0:00

The live and alive tour is

0:02

off and running Springfield, Missouri,

0:04

September 1st and 2nd Tulsa, Oklahoma,

0:07

September 15th and 16th

0:10

Phoenix, Arizona, September 29th and 30th Get

0:13

your tickets to all shows

0:15

at ryancichler.com

0:19

The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler

0:32

Welcome back to the Honeydew

0:35

y'all we're over here doing it in the new

0:37

Nightpass Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryancichler.com.

0:40

Ryan Sickler on all your social media.

0:42

I want to say thank you.

0:43

Thank you so much for watching

0:46

this show, sharing this show, telling

0:48

people about this show. We're up

0:51

in

0:51

over 200,000 subscribers now

0:53

on YouTube. We're up over 5,000 on Patreon. I

0:56

can't thank you

0:58

enough. Watching this community grow has been

1:01

pretty wild man. So

1:03

if you haven't subscribed, subscribe. It helps

1:06

the show. And if you've got to have

1:08

more, then you got to check out the Patreon

1:11

every week

1:12

on the Honeydew with y'all. We hear

1:14

something that I just,

1:16

I really, I'm not going to lie to you every week. I

1:18

sit down. I'm like, there's no way we're going to hear some,

1:20

some stuff that we haven't already heard

1:22

or whatever. And then we hear like,

1:25

for instance, this guy's

1:27

college roommate on

1:29

spring break went home, just decided to wipe

1:32

out his whole family, killed his entire family.

1:34

Why? Well, because he was going to kill

1:36

all the guys in his house, but he

1:39

overslept. They got up, went to

1:41

work, so he went and killed his own family. That's

1:43

a story. We also have a story of

1:46

an elderly couple who was taken hostage

1:48

by a dude that just killed his own friend on

1:50

the highway had them in the house

1:52

all day long.

1:54

The old man, he gets

1:56

loose. Homeboys got a gun under the

1:58

seat. What does he do? subscribe

2:01

and find out. Five dollars a month. You

2:04

sign up for a year, you get over a month of episodes

2:06

for free. You also get the honeydew a

2:08

day early, you get it ad-free, you get it

2:10

at no additional cost. It's a cup

2:13

of coffee, not just for one episode. We've

2:15

got, I don't even know, there's well

2:17

over a hundred episodes there now, so go check

2:19

that out. And listen, if you're looking

2:22

for a new podcast to listen to, I'm telling

2:24

you, go listen to my old podcast,

2:26

The Crab Feast. It's all fun storytelling

2:29

with everybody you know in comedy, and

2:32

that community is crazy. It's still going

2:34

after all these years. It's a podcast I did with

2:37

Jay Larsen, everybody you know and loves, Bill

2:39

Burr, Tom Segura, Burr Kreischer, Christina P.

2:41

They're all on there with different stories. Everybody

2:43

you like, and subscribe

2:46

to that. All right, now, tour dates.

2:48

If I'm in your town when you're around, please come

2:50

out and see me. Let's see, September

2:52

1st and 2nd is Springfield, Missouri. September

2:55

15th and 16th is Tulsa, Oklahoma.

2:58

September 29th and 30th, I'm gonna be back

3:00

in Phoenix. October 27th and 28th is

3:02

Salt Lake City, and then December

3:04

8th and 9th, I'm back in San Francisco.

3:07

All tickets are available at RyanCichler.com.

3:09

All right, that's the business. Now, you know what we're doing over

3:11

here? I always say

3:13

these are the stories behind the storytellers,

3:16

and we're gonna highlight the lowlights this week,

3:18

y'all, with the return of Joe List.

3:20

Welcome back to the Honey New Joe List. Thank you

3:22

very much. I'm so excited. Dude, thank you for being

3:24

patient through that. Of course, I appreciate it. I enjoyed

3:27

it. I gotta get on the goddamn Patreon.

3:29

You told me some other stories off-camera that I'm like, this

3:31

is the most insane thing I've ever heard. 18-year-old cold case

3:33

solved.

3:34

We had the double lung transplant.

3:37

We've had a girl with two pussies. We

3:40

had a lady with, I think it was up to four assholes.

3:42

We've had a dude that survived the bombing. We've

3:48

had military guys. We've had

3:50

people who've died and come back. It's

3:52

a wild show.

3:54

Wow. It's a wild show. You just described my family.

3:57

Four assholes, two pussies, military,

3:59

and

3:59

surviving a bombing. Oh,

4:04

well, before we

4:07

get into whatever we're going to talk about today, please

4:09

plug and promote everything. Joe List. Yeah.

4:11

Come on. Comedian Joe List. Dotcom to the camera

4:14

or to you. What do I do? Wherever you like. This

4:16

is you right here. I want to go wide. Hit him right

4:18

there. Hi, folks. I'm

4:20

going to switch back and forth. Really do some work.

4:23

Do your live switch. Yeah. Comedian

4:26

Joe List dot com for dates. And

4:28

I have a new special. It's out right now

4:29

on YouTube called Enough for Everybody. And

4:32

there's another one. There's three. One's called

4:34

I Hate Myself. One's called This Year's Material.

4:37

And one's called

4:38

Enough for Everybody, which just came out. So go watch

4:40

it. Like subscribe. All those things.

4:43

How are you? How what's

4:46

when's the last special you put up?

4:48

How long in between? It's been

4:50

three and like three year

4:52

three and a half years. One came out. I can't remember the

4:55

dates. One came out in 2020. I guess

4:57

summer of 2020. And then

4:59

one came out

5:00

last year, February of 2022,

5:04

I think, or April of 2022.

5:07

And then now August of 2023. Where'd

5:10

you shoot this one? All they're all shot

5:12

at the Village Underground. I

5:14

just keep doing the same thing. I'm like, let's just set

5:16

me up again with that one. And for a while I was like,

5:18

maybe I'll do a trilogy of

5:20

Village Underground specials. And then I shot

5:22

this one. I was like, maybe I'll just keep doing it here. Who

5:24

cares? Because it's intimate. It's

5:26

home. And it feels like a special. Everyone's

5:29

like, well, the background and you can't just keep shooting

5:31

in the same place. And I'm like, well, why not? Who cares?

5:33

The joke, the jokes are the special.

5:36

What difference does it make if I'm in a different room?

5:38

I talk about this all the time when people talk

5:40

about like production value. I was just saying,

5:43

like, you complimented the studio and thank you very

5:45

much. But going to New York, like, it

5:47

just seems so much more lax and

5:50

chill. I didn't look at it as low budget or

5:53

anything. I was like, oh, this is what how podcasting

5:55

started. It was at tables and apartments

5:57

and some people did them in their cars

5:59

or

5:59

and then it got elevated to these

6:02

studios and things like that. But

6:04

if you go back, and the one example I really

6:06

love is Chappelle's show, when you go

6:08

back to the

6:10

Rick James sketch, they

6:12

didn't bother to even put something on

6:14

the green screen. It's green

6:16

screen. They didn't bother to just click

6:18

a frame of anything. When he's

6:21

in the room and he's tearing up

6:23

the couch, it's four black

6:25

walls, it's a wooden window

6:29

on a black wall. It's not even a real window, and

6:31

there's a mirror. It's like there's nothing in there,

6:33

but all you remember is the comedy

6:35

of that whole fucking thing. That's how I feel,

6:38

but yeah, I'm glad you're saying this, because I do

6:40

Tuesdays with Stories with Mark Norman, another plug,

6:42

funny podcast, the funniest,

6:44

I think. And it's just weird. I think

6:46

we have him coming on. Oh yeah, he's

6:48

the best. But we're in an office space,

6:50

it's four by six, and we taped glue

6:53

out of whatever you call it, like

6:57

a toothpaste thing of glue, and just jammed

6:59

wallpaper, and it's all coming down. And everyone's

7:01

like, you guys suck, get a real studio. Not

7:04

everybody, but several people. And we're like,

7:06

but just listen, we're just talking. Who

7:08

cares?

