0:00

Today on The Little Dum Dum Club,

0:02

a brand new episode with guests Peter

0:04

Hellyer and Danny McGinlay. If you want

0:06

to come and see us live and

0:08

you live in Sydney, well, god damn

0:10

it, you are in luck. Saturday, July

0:13

the 20th, tickets are moving. Not too

0:15

long to go now, so get on

0:17

it, littledumdumclub.com for tickets. And

0:19

if you liked all the live episodes from

0:21

Co-Simile, we've got heaps of video content, and it

0:23

is coming out really well. Heaps of great stuff, but

0:26

it's, a lot of it

0:28

is only on patreon.com/littledumdumclub. Subscribe

0:30

to that, stick your toe in the patreon water.

0:32

There's heaps of great, different

0:34

content that you wouldn't have got normally. It's heaps

0:36

of fun. We put a lot of effort into

0:38

it, so try it out. Yeah, get on there.

0:41

You can find all those links, littledumdumclub.com. We'll talk

0:43

to you more at the end of the episode in

0:45

Talking Dum Dum. But until then, enjoy

0:47

this new episode with Peter Hellyer and

0:49

Danny McGinlay. Hey,

1:00

mates. Welcome once again into the

1:02

little dum dum club for another week. Thank you very

1:05

much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow. With

1:07

me as always, the other half of the program, Carl

1:10

Chandler. Get addicted. And joining us today, two

1:12

very special guests. Please welcome back into the show, Danny

1:14

McGinlay and Peter Hellyer. We've

1:18

been announced, Danny McGinlay's got a hard out in an

1:20

hour's time. He's the big name on the show.

1:23

So, I mean, whatever we need to do

1:25

to get this guy out of the building.

1:27

I mean, by the time this comes out,

1:29

you'll already be able to listen to the

1:31

great episode of my Western Bulldogs podcast, Danny

1:33

Boyd, with Jason Johansson. Okay. Delete this podcast

1:35

right now. Listen to mine. Well, you come

1:37

in 15 minutes late. Yeah. Also,

1:39

listen, Carl, we've got Hellyer. You can have your heart

1:41

out now if you want. I

1:44

have as much time as you want, guys. I'm here. Great.

1:46

I'm here for a Peter Jackson direct this cut. Let's

1:50

do next week's episode with you after this. I'm

1:52

glad to be here. And sorry, Tommy, if I spooked you

1:54

earlier in the week

2:00

with some

2:02

misdirected text messages. So I was on

2:04

the way to do my You

2:07

Ain't See Nothing Yet podcast. Great podcast. Thank you,

2:09

Danny. Which you scheduled on a different day to

2:11

this. You wouldn't have to like fuck us over

2:13

by leaving early. Yes. Yes. You said

2:15

you had an extremely soft out at the start as

2:17

well, just to make sure we were under no pressure.

2:19

It might be getting firmer now. And

2:22

I was kind of texting at

2:25

traffic lights. You shouldn't do it. I know.

2:27

But I was texting my Yasni

2:30

producer, Indi, and we

2:33

had Jane Kennedy coming in to do Lord

2:35

of the Rings. So that's a lot of

2:37

homework. Yeah. I had Titanic. That was hard

2:39

enough. She's beaten you. She's gone to the

2:41

top. She's the MVP. And she watched all

2:43

three movies in the end.

2:45

Without me asking, she was 11,026 minutes. Is

2:49

this cut? This cut's so much. Just

2:51

to confirm, she doesn't have a job at the moment. So let's

2:53

not give her too much credit. The

2:56

smart move is to pick Steamboat Willie. There's something you

2:58

can knock over in three minutes. Well,

3:00

Pang famously chose the castle because it was

3:03

86 minutes running time. Which

3:05

embarrassing himself that he hasn't seen one of the most iconic Australian

3:08

comics of all time with the people he works with. I

3:10

was going to say, not that bad that he's

3:12

picked the movie that the only mob in the

3:14

world that pays him at the moment. It's like

3:16

the force he's given them a free plug. And

3:18

I'd still believe his review began with, felt long.

3:21

Yeah, yeah. Felt long. Had

3:23

to have an interval in the middle. So

3:26

I'm texting, I'm texting,

3:28

Indi kind of saying, hey, I'm

3:30

running a bit late. Like

3:33

literally a couple of minutes. Can you

3:35

just, Jane Kennedy will be arriving soon.

3:37

Just make sure she's okay

3:39

and take care of her. And

3:42

Tommy responds, but I think it's

3:44

Indi saying, Pete, I got some bad

3:46

news for you. And I'm like, and I'm flicking

3:48

through my emails kind of going, it's definitely today.

3:50

I've got a day right. Because I know Jane's

3:53

coming in today. And

3:55

then I didn't hear anything. So then

3:58

I'm like thinking I'm texting. with about

4:00

10 question marks going like, come on,

4:02

what's the fucking bad news? And

4:05

then, yeah, and then the penny drops. I'm

4:08

actually texting Tommy Dassolo. And because you're saying,

4:10

is it Tuesday? Because I'm texting you to

4:12

confirm this, and you write back, hey, just

4:14

running a bit like, can you stall Jane

4:16

Kennedy for me? And I write back. And

4:19

you're like, we don't book women on this

4:21

show. What are you talking about? And

4:23

I write back, Pete, is Jane Kennedy about to

4:26

turn up at my house? And then I get

4:28

the 10 question marks from you. And I go,

4:30

Pete, it's me. It's Tommy Dassolo. Pete,

4:33

you need to do a concussion test. You have

4:36

to pull over. You

4:38

can stall her for nine hours by putting on Lord

4:40

of the Rings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, it was

4:42

a fun little interaction for me, because

4:45

I was like, oh, I'm the puppet

4:47

master here. I can really wreak havoc

4:49

on Pete's mind. It was really quite

4:51

stressful, because I should have flocked with

4:53

you more. She's stormed out. She's furious

4:55

at the lack of professionalism. She says

4:57

she's never watching Lord of the Flies.

5:01

Part one, two, or three. But

5:05

that would have been cool. Jane Kennedy just turning

5:07

up at my house. I could have quickly called

5:09

up Carl. Quick, we've got this has never happened

5:12

before. Someone's turned up to be on the podcast

5:14

who we haven't booked. Yeah, yeah. Eagle 11 is.

5:16

Someone who wants to be on the show that

5:18

we don't have to force to be on. Emergency

5:20

recording, get over here. We don't have to fucking

5:22

make our podcast shorter so someone can go off

5:24

and do his fucking AFL podcast. Awesome.

5:27

Great. You do get to a level in the strange

5:29

show is where you can rock out the people's house

5:31

and go, I want to do your podcast now. Organize

5:34

it now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pop up spot on

5:36

a podcast. I like it. Yeah, that would be great.

5:38

Yeah, but you were texting out the lights. Yeah, well,

5:40

let's not focus on that. I

5:43

pulled over and turned off the engine. Red light.

5:45

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Red light. So I wasn't clear

5:47

on that, was I? Set on the bonnet. Yeah,

5:50

that's fine. That's why I was getting messages from

5:52

you that said, hang on, just trying to find

5:54

a car park that I can pull over into.

5:56

That said, sent with Siri. And then the next

5:59

one was sent by a homeless guy that's window.

6:01

Okay, that's fine. You dictated it to him. That's

6:03

fine. Well, we are, this

6:05

is our first episode, Back in the Room. As

6:07

Darrell Summers once said. As Darrell Summers once famously

6:09

said. Yes, we're back in the room. By

6:13

the way, have you seen the photo of

6:15

him at John Blackman's funeral with Dickie Knee?

6:17

No. Dickie Knee. Oh, Dickie Knee got the

6:19

invite. He brought Dickie Knee along to the

6:22

funeral. Unreal stuff. How much

6:24

have you spoken about Hey Hey, It's

6:26

Saturday for the overseas listeners? Many

6:28

times. Yeah, once a month, maybe. Yeah. Okay,

6:31

play on. Yeah. It is nice that kids

6:33

get at least the option to come to

6:35

the funeral. Dickie was given

6:37

the option and obviously decided he was emotionally

6:39

prepared enough to go along. I thought it

6:41

would be rude to wear the cap at

6:43

a funeral, but whatever. Take that, a bit

6:45

of respect. Sitting up the front with it

6:47

and you're at the back being like, is

6:49

Dickie going to pipe up during the service?

6:51

Dickie must be crying a lot. I haven't

6:53

seen his face. He won't turn around. But

6:58

yeah, we're back back from Kosa Mooi. Yes.

7:01

First first episode in the studio

7:03

after the Kosa Mooi International Podcast

7:05

Festival. Yes. And Pete, on behalf

7:07

of Carl and I, we need

7:09

to say a big thank you

7:11

for the part that you played.

7:13

Yes. Thank you. In the Kosa

7:15

Mooi International Podcast Festival. That's it.

7:17

That's it. Was it an award

7:19

or something? No, it was the

7:21

company that we pretended to be

7:23

from. So when I organized the

7:25

resort, I was like, English

7:28

is not their first, second or third

7:30

language. And so I was like, right.

7:33

I couldn't really get across that there was a podcast. I was like,

7:35

okay, it's just a company. We need to get

7:37

a Russian to work for us if we ever do this

7:39

again. It's a company retreat. And so they're like, okay, they

7:41

could get their head around that because we're going to be

7:43

doing presentations. And then it's like, what's the name of the

7:45

company? I'm like, From Before. So

7:47

we're the From Before recycling company.

7:53

So then we got a huge banner put at the

7:55

front of the resort because we booked out the entire

7:57

resort. So as you walked in into this resort. this

8:00

is massive like 10 foot banner saying

8:02

welcome to Cosmo from before industry

8:08

it's a new vandal a yeah yeah

8:10

absolutely so and on top of that

8:12

by art from before on

8:15

top of that we made merch so

8:18

i'd like to present you oh wow

8:20

with uh some of the baseball cap

8:22

there could you ever

8:24

ever imagined 11 years ago at the Adelaide

8:26

Fringe doing your first time

8:28

and that callback just

8:30

not not quite landing that you'd be here

8:33

now with a hat that doesn't really fit

8:35

on no

8:40

but that's that's Thai style i haven't unhooked

8:42

it there we go that actually looks great

8:44

that's great it really suits you i was

8:46

actually thinking because you know we always

8:48

plan ahead with comedy festivals and i was thinking

8:50

i'm going to be busy for most of the next

8:52

year's comedy festival i'm kind of doing something that

8:54

it's going to take me away for a little while so you're

8:57

going to cosmo to hire more people

8:59

from before industry i'm euthanizing but

9:03

i was thinking i might do to be you know

9:06

i love being involved in the festival even if i

9:08

can't do the full run or even half run but

9:10

um to do like a best of and maybe it

9:12

is from before yes

9:14

yes that was out for that

9:16

yeah that is it is the best name for

9:18

a greatest hit show yeah it does work

9:20

from before what i'm

9:23

coming out decked in our merch i'm officially

9:26

allowing you to steal back that phrase i

9:31

appreciate that i was hoping there'll be no

9:33

cost involved it's

9:36

a lease it's a lease

9:38

so we've talked a little bit about

9:40

how uh during the comedy festival we we

9:42

talked about it on an episode with you

9:44

just before the comedy festival and we're talking

9:46

about at the live shows and tom balart

9:48

is a particular fan of it and was

9:50

sending us voice memos of him of someone

9:52

yelling it out at him him saying it

9:54

in his show in a text thread

9:56

with us and you and we would

9:58

always write back and be like like this is

10:01

so funny, how good, and you were

10:03

noticeably happy. Yeah, I can't remember getting

10:05

any of those. I'm so

10:07

glad you put the hat on because I feel like I

10:10

thought maybe you were going to lawyer up once you saw that. I

10:13

felt like you haven't made any mention to it, you haven't

10:15

given any permission. Just because I put the hat on doesn't

10:17

mean I can't lawyer up. Yeah, it's evidence. I

10:21

can't remember getting those messages. It

10:23

really did ring to me of like, you know, we're having

10:25

a lot of fun with it because it's like, you know,

10:27

I just observed it and it's like funny to us. But

10:29

for you, it's like, yeah, cool, a memory of a joke

10:31

that didn't land 11 years ago. Thanks, guys. I

10:33

know why you didn't, you don't remember the messages because you were

10:35

driving at the time. You don't

10:37

check your phone. I was driving and

10:40

the window washer was not available. And

10:44

of course you famously delete any message

10:46

that comes in while you were driving.

10:48

I'm sure there's no evidence. I'm extremely

10:50

strict. I think we all should be

10:52

because it's road safety people. So

10:55

that was great. So that it's you're part of history.

10:57

Thank you for being thank you for being cool with

11:00

it. Hey, I know

11:02

that we gave you much option. But

11:05

there's that. But

11:09

I know, I mean, I I'm

11:12

pretty sure I would have even said it even

11:15

outside of that. Like, I think it's you

11:17

know, when it sounds

11:19

very familiar and it sounds very me

11:21

to kind of almost say

11:23

to the crowd. I don't know if you'd get

11:26

it. You've

11:28

been good tonight. I've been. There's

11:30

my special that I filmed at the end of last year.

11:32

There's I do a little bit of it in that. And

11:34

at the time, it was just a little thing just to

11:36

amuse me. And to be honest, Tom

11:38

Ballard, who's a big fan of it. And

11:41

then now in between filming it and me

11:43

putting it out, we've talked about it so

11:45

much that now it looks like the most

11:47

like pandering reference to the podcast. I've

11:50

wedged in there. It just looks like the most

11:52

desperate reference to like from the it's an it's

11:54

a double from before. Yeah,

11:56

well, now we've got we've got hats, we got

11:58

shirts. all on sale at our live show on

12:01

July 20 in Sydney. And

12:03

if they were selling better, we'd actually offer you a cut.

12:05

So. Yeah. Well, I'll wait

12:07

till my live show, my From

12:09

Before, you know, a fancy tour.

12:11

From Before, Before. From Before, Before,

12:13

Before, Before, Before. And

12:16

it makes you to be after From Before.

12:18

Yeah, yeah, that's good. That's good. Yeah, no, I

12:21

love it. You look so good in that hat.

12:23

This is a dream come true. Yes, it

12:25

is. Well, thank you. I appreciate it. They're good

12:27

hats. Who did the design? It was a combo.

12:29

Yeah, I drew the little face on the little

12:32

fella. Of course

12:34

you did. It was a Chandler Dassle combo,

12:36

actually. And he's a little arrow pointing back.

12:38

Yeah. In reference to your

12:40

famous, another part of it that we can't really,

12:43

we've never really been able to fully convey through the

12:45

audio medium of the podcast, but it's you saying From

12:47

Before and From Before. Pointing. Pointing

12:49

into the abyss of the past. Yeah.

12:52

Yeah. Because the

12:55

future is unwritten. Yeah. I know who's

12:57

trying the future is. So

12:59

he's pointing that way, and he's got a

13:01

little winking face on the arrow. Yeah, right.

13:04

You guys get it, eh? Yeah, yeah. You

13:06

guys remember? How much are these hats? Yeah,

13:08

they're 20 bucks. Wow. What

13:10

do you mean? They're cheap or expensive?

13:12

Money well spent. What? Yes,

13:15

cheap. No, that's, come on, that's a good price

13:17

for a hat. That's a good price. Don't you?

