0:00

You'll always be not enough

0:02

for the wrong people, our

0:04

person. We build relationships

0:06

these days, I feel like

0:08

off of the weakest

0:11

things. And no wonder

0:13

when we go through trials and

0:15

tribulations, things crumble. If you don't demand

0:17

your worth, the world will tell

0:19

you what your worth is. The last

0:21

time I checked, that's not a

0:23

good price tag. They usually put you

0:25

on wholesale. You say to have

0:27

peace, you have got to stop

0:29

letting the things you can't

0:31

control, control you, Trent Shelton, how

0:33

do we do that? There's

0:36

this constant battle I believe

0:38

every single day for our worth,

0:40

for our peace, for our

0:42

sanity, for our happiness, for our

0:44

joy. What you just

0:46

said, like smiling for the

0:48

camera, but dying behind the

0:51

scenes. Yeah. So many people

0:53

can relate to that. In

0:56

all various ways, people who are

0:58

not public figures, but they show up

1:00

and put on a smile and

1:02

be their representative, be the person they

1:04

think they need to be, or

1:06

the person that people are expecting them

1:09

to be. And they're not,

1:11

because they're not showing up as who

1:13

they truly authentically are, they are literally dying

1:15

behind the scenes, like hiding in

1:17

plain sight, feeling more lonely than

1:19

ever, and more disconnected than

1:21

ever. I know where that leads.

1:23

There's no amount of perfection

1:26

you can give to a person

1:28

that's committed to misunderstanding you. But

1:32

once you free yourself from those things, and

1:34

you experience the freedom of fully being

1:36

yourself, and

1:38

people fully loving you for yourself, you'll

1:42

never go back to being something that you're not, to

1:44

please them. You said, haters

1:46

are just confused supporters. Haters are

1:48

just confused supporters. Can you

1:50

explain that? What do you do

1:52

if you don't wanna be

1:55

alone and you don't know how

1:57

to make new friends as

1:59

an adult? And you don't want to be

2:01

all alone, but then you feel like

2:03

sometimes the people around you bring this

2:05

sort of like toxicity. Solitude is necessary.

2:08

Sometimes you have to learn how to

2:10

be by yourself so God can show

2:12

you what being perfectly loved feels like.

2:14

And what happens if you try to

2:17

save a person drowning, they're so frantic,

2:19

they will pull you under and both

2:21

people will drown. And so you have

2:23

to trust that some people have to

2:26

learn how to say themselves. I refuse

2:28

to lose myself trying to change people.

2:30

And some of us, we can't keep

2:33

peace in our life because we spend

2:35

our whole entire life trying to change

2:37

people. And people aren't going to change

2:40

until they're ready to change. That's a

2:42

big aha moment. So I want

2:44

to tell everybody listening to this

2:46

man, like, stop losing yourself trying

2:48

to please strangers on the internet.

2:50

I don't know if I know a

2:52

single person who doesn't struggle with this.

2:55

I'm worthy. because of how God created

2:57

me and sees me, not how this

2:59

world views me, not by a blue

3:01

checkmark, not by 16 million people following

3:03

me online, I was already worthy before

3:06

birth just like you. I was giving worth

3:08

at my birth. I was giving worth at my

3:10

birth. When I talk about being guided, that's

3:12

what I mean. Before we jump into

3:14

this episode, I'd love to invite

3:16

you to join this community to

3:18

hear more interviews and one-on-one conversations

3:20

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3:23

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3:25

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3:27

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3:29

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3:31

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3:33

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3:35

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3:37

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3:39

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3:41

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3:44

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3:46

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3:48

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3:50

So thank you for subscribing. It

3:52

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3:56

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3:58

so important as Energy

4:00

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4:02

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4:05

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4:07

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4:09

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4:55

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4:59

of your self -worth. When

5:01

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5:03

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6:17

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6:24

Jamie Kern Lima is her name.

6:26

Everybody needs Jamie Kern Lima in their

6:28

life. Jamie Kern Lima. Jamie,

6:33

you're so inspiring. Jamie

6:35

Kern Lima. I

6:39

am so excited to welcome

6:41

a man to the show

6:43

who's going to speak to

6:45

your soul. He reaches over

6:47

60 million people weekly through

6:49

his hard -hitting videos and

6:51

soul -filling words. He's a renowned

6:53

mindset specialist and self -worth

6:55

mentor. You know that's my

6:58

language. He's a former NFL

7:00

player, host of the podcast

7:02

Straight Up with Trent

7:04

Shelton. He's a New York

7:06

Times best -selling author of

7:08

multiple books, and he

7:10

has a brand new book,

7:12

Protect Your Peace. Nine

7:14

unapologetic principles for thriving in

7:16

a chaotic world. If

7:18

right now in your life you

7:20

are letting things you can't

7:22

control, control you. If right

7:24

now in your life you're dealing

7:27

with anxiety or fear or

7:29

grief or loss, and you're

7:31

looking for hope and peace and

7:33

tools that you can implement

7:35

into your life right now to

7:37

get them, then I am

7:39

so glad you are here because

7:41

you are in the right

7:43

place and I believe there are

7:45

no coincidences. My dear friend,

7:47

Trent Shelton, he travels the world

7:49

speaking to packed arenas and

7:51

inspiring audiences with his powerful messages

7:53

full of wisdom and courage,

7:55

and I feel so beyond blessed

7:58

and grateful that he is

8:00

here. today with you and me. Trent

8:02

Shelton, welcome to the Jamie Kern

8:04

Lima show. Jamie, thank you so

8:06

much. That was like the

8:09

best self-esteem booster ever. I

8:11

appreciate you. And all true. Thank you.

8:13

All true. What a gift you are

8:15

here. I am just so great.

8:17

I am excited for that person

8:20

listening right now and watching us

8:22

on this episode. I'm just excited.

8:24

So thank you for being here.

8:26

And right off the top. I

8:28

just want to ask you, you say

8:31

to have peace, you have got to

8:33

stop letting the things you

8:35

can't control, control you. Trent

8:37

Shelton, how do we do that?

8:39

It's tough. First you have to

8:41

have a reality check with yourself

8:43

and understand that because what I've

8:46

noticed in my own life, being

8:48

doing this 15 years, that most

8:50

people when it comes to their

8:53

worth or how they feel, it's

8:55

connected to something outside of them.

8:57

whether it's people's opinions whether it's

9:00

the job whether it's whether it's

9:02

whether whatever it may be and

9:04

there's this constant battle I believe

9:06

every single day for our worth for

9:08

our peace for our sanity for our

9:11

happiness for our joy and that

9:13

constant battle is between the external

9:15

and the internal so I always

9:17

tell people you know ask yourself

9:19

a simple question can I control this

9:21

if you can't control you have

9:24

to let it go and I love to say

9:26

I will control what I can and pray about

9:28

what I can. And I have to leave it in

9:30

God's hands. And to be real Jamie, that's

9:32

hard sometimes. Because as human beings, we

9:34

want to have so much control over

9:36

things. And if we feel like we

9:39

don't have control, there's stress and anxiety.

9:41

But I've learned to let it go. I've

9:43

learned to trust, even when I don't

9:45

understand. And that's been the driving force

9:47

in my life and keeping my life and

9:50

keeping my peace. So I would just simply

9:52

tell that person. And if you can't let

9:54

it go and trust that everything's

9:57

going to work out. Hmm. Whoo, what

9:59

are your tips? for doing

10:01

that, because I'll tell you sometimes I'm

10:03

like, okay, I know I can't

10:05

control this, but I really want to

10:07

figure out how to control this.

10:09

Yeah. And I think it's funny, there's

10:11

one of my favorite quotes is

10:13

actually by 50 Cent, I think by

10:15

his grandma, that says, either pray

10:17

or worry, but don't do both. For sure.

10:20

And most of my life, I'm like, oh,

10:22

but I do both, right? I'm like praying

10:24

about it, and then I still worry as

10:26

if I can somehow do anything about it,

10:28

or as if I'm not trusting God, right?

10:30

For sure. And so in your journey, like

10:32

how have you learned to do that? And

10:34

are you at a place now where you

10:36

can go, can I control this? I can't.

