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Except now the dastardly desk clerk

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connecting rooms. Wait, what? That's right ma'am,

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it matters where you stay. Welcome to

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Hilton. I see your connecting rooms are

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the stay. What's

1:00

up, what's up? The

1:25

end of Virginia, what is good?

1:31

It is a delight to be here. I know

1:33

I branded the show as the DC show, but

1:35

don't worry. I know I'm here in Virginia. To

1:39

pay homage to the state of Virginia, I have

1:42

cosplayed as your state flag. Where

1:46

you got the person in light blue stepping on the

1:48

person in purple on the flag. I

1:51

even went with like a red and green sock thing

1:53

for like the wreaths around. I put a lot of

1:55

thought into it. I'm very excited to be here, but

1:57

I did want to brand it as the DC show

1:59

because I did. didn't want people in Austria

2:01

to be confused. I

2:04

don't want them to be like, we're here at Yaman

2:06

Yava. But

2:10

I am very excited for this show tonight. There's

2:12

a bunch of you here, which is very cool.

2:14

Thank you so much for coming out to the

2:17

show. This is wild. What

2:21

we are going to be discussing today is a

2:24

very interesting book that

2:26

I knew was part of the extended

2:28

PJO universe. And until I opened the

2:30

flap, I learned, not written by Rick

2:33

Riordan. So

2:35

we're going to have a fun night

2:38

discussing Percy Jackson colon The Ultimate Guide.

2:41

But in order to have this discussion, we

2:43

have to have our guest. So I'm very

2:45

excited to have someone who has been on

2:47

the show from the very early ages of

2:49

TNO. Please give it up

2:51

for the DMV's own Delia Gallegos.

2:59

Hello, hello. Thank

3:02

you, thank you. Hi,

3:05

everyone. How's

3:07

it going? Pretty good, pretty good. Glad to

3:10

be all the way out here in Vienna,

3:12

which is not DC. I

3:15

just wanted to make sure that people

3:18

from DC came. We had a

3:20

DC show lined up, and then the venue

3:22

went out of business. So

3:24

this was the replacement, but I'm very excited to be here. I'm

3:27

very excited to talk about this strange book. Besides

3:30

getting ready for the show, you had not read it,

3:32

right? So this was your first reading experience. Yes. Experience

3:35

is a good way to put it. So

3:38

just to get a show of hands, how many

3:40

people had read it before? Oh,

3:42

wow. OK. Did anyone read it just in prep for the

3:44

show? Whoa. OK. And New

3:46

Heroes is like, I don't know what we're about to talk about

3:48

for two hours. Cool. And

3:50

even split. This will be great.

3:52

I'm very, very excited. So

3:55

it's a time. It's going to be fun. So

3:57

what we've got here is Percy Jackson,

3:59

the Ultimate And first and foremost, the

4:02

flap on it, Delia will also be

4:04

our visual representative. Look at that. You're

4:06

gonna, what's the, is it, who's the

4:08

girl from? Vienna, or no, not,

4:11

Vana White, thank you. Vana White, thank you. Or, yeah,

4:13

I guess for this show, Vana White. Vana White. We'll

4:16

be showing off all the things because the images are

4:18

wild. For podcast people at home, I apologize, but

4:21

I will do my best to describe all of

4:23

the images and stuff. I will

4:25

say first and foremost about this

4:27

book, the flap rules. There's a

4:29

magnetic flap on the outside. Functionally

4:31

does nothing. No, not a thing.

4:33

Actively makes it more challenging to

4:35

read. It does. When you

4:37

were reading it, I was flapping and putting all the pages in

4:39

front of it. How were you doing it? I had a

4:41

weird time with the flap. Yeah, no, I kept reading

4:43

it, and I would use it as my bookmark. It's

4:46

like, ta-da. Yeah, it's a good little thing. It's

4:48

cool, I don't know what the purpose of it

4:50

is, but I enjoy the vibes of it. The

4:52

texture of the outside cover is fun, and then

4:54

they have the reflective images on the front. Now,

4:58

there are four total boxes, and

5:00

in one orientation, I guess the

5:02

main orientation, you have Percy Jackson,

5:04

makes sense, Poseidon, makes sense, Ares,

5:06

makes sense, and Zeus, makes sense.

5:08

If you flip it the upside,

5:10

you get Compa Morpheus, Grover,

5:15

and Athena. You

5:19

know, the second most important group of

5:21

four. Literally only

5:23

Grover should be on the cover. I know. Like

5:26

only. Athena Beth, never heard of her. No,

5:29

no. So Morpheus, he

5:31

gets a lot of play in this book.

5:33

He does, like why? But

5:36

he looks great, but I don't understand

5:38

why he's there. Also on the inside

5:41

cover, you do get trading cards. You

5:43

see. There's a bunch of trading cards, and

5:46

there are some that make more sense

5:48

than others. What I do find interesting

5:50

is the one that you've grabbed, which is the Luke card,

5:53

which looks identical to Draco

5:55

Malfoy. It does. Draco

5:59

with the little scar. Yeah, Draco with a scar and

6:01

a sword instead of a wand. Now,

6:03

Luke shows up as a trading card. He's not in

6:05

the book anywhere else, right? I didn't miss it. I

6:07

didn't miss the Luke page. No, no, no, no, no,

6:09

no, no, no, no. There is no Luke, which is,

6:11

well, no, no, no, no. I think maybe they

6:13

mentioned that he is, like

6:15

maybe when we're going over there. He gets like, mentioned in paragraphs,

6:18

but I don't think there's a Luke page. Oh, no,

6:20

there's no Luke page. I don't think there's a Luke

6:22

picture. There's no Luke segment. No. He's

6:25

kind of important, right? Just

6:27

a little, just a little. Just a little bit. Now,

6:30

this book was written by, not

6:32

Rick Riordan, it was written

6:34

by Mary Jane Knight in 2009. So

6:37

I believe after all the books had

6:39

been completed, she wrote this, it's like this

6:41

weird thing on the info page where it's like

6:44

made by a British publishing company, but then

6:46

it's still somehow Disney books based in the US.

6:48

I don't know how publishing works, but I will

6:50

not feel as bad making fun of this book.

6:54

Because Rick won't be offended. Are you

6:56

sure it's not the favorite installment in the

6:58

whole of the canon? It makes me

7:00

want to ask him a bit. Like, it makes me

7:02

want to be like, Rick, what are your thoughts on

7:04

The Ultimate Guide? And he'll probably be like, the what?

7:06

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now,

7:08

our first segment in The Ultimate Guide is Percy

7:11

Jackson. That makes sense. He's the main character. I

7:13

like those people who've brought their books and reading

7:15

along, this is great. Wow,

7:18

look at that. It's a book club, everybody.

7:22

The art is like the old weird art that I've

7:24

already made fun of in episodes

7:26

and stuff. It's whatever. I'm

7:29

sure the person who did it is very nice.

7:33

And we'll leave it at that. Percy

7:35

Jackson does catch shade in the first

7:37

sentence of his own Ultimate Guide. It

7:39

says, quote, Percy Jackson is far from average,

7:42

even if his grades are. And then in

7:44

parentheses, well, technically, they are below average. Wow.

7:49

Yeah, no, they were not pulling not a

7:52

single punch. And it's like, is it called

7:54

Percy Jackson in the Olympians? I could have

7:56

sworn, but the book doesn't know it. No,

7:58

apparently it's called Some Idiot. And

8:00

the Olympians. Absolutely

8:02

vicious. So then you get a little

8:05

mini recap of Percy's whole deal. You

8:07

get a statistics page, which just lists

8:09

hair, eye color, stuff like that. It

8:11

does mention that his favorite drink is

8:14

Coke and nectar, which is two things.

8:17

It also did make me think, though, is this

8:19

some cocktail? That's what I would think. It was

8:21

like, is it rum and coke? What I know.

8:23

Do I have a Coke and nectar, please? Not

8:25

too much, otherwise my eyes will boil. It

8:30

lists his friends as Grover, Annabeth,

8:32

Tyson, and Mrs. O'Leary. Thalia, nowhere

8:34

to be found. Nope. It

8:37

lists his enemies as Kronos,

8:39

Mrs. Dodds, and Smelly Gabe.

8:42

Feel like there might be one missing.

8:46

At least. There's

8:48

at least one. At

8:51

least one missing. There are some

8:53

other people along the way, like, sure, Krusty didn't make

8:55

the cut. But I

8:57

feel like a little Bond boy should be there. Not

9:01

there. There's then a Chiron quote about the

9:03

whole Western civilization with a picture of New

9:06

York in the background. There's a little bit

9:08

of info about Mount Olympus. There's

9:10

then details about Sally with a newspaper clipping

9:12

and a note. And this is what I

9:14

was excited about, like stuff that wasn't in

9:17

the books. Yes, yes, yes. Unfortunately, this kind

9:19

of thing is very rare in Percy Jackson,

9:21

The Ultimate Guide. It's a lot of recapping

9:23

things you already know. But

9:26

this little clipping of the newspaper says,

9:28

quote, mystery plane crash orphans child. That

9:30

is the headline. And apparently, Sally is

9:33

an orphan, and her parents died in

9:35

a New York plane crash when she

9:37

was five. Her neighbors are quoted

9:39

as saying that the Jacksons were very kind, and

9:42

the newspaper says that Sally will be staying

9:44

with her uncle for the time being. Was

9:46

this anywhere in the books? Or is this?

9:48

OK. First book.

9:50

Cool. Great. Didn't know it. It

9:52

was new to me. I

9:55

forgot. But then it

9:57

does have that letter next to it. And in

9:59

that letter, that's an error. next to the newspaper

10:01

clipping, it's written by someone named Uncle Rich.

10:08

Is this the origins of Uncle Rick? I

10:11

have no idea, but I was like, I thought,

10:13

I'm like, is this a typo? That's what I

10:15

was wondering. I was like, are we connecting or

10:17

no? Is this just a

10:19

coincidence? What are we doing here? I

10:21

did get an email recently to the TNO Gmail that

10:23

was called the origins of Uncle Rick. I should open

10:25

it. I was very busy, but I

10:27

should open that and see. Maybe I'll do that during intermission if

10:29

I remember. Now, this note, unfortunately,

10:32

is very sad. It's a sad note

10:34

asking Sally if she could take a

10:36

break from college for a bit, even

10:38

though she's been thriving in school, to

10:40

help pay for his bills because his

10:42

insurance has run out. I

10:45

did remember this happening. Now, maybe that

10:47

was connected to the gone parents. But

10:50

he then says that he has no one

10:52

else that he can ask, and she is

10:54

his only hope. Very sweet, very sad, heartfelt.

10:57

There is then information on Sally raising

10:59

Percy alone. There's information on Smelly Gabe

11:01

with a cool picture of pepperoni pizza.

11:06

Don't know why, but they got that Getty Images

11:09

Shutter Shock Pizza. Yeah,

11:11

it doesn't even look particularly good

11:13

pizza, honestly. It's like middle

11:15

school cafeteria. Middle school

11:17

that is not in New York cafeteria.

11:19

It's a tough. Right, actually, it's

11:21

definitely not even of

11:24

anywhere of quality pizza. It's

11:26

a tough looking slice. I wouldn't want to eat

11:28

it, but that's there. And then

11:30

it describes Smelly Gabe as smelling

11:32

like moldy garlic pizza wrapped in

11:35

gym shorts, which I feel like

11:37

gets the point across. It

11:39

then recaps the scary things that happen to Percy at

11:42

a young age, such as the snake attack while napping

11:44

at the nursery. There's a big picture of a snake.

11:46

When I was reading this, Kelly was like, what? There

11:50

is then a story about

11:53

the Cyclops wearing a trench coat on the

11:55

third grade playground. Was that in the books? Did

11:57

I forget that one? OK, cool.

12:01

Granted, it was two years ago. It's been a

12:03

long process. Long time ago. And then it lists

12:05

all the different ways that he got expelled from

12:07

his other schools. Then we get,

12:09

and I love this, Percy Jackson's report card.