13:19

Fucking hell. What are you talking about? Look at

13:21

this. How much do you think hats should be?

13:23

That one, specifically? Yes. Well, it's been

13:25

sat on Peter Hellyer's head, so that's. Oh yeah, this one.

13:28

When have you ever bought a hat before

13:30

if you think $20 is expensive? What are

13:32

you fucking talking about? I'm implying your hat

13:35

is shit. Oh no, it's not. Have

13:38

you done this pod before? That's how people work. No,

13:40

I don't like it. It's not what is back at

13:42

me. Now,

13:46

beautiful craftsmanship from the people in, from the

13:48

people in Coase and Millie. Yes, and it

13:51

should be appreciated how hard I had to work to smuggle

13:53

them back from. Considering I

13:55

bought no luggage on my jet star flight, and

13:58

I put all the hats and all the shirts

14:00

in very. people that were coming back from Thailand

14:02

to Australia. In various people. Well, in their luggage.

14:04

So I was like, jeez. In their boogie ball

14:07

bags. How hard it is to convince

14:09

people when I say, can you smuggle this back

14:11

from Thailand to Thailand? Oh yeah, right. First thing

14:13

they ask you at the airport, did you pack

14:15

your bag? Yes. Has anyone else had access

14:17

to any of your luggage? Yes. Are you transporting

14:19

things for other people? How many hats were you

14:21

wearing on the flight? Oh no, that's, I definitely

14:23

did ask people if they could wear six hats

14:26

on the way back. Fantastic. How many hats did

14:28

you get, 100

14:31

hats. 100 hats. So it's a little bit of

14:34

an addition. Yeah. Yes, exactly. 20 of the

14:36

bucks, yeah, that's cheap to make. Exactly, thank you. Yes.

14:39

Finally. So now we gotta do like a

14:41

scavenger hunt around the city, getting these various

14:43

bits of hats from about 18 different

14:45

locations. They've been floating in. Yeah.

14:48

You've been floating in. You bury them and

14:50

then you begin the from before archeological. Yeah.

14:53

Oh, that's not bad. They'll end up like

14:55

all those copies of ET on the Atari.

14:57

Yes. Yeah, in the desert. Yeah. Yeah.

15:00

Now you know what it is, it's funny to

15:02

say like, you know, smuggling them back in the

15:04

country because I did get a lot of them

15:06

in Milan, friend of the show Milan's luggage. And

15:08

then when I unpacked them, there was

15:11

just like this massive fucking

15:13

wedge of tabs of Valium.

15:15

And I was like, hang on,

15:17

I was joking about smuggling them back in your

15:19

luggage, but then he smuggled drugs back in within

15:21

the stuff I was trying to smuggle back in.

15:23

Oh, okay. So I was like, okay, in case

15:25

you get caught, all of a sudden from before,

15:28

industries are up for fucking drugs smuggling. Certainly Pete

15:30

texting whilst driving is not the biggest crime I

15:32

just caught. I know what won't

15:34

draw attention to the customs offices. 45

15:37

of the same hat showing up on the X-ray. Nothing

15:40

to see here boys. Business

15:43

as usual. You

15:47

know, you have to declare if you're bringing back like more than, what

15:49

is it like $100,000 in cash? Or

15:52

like, yeah, more than 20 of the one type of

15:54

hat. But totally you have to

15:56

sign off whether you're bringing in merchandise. Yeah, for

15:58

business or yeah. So he's like, oh no, I

16:01

went to, I went to Coe Simillion, bought 40

16:03

hats that say the same thing as a

16:05

gift from my mum. When you post stuff,

16:08

like when you post our shirts and stuff,

16:10

they go into the ones that you do

16:12

international. You know, there's that form where you

16:14

have to put like... It's the same deal. Yeah, yeah. Just

16:17

looking at that, I'm like, how thoroughly is

16:19

this being examined by anyone? I always

16:21

just put gift, I'm like, this is it,

16:23

I'm just sending my close personal friend

16:25

a t-shirt that I designed. With my face on

16:27

it. It's like

16:29

when you go for a massage and you got to

16:32

sit in the body for you in the dressing gown,

16:34

you know, try not to have your bits

16:36

all hanging out and you got to sign how tension you

16:40

want and what do you want worked on and then whatever,

16:42

if I can look at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is

16:44

a nice massage place you're going to. I've never had that

16:46

happen. Oh, you got to go to nice places. Otherwise, you

16:48

got to go to nice places. You went to nice places.

16:50

You went to nice places. Yeah,

16:54

what's this waiver you've got to sign? It's

16:56

just happening on a go karting track. What's going on?

16:58

You go sit, they give you a little cup of

17:01

tea and you sit in your dressing gown, which is

17:03

always uncomfortable and then you got to write your

17:05

blood pressure. Oh really? Yes. No,

17:09

well, you got to write what you want to. Have you

17:11

got any pre-existing? Pre-existing conditions, are you pregnant? All that kind

17:13

of stuff. You know, blah, blah, blah.

17:15

Same with when you sign up to a gym and

17:17

any of that kind of stuff. But it's funny

17:20

when you have to do that in somewhere like Thailand. Like they'll

17:22

give you a form to sign for getting on the jet ski.

17:24

Yes. I mean, is this, is

17:27

this coming out in court if I like, if I come

17:29

off the jet ski and like break my arm on a

17:31

rock and I take these people to court, like how,

17:34

how binding is this piece of paper?

17:37

It's like, that's like water damaged and like

17:39

the heat's running on it. Because it's, But

17:42

no, but like, you know, you're talking about massage and all of a

17:44

sudden people sort of arc up and go, oh, is this dodgy or

17:46

something? It's like when we were in

17:48

Samui, I got papped coming out of a massage place

17:50

by one of the listeners and he's like, oh, look

17:52

at this. I got a picture of you. Yeah.

17:55

I got a massage. Like it's not, it's

17:57

not automatically going to be dodgy. Yeah. And

18:00

I'm like, and especially I was like, he's

18:02

like, yeah, I got you and I'm arguing with him. I'm

18:04

like, well, actually, if you must know, I got massaged by

18:06

a bloke. So, I'm feeling extra bad

18:08

about you fucking trying to guilt me into it

18:10

because I was like, the whole time I got

18:12

tensed up by extra because there was this bloke

18:15

fucking touching me for an hour and then you

18:17

try and argue that. It was like, it's not

18:19

the dodgy, it was a bloke. I'm like, oh,

18:21

so when you get touched by a woman, it

18:23

is dodgy? No, I'm just

18:25

saying, even if I wanted something dodgy out of

18:27

it, I couldn't have got it. You

18:30

seem tense, you should pay someone money to jack you off. I

18:34

want one of these forms. You need an

18:36

unwind. I want one of these forms. A

18:38

podcast listener made me extra stressed when he

18:40

papped me coming out of a massage. Can

18:42

you give me a special massage to deal

18:44

with that? A good way to relay accusations

18:46

of you being a sex pest is to

18:48

get really defensive and aggressive about it. I

18:50

might. 50 hats of

18:52

the same type, I put drugs inside there. So,

18:55

the signing of the form, there's the happy

18:57

ending, the signing of the form is the

18:59

boring beginning. Yeah. Right? Yeah,

19:02

yeah, yeah. Well, there is something

19:04

that's happened in the last few years that when

19:06

you say, if you're partial to

19:08

getting the occasional massage, if you say that to

19:10

somebody, it sounds like you have to go

19:13

on and explain further. So, massage on the whole

19:15

has become so tainted. Even just getting one down

19:17

the street in Fitzroy is

19:21

like, I feel like you say to people, I want

19:23

to get a massage. That's like most people. That's

19:26

their heads are going like. You

19:28

go to a glory hole and they're like, all of

19:31

a sudden they think it's like, it's dodgy. Yeah, exactly.

19:33

Yes. I just want to meet new

19:35

people. Stop hiding

19:37

behind the wall then. I got it on Wellington,

19:39

I thought it was a pool. I

19:44

wanted to swim last summer. Do some

19:46

aerobics. The answer is

19:48

there needs to be more hand jobs

19:50

in other services. Yes, is a good

19:52

point. At the dentist.

19:54

Yeah, yeah. It's

19:56

a good for proteins. It's just royalties.

20:01

Yeah, why is the masseuse the I mean I get that they've

20:03

you know their hands on so it's kind of a it's like

20:05

a natural Progression well I guess I

20:07

always think that it's sort of a weird. It's

20:09

like oh that term happy ending It's like well.

20:11

You've just been massaged from now. So you really

20:13

want enough all of a sudden now It's like

20:15

now you got a tense up. It's like no.

20:17

I was relaxed before but now I'm like extremely

20:19

tense Yeah, I chiropractors should do it more, but

20:21

more so than a suit You're

20:25

cracking cracking Physio look the

20:28

bad news is he backs fucked, but hey

20:31

You're gonna soften the blow a little bit tax

20:33

agent all right. You've been you've been 30

20:38

grand, but what about this at the end? Point

20:42

the minute yeah, you're right the massage. It's a

20:44

positive experience. I don't need that at the end

20:46

I want every you've got you've got cancer. You've

20:48

got five months to live yes As

20:51

you can starting right now Yeah

20:55

well speaking of Things that

20:57

have seen in that sort of way what I

20:59

love is a lot of times when I talk

21:01

to you Danny Megan Lee There's a thing whenever

21:04

I talk to you or Brett Blake you both

21:06

you both frequent the same establishment Every

21:08

now and then establishment also comes with it

21:16

Go to the dentist There

21:19

is a bar There is a bar on

21:21

the pump road that is sometimes Let's

21:23

say the the dress code is

21:25

is quite relaxed for some of the ladies

21:28

that walk I mean look definitely you have

21:30

to wear pants and dresses, but you

21:32

know above that you can sort of wear whatever

21:34

you want Maybe writing whatever you

21:36

want business down below. Yeah party up.

21:38

Yes It's winter below

21:40

summer Is

21:45

the dentist is going to Center

21:48

really good really good Just

21:52

teeth that are being removed So

21:56

there's a but what I like about it so let's say it's a

21:59

top of spot. Let's say that's

22:01

what it's called by some people. Hypothetically. Yeah.

22:03

So Danny McKinlay goes there. Brett

22:06

Blake, Brett Blake. We went once and they all

22:08

knew me from the Toyota. Brett Blake goes there

22:10

and every time I hear from either of you,

22:12

you'll say, I went there and they all went,

22:15

Oh, where's Brett Blake? Intermating that he's there all

22:17

the time. Whenever Brett Blake goes there, they go,

22:19

where's Danny McKinlay? Intermating that he goes there all

22:21

the time. It's absolutely correct. It's absolutely

22:23

correct. And every time Carl goes there,

22:26

they're all like, where are Danny McKinlay

22:28

and Brett Blake? I just love that both Danny and

22:30

Brett are both trying to dub each other in every

22:32

time. It's like, boys, you're telling the same story to

22:34

me over and over. Yeah. You don't have

22:36

to fight over who's

22:38

the bigger, who's the bigger champion of women?

22:41

Who's the biggest supporter of the

22:43

arts? Whatever. You both love burlesque

22:45

with no music. That's fine. This

22:47

is the plate. This is the bar. That's like, is

22:49

it, it's like the closest bar to the MCG? Yes.

22:52

Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's

22:54

the bar that the Danny McKinlay says he just goes there

22:56

after he works for Channel 10. For

22:59

the articles. Yeah. Yeah. He goes there as

23:01

a knock off drink after he works at

23:03

Channel 10, which is nowhere near the bar.

23:05

There are many, many bars between Channel 10

23:08

and that one. All

23:10

right. Do you guys want

23:12

a story that's actually true?

23:15

No. He's got a heart out. Okay. No,

23:17

no, he's been getting a lot of heart

23:19

out. Happy ending.

23:22

I did the comedy festival

23:24

road show last week. Okay. Driving

23:26

between Horsham and Hamilton. Yeah.

23:28

Great gigs. First of all,

23:30

we, we went, we got, it's

23:33

only an hour between the

23:35

two towns and we

23:37

had, we got, we asked a few people in

23:39

Horsham like, Oh, what's, you know, we need the

23:41

grampians. There's somewhere we can, we could stop because

23:43

our motel won't be ready. And they're all going,

23:45

you need to go to, we just named Baraka

23:48

lookout. Okay. Baraka look, it's

23:50

been sponsored. Yeah. It's spelled

23:52

differently, but yeah, Baraka

23:55

lookout. You gotta go choose the best

23:57

view in Australia. So we drive an

23:59

hour. Well, it's probably half an hour

24:01

out of our way to

24:03

see the best view in Australia that's just

24:05

gonna blow our minds. That was it. That's

24:09

a picture of Danny McGinlay. That's the view. That's

24:11

the view. But just fonk, could

24:13

not see more than a metre. That's the view that the women

24:16

at the topless bar get. Tuesday

24:18

to Sunday night everywhere. Big smiles, big smiles.

24:22

So then we're driving

24:24

to Hamilton and

24:27

we cruise along chatting with a friend

24:29

of the show, Bron Lewis about stuff.

24:33

A fonk Emu suicides

24:35

into our car. Like it is standing, there

24:37

was no cars around us for like, you

24:39

know, we hadn't seen a car for 20

24:41

minutes and we're driving along and Emu seriously

24:44

just eyeballs us and goes, yep, time to

24:46

fonk and Westgate this. And bang,

24:48

just seriously walked out. You saw it

24:50

working on the note as you got

24:52

closer. Yeah, it was listening to Dean

24:55

Lewis songs or something. What

24:58

does that mean? He's a very depressing. Sorry,

25:01

it's music from this century. Sorry, Carl. Sorry.

25:05

Dean Lewis is too current. Yeah.

25:08

Carl, I just hear the girls down on the road

25:11

dancing to Dean Lewis. Okay. And

25:14

it's so we go and we just

25:16

clean up this Emu and it is

25:18

not dead. Oh no. You

25:20

had to do the like. Hang

25:22

on, who had to do it? Me. No.

25:26

Oh, can you imagine the amount of

25:29

comedians that go on Roadshow and the

25:31

two employees of an arts festival. Yeah,

25:33

yeah, yeah. How much they were all

25:35

willing to stand up and be all.

25:37

Oh no. So I had to

25:39

grab a rock. The rest of them will hide

25:42

behind the other car. Oh no. I was gonna

25:44

say you had to, you've got good experience grabbing

25:46

something with a very long neck with a big

25:48

head on the end of it down

25:50

at a bar and punt road. So. Talking

25:54

about Dickey Neagans? Was

25:56

the Emu topless at all? That's

25:58

what I was talking about. I'd like

26:01

to fucking kill this emu with a

26:03

rock. Oh, Jesus Christ. God damn. Yeah.

26:06

And then we play. You killed part

26:08

of our national emblem. Yes. You

26:11

killed part of a coin. I euthanized it.

26:14

I have to say, if you had have

26:16

made us guess, even only knowing that it

26:18

was you and Bron in the car, if

26:20

you made us guess who did it, I reckon I would have

26:22

picked Bron on it. I would

26:25

have picked Bron as the one to come out and

26:27

fucking take care of it. I can't believe you've told

26:29

us a story about killing a

26:31

national symbol and an animal to

26:33

get away. That was the- From

26:36

you prequitting topless facts. Uh

26:41

oh. Like character's been assassinated. This

26:44

is bringing back on board. Yeah. Oh, what? No,

26:46

I didn't watch boots. Anyway, I stabbed the queen,

26:48

everyone. I touched a kid

26:50

once. That's

26:55

great. One accusation about you comes out of

26:58

public, and your defense is you just get up

27:00

and you just read out a fucking laundry list. Here's

27:02

all the other shit they don't know about. I

27:04

went to Epstein's Island, everyone. I was flying the

27:07

plane. I broke the

27:09

kids. I built the little temple there for

27:11

free. Wow.

