0:00

As a loyal listener to

0:02

this show, you're always challenging

0:04

yourself to grow. To be

0:06

better, to keep learning. And

0:08

Southern New Hampshire University can

0:11

help. Southern New Hampshire University

0:13

offers over 200 career-focused degree

0:15

programs online. Plus, Southern New

0:17

Hampshire University has some of

0:19

the lowest online tuition rates

0:22

in the US. So balancing

0:24

school... work and life actually

0:26

feels achievable and affordable too.

0:28

Find your degree at S-N-H-U-D-U-S-D-U-S-Dyle.

0:30

That's S-N-H-U-D-U-S-S-Dyle. in

1:23

front of the right people with

1:25

deep candidate insights. At the end

1:27

of the day, the most important

1:29

thing to your small business is

1:31

the quality of candidates, and with

1:34

LinkedIn, you can feel confident that

1:36

you're getting the best. Find out

1:38

why more than 2.5 million small

1:40

businesses use LinkedIn for hiring today.

1:42

Post your job for free at

1:44

linkedin.com/dial to post your job linkedin.com/dial to post your job for free terms

1:46

for free, terms and conditions apply.

1:46

and conditions apply. Welcome

1:48

to today's episode of the Mindset

1:50

Mentor Podcasts. I am your host

1:53

Rob Dial. If you have not

1:55

yet done so hit that subscribe

1:57

button so you never miss another

2:00

podcast episode. And if you're out

2:02

there and you love this podcast,

2:04

send me a text message right

2:07

now. I'll text some inspirational tips

2:09

and tricks to you throughout the

2:11

week. stop

2:21

being a victim and having a

2:23

victim mindset mindset in your life

2:25

and how it's going to be holding

2:27

a I definitely had a victim

2:29

mindset when I was younger, and

2:31

so I can speak to this.

2:33

It's something that I really had to

2:36

work through, because I used to be

2:38

really, really good at making myself

2:40

the victim. And I would say stuff

2:42

like, oh, I always have bad luck,

2:44

or just things don't really work

2:46

out for me, or things work out

2:48

for better people. for other people. Other

2:51

people get lucky, but I have bad

2:53

luck. Well, I would make excuses for

2:55

everything in my life, and I would

2:57

take no responsibility for basically anything. And

2:59

the problem is that most people

3:01

are not really even aware that

3:03

they're using and playing the victim.

3:05

It's just something they've been doing

3:08

for so long. It's something they

3:10

picked up in childhood. And so

3:12

it requires self-awareness within ourselves to

3:14

notice it. But the biggest problem with

3:16

playing the victim. is that if

3:19

you play the victim, it completely

3:21

takes all of the control out

3:23

of your life. If you're constantly

3:25

blaming other people, or the

3:27

economy, or other circumstances, everybody

3:29

else, then you have no control in

3:31

your life. If you make yourself the

3:34

victim, you're basically resigning to the

3:36

fact of like, I can't control

3:38

my life, and I'm just at the whim

3:40

of whatever the universe wants to beat me

3:42

over the head with. If you're listening to

3:44

this podcast, you want your life to be

3:46

different, you want your life to be better,

3:48

you want to grow and you want to

3:51

improve. But you cannot change your life for the

3:53

better if you have a victim mindset because you

3:55

are never going to be in control of your

3:57

life. And so if you're somebody who is out

3:59

there that... makes too many excuses,

4:01

or you feel like you blame

4:03

too much, or you have trouble stepping

4:06

up and making change in your

4:08

life, and this episode's really gonna

4:10

help you to stop being a victim.

4:12

And if you know someone who plays

4:14

the victim, send this to them.

