0:09

Welcome back to the Overshare! I

0:11

really really hope you're enjoying our second

0:13

series. As always, thank you for all

0:15

your lovely comments and reviews on our

0:17

socials. You'll get loads of things on

0:19

our social media page for this series.

0:21

We've got all the guest experts on

0:24

there, all the guests who we've had,

0:26

so don't forget to check us out

0:28

and leave us a review, we really

0:30

appreciate it. This episode is yet another

0:32

curveball for us. We were really keen,

0:34

we wanted to make this second series

0:36

really, really varied, really varied. And when

0:38

we asked you for suggestions on

0:41

topics that you'd like us

0:43

to cover, money cropped up quite

0:45

a few times. So we're going

0:47

in. Let's face it, it's the

0:49

one thing that most of us...

0:51

avoid talking about some people find

0:54

it crass some people find it

0:56

embarrassing most all of us find

0:58

it intimidating and it's often the

1:00

biggest cause of stress in our

1:02

lives so we asked you for

1:04

your money horror stories so welcome

1:06

to our little pod another new

1:09

face but not just any face

1:11

multi award winning financial expert Claire

1:13

Barrett a lot of you will know

1:15

Claire from featuring on the reins ITV

1:17

show you're on there a lot aren't

1:19

you I'm so excited to overshare

1:22

my secrets with you and

1:24

to hear other people's and hopefully

1:26

help them because you're so right

1:28

for women especially money is

1:30

such a vexed topic. It's something that

1:33

we find really hard to talk about

1:35

and a lot of the time people

1:37

do suffer in silence and I want

1:39

to change that. Let's get to it.

1:42

I am getting the debt collectors

1:44

letters through the door every day.

1:47

I desperately need to get this

1:49

bankruptcy underway. The affair is still

1:51

going on. The lies are still

1:54

happening. Every penny that I have

1:56

goes into the home that I've

1:58

got with him. There's like

2:00

academic research into this saying

2:03

that by the age of

2:05

seven children's attitudes towards money,

2:07

they're sort of like emotional

2:09

relationship with money, it's largely cemented.

2:11

Oh wow, yeah. I can give

2:13

you a house or I can

2:15

give you memories. Again on this

2:18

episode we've changed some names on

2:20

the overshareers that's to protect

2:22

themselves, the friends, the family,

2:24

just to make sure it's

2:26

a safe space for everyone.

2:36

Hi Rachel, you're okay. Tell us

2:39

a bit about your story and

2:41

background. So I'm a single mum

2:43

and I worked in the local

2:46

pub in the village that I

2:48

grew up in. The landlady there

2:50

was going to leave and I

2:52

decided to give it a go.

2:54

I took over in August 22,

2:56

absolutely loved it. The first year

2:59

was... amazing. We did festivals

3:01

in the garden. We had bands

3:03

in the pub. It became a

3:05

real hub. Yeah, it was thriving.

3:07

And then for personal reasons, from

3:09

a personal point of view, my

3:12

son is diagnosed ADHD, but he's

3:14

also autistic. I'm supporting my mom

3:16

and dad as well. I had

3:18

to start stepping back further and

3:20

further from being behind the bar.

3:23

So therefore my costs went up

3:25

for my staff. and I got

3:27

to the point basically where last

3:29

year this time last year I had

3:32

to close my kitchen and then by

3:34

June last year end of June last

3:36

year I had to close because

3:38

I was absolutely just swallowed

3:41

with debt. Did you have any advice

3:43

before closing was it a case of

3:45

you know you were advised to for

3:48

the best or? I spoke to an

3:50

independent advisor I spoke to the brewery

3:52

independently as well. there's only so much

3:54

help they can offer because at the

3:57

end of the day they're a business

3:59

as well. and I was just advised

4:01

that I needed to close and basically

4:03

I'm in a position where I need

4:06

to go bankrupt. I have to save

4:08

up to go bankrupt because it costs

4:10

700 pounds. That's, I was going to

4:12

ask you Claire, because I mean I

4:14

don't know about bankruptcy, but I've heard

4:17

people say if you go bankrupt that

4:19

it wipes everything clean, does it, but

4:21

then you struggle to get another job

4:23

moving forward because of it. Is that

4:26

right or am I completely wrong? Rachel,

4:28

I'm really sorry about this horrible experience.

