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and enter code bar 20. Welcome

1:12

back to the honeydew y'all. We're

1:14

over here doing it in the night

1:16

pan studios. I'm Ryan Sickler. Want to

1:19

say thank you to everyone out there

1:21

who supports this show, who supports anything

1:23

I do. I'm genuinely grateful for you

1:25

guys. If you've got to have more

1:27

of this show, then I tell you

1:29

every week and have been for years,

1:32

you've got to have the Patreon. It's

1:34

this show, the honeydew, with y'all, and

1:36

you guys have... the wildest stories on

1:38

the internet. It's five bucks a month.

1:40

All right. And if you or someone

1:42

you know has a story that has

1:44

to be heard, please submit it to honeydew

1:47

podcast@gmail.com. Hopefully we'll get to do an episode

1:49

together. If you've already submitted, bump it up,

1:51

resubmit. We get a lot of them. We

1:53

would love to do an episode with you

1:55

guys. All right. That's the biz and you

1:57

know what we're doing over here. We're highly.

2:00

the low lights and I always say

2:02

these are the stories behind the storytellers.

2:04

I am very excited to have this

2:06

guest on here. First time on the

2:09

honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, piff

2:11

the magic dragon, John Vanderbilt. Hello. Welcome

2:13

to the honeydew. Thanks for having me.

2:15

Look at that. Hell yeah. I came,

2:17

uh, half dragon today. I'm good with

2:20

half dragon. Yeah, half dragon is more

2:22

than enough. You know. Well, I've never

2:24

met you before. I've been having a

2:26

great time talking to you. Before we

2:28

get into your story, please promote everything

2:31

and anything like your special, all of

2:33

it. Yeah, I have a show in

2:35

Las Vegas at the Flamingo six nights

2:37

a week and forever until the end

2:39

of 27. We just got renewed for

2:42

another three years. How many years you've

2:44

been doing it already? This is our

2:46

10th year. Damn! Good for you. Six

2:49

nights a week. Six nights a week.

2:51

It's like a 90 minute show. Okay.

2:53

It's a lot. Yeah, so it's a

2:55

lot. Just me shouting consistently all the

2:58

way through it. Usually it's small children.

3:00

Because people, people, they see the dragon

3:02

outfit and they're like, oh yeah, let's

3:04

bring along a five year old. And

3:07

then by the end of the show,

3:09

the kids crying, they're leaving the shouting

3:11

of 70s, it's not good. But, so

3:14

we have that show, and then we

3:16

also taught. And we just started doing

3:18

it all the time. On our dark

3:20

night, on Friday night is our day

3:23

off. She said, we'll do the show

3:25

Thursday, get a red eye, land, do

3:27

a tour show Friday, and then Saturday

3:30

morning, come back to Vegas. And those

3:32

dates are Pifton Magic dragon.com, slash tour.

3:34

And we're adding all new dates all

3:36

the time. There are a whole bunch

3:39

of dates up there. And we have

3:41

a special Pifton Magic Dragon reptile dysfunction,

3:43

which is a... I love it. I

3:45

love it. And that stars me and

3:48

Pengelet from Penn & Teller. And he

3:50

plays my father who comes back into

3:52

town for one last go around. So

3:55

that's been out for a couple years

3:57

and I've always loved Penn and Teller.

3:59

Have you Were you a pen and

4:01

teller fan before you met them? I

4:04

actually got my big break on their

4:06

show in 2011. Okay. And the idea

4:08

of the show is you go on

4:10

and you try to fool them with

4:13

a magic trick. And I go on

4:15

and I do it and I wasn't

4:17

really interested in whether I fooled them

4:20

or not. I was just like happy

4:22

to be there. But they basically sort

4:24

of didn't, they didn't really know how

4:26

it worked. The trick I did. And.

4:29

Then Teller comes up to me, he

4:31

draws something and it was like, it

4:33

was like nothing to do with how

4:36

my trick worked. And I just went,

4:38

sure buddy, whatever it is, you know,

4:40

why not? And so they were like,

4:42

oh, you didn't fall us. And I

4:45

came off the show and I thought

4:47

it was a disaster. And then when

4:49

it aired like four months later, everything

4:51

blew up. made my career, it was

4:54

like my start, the start of my

4:56

career, and they said, we're really sorry,

4:58

you fault us, we just didn't admit

5:01

it. Although now I still argue with

5:03

them over there. Is that right? They

5:05

say I fault them, I'm like, I

5:07

didn't fault you, you know how it

5:10

works. But yeah, that was like my

5:12

first big break in this business, really.

5:14

So let's go back to the very

5:17

beginning, tell me, where are you from

5:19

originally, mom, dad? They're about to celebrate

5:21

their 50th anniversary. They're still together and

5:23

alive and well. All right. They got

5:26

engaged on their first date. Come on.

5:28

On their first day. That's true. How

5:30

did they meet? What was their first

5:32

date? They met, they went through church,

5:35

they knew each other in the church

5:37

they went to. They went to the

5:39

movies. And I think on the way,

5:42

you know, when my dad dropped my

5:44

mom off, he was down and wasn't

5:46

he proposing. Did he have the ring

5:48

already? Like, did he know gone into

5:51

this, right? He can't have had the

5:53

ring. If he did. If he did,

5:55

I'm questioning my mother and every choice

5:57

she made. Yeah. And now the worst

6:00

thing is I'm going to have to

6:02

ask. How old were they when they

6:04

did this? Eleven. No, they were. I

6:07

think later I think it was like

6:09

mid 30s I think I think that's

6:11

also I would expect a younger couple

6:13

to make a rash decision like yeah

6:16

and not a couple in there crazy

6:18

and it's still 50 years then they

6:20

got married three months later they didn't

6:23

even let it you know settle for

6:25

a couple of years Three months later

6:27

they were married. So engaged, date one,

6:29

and three months later, they're already fully

6:32

married. Wow. Almost 50 years still together,

6:34

crazy. That is crazy. Yeah. So I

6:36

was very lucky. And I also have

6:38

a brother and a sister, younger brother,

6:41

older sister. Okay. And what did your

6:43

parents do? What were there? My dad

6:45

was an insurance. Okay. And my mom

6:48

looked after the house and brought up

6:50

the kids, brought up us kids. And,

6:52

but she also then like, like, after

6:54

we were growing we were growing up,

6:57

we were growing up, growing up, growing

6:59

up, growing up. supply as a like

7:01

an assistant teacher and she loved that.

7:04

She still she still kind of keeps

7:06

busy with that stuff. Is your dad

7:08

retired now? He's retired. He's being a

7:10

writer now. But your mom still likes

7:13

to sort of stay involved with that.

7:15

Yeah, she likes to keep her head.

7:17

That's cute. Yeah. What about your brother?

7:19

What does he do? He's a director.