27:14

And did you feel like after you, when you

27:16

did that, and then when you got back in

27:19

the van, did you feel like people

27:22

sort of relate? Did you feel like

27:24

people were treating it differently? It was very awkward in

27:26

the car. I bet, yeah. It was- Now, a few

27:28

people- Everyone sort of individually went, oh, thanks for doing

27:30

that. I'm not sure if I could have been able

27:33

to do it. But it was very quite- And I

27:35

was texting my wife. She's going, hey, we just- Kick

27:37

it what I did. There we go. Well, just- I'm

27:39

so horny. How quickly can you

27:41

get to Hamilton? And

27:43

then she responded, is everyone just a bit

27:46

freaked out by you? And I go, no, a few people

27:48

said thanks. It is very silent in

27:50

the car. She went, cool. Now we know how

27:52

we get 10 committees to actually shut the fuck

27:54

up. Oh, yeah. Because the

27:56

turnaround for like, you know when you're young, and there's

27:58

always that like, it's such a- thing that people

28:00

talk about with like psychopaths of like, you know,

28:02

when they're a little kid, they're like torture animals.

28:05

So it's like you have that you have like

28:07

the weird kid who's into like frying ants or

28:09

at your school and it's like then there's just

28:11

like a long gap in your life where then

28:13

like all of a sudden you now have if

28:15

you ever encounter it like you have to do

28:18

this as a matter of like,

28:20

you know, putting the animal out. It's like there's

28:22

a long gap in your life where killing an

28:24

animal is a factor in any way. So they

28:26

say that's a sign of a serial killer growing

28:28

up. Like if you're a kid and you torture

28:30

or you kill like a pet when you grow

28:32

up 20, 30 years later that you're

28:34

a sign that you could be a serial killer. So

28:36

now, so what are you 40 something? 41.

28:39

So by the time you're 70 you might become

28:41

a serial killer. This might be the first sign.

28:44

Let's just point out I euthanized it. We're

28:46

leaving out a pivotal part of the story.

28:48

I was chatting a bronzer in a wig

28:51

and she said you smashed it with a

28:53

ruck before the car hit it. I had

28:55

a zoo. It

28:59

was a Hillsville Open Century. I'm

29:01

sure you hit it with a

29:04

van but you weren't supposed to

29:06

drive in there. There was no

29:08

road. I

29:11

would be, I think

29:13

in that position I'd be, I'd probably be okay

29:15

to do it. Oh really? But my worry would

29:17

be I don't want to put my hand up

29:19

for this too quickly because people are going to

29:21

think this guy's a fucking psychopath. I would have

29:24

to do a bit of a song and dance

29:27

of life. If no one else is okay to

29:29

do it then I get, you know, I get

29:31

answered. When an emu is literally sort of screaming

29:33

on the road you sort of speed up your

29:35

decision making. All right guys, I'll do it. I'll

29:38

bring out my Dexter's toolkit and get my hacksaw.

29:41

And was it one hit? One hit.

29:43

Rock to the head. And then had

29:45

to drag it off the road. Did

29:48

I keep the emu? Yeah. Got the

29:50

head like mounted on your wall. Donate

29:53

it to the skimpy bar so they can hang it.

29:56

Did you bury it? The maker's speech? No. Do

30:00

you actually fucking something, some

30:03

things are ingrained and I didn't even realize

30:05

I did it until Surajayamana pointed out to

30:07

me that I'd done it. But after... You

30:10

didn't realize you killed an emu until someone pointed

30:12

it out. That's right. Just another one. There's

30:15

a fifth of you that week. Just

30:19

another classic Australian mammal who are renowned

30:21

for this country. That's a bird. That

30:24

he invested in emu eggs years ago. He's

30:27

never forgiven them. I've

30:30

killed so many ostriches, this means nothing to me.

30:34

Apparently just before I did, just after and I

30:36

didn't even realize I did it, I did the

30:38

classic Catholic sign of the cross. Oh really? Wow.

30:41

It's just ingrained. Deeply ingrained. Yeah. Also,

30:44

I would like to point out that last week Danny

30:46

McGinlay said to me, get me on the pod next

30:48

week because I've got a great funny story. No, well

30:50

your wife's coming up. That's not it. I've got another

30:52

thing to tell you. You told

30:55

me, when you were messaging me when I

30:57

was telling you that Jane Kennedy was running

30:59

late, you were like, I've got something to

31:01

tell you boys that happened on Roadshow. I

31:04

said, is this a story for on the air

31:06

or off the air? You said on the air.

31:08

I said, well, I mean that's great in a

31:11

podcast content sense. But

31:13

it also means that I'm sort of now

31:15

immediately less interested in the story. Oh,

31:17

totally. Because an off air story I'd

31:20

be like, this is going to be sweet. I've got an

31:22

off air story for you. Who did you kill? I'll tell

31:24

you that too. What are your

31:26

thoughts on wombats? I

31:29

haven't seen brawn lewis for a few weeks. The

31:32

emu bonk. That's why I killed it. How was

31:34

roger? I killed. But

31:37

no, something else did happen. So well, this

31:39

is something that happened a couple of months

31:41

ago and I told Tom Ballard this and

31:43

he went, fuck, you have to tell the

31:45

dumb, dumb guys this like he was laughing

31:48

very hard at this. So I've been cast

31:50

in a movie. It's

31:52

a independent. You're doing a lot of acting lately. Thank

31:54

you. Yes. I'm going

31:57

to get more into it and get work. Fleet

32:00

style, Denny Megan-Lay Thespians. Yes, because I'm

32:02

not a comedian, I'm a storyteller. Right,

32:04

OK. You're a

32:06

raconteur. I am, I am. You're a

32:08

murderer, whatever. And

32:12

it's a very worthy film, is the best way I

32:14

can describe it. Depressing as hell. It's

32:17

about a day in the life of a. Is

32:19

it like that guy that you said before that does the

32:21

music? What was the reference? Dean

32:23

Martin. Dean Martin. Dean Lewis. Dean Lewis. Dean

32:25

Lewis. Yes, I'm playing Dean Martin. That's Amore.

32:28

Always makes me cry. Very

32:30

sad that Peter being stuck up in the sky like

32:32

that. Very. What

32:34

kind of get down? I want to

32:36

eat it. Finally, that pizza is surrounded by sky.

32:40

So it's like the day in the life of this single

32:43

mother in Footscray in the 90s. And just

32:45

everything goes wrong for her. And she's with

32:48

her kid and everything. I play her old

32:50

boss. OK. Who owns a pub. Ex-boss or

32:52

old boss? Ex-boss, but she's asking for her

32:54

job back in the scenes. And I give

32:56

her a, spoiler alert, I give her a

32:58

chance. And things go even worse. But

33:01

the condition as the pub owner that

33:04

I give her her job back is

33:06

she can't bring her kid in. Yes. So

33:10

Danny McGinlay famously on the show, he had a

33:12

very big argument about it. Biggest fight of our

33:14

lives, Carl. Yes. It was

33:17

just post lockdown. We were just like the

33:19

first day out of lockdown, you could go

33:21

to the pub. And we were so excited.

33:24

And we booked a table. And it wasn't last

33:26

minute. I gave you plenty of warming. And whose

33:28

would be like mid press conference and you'd have

33:30

the pub on speed dial so that the moment

33:32

he said we're open on this day, you could

33:34

book a table. You'd get in, booked a table

33:36

of eight, then it became a really big, it

33:38

was like Oscar nominations. Who's going to make the

33:41

eight? It was MySpace. Yeah. Yes. Top eight. Tom's

33:43

there. Yeah, Tom's in there, but who else?

33:47

And then it was like that. And then the

33:49

last minute, McGinlay pulled her. Oh, I've got the

33:51

kid. Was not a last minute. It was. You're

33:54

going to bring the kid along. Mate, I've got

33:56

it. But that's my day with the kid. It's

33:58

sweet. We'll track her on the iPad in the

34:00

corner. It'll be absolutely fine. Yeah. And then Carl.

34:02

last minute goes, oh no, the pub says it's

34:04

not allowed. Even though that was a complete lie.

34:07

Absolutely lie. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

34:11

I'm sorry that your little kid didn't want to come

34:13

in and see topless barmaids. I'm sorry. I'm

34:15

sorry I had to make the decision. Where

34:18

do you land on this? Quick, just quickly. Kids

34:20

at the pub. Yeah, you know. There's in

34:22

general, and then there's that specific moment which was the

34:24

first time we could all get together in a pub.

34:27

And obviously we're going to get absolutely trolling.

34:30

I was still only popping in for two hours. Two

34:32

hours is a long time. The first two hours out of

34:34

lockdown. Yeah, I know. Would have been

34:36

great. I would have fluffed that. I mean, it was great. Wish

34:38

you were there. I mean, listen,

34:40

if kids have behaved and they're controlled

34:43

and they're not fucking running around. Which

34:45

my kid is. Absolutely.

34:48

I'm okay with it. I'm reasonably

34:50

empathetic towards parents. Well,

34:52

I'm not sure if we've discussed this on these

34:54

podcasts before, but I have an idea for

34:56

like a pub or a bar or

34:59

a restaurant where you can take your

35:01

kids and you basically

35:04

have a deal with the restaurant owner. Like the

35:06

waiters that they can come over and tear shreds

35:08

through your kids. All right. Give them one experience.

35:10

Like you can't do shit when they're playing up.

35:12

If they play up. If you're going out to

35:14

restaurants and your kids are always playing up, you

35:17

take them to this restaurant and you have like

35:19

a life fucking changing experience where a waiter comes

35:21

up. It's like a Karen diner. Yeah, I was

35:23

going to say. Oh yes, is that the, whether

35:25

it be the people. They're mean to them. They're

35:27

rude to them. Yeah. These

35:30

might be rude to the parents. It'd be the only route to the

35:32

kids. It'd be great. You, you shut, hey

35:34

little kid, you little shit. You shut

35:36

the fuck up. You sit down there and you

35:39

wait and you wait for your parents to be ready to

35:41

go home. And that's, you know, like just, and they will

35:43

remember that for the rest of their lives. Well,

35:45

I remember it. Cause I reckon you'd be bringing that

35:48

kid to the pub every day. Yeah. And

35:50

what's the, who are we looking for when we're

35:52

hiring the waiters? Like, do we want people that

35:54

have kids at home that are like, they've

35:56

got their own pent up frustrations and it's just like

35:58

they're able to like just. fully unload on someone

36:00

else's kid without wanting to put it in the kitchen. Or is it

36:02

just Carl? Yeah, it could just

36:04

be Carl. Yeah, yeah. Is it people

36:07

without kids yet who are maybe thinking

36:09

about it to sort of show them

36:11

the realities? Yeah, probably without kids, I

36:13

think. Yeah, practice. Most parents would have

36:15

some kind of trace of empathy.

36:17

They get it, they've been there. You've been there before.

36:19

So you need people without, yeah, yeah. It's not a

36:21

fun experience taking your kids out. And I used to

36:23

always, I don't like being in people's way. You know,

36:25

I kind of like, you know, I don't like to

36:27

get in people's way when I'm out and about. So

36:29

when you have kids and you're trying to shepherd them

36:31

through situations, I

36:34

was always like, let's just get in, fucking, eat

36:36

quick, let's get the fuck out. No one clogs

36:38

up a doorway or a footpath like a family.

36:41

Unbelievable stuff. If the kids aren't pub

36:43

trained. I've been taking my kids to

36:46

pubs since they were babies, they know how to behave. No,

36:48

but they're your children. So one of them will be in

36:50

the corner fucking strangling a raccoon or something. They've got that

36:52

psychopath gene. And the pubs you bring them to, they're trained.

36:55

So what, your kids walk in, they take their top off

36:57

straight away and go, okay, this is what we all do

36:59

in pubs. I

37:02

haven't told you the best bit, what the

37:04

film's called. Oh yeah. Westgate.

37:06

Yes. Fantastic. Wow.

37:09

Is this, are we making this film? Yeah. Is

37:13

this our biopic? Yeah. Are

37:15

we making the merch for this film? We should be making

37:17

the merch. We're on before productions. So Pete, you would be,

37:19

you're on the side of no kids. No

37:21

kids at the, in a social setting. I

37:24

mean, I can understand the situation. I can have a, from

37:26

Karl's point of view, when you had like, if you got

37:28

eight seats. Eight comments. Eight

37:30

seats. Who's. You took frustration

37:32

from lockdown, or they want to go out and just go ballistic.

37:35

And we don't, we don't want to mind our

37:37

Ps and Qs at the pub. You know how

37:39

bad comedian you are in a green room. Yes.

37:42

I'll just reiterate the facts, your honor. She

37:46

would have been sitting either on my lap. There we

37:48

go, even worse. That's

37:50

sexist. I know. I don't

37:52

want to swear in front of a lady. She's

37:55

my daughter. She ain't a lady.

37:57

She would have been either on my lap.

38:00

or in the corner iPad headphones.

38:02

Noise cancelling? Absolutely. Hang on, you're gonna bring

38:04

your kid and then put her in the

38:06

corner and put headphones on her. Yeah, you

38:08

punishing her? That's not a good thing, is

38:10

it? That sounds bad. Being on her iPad?

38:13

What the fuck is wrong with your kid that

38:15

iPad is punishment? That's the other one. Oh,

38:18

you have to eat ice cream. Why? I

38:20

have a question which may actually, you know, inform

38:24

my verdict. Was

38:26

Ash Barker gonna be at the last year? He

38:31

actually lived very close by to this part, but no, he

38:33

wasn't gonna be there. He wasn't gonna be there. Okay, well,

38:35

you probably take the kid then. Thank you, your honor. Let's

38:39

take this to the Supreme Court. So

38:42

when's this movie filming? Filming in

38:44

about a month. Okay. Yeah,

38:47

interesting. Quite exciting. Excellent.

38:49

And we're talking, what, we're talking a feature? It is

38:51

a feature, yes. Oh, really? An independent

38:53

feature. Interesting. Yeah, directed by this young lad

38:55

called Adrian Ortega, who's made another film that's

38:57

on stand. And yeah, this

39:00

is, it's very, I'm always dreading actually

39:02

watching it because it's so fucking depressing. You should

39:05

watch it. But it'll win all the awards. You

39:07

should watch it when it comes out and then

39:09

go on Pete's movie podcast. Like that could be

39:11

the most, the shortest turnaround from release to talking

39:13

about it on your. It's true. I

39:16

haven't seen this film that came out

39:18

yesterday. This classic or beloved movie, Westgate.

39:21

It opened yesterday and it's already considered a classic.

39:23

I can't believe I've never seen that before. I'm

39:26

so embarrassed. Everyone's talking about it. I still haven't

39:28

gotten around to it. It's a

39:30

real blind spot in my film knowledge. Do you want

39:32

me to get a from before hat and put it

39:34

in the pub? Please. Just in

39:36

the corner. Absolutely. Even though it's set

39:38

in the 90s. Please. The 90s is

39:40

from before. The 90s is from before.

