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a number of reasons, many

1:46

of us end up far, far

1:48

away from where we started. the

1:51

place you grew up. might been

1:53

one of limited opportunity. Maybe

1:56

it was somewhere you you weren't able to be

1:58

your true self. or

2:00

a traumatising event made staying

2:02

there and building a life

2:04

for yourself next to impossible.

2:07

For Anthony Donilon, Tony

2:09

to his friends, it was

2:11

for all of those reasons that he

2:14

chose to leave the small Irish village he'd

2:16

grown up in. Tony

2:18

moved to London, living

2:20

with his older sister Rita before striking

2:22

out on his own. He

2:24

was innately curious about the world

2:26

around him and was a reservoir

2:29

of knowledge. What's

2:31

more, he was a a deeply

2:33

kind and loving person who cherished

2:35

his family more than anything else. So

2:38

when he vanished without a

2:40

trace, in April 1995,

2:43

his loved ones couldn't explain

2:45

it. And they've

2:47

been searching for ever since. I'm

2:50

Pandora Sykes, and you're listening

2:52

to The Missing, a

2:55

the story original series brought to

2:57

you with the help of

2:59

the charities Missing People Locate

3:02

International. They believe

3:04

all of the cases in

3:06

this series could still be

3:08

solved. This

3:10

is The Missing. Anthony

3:12

Donilon. When

3:21

does mention his name, the

3:24

first thing that comes to my

3:26

mind is this tall, good-looking man an

3:28

amazing smile and a

3:30

lust for life. And it

3:33

leaves me somewhat speechless.

3:37

What happened? Where he?

3:39

Is he alive? In order

3:41

to tell Tony's story, we have to

3:43

go back to his birthplace, the

3:46

picturesque remote countryside

3:48

of County Clare. My parents

3:50

were farmers. We are talking

3:52

the early 70s. We

3:54

came from a farming community.

3:57

our best playmates were... ourselves,

4:00

you know? I I mean, The

4:02

farm was isolated. Our social life is

4:04

the fun that we got up to on

4:06

the farm. We used to have

4:08

donkeys and horses, and we

4:10

would ride and, oh, and

4:12

oh, we used to get up to mischief. many

4:15

images from that part of her

4:17

life are seared into Rita's brain. and

4:19

most of all. the look on

4:22

her brother's face whenever he was assigned

4:24

a menial task. Tony

4:26

stood out because he never liked

4:28

to get his hands dirty. He

4:30

He would be more inclined to do,

4:32

read a book. instead

4:34

of having to do farm work. It

4:36

wasn't just Tony's aversion to mud and

4:38

milking cows that set him apart from

4:40

other boys his age. He was

4:43

different in ways that went beyond

4:45

his attitude towards his parents' chosen profession. something

4:48

his sister noticed at an early

4:50

age. and I

4:52

remember him as a kid.

4:54

that certain things

4:56

like milking cows and stuff like

4:58

that, he would faint. It

5:01

just wasn't for him. The reason why

5:03

making an emphasis on this

5:05

is because later the road,

5:07

he realized that he's sexuality, that

5:09

he he gay. which

5:12

I think had, was very

5:14

troubling for him. Rita

5:17

didn't know Tony was gay when they were little. It

5:20

wasn't part of her vocabulary back then. It

5:23

was something he revealed to her much later.

5:26

But it's extremely

5:28

important detail. because of

5:30

where Tony grew up. It's

5:33

hard to overstate the power

5:35

and influence the Catholic Church had

5:38

over Ireland in the 1970s. To

5:40

put it in perspective, Ireland's

5:43

population in 1979 1979

5:45

was around 3 .4

5:47

million people. When

5:49

Pope John Paul II visited

5:51

the country that year, 2

5:54

.5 million Catholics turned out

5:56

to see him speak. wasn't

6:00

that homosexuality was frowned upon

6:02

by the church. it

6:04

was actually illegal. You

6:07

can imagine what it is like, what it

6:09

would have been like to have been brought up

6:11

in rural Ireland and the church very

6:13

dominant. We were

6:15

brought up in that you know, you to

6:17

church on Sunday and had

6:19

a very conservative education.

6:22

I went to a convent. My brothers

6:24

went to to the Christian brothers. The

6:27

of Christian brothers is a

6:29

Roman Catholic organization founded

6:31

in Ireland in 1802 for

6:34

the purpose of educating

6:36

Catholic children in disadvantaged areas.

