0:00

The live and alive tour is off

0:02

and running St. Louis. I will see

0:04

you on August 4th and 5th,

0:08

LA local show here, August

0:10

11th, Tampa, Florida,

0:12

August 18th and 19th with

0:14

Steve Simone, Springfield, Missouri,

0:17

September 1st and 2nd, Tulsa, Oklahoma,

0:20

September 15th and 16th. Phoenix,

0:22

Arizona, September 29th and 30th

0:25

salt lake city. I'll see y'all October

0:27

27th and the 28th in San Francisco, California. I'm

0:31

coming

0:32

back December 8th and

0:34

night. Get your tickets to

0:36

all shows at Brian sickler.com.

0:39

The honeydew with Brian sickler.

0:52

Welcome back to the honeydew

0:55

y'all. We're over here doing it in the night

0:57

pan studios. I'm Ryan sickler, Ryan sickler.com,

1:00

Ryan sickle on all your social media.

1:02

And I want to say, thank you.

1:04

Thank you. Whether you've been here or whether you knew

1:06

here, thank you for supporting this show. I genuinely

1:08

love what I do for a living. Make sure

1:10

you subscribe to the YouTube channel. Make

1:13

sure you're sharing the special lefty son.

1:15

And if you've got to have more than you got to check out

1:17

the Patriot, I am telling you. Those

1:20

stories it's called the honeydew with y'all.

1:22

I do this show with y'all.

1:25

And y'all just decided not to be comedians

1:28

and your stories are unlike

1:30

anything you're going to hear. I don't care. Dateline

1:33

can't hold a candle to it. None of them. The stories

1:35

are in. Same. It's

1:37

five bucks a month. If you were someone out

1:39

there has a story that has to be heard, please

1:42

submit it to honeydew podcast, the gmail.com

1:44

hopefully get to do an episode together. All right.

1:47

And if you're looking for a new podcast

1:49

to listen to check out my old podcast, I

1:52

am telling you everybody in

1:55

podcast land, Theo Vaughn,

1:58

Tom, Segura, Burke, Christ.

1:59

Bill Burr, Christina P. Everybody

2:02

has done that podcast. Go

2:05

check it out. You'll love it. Check me

2:07

out on the road. Got upcoming

2:09

dates. All right, Tampa, Florida. You

2:12

know who's gonna be with me in Tampa, Florida? Steve Simone.

2:14

Steve Simone's coming with me, Tampa. August

2:17

18th and 19th, I'll be there. September

2:20

1st and 2nd, Springfield, Missouri. September

2:22

15th and 16th, Tulsa, Oklahoma.

2:24

And that's the biz. You guys know what we're doing over here. I always

2:27

say these are stories behind the storytellers.

2:30

Ladies and gentlemen, I am very excited to have this

2:33

guest on today. First time here on

2:35

The Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome

2:38

Kirk Foxx. Welcome to The Honeydew, Kirk

2:40

Foxx. I'm just watching.

2:42

I'm just watching you bring it in. It

2:44

was quite exciting. You feel,

2:46

you want to sit up on that mic now? I can, you

2:49

want me even closer than that? How's this?

2:51

Is that better? Yeah, there you go. Already telling me what

2:53

to do? Yep. Okay, how's that? That's good.

2:55

Now I feel cramped. Now I gotta lean in. Get comfortable,

2:58

Kirk Foxx. Well, I was here. Yeah,

3:00

but you gotta be

3:00

comfortable where people can hear you. I don't know.

3:03

I don't know if they need to hear me.

3:06

They can get a feel. Kirk Foxx,

3:08

it's a pleasure to have you here. Can I ask you one question? Since

3:10

you said we're here for an hour. Now I noticed

3:12

you were looking at that camera. Should I be looking

3:15

at this one? That's you right here. If you want to look direct,

3:17

this is our wide right here. You're on TV.

3:19

You know how this works. I really don't

3:22

know how the camera's operated. That's our

3:24

wide.

3:25

That's mine. So I will avoid yours. And

3:28

that's me if I need it. That's you if you need

3:30

to look at it. And then you'll edit this to make

3:33

you look great. It's being live switched as we speak

3:35

right now. Oh, see, I didn't know that.

3:38

Okay, so right now the world

3:40

is seeing this. No, it's not airing

3:43

live. Just Kirsten is switching it actively

3:45

while we're doing this. So it doesn't be done

3:47

in post-production. Okay, so that's

3:49

exciting. You with me?

3:51

Well, so I'm

3:53

slowly working into

3:56

it. I feel you coming out of your shop. You come in hard and fast. I

3:58

remember that. You know,

4:00

it's just not who I am. I'm

4:02

still trying to find my footing in

4:04

this little room. I see the

4:07

honeydew, right? Okay,

4:09

do I have a backdrop? Yeah, you

4:11

have a backdrop. That's a shot of me when

4:13

I was out in Nebraska with Tom, where

4:15

I- Okay, I don't even wanna look at it. It's one of the dates I

4:18

did that you didn't do. We've

4:20

done some dates. We did the Chicago arena together.

4:23

We did. We always have that in suits. The only time

4:25

I ever wore a suit on stage with you. Me

4:27

too, I didn't like it.

4:28

I didn't mind it, but I'm not gonna choose

4:31

it. Suits, you know, when you- A

4:33

little more strict. This show has a lot to do with trauma,

4:35

I believe. All about trauma. When

4:37

I put on a suit,

4:39

I'm not happy in the suit.

4:41

I feel a little choked,

4:44

like a boa constrictor. I had

4:46

a TV show once where I had to wear a suit every

4:48

day and there

4:50

was no comfort, there was no happiness. Well,

4:53

can we talk about that a little bit before- We

4:55

can talk about anything you want. I love that

4:57

about you. But before we do, please feel

4:59

free to plug. You don't do this. So

5:01

plug and promote everything. Tell people,

5:04

where can they find you on TV? You've

5:07

got two shows, correct? I do

5:09

have two shows. They can also find me here

5:11

on Honeydew, I believe in July.

5:15

July 17th, I've heard. Okay,

5:17

so I'll plug that date.

5:20

July 17th, you can see me on

5:22

Honeydew right there. Yeah, there

5:24

you go. That's a cup of coffee, but nothing in it, but he'd

5:27

like me to take that so that,

5:29

you know, the merch is out there. But

5:32

I'm on Reservation Dogs, which

5:35

is on Hulu, but

5:37

it'll be on FX. Oh, is

5:40

that right? July 26th, they start

5:42

showing- It does feel like an FX

5:44

show, I watch. Well, it is, it's FX on

5:47

Hulu, but now it's gonna actually be on

5:49

FX. So

5:50

that's exciting for me. It's like I have

5:52

another TV show. We just

5:55

wrapped the third season.

5:57

That's where I got this haircut. Yeah,

5:59

I love it. It's a Mohawk,

6:02

I believe. And

6:04

I like it. I've always

6:06

wanted one, but I was

6:08

going to wait until someone paid me to do it. I was going to say,

6:11

you got paid to wear this hair, and it looks

6:13

good on you, bro. You'll find that out in the next

6:15

hour. I don't like to spend money. I'm

6:18

frightened,

6:19

so that's trauma. I

6:22

don't want to spend money. I don't have any. And

6:24

I'm looking forward to one day living

6:27

on the street. That's

6:29

interesting. See, I

6:32

know you, and I still

6:34

don't know if that part's true, and I

6:36

believe it could be. It's definitely true. I believe

6:39

it absolutely could be. I'm a minimalist. One

6:42

day I dream of just being

6:44

by myself in a one

6:46

bedroom apartment on a beach somewhere. I

6:49

do have a family right now, but I'd

6:51

be okay walking away. And

6:54

that's rare. It's not rare. They

6:56

know. It's not that

6:59

rare. People walk away from their

7:01

families all the time.