39:42

From before. That's perfect. Also, how

39:44

did you get this, how did you get cast in

39:46

this depressing movie? Did they see your solo show? Yes.

39:50

Yes. Yes. You

39:53

know, when we hit the EMU, that was the first gag

39:55

that everyone was just like, guess he saw your set last

39:57

night. Yes. That's comedy.

40:00

That's comedy. Was the car

40:02

damaged at all? Because I hit it. Yeah, totaled. I hit a

40:04

kangaroo. Totaled. Yeah, well, it had to be towed away and everything.

40:06

So you were stuck with a dead emu in the middle of

40:08

nowhere? No, there's two cars. So they drove wheel,

40:10

got crammed into one. Of course, you and Bronn Lewis, it's

40:12

like the president and the vice president. You can't be in

40:15

the same car at the same time. That's right. Yeah, well,

40:17

that's what they're in. Because the emu is controlled by fucking

40:19

Al-Qaeda who's trying to take us down. The

40:24

twin emus. Yeah, if you hit

40:26

him. Hit one of them. Emu

40:28

one has gone down. I

40:31

think you'll agree, Mitsubishi's can't burn

40:33

emus. Yeah. That's a jet fuel.

40:36

Two days. Crow barring this. Yeah. Did

40:39

anybody cry? Were there any tears?

40:42

I think, yeah, there were a couple of,

40:44

I was, once we were all

40:46

in the one car and it was silent, I was

40:49

up the front. So I wasn't really turning around and

40:51

going, hey. How's everyone going? Yeah. And were you talking

40:53

about this on stage? You were looking for more emus

40:55

to hit those. I wasn't going to talk about it

40:57

on stage. And then it's sort of the crowd in

41:00

Hamilton really loved. Good to be here. Although I had

41:02

to bash an emu's head in with a rock as

41:04

well, so it's good to be anywhere. I was doing

41:06

like a crowd. Don't

41:09

make me bring the rock out. Hang on. That's

41:12

funny you bring that up, emus, today

41:14

because Harry Hamilton, our town mascot,

41:16

has gone missing. Yeah, you. Went for a bit

41:18

of a walk. Yeah. A great visitor is on

41:21

the way into town. He was doing a walk

41:23

for charity. Just to

41:25

start the freeway. To raise funds

41:27

for his missing sister. Actually,

41:32

the beauty of playing a small town like Hamilton,

41:34

by the way, and Hamilton were. Everyone knows everyone.

41:36

Exactly. No, they did. Yeah, they fucking did. And

41:38

there was a guy in the front row who

41:40

this crowd were kind of OK with pre-prepared jokes,

41:43

but what they wanted was crowd work. So I

41:45

did a couple of jokes and there's like a

41:47

bit of crowd work. And then they're like, yeah,

41:49

crowd work. OK, great. Crowd work, man.

41:51

You talk to the crowd. You say, where are you from?

41:53

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said, what do you do? Is it

41:55

missing? There's

41:57

a guy in the front row who's an up.

41:59

I've just gone, what do you do for a

42:01

job? And he's done the classic thing that some

42:04

male audience members often do have given a smart

42:06

eye. He goes, I'm a secret agent. Oh yeah.

42:08

And he's just like, okay, yeah, very good, very

42:10

good. But the great thing about Hamilton is I

42:12

just then went, okay, we'll find out, what does

42:14

he do? Oh great, great. And like all of

42:16

them yelled at, works at the dry cleaner. Yeah.

42:20

Yeah. Work at the higher. The secret cleaning agent.

42:22

Yeah, yeah. He was undercover at the joke line.

42:25

That is the thing that's driving me wild at the moment

42:27

with like the big thing of

42:29

sharing crowd work clips on Instagram and

42:31

TikTok is seeing someone where it's like,

42:33

it's that happening. It's like a person giving

42:35

a smart ass answer. And then

42:37

they're sort of taking it at the comics, taking it at face

42:39

value and like they've put it up as a real like, can

42:42

you believe this? I had a penis polisher in

42:44

the front row and it's like, oh, this is

42:47

just some guy taking the piss, you fucking idiot.

42:49

See, yeah, with the dick sucking factory. That

42:51

doesn't exist. It's not a real thing. This

42:53

isn't a real crowd work clip.

42:57

I went down there. They're not CFO. They're

42:59

financial officer at best. It's

43:01

not even a real factory. It's an outlet. You

43:05

manufacture that. I'm

43:07

reminded of Louis

43:09

CK's joke about, you

43:12

know how bad a person you are by how long it took

43:14

you to masturbate after 9-11. He

43:18

said, he was between the tails going down.

43:23

Danny, after the EMU. For

43:27

me it's rock raised over head. I'm ready

43:29

to go. I'm very respectful for hours. You

43:31

know what? I

43:34

just, I literally, someone, my phone's been listening to

43:36

me. I just opened my phone to check for

43:38

notes to see if I had any other notes

43:40

for this episode. What's the ad

43:42

that I've popped as I've opened up my phone? The

43:45

whole spate of EMU movies at the moment. If

43:47

only they'd fucking cast me in that. This could

43:49

have been great publicity. Or the movie would have

43:51

been a lot shorter. Yeah,

43:54

I would have won. That's why I didn't get the role. That

43:57

was you doing publicity for the film. That was

43:59

an act. Activation would have been good. Yeah, it

44:01

could be the opening scene of the movie Yeah,

44:04

that's what they knew was sparked the emu war

44:06

they get revenge. It's emus versus comics Yeah, Danny's

44:08

a no Danny's a vet. He's back from the

44:10

you know, he's veterinarian

44:18

You just get the like you're getting the flashbacks next

44:20

minute, you know the rocks out you just go into

44:23

a few state You don't even realize you've

44:25

done it Yeah Look

44:29

if you don't mind Danny if we can

44:31

just if you don't mind if we can get off you

44:33

killing emus and looking at bare breasts for one second If

44:36

we can, if we can drag you You stop

44:38

bringing up the facts that you love buzzies Don't

44:45

mind but one thing he didn't think he could take

44:47

his eyes off the breasts to kill the emu to

44:49

be honest Well

44:51

as he was as he was smashing the head off the

44:53

emu he's like well, this is topless now I love this

45:02

Anyway, this this reminds me of Another

45:04

place we had a drink at a while back. I

45:07

love a place a restaurant on Burke Street

45:09

in Melbourne called Thai land We've talked about

45:11

it on the show. Oh, yeah. Yeah before

45:14

Very imagine Imagined title Thailand. Yeah, that's

45:16

the name of the time they got it last time.

45:18

We were there. Where did you I went home? Where

45:20

were you going? Where was it

45:22

going? Where were you going? Where was it going to

45:25

a certain topless bar that you're accusing me of going

45:28

to Fucking I dropped After

45:34

he dropped a 50 on the bar I

45:36

didn't go dropped a few coins in the

45:38

jug don't besmirch your This

45:48

is like me accusing all of you of killing emus

45:52

Anyways stick to the facts we're at

45:55

Thailand I can't believe I brought a

45:57

topless bar into it again We

46:01

get it, you like it. So

46:08

we went there, there was a, and

46:10

we saw a scam happen. I've never seen this

46:12

scam before. So there

46:14

was a guy, we were sitting at the front, there's tables at

46:16

the front, and there was a guy, and he was like standing

46:19

inside the door of this restaurant,

46:21

Thai Land, and he was coming

46:24

out and he asked us to ask, and we didn't really

46:26

know it was a scam, it was just this guy who

46:28

came out with a plastic bag full

46:30

of food. And he came out

46:32

and he's like, hey guys, I'm really sorry to annoy you,

46:34

but I've got this food and I've

46:36

got here and I forgot my credit card,

46:39

and so I don't have any cash on me, but I

46:41

need to pay them for it. So yeah,

46:43

I know this is really weird or whatever, but I've got

46:45

this and I just need to go and say, can you,

46:48

look, can you just pay for it? And look, here's what,

46:50

I'll give you details. And give me your bank details. Yeah,

46:52

give me your bank details. I've got my phone, I've got

46:54

net banking up right now, and I'll send you the money

46:56

right now, but if you can just pay for this food,

46:59

and then we'll do, it'll be

47:01

easy, and we will just sit in there. This

47:03

is convoluted. Yeah, it's like very convoluted. If I

47:05

haven't had my vivance and I'm hearing this, I'm

47:07

just glazed, I'm glazed over. Well, it's like, it's

47:09

someone too frantic about it as well, and we're

47:11

like, this is so weird, it's such an easy

47:13

out to go. Bad energy. No

47:16

thank you. We're just sitting here having a drink,

47:18

and he's like, oh, I really need to pay

47:20

for this, it's like, how urgent, how much do

47:22

you want this green curry? No, the fact that

47:24

he was holding the plastic bag of food, they

47:27

clearly gave it to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So

47:29

we're like, you could run away right now. But

47:31

it's such a confusing, like, whole

47:33

run of events that we're like, you know

47:35

what's way easier is to just say, no

47:37

thank you, we're just having a beer. Yeah,

47:39

we really got to get to this topless

47:41

bar. We're both really keen on going to.

47:43

I'm dropping off Danny. I've got a

47:45

show for service, I go there a lot, but I

47:47

never go in. I just, I'm just out the front,

47:49

that's it. I mean, you go in, but you don't

47:51

go in. No, no, no, once you're inside the premises,

47:54

you just go in. I just look at the bottom

47:56

half of everyone, that's what I do. That's what I

47:58

do. Just

48:00

lie on the floor, dull time I'm there. To

48:02

me it's just a haberdashery. I just like fabric.

48:05

Yes, I'm a shoes man. So

48:09

we do that. He

48:11

then goes away and we're like, OK, well, I don't

48:13

know. It was just very confusing because you get this

48:15

little hint of it being a scam, but you're not

48:17

really sure why. And so then he

48:19

goes away and then he comes back. And then we

48:21

see him do the same thing a few more times.

48:23

And eventually it's like 20, 30 minutes goes

48:25

by. He's been doing it so many

48:27

times, you're like, well, this food's no good. Cold

48:30

by now. This has got to be a scam

48:32

by now. And then he's- Because

48:34

those are the best ones where in your

48:37

head you're like, I don't quite get how

48:39

this works. Yeah. It

48:41

doesn't quite make sense. Exactly. So it's just crazy

48:43

enough to be true. Yes. I guess I'll take

48:45

it at face value. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't

48:47

quite see what the end game is here or

48:50

how you can get scams through it. So you're

48:52

like, OK, I'm a bit sort of cloudy. Maybe

48:54

someone's up for doing it. We're just like, well,

48:56

we've had a few beers. A

48:58

lot easier for us to go fuck off. Yeah. So

49:01

then that goes on for half an hour. And then

49:03

goes on for about an hour. This guy's still sitting

49:05

in the same- We start to realize, oh, there's no

49:07

food in there. He's just got a bit of Tupperware

49:09

in there or whatever. He doesn't have anything in there.

49:12

So he's doing- We're sitting in for an hour. He's on

49:14

the street or he's in the restaurant. He's in the restaurant.

49:16

Yeah, they're tolerating it. That's the weird thing. No.

49:19

OK. So that's the weird thing. He's hanging around.

49:21

They're tolerating him. And then we're watching him going,

49:23

how the fuck does this keep- Like, how is

49:25

he allowed to- So then, after about

49:28

an hour, we see the staff go up to

49:30

him and have this talk. And we go, finally,

49:32

they're going to clear him out. Yeah. And they're

49:34

like- And there's this back and forth conversation. He's

49:36

standing there and he's like, oh, OK. Oh, right.

49:38

OK. OK. They finally walk away from him. And

49:40

we're like, great. The end of this guy. Then

49:44

he still stays there for another five minutes. And we're

49:46

like, what's taking him so long to fuck off? Then

49:48

we see the waitress come up and give

49:50

him a Sprite. And him give them

49:52

like $2 or whatever. And we go, oh, they've said

49:54

to him, you need to fuck off.

49:56

Or buy something. He's like, OK. Well,

49:59

what's the minimum? item I can buy and still stay

50:01

in the restaurant and keep scamming people. Keep trying to

50:03

do my scam. Yeah, so they're like, you can scam

50:05

as many people as you want, but you have to

50:07

buy something. The ultimate scam.

50:11

Scammers have a two drink minimum. Yeah. So

50:13

he sat there and just sucked on a Sprite and kept trying to

50:15

scam people with this thing. And that's, surely that's not

50:18

the first time he's been in there. I

50:20

don't know. I doubt it. Yeah.

50:23

And by the way, just in case, I doubt anyone is actually picturing a scammer

50:26

in a sort of George Clooney oceans, 11 style,

50:29

confidence man. This guy looked like

50:31

a fucking junkie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

50:35

Absolutely. Get back to a surprise.

50:37

Pretty good though, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

50:41

Yeah. Yeah. I

50:43

doubt he paid for it. I would say he went up to the

50:45

waitress when if you can just pay for this, I'll send you back

50:47

the, you might get scammed, but the cans are soft drink a cheap.

50:49

So it all kind of balances out. Yeah. I'd

50:52

love to be being a scammer and just spending your

50:54

days just sitting around cooking up new jams. It's

50:57

a fun life. Yeah. Just, you know,

50:59

a bit of creativity there. Just having a sit and be like, now what

51:01

are venues I can hit? Yeah. Just having your

51:03

little whiteboard up where you're like trying to, trying to plan

51:05

it all out. It's a tricky one. I've

51:07

never heard of that one. I never heard of the,

51:09

the. It was very elaborate. Yeah. I

51:13

heard after you hit the emu, all your

51:15

wallets were stolen. That's

51:21

the magic trick. The emu

51:23

then got, the emu's corpse got up and go, here's your wristwatch

51:26

back. They tracked

51:28

all the, all the serial notes of the, of the, of

51:30

the money. And it all ended up in this pub and

51:32

punt road. That's

51:34

really weird. How many

51:36

more times can we wedge it in? That's

51:39

what he asked. Oh shit. Yeah.

51:43

Being in like the writer's room for a group

51:45

of scammers would be, you know, I wonder if

51:47

there's like, you know, the same kind of politics

51:49

as in comedy. Yeah. Fuck. Did

51:52

you hear that? Yeah. Did you hear his

51:55

fucking idea for a skin? Yeah. Yeah. That

51:57

did you? Yeah. All the

51:59

old Harold Holt scam. Yeah, fuck, I know. Well,

52:04

so while we were in Thailand,

52:06

actually, I booked tickets to something

52:08

while I was overseas. Of

52:13

course, Jerry Seinfeld was just out here. Yeah, sorry, it

52:16

was great. You went? Yeah, so my

52:18

dad was really keen to go and

52:22

was gonna be away and he was sort of upset about that.

52:24

He was like, oh, I really wanted to go. And

52:26

then in the interim, my mum had an operation on her

52:28

foot and can't really walk on it. And so they had

52:30

to can their trip. And I just kind

52:32

of remembered that near the end of us being in

52:35

Thailand, because Seinfeld was here like right after we got

52:37

back. And so I was like, oh, I'm gonna

52:39

book tickets for, I'll book tickets for

52:41

me and my dad as like a surprise. Like he's been, you

52:43

know, he's been like kind of looking after mum. He's bummed about

52:45

missing this trip and everything. Book the tickets,

52:47

call him up. I'm like, dad, you know, I know you're

52:49

pretty upset about all this, but you know, you wanted to

52:51

go to Seinfeld and you're in town now for it. So

52:54

yeah, I got his tickets. I got his good seats and

52:56

yeah, I'll take you. And he's like, oh,

52:58

the Sunday. Yeah, we're

53:01

going to the RACV club in Healesville that night.