7:22

He's a director. Is he? Yeah. Have

7:24

you worked together yet? He would kill

7:26

me I think. Yeah, yeah. We worked

7:29

together when I first started doing, you

7:31

know, like some stand-up, him and I

7:33

did a double act and I loved

7:35

it but he wasn't for him. So

7:38

he does these great little short film,

7:40

like very serious short films about real

7:42

issues and trauma. What came first for

7:44

you stand up or magic like it

7:47

was it was magic it was for

7:49

sure for sure and and that's the

7:51

thing is like I I put like

7:54

bits of stand up in my shows

7:56

still and I'll do like five ten

7:58

minutes here and there but But I

8:00

always come back to the

8:03

magic because I love that

8:05

you can create this

8:07

thing that's completely impossible

8:10

and no one has done

8:12

it in the world ever. And

8:14

it's like this trick that you

8:17

can suddenly pay your

8:19

rent with. But these days,

8:21

what I try and do is

8:23

I try and think of the

8:26

funny idea first. That's what I

8:28

want to ask. Yeah. You think of the

8:30

idea first. Yeah. And so, like, comedy and

8:32

magic is one of the worst things there

8:34

is on the face of the earth. I

8:36

actually grew up hating magic. I hate

8:38

probably 99.5% of it. I think like

8:40

most magicians out there are just lazy

8:43

and just, you know, they buy the

8:45

trick and they just copy the person

8:47

who's... you know, video this show. I

8:49

also back in the day when I

8:51

was writing and producing as well in

8:53

TV, I worked, I wrote promos for

8:55

a show called The Hidden Secrets of

8:57

Magic or something like that. And they

8:59

were like, we're gonna make this SUV

9:01

disappear. And they literally dropped a curtain,

9:04

put hooks on top of the fucking thing,

9:06

and then raise it up. And I was

9:08

like, hold on. I don't know anything about magic.

9:10

That's how I would do that. Exactly.

9:12

I mean, like, that's not magic. That's

9:14

just cheesy. Exactly. And I was like,

9:16

well, that's not magic. So then when

9:18

I see guys who come around, I'm

9:20

a big slight hand fan. Like, I

9:22

would like watching someone right in front

9:24

of my face full me. Right. make my

9:26

whole brain eyes and senses lie to

9:28

me right there in front of my

9:30

fucking face. I like that. That's how

9:32

I started. I was like that for

9:34

like 20 years just like have magic.

9:36

What was the thing that that what

9:39

was it for you that you saw

9:41

where you're like that and what did

9:43

you start digging with? There was a

9:45

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20. It

12:58

was unbelievable. I would put it on

13:00

my YouTube channel or something. It was

13:02

amazing. You know, you remember when they

13:04

remade Psycho, it was, you know, you

13:06

remember when they remade Psycho, it was,

13:09

it was, God's Fun said, he did

13:11

the, just the color, it was like

13:13

that. It was like shot for shot.

13:15

They even did like all the shots

13:17

that the director cut to. It's unbelievable.

13:19

Maybe like, like, go to my, I

13:21

will put it on my YouTube channel

13:23

or something, or something, I don't know.

13:25

I don't know. But so that happened

13:27

and when I landed in Vegas all

13:29

of these musicians were outraged and And

13:31

all of these you know like David

13:33

Cupfield Lance Burtz and all these guys

13:35

they knew about it. So yeah Penn

13:37

and teller were the were the ones

13:39

who made my career That's great. Yeah

13:41

What was your first show? I don't

13:43

know it was that I was elementary

13:45

school or you just do it? Yeah,

13:47

like friends birthday parties. What was the

13:49

first trick you really mastered? Master! Yeah,

13:51

Master! But the first thing I love...

13:53

Okay. Was the linking rings. They had

13:55

these like silver rings and you know,

13:57

and the reason I loved them was

13:59

because I met this, the first time

14:01

I really saw magic was, it was

14:03

like a, it was like a Ren

14:05

Fair, but we didn't really have those

14:07

in the UK, but it was like

14:09

one of those. And they had a

14:11

jester there, and he was doing these

14:13

linking rings, and he gave two to

14:15

me, and they linked in my hands,

14:17

and then they unlinked, and I was

14:19

like, oh my God, I could do

14:21

magic. I can do this guys, I'm

14:23

a natural. I should just, so then

14:25

I would like beg my mom to

14:27

buy me that trick. And it arrived

14:29

and I was like, wait, this is

14:31

all broken. Like these two are already

14:33

stuck together, this one's got a hole

14:35

in it, what's going on? And then

14:37

I realized that like, oh, you had

14:40

to do slight hand to make it

14:42

all look the same. But I was

14:44

telling you, I was telling you, that

14:46

was the guy. My mom had a

14:48

photo of photo of that guy. And

14:50

years later I said to all my

14:52

magician friends I knew, who's this guy?

14:54

Because this is the moment I took

14:56

up magic and they've tracked him down.

14:58

And they were like, oh yeah, his

15:00

name's Such and Such, he's in jail

15:02

because he punched a nine year old.

15:04

In the face, in the festival. And

15:06

went to jail. And that's where you

15:08

do want to get him. Yes, that's

15:10

the origin story I need. He lost

15:12

his fucking shit. I'm like, no more

15:14

of this guy. Because he's just dealing

15:16

with Dick's like me being like, oh,

15:18

I can do this. I've got a

15:20

super family. Yeah, like I'm tired of

15:22

you. So great. Um, when you're, so

15:24

yeah, so I did that. But then

15:26

what happened was, um, the more I

15:28

started getting, I said loving comedy more

15:30

and more and I, I didn't like

15:32

doing the tricks the tricks without jokes.