6:39

At the height of their influence, they

6:41

were running close to a schools

6:43

across Ireland. In the

6:45

early 2000s, the Christian were

6:47

rocked by scandal, when

6:50

widespread and systemic abuse

6:52

of pupils by staff was

6:54

suddenly exposed. So

6:56

unsurprising to learn that

6:59

Tony never felt comfortable there. He

7:06

had issues. that

7:08

he felt he was different. And

7:11

again, because he didn't have an outlet to express

7:14

himself. it's

7:16

something that He

7:18

had difficulty. trying

7:20

to figure out who he is. Noticing

7:24

Tony's struggles, his siblings, who

7:26

cared about him deeply, closed

7:28

ranks. protecting him and

7:30

supporting him however they could. We

7:33

were very close, Tommy, Tony myself,

7:35

and any time we had whatever chores our

7:37

dad gave us to do, Tommy and

7:40

myself, we would make up for what Tony

7:42

didn't want to do. Because for our

7:44

father, that wouldn't have been acceptable. growing

7:46

up when and where he did. It

7:49

would have been understandable if

7:51

Tony felt overcome by his seeming

7:53

and compatibility with his environment. But

7:57

he was anything but passive about his

7:59

circumstances. Tony

8:01

had agency and he

8:03

realised on. that knowledge was

8:05

his passport to a better life.

8:08

He was very outgoing, very curious. Always.

8:12

always wanting to know something new or

8:14

to find out, you know, if he

8:17

heard about something. And again, I'm talking about

8:19

the days when we didn't have Google

8:21

or we didn't have internet, you know,

8:23

so he would read a lot. And

8:26

he had a great relationship. bridge with

8:29

mother. and he

8:31

was very caring, very caring indeed, you

8:33

you know, and always very optimistic. Whilst

8:37

may not have been the model farmer

8:39

his father wanted, he outshone his

8:41

siblings in other ways. Tony

8:43

always out I mean I I

8:46

remember um you

8:48

know, like before Sunday Mass, like on a Saturday

8:50

evening, you know, my mother would,

8:52

you know, get

8:54

everybody organised. And Tommy, and

8:57

Tommy. He he now

8:59

the farmer there today. He

9:01

always had issues about cleaning himself up. you

9:03

know, and like had the mess, you know, had to

9:06

go to church the following day. And

9:08

I remember with him, it would always be a

9:10

struggle you know, convince him and to get him to do

9:12

what he had to do, Whereas

9:14

would always be, you know, mean,

9:16

you didn't have to tell him. I mean, he, you

9:18

know, his self appearance

9:22

and everything that had to do with

9:24

that. was tip top,

9:26

you know, he was very, very

9:29

much into how he looked. When

9:32

Rita came of age, she, like many

9:34

of her peers, found herself

9:36

looking for work in a country crippled

9:38

by recession. There simply one

9:40

enough jobs going around. So

9:42

Rita, along with tens of thousands

9:44

of others, made the difficult

9:47

decision to leave everything and everyone

9:49

she ever knew behind and

9:51

emigrate. I Ireland at the

9:53

age of 16 and a half. I had

9:55

finished my living cert I left. and

9:58

I went to England to work. And

10:00

while I was in England working, Tony

10:02

was still in Ireland. With

10:04

his sister now overseas, Tony

10:06

all his efforts on his

10:08

schoolwork to effect. He was a

10:10

model student, top of his class.

10:13

His parents were beyond proud and had

10:15

high hopes for their son's future. But

10:18

any talk of university applications. or

10:21

career prospects. was

10:23

suddenly scuppered when about a

10:25

year after Rita departed for the UK. something

10:28

in Tony snapped. He

10:33

had some kind of an

10:35

emotional breakdown. And my parents

10:37

didn't really know to to handle

10:39

him because they never had to

10:41

face such an issue instead of

10:43

helping him or trying to figure

10:45

out what caused it because of a

10:48

sudden he, from from

10:50

a top student he went

10:52

to a young teenager who just

10:54

didn't have any interest in his

10:56

school anymore and he was doing

10:58

very silly things. He would go

11:00

to the the

11:02

local pub you had those little

11:05

pull boxes on the bar and

11:07

he'd that and he'd walk out

11:09

the door with no explanation

11:12

or you

11:14

know, were things that, it was

11:16

like. desperately looking for

11:18

attention because he was very confused,

11:21

and they

11:24

him because they didn't know how to deal with it. At

11:27

a complete loss as to what was happening

11:29

to their son. and unable

11:31

to explain the reasons

11:33

behind his increasingly erratic behaviour,

11:35

Tony's parents had him committed

11:37

to a nearby psychiatric

11:40

hospital. In, in is,

11:42

In Innes County Claire. when Rita learned

11:44

about what had happened. She was

11:46

furious. and within

11:48

days, she was on a plane bound for home.