53:03

So yeah, I can't make it. Wow. Is

53:06

he doing any shows the next weekend? Like, kind

53:08

of, he's not out here doing a fucking residency.

53:10

No. No. Go

53:13

ahead. But I did, I

53:15

ended up, I sold

53:17

the tickets and then I'm like

53:19

sitting around the pool in Kosamui, trying

53:22

to navigate, getting rid of the tickets I

53:24

had and then getting tickets to

53:26

the other fucking show that he was doing to

53:28

take my dad to. Oh, right. So you ended up taking

53:30

your dad to a different night. Yes. Right,

53:33

okay. Because Carl was at the

53:35

same night I was there. I was, I went as

53:37

well. I see your dad's Palestinian protest going well. I

53:42

think I ended up at the only show of the whole tour

53:45

that he didn't get heckled on. Well, you're

53:47

kind of hoping there was a, so you

53:49

could see the, I mean. Little bit. Well, the

53:52

weird thing is at the end of the show, he does a

53:54

Q and A. I'm like, why are you opening the floor? Every

53:56

night someone's like, the first question is going

53:58

to be, why do you? you hate

54:00

Palestine? Yeah. That's the classic

54:03

thing though. Like he's been protested the

54:05

first night. He's come with a good

54:07

zinger and he's just trying to recreate

54:09

that thing. He's like, uh, any questions?

54:11

Yeah. Anyone want to talk about?

54:13

Anyway, so I look

54:15

over there to the west. Anyway, I went to the bank.

54:18

West bank. Anyway, who's

54:21

your favorite football player? Gaza, Abla. Gaza.

54:23

Yeah. It was funny to

54:25

imagine you're the person that's in there. You've

54:28

somehow they're doing pretty thorough bag checks, but

54:30

you've snuck the, you've gotten the Palestinian flag

54:32

in there. You know, you're just, you're ready

54:34

to go. And but then like

54:37

it's Seinfeld. So the whole show is so

54:39

trivial and so banal. Like

54:41

what's the moment that you're looking for to

54:43

do your protest? Like he has a bit

54:45

in the show where he's literally like, I

54:47

like coffee. I don't like tea. And just

54:49

imagine this guy being like, fucking right. We're

54:51

on here. Like free Palestine. Like

54:56

what moment are you picking to like, fuck? Fire

54:58

up into action. Yeah. My mate

55:01

who I went with clearly does not watch

55:03

that much stand up because he

55:05

did ask like a week out, you know, Seinfeld

55:07

was promoting the pop tarts movie and was getting

55:09

a bit of flack for saying so these are

55:11

like, so I felt just going to go on

55:13

monologues about how no one's masculine anymore. I guess,

55:16

who do you think we're seeing? We're

55:18

in for an hour of iPhones and

55:20

airline food. Yeah. Yeah. This

55:23

is someone that someone who's been to like one

55:25

of those in conversation with, you know, like not

55:27

realizing that he's seeing an actual show. He's just

55:29

going to be given the forum to yeah. Yeah.

55:32

Yeah. When he goes to see

55:34

Leonardo DiCaprio movies, go, is he just going

55:36

to date underage women? The Q and a

55:39

unbelievable with just like, does anyone have any

55:41

questions for me? And people near me were

55:43

just literally yelling at these pretzels

55:45

are making me thirsty. Wow.

55:47

Yeah. Well done. You've

55:50

seen the show, you know, that's like the film festival thing in the Q and a

55:52

of like trying to show like

55:54

how into something you are. It's like,

55:56

it's Seinfeld fucking everyone knows someone yelled

55:58

out. Can you say no? soup for

56:00

you and Jerry said that's not even

56:03

my line. I

56:08

did love it. I thought it was very interesting. I

56:10

didn't see him this year. I kind of completely forgot

56:12

the book tickets but I saw him last time he

56:14

was here and I saw him in Vegas for a

56:16

honeymoon many years ago and he's

56:18

brilliant. He's absolutely brilliant. He's like the

56:20

best. I

56:23

got tickets to see Daniel Kitson on the same day

56:25

and I'd said to my wife, oh we're going to

56:27

go and see a show. We're going to have a

56:29

date night. We're going to go and see comedy. We're

56:32

going to see Kitson. It's going to be great. We

56:34

go to the house. I got babysitter. She's like, okay.

56:36

Right. And as it came up and close and closer,

56:38

I was like, so today's day we're going to go.

56:40

And she's like, so who are

56:42

we seeing? And I go, Daniel Kitson. She goes,

56:45

really? And I go, yeah, that's the person I've been

56:47

talking about the whole time. She goes, why would you

56:49

think not? And she goes, well,

56:52

I just sort of thought, you know, it

56:54

was going to be a big surprise. You were going

56:56

to go surprise. I got tickets to Seinfeld. And I

56:58

was like, why would I, why would I have done

57:00

that? And she's like, because I hate Daniel Kitson. And

57:04

I was like, oh, that's right. And I remember I, I

57:07

love Kitson, but 10 years ago, whenever it was, he came

57:09

out and I'd seen a couple of his standup shows and

57:11

I was like, he's the best and I think he's the

57:13

best. He's so good. He's so funny. But

57:16

every now and then he'll put in like a serious

57:18

play or whatever. So I'd said to my wife, Hey,

57:21

we're going to, I'm going to take you to this show Friday

57:23

night after work. It's going to be so good. Straight off to

57:25

work. Seven o'clock arts center. We go

57:27

there front row, front row tickets. It's going

57:30

to be so good. And we get there

57:32

and it's this play that is

57:34

not funny and it's not funny on purpose.

57:36

And it's got this big sort of like background

57:38

sort of thing on the, on the, on

57:40

the stage. And it's very somber and it's

57:42

very serious. In fact, Kitson, something goes wrong. The

57:45

lights go out and he accidentally is funny.

57:47

Like it's sort of off the, off the, off the cuff

57:50

is sort of like, anyway, sorry, like

57:52

apologize for being funny. Then back to

57:54

this and

57:56

then, and so this is my wife's first experience

57:58

with Daniel kits and the. opposite of what I've

58:00

experienced, my wife, it's a long day

58:02

at work, she falls asleep in the front

58:05

row. Oh wow. And at the end

58:07

of the show, cause it's quite

58:09

an elaborate set. He must have seen that and thought, God, I wish

58:11

I wasn't doing a fucking play right now. Yeah. Light

58:13

this bitch up. So yeah, so then there's

58:15

this elaborate set. And at the end, he

58:17

says, thanks for coming to the show. Everyone's

58:21

looking at the elaborate set and it's like this big bookshelf and

58:23

there's a million books and there's all these sort of bits and

58:25

pieces to it. And you know what, you're allowed to come up

58:27

and everyone wants to have a look at it. So you're allowed

58:29

to come up and have a look at it. Thank you so

58:31

much for coming. Except for anyone in

58:33

the front row that fell asleep. You're not

58:35

allowed to come and touch the set or

58:37

look at anything. Okay. Wow. And

58:40

we're like, oh, I don't know how many people fell asleep.

58:42

I don't know, just one. Okay. I

58:45

saw him do one of those plays in Edinburgh and

58:48

fully crack it about three quarters of the

58:50

way through. He's, you know,

58:52

cause he won't break character. Like he

58:54

tries not to, but suddenly about, yeah,

58:56

we're about 40 minutes into a one

58:58

hour play. And he just suddenly

59:00

breaks character goes, excuse me.

59:02

There is a lot of chatter happening in

59:04

the third row. What is going on? And

59:06

a guy stands up and goes to walk

59:08

out and the whole crowd is

59:11

just petrified that Kitson's gonna rip this guy a

59:13

new one. And he goes, where are you going?

59:15

And the guy goes, gonna get something to eat.

59:18

Yeah. And the whole

59:20

crowd just go full wrestler WWE.

59:22

Ooh. Ooh. He

59:25

goes, mask, why? He goes,

59:28

I'm hyperglycemic and I'm having an attack. Oh, that's

59:30

great. There's no comeback in that.

59:32

Kitson just goes, that's perfectly acceptable

59:34

then. Straight back

59:36

into the play. That was a great Josh Thomas

59:38

impression. Thank you. Thank you. We

59:40

love that. So wait, so

59:43

you had, so you, you had the Kitson

59:45

tickets. Yes. And so.

59:47

Then she just, so that happens. She starts putting

59:49

the pressure on going, oh, well I don't really,

59:51

I don't want to go to that, but

59:54

I'd really like to go to Seinfeld. I really want to

59:56

go to Seinfeld. Let's go to Rod Laver Arena and just

59:58

see if they'll honor these Daniel Kitson. Couldn't

1:00:02

be more of a difference in prices

1:00:04

by the way. Oh my fucking god.

1:00:07

So then the argument

1:00:09

that my wife put forward was, we

1:00:11

need Seinfeld. He's the greatest comedian

1:00:13

of all time. She's

1:00:16

not into comedy at all. She's seen

1:00:18

Seinfeld. One of the few. Carl, it's the

1:00:20

show about nothing. This is so funny that you and I had

1:00:22

the opposite experience. Where I've bought the expensive tickets

1:00:24

from my dad and he's like, I can't really

1:00:26

make it. Yeah, yeah. She

1:00:29

goes, he's the greatest comedian of all time. Carl,

1:00:33

it's a once in a lifetime

1:00:35

opportunity. I go, hey, we've

1:00:38

seen him before. It's

1:00:42

a twice in a lifetime experience. So no,

1:00:44

it is a once in a lifetime opportunity and we've

1:00:46

seen him before. So I need to honor the

1:00:48

fact that it was a once in a lifetime

1:00:50

by not buying tickets to this one. Yeah, yeah.

1:00:53

So then we had to go. So then

1:00:56

we, I got the tickets. She

1:00:58

was like, so like, what part of me

1:01:00

hating and falling asleep during Daniel kids and

1:01:02

didn't you get like, okay, I

1:01:04

guess we're just not going to get any kids

1:01:07

anymore. Part of this process, he

1:01:09

bought these tickets. I just bought

1:01:11

them like on the day. There was still tickets available in

1:01:13

the car on the way to Daniel kids and

1:01:15

changing the address in the Uber. We're

1:01:17

going to make a stop. I've just realized this. This is

1:01:19

actually quite funny. So then when kids were

1:01:22

supposed to be on, she goes, well, I'm not going to

1:01:24

go. I'm going to save myself for Seinfeld tonight. We've got

1:01:26

the tickets for Seinfeld tonight. You can go by yourself. And

1:01:28

I went, all right. And she went out and went

1:01:30

shopping and I sat on my bed and I fell

1:01:33

asleep and didn't go to get any

1:01:35

kids. Perfect. I actually fell asleep. Oh,

1:01:37

I thought you meant they were, it was like the same night

1:01:39

that you had the tickets for kids. It

1:01:41

was, it was. Oh, right. No, no, no.

1:01:44

The kids was under in the day. Oh, sure. Yeah.

1:01:48

I thought I was going to say, because it's like, then you just don't show

1:01:50

up. You've done the front road trick again. Yeah. But

1:01:52

no one fucking falls asleep in the front row. And then

1:01:54

he comes out to empty seats. Yeah. You

1:01:57

are not allowed to look at the set. all

1:02:00

I was looking at was the inside of my eyelids. Well,

1:02:03

after the Seinfeld gig, I

1:02:06

went and had dinner with my dad and then I was going

1:02:08

to a friend's birthday in Southbank, which was kind of near where

1:02:11

we'd had dinner. Dad heads off and I'm

1:02:13

like, I'm like a little bit early for dinner

1:02:15

for my friend and I'm walking

1:02:17

down Southbank and I see one of

1:02:19

the cartoon character artists. And

1:02:21

I'm like, there's just been a thing in my head

1:02:23

for ages. I'm like, I just wanna start every time I see

1:02:26

one of those people. I just wanna have like

1:02:28

a gallery of just different

1:02:30

drawings of me by different

1:02:32

like street sketch artists to

1:02:34

just kind of see the disparity that you get in

1:02:37

like how different people take it on. And so I

1:02:39

was like, you know what? It says there's like a

1:02:41

person there and they're like, takes five minutes. I'm like,

1:02:43

I'll do this. Great. How much

1:02:46

for five minutes? That's

1:02:48

what he says at the time. I'm sorry. Was

1:02:51

it the, oh, very nice how

1:02:53

you've distracted away from before? You

1:02:55

go every night. 15 bucks for

1:02:57

like a A3 I guess in

1:03:04

like a little plastic sleeve. So more

1:03:06

of a kids in price than a Seinfeld

1:03:08

character. Absolutely, yeah, absolutely. Who is the Seinfeld

1:03:10

of street character artists since I wonder? And

1:03:13

I kind of, my idea was this will

1:03:15

be funny. I'll get this

1:03:18

done. And I was like, oh, then I've just got a fucking

1:03:20

carrot around with me all night. And I was like, I'll just

1:03:22

give this to my friend as her birthday present. I

1:03:25

just turn up with a cartoon of myself. And

1:03:27

so, I treated an emu

1:03:29

better than you treated. And

1:03:32

so I got to turn up and go, happy

1:03:34

birthday Brenna. Just what you've always wanted. A

1:03:37

cartoon of your dear friend Tommy

1:03:39

Dassalo. He's made you cross-eyed.

1:03:42

They've really done me dirty here. Halfway

1:03:45

through a group of girls walked past

1:03:47

behind the sketch artists. And one of

1:03:49

them looked at me and then looked

1:03:51

at the easel and went, oh, that's

1:03:54

good. And so I'm getting

1:03:56

excited. I'm thinking like, oh, this is gonna be

1:03:58

great. And she's also like, smile show

1:04:00

me your teeth and I was like no I'm not falling

1:04:02

for that one that's it you know that's how they really

1:04:04

and so she's just had to like well they're not gonna

1:04:07

make you give me the most fucked up like broken

1:04:09

butt teeth yeah they're not the caricature

1:04:11

artists they're not gonna make smaller teeth

1:04:13

they're gonna make everything bigger that's

1:04:15

why they why they made you cross on

1:04:18

me maybe yeah I don't know do it

1:04:20

they're giving you the fall the giving you

1:04:22

the full do face yeah they've got a

1:04:24

face what shows show us the drawing

1:04:31

instead of the passport photo yeah

1:04:34

yeah yeah I mean you're sitting

1:04:43

down with like enough visual accoutrement

1:04:45

on your head they go fuck there's a few

1:04:47

gimme's here yeah absolutely yeah right and you're if

1:04:51

I'd had the hat off there would have been

1:04:53

like a big fucking like glint of Sun like

1:04:55

coming off the dome of the ball yeah

1:04:57

you like roller skating everyone

1:04:59

likes rollers yeah that's that's truly what

1:05:01

it felt like the real like yeah I was

1:05:04

like God what's a hobby I can say that

1:05:06

I have if I say video games just

1:05:08

gonna draw me getting fucking bombed

1:05:10

by Sonic the Hedgehog what do

1:05:12

you like I like killing emus

1:05:14

well yeah

1:05:17

this is gonna be mine this is my ongoing project anytime

1:05:19

I see one of these people in the street

1:05:21

yeah I'm like the yes man anytime I see

1:05:23

one of these people how many have you got so

1:05:25

far just this one just that one's the reason yeah

1:05:27

yeah yeah I only get better yeah there's not a

1:05:29

whole lot of them out there yeah I kind of

1:05:31

thought of this a while ago and then you actually

1:05:33

don't see as many of them as you as you

1:05:35

think as you used to mainly because they're churning

1:05:37

out work like that probably they're not a lot

1:05:39

of return business they've all gone online everything's

1:05:42

online now if you go to market so

1:05:44

there'll be at markets right yeah yeah yeah yeah

1:05:46

yeah yeah and we will post that online so people

1:05:48

can know yeah yeah enjoy that it's good just

1:05:50

enjoy that it's honestly to me it

1:05:53

feels like you have gone in there

1:05:55

and gone can you get can you fuck me up I

1:05:58

mean look I will say no that

1:06:00

I was going to give it to my friend as

1:06:02

a gift, I was like, if this looks fucked, that's

1:06:04

perfect. But I was also like,

1:06:06

I don't... It's weird for them to give you that without

1:06:09

it being a joke. Yeah. Yeah.