15:34

And then eventually you get, you know,

15:36

I saw a saying about comedy magic,

15:38

like the best way is when Pan

15:40

and Taylor are the masters at this,

15:42

Jonathan used to do it, like the

15:44

premise is funny. So we've got a

15:46

cut, you know, like at the moment

15:48

in the Vegas show, my dog, someone

15:50

names a drink, any drink. and my

15:52

dog pisses it into a cup and

15:54

we and they can drink it and

15:56

it's the real drink. So like that

15:58

it's like straight away I already want

16:00

to see that trick in action you

16:02

know where is it like if like

16:04

I was saying to you okay well

16:06

you choose a card right then you

16:08

write your name on it and then

16:11

you put it back and it disappears

16:13

it's in my pocket but then it's

16:15

in my water it's like oh who

16:17

cares I don't care about that like

16:19

give me a dog pissing a drink

16:21

or drink anything so that's like that's

16:23

like that's like that's like that's a

16:25

drink a drink anything a drink anything

16:27

so that's like that's like that's like

16:29

that's like that's like that's like that's

16:31

like that's like that's like that's like

16:33

that's like that's like that's a drink

16:35

a drink a drink a drink a

16:37

drink a drink a drink a drink

16:39

a drink a drink a drink anything

16:41

like that's like that's like that's like

16:43

that's like that's like that's like that's

16:45

like that's like that's in your act

16:47

as you're coming up with things are

16:49

you like as a comedian once we

16:51

drop our special we don't do that

16:53

material anymore we go out so are

16:55

you constantly having to come up with

16:57

new tricks to and yeah it's much

16:59

worse but you do like what what

17:01

matters to you more do you come

17:03

up with new jokes as well or

17:05

are you like my jokes are good

17:07

here's the deal I need to comedians

17:09

always like oh we've got we've got

17:11

to have new material my life is

17:13

so hard it's like you don't have

17:15

to do the impossible Like basically you

17:17

can go on stage you could try

17:19

a joke and if it bombs you

17:21

just go oh I'll come back tomorrow

17:23

like magicians and there are like five

17:25

famous magicians maybe think of all the

17:27

comedians out there maybe they were like

17:29

five famous magicians so it's a much

17:31

higher bar to entry because you have

17:33

to come up with an idea that's

17:35

impossible then you have to find a

17:37

way to do it on stage like

17:39

in front of people and you try

17:42

it in front of people and the

17:44

people go No, not really into this

17:46

so then you have to remake all

17:48

so like this whole process like a

17:50

two three year process tens of thousands

17:52

of dollars to get like one new

17:54

bit. It's like three four minutes. So

17:56

We'll try like to not put our

17:58

good shit on TV. We have to

18:00

do something to get so we burn

18:02

some stuff. You know, I've probably got

18:04

like I've been doing this 20. I

18:06

mean, this pifflement dragon acts like 15

18:08

years. and I've probably got two and

18:10

a half hours of stuff, if I

18:12

stretch. And like all of it is

18:14

blood, sweat, and tears, and like years

18:16

and years of development into it. Can

18:18

you tell us a time where maybe

18:20

you've ever like literally dropped? the joke

18:22

like the trick or fucked up all

18:24

the time all the time but where

18:26

the we would notice it or you

18:28

can cover that shit up we're you

18:30

know so good now yeah no there

18:32

was like and how do you recover

18:34

to use comedy since you're already in

18:36

that sort of realm to play it

18:38

off there was just recently right just

18:40

recently I had this childhood idol magician

18:42

called Guy Hollingworth. And if you like

18:44

sleight of hand, I'll say just some

18:46

of his stuff, it's like the greatest

18:48

sleight of hand of all time. And

18:50

he's like this very charming English guy,

18:52

I love him to bits. So, but

18:54

you know when you meet people and

18:56

you're like, oh we're from two different

18:58

worlds, we will never be friends. This,

19:00

you know, the dream of us hanging

19:02

out together will never come true. So,

19:04

then he comes to Vegas and his

19:06

partner. wants to come

19:09

and see my show. And I'm

19:11

like, really? Maybe the dreams back

19:13

on. So I'm like, okay, come

19:15

to the show. So they come

19:17

to the show. And bear in

19:19

mind, this is a show I've

19:21

done, you know, for like three

19:23

years, at least five nights a

19:25

week. This is like bedded in

19:27

material. Every single thing that could

19:29

go wrong went wrong. And when

19:31

I say we're wrong, they went

19:33

wrong. They went wrong without an

19:35

ending. It was just like, oh.

19:37

this is we just have to

19:39

stop now and just go to

19:41

the next bit because we can't

19:43

there's no clean up you know

19:45

I used to say like you

19:48

know tricks don't go wrong they

19:50

just have different endings no sometimes

19:52

they just you're just done and

19:54

we end up it was so

19:56

bad we fired like one of

19:58

our staff members over it because

20:00

they just kept messing everything up

20:02

so badly and I was just

20:04

like oh there's nothing I could

20:06

do to take back what just

20:08

happened. My childhood idol will never

20:10

see the show again and this

20:12

is what they remember and stuff

20:14

like that. You say that's where

20:16

magic sucks because it's just like

20:18

it's just terrible. But that's like

20:20

like like it's like a 1%

20:22

occurrence usually because you're dealing with

20:25

physics and physics doesn't always work.

20:27

So, or it comes up with

20:29

new types of physics that you

20:31

hadn't thought of. Yeah. So yeah,

20:33

like 9-0-0, but I don't think

20:35

the nice thing is, you know,

20:37

so I think magicians have a

20:39

lot worse when it comes to

20:41

new material. But I think comedians

20:43

have a lot worse when it

20:45

comes to bombing. the magicians, because

20:47

magicians often, if you can get

20:49

to the end of a trick,

20:51

the audience is going to applaud.

20:53

Even if you can't, you've got

20:55

another one coming right behind it

20:57

that's going to make them forget

20:59

about that. You can normally get

21:01

off stage, you know, just some

21:04

sort of ovation. But as a,

21:06

you know, as a comedian, you

21:08

know, when I've done stand up

21:10

and I've got nothing there behind

21:12

me, I'm like, We

21:16

were talking before the show. So let

21:18

me ask you this because you talked

21:20

about some health issues you had before

21:22

we reported. But how long you said

21:25

2011's where it really sort of popped

21:27

off. But how long had you been

21:29

doing this before? You know, what's the

21:31

grind for you? I was a late

21:34

developer for sure. You were. Yeah. How

21:36

were you when you started? I started

21:38

when I was 1415, doing magic and

21:40

like little magic shows. Then when I

21:43

went to university and. because I went

21:45

there to get a backup degree in

21:47

case the magic didn't work out. And

21:49

I did card trips all the way

21:52

to university. I studied computer science and

21:54

I thought I was going to learn

21:56

useful. things, but it was no, it

21:58

was like ones and zeros. So I

22:01

was in lectures and the guy was

22:03

like, okay, you want to go 10011100,

22:05

0. Of course you don't want to

22:07

do 1001110, that would be stupid, right?

22:10

And the whole class would laugh. And

22:12

I'd be like, I don't know what's

22:14

happening. What's happening people? So, um, so

22:16

I did that and then I got

22:19

a job in IT when I came

22:21

back and then I came back and

22:23

then I like this weird pain in

22:25

my side. And it went on for

22:28

like six weeks. And then- And this

22:30

is how old are you when this

22:32

has happened? 22. Okay. And I just

22:34

was like, oh, this doesn't feel good.

22:37

I think I should go to the

22:39

hospital. And I went and they were

22:41

like, oh yeah, you should lie down

22:43

here for a little bit. And I

22:46

think I stayed there for like six

22:48

weeks. Whoa. And it turned out, they

22:50

didn't know what it was for six

22:52

weeks. Six weeks. Six weeks. And it

22:55

was just a mass, it was like

22:57

horrible stomach pain. And so it took

22:59

them two years to find out what

23:01

it was. Get the fuck out of

23:04

here. Two years. Six weeks, you're in

23:06

there, one, so when did they release

23:08

you? Why are they like, okay, well

23:10

here you go, and two years later?

23:13

No, no, no, no, no. I'm saying,

23:15

so six weeks. I get out and

23:17

then a month later I'm back in

23:19

and then I'm in out for two

23:22

years. Oh I thought you meant they

23:24

oh my god you're going back and

23:26

back and forth for two years for

23:28

them what was it it was it

23:31

turned out to be pancreatitis really pancreatitis

23:33

which you get in a couple of

23:35

ways mostly you get it through drinking

23:37

so which means you don't get any

23:40

sympathy as a patient is like wow

23:42

you did it to yourself didn't you

23:44

know they They can tell, but people

23:46

who hear about it don't know. They

23:49

just assume that it was, because it's

23:51

so rare to get it any other

23:53

way. I got it the other way,

23:55

which is that you have a couple

23:58

of tubes in your pancreas. and one

24:00

of mine was missing the middle, which

24:02

is not a good design in a

24:04

tube. So all of the pancreas stuff

24:07

was getting all backed up. And it's

24:09

very, you know, this is where I'm

24:11

like, how is life a real thing?

24:13

But your pancreas admits, like, gives out

24:16

this liquid that has a time delay

24:18

on it. And when it gets to

24:20

your stomach, it activates and then dissolves

24:22

all the meat in your stomach in

24:25

your stomach. Is that right? Yeah, that's

24:27

how that shit works? Yeah, I don't

24:29

know idea. Well, the problem is, if

24:31

it doesn't get there, it's got a

24:34

time doing it, so it starts digesting

24:36

your pancreas. Oh, it starts digesting itself?