7:09

That's how I feel. But you guys do it right. I mean, this

7:11

looks amazing. That's nice. This

7:14

is, I hope I'm saying his name right. Is it Ted Munns?

7:17

Ted Munns. He makes these

7:20

podcast signs for so many

7:22

podcasts out there. Bad Friends,

7:25

Hey Babe. He's just, they're everywhere. This

7:27

dude's work is sick. Yeah, it looks awesome.

7:30

It's sick. Go check him out on Instagram.

7:33

Let's talk about you. So before

7:36

we sat down, you told me that you and your wife

7:38

are expecting this is your first child? Yeah,

7:40

first child. Yeah, congrats. And it's scary,

7:43

because we're very old. My wife is 68 years

7:45

old. Ha ha! Ha

7:47

ha! Ha ha! Oh, I'm not a grandma when

7:49

she comes out. You know

7:51

what's crazy? My aunt's

7:54

kid is, yeah, she's like 20, and

7:58

she's about to have a kid.

8:00

and my uncle's wife

8:02

and my wife is having a kid

8:04

and they're due a day apart and

8:06

my uncle's wife is younger

8:08

than my wife. So she's gonna become a grandmother

8:11

the day after my wife becomes a mother

8:14

and she's older, if

8:17

that makes sense. It does. It's

8:19

a little funky. I'm rattling the math around

8:21

it. Well, we wait because we're in showbiz. So

8:23

wait, how old are you first of all? I'm 41. Okay,

8:26

and how old's your wife? And she's 45. Your wife's 45?

8:29

She's older than me. And well,

8:31

honestly, like I was 41 when my daughter

8:34

was born. I

8:38

was 41 when we got 41 when my daughter was

8:40

born. That makes me feel good. Yeah. I feel old

8:42

and you don't seem old.

8:44

Dude, I almost just died. You're fine,

8:46

trust me. What do you mean? I had this whole

8:48

ordeal with, yeah, it's all good. But

8:51

it was a month. I spent the month in the hospital of

8:54

January in the hospital. Heart trouble? I

8:57

had, it wasn't my fault. It

8:59

was hospital trouble. I wasn't

9:01

supposed to have it. Petrified

9:04

of heart health. I went for a back surgery

9:07

and then I laid, they let me lay

9:09

so long that I clawed it and I almost died.

9:11

It was a whole ordeal. So now I spent a month there.

9:14

But you're fine, dude. Terrible. Trust

9:16

me. You look like you're in great shape. Thank you.

9:20

And 45, I mean, these days I feel like with all the advancement

9:23

in medicine and everything, it's not a big

9:25

deal. Well, my wife is extremely healthy too.

9:26

She eats very healthy. I don't, she works

9:29

out all that shit. And she has good genes.

9:31

I mean, her dad died at 51, but all right. No,

9:34

no, that's what I made that up. That's not a great gene. You said good.

9:37

No, no, I made that up. He lived a good

9:39

life. But yeah, I think she's healthy

9:42

and I'm younger than her. And a

9:44

kid only really needs parents for what, 10

9:47

years? Then they're fine. A little longer

9:49

than that. All right, 18, 20. But they

9:51

only do need love from one. That's what all the

9:53

therapists have told me. Probably lied to me to keep

9:55

me coming and get my checks. Just in case you ever want to

9:57

check out. Oh, geez. All right, well,

9:59

she's.

9:59

It's very cold, so I'll give them all the love.

10:02

So 45, is your wife

10:04

as concerned as you are? No, I don't

10:06

think so. I don't think

10:09

so. She's not as openly

10:11

neurotic as I am. She's not like

10:13

telling you, I'm really nervous, I'm 45,

10:16

and she's not putting that out there. Are you putting

10:18

that out there to her, or is this just your anxiety?

10:20

I keep telling her, you're old as shit,

10:22

baby. Look at you,

10:25

you look terrible. Do you say that in a nicer

10:27

way? Do you express concern? I'm

10:30

like slightly concerned, it's hard, I

10:33

guess when you have a kid, you start

10:35

doing math. I think also when you get to your

10:37

40s,

10:38

because I'm like, okay,

10:40

when I'm as old as my,

10:44

or my son is as old as I am now,

10:46

I will be 82, which is to say dead.

10:49

Most likely. In

10:52

comedy, mostly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm

10:54

a mess. I ate McDonald's last night.

10:59

So that stuff is scary. And you start to do like, my

11:01

parents were so young. My parents had me really

11:03

young, which is probably why I'm fucked up. But like,

11:06

when I was, my dad was my age,

11:08

I was like a senior in high school, or

11:10

maybe I'd be older than that. So that

11:12

stuff is on my mind all the time. It's

11:15

a lot of math when you do that stuff. Yeah, but

11:18

it's also like,

11:20

I talk about it, I think about it for a few minutes, and then you're like,

11:22

all right, well, it is what it is. I mean, this is, you have to accept,

11:24

and this is when we had a kid,

11:26

and we struggled for a long time to have a kid. We started

11:28

trying a few years ago, which was still late.

11:31

And yeah, they kept, you know, cropping on us. Well,

11:33

that's the thing too. I remember when my

11:36

daughter's mother and I, we were talking about

11:38

having a baby, is like,

11:40

it took three tries. Which

11:42

is quick. Some people,

11:45

we've had friends who have done that as well. Like, my

11:48

brother, their first child took them like a

11:50

year. It could be years before

11:52

you. It blows me away that there are

11:54

billions of humans, and it's really not

11:56

that easy

11:58

to make one.

11:59

It's wild to me because I'm- The numbers would

12:02

say opposite.

12:03

I always find it fascinating because people, there's

12:05

all these accidental pregnancies and teen pregnancies.

12:08

That's what I think it is. If you don't want it, that's when it's

12:10

coming. When you really want it.

12:12

It's like that Zen shit. Like if you try

12:14

to sink, you float. And if you try to

12:16

float, you sink. We have

12:18

a friend who, her parents

12:21

were told they couldn't have children.

12:23

They try and try and try it. So they adopted

12:25

two.

12:26

And after they adopted,

12:29

they went and had sex,

12:30

had a baby. I keep hearing stories like this. And it

12:32

was all that stress and anxiety

12:35

of, you can't, you can't, you can't. And once

12:37

they

12:38

felt fulfilled and relaxed

12:40

and just let it go, they had a baby. So

12:43

she's the only biological of the three.

12:46

And she's the youngest, but you know. And

12:48

the favorite I imagine. Absolutely. All

12:50

the money goes to her, bro. All the money. Yeah,

12:52

no, it's like you have to let go. This is funny because we had

12:54

trouble getting pregnant. Cause first

12:56

we thought, you know, we didn't do any research.

12:59

We're idiots, we're comics, we're just dipshits. So

13:01

we were just like, all right, take out your IUD

13:05

or IED, whatever it's called. They

13:07

ripped that out. We started fucking them like, great, you'll

13:09

get pregnant in no time. They

13:11

ripped that out. We start fucking,

13:14

you'll get pregnant in no time. But

13:16

it doesn't work out that way.

13:18

And so we did it for like a year and she did get

13:20

pregnant and we lost the baby, which was devastating.

13:23

It happened a couple of times, which was a bummer.

13:26

Can I ask how far along you

13:28

were getting? Not too far, fortunately.

13:31

Beyond the first trimester? No, no, we didn't

13:33

have any of that. It was more like a few weeks.

13:35

It was like three, four weeks or whatever,

13:37

like

13:38

five weeks maybe, but still

13:41

very upsetting. I mean, there's some people that lose them obviously,

13:43

like well into a pregnancy, which

13:45

is more devastating. But yeah, it

13:47

was certainly sad. And then

13:49

you have to start the whole process over again. It takes time.

13:52

And our minds were like, our lives are ticking

13:54

away. So then we decided to go to a

13:57

fertility clinic,

13:59

which side note,

13:59

The fertility clinic is all comedians. There's

14:02

like one in New York. They're like, you're comedians

14:04

too? And you look over, it looks like a green

14:06

room at the funny bar. It's just like a row

14:10

of 40 year old female comics like, hey,

14:14

just a bunch of fucking, you know, comics

14:17

that trying to make it. So you put everything off.

