0:00

If you're ready to truly

0:02

live more, laugh more and

0:04

love more, I am so

0:06

excited you're here for this

0:08

incredible Part 3 episode with

0:10

Chelsea Handler who opens up

0:12

in ways you've never seen

0:15

her open up before and

0:17

shares things she's never shared

0:19

before. If you're ready to

0:21

build the courage to be

0:23

more bold, confident and free,

0:25

get what you want in

0:27

life and step into your

0:29

purpose. Today we dive into

0:31

the power of being your

0:33

authentic self, finding your freedom

0:36

by releasing your past, and

0:38

not giving a damn what

0:40

other people think, and how

0:42

to truly be who you

0:44

are and know that the

0:46

people who are for you

0:48

will find you, and will

0:50

like you. Get ready to

0:52

laugh, cry, and live, laugh,

0:54

and love more in your

0:56

life today. I am so

0:59

excited for this amazing conversation

1:01

with you me and Chelsea.

1:03

One of the things you

1:05

talk about was was about

1:07

a story about your ex-ted

1:09

and having three sums. And

1:11

so I'm curious have you

1:13

had a lot of three

1:15

sums in your life and

1:17

also also what about four

1:20

sums or five sums? I've

1:22

had a few three sums.

1:24

Yeah, I find it very sexy. I mean,

1:26

I'm definitely open to doing it again.

1:28

I like adventure, you know? Does it

1:31

matter if the proportion of men and

1:33

women in it? People always think that

1:35

I'm going to become a lesbian at

1:38

some point. They're always like, well, you

1:40

come on over, Chelsea. Well, I have

1:42

someone that I'm seeing now that I'm

1:45

very attracted to and that I like

1:47

having sex with. And so that's a

1:49

really good, nice, little thing I have

1:52

going. Is it a serious relationship?

1:55

Um, I don't think any

1:57

relationships that I've been... are

2:00

serious. I don't think of myself

2:02

as a relationship person. I think

2:04

of myself as a purpose person,

2:06

like my purpose is here, to

2:09

be here, to have conversations like

2:11

the one we're having right now,

2:13

to infuse people with optimism, to

2:15

be there for women. That is

2:17

my purpose in this life. Any

2:19

man that's in my life is

2:22

not the main character. I wasn't

2:24

embracing myself in the way that

2:26

I am now. I was unsure

2:28

of myself. I was insecure about

2:30

many of the things. I wasn't

2:32

sure if I even was supposed

2:35

to be a public person anymore.

2:37

Will I be okay without this

2:39

man? And the answer was a

2:41

resounding yes. You will. You might

2:43

even be better. I've only had

2:46

three sons with this one woman.

2:48

She was a misuse with my

2:50

ex-boyfriend. And we had threesoms with

2:52

her several times. Then I hooked

2:54

up with her a couple times

2:56

on my own. And then with

2:59

my next boyfriend, we also had

3:01

a threesom with her. But then

3:03

I lost her number, and I

3:05

don't know where she went. But

3:07

I would love for her to

3:09

get back in touch with me.

3:12

Maybe she'll hear that. My number's

3:14

still the same. So text me.

3:16

OK, same, Miss Seuss. Different relations.

3:18

Yes. Yes. Wow. Yeah, 91% of

3:20

girls and women literally will opt

3:22

out of meaningful activities when they

3:25

don't like how they look or

3:27

their body It's such a thing

3:29

and I think about even my

3:31

own life For decades the amount

3:33

of experience that I missed out

3:36

on because I was like self-conscious

3:38

Yes, I know I know have

3:40

you ever dealt with body image

3:42

I've done the same thing in

3:44

my 20s. I would weigh myself

3:46

15 times a day. I would

3:49

stop, if I weighed a certain

3:51

amount, I wouldn't go out that

3:53

night. I would exercise, I would

3:55

run for two hours on the

3:57

beach and then come back and

3:59

weigh myself to see how much

4:02

water weight I lost. So, such

4:04

a waste. I've wasted so many

4:06

hours about my body image, so

4:08

many. And I hate that. Every

4:10

woman in this world deals with

4:13

that. I don't know how you

4:15

get out of that. I think,

4:17

obviously... Are you out of it

4:19

now? You were at a dinner

4:21

party with Woody Allen and what

4:23

you refer to as his daughter

4:26

bride. Can you share what you,

4:28

what you, what you asked? Yeah,

4:30

I, I, I, I, I, when

4:32

he got his Blackberry cobbler at

4:34

the very end of dinner during

4:36

our dessert, he took a bite

4:39

of it, put it into his

4:41

mouth, and I leaned in as

4:43

he was chewing on it to

4:45

him and Sunni and said, so

4:47

how did you to me? And

4:50

what, and what did they say

4:52

back? So many people, especially adults

4:54

feel like they don't know how

4:56

to have fun anymore. and they

4:58

think maybe they're funny but they're

5:00

not sure if they're funny. And

5:03

so I'm curious from one of

5:05

the funniest people on the planet.

5:07

How, this is for everyone listening

5:09

Chelsea, how can we all tap

5:11

into our funny and be more

5:13

funny and have more fun? I

5:16

think the first step into having

5:18

more fun is to be joyful.

5:20

So imperative for mental health, like

5:22

to just, you don't have to

5:24

be funny, but you have to

5:27

have fun. I don't take myself

5:29

seriously anymore. I used to. I

5:31

used to get so mad. And

5:33

I think that's the first step

5:35

of being joyful. How all of

5:37

us right now, every person listening,

5:40

every person watching, can just sort

5:42

of like, I'm not going to

5:44

take myself so seriously, because when

5:46

I hear those words, it sounds

5:48

like freedom. It sounds like freedom.