12:13

It's scathing. He's not going to get a lot of

12:15

Chuck E Cheese tokens. His

12:18

report card does not list what school it's from.

12:21

It does not list what grade he's in. It's

12:24

just a report card. No teachers, no

12:26

nothing. Nothing. Just straight

12:28

up. Demolishism,

12:30

basically. English. F.

12:33

Must try harder is the title of

12:35

this review. Consistently fails to complete reading

12:38

assignments when writing. Has difficulty expressing himself

12:40

clearly. Has only a notional grasp of

12:42

spelling. And the legibility of his handwriting

12:44

leaves a great deal to be desired.

12:47

Which, like, what grade is this? I have so many

12:49

questions. I would guess

12:51

it's like later in his career.

12:53

To comment on handwriting? Bizarre.

12:56

So bizarre. I had penmanship class in

12:58

kindergarten. I did not do well in

13:00

it. But I feel like

13:02

from then on my penmanship was never

13:04

graded. Yeah, no. I have dyspraxia. So

13:06

my handwriting is very inconsistent. But I've

13:09

never had a teacher in a report

13:11

card be like, hey, you write awfully.

13:13

Yeah. This was really rough from

13:15

the English teacher. Then we get

13:18

the math teacher. C. Pay attention in

13:20

class is the title of this one.

13:22

Has mastered basic arithmetic but lacks the

13:24

interest and the concentration to progress in

13:26

his subject. You know what? Like,

13:28

that seems the most normal of all the reviews.

13:30

Here's one that I find interesting, though. This is

13:33

history. He gets a D. The subject line of

13:35

this one is more effort. Often

13:37

tries in history class. I'm sorry.

13:39

The title of this review is more effort?

13:42

Often tries. Nope. But

13:44

not enough. Often tries in history class but

13:46

is hindered by his inability to concentrate for more than

13:48

a few minutes at a time. Hey, anyone know that

13:50

this kid has ADHD? I feel like they

13:52

should all know this. He

13:55

made a good attempt at describing some Civil War events.

13:57

But a little more historical analysis and a little less

13:59

battle. would be appropriate. It

14:02

does not feel like effort is the problem. Yeah, no,

14:04

it sounds like he's very interested in history, just

14:06

not in the way that you want. Which honestly,

14:08

when I was reading this, I

14:11

was so confused, I'm like, why would, he would

14:13

never, but this makes so much sense because I

14:15

didn't know till this show that, oh, it wasn't

14:17

even looked at by Rick, much less written by

14:19

him. This makes a lot of sense. Yeah, I'm

14:21

sure Rick got the checks and was like, cool,

14:24

yeah, a guide? Yeah. Why

14:26

not? I gotta

14:28

go write an Egypt book now. So the final

14:30

one is science. You

14:33

gotta have B minus, and it says must control

14:35

himself. Now I like the science

14:37

teacher. Here's the review. Excels at practical experiments, but

14:40

should refrain from blowing up labs and igniting teacher's

14:42

hair. You know what? That's fair.

14:45

That rules. You still gotta B minus. Rules. Not

14:47

vindictive. Hair got lit on fire by Percy. He's

14:50

like, nah, B minus. This is

14:52

definitely a science teacher that's like, yo, I get it. It's

14:54

really fun. Science is fun, but I can't, we can't,

14:56

I can't let you do that. Yeah. I

14:59

really like this teacher. He's cool. We

15:01

then get into the description of the Met field trip.

15:04

They explain the characters there, like

15:07

Nancy Boba fit and what happened, explains

15:09

the whole Furies thing, saying that they were

15:11

sisters, and it goes a little more into detail

15:13

about them, saying Electo is the angry one, Tocifini

15:15

is the Avenger, and Megara is the

15:17

grudging one. Or if you're playing

15:19

Hades the video game, the hot one, or

15:23

if you're playing Hades the video game, everyone's the hot

15:25

one. Then they

15:27

describe the fates, Clotho, who spins the thread of life.

15:31

Clotho. That

15:33

feels like someone guessing at what the Spanish word

15:35

for cloth is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's

15:37

not great. Not ideal. Then Lakesis, which

15:40

probably I butchered, and

15:42

that one alots the length of the yarn, and

15:45

then a tropos snips and decides when life will end. And

15:50

then we have an image of the great prophecy, and that ends

15:52

section one. We then get into section two,

15:54

which is called Life at Camp. We have

15:56

another map, and it's very similar to the demigod.

16:00

Odds Files map, which is pretty cool. It's

16:02

big. There's a lot of detail. Something

16:04

that I enjoy is that we have some additions,

16:06

like Zeus's fist, the showers and the toilets where

16:09

he became the Supreme Lord of the bathroom. There's

16:12

a huge image of a Seder that takes up

16:14

like 10% of the map, like a really big.

16:17

Is that to be, like, to scale? Because, like,

16:19

what are we? Why is he so big? It

16:22

seems like it's so intentional, because everything else

16:24

on here is very small. Why

16:26

guess the Pegasus table is fine, whatever.

16:28

But, like, the Seder is just having

16:30

a good time on his little pan

16:32

flute. And it's the size of the

16:34

big house. Really big. Really, really, really

16:36

big. Something that I

16:38

did not enjoy, however, is that they

16:40

have the volleyball courts and

16:42

no mention of the basketball courts, which

16:45

I know exists, because they talk about them in the book.

16:48

And I feel like I'm being gaslit by the extra

16:50

books they keep coming out. And they'll be like, yeah,

16:52

volleyball is what they play. I know

16:54

they play basketball. I know

16:56

they do it, right? They

16:58

also correctly have the cabins in the shape of a U

17:00

this time, which I don't think was the case in the

17:02

Dim God Files one. I think they were just in two

17:05

rows, so I like this. Then

17:07

there is, after the map, a recap

17:09

about dreams that Percy will have. There's

17:11

a recap of the Minotaur fight. There's

17:14

a description of Theseus in the Minotaur.

17:16

And about the Minotaur, it says

17:18

that the Minotaur is the son

17:20

of King Minos' wife and a

17:22

bull sent to Minos by Poseidon.

17:24

It really glosses over the fact

17:26

that it was like, yeah, the

17:29

Minotaur was from the queen and

17:31

a bull. Anyway, the Minotaur. It

17:34

really was like, this is super normal. And I

17:36

was trying to imagine throughout this book, who is

17:38

this book for? Because if it's

17:40

for kids, I get the idea that

17:42

we cannot go into these details. But

17:44

maybe don't mention it then. I don't

17:46

know. It didn't seem like it needed

17:48

to be highlighted, because it really just

17:50

begs a lot of questions. When

17:53

a bull and a wife of a king love

17:55

each other very much. Very, very much. So

17:58

then it says that Minos added a book for Poseidon.

18:00

asked Daedalus to build a maze to imprison it. And

18:02

each year he fed the beast seven young men and

18:04

seven girls sent from Athens." Not ideal.

18:07

I didn't remember this being described, but

18:10

that's that. So one year, Theseus, son of

18:12

the king of Athens, said, I don't like

18:14

this. So he went to Crete and

18:16

vowed to kill it. Good on you. Minos'

18:18

daughter, Ariadne, fell in love with Theseus and

18:20

gave him the string to help him escape

18:23

the labyrinth after killing the monster. Then there's

18:25

a picture of Smelly Gabe's destroyed car. It

18:27

is certainly not a Camaro. I guess they

18:29

didn't get the licensing rights from Chevy, but

18:31

it's just some other car. We then

18:34

move on to section three, which is called 10 Signs

18:36

You Might Be a Half Blood. And I

18:38

was wondering if it was going to be like, what is it?

18:40

Larry the Cable Guy is like, you might be a half blood.

18:43

If your cousin is also your girlfriend.

18:46

You might be a half blood. Which is like, weirdly,

18:48

a lot of crossover between Larry the Cable

18:51

Guy jokes and Greek mythology jokes. It's actually,

18:53

yeah, no, no, no. That's super accurate. Now

18:55

they have actual things. They say you might

18:57

be a half blood if you suspect one

19:00

of your teachers is not a human. And

19:02

about this, it says, quote, in itself, this

19:05

proves nothing, as many teachers are

19:07

some form of monster in disguise. Do

19:09

watch out for teachers with an unnatural interest

19:12

in torturing you, though. Uh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

19:15

That's not like a demi-gon thing.

19:17

If your teachers are torturing you,

19:19

probably tell an adult. Right, yeah.

19:21

Tell Headmaster Dumbledore that your potions

19:23

professor is beefing with you because

19:26

you look like your mom. Then

19:30

they continue on about, you might be a demi-god if

19:33

you've been tested for and diagnosed with ADHD. Same

19:35

thing, but with dyslexia. They say, or

19:38

if odd events have occurred that you

19:40

cannot explain, examples. Adults acting

19:42

weird and then denying that it ever took

19:44

place. That

19:46

might just be people. Yeah, I'm like, if

19:49

adults are gaslighting you, you might be a demi-god. Well.

19:53

They also say, or if a demon attacks your

19:55

school bus, or if you have an unexpected lab

19:58

explosion. They also say you often.

20:00

and experience deja vu. The explanation is that

20:02

half-bloods experience time differently than ordinary humans. Is

20:04

that a thing? I feel like that didn't

20:06

come up in the books. I

20:08

feel like they hinted at it a lot, but

20:10

that was never explicitly said. So I'm like, this

20:13

person, now that I know it's not written by

20:15

a very, that makes a lot of sense. Are

20:17

they just conjecturing? Yeah, what they explain is

20:19

that they say that time will slow down

20:21

if an attack approaches or when doing math

20:23

problems, or that time could speed up when

20:25

escaping hellhounds or playing Capture the Flag. I

20:27

understand the time slowing down thing because of

20:29

the battle instincts, but I don't remember them

20:31

ever talking about time feeling like it was

20:33

going faster. Percy does struggle

20:35

to keep track of days and stuff, but

20:37

I don't know if that's demigod thing or

20:39

just like, he's 13 and

20:42

saving the world. Now

20:46

they continue on saying, at times it seems unlikely

20:48

that your father or mother is really your parent,

20:50

okay? Yeah. Cool,

20:53

so Jesus Christ, a demigod? Yep,

20:56

yep, demigod confirmed. And

20:58

then it says, quote, it could be that

21:00

your parent is embarrassed to admit that they

21:03

had a relationship with a god, although this

21:05

behavior is not technically illegal, except in Mississippi.

21:09

I was like, what is going

21:11

on in Mississippi? What are the gods getting up

21:13

to down there? It's just weird,

21:15

and I get the kind of joke that they're

21:17

trying to make, but it feels like the opposite

21:19

of the joke that they're trying to make. Yes,

21:21

yeah. Where instead of being like, well, I didn't

21:23

know it was in Mississippi, they're more like, Mississippi's

21:26

the one state that made it

21:28

illegal? Mississippi? No, like Mississippi, this is

21:30

what I thought. I was like, oh,

21:32

so Mississippi is so racist. They're like,

21:34

great god beings? No, we don't

21:36

do that. We don't mix like that around here.

21:38

Yeah, okay, okay, okay. I'm from Texas, I could say

21:41

that. It

21:44

continues, one of your friends doesn't seem quite normal.

21:46

I think this is unfair to nerds where all

21:48

of your friends are not normal. I'm

21:50

one of you, don't worry. It

21:53

basically says that if you have a friend that

21:55

seems very strange, you may have found the school

21:57

seder. They go on saying, when

21:59

you are. You are alone, you have this

22:01

strange sensation of being watched or followed, although

22:04

no one is there. You could be a

22:06

hypersensitive mortal or a demigod being followed by

22:08

a monster. Goes on saying your

22:10

dreams are different from those of your friends, and

22:12

you seem to be able to control what happens

22:15

in them, or you experience a particularly vivid recurring

22:17

dream. It then mentions that demigods

22:19

can switch an unpleasant dream that they're having

22:21

about monsters to an enjoyable one about Elysium.