4:30

It sounds like you're still going through

4:32

and for talking about it because really

4:34

it's so rare to admit that you're

4:37

going bankrupt to hear somebody say that

4:39

I've got this problem. These are often

4:41

things that people keep hidden because debt

4:43

and bankruptcy I think are one of

4:45

the biggest taboos in money because obviously

4:48

you've explained to us why your business

4:50

went wrong, but it does feel like

4:52

a very personal. failure if you become

4:54

insolvent you can't you can't pay your

4:57

debts and yeah and you know as

4:59

you were saying Jim it really shouldn't

5:01

be now with bankruptcy this is like

5:03

a formal way of saying I want

5:05

to set everything aside I can't meet

5:08

my bills a court will declare you

5:10

insolvent as you say there is a

5:12

court fee to be paid a lot

5:14

of debt charities have donors who specifically

5:17

pay the bankruptcy fees to help people

5:19

so debt charity, if you haven't spoken

5:21

to one personally to deal with your

5:23

personal debts, I would strongly advise that

5:25

you do that. There are lots of

5:28

other, lesser well-known solutions that an independent

5:30

debt counselor can find for you. Things

5:32

like, things like debt relief orders, they're

5:34

the ones that are really springing up

5:37

at the moment. If you're somebody who

5:39

doesn't have any assets, like, you know,

5:41

you don't own a home, maybe you

5:43

do have a car, but it's not

5:45

a very valuable one. with the help

5:48

of a debt charity advising you, maybe

5:50

a lot of your debts could actually

5:52

be written off if you have got

5:54

assets and maybe another form of insolven.

5:57

called an IVA where you're gradually repaying

5:59

your creditors could be better but the

6:01

crucial thing with all of these is

6:03

getting independent help because if you try

6:05

and look for a solution yourself online

6:08

as many people do don't click on

6:10

any sponsored ads go straight for a

6:12

debt charity, whether it's citizens advice, step

6:14

change, business debt line, if you're a

6:17

business owner, and you've got debt problems,

6:19

CAP, which is short for Christians against

6:21

poverty, they're the biggest ones in the

6:23

UK, and the earlier you go to

6:25

them for advice, the more they can

6:28

do to help you, that's the crucial

6:30

message. I'm in the position now where

6:32

I am getting the debt collectors letters

6:34

through the door every day. So I

6:37

need to desperately need to get this

6:39

bankruptcy underway. I don't have any assets.

6:41

I would urge you to speak to

6:43

business debt line because there's always an

6:45

intermingling when businesses go wrong with business

6:48

debt and personal debt. They are the

6:50

best charity I would say to help

6:52

somebody in your circumstances. If somebody's just

6:54

got personal debts then step change very

6:57

good if you've got lots of debts

6:59

that are due to household bills which

7:01

is something that's becoming alarmingly common energy

7:03

debt from you know built up in

7:05

the last few years biggest source of

7:08

debt referrals to many debt charities at

7:10

the moment citizens advice are especially good

7:12

with people who've got you know very

7:14

big and complicated problems that can result

7:17

from from bills not being paid but

7:19

it's that stress the mental strain. of

7:21

dealing with all of these letters, demands.

7:23

The other thing that you mentioned is

7:25

that you're acting as a carer at

7:28

the moment. Now, there are millions of

7:30

women, especially in the UK, every day

7:32

carrying out unpaid care for relatives, and

7:34

a lot of them could be getting

7:37

benefits. Carer's allowance being the main one,

7:39

but also, you know, if you are

7:41

a carer. it could boost your other

7:43

benefits if you're getting care as allowance

7:45

because they can see that you're having

7:48

to spend time that you could otherwise

7:50

productively spend working. With elderly relatives, you

7:52

mentioned your mum, it's possible that they

7:54

could be claiming other benefits because the

7:57

benefit system is A, complex and B.

7:59

largely digital now. Gov. UK is fantastic,

8:01

but if you're in your 80s and

8:03

you don't have a smartphone or a

8:05

laptop... Exactly, it's how you're going to

8:08

access that if you're on your own.