24:38

Yeah. And that's what's happening to your

24:40

body, for two years, two years, two

24:43

years, two years, two years, two years,

24:45

two years, two years, two years, two

24:47

years, two years, and then they tried

24:49

all this. angry soft and stick your

24:52

testing up there and so all together

24:54

and I was like oh that doesn't

24:56

sound safe and they were very unsafe

24:58

actually funny you brought that up they

25:01

were like actually good thing you mentioned

25:03

yeah and it was something like why

25:05

the hell you suggesting it was something

25:07

like Well because it was the only

25:10

way that was the that was really

25:12

was it was the only way it

25:14

was that or continue to like have

25:16

this like attacks all the time and

25:19

just deal with it was it deadly

25:21

if you kept it going eventually eventually

25:23

yeah so that's what they ended up

25:25

having to do and they did this

25:28

right and they're like it was a

25:30

one in three chance of like oh

25:32

the oddsock too one if I'm like

25:34

buddy I oh one in three is

25:37

not So you could end up going

25:39

through this whole surgery and still it

25:41

doesn't work and you still have problems?

25:43

No, no, no, no, no. You're not

25:46

talking about dying. There were the one

25:48

in three channels that you don't get.

25:50

through the operation. For real. That's what

25:52

they were saying, yeah. You don't even

25:55

make it? Why? What happens? No, what

25:57

they do, they cut it, they take

25:59

out, they have to take it everything

26:01

because your pancreas is in the middle.

26:04

This is why everyone dies of pancreatic

26:06

cancer because it's the worst one. No,

26:08

so I'm thinking it's 30% chance it

26:10

works. No. It's 30% chance you're living.

26:13

Oh, it was like, it was like,

26:15

it was a good chance it's gonna

26:17

work, it's gonna work, it's gonna work,

26:19

it's gonna work, it, it, it was

26:22

like a two thirds, it, it, it,

26:24

it, it, it, it, it, it, two

26:26

thirds, it, it, it, it, it, two

26:28

thirds, two thirds, it, two thirds, it,

26:31

two thirds, two thirds, it, it, two

26:33

thirds, two thirds, it, two thirds, it,

26:35

two thirds, two thirds, two thirds. If

26:37

it, And I was like, oh, gosh.

26:40

So, and there's nothing like that pressure,

26:42

you know, when they're, when they're like,

26:44

putting all the, the medicine, and you're

26:46

like, count back, it's from 10, and

26:49

you're like, 10, 103, that's not, 9.

26:51

I mean, I don't think 1-3 is

26:53

a, so I don't think we should,

26:55

pf, you know, but luckily it all

26:58

worked, and it was literally like, like,

27:00

like, like, Not bad. Were you, like

27:02

when you opened your eyes, were you

27:04

like, holy shit, I made it? Yeah,

27:07

you had to be, right? You were.

27:09

But I was, you know, a bit

27:11

like in a bed, can't move. Is

27:13

it ever trip you out though that

27:16

if you hadn't woke up, that if

27:18

you hadn't woke up, that that was

27:20

just the end, it's just black for

27:22

you right there? You know, you're just

27:25

gone. You don't know anything, consciousness, you

27:27

know, like a good option. Like, you

27:29

know, I think I'd like an end,

27:31

one end in sight, please. So, yeah,

27:34

everything about like, you know, closing my

27:36

eyes, like. Are you saying goodbye to

27:38

your family or anything in case or

27:40

your parents there? Like, I'd be, this

27:43

my kid, I'd be freaking out. I

27:45

definitely, well, yeah, everyone's freaking out. But.

27:47

And also, what a decision to have

27:49

to make, you must be in so

27:52

much fucking pain. Like you finally, you're

27:54

like, yeah. 30% I'll take it. But

27:56

you know what? There were bright spots.

27:58

I got a catheter. That's a bright

28:01

spot. How do you ever have to

28:03

do that? No, I refuse. Oh my

28:05

God. I fought the ladies at the

28:07

hospital. Treat yourself. Treat yourself. Treat yourself.

28:10

Treat yourself. I can't just think about

28:12

it right now. Listen, go in there.

28:14

Now look, you don't want to be

28:16

awake when they put it in. Yeah,

28:19

that. Well, they wanted to be.

28:21

To be. To be. Now, you want it

28:23

to be awake when they put it in?

28:25

Yeah, well, they wanted me to be to

28:27

be. To be. To be. Be. You never

28:29

need to be. You don't get

28:32

the sensation of empty and blatter.

28:34

No, you don't even get the

28:36

concept of a blatter. You don't

28:39

even know you're peeing. No, no.

28:41

And they'll be like, look at

28:43

this whole joke, you fill it

28:45

up. And you're like, that came

28:47

out of my body? Exactly. You

28:49

know, they're going, oh, I need to pee

28:52

now. This tube, so I don't have

28:54

to get up. It's just gone. The

28:56

clarity I had. I tell you like

28:58

needing to pee takes up a lot

29:00

of space in my head because especially

29:02

I don't get around to it and

29:04

I'm not gonna get around to it.

29:06

I still need to pee I haven't

29:08

just been doing all this stuff oh

29:10

it's the worst and the I've never

29:12

in my life heard this. I've never

29:14

in my life heard this. I watched

29:16

my daughter's mom when she had our

29:18

daughter after it. They wanted to put

29:20

one in her awake and she fought

29:22

like she did fight and they held

29:24

her down and put that damn thing in

29:27

and then she was fine after they got

29:29

it in. But man, I don't want that

29:31

going in me while awake. There's a lot

29:34

of things I've done that didn't hurt when

29:36

he pulled it out. Oh yeah, it was

29:38

not, oh it was worst. I mean they,

29:40

I'd rather they cut it off to be

29:43

honest. Is that, oh you're leaving that part?

29:45

Yeah, how long that is. And then it's,

29:47

you know, you know, there's modeling blooms. It's

29:50

like, boom, it's like one of them. It

29:52

is the worst coming out. But, but

29:54

you know, sometimes you have an experience,

29:56

you know, look, it didn't turn out

29:58

great, but it was. enjoyable while I

30:01

was doing it and you know

30:03

that was one of those. And

30:05

how's your health now? Great. It

30:07

worked. It worked. And it's continued

30:09

to work. Yeah. And how old

30:11

are you now if you don't

30:13

mind me asking? I'm 44 now.

30:15

So this is 20 some years

30:17

it's lasted for you. Yeah. And

30:19

you're okay. Yeah. All right. Yeah.

30:21

I mean I just gave up

30:23

drinking. I mean which I did

30:25

for many reasons. Yeah. But so

30:27

I was so as so as

30:29

so if I wanted to keep

30:31

drinking. I decided not to. That

30:33

would just absolutely kill. That would

30:35

just like aggravate it, you know.

30:37

And it would also be a

30:39

bit of a like, fuck you,

30:41

do whoever did it. Hey, remember

30:43

that operation you did when you

30:45

saved my life? Well guess what?

30:47

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30:49

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30:51

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32:56

Now, let's get back to the

32:58

do. So it's not an issue

33:00

for you to travel or anything

33:02

like that? No, it's not. Nothing,

33:04

it was amazing. Just alcohol is

33:06

really all you had to do

33:08

and you're good to go. Yeah,

33:10

and I guess, you know, I

33:12

don't, I shouldn't like try and

33:14

get a base. That would not

33:16

be a good move. Try what?

33:18

I shouldn't be. try and get

33:20

obese. You know that, I mean

33:22

for many reasons, but that would

33:24

also, you know, as long as

33:26

I'm just like reasonably healthy that

33:28

everything's fine. All right. Yeah. I

33:30

want to talk to you about

33:32

your dog. Yeah. So your original

33:34

dog's name was Mr. Piffles, is

33:36

that correct? Mr. Piffles. Okay. Yeah.

33:38

When did you first introduce... a

33:40

dog into your act because I

33:42

just want to ask like it

33:44

seems like look as a stand-up

33:46

coming up with my own material

33:48

it seems like a lot to

33:50

have to come up with your

33:52

own material perfect jokes and then

33:54

add a fucking animal to them.