10:38

And then you just let it go, and

10:40

how do you do that? Do you just

10:42

decide or how do you do that? Yeah,

10:44

I just realized in my life through

10:46

experience, like the things that I've tried

10:49

to control that I can't control,

10:51

and a lot of that has been

10:53

people. And I don't always want to

10:55

talk about that, but a lot of

10:57

that has been people, how people feel

10:59

about me, what people say, the internet,

11:01

all the algorithm, Lord, all these things

11:03

outside of me. And what I've realized

11:05

is that I'm just driving myself crazy.

11:07

And for a lot of people, just what

11:09

I believe in my faith is that a

11:11

lot of us, we want to be behind

11:13

the steering wheel of our life. We want

11:15

to be able to control everything. The truth

11:17

is in life, you can't. You can't control

11:19

the experiences. You can't control your tomorrow's. You

11:22

can influence it. You can do your best

11:24

to put yourself in the best position to

11:26

have the greatest things happen for your

11:28

life. But the truth is, and

11:30

I know you know this, I've done everything

11:32

right and things have still went wrong. And

11:35

I say wrong, but really it's just

11:37

not the right for my life at

11:39

that time. And so I've learned to

11:41

say, you know what Trent, get

11:43

out the driver's seat of your life

11:45

and put God there. And where God

11:48

takes you, sometimes it don't make sense. You

11:50

question it, but always say this

11:52

quote, God will allow you to go through places

11:54

you don't understand just to bring

11:56

to the place where he needs you to be.

11:58

So when I look over my life, That's where the

12:01

trust comes from. That's where my

12:03

faith comes from. It doesn't come

12:05

from knowing what tomorrow brings. It

12:07

comes from knowing that God has had

12:09

my back time after time again.

12:11

And that's hard, right? Because

12:13

sometimes you lose people, you lose things,

12:16

and you want these things back in

12:18

your life. Sometimes it's loved ones.

12:20

But I've learned to have patience and

12:22

faith in saying, if it's not for

12:24

me, then it's just not for me. And

12:26

that's so hard at times when it's things

12:29

that you love, but I prioritize my

12:31

peace over everything now. And that's definitely

12:33

helped my life. So I would tell

12:35

the person prioritize your peace and learn

12:38

over time that everything is working out

12:40

for your good. And I know that

12:42

seems super motivational and inspirational, but it's

12:45

the truth. Everything is working for you.

12:47

And that's the truth that I stand

12:49

by and live by. Isn't it so

12:51

true that like if we could control

12:53

everything? We wouldn't need faith. Exactly.

12:55

What's the point of it? Yeah,

12:58

yeah. Millions of people, inspired by

13:00

your words, every single day, just

13:02

to read a couple quotes, they

13:04

say that you are hope for

13:07

people who feel hopeless, Trent Shelton,

13:09

that you create content that is

13:11

a light for someone in their

13:14

darkest times, and you just help

13:16

so many people take the things

13:18

that they're going through and help

13:20

them. turn them into the

13:22

things they make it through.

13:24

And I think a lot of

13:27

that is because of the

13:29

things you've made it through.

13:31

So can you just share

13:33

a little bit? And I

13:35

know there's a lot of things

13:37

you have made it through. And

13:40

it's so powerful that you

13:42

share. Some of those things because it

13:44

helps people feel less alone and more

13:47

enough and then they you know And

13:49

then and then it helps them go

13:51

through it as well. So Can you

13:53

talk about your journey? Just of

13:55

turning the things you go through

13:57

into the things you make it through

14:01

Yeah, I made a

14:03

commitment when I first

14:05

started, like 2009 and

14:07

when it really got real in 2011. And

14:09

I made a commitment that I

14:12

would always be a voice for people

14:14

to let them know

14:16

that everything they're going

14:18

through can soon turn everything they

14:20

made it through. And I wanted to

14:22

be an example of that and I didn't want to just

14:24

be a one -trick pony where it's like, I'm telling you

14:26

these things but I'm not letting you know what I'm going

14:28

through. And yeah, I go through

14:30

a lot just like every human being. And

14:33

I remember making a promise

14:35

to my best friend while I started

14:37

doing what I do that committed

14:39

suicide. And I told him that I

14:41

would be the voice for people who

14:43

need one and I would be the

14:45

shoulder lean on for people who need one.

14:47

And that was very difficult for me

14:49

because again, I'm an introverted person. When I

14:51

started this, it wasn't like the popular

14:53

thing to do at that time. But I

14:55

knew that there were so many people

14:57

out there that thought that they were broken.

14:59

And so for me, being

15:04

vulnerable and transparent

15:07

led to my transformation. And I want

15:09

to let people know that it's okay to go

15:11

through things. It's okay to share things. It's

15:13

not going to hurt your brand. It's

15:15

okay to admit that you're going

15:17

through a struggle because that's relatable.

15:19

You know, I can inspire people

15:21

with my things. I can inspire

15:24

people with the house or the

15:26

car or I'm telling you all these numbers,

15:28

which that's a part of it too. But

15:30

I wanted to be able to impact

15:32

people with my heart and say, I

15:34

want you to experience my heart and I want you

15:36

to feel this connection. And I want you to see

15:38

a human in me, this human that

15:40

can rise above this human that can conquer

15:42

this human that can overcome. Because if you

15:45

can see that hope in me, then hopefully

15:47

you can see that hoping yourself. And so

15:49

that's why I'm so open and transparent. And

15:51

Jamie, it's just hard to just do this

15:53

smile when I'm dying inside. I just

15:55

can't do it. It just takes too

15:57

much energy. So I would rather say,

15:59

Hey, Y 'all, I'm depressed right

16:01

now, you know, doesn't mean that my life

16:03

is over. I'm going through a storm, but I promise you I

16:05

will get through it because no storm lasts forever. But

16:08

I'm going through it. I'm climbing this mountain with you.

16:10

I'm at the mountaintop saying, Hey, this is how

16:12

you get up here. No, I might have been there,

16:14

but every year in my life through something

16:16

because I'm a human, I come back

16:18

down to the valley and I'm with

16:20

you climbing this mountain with you. So I

16:22

think that's what's helped me connect with

16:24

so many people across the world. And

16:26

honestly, that's what's helped me be able

16:28

to continue on this journey. Because if

16:31

I'm carrying all this emotional baggage and

16:33

as I always say, smiling for the camera, but

16:35

dying behind the scenes, I know where that

16:37

leads. You know, I know people

16:39

in my life that are no longer here because of

16:41

that. And so I

16:43

refuse to be

16:45

what the world wants

16:48

me to be and lose

16:50

myself. I refuse to be who

16:52

the world wants me to be and not keep peace in

16:54

my life. So for me, this is

16:56

the easiest thing for me to do is to say,

16:58

this is what I'm dealing with. So

17:00

the last, what, three years, you

17:02

know, I'm good this year, but 2021, 2022

17:05

was some of the worst years of my life. You

17:08

know, I mean, my mom in that whole

17:10

situation. And then my situation

17:12

a few days later than my

17:14

grandmother gone. And then my dad's best

17:16

friend, who was a mentor in my life

17:19

a few months later, then the next year I

17:21

ruptured my Achilles and I always had to

17:23

get my leg like my foot literally almost

17:25

cut off and it's back to back to

17:27

back to back. And yeah, I questioned

17:29

God. Yeah, I was like, what's going

17:31

on? Yeah, I had to still be this person for

17:33

the world. But I gave myself grace to say,

17:35

you know what, it doesn't make me less. It doesn't

17:37

make me less of a human. It doesn't make

17:39

me less of an expert. It doesn't make me less

17:42

of a brand because I'm dealing with things. Actually,

17:44

this strength is it. And I had so

17:46

many people say, man, Trent, because of you,

17:48

these last three years, you have impacted

17:50

me more than anything over the last 12

17:52

years of you've been doing this. So

17:54

that's why I do it. What

17:58

you just said. Like smiling

18:00

for the camera, but dying

18:02

behind the scenes. Yeah. So many

18:05

people can relate to that. For

18:07

sure. Like in all various ways, people

18:09

who are not public figures, but they

18:11

show up and put on a smile

18:14

and put, you know, be their representative,

18:16

be the person they think they need

18:18

to be, or the person that

18:20

people are expecting them to

18:22

be, and they're not. because they're

18:25

not showing up as who they

18:27

truly authentically are they are literally

18:29

dying behind the scenes like like

18:32

hiding in plain sight right feeling

18:34

more lonely than ever more disconnected

18:36

than ever and how what are your words

18:38

for someone who is scared that

18:40

if they show up as who they

18:43

truly are they will lose love they

18:45

won't be accepted they'll no longer belong

18:47

they'll no longer belong they'll no

18:50

longer belong they'll be judged

18:52

they'll be judged I know, you know,

18:54

all the data and all the studies

18:56

show that if we are not

18:59

fully authentically ourselves, we cannot have

19:01

a true connection with another human

19:03

being. And it's so easy to

19:06

believe the lie that I want

19:08

connection, so I'm going to be

19:10

the person I think I need

19:13

to be, but then we are

19:15

lonelier and more disconnected than

19:17

ever. So for the person

19:19

who needs maybe... words of

19:21

wisdom or inspiration or advice or tips

19:23

on how do you because you've done

19:26

it you do it every single day

19:28

right? You see they see Trent Shelton

19:30

on a pedestal. People have a Trent

19:32

Shelton on a pedestal. Oh, he's crushed

19:35

it in every area of his life.