7:02

Well, I told you out front

7:04

that marriage is a bit of trauma, and

7:06

you say, are you allowed to say that?

7:09

I said, I don't

7:10

want to cause you any problems. What

7:12

could be the problem? If you're honest

7:14

in life, how could that be a problem?

7:17

You tell me. I'm just telling you. You're

7:19

the one that said you didn't want to cause any problems.

7:21

Yeah, for you, I don't. Who cares? So,

7:24

all right, let's go to the beginning. Do what you got

7:26

to do. Where are you from? I'm from

7:28

San Diego, California is where it started.

7:31

And do you have siblings? I'm the youngest

7:34

of five. Five?

7:36

Wow. Okay. According to my

7:38

father, I was the last drip

7:40

from a leaky faucet. He

7:42

literally said that to you. I'm not making

7:44

it up. Everything you hear today will

7:47

be honest. Whether you want to believe

7:49

it or not, that's your problem. Was

7:52

he a humorous man or was

7:55

that meant to be

7:57

jokey or was that meant to be like

7:59

you

9:52

If

10:03

someone said, if someone said you have

10:05

four minutes left, I

10:08

could get all I needed to do done

10:12

in two minutes. All my goodbyes,

10:14

all my thank yous. So

10:16

that's it. And I, oh

10:19

God, dude. I live my life

10:21

where- Where does this come from? Why?

10:24

Why? It doesn't just start that way.

10:26

Well- Who taught you this? Really

10:29

it came from, I would say, my father.

10:31

Not your mom, your dad. I would say more

10:34

of my dad.

10:35

He would say, get out of bed, stand on your head,

10:37

take a deep breath and say, love. He'd

10:41

say, isn't it wonderful? And we'd say, what?

10:43

And he'd say, when we as earth planet travelers

10:46

become aware of our relativity with

10:48

the great universal life force, that's

10:51

how I started every day.

10:53

As a child.

10:54

As a child, I try and carry

10:56

it in life. Do you do that with your son?

10:59

You have a son, right? I think a daughter, but

11:01

I'm not going to label her. I think that's

11:03

up to her to decide. But do you

11:05

think that's labeling just to tell someone how

11:07

to

11:08

get up in the morning? No, if she's a son,

11:10

it's- Oh, I see. It's a daughter.

11:14

Her name is Addison. She just turned five. It's

11:16

a great name. And

11:18

I like being a dad. Yeah. What

11:21

do you like about being a dad? It's just nice

11:23

to have someone

11:25

truly need you.

11:27

I like when she looks up at me and says,

11:30

daddy.

11:31

And I was just in La Jolla yesterday. And

11:35

for two days, it was her first little vacation.

11:38

And it was, we stayed at the La Jolla Beach and Tennis

11:40

Club.

11:41

And at one point,

11:43

she just took off running down the

11:45

beach and I started chasing

11:47

her for

11:49

a long ways. And

11:51

it was kind of nightfall. And

11:54

just running after her at

11:56

full speed

11:58

was the best feeling.

11:59

I've ever had in

12:02

my life. Wow.

12:04

Without question. And a lot of it came

12:07

back to my

12:10

dad was a house painter by trade,

12:12

and he was painting a house down in La Jolla

12:15

and right there at La Jolla Shores in

12:18

the late 40s, I think. And he had

12:20

a little dog named Bruce

12:22

that he came out to California

12:24

with on a 1947 Indian chief

12:27

motorcycle. And Bruce was on the

12:29

gas tank wearing goggles. And

12:31

whenever Bruce looked back, my dad knew

12:34

Bruce needed to take

12:36

a pee. What a relationship.

12:39

And then my dad would kick over the engine

12:41

and the dog would come wherever he was. But

12:43

my dad was painting a house

12:45

in La Jolla with this dog. And

12:48

the dog suddenly took off down the ladder

12:50

and started running down La

12:52

Jolla Shores, right where I was chasing

12:54

my daughter. And the dog ran for

12:57

almost a mile, maybe a half a mile down

13:00

toward Scripps and Black Speech

13:02

around the rocks. And my dad finally caught

13:04

up to this dog and the dog was

13:07

barking at a woman.

13:08

And my dad picked up the dog,

13:11

looked at the woman and said, one day you'll

13:14

be my wife.

13:16

And that was my mom. Is that real?

13:19

What did I tell you? I said, if I'm

13:22

talking, it's real. I didn't drive all

13:24

the way to Santa Monica to not be real.

13:29

That

13:32

dog picked out. Bruce chose your mom

13:35

for your dad. And my mom was actually engaged

13:37

at the time

13:38

to someone over in Pearl Harbor.

13:41

And the guy's name was Robert Bruce Willis.

13:45

And my mom went to Hawaii. And

13:51

decided to see which one she liked most.

13:53

And then she came back and married

13:55

my dad.

13:57

So when I was chasing Addison

13:59

the other night, along the

14:01

beach, it was just like

14:03

my dad was chasing Bruce.

14:07

Or running to your mom. Well, following

14:09

Bruce or running toward my mom. But

14:12

whatever happened that night

14:15

on La Jolla Shores

14:17

80 years ago, whenever

14:19

that was,

14:21

happened, you know, I was here

14:23

because of my dad and Addison

14:25

was here because, and all right

14:27

on that beach. I mean, it really goes back to

14:29

Bruce. You're here because of Bruce too. Makes

14:32

sense. Pretty wild. Little Australian jumper.

14:35

And then my dad married my mom and

14:38

moved in with her and

14:40

her mother

14:41

in the same house that my mom grew up in.

14:44

And I married my wife

14:46

and moved into her house with

14:49

her mother. Is that right? Their

14:51

child, that's your wife's childhood

14:53

home? Yeah, and her dad's, which

14:55

was same as my mom's. So I'm

14:58

mirroring my dad. You

15:00

really are. And then we squeezed out her

15:03

mom, my wife's mom. So

15:05

now it's all ours. Squeezed

15:08

her out. She doesn't like

15:11

me that much. But

15:14

that's who I am. So where does

15:16

this come from? I think my dad, a

15:18

handyman in San Diego.

15:21

But always very Zen like that. Always

15:23

very just. He

15:26

was just

15:27

floating as I am. Did

15:29

just enough,

15:30

whatever it took. Now you're telling me that moment running down

15:33

the beach is the greatest moment of your life. Are

15:36

you present in that while it's happening or is that

15:38

something you realize it after? I'm present in every

15:41

moment. You're able to be there. Were

15:43

you thinking about your dad and mom and everything

15:45

during that run? Oh, of course. Of

15:48

what you just told me. It was

15:50

a feeling of, because I knew I

15:52

was at La Jolla Shores.

15:55

And I tell that story. So

15:58

it was exciting.

16:01

And was, when your dad

16:03

passed, were you, how was your

16:05

mom with that? Smooth. Was

16:07

it, she, was she the same way? Of

16:09

course. My dad died

16:12

and when he got that cancer, he

16:14

was supposed to go quick, but

16:17

he hung in there for another two years.

16:21

Toward the end, I said, dad, why, why,

16:23

why are you still here? He's supposed

16:25

to have been gone a couple years.

16:28

And he says, I want to see your mom so bad

16:31

every morning, I just keep

16:33

waking up. Jesus Christ.

16:35

So they had a good little

16:37

love affair,

16:39

I think. I mean, they slept separately,

16:42

which makes sense. No one really wants

16:44

to be locked into a bed

16:47

with a woman for more than 20 minutes. So

16:52

that's, you know, I mean,

16:54

I share a bed with my wife and I'm

16:56

happier

16:58

when I don't have to. Are you? Well,

17:01

of course. Why? Because

17:04

you sleep bad or I think every man

17:07

would rather sleep

17:09

alone. No

17:11

one wants to have to share a bed. Are

17:15

you a man? I'm a man. Do you

17:17

sleep better alone? No. Oh, you

17:19

need to be held and cuddled? I don't need to be

17:21

held and cuddled, but I like to do the holding

17:23

and cuddling. But yeah, I like to be big spooned.