22:23

And I feel like someone should tell Percy

22:25

Jackson about this, because I

22:27

don't think he ever does that. And no

22:29

one ever told him. Mm-mm, continuing,

22:32

it says you suffer from irrational fears or

22:34

phobias. For example, being afraid of heights, water,

22:36

the dark, or spiders, which are four super

22:38

normal things to

22:40

be afraid of. The way they said they were like, oh, this

22:43

is a very strange thing to be afraid of. And I was

22:45

like, OK, so I guess I'm a demigod. Oh my god. Yes!

22:48

It says the demigod kids hate what their

22:51

godly parents hate. So that could be your

22:53

irrational fear. Then I was not

22:55

expecting this, but the next page says results.

22:57

And I said, results? What is this, a

22:59

Cosmo quiz? And

23:02

it is! Of

23:04

these statements, if you agreed with eight or

23:06

more of them, you are a demigod. If

23:08

you agreed with five to seven, you are

23:10

a borderline risk, meaning that there might be

23:12

some Olympian blood in your family, or you

23:15

might be the child of a minor god.

23:17

Three to four, you're probably not a half-blood.

23:19

You may just have an overactive imagination. And

23:21

zero to two, for sure you're immortal. Don't

23:23

worry about it. And

23:26

if it was between seven and

23:29

eight, you should wear this type

23:31

of bikini to the beach to

23:33

impress Chad. There

23:36

are then notes on Chiron, Centaurs, and

23:38

Pegasi. In the Pegasi section, it says

23:41

that the first Pegasi sprung from the

23:43

neck of the Gorgon slain by Perseus.

23:45

It was the son of Gorgon and

23:47

Poseidon. Again, they just go over that

23:49

one pretty quickly. And

23:52

then it says a spring would form

23:54

wherever that Pegasus would strike the ground

23:56

with its hoof. It then mentions

23:58

that Blackjack has the wings of the Gorgon. of a

24:00

raven, which makes sense based on one of the covers

24:02

that I saw, which was definitely just like Photoshop. They

24:04

were like, bird, horse, this is the cover of the

24:07

third book now. You then get

24:09

a picture of the cabins, which is pretty cool.

24:11

Like the vibes of the cabins are pretty solid

24:13

in this one. So I enjoyed the little image

24:15

there. And then going along with the theme of

24:17

that, the next section is called Meet the Campers.

24:20

We have Annabeth. And what's

24:22

funny about this one, they just kind of describe all

24:24

of their, you know, what they look like, personality, stuff

24:27

like that. For Annabeth, it says she has blonde curly

24:29

hair. And they got the big picture of her next

24:31

to her where she has straight hair. This

24:34

is also the picture that I've made fun

24:36

of in the past where she looks like

24:38

she is a 40-year-old woman on the body

24:40

of an eight-year-old. It's alarming.

24:43

I find the image very unsettling.

24:46

It's giving uncanny valley like AI

24:48

does. Oh, yeah. I mean, no

24:50

offense, but kind of. It also

24:52

feels like she should be on

24:54

Real Housewives of Long Island where

24:57

she's like, I don't know, if you're

24:59

boring, you'll be invisible to me and

25:01

then puts the hat on. I don't

25:03

know, something sassy in the intro. I

25:06

don't like the Annabeth image. So we'll move

25:08

on. I guess there is a Luke section

25:10

in here. There's like a minor one. It's

25:12

unforgettable, though. I did just

25:14

write in here just the note. I thought it

25:16

was interesting that they did use past tense for

25:18

Luke, Beckendorf, and Selina, and then present tense for

25:21

all the other ones. Oh, you didn't even notice.

25:23

The book was like, hey, remember that they died?

25:25

So I guess it's like, definitely

25:27

hope you read all the books in case you

25:29

got this for Christmas or something, because you're going

25:31

to be like, what's that

25:34

about? What's that was about? Because, yeah, it

25:36

definitely does. I didn't even notice. And we

25:38

were saying this backstage that I feel like

25:40

this book exudes big scholastic book fare energy.

25:42

Oh, for sure. And if you had read

25:45

this first before reading the books, that would

25:47

be bad. There's like loads of spoilers in

25:49

there. Loads and loads of spoilers. I think

25:51

the only thing it doesn't spoil is, luckily,

25:55

the end of the last book, I think, that I

25:57

noticed. Being written in 2009, that's about when

25:59

the last book was coming out, maybe it was in between,

26:01

something like that. I don't know. Conrastool is mentioned as being

26:03

canonically shorter than Travis, which I think is a cool fun

26:06

fact. And I feel like she should show up in Percy

26:08

Jackson trivia. Thalia is

26:10

described as a word maybe I just don't have

26:12

as good of a vocabulary, even though I took

26:14

Latin in high school. She's described

26:17

as Lith? Lithy? L-i-th? L-i-th? L-i-th? OK.

26:19

Didn't know live. That means graceful, in

26:21

case anybody else didn't know. But

26:24

here's where I was very excited. We get into the

26:26

next section of what I would say people don't care

26:28

that much about, because they

26:30

just have people. And this is like the

26:32

full description of these people. I'm not shortening

26:35

them. This is like what they say. Lee

26:37

Fletcher, son of Apollo. Katie

26:41

Gardner, daughter of Demeter, goddess of agriculture.

26:45

Jake Mason, son of Hephaestus. Casterin

26:47

Pollux, twin sons of Dionysus. Will Salas,

26:50

son of Apollo, and a healer. And

26:54

I think Michael Yoo is in there where they're like,

26:56

scowls a lot. So they have some people a little

26:58

bit more. But it did make me really happy that

27:01

Lee Fletcher had no description. We

27:04

then get onto a subsection called Camp

27:06

Characters. It mentions the oracle.

27:08

And then it does have an image next

27:10

to the oracle. Does not look like a

27:12

mummy at all. No. Not a mummy. Zero

27:14

mummy vibes. It doesn't even, because sometimes

27:16

it'll point and be like, this is Luke. He's

27:19

not in here. But if he was that, it would say

27:21

that. But this doesn't have an arrow. So I was like,

27:23

is this? I sat for a minute. I was like, is

27:25

this supposed to be the oracle? And then I went on

27:27

to the other characters that it goes on. I'm like, well,

27:29

it can't be any of them. So I guess? Yeah,

27:32

I don't know. That's the oracle,

27:34

I guess. Doesn't look like a mummy.

27:36

Grover, though, on the next picture. Huge

27:38

picture of Grover. People have made fun

27:40

of this one since before I released

27:42

episode one. I hate it so,

27:45

so much. It's pretty bad. The Rasta

27:47

Cap, not ideal. What

27:49

I didn't notice, because I've seen this image a

27:51

lot. It's in some other stuff. I've seen it.

27:53

What I didn't notice until this very large image,

27:55

the arm hair, alarm

27:58

hair, if you will. It's bad. It's

28:01

really bad. Is it bad or is it

28:03

gold? I mean, who knows? Like, look, I

28:06

mean. It's so thick. Is it aspirational? Like,

28:08

you know, L'Oreal Paris, you know. Yeah,

28:11

he's got a condition. His

28:14

shirt is very cool, though. I do like the shirt

28:16

that he's wearing. That's true. I

28:18

feel like we're really reaching, but yes, it

28:20

doesn't like shirt. I'm trying to find something

28:23

positive. The book mentions that there is a

28:25

Seder in every school, which I feel like

28:27

is a lot. I

28:29

googled how many middle schools are in New

28:32

York City alone, and Google said that there

28:34

are 700 elementary schools in

28:36

just New York City. There's 700 Seder's? That

28:40

seems like a lot. Yeah,

28:42

I don't believe that. I don't either. Otherwise, I

28:44

feel like when they did the final battle, it

28:47

would have been way more in the favor of

28:49

dead Emmy gods. We were like, yeah, there's only

28:51

40 of us, but

28:53

we do have 700 Seder's at

28:56

least. Because some definitely like

28:58

to check up. Come down from the

29:00

Northeast schools. Yeah, like hop on the Northeast

29:02

region. I'll come out there. Help

29:05

us fight. Join us. A train

29:07

just full of Seder's. It

29:10

has info about Seder's as a whole,

29:13

and Grover specifically mentions their favorite food.

29:15

And for favorite food, it says everything,

29:17

including enchiladas, jelly beans, tin cans, and

29:19

especially Louis XVI furniture. Very funny. I

29:21

didn't remember Grover being a particularly huge

29:23

jelly bean fan. I don't remember him

29:26

talking about it that much. I feel

29:28

like enchiladas and tin cans are for

29:30

sure go-tos. And then the Louis XVI

29:32

furniture is very memorable. But I don't

29:34

remember him snacking on jelly beans throughout.

29:36

I feel like they were just trying

29:39

to make it relatable to kids. I'm

29:41

going to be real honest. Jelly

29:43

bellies actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is

29:45

actually sponsored content. There's

29:48

then a guide to check if you have

29:50

a Seder in your life with questions such

29:52

as, do they always wear long pants? But

29:54

then it instructs you. If you answered yes

29:57

to three or more of the questions, two.

30:00

peek under the suspect's covers

30:02

while they are sleeping to

30:04

check on their feet. Kids, don't

30:07

do that. Do not do that.

30:09

That's not good. I

30:12

read that. I was like, OK, so we're just casually going to

30:14

do a little bit of assault. No big

30:16

deal. Yep, really bad. Which I guess, for

30:18

demigods, considering their parents, like, you know,

30:21

things that they get up to. Just

30:24

don't do that. Don't do it. I know it's

30:26

supposed to be cute, and this is one of

30:28

those hahaha jokes. As we've

30:30

questioned, I think this book is meant

30:32

for kids. So that would be weird to be like,

30:34

well, I'm going to look under Richie's covers at their

30:37

sleepover party. Don't do that. Let

30:39

Richie sleep. And then what are you going to

30:41

tell to Richie when he wakes up? I just thought you might have

30:43

to hurry late. The

30:46

next section is called Cyclopes. And

30:49

this is the first time I've ever

30:51

seen this artist's rendition of Tyson. Not

30:53

good. Not ideal. It is. Not the

30:55

oh. It's

30:57

not good. I get that he's

31:00

supposed to be like a kid, but it's just like, it's very

31:02

childlike and not in a good way. I

31:05

don't like it at all. And then he

31:07

is next to a picture of a shield, and they

31:09

talk about the Tyson shield that he made for Percy.

31:12

It is definitely not the Tyson shield. It reeks of

31:14

image of a shield that would show up in

31:16

your history textbook in third grade, where it's like,

31:18

here's what a shield is. Here's a royalty-free image

31:20

that we got from the internet from a picture

31:23

of a shield you can find in the Met.

31:25

But it's just like a vague shield. It

31:27

then explains that Cyclopes means circle eye,

31:29

which I didn't know. Fun fact, that

31:32

makes sense. Cool. We've learned Greek today.

31:35

Then we get into a section I really enjoyed,

31:38

which was Percy's activity schedule. And it's like a

31:40

whole timeline of his Monday

31:42

through Friday. Two pages. Is

31:45

big. Every day starts with breakfast,

31:47

cabin inspection, and ancient Greek. Then there is

31:49

some sort of chore that changes based on

31:51

the day. Then there's some sort of athletic

31:53

training that changes based on the day. Then

31:55

there's Greek mythology. Then you have lunch. You

31:58

have a different physical training. There's

32:00

a mix of activities, such as

32:02

writing letters home, cabin cleanup, laundry,

32:04

wood shi- nope, that's

32:06

gotta be an auto correct. It says wood

32:09

shopping. That can't be right. Oh, wood shopping?

32:11

Like going to the shop? Okay, cool, great,

32:13

my apologies, Apple Notes. Or

32:16

firework making. Never gets brought up in the

32:18

book. That's cool. Then

32:21

there's dinner, and then there are

32:23

competitions, such as unarmed combat, which

32:26

I guess is fight club? And

32:31

then there is archery knockout, trials of

32:33

strength, capture the flag, and volleyball league.