8:10

A digital exclusion. Yeah, it's called and

8:12

it's a real problem. So things like

8:14

pension credit, it's been in the news

8:17

a lot recently for, you know, the

8:19

poorest pensioners, they can get pension credit

8:21

which is a gateway benefit, you get

8:23

the winter fuel allowance, you're the only

8:25

people who do get that do get

8:28

that now, all kinds of other people

8:30

who do get that now, all kinds

8:32

of other people who do get that,

8:34

all kinds of other people who do

8:37

get that, all kinds of other things,

8:39

all kinds of other things like free

8:41

NHS, like free NHS, like free NHS,

8:43

like free NHS, like free NHS, like

8:45

free NHS, like free NHS, like free

8:48

NHS, like free NHS, optical, optical care,

8:50

optical care, optical care, optical care, optical

8:52

care, optical care money off your council

8:54

tax bill, it unlocks all of that,

8:57

attendance allowance is another one that's very,

8:59

very underclaimed for people who need to

9:01

get care within their homes, the forms

9:03

for things like attendance allowance, which really

9:05

for very elderly people with disabilities, are

9:08

more than 70 pages long. I mean,

9:10

can you get as difficult as possible

9:12

for you, don't we need disability in

9:14

filling out a 70-page meal? On your

9:17

own with a pen in the cold.

9:19

And then who are going to go

9:21

and post it? These are problems, a

9:23

great charity that helps with finding out

9:25

what benefits you're entitled to is called

9:28

entitled to. There's another one called Turn

9:30

to Us, Turn Then the Number Two.

9:32

We'll send these all to your age.

9:34

If you've not got a pen and

9:37

paper, we'll send them all to you.

9:39

Even if you're not in a position

9:41

to kind of want to talk to

9:43

somebody in depth, they've got what they

9:45

call benefits. checkers, eligibility checkers online so

9:48

you could put in some information about

9:50

your circumstances, maybe even what you know

9:52

about your mum's circumstances and it could

9:54

give you the confidence to then think

9:57

okay so I am entitled to something,

9:59

I will find out about it and

10:01

the benefits checkers and questions and answer

10:03

forms that they have on their websites

10:05

are a little... bit less intimidating than

10:08

the official ones on the government website.

10:10

You talk about benefits. I've applied in

10:12

September for my son's disability, living allowance.

10:14

It takes 20 weeks. So six months

10:17

for them to actually respond to you.

10:19

Just for a response. I mean, don't

10:21

get me wrong. They do back pay

10:23

it to when you first apply, but

10:25

you have to wait six months. for

10:28

an answer. I'm now at that stage

10:30

where I've still not had an answer.

10:32

It's been six months, so now I

10:34

need to chase them up. But things

10:37

like that would help. This is like

10:39

a full-time job as well. Being poor,

10:41

frankly, applying for benefits, working out the

10:43

system. Thank you so much for joining

10:45

us, Rachel. What we'll send you all

10:48

Claire's advice and the names and charities

10:50

and stuff, so you have all them.

10:52

But good luck with everything. And thank

10:54

you so much. This

11:17

is the overshare with me, Gemma

11:19

Atkinson, and today we're talking money

11:21

matters with our expert Claire Barrett.

11:23

Now there's loads of ways to

11:25

get in touch with us here

11:27

at the overshare. You can get

11:29

your story on in multiple ways.

11:31

Have a listen to this now.

11:33

We're going to call this Lady

11:35

Kim. That's not a real name

11:37

and it'll be obvious very soon

11:39

as to why we've changed it.

11:41

Hi Gemma, just over 10 years

11:43

ago. I met somebody on holiday

11:45

and we started seeing each other.

11:47

After a couple of years things

11:49

got quite serious and he asked

11:51

me and my daughter to move

11:53

in with him I had a

11:55

council house which I gave back

11:57

all my furniture and household goods.

11:59

I sold and gave to charity.

12:01

I couldn't have been happier. I

12:03

was over the moon. He was

12:05

everything that I needed. He was

12:07

kind, thoughtful, generous. I was really

12:09

happy. He made me happy. I

12:11

wasn't earning huge amounts of money.