5:50

Because if you once you settle

5:53

into who you really are and

5:55

we all have that we all

5:57

have like the essence of who

5:59

we are the truest best first

6:01

of ourselves. Once we allow that

6:04

person to come through, there is

6:06

no more room for trying to

6:08

be, trying to make an impression,

6:10

trying to get someone to like

6:12

you, trying, trying, trying. That is

6:14

futile. The only way you really

6:17

get people to like you is

6:19

by being who you are, because

6:21

people are going to like you.

6:23

People are going to dislike you

6:25

and... people are going to like

6:27

you both of those things can

6:30

be true and both of those

6:32

things will happen and that's great

6:34

go where the light is go

6:36

to the people that like you

6:38

stay there surround yourself with those

6:40

people and then you will just

6:43

keep adding to that crew who

6:45

you are is good enough it

6:47

really is for everybody just be

6:49

who you are who you are

6:51

and you're going to be rewarded

6:54

for that and then you take

6:56

out all that chatter Me skiing

6:58

down a mountain with a joint

7:00

in one hand, a margarita in

7:02

the other, sometimes I have my

7:04

dogs on me, sometimes I don't,

7:07

in a bikini, is exactly who

7:09

I wanted to be when I

7:11

grew up. The impact you have

7:13

on so many people in your

7:15

family, outside of your family, and

7:17

people that have worked for you,

7:20

people that are your friends, it's

7:22

really inspiring. Oh my gosh. No

7:24

wonder you're so successful. You're such

7:26

an incredible interviewer. You really are.

7:28

Great interview. So nice. It made

7:31

me think about my interviews on

7:33

my podcast. I'm like, you really

7:35

need to get more prepared. You

7:37

know, I've never done an edible.

7:39

So if I ever do an

7:41

edible in my life, I'm calling

7:44

you. Jamie Kern Lima is her

7:46

name. Everybody needs Jamie Kern Lima

7:48

and their wife. Jamie Kern Lima.

7:52

I've had a few three sums and

7:54

yeah I find it very sexy. I

7:56

find that very sexy. As long as

7:58

you're in a trusting dynamic with your

8:01

partner, bringing a third person in, I

8:03

think can be a lot of fun.

8:05

But you have to be able to

8:07

trust each other and do that. And

8:09

yeah, I think about that. I mean,

8:12

I'm definitely open to doing it again.

8:14

So it was always a good example.

8:16

It's kind of like drugs for me.

8:18

Like, I like adventure, you know? So

8:20

I'm always open to more adventure. Does

8:22

it matter if the proportion of men

8:25

and women in it? It has to

8:27

be a woman. I don't want to

8:29

have sex with two men at the

8:31

same time. I'm not interested in that.

8:33

That's not been a fantasy of mine,

8:36

but I do like seeing a man.

8:38

you know be like a man that

8:40

I'm with being sexual with another woman

8:42

when it's in front of me like

8:44

I find that very sexy yeah what

8:47

about two women so three women together

8:49

yeah I would be into that women

8:51

are always safe you know like I

8:53

find women to be more safe than

8:55

men obviously so like yeah I would

8:58

I would I mean I I don't

9:00

think I'm you know like I would

9:02

be with a woman in a relationship

9:04

I'm not there but I would

9:06

be sexual with a sexual with

9:09

a woman with a woman Do

9:11

you think you ever would be

9:13

with a woman in a relationship?

9:15

I don't know. I mean, people

9:17

always think that I'm going to

9:19

become a lesbian at some point.

9:21

They're always like, come on over,

9:23

Chelsea. We know you're coming. Come

9:26

over to the other side, like

9:28

all my lesbian friends. But it's

9:30

never happened thus far. So I

9:32

don't know. I wouldn't rule anything

9:34

out, but I am very attracted

9:36

to men. You know, it gets

9:38

harder and harder, but you know,

9:40

I have someone that I'm seeing

9:43

now that I'm very attracted to

9:45

and that I like having sex

9:47

with and so that's a really

9:49

good nice, like nice little thing

9:51

I have going. Is it serious

9:53

relationship? I don't think any relationships

9:55

that I've been in are serious.