11:50

I was very angry at the fact that

11:52

they had put him in a place where he

11:54

did not belong. And I remembered that because

11:56

I wasn't even 18, I couldn't sign him out,

11:58

so she had to out. I'll see you next

12:00

time. Bye. After a tense reunion with

12:02

her family, during which she told

12:04

her parents exactly what she thought about their

12:06

course of action, Rita eventually

12:08

managed to convince her

12:10

mother to authorize Tony's release. My

12:13

grandmother, who was

12:15

a very hard woman and had lived

12:18

her whole life in County Claire.

12:20

She gave me the flight ticket

12:22

for him to take him back

12:24

to England because she said he

12:26

does not belong here, take him. him. And

12:29

I took him. It

12:34

wasn't unusual for a farmer's son

12:36

to join the family business at or

12:38

15. or 15. So

12:40

pulling out of school an

12:43

issue. It was now the 80s,

12:46

and in the UK, it was the decade of

12:48

punk, The Falklands, and Charles

12:50

and Diana. Rita had

12:52

slowly but surely built a

12:54

life for herself there and had

12:56

found a job. I worked for

12:58

an Irish couple in Chelsea just

13:01

off King's Road, Chaney Lane. And I

13:04

I worked there and then gradually

13:06

I my way up to

13:08

working as the manager is.

13:10

Rita lived in a room above the pub. So he

13:12

used to sleep on the floor. and

13:15

I I was trying

13:17

to figure out, like, what happened and what's

13:19

going on, et cetera. Rita knew her brother

13:21

was in a vulnerable state. The

13:24

events that preceded his

13:26

hospitalization puzzled her. How

13:28

Tony gone from a star pupil

13:30

to a failing vandal in a

13:32

a matter of months? She

13:35

knew her brother didn't have a malevolent

13:37

bone in his body. He

13:39

was a deeply kind and

13:41

caring person. Something

13:43

had to have happened to set him on

13:45

this trajectory. But

13:48

what? Let's say

13:50

that the average boy going

13:52

to the Christian Brothers you know, the

13:54

majority would be from the farming

13:56

community And know, it was like I

13:59

think he stood out. And I

14:01

think personally, I I cannot say it

14:03

for of course, of course, but I

14:05

think that he had some kind

14:07

of a bad experience that he

14:09

was groomed and that he didn't know

14:11

know how to handle it And he'd really one

14:13

to talk to about it. But

14:15

eventually, after her brother had put

14:17

some time and distance between himself

14:19

and Ireland, Tony felt ready

14:21

to open up. And

14:23

then one day he came out and he said, I'm gay. So

14:27

was somewhat aback

14:29

because I'm saying gay. mean,

14:32

okay, how do you know

14:35

you're gay? I mean, what does gay mean? mean, don't

14:37

forget we were brought up in a very closed

14:39

sheltered way of life

14:41

in Ireland, you know, I I mean. our parents

14:43

didn't sit us down and tell us like, you know

14:46

all different you know. or even

14:48

at school we didn't get any real sex

14:50

education as such. So when

14:52

came out with that, I was

14:54

somewhat, okay, okay, how do I deal

14:56

with this? Because I was

14:58

a teenager, you know. Tony

15:00

sat down with his sister and

15:02

explained everything. and she

15:05

listened with a kind ear. Rita

15:07

told her brother he could stay with her

15:09

as long as he wanted. that she

15:11

was there for him. And have to

15:13

say that the people I worked for,

15:15

they really wanted to help and they

15:17

understood, like, you know, that I had no

15:19

choice but to actually take him back

15:21

with me. So they were very much committed

15:24

well, you know, to, you know, to let's

15:26

see what we can do here. and Rita

15:28

welcomed the support. We went

15:30

every together because he was quite

15:32

young and I felt like it's my

15:34

total responsibility here and because

15:36

of what he had passed. but

15:39

I I always felt that I

15:41

was never really a teenager. I always

15:43

felt I always had to take extra responsibility.