14:20

But anyways, we went and I have something, I never

14:22

know how to pronounce this. I think it's called varicocale

14:24

or verisoci. It's varicose veins

14:27

in your balls. Like the

14:29

back of your ball bag, if you look it up, it literally

14:31

says it looks like a bag of worms. My

14:34

ball bag is

14:36

appalling. It's really- Just the back

14:38

of it. Just the back, yeah. The front is gorgeous.

14:40

Yes, you. You can eat off these balls. The

14:44

back, the back, it looks like, you

14:46

know, your grandmother's legs or something. It's

14:49

just, it looks like worms. It literally looks like

14:51

that.

14:52

And I read about it. Can you see it or

14:54

is this just on the inside when they scan

14:56

it? Or do you see the back here? I could

14:58

feel it. The veins in there, you can feel on the back

15:01

of your balls? Yeah, and I was like, this is lumpy

15:03

and weird. And I had to show my wife and she's

15:06

like, ugh.

15:07

And I would literally like, cause

15:09

I don't know about you, but my ball bag is like six

15:11

feet long. I can twist it and look at

15:13

the back, you know? Grab it and twist it around. So

15:16

I was like, oh, this is something. And it can even

15:18

cause some pain. Like people have surgery to

15:20

fix it cause it can cause

15:22

some discomfort or whatever.

15:24

Anyways, it also can cause

15:26

sperm depletion

15:27

or whatever. Or

15:30

what's that? Low sperm count. Yeah.

15:32

So we went to the fertility clinic and this is how much it

15:34

sucks to be a woman. We're

15:36

sitting there and I was like, yeah, I have a

15:38

varicose vein. I've read that can affect

15:41

your sperm. And they're like, no,

15:43

it's her. They didn't even look into it or anything.

15:46

They're like, just do it. Just do their pen. Just quiet

15:48

down. It's definitely this old bitch right here. I

15:50

have to help. They were like, that would take

15:52

your sperm count from 15,000

15:55

to like 11,000. That's what my doctor

15:57

said. He goes, just so you know, a low sperm count

15:59

is still.

15:59

like, yeah, whatever, 11,000. Yeah.

16:03

They were like, no, don't even bother

16:05

talking again. It's her. So

16:07

we went and then there's IVF,

16:10

straight IVF, I think is

16:12

like

16:13

hundreds of thousands, tons of money and

16:15

no guarantee and if it doesn't work, you have to just

16:17

do it all over again.

16:19

And I'm

16:21

doing well, but we're in comedy. I'm like,

16:23

I don't feel comfortable gambling with $100,000.

16:28

And so we were kind of just like, wow, that

16:30

sucks. Cause they told us the chances are like 1%

16:32

doing the math, which is

16:34

great cause she's 44 at the time. It's

16:37

wild. To get

16:39

pregnant and take it to term. You say a hundred thousand.

16:42

Is that what the actual cost was? And

16:44

is that out of pocket as well? Yeah, it's something

16:47

like that. I mean, it might be less or more cause

16:49

we didn't go that route. And then they- But

16:51

it's up there like that. Yeah. With a 1% chance?

16:54

No, no, I'm sorry. 1% if you don't do that.

16:56

Got it, got it. That's just us

16:58

straight. We're going to have sex and see what happens

17:01

to get pregnant and take it to term

17:03

at the age of 44 is like 1%. So

17:07

that's when we also felt stupid cause we were

17:10

like, oh, we've just been trying like

17:12

idiots being like, here we go. Not

17:14

knowing it's one in a hundred, which is still something.

17:17

IVF,

17:18

I forget the pretty exact, only

17:20

to like 40% or something. So it's a

17:22

huge increase, but still a good chance of not.

17:25

And then we were like, oh, we can't

17:27

do that. That's too much.

17:29

And then egg donor was like this other

17:31

option. And I was like, if you want to

17:33

do that, that's up to you.

17:35

I would rather have it

17:37

be her genetics also,

17:40

but

17:41

that felt like too much money to spend. So I was like, it's

17:43

your decision.

17:45

And she ultimately wanted to do it. She just wanted

17:47

to be a mom. And the thing to me about egg

17:49

donor is she's carrying

17:51

the baby. It's in her body. So to

17:54

me, it's just her baby. So they

17:56

take your sperm,

17:58

fertilize the egg. of

18:00

another person. Yeah, so you buy

18:02

the eggs, which is much

18:04

cheaper. It was like 20,000, which is not nothing.

18:08

And it's so wild to me that there's

18:10

this whole setup for this

18:12

at different tiers. Right.

18:14

It's like a Patreon. It's

18:23

crazy. Well, if you got the money, you could do this

18:26

or there's this, but then there's this down here too.

18:28

You want the bronze package. Yeah, exactly. You

18:30

want your bronze. You can get some lady you don't know.

18:32

Yeah.

18:33

So that was because then we decided

18:35

to go egg

18:36

donor, which is funny because you have

18:39

to go and like choose from the people. They

18:41

give you the baby photos of egg

18:43

donor people. Oh, so you're not getting

18:46

the adult photo. You're getting their baby

18:48

photo. Well, you do. Once you buy the egg,

18:50

you get an adult photo. What's going on?

18:53

It's so weird, dude. This is like some kind

18:55

of Snapchat shit or something. It's

18:57

so bizarre and it feels like a dating app,

18:59

but it's like children. It's a Tinder profile

19:02

over here. It feels creepy. You're literally like swiping

19:05

on little kids and they have like

19:06

pigtails and they're like in

19:09

dresses. Up to how old are they showing you the original

19:11

pictures? Like baby, baby.

19:13

Like newborn. Four or five years

19:15

old. Because I think they want to give you a sense of what. At least

19:17

something. I was going to say a newborn. Who the

19:19

hell looks like that when they get to four or

19:22

five? Yeah, no. It was like maybe

19:24

a five or six year old girl or so.

19:28

So you get someone that kind of looks somewhat

19:30

like your wife, I guess. And then it has all

19:32

like, I mean, to play soccer is

19:34

going to school for this because a lot of them are going to college

19:37

and they're trying to pay their way. They do extensive

19:40

background checks and all that stuff. And

19:42

then you do a

19:44

health background, whatever. If

19:47

you're, I forget all the words.

19:49

I'm really dumb. But if you're flagged for certain

19:52

diseases

19:54

or whatever, you guys both match up if you have that

19:56

gene. And so

19:58

it's kind of straight because it almost feels like a

19:59

feels like cheating in a weird way. I'm literally

20:02

picking out a woman for our shit to match.

20:04

You sort of pick like the

20:07

super woman, so to speak. Yeah, and

20:09

you're like, well, we went to athlete. I don't fear jeans,

20:11

athlete. Yeah, yeah. No, not predisposed to

20:13

any.

20:16

That's the word we're looking for. Yeah, any genetic

20:19

BS, yeah. Yeah, so that

20:21

was, it was exciting. And

20:23

then we got the woman and then we got the eggs

20:26

and then ended up being one, only one was good. I

20:29

don't know how any of this works. It should be better. This

20:31

was really her story to tell. I just realized in the middle

20:33

of it, I'm like, you should probably have her on. But

20:36

yeah, so we got the one egg.

20:38

And of course I have to go jerk off in a cup,

20:41

which is, you know, there's a million stories about

20:43

it and it's just so

20:45

uncomfortable.

20:46

And-

20:48

Do they give you any fodder in there for your little

20:50

jerk session? Well, I had to go twice

20:52

because

20:53

first time we did it and then one of the reasons

20:55

something had to go somewhere

20:57

wrong. Yeah. What's also hilarious,

20:59

we were laughing too because the doctor is like gorgeous.