32:35

Where's the basketball league? I knew it.

32:37

I was like, you know what's not

32:39

there? The five on five basketball league

32:42

of all the cabins? Come

32:45

on. Maybe is it not like, are

32:47

they all the height to play basketball? Is that

32:49

the issue? It's just not popular enough. I mean,

32:51

I still played when I was five and I

32:54

wasn't tall. You know, it's definitely not as pretty

32:56

of a brand of basketball, but like they could

32:58

play. They gotta

33:01

get basketball more in the mix. It makes me sad.

33:03

Then it says that every day ends

33:06

with an hour long campfire sing-along. Which

33:08

is long. I love karaoke, but one

33:10

hour of it every day for five

33:12

days a week? That's

33:14

excessive. Have you all been to camp? Like do you

33:17

know the campfire songs? Like they're not an hour long,

33:19

you'd have to sing so many songs. There'd

33:22

have to be a huge, huge book. They've got

33:24

like a hymnal they have to play. Right,

33:26

the thin little pages, yeah. Oh my gosh,

33:29

yeah, that's a lot. The footer

33:31

of this schedule then lists all of the

33:33

teachers for each of the activities. It

33:36

mentions that ancient Greek and Greek

33:38

mythology is taught by Chiron and

33:40

Annabeth. Right.

33:43

Are they paying her? No. Is

33:45

she tenured? What's the deal? Very

33:48

confused. It also then

33:50

lists Mrs. O'Leary under dog

33:53

handling, but dog handling is

33:55

nowhere on the schedule. Right, yeah. It was

33:57

not a single activity. I read it like

33:59

eight times. I did too, I

34:01

was like, where? And also like dog handling, like where

34:03

does that fall? Because I was

34:05

like, is that a sport? Or is that

34:07

like a competition? Like what is dog in?

34:09

Or is it a chore? I was unclear.

34:11

And no one else uses a dog besides

34:13

Percy. Right, right, right. Very strange. Then

34:16

it goes on past the schedule, it has things about

34:18

the necklaces, it has things about Percy's first quest and

34:21

his first prophecy. And

34:23

then we get into page 58. Who's

34:27

your parent? Who's your parent? Who's

34:30

your parent? So I

34:32

have not taken this. Do you

34:34

mind if I borrow the book

34:36

copy here? So this is like

34:38

straight up Cosmo quiz levels of

34:41

who's your parent. So there's a part

34:43

one which has three questions. And first

34:45

you are basically like narrowing down the

34:48

12 gods into like

34:50

three potential candidates. The

34:52

first question is, what would you rather do for

34:54

fun? Jump out of an airplane. I

34:57

hope with a parachute. Go

35:00

scuba diving, work in the garden, or

35:03

gossip about who likes who at school.

35:06

If you had to pick one of these, which one would you pick? Gardening.

35:10

OK, I would pick jump out of an airplane.

35:12

I went skydiving once, it was very fun. So

35:15

in that case, my first

35:17

potential godly parent is Zeus, and then yours

35:19

is Demeter. The second one is, what's

35:21

your favorite color? Here is where it gets a little interesting.

35:24

Blood red. The

35:27

color of money with an exclamation point.

35:30

Purple and black, black,

35:32

and black. So

35:35

obviously that one is 80s, purple is Dionysus.

35:37

The color of money, Hermes? That's what I

35:39

was thinking. They have a lot of things

35:41

about Hermes being money centered in this, and

35:43

I did not get that vibe. No, at

35:45

least not within the story. Correct. Yes. And

35:48

then blood red, I think, is Aries?

35:50

Yes, blood red is Aries. So of

35:52

those, I would have picked purple, so

35:54

Dionysus. I am apparently black, black, and

35:57

black. So Aries, look, that's what Kelly

35:59

would also do. but it's because of

36:01

architecture, not death. And

36:03

then the third question is, what would you

36:05

rather have for your birthday, an electric guitar,

36:07

a tool set, a library full of books,

36:10

or a hunting trip with friends? Yeah,

36:12

I'm gonna go a library full of books. Yeah,

36:15

I would either pick that one or a hunting trip

36:17

with friends, but we wouldn't go hunting at all. I

36:19

would just like the trip with friends part. Yeah, yeah,

36:21

yeah. I'll deal with a cabin and all, but I

36:23

just don't wanna hunt anything. That doesn't sound like fun.

36:25

So I would have Artemis and then you would have

36:27

Athena? Yes. So now

36:29

it's been brought to those like potentials.

36:31

Then it is part two. Part two

36:33

was called the decider. It says, read

36:35

the following statements and decide which describes

36:37

you. Read them from one to 12.

36:40

With one being the most like you and 12

36:42

being the least like you. Whichever God scores the

36:45

highest of the three that were linked in part

36:47

one is your parent. And you would think that

36:49

it would be like vague statements. But these statements

36:51

are very much like, hi, I'm Zeus, the God

36:53

of lightning. Would you like to be my child?

36:55

It's just wild. Here are the statements. The

36:58

undersea world fascinates me and holds the

37:00

key to life on this planet. Don't

37:03

try to cross me or you'll regret it. I

37:06

like that it kinda rhymed. Number two, I

37:08

believe that reading is one of life's greatest pleasures

37:10

as well as debating with the finest minds of

37:12

the moment. Weaving is the perfect way to unwind

37:14

after a hard day's work. Okay,

37:18

those are related. Number

37:20

three, I don't take anything from anyone. You wanna

37:22

try something punk? You'll be sorry. That one I

37:25

think is the closest to like what this should

37:27

actually be like. Number four, I'm

37:29

incredibly creative. I love music and writing and my

37:31

fondest wishes to shine. Again, that's a good hidden

37:33

way to do Apollo. Six, I

37:35

want to get ahead in the world. I plan to make a

37:37

huge amount of money in the business world and I love to

37:40

travel. Hermes, apparently? Apparently. Number eight,

37:42

I am very practical and inventive. With

37:44

my toolbox, I can fix anything and

37:46

make it good as new. So, Hephaestus,

37:48

I think that one's again pretty good.

37:51

Number nine, I turn heads wherever I

37:53

go and I spend whole weekends exchanging

37:55

makeup tips with my girlfriends. Okay, because

37:57

obviously also only somebody who identifies as

37:59

a woman. armor

46:00

bead. You can get the beads as well

46:02

as the poster and a bunch of other

46:04

cool stuff like pins and stickers and pens

46:06

and digital items all at the newosolympian.com/merch. The

46:08

other merch-ish item that is in store is

46:10

the replay of the New York City livestream

46:12

that we did which covers the first two

46:15

chapters of The Son of Neptune. So our

46:17

next week's episode will be covering all of

46:19

the myths in The Lost Hero and then

46:21

after that we are going to get into

46:23

The Son of Neptune. But if you don't

46:25

want to wait and you want to see

46:27

that episode and not just listen to it,

46:29

head on over to thenewosolympian.com/Patreon. You can download

46:31

it. You can get a one-time download access

46:33

to it. If you're a patron you get

46:35

20% off. And if you

46:38

already bought the ticket to the original stream or

46:40

the replay of the stream, I sent you an

46:42

email with a download link so you can have

46:44

that file forever. Also the link that you used

46:46

to watch it the first time now works again

46:49

so you can watch it with the YouTube live

46:51

chat replay and everything. And if

46:53

you didn't get that and you did buy a

46:55

ticket, shoot an email over to thenewosolympian.gmail.com and I'll

46:58

make sure you get that file. I've also got

47:00

a bunch of things to address about this episode

47:02

in particular. One, I think this is the second

47:04

time where I have said that the You Might

47:06

Be a Redneck If jokes are from Larry the

47:09

Cable Guy. They are from Jeff Foxworthy, I believe.

47:11

My apologies there. Also this is the

47:13

second episode where I didn't know what the word live

47:15

meant, but this one was recorded before the second time

47:17

but I forgot what it was because it was on

47:19

stage and I will be honest, sometimes when things happen

47:21

on stage I don't really process and retain the memory

47:23

of them because my brain is in so many places

47:25

at once when I'm on stage because I'm trying to

47:27

make the show good and the podcast good and be

47:29

a good guest for my guests. There's

47:32

lots of things going through my brain when

47:34

I'm doing these live shows. Also this episode

47:36

was recorded originally in late September of 2023.

47:39

That's why when we get into the Q&A at

47:41

the end of the episode, which is the best

47:43

Q&A I think we've ever done in a T&O

47:45

episode, there is a Roman Empire meme

47:47

question. It was very relevant at the time we

47:50

did the live show. That's why the crowd erupts

47:52

in applause. Also in the Q&A,

47:54

there's a time in which I'm trying to pick

47:56

the bird representations of each of the main Percy

47:59

Jackson characters. I goofed. has

56:00

been involved in every skirmish since Goldilocks

56:02

told the three bears that their beds

56:05

were a little uncomfortable. So

56:07

does the story of Goldilocks? If

56:10

you're in the world of Percy

56:12

Jackson. It predates the

56:14

Ice Age. Like,

56:17

is the story of Goldilocks and the

56:19

three bears in the Old Testament? Like,

56:22

how old is this story? That's

56:24

exactly my question. It's wild. Then,

56:28

under Aries, there's a huge picture of

56:30

brass knuckles, which are not mentioned at

56:32

all. So huge picture of

56:34

brass knuckles. For Athena, it

56:36

says, under her description, always accompanied by at

56:38

least one owl, her sacred and fortunately housebroken

56:40

animal. One, never mentioned in the book. She

56:43

never has an owl near her. Two,

56:46

housebroken bird. Does

56:48

that mean the bird is like using the toilet? Is

56:52

this owl pooping in a toilet? That's

56:54

impressive. Also, don't owls, they also

56:56

have, I dissected in, not

56:59

an owl, but like the owl pellets. Yeah.

57:01

So what does that mean? Aren't

57:03

the owl pellets like their version of hairballs, though? Like, that's

57:05

not their poop. Yeah, yeah. So owl pellets is like the

57:08

stuff that they didn't digest that goes out. And then I

57:10

guess their poop would be like the other. I don't know.

57:12

But yeah, I. It's traumatizing. I don't remember that. We did

57:14

owl pellets in Science Lab. Yep, yep, yep. Continuing

57:17

about Athena, it says, now she sits

57:19

in on lectures at American universities about

57:21

military history or technology. I

57:24

want to know which American universities, because

57:26

I did a student talk course at Rice where

57:28

I taught filmmaking for fun. Was Athena in my

57:30

class? That's a class about

57:32

technology. It says that she

57:35

favors people who invent useful things

57:37

and sometimes gives them rewards, like

57:39

magical gifts or advice, such as

57:41

next week's lottery numbers. It's

57:45

getting very interesting. This is a very

57:48

fun Athena. I want this fun Athena,

57:50

not grumpy, stay away from

57:52

my daughter Athena. I like

57:54

this Dionysus. The description

57:56

that they give here feels very tame in

57:58

comparison. into what I actually know about Dionysus,

58:01

which comes from, and this will come out

58:03

as a future episode, or I guess podcast,

58:05

I don't know when, but at some point,

58:07

I'm doing an episode about demigods and monsters,

58:09

which is like an anthology of

58:11

essays that other YA authors wrote about

58:14

the Percy Jackson books. And

58:16

one of them is just a deep dive

58:18

into Dionysus. Dionysus is a freak, guys. Yeah.

58:22

Now it mentions that Dionysus stole cattle from

58:24

his brother Apollo on his first day alive,

58:26

but made it up to him by inventing

58:28

the liar. And I thought, how much would

58:31

it suck to be the actual inventor of

58:33

the liar? And then everyone

58:35

is like, no, no, no, no. That

58:37

was invented by Dionysus. Dionysus, yeah. Not

58:39

you. No, I made

58:41

the liar. Yeah, with Dionysus.