9:57

I don't think of myself as

10:00

a relationship person. I think of

10:02

myself as a purpose person, like

10:04

my purpose is here, to be

10:06

here, to have conversations like the

10:08

one we're having right now, to

10:10

infuse people with optimism, to be

10:12

there for women. That is my

10:14

purpose in this life, whether there

10:17

are more lives or not, I

10:19

really don't have a strong opinion

10:21

on that either. All I know

10:23

is I know what I'm supposed

10:25

to be doing, and any man

10:27

that's in my life is not

10:29

the main character. That's a side

10:32

relationship, and I love them and

10:34

I want to respect everybody, but

10:36

that's not my main MO in

10:38

life. That is, I'm not that

10:40

kind of person. How long have

10:42

you guys been in a relationship,

10:44

your current one? Hmm. Probably nine

10:46

months? Mm-hmm. When you ended your

10:49

relationship with Joe Coy, so many

10:51

people cared so much about it,

10:53

because I think for you, you

10:55

had shared about how you were

10:57

being loved, being treated, how it

10:59

was very different for you in

11:01

that particular relationship and how it

11:03

sort of changed for you, what

11:06

you maybe felt. would be possible

11:08

in a loving relationship in different

11:10

ways. And I think in your

11:12

last Netflix special, and I have

11:14

another one coming out, everyone's got

11:16

a, everyone's got a, next month,

11:18

the next month. Yes. You know,

11:20

it ended with a little note

11:23

on the screen saying, you know,

11:25

I believe love is, you know,

11:27

possible, and you talked about that,

11:29

kind of giving everyone hope as

11:31

well, like you would do, because

11:33

there's people that. you know, like

11:35

I mentioned living by Careously Through

11:38

You in the book in so

11:40

many different ways, but also there's

11:42

people then that want to, you

11:44

know, borrow that hope. of, oh

11:46

wow, okay, I can find someone

11:48

who loves me well and all

11:50

that. And I know, I know

11:52

when you ended it with Joe

11:55

Coy, you said that you weren't

11:57

gonna lose yourself, you know, to,

11:59

or sacrifice yourself to be in

12:01

a relationship. And now in the

12:03

one you're in, do you feel

12:05

like you have love at that

12:07

level, that kind of, I guess,

12:09

level that you kind of shared

12:12

was newer for you? Yes, and

12:14

I think it's like it's about

12:16

the choices we make, you know,

12:18

my relationship with him. I was

12:20

so, I started dating Joe when

12:22

I was at a point in

12:24

my life where I was in

12:26

a confusing time. I wasn't, I

12:29

wasn't embracing myself in the way

12:31

that I am now. I was

12:33

unsure of myself. I was insecure

12:35

about many of the things. I

12:37

wasn't sure if I even was

12:39

supposed to be a public person

12:41

anymore, if anyone cared about whether

12:44

or not. And he came into

12:46

my life, and it's very clear

12:48

to me now why he came

12:50

in to pick me up and

12:52

boost me up and remind me

12:54

of who I am and remind

12:56

me of what my talents are

12:58

and what my purposes and what

13:01

I'm good at. Instead of forgetting,

13:03

you know, I was a little

13:05

bit lost. And so he kind

13:07

of picked me up and reminded

13:09

me of all of the things

13:11

I had forgotten about myself. And

13:13

in doing so... loved me, adored

13:15

me, was just so sweet and

13:18

everything. And when we had to

13:20

break up, I had to think

13:22

about, like, am I still allowed

13:24

to be in this more elevated

13:26

position where I was, as opposed

13:28

to the position he found me

13:30

in, right, when we got together.

13:32

Am I still allowed to be

13:35

here where he brought me without

13:37

him as my partner? The answer

13:39

was yes, I'm here by way

13:41

of you, not because of you.

13:43

You didn't create me. You picked

13:45

me up when I was down.

13:47

And I will always be grateful

13:50

for that. And it's a reminder

13:52

to women everywhere, you know, that

13:54

relationship I didn't want to break

13:56

up with him. I didn't want

13:58

to. I didn't, I felt like

14:00

I had no choice. I had

14:02

to protect myself in a way

14:04

that. He was asking things of

14:07

me that I wasn't, that we're

14:09

compromising and I, and I, I

14:11

remember like, am I going to

14:13

be okay without him? We were

14:15

so public and it was so

14:17

much attention and it was so

14:19

positive, will I be okay without

14:21

this man? And the answer was

14:24

a resounding yes, you will. You

14:26

might even be better. So what

14:28

was, what was he asking that

14:30

was compromising? just what his ideas

14:32

of a relationship were and the

14:34

the expectations he had of me

14:36

and a lot of them were

14:38

really old-fashioned and outdated and I

14:41

was never going to sublimate myself

14:43

in a way where I was

14:45

you know being asked to do

14:47

things that I wasn't comfortable with.

14:49

I'm a very strong independent woman.

14:51

I like to be alone as

14:53

we've mentioned and he wanted more.

14:56

then I was, you know, then

14:58

I had to give. I didn't

15:00

have the bandwidth. Conversely to the

15:02

relationship I'm in now, I have

15:04

the freedom to be myself, I

15:06

have the freedom to go about

15:08

my life, and that's why we're

15:10

still together. I love what you

15:13

said too about like that moment

15:15

of I didn't want to break

15:17

up and those thoughts of will

15:19

I be, you know. worse off

15:21

if I do and all these

15:23

kind of things because I think

15:25

so many people have those thoughts

15:27

all the time. It's why they

15:30

stay in relationships where they know

15:32

some things off or they stay

15:34

you know like I mentioned earlier

15:36

and friendships where they're like, I

15:38

just don't feel like this person.

15:40

You know what I mean is,

15:42

is like energy is contagious and

15:44

sometimes you are around someone and

15:47

you're just like, I just feel

15:49

my vibration low or I feel

15:51

like I feel, you know, and

15:53

so I think sharing what you

15:55

shared is really powerful because for

15:57

a lot of people it's also

15:59

hard to leave when you know

16:02

someone loves you. and when you

16:04

feel wanted and when you feel

16:06

all those things and like cherished

16:08

and celebrated in different ways and

16:10

but when it's that person's version

16:12

of that and it like comes

16:14

at the price of you living

16:16

your own truth or having to

16:19

change that that's so brave and

16:21

that's so brave to do that

16:23

so your current relationship do you

16:25

have threesoms yet? No we have

16:27

not out of threesome not yet

16:29

although I do mention it once

16:31

in a while I'll be honest

16:33

yes I'm like you know what

16:36

we should do Yeah, when you

16:38

said to you that you've done,

16:40

it's your book, by the way,

16:42

oh my gosh, I'm only giving

16:44

away, like, 0.001% of the stuff

16:46

in it, that is so good,

16:48

so funny, so laugh out loud,

16:50

so also live vicariously through. an

16:53

experience. Like I feel like somehow

16:55

in my life now I need

16:57

to be in a kayak in

16:59

my orca and all the things.

17:01

Like you just you just and

17:03

I won't even see all the

17:05

reasons why. You have to read

17:08

the book. I'll have what she's

17:10

having. I've only had a three

17:12

sums with oh no no there

17:14

was some couple when I was

17:16

in my early 20s. I had

17:18

a three some of the couple

17:20

that wasn't very successful though. That

17:22

was kind of awkward. I've only

17:25

had three sums with this one

17:27

woman. And we had three sums

17:29

with her several times. Then I

17:31

hooked up with her a couple

17:33

times on my own. And then

17:35

with my next boyfriend, we also

17:37

had a three sum with her.

