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1:00

loom.com. Welcome,

1:04

welcome, one and all to

1:06

the Late Show. I'm your

1:08

host Stephen Colbert. It is...

1:11

Today marks officially the

1:13

100th day of the

1:15

Trump presidency and...

1:17

And the whole the whole 100-day

1:20

thing started back in

1:23

1933, right? When

1:26

FDR's extraordinary productivity

1:28

set a first 100-day

1:30

standard... against which all

1:33

future presidents would be

1:35

measured. And I think

1:37

it's appropriate to compare

1:39

him to FDR because Trump

1:41

is well on his way

1:44

to bringing back polio. So

1:46

in 100 days, how would

1:48

the American people grade Donald

1:50

Trump? According to a new poll,

1:53

while only 23% would give him

1:55

an A, 45% would give him

1:57

an F. The

2:05

remaining 32% want to kick him

2:07

right in the D Yeah, and

2:09

it's not it's not just this

2:11

poll even Rupert Murdoch's Wall Street

2:14

Journal is piling on saying that

2:16

when Trump has a popular policy

2:18

He still goes way too

2:21

far writing the White House

2:23

motto seems to be that

2:25

if something is worth doing

2:27

it's worth doing too much

2:30

Which certainly that's also the

2:32

motto of pizza huts meat

2:34

lover's pizza Six meats? Six

2:37

meats on every slice? I

2:39

can't even name six meats.

2:41

Pork, beef, chicken, panda. And

2:43

of course, man, the

2:46

most dangerous topping.

2:48

One place Trump

2:50

is incredibly unpopular

2:53

is up in

2:55

Canada, which, uh, yesterday

2:57

gave him their

2:59

lowest letter grade

3:01

ZED. As opposed to

3:03

their highest grade,

3:05

A plus. And

3:08

Canadians absolutely proved

3:10

yesterday when they

3:12

went to the

3:14

polls and elected Liberal

3:16

Prime Minister Mark Kearney.

3:19

Who, who, Mark Kearney,

3:22

who ran on an anti-

3:24

Trump platform. You take that

3:26

Trump. That's what happens when

3:29

you mess with a country

3:31

whose national pastime is bar

3:33

fight on ice They make

3:36

up later, right? They make

3:38

up later. Yeah, this was

3:41

a shocking turnaround for the

3:43

Liberal Party just a few

3:46

months back. They were 20

3:48

points behind the Conservatives then

3:50

in January Trump came into

3:53

office and By the way

3:55

that line right there also

3:57

your cardiograph after eating poutine

4:00

In his victory speech,

4:03

Carnegie went after Trump's

4:05

threats to Canadian sovereignty,

4:08

hammer and hockey stick. President

4:10

Trump is trying to break

4:13

us so that America can

4:15

own us. That will never,

4:17

that will never ever happen.

4:19

That will never ever happen.

4:21

Come at me, bro. Let

4:23

me introduce you to my

4:25

two friends. Quiet and

4:28

reasonable. Come on. Let's

4:30

go. You want to go, bro?

4:32

You want to... If

4:34

Carnie's victory, Canadians

4:36

rejected his younger,

4:38

much trumpier opponent, Pierre

4:41

Pualievra, which must be

4:43

a relief for Trump,

4:45

because now he never has

4:47

to try to say that

4:49

guy's name. I will make

4:52

Canada our 51th precious, 51state,

4:54

as I told their governor,

4:56

Pierre... Pauli won a

4:58

doodle all the day. Pauli

5:01

won a cracker. And a

5:03

long game, Pauli. Yesterday, Trump

5:05

hosted the Super Bowl champion

5:07

Philadelphia Eagles. It's

5:10

a traditional event to

5:12

bring the championship team.

5:14

Only one thing was missing

5:16

this time. The team. Because

5:19

less than half of the

5:21

53-man roster attended. That's kind

5:23

of embarrassing for the president.

5:26

It's right up there, yeah.

5:28

So 20, is it? 28,

5:31

27, 25? It's right up

5:33

there when Lyndon Johnson honored

5:35

the Jackson Two. Marlon and

5:38

Tito agreed to show up.

5:40

The president spoke to the

5:43

ones who showed and tried

5:45

to talk about the team's

5:48

legacy. Two years ago, the

5:50

Eagles came in credit

5:52

for us to football

5:55

immortality. Yes. They did

5:57

come incredibly close. Reminds

6:03

me of that iconic

6:05

commercial. The English

6:08

is wrong. Moving overseas.