12:13

And he was like, okay, don't

12:16

worry. A couple of weeks after

12:18

I moved in with him, I

12:20

noticed a message. And it was

12:22

an inappropriate text message. And when

12:24

I challenged him about it, oh,

12:26

it's okay. It's a woman from

12:28

work. It's just banter. Nothing to

12:30

worry about. My heart dropped because

12:32

that was the last thing I

12:34

thought he would do. Our relationship

12:36

had completely changed from when I'd

12:38

moved in. And I just didn't

12:40

know why. I knew. This woman

12:42

had something to do with it

12:44

and every time I asked him

12:46

about it, nothing, you know, I

12:48

would never do that to you,

12:50

you are the only woman for

12:52

me, blah blah blah. And I

12:54

believed him. We never argued before

12:56

I moved him with him. And

12:58

now we were arguing all the

13:00

time. Ten months after I moved

13:02

in he told me that he

13:04

had been having an affair with

13:06

this woman but it was over

13:08

and it was done with and

13:10

he had made a huge mistake

13:12

and he just wanted to carry

13:14

on like nothing had happened. The

13:16

affair is still going on. The

13:18

lies are still happening. I gave

13:20

up my home. I gave up

13:22

everything. I'd have to start all

13:24

over again and I just don't

13:26

have the money for that. Every

13:28

penny that I have goes into

13:30

the home that I've got with

13:32

him. So while Claire, first of

13:34

all, with Kim's story, being blindsided

13:36

by love, is what's caused this

13:39

ultimately. Is that something that you

13:41

hear a lot? of unfortunately yes

13:43

sadly it's a lot more common

13:45

than I think any of us

13:47

realize now this is a terrible

13:49

statistic one in six women in

13:51

the UK are either currently or

13:53

have been formally in a financially

13:55

abusive relationship you could have a

13:57

friend now who's in a financially

13:59

abusive relationship whereby they are being

14:01

controlled coercive control is a phrase

14:03

you might have heard forms of

14:05

economic abuse, that's another term of

14:07

describing it, it could be that

14:09

a partner doesn't want you to

14:11

work because it suits them for

14:13

them, for you to be financially

14:15

dependent on them, to have to

14:17

ask for their permission to buy

14:19

things. You have to rely on

14:21

them for everything. Yeah, yeah, you

14:23

know, you're totally dependent then on

14:25

that other person. You don't have

14:27

as much independence as you might

14:29

otherwise have done. Listening to Kim's

14:31

story, I grimist council tendencies. They're

14:33

so rare, you know, you're on

14:35

a protected rent, you've got a

14:37

lifetime tendency, you're never going to

14:39

get that back if you give

14:41

it away. Taking a step back

14:43

here, you know, even at lower

14:45

levels, keeping financial secrets, it said

14:47

that like one in six of

14:49

us have got secret savings that

14:51

we don't tell. a partner about

14:53

for whatever reason. I mean that

14:55

could be for a completely normal

14:57

reason. You might be in the

14:59

very early stages of a relationship.

15:01

You're like quite ready to sort

15:04

of disclose information about your finances

15:06

to your other half. I've been

15:08

with my fiance now seven years.

15:10

We've never had a joint account.

15:12

I've never had a joint account

15:14

at anybody. So I have my

15:16

savings account. I have my current

15:18

account. He puts half the bills

15:20

into my account and then there's

15:22

a direct debit puts it on

15:24

in my name. Everything everything goes

15:26

out. And that's what we've done

15:28

and that's what's worked for us.

15:30

A few people have said, why

15:32

don't you have a joint account

15:34

for things like holidays and this?

15:36

We've just never done it because

15:38

he has his thing, I have

15:40

mine, is sometimes a joint account

15:42

a bit messier when it comes

15:44

to things like people splitting up

15:46

affairs and stuff like that. Well,

15:48

I'm glad you meant... this, because

15:50

I do find it fascinating how

15:52

different couples run their finances. I

15:54

would also say to people who

15:56

are listening, consider the ratio method,

15:58

because that's what me and my

16:00

partner use. I earn more than

16:02

him, so I pay a bigger

16:04

share of the bills, because I

16:06

think that's fair. I do it

16:08

myself. Yeah, you know, out of

16:10

some money maybe, but within a

16:12

relationship, you know, you're putting in...

16:14

different things, you know, people are

16:16

paying to their strengths and weaknesses.