17:39

But then I lost her number

17:42

and I don't know where she

17:44

went, but I would love for

17:46

her to get back in touch

17:48

with me. Maybe she'll hear that.

17:50

My number's still the same. So

17:52

text me. Okay. same masseuse, different

17:54

relationships. Yes. Yes. Wow. Yeah. So.

17:56

Was she also a great masse

17:59

to you? Yes. Not just masse

18:01

the benefits. Great. Wow. Yes. All

18:03

right. Are you? Okay, so I

18:05

have to ask you. So you

18:07

were at a dinner party. with

18:09

Woody Allen and what you refer

18:11

to as his daughter bride and

18:14

And the whole dinner party goes

18:16

on and on on all the

18:18

courses and at the very end

18:20

And you were cordial all the

18:22

conversation normal conversation at the very

18:24

end. I think it was the

18:26

dessert round and Can you share

18:28

what you what you what you

18:31

asked? Yeah, I I I I

18:33

was sitting next to Katie Kerrick

18:35

and I was apoplectic that I

18:37

was at a dinner with Woody

18:39

Allen. Like I didn't know he

18:41

was going to be there. I

18:43

didn't know anyone who was going

18:45

to be there except for Katie.

18:48

And I went with Katie and

18:50

I saw him walk through the

18:52

door and I saw him walk

18:54

through the door. I was like

18:56

this isn't going to go well.

18:58

I am a confrontational person especially

19:00

at that time. This is way

19:02

before therapy. And I'm going to

19:05

the end of the dinner. Just,

19:07

and I was like, oh, I've

19:09

never tried that. I got, I

19:11

could try, sure, why not? Like

19:13

it was a fun challenge, so

19:15

I did. And then I waited

19:17

and waited because I wasn't going

19:20

to let him not hear from

19:22

me. Like, and he was there

19:24

with his, with Sunni. They were

19:26

sitting right across from me, and

19:28

when he got his blackberry cobbler

19:30

at the very end of dinner

19:32

during our dessert. He took a

19:34

bite of it, put it into

19:37

his mouth, and I leaned in

19:39

as he was chewing on it

19:41

to him in Sunni and said,

19:43

so how did you two meet?

19:45

And Katie Kerr, I think she

19:47

once told a story that I

19:49

forgot. I'm like, forgot. I was

19:51

like, that's exactly what I meant.

19:54

Like I forgot how they met.

19:56

Like I had, you know, misspoke.

19:58

I'm like, no, no, no, that

20:00

was very intentional. Like I said

20:02

that. on purpose. Yeah that kind

20:04

of that's kind of like the

20:06

most poignant thing to say and

20:08

what and what did they say

20:11

back? Well she I don't know

20:13

she Sunni Preven I don't know

20:15

what her story was I didn't

20:17

really I wasn't really I was

20:19

more owned in on him and

20:21

he choked and laughed and almost

20:23

spit his blackberry cobbler out there

20:26

was something along those lines. But

20:28

that was the last thing I

20:30

said. And then I was like,

20:32

OK, time to go. Did he

20:34

say anything at all? Do you

20:36

think he knew that you knew

20:38

and were being really? Yes. OK.

20:40

Of course. And did he say

20:43

anything back or he just kind

20:45

of like chosen? I wasn't interested

20:47

in his response anyway. You know,

20:49

I just had to make sure

20:51

that I left that party and

20:53

everyone knew where I stood. Do

20:55

you know what I mean? Like

20:57

I wasn't going to be like,

21:00

I wasn't going to be like.

21:02

How did Katie react when you?

21:04

She was like, it's time to

21:06

go. You know, she was just

21:08

like, oh God, here goes, Chelsea's

21:10

got about to do one of

21:12

her, you know, I was going

21:14

to sound off, but I wasn't.

21:17

It was a whole dinner part.

21:19

Like, did everyone hear it at

21:21

the table? I don't remember if

21:23

everyone heard it. I was so

21:25

laser focused on when the right

21:27

time to say that sentence was.

21:29

Yeah. Like, I couldn't not wait.

21:32

I was like, OK, hold on,

21:34

here we go. We're at the

21:36

bottom of the ninth. This is

21:38

my move. I was like, I'm

21:40

going to get them. Before I

21:42

leave, I'm going to say something.

21:44

I had to say something as

21:46

a woman. So, OK. So many,

21:49

you look at all the studies

21:51

out there that say that when

21:53

you're exposed to humor and laughter

21:55

and positivity, it has such. profound

21:57

effects on mental health, physical health,

21:59

all of it. Yet so many

22:01

people, especially adults, feel like they

22:03

don't know how to have fun

22:06

anymore. And they think maybe they're

22:08

funny, but they're not sure if

22:10

they're funny. And so I'm curious

22:12

from one of the funniest people

22:14

on the planet. How, this is

22:16

for everyone listening Chelsea, how can

22:18

we all tap into our funny

22:20

and be more funny and have

22:23

more fun? There's so much more

22:25

coming up in this episode you

22:27

are not going to want to

22:29

miss it, but first I wanted

22:31

to share this with you. In

22:33

life, you don't sort the level

22:35

of your hopes and dreams, you

22:37

stay stuck at the level of

22:40

your self-worth. When you build your

22:42

self-worth, you change your entire life.

22:44

And that's exactly why I wrote

22:46

my new book, Worthy, how to

22:48

believe you are enough and transform

22:50

your life for you. If you

22:52

have some self-doubt to destroy and

22:55

a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is

22:57

for you. In Worthy, you'll learn

22:59

proven tools and simple steps that

23:01

bring life-changing results, like how to

23:03

get unstuck. from the things holding

23:05

you back. Build unshakable self-love, unlearn

23:07

the lies that lead to self-doubt,

23:09

and embrace the truths that wake

23:12

up worthiness. Overcome limiting beliefs and

23:14

imposter syndrome, achieve your hopes and

23:16

dreams by believing you are worthy

23:18

of them and so much more.