4:16

And you know, it might be

4:18

triggering for some people. The reason why

4:21

is because it will start to

4:23

disrupt your false thinking patterns. Let's

4:25

dive into it. What exactly is a

4:27

victim mindset is an attitude. where people

4:29

perceive themselves as powerless and blame

4:31

external circumstances or other people

4:34

for their problems. It's a

4:36

mindset that is basically chronic

4:39

complaining, excuses, avoiding

4:41

responsibility, and you know, maybe this

4:44

belief that like, hey, no matter

4:46

what I do, I can't change myself and

4:48

I can't change the situation. I have

4:50

found it, I don't know if it's

4:53

just, you know, just anecdotal, but I've

4:55

seen. It seems like more and

4:57

more and more people are

4:59

at least presenting a victim mindset

5:01

than they ever have. Seems to

5:04

be very common nowadays when you

5:06

look at it to the world.

5:08

It's kind of like I always

5:10

talk about this, but it's kind

5:12

of like this cartoon I saw

5:14

like 15 years ago, and it's

5:17

cartoon of this guy on stage, and

5:19

he's on stage, and he's in front

5:21

of a podium, and he says,

5:23

who wants to change? and everybody's

5:26

hand is down. It's kind of like

5:28

the world that we live in, you

5:30

know? If you are constantly making yourself

5:32

a victim, as I said, you're gonna

5:34

have no control over your life, but then

5:36

you look at it and you go, okay,

5:39

I always go, why does this exist? Where

5:41

does this come from? And so the

5:43

victim mindset often takes root in,

5:45

you guessed it, childhood. Yeah, that's what

5:47

we seem to talk about a lot

5:50

here, isn't it? Usually. a protection

5:52

mechanism in some sort of way that

5:54

you developed, or it can also be a

5:56

way that you got attention or love from

5:58

your parents. Maybe you had... you know, a

6:01

big family. And the way you only

6:03

really got attention or felt like you

6:05

got attention was when you played the

6:07

victim or something was wrong. And so

6:10

also parenting style really plays a critical

6:12

role in this as well because there

6:14

are some overprotective parents. Like if you

6:17

had overprotective parents, their attempt to protect

6:19

their children are basically saying to the

6:21

child, hey, the world is too dangerous

6:24

for you and you're incapable of navigating

6:26

it alone. And so in turn they

6:28

grow up and they feel like, well,

6:31

I'm helpless, you know, I'm dependent. And

6:33

so I can't really do anything on

6:35

my own and then they start blaming

6:38

outside circumstances. On the other hand, the

6:40

parental style of being an overly controlling

6:42

parent can do this as well because

6:44

it instills fear in the child and

6:47

this belief that your actions are always

6:49

dictated by external forces. And so it

6:51

kind of like takes the autonomy out

6:54

of the child. and their personal responsibility.

6:56

If someone's had an overly controlling parent,

6:58

this happens as well. You know, like

7:01

one of the things I've been looking

7:03

at a lot recently is, is the

7:05

benefit of letting your children fail and

7:08

mess up, you know, obviously be there

7:10

to support, but letting them mess up

7:12

without stepping in, because when you step

7:15

in, that unconsciously says to the child,

7:17

hey, you're not able to do this,

7:19

let me do it for you. And

7:22

over time, that thought process, going into

7:24

adulthood, can make people feel like they're

7:26

a victim. Another thing that it comes

7:28

from in childhood can be modeling the

7:31

behavior of their parents as well. And

7:33

so children learn by observing the behaviors

7:35

and the attitudes of the adults around

7:38

them. And so if parents or caregivers

7:40

are victims themselves, like some of you

7:42

guys listening are like, oh yes, my

7:45

mom or my dad plays the victim

7:47

all the time. Well, you know, children

7:49

tend to model the behavior of their

7:52

parents. Maybe your parents blamed other people

7:54

or played the victim or talked about

7:56

how powerless they were or maybe they

7:59

just one of the people who just

8:01

took no responsibility. for their actions. I

8:03

know there's a lot of people like

8:05

that out there. Children tend to see

8:08

that and adopt similar attitudes as well.

