funny because

44:35

I was just, after I got divorced,

44:37

I got a best act of me.

44:39

Oh, you did go do it? Yeah,

44:41

I was, I was, I was 50.

44:44

And I just said, I can't, I'm

44:46

done. And I just said, I can't,

44:48

I'm done. And you know, I met

44:50

somebody recently, we were together for a

44:52

couple years, we just recently broke up

44:54

and she, because she wanted to want

44:56

to be around for this kid. And

44:59

my brother pretty much broke it down,

45:01

he goes, listen, he's got logic, he

45:03

goes, listen, by the time you have

45:05

that baby, you're going to be 61,

45:07

you're going to be paying child support

45:09

when you're 79. He goes, you know,

45:11

it's not going to work out, you

45:13

know, on me, not me, not her.

45:15

Yeah, because you want to be paying

45:17

child support when you're 79. I didn't

45:19

think about that. That's a great point.

45:21

I never thought of that either. You're

45:23

damn near 80 and still kicking out

45:25

shots. Magic because he'd be 18. He'd

45:27

be 18 at that time. And if

45:29

he doesn't go to college, I still

45:32

got to pay or 20. Yeah. Yeah,

45:34

sir, he's like, I go, I go,

45:36

you're right. You're right. You're right. You're

45:38

right. You're right. You're right. You're right.

45:40

You're right. You're right. You're right. You're

45:42

right. You're right. You're right. You're right.

45:44

You're right. You're right. I'm not my

45:46

social security is not going enough but

45:48

I do really want to be around

45:50

I go I don't want to be

45:52

72 years old my kid my daughter's

45:54

six yeah and you can't do anything

45:56

and I'm driving around that I got

45:58

no energy and all that stuff it's

46:00

not fair to the kid I agree

46:02

it really isn't and I realize that

46:04

and we work up and I'm you

46:06

know it sucks and I said you

46:08

got to go find what you want

46:11

but I would have got remarried but

46:13

I just couldn't do what I said

46:15

if I would have made you in

46:17

my early 40s, absolutely. I would do

46:19

it, you know, but I had to

46:21

let her go. Yeah. We broke up,

46:23

I mean, mutual, but I just couldn't

46:25

do it. I couldn't, I want to

46:27

be around. Well, here's the other thing

46:29

too, like, you're older, and you say

46:31

maybe, it could take two years to

46:33

have a kid. Right. Well, you know

46:35

what I mean? Sometimes it just, it's

46:37

funny, like, you know, if you don't

46:39

want one, you're pregnant. And if you

46:41

do, it's not the easiest thing. You

46:43

would think it sounds so dumb because

46:45

there's a gazillion people. Right. But it

46:47

really isn't the easiest thing to do,

46:50

especially at our age now, if you're

46:52

trying to have one older. It could

46:54

take two years to figure that out.

46:56

you are paying child support in your

46:58

80s. And it was funny because I

47:00

go, all right, let's just say that.

47:02

Imagine like what Joe Biden's 82, Matthew's

47:04

like, yeah, I got my child's. I

47:06

got one more year of life or

47:08

child support. You imagine dying and you

47:10

didn't pay all your child support. You

47:12

still have one like I didn't even

47:14

make it to 18. God damn. But

47:16

I remember my ex said, I go,

47:18

all right, what if I do get

47:20

the best act of me reversed? And

47:22

I go through all of that because

47:24

it's a really tough operation. That's the

47:26

other thing. It could take a while

47:29

from that. I forget about the reverse.

47:31

Right. So I go, what if I

47:33

do and I can't get pregnant? And

47:35

you don't get pregnant. She goes, I'll

47:37

take that in consideration. I go, that's

47:39

not fair. So it just didn't, but

47:41

I, like I said, like I look

47:43

at Alec Baldwin, you know, the guys

47:45

got seven kids on the age of

47:47

10 years old. These 68 years old.

47:49

Is that right? Yeah, he's got seven.

47:51

Seven. with the new wife and he's

47:53

got one with Kim Basiger. He's got

47:55

seven kids under 10 years old. And

47:57

he's 68 years old. He's like, what

47:59

are you doing dude? I know you

48:01

married a younger hot or chick. You

48:03

know, but you gotta give her a

48:05

baby, you don't have to give her

48:08

seven, and what are those kids gonna

48:10

do? They're not gonna have a dad.