15:46

from an early age. I didn't know what questions

15:48

to ask him. Rita wanted her

15:50

brother to be able to share his

15:52

life with her. but she worried about

15:54

putting her foot in her mouth. Eventually

15:58

just went with... as

16:00

long as you're good. I'm good. Well,

16:03

if that's what you feel and

16:05

you're happy out with that you can

16:07

accept it and I

16:09

said, okay, It's your life. I

16:11

have to say just from away from Ireland, having

16:14

got away and seeing a different

16:16

life in London. It

16:18

appeared. that that he had, you

16:21

know, he had got on with it. Rita

16:23

also realised there were certain things her

16:25

brother would simply have to figure out

16:27

on his own. I remember, maybe

16:30

after months or whatever. Pat,

16:33

my landlord, he said to me, he said,

16:35

you know, you're his sister, you're not his

16:37

mother. And

16:40

you can't fix it for him. He

16:42

has to find his way. after

16:44

almost a year in London. Tony

16:46

decided it was time to go home. The

16:54

exposure to new people and new

16:56

experiences, things he

16:58

couldn't possibly have encountered in rural Clare,

17:01

helped him to get back to his old self.

17:05

And the prospect of starting over in

17:07

a new city was a tantalizing

17:09

one, he was still only 15

17:11

years old. he needed to get back

17:13

to school. It was very

17:15

important for him to finish his living search.

17:17

Education was a number one for

17:19

him. And After having

17:21

spent, must it must have been nearly

17:23

a year, he felt strong

17:25

enough that he wanted to go back and

17:27

finish his living search. Then he went back and

17:30

he was very forgiving with my parents

17:32

and my parents were like, wow, Tony

17:34

back again to us. know, the

17:36

Tony that we knew prior to what

17:38

had happened. So they were very

17:40

happy, he did not tell him that

17:43

he was gay. but

17:45

he chose the school that he

17:47

wanted to finish his living search. And

17:49

of going back to the Christians

17:51

he went to a vocational school

17:53

in one of the local towns

17:57

And then when he finished his living search, he

17:59

decided. school his to that that was

18:01

not for him. And

18:03

he he came back to England. By

18:06

the time he came back, I had left England.

18:09

I had started to travel. Thanks

18:11

to the year had spent with Rita, he

18:13

now had a network of friends he could tap

18:15

into. he wasn't alone. The

18:19

are a very close -knitted community, they

18:21

look after each other. and

18:23

he had contacts. and

18:26

he himself as a barman. He

18:29

knew that London was for him. That is what he

18:31

wanted. he had

18:33

his friends, his

18:35

work, and then our

18:37

younger sister, Delores, She

18:39

also moved from Ireland. I

18:41

think at the age of 20, she also moved to England.

18:44

She had a a pub in Ealing, she

18:46

was the manageress of that pub.

18:50

And herself and Tony had a

18:52

great relationship, so they had each

18:54

other. BUT,

19:00

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19:07

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19:26

you enough love as a child? Whoa.

19:29

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19:31

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19:33

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19:35

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19:37

are lots of ways you can help yourself

19:39

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19:42

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19:44

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19:46

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19:48

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19:50

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19:52

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19:54

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19:56

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20:02

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20:04

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20:08

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20:10

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20:13

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20:15

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20:17

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20:19

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20:21

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20:23

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make yourself sad. In

20:39

the blink of an eye, Tony had been in London

20:41

for a decade. It was now

20:43

1995. He had

20:45

a regular gig as a barman

20:47

the fifth floor of upmarket store, Harvey

20:49

Nichols And he met up with

20:52

his sister Dolores Saturday. They

20:54

would meet in Piccadilly Circus somewhere

20:56

in that area. They

20:58

would go for a meal. They, Tony

21:00

would have something planned, whether

21:02

it was the latest movie or

21:04

something in the theater. He He

21:06

was great for trying out a

21:09

new restaurant or but they always

21:11

met. They, once a week was

21:13

their socializing and they would

21:15

update each other and was very

21:17

much into guiding my younger

21:19

sister. He He used to give her

21:21

a lot of guidance. Meanwhile Rita was

21:23

traveling the world. I had traveled

21:25

for a year and then I ended

21:27

up in Israel. Where she

21:29

found herself living in a kibbutz. A

21:31

kibbutz is a community, a a

21:33

huge community where people are members.