58:43

We know. No, I made

58:45

it. I'm Patroclus liar. I invented,

58:47

I'm not a liar. I made

58:50

the liar. So

58:52

everyone just describes. Then

58:55

we get into a subsection, minor gods and

58:57

spirits. We have the charities, which I was

58:59

not familiar with. They are the goddesses of

59:01

grace and beauty. They attend to Aphrodite and

59:03

Hera. Then it explains the muses and the

59:06

nymphs and the winds. And then

59:08

it lists the prophecy that's in the sea of

59:10

monsters. And then we get into the gods of

59:12

the sea. It mentions that Nereus is

59:14

the father of the Nereids, which I didn't know. Then

59:17

Proteus is listed as the son of

59:20

Poseidon and herdsman of his seals,

59:22

which feels like an interesting job.

59:25

It mentions that Proteus could change

59:27

into any animal, and he had

59:29

the gift of prophecy, but could

59:31

not reveal the truth unless captured.

59:34

That sucks. For

59:36

Triton, it mentions that he could

59:38

move entire islands, which feels irresponsible.

59:41

Under minor gods, it lists Adonis. Adonis

59:43

was a handsome young hunter, Aphrodite fell

59:45

for his beauty and put him in

59:48

a cage to be watched by Persephone

59:50

until he became a man. Look,

59:54

we talk about grooming. This is like the worst. Ugh.

59:58

Eventually, there was a plan. to do four months

1:00:00

with Aphrodite, four months in the underworld, and four

1:00:02

months doing whatever he wanted. But he chose with

1:00:05

his four months to stay

1:00:07

with Aphrodite, no Stockholm syndrome! Get

1:00:10

out of there! Become your own person, Adonis!

1:00:13

Then Styx, I learned, is more than just a

1:00:16

river. Apparently Styx was the eldest of

1:00:18

the 3,000 daughters of Oceanus

1:00:20

and Tethys, and apparently they

1:00:22

got it on a lot! Styx

1:00:26

fought against the Titans, so she was rewarded

1:00:28

as being the goddess of the

1:00:30

River Styx, which doesn't feel like a

1:00:32

reward. You're the god of the

1:00:34

very bad river that most people don't like.

1:00:36

That's what I was thinking, I'm like, what do

1:00:38

you gain from that? Do you just like, you're

1:00:40

like, I love the dark, the dank, I loved

1:00:42

spooky spirits, like that's my

1:00:45

vibe all year round. Like that's the only way

1:00:47

that that's a reward. I guess, yeah, I don't

1:00:49

know. Nyx is described, but

1:00:51

I played Hades in video games, sorry, do

1:00:53

you know everything? Section four is called Percy

1:00:56

Jackson's Bestiary, and it just lists

1:00:58

all the different monsters that he fights, one of

1:01:00

them for the cows. It doesn't call them red

1:01:02

cows, it calls them cherry color cows. I was

1:01:04

so confused, I had to go back, because I was like,

1:01:06

I don't think that's what they're called. Nope, I think

1:01:08

they just called them red, but

1:01:10

cherry color cows, Mrs. O'Leary has an

1:01:13

image, she looks not intimidating at all,

1:01:15

very fluffy, very old looking, does not

1:01:17

look agile, like very cute,

1:01:19

but not the vibe I get for Mrs. O'Leary.

1:01:21

Like that's a very cute dog, but Mrs. O'Leary

1:01:23

like fights a dragon in the war, like that

1:01:26

doesn't feel like the vibe we get here. The

1:01:28

compay image conveniently stops just past

1:01:30

her shoulders, which is right when

1:01:33

she starts to get interesting. Very

1:01:36

upset, the Lacergonian giant

1:01:38

looks terrifying, but uh-oh, the next

1:01:40

page with the manticore, way more

1:01:42

terrifying. Get a big human

1:01:44

face, which looks a bit too much like

1:01:46

Hugh Grant for my liking. Wait, what? Wait,

1:01:50

yeah. Yeah. Really

1:01:54

scary, then for the Minotaur, it has

1:01:56

a description underneath it where it says

1:01:58

half man, half bull, and then I...

1:02:00

editorialized all monster. And

1:02:06

then for the Aufiaturas, it has the description. And

1:02:08

one of the things it mentions is the fate

1:02:10

of the gods in Mount Olympus rests on him.

1:02:12

Just casually through it. Just super casually. For

1:02:15

the pit scorpions, it mentions that they can jump

1:02:17

15 feet into the air.

1:02:19

That's too many feet. That's a basketball hoop and

1:02:21

a half. That's

1:02:23

a really good unit of measurement. I think

1:02:25

it's good to put it into perspective. Because

1:02:27

everyone's like, dunking is hard. What

1:02:30

if the scorpion could really dunk? That's

1:02:33

way too high. That's why they don't have

1:02:36

basketball courts. Because the scorpions. Because

1:02:38

of the scorpions. Yeah, OK. Now I know who

1:02:40

to blame. The Sphinx has

1:02:43

a way too woman looking head. Just

1:02:46

like not Egyptian Sphinx what

1:02:48

I'm used to. Just like way too creepy. Yeah,

1:02:51

like, it's a little scary. Typhon

1:02:53

is also not what I envisioned. And

1:02:55

it also feels like it's not how

1:02:57

he was described in the book. It

1:02:59

says, human shaped with mottled green skin,

1:03:01

human hands, the talons of an eagle

1:03:03

and scaly reptilian legs. Why

1:03:06

did I think maybe it was just because he

1:03:08

was underneath the mountain that had fire that I

1:03:10

felt like he was more like? Were

1:03:12

you thinking that long? I think I was. I

1:03:16

had those eyes. But I guess when they described him,

1:03:18

he was like a big cloud of smoke and stuff.

1:03:20

In Rachel's vision that she paints, it's like

1:03:22

a big cloud with a fist coming out

1:03:25

of it kind of thing. And this was

1:03:27

way more reptilian. Which tracks for Greek mythology.

1:03:29

But I didn't think track for his description

1:03:31

in the books. So I found that very

1:03:33

interesting. Then we get into section

1:03:35

five, the labyrinth. The first page of which is

1:03:37

a maze that you can play. Very

1:03:39

fun. I definitely played it with my finger

1:03:42

when I was reading it. Then

1:03:44

it lists the history of Alcatraz, which does have

1:03:46

a very interesting history. I did go to Alcatraz

1:03:48

and read all this stuff. There's way more cool

1:03:51

stuff than they list. But one thing of

1:03:53

note that I thought was unique was

1:03:55

that they say one of the prisoners

1:03:57

in the whole Al Capone era. was

1:04:00

George Machine Gun Kelly. And I was like, this

1:04:02

rapper dude didn't even come up with his own

1:04:04

name. He just read a history book and was

1:04:06

like, that guy has a cool name, I'll just

1:04:09

be Machine Gun Kelly. And he probably just took

1:04:11

a field trip to Alcatraz and was like, that's

1:04:13

cool. I wanna, yeah, that's cool. If I find

1:04:15

out that Machine Gun Kelly is from San Francisco,

1:04:17

I will be furious, because then that's exactly what

1:04:19

happened. That is exactly what happened. So

1:04:22

then we also have an

1:04:24

image of Garian, which is

1:04:26

not great. And it

1:04:29

doesn't even, again, once again, cutting off the

1:04:31

interesting part. Right, give me the three torsos.

1:04:33

Why does it cut off halfway through each

1:04:35

of the extra torsos? Come on.

1:04:37

And then there's an image of Daedalus's workshop,

1:04:39

and it also has the solution to the

1:04:41

maze puzzle from before, which I think is

1:04:43

very fun. Oh, it sure does. I didn't

1:04:45

even notice. I was

1:04:47

glad that I did take the right route and I

1:04:49

didn't accidentally cross over a barrier. Section

1:04:52

six is called the Underworld. They have a

1:04:54

map of the Underworld. And

1:04:56

the Isles of the Blessed looks like islands

1:04:58

where you would get marooned. They

1:05:00

just have like two palm trees and a hill, and that's

1:05:02

it. The fields of punishment,

1:05:04

the people in it, look way too happy.

1:05:07

They look like they're having a good time.

1:05:09

They are surrounded by barbed wire, but

1:05:11

they don't look like they're having a bad

1:05:13

time. Yeah, especially when you look at the

1:05:15

fields of Asphodel, like, by comparison, these people are

1:05:17

having a great time. It's a party over there.

1:05:20

The people in the fields of Asphodel look

1:05:22

like they're having a way worse time. The

1:05:25

Palace of Hades looks like a haunted

1:05:27

mansion from an intro to an old

1:05:29

episode of Scooby-Doo. Yeah. And

1:05:32

then there's also the Judgment Pavilion. I didn't

1:05:34

know it was a whole pavilion, which I

1:05:37

find very interesting. And then, I'm gonna need

1:05:39

the book back again, because starting on page

1:05:41

124, you get

1:05:44

a guided tour of the Underworld by Nico D'Angelo.

1:05:47

And it's unhinged. We

1:05:50

first get a picture of Nico D'Angelo. He

1:05:53

looks stoned out of his mind. Yeah. And

1:05:57

he says, hi, welcome to my dad's place, not

1:05:59

Palace. This place is what it says. My

1:06:02

name's Nico DiAngelo, son of Hades. Let me show

1:06:04

you around. You met Cerberus when

1:06:06

you came in, right? Good guard dog, yeah? No

1:06:08

one gets past those three head without an official

1:06:11

escort. This path takes you straight into the Judgment

1:06:13

Pavilion. Ignore all the silent types we're

1:06:15

wading through. They're dead, they can't bother you. Note

1:06:18

the wicked black grass and trees we have here in

1:06:20

the fields of Asphodel. And don't miss the stunning stalactites.

1:06:22

That's what they'll do to you if one of them

1:06:24

breaks off the ceiling and spears you. Okay.

1:06:27

This is the pavilion where all the

1:06:29

newly dead have to go. And it

1:06:31

says on the banner, they're here for

1:06:33

judgments for Elysium and eternal damnation. Poor

1:06:35

chumps. Cool black

1:06:37

tent though, right? Come

1:06:39

right on through and see what happens after

1:06:42

they've been processed. That path to the left

1:06:44

goes straight to the fields of punishment. The

1:06:46

name says it all. That's where dad tries

1:06:49

out his new punishment ideas, but he says

1:06:51

the traditional ones still work the best. The

1:06:53

lava flows, the minefields full of exploding surprises,

1:06:55

burning at the stake, running naked through cactus

1:06:58

patches. You name it, we've got it here.

1:07:02

Anyone not feeling well should sit down on this

1:07:05

bench here and put their heads between their legs

1:07:07

until the nausea passes. Now let's take a look

1:07:09

where the right hand path leads. This one should

1:07:11

be easier for you live folks to stomach. Through

1:07:13

those security gates is Elysium, where I guess you

1:07:15

all want to end up one day. We have

1:07:18

neighborhoods from way back in history. You name it,

1:07:20

we've got it. Roman medieval Victorian. Check the gold

1:07:22

and silver flowers. Better than up there, I bet.

1:07:24

Year round barbecues too. Can't be bad. We're

1:07:27

all over the place. Yep, yep, yep. He

1:07:29

then talks about the Isles of the Blessed and

1:07:32

then after the Isles of the Blessed he goes,

1:07:34

now drag yourselves away and I'll take you to

1:07:36

dad's palace. You haven't seen anything yet. See

1:07:39

those black parapets on the horizon? That's where

1:07:41

we're heading. Step on it. Those three bat-like

1:07:43

creatures hovering around you are the Furies. They've

1:07:45

been here the whole time, I guess. It's

1:07:49

better to not get on their bad side. No one

1:07:51

takes the path down to the right unless you want

1:07:53

an unscheduled visit to Tartarus, that is. Here

1:07:55

we are at the palace. If the walls are a polished

1:07:57

obsidian, you can practically see yourself in them. of

1:08:00

these automatic bronze gates, and the intricate carvings on them,

1:08:02

dad's got images of pretty much all the different ways

1:08:04

a human can die. This

1:08:07

one here is an atom bomb exploding. There's a row

1:08:09

of famine victims, trenches from World War I. There's nothing

1:08:11

he's missed as far as I can see. That's

1:08:15

all of them. Now this is

1:08:17

a special underworld garden. Nothing growing here needs

1:08:19

natural light. That's why we have mushrooms and

1:08:21

luminous plants, which don't need. And then there's

1:08:23

a page about Tartarus and Tantalus. I

1:08:25

guess because they sound similar. Daylight,

1:08:29

and my dad grows precious stones rather than

1:08:31

flowers. Goes on about that, and the archer,

1:08:33

and then it ends with, OK, well that

1:08:35

just about wraps up the tour for today.