19:37

And you're saying, oh, this is who

19:39

I am, I'm in the valley, I'm

19:41

going through these hard times, I'm, you

19:43

know, dealing with depression, I'm all the

19:46

different things, like you have been so

19:48

brave, right, to be who you are.

19:50

And you're saying that is why so

19:52

many people connect with you, right? And

19:55

I think about, you know, I think

19:57

about all the people I think who are

19:59

the most. impactful in the world, and I

20:01

think that they do that in various ways, but

20:03

how do you get the courage to do

20:05

that for the person listening right now who's saying

20:07

Trent, if they really knew who I was,

20:09

if they really knew all the things I'm going

20:11

through, maybe they wouldn't

20:13

hold me in such a steam anymore, maybe

20:16

I wouldn't be invited anymore, maybe I

20:18

wouldn't be included anymore. First

20:22

thing I wanna say is that's not your

20:24

people then. Mm -hmm. You'll

20:28

always be not

20:30

enough for the wrong people or

20:32

person, always, and

20:35

I know sometimes that's hard because we wanna

20:37

fit in, we wanna blend in, but

20:40

you gotta accept that

20:42

certain doors have to close and

20:44

when you're your authentic self,

20:46

some doors will close, friends,

20:48

family, peers, it closes. And

20:50

you can't, I know it hurts, but

20:53

you gotta realize there's a better doors for

20:55

your life and I know that's easier to say

20:57

than done, I get it, cause I

20:59

was there and I still go there at

21:01

times, but I trust to

21:03

say, okay, if a no

21:05

changes the relationship, then that relationship isn't

21:07

for me. If me being my

21:09

authentic self changes the relationship, then that relationship

21:11

isn't for me and yes, it still

21:13

hurts, yes, I want these people in my

21:16

life, yes, I wanna be enough, but

21:18

I learned this a long time ago, Jamie,

21:21

there's no amount of perfection you can

21:23

give to a person

21:25

that's committed to misunderstanding you. You'll

21:29

never be perfect for the wrong people. Even

21:31

your perfection will be not enough, so at some

21:33

point they're gonna find the real you. And

21:36

so my biggest fear is people fall in love

21:38

with this version of Trent Shelton that's not authentic. They

21:41

love me for something that I'm truly not.

21:43

I don't wanna do that because at

21:45

some point the real me is gonna show

21:47

up, the messy me, the mistake me,

21:49

the failure me is gonna show up and

21:51

be like, wait a minute, who's this

21:53

guy? And so if you can't love me

21:56

at my worst, doesn't mean that you

21:58

allow me to live a life that... that

22:00

you know that I shouldn't

22:02

be living right but if you

22:04

can't love me at my worst

22:06

then I don't want you

22:08

loving me at my best because

22:11

the truth is every human

22:13

being and I wanted to

22:15

say this earlier about going

22:17

to church and being judge

22:19

never let the imperfections

22:22

of man or woman keep

22:24

you from the perfection of

22:26

God. Never let the imperfections of

22:28

man or woman, this world, etc.

22:30

keep you from the perfection of

22:33

God. And that has helped me

22:35

so much in my life because

22:37

when I'm getting judged, I'm like,

22:39

oh, that's an imperfect person judging

22:42

me. I feel sorry for

22:44

them that they're projecting their

22:46

flaws and insecurities on me.

22:48

And so again, if I'm not enough

22:51

for you, great. Thank you. Release

22:53

me. Let me go on to something

22:55

else. When we're tethered and connected to

22:57

something, I talk about this in the

22:59

book, you got to disconnect often. The

23:01

things that you're connected

23:03

to are powering you. So some of

23:06

us, we're connected to stress, we're connected

23:08

to all these things, and we're connected

23:10

to, man, our insecurities. And

23:12

I say, cut the connection, pull the

23:14

plug. Disconnect from those things. And

23:16

it's hard to go pull the plug.

23:19

When you realize that, man, once I

23:21

pull the plug, I'm freeing myself, and

23:23

there's nothing better than... Being able

23:25

to be you and being accepted

23:27

for you. So I know doors have closed

23:30

because I'm not a version of

23:32

professional that maybe the world

23:34

doesn't want, but I'm okay

23:36

with that. I know what God has called

23:38

me to do, what he wants me

23:40

to do, and I might peace with that.

23:42

I can sleep at night. I'm okay.

23:44

I can lay my head down and

23:46

say, you know what, I'm the best

23:48

version of myself. I might not be

23:50

them, they, him or her, but I'm me.

23:52

And I'm okay with that. I think it

23:54

takes time to be able to build that

23:57

confidence but once you free yourself from

23:59

those things. and you experience the

24:01

freedom of fully being yourself and

24:03

people fully loving you for yourself?

24:06

You'll never go back to being something

24:08

that you're not to please them. So

24:10

that's what I would say. One thing I

24:12

just thought of that you say

24:14

that I love so much and

24:16

I just have to bring it

24:18

up. because I'm thinking of the

24:21

one person listening who is just

24:23

struggling with the haters they see

24:25

online or the comments that they

24:27

get or they finally decided to

24:29

post their art or their ideas

24:31

or any part of themselves out

24:33

there and then someone from 25

24:35

years ago in high school made

24:37

some rude comment on their Facebook

24:39

or their Instagram and... You want

24:41

said Trent Shelton, and

24:43

I will never forget

24:45

this I think about

24:47

this all the time

24:49

you said haters are

24:52

just confused supporters Haters

24:54

are just confused supporters.

24:56

Can you explain that?

24:58

So good, so good. Yeah, so

25:00

Number one like if you don't

25:02

want to be hated on, you

25:04

know And there's a beautiful quote on

25:07

butchering it, but say nothing, be nothing,

25:09

do nothing. If you don't want any

25:11

type of judgment or anything. So at

25:13

least, I look at somebody hating on

25:15

you as you're getting attention. And you

25:17

have to understand this. Like, some

25:19

people aren't haters, they're confused supporters.

25:21

And what I mean by this, when

25:23

you look at the word hate, it's

25:25

such a strong word, but you don't pay

25:28

attention to things that you hate. certain foods

25:30

like ranch dressing I don't pay attention to

25:32

the ranch because I hate it when I'm

25:34

in the salad bar line I don't even

25:36

look at the ranch right because I hate

25:38

it you don't pay attention to things that

25:40

you hate so if somebody is following your

25:42

page if somebody knows your every move

25:44

if somebody is making up a fake

25:46

profile right after you block one profile

25:49

that is not hate that's admiration

25:51

they just have pride and ego so it

25:53

might be a little bit of jealousy and

25:55

envy there but actually they really support

25:57

you support you And in these days, I would

25:59

just... If somebody's hating on you, let

26:01

it be. Maybe you restrict them on

26:03

Instagram, but they're adding to your engagement.