21:02

And my wife and I both made the same joke of like, well,

21:04

could you just- Yeah, like Joe's back. It was like, you don't even

21:06

have to do anything. Just chill, just

21:09

like maybe diagnose me with something. Look

21:11

at my varicose veins. Yeah, look at the back of my ball.

21:15

But yeah, so you go in there and the first time I went,

21:17

it had like a screaming thing and there was porn

21:20

on there,

21:21

which I'm not a big porn guy.

21:25

So I was kind of like going through, I was like, oh, this is great. But

21:27

I realized I'm just flipping through porn with like

21:30

no erection whatsoever, just business like, like

21:32

the way you look at Netflix, what should I watch? Yeah, I

21:34

don't like missionary. I'm like, that's interesting.

21:37

And anyways, you get it done. And then

21:39

time had passed, they wanted a fresher

21:42

sample for whatever reason. So I had to go back

21:44

again. And the second time

21:46

there was no porn,

21:47

but there was literally like Disney plus and Netflix.

21:50

Get the fuck out of here. I swear to God. I'm jerking

21:52

off the boba fat. Yeah, exactly.

21:54

I'm like, I guess baby Yoda is cute. The

21:57

new Segura specials up there.

21:59

That's funny. Maybe I can. So

22:02

I ended up just looking at my phone and shit, but yeah,

22:06

it's awkward. And

22:08

then you have to, you know, put it behind the thing.

22:10

And

22:11

it was weird. But anyways, it all

22:14

worked out. So can

22:16

I ask? So your sperm

22:18

goes into this egg.

22:20

This egg goes into your wife. I get that that

22:22

egg is from someone else and that genetics lie

22:24

in there. But once you put it in your wife,

22:27

nothing from her penetration, like there's

22:30

listen again, I'm an idea, but I would feel

22:32

like if we're moving this thing into this

22:34

thing, some of this things

22:37

things got to get in there. Is there really

22:40

no genetic link at all? I

22:42

guess not, but that's how I feel. I'm like, isn't your blood

22:44

and all your everything, all

22:46

your fluids, everything that's happening in

22:49

there, but diet and disposition

22:50

and all that stuff. I mean, I'm a big

22:52

I think so much of human behavior is learned

22:54

behavior from parents and obviously genetics

22:57

are a big role. But I know like

22:59

my cousin is

23:01

so much like his he has a stepdad.

23:03

It's not his biological dad.

23:05

I don't know a father and son more similar

23:08

than

23:08

these two. Yeah, and he's raised

23:10

since he was two or whatever. I mean like personality

23:13

traits, behavior, sense of humor. So

23:16

to me, I don't know and she's

23:19

do it. She's had some emotion with it. It's not

23:21

easy,

23:22

but I think she's fully accepted. Once that baby

23:24

is in you, it's fully your baby.

23:26

How could it not be? Yeah.

23:28

I mean, you're bringing

23:31

an egg to life.

23:32

Yeah. How could

23:34

it not be your baby? I mean, it's literally and I mean, I'm

23:36

like, she's like six months pregnant right now.

23:39

I'm like having fun in the sun by the way. I've been in LA for

23:41

two weeks. I'm just living it up. I'm like, it was

23:43

the best night ever. She's like, yeah. Telling

23:45

all the wrong facts about it. I

23:47

couldn't be less more. I couldn't be more removed

23:49

from this child of mine. So yeah, I

23:52

mean, it's her. They're together for nine

23:54

full months. So

23:55

this is also funny by the way. So

23:57

you have to eventually have to tell.

24:00

your son that like,

24:02

you know, you're an egg donor baby. And

24:04

we've talked to a couple of people that are egg donor

24:07

babies themselves that are adults now. So

24:09

you go to like a counselor cause they do a lot

24:11

of counseling and everything to make sure you're

24:13

feeling good and all that.

24:15

And she goes, now eventually you'll have

24:17

to tell the baby. Now, and this pissed

24:19

me off so bad. She presents it to us.

24:22

What age do you think you should bring it up

24:24

to your son like this? And I

24:27

go, I don't know, 15.

24:29

And she's like this, no, no,

24:32

no.

24:32

I'm like, well, why don't you just tell me the number

24:35

instead of making me look like

24:36

an asshole? And she's like, no, you want

24:38

to tell them when they're like four or five, when they're

24:40

really young kids. So it's not a shock

24:43

later in life, which again, I'm like, well

24:45

just fucking tell me that you bitch.

24:47

You're a psychologist. Now

24:50

I just feel like an idiot. Like,

24:54

I don't know. So anyways, but it was

24:56

supposed to, I guess when kids first

24:58

start asking, I shouldn't have called her a bitch.

25:00

I appreciate her. I feel bad. She's not

25:02

going to watch this,

25:03

but we're not going to add.

25:05

Leave it in there. Put in the C word and

25:07

plug in. No,

25:12

but so, you know, they're just

25:14

supposed to, when the kids become interested in where babies

25:16

come from, I guess, and that way, I guess

25:19

if a teenager, you tell them it's a little more

25:21

shocking or like, what? My whole life

25:23

is a lie. So you kind of plant the seed in

25:25

their head as a kid.

25:27

It seems very confusing and difficult. I'm

25:30

having a hard time with it right now. I'm not excited about that.

25:32

I wouldn't know as a dad of an eight

25:34

year old right now. I don't,

25:37

she would have already known now by three

25:39

or four years. And I'm just like, I don't know

25:42

if I would drop that on somebody. I

25:44

guess I understand the point of not

25:46

waiting too long. So I

25:48

think they won't fully understand, but they'll have this

25:50

idea of like, well, we wanted you so

25:52

bad and your mom was old as shit.

25:55

So. And one day they're going to go to school

25:57

where they have a computer that we didn't.

25:59

and Google this and look it all

26:02

up and understand everything. So I don't

26:04

know. And ultimately they need to know

26:06

their own genetics and all that stuff. Listen,

26:09

I'll tell you this. Was it a psychologist

26:11

you said? Yeah, some kind of. I

26:14

would say by her response to

26:16

the way she set you up like that, I wasn't

26:19

listening to anything at least. I remember she

26:21

got a second opinion. I mean

26:23

it was really like... It was a setup.

26:25

Not a masculine, but just like... I was just like

26:28

fuming. I'm like, so you just made me look

26:29

stupid for no reason. You could have been like, and when

26:32

he's five, you're gonna wanna... Yeah,

26:34

exactly. Because what if you would have

26:36

said four or five, which you said, yes, very

26:38

good. Very good, dummy. But

26:41

yeah, so anyways, long story short,

26:43

we're very excited. And it's taken so

26:46

long. It feels that much more meaningful

26:48

and exciting. So can I ask you this, the

26:51

donor, do you meet the

26:53

donor? And

26:55

does the donor have rights to visit

26:58

the child, see the child or anyhow?

26:59

Does that work? And you don't have to answer any of this if

27:02

you're not supposed to. I'm gonna get you in trouble. I'm

27:04

like fully ignorant

27:07

towards that. And my wife would know

27:09

better. You should have her on. Great guest.

27:11

I'm gonna have her zoom in. Yeah,

27:14

I don't know. I'm

27:18

really dumb. I hear you, it's okay. I think

27:20

that they... I don't know how it works. Because

27:22

I'm sure she had to sign a bunch of paperwork when she

27:25

donated. Yeah, you're giving that away. And I know guys, I know a couple

27:27

of comics that used to donate sperm

27:29

for money and a lot

27:32

less money than women get because

27:34

there's 75,000

27:35

sperm in each ball or whatever. That's

27:38

a good point. But yeah, I've brought that up

27:40

with him. I'm like, so you might have children around.

27:43

He's like, yeah, I guess so.

27:44

But I think eventually

27:47

the

27:48

kid can contact... I actually...

27:51

Well, I mean, the kid's 18 is gonna be able to do

27:53

whatever your child wants to do at that point. Right,

27:56

right. Yeah. So it's not like

27:58

there's gonna be a hiding it.

27:59

Do you know what you're having? A boy. So you're

28:02

also telling him

28:03

from four or five that this is how

28:05

you came to be. Right.