1:08:38

Follow me back to the entrance and gift

1:08:40

shop, where

1:08:42

you can buy souvenirs of your visit. And don't

1:08:44

forget, the tour is free, but you need five

1:08:47

golden dragmas to buy your exit permit. This way

1:08:49

to the return tour ferry. And

1:08:51

that's the end of the guided tour with Nico DiAngelo.

1:08:56

It's so strange.

1:08:59

It's unhinged. I

1:09:01

just want to know what's in the gift shop. Is

1:09:05

the merch, who makes it? I

1:09:07

have so many questions. So many questions. So

1:09:09

many questions. But we have to move on

1:09:11

to section seven, the storehouse of

1:09:14

the gods, which does have a picture

1:09:16

of a Megazord from Power Rangers. Before

1:09:20

it turns into the Megazord, so whatever the individual Zords

1:09:22

are, I think just Zord. It

1:09:25

has a subsection called Artifacts and Curiosities.

1:09:28

There is Aegis with a picture of

1:09:30

a bracelet that is certainly not the

1:09:32

bracelet. It's the early 2000s,

1:09:34

like Tiffany. It's a James

1:09:36

Avery bracelet. Yeah. Thalia

1:09:40

would not be caught dead wearing a bracelet. It

1:09:42

then has an occluse-mos, and it mentions

1:09:45

that it returns to Percy's pocket moments

1:09:47

after it has left his grasp. It's

1:09:49

a liberal use of the word moments, because

1:09:51

sometimes it does take a little bit longer

1:09:54

than my liking. For

1:09:56

Ambrosia, it mentions that you can buy it on

1:09:58

a stick at Mount Oliva. I love this. That's

1:10:01

fun. It reminds me

1:10:03

of those, I don't know the name of them, but in,

1:10:05

I think in Japan,

1:10:07

you can get those three little balls

1:10:09

that come on a stick, and it's

1:10:11

red, white, and green, little mochi balls.

1:10:13

It's like that, but it's ambrosia. Don't

1:10:16

eat too much. You'll burn. Then there's

1:10:18

an image of Riptide, the sword, that

1:10:20

appears to be 50 feet long. It's

1:10:23

a huge sword. It is, I counted

1:10:26

by measuring it. It's eight times longer

1:10:28

than the handles on the hilt, so

1:10:30

it feels like a comically large sword.

1:10:33

Then it has the basketball shoes, which I was very excited about

1:10:35

to see what brand they are, but

1:10:38

they are vague, off-brand, generic basketball shoes, so

1:10:40

they're not clearly Nike or Adidas or something

1:10:43

like that. The invisibility cap, though,

1:10:45

is a straight up Yankees hat, which I found

1:10:47

very fascinating. So I guess they got the

1:10:49

Getty images right for Yankees. Then

1:10:52

for Pandora's jar, it does call it Pandora's

1:10:54

pithos, which I thought was a very good

1:10:57

nod to the book. For

1:10:59

Nectar, it says that it always tastes

1:11:01

like the drinker's favorite food. I know

1:11:03

that's true, but I never really thought

1:11:05

about it, because we really only hear

1:11:07

about Percy's tasting like chocolate chip cookies.

1:11:09

If you drank something that tastes like

1:11:11

chocolate chip cookies, that doesn't feel too

1:11:13

weird. If your favorite

1:11:15

food, let's say your Grover, is enchiladas,

1:11:18

if you're drinking something that tastes like

1:11:20

enchiladas, that feels

1:11:22

like sensory overload. I always

1:11:24

thought that was, I mean, it's kind of fine

1:11:27

for me, but what's your favorite food? Oh,

1:11:30

man, oh, no. There's

1:11:32

so many options. There's so many options.

1:11:37

What is my favorite food? We could

1:11:39

be here all day. I'll

1:11:41

probably, let's just say, tacos from Taco

1:11:44

Río Ruby in Houston. That sounds delicious,

1:11:46

but would you want to drink it? No,

1:11:48

I wouldn't. If I'm drinking the breaded steak

1:11:50

taco, that doesn't feel good. My

1:11:52

favorite food is pickles, and in the South, it's normal

1:11:54

to drink pickle juice, but like nectar?

1:11:57

Nectar, yeah, right, because if

1:11:59

you ever having pickle juice, it's a little

1:12:01

bit. Like, it's a shot like a pickle back.

1:12:03

It's not going to be a lot of pickle

1:12:05

juice. Like, you're not finishing the pickles and be

1:12:07

like, it's like cereal after you eat it. Like,

1:12:10

well, now time to drink the jar. Brine.

1:12:14

So I found that a strange realization.

1:12:16

So it lists all these important objects

1:12:19

that show up throughout the series, like

1:12:21

the shield and, you know, Riptide, all

1:12:23

these other important things. The yellow duffel

1:12:26

bags from Hermes make the cut. Absurd.

1:12:31

Absurd. Not only make the cut, but they put

1:12:33

a picture of a yellow duffel bag. Yeah. Really

1:12:36

prominent. Really, really prominent. Then there's

1:12:38

a subsection called automata, which I

1:12:40

had to Google to make sure

1:12:42

it does mean, like, various mechanical

1:12:44

moving objects, so like plural of

1:12:46

automaton. And then

1:12:49

it lists some mechanical things, such as

1:12:51

the Colchis Bulls, the Guardians. But then

1:12:53

it also lists the skeleton warriors, which

1:12:56

feel like to me, not a machine.

1:12:58

No. Also, the drawing for the

1:13:00

skeleton warriors is really funny, because it's just one

1:13:02

of those skeletons, like, straight out of a medical

1:13:04

diagram. But it's holding the mace

1:13:07

that's like the spiky ball on the end of

1:13:09

a chain. But it is the smallest spiky ball.

1:13:12

It is really, really tiny. It is not

1:13:14

at all concerning. No. It is

1:13:16

like if you were going to tenderize a

1:13:18

steak. It's not going to do any damage.

1:13:21

But then it lists Talos

1:13:23

in there. And for Talos,

1:13:25

it says destroyed by Bianca D'Angelo.

1:13:27

And funnily enough, Bianca does not show

1:13:29

up in this book, nor is she

1:13:31

described as destroyed by Talos. Then

1:13:36

we get into section eight. She's, it's

1:13:38

fiction. Not

1:13:40

real. Then

1:13:42

we get into section eight, which is the

1:13:44

compendium. And one

1:13:47

of the sections is mortals who see

1:13:49

through the mist. And it has Rachel

1:13:51

Elizabeth Dare looking like she is straight

1:13:53

out of the nightmare fuel Nickelodeon puppet

1:13:55

show Lazy Town. Yes. That

1:13:59

is exactly what she looks like. It's really bad, it's really

1:14:01

bad. Dr. Chase is described as having intense brown eyes,

1:14:07

which I guess he has to because Athena always has the intense

1:14:09

gray eyes. Mae

1:14:12

Kastellan, and maybe this is just supposed to be cheeky,

1:14:14

but it says, applied for a job which seriously affected

1:14:17

her mental health. Yeah. Mae

1:14:22

Kastellan had it really rough. Maybe

1:14:25

we don't make a cute joke about it. Then

1:14:28

Paul Blofis canonically has a beard?

1:14:30

I didn't remember this. And

1:14:32

then it also mentions that he wears denim clothes and

1:14:35

a leather jacket. That I didn't

1:14:37

remember. Don't remember Paul Blofis being

1:14:39

really cool. Hello. I'm

1:14:43

sorry, Paul. I thought you were

1:14:45

like a nerdy little bow tie guy. Right, I

1:14:48

definitely was getting nerdy bow tie vibes from him the whole time. And

1:14:50

so I wrote that, I was like, does he? I thought I just

1:14:52

misremembered. I don't know. Then

1:14:55

there's a section called More Carrots. And

1:14:57

then it has Pan under there, which

1:15:00

feels like a disc to the God

1:15:02

of the Wild. I feel

1:15:04

like he could have been in spirits and gods and stuff.

1:15:07

It does say that he was the son of Hermes, which

1:15:09

I didn't realize, which I found interesting. Hyperion

1:15:11

is in there. He looks pretty

1:15:13

scary, but cool, like big flames

1:15:15

and armor and stuff. Prometheus looks

1:15:17

very suave in his tuxedo. Morpheus,

1:15:20

from the cover of course, has

1:15:23

a huge image, and he does look

1:15:25

like a straight up movie star. You

1:15:27

know, it's like. Oh, for sure. Yeah,

1:15:30

it's like, I don't know, Jude Law

1:15:32

as Morpheus. It's very nice

1:15:34

hair, big scowl. I don't just. Ice blue

1:15:37

eyes. Yeah, just like furrowed brows. She's like,

1:15:39

Morpheus was not that big of a deal

1:15:41

in that vid's book. No. But

1:15:44

it does mention that he is a son

1:15:46

of Hypnos, which makes sense given his whole

1:15:48

vibe. And then the book ends with an

1:15:50

image of the book five prophecy, and that

1:15:53

is Percy Jackson, the ultimate guide, who you've

1:15:55

done it. Oh. So.

1:20:00

OK. OK, cool. Good.

1:20:03

I'm glad to hear it. I'm intrigued to see

1:20:05

what this question is. The question is,

1:20:07

how often do you think about the Roman Empire?

1:20:10

OK. OK.

1:20:19

What's fun is, and I will show my age, because I think this

1:20:21

is like a TikTok thing, I

1:20:24

don't understand the origin.

1:20:26

I've never heard what the origin of this

1:20:28

meme is. I've just seen the

1:20:31

worst part of meme life,

1:20:33

which is brands tweeting it and

1:20:35

stuff. And the lowest ever

1:20:37

ones were like Spotify podcasts made like a

1:20:40

playlist. And there were like podcasts that make

1:20:42

us think of the Roman Empire. And I

1:20:44

was like, what is this? Also, why did

1:20:46

you not include me? So

1:20:50

all I've seen is people getting on

1:20:52

the joke too late. So I have no idea what it is.

1:20:54

I will say, I took Latin in high school, and I'm about

1:20:56

to read the Heroes of Olympus books. I will

1:20:59

say, a lot, I guess. What

1:21:01

is the origin of the meme? I

1:21:04

don't know the origin of the TikTok. But

1:21:06

I think the idea, y'all can just shout if

1:21:08

I'm right. I think the idea is like, oh,

1:21:10

girls spend their time thinking about this, that, and

1:21:12

the other. What do guys spend their time thinking

1:21:14

about in the Roman Empire? So it's just

1:21:16

the worst version of the, is he mad at

1:21:19

me? And then the guy turned into them? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:21:21

That meme is way better. We don't need a second worst

1:21:23

version of it. OK. OK.

1:21:26

This question is from Raksha. If

1:21:29

you had to pick fun socks to embody the main characters, what would

1:21:31

you pick? OK. Fun socks. Grover

1:21:33

would have a bunch of tin cans on

1:21:36

his favorite food. Or maybe enchilada socks. That

1:21:38

could be a good one. Like it's just

1:21:40

like one. It just, oh, yeah, because enchiladas

1:21:42

are kind of like tube-ish shaped

1:21:44

enough where he could have the whole sock

1:21:47

just like when it looks like an enchilada.