6:10

So people are alive

6:12

in the 70s. So... Moving

6:14

overseas, yesterday, a

6:16

massive power outage

6:19

in Spain and

6:21

Portugal left thousands

6:23

stranded and millions

6:25

stranded and millions

6:27

without light. What

6:30

will millions of

6:32

Spaniards do without light? My

6:34

guess? Thanks. Luckily, the power's

6:36

back on now, but the

6:39

outage took down the entire

6:41

electrical grid of Spain and

6:43

Portugal. As Spain's prime minister

6:46

put it, we have never

6:48

had a complete collapse of

6:51

the system. Yeah, in Spain,

6:53

they usually just get four

6:55

or five smaller collapses for

6:58

the table. Really? No.

7:01

Absolutely not. No.

7:04

Speaking of blackouts,

7:07

Pete Hexeth.

7:09

Last month. Last

7:12

month the defense secretary shared specific

7:14

times and coordinates of US attack

7:17

on Huthi rebels in Yemen on

7:19

the non-secure app signal in a

7:21

chat that included Atlantic editor Jeffrey

7:23

Goldberg Then we found out that

7:25

he had shared the Huthi attack

7:27

details and a second signal chat

7:29

that included his wife and his

7:31

brother and brought his wife to meetings

7:34

with foreign military officials Where

7:36

sensitive information was discussed and all

7:38

this Lucy goosey with the hootie

7:40

Has led has did what he

7:42

does best appear on Fox News. Jim?

7:44

Do you think there's a lot of

7:47

people don't want you there and there's

7:49

some type of steep, deep state forces

7:51

that want to make sure you don't

7:53

stay there? They've come after me

7:55

from day one, just like they've

7:57

come after President Trump. a

8:00

lot of people come to Washington and

8:02

they just play the game and it's you

8:04

punch their ticket and get along to go

8:06

along and you know start doing meet

8:08

the press and and go into the

8:10

council on foreign relations and spending time

8:12

with all the new cocktail sipping crowd

8:14

that's not why I'm here no that's not why

8:16

I'm here Brian I'm not here with the

8:19

new cocktail sipping crowd to go along

8:21

to the face the nation on the foreign

8:23

relations I'm not here to do that I'm

8:25

here to do shots alone and text

8:27

war plans Brian Give me your number, I'll

8:30

send you some hilarious pictures of

8:32

me, dry hump and a cruise missile. I

8:34

can, I, I can, I, I'll, I'll, I'll cop

8:36

in my life on it. Hexeth knows his

8:38

real job is to yell about stuff

8:40

on TV, which is why he is

8:42

keeping our war fighters battle ready

8:45

by ordering a makeup installed in

8:47

the Pentagon. Oh, that's right, before

8:49

you blow up, you out of glow up.

8:51

It's not the first time hair and

8:53

makeup were necessary to lead our

8:56

troops. Hexeth

9:04

looks fantastic in a thong. He's

9:07

not the only dummy at the

9:09

Pentagon, so is Trump's Secretary

9:11

of the Navy, and last

9:13

face you see before you're

9:15

shoved in the trunk of

9:17

a Pontiac. John Phelan, Phelan,

9:19

visited the Pearl Harbor Memorial

9:21

last week, but he made

9:23

a little whoopsie when he posted

9:25

about it on social media, saying

9:28

he was there to honor those

9:30

who died during Pearl Harbor on

9:32

June 7th. 1941. Now, fans of

9:34

knowing stuff may recall

9:36

that the actual date

9:39

of the Pearl Harbor

9:41

sneak attack was December

9:43

7th, 1941, but it's

9:45

an easy mistake. I mean,

9:48

who can forget the words

9:50

of FDR? December 7th, 1941,

9:53

a date that will live

9:55

in June, evidently.

9:57

I'm high, mother truckers!

10:00

Hey, he said that, right? He

10:02

said that, right? He said that.