17:26

That's awesome. Big spoon me. I love

17:28

that. I'm not too fucking proud to be big

17:30

spooned. Well, good. Or if it's

17:32

just you and me laying in there in the bed, as long as we're touching

17:35

feet, you know what I'm saying? I just don't like to be

17:37

touched. Just a little touch. I

17:39

can, I sense that.

17:41

I say I'm like sandpaper.

17:44

You know, if I bump you once, it's

17:47

going to hurt. But if I just keep bumping you, you'll

17:49

be smoother for the ride.

17:50

That's

17:53

who I am. That's what you're all

17:55

about. I think so. But

17:58

we're just down in La Jolla.

17:59

At the Beach and Tennis Club. And

18:03

we had two beds and

18:06

it was nice. My wife slept

18:08

with

18:08

Addison. And I had my own bed,

18:11

right? That's like as close as having

18:13

your own room.

18:14

Look, I can appreciate that because I'm one

18:17

of three. Did you share a room growing

18:19

up too? With more than... No,

18:21

you had your own room? Five kids? By

18:23

the time I came around, they were older.

18:26

There was a big gap. I guess so.

18:29

Yeah, I always had to share a room. I think at one point I

18:31

even shared a room with my dad.

18:34

It's a real old house, so there was a big

18:37

room once. And

18:40

he was over in one corner and

18:42

I was kind of in the other corner.

18:44

And so I think I remember

18:47

kind of sharing a room with my dad. What would

18:49

you say the best advice your dad gave you

18:51

was? Or at least maybe

18:53

it wasn't advice, but the best thing he taught you?

18:57

Cults it tones,

19:01

kindness, forge your tongue

19:03

on the anvil of truth. That

19:06

was one of his say. He would say those things? Yes,

19:08

he was a... He's a different dude, man. Well,

19:11

the great thing was about my dad, when

19:14

he

19:15

was 60, he was trudging in the deep sand of

19:20

Mission Beach. He liked to

19:23

trudge in the sand with a

19:25

bamboo stick.

19:26

He called him bamboo Ben.

19:29

He'd wear a knit hat and you could just see

19:31

his eyes.

19:32

He'd go down there every morning. He'd

19:35

get up at sunrise and he'd look up at

19:37

the moon. At

19:39

the end of this, if you say all this is bullshit,

19:42

I wouldn't be surprised. Oh God, how many times

19:44

do I gotta tell you? I know.

19:47

I can't help this. People out there with me, right? Like,

19:49

I don't know, Ryan. I'm with you. I don't

19:51

know. They know. They sense truth.

19:54

You're the one that's skeptical. I am a little skeptical for sure. You

19:56

know, every morning he'd look up and say, good morning,

19:58

morning. How are things up around the world?

20:00

the moon,

20:01

high Venus, and

20:03

then he would drive down to Mission Beach and

20:05

he would trudge in the deep sand. One

20:08

day he was trudging and

20:10

his heart stopped on

20:13

his feet, shortness

20:16

of breath, and he knew it was the end. He

20:20

took a deep breath and

20:22

with his last breath he

20:25

said, Raya. Raya.

20:33

And his heart started beating.

20:37

He trudged

20:39

on. For the next 20 years

20:43

he would trudge every day and everyone

20:45

would see Bamboo Ben and they'd give him

20:47

a Raya and

20:49

always open fingers, Raya.

20:53

What's that mean? I'm going to tell you.

20:57

And everyone that saw him greeted him with a rousing

20:59

Raya

21:00

and he'd even have people trudging with him,

21:03

with Bamboo Ben. And kind

21:05

of toward the end I said, what's

21:08

Raya?

21:09

And he says, it's air backwards.

21:13

It's the first thing we take in when we're

21:15

born and it's the last thing we

21:17

let go of when we die. He

21:20

didn't know where it came from. Raya.

21:23

So I give a Raya

21:26

often, wherever I am. Raya.

21:29

It's just love. It's just... Did you

21:32

ever go trudge with him? Yeah, I

21:34

trudged with him once

21:36

and found a watch in the sand. So

21:39

I never trudged again because I knew I couldn't top

21:42

that.

21:45

And I still

21:47

had... And it was about topping

21:49

the watch for you. But

21:52

after he died I went back. I've

21:55

gone back and trudged in the same

21:57

spot whenever I'm down there.

22:00

Little Addison does the Raya. Raya.

22:05

You know? So there, I

22:07

like being a dad. We

22:10

tolerate the wife and embrace the

22:12

child. I think

22:15

that's what it's about. I didn't

22:17

wanna be a dad. I thought I'd gotten

22:19

through life. I didn't wanna be a husband.

22:22

So. So why the shift

22:24

to on both? Fucked up.

22:25

Fucked up. So it's not. I slipped. What

22:28

do you mean? I slipped. You don't slip

22:30

getting married. I did. You slip having

22:32

a kid. I did. You can slip having a kid. I kinda

22:35

slipped. How? Probably

22:37

shouldn't have.

22:39

Why do you say that?

22:41

Cause I don't think I'm built for marriage.

22:44

Well you said you didn't wanna be a dad. Those are two different

22:47

days. I didn't wanna be anything. A husband or a father. I like

22:49

my life. All right, let's talk about husband first

22:51

before dad. Okay. Why

22:53

do you feel you slipped? Why did you not wanna be?

22:56

Cause I don't wanna do anything. I just wanna

22:58

golf and play tennis and call

23:00

my own shots and not have to be anywhere.

23:03

But I think I say that's the DNA,

23:05

but clearly not in you cause

23:08

you seem to enjoy it. But I like to. I

23:10

love it. Yeah. Well what about your dad

23:13

had five kids? Did he not really enjoy it? Probably

23:15

not. You don't think so? No. Why

23:17

would you keep having it? Well he liked the kids. That's what I'm

23:19

saying.

23:20

But I said, I like being

23:22

a dad now but I never wanted it until

23:24

I had the child. It's just interesting to me that

23:27

you're

23:28

the son of a man who said,

23:30

I'm

23:31

here because every day I wake up and I still

23:34

wanna see your mom. And then

23:36

he has. It's a good line. Also has five

23:38

kids. So it just

23:40

seems to me that he did really, whether

23:42

they slept in separate beds or not, that's

23:45

how a marriage works for two peoples, their

23:47

business. Exactly. And as long as it works

23:49

and they both are with it and fuck everybody

23:52

else, but it seems like they

23:54

made their marriage work and that he was happy

23:56

enough that he didn't wanna let that go. And

23:59

then also had...

23:59

five kids. So what you seem

24:02

to want to go the other way with that thing. Of course.

24:04

But why do you say of course? Because that's just

24:06

who I am, I guess. Just wired

24:08

like that from the beginning. You always felt

24:10

like that. You did. Always. Always like being alone. So you were

24:13

never longing to be a dad or no.

24:16

You're probably an uncle. Are you not a bunch? I

24:18

think so.

24:18

Four

24:21

fucking siblings that you don't know. I

24:24

think they have some children. Does that make

24:27

me an uncle? Yes. I

24:30

don't think much about that. Are

24:32

you not involved in their nieces and nephews? I

24:34

don't even know why I'm asking that. You don't even know

24:36

if you have them.

24:40

I always wish good thoughts. I

24:43

always send good thoughts to everybody. So

24:45

where does- I probably could be a better

24:47

uncle. Or a better

24:49

brother. Or better dad,

24:52

husband, comedian, partner.

24:54

We all could be better at everything we do.

24:57

I used to go to San Diego

24:59

a lot. For what? For my

25:01

mom when she was alive. But

25:04

when she was gone, I didn't go back much.