1:21:50

Percy would just wear the T&O socks, which

1:21:52

you can get at thenewsohnp.com/merch. But

1:21:55

I feel like Trident or socks. But also, Percy,

1:21:57

I want to find out what his favorite basket

1:21:59

is. team is, but I feel like he

1:22:01

would have socks sport in his favorite team. Anna

1:22:05

Beth would have either very architecturally

1:22:07

looking things, or maybe ones that

1:22:09

have Greek columns going up them

1:22:11

to be good. Or

1:22:14

just Frank Lloyd Wright's face. Yeah, that'd

1:22:16

be good. Tyson

1:22:18

feels like a mismatched socks guy, just

1:22:21

like wildly different vibes, socks. He doesn't really care.

1:22:24

Rachel, she'd have very artsy. She'd have

1:22:26

ones that's like, it's like the starry

1:22:29

night sky, or things from various famous

1:22:31

paintings, would be my thoughts. This

1:22:33

question's from Alexandra, and it's, if

1:22:36

you had to come up with a Patreon name, what would

1:22:38

it be? Oh, that's good. That's

1:22:40

good. I would probably do,

1:22:42

I fear saying this, because

1:22:45

now people will do it, ah, whatever. I feel like I

1:22:47

would pick a name that looks like a

1:22:49

normal name, but then when you say it out

1:22:51

loud, it's some sort of pun. So it looks like someone's name,

1:22:53

but then you say it all together, that

1:22:56

was a gross, like, yeah, like,

1:22:58

ha ha, I get it. You were making it

1:23:00

say, you know, whatever. But I can't think of

1:23:03

any that aren't like crude, so I'm not going

1:23:05

to give an example, but I'm only thinking of

1:23:07

like the ones you give us, like a prank

1:23:09

phone call or something like that. Yeah. What

1:23:12

about you? If you had to come up with a patron name. I

1:23:15

don't know. Doe8A goes,

1:23:17

you can hear me on the New Caribbean. Yeah,

1:23:20

I don't think I, yeah, it'd probably have to be

1:23:23

something punny, but like, I'm

1:23:25

not that punny. OK, look, that's fine.

1:23:27

That's fine. Yeah, I don't know. I

1:23:29

don't know. That's a good question. I have to think on it

1:23:31

more. Maybe I'll tweet it later. OK, cool, cool, cool. OK,

1:23:34

this next question's from Maddie, and it's, what

1:23:36

do you think Dionysus would call each of

1:23:38

you refusing to call you your actual name?

1:23:40

Oh, that's good. That's good. That's good. Yeah,

1:23:44

I'm trying to think also, like, is there a name

1:23:46

you get wrong? Because like Delia, not the most common

1:23:48

name. Oh, oh, I know what he's talking about. Do

1:23:50

you get like Delilah a lot? Yeah, it's Delilah. It's

1:23:52

Delilah. He'd be like, hey there, Delilah. Yeah. Oh,

1:23:55

wow, yeah. What

1:23:57

would he mess up for your last name, though? Galapagos.

1:24:01

Oh, yeah. OK, Delilah. You found your

1:24:04

patron name. Yeah, oh, yeah.

1:24:06

Oh, yeah, Delilah Galapagos, guys. Yeah. He

1:24:08

would probably do like, I would get like Matt

1:24:11

instead of Mike probably. Either that or Mark. I

1:24:13

get Mark sometimes. Which is fine. I never get

1:24:15

mad at people if they mess it up. If

1:24:17

you've messed up Mike, like four letter white guy

1:24:19

name, like yeah. Like you were close enough. Like

1:24:22

statistically, I have like the least memorable name aside

1:24:24

from like Muhammad because it's so common. So like

1:24:26

I'm never going to get mad at someone for

1:24:28

forgetting my first name. I will get mad at

1:24:31

people four for getting the C in Schubert or Shubes.

1:24:33

Especially when people reply to me on social

1:24:35

media at Shube 17. Love

1:24:38

the podcast, Shubs. Like

1:24:41

not enough. The

1:24:43

logo has my name in it. The

1:24:46

author has my name in it. So it's Mark

1:24:48

Shubs. Yeah, I guess, yeah. He

1:24:50

would probably call me like, trying to think if

1:24:52

I've gotten, I've never gotten anything like wrong for

1:24:54

Schubert. I guess he, but he would be saying

1:24:56

it. Like I would say, yeah, Schubert is like

1:24:58

one that people think is very funny. So I

1:25:00

guess like he'll probably call me Mark Schubert. I

1:25:03

think Mark Schubert is what I get. And then the lie, like

1:25:05

a lot. This

1:25:08

question's from an ornithologist. If

1:25:11

you could assign PJO characters a type of bird,

1:25:13

what would they be? A type of bird.

1:25:16

Do I know enough birds? OK,

1:25:19

well, Percy's a pigeon, obviously. Luke

1:25:23

is a seagull, obviously. And

1:25:26

Cronus is a goose, because it's the only thing

1:25:28

more evil than a seagull. Yes. That's

1:25:32

locked in. Wow, solid. Got

1:25:34

those. Yeah. I feel like

1:25:37

Annabeth is an owl, just like an easy

1:25:39

kind of no-brainer one. Who

1:25:42

would, what's like, Tyson would just be like, just

1:25:45

such a pleasant. Is there

1:25:47

like a really big lovable bird? Big

1:25:50

bird? Big bird, yeah. Cool.

1:25:53

I just feel like most large birds are

1:25:55

scary. Like I am terrified of like

1:25:57

ostriches and emus. They're just.

1:26:00

I just don't, the neck's too much. It's

1:26:03

too much, I don't trust it. Uh,

1:26:05

what else there, Grover? Oh,

1:26:08

a penguin? Who could be a penguin? Wait, no,

1:26:10

a penguin is really good, yeah. Really cute, yeah.

1:26:12

Grover, is there like a goat-esque bird? I don't

1:26:15

know, like, are there goat birds? Or just like

1:26:17

a bird that's like very... Leggy? Oh,

1:26:20

maybe, Dodo? Oh, that's good, because of getting

1:26:22

extinct. That's good, that's good, yeah. Hmm,

1:26:25

I feel like Thalia, or Niko's

1:26:27

a raven. That character's a very

1:26:29

moody, yeah, right. Or

1:26:31

maybe either that, or he's like a crow,

1:26:33

because that feels like very Hades-y, and then

1:26:36

like Thalia could be a raven, because that

1:26:38

feels very like hot topic-y to me. Yeah,

1:26:40

the cool kids. Yeah. Okay, this question is

1:26:42

from Avery. If you could

1:26:44

design a PJO-themed taskmaster task, what would

1:26:47

it be? Good question.

1:26:49

And then also, which PJO character would

1:26:51

be the best and worst? Okay, cool.

1:26:54

I think in a live shoot we did, maybe the best and worst,

1:26:56

the taskmaster. I feel like we might have

1:26:58

landed on Annabeth, because she's like smart, but also athletic,

1:27:00

which I think is the good mix in taskmaster. If

1:27:02

you've watched season four, like Noel Fielding, it's like, oh

1:27:04

my god, he's good at everything. It's not fair. Not

1:27:07

fair, he's good at everything. As

1:27:10

far as the task, are you familiar with taskmaster?

1:27:12

Okay, so it's a British panel show, it's perfect. It's all on YouTube,

1:27:15

you can watch it. They're not paying me to say this. It's

1:27:18

great. But it's a show where basically you

1:27:20

have usually comedians where they

1:27:22

will get sent to a house,

1:27:25

and then they have to do just ridiculous tasks. Some

1:27:27

of them are physical, where they'll take a bunch of

1:27:29

rubber ducks and put them on a fence, and then

1:27:31

put a big rope, and they'll be like, you have

1:27:34

to knock all of the ducks off the

1:27:36

fence. You cannot cross the rope, fastest winds go. And

1:27:38

then someone will use a hose to try to hose

1:27:40

them down, or someone will just chuck things at the

1:27:42

fence to make a knockover, all that kind of stuff.

1:27:45

But then there's also art ones, using a mop as

1:27:50

your paintbrush paint on an easel

1:27:52

that's six feet away from you, stuff like that. So

1:27:55

there's just all these silly tasks, and people just

1:27:57

look absurd doing it. It's the greatest television program

1:27:59

on earth. Like, you really don't need anything. If

1:28:01

they were like, we're not doing TV anymore, it's

1:28:03

just different task masters, I'd be like, cool, we're

1:28:05

good. So if

1:28:08

we're making a PJ01, I'm just trying

1:28:10

to imagine. Frankly, a lot of shenanigans

1:28:12

at camp sound like a taskmaster task.

1:28:15

Yeah, honestly, yeah, like climbing the lava

1:28:17

thing feels very taskmastery. I'm

1:28:20

trying to think, because it needs to be like silly. Oh,

1:28:23

there are like a lot of food

1:28:26

tasks. I think it could be fun

1:28:28

of like, make the most appetizing meal

1:28:30

for a Seder, not using any consumable

1:28:32

food. So like, only

1:28:34

using recyclables and compost and

1:28:37

stuff like that, create the

1:28:39

most appetizing food judged

1:28:41

by a Seder. How do they score it? Like,

1:28:43

could there be scores on plating and like? Usually

1:28:45

in the show, they just have Greg, the

1:28:48

taskmaster, as the judge. Same as really Greg?

1:28:50

He just ranks them like one, two, three,

1:28:52

four, five. For some of the food ones,

1:28:54

they'll have the taskmasters assistant Alex eat them,

1:28:57

and then he will describe like how bad

1:28:59

it was usually, because it's usually really gross

1:29:01

stuff. So yeah, I could see like Grover

1:29:03

maybe telling, I feel like Mr. D has

1:29:06

to be the taskmaster in Camp Half Blood

1:29:08

Taskmaster. So yeah, that would be my thought.

1:29:12

Amazing, I love it. I'll go home and

1:29:14

watch it right now. It's all on YouTube

1:29:16

for free, it's fantastic. Absolutely perfect. I would

1:29:18

recommend to everyone like watch my preferred like

1:29:20

my machete order, is watch season four, then

1:29:22

season five, then go back to season one.

1:29:25

Season four is really good, you get Noel Fielding and

1:29:27

Mel Gedreusch, so if you've seen the great British pick-off,

1:29:30

you'd be like, I know these two British people. And

1:29:33

then season five has some just like incredible stuff, and then

1:29:35

you can go back to season one, because like they were

1:29:37

still figuring it out in seasons one, two, and three, but

1:29:39

like season four, they like truly hit their groove. Again, they're

1:29:41

not paying me to say this, but it's a perfect television

1:29:44

program. The subject of this

1:29:46

email is, my college mascot is a seagull, but

1:29:48

don't worry, I'm pro-pigeon. Nice, good, good, good, good,

1:29:50

good, good, I approve. And then the question is,

1:29:52

if you could cast PGO

1:29:54

characters as Pride and Prejudice characters, who would

1:29:56

be who? Oh boy,

1:29:58

this is- my wheelhouse. Okay,

1:30:01

hold on. We found the question to

1:30:03

conclude the show, which we will

1:30:05

now spend 35 minutes on. Okay,

1:30:08

alright. Get comfortable, y'all. Okay. Caroline

1:30:11

Bingley's Luke because she's the worst. Yes, yep.

1:30:14

Amazing. Wait, are we doing movie or? I

1:30:17

would say book, but like any adaptation is

1:30:20

valid. And I have to watch a

1:30:22

new adaptation because someone on Instagram messaged me that there's a

1:30:24

Bollywood version called Bryden Prejudice. Yeah, I haven't seen it yet.

1:30:26

I haven't seen it yet. That I didn't know about, so.

1:30:29

Okay, so Luke obviously, yeah, Caroline Bingley, she's

1:30:31

the worst. Okay. Then

1:30:34

who's gonna be Mr. Darcy? Mr.