8:10

Then what happens is children pick it

8:12

up in childhood somehow in some way,

8:15

and then it starts to morph into

8:17

adulthood. And so victim mindset then carries

8:19

into being an adult. And one of

8:22

the most common signs of a victim

8:24

mindset in adulthood is the tendency to

8:26

blame other people for one's problems. or

8:29

mistakes or failures. You know, blaming the

8:31

boss for lack of career advancement. Oh

8:33

yeah, well, you know, he doesn't like

8:36

me and so that's why I've never

8:38

been promoted. Or, you know, blaming a

8:40

partner for your relationship issues. It's their

8:43

fault that our, you know, relationship is

8:45

where it is. Or blaming society because

8:47

of, you know, what you look like

8:49

or where you grew up or your

8:52

socioeconomic status. And it's this... This pattern

8:54

of thinking that we need to become

8:56

aware of because it removes our individual

8:59

sense of responsibility. And if we don't

9:01

have our individual sense of responsibility, how

9:03

in the hell are we going to

9:06

change our own lives? And so the

9:08

problem is, once again, it completely takes

9:10

all the control away from you. And

9:13

you have to have control of your

9:15

life in order to change your life.

9:17

And so more than anything, it makes

9:20

somebody feel powerless in their own life.

9:22

And so you can have basically a

9:24

perspective of one of two things in

9:26

this world. You can either think that

9:29

life is happening to you or life

9:31

is happening for you. And so if

9:33

life is happening to you or to

9:36

somebody, if it's happening to you, then

9:38

you have basically no control over your

9:40

destiny. If you believe that it's happening

9:43

to you, then there's basically nothing you

9:45

can do about it. And so it's

9:47

like this, well. I guess I'll just

9:50

have to see what the world gives

9:52

me. There's nothing that I can do

9:54

about it. It's this fixed mindset. If

9:57

you've ever read the book, Mindset by

9:59

Carol Dweck, that's a fixed mindset. Where

10:01

it's just like, there's nothing I can

10:04

do about it. That's how it is.

10:06

A growth mindset is the exact opposite.

10:08

of that. And so a fixed mindset

10:10

and victimhood is chronic complaining more than

10:13

anything else. Complaining doesn't fix a problem,

10:15

but you know, for me, I knew

10:17

that complaining didn't fix my problems, but

10:20

I didn't want to step up and

10:22

actually fix my own problems, so I

10:24

just complained all the time. And I

10:27

made excuses, and it made me feel

10:29

like, okay, well then, you know, the

10:31

reason why I don't have the success

10:34

that I want and have the happiness

10:36

that I want and what my life

10:38

is in shambles is because. This person

10:41

because of that person because of the

10:43

economy because of where I grew up

10:45

because my dad was an alcoholic and

10:47

I just blame everybody else But if

10:50

I do that I'm not in control.

10:52

So There's the victim mindset on one

10:54

side and then what we want to

10:57

actually have is the empowered mindset Right

10:59

the empowered mindset is really what we're

11:01

trying to work towards and so if

11:04

you look at these different examples like

11:06

let's say career advancement, right and getting

11:08

promotions and moving up the corporate ladder

11:11

victim mindset might believe that their boss

11:13

doesn't recognize her hard work and they'll

11:15

never get promoted. Oh, Stacey got promoted

11:18

and she's she hasn't even been here

11:20

as long as I have. It's because

11:22

he doesn't like me and he thinks

11:25

that she's better looking or the boss.

11:27

He's so creepy. He's got a little

11:29

crush on her and that's why he

11:31

promoted her and not me. It's like

11:34

the victim mindset right? Empowered mindset would

11:36

and we will be right back. As

11:38

a business owner, you have to wear

11:41

many hats. For me, I've worn pretty

11:43

much every hat you could possibly wear

11:45

in my business. Ever feel overwhelmed by

11:48

trying to manage web hosting while juggling

11:50

a million other tasks? Kinsda doesn't just

11:52

host WordPress websites. They deliver blazing speeds,

11:55

ironclad security, and reliability. Just by switching

11:57

to Kinsda, your website could run up

11:59

to 200% faster. When it comes to

12:02

security, Kinsa is in a league of

12:04

their own. They're one of few WordPress

12:06

hosting providers who back their promises with

12:08

multiple enterprise certifications. And when you hit

12:11

a snag, you'll talk to real humans,

12:13

24-7, 365, actual. people who get it,

12:15

not AI chat bots. Tired of being

12:18

your own website support team, switch your

12:20

hosting to KINSTA and get your first

12:22

month free. And don't worry about the

12:25

move. They'll handle the whole transition for

12:27

you. No tech expertise required. Just visit

12:29

kinstah.com/mindset. Do you say data or data?