25:08

How was she when she passed? Wow,

25:10

all right. They got up there. And I

25:12

was in Edinburgh.

25:15

A festival? At the festival doing comedy

25:18

when she died. Was

25:22

that unexpected? I kind of- I

25:24

sensed something- Your dad passed from cancer,

25:26

so you know that it's going to happen. Yeah, but I kind of, for

25:29

some reason, I felt something was in the air.

25:32

I just-

25:32

What did she pass from? Well,

25:36

this is what's interesting.

25:39

They think of stroke, but

25:43

she was listening to a Padre game.

25:46

She loved listening to Padre games.

25:49

And this one went into extra innings.

25:52

So she was up very late

25:55

because Trevor Hoffman couldn't

25:57

close. I remember off,

25:59

maybe. And

26:01

real late, she went out to turn off the

26:03

radio and she

26:06

fell and hit her head. But

26:10

they don't, they can't be sure if

26:12

she had

26:14

died and then fell and hit the head. But

26:17

I blame.

26:18

Trevor Hoffman. I

26:20

think if he had closed, she

26:22

wouldn't have been up so late. I mean, the game went like 18

26:24

innings. So she wasn't

26:27

in her right mind. When

26:30

she tripped. So that

26:32

was in 80, so. Is

26:35

that not a bluff? That was 2007. You're in Scotland

26:37

when you find this out? Yeah.

26:39

And that's not, how do you receive

26:41

that call?

26:43

Do you cry? No. No.

26:46

Have you ever?

26:48

You ever wept over the loss of your mother

26:50

or father? No. Never. No,

26:52

but sometimes. You're an emotional man, I do know

26:54

that. Am I? I feel like you are,

26:56

you're very insu, you say you're a Buddhist,

26:58

so. But do Buddhists need to cry

27:01

or just feel? No, I didn't say you needed to, I asked

27:03

if you had. And I'm not really a Buddhist,

27:05

I just,

27:06

kindness is my lane. So

27:08

I just believe in love.

27:12

So is that a Buddhist or just someone

27:14

who cares? There's never been a song

27:17

or a moment with your child where

27:20

you wished grandma or nothing that brought

27:22

you to. No, there's tears

27:24

of joy when I'm with the

27:27

Addison sometimes, for some reason,

27:29

ice skating, I'll

27:32

cry a little when someone falls. And

27:35

I don't know what that is. I

27:37

think it's just that they've worked so hard and

27:40

then to slip. So certain

27:42

things like that, or when there's

27:44

a stadium cheering and when

27:47

everyone's together, I feel

27:49

a tear. Okay. I

27:52

can feel. I know you can

27:54

feel.

27:55

I know you can feel, but all right. And if I have to

27:57

on film, I think I could.

27:59

I can find tears.

28:02

So I miss my mom

28:04

and dad, but I feel they're always with me and

28:06

they had a good run. What do you miss about

28:08

them?

28:09

I hear my dad's voice.

28:12

Come out of you? Often

28:14

I'll say things and I'll be

28:16

like, oh, that's my dad.

28:20

He had a real dry sense of humor,

28:22

but I think my dad and I are

28:25

the same, cut from the same cloth.

28:28

He was interesting. He was running

28:30

the, he went to Okinawa. Did

28:33

he?

28:34

But he was running the crap games on

28:36

the ship,

28:38

throwing the dice and they

28:41

found out and they

28:42

demoted him.

28:45

They made him a potato peeler,

28:47

but

28:47

they let him keep doing the crap

28:49

games for morale. Did they

28:51

really? Yeah. But

28:54

most of the people on the ship

28:56

died,

28:58

but he lived because he stayed on the ship,

29:00

peeling potatoes. So that

29:02

crap game. Saved his life. Saved his life.

29:05

And he made damn good hash browns. Listen,

29:09

I used to go to my friends and sleep over and I

29:11

would always ask, is your dad in the military?

29:13

And they're like, yeah. I'm like, is he making breakfast? They're

29:15

like, yup. And I'm like, fuck yeah. It's like military

29:17

dads kill breakfast, man. They're so

29:19

good at breakfast. Used to be my thing,

29:22

man.

29:22

Like your dad was a VMI. My dad would

29:24

buy things at garage sales and he

29:26

had a big machine that you could

29:29

put a whole head of

29:32

lettuce in there.

29:35

It's kind of a grater, a shredder,

29:37

whatever it is. Maybe it was a paper shredder, but

29:39

he was just, he'd put the lettuce in there

29:42

and he would just make big vats of shit.

29:45

So he still had that army mentality.

29:48

So

29:49

rice and beans he could live on.

29:52

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29:54

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29:56

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29:59

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30:59

And what about your mom?

31:00

Was she artistic? What was she

31:02

like? What did she do? She

31:05

raised five kids. She was an artist. She liked

31:07

drawing. But once the kids

31:09

start coming, she's raising five kids.

31:11

Five's a lot. Never worked.

31:15

Never worked.

31:16

So what made you want to go the other way? You

31:18

feel like you're just wired that way. So all

31:20

right, well, I have a child. I'm not married.

31:23

Why did you go? If you really didn't want to be a husband,

31:25

why did you get married? Part

31:28

of me thinks I stayed in too long. In

31:30

what?

31:31

In the relationship with her. I took her

31:33

20s from her. She wanted to get married.

31:37

And you did not at that time? I still

31:39

have trouble with it. How long were you together

31:41

before you said yes to marriage?

31:44

Well, I met her when she was 23. Okay.

31:48

And it wasn't supposed to go this long.

31:50

That's for sure. That's

31:52

for sure. It was,

31:55

I was an old man when I met her. She

31:57

looked great. She's beautiful. Was

32:00

a CPA, had a job, I like

32:02

that.

32:04

She's quit the job, which is

32:07

tricky. I liked it when she went to work.

32:09

I don't like the fact that I have to make money now.

32:13

I don't want to have to work. I don't want to have

32:15

to do anything, but I kind of have to now.

32:18

But I started working more when I had the

32:21

child. I realized

32:23

that I have to work now.

32:26

So the minute I had a baby, my

32:29

career is I've started working.

32:32

They say with babies comes money. I don't

32:34

know if you've ever heard that one. Maybe

32:36

I've heard it. I just can't hear because of my tinnitus.

32:39

Yeah, you have tinnitus, which we're going to get to. I

32:41

don't know if you'll have time. I don't either, but

32:44

I want to keep staying in this lane right now because

32:46

this is really interesting to me. Okay, so you feel...

32:49

So you're saying that you felt obligated because

32:51

you took her 20s and she'd wanted to get married. Maybe.

32:54

So you proposed? Did you propose?

32:56

Okay, but you did it. I did. Okay,

32:59

she didn't. You

33:00

did it. And Kevin Neelan was the officiant. He

33:03

married us. So I looked at it

33:05

as a party. And why do you

33:07

say I kind of had to? Why? Was

33:10

she already pregnant at the time? No. You

33:12

said propose. No, it was just... Okay, so you got married

33:14

before you got pregnant? Yeah. Okay.

33:17

So there's no explaining it. You're

33:19

not here. I'm understanding. So it's not

33:21

like you got pregnant and said hey. But I still

33:23

don't understand. What don't you understand?

33:27

What do you mean? You were there. Was

33:29

I? Yeah. See, that's

33:31

the question. If

33:34

I really was there, I don't think

33:36

it would have happened.

33:43

So clearly I was not

33:46

in my right mind. So

33:49

that may be true. But

33:53

it did happen. I mean,

33:55

she's a great mother and

33:57

she's awesome. No, I'm not trying to disrespect

33:59

anyone. She does everything and... I'm just

34:02

trying to understand. I mean, if it wasn't for her, this kid

34:04

would be eaten out of a paper bag

34:06

and living in a box. All right.