26:05

They're actually helping you. So the more

26:07

you get out of, oh, this is

26:10

about me and stop taking it personal,

26:12

it's a them thing. I've never met

26:14

a happy hater, have you? I've never

26:16

met somebody who is happy with their

26:18

life and loving their life, worried about

26:20

somebody else and what they're doing. So

26:22

just understand they're paying you attention. At

26:24

least you're doing something

26:27

that's worth attention. So keep

26:29

doing it. You

26:31

talk a lot about

26:33

being able to identify when you

26:35

have people that are not right

26:37

in your life or that are

26:39

bringing toxicity around you. Can you

26:42

talk about that? Cause a lot

26:44

of people, you know, feel like, oh,

26:46

I don't know if these friends are really

26:48

for me, but I'm going to go

26:50

to the thing anyway, or if I'm in

26:52

the right relationship or in the right

26:54

friendship, talk about, especially when it comes to

26:56

protecting your peace. What do you do

26:59

if you don't want to be alone and

27:01

you don't know how to make new friends as an adult

27:03

and you don't want to be all alone?

27:06

But then you feel like sometimes the people

27:08

around you bring this sort of like

27:10

toxicity. I definitely

27:12

can identify with my introverted

27:14

self. So it's hard because I'm

27:16

not the guy that's going to, you

27:18

know, I'm not the, the guy

27:20

that's going to start conversation. Like

27:22

I'm just, I'm laid back, I'm

27:24

chilled. So I understand how somebody can

27:27

feel like, man, if I lose these

27:29

friends that I know aren't my friends,

27:31

then I'm not going to have anybody

27:33

in my life. And I just got

27:35

to be real. Sometimes the road is

27:37

lonely. Sometimes I only like to say

27:39

isolation, but solitude is necessary. Sometimes you

27:41

have to learn how to be by

27:43

yourself so God can show you what

27:45

being perfectly loved feels like. I've learned

27:47

how to love myself at my rock bottom.

27:50

When all my friends left, not all

27:52

of them, cause somebody be listening, a few

27:54

was there, but I learned how

27:56

to love myself. When I lost my career, when I lost

27:58

the beautiful things that surrounded my life. I

28:01

lost a lot of people that I did things

28:04

for. And so the thing that I would tell

28:06

the person listening to this or

28:08

watching this is with the people around

28:10

you. Number one, which you trade places

28:12

with them. Not just financially,

28:14

but like mindset wise. Mindsets

28:17

are contagious. So if I don't want

28:19

to trade a mindset with you, I don't

28:21

want to trade a life with you, not

28:23

talking about the things, but who you are

28:25

at your core, your core character. If I

28:27

don't want to trade that with you, why

28:29

are you, why are you are you. And

28:32

everybody around you isn't bad, but

28:34

everybody around you isn't good for

28:36

your journey. And so you have to be

28:38

able to, I'm going to say cut people

28:40

off when they handed you the scissors.

28:42

So when somebody keeps on disrespecting

28:45

you, you set boundaries and

28:47

they disrespect your boundaries over

28:49

and over, they've handed you

28:51

the scissors. So you might have to

28:54

cut the relationship off or don't complain

28:56

about the things you aren't willing

28:58

to change. And so for me in my life.

29:01

I had to go up a mountain.

29:03

I was just in, where is that place?

29:05

I wasn't skiing because I

29:07

can't ski, Flagstaff. I was in

29:09

Arizona at what is called Snowball.

29:11

And we were driving up the

29:13

mountain at the base of the

29:15

mountain. It was no snow. So

29:17

I'm driving like, how are people skiing?

29:19

But as we got higher, it got

29:22

colder. Snow was there. It got

29:24

less crowded. And it reminded me

29:26

of hiking mountains. Everybody at the

29:29

base of the mountain. It's

29:31

crowded, but the higher you go, the

29:33

lonelier it gets. The higher you go,

29:35

the colder it gets. And so for

29:37

some of you, it's getting colder in

29:39

your life because you're going higher. For

29:42

some of you, it's getting a little

29:44

bit lonely in your life because people

29:46

who started with you aren't gonna

29:48

have the perseverance, the grand, the

29:50

work ethic, the faith to finish with

29:53

you. And the journey will always reveal

29:55

what's real and who's real in your

29:57

life. And so it doesn't make them

29:59

back. bad, but everybody isn't

30:01

meant to go with you. And

30:04

that breaks my heart because it's people I

30:06

cared about. It's people I've

30:08

tried to help. You have to learn how to let people

30:10

go because I've tried to help

30:13

people so much. And my dad told

30:15

me this. He said, Trent, people will bring

30:17

you down fast and you can bring them up. I

30:19

know you want to, yeah, I

30:21

know you want to save people. That's

30:24

not your job, bro. Stop playing

30:26

God. You're not there to save

30:28

people. Because I don't know if you ever, I've

30:30

almost drowned before in real life. And what

30:32

happens if you try to save a person drowning,

30:34

they're so frantic, they will pull you under

30:36

and both people will drown. And so

30:38

you have to trust that

30:40

some people have to learn how to save themselves. I'm

30:43

all for throwing out

30:45

the buoy. I'm all for

30:47

throwing out the life jacket. But at

30:49

some point you have to learn how to

30:51

do for yourself because I refuse to lose

30:53

myself trying to change people. And some

30:55

of us, we can't keep peace in our life

30:57

because we spend our whole entire life trying to

30:59

change people. And people aren't gonna change

31:02

until they're ready to change. So for me,

31:04

my whole thing is here you go, God. It's

31:07

yours. Here you go. This person

31:09

that I believe so much in that

31:11

I'm giving all the advice and I

31:13

know you can relate all the advice and they're

31:16

not taking it, here you go,

31:18

God. This person that I

31:20

want to help and they

31:22

don't want to be helped, here you go, God.

31:24

And I hand them over to God and it

31:26

gives more peace in my soul. So that has

31:28

helped me tremendously in this

31:30

journey because I care so much about people

31:33

and I don't want to feel guilty for not

31:35

doing the things that they don't appreciate no

31:37

more. Isn't that

31:39

so true that you just cannot

31:41

change someone who does not want to

31:43

change? For sure. Change is

31:45

an inside job. Right, and on

31:47

our growth journey we're all on different

31:49

journeys in our life but I just

31:51

see this over and over and over

31:53

again. I have a little sister who

31:55

is a half step sister and

31:58

then we find out I'm adopted long story. But

32:00

she is my sister and she's

32:02

on this whole new journey in her

32:04

life and you know it can

32:06

be hard when she's like why don't

32:08

you know she wants everyone else

32:10

to hop on this journey with her

32:12

and understand or go to therapy

32:14

too or you know all of these

32:16

things and it's like it's it's

32:18

so hard when we want people to

32:20

come along that ride with us

32:22

and to think that somehow they should

32:24

and to learn that lesson that

32:26

that you can't change anyone they have

32:28

to want to change and that's

32:30

a beautiful that is a beautiful perspective

32:33

like you do what you can

32:35

and then you say here God absolutely

32:37

so

32:39

that you're free and on that

32:41

journey just to add this as you're

32:43

climbing that mountain or going on that

32:45

journey you will meet like mindsets they

32:47

might not look like how you think

32:49

them and look I have friends in

32:51

my life that some of our friends

32:53

and peers I'm like hey how did

32:55

this connection even happen like we're totally

32:57

different lifestyles and but you you realize

33:00

like mindsets will always find so as

33:02

you go in your journey it might

33:04

be a little bit lonely at first

33:06

but I promise you as you keep

33:08

moving forward you'll find your people but

33:10

you just got to stay true to the path

33:12

I love what you said they will

33:14

hand you the scissors yeah they will

33:16

hand you their scissors

33:18

and a lot of times I

33:20

have to tell you I've had

33:22

people hand me the scissors many

33:25

times and I'm don't cut that's right

33:27

I don't cut and and it

33:29

has been a journey a journey of

33:31

learning like oh no no

33:33

I'm actually worthy of of you

33:35

know people who love me

33:37

how I love them or show

33:39

up for me the way I show

33:41

up for them or you know what I mean

33:43

just yeah do you feel that start a war within

33:45

yourself I

33:48

think it affected every part of my life

33:50

I mean when I was when I was

33:52

you know running at cosmetics with over a

33:54

thousand employees and while I have a million

33:56

weaknesses one of them and and some strengths

33:58

for sure of those weakness is I

34:01

would not fire people soon enough,

34:03

even when I knew, like even

34:05

when they deserved it. And I

34:07

would meet other CEOs who would

34:09

say to me like the second

34:11

you know someone is like bringing

34:13

the toxic energy to the environment

34:15

or of course doing something really,

34:17

really wrong, but the second you

34:19

know they're even bringing that bad

34:21

energy, like it's contagious. It will

34:23

take a culture down. It will

34:25

infect everyone else. And I knew

34:27

that and still because of my

34:29

own issues, I didn't understand fully yet of

34:32

not believing I was worthy of things. I

34:34

didn't want to abandon anyone else. And

34:36

so I would hang on to people for

34:38

way too long. And it was it

34:40

was wild. It says you said it inside

34:42

job. It was me learning to believe

34:44

what I'm worthy of and that oh I

34:46

can't change a person and and that

34:48

was when I got better at firing. I'm

34:51

100 % with you with that.