16:18

If you do merge your finances

16:20

with somebody, then yes, you know,

16:22

you are taking on responsibilities for

16:24

maybe their previous financial actions, you

16:26

know, if they take out debts,

16:29

they're in your joint names, and

16:31

yes, you know, you're both jointly

16:33

responsible for paying them back, even

16:35

if it wasn't you, who was

16:37

the one that ran it up,

16:39

and in cases of financial coercion,

16:41

women can be... told, you know,

16:43

sign this, you know, because we

16:45

need to take out a loan

16:47

in your name or credit card

16:49

in your name and they feel

16:51

powerless to do anything about it

16:53

and then having all of these

16:55

debts makes it even harder for

16:57

them to walk away from relationships.

16:59

I would also say to you,

17:01

you're cohabiting, you jointly own this

17:03

house, if one of you were

17:05

to die because you're not married,

17:07

you might have an inheritance tax

17:09

issue, depending on how much your

17:11

home is worth and where it

17:13

is, and those in civil partnerships

17:15

can pass assets. between each other,

17:17

tax-free if one of them dies,

17:19

but if you're just cohabiting, you

17:21

can't. And also, wills. Even if

17:23

you're married, lots of people think,

17:25

well I'm married, I own a

17:27

home with my partner, I don't

17:29

need a will, you do. If

17:31

you die in testate, there were

17:33

a court appointed systems and rules

17:35

about how your money can be

17:37

split. You can make a will

17:39

online really quickly, cost about 120

17:41

quid, if your financial affairs are

17:43

simple, basic will. well worth looking

17:45

at. So what would happen Claire

17:47

in my case with Gorks because

17:49

we're not married and obviously he

17:52

does really really well in his

17:54

own right but I've worked in

17:56

this industry since I was 17

17:58

so I've had a pension since

18:00

I was 17, I've got some

18:02

properties behind me. So if we

18:04

were to split up, would he

18:06

have access to any of those?

18:08

Surely he wouldn't. You're not married.

18:10

So he has very limited rights.

18:12

Before you get married, I would

18:14

seriously consider the pair of you

18:16

thinking about drawing up a pre-nup.

18:18

Really? These are very kind of

18:20

American things. We hear about them

18:22

on American TV shows. What a

18:24

pre-nup does, a pre-nuptual agreement.

18:26

It's something that you agree that

18:28

you agree. before you get married, if

18:31

you were to split up, this is

18:33

what would happen to the money. Now, it

18:35

does have to be fair, so he would

18:37

have to get something, and it does

18:39

have to be agreed in advance, far

18:42

in advance of the wedding, not

18:44

a shotgun thing before you walk

18:46

up the aisle, and each party,

18:48

to ever stand up in court,

18:50

would have to have independent legal

18:53

advice. They'd have to have somebody

18:55

saying to them, this is a fair

18:57

and just agreement. emotions

18:59

and money are a really really toxic

19:01

combination but it can be hard to

19:03

take this step back and say you

19:05

know what we need to think about this

19:08

before we get together or even if it's

19:10

something so basic as thinking I need to

19:12

know more about this person's

19:15

financial circumstances before I commit to

19:17

moving in with them. Do you know what

19:19

in the US last year this company launched

19:21

a dating app and you could only join

19:23

if you had a credit score above

19:26

750. Really? It was wildly popular because

19:28

no need it was secure. Yeah.

19:30

It's a very attractive quality. I

19:32

never thought of finances when it came

19:34

to get into know someone for me. Yeah.

19:36

Are they a nice person? Would they going

19:38

to treat me right? When people are in

19:40

love, when they first meet... they made decisions

19:42

with a different part of their brain. It's

19:44

not their, it's not the rational part of

19:46

the brain because of the endorphins and the,

19:48

everything's love is in the air. So you've

19:50

got course I'm moving with you, of course

19:52

I'll lend you a hundred quid. When all

19:54

that settles and everything kind of is baseline,

19:56

you think, hang on a minute, perhaps I

19:59

shouldn't have done this. quickly. When I

20:01

first moved in, I'm trying to think

20:03

the first boyfriend I moved in with,

20:05

it was a long time ago now,

20:07

my mum begged me because I again

20:09

I had my own house and I

20:11

said I want to sell it and

20:13

I said I want to sell it

20:15

and I said I'm moving to a

20:17

completely different city. She begged me she

20:19

said don't sell it Gemma, do not

20:22

sell this house. It's a beautiful house,

20:24

it's yours. It's like no it's going

20:26

to be fine. I ended up, I

20:28

didn't sell it. Good. I rented it.