12:32

However you say it, it's time to

12:34

stop overpaying for your monthly data plan

12:36

with MintMobile. Ditch overprice wireless and get

12:39

three months of premium wireless service from

12:41

MintMobile for 15 bucks a month. All

12:43

plans come with high-speed data or data,

12:46

your choice, and unlimited talk and text

12:48

delivered on the nation's largest 5G network.

12:50

I have two phones. One of my

12:52

phones, which is my office phone and

12:55

my company phone, is MintMobile and has

12:57

been for years. And I love that

12:59

I can save so much money over

13:02

the big brands from MintMobile. No matter

13:04

how you say it, don't overpay for

13:06

it. Shop data plans at mintmobile.com/mentor. That's

13:09

mintmobile.com/mentor. Up front payment of $45 for

13:11

three month, five gigabyte plan required equivalent

13:13

to $15 a month. New customer offer

13:16

for first three months only. Then, full-price

13:18

plan options available, taxes and fees extra,

13:20

see Mint Mobile for details. When you

13:23

think about companies with healthy sales, you

13:25

think about a great product, an attractive

13:27

brand, and marketing that lifts a heavy

13:29

load. But an often overlooked secret is

13:32

actually the business behind the business, making

13:34

selling, and for shoppers buying, simple. For

13:36

millions of businesses, that business is Shopify.

13:39

Nobody does selling better than Shopify, home

13:41

of the number one checkout on the

13:43

planet, and the not-so-secret secret secret, Shop

13:46

Pay can boost conversions up to 50%.

13:48

Meaning way less cards go abandoned and

13:50

way more sales going. And the thing

13:53

I love about Shopify is how they

13:55

have you every step of the way

13:57

from your first sale all the way

14:00

to over millions of dollars in sales.

14:02

So upgrade your business and get the

14:04

same. check out that many other companies

14:07

use. Sign up for your $1 per

14:09

month trial period at shopify.com/dial all lowercase.

14:11

Go to shopify.com/dial to upgrade your selling

14:13

today. shopify.com slash dial. And now

14:15

back to the show. Would sit there and

14:18

proactively ask for feedback.

14:20

Try to go, okay, how can I

14:22

improve my skills? And look for opportunities

14:25

so they can showcase their

14:27

work. These are the things that they can

14:29

control. I can ask for feedback. I

14:31

can improve my skills. I can find opportunities

14:33

and show how good I actually am.