28:08

So he's gonna naturally be curious, wouldn't

28:10

you? I would. Yeah, of course.

28:12

I'm like, what? Well, also once you get

28:15

the egg donor, you get an adult photo

28:17

and she's

28:18

gorgeous woman, so I wouldn't mind. So

28:20

wait, once you pick at that's when you get the adult.

28:22

Yeah, yeah. Then they send a tasteful nude

28:25

just so you can really see what the body. See

28:28

what that body works like. No,

28:32

it's just like a headshot thing. And

28:34

yeah, she's gorgeous and seems very

28:36

nice. But you haven't met

28:38

her though, personally. No, no, I don't think we meet her. Okay.

28:42

I don't think. Oh man. I don't know, I should have more

28:44

information, but I'm just excited about the, once

28:46

I

28:47

don't actually think about the donor thing

28:49

that much, once it's just, I have a pregnant wife

28:51

there and I love her and I'm excited for the baby

28:54

and it'll be. Well, I imagine also with

28:56

the

28:58

trauma of losing a baby, you're stoked

29:00

that this is working and happening now. Yeah,

29:03

yeah, this is the far as we've gone and we keep going

29:05

and they're like, everything's healthy and it's,

29:08

her age is not nearly as much

29:10

of a factor now because we're working with a young donor

29:12

and the baby's been tested

29:15

and all the ultrasound and all that stuff,

29:17

so the baby's looking healthy. So how old's

29:19

the donor?

29:20

She, at the time of

29:22

donating, she was 26. Oh,

29:24

okay. Yeah. All right. So it's amazing.

29:27

So you have a 26 year old egg in a 45 year old body. Yes.

29:31

And 40 year old cum. And 40 year

29:33

old cum, yeah, mixing all together,

29:36

yeah. Put it together and you got a nice kid.

29:38

So yeah, hopefully it'll

29:40

all be

29:41

gravy. Very excited. So

29:44

let me ask you, I

29:46

have a bunch of questions. Sure. If

29:48

science doesn't exist and you aren't

29:50

able to have a child, like,

29:53

I don't know, in the sixties, would

29:56

you adopt? I don't know, we

29:58

were not...

30:00

that into the idea, but first of all adoption

30:02

is, I think really difficult and

30:04

a long, arduous process.

30:08

And I always joke with this, I make, in

30:10

my podcast, I've made so many

30:13

pedophile jokes, just like offhand,

30:16

where I'm like, all right, take care, subscribe,

30:18

kiss your mother, fuck a kid. I mean, like

30:20

just stuff like that, where I'm like, if they did

30:23

any research, I have made 350 million

30:25

jokes. I'm

30:29

gonna be like, this is psychotic. We can't give

30:31

up a child to this human being.

30:34

But I think it's a really long,

30:37

hard process. And

30:40

I don't know, I guess

30:42

we would have thought about

30:44

that but we

30:46

did this before we got to that

30:48

option, but it seems very difficult

30:50

to adopt.

30:51

Did you guys talk about the, even this

30:54

not working and still being

30:56

completely fulfilled and that's what the

30:58

way it's gonna be for you? Yeah, well, I'm

31:00

pretty good about accepting, all

31:03

my neurosis and anxiety

31:05

comes from worrying about the future. Once things

31:07

are happening, I'm like, all right, well, that's what has happened.

31:10

So I think we talked about that herpes last time.

31:13

Once you get it, you're like, all right, well, I guess that's

31:15

that. So we're, this time too,

31:17

this is our one, because we only had one egg. So

31:20

we were like, let's

31:21

do it and whatever happens,

31:24

happens. And to me,

31:26

it's like,

31:27

I'm a relative optima. I'm like, if

31:30

it doesn't work out, we'll

31:32

travel and keep living the life we're living. We're living a very

31:34

full life as is. And

31:38

I've been doing well, so I'm like, not

31:41

having kids is fun too. You can

31:43

kinda, especially if you're doing well financially,

31:45

I'm like, we can go off to

31:47

Paris or wherever and

31:50

there's still a fulfilling life to be had but

31:52

I'm definitely

31:53

happy it's working out this way. What are

31:55

you looking most forward to about being

31:58

a dad?

32:02

Boy, I really, well, I have nieces

32:04

and nephews that really, it sounds like

32:06

so, try

32:09

it away, but like, I feel like you really feel

32:12

like seen and heard

32:14

as a

32:17

father figure and uncle with like, the kids are like, wow,

32:20

that's great. And you can feel the difference of

32:22

like, connection. Like, I feel, my

32:24

nieces and nephews, I can feel like

32:27

that I've gotten through to them, which is so difficult.

32:30

And you just feel this feeling of like,

32:32

wow, they really appreciate me and I

32:34

love them and there's this connection and

32:37

I

32:37

feel meaningful to them. It

32:40

does give you meaning to be around children,

32:42

even children that aren't mine, I'm not even related

32:44

to, gives me the most fulfilling feeling.

32:47

The things I'm most proud of in my life are relationships

32:49

with my nieces and nephews. So I imagine, I can

32:52

only imagine that a kid is

32:54

that much greater. And then obviously when

32:56

like, I'm big into sports,

32:58

I imagine my kid will be as well

33:01

and all those things to catch.

33:04

And I think also making, not, I don't want to

33:06

say making up, but being the father

33:08

that I

33:09

didn't have,

33:12

I had a father, but being in the

33:14

way that I would have liked. What sort

33:16

of dad was your dad? My dad's a,

33:18

he's a good dad. I want to talk disparaging of my dad,

33:20

but very Boston, Irish, Catholic,

33:23

Stoic, not a lot of, um, emotion,

33:27

not a lot of emotion, a lot of communication, very

33:29

little in response.

33:32

We talk about the socks for about 10 minutes,

33:34

maybe the Patriots. That's

33:37

it. Yeah. There's no, um,

33:39

so he's still alive now. Yeah. He's

33:41

still around. Very funny guy comes to the shows, laughs,

33:44

funny, funny guy. Is he still with your mom? Yeah.

33:46

Yeah. They're together. They're

33:49

talking to him about being a dad. No, that's not happening.

33:51

Do you want to?

33:53

Yeah. What would happen if

33:55

you just called him and was like, dad, I got a bunch

33:57

of questions about being a father. You got

33:59

an hour?

33:59

It's hard. What if you just said that?

34:02

I keep thinking this, this is like on my list of things to

34:04

do, this is what my therapist talks about a lot. He's

34:06

like, call him. That's not my therapy

34:08

impression. I tried,

34:11

I've been in therapy for years now. I tried calling

34:13

my dad one time,

34:15

years ago. I mean, we've literally never talked

34:17

to a phone. We'll text a little bit. Oh really? Okay. Zero

34:19

phone calls. So it's not a day to day or even weekly

34:22

communication, you would say? Never. You

34:24

just see him when you see him, is that sort of thing? Yeah, I see

34:26

him. If I go up to, they're in Boston or Massachusetts.

34:29

When I go up there, they're

34:30

around. He doesn't come visit here?

34:33

No.

34:34

My parents do not come to New York. Or New York, excuse me. My

34:37

mother is afraid of bridges.

34:40

That's her excuse. And

34:42

doesn't come to New York. I've lived in New York

34:45

for, I know. I've lived in New York

34:47

for 17 years. I grew up in

34:49

Massachusetts, so it's 200 miles. They've come three

34:51

times. My appendix erupted. I

34:53

did letterman and I got married. Those are

34:55

the three visits. Yeah. We've

34:58

never been like, we're coming down to New York. Even mom's

35:01

not. Yeah.

35:02

Her less. I think my dad would

35:05

more, but she's just filled

35:07

with anxiety. How many brothers and sisters

35:09

do you have? One older sister. One older sister, okay.

35:11

Are they more affectionate or open

35:14

with her?

35:15

No. So it's not just this guy

35:17

to guy thing, or he's the son, whatever.

35:20

No, it's just very, my mother's,

35:22

my parents' love language is more like my dad.