34:53

Yeah. Yeah it started it starts

34:56

there's a beautiful quote and it's

34:58

a rapper named Nipsey House arrest

35:00

in peace and I don't know if it's

35:02

his quote but he said talk about this in

35:04

the book he said would you rather

35:06

be at peace with

35:09

yourself and at war with the

35:11

world or would you rather be at

35:13

war with yourself and at peace with

35:15

the world and every time

35:17

you're choosing

35:19

them over you

35:21

by not

35:24

cutting things off or firing somebody

35:26

that you know needs to be fired

35:28

you start a war within yourself. Every

35:31

time you say yes when you want

35:33

to say no and you need

35:35

to say no you're starting a war within

35:37

yourself. So I got tired

35:39

of starting wars within myself

35:41

and one of my hardest things

35:43

was speaking my peace and my

35:46

dad said Trent if you don't speak

35:48

your peace how can you protect your peace. And

35:52

I said wow you're right and so

35:55

I've chose

35:57

to be at peace

35:59

with myself. and

36:01

no matter what comes with that. Sometimes

36:03

it comes with, you know, worry

36:05

and guilt because not to kind

36:07

of fast forward, but the

36:09

main principle in the book or number one

36:11

is set boundaries. And a lot of us

36:13

don't set boundaries because of two reasons. We

36:16

worry or we have

36:18

guilt. We worry what people are

36:20

gonna say. We worry about the rebuttal.

36:22

Or we have guilt that I'm leaving

36:24

this person behind or

36:27

I should always be there for them. So we don't

36:29

set boundaries. But I like to always

36:31

say, and this changed my life when it

36:33

came to protecting my pieces. Boundaries aren't walls,

36:35

boundaries are bridges. Most

36:38

people think boundaries are this wall

36:40

that keeps things out. No, boundaries

36:43

are there to let the right things in. And

36:46

so yes, I've had to set boundaries. They only

36:48

become walls when somebody disrespects it over and

36:50

over and over again. Then that boundary becomes a

36:52

wall. I can't allow you access in my life

36:55

or I can't be around this environment because it's toxic. So

36:57

I would ask the person that's listening to this is

37:00

like, if you want peace in your life

37:02

or what you need in your life, what boundary do you

37:04

need to set? What bridge do you need to set that's

37:06

gonna lead you to what you need? And

37:08

so that's helped me so much

37:10

by saying one of my main principles is

37:12

I am going to keep peace

37:15

in my life and I'm not gonna start a war

37:17

within myself. And I'm not

37:19

gonna worry about who feels a certain

37:21

way. I'm not gonna worry about the

37:23

private conversation and that'll become

37:25

public information. And the talks behind the

37:27

backs and oh, trench like this and I'm

37:29

not worried about that no more because

37:31

I'm choosing to keep my peace because a

37:33

life without peace is nothing. And

37:37

so yeah, I wanted to share that

37:39

because I know a lot of people

37:41

are starting wars within themselves that carrying

37:43

these internal battles and wars and they're

37:45

driving themselves crazy, stressed out, burnt out

37:47

depression because they won't say their peace

37:49

or they won't set that boundary. This

37:51

is a huge, huge, huge thing right

37:53

here. So

37:56

many of us are raised to be

37:58

people pleasers. We are raised to

38:00

be people. pleasers. We also just want

38:02

love and belonging. So we are

38:04

afraid, like what you said, to

38:06

set a boundary, right? Because exactly

38:09

what you said, I want to.

38:11

I'm going to talk about this

38:13

a lot. But the book, Protect

38:15

Your Peace, nine unapologetic principles for

38:18

thriving in a chaotic world. So,

38:20

uh... We are going to link this, of

38:22

course, in the show. I hope everyone

38:25

goes and picks it up. This is

38:27

the thing, right? When I think about

38:29

the things that matter, right? It's why

38:31

I wrote Worthy, I'm like, that matters.

38:34

This matters. I think about what you

38:36

just said, Trent, and I don't

38:38

know if I know a single person

38:40

who doesn't struggle with this. Like,

38:43

I'm thinking of every person in

38:45

my life and every stage of

38:47

their life. Every type

38:50

of what the world would describe

38:52

as success or not success. Everybody

38:54

struggles with this that, and I've never

38:57

heard it said this way, the

38:59

way you just described it, that,

39:01

you know, when we choose someone

39:03

else to make them happy, it's

39:05

almost like betraying ourselves, like creating

39:07

a war within ourselves. And there's

39:10

gonna be so many people that

39:12

are listening right now, but for

39:14

the person. hearing you saying this,

39:16

who's realizing, okay, well, I thought

39:18

I was just making everyone else

39:21

happy by being a people pleaser,

39:23

or I thought I was just, you

39:25

know, trying to keep the piece

39:27

around me, not realizing that

39:29

that actually comes at the price

39:32

of the piece within me.

39:34

That's a big aha moment.

39:36

Like, you're kind of making

39:38

the decision at every moment.

39:40

Am I going to... Make

39:43

the outside happy and as you

39:45

said start a war with it

39:47

myself That's right There are so

39:50

much more coming up in this episode.

39:52

You are not going to want to

39:54

miss it But first I wanted to

39:57

share this with you in life. You

39:59

don't sort level of your hopes

40:01

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40:03

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40:05

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40:07

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40:09

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40:11

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40:13

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40:16

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41:21

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41:23

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41:25

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the show notes. And now more of

42:31

this incredible conversation together. That is a

42:34

whole different way to see things. And

42:36

then that war just starts to spiral

42:38

into all different ways. Absolutely. I think

42:41

a lot of people are afraid, Jamie,

42:43

to let people down. Yes. Well, you

42:45

should be afraid to let the most

42:48

important person down in your life is

42:50

yourself. And so every time you are

42:52

choosing not to. Set a boundary or

42:54

not to say no when you or

42:57

even say yes on the flip side.

42:59

You might need to say yes to

43:01

something else You're so afraid to let

43:04

people down. You're letting yourself down Over

43:06

and over and you get to that

43:08

point with that war inside you becomes

43:11

Stress you become disconnected You become you

43:13

lose the the vibrancy of life and

43:15

it's like man and I'm gonna say

43:17

this And this is kind of a

43:20

curveball, but I talked about this other

43:22

day on my social media because the

43:24

thing that I see too, it's social,

43:27

it's not even like the people around

43:29

you. Like some of us, we don't

43:31

want to let down strangers on the

43:34

internet. And I literally posted this the

43:36

other day, I said, the people that

43:38

you don't want to let down, the

43:41

people you're trying to smile for the

43:43

camera, die behind the scenes or whatever

43:45

it is, those people will not be

43:47

at your funeral. and losing

43:50

mom like I got to see the people that she kept

43:52

wars for wasn't there wasn't bringing flowers to her grave so

43:54

I'm like okay like I get it Now I'm,

43:56

I'm, and I'm not saying

43:58

that everybody who you're starting a

44:00

war with thing yourself is

44:02

not going to support you or

44:05

be there for you, but

44:07

I saw that. And so I'm

44:09

like, I'm not living

44:11

for to please. I call in the

44:13

book professional people pleasers. That's what

44:15

we are triple peace. We want to

44:17

please and a lot of the pleasing comes from the,

44:20

we put our worth in being needed so

44:22

much. And we don't feel like we're

44:24

pleasing people. Oh, I'm not needed. So if I'm not

44:27

needed, I don't have value. And

44:29

so for me, I've learned how

44:31

to start with myself and I'm not trying

44:33

to make this a selfish thing. But if I'm

44:35

not giving myself what I need, how can I

44:37

be the greatest self or those that need me

44:39

to be? How can I be the greatest self

44:41

for my kids, for my wife, for my community?