33:56

Well there's nothing more that I

33:58

love than out wage comedians who

34:00

would just look at me and

34:02

be like, this is a gimmick

34:04

on a gimmick on a gimmick

34:06

on a gimmick. This is some

34:08

bullshit. I'm out here with my

34:10

jokes and you're there cheating. I'm

34:12

not looking at it like cheating.

34:14

I'm looking at it like this

34:16

guy's fucking introducing so many elements

34:18

into this thing. Because this is

34:20

a thing with magic is that

34:22

magic is cheating unless you take

34:24

it really seriously and you work

34:26

really hard at it. And you

34:28

put everything that you know, all

34:30

of your resources into that one

34:32

thing. good magicians out there. So

34:34

what happened was, so I got

34:36

better and I went, okay, I'm

34:38

done, I'm not going to do

34:40

any computer, I'm not going to

34:42

live my life, you know, on

34:44

plan B. Okay, so this also

34:46

made you go for it. So

34:48

I went for it and guess

34:50

what? I got fired every single

34:52

place I worked. Did you really?

34:54

Yeah, because I was too grumpy.

34:56

I just have this like, I

34:58

just have a natural resting bitch

35:00

face and these people were like,

35:02

I got, I did a did

35:04

a wedding. I did a wedding.

35:06

I did a wedding. the closet

35:08

magical wedding and this guy came

35:10

up to me like what's your

35:12

problem you like the ear of

35:14

magic and then he fired me

35:16

because he was the groom he

35:18

was the groomed I used to

35:20

say terrible things like I went

35:22

up to the table in a

35:24

little Italian restaurant like 50 50

35:26

covers and there's couple of there

35:28

and I go up to the

35:30

guy and I told him I

35:32

say hey and the magician here

35:34

would you like to see some

35:36

magic and the guy scrapes his

35:39

chair across this like tile floor

35:41

stands up and he says my

35:43

wife has just asked me for

35:45

a divorce do you really think

35:47

I want to see some fucking

35:49

magic and I said I guess

35:51

not because she just made half

35:53

your house disappear and I was

35:55

immediately fired immediately and so I

35:57

was just running out seems worth

35:59

I agree yeah I'm like come

36:01

on that's pretty good guys Anybody?

36:03

But here's the... You split a

36:05

room as a comedian, right? But

36:07

even when you split a room,

36:09

you're still getting good laughs. Well,

36:11

when you're doing close at magic

36:13

to tables of six people, if

36:15

you split a table, that's just

36:17

three people not laughing. And that

36:19

is very, you know, so I

36:21

was trying, I was like doing

36:23

all these jokes and I'd split

36:25

tables and it was just, especially

36:27

if you split a couple, that's

36:29

the worst thing you can do.

36:31

So I was like. I'm done.

36:33

I've got to get out of

36:35

this job. I don't know what

36:37

I'm going to do. I've got

36:39

to get out. And then somebody

36:41

invites me to a costume party

36:43

and I want to go and

36:45

I don't have a costume and

36:47

I say to my sister, do

36:49

you have a costume I can

36:51

wear? And she's like, yeah, I've

36:53

got a dragon outfit under my

36:55

bed. And I'm like... walk to

36:57

cross London in a dragon outfit,

36:59

which is like, you know, LA.

37:01

It takes like an hour to

37:03

get from side to side. So,

37:05

except we have to, we have

37:07

to use the public, you know,

37:09

buses and trains and shit. So,

37:11

I get to the party, I

37:13

go in, no one else is

37:15

in costume. Just me, in a

37:17

dragon outfit. And a dragon, yeah.

37:19

So now I'm like, appropriately grumpy

37:21

for once. Why did you think

37:23

it was a costume party? They

37:25

told me it was. And then

37:27

when I arrived they were like,

37:29

yeah, we said not to worry

37:31

about it, you didn't get that

37:33

email? I was like, clearly, clearly

37:35

not. So I'm there and my

37:37

friend comes up to me because

37:39

I look really pissed off. She's

37:41

like, you should do this in

37:43

your act. You could be puffed

37:45

to a major dragon. You might

37:47

have heard of my older brother,

37:49

Steve. And I was like, that's

37:51

not bad. That is not bad.

37:53

And I did it. It took

37:55

me another six months to do

37:57

it. But I did it and

37:59

literally as soon as I walked

38:01

on stage and I couldn't stop

38:03

people laughing because it was just

38:05

so... dumb and I was so

38:07

angry you know I was just

38:09

like I had this grumpy resting

38:11

bitch-faced in this outfit I couldn't

38:13

stop the laughing I was like

38:15

oh this is it but it

38:17

was good for five minutes and

38:19

I thought maybe that's what look

38:21

maybe that's all it will be

38:23

five minutes but then I wanted

38:25

to go and do the Edinburgh

38:28

festival so you needed like an

38:30

hour for that so I wrote

38:32

an hour and I went and

38:34

did it did it and it

38:36

was fine for like 20 minutes

38:38

you know, but after that it

38:40

needed something. It needed like a

38:42

change of pace. How many tricks

38:44

is 20 minutes? And I was

38:46

like, this act needs something. And

38:48

the girl who was running the

38:50

venue, she had a dog, she

38:52

had a little drama. And so

38:54

I was doing this thing, I

38:56

was doing a trip with an

38:58

arm chopper. So that was like

39:00

what I was like, that was

39:02

like my big material. But I

39:04

said one point I had like,

39:06

like, you know, the, audience member

39:08

in the arm chopper and I

39:10

was like listen if you don't

39:12

want to do this we do

39:14

have an alternative and we brought

39:16

out the dog and then we

39:18

put the dog like any of

39:20

the arm chopper and everyone lost

39:22

their shit and I was like

39:24

this is pretty funny so I

39:26

just got divorced and I was

39:28

like I don't want to date

39:30

for like a year I'm done

39:32

I just want to be on

39:34

my own for a year and

39:36

I was talking to this girl

39:38

she was going on on about

39:40

how great this Great having a

39:42

dog was for company and I

39:44

was like, I think I'm gonna

39:46

get a dog. She's like, really?

39:48

Just in general, she's saying great

39:50

companionship. Amazing, yeah, because I grew

39:52

up with cats, but you know,

39:54

and Chihuahua was especially, like, they're

39:56

like cats with love, you know,

39:58

they're like unconditional cats. So I

40:00

was like, yeah, I want to

40:02

get one. She found this dog

40:04

on gum tree, which is like

40:06

Craigslist in Scotland. suffering. And it's

40:08

like it's teeth. It's teeth, like

40:10

rotted. matted. And then if you

40:12

don't want him, just re-home him.

40:14

Every time this kid walks into

40:16

the room, he like starts carrying,

40:18

he's obviously beaten up by the

40:20

kid. And I was like, this

40:22

is not a show business animal.

40:24

And I rang up my friend.

40:26

She said, look, just get the

40:28

dog out of that space. Just

40:30

like, you know, just get him

40:32

out. You'll be able to, you

40:34

know, taking to the vets and

40:36

getting well. And then if you

40:38

don't want him, just rehome, just

40:40

rehome. but just get him out

40:42

of wherever he is. So I

40:44

did. And then for, and he

40:46

went into the show, and on

40:48

stage, people loved him. Wait, quick,

40:50

real quick. Even though you got

40:52

the dog, how quickly do you

40:54

decide to put him on stage?

40:56

Oh, no, no. He just ran

40:58

out of his bag. I tried

41:00

it. I tried it one day.