35:25

If I,

35:26

I'll drive up

35:29

to Massachusetts, my dad will take the car

35:31

to get an oil change while I'm still in bed. They

35:33

wake up early and he's like, got the oil changed.

35:36

That's what I get. I don't get congrats

35:38

on the kid. Yeah, like my,

35:41

there's been no discussion of really. You

35:43

got 3000 more on that. Yeah, enjoy. I

35:46

even put the sticker in the thing. Or my

35:48

mother buys like, Joe, he loves

35:50

DiGiorno, we got DiGiorno's. Opens

35:52

the freezer. Not a lot of

35:54

like, we're so proud of you or anything like that. But

35:57

you know, they're doing the best they can or whatever. But

36:00

yeah. It's

36:02

on your list of things to do to calm and talk to

36:04

them. Before your son's born? Yeah, I've had

36:07

this thought. When does your son

36:09

do? October 29th. It's

36:11

coming, man. But yeah, so I

36:13

called him once when I was in therapy and I was like,

36:16

hey, and he was like, what? Like,

36:18

it throws him off.

36:20

And I was like, yeah, you know, I always- Just a call

36:22

will be like, is he worried that you're about to tell

36:24

him some horrible news or something? Well,

36:27

I always joke, I'm like, if I see

36:28

my dad's number, I'm like, my

36:31

mom died. I'm about to get the news.

36:33

I call my parents Deb and Steve. Like,

36:35

they're, and I have since I was a kid. I

36:38

swear to God, since I was like 13. You call

36:40

your dad Steve and your mom Deb?

36:42

Yes, that's not even their names, which is weird.

36:45

Hahaha.

36:48

No, I mean,

36:50

it's, I don't know. And

36:52

we're like- You ever hugged? You hugged your

36:55

dad? We hugged, I started hugging after therapy.

36:57

And I was like, hey, we don't hug.

36:59

And they kind of put it on me cause I've

37:01

always been like,

37:03

you know, hugging's gay or whatever.

37:05

I was gonna say after he hung up with you, he's probably like, our son's

37:07

gay. Yeah. Our son's 100% gay,

37:09

he wants to hug now. So I

37:12

was just like, you know, we should start hugging and saying,

37:14

I love you. We never really do that. You said this to

37:16

your dad on the phone? No, I said it

37:18

like to my mom on the phone

37:20

and then she tells my dad. I kind of communicate with my dad

37:23

through my mother. And what is your mom's

37:25

response to that? She's

37:27

like, okay. Like, this

37:29

is weird. It's

37:32

very strange. That

37:35

is interesting. Are you an affectionate man with your

37:37

wife? Do you cuddle? Do you like to be? Yeah,

37:40

big time. Yeah, I really love to snuggle and spoon.

37:43

Do you see yourself being an affectionate dad with

37:45

your son? Oh yeah, I think I'm gonna be

37:47

crying all the time. Oh dude, yeah, you will trust

37:50

me. A lot of kissing. You will, bro. You're

37:52

gonna get your non-stop. You're like, yeah.

37:54

Yeah, well, like I said, I'm like, I have

37:57

a niece and my sister's kids who are 18 and 15.

37:59

And then my best friend's kids

38:02

are 11 and seven. And

38:04

he named his kid after me, which

38:06

is really touching. And

38:09

they call me Funko. I have like a

38:11

deep relationship with them. And I'm like,

38:15

my nephew is sharing names. So I feel

38:17

very connected to him. But I'm like,

38:19

he says stuff that I'm like, I can't believe

38:21

you're why I remember when you were born. This is great.

38:23

Like I'm so blown away by him. Like he

38:26

used

38:26

a sentence where he said, for example, like

38:29

he was playing some game. He was like, what if we played a game

38:31

where you pick a color, for example,

38:33

and just him saying for example, I always

38:35

started crying. I was like, for example, where'd

38:38

you get that? My daughter is eight years old.

38:40

It's a 12 minute ride to her mom's house. Last

38:43

night she freestyle wrapped an

38:45

entire fucking song about the solar system.

38:48

I couldn't get over it. And it was good.

38:50

I was like, what? Yeah.

38:53

And I'd be like, she said, give me another planet dad. I'm like Pluto.

38:55

She's like, it's not a planet. We argue about that. I'm like, fine

38:58

Neptune. And she'll go on a whole rap about Neptune.

39:00

So I'm like,

39:01

I'd say it all the time. I'm like, you used

39:03

to just cry and pee and poop.

39:06

Right. It's all you would do. No, it's mind

39:08

blowing. It's discovery

39:10

in your home, bro. Yeah. And you weren't

39:12

even there for so long. And then

39:14

you were there and now you're saying. Just created a soul

39:17

out of. Well, that's what I struggle

39:19

with sometimes. Cause you know, I'm like,

39:21

I'm doing very well. Like, you

39:23

know, I did the Wilbur theater in Boston, my

39:26

hometown and like it's sold out and my family, they come.

39:28

They do come and I think they laugh, but I'm like,

39:31

aren't you like blown away? Aren't you like,

39:34

what the fuck? That's crazy.

39:36

I remember you said you wanted to do comedy when you were nine.

39:39

Ah,

39:40

but they just kind of go, all right. DiGiorno.

39:43

Take care. Exactly. Exactly.

39:46

How's the oil? Yeah, exactly. And

39:48

there's no real like, yeah.

39:51

And I think if I was like, are you guys proud of me? They'd be like, of course.

39:54

Yeah. Why are you even asking? So

39:56

and like the kid, there's not. Just

39:58

feels like inherent to the.

39:59

that of course all these things, we

40:02

just don't verbalize or emotionally

40:05

show you that. I think so and again,

40:07

it's learned behavior, that's what they got. I

40:10

think my

40:12

dad

40:13

played catch with me and everything and came to all my games,

40:15

so I think that was more than his dad did.

40:18

So it's like. So I'm already a better

40:20

day. I'm there.

40:21

But yeah, they have not really

40:24

said like. I've lived past 42, so I

40:26

feel like I'm better than my dad. You know what I mean?

40:28

I've already done a better job right now. I

40:30

got eight years on them. Well, so I think they think,

40:35

we're at the show, but

40:38

I'm having a kid, they have not said like, we're

40:40

so excited. No congrats, we're in your

40:43

registered. Can we come out

40:45

to help? The register they've asked about, but

40:47

like coming, my mother has been like, yeah, I can't,

40:49

the New York, the bridges, and it's just too much.

40:52

I'm like, okay, I guess fear of bridges

40:54

greater than love of child

40:56

and grandchild. Is there no route with

40:59

GPS these days to get from Boston

41:01

to New York without a bridge? Well, that's what

41:03

I said, like you can do the tunnel, you could go through.

41:05

Right, yeah.

41:06

I guess you still have to go to the GW. I guess

41:08

you could go west. It'd be like a 10 hour

41:11

trip, I don't know.

41:12

You could go

41:14

west and down and then take the tunnel,

41:16

or you know, just close your eyes on the bridge. It could be something

41:19

too. Yeah, they could put an eye mask on for 10 seconds. I

41:21

have a couple of cocktails. Yeah. Knock

41:23

you out on the way and. Or fly. I

41:26

live 10 minutes from LaGuardia. They can also

41:28

fly to LaGuardia. That would be bridge free. Can I just

41:30

say this? Why don't you just fucking

41:32

tell them, I bought you tickets, they're booked.

41:35

Here's what I want you to come. Yeah, that's what I could

41:37

do. My therapist says I should make them work

41:39

for the relationship.

41:41

Be like, all right, well, I guess you can see

41:43

the kid whenever, or be like, you're coming down,

41:46

you fucking assholes. Yeah, at

41:48

least when he's born. I

41:50

would think. Yeah, it'd be nice to have your

41:52

parents there.

41:53

Yeah. Also, let grandma and grandpa

41:56

hold them for a couple hours while you take a nap.

41:58

You're gonna be wiped, dude. Yeah.