48:12

No. I mean, the rage that guy

48:14

has in him, he's having a heart

48:16

attack in three, four years. I'm surprised

48:18

he's this old. I know. Yeah. And

48:20

like guys like McJagger, they're doing it

48:22

in their 70s or whatever, like you

48:24

might not even get to really know

48:26

who the fuck you are. I know

48:28

who the fuck you are. I know

48:30

who. I remember. I remember, I remember,

48:32

one of one of one of one

48:34

of one of the moms, I was

48:36

talking about one of a mom's, I

48:38

was talking about one of a mom's,

48:40

I was talking about, I was talking

48:42

about, I was talking about, I was,

48:44

I was, I was, I was, I

48:47

was, I was, I was, I was,

48:49

I was, I was, I was, I

48:51

was, I was, I was, I was,

48:53

I was have the other baby yeah

48:55

but what kind of quality I know

48:57

exactly given that kid I'm miserable yeah

48:59

yeah I'm with you on that yeah

49:01

I'm like so you know I had

49:03

to make that I made I made

49:05

the right decision getting that best I

49:07

already feel like I'm the old enough

49:09

as you know I already feel like

49:11

I'm the old enough as you know

49:13

I already feel like I'm the old

49:15

dad sometimes. I'm the old dad sometimes

49:17

right you know a lot of guys

49:19

having kids in their 20s 30s whatever

49:21

I'm 41 when I have my kids

49:23

when I have my kids No, I

49:26

know. But I just knew that I

49:28

wanted to be around for him. And,

49:30

you know, I wouldn't have been a

49:32

good dad. If I had a kid

49:34

at 25, 30, 35, I would have

49:36

been an awful dad. I would have

49:38

been all in my career. I'm sorry,

49:40

you know, I got this over here,

49:42

but I gotta go. And I had

49:44

it at the right time where I

49:46

was pretty financially set. you know, my

49:48

career and all that stuff so I

49:50

can take some time off and just,

49:52

you know, make sure. And I got

49:54

to the point where I needed to

49:56

be in comedy, you know, things happen

49:58

and stuff, so I was happy with

50:00

my career at that point. Do you

50:02

think if you don't go to Walter

50:05

Reed, you have a kid? Probably not.

50:07

And then today, like I said, I

50:09

don't even know what I'd be doing

50:11

if I didn't, but probably not. They're

50:13

really... affected me when I saw those

50:15

guys and I talked to all of

50:17

them and they had the same story.

50:19

powerful to hear to every single one

50:21

of them is like family family. They

50:23

had the picture right there, the two

50:25

kids with the wife. I'm gonna be

50:27

out of here soon. Doesn't matter. I

50:29

don't care. I'm missing a leg or

50:31

whatever. I got my family. That's all

50:33

it's about. Yeah. He goes, that's what

50:35

I live for. This stuff is no

50:37

problem. We'll figure it out. Was your

50:39

dad the same type of man? Like,

50:41

is that where you get this from?

50:44

You said he wasn't, they weren't divorced,

50:46

but was he just like proper. 33

50:48

years, you know, he passed away at

50:50

58 with seven, the seven of us.

50:52

For 70 years, wow, okay. Yeah, and

50:54

my dad, you know, was, you know,

50:56

involved as much as could, you know,

50:58

he worked, my mom stayed home, but

51:00

then he would coach our sports teams,

51:02

so I coach my kids basketball team,

51:04

you know, because my dad did it,

51:06

I wanted to do that, so it's

51:08

great. you know, coaching your own team,

51:10

but yeah, so I think I got

51:12

it from him, but he was all

51:14

about him being a family man. It

51:16

was all about family with him, big

51:18

Christmases, you know, everything, the gifts and

51:20

all that. So, you know, but, you

51:23

know, I was 28, so I had

51:25

him for 28 years of my life.

51:27

So, I want my key, if I

51:29

can make the 34, like I said,

51:31

then, you know, it's about what I

51:33

can do. His mom's a lot of

51:35

what I can do. His mom's a

51:37

lot younger, a lot younger, Yeah. So

51:39

let me ask you this then, when

51:41

he's out of the house, then what?

51:43

I don't know. I really, I'm worried

51:45

about that. Like for me, like what

51:47

am I gonna do? Like if he

51:49

goes to college, let's say in Arizona

51:51

or something, you go out and do

51:53

gigs and see him and what do

51:55

you do? I'll be the house MC

51:57

at the Tempe Improv. I think about

51:59

that too. If you're going to go

52:02

to college, maybe I'll just move there

52:04

for a while. And I'm like, who

52:06

wants their dad? fucking following them around

52:08

everywhere they go. No, I know. That's

52:10

the other thing. You don't think about

52:12

that, but that's our sentimental bullshit. Not

52:14

theirs. They're like, get the fuck away.