41:02

The next morning I got the

41:04

dog. The next afternoon, the dog

41:06

was in the, in the, in

41:08

the show. But did he like

41:10

run out on stage? came out,

41:12

you know, oh, you know, this

41:14

is, and it was the same

41:17

joke, you know, this is the

41:19

alternative, it goes back in, it

41:21

doesn't do anything, you know, just

41:23

like, point in and out. But

41:25

so we could handle it. But

41:27

the audience loved him. And then

41:29

when I got back to London,

41:31

I'd take him for an hour

41:33

walk every day, it took him

41:35

to the vet, it's got his

41:37

teeth done, first thing you do

41:39

in show business. And even the

41:41

dog. What do they do for

41:43

dog's teeth? They put mostly they

41:45

pull them out. Oh, they don't

41:47

put a little There's no There's

41:49

no There's no real for dogs.

41:51

Yeah So they so I started

41:53

walking and he just over three

41:55

months. He turned into this incredible

41:57

show business animal like his hair

41:59

like suddenly like you know washed

42:01

it like got in the right

42:03

food his coat was amazing. He

42:05

was a Pomeranian. Oh is a

42:07

chihuah long hair chihuah And people

42:09

were like, oh my God, that

42:11

dog is incredible. And what it

42:13

did was, the act was a

42:15

little bit too. I was trying

42:17

to be dead pan, I was

42:19

trying to be dead pan, but

42:21

it was a little too like,

42:23

grumpy, kind of like, what was

42:25

said, misanthropic when you hate life?

42:27

It was a bit too much

42:29

like that. And then the dog

42:31

just gave me that light. So

42:33

now I had like, you know,

42:35

the two things. And so yeah,

42:37

I, over the years, he became

42:39

a big part of the show.

42:41

And in the end, we did.

42:43

50, just over 15 years, 15

42:45

years together. We probably did 5,000

42:47

appearances. Wow. Probably did 3,000 hour

42:49

long shows together. And, you know,

42:51

just an incredible gift that I

42:53

couldn't have, you know, couldn't have

42:55

ever, that's why like one, one,

42:57

one, one, my friend said this

42:59

to me years later and I

43:01

was like, oh, that's what I

43:03

was doing. She said, just say

43:05

yes to things. You know, just

43:07

I say yes to see what

43:09

happens. And like that was the

43:11

time, you know, when I was

43:13

like, I was doing the Edinburgh

43:15

show, wasn't really working, like my

43:17

love life was awful, and I

43:19

just said yes to that and

43:21

like, you know, it really turned,

43:23

you know, things turned around. So

43:25

he was incredible. And he passed

43:27

away, November last year, but before

43:29

he did, when he was about

43:31

eight. So he passed away when

43:33

he was... almost 17. Oh, wow.

43:35

When he was eight, I was

43:37

like, that's old for a dog.

43:39

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was like,

43:41

anytime, anything, if he would sneeze,

43:43

we'd take him to the vet,

43:45

you know, shoot him up full

43:47

of vitamin C or whatever dogs

43:49

like. Um, so, so, uh, what

43:51

was I saying? You said 17,

43:53

maybe around, yeah, at eight. I

43:55

was like, I need to get

43:57

a backup. So we found this

43:59

dog, look exactly the same, found

44:01

him on eBay on eBay this

44:03

time, found him on eBay this

44:05

time. And we meet this woman.

44:08

You can get a dog on

44:10

eBay? Yeah. I had no idea.

44:12

Had a great show. on eBay.

44:14

I met the woman outside of

44:16

Wendy's in Victoria, which I ran

44:18

around here, isn't it? And like,

44:20

you know, she had like a

44:22

bandage all over her arm, probably

44:24

from where the puppy mill dogs

44:26

were scratching out or whatever it

44:28

was. So we got him again.

44:30

He was, he's a fun dog,

44:32

but he hated stage. Just like

44:34

trembling wasn't for him. So then

44:36

we get, then a few years

44:38

later, we get another dog. Another

44:40

pedigree draw this time from a

44:42

breeder this dog keeps growing Now

44:44

this dog is 16 pounds a

44:46

chihuahua My original if it was

44:48

was five pounds 16. I can't

44:50

hold him up. Is it a

44:52

chihuahua? Is it a DNA tested?

44:54

Wow 100% chihuahua 16 pal because

44:56

I wanted the money back. I

44:58

was like no way. I was

45:00

a chihuahua. We can't okay So

45:02

he just became like in charge

45:04

of morale because he's a super

45:06

nice dog So then I started

45:08

reading in Korea, I think South

45:10

Korea, they were having problems finding

45:12

bomb sniffing dogs. Apparently the most

45:14

difficult dog to train is a

45:16

bomb sniffing dog. Like a 5

45:18

or 10% success rate. So they've

45:20

found the successful dogs, they cloned

45:22

them, and the new dogs had

45:24

an 80 to 85% chance of...

45:26

success when you train them. And

45:28

I was thinking the only responsible

45:30

thing to do right now is

45:32

to clone Mr. Piffles. Not for

45:34

me, for the good of the

45:36

audience. Sure. They want him there

45:38

at every show. I, this is,

45:40

you've mentioned it a little bit

45:42

before we recorded, I am blown

45:44

away by this. I had no

45:46

idea you could clone a dog.

45:48

Yeah. And that, what year was

45:50

this you did it in? Oh,

45:52

I wasn't longer. He's the, the,

45:54

the cloned dog. who's called Fortune

45:56

because it's our fourth dog and

45:58

he costs a fortune. he's

46:02

he's two and a

46:04

quarter so probably 22

46:07

yeah mid-22 yeah it took

46:09

a while okay I have

46:11

just a million questions

46:13

I was saying to

46:15

you like even though

46:17

he's a clone fully healthy

46:19

no weird side effects genetic

46:22

issues no mutation no nothing

46:24

weird I'm no no no

46:26

no no no no I

46:29

still can't believe it. Because

46:31

here's the thing. I spent

46:33

15 years on stage with

46:36

Mr. Imagine you do a double act,

46:38

right? You know, who's who's who's

46:40

a comedian you like? Any comedian?

46:43

God. Dave Chappelle. Imagine you're

46:45

in Dave Chappelle. You worked together

46:47

for 15 years. You do 5,000

46:49

shows. And then he's like, oh, I

46:51

don't feel good. Dice. You're upset.

46:53

But you're like, well, hang a

46:56

second, two years ago. I cloned.

46:58

I cloned Dave Chapp. paid that

47:00

much attention to the clone of

47:02

Dave Chappel because I've had the

47:04

real thing. But now I need to

47:07

see where the clone Dave Chappel

47:09

is just as good. And clone

47:11

Dave Chappel is exactly

47:13

the same as the original

47:15

Dave Chappel you met, you know, on

47:17

show one. Exactly the same.

47:19

Like looks the same, acts the

47:21

same. That's the thing. He's not the

47:24

same as like the 15 year old

47:26

or the 17 year old. He's the

47:28

same as the dog that I rescued

47:30

before I started training him. So now

47:32

we start crazy enough. So now I

47:34

start training him and now he starts

47:36

doing exactly the thing. Hold on. The

47:38

new one. This is blow my mind.

47:40

You're saying the same mannerisms, characteristics as

47:42

Mr. Piffles. before you took him. And

47:44

then as you train him. No, I'm

47:46

saying, I'm saying before I had missed

47:48

the, when I've got him, you know,

47:50

I didn't really know what it was

47:52

like, because he was like. He's just being

47:54

a dog. And he was a rescue dog.