23:20

Are you ready to unleash your

23:22

greatness and step into the person

23:24

you are born to be? Imagine

23:26

a life with zero self-doubt and

23:29

unshakable self-worth. Get your copy of

23:31

Worthy Plus some amazing thank-you bonus

23:33

gifts for you at Worthybook.com or

23:35

the link in the show notes

23:37

below. Imagine what you do if

23:39

you fully believed in you. It's

23:41

time to find out with Worthy.

23:43

Imagine. What would you do if

23:46

you fully believed in you? My

23:48

weekly free inspirational news is packed

23:50

with tips and tools to help

23:52

you find out. It's called One

23:54

on One with Jamie and it's

23:56

delivered right to your inbox each

23:58

Tuesday morning. It's a love letter

24:01

from me to you, from my

24:03

soul to yours and I hope

24:05

it brings you the words and

24:07

messages you need at just the

24:09

right moment. Plus, when you're a

24:11

part of my free inspirational newsletter

24:13

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24:15

get behind-the-scenes content, inspirational messages, and

24:18

be the first to learn about

24:20

upcoming events and more. It's the

24:22

place to be, and I sure

24:24

hope you'll join me there. So

24:26

if you're not on the list

24:28

yet, you can sign up for

24:30

free at Jamie Kernlima.com or click

24:32

the link in the show notes

24:35

below, and here's to Bec becoming

24:37

unstoppable Together. And now more of

24:39

this incredible conversation together. How can

24:41

we all tap into our funny

24:43

and be more funny and have

24:45

more fun? I think the first

24:47

step into having more fun is

24:49

to stop taking yourself so seriously.

24:52

Like we're human beings. So there's

24:54

a lot of mistakes. and there's

24:56

a lot of embarrassment and there's

24:58

a lot of like shame. Yeah.

25:00

And you can choose to take

25:02

that in or you can choose

25:04

to like literally physically think about

25:07

it running like water off of

25:09

a duck's back. Like I sometimes

25:11

physically if I hear something about

25:13

myself that's on that's icky or

25:15

I read something about myself that

25:17

I don't like I always am

25:19

just like I physically I imagine

25:21

I imagine. water physically running down

25:24

my back and falling off me.

25:26

Like, it's not my problem. That's

25:28

okay. And to be joyful is

25:30

so imperative for mental health, like

25:32

to just, you don't have to

25:34

be funny, but you have to

25:36

have fun. You know, you don't

25:38

have to be the person who

25:41

makes the joke or is clever

25:43

or, oh, but you have to

25:45

be able to be able to

25:47

a person who appreciates that and

25:49

is infected by it, you know,

25:51

and like, oh, I like the

25:53

way that makes me feel. I

25:55

want to make people feel that

25:58

way. And to just, and to

26:00

know that like, you're a human

26:02

being that makes mistakes, self-affacement is

26:04

the name of my game. I

26:06

always start with myself before I

26:08

talk about others. I'm the first

26:10

one to talk about how mindless

26:13

I am. I mean, I can

26:15

barely, there's not many things I

26:17

can do around technology or for

26:19

myself. You know, I've kind of

26:21

built this life where a lot

26:23

of things are done for me.

26:25

But I never take that seriously.

26:27

Like I used to. Like if

26:30

I can't, I don't get upset

26:32

when I can't work something or

26:34

I can't do something. I'm like,

26:36

oh, well, I think this is

26:38

exactly how you wanted your life

26:40

to be. You know, you wanted

26:42

everyone to do things for you

26:44

and now here you are and

26:47

you can't even turn a TV

26:49

on. Like, you're, you know, like,

26:51

I don't take myself seriously. constantly

26:53

get better and joyfulness is kind

26:55

of the one thing that like,

26:57

you know, no one can really

26:59

take from you. Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

27:01

Mm-hmm. Like they can't take that,

27:04

they can't take your power away

27:06

because you decide. how you're going

27:08

to feel or the meaning you're

27:10

going to attach to everything. Right?

27:12

Like you can't figure out technology,

27:14

well what's the meaning you're going

27:16

to attach to that? Or someone

27:19

says something bad or some hate

27:21

or online or this or that,

27:23

which every one of us now,

27:25

the person that used to be

27:27

a teacher or a doctor or

27:29

and they never had to deal

27:31

with public opinions, now everyone is

27:33

online saying everything about anybody and

27:36

everything. So now they're having to

27:38

kind of deal with that too.

27:40

I think everyone feels like now

27:42

they have critics or the people,

27:44

this or that. And so the

27:46

example, or the analogy you gave,

27:48

water off a duck's back, because

27:50

water just flows off the feathers,

27:53

right? It doesn't stick to them.

27:55

That's so beautiful. So you're able

27:57

to just do that and be

27:59

like, you're not taking my joy.

28:01

Like, you know, people who get

28:03

road rage. Yes. Like, why are

28:05

you wasting your joy on that?

28:07

You just gave away joy. Like,

28:10

you're choosing to be angry over

28:12

something that has, you have no

28:14

control over. Like, I remember someone

28:16

once sent a picture to me

28:18

of me. I was furiously texting

28:20

like an agent or a manager

28:22

at some point. And you know,

28:25

like angry texting where you're like,

28:27

yeah. And my assistant at the

28:29

time sent me the picture. And

28:31

I just went. Oh, like what

28:33

are you doing? What are you

28:35

doing? Sending emails like that and

28:37

texts like that with that kind

28:39

of energy. Transmitting anger and what

28:42

are you doing? There's a million

28:44

ways to say everything. Find the

28:46

nicest way, the gentlest way. You

28:48

can still be firm and stand

28:50

up for yourself with... grace. You

28:52

know what I mean? It doesn't

28:54

have to be, well, I'm a

28:56

power, you didn't do this and

28:59

you didn't do that. Like all

29:01

of that stuff is a choice.