10:04

He actually... But maybe it was

10:06

a typo, maybe it was an

10:08

auto correct, or maybe he

10:11

doesn't know when Pearl Harbor

10:13

happened, because he did it

10:15

again, posting a short while later

10:17

about the fateful day of June

10:20

7th, 1941. It's like the famous

10:22

saying goes, full me once, shame

10:24

on you, full me twice, full

10:27

me twice, hey! What was the

10:29

date of 9-11? But I

10:31

guess we shouldn't be surprised

10:33

that Phelan is bad

10:36

at this because unlike

10:38

previous naval secretaries, he

10:41

has zero military experience,

10:43

which explains why he's

10:46

changed the Navy slogan

10:48

to, why is everything

10:50

so wet? We got a great

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12:34

know this, this is Will Farrell,

12:36

America's Sweetheart, Will, you know, we

12:38

know each other for a long

12:40

time. We've known each other since,

12:43

uh... Some strangers with candy.

12:45

Wow, even, yeah, strangers with

12:47

candy. Yeah, strangers with

12:49

candy. Yeah, strangers with candy. Yeah,

12:51

yeah, yeah, exactly. And, uh, but

12:54

even though I've known you for,

12:56

gosh, that's 25 plus years now,

12:58

we did that together. I still

13:01

don't know you that well. It's

13:03

part of the allure I

13:05

suppose. Yeah. Part of the

13:07

you know Hollywood Starmaker machine.

13:09

Right. You have to reserve

13:12

a little something back so

13:14

people can project their fantasies

13:16

on to you. Totally. As the host

13:19

of a show I really like to

13:21

get to know my guest. Don't meet

13:23

your heroes. That's right. I haven't. But

13:26

the... The thing is, is that I

13:28

really like to know my guess, because

13:30

I respect them so much, you know?

13:33

And we here at the show have

13:35

found a way to really get to

13:37

the heart of somebody very quickly with

13:40

a series of ergonomically designed bunker buster

13:42

questions we call them. That penetrate right

13:44

through the armor and burst open your

13:47

heart so the world can see the real

13:49

you. Are you, Will Farrell, let it to

13:51

be fully known? Absolutely. Will

13:57

Farrell first question. Yes.

13:59

best sandwich? The

14:01

best sandwich. What is the

14:04

best sandwich? Oh, that's

14:06

easy. I'll probably go

14:08

with the classic. Salami

14:10

and grapefruit on rye.

14:13

With a light sheen of mayonnaise.

14:15

Oh, that's nice. That's nice.

14:17

So you get the spicy.

14:20

You got the spicy. You

14:22

got the spicy. You got

14:24

the fatty. You got the

14:27

citrus. Yeah. And the mayonnaise.

14:29

Fantastic. Either way. Okay. Open

14:31

face? You can't ruin it.

14:33

It comes? Pre-ruined. There you

14:36

go. What was your first

14:38

concert that you attended? Roddy

14:41

Rich. Who's Roddy Rich? Who's

14:43

Roddy Rich? Who's Roddy Rich?

14:45

Just a hip-hop guy about

14:47

five years ago? You're my first

14:50

concert. Wow, okay. Yeah, good. But

14:52

do I know any of his...

14:54

Would I know any of his

14:56

stuff? No. Okay,

15:00

what is the

15:03

scariest animal?

15:05

The scariest

15:07

animal? Yeah.

15:09

You know what

15:12

the scariest animal

15:14

is? Yeah. The

15:16

penguin. Yeah. Yeah,

15:18

because... You know the

15:21

old phrase, don't

15:23

turn your back

15:25

on a penguin.

15:29

Yeah, it does get it.

15:31

It usually gets a

15:33

whoa a light whoa Have you

15:36

ever asked anyone for

15:38

their autograph? I've

15:40

only asked one person

15:43

Vladimir Putin

15:45

And did he get did

15:48

he was in a rush. She was

15:50

not signing that day He was not

15:52

shy. Well, he's got to appreciate the

15:54

fans though. He did. That sends a

15:56

bad image to the fans because eventually

15:58

they'll turn on you. Like, I so

16:01

appreciate it, but I'm in a

16:03

rush. Oh, wow. Uh-huh. Well,

16:05

what do you think happens

16:07

when we die? Oh, what

16:10

do I think? What do I

16:12

know happens? I'll take that

16:14

too. What happens when we

16:16

die? We turn into trees.

16:19

Oh. Yeah. That's very sweet.

16:21

Yeah. That's very sweet. And

16:24

we spread our branches.