44:43

So I want to tell everybody listen to this

44:45

man like stop losing yourself trying to please strangers

44:47

on the internet. Trying to please

44:50

people who literally are going to just jump on the

44:52

next bandwagon. We've seen this over and over

44:54

once you stop being hot and once you stop giving them

44:56

what they need, they're going to go to the next

44:58

thing. And so I realized that

45:00

from football, I've seen it. So

45:02

when I got into this space, I'm like,

45:04

I appreciate the love, but I know the love

45:06

is circumstantial. Once I

45:09

stop giving you what I need and I get it. It's the world.

45:11

You're going to move on to the next thing. So you think

45:13

I'm to start a war within myself and lose myself for that? No,

45:15

I'm okay with losing followers.

45:17

I'm okay with people saying, oh, I

45:19

don't feel a trend. I'm okay with that. My worth is

45:21

not in people's opinions. I

45:24

was given worth at birth just like

45:26

you by God. So I'm worthy pun intended.

45:28

I'm worthy because

45:31

of how God created me and sees me. Not

45:33

how this world views me, not by a

45:35

blue check mark, not by 16 million people following

45:37

me online. I was already worthy before birth

45:39

just like you. God set you apart. It's in

45:41

scripture. So that's where

45:43

I've gotten my confidence from in my life to

45:45

no longer start a war within myself. It's

45:47

not worth it. I

45:49

was given worth at my birth. I

45:51

was given worth at my birth. I

45:56

just want to call this out

45:58

because what you're saying is

46:00

in 2024 I am watching so

46:03

many brilliant beautiful

46:05

talented filled with

46:08

potential people get taken

46:10

down get taken down by

46:13

this persona they're putting

46:15

out right in so

46:17

many different ways I

46:19

have friends on reality

46:21

shows that I'm watching just

46:23

like in a way How do I

46:25

say this without saying any names? And

46:28

in a way, just like, oh, their

46:30

soul for fame. It's just eating them

46:32

alive in their life and in everything

46:35

that matters, but it is making some

46:37

good TV. That's right. And then they

46:39

go down the cycle where if they

46:41

don't do it more and more and

46:44

more, they're not relevant and they're not

46:46

on the show anymore. And it's this

46:48

perpetual cycle. And then it's this like,

46:50

oh my gosh. Every type of

46:53

person who is not wanting to

46:55

be a public person in their

46:57

life But then it's just nowadays

46:59

social media is a part of

47:01

everyone's life and they're putting out

47:03

a persona Trying to get likes

47:06

or trying to make sure everyone

47:08

sees this version of themselves that

47:10

it's it's everywhere. It's everywhere and

47:12

and and we're a lot of people are

47:14

starting to believe the lie that their

47:16

worth is tied to it that their

47:18

worth is tied to it. And you,

47:20

this is what I think is such a

47:23

blessing about the things as you say,

47:25

the things we go through, can

47:27

become things we make it through.

47:29

because you've had the big things

47:31

happen in your life. You've had the

47:33

things that the world says. You know

47:36

what I mean? That make you worthy.

47:38

You and I have both had different

47:40

things happen in our life that we've

47:42

worked really hard for, only to realize

47:45

when we get them or when we

47:47

lose them, like, okay, we learned a

47:49

lot of lessons in them, and also

47:51

that does not defy my worth. Absolutely.

47:53

Yeah, I look back on my life

47:56

and I realize. My pass through

47:58

football, really. was to

48:00

prepare me for this and show

48:02

me like what's really real.

48:04

You know, I always say

48:07

this and it seems kind

48:09

of harsh. I always say

48:11

real situations expose fake things

48:13

in your life or people in

48:15

your life. And so I was

48:18

able to see, oh, the majority

48:20

of people in this world, sometimes

48:23

only loves you because of

48:25

what's around you. Do you love

48:27

me for me? And... If I don't

48:29

have a consensus, yes, then I'll put

48:31

you in the place where I feel like

48:33

you need to be in my life. And I

48:35

think a lot of times what we do,

48:38

Jamie, is we put unfair

48:40

expectations on people. We get people

48:42

titles that they don't deserve. We

48:44

get people the title of a friend.

48:46

We get people the title of all

48:49

these things when they haven't shown or

48:51

proved it. And so I think that's

48:53

where we mess up. Even even on

48:55

social media, like, this is my family.

48:58

And besides, liking what you do for

49:00

them, and I know it's a two-way

49:02

street, we build relationships these

49:04

days, I feel like, off of the

49:06

weakest things. And no wonder when we

49:09

go through trials and tribulations,

49:11

things crumble. So I wanna build

49:13

some off that's solid. And so

49:15

if it's only what surrounds my

49:18

life that's attractive, that's one of

49:20

the things that we talked about earlier

49:22

where I'm always gonna be my

49:24

authentic self. Because if my heart

49:26

is not enough for you. If this is

49:28

not enough for you, then my success and

49:31

the things that look sexy around

49:33

my life aren't going to be enough

49:35

for you. Because I know once that

49:37

ends... Yeah. And you saw it through football.

49:40

Absolutely. A hundred percent. A

49:42

hundred percent. A hundred percent.

49:44

When we can't get the clubs

49:46

no more, when we can't get around

49:49

certain people, when we can't, when I'm

49:51

not paying for stuff no more, when

49:53

I'm not paying for stuff no

49:55

more, when we... Yes, a hundred

49:57

percent. And we think these are our

49:59

friends. And then it shifts when we're

50:01

no longer their boss or in

50:03

a job with them or in

50:05

a circumstance with them. And I

50:08

think what you offered that's just

50:10

so powerful that I'm gonna think

50:12

about now every single day all

50:14

the time is just living your

50:16

truth knowing that if you're not,

50:18

it's you're starting a war within

50:20

you, right? So I think for

50:22

the person listening right now who's

50:24

like, well, how do I tell

50:26

if the people around me now

50:29

are really my true friends, I

50:31

think it's just you live your authentic

50:33

you and don't start wars in

50:35

yourself. And if they love you for

50:37

you doing that, that's probably a

50:39

pretty good sign. Absolutely, people

50:41

who are your people, and

50:44

there's exceptions, but they'll never

50:46

put more questions in your life than

50:48

answers. So if you have to question if

50:50

it's real, you probably got your answer.

50:52

Woo! That's

50:55

what I would say. Just this

50:57

morning, I was questioning if a friendship

50:59

was real, just this morning. And

51:02

that is, if you got a question,

51:04

if it's real. Consistently, for sure, if you

51:06

got a question, yeah. I

51:10

wanna ask you, Trent, you

51:13

have said that protecting

51:19

your peace and protecting

51:21

your mind is more

51:23

important than any relationship

51:25

in your life. And you are

51:27

an amazing husband, an amazing

51:29

daddy, an amazing, all of

51:31

it. Thank you. All the

51:33

things. For

51:36

the person listening who's like, oh,

51:38

I'm just so good at

51:40

giving all my love to my

51:42

kids or all my love

51:44

to my partner, all my love

51:46

to everyone else, which

51:49

is another version, can be another

51:51

version of smiling for the

51:53

camera while dying inside. Obviously, it's

51:55

not performative. It comes from

51:57

a beautiful place of great intention.

52:00

But a lot of people wonder, why

52:02

am I so good at being

52:04

a mom or a dad or

52:06

a friend or a partner? And

52:08

yet, they're not good at taking

52:11

care of themselves and loving themselves.

52:13

And we're almost hot to think

52:15

it can be selfish. And... Everything

52:17

you teach flips that on its

52:19

head. So can you explain to

52:21

the person listening right now who's

52:24

like, oh, but Trent, it's okay

52:26

that I don't love myself or

52:28

protect my own peace or start

52:30

wars and stuff? I'm really good

52:32

at showing up for my kids

52:34

or my partner or in my

52:36

job or whatever else, but that

52:39

is not a recipe for a

52:41

good life. listen and watching this,

52:43

I'm gonna just say this, do

52:45

you think your kids don't know

52:47

that you're not living your best

52:49

life and giving everything to yourself?