29:03

So, you know, like when I

29:05

see people with like road rage

29:07

or if I see someone, you

29:09

know, getting mad at a server

29:11

or a flight attendant, I'm like,

29:13

you're, you've lost the plot. Like

29:16

if you're really upset, like if

29:18

your flight gets delayed and it's

29:20

nine hours and you're stuck at

29:22

the airport, you can choose. to

29:24

have a great time at that

29:26

airport. You can choose that. Or

29:28

you can be a baby and

29:31

cry about it for five or

29:33

six hours. You know what I

29:35

mean? And of course there are

29:37

extenuating circumstances if you're trying to

29:39

get home to a loved one

29:41

who's sick or something like that,

29:43

of course. I understand. on that.

29:45

But really in the grand scheme

29:48

of things, take whatever things that

29:50

don't go your way and turn

29:52

them into something that does. and

29:54

something you said just now to

29:56

you about not taking yourself so

29:58

seriously I think that's a big

30:00

thing because so many of us

30:02

are like oh what is this

30:05

person what is that person gonna

30:07

think or how did that make

30:09

me look or this or that

30:11

how did you how did you

30:13

ski naked like you ski down

30:15

the hill and like it for

30:17

your birthday and your like all

30:19

the things how have you always

30:22

like not taking yourself so seriously

30:24

Or has this been like a

30:26

progression of a progression? And what

30:28

are some tips on how all

30:30

of us right now? Every person

30:32

listening, every person watching, can just

30:34

sort of like, I'm not going

30:37

to take myself so seriously. Because

30:39

when I hear those words, it

30:41

sounds like freedom. Because once you

30:43

settle into who you really are,

30:45

and we all have that, like

30:47

the essence of who we are,

30:49

the truest best version of ourselves.

30:51

Once we allow that person to

30:54

come through, there is no more

30:56

room for trying to be, trying

30:58

to make an impression, trying to

31:00

get someone to like you, trying,

31:02

trying, trying. That is futile. The

31:04

only way you really get people

31:06

to like you is by being

31:08

who you are. because people are

31:11

going to like to dislike you

31:13

and people are going to dislike

31:15

you and people are going to

31:17

like you both of those things

31:19

can be true and both of

31:21

those things will happen and that's

31:23

great go where the light is

31:25

go to the people that like

31:28

you stay there surround yourself with

31:30

those people and then you will

31:32

just keep adding to that crew

31:34

like of love in your life

31:36

you don't focus on the haters

31:38

you don't focus on the negativity

31:40

Did I say the wrong thing?

31:43

Did I did it? No, and

31:45

all of that energy. It doesn't

31:47

get you anything. It just gets

31:49

you circular thoughts and negative thoughts

31:51

about yourself. And you just have

31:53

to remember who you are is

31:55

good enough. It really is. For

31:57

everybody, just be who you are.

32:00

And you're going to be rewarded

32:02

for that. And then you take

32:04

out all that chatter. Yeah. You

32:06

know, when you, speaking of skiing,

32:08

when you have sort of a

32:10

tradition, is it on your birthday?

32:12

You'll ski in a bikini down

32:14

that whistler typically? Whistler, I usually,

32:17

sometimes I've been topless, usually, the

32:19

last couple years, because I have

32:21

nieces and nephews now, who appointedly

32:23

said, can you please not be

32:25

topless? on and I was like

32:27

you know you know what you

32:29

bring up a good point you

32:31

know it is slightly vulgar but

32:34

it's not vulgar you know like

32:36

it's freeing like I find I

32:38

understand where they're coming from but

32:40

you know so anyway so I

32:42

think the last few years I

32:44

have worn a top but and

32:46

then I think that um that's

32:49

something like you know to me

32:51

is the essence of who I

32:53

am. Me skiing down a mountain

32:55

with a joint in one hand,

32:57

a margarita in the other, sometimes

32:59

I have my dogs on me,

33:01

sometimes I don't, in a bikini

33:03

is exactly who I wanted to

33:06

be when I grew up. Yeah,

33:08

yeah. Do you, have you ever,

33:10

and when it comes to body,

33:12

you know, you mentioned the comment

33:14

your aunt made. But also, you

33:16

look at the data, it's like

33:18

91% of girls and women literally

33:20

will opt out of meaningful activities

33:23

when they don't like how they

33:25

look or their body. And it's

33:27

such a thing that I think

33:29

about, even my own life, for

33:31

decades, the amount of experience that

33:33

I missed out on, because I

33:35

was like self-conscious. I think about,

33:37

have you ever dealt with body

33:40

image? Oh, yes, of course. I'm

33:42

a woman. I mean, I don't

33:44

know how how to, of course.

33:46

I've done the same thing in

33:48

my 20s. I would weigh myself

33:50

15 times a day. I would

33:52

stop. If I weighed a certain

33:54

amount, I wouldn't go out that

33:57

night. I would exercise. I would

33:59

run for two hours on the

34:01

beach and then come back and

34:03

weigh myself to see how much

34:05

water weight I lost. So, such

34:07

a waste. I've wasted so many

34:09

hours about my body image, so

34:12

many. And I hate that every

34:14

woman in this world deals with

34:16

that. You know, I hate that

34:18

our society hasn't embraced even though,

34:20

you know, we're beginning the conversations.