34:08

So how long are you married before

34:11

you guys decide to have a

34:13

child?

34:14

I know you're not good with years, but are we talking years,

34:16

a couple years? No. If we got

34:19

married in 2017

34:22

and Addison was born in 2018... Oh,

34:24

so pretty quickly you got pregnant. I

34:27

think the first attempt. Wow.

34:30

My sperm were angry, I guess. Yeah, and you were

34:32

older too, you said. So that's well

34:34

done. It could take a long time.

34:37

So she wanted to be a wife and a mom. I guess.

34:40

It would appear so. And

34:42

you wanted to be...

34:44

Nothing. You didn't want... All right. You wanted to be nothing.

34:46

But at the time now, you are a husband. Are

34:49

you embracing it or are you just... I've embraced

34:51

nothing. Nothing. Okay.

34:54

So when you get pregnant, are you now

34:56

excited to be a dad? I'd

34:58

like to be a father. Okay. So you're now... So

35:01

I'm excited to

35:03

be a dad.

35:04

And I realized I better be.

35:07

Because I better be excited

35:09

about this. Yeah, you better be. Yeah,

35:12

there's a woman pregnant and miserable.

35:15

And there's a human in that belly that needs you to

35:17

be excited about that. I guess so. Whether

35:19

it's mine or not.

35:21

Were you concerned about that? Well,

35:25

I think we're always hoping it's not. Listen

35:28

to your honor for a second. I mean, I... Wait,

35:30

no. I thought... I'm not saying we're hoping it's

35:32

not. Wait, I misheard that. Did

35:35

you miss him? I thought

35:38

you said we're all... I had a

35:40

daytime talk show and every

35:42

guy that found out he wasn't

35:45

a dad sure danced. Really?

35:48

So let's talk about that for a second. So you actually

35:50

did an episode of The Crab Feast years ago

35:53

with Jay and I. Yeah.

35:55

And you might have been the first. There were only a handful

35:57

of episodes that never aired for various reasons.

36:00

You were, might've been the first, and you were

36:02

in a dark place at the time. Well, my tinnitus,

36:04

I had just gotten tinnitus.

36:08

Oh, you just got it around that time? Yes,

36:10

so I couldn't hear.

36:12

Right, so tinnitus for people who don't know, is

36:14

it a constant ringing? Is high pitch

36:17

squealing in your ear all day? 24-7.

36:20

And at what decibel level are you hearing that? Is it

36:22

a small, quiet, but steady, or

36:24

is it loud? It's loud, and there's a thing called habituation

36:27

where the brain realizes it's

36:30

not a threat.

36:32

You can survive with tinnitus,

36:34

but about 95% of

36:36

the soldiers that kill themselves

36:39

have tinnitus,

36:40

it's a killer. I couldn't imagine.

36:43

I've said I've had my ear ring for like a minute before,

36:45

and I'm like, no, I couldn't think. So when I did yours,

36:48

I was in the middle of...

36:51

That show? That show,

36:54

and tinnitus had just kicked in.

36:56

I think this was 2013. It

36:58

was a while ago. 2013, because

37:00

that's when I got tinnitus. So

37:04

when I went to do that podcast, I

37:06

felt I was a little testy.

37:09

And I said, we'll do

37:12

something a little later when...

37:14

Maybe I'm... I also remember you telling me too, you were

37:16

watching a lot of people find out that

37:18

this kid either is or isn't theirs,

37:21

and there's a lot of that going on, to a lot

37:23

of darkness in that show. I was in the middle of a lot

37:25

of fighting.

37:28

So I think it was... You're seeing the worst

37:30

of people on a daily basis. I just saw

37:32

a lot of... Ugliness. Fighting. Yeah.

37:35

And I think

37:37

it was

37:39

washing over me daily.

37:41

And I think when I came to you guys, it

37:43

had been

37:44

probably a lot of fighting. And

37:46

then I rushed over there, and I don't even

37:48

remember why. I wasn't...

37:52

I don't know why I didn't... I don't know why I called

37:55

Jay and said, let's just shelve that

37:57

one. But I think it was because I... You...

37:59

I felt a certain way, because to us,

38:02

you were not. But I know you better

38:04

than anybody. Yeah,

38:07

but it's always, even

38:10

though I'm coming from my heart, it

38:12

always comes off a little combative.

38:14

Like a lot of people can't

38:16

get a read on how to do

38:18

a podcast with me. They think I'm not happy,

38:21

but I'm happy.

38:23

I'm happy to engage

38:26

in honest conversation and

38:29

people can't really get a feel for, is

38:32

he happy, is he unhappy,

38:34

is that bullshit? Are you happy? Yes.

38:37

So you're able to find happiness

38:40

even though you're, well, so then are

38:42

you unhappy in your marriage? I'm

38:44

fine with it, I'm always... Does

38:47

your wife know you have these feelings that you're

38:49

sharing with us about marriage? Well,

38:51

of course, I think she knows that it's a

38:54

tricky ride for me, but

38:57

that doesn't mean that

38:59

I'm not excited to

39:01

have a great woman taking care

39:03

of me, and she feeds me, and

39:06

keeps me in clothing, and picks

39:08

out an outfit. I've just surrendered.

39:11

I'm just a leaf,

39:13

and wherever the current takes me.

39:16

I mean, she's smarter than

39:18

me. She

39:20

does it all. She gets the kid in school,

39:22

the kid will start Brentwood. The kid's five,

39:25

this kid wouldn't have made it to

39:28

one

39:28

if it was just me.

39:30

So I know how lucky I am to

39:32

have a woman that puts

39:34

up with me.

39:36

I'm not a fun ride, but

39:40

she's okay with it. Well, you gotta like

39:42

something about being married, so what is it?

39:45

I don't. Nothing.

39:47

I don't think there's much about it. I

39:49

would have been happier just being with her, but not

39:51

married. I don't like the paperwork.

39:54

Okay.

39:56

Okay, I mean, look, I do think the paperwork's

39:58

bad for business. Yeah. It is bad for

40:00

business. I mean, marriage was created thousands

40:03

of years ago to unite

40:05

families, and so that the church

40:08

can keep an eye on people.

40:10

And it's a party. Women like the party,

40:13

but then they don't think about it after. I

40:16

mean, it was sure a big deal prepping

40:19

for it. I feel like if there was

40:21

an adult prom, a lot of weddings

40:23

wouldn't happen. I could have figured out a better

40:26

way to spend 100 grand. A

40:29

hundred thousand? Probably. When you

40:31

add it all up, Bel Air Bay Club

40:34

and cakes, it

40:36

gets steep. Yeah, dude.

40:38

That's- A tux I've worn once since.

40:40

Why didn't I rent it? You didn't rent it.

40:42

Yeah, why didn't you rent it? Exactly. See,

40:45

I don't make smart

40:47

moves. She kind of nudged me to buy, and I

40:49

surrendered. So then you like

40:51

doing it- So maybe there's regret. Maybe

40:54

I regret that I haven't been

40:56

stronger and-

40:57

And these have better boundaries for

40:59

yourself? Yeah. I'm bad at boundaries.

41:02

Maybe I- You seem like you almost don't have any.

41:04

I just- Yeah. I

41:08

wish for death. That's

41:12

a terrible

41:14

thing to say. Is it? Yeah. Who

41:17

knows? I welcome it. It

41:20

could be awesome on the other side. It could

41:22

be. You know, maybe my dad was miserable.

41:26

Hold on. I'm writing

41:28

that down. Well, I wish for death.

41:30

Yeah, I'm writing that down, dude.

41:35

What do you think your best dad is a

41:37

father? Because you like being a dad, so

41:39

what are your strengths? Seeing

41:42

danger before

41:45

it arrives, seeing it before

41:48

she bumps her head. She's

41:52

a magic child. She

41:55

had some suffering out

41:57

of the gate.

