How do you deal with  "well-meaning" criticism? 

Recently my friend, with whom i hadn't spoken in a few years, sent me a message pointing out the typos and grammatical errors on my FaceBook page.   She congratulated me on my new coaching project, then told me that I needed to improve my writing if I wanted to be considered a "serious professional."  

That stung because I am not a native English speaker.  My English isn't perfect.  It also stung because her focus was on what I was doing wrong. 

I felt a mix of emotions when I read the message.  Let's just say that it didn't make me happy to hear from her.   I felt a bit angry that she was basically pointing out what I considered to be my own weakness.  

Now she is my friend and just wanted to do well.  But sometimes, critical comments can send you to the realm of negativity, no matter how well intended they are.   This one certainly did.  

Her words stuck with me and the idea that I'd never be considered a serious professional because of my imperfect English was deflating.  

As a self-development professional, I know that criticisms can be useful.  But that does't always make it easy to take them.

I knew I wanted to handle this situation gracefully, put myself in a more motivating mindset. 

Reframing 

Many of you would agree that there is no use in feeling bad about a criticism, whether you agree with it or not.  

What if there is a way to accept criticism, get out of the bad feeling quickly or avoid it altogether, and use the information you gain from that to your advantage?

I use something called Reframing.  It's about seeing a situation from another perspective and gain alternate meanings.  As you know 2 people can experience an event and have 2 completely different reactions. It's like that. You gain additional meanings so that you have choice in how you react.

You can reframe by asking 2 simple questions.

1) What else can it mean?

I was reacting negatively to my friend's message.  So I asked myself what else can what she said mean and came up with alternative meanings.  

Here are some of them.

-She cares enough to help me be a better writer and she happens to be good at pointing out areas of improvement.

-She believes that being able to write well is the only way for someone to be considered a serious professional.  She doesn't know anybody with less than perfect English and is a serious professional.

-There are people who believe that you are not a serious professional if your English isn't perfect.

2) What can I learn from this?

From this experience, I learned a few things.   I learned that I could pay more attention to my writing and how I come across.  I learned that she cared enough about me to come out and share her comment - for that I am thankful.  She is certainly entitled to her view about the link between being a serious professional and the level of English language.  I get it.  It's fair.  But I also realized that there are many many outstanding professionals, even though their English isn't perfect(I am sure they didn't let a well-meaning criticism get in the way).  That's motivating!   

This works not only with criticisms but also any situations you can use additional perspectives.  Try it. It's powerful.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app