34:22

It's going to take another thousand

34:24

years. for girls to understand like

34:26

everyone is different you all have

34:29

different parts so yes I am

34:31

a victim of the very same

34:33

thing and it is I don't

34:35

know what the answer to that

34:37

is I don't know how you

34:39

get out of out of that

34:41

I think obviously out of it

34:43

now Yeah, to a degree, but

34:46

I still care. I still care

34:48

about what I look like in

34:50

a bathing suit. I'm much more

34:52

freer about the fact that I

34:54

do have cellulite and it's not

34:56

shameful. But I also take really

34:58

good care of myself because I

35:00

want to look, you know, my

35:03

strongest and my healthiest. I want

35:05

to be powerful. Like I lift

35:07

weights because I want to be

35:09

strong and I want to be

35:11

able to ski like a badass,

35:13

you know? Like I train all

35:15

the time because I want to

35:18

be strong for skiing. And I

35:20

also want to look good. And

35:22

I'm not somebody that you can

35:24

excise from that argument and say

35:26

that I don't feel that way.

35:28

I do. I do care about

35:30

the way I look. And I

35:32

wish we had an answer, but

35:35

I don't have the answer for

35:37

that. I don't know. You know,

35:39

so many people call this younger

35:41

generation, like in their 20s or

35:43

30s, the snowflake generation, they say

35:45

like, they're offended by everything or

35:47

they don't want to work hard

35:49

or they, you touch them and

35:52

they melt kind of a thing.

35:54

Do you think, do you think

35:56

that's true? Do you think that

35:58

we're, do you think people get

36:00

offended too easily because it's not

36:02

really anyone's decision what offends another

36:04

person? Yeah. I think it's great

36:06

information to... understand why people are

36:09

offended. I think that's great information

36:11

as a comedian who has offended

36:13

many people in my career and

36:15

on my shows to learn parameters

36:17

and boundaries and sensitivities that people

36:19

have is a very useful tool

36:21

in making me a sharper comedian,

36:24

not a less sharp comedian. Nobody

36:26

else, nobody's taking away funny. You

36:28

have to be more clever about

36:30

your jokes. want to offend people.

36:32

I don't want to offend people.

36:34

I want to, you know, I

36:36

mean, I don't care about, you

36:38

know, offending most Republicans, but I,

36:41

you know, the people that I

36:43

think are inherent, like, if you

36:45

tell me that this is hurtful

36:47

to me, then I'm not doing

36:49

that. You know what I mean?

36:51

I find that to be very

36:53

useful information. I don't find that

36:55

to be a limit to my

36:58

comedy. It's actually enhanced my comedy

37:00

because I've had to rise up.

37:02

You know, the dimensions of you

37:04

that you have shared in your

37:06

book and also that you've shared

37:08

today are so inspiring and just

37:10

so multi-dimensional and so powerful. And

37:12

you know, I want to read

37:15

something. You say, I am here

37:17

for women. That is my purpose.

37:19

I'm here to lift, to inspire

37:21

and to listen. There is not

37:23

a woman in need that I

37:25

wouldn't try to help pull out

37:27

of whatever hole she's in to

37:30

help lift her up. I'm here

37:32

for every member of the LGBTQ

37:34

community and for any person who

37:36

doesn't feel seen. I am here

37:38

for the underdogs and I'm here

37:40

to demonstrate compassion, empathy, and love.

37:42

I feel so deeply all those

37:44

things in you and it's really,

37:47

really cool. to have a conversation

37:49

like this with you. I read

37:51

something you mentioned about, you know,

37:53

I haven't gone to college, but

37:55

I've sent 50 others to college.

37:57

What do you mean by that?

38:00

College funds, creating college funds for

38:02

lots of people, strangers, people I

38:04

do know, people who've worked for

38:06

me, my family members, people I'll

38:08

never meet, people who will never

38:10

know I sent them to college.

38:12

Yeah, that feels really good. There's

38:14

so much you do that's such

38:17

a gift to highlight. also in

38:19

this conversation also in your book

38:21

reading the story about oopsie oopsie

38:23

and poopsie like the impact you

38:25

have on so many people in

38:27

your family outside of your family

38:29

and people that have worked for

38:31

you people that are your friends

38:33

it's really inspiring and I think

38:35

that um I just want to

38:37

honor that and celebrate that I

38:39

literally could not put your book

38:41

down, read it cover to cover,

38:43

the stories that just like living

38:45

vicariously, you know, I've never done

38:47

an edible. So if I ever

38:50

do an edible in my life,

38:52

I'm calling you, if I ever

38:54

do one, but if you rapid

38:56

fire questions, what's your favorite book

38:58

of all time? Oh, that's a

39:00

good question. I know you're a

39:02

reader. I know, whole life, yeah.

39:04

I'm going to say two. House

39:06

of Mirth. by Edith Wharton. I

39:08

think that is just the best

39:10

kind of psychological study or demonstration

39:12

of human beings in modern society

39:14

and timeless. And then the book

39:16

I mentioned earlier, Letting Go, because

39:18

that transformed my life. And I

39:21

think, and I've heard back from

39:23

so many people who I've recommended

39:25

the book to, how it's transformed

39:27

them and their lives. And that,

39:29

yeah, so those two. Favorite joke

39:31

of all time. My favorite joke,

39:33

I guess the Woody Allen, it

39:35

wasn't a joke, but that's my

39:37

favorite story. Favorite lover of all

39:39

time? Lover? Yeah. Oh my goodness,

39:41

who's my favorite lover? I'll have

39:43

to say the current one. Ah.

39:45

Yeah, whoever I'm with is going

39:47

to be my favorite. It's so

39:49

funny. My guest is going to

39:51

be, you're going to say yourself.