41:59

Yeah, it's a lot going on. I'm already tired.

42:02

I did four shows last year. Baby,

42:04

can't forget about it. No, you got a baby, dude.

42:07

Wait till you have to start booking sitters and how much

42:09

they cost and all that. I know, it's terrifying.

42:12

Let's go back, I'm just so curious about

42:14

your parents. So

42:16

are you gonna call your dad and have this conversation?

42:18

I gotta

42:20

try, I keep

42:21

meaning to, and my dad, he's about to have a surgery

42:24

on his face. He had like a dental

42:26

thing that fucked up his sinuses and

42:28

shit, and he has to have surgery. And he did have a

42:31

moment, we were in Maine a couple weeks ago on vacation,

42:33

and just kind of out of the blue, he was like, yeah,

42:36

I gotta have a serious surgery. They put

42:38

you out and I'm

42:40

nervous about it. I was gonna say, he must have be worried

42:43

about it to talk about it. And it's a month before

42:45

my baby's, so I think like, oh,

42:47

and it throws you off. You know when someone behaves

42:49

differently, you're kind of like, what? That's

42:52

the weird thing about not showing emotion for so

42:54

long, because then when somebody does, you're like, ugh.

42:58

I'm not ready for this. And it kind

43:00

of took

43:01

me a bath. I was like, oh, wow, yeah, well,

43:03

that's crazy. Well, I think it'll be okay. And I'm actually

43:05

driving up there, because again, my mother, the

43:07

surgery's in Boston, they live in the suburbs, and my mother's like,

43:09

I can't drive into the city. She's just

43:11

a terrified person.

43:13

So I was like, I'll tell you what, I'll come up there and I'll

43:15

drive. I love driving into the city.

43:18

So that feels like service,

43:20

I'll come and be there. In my mind, I'm like, before

43:22

he goes under, maybe I'll be like,

43:24

I love you, Pop, or something. But

43:26

terrified.

43:27

But when he wakes up, you'll be there for him. Yeah,

43:29

exactly. So you know what you could say when he's

43:31

there, you could say, you know what

43:33

really is scaring me lately? Having

43:36

this kid, can I talk to you about that? Then

43:38

he's a hostage in that bed, bro, you got

43:40

him. He's strapped in. You got him. Yeah, he's

43:42

like, you know, Jimmy Stewart in the rear window. He can't say nothing.

43:45

He can't, he's laying there, dude, you got

43:47

him. So I think my dad. And I'll probably be more open

43:49

to talking to you. I know when I was on all those pain meds,

43:51

I was saying all kinds of stuff. I

43:53

would've talked to you about anything you wanted to hear about.

43:56

No, I remember when I had my

43:57

appendix surgery, I was just, you know, you're

43:59

in such a.

43:59

I remember like home alone was on,

44:02

I was like sobbing. Like, ahhh.

44:05

And then like Rocky came on after

44:07

and Rocky, the scene where he's like, I just

44:09

want to prove I'm not just another bum from the neighborhood.

44:11

I was like, that's how I feel. Just

44:13

dreading my wife's like, what

44:15

is wrong with you? You fuck it. It's appendicitis,

44:17

you dork. But

44:20

you know, you're at vulnerable spot. But

44:23

yeah, so I got to try. And

44:25

that's what's hard too, because I think this all the time. My

44:28

dad and I would go to Sox games as a kid and

44:30

I always wonder, I'm like,

44:32

was that fun? Were you pumped?

44:34

Were you dreading it? I have no concept.

44:37

Because when you're a kid, everything's just normal.

44:39

It is what it is. So I was like, this is the best.

44:42

And I'm sure he must have some fond memories

44:44

of going to the ball games. But it

44:47

is mysteriously. I don't think he would have gone back

44:49

if he didn't. Right, right. You know what

44:51

I mean?

44:52

Yeah. No, and that was, we really

44:54

connected over that. And. It's

44:57

interesting too. It's also a great place

44:59

to take someone to show them what

45:01

emotions are. Right. Home

45:04

runs and people are going crazy. Yeah. And

45:06

there's a, you're losing or you're booing. There's a lot

45:08

of stuff going on there without him having to show

45:10

you any emotion whatsoever. Exactly.

45:13

And that's the great thing about sports. It's a theater of emotion. Yeah,

45:15

you can really connect through

45:18

that. And it's, that's the beautiful

45:20

thing about sports, bonding fathers

45:22

and sons, especially baseball, because it's

45:25

every day and in and out in the seasons and

45:27

all that, but yeah,

45:29

we'll see. I got to try to call and be like,

45:31

hey,

45:31

yeah, I understand you're nervous. I'm nervous

45:34

too. What were you, you know, wondering

45:37

what he was most scared about?

45:39

Yeah. Cause he probably had you in his twenties.

45:42

Yeah, he was, he had my sister, he was I think 19

45:44

and 23 when he had me. I

45:46

mean, my mother's two years younger. So that's

45:49

what's, yeah. I mean, like I said, he was

45:52

my age. I was already 18 years old. So,

45:55

and he must've been,

45:58

I don't know, scared shitless.

45:59

and anxious and I don't know, I don't know what

46:02

he thought.

46:03

Yeah, because he doesn't tell you. I guess, yeah,

46:05

so I'll just- He's never told you. Guessing,

46:07

yeah, and that obviously plays a role in it. So funny, because

46:09

my dad's dead. I wish I could ask him those

46:11

questions. I wish I could be like, and

46:14

also I'm a twin. I'd be like, yeah, two at the same

46:16

fucking time? Like, what was that like? What

46:18

are you thinking? What was that like? That kind

46:20

of shit, I wanna know. Well, that's the thing that makes

46:22

me sad in my life is my,

46:24

I'll be around other parents, like my wife's

46:27

parent, her dad's gone now, but

46:29

they have such enthusiasm when they were kids.

46:32

They were like, I remember we used to take

46:34

you to camp. We all, and would sit in a circle

46:37

and

46:37

belly laughing about like, remember that? That

46:39

was crazy. You guys were so, my parents

46:42

just don't tell any stories of like, well,

46:44

I remember when you were five,

46:46

you used to this or that. There's just

46:48

not a lot of that. Or we would get excited about

46:50

this, or they just don't

46:52

talk like that. Is your sister

46:54

more emotional, openly emotional,

46:57

as a mom with her kids than your parents were

46:59

with her? I think so, yeah, I

47:01

think so.

47:02

So yeah. So age seems to

47:04

be a big worry for you with this. Yeah,

47:07

definitely. I feel you on that. I used to think the same

47:09

thing, I'm like, hmm, 41. So when

47:12

you graduate, 51 and eight,

47:14

it will be 59. Yes. And

47:17

people are definitely gonna be like, is this your grandpa? Right,

47:19

right. I'm like, listen, little motherfucker. Well, I

47:22

worry about- But out here,

47:23

these days, at least in California,

47:26

you see so many more older parents.

47:29

Yeah, I think it's becoming more normal. I worry about

47:31

energy and physicality. Like, I'm a really,

47:34

like, a bountiful energy guy.

47:37

I like jumping around and playing basketball

47:39

and pickleball and tennis and hiking. And

47:41

I worry that, like, I don't wanna

47:43

be the dad that's like, you go, or I'm trying

47:45

to play catch and I'm like throwing, like, I'm

47:47

leading with the elbow because my rotator cuff is-

47:50

So I'm trying to stretch

47:53

and all that stuff and try to be a bit healthier

47:55

because

47:56

it would, I don't wanna be just a total

47:58

shadow of myself.

47:59

when he's the age of playing

48:02

and stuff. So that worries me of

48:04

like he's playing baseball and I'm like,

48:06

I can't have a catch with you, but I'll hire

48:10

a young man. I'm gonna show you how to bump. Yeah,

48:12

exactly. So that stuff is,

48:14

you know, I'm trying to take care of myself so I can

48:17

do that. We'll see.