21:37

It's usually a farming community or they

21:39

may have some factories. and

21:41

they're self -sufficient and everything is shared

21:44

and they get their health and

21:46

their education and they have to give

21:48

a certain amount of their salary. despite

21:50

the 3 ,000 miles between them. Rita

21:53

and Tony in touch. He would come

21:55

and visit me. and my other

21:57

sister, He come and visit us

21:59

on a on a pieces. Rita knew

22:01

Tony was happy in London, but she always

22:03

sensed that he wanted more. He'd

22:06

been able to do a bit of

22:08

traveling, occasionally working as a barman on

22:10

cruise ships. but Rita could tell

22:12

that he was after more stimulating work.

22:14

His biggest dream was that he could

22:16

allow himself to study. in

22:18

university. That's what he always wanted. I'm

22:21

not sure what he would have wanted

22:23

to study, but he was one for

22:25

current affairs. He realized in London that there's

22:27

no way he could, I mean, let's

22:30

face it, today it's different, mean,

22:32

know, but going back then in

22:34

the late 80s, it

22:37

would have been very difficult to have

22:39

been a a student and to try

22:42

and hold down a a full -time job,

22:44

whereas today everybody juggles the work and

22:46

because we have more options, more possibilities, there's

22:49

more availability. And yes,

22:51

that was something that he always wanted to

22:53

do, yes. But he educated himself. He

22:55

made sure that he was, up up

22:58

to date current affairs. He had a

23:00

very, very wide range of vocabulary

23:02

that he would sometimes leave people like,

23:04

excuse me, but what is the

23:06

word? On

23:09

Saturday before he went missing. Tony

23:11

up with Dolores the siblings' weekly

23:13

cinema trip. It was an

23:15

important bonding ritual for the pair, one

23:18

they look forward to. that

23:20

weekend's feature. Mel

23:22

Gibson's Brave Heart. After that,

23:24

they for a meal. She

23:26

did not notice something peculiar

23:28

with him. He was, you

23:30

know, very much full

23:33

of optimism. He realized

23:36

of the accident he had with the

23:38

bike. A few months

23:40

before his disappearance, Tony, who

23:43

went everywhere in London on his bike,

23:45

had gotten into an accident where been

23:47

thrown from his saddle. injuring

23:49

his back in the process. he

23:52

was temporarily laid up and unable

23:54

to work. And I think

23:56

that was the first time ever

23:58

that it actually hit him that, you know... When

24:00

young, you think, you know, oh, well, I can

24:02

work and nothing's to happen to me. but things

24:05

happen. It just opened

24:07

eyes to the fact that he

24:09

needs to think more seriously

24:11

about. He's future.

24:14

And then he put her in a taxi

24:16

and it was like, okay, see you next Saturday.

24:19

Have a good week. And that was it.

24:22

And he I didn't see

24:24

anything like, wow, Tony,

24:26

you're weird, or what's going

24:28

on, or, you know, no, no,

24:30

absolutely nothing. Dolores would

24:32

never see Tony again.

24:34

while Rita, unbeknownst to

24:36

her, had already had her last

24:38

conversation with her brother. a a few

24:40

months before. while was recuperating

24:43

from his accident. And

24:45

I remember I spoke to him and I

24:47

said, listen, why don't you take time

24:49

out and come to Israel and

24:51

stay with us and, you know, decide

24:54

it is and what it is you

24:56

want to do with the... with your

24:58

job or you know because he work

25:01

because he had done some damage to

25:03

his back So it was very difficult

25:05

to lift crates or barrels or, you know. as

25:08

a barman, have to heavy

25:10

weights. But no, he said, no,

25:12

no, um... it's fine, I

25:15

You get back up on the horse and that's

25:17

exactly what he did and that was the last

25:19

time I spoke to him which would have been

25:22

August. At

25:26

the time of his disappearance, Tony was

25:28

living in a flat in Camberwell in London.

25:31

It was a slightly unusual living arrangement.