1:06:12

Do it in the cross eye. The cross eye is weird.

1:06:14

It's weird. I mean, you're right. If they were

1:06:16

saying, I'm going to put this in the post, you know, and send

1:06:18

it to you, that'd be

1:06:20

almost like, yeah, they're having a little chuck with it themselves,

1:06:22

but they've had their hand... No, they've got their hand or

1:06:24

two or turn it around like a reveal. Yeah, yeah. I

1:06:27

mean, it is stressful when you think of it in

1:06:29

that way. Like that person, like every 10

1:06:31

minutes, they're having to spin the

1:06:34

easel around and maybe have the

1:06:36

person be like, what the

1:06:38

fuck? Yeah. Yeah. And

1:06:40

how is Ando doing his... It's

1:06:43

a great ep, guys. I

1:06:48

think what she's done is she's drawn one

1:06:50

eye... Ando's

1:06:52

brush with obscurings. I

1:06:57

think it's like she's drawn one eye when I was looking

1:06:59

in one direction and then she's gone and drawn

1:07:01

the other eye when I was looking in a different

1:07:03

direction and not really like, you

1:07:06

know... She had a toilet break in the middle. Okay. That

1:07:09

makes sense. She should be good enough

1:07:11

to adjust. The

1:07:16

Mona Lisa was painted the same way. Yeah.

1:07:18

The fuckness follows you around the room.

1:07:21

Yeah. Shout out to Ando. One

1:07:23

of the greatest caricature artists in

1:07:26

Melbourne. All right. Well... I

1:07:29

shouldn't have. Well,

1:07:31

that is going to do us for another week

1:07:33

on the Little Dun-Num Club. Danny McGinlay, Peter Hellyer,

1:07:35

thank you for joining us. Thank you. Thank

1:07:37

you very much. The Hard Out time was about 10

1:07:39

minutes ago. It

1:07:42

softened. Yeah. Check

1:07:44

out Danny's podcast. Yeah. Yeah. Danny

1:07:47

Boyd. with

1:07:49

Footy Listicles. We're talking

1:07:51

to prominent fans about their best wins and

1:07:53

losses. Peter Hellyer was my guest for the

1:07:56

Collingwood episodes. Can we go into Australian football?

1:08:00

Australian Rules Football, so yes, I guess it's a bit

1:08:02

niche, but I still need like 2,000 more

1:08:04

viewing hours and I make money off YouTube, so please

1:08:06

dumb dumb fans. Even if you're not into it, just

1:08:08

watch it. You can leave the roof.

1:08:10

Do it on loop, yeah. That would help me out

1:08:12

a lot. Great. And Pete, you've got

1:08:14

You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet. You Ain't

1:08:16

Seen Nothing Yet, the podcast. It comes

1:08:18

out every Wednesday. Jane Kennedy did The

1:08:20

Lord of the Rings. He,

1:08:22

von Kuylenberg, did Boys in the Hood

1:08:24

recently. Got some

1:08:27

shows in Sydney on

1:08:29

the, what's this set that

1:08:31

might not be at by then? It

1:08:33

will be. It will be, okay. We're

1:08:35

even in the Crinola area, the Shire, Sub-Lones Shire

1:08:37

Performing Arts Centre. I get it. A lot of

1:08:40

the rings. A lot of the rings. It all

1:08:42

comes back. Good. And in Brisbane

1:08:44

and Perth, there's only a few tickets left in Perth

1:08:46

and back in Sydney at the Comedy Store

1:08:48

on August the 3rd. Right, so if you

1:08:50

want to see Pete Hellyer live, you can

1:08:53

see him. Brisbane, Sydney, and where

1:08:55

else? Perth, great. And if you want to see

1:08:57

Danome Ginlay's Royal Hotel on Punt Road in

1:08:59

Richmond, most nights are the week. Is that

1:09:02

why you're there every night here? Just looking

1:09:04

for me? He may

1:09:06

be distracted. Just wait between the

1:09:08

little silence between Porton Sugar on me

1:09:10

and Cherry Pie. Do

1:09:13

not dress as an animal. I cannot stress that

1:09:15

enough. No

1:09:19

wallabies, no, no one that's involved in a crest.

1:09:21

So I would not dress as one of them.

1:09:23

Is it true you're here at Blackman? Is it

1:09:25

true you're here at Ozzy Osbourne? Blackman's

1:09:28

beautiful. We're

1:09:31

burying two of them. Alright

1:09:36

guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see

1:09:38

you next time. See you mates. And

1:09:44

they've done it again. Bernie's

1:09:48

seen a couple of big ones. Down at the Royal

1:09:50

Hotel. Yep. Good stuff.

1:09:53

Danome Ginlay. Wasn't

1:09:56

that happy with all that? Don't fall off. belief,

1:10:00

he's body language and everything. Let's

1:10:04

not call back to it too much in case I get

1:10:06

a text in the next half an hour saying please take

1:10:08

all that out. Good luck. Good luck.

1:10:10

That is absolutely all the way through. Yep.

1:10:13

People might be listening to this now being like what is? What's

1:10:16

all the way through? What are they talking about? Unfortunately,

1:10:19

I don't think Danny McGinlay is high enough in the pecking

1:10:22

order to be able to make those calls. Oh, that's a

1:10:24

big move. If Hellia had it on it. Yeah,

1:10:26

me just saying nah, not editing

1:10:29

it out. Never done that to

1:10:31

someone before. But we've talked people

1:10:33

through things. Talked people around. Yeah. But

1:10:35

just a straight up. No, no, no,

1:10:38

we haven't. And like if they still

1:10:40

had have held their held their ground and gone,

1:10:42

I absolutely just don't want that out. I would have

1:10:44

gone. OK, fair enough. There's someone that not

1:10:47

not recently, but semi recently sort of just

1:10:49

went, yeah, I don't want any of that

1:10:51

in there. And then we just didn't answer

1:10:54

and then just waited days and days and days for them

1:10:56

to call off. And then well, it was a rare thing

1:10:58

where we've done it. We had like two weeks lead

1:11:00

time. Yeah, it was like, you know what? Let's just

1:11:02

we can just sit back here. And even if we

1:11:04

know this one less than 24 hours. Yeah,

1:11:06

even if we named what we're talking about right

1:11:08

now, people would go, what? Yeah. What

1:11:11

that what? You know what? I went

1:11:14

looking through my email for an email

1:11:16

address of someone that was on a live show ages

1:11:19

ago. And it's the only time they've ever been

1:11:21

on the show. And I went looking

1:11:23

to see if I still I was like, yeah, I think

1:11:25

I've probably still got their email address. I'm pretty sure I

1:11:28

linked it all up with them over email. And

1:11:31

there's a there's an exchange of

1:11:33

them having after the episode been like, yeah,

1:11:35

can you cut all this stuff out? And it

1:11:37

and it was similar thing like it was heaps

1:11:39

of it. It was like a thing that we

1:11:41

called back to constantly. And it was

1:11:44

funny because it's it's like over 10 years

1:11:46

ago. So it's just funny, you know,

1:11:48

reading any interaction with yourself in it from that

1:11:50

long ago, seeing how you how you handled

1:11:52

it. You cut it out. It's me writing

1:11:54

back to them and being like, oh, I

1:11:57

mean, are you sure? Because like it's kind

1:11:59

of the whole thing like it's it's

1:12:01

so much of the episode like I just

1:12:03

don't know like I'm really trying to

1:12:05

like talk them around and they're just like yeah

1:12:08

no I just I really like I

1:12:11

did have to take it all out

1:12:13

yeah oh fuck because they were really

1:12:15

like no it's like

1:12:18

a it was someone

1:12:20

talking about a previous

1:12:23

high profile relationship that they

1:12:25

had been and this

1:12:27

person was like yeah it'll just be

1:12:29

tabloid fodder it'll just make my life

1:12:31

a lot worse and I was like

1:12:34

okay well yeah fair enough I don't

1:12:36

know why you brought it up in

1:12:38

the first place then yeah that's

1:12:41

always the way it's more often than not it's

1:12:43

something that the person themselves brought out you know

1:12:45

I know exactly who you're talking about I know what

1:12:47

who they're talking about and I know that we would

1:12:49

have gone in going let's not talk about that yeah

1:12:51

yeah that was my memory of it was that they

1:12:54

brought it up anyway shit out to Roseburn yeah

1:12:56

it was funny reading me back trying

1:12:58

to be like oh you should like

1:13:00

I'm really like hey you sure he's

1:13:03

like yeah yeah yeah it's really gonna make

1:13:05

my life pretty pretty annoying we would not

1:13:07

have talked about that yeah yeah that's we

1:13:10

I don't remember that happening

1:13:13

but you know what why

1:13:15

did he bring it up I don't know I

1:13:18

don't know okay I'll go back in home I'll

1:13:20

go back and listen someone if anyone was they'll

1:13:22

find chosen Sydney talking about talking about our live

1:13:24

shows coming up in a live show coming up

1:13:26

in Sydney July 20 Saturday night get in nice

1:13:29

and early 6 30 you can watch

1:13:31

the show and still get out there and

1:13:33

have dinner and yeah have drinks and whatever but

1:13:36

that was a that was a great live we

1:13:38

did double live show that weekend yeah at the

1:13:41

Roxbury something's been knocked down now yeah

1:13:44

something's been that is no longer there

1:13:46

yeah that was when we had who knows

1:13:48

who we're talking about right now but we

1:13:50

also had dr. Karl yeah

1:13:52

separate episode we didn't back to back it

1:13:54

was that back to backs we had yeah

1:13:56

dr. Karl and this person yes

1:13:58

it was What

1:14:01

a funny combo. Dr.

1:14:03

Carl's request was, can you actually edit out

1:14:05

everyone's face so I can't recognise it? Yeah.

1:14:08

Okay. No problem. Can

1:14:10

you edit me out of this show? Why have I said yes

1:14:12

to this? Yeah, good question. That

1:14:15

was a question. He, the only question he couldn't

1:14:17

answer. Yes,

1:14:19

yes. What else? That

1:14:21

show we just did. I

1:14:24

am currently, right now, my wife and child

1:14:26

have just done a me. If

1:14:28

that makes sense. They just fucked off

1:14:30

on a plane for a week. Oh, cool. Yeah.

1:14:33

They just went to hang out with my wife's

1:14:36

best friend and her kids. They've

1:14:38

just pulled a big old me and gone

1:14:40

to a warmer location and said, have

1:14:43

fun in fucking eight degrees with your cunt. Avay,

1:14:46

is your daughter,

1:14:48

is she, does she get on well

1:14:50

with your wife's friend's kids?

1:14:53

Yes, absolutely. Great. So

1:14:55

it'll be good. It's not one of those weird, you would have

1:14:57

had that when you're a kid. It's like your parents' friends.

1:14:59

It's like, hey, they're coming around. You're like,

1:15:01

oh, great. Yeah. No,

1:15:04

you're friends with them. Yeah. Because

1:15:06

we're friends with the parents. So, and you were born around the same time.

1:15:08

Yeah, but you're friends with them. But you don't get, don't

1:15:10

you think it, it takes a certain age

1:15:13

until you get picky. I think you just have to

1:15:15

be friends with everyone until a certain

1:15:17

age. True. But I feel like

1:15:19

when you get older, you realize you kind of always, you sort

1:15:21

of knew deep down. You had a bit

1:15:23

of an instinct where you were like, I don't really vibe with

1:15:25

this person that much, even though I don't really know what that

1:15:27

means. Yeah, you probably, it probably takes till you're 12, 13

1:15:30

or something like that maybe to make those conscious

1:15:32

decisions. I think if you're five, six, seven, eight,

1:15:34

whatever it is, you're like, ah, they're just,

1:15:36

I guess everyone just has to be your friend. Yeah.

1:15:40

Everyone you just have to deal with. I'd say seven's maybe

1:15:42

the point. You reckon? Yeah, I think

1:15:44

so. Where you kind of, you

1:15:46

kind of just start to go, I've never

1:15:49

liked this person. Because I guess you kind of have it

1:15:51

at school. Like you're not, you're sort of not friends

1:15:53

with everyone at school. You start to like be

1:15:55

a bit discerning. It's like grade two

1:15:57

now, isn't it? Or is it grade three, grade

1:15:59

two? I think it's grade two. I

1:16:02

think it's grade two. Yeah. I'm

1:16:04

just trying to think of being in grade two and going and being

1:16:06

in that situation of being out with someone and going,

1:16:08

I don't want to hang out with you. I reckon maybe...

1:16:11

You didn't have that in grade two? I reckon I did. I

1:16:14

reckon at school, you're definitely choosing

1:16:16

who you choose at school. Yeah, but I

1:16:18

think that's what introduces your brain to it.

1:16:20

The idea of being discerning of like, oh,

1:16:22

it turns out not everyone's for me. Yeah,

1:16:24

yeah, yeah. Who the fuck's that over there?

1:16:26

Because before that, it is just like it's

1:16:28

very selective. Of just anyone who comes

1:16:31

into your orbit you're playing with. Yeah, maybe. And

1:16:33

then you're like, yeah, that guy's fucking really weird and makes

1:16:35

me feel not good. Yeah, maybe. Maybe

1:16:38

for me it'd be more grade four or something

1:16:40

like that. Just ask your daughter, hey, who do

1:16:42

you hate? Now, to be fair...

1:16:45

Who's your age that you hate? She has told me.

1:16:47

She has told me who she doesn't like. So that's

1:16:49

fair enough. Someone told her the other

1:16:51

day that she doesn't draw very good. So it's like, you're

1:16:54

on the fucking list. They're done. You're on

1:16:56

the fucking list. Yep. And my

1:16:58

wife is like saying, oh, maybe tell them that

1:17:00

you do draw good and you're a little bit

1:17:02

younger and whatever. And I'm like saying, you know

1:17:04

what? You find their weakness. You just say, they

1:17:07

got shit hair. Just

1:17:09

tell them they don't draw good. They

1:17:11

draw actually worse than you. Just tell them.