14:36

These are things that they control. So

14:38

that's what an empowered mindset would

14:40

do in career advancement. If you look

14:42

at like health and fitness, for

14:44

instance, a victim mindset would

14:46

say, oh, you know, I can't lose weight

14:49

because it's just my genetics. You know, diets

14:51

never work for me. That's like the

14:53

victim, oh it's my genetics, like if

14:55

it's your genetics, you're a victim of

14:57

your genetics, there's nothing you

15:00

can do. You might as well just resign

15:02

to that. An empowered mindset would say,

15:04

okay, you know, maybe it is genetics,

15:06

maybe it is going to be harder for

15:08

me to lose weight than the average

15:10

person, but it's not impossible for me

15:12

to get healthier and to lose

15:14

weight. So maybe I'll consult with a

15:16

nutritionist, maybe I'll create a fitness plan,

15:19

decide to be consistent, it makes small

15:21

little adjustments so that i can achieve

15:23

my goals and more than anything else

15:25

i will work hard to get there

15:27

see the difference between victim mindset

15:30

and empowered mindset you know if

15:32

you look at like finances for instance

15:34

a victim mindset might feel like

15:36

they never get out of debt because

15:38

of the bad economy or low income

15:40

or because of their parents because of

15:42

the president or because of who they are

15:44

what they are all of that stuff my boss

15:47

doesn't pay me enough he doesn't give me a

15:49

raise it's the economy I got a bad degree

15:51

right like that's the victim mindset

15:53

an empowered mindset might say yeah okay

15:55

maybe I did not get the degree I want

15:57

to maybe I didn't you know do this right

15:59

the past But I'm going to create a

16:01

budget, I'm going to cut unnecessary expenses,

16:03

I'm going to find additional income sources

16:06

if I want to, or they just,

16:08

you know, make themselves more valuable in

16:10

the marketplace so that they get paid

16:12

more. And so it's like that's the

16:14

difference between victim and empowered mindset. You

16:16

know, if you look at like how

16:19

they empowered mindset and the victim mindset

16:21

pop up in relationships, a victim mindset

16:23

might say, well, you know, my partner

16:25

never listens to me. And the relationship

16:27

is doing because my partner does X,

16:29

Y, and Z. And in power of

16:31

mine, I would say, hey, I need

16:34

to get better in this relationship because

16:36

it's a relationship. It's two people relating

16:38

to each other. And so maybe I

16:40

should do the one thing that I

16:42

can do, which is work on myself,

16:44

work on my emotions, work on my

16:47

communication skills, work on my feelings, and

16:49

get better at communicating those. And so

16:51

I need to get better at communicating

16:53

my needs clearly. and I need to

16:55

work on improving the relationship and make

16:57

decisions that are best for my well-being

17:00

and their well-being. And the reason why

17:02

is because if I change in the

17:04

relationship, because the relationship is two people

17:06

relating to each other, well then the

17:08

other person has to change the way

17:10

that they relate to me, if I

17:12

change, which means the relationship has to

17:15

change. And so that's just saying, okay,

17:17

that's victim mindset versus empowered mindset, which

17:19

is what you want to step into.

17:21

gives you a sense of personal agency,

17:23

it gives you responsibility. It says I'm

17:25

going to be proactive here and it

17:28

involves taking control of your life, being

17:30

proactive, and maintaining a positive and resilient

17:32

and resilient outlook and say I'm going

17:34

to do this no matter what. And

17:36

I'm going to find the strategies to

17:38

get better at this thing. The thing

17:40

I love about being a human is

17:43

that we're not a tree. We can

17:45

move, we can change, we can do

17:47

something different. And so... It's just about

17:49

going, hey, what do I need to

17:51

identify? What do I need to improve

17:53

in? And then I need to improve

17:56

in. And then I need to improve

17:58

that thing. And so the first thing

18:00

that's really important. is self-awareness and reflection

18:02

are really critical steps. And so you

18:04

have to recognize that, yeah, I might

18:06

have a little bit of a victim

18:09

mindset, or I might have a lot

18:11

of a victim mindset. And you start

18:13

reflecting on your thoughts and your patterns

18:15

and your behaviors and your attitudes and

18:17

your attitudes. Another thing that really helps

18:19

with it, try journaling, try meditating, try

18:21

going to therapy, ask your friends and

18:24

family what they think. You know, that's

18:26

one thing that's that. 1% of people

18:28

listen to this podcast are going to

18:30

do, but the 1% are going to

18:32

have the biggest amount of change your

18:34

life is ask the people you love

18:37

what they think about you. The good,

18:39

but then also ask for the bad.