25:34

Tony was renting a room in a place that

25:36

belonged to his ex -boyfriend, Peter. I

25:39

don't know exactly how long the relationship,

25:41

but they did have a relationship

25:43

and then it finished. Peter

25:46

bought this old

25:48

kind of rectory church

25:50

something made into house

25:52

in Camberwell. And

25:55

Tony, if I'm not

25:57

mistaken, he had been working on the cruise or

26:00

he was looking for

26:02

a place a new residence,

26:04

and Peter, you you

26:06

know, come and rent a come and rent a room. It'll

26:08

help me to pay my mortgage. At

26:11

this stage, Peter had moved on and

26:13

he had his new boyfriend, Miles, Miles, and

26:17

Tony decided to live there, yeah. He

26:19

was living with his ex -boyfriend

26:21

and the ex -boyfriend's new partner. So

26:24

that was the setup. According

26:27

to Tony's flatmates, he

26:29

left the property on October the 11th, four

26:31

days after he had been to

26:33

the cinema with Dolores, and never returned. It

26:36

wasn't until a couple of days later, on

26:39

Sunday the 14th, that Peter and

26:41

Miles reported Tony missing to the

26:43

police. They told the

26:45

authorities that they suspected he died by

26:47

suicide. as it wasn't like

26:50

him to go missing for days on end without

26:52

checking in with them. you Tony's

26:54

family weren't made aware he

26:56

was missing until after the

26:58

police report had been filed.

27:01

A very old friend of Tony's,

27:03

I'm still in contact with

27:05

him actually, Frank Foy, ran my younger

27:07

sister Dolores tell her Peter

27:09

and Miles went to the station

27:12

to report a possible suicide. They

27:14

made a report to the

27:16

police station in Pickham. And

27:18

the horse was like, what? I

27:21

mean, she was totally thrown off. It

27:23

was like, what is going on? I just

27:25

saw him last Saturday. There must be

27:27

a a mistake. Dolores

27:33

could not understand why Peter hadn't been

27:35

in touch with her. They

27:37

knew each other. If Peter

27:39

thought her brother might gone missing. why

27:42

wouldn't he have asked his sister living in

27:44

the same city if she had seen him?

27:47

Surely would have been their first call. When

27:50

Dolores relayed the news to Rita. She

27:53

wanted to know what Peter and

27:55

Miles so sure that Tony had

27:57

killed himself. If that was...