1:30:38

Darcy? Is it Mr. D because he

1:30:40

starts off as such a grump and then eventually is like

1:30:42

lovable? Is it Mr.

1:30:44

D? Not just

1:30:46

because it's Mr. D, R, C, Mr. D,

1:30:48

but like it feels like it fits. I

1:30:50

think this is gonna depend on who is

1:30:52

Elizabeth. I know. Yeah. I kind

1:30:54

of want to go individually, but yeah, if we find a good pairing. Yeah. Who

1:30:58

is Elizabeth? Elizabeth is, honestly,

1:31:00

is it Grover? Is it Grover?

1:31:03

Ooh, tell me more. I was leaning towards

1:31:06

Annabeth, but. Yeah, okay, so I was leaning

1:31:08

towards Annabeth, but then I was just

1:31:10

thinking of like the fun spirit of Elizabeth

1:31:12

and how like lighthearted and like sunshine-y she

1:31:14

is. Like she's also like, has like an

1:31:17

acerbic wit. So that's not, well, I don't

1:31:19

know, sometimes Grover, but like I was like,

1:31:21

it could be Grover possibly. I

1:31:24

feel like Elizabeth has a bit too much of

1:31:26

like sassy quip retorts that fuels Annabeth-y of all

1:31:28

the seaweed brain and stuff. That's why I'm leaning.

1:31:30

But then behind me, okay, well, Percy's not Mr.

1:31:33

Darcy, I'm so sorry. No, no, absolutely not. That's

1:31:35

not happening. Absolutely not, absolutely not. Let's

1:31:38

see, we've got Jane,

1:31:40

right? Yeah, Jane. Yeah. And

1:31:43

she's just like. Lovely. There, but

1:31:45

lovely. There, but lovely. And does get sick, but

1:31:47

she's very nice. Yeah, she's very lovely. Very, very

1:31:49

lovely, but just kind of there. Who's someone that's

1:31:51

like, not as a diss,

1:31:53

but like maybe Beckendorf, like very nice.

1:31:56

Yeah, lovely. Like not around a lot,

1:31:58

has something happened to his health? Yeah,

1:32:00

yeah. Sure.

1:32:05

Yeah, that's the way to put it. And

1:32:09

then we got to look at some of the other suitors,

1:32:11

the other Misters. Like, Mr. Collins. Mr.

1:32:14

Collins. Mr. Collins. I want

1:32:16

to go, and this is like, if we're going

1:32:18

by movie adaptation of Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies, which

1:32:21

is just like very delightful, but not the smartest,

1:32:23

I would say Tyson. Just,

1:32:25

but that's like a very specific Mr.

1:32:27

Collins. That's my favorite

1:32:29

Mr. Collins. Maybe,

1:32:32

see Mr. Collins is kind

1:32:34

of like, he's kind of the worst. He

1:32:37

is kind of bad though, which is

1:32:39

not Tyson. But I don't really make

1:32:41

Tyson the worst. Maybe it'd be easier if we

1:32:43

just went through the PGO characters and were like, this person or

1:32:45

that person, and then we can regroup. Yeah, well,

1:32:47

especially like, who would be like, Zeus

1:32:49

is a really bad suitor. So

1:32:51

we got to pick like the worst dude. Miss

1:32:55

Wickham. Yeah, he's Wickham. So Zeus could be

1:32:57

Wickham. That makes sense. What

1:32:59

about the other sisters? So we have Mary.

1:33:02

We have Mary. We have Mary. So

1:33:05

who's the biggest nerd? Who's

1:33:08

good at the piano forte? Who

1:33:11

like stays in and reads? Who's accomplished but

1:33:14

not pretty. Not desirable.

1:33:17

Who's, yeah. The book said it, not me. OK. Who's

1:33:19

the, I don't know. And then

1:33:22

what, like, oh, could Lydia

1:33:24

be Selena Beauregard? Yeah,

1:33:26

I was about to say Selena Beauregard. Yeah. She's just like

1:33:29

all about the more like vapid kind of stuff. Yeah, or

1:33:31

maybe Kitty. Wait, no, is it Lydia or Kitty who goes

1:33:33

with? Lydia. Yeah,

1:33:35

yeah, yeah. And

1:33:38

then? You

1:33:40

know what we're missing? We've talked about Grover. We

1:33:42

talked about Lady Catherine

1:33:45

de Bourgh. Yeah. Who's

1:33:48

just like? My humble

1:33:51

patroness. Yeah, who's

1:33:53

just like? Demeter. Demeter. Oh, thank you. Thank

1:33:55

you. Yes, Sherry. Feel free to jump in.

1:33:57

Clear it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Lydia. That's good.

1:33:59

or Lady Catherine DeBrigg. And

1:34:02

then, god, there's so many characters

1:34:04

in both. Charlotte? Charlotte. Charlotte Lucas,

1:34:06

right. OK, now Charlotte Lucas has to

1:34:08

be like, OK,

1:34:10

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I have to rewind,

1:34:12

because we have to Rachel a someone. Rachel's

1:34:15

over there? Yeah. Ooh, is Rachel

1:34:17

Lizzie? Yeah. Yeah. I just realized.

1:34:19

Yeah. I think she's with you

1:34:21

guys. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. That's

1:34:23

good. Rachel's Lizzie. And then I

1:34:27

think. What's Charlotte Lucas's

1:34:29

vibe in the book? Charlotte Lucas's vibe in the

1:34:31

book is she gets a lot

1:34:33

of flack. Lizzie disagrees with her. But Charlotte Lucas

1:34:35

is a very practical woman. She knows where she's

1:34:37

at. She's very sensible. Ooh,

1:34:41

Bianca could be kind of good. Maybe

1:34:43

Thalia, though? Thalia's like, is

1:34:45

there someone who's like, uh? I think Bianca

1:34:48

more. Maybe it's Mary, because Thalia's like, I

1:34:50

don't need men. Yeah, OK. That's not Thalia.

1:34:52

She's Mary. And Bianca is, yeah.

1:34:57

Cool. I think we did any

1:34:59

of them. Percy. Oh, Percy. OK,

1:35:01

yeah. That's a good place to stand. The

1:35:03

Percy Jackson podcast is so true. It's so

1:35:06

true. Percy Jackson, god. Who would he? Is

1:35:08

he Bingley? Bingley? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1:35:10

You know, like, good. Yeah. I mean, look,

1:35:13

Bingley famously leaves for periods of time to

1:35:15

go off to London and stuff. So yeah,

1:35:17

goes out on a quest. Percy goes out

1:35:19

on a quest. Yeah. Perfectly good. Yeah, great.

1:35:22

We did it, y'all. We've done it. Pride

1:35:24

and Fright did it. Percy Jackson. Now,

1:35:27

that's a good. It's in the open

1:35:29

domain, so you can do whatever. Pride,

1:35:32

Prejudice, and Percy Jackson would be. Perfect.

1:35:34

That's got to get on AO3 now

1:35:36

and start writing. Y'all have homework. Awesome.

1:35:39

Well, thank you all so much for coming to the show. Give

1:35:41

yourselves a round of applause for making it out. Would

1:35:43

not have been possible. Thank you

1:35:45

so much. The turnout was so good. So thank

1:35:47

you all so much. Give it up to Thalia

1:35:50

for being a fantastic guest. Give

1:35:53

it up to Sherry for leading the Q&A,

1:35:55

running the merch table, helping with behind the

1:35:57

scenes production stuff. Really helped. to all the

1:36:00

folks here at Jam & Java for making

1:36:02

the whole show work. Sound,

1:36:06

food, backstage stuff, everything was great. It was

1:36:08

super smooth, so thanks to all of them.

1:36:10

Thank you all so much for coming out.

1:36:12

I really do appreciate it. And, you know,

1:36:14

to close the show out, until I make

1:36:16

my return to Vienna, Virginia, or

1:36:19

in DC, or somewhere nearby to do a

1:36:21

show, until we cross paths again to cover

1:36:23

maybe Heroes of Olympus or something like that.

1:36:26

Ooh, we shall see. But

1:36:29

until then, go Mercy,

1:36:32

Lasers! Thanks so much for

1:36:34

coming out, everybody! Thank you! Thank you!

1:36:39

Hey, thanks so much for listening to this episode

1:36:41

of The Newst Olympian. This podcast is created, hosted,

1:36:43

and produced by me, Mike Schubert. I also run

1:36:45

the social media and the website. Our editor is

1:36:47

Sherry Glow. The music is by Bettina Kompomandas and

1:36:49

Brandon Grugel. And the art is by Jessica Y.

1:36:51

Boyd. If you love the podcast and you just

1:36:53

can't get enough, there's a couple of different things

1:36:56

you can do. First, you can go to thenewstlimbian.com-slash-patreon.

1:36:58

You can join the Patreon. And you can get

1:37:00

access to a whole bunch of fun bonus content.

1:37:02

You can also follow us on social media. We're

1:37:04

at Newst Olympian on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. There's

1:37:06

also a subreddit, reddit.com/r slash thenewstolympian. And there's also

1:37:08

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1:37:10

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1:37:12

You can learn all about the show

1:37:14

at thenewstolympian.com. And you can get some

1:37:16

sweet T&O merch at thenewstolympian.com/merch. I've mentioned

1:37:19

the Patreon. So let's give a shout

1:37:21

out to our producer-level patrons, Kelsey Gillespie,

1:37:23

The Damn Steam Nuggets, Vicky Garcia, Frida

1:37:25

Vikstrom, Megan Moon, Sabrina Balsiger, Polly Burridge,

1:37:27

Nikki Harris, Tatiana Schmidt, Sandra Rose, Josh

1:37:29

Sayer, Josh Wilkie, Abby Ryan, Marco Redhouse,

1:37:31

Sam Sam Reby, Mrs. O'Leary, Milo Kim,

1:37:33

Sam Koff, Rike, Ryla Matthews, Sky Mallory,

1:37:36

Per Sasebeth, Aiden Parsiani, Grace, Ginger Spursboy,

1:37:38

A Cup of Solace, Bradimus Prime, Skyler

1:37:40

Sisters, Scott Sheldon, Sophie, Natanya Page, Ann

1:37:42

M. Thayer-Cohen, Bella, Percy Jack'd Son, Han,

1:37:44

Haley Hingleheimer-Schmidt, Catherine Sloan, Jessica Phillips, Haley

1:37:46

Merry, Jim Jam Coopie, KitKat Crumbs, and

1:37:48

Andrea, not Andrea. If you want to

1:37:50

support the show in a non-monetary way,

1:37:52

just tell someone about the podcast. It

1:37:54

really does help a lot, whether that

1:37:56

is you reaching out to someone directly

1:37:58

who you think might. the podcast. Maybe

1:38:00

they're a big Percy Jackson fan. Maybe they've been looking

1:38:02

for an excuse to read the books. Or if you

1:38:05

push out the show on social media or you leave

1:38:07

us a rating and review on whatever podcasting app you're

1:38:09

using, truly all of these things help. I really appreciate

1:38:11

anyone who has done it in the past. And I

1:38:13

also appreciate anyone who will do it in the future.

1:38:15

But I'm just so thankful that you tuned into this

1:38:17

episode and hope you tune into our next episode. We're

1:38:19

really joined by Dr. Moya McTeer to break down all

1:38:21

the myths featured in The Lost Hero. But until then,

1:38:23

I'll see you later. Hey

1:38:33

everyone, how's it going? It's me, ASMRmic.

1:38:35

So recently at the Doylestown show, someone

1:38:37

gifted me a pair of pigeon socks

1:38:39

and they are very soft and very

1:38:42

pretty. I'm going to be opening them

1:38:44

from their little container here

1:38:47

for the ASMRmic segment. You know, it's like the hook

1:38:49

thing with like the cardboard and the string and stuff.

1:38:51

So I'm going to just be like opening

1:38:53

up the socks. Oh

1:38:57

wow, that was actually really easy to open. And I don't know if it made

1:38:59

that much noise, but anyway, thank you for listening.