48:20

I don't know. I, it's, here's the

48:22

other thing too. I think it's more something

48:24

you're seeing more these days because first

48:27

of all, it's so much more expensive to survive

48:29

on this planet these days. And

48:31

if you're having a kid in your 20s, when

48:34

you're still either in college or paying

48:36

for college or you couldn't afford to go to, like you're, you're

48:39

saddled with an expensive

48:41

burden.

48:42

I'm just being honest in your 20s.

48:45

I mean,

48:46

good luck. I think the reason people

48:48

waiting more now is they're able to get a job.

48:51

They're able to start a career. They're able to save some

48:53

money and sort of think about, you

48:56

know, do I really want to do this? Can

48:58

I afford this? I mean, I'll say this, unless

49:00

you're a fucking gazillionaire, there's

49:02

never enough money to, you know, you're never

49:04

ready. Right. There's no number

49:07

where you're going to hit and place you're going to be or

49:09

anything. Now it's exactly time

49:11

for,

49:12

it's not a, you know, we're not launching a space

49:14

shuttle. Yeah. It's kind of difficult though to

49:16

have, but I just mean.

49:18

No, that's, that's, I'm always worried about that

49:20

too. Cause like right now I'm doing well financially,

49:23

but you know,

49:24

comedy is such all businesses

49:26

now, especially with fucking AI. It just

49:28

feels like there's no like job security

49:31

anywhere, but that feeling of like,

49:33

oh, the kids get really, a new

49:36

baby is like not that much more

49:38

expensive. It's like you got diapers and hopefully

49:40

they breastfeed, whatever

49:41

you can just bite off some of your food and here, take

49:43

that. But like when they're 14,

49:46

15, playing travel, baseball, tennis,

49:48

whatever, all that stuff. Wait till you see how

49:50

much it costs now for little

49:52

leagues and all the stuff they have to do and

49:55

all the school stuff. Man, it's

49:57

way more than we, you're going to be like, my

49:59

daughter goes to a,

49:59

a summer camp at the beach.

50:02

And she's like, Dad, what did you do for summer camp

50:05

in the summer? And I said, we went outside.

50:07

I didn't go to any fucking camp. Right.

50:10

It was go out, ride your bike, play sports,

50:12

find your friends, you know, all that stuff.

50:14

And then be back before dark. Like it was, I think

50:17

I went to one camp my whole entire life. It

50:19

was a soccer camp, Bucknell

50:21

University. I kept the jersey for

50:23

a while. I was the red color team against

50:25

blue. My brother was on green. There was a blue

50:27

and another one. And we won. We

50:30

won the whole thing. Kept my little trophy

50:32

and everything.

50:32

But no fucking camps.

50:35

Yeah. I did. Did you go to camp? I went to baseball

50:37

camp at Massasoit Community College, but

50:39

it was, you know, five days. One time or every summer.

50:42

I went, I think like two or three summers, but it

50:44

was five days. You didn't sleep there. You just,

50:46

it was down the street. They drop you off. You play

50:48

baseball at the community college and come back.

50:51

But there was no like, we're going to

50:54

whatever Jason Voorhees camp.

50:57

Camp Crystal Lake. Yeah. Crystal Lake. There you go.

50:59

Yeah. We didn't do, yeah, we

51:01

didn't do any of that stuff. But I

51:03

always talk about, I'm like, you know, it sounds

51:05

so weird to be like back in my day, but yeah, I had a key

51:08

in my shoe and yeah, you biked around and

51:10

then eventually your parents would yell up the street,

51:12

sweaty fucking dollar bills and

51:15

tucked in your sock. Yeah. Biking

51:17

around. I used to hate that. I'm like, why is this

51:19

money wet? It's like a

51:21

shin sweat all over

51:23

it. Yeah, always. Just wet vibes. What

51:27

is your wife's biggest concerns right now about having

51:29

a baby?

51:30

I don't know. I don't really

51:31

talk to her. You're

51:33

just like your dad. Right

51:36

now, she has just been extremely excited.

51:38

First of all, I keep saying this. My wife makes every

51:41

pregnant woman I've ever met sound like a whiny

51:43

bitch. My wife is like,

51:46

she's just having, I mean, she's in the second trimester,

51:48

which is the good spot,

51:50

I guess. But she was nauseous

51:53

a bunch in the first time, but never really got sick.

51:56

And she's been like running. We

51:58

played pickleball and.

52:00

She's been good and she's

52:02

just

52:03

really excited. I think her main concern

52:06

is what her career will look like with having

52:08

a baby, because she's a comic. And

52:10

it's hard, because I've just

52:12

been fortunate to

52:14

be

52:15

a bit more financially successful in the business.

52:17

So it becomes hard where it's like,

52:20

it's gonna be harder to go on the road. And we'd go on the road

52:22

together a bunch, she would open for me, but

52:24

it's harder to both on the road if you have a baby. Yeah,

52:26

and it's- You wanna bring two

52:29

incomes into that family. Yeah, and

52:31

it's hard too, because it's like,

52:32

for her to go on the road, it's like,

52:35

I have to stay home if she's gonna go on the road, but

52:38

I do, at the time

52:40

being right now, pretty well on the road. So

52:42

I think she's worried about that.

52:45

That's her main concern, is just kind of like, what does

52:48

my career look like now? Which obviously,

52:51

both of them will have to take

52:52

a step back while we try to raise a baby.

52:54

Just for a second, you'll figure it out. I thought

52:57

the same thing, I thought, there's no

52:59

way I'm gonna be a single parent

53:01

that has my daughter half the time fully

53:03

invested and make

53:05

comedy and stuff work. I freaked out

53:08

about that. You

53:10

just make it work? Yeah, you kind of have to figure

53:12

it out. You just figure it out. Yeah, it's a job. You chased

53:15

a dream of being a standup comedian, look at

53:17

you now, you figured it out. That's

53:19

what you do, you just figure it the fuck out. Listen

53:22

to everyone and no one. You

53:25

know what I'm saying? Everyone's gonna give you advice,

53:27

oh, swaddle. This kid might

53:29

love to be swaddled, this one might hate to

53:31

be fucking swaddled. Even your own siblings

53:34

could be different.

53:36

Just my only advice

53:38

is figure out whatever works best for you

53:40

two, or three, excuse me,

53:43

and do that. That's it. Yeah,

53:45

you just kind of navigate it like anything else, I

53:47

guess. Yeah,

53:49

it's funny, because I'm like,

53:50

well, comedy's such a hard job with a kid, because

53:53

you go on the road and you have to leave, and then someone,

53:55

a

53:55

comic that I know as a parent, was like, no, it's the

53:57

best. He's like, yeah, you leave Friday, Saturday.

54:00

Saturday, but you're home all day,

54:02

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, like you have bound

54:05

full time available. Tons. So

54:08

let's see, yeah, we just make it work. Yeah, it's one of those

54:10

things of like, it's like that old thing,

54:13

how do you make God laugh? You tell him your plans for

54:15

the future. It's like there's nothing,

54:17

I don't know what it will look like, but we'll figure it out.

54:20

Yeah, you'll figure it out. We'll see. Well,

54:22

congrats, dude. Thanks, man. This

54:24

has been great. I've loved talking to you about this. Yeah, me too.

54:27

Plug and promote everything again, please. Comedian

54:30

Joe List.com for dates. I have

54:32

two podcasts. I have Tuesdays with Stories

54:34

with Mark Norman. I have another podcast called Mindful

54:36

Metal Jacket, which is similar to this. It's

54:39

a lot of mindfulness and therapy stuff.

54:42

And that's on YouTube. They're both on

54:44

YouTube. And then I have a brand new

54:46

special called Enough for Everybody on

54:48

my YouTube.

54:49

And it's a follow up to one that came out last year called

54:51

This Year's Material. And there's another one from two

54:53

years ago called I Hate Myself. So three specials all

54:55

on YouTube, all free.

54:57

All right. Yeah. So

55:00

check out Joe's special. As always, Ryan Sickler on all social media.

55:03

Get your tickets for the tour at RyanSickler.com.

55:05

We'll talk to you all next week.