1:17:13

Yep. So you go back, hit

1:17:15

them with the same sticks and stones. Yep. So

1:17:18

I don't know how that's ended up, but she's

1:17:20

expelled from school. So I don't know. Maybe that's

1:17:22

a coincidence. It might be unrelated. Yeah, it might

1:17:24

be something else. Yeah.

1:17:27

So they gone. So I got to figure out what I'm... I mean,

1:17:29

I know what I do in Bangkok for a week, but what I

1:17:32

do in Melbourne for a week? What the

1:17:34

fuck am I doing? So yeah, that's what I

1:17:36

got. That's what I got. They

1:17:38

just left then. So... To

1:17:41

go where? To Queensland. Cool. Yeah.

1:17:45

Because it's school holidays. Yeah,

1:17:47

yeah. Face your whole life around school holidays. Actually,

1:17:49

well, you're like this. This is another, a

1:17:51

bit of getting into the world of school holidays, being

1:17:53

a parent. We're going

1:17:55

to go on holidays. Our family holiday this year

1:17:58

is going to be... In

1:18:01

like over Christmas. Yep, so I'm

1:18:03

gonna be somewhere else in another country for the first

1:18:05

time. Yeah, nice For

1:18:07

New Year's. Yep What

1:18:09

country Vietnam? Yes. Yep

1:18:12

gonna go there for cool for New Year's So

1:18:15

never been there before nice. Wait for Christmas

1:18:17

or Christmas and New Year's. Oh Not

1:18:20

Christmas. It's like we couldn't get away with not

1:18:22

going. Yeah, I was gonna say mum and dad.

1:18:24

Yeah, whatever Yeah, no, so as soon as that's

1:18:26

all over we're gonna go there for New Year's

1:18:29

Which bit Da Nang.

1:18:31

Yeah, great. Yeah. Nice. So and

1:18:33

that's only it's very short distance

1:18:36

to Hoya. Hoya Yeah,

1:18:39

you fly to Da Nang to go to Hoya right?

1:18:41

Yeah. Yep. So it's like a 45-minute drive or

1:18:43

something. Yeah Yeah, so yeah, that's what we're gonna

1:18:45

we're gonna stay there because it looks like From

1:18:48

the outside looking in if this makes any sense.

1:18:50

It looks like the Gold Coast of Vietnam

1:18:54

but Cleaner and nicer and those

1:18:56

full of fuckheads. Da Nang does.

1:18:58

Yeah Any time

1:19:00

in Da Nang City, but um, Hoi An is

1:19:02

great. Yeah, are you just gonna stay in Da

1:19:05

Nang the whole time? We're gonna

1:19:07

go to there. Yeah, but

1:19:09

we're gonna stay in Da Nang.

1:19:11

Yeah. Okay, cuz it's just got a big-ass beach. Yeah,

1:19:13

and yeah Nice hotels

1:19:15

on the beach that my wife still

1:19:17

has weirdly has deals with people through

1:19:20

the travel world fuck Yeah, where we

1:19:22

get like ridiculously cheap Hotels

1:19:24

and stuff. Yeah, like really nice one. So

1:19:26

trips pretty not pretty cheap. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah,

1:19:29

so anyway Vietnam Yeah,

1:19:32

should be interesting great place. Hmm.

1:19:34

I booked it without You

1:19:36

know just sort of thinking oh, it's always hot over there in my

1:19:39

experience of Thailand. It's always hot over there Hmm, we're

1:19:41

going there in the coldest time of Oh,

1:19:44

is it really? Yeah. Yeah, right like how cold

1:19:46

top of 25. Oh, okay. Yeah Yeah,

1:19:49

that's weird. So we're leaving a much warmer

1:19:51

place to go there. Yeah, that's some holiday.

1:19:53

I thought that too I thought it was always

1:19:55

really hot. Yeah, no interesting. No big chance of a

1:19:58

little bit of wet season as well I've

1:20:01

made a big old call there. Should

1:20:03

be good. Yeah. Should be

1:20:05

good. Anyway, speaking of Asia, we've just got

1:20:07

back from Kosa Mowi Tommy and we have

1:20:09

heaps of bonus content on our Patreon. Videos.

1:20:13

That's sort of it. We recorded a live episode

1:20:16

of Abhishek's sperm bank podcast over there

1:20:19

that's up. There's two bonus episodes that

1:20:21

we recorded that are video that where we're in

1:20:23

a pool. And then there's

1:20:25

episodes currently releasing of a

1:20:27

little travel doc stuff that we

1:20:29

made. Travelog stuff. Yeah. And

1:20:33

they're coming out really well. Yeah. And

1:20:35

there's still a bunch to go. There's still a

1:20:37

good handful of to go. There's a bunch up there and there's a bunch

1:20:39

to go. Yep. Something different. Love

1:20:41

you to see it. The feedback we've got

1:20:44

from the Patreoners so far has been enormous

1:20:46

considering everything else we do they don't comment

1:20:48

on. But these ones we're getting heaps of

1:20:51

comments. Yep. So

1:20:53

that's good. You see us do little videos. Little

1:20:55

you know. Little planning around. Yeah. Being

1:20:58

little funny people. So get into

1:21:00

that and of course you get the whole battle back catalogue of

1:21:02

like all the bullshit we've done in the past. There's

1:21:05

no better time to sign up in my

1:21:07

humble opinion. Yeah. There's like

1:21:09

four hundred and fifty something little bonus

1:21:11

episodes on there with guests and yeah

1:21:13

heaps of shit on there. And of course it's just

1:21:15

doing the right thing by giving back to this little

1:21:17

show that you listen to. Yes. For

1:21:20

free. It's a nice little thank you.

1:21:22

Yep. If you enjoy the show

1:21:24

we'd really appreciate it. And most of all we'd

1:21:26

really appreciate you just looking at this little bit

1:21:28

of art that we've created lately. So

1:21:31

that'd be great. So sign up patreon.com/little dumb

1:21:33

um club or you can go via our

1:21:35

website little dumb um club.com which of which

1:21:37

you can go and buy new merch if

1:21:39

you'd like to as advertised on the main

1:21:41

guts of the episode. Pete

1:21:44

Hellyer now walking around genuinely with a from before

1:21:46

baseball cap on. I really hope that

1:21:48

he pops up in different if you

1:21:51

if you spot him on socials wearing it. Yeah.

1:21:54

Let us know. Let him know. I

1:21:58

know. Down the inlet street. flyer

1:22:00

style. I hope that doesn't

1:22:02

happen. And we've got shirts smuggled

1:22:04

back from Kosh Samui and we don't even need

1:22:07

to mention the stubby

1:22:09

holders because they are absolutely pissing

1:22:11

out the door at the moment. We'll

1:22:14

be sold out of that soon. So

1:22:16

yeah, jump on all that sort of stuff. We'd

1:22:18

love you to do it. In the meantime, officially

1:22:22

thank you to everyone on patreon.com/the

1:22:24

London Numb Club one

1:22:26

by one. Not

1:22:28

all of them today, but some of them today. Some

1:22:30

people that maybe we haven't talked about. We took

1:22:33

a rest last week. We did. It was great.

1:22:36

It's good. No one noticed. No one cared.

1:22:38

No one commented on it. No. So

1:22:41

it's back. By unpopular demand

1:22:43

it's back. By absolutely no

1:22:45

demand whatsoever it's back. Yes.

1:22:49

Just it's back. It's done it again and it's back. I

1:22:51

mean we didn't have people comment either way. We didn't have

1:22:53

people go, oh you didn't read names. But

1:22:55

we also didn't have people go, thank God

1:22:58

you didn't read names. Yes. So it's, you

1:23:00

know, there was no real indication of what

1:23:02

we should do. Actually here's a call forward

1:23:04

to maybe stuff that'll go on Patreon in

1:23:06

the future is, I

1:23:08

didn't, not that I forgot about it, but I just

1:23:10

nothing ever happened from it. Someone that

1:23:12

we know had a camera

1:23:15

on the day that we did our 500

1:23:17

and 600 episodes back to back at the Athenaeum. And

1:23:20

I said to them, can you just like document

1:23:22

it and stuff? And they're like,

1:23:24

okay. And I said, we'll give you a bit of calling and

1:23:26

whatever. And he's like, yeah, alright. And he

1:23:29

did it and then I never

1:23:31

heard again anything about it. And the other day I hit

1:23:33

him up and said, whatever happened to all that stuff? And

1:23:35

I go, it's right here and just send it to me.

1:23:38

So it's just been sitting

1:23:40

online for like two years. Right. Yeah. So

1:23:42

we have all that sort of stuff. So

1:23:45

we have our mate Sammy, like I'm going to sift

1:23:47

through it and see what we can do with it.

1:23:50

And maybe I might Sammy go on a drift on

1:23:52

YouTube, go and give him a follow. He's

1:23:54

already told us we've talked about him, but he did

1:23:56

all the doco making on filming and stuff like that,

1:23:58

editing, whatever. He's a fun.

1:24:00

follow on YouTube. He's an Aussie that

1:24:02

lives in Thailand. Good

1:24:04

guy and he's already said to me, like

1:24:07

he's popped up on our bits and pieces. And he's

1:24:10

like, man, you got a lot of fucking listeners. I've

1:24:12

got all these people that I know that I never

1:24:14

knew listened to your show. They'd be like, what the

1:24:16

fuck are you doing on Dum Dum? I

1:24:19

do like he's inserted himself into our taco quite a

1:24:21

bit. Which I quite like. Which is fine, as he

1:24:23

said at one point, as he said. Well if you

1:24:25

guys aren't going to be the narrators of it, I've

1:24:27

got to fucking tell these cunts what's going on. I'm

1:24:30

like, yeah, that's a fair point. Yeah. So anyway, he's

1:24:32

a good guy. Thanks

1:24:34

Sammy. But thank

1:24:36

you to all Patreon subscribers, including these

1:24:38

ones. First Cab Off the Rank this

1:24:40

week. Thank you very much to Patreon

1:24:43

subscriber, Stuart Ervin. Ervin.

1:24:46

E-R-V-I-N. Have you ever heard of such a

1:24:48

thing? No. I've

1:24:50

said it before and I'll say it again. Never

1:24:52

heard of this surname. No. I learn about so

1:24:54

many surnames on this show. Ervin. E-R-V-I-N.

1:24:56

Yeah, that's a strange one. It's

1:24:59

a... yeah. I don't

1:25:01

know why you'd ever... You could have had any

1:25:03

surname, back generations ago. You

1:25:06

could have picked any word. This

1:25:08

hasn't been handed down from God. No. They've

1:25:11

all been made up at some point. Who

1:25:13

deliberately sat down with the quill when

1:25:15

I'm choosing this one? Out of all the

1:25:17

letters. This is one that definitely every time

1:25:19

he reads it out people are going, oh

1:25:21

Ervin. Yes. And he's having to go, no,

1:25:23

no, no G and with an E. Yeah.

1:25:25

And they're like, what? Yeah, why? What? Just

1:25:28

change it. What do you say? Just change it to

1:25:30

the other one. Yeah. Yeah. Or just go Ervin. That's

1:25:33

more fun. That raises

1:25:35

less questions. I mean, you've

1:25:37

picked a normal name, Stuart. So your whole family's

1:25:39

not completely fucked in the head. Yeah.

1:25:42

Why couldn't you have used... Are you going Stuart

1:25:44

or are you going Stewie or Stu? I'm

1:25:47

doing whatever I can to distract the fact

1:25:49

that I've got the surname Ervin. Ervin. Yeah.

1:25:51

Yeah. I'm going... You know those people that...

1:25:53

Not that this is a guy, but you

1:25:55

know those people that... Do

1:25:57

you reckon this is a generational thing? People

1:25:59

that... have middle names and they go by their middle names

1:26:01

instead of their first name. Uh,

1:26:07

do you, do you mean do you think

1:26:09

anyone's, do I think anyone's doing that anymore?

1:26:11

Yes. Because I think that's a, that's an

1:26:13

old school. I do. It does feel

1:26:15

quite old school. I'm sure there are still some people

1:26:18

that do it, but. My grandfather

1:26:20

and then two

1:26:22

of his kids did it.

1:26:25

And in terms of their three kids, two kids

1:26:27

did it. My dad didn't

1:26:29

do it. Right. And I would say

1:26:31

the reason is because his middle name

1:26:33

was Keith. Who the

1:26:35

fuck wants to go with that? I feel

1:26:38

like it's a real showbiz thing too. Like a

1:26:40

lot of times you look up an actor on

1:26:42

their Wikipedia because they pop into your head for

1:26:44

whatever reason. And you'll find out that they're going

1:26:46

by their, they're either going by their middle name

1:26:48

or they're using their middle name as their

1:26:50

surname. Like their surname is actually something different.

1:26:53

Yeah. I feel like that's really, it's a

1:26:55

really common showbiz thing of like, okay, what

1:26:57

have I got? These are the three names

1:26:59

that I've got to work with. Yeah. Which

1:27:01

is the combination that really pops the most

1:27:03

out of like, you know, out

1:27:05

of, out of what I've got, out

1:27:07

of what God gave me. Yeah. It's

1:27:09

like, my name

1:27:11

is Stuart Ervin, but

1:27:14

I'm in showbiz. How

1:27:16

about I go with my middle name Hemsworth.

1:27:19

Yeah. Like I was Stuart Hemsworth

1:27:21

instead. I looked up Simon

1:27:23

Pegg the other day who,

1:27:25

Pegg is his, his

1:27:28

stepfather's name. So his step. It's actually just

1:27:30

an abbreviation for fuck up the ass. Yeah.

1:27:32

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Simon fuck up the ass.

1:27:34

Yeah. That's what his stepfather did to him.

1:27:37

This gives me an idea. But that's,

1:27:39

I mean, that's entering in a whole other

1:27:41

role. So he's got like, his mum took

1:27:44

the new husband's name. So then he's got even

1:27:46

more to play with. He's sitting there getting into

1:27:48

showbiz being like, fuck, I got a lot to

1:27:50

work with. I got a lot of options out

1:27:53

in front of me. Yeah. So your dad, Gary

1:27:56

Dassalo. Yeah. That's where you got yours from

1:27:58

as well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No,

1:28:01

my stepdad. My mum remarried.

1:28:04

My parents got divorced. My

1:28:06

dad, the famous architect, she

1:28:09

divorced him and then she married

1:28:11

the famous Italian Domio

1:28:14

puppet. It was

1:28:16

my stepdad. And that

1:28:19

puppet's name is Gary Dassalo. Gary Dassalo.

1:28:21

Gary Dassalo. Yeah, it's an odd name.

1:28:23

It's stuck with me. I thought that's

1:28:26

an odd Anglo-Italian name. And that's why

1:28:28

I don't really look like him. Like

1:28:31

I took the name. But people see us walk

1:28:33

down the street. They're like, oh, you don't really

1:28:35

look, you don't look like felt. That

1:28:37

greasy. Yeah. Yeah. You look

1:28:39

more like an all-sop. Funny

1:28:41

story. Your mouth kind of moves properly, not

1:28:43

just like flaps up and down. Well, we're

1:28:46

not genetically related. Right. Yeah,

1:28:49

you know what? I'd never thought that Randy was your

1:28:51

actual brother. Now that you say that. Who?

1:28:54

Purple Rodney. Not

1:28:59

Randy the puppet, that's for sure. No. You

1:29:02

wouldn't want to be billed as that because that would indicate

1:29:04

that you're a puppet. No. When clearly

1:29:06

that's not the case. Yeah. Purple Rodney.