41:59

Some stuff that-

41:59

that she's probably not even really aware

42:02

of, but so I'm extra protective

42:04

of this child.

42:05

She was born

42:08

with something called amniotic band syndrome.

42:11

And amniotic band? Amniotic

42:13

band. What is that? It's one in a million.

42:16

Is that right? It's when there's a little

42:19

tear in the womb, in the amniotic

42:21

sac.

42:23

And constriction bands

42:26

swim around and they usually

42:29

kill a baby.

42:31

Every time you see a child without a limb,

42:34

they've had constriction bands, but

42:36

you can usually see it. It usually tangles

42:38

around the child and they can

42:40

see it and they will terminate.

42:43

But we didn't see it.

42:46

It just looked like she was making a fist.

42:49

So when she was born, we noticed that

42:51

a

42:53

constriction band had wrapped around

42:55

those four fingers.

42:57

So we had to have them

43:00

opened up. So she had- Surgically cut

43:02

open. She had a lot of surgeries. Wow.

43:05

And also a toe. Sorry,

43:08

is it almost like a web, so to speak? And

43:10

then they just have to go in and make them individual? There-

43:13

Yeah, but it all forms together like that. A band

43:15

had wrapped around there

43:18

while she was forming. I didn't even know that could

43:20

happen. One in a million, very

43:23

rare.

43:25

So she's had a lot of

43:27

surgeries and you would do one side

43:29

at a time. And these

43:32

four fingers are a little short.

43:35

No nails on them, but

43:37

she doesn't care. And then you went deep this way

43:39

a little, but she's strong and fast.

43:42

And then on her left foot,

43:44

there was some damage to a toe. So

43:48

we had to make a big toe.

43:50

You had to cut there, but nothing

43:52

slows her down. She's the fastest in

43:54

the class, the strongest. Not

43:58

even a concern about that.

44:00

And that was because I wasn't

44:03

concerned because I'm all

44:05

love. Jaren,

44:08

a little tough, it was a little

44:10

tough.

44:12

As a woman,

44:13

they might think

44:14

she had something to do with it, but it's just

44:17

a fluke, it's just a rare. So

44:19

with this child, I'm always

44:23

seeing, I never want her to

44:25

have to suffer, and she bumps

44:27

her head, I feel bad,

44:30

but she's fast and strong. It never

44:33

even comes up in conversation. Is she going to

44:35

be an athlete? I mean, this is

44:37

something a lot of people don't know, you were great

44:39

at tennis. I'm one of the greatest athletes

44:42

in the world.

44:44

And the great thing is,

44:46

my whole thing, when

44:49

she was pregnant, I was like, hey, as

44:51

long as she's got 10 fingers and 10 toes

44:54

and healthy, I'll be fine. And

44:57

she didn't, it was close, missed

45:00

it by a couple fingers. But

45:05

they're all there, they're all there. But

45:11

she's the best.

45:13

And she's kind. Talk to me about

45:15

tennis. Well,

45:19

we don't play tennis yet. I'd like her to play

45:21

tennis. Your tennis career, how do you get involved

45:23

in tennis and how far did you go with

45:26

it?

45:26

Well, I didn't go as far as

45:28

I should have. Why? Because

45:30

you didn't want to do the work and stuff. Probably

45:33

a little lazy at heart,

45:36

couldn't commit to a one or a two handed backhand.

45:39

But I was a great tennis player. We paid

45:41

for my tennis lessons with loaves of bread.

45:44

My mom cooked bread every Sunday. And

45:47

then we took a loaf of bread down

45:49

to

45:50

Pacific Beach Recreation Center.

45:52

There was a guy there named Dave Rath,

45:55

not the manager. I was going to say, is that- But we

45:57

gave him a loaf of bread on Sundays. And if there

45:59

was an- an opening during the week, he'd give me

46:01

a tennis lesson. But I spent the

46:03

rest of the time just hitting against a wall.

46:07

I just like being alone. Is that where

46:09

you spend your time doing that? Just hitting against

46:12

a wall. How good did you get? Did you go to college

46:14

for it? Yeah, I played at UCSD. You

46:16

did?

46:17

And I played on the tour a little, but. Were

46:19

you ever ranked? Oh, sure, I was always

46:22

ranked. What was your highest ranking ever?

46:25

Not high enough to even. Top 100?

46:28

No.

46:30

I mean, you cracked the top 100. That's still pretty incredible,

46:33

isn't it? It's amazing. It is, isn't it? Like

46:35

those people are really good. They're good. So

46:37

where were you? Oh, I could

46:39

have been the top 100 if I could commit.

46:43

Why did you say that? You knew you had the ability?

46:45

Of course, a little lazy, chasing

46:48

girls. Nothing that's a

46:50

surprise to any athlete who

46:53

has it all and doesn't capitalize.

46:56

I'm better now than I was

46:59

then, but I physically can't carry

47:02

the frame.

47:03

I now have the backhand that I wish

47:05

I'd had at 10.

47:07

Did you really? Of course.

47:11

I wish I'd known then what

47:13

I know now.

47:15

Got that nice, strong, one-handed backhand, but

47:18

when I was growing up, it was kind of in between,

47:21

but now it's heavy, but I just,

47:24

I could probably take a few games off anyone

47:26

in the world, but couldn't win a set.

47:29

I'm an old man,

47:30

tired. Fastest serve.

47:33

Well, 140 at some point.

47:35

I had a big serve,

47:37

but then if it came back, I was fucked. I

47:40

was fucked if it came

47:42

back. I

47:45

just caught it and said, all right.

47:47

I mean, I was six-five and I was a bass

47:51

liner.

47:54

So that's trauma. I know your show's

47:57

trauma-based. Right? Is

47:59

that? Just low lights. My

48:02

trauma comes from not committing

48:04

to a one-handed backhand at 10 years

48:06

old. Also you don't seem like you want

48:08

to commit to anything.

48:10

Except for being a father,

48:12

which is great. You got to find something

48:15

that's the good one to check. I'm

48:17

on the fence about that also.

48:19

Why? If I'm able to walk away, that's not

48:22

being too committed.

48:24

Well, you are able to walk away. Well,

48:26

I haven't. You could, right.

48:28

I've always told Jaren,

48:30

I said, you know, when I'm out of money, I'm

48:33

leaving.

48:34

So I'm close. The

48:38

strike might push me down the street.

48:42

But she's great. You know, Jaren's great. She's

48:44

beautiful, smart, has

48:47

the house. I'm married for land. Yeah,

48:50

that's old school right there. Yeah, I'm old fashioned.

48:53

Yeah. Yeah.

48:57

Are you close with any of your siblings? Not

48:59

really. No. I have a brother that

49:01

I see. What's the closest age gap

49:04

for you? You're the youngest. I think 10 years.

49:06

Oh, wow. I think 10 years. They

49:08

were all a year apart, and then I slid into the

49:11

picture. Yeah.

49:13

But I think I get everything kind of from

49:15

my dad.

49:17

I mean, he, you'll like this. He

49:19

had

49:21

a Volkswagen. I think

49:24

maybe a Jetta or

49:26

something. Or maybe it was a Honda Accord.

49:28

Whatever it was, he took the passenger

49:31

seat out

49:32

and put a little table

49:35

in there so that he could cut

49:37

up cheese and apples when he drove.

49:42

And if someone was with him, we'd have to sit

49:45

in the back.

49:48

And he never wanted to go through

49:51

a drive-through. He

49:54

had it in the car. He felt he was a drive-through. Yeah,

49:56

he had it in the car. But that's where

49:59

I came from.

49:59

He painted garage floors

50:03

in La Jolla. That was his gig

50:05

for a while because he spilled a can

50:07

of paint once

50:09

in a garage. And instead

50:11

of cleaning it up, he just painted the whole floor

50:14

and they loved it. So he realized

50:16

he was on it. That's a big thing now too. Now it's

50:19

like this poly shit they're putting down.