52:52

And is that the example you

52:54

wanna set for them? Because they

52:56

know, no matter how much you

52:58

tell them yes, how much you

53:00

give to them, they know. My

53:02

kids and my journey, when they

53:04

know, daddy's stressed out and daddy

53:07

is not protecting his peace, they

53:09

know they can fill it. And

53:11

so when I decided to illustrate

53:13

this. So often we're

53:15

told to pour into people's cups

53:17

and as givers as You know

53:20

people who help people we're always

53:22

pouring into cups and they always

53:24

say you know should have somebody

53:26

in your life that can always

53:28

refill your cup For me though

53:30

That's always still dependent on somebody

53:32

else to refill your cup. And

53:34

that's always not a guarantee you

53:36

have that person to refill your

53:39

cup. So a lot of people

53:41

in this world, including myself at

53:43

times, we're always pouring, pouring, pouring,

53:45

giving, giving to our kids, to

53:47

people we love, and then we

53:49

start to feel empty. So I

53:51

committed my life to protecting your

53:53

peace, and for me that means,

53:56

having an abundance of what I

53:58

need. So me. out nature me

54:00

working out me doing the things

54:02

that's how I fill up my cup me

54:04

meditating me talking to God and what happens

54:06

I tell the people around me just stay

54:08

around me don't worry about me pouring into

54:11

your cup because I'm going to protect my

54:13

peace so hard there will be an overflow

54:15

of peace joy that you will receive just

54:17

by being around me I don't have to

54:20

worry about pouring because you're going to

54:22

get the overflow And so with

54:24

my kids, they realize that when

54:26

I'm taking care of myself, they're

54:28

getting the overflow. Wifey, she's getting

54:30

the overflow. My team, they're getting

54:33

the overflow because I'm taking care

54:35

of me. So it's not selfish. It's

54:37

actually, to me, more courageous and say,

54:39

you know what, I'm gonna stop like trying

54:42

to put out all these fires. And I'm

54:44

just gonna focus on giving myself what

54:46

I need. I am better for everything

54:48

around me. And they receive the overflow.

54:51

comp running over and they're

54:53

receiving the overflow of me

54:55

protecting my peace. And so

54:58

that strategy, that mindset

55:00

has helped me not burn

55:02

out and helped me not

55:04

feel empty anymore. And also

55:06

to your point about your kids

55:08

know, right? And it's almost like

55:11

watching their parent overflow

55:13

also gives them an example

55:15

of how to do that in their

55:17

own life one day. That's right.

55:20

versus to grow up and do

55:22

for everyone else and sacrifice yourself.

55:24

That's right. My daughter, Maya, I'll never

55:26

forget this. I went into her room

55:28

and I was like, hey, what are

55:31

you doing? She said, dad, I'm protecting

55:33

my peace. And she hit me with that.

55:35

She's like, I need some me time. And

55:37

I was like, all right. And I don't

55:39

even know I want to see her. I

55:42

was like, okay. So you're right. And so

55:44

you're right. And so you're those moments of

55:46

those moments of my little girls. Knowing

55:48

with protecting their pieces is

55:50

like the greatest accomplishment ever

55:52

because they understand at the

55:54

young age how important that is

55:57

That is so beautiful. Yeah, well see if

55:59

she uses it when she's like. For sure.

56:01

Yeah. What she needs to use it for sure. she

56:03

needs to. So funny. Okay. I'm

56:05

so excited for everyone to get

56:07

this in their hands, for everyone

56:09

to get this in their hands.

56:11

In Protect Your Peace, right? There's

56:14

nine unapologetic principles for thriving in

56:16

a chaotic world, which is what

56:18

we are in. I want to

56:20

talk about a few of the

56:22

principles, because you say demand your

56:25

worth. Demand your worth.

56:27

Absolutely. How do we do that,

56:29

Trent Shelton? You know, I was going to go

56:31

and know your worth, but I

56:33

want to be more unapologetic in the book. And

56:35

I'm in a season where, you know, I'm

56:37

demanding my worth and demand seems so

56:39

like harsh. But

56:42

the truth is, if you don't demand your

56:44

worth, you're never going to get your worth. And

56:46

so that looks different from business. That looks different

56:48

from personal life. What

56:50

I know is true is

56:52

most people in this world, and I've

56:54

been here so many times in my life,

56:57

their worth is connected

56:59

to something outside of them. And

57:02

I'm sure in Worthy, like you

57:04

know this, like their worth is

57:06

connected to how a person feels

57:08

about them, right? We can say

57:10

social media, how I'm doing my business,

57:12

like these things are controlling how

57:14

they feel about themselves. And that

57:16

is mission impossible. If you're trying

57:18

to feel worthy, you're trying to

57:20

feel lovable, likable in yourself. It's always

57:22

a roller coaster because you're dependent

57:25

on the algorithm to make you

57:27

feel worthy. You're dependent on how

57:29

somebody sees you to make you

57:31

feel worthy. And so what I've learned

57:33

and I'll talk about in demanding your

57:35

worth is first determining what are

57:37

the puppet masters in your life that's

57:39

controlling your worth? A puppet master obviously somebody

57:41

who controls how you feel. So you

57:43

have to cut the strings and say, as

57:45

we said earlier, I'm worthy because of

57:47

something that's foundational that doesn't change.

57:50

I'm worried because of this is how it was

57:52

created to be. I'm worried because whatever you

57:54

want to put in the blank. And so that's

57:56

the first step because when you understand your

57:58

worth, then you

58:00

feel unapologetic for asking for

58:03

it. And so when people try to

58:05

put a price tag on my life,

58:07

whatever that is, as a speaker, as this

58:09

or that, and they try to make me

58:11

feel wrong for saying, oh, well, you

58:13

don't deserve this. No, I know what

58:15

I deserve, I know what I've been

58:18

through, and I know my talent, I

58:20

know my gift, so I'm gonna demand

58:22

my worth. And if my worth is

58:24

not seeable in your eyes, then go

58:26

find another person. And go find another

58:28

person. They shrink. They shrink instead

58:31

of expand. They shrink to fit

58:33

in. They shrink to find a

58:35

relationship. They shrink to, you know,

58:38

not offend. And it's like, why?

58:40

Because if you don't demand your

58:42

worth, the world will tell you what

58:44

your worth is. And the last time

58:46

I check, that's not a good price

58:49

tag. And they usually put you on

58:51

wholesale. Okay,

58:53

for the person, though, saying, like, Trent, how

58:55

do I do it? How do I demand

58:58

my work? How do I do it? How

59:00

do I know my worth? How do I

59:02

demand my worth? How all of that is

59:04

so good. Yes. And when the world tells

59:06

you the price and when they put you

59:08

on wholesale, sometimes we believe the lie that

59:11

we are wholesale. Absolutely. Absolutely. Then we

59:13

think, well, maybe that is what I'm

59:15

worth. And maybe I am wholesale because

59:17

that's what that's what that that that

59:20

that that that that that that that

59:22

someone told me. How have you

59:24

gotten to this place or you've

59:26

always been there? No, I haven't

59:28

always been there Yeah I've gotten

59:30

used and abused a lot

59:32

I haven't always been there

59:34

and I've realized that in

59:37

lowering my worth in I believe

59:39

this I believe settling leads to

59:41

suffering and every time I've

59:43

settled in my life for

59:45

something Suffering was in the near

59:47

future so if I settled in business

59:50

if I settled in my personal

59:52

life suffering was coming

59:54

for me. And so I made a

59:56

commitment to myself to never

59:59

settle. even if it's hard, because

1:00:01

sometimes, you know, loneliness or, you

1:00:03

know, want or

1:00:05

temptation makes

1:00:07

us settle for less. And

1:00:10

for myself, I've

1:00:12

realized that every time that I've accepted

1:00:15

less in my life, it

1:00:18

put me in a bad place. Every

1:00:20

time I didn't stand on my worth and

1:00:22

demand my worth, it put me in

1:00:24

a bad place. And so I just got tired

1:00:26

of being used. I got tired of being empty. And

1:00:28

sometimes you just gotta get sick and tired of

1:00:30

being sick and tired. And what the world's gonna try

1:00:32

to say to you is, oh, you're fully yourself. What

1:00:35

the world's gonna try to say to you is, who do you think

1:00:37

you are? What the world doesn't

1:00:39

know, everything that you've been through and survived through and

1:00:41

got through just to get you to where you're at.

1:00:43

So my worth isn't just coming from La La Land.