1:29:08

Purple Rodney. Yeah. Yeah. From not

1:29:10

before? I don't know. Yeah, I feel

1:29:12

like something feels like we would have

1:29:15

talked about it at some stage. Maybe. You can

1:29:17

work it out. Yeah. Little Easter egg. Yeah. Can't

1:29:19

spell everything out for you guys. Yeah. Speaking

1:29:21

of spelling out. The spirit of Agnew was through Mad

1:29:23

Magazine. You can work this out. Yeah.

1:29:27

ERVIN. Yeah. Thanks,

1:29:29

Stuart. Thanks, Stuart. Thanks,

1:29:31

Ervo. Thanks, Ervin. Yeah.

1:29:34

If you want to change your name to

1:29:36

Dasslo, feel free, I reckon. Or Dolmio. Stuart

1:29:40

Dolmio. Tommy Dolmio. Oh,

1:29:42

you're going to change your name now. Yeah. Yeah,

1:29:45

okay. That's good. He can be Stuart Dasslo and

1:29:47

you can be Tommy Dolmio. That's

1:29:49

good. You just keep changing it

1:29:51

to vaguely Italian names. Yeah. So,

1:29:53

like, that'd be good if someone protested against you. Dads,

1:29:56

I can't believe you changed your name to this ethnic

1:29:58

name. You're not anything. Okay, I'll change my name. to

1:30:00

Tommy Domino. Yeah. Because that's just a

1:30:02

source. It's not actually a

1:30:05

person. Tommy Domino's. Even

1:30:08

more insulting. That's even worse. Yeah.

1:30:12

Domino's. Thanks

1:30:14

Stuart. Thank you very much to Patreon

1:30:17

subscriber Chris Wilcox. Mmm okay.

1:30:19

Mmm. See that's, that's a good,

1:30:22

that's a good porn name. Wilcox.

1:30:24

Yeah. Mmm. Because they always, they have

1:30:26

those sort of male ones. Like girls.

1:30:28

But you mean the full name is

1:30:30

Wilcox. No. Oh yeah that's good. Yeah.

1:30:32

That's, yeah that's even better. William Cox.

1:30:34

William Cox. Yeah. Wilcox. Yeah. Because they'll

1:30:36

have like, there's a porn star

1:30:38

called Randy Spears. Mmm. Which he's got it

1:30:41

beautifully both ways. Great. Yeah. Girls just have

1:30:43

attractive horny names. But the guys have got

1:30:45

to have some. Guys have to be like

1:30:47

a little pun. Yeah. It's not, there's a.

1:30:50

There's a reference to their dick. There's a

1:30:52

fine line between male porn star and drag queen.

1:30:54

Yes. Because drag queen names are always kind of

1:30:56

punny and you sort of go, oh that's clever.

1:30:58

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gary Dick. Yeah.

1:31:00

That sort of thing. Yeah. Clever puns. Again that could be

1:31:03

either one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That could be a drag queen.

1:31:05

Gary Dick. Gary Dick.

1:31:08

What was the, what was the

1:31:10

name of the drag queens that you were watching in, you

1:31:12

went to in the coast of the moon? Oh

1:31:14

the deepest cabaret. You saw some shows. Yeah. Oh they don't really,

1:31:16

they don't get a shout out by name. Is drag queens

1:31:19

a term anymore or not? Are you not allowed

1:31:21

to say that? I think it's the term. It's a term?

1:31:23

Yeah. Still the current term? I think it's

1:31:25

cross dresser is not, uh, Ophée. You're

1:31:27

not really allowed to use that one. Right. Um,

1:31:30

no drag queens is the term. I believe.

1:31:32

Let me know. Let me know if I'm wrong,

1:31:34

but yeah. Yeah. Um, Chris

1:31:38

Wilcox. Wilcox for

1:31:40

money. Mm. Um, I

1:31:43

don't know if they do it anymore. I don't know if

1:31:45

they, I don't know if that's a modern day porn star

1:31:47

thing that they go with those, those names. It feels like

1:31:49

a very, like when I was growing up, like a nineties,

1:31:51

2000s, these sort of things.

1:31:53

Yeah. Yeah. I, I, yeah,

1:31:56

I'd assume not. Are

1:31:58

there, but yeah, I don't know. Is there the same level? full

1:32:00

of like, kind

1:32:02

of famous porn stars. Cause the way

1:32:04

most people consume it is just through one of the

1:32:06

like, you know, red tube or whatever. That's

1:32:09

all very, it's all kind of a bit more anonymous.

1:32:11

It's not studio anymore. They used to have like studios

1:32:13

and stuff. And also I remember- You're not getting DVDs

1:32:15

that have like a person's like name on the front

1:32:17

of the room. Box covers. That kind

1:32:19

of stuff, yeah. What they call the box covers.

1:32:21

You're just loading up whatever fucking random four minute

1:32:23

clip. Yeah, yeah. No, I remember back in the

1:32:26

day them talking about it and it was like,

1:32:28

even back in the day, I remember the guys

1:32:30

weren't paid very well. But it's

1:32:32

like, well, you

1:32:34

get another reward, I guess, to it. Yeah.

1:32:37

And you just, no one's buying the videos for

1:32:39

the guys. It's just, you just need

1:32:42

a hard dick. You need a Will Klock. But,

1:32:44

I mean, the guys have to be able to

1:32:46

perform on cue in a much different way. Yes.

1:32:48

Which is a pretty big ask. Absolutely, a skilled

1:32:51

profession, but it was not rewarded in the same

1:32:53

way that, you know, guys are not looking at

1:32:56

other guys and going, I'll buy this video

1:32:58

because, you know, Chris Will Klock can definitely

1:33:00

keep it up. Yep. So, I

1:33:02

only give a fuck. Yep. Whatever. Wow,

1:33:04

he came right when he said he was going to.

1:33:06

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's incredible. Yeah, exactly. That's

1:33:08

made me horny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Basic

1:33:11

competence in your job gets my dickie

1:33:13

hard. Yeah, no, I want those big

1:33:15

Bob's things. That's what I need. Yep.

1:33:18

So, Chris Will Klock, I don't know. I mean, you

1:33:20

could, what I'm trying to warn you, I guess, about

1:33:22

is that you've got a great name for the biz.

1:33:25

I just don't know. I wouldn't, if I was your

1:33:27

careers advisor, I'm not sure if I'd point you that

1:33:29

way. I'm not sure the money's in the business anymore.

1:33:31

I'm not sure if I was ever in the business.

1:33:34

But particularly now, I don't think

1:33:36

there is. So, I don't know. I

1:33:38

don't know if you, I mean, it is one

1:33:40

of the few professions where you change your name to

1:33:42

sort of sort in. You don't change your name to

1:33:44

Gary Numbers to get into fucking H&R blog, do you?

1:33:47

Right, there's no other, yeah. You

1:33:49

could. That would be good if you

1:33:51

change your name to Gary Numbers to work at

1:33:53

H&R blog. If every job had some equivalent of

1:33:55

that, it had to be a little pun that

1:33:57

described what you were doing. Man,

1:33:59

I want to. I really, it's my dream to

1:34:01

be a lumberjack, but I just, I can't do

1:34:04

anything. My name doesn't really lend itself to, there's

1:34:06

no little puns that I can turn it

1:34:09

into. Yeah,

1:34:11

I wanna work as an accountant. My name is. Richard

1:34:14

Succo. John Sevan. That's good.

1:34:20

Yeah, that's good. All right, thanks. Thanks

1:34:22

Chris Wilcox. Thanks Chris. Good luck. Getting

1:34:25

hard for dough. Thank

1:34:27

you very much to Patreon subscriber. I

1:34:30

think this is a person that was on part

1:34:32

of the Coase of Millie International Podcast

1:34:35

Festival. So they've just waited basically to

1:34:37

come to the festival nearly and then sign up,

1:34:41

done double whammy, gone to the festival

1:34:43

and become a Patreon. Great. I

1:34:45

wonder if anyone got wifi on their

1:34:47

plane on the way over and used that plane wifi

1:34:49

to sign up to Patreon. Well,

1:34:52

actually once I announce the name,

1:34:55

I will talk about something that that reminds

1:34:57

me of. Thank you very much to Patreon

1:34:59

subscriber, Amy Greenfield. Okay. Yeah,

1:35:01

she was, I believe she was at the

1:35:03

festival. Which I

1:35:07

love the psychology of the people. As

1:35:09

we found out about 75% I think of people were

1:35:12

coming to their first Coase of Millie Podcast

1:35:14

Festival, which I found weird in my

1:35:16

head. I just thought everyone was just coming from five years

1:35:18

ago or whatever, wasn't the case. So

1:35:20

thank you to all the people that did that

1:35:22

big leap of faith and came over, including Amy

1:35:24

Greenfield. Someone who I actually

1:35:26

meant to talk about while

1:35:29

we were over there was that there was, there's

1:35:32

a couple of, well

1:35:34

one, Brett Blake is the only four time guest.

1:35:38

Yep, yep. There

1:35:40

was a couple

1:35:43

of, there was a set of brothers that came

1:35:46

over that are

1:35:48

three timers. Okay. Right?

1:35:51

Been to three of them. But what I love about is

1:35:53

one of the guys is a listener of the show. But

1:35:56

the other guy is not a listener of the

1:35:58

show. Just wants to hang out with his brother. Just wants to

1:36:00

come to Thailand with his brother. And so

1:36:02

he comes over, watches all the shows, but

1:36:05

then has never listened

1:36:07

to another episode. Not inspired. No. Yep. But

1:36:09

has been to three festivals, watched all the

1:36:12

shows within the festivals. But what I like

1:36:14

particularly is he went to a couple

1:36:16

in a row, but now there's been

1:36:18

that gap of five years. So

1:36:21

it's just been like, oh, I guess I'll

1:36:23

see what these cunts have been up to in their

1:36:25

life. He probably barely even remembers much

1:36:27

from the one five years

1:36:29

ago. You know what I mean? Enough to be like,

1:36:31

yeah, that's worth going to again. What

1:36:33

happened in those shows? Were they any good? It's

1:36:35

just like he went to the first one and had no

1:36:37

idea what the fuck we were talking about. Was trying to make up in

1:36:39

his head what was going on. Then had

1:36:41

to do all the hard work again. We've got there. And

1:36:44

then five years later, he's had to add up all the things

1:36:46

that have happened in between. Well, then again, maybe it's just, maybe

1:36:49

I'm thinking too much of our show. Maybe he's

1:36:51

got there and gone, yeah, sounds about the fucking

1:36:53

same as five years ago. That makes sense

1:36:55

to me. I also, he would

1:36:57

be in the camp of people who are like, let's just

1:36:59

fucking get this shit wrapped up. This is just

1:37:01

the hour that I've got to sit here. I'll

1:37:04

sit up the back near the bar and just

1:37:06

drink. We're going to dinner after this. Yeah, every

1:37:08

now and then there's something that is kind of

1:37:10

non-contextual enough that makes, that's funny, that is whatever.

1:37:13

Let's get out of here, boys. Yeah, yeah. Like

1:37:16

there's a part of a video, like

1:37:19

bonus video that we've put out on

1:37:21

Patreon where Sammy, our guy, I

1:37:23

said to him, oh, what'd you think? We

1:37:26

did a live show, we killed it. It was a really

1:37:29

good live show. And just said, what'd you think of the show? And he

1:37:31

just goes, um, and I'm like,

1:37:33

fuck man, come on. Jesus

1:37:35

Christ. We're used to performing in front of

1:37:37

the camera. Yeah, exactly. You're a performer, you're

1:37:39

a YouTuber guy. And

1:37:41

also we're paying you to do this at the

1:37:43

very least. No, I

1:37:46

respect the honesty. I respect the honesty. We

1:37:48

were getting laughs the whole time. We're

1:37:50

hard on ourselves. I'll say like that was a

1:37:52

rough one. I felt like that was

1:37:54

a hard one. This was a good

1:37:56

one. Yeah. Fucking hell anyway. Anyway.

1:38:00

Amy Greenfield, I hope you enjoyed yourself in Coe

1:38:02

Simile at the Podcast Festival. Yeah.

1:38:05

I don't know if I recall Amy. I

1:38:08

don't know if I met her. I mean, I would

1:38:10

have met her when we were doing the check-in stuff.

1:38:12

I remember the names. I'm getting better at remembering names

1:38:14

just through the check-in. Yeah. So

1:38:16

I have no, if you put five

1:38:19

people in front of me right now and said, which one's Amy

1:38:21

Greenfield? I have no idea. No offence, Amy. But

1:38:23

the name stuck with me. The name stuck out. Okay,

1:38:25

right. This is gonna rule if she writes

1:38:27

in and she's like, yeah, it wasn't there. Oh,

1:38:29

yeah. That's the best possible outcome.

1:38:31

Actually. You've Mandela affected yourself into

1:38:33

thinking that Amy Greenfield was at

1:38:35

the Coe Simile Podcast Festival. There

1:38:37

was a couple of no-shows at

1:38:40

the Coe Simile International Podcast Festival.

1:38:42

People who literally just didn't turn

1:38:45

up to the festival. Yeah. Just

1:38:47

didn't even say I'm not coming or anything.

1:38:50

Full respect for that. But that's the dream. Like,

1:38:52

yeah, not sure. You know, if I've, any time

1:38:54

I've had to like, you know,

1:38:56

cancel something for whatever reason. Yeah. That

1:38:59

I'm not gonna get that. Like, I've done that on the fly

1:39:01

on a trip, decided that I actually wanna

1:39:03

go somewhere else and like at

1:39:06

the last minute, I'm like, I'm not gonna go to

1:39:08

that place. I've got the hotel booked. Yep. I'm

1:39:10

not gonna fucking bother. Yeah. Although actually,

1:39:12

no, I did that in Japan. I changed my

1:39:15

plans and just got a

1:39:17

different hotel in a different place and

1:39:19

thought, oh, well, that's, yeah, I'm not gonna

1:39:21

fucking hassle them. And then they started hassling

1:39:23

me. They're like, where are you? And

1:39:26

I'm like, well, I mean. See, that's old

1:39:28

school. I think that's old school. Which

1:39:30

I kind of, I could sort of understand in

1:39:32

a sense, but I was a bit like, I

1:39:36

was like, oh, well, maybe, maybe I could

1:39:38

have hit them up and gotten some sort of money

1:39:40

back. I was like, I was just trying to fucking

1:39:42

stay out of your hair and like not bother you.

1:39:44

Like, cause anytime you do that, you feel like you

1:39:46

just get someone on the phone who's like, you

1:39:49

know, I've had things where I'm like, oh, my

1:39:51

flight got canceled and now coming in tomorrow. And

1:39:53

they're like, great. Yeah. Get

1:39:55

it whenever the fuck you want. Yeah. No,

1:39:57

totally. Totally. Yeah. You're

1:40:00

doing a hotel. You're dealing with people that

1:40:02

are actually in there. Hotels are a little bit like

1:40:04

that. When are you planning on actually checking in? It's

1:40:06

like, when I fucking check in, what do you care?

1:40:08

Are you going to have a special, like,

1:40:10

are you going to put someone at reception at 11

1:40:12

p.m. just because I've said, like, someone has to be

1:40:14

at reception the whole time? No, but it's the opposite.

1:40:16

It's like, hey, when's your flight getting in? When do

1:40:19