28:00

Because indeed case, then Dolores

28:02

must noticed something was off the

28:04

last time she'd seen her

28:06

brother. You didn't see signs,

28:08

there must have been something. And she

28:10

was like over the place because she

28:12

was trying to understand, But but like he

28:15

the the morning now it's Monday

28:17

and why do you think that

28:19

he wanted to commit suicide? Tony's

28:22

flatmate suspicions were based on

28:24

the fact that all of

28:27

his belongings had been left

28:29

behind. His passport, his personal

28:31

items. Everything was left. It

28:34

wasn't something planned. It was like as though

28:36

he walked out to get some milk

28:38

or something or whatever and just never came

28:41

back. And there was one item in

28:43

particular. that gave

28:45

them pause. Apparently He

28:48

left an envelope with a pounds

28:50

in it. And on

28:52

the outside of the envelope, it

28:54

was written for Dolores. So

28:57

they to conclusions, whatever, and

28:59

they decided it was he's

29:01

obviously suicidal. And

29:04

course the police, I I have to

29:07

say their was first of all, well, if

29:09

it is, well, we have to just wait, we have

29:11

to wait. because The body

29:13

should show up someplace. you know, you

29:15

don't commit suicide and yourself. Also

29:17

a 29 year old man, so

29:19

they didn't react. immediately

29:22

to that. So the police didn't really do

29:24

much. They made out a report and

29:27

they waited. It was a waiting game. But

29:30

siblings didn't want to wait. Their

29:32

minds were too busy racing

29:34

through every possible scenario. that could could

29:36

have resulted in their disappearance. He'd

29:39

been in a serious bike

29:41

accident before. Could he you have gotten involved in

29:43

another? A a more severe one. one

29:46

he couldn't walk away from. The

29:48

victim of a hit and run perhaps Tony

29:51

was a social person. Could

29:53

have met someone at bar and home with them? only

29:56

to find that they had a a

29:58

sinister ulterior motive. Could it have

30:00

been something as simple as a mugging gone wrong. frustrated

30:03

at the police's apparent lack

30:05

of urgency. Tony's

30:08

sisters decided to take matters

30:10

into their own hands. We

30:15

rang Peter we

30:17

asked him please not

30:20

touch his room. We

30:23

will pay his rent, Just

30:26

leave it as it is

30:28

so we can see for ourselves

30:30

how he left the room that

30:32

morning. And I remember Peter, he

30:36

said, yes, no problem. And I said, listen,

30:38

my other sister, Chris is coming over. She

30:41

bring the rent money and

30:45

just leave it as it is for now

30:47

until we find

30:50

answers to what's going on. by

30:52

the time she arrived and she

30:54

went down to she went down to with

30:58

Dolores, our younger sister, and

31:00

Peter and Miles greeted her. And

31:04

what found was three boxes

31:08

of Tony's belongings out

31:11

on the hallway. His whole

31:13

life in three cardboard boxes. That's

31:17

what she found. They'd

31:19

down all the wallpaper, they'd taken up

31:21

the floorboards. And

31:24

her first question was, but we asked

31:26

you not to touch it. They said, no,

31:28

we had to because we had dry

31:31

rot we decided that

31:33

we wanted to with

31:35

with it. They up with

31:37

every excuse possible. Seeing all

31:39

traces of Tony stripped

31:41

from his room dispassionately, chilled

31:44

Dolores to the bone. Something

31:46

wasn't right about this picture, she

31:48

thought to herself. The pieces

31:50

of this narrative simply do not

31:52

fit together. Tony's

31:54

siblings were furious that

31:56

simple plea to his housemates had

31:58

completely ignorant. Furthermore,

32:02

they refused to believe that

32:04

would have taken his own life. Why

32:09

suicide? What would have

32:11

caused? He had He

32:13

had been enough. like

32:15

as we'd say, it either makes you or breaks

32:17

you. And And think

32:19

Tony had been so much

32:21

that he wouldn't have. and

32:24

he loved life. He loved life. He

32:26

wouldn't have done that to the family

32:28

he left behind. He had a very

32:30

close relationship with my mother. Every

32:32

week she would get she would

32:34

receive a phone call from him. and

32:37

he would never forget her birthday

32:39

and he would turn up as a

32:41

surprise in Ireland and he'd spend time

32:43

with her, et cetera, compared to

32:45

my other brothers. And he

32:47

loved life, he loved to travel, he loved

32:49

to try out new things. And

32:52

of of a sudden suicide? I

32:55

said, Delores, it's, you know, I mean, sorry,

32:57

but I totally don't accept. Tony's

33:00

family couldn't shake the nagging

33:02

feeling that something untoward had

33:04

happened to their brother. and

33:07

that his flatmates knew more than

33:09

they were letting on. When

33:11

my sister arrived that first evening, she

33:13

wanted to be in his room. We,

33:15

I I myself her to see.

33:18

I knew Tony's habits how he kept

33:21

everything in place. I wanted

33:23

to see whether something was out

33:25

to get a feeling of

33:27

the last place the person had

33:29

been. It was very, mean, it's very

33:31

important. and my sister

33:34

went straight to the police station. They

33:36

went straight to the police station to

33:38

say that they're suspicious of Peter

33:40

minds, that something else happened here. But

33:43

But never got the impression that

33:45

the authorities took their theories seriously.

33:47

It took quite a while for

33:50

them to move because they were like

33:52

still, well, we get

33:54

a report that a possible suicide.

33:56

And again, they were. were...

34:00

understaffed, so everything took time And

34:02

also it's another thing which is not

34:04

so nice to say but going back

34:07

in the 80s, being and being gay

34:09

wasn't exactly like, you know let's

34:11

say the police it was like well, one

34:13

to deal with they

34:15

were fairly convinced that

34:17

it's a suicide. So

34:20

weren't that quick to act.

34:23

They took their time. Meanwhile, Tony's

34:25

siblings racked their brains, trying

34:27

to recall anything Tony had

34:30

told them. any comment

34:32

that could potentially shed some

34:34

light on the current

34:36

situation. And

34:38

memory. in particular. stood

34:41

out. I

34:45

do remember that he told

34:47

me that was an incident that decided

34:49

to change the law his bedroom.

34:52

prior to him going missing, that he wanted

34:54

to change the locks, that he actually

34:57

changed the locks. So

35:00

nobody really questioned, okay,

35:03

why he feel that he had

35:05

to change the lock of his bedroom in

35:08

a house? Tony's family

35:10

tried to imagine what

35:12

reason his flatmates might have

35:14

had for doing him

35:16

harm. It likely

35:19

wasn't financial. Tony

35:21

didn't have a lot of money and a

35:23

significant chunk of his savings. were

35:25

in that envelope marked

35:27

Dolores. So

35:29

what else could have some potential

35:31

foul play? A A

35:34

love triangle? Jealousy?