50:21

He probably started it. Yeah. But

50:23

I like the fact that

50:25

he took the passenger seat out

50:28

and so did Ted Bundy.

50:30

For the same reason? He's

50:32

probably fucking meeting people in that car. It wasn't to put

50:34

a table in there. Ted Bundy

50:37

took out the passenger seat so no one could

50:39

see the

50:40

victim

50:41

when he was driving,

50:43

but he didn't have a passenger seat in his Volkswagen

50:46

either. So my dad,

50:48

Ted Bundy. Different dude. Yeah,

50:50

but that's- Did you know his parents at all?

50:53

No. You don't know where that comes from? Have

50:55

you ever met anyone like your father? No.

50:59

Me? I

51:01

think I'm him. Yeah.

51:04

I think I'm him. He's German.

51:07

My whole life I thought I was black

51:09

Irish. I like Guinness. All my

51:12

friends are Irish. And

51:14

I even toward the end of my mom's life, I said, what

51:16

part of Ireland are

51:18

we from? And she says, we have no Irish.

51:21

No, I mean-

51:23

I'm like, really? My whole life I've been rooting

51:26

for- I'm like, where's dad from me? She's

51:28

like, he's all German.

51:31

He's all German and we're Scandinavian. So-

51:37

Have you done the 23andMe or anything?

51:39

No, but Jaren was 23 when I met her. So

51:42

that was 23andMe.

51:44

So

51:47

I've done it once. I

51:49

miss her 20s. She's

51:52

old now.

51:53

35 I think. Old, get

51:55

the fuck out of here. I liked her in the 20s. 23 was

51:59

a good-

51:59

23 was a good year. 23 and

52:02

me. How

52:05

are we doing on time? Great. I just

52:07

don't want a parking ticket. If you

52:09

get one, I'll pay for it, don't worry. Oh, okay.

52:18

Don't cut that out.

52:19

I'm not cutting anything out. Okay, good.

52:23

Why don't you have a close relationship with your

52:25

siblings? What is that about? Well,

52:27

I love them. I just don't want

52:29

to drive. Are they all local? Are

52:31

they in San Diego? They're all in San Diego. Is that local?

52:34

I mean, two hours is great. That's a long, almost

52:36

two and a half. Yeah, you're right on a weekend, but

52:38

still.

52:40

I love them. I just- They don't

52:42

come up. Do they come to see you on shows? Never. You

52:44

do La Jolla, they don't come out? They did a cut

52:47

once or twice. Okay.

52:48

But I didn't, I prefer they not. You

52:50

do?

52:51

Why? Just don't want to have to get

52:53

them seats, make those phone calls,

52:56

make sure they're seated. I'm

53:00

a bad man. I don't know if that's bad.

53:02

It's just particular. I think it's bad if you

53:04

like can't make the effort to make

53:06

a phone call. Hey, could you give two

53:09

seats to my brother? Okay.

53:13

Now I have to call and they hear

53:15

you. But not like, hey, why don't you come have lunch while I'm in

53:17

La Jolla, then you don't have to go to a show or nothing

53:20

like that. It doesn't cross your mind

53:22

to ask for those. Oh, it crosses it. It does. And

53:24

then I

53:24

cross it right off. It

53:28

doesn't, it doesn't stay crossed long.

53:31

I mean, I love them. I

53:34

love them. I just,

53:37

just don't seem to want to do much.

53:39

This was effort to

53:42

come here, but it's good for me. It

53:44

is good for you. To practice and, you know.

53:47

Practice, yeah. Explain what you said about

53:49

practice. Well, I practice talking in case

53:51

of an emergency. Like if

53:53

there's an apocalypse, I want to be able to ask

53:55

someone. For help. Or

53:58

yeah, help or where's food or.

53:59

I borrowed a jacket. All right, so let's

54:02

entertain this for real now.

54:05

Your daughter's 18. Is she? I'm

54:07

saying. She wants to go to college, whatever. She's

54:10

gonna do her thing.

54:11

Is this when you transition into

54:13

hermit, full-time hermit? Or are you gonna,

54:16

do you think you'll stay married? Do you think you'll be

54:18

married the rest of your life like your mom and

54:20

dad? Oh, I think I'll, I'm sure I'll stay married forever.

54:22

You're not gonna just go, but, on paper, but

54:26

I'm saying, are you gonna go live that

54:28

hermit lifestyle you're talking about? Well, maybe downstairs.

54:32

Maybe I'll go spend more time down in my office.

54:36

Do you crave alone time? Yes.

54:39

You do. Yeah. Why?

54:42

Hey man, I just love it. Yeah.

54:45

I love bricks. I like being around

54:47

bricks. What do you mean? I just love bricks.

54:50

I collect rusty bolts from

54:52

the 1940s. I pick up every nail

54:54

I see. You pick up nails? Yeah.

54:57

Do what with them? Well, get rid of them so

54:59

they don't cause flat tires. Okay,

55:02

that's nice. But why are you collecting bolts?

55:05

Just like the feel of rust. What? Like

55:08

the- For real? You like the feel

55:10

of rust? Sure. Well, how do you know

55:12

if a bolt is from the 40s? Well, yeah, you

55:15

can tell. I'm pretty good at

55:16

seeing if a bolt's been around for a long

55:19

time. And where do you find most

55:21

of your bolts? You look around, you see them on the ground.

55:25

So I collect- I never see bolts on the ground.

55:28

Because I pick them up. I start looking down and see if I'm gonna fucking

55:30

take them every time. You don't see them because I've already picked

55:32

them up. But

55:35

I just, you know, I think

55:37

I'd be happier in the 1800s, just

55:40

on a horse and a couple of gunfights and

55:42

a saloon, steak and a hooker

55:45

and a steak for a dollar. And

55:47

that's good business.

55:49

That's right. That's your vibe?

55:51

Clearly. Yeah. I'll

55:53

wear this jacket every day till it's

55:56

gone. I'm a creature

55:58

of habit.

55:59

I mean, a lot of us. creatures of heaven. Well, then

56:01

a lot of these questions you ask me, you already know

56:03

the answer. I know. You answer them differently,

56:05

though. Okay. But you ask

56:08

way differently. You ask me things, but

56:11

you shouldn't be too shocked. I'm blown away

56:13

that I got a, oh, you'll like this story about

56:15

your dad pulling a seed out. I love that.

56:18

I loved it. It took you there.

56:21

Why? Does

56:23

everybody... All right. So let

56:25

me pause for a second. Gather myself, your

56:27

siblings, the four other ones. Are

56:29

they close to one another?

56:32

Or are you guys all sort of your own...

56:35

I think we're all kind of sort of... Made your

56:37

own little tribes and you keep to yourselves,

56:39

so to speak. Yeah. But we love each other. You're

56:41

not going down for a birthday or anything

56:43

like that. They don't come up

56:45

for your daughter's birthday. No. They're not

56:48

uncles and aunts and present and you're... No,

56:51

I have a sister that

56:53

has reached out more and would like to come

56:55

visit, but I seem to not entertain

56:58

that long. Why?

57:00

Who knows? Why? I just...

57:03

Don't you ever think that even though you're who

57:05

you are and the way you are, that your daughter

57:07

is who she is and the way she is, and

57:09

that maybe she... We took Addison

57:12

to see her two aunts.

57:15

She's got cousins and

57:17

stuff. You think she'd like to reach out

57:19

to them and be... I'm going to have to try. I'm going

57:22

to have to be better. I'm

57:24

aware that I

57:26

need to be better. Why are you aware

57:28

of that? Because I have

57:31

a child now that

57:33

I would like to

57:35

make her not be like dad.

57:38

Why? Because this isn't the

57:40

way to exist. Why

57:42

though? I thought you enjoyed the way you are. Well,

57:45

it's good for me, but it's not going

57:47

to cultivate humanity.