1:00:46

My worth is coming from everything that I've

1:00:48

put in the work and I went through

1:00:50

in my life. And it's come from an

1:00:52

ultimate permanent word of how God feels

1:00:54

about me and my belief. So I

1:00:56

refuse to let him, them, anything tell

1:00:59

me what I'm worth. How can

1:01:01

you tell me that? You're not me, you don't

1:01:03

live my life. And when we talk like

1:01:05

this, people kinda be like, oh, why are you

1:01:07

talking like that? It's because

1:01:09

if I don't value

1:01:11

me, if I don't protect

1:01:13

my worth, then I'm gonna live a life

1:01:15

full of selling. And I know for sure

1:01:17

what's in the future, it's regret. I've had

1:01:19

enough conversations with people who are older. And

1:01:22

the number one thing they say grandmother told

1:01:24

me is, Trent, know your worth, demand your

1:01:26

worth. Because when you get to my age,

1:01:28

you're gonna realize that you have lowered yourself

1:01:30

for people that ain't even here no more.

1:01:32

And you live and regret the rest of

1:01:34

your life and regret is the greatest poison

1:01:36

to the soul. So I refuse to live

1:01:38

and regret. So if

1:01:40

I have to miss out on

1:01:42

the thing because I don't

1:01:45

fit in their scenario,

1:01:47

I'm okay with it. It's not

1:01:49

for me. There's something down the

1:01:51

line better for my life. So

1:01:54

sometimes when you don't know your

1:01:56

worth, you will never get to

1:01:58

the thing that is meant. for your life

1:02:00

because you're taking every opportunity and

1:02:03

you never actually get to the opportunity that's really

1:02:05

meant for you. So that's helped me

1:02:07

a lot, get the right things in my life.

1:02:11

Settling leads to suffering. Yeah,

1:02:13

at least in my experience,

1:02:15

for sure. Mine too, mine

1:02:17

too. I'm listening to you thinking

1:02:19

about so many things right now.

1:02:22

So many things, I'm like, that

1:02:24

is true, that is true. I

1:02:26

think so many of us can

1:02:28

relate to that. We've shrunk ourselves

1:02:30

to fit into places. For sure.

1:02:32

Because we just wanted to be

1:02:34

there or be included or feel

1:02:36

wanted, feel wanted. That's right. But

1:02:40

your self -worth is your ceiling and what

1:02:42

I love so much is you're saying you

1:02:44

set the ceiling. That's right. You set

1:02:46

the ceiling. Do not let other people set

1:02:48

the ceiling or the outside world

1:02:51

or any of that. There

1:02:53

are nine principles

1:02:55

in this book

1:02:57

and I wanna make sure everyone

1:02:59

gets the book because it is

1:03:01

so incredible. And aside from what I've

1:03:03

talked about so far, I just

1:03:05

wanna say is there one that you

1:03:07

wanna call out right now that

1:03:09

just fills on your heart to speak

1:03:11

into somebody today who is listening, who

1:03:15

needs to learn to protect

1:03:17

their peace in their life. The

1:03:21

principle is simplify happiness and

1:03:27

there's a saying that says,

1:03:29

happiness works off of what's happening. And

1:03:32

I agree, but that's

1:03:35

external happiness. I

1:03:37

don't believe internal happiness works off of

1:03:39

what's happening. It's a choice that

1:03:41

you make. Some people call it joy,

1:03:43

but it's a choice that you

1:03:45

make to say I'm gonna choose to

1:03:47

be happy. But a lot of

1:03:49

us are happiness is in the hands of all

1:03:51

those things we just talked about. I'm

1:03:54

gonna be happy when they love

1:03:56

me. I'm gonna be happy when

1:03:58

they accept me. I'm gonna be

1:04:00

happy they... everything goes right. And that

1:04:02

is a disaster for your worth.

1:04:04

And so what I've learned is

1:04:06

to simplify it. If you look

1:04:08

at most people's happiness checkless on

1:04:10

what it takes to be happy

1:04:12

every day, Lord, it's like a

1:04:14

million things, right? I gotta wake

1:04:16

up on time. The Starbucks line

1:04:18

got to be short, right? It's

1:04:20

this and this and this and

1:04:22

this and this and like you

1:04:24

have to check off all these

1:04:27

boxes to be happy. And a

1:04:29

lot of people in this world,

1:04:31

we we complicate happiness. And happiness

1:04:33

is such a simple thing. Happiness

1:04:35

is an internal job that can

1:04:37

come from ourselves. And I know

1:04:39

it's easier said than done when

1:04:41

you have so much chaos around

1:04:43

you, but peace says no matter

1:04:45

the chaos around you, I'm not

1:04:47

going to let it kill the

1:04:49

calm inside me. Peace says, yeah,

1:04:51

the storm exists, it does. But

1:04:53

guess what? The storm is gonna

1:04:55

pass. And so I would challenge

1:04:57

everybody listening to us. How can

1:04:59

you make happiness so easy to

1:05:01

obtain that you had no choice

1:05:03

but to be happy every single

1:05:05

day? And maybe not the whole

1:05:07

day, but the moment. I have

1:05:09

a little area in the book

1:05:11

and it's called Morning Marley. Marley's

1:05:13

my daughter. And I realize this,

1:05:16

as we get older, we complicated

1:05:18

a lot more and I'm guilty

1:05:20

of it. And I'll never forget

1:05:22

Marley, I'm sure you had this

1:05:24

happen with your kids. Marley comes

1:05:26

in the room at like 7

1:05:28

a.m. Sunrises up, she opens up

1:05:30

our blinds, I'm tired, and she's

1:05:32

singing a song, it's morning time.

1:05:34

And she's so happy that it's

1:05:36

morning. And the first thing I

1:05:38

want to say is Marley, go

1:05:40

back to sleep. But I caught

1:05:42

myself, and I said, wow. She's

1:05:44

happy because it's morning. Or you

1:05:46

need some great thing to happen

1:05:48

for you, for you to be

1:05:50

happy. When she brushes her teeth,

1:05:52

she has the brush

1:05:54

your teeth so

1:05:56

long as she's

1:05:58

happy to brush

1:06:00

her teeth. And

1:06:03

so if we get back, I believe this is why God

1:06:05

tells us to be childlike. Because

1:06:07

when we get away from being

1:06:09

childlike, we start to have all this

1:06:11

complication around what brings us joy,

1:06:14

what brings us happiness. Go look at

1:06:16

a kid. A kid that can

1:06:18

hate you one second, love you in

1:06:20

two seconds later. They're quick to

1:06:22

forgive. They find happiness and simplicity. Planned

1:06:25

outside, planned in a bathtub,

1:06:27

like at what point in our

1:06:29

life is grownups that we

1:06:31

start becoming so cold and so

1:06:33

boring and so, you know,

1:06:35

just so tight with

1:06:38

life. And so I

1:06:40

love that principle because I really feel like

1:06:42

it can open up your life to more

1:06:44

simplicity and experience, more peace in your life.

1:06:46

If you just learn how to say, what

1:06:49

do I need today just to be happy? And

1:06:53

that question has literally

1:06:55

changed my life. How

1:06:58

does Marley's song go in the morning? It's

1:07:01

morning, it's morning, it's It's more something

1:07:03

like that, right? And then her brush or

1:07:05

teeth, it's time to brush your teeth.

1:07:07

Like, yeah, that whole song. And I love

1:07:09

it, right? Now I love it because

1:07:11

I said, wow. When

1:07:15

did I get away from being

1:07:17

appreciative? And

1:07:19

a lot of us aren't happy because we spent our whole life

1:07:21

chasing. Chasing the next thing

1:07:23

more and more and more more and it's, trust me, it's

1:07:25

hard when in a position you got people to take care of.

1:07:27

But it's more and more and more and and more and

1:07:30

the world programs us for

1:07:32

that. And so this book in

1:07:34

the mess of protecting your peace

1:07:36

is like slowing down and being

1:07:38

loyal to your pace. Right,

1:07:42

what's the pace setter in your life? You

1:07:44

know what a pace setter is? Right, when you

1:07:46

run a race, there's a guy or a girl who

1:07:48

sets the pace to keep you in pacing your race. Like

1:07:52

I would ask like, who are the pace setters or

1:07:54

what's the pace setter in your life? And

1:07:58

for me, it was the wrong.