20:30

Good. Three years later, split up, and

20:32

I had to give my tenant notice,

20:34

but she told me two months earlier

20:36

she found out she was pregnant. And

20:38

I just didn't have it in me

20:40

to say, look, you're pregnant, here's three

20:42

months notice. You know, yeah. So I

20:44

said, take your time, have the baby,

20:47

and then when you're ready, I need

20:49

it back. And I moved back in

20:51

with my mom. I had to put

20:53

all my stuff in storage, pay for

20:55

all my things to be in storage.

20:57

I moved back in with my mom

20:59

and stepped down. I was in my

21:01

20s and it was one of the

21:03

best times of my life going back

21:05

home. My tenant run me up after

21:07

about six months and she said we

21:09

found a house so we will get

21:11

out, don't worry. And then I moved

21:14

back in and I had my own

21:16

house again. But had I not listened

21:18

to my mom, I would have again

21:20

swept up in love, sort of... really

21:22

lovely, lovely house, a brand new build

21:24

house, surrounded by my friends and family,

21:26

I would have got rid of all

21:28

of it, for love, but it wasn't

21:30

love. And I'm just so grateful, you

21:32

know, when I was earning, I came

21:34

with my producer Matt Lass about this

21:36

and it still happens now. I was

21:39

earning good money when I was very

21:41

young because Holly Oaks, you'd get an

21:43

episode fee and you'd get 100% repeat

21:45

fee on a Sunday. Oh nice. So

21:47

if you're like age, you know, you

21:49

know, 16, 17, 17, 17, 17, 17,

21:51

17, 17, 17, 17, 18, 18, 18,

21:53

18. earning this money. Well, you spent

21:55

it. Exactly. I buy the... and I'll

21:57

buy that my mom like put a

21:59

cap on it all and she said

22:01

you put it in savings and every

22:03

every Thursday you transfer yourself 250 pound

22:06

for the week that's what you're doing

22:08

at the time what I don't that's

22:10

what you're doing Gemma and still to

22:12

this day every Thursday I get 250

22:14

pounds from an account I have into

22:16

a current account and that's my petrol

22:18

from a big shop It's a little

22:20

bit more sometimes with the kids now.

22:22

Yeah. But it's just... It's a great

22:24

budgeting method. It's a great budgeting method.

22:26

And it's worked for me because I'm

22:28

very secure now. I have, you know,

22:31

it's worked out brilliant. But you don't

22:33

have to spend everything you know. No,

22:35

no. And people saying, Gokra especially, he

22:37

says I'm tight. I'm northern. I'm from

22:39

up north. I'm responsible. Yeah. And it's

22:41

my mom who's drilled that into me.

22:43

And that's what I'm grateful for. It's

22:45

the models that we grow up with.

22:47

You know, you've had a strong mum

22:49

who is financially savvy, who has got

22:51

through to you. Yes. And crucially, you've

22:53

listened. You've respected her decisions that she's

22:55

made in her life and you've learned

22:58

from them. Sometimes it can work the

23:00

other way around. You know, I've got

23:02

friends whose parents were terrible with money

23:04

and that... is what's made them good

23:06

with money because they haven't wanted their

23:08

children to go up in a mess,

23:10

yeah, in a situation with bailers knocking

23:12

at the door or whatever it is,

23:14

chaotic kind of financial management and the

23:16

stress that comes with that. But also,

23:18

when we are young... The information that

23:20

we're sort of silently absorbing from all

23:23

around us about how money is managed

23:25

sets on money mindset from a scary

23:27

young age. There's like academic research into

23:29

this saying that by the age of

23:31

seven children's attitudes towards money they're sort

23:33

of like emotional relationship with money is

23:35

largely cemented. Oh wow! Yeah. So all

23:37

of the things that you're teaching your

23:39

kids now just by them observing you

23:41

or saying... you know, okay, well I've

23:43

got this much money to have this

23:45

week, you know, we're on a budget,

23:47

you know, we can't have this, no

23:50

to this toy, you know, you can...

23:52

Yeah, if it's not your birthday or

23:54

Christmas... Yeah, exactly, it ain't coming. All

23:56

of these things that you're doing may

23:58

cause tears in the short term, but

24:00

actually you're passing on that almost genetic

24:02

knowledge that you've got from your money.