35:37

or maybe just an argument that got out of

35:39

hand. Anything could happened from

35:41

what I understood from Frank that

35:44

maybe Tony having, maybe Tony and

35:46

Peter had of back together

35:48

again a little on the

35:50

side And might have

35:52

been rough Miles

35:54

is the jealous type. I I don't

35:56

know, but without a doubt. they...

36:00

know exactly what happened to Tony.

36:02

Dolores brought her suspicion to the

36:05

police's attention and eventually, after

36:07

a lot of persistent on the

36:09

part of Tony's family, the

36:11

authorities interviewed his flatmates. They

36:14

were brought into the station

36:16

one at a time and

36:18

separately about Tony and the

36:20

circumstances surrounding his disappearance. But

36:22

nothing came up and they said, listen, we don't have

36:24

a a body. There is not a lot we can

36:26

do. the family were beyond

36:29

frustrated. heartbroken not

36:31

knowing what had happened to Tony. they

36:33

were left feeling like the police. who

36:36

ultimately decided there wasn't sufficient

36:38

evidence to tie Tony's flatmates

36:40

to any wrongdoing whatsoever. had

36:43

failed them. So, like

36:45

many others in their situation. they

36:48

decided to hire a private

36:50

investigator. We did

36:52

take on an ex -Irish army man, who

36:54

who had turned detective, he

36:56

actually reopened the case for us. While

36:59

the private investigator was sure

37:01

that foul play had been involved,

37:04

the police have never found the evidence

37:06

that they would need in order to

37:08

make an arrest or bring any charges. It's

37:16

now been almost three decades since

37:18

Tony went missing. and his

37:20

family are no closer to learning the

37:22

truth about what happened to him. on on

37:25

that fateful day. in April

37:27

1995. My

37:29

mother died at a very early

37:31

age of 68. 68, she had cancer.

37:34

And for her, Tony was, was always

37:36

a question mark Where see

37:39

and what happened. Yeah,

37:41

it was very difficult for her. And

37:44

all of us. I remember we

37:46

had a get in London, in

37:48

Ealing. We all

37:50

decided to meet and... and where

37:53

my sister had her pub. And

37:57

we up with some of his friends And... We

38:00

went to a drag concert. and

38:03

my two brothers, it was like unheard

38:05

of, because they himself to,

38:07

let's say, they themselves

38:09

found it difficult to understand what is

38:12

gay. And, And

38:15

afterwards I I remember came out and they were

38:17

crying. I was like. it it

38:19

was suddenly this revelation of

38:21

oh my goodness what a

38:24

beautiful soul Tony was and how

38:26

they didn't really understand him

38:28

and you know suddenly

38:31

this of a

38:33

human being regardless of what

38:35

one's sexuality is. you know it

38:37

was it

38:39

was a very important time

38:42

for them because to

38:44

appreciate him as their brother,

38:46

regardless of what his preference was. Again,

38:49

Again it's down to the fact of how we

38:51

were brought up and know the lack of were educated

38:54

You know, we were educated in such a

38:56

way that it was only, you know, like,

38:58

to be to be a good Catholic and you

39:00

shouldn't do and etc And everything else was

39:02

taboo and everything else was like, you

39:05

know, the mortal sense. Even to this day,

39:07

and I'm 40 years in this country, I

39:09

still have some ways of the Catholic

39:11

upbringing you know, the guilt. Rita

39:15

still lives in the hope that

39:17

the truth about her brother's disappearance

39:19

will be uncovered one day. I

39:22

would say it's never too late. And

39:24

I do think that we

39:27

his family are entitled

39:29

to a closure. I doubt

39:31

very much that he's alive, but I

39:33

do believe that his body is somewhere.

39:35

I mean, as much as we wanted

39:37

to believe that, you know, everybody, every

39:40

person is a good person and nobody

39:42

would do. something terrible to

39:44

somebody else but unfortunately that's not the

39:46

case but we would like our closure

39:48

we would like to know that we

39:50

can bring him home and place him

39:53

where he should be and to have a a

39:55

place of rest that we can you know give

39:57

him that last respect. If

40:00

you know what happened to

40:02

Tony, or you remember seeing someone

40:04

like him in London or

40:06

anywhere else in April 1995, your

40:09

information could be vital.

40:13

Even if you've never heard of

40:15

Tony Donilon before listening to

40:17

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40:20

Visit our website, themissingpodcast .org,

40:23

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40:25

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40:27

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40:29

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40:31

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40:33

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40:35

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40:37

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40:40

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40:42

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40:44

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40:46

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40:48

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40:50

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40:52

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40:59

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