39:54

Oh, oh, yeah. Well, I guess

39:56

that would be a good answer

39:58

too. By the way, anyone... need

40:00

some good lover experiences like stories

40:02

want to live vicariously through maybe

40:04

you've been in a relationship forever

40:06

you need to mix it up

40:08

a little bit you've got to

40:10

read I'll have what she's having

40:12

just for that alone okay favorite

40:14

drug of all time pot is

40:16

my favorite drug favorite quote or

40:18

prayer it doesn't matter how many

40:20

people say no all you need

40:22

is one person to say yes

40:24

mmm yeah and your greatest life

40:27

lesson learned so far to

40:30

have gratitude. Yeah. Yeah. I feel that

40:32

so congruently. I am so grateful. for

40:35

this conversation. I'm grateful for the person

40:37

you are for what you put out

40:39

in the world, like for all that

40:41

you do to help so many people

40:44

and a lot of people see the

40:46

stuff you do. A lot of people

40:48

have no idea how much that you

40:50

do. Everyone listening right now, go out

40:53

and buy. I'll have what she's having,

40:55

which will be Chelsea hand. There's seven

40:57

New York Times bestseller in a row.

40:59

And that when that happens, y'all, she

41:02

has written six New York Times best

41:04

sellers before this one. When things like

41:06

that happen, it is never an accident.

41:08

It's because they're really, really good and

41:11

people get a lot of value out

41:13

of the book, and that is what

41:15

happened to me reading this book. So

41:17

definitely go by her book. You can

41:20

also see her at her residency in

41:22

Las Vegas at the Cosmopolitan. You can

41:24

get tickets right now at Chelseahandler.com. Thank

41:26

you so much for being here. I'm

41:29

so grateful. Oh my God. What a

41:31

delightful conversation. I had such a good

41:33

time with you. Thank you. Thank you.

41:36

If you love today's episode, my

41:39

only ask is that you please

41:41

click the follow or subscribe button

41:43

for the show on your app

41:46

and give it a five-star rating

41:48

or review and then share this

41:50

episode with everyone you believe in.

41:53

Share it with another person in

41:55

your life who could benefit from

41:57

it, post it, and share it

42:00

with others online or in your

42:02

community who just might need the...

42:04

words and tools and lessons in

42:07

this episode today. You never know

42:09

whose life you're meant to change

42:12

today by sharing this episode. And

42:14

thank you so much for joining

42:16

me today. Before you go, I

42:19

want to share some words with

42:21

you that couldn't be more true.

42:23

You right now, exactly as you

42:26

are, are enough and fully worthy.

42:28

You're worthy of your greatest hopes,

42:30

your wildest dreams, and all the

42:33

unconditional love in the world. And

42:35

it's an honor to welcome you

42:37

to each and every episode of

42:40

the Jamie Karina show. Here, I

42:42

hope you'll come as you are.

42:44

Heel where you need. Blossom what

42:47

you choose. Journey toward your calling

42:49

and stay as long as you'd

42:52

like, because you belong here. You

42:54

are worthy. You are loved. You

42:56

are loved. You are love. And

42:59

I love you. And I cannot

43:01

wait to join you on the

43:03

next episode of the Jamie Kern-Lima

43:06

show. Do you struggle with negative

43:08

self-talk? Living with a constant mental

43:10

narrative that you're not good enough

43:13

is exhausting. I know because I

43:15

spent most of my life in

43:17

that habit. The words you say

43:20

to yourself about yourself. are so

43:22

powerful and when you learn to

43:25

take control over your self-talk it's

43:27

life-changing and I wanted to give

43:29

you a free resource that I

43:32

created for you if this is

43:34

something that could benefit your life.

43:36

It's called five ways to overcome

43:39

negative self-talk and build self-love. and

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it's a free how-to guide to

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overcome that negative self-talk to build

43:46

confidence and develop unshakable self-love so

43:48

that you can dream big and

43:50

keep going in the pursuit of

43:53

your goals. Don't let self-sabotaging thoughts

43:55

hinder your progress any longer. It's

43:58

time to rewrite the script of

44:00

your life when filled with self-love,

44:02

resilience and unwieldy. belief. If you're

44:05

ready to take charge of your

44:07

narrative, build unwavering confidence and empower

44:09

yourself to persevere on the path

44:12

to your dreams, you can grab

44:14

your free guide to stop overthinking

44:16

and learn to trust yourself at

44:19

Jamie Kern Lima.com. Or, click the

44:21

link in the show notes below.

44:23

Who you spend time around is

44:26

so important as energy is contagious.

44:28

and so is self-belief. And I'd

44:31

love to hang out with you

44:33

even more, especially if you could

44:35

use an extra dose of inspiration,

44:38

which is exactly why I've created

44:40

my free weekly newsletter that's also

44:42

a love letter. to you delivered

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straight to your inbox from me.

44:47

If you haven't signed up to

44:49

make sure that you get it

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each week, just go to Jamiekernlima.com

44:54

to make sure you're on the

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list and you'll get your one-on-one

44:59

with Jamie weekly newsletter and get

45:01

ready to believe in you. If

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you're tired of hearing the bad

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news every single day and need

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some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy

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and love hitting your inbox. I'm

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your girl. Subscribe at Jamie Kern

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Lima.com or in the link in

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the show notes. I am so

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excited for this book. You know

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what? Because it's going to save

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so... It's going to say cool.

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Were the your new beautiful book

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worth. Imagine what would you do

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if you fully believed in you?

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I went from struggling waitress facing

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nonstop rejection to found of IT

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cosmetics, a billion dollar company, by

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believe I'm worthy of my hopes

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and dreams, and I'm sharing how

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If you're ready to truly trust

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you come from or even where

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you are right now doesn't determine

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and into the person you were

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bored to be. And it's time

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don't become what we want. We

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become what we believe we're worthy

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of it. Join

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the confidence. The lessons in this

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book and the strategies will change

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your life. You will never be

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the same again after you read

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this book. Jamie's bookworthy is a

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to share this podcast. together

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with you you

47:54

please note note I'm not

47:56

a a licensed

47:58

therapist and this

48:00

podcast is not

48:02

intended as a

48:04

substitute for the

48:06

advice of a

48:08

physician, professional coach,

48:10

psychotherapist, or other

48:12

qualified qualified professional.