57:51

A guy who just wants to play with bolts

57:53

and bricks.

57:55

That's not... I

57:57

wouldn't recommend this. It's a tricky

57:59

ride.

58:02

It's a tricky ride. You're trying to figure out

58:04

how to even

58:06

talk to me. Well, I'm not trying

58:08

to figure out how to talk to him. I'm just trying to figure out

58:10

how to dive into that brain a little more. Well,

58:13

I have a 186 IQ,

58:15

so it's pretty hard to get in here.

58:19

It's a pretty strong IQ. I

58:21

have a good IQ.

58:23

So I'm a genius who's using

58:26

it for all the wrong reasons. Yeah.

58:31

I can make the world better, but clearly I'm

58:33

not. Well,

58:36

I don't know. Your daughter could end up being a president

58:39

and do good things. She can do anything she wants. But then

58:41

ultimately you have helped make the world better. Oh,

58:44

I know. It's a long game, Kirk Fox. We're not gonna be

58:46

here to see the end of it. Oh, I know. I

58:48

could be gone in four minutes. We're not gonna be here to see the end of

58:50

it. Take me in two. Please, dude, that's

58:52

so good. Addison, she

58:55

makes the world a better place. How

58:57

has she made your world a better place? Well,

58:59

I now love something besides chicken

59:01

tacos.

59:03

So that's, it's

59:05

fun to love. Has she changed?

59:07

I've never loved. My daughter points out things.

59:10

Not like that. I don't think like

59:12

anything. Yeah.

59:14

So when I hold this

59:16

kid, I feel something.

59:18

So it's nice to love. Does

59:21

she point things out where you're just like, yeah,

59:23

wow, I just said it like that. She's like me.

59:26

She says hi to every tree. She

59:28

says, I love you to

59:30

everyone she sees. I love you. She's

59:32

just a bright light. She's

59:34

kind and smart.

59:38

She likes being alone too though. Does she? So

59:42

she's picking up on me. Like

59:45

when she took off running down the beach, if

59:48

I didn't catch her, I think she would have

59:50

been gone. Yeah, like I'm out

59:52

of here. She would have kept going.

59:55

And it was funny because I was just having

59:57

a

59:58

skewer of steak.

1:00:01

from someone's barbecue.

1:00:03

So the fact that I could have a free skewer

1:00:06

on the beach there, shit, I forgot

1:00:08

I was married. I forgot I was a dad.

1:00:12

I had an IPA and a steak

1:00:15

and I was just in heaven. And then I looked

1:00:17

around and the kid was gone.

1:00:20

I was like, oh shit.

1:00:22

So I just started running. And

1:00:25

sure enough, I saw her little pink outfit.

1:00:28

She had 50 yards on me, eventually

1:00:31

caught her.

1:00:32

But it took a while. And then we just kept

1:00:34

going. And then I ran with her.

1:00:37

And like I said, that was

1:00:40

the worst of times. And

1:00:42

then it became the best of times.

1:00:45

It went from where's my kid?

1:00:48

Is she gone? Did someone grab her? To

1:00:51

there she is, I'm gonna catch her.

1:00:53

And she's running right along the water. And

1:00:59

then it mirrored the circle

1:01:01

of life. So

1:01:05

bottom line, I'm

1:01:07

better than I was. Good.

1:01:09

I love my daughter.

1:01:12

I'm married.

1:01:15

Ha ha ha!

1:01:18

I

1:01:21

wish I'd found my backhand at 10. Yeah.

1:01:26

Well, so then let's end it with this then. Because first

1:01:29

guest, I told you before, if you wanted

1:01:31

to find your backhand at 10, advice you would give to

1:01:33

your 16 year old self. What are you saying

1:01:35

to Kirk Fox if you can go back and give him some

1:01:37

wisdom?

1:01:40

Take

1:01:42

more chances. My

1:01:46

whole life I've avoided

1:01:49

danger. And

1:01:52

I would have told my 16 year old self, get

1:01:55

more scars.

1:01:58

Get more scars.

1:01:59

I like that.

1:02:01

So that's what I would have said

1:02:04

to myself at 16.

1:02:07

And if I had done that, it would have been a different

1:02:09

road. I don't mind where I'm at now. It's

1:02:12

fun to be a late bloomer.

1:02:15

I'm

1:02:16

a better actor

1:02:19

because of it, because I've learned to listen

1:02:21

and be open and better comedian.

1:02:24

Trying to be seamless in life. Maybe

1:02:27

I would have told my 16 year old to

1:02:30

be seamless, to be the same

1:02:32

way everywhere.

1:02:34

I wanna have this honest conversation

1:02:36

with you and we laugh and

1:02:39

I pour some truth out and I hear

1:02:41

it and I realize that

1:02:43

it's probably not the

1:02:45

lane that I

1:02:47

would recommend others live in, but

1:02:50

I like that I'm better than I was.

1:02:53

I like that I love my kid.

1:02:55

Yeah. Being seamless means

1:02:58

to be like this, right? Bop, bop, bop, bop.

1:03:00

Hey, one second, I'm gonna go on stage. I'll be right

1:03:02

back. And then I go on stage

1:03:05

and I'm the same guy, as opposed

1:03:07

to for many years I'd go on stage

1:03:10

and I'd be a character, what's

1:03:11

up? Hey, bop, bop. And

1:03:13

it never felt right. Authentic,

1:03:16

yeah. And I maybe got more laughs, but

1:03:19

I'm happier in between the jokes now.

1:03:23

I like that. And the audience

1:03:25

can tell when you're in between jokes. That's

1:03:28

why they laugh harder at a

1:03:30

moment in between a joke because they

1:03:32

feel it's just for them.

1:03:35

Humanity in general is selfish.

1:03:38

They're ego-based. So

1:03:41

if they're getting something before anybody else

1:03:43

or they know if they're hearing a joke, everyone's

1:03:46

heard it. But if there's a moment

1:03:50

on the fly in between a joke,

1:03:53

that's when they laugh the hardest. And it's also

1:03:55

when I'm the happiest

1:03:57

because that's a truthful moment. A

1:04:00

lot of jokes are seeds of truth

1:04:03

that we water with our imagination to

1:04:05

make it work. But those

1:04:07

moments in between, there's

1:04:09

nothing calculated

1:04:11

about it.

1:04:12

So that's what I would tell 16-year-old

1:04:14

Kirk. Just always be

1:04:16

kind, always be seamless.

1:04:19

It's great. And get more scars,

1:04:22

man. Thank you for doing this. Hey,

1:04:24

man, I think I did well. You did great.

1:04:26

I'm proud of you for getting out and doing it. Hey, man, see,

1:04:28

I'm not so bad. Tell them where they can find

1:04:31

you again, watch all that stuff, social

1:04:33

media, whatever you want. Dates? Reservation

1:04:36

Dogs, great show. FX on

1:04:38

Hulu, it's now on FX. And I'm

1:04:40

on a show called Jury Duty right now.

1:04:43

I gotta watch that. You can find that. It's

1:04:45

on FreeVie, Amazon. It's the biggest

1:04:48

show in the world.

1:04:49

And that's a fun ride. That's

1:04:52

a fun ride. There was

1:04:54

a real sweet guy that

1:04:56

made all the right decisions. And

1:04:59

I played a grumpy old man.

1:05:00

So I played myself. You just

1:05:03

showed up. I

1:05:06

just sat. I was one

1:05:08

of the jurors, and I just sat in the corner and

1:05:10

didn't say too much.

1:05:12

Well, dude, thank you for coming on. I really

1:05:14

appreciate it. As always, RyanSickler.com,

1:05:17

Ryan Sickler on all social media. We'll talk

1:05:20

to you all next week.

1:05:28

Transcribed

1:05:31

by https://otter.ai