47:56

So you know, I have this puppy and

47:58

the puppy's growing up. I didn't I didn't

48:00

get people's till he was almost two. So I

48:02

don't know whether this is what people's looks

48:05

like He starts hitting this two -year period. I'm

48:07

like I don't really looks really looks

48:09

similar looks And I'm

48:11

going back taking out old photos and you

48:13

cannot tell them apart. You really can't

48:15

even you the owner Yeah, from the

48:17

front of photo. Yeah. Yeah, and then

48:19

just recently We we have this idea

48:21

for a bit we want to put in

48:23

the show and we with people's and I

48:25

Train to sit lie down took it

48:27

for walks, but it was really funny because

48:30

he did nothing And now we've got

48:32

an idea for a bit where he

48:34

does something So we're training this

48:36

new dog But I did train people

48:38

was a little bit at the

48:40

beginning and the way people responded all

48:42

these years ago It's the exact

48:44

same way this dog responds to treat

48:46

the way since come on the

48:48

way guys down Your mind is bananas

48:50

crazy crazy, and are they genetically actually

48:52

healthier than does this a dog that?

48:54

Will live at least 15 years or

48:56

is that I don't know I'm just

48:58

so why blown away by all this

49:00

that there's not and Can I ask

49:03

you if you don't you don't have

49:05

to say but what's something like that

49:07

cost for right? I'd say It

49:09

costs including delivery. They deliver

49:11

attacks. What do you mean? They

49:13

say they deliver it as

49:15

well Because they were like

49:17

you come and pick it up and

49:19

it was in Rochester and I we

49:22

can't because we have the show all

49:24

the time So I sit on I

49:26

hear Rochester, New York. Yeah, okay. Yeah,

49:28

so I said What's delivery and they

49:30

sell we just get on a plane

49:32

with the dog in a in

49:34

a carrier. I was like, oh, yeah, do that

49:36

just do that

49:38

and Always funny actually

49:40

because we didn't want to give away. I

49:42

didn't want to say hi I'm 50 minute

49:45

dragon. I'm looking to clone my magic performance.

49:47

Wow. So we were like very cagey with

49:49

the company who did it and we

49:52

arranged to meet them at

49:54

an airport at Vegas airport by

49:56

the Starbucks and we're there we

49:58

spend like three months You know,

50:00

like different email addresses, different

50:02

names, everything like that. And we're

50:05

waiting for this woman to arrive

50:07

at the dog. And I'm like,

50:09

oh, fuck. And I look over

50:12

and there's a huge billboard of

50:14

me and Mr. Biffles. It's not,

50:16

man. Like, the greatly

50:18

opposite the Starbucks that

50:21

I totally forgotten about. I

50:23

said, ah, no. So I'll cover,

50:25

I cover was blown immediately. But

50:27

including delivery, $60,000. 60,000. I

50:29

know that's an expense that

50:31

goes into the show and

50:33

everything. You divide that by

50:35

5,000 and you have a

50:37

very... Imagine you're paying Dave

50:39

Chappelle $32 a show. That's

50:41

what you get. Wow. And

50:43

who's the person or how

50:45

did you even find out

50:47

about this that it was doable?

50:49

I think I read the article,

50:51

you know, I just like, like,

50:53

it's either work or read... newspapers

50:56

on the internet, so I'd do that

50:58

instead. And then when I found that

51:00

I started googling it and

51:02

finding out all this information.

51:05

But yeah, like. Can I ask you,

51:07

what do they need to do? What

51:09

do they take from your, what do

51:11

they take from original Mr. Peffos? I'm

51:13

not very good at listening to instructions.

51:16

So when they said, you know, this

51:18

is the samples we need. I'll just

51:20

tell the vet. And we've got an

51:22

amazing vet to do it. And we've

51:24

like. cut and like go in quite

51:26

deep to get the samples. And afterwards

51:28

I was like, oh shit, I've known

51:30

that. I would have probably like, you

51:32

know, because you can do it when

51:34

your animals pass away as well. Oh,

51:36

you can. Yeah, you can. Yeah. So

51:38

then I don't have to go through

51:41

that like pretty quickly though. Yeah, you

51:43

have to like within a couple of days

51:45

and obviously like it depends how

51:47

your animal passed away. But I

51:49

mean, I'm sure it's fine because

51:51

you know, because you know, you know, because

51:53

you know, piffles when you know

51:56

they give given anesthetic and when

51:58

they remove the samples. But yeah,

52:00

they take these samples out and then they

52:02

multiply them and then that DNA is just

52:05

there whenever you're ready to clone. But here's

52:07

the thing. Wait, I'm sorry real quick. Does

52:09

that DNA still exist? Could you have another?

52:11

Well, here's the thing. It works so well.

52:13

When he was in the show and he

52:16

was just killing it. And I was like,

52:18

this is unbelievable. You still call Mr. Mr.

52:20

What do you call him at the house?

52:22

What's his name? Fortune. Fortune. fortune. Oh, that's

52:25

right, because he calls for fortune. He's a

52:27

fourth one. Yeah. So we show a three

52:29

minute video, which is like, I'll send it

52:31

to you. It's like, it's like a love

52:33

letter to Piffles and everything he did for

52:36

me, because he changed my life. Yeah. Absolutely

52:38

changed my life. So we show that the

52:40

girl that said, hey, he should say that.

52:42

Yeah. Yeah. But we show that. And then

52:45

afterwards we have a slide that says the

52:47

role of Mr. Mr. Mr. Piffles. caffeate

54:08

larger with IQbar. Go to eat

54:11

iqbar.com and enter code bar 20

54:13

to get 20% off all IQ

54:15

bar products plus free shipping. Again

54:18

go to eat iqbar.com and enter

54:20

code bar 20. They're

56:22

not jack and you're like, hey,

56:24

we got the other day. I went

56:27

to Singapore, right? That's why my dad's

56:29

born. I went on vacation. And

56:31

I went to Singapore Airlines, the second

56:33

longest flight in the world in duration.

56:36

How long? It's 18 hours. Brutal. So,

56:38

because we do gigs everywhere, we

56:40

have all the states with Delta. So

56:42

we get like all these things. I'll

56:45

get first for like, we can

56:47

pay for it just on points. It's

56:49

amazing. But on Singaporeanized, zero status. So

56:51

I'm not, okay, I just buy

56:53

an economy ticket. Okay, it's $6,000 for

56:56

two tickets for two. And I'm like,

56:58

oh, that's a lot. An economy

57:00

for 18 hours. And like, that's kind

57:02

of a lot. And then we're like,

57:05

you know what, we're doing a show

57:07

and then we're getting a plane,

57:09

You know, we've done it many days

57:11

off. Let's just see how much business

57:14

is. 26,000 dollars. US. US. For

57:16

two tickets? Yeah, that's the upgrade fee.

57:18

So overall, 32,000 dollars. I'm like, you

57:20

could get a clone. You could

57:22

clone half a dog for the cost

57:25

of their airline. So, you know, when

57:27

you put it in terms of

57:29

like air travel, it's not that expensive

57:31

cloning animals. Compared to Arizona, compared to

57:34

flying to Singapore. That is wild, man.