16:26

And does it, like, does there any

16:28

kind of karmic aspect of this, like the

16:30

type of person we were, turns into

16:32

the type of tree we were, are we

16:35

gonna be? It doesn't necessarily

16:37

correlate, but I do know this, you're

16:39

stuck as a tree. For eternity. Once

16:41

you become the tree, that's it.

16:43

Yeah. Now you're going to experience a

16:46

lot of things, you're going to, you

16:48

know, witness, you know, and you'll be

16:50

around, you'll be contributing

16:52

to the world, the planet. Oxygen?

16:55

Oxygen? Okay.

16:57

But you're a

16:59

tree. That's it? And

17:02

you know this? How?

17:04

I just know it.

17:07

Favorite action movie? Uh,

17:09

sense and

17:11

sensibility. Yeah.

17:13

Sure. You know, the

17:16

horses. The rain.

17:18

The rain. The

17:20

rain. The carrying.

17:22

The swing of

17:25

doors. Yeah, sure.

17:27

The loud exclamations

17:29

of fancy words.

17:31

Window or aisle?

17:33

I'm a window, because

17:36

I like a little

17:39

privacy, and I like

17:42

to look out of

17:44

the window at all

17:46

the dead people.

17:48

The trees. The

17:52

trees. Look out over

17:54

the trees. Favorite smell.

17:57

Favorite smell. Jockstrap.

18:03

Least's favorite smell? Newborn

18:05

baby's head. earliest memory.

18:07

I was four years

18:09

old and I attempted

18:11

to rob a liquor

18:13

store with my hand

18:15

in a paper bag

18:17

as if it were

18:19

a gun. Oh wow.

18:22

And? I made off

18:24

with 36 dollars. You

18:26

only get one song

18:28

to listen to you

18:30

for the rest of

18:32

your life. Okay, it

18:34

doesn't mean like you

18:36

have to listen to

18:38

it continually, but when

18:40

you go to listen

18:42

to music, this is

18:44

what you hear. What

18:46

is the song? For

18:49

the rest of my

18:51

life. Is it like

18:53

playing in my head

18:55

or is it just...

18:57

No, you go to

18:59

turn on the music,

19:01

that's what you get.

19:03

Uh, Rick Asley, never

19:05

gonna give you up.

19:07

Never gonna run around

19:09

and hurt you. Never

19:11

going to say goodbye.

19:13

Never going to say

19:16

goodbye. Never going to

19:18

tell a lie and

19:20

hurt you. Desert using

19:22

this. We've been together

19:24

for so long. I

19:27

want to tell you

19:29

what I'm leaving. Try

19:31

to make you understand.

19:33

Never going to give

19:35

you up. Never going

19:37

to let you down.

19:39

Never going to run

19:41

around and desert you.

19:43

Never going to let

19:45

you cry. Never going

19:47

to say goodbye. Never

19:49

going to hurt you.

19:57

We can bear for that,

19:59

right? It's just about to

20:01

ask. What's that gonna run

20:04

us? Yeah. What's that little

20:06

joke there? Mr. Clownman over

20:09

here gonna cost me. 30,000?

20:11

80? That's one. You're good

20:13

for it? That's nothing. Come

20:16

on. CBS? Come on. What

20:18

number am I thinking of?

20:21

You wanna say it at

20:23

the count of three? Nope.

20:27

What number are

20:29

you thinking of

20:31

right now? What

20:34

number am I

20:36

thinking of right

20:38

now? What number?

20:40

One thousand two

20:42

hundred and eighty

20:45

four. No. Well,

20:47

Farrell, describe the

20:49

rest of your

20:51

life in five

20:53

words. Oh. Fear

20:56

of penguins. Congratulations, Will. You're

20:59

known. Yes. Will Farrell, everybody's.

21:01

Thank you for listening to

21:03

the Late Show, Pod Show

21:05

with Stephen Colbert. Just one

21:08

more thing. If you want

21:10

to see more of me,

21:12

come to the Late Show

21:14

YouTube channel for more clips

21:17

and exclusives. When

21:23

everything's on the line, real heroes rise

21:25

to the occasion. TV's how to show

21:27

is fire country. For firefighters, we're gonna

21:30

find a way to get you out

21:32

of here. We take the hits together.

21:34

We're on the same team. I'm right

21:37

here with you, no matter what. I

21:39

would never leave you hanging in the

21:41

deep end. This place is a way

21:44

of giving your new family. Fire country.