24:04

She maybe got from your grand. Yeah,

24:06

it probably is, and I was in

24:08

shock. I was in shock. on a

24:10

school group, I'm on a group with

24:12

a school mum's, and one of them,

24:15

his son lost a tooth, the teeth

24:17

fairy brought a fibre. I was like

24:19

a tooth fairy in our house is

24:21

50p. That's what our tooth fairy is.

24:23

And that's what, you know, if, well,

24:25

when me his teeth fall out he'll

24:27

be, and I told Gorga that, only

24:29

50p, he says he's very tight, I

24:31

said, she's not done out, she just

24:33

lost a tooth, she's got a lot

24:35

of teeth, that's, I said, I said,

24:37

I said, I said, I said, I

24:39

said, I said, I said, I said,

24:42

I said, I said, I said, I

24:44

said, I said, I said, I said,

24:46

I said, I said, I said, I

24:48

said, I said, I said, I said,

24:50

I said, I said, I said, I

24:52

said, I said, I said, I said,

24:54

I said, I said, I said, I

24:56

said, So

25:02

our next guest is Louise. Thank

25:04

you for joining us on the

25:06

overshare Louise. Let's go back to

25:08

the start. I believe it's a

25:10

fellow who's caused a whole heap

25:12

of heartache and stress for you.

25:14

What's happened? So my late dad

25:16

passed away when my daughter was

25:19

five weeks old and at the

25:21

time I was with her dad.

25:23

So I believed that that's give

25:25

everything, you know. We didn't need

25:27

marriage because having a child is

25:29

a bigger commitment. I think when

25:31

my late dad passed away, he

25:33

had a house and I was

25:35

quite comfortably off. I was with

25:37

my partner at the time. We

25:39

had businesses and properties. So we

25:41

were classed as the asset rich

25:43

and not cash rich at the

25:45

time. So we invested whatever money

25:48

we had, we invested it. my

25:50

brother wanted to buy my dad's

25:52

house so I sort of gave

25:54

it to him at a really

25:56

cheap price and then that I

25:58

gave it to my daughter's dad

26:00

to pay off his mortgage. Didn't

26:02

sign anything. We split up, he

26:04

had an affair. We went to

26:06

court, I basically got nothing. I

26:08

ended up whatever money I had,

26:10

I spent on solicitor's fees and

26:12

barrister fees. In this time, I

26:14

got diagnosed with an incurable cancer.

26:16

I said to my daughter at

26:19

the time, I said, I can

26:21

give you a house, or I

26:23

can give you memories. She opted

26:25

for memories. First of all, Louise,

26:27

that's horrible that you've had to

26:29

go through all that. It's not

26:31

nice to hear at all, is

26:33

it, when you've got everything at

26:35

once and the stresses and the

26:37

worries. With child maintenance, I would

26:39

have assumed, I mean, Claire, you'll

26:41

know, I thought you have to

26:43

pay child maintenance. It's not a

26:45

case of you can slip under

26:47

the net with it or you

26:50

can just kind of, if you

26:52

have a child with someone and

26:54

you split up, the reason you're

26:56

split up is because you've been,

26:58

you know, cheating. You still have

27:00

to pay for your child, is

27:02

that right? You do, there's the

27:04

theory, and then, as Louise knows,

27:06

there's the practice. In terms of

27:08

like where the law stands, yeah,

27:10

if you've got a child under

27:12

the age of 16 or if

27:14

they're older than that and they're

27:16

in full-time education or they're dependent,

27:18

then you've got to rely on

27:21

the government's child maintenance service to

27:23

help you and I'm sure that

27:25

you've tried that route and exhausted

27:27

it and ultimately you know if

27:29

the person is vexatious and you

27:31

know says that they won't pay

27:33

there's calculators there's all kinds of

27:35

ways that it can be formally

27:37

works out what their space to

27:39

give to you but you only

27:41

have to pick up a copy

27:43

of a problem page in a

27:45

national newspaper to know how many

27:47

people are saying nevertheless, you know,

27:50

I'm not getting the that I

27:52

think that I should be entitled

27:54

to and that the relationship with

27:56

the other parent in some cases

27:58

may have them broken down irretrievably

28:00

because in a lot of situations

28:02

like this people might say well

28:04

if you're not paying for your

28:06

child then you can't see them.