18:41

Because really, that's where you're going to,

18:43

there's a people who know you the

18:45

most. They're going to tell you the

18:47

things that you might not know about

18:50

yourself. So that's the first thing is

18:52

you have become very self where the

18:54

second thing is you've got to just

18:56

go, if it's up, changes the way

18:58

that everyone else shows up and the

19:00

way that everything else happens. And so

19:02

it's this idea of when you notice

19:05

yourself getting into the, oh, why is

19:07

this happening to me, woe is me,

19:09

why is this always happen to me,

19:11

woe is me, why has this always

19:13

happened to me, instead of getting into

19:15

that mindset when you become aware of

19:18

it, you gotta shift it and you

19:20

gotta say, okay, what can I do

19:22

about this? This is really in your

19:24

life and your childhood. Not your fault.

19:26

But if they happen to you, it

19:28

is your responsibility. Like if you've been

19:30

listening to his podcast for a while,

19:33

you know, that my father passed away

19:35

when he was when I was 15

19:37

years old, he was an alcoholic throughout

19:39

my childhood, I could just play victim

19:41

and just blame all of my bullshit

19:43

on him if I wanted to. So

19:46

my fault that he was an alcoholic,

19:48

but it is my responsibility to do

19:50

what I need to do in order

19:52

to create that life I want with

19:54

that being part of the cars that

19:56

I was dealt. Same thing for you,

19:59

is it's not all your fault, but

20:01

it is your responsibility. thing is to

20:03

get this, it's really understand, you've got

20:05

to embrace personal responsibility. The third thing

20:07

is to try this thing called cognitive

20:09

reframing. It's a really powerful tool for

20:11

changing your negative thoughts. Setbacks, challenges, all

20:14

of those things are going to pop

20:16

up. And so you've got to learn instead

20:18

of seeing them as something that's like

20:20

insurmountable, some mountain that

20:22

cannot be climbed but he won't

20:24

overcome. So you've got to look at

20:27

those things and cognitive reframing. as,

20:29

hey, this is an opportunity for me to

20:31

learn and grow. The only way that you

20:33

grow is from setbacks, from failures, from things

20:35

getting harder in your life. So it's this

20:37

idea of consciously replacing negative thoughts with more

20:40

positive and empowering ones. And, you know, see,

20:42

life is a video game. I love to

20:44

look at life as a video game as

20:47

if, like, hey, this challenge was brought

20:49

to me to new challenge in my life for

20:51

me to learn and grow and get better. And

20:53

then the last thing is having this

20:55

mindset of failure as feedback as feedback

20:57

as feedback. Failure is feedback.

20:59

It doesn't mean like, oh, this is

21:01

happening to me. Oh, I'm not going

21:04

to be able to overcome this. Why

21:06

does this always happen to me?

21:08

It's going, hey, okay. I just failed,

21:11

but I don't want that to just

21:13

be a failure. What I want is I

21:15

want to pull and extract the

21:17

lesson from that thing. And so

21:19

really, there's this idea of if

21:21

I'm going to change, I'm going to

21:24

have to be the person to do

21:26

it. And so if you don't have to.

21:28

night and white shining armor that's coming around

21:30

the corner to help you change your life.

21:32

If you want to change your life, you

21:34

have to develop this empowered mindset. All

21:37

aspects of your life, I promise you

21:39

this, just please trust me, in it,

21:41

all aspects of your life will become

21:43

better when you switch from a victim

21:45

mindset to an empowered mindset. And so

21:48

if you're really here and listening to

21:50

this episode and you've gotten this far,

21:52

you've realized, yeah, I do need

21:55

to take full responsibility. Stop playing

21:57

the victim. Your life will change

21:59

dramatically. So, Amazon

22:30

Pharmacy presents...

22:32

Painful Thoughts. Twenty more

22:34

minutes to kill in the

22:36

pharmacy before my prescription is ready.

22:38

Maybe I'll grab some deeply

22:40

discounted out -of -season Halloween candy. Hmm,

22:43

I never had a chocolate pumpkin

22:45

with raisins before. Those

22:48

were raisins, right? Next

22:50

time, use Amazon Pharmacy.

22:52

We deliver. And no,

22:54

those were not raisins.

22:56

Amazon Pharmacy. Healthcare just got

22:58

less painful. painful.