57:36

That's really, I learned some brand

57:38

new stuff today. I know we gotta

57:40

get you out here in a little

57:43

bit. Can we talk quickly about

57:45

your Vegas show and matching? crashing and

57:47

burning and I want to hear about

57:49

that. So I, so this pen

57:52

teller, I do this thing on pen

57:54

and teller goes bananas. I land a

57:56

small part in a big Vegas shop

57:59

from that gig, 10 year contract,

58:01

move my whole life over here and

58:03

you got a 10 year gig off,

58:05

10 year contract. Wow. Like crazy

58:07

money too, crazy. And. And excuse me,

58:10

you're only a part of this thing.

58:12

Only a part, but it's only

58:14

four days a week. And on the

58:16

dark days, they say they're going to

58:19

produce my show. Oh great. You

58:21

know, because I love doing hour-long shows.

58:23

Or, you know, like in Vegas, it's

58:25

actually an hour and a half, but,

58:28

so I'm like, great. This is

58:30

amazing. This is my dream come true.

58:32

I go over there, day one, I'm

58:34

in rehearsals. I look around. I'm

58:36

like, I'm like, I look around, I'm

58:39

like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

58:41

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

58:43

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm

58:45

like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

58:48

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm

58:50

like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm

58:52

like, I'm like, it, it, it, it,

58:54

it, I a disaster. So I immediately

58:57

applied for a green card seven

58:59

months later the show in floats. So

59:01

now I'm on my own in Vegas,

59:03

having moved my life out there,

59:05

and I try, I want to stay.

59:08

So I try everything I can to

59:10

get my own show in Vegas,

59:12

but nobody knows who I am. So

59:14

eventually I end up on America's got

59:17

talent. At what age? How old are

59:19

you when you hit America's got?

59:21

35. And how were you for the

59:23

Penn and teller show? 31. Okay, so

59:26

it's four years in between a

59:28

big prominent, yeah, okay. Yeah, go on

59:30

it and it does great, it blows

59:32

up again. I get like, you

59:34

know, I got like a golden buzz

59:37

or whatever from Neil Patrick Harris, which

59:39

is really funny because in that

59:41

Vegas show, the original Vegas show, he

59:43

came to the opening night and I

59:46

heard, and I think Somebody was lying

59:48

to me, but I heard he

59:50

hated my act. So when I go

59:52

on, because it's happened, I see him

59:55

there, I'm like, oh no, this

59:57

is the worst. This is how I,

59:59

you know, it's gonna, but he gave

1:00:01

me the call and buzzer. that

1:00:03

like made my career that stuff and

1:00:06

I got my own bigger show out

1:00:08

of it and in a small room

1:00:10

and we just worked as hard

1:00:12

as we could to build that up

1:00:15

and build the road up and you

1:00:17

know like back and forth like

1:00:19

working like seven days a week for

1:00:21

you know like I really until the

1:00:24

pandemic so like you know almost

1:00:26

five years doing that and then in

1:00:28

the pandemic Everyone goes to social distancing

1:00:30

and we were in a small

1:00:33

room in Flamingo and Donnie and Marie

1:00:35

Osman were in the big room, but

1:00:37

they left. They were still performing. They

1:00:40

were still performing. What for how

1:00:42

fucking old are they? Donnie's still going

1:00:44

strong and it's a killer show. Is

1:00:46

it? This is how crazy is.

1:00:48

He does a 12-minute rap in that

1:00:51

show about his career and it's the

1:00:53

greatest thing. 12 minutes. It's that

1:00:55

show defies all. Yeah, I mean they

1:00:57

were teenagers I want to say when

1:01:00

I was at least a kid. Yeah,

1:01:02

it started when they were 65

1:01:04

years old. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's incredible.

1:01:06

So they moved out the showroom. So

1:01:09

we moved into the showroom social

1:01:11

distance and then it went, it just

1:01:13

kept going, you know, bedroom bed. So

1:01:15

then we just, we signed a

1:01:17

contract, we resigned now and I've got

1:01:20

Marie's dressing room. Do you really? Yeah.

1:01:22

She had a steam shower. So

1:01:24

I've got my own steam channel there.

1:01:26

Oh yeah, good for you, man. But

1:01:29

that's just been, it's been so crazy

1:01:31

because magic, it's like, we tour,

1:01:33

but we can't do every trip we

1:01:35

want on tour, because these things are

1:01:38

so difficult to move around. So

1:01:40

in Vegas, it's like our Super Bowl

1:01:42

show, we love it. That's great, man.

1:01:44

Thank you for coming on here

1:01:46

and doing this for real. Before I

1:01:49

let you go, I do want to

1:01:51

see you do a magic trick, but

1:01:53

advice you would give to 16-a-a-16-16-16-16-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a

1:01:55

Piffed the magic dragon. I what would

1:01:58

you tell John at 15? I would

1:02:00

I would tell John a 15

1:02:02

hey, you know this thing about having

1:02:04

a backup Like maybe you want to,

1:02:07

maybe you want to have a

1:02:09

plan A before your plan B. Maybe

1:02:11

spend time on plan A before you,

1:02:13

you know, because I spent a

1:02:15

lot of years working on plan B

1:02:18

and it was only when I just

1:02:20

like, you know, jumped out the plane.

1:02:22

That's great. Yeah, that it all

1:02:24

took off. You have a favorite card?

1:02:27

Yes, I do. I mean, probably a

1:02:29

lot of, I love the Ada

1:02:31

Spades and the Asa Spades. There are

1:02:33

my favorite cards. The Asa Spades is

1:02:36

very common. Yeah, that's why I

1:02:38

said. I like, give me an Ada

1:02:40

Clubs. I'll say that's my favorite card.

1:02:42

Here's a thing though. Okay. I

1:02:44

turned one card face down in this

1:02:47

deck. Okay. And that was your favorite

1:02:49

card. Now I'm going to give you

1:02:51

the chance right now to change

1:02:53

your mind. Or maybe I know what

1:02:56

your favorite card really is and you

1:02:58

haven't quite got there yet or

1:03:00

maybe it's the eight clubs. Okay. What

1:03:02

do you think it is? I mean

1:03:05

today I'm gonna say I don't

1:03:07

know if I've ever really had a

1:03:09

favorite one to be honest and maybe

1:03:12

I knew that. Maybe you did. Eight's

1:03:14

my favorite number but I can't

1:03:16

say I have a favorite soup to

1:03:18

be honest with you. Well but the

1:03:21

problem is is that whatever you

1:03:23

say is by definition your favorite. You're

1:03:25

choosing it over the others. You know,

1:03:27

your Sophie's choice in that car.

1:03:29

I am, yes. Right. But you can

1:03:32

still change your mind. The important thing

1:03:34

is, is that once you settle

1:03:36

on it, there's no going back. I'm

1:03:38

gonna stick with Ada Club. Really? Yeah.

1:03:41

That's a shame. That's a real shame.

1:03:43

Every single one of the playing

1:03:45

cards. The same way round. Except for

1:03:47

one single playing card, just there. Get

1:03:53

the fuck out of my

1:03:55

fucking face! Oh my gosh,

1:03:57

just... Listen

1:04:01

man, I've never fucking met you.

1:04:03

I even wavered I was gonna

1:04:05

say say fucking is. fucking to

1:04:07

question some life choices after this.

1:04:10

some life choices after John thank

1:04:12

you so much the coming

1:04:14

on here. Promote one

1:04:16

more time, all of

1:04:18

it, please. for.com, Promote one more

1:04:20

time all of it. Please if the man

1:04:23

.com. Just Google it. dragon you'll

1:04:25

figure it out. it out Thank you,

1:04:27

man. Thank you. you very

1:04:29

much. As always, Ryan Ryan all

1:04:31

your social media, media, Ryan We'll

1:04:34

talk to you all next

1:04:36

week. all next week.