52:16

Can I have my own life? Yeah,

52:18

I know. That's a thing. But you

52:20

know, maybe he goes to a college

52:22

near me and maybe he still stays

52:24

at home. You never know. There's Rutgers.

52:26

I live near Rutgers University. So maybe

52:28

he go there. Yeah. You know. He

52:30

want to go to school. He's not

52:32

sure, he's taking a sports marketing elective

52:34

course in high school too. In high

52:36

school, that's in high school? They have

52:38

an elective for sports marketing. So you

52:41

have video editing and sports marketing? Yeah,

52:43

he's like, maybe I want to be

52:45

a sports agent. I go, you got

52:47

to be a sports agent. I go,

52:49

you got to be a fucking animal.

52:51

But that's good. He's so he's got

52:53

two to, he'll figure it out. You

52:55

know, he was doing stand there for

52:57

a while. Really? He was doing music.

52:59

He was doing great at both, but

53:01

right before the pandemic, he just stopped.

53:03

He was, I don't want to do

53:05

it anymore. He was killing, feeling, how

53:07

old? He started at like six. No.

53:09

I was opening for dice at the

53:11

stress factory and he went on at

53:13

six years old. No. And dice goes,

53:15

first of all, you did better than

53:17

your dad. And I'm not just saying

53:20

that. 400 people killed. Not oh, wow.

53:22

He has a little leather jacket on.

53:24

Yeah, that is hilarious. And he had

53:26

a great joke. It was his closing

53:28

joke. I said, he goes, uh, my

53:30

dad hasn't a girlfriend in like three

53:32

years. I keep telling him dad, get

53:34

a girlfriend. He's like, yeah, I will.

53:36

I will. At some point, he goes,

53:38

I think my dad's gay. And the

53:40

place we don't berserk. And he

53:42

got in trouble one time. I took him

53:44

an open mic and he was making fun

53:47

of me on stage and some old guy

53:49

complained to the owner. He goes, first of

53:51

all, that dad taking his kid and hearing

53:53

his other comedians cursing, he's just trashing his

53:55

dad on stage. What kind of dad is

53:58

that? I didn't come here for this. I

54:00

just came. a wholesome comedy and the club

54:02

owner called me the next day and I

54:04

told my son, Luke, I go, Luke, you're

54:06

officially a comic. You got a complaint. That

54:08

means you're pushing buttons. He goes, who? I

54:11

go, remember that old guy? He goes, that

54:13

old fuck? I go, yeah, that guy. I

54:15

remember him. He goes, you're a comic. You're

54:17

pushing, but he goes, that old fuck. I

54:19

go, yeah, remember that guy. Uh,

54:22

dude, this was great, man. Thank you

54:24

for doing it. But I don't want

54:26

to push that lifestyle on him. No,

54:29

I told my daughter to stay out

54:31

of comedy, I'd tell her. Because, you

54:33

know, his friends are going to be

54:35

all having fun parties. He's going to

54:37

be in a holiday in, in Kansas

54:39

City, from Thursday through Sunday, with nothing

54:41

to do. He walks to the subway

54:44

to get a sandwich and waits for

54:46

the show at night. It's a very

54:48

lonely lifestyle. Yeah, I just tell my

54:50

daughter too, with entertainment, there's no, it's

54:52

not like if you want to be

54:54

a doctor, it's a very set course

54:57

and then you become a doctor and

54:59

the entertainment is so fickle too and

55:01

it's, there's people that could look at

55:03

you and go, you remind me of

55:05

a boy I dated in high school,

55:07

I don't like, so never mind, you

55:10

know, that kind of dumb shit. Oh

55:12

yeah, just nonsense. And then, you know,

55:14

also, look, and I understand the whole

55:16

infidelity part infidelity part, you know, as

55:18

a comic every weekend. You're away. She's

55:20

in an empty house. I'm in an

55:22

empty hotel room. I get it. And

55:25

you know, that's why it's really tough

55:27

on people. So I understand why it

55:29

went down. You know, so I don't

55:31

want that for my son. I don't,

55:33

you know, marry a good girl, raise

55:35

a family, work a local job, have

55:38

your friends, do all of that stuff,

55:40

you know, so we'll see. Do thank

55:42

you for doing this. Absolutely, man. Always

55:44

a pleasure to have you here. Right,

55:46

yeah. Promote whatever you want to, one

55:48

more time. My new comedy special, you

55:51

can't please them all. I don't know.

55:53

It's Amazon Prime. My podcast, everybody is

55:55

awful every Monday. Thank you, buddy. Thank

55:57

you. As always. on all all

55:59

social media. We'll

56:01

talk to y 'all

56:03

next next week.