28:08

Unfortunately the marriage certificate or the

28:10

civil partnership that is where the

28:12

legal rights stem from and it's

28:14

so often women who are the

28:16

weaker economic party, it's so difficult

28:18

to prove and to enforce these

28:21

things. But let's face it, you

28:23

know, nowadays the majority of people

28:25

don't get married. They cohabit, they

28:27

live together and I think very

28:29

often they don't realize that they

28:31

don't have as many rights as

28:33

people who are married or in

28:35

a civil partnership. We have this

28:37

expression, you know, a common law

28:39

partner. It's apocryphal. There's no law

28:41

involved. Yeah. Yeah, so people don't

28:43

realize how vulnerable they are. The

28:45

part of your story that I

28:47

have to say was the closest

28:49

that I came to verse in

28:52

tears on this episode was when

28:54

you were talking about, you know,

28:56

obviously you're devastating diagnosis, but saying

28:58

to your daughter, what would you

29:00

rather have? Should we make some

29:02

memories together, you know, or do

29:04

you want a financial inheritance? I

29:06

mean... Oh, what a decision to

29:08

have to make. But I mean,

29:10

tell us some of the things

29:12

that you have done together. We

29:14

were talking about this yesterday, because

29:16

I was at, I've been at

29:18

the hospital actually every day this

29:20

week, and yesterday we were talking

29:23

about it. And I said, you

29:25

know, what do you, she says

29:27

everything you do, you do for

29:29

me. So we've done Mexico, all

29:31

the Caribbean islands. We've done Costa

29:33

Rica. She's living her life. I

29:35

think your story is going to

29:37

help so many people and I

29:39

love the fact that we're ending

29:41

on your daughter choosing to make

29:43

memories with you than just inherit

29:45

a house. It's the Bob Marley

29:47

interview isn't it? He's asking an

29:49

interview. Is he a rich man

29:52

and does he have a lot

29:54

of possessions and he says possessions

29:56

don't make your... rich, my rich

29:58

is his life. It's so so

30:00

true. So thank you so much

30:02

Louise for coming on and over

30:04

sharing and I hope everything you

30:06

know goes as well as it

30:08

can with the diagnosis and moving

30:10

forward. There are more memories to

30:12

be made for you and your

30:14

daughter. See you and going with

30:16

it. And thank you. Thank you.

30:18

Take care of bye. It's

30:28

not an easy topic to discuss, is

30:30

it, finances? But it's okay to ask for

30:33

help. If you want to seek the

30:35

answers, the best thing to do is

30:37

to ask for help, and I really,

30:39

really hope that I guess today, and

30:41

you listening, feel a little bit more

30:43

equipped to recover or deal with any

30:45

finances and money situations. Don't teach this stuff

30:47

in school. No, I was just going

30:49

to say, Claire, a massive thank you

30:51

to you, and you should be going

30:53

around schools giving out all the advice

30:55

because... Honestly, I've learned so much from

30:57

you. It's just incredible. And you know, you

30:59

will have helped so many people. So

31:01

thank you for coming on. Well, my

31:03

podcast is called Money Clinic. I was

31:05

going to say, and you've got a

31:07

book, he's well. If you want to

31:09

hear more about how I think about money,

31:12

yes. Money Clinic, and your book, show

31:14

us and tell us about your book.

31:16

So my first book, because there's a

31:18

second one on the way. Nice. financial

31:20

knowledge and money is a really hard

31:22

topic to learn about. You shouldn't be

31:24

just doing something that somebody in the pub

31:26

says is a good idea. Lots of

31:28

people as we've heard today are suffering

31:30

in silence because they don't know the

31:32

answer to a question or there's things

31:34

that they want to know about money

31:36

and they feel they should know. they don't

31:38

know who to ask, well this book

31:40

has got a lot of the answers

31:42

in. Thank you to the overshare team,

31:44

they're all stood here, you can't see

31:46

them, but they're all in the room.

31:48

Keep an eye on our social media channels

31:51

and make sure you follow us, there's

31:53

loads of clips from these episodes, episodes

31:55

from Series 1, behind the scenes stuff.

31:57

Yeah, the overshirt is is

31:59

produced by Media and Matt Foister

32:01

and Carter. We see

32:03

you next time. Thank

32:05

you very much. very much.