0:00

I'm done with this podcast,

0:02

I'm done with a lot

0:04

of you to be honest,

0:07

can't be asked anymore. You

0:09

can take everything, drop

0:11

their mics, take all this

0:13

equipment and shove it up

0:16

your ass. The little tease

0:18

of what's coming on today's

0:21

episode, don't really come

0:23

back. Matt, I need you

0:25

to... Thank you. Welcome to the

0:27

Overshare, I'm Gemma Atkinson, Safe Space

0:30

Manager, and this episode is all

0:32

about dramatic exits. The times you

0:34

ran, the times you down tools

0:37

and thought, you know what? I

0:39

am just done. I can't do this anymore. There

0:41

was a door, a new-leggeded it. So come

0:43

on, we've all dreamt of doing this at

0:45

some point. I think we've all imagined what

0:47

we would say at work or at a

0:49

party, even on a date, in a meeting.

0:52

What's that group's especially? We've all played it

0:54

in our heads, but only a few have

0:56

had the courage to go through with it.

0:58

And that's what's coming up, those who pulled

1:00

off. those dramatic exits. With me

1:02

on this roller coaster of an

1:05

episode, strapping herself in is a

1:07

wonderful author, psychologist and relationship expert

1:09

Sam Owen. Sam, welcome to our

1:11

safe space for over sharing. Tell

1:13

me what it is you do.

1:15

Tell me a bit about yourself

1:17

and you must have had dramatic

1:19

exits as well. So I'm a

1:21

relationships coach so I help individuals

1:23

and couples with their relationships with

1:25

others, dating, anxiety, confidence, that sort

1:28

of thing. In terms of dramatic

1:30

exits, well I am one of

1:32

five siblings and I am the

1:34

youngest so I've had a few

1:36

dramatic exits in my time for

1:38

sure. What about yourself? I'm just

1:40

thinking about mine have all been

1:42

with guys back in my 20s.

1:44

I remember once I was on

1:46

a girls night and my boyfriend

1:49

at the time was on a lads night

1:51

out and we went to the same bar.

1:53

Well I went to a bar that he

1:55

was at. And he didn't know I was

1:57

turning up at that bar with me friends.

1:59

And I'm... I remember my best mate

2:01

Laura said to me, is that such

2:03

a body? And I turned around and

2:05

he was sat with his arm around

2:07

another girl really close. I remember I

2:09

just, I text you from across the

2:12

room, have a nice life. And I

2:14

remember just sending that. He didn't know

2:16

I was there just looking at him

2:18

like dead pan and then leaving and

2:20

carrying on my night with the girls.

2:22

Let's meet our dramatic exodus. I said,

2:24

you're sleeping within. She would know I'm

2:26

not and she like went bright red.

2:28

You could tell us what had the

2:30

ground to swallow up. And the whole

2:32

time I thought, if I just run

2:34

now, we don't have to do this.

2:37

So yes, in 48 hours we'd gone

2:39

from floating it as an idea to

2:41

actually finding a house and signing a

2:43

contract. But then I didn't know where

2:45

to run to because he made it

2:47

clear I had nowhere to run to.

2:49

Sometimes on the other share we changed

2:51

names just to protect people's privacy. But

2:53

this should be really good, are you

2:55

ready? Are you ready? Now

3:07

here's a story from our first guest

3:09

that I think we've all dreamt of

3:11

doing at some point I know I

3:13

definitely had but I've never actually met

3:15

anyone who's gone ahead and done it

3:17

until now. Welcome to the overshare Lucy

3:20

tell everyone first of all what did

3:22

you do? Told my manager at the

3:24

time to stick your job up your

3:26

ass so I was only really I

3:28

was quite young at the time it

3:30

was a balsiest thing I'd ever done

3:32

so after it the the the adrenaline

3:34

was going but um... she'd made my

3:36

life hell really. So I worked in

3:38

a quite well-known cafe where they have

3:41

a customer side and a colleague side.

3:43

So whilst I used to switch between

3:45

the two but in the colleague side

3:47

the chef was he was basically he

3:49

was sleeping with the manager and he

3:51

kept telling us young girls that, but

3:53

yeah, I'm sleeping with her and she's

3:55

quite a bit older than him, like,

3:57

I'd say a good 20 years, so

3:59

we didn't believe him. And we were

4:01

saying, no, he's just a fantasist, he's

4:03

not sleeping with her, it's a load

4:05

of rubbish. And then one day, he

4:07

showed us a photo of her in

4:10

his bathroom brushing her teeth. And we

4:12

was like, oh, actually. yeah it must

4:14

be true because why she in his

4:16

bathroom brushing her teeth and then everything

4:18

worked out then so she was promoting

4:20

him all the time giving him pay

4:22

increases she didn't like those girls because

4:24

we were young and we were around

4:26

him and we was like why why

4:28

what she got against us but it

4:30

all like fell into place and made

4:32

sense so I'd had enough by this

4:34

point it been it's been going on

4:37

for quite a while and I'd rang

4:39

in and said I can't come in

4:41

today and she was like no you

4:43

have to come in we're short staff

4:45

staff So I said, no, I can't

4:47

come in and I really needed to

4:49

think whether I want you to work

4:51

there anymore. So I'd sat at home

4:53

and I'd scribbled my recognition out and

4:55

said, like, look, I was dead polite

4:57

in it, didn't say the reasons why,

4:59

just said like, I've had enough, don't

5:01

know what work there anymore. So I'd

5:04

wrote it all out and thought, right,

5:06

get in the car and drive there,

5:08

I go and hand it in and

5:10

really like, got myself prepared for it.

5:12

Oh, have you come in to see

5:14

her? And I was like, yeah, have

5:16

you come into work? I was like,

5:18

no. He went, well, I'll take you

5:20

to go and see her. And I

5:22

thought, I don't need a chaperone. Why

5:24

are you taking me to go and

5:26

see her? So we'd gone upstairs and

5:28

she's filling one of the fringes up

5:30

and she didn't see me and she

5:33

turned around and went, I'm here. And

5:35

I thought, I have definitely made the

5:37

right decision. So I just said to

5:39

her, I've got my notice. And here

5:41

it is, it's written out. I said,

5:43

but I'm not working it. And she

5:45

went, oh no, you must, you have

5:47

to work it. So I said, I

5:49

don't. And she was like, yes, you

5:51

do. And I went. No I don't.

5:53

I said, you're sleeping with him. She

5:55

said, no I'm not. And she like

5:57

went bright red. You could tell she

6:00

just what I'd the ground to swallow

6:02

up. And I said, you're sleeping with

6:04

him. I said, and I have seen

6:06

pictures. On his phone I'll be brushing

6:08

your teeth in his bathroom. I said,

6:10

so you can stick your job up

6:12

your ass. And she was just like,

6:14

oh, that's fine. Yes, no problem. You

6:16

can leave now. Now and I thought,

6:18

yes. He's like. First of all, what

6:20

are you taking pictures of me for?

6:22

Second of all, why are you showing

6:24

them to people? But then the adrenaline

6:27

kicked and I was so shaky because

6:29

I thought, oh my God, I've actually

6:31

just done that. That's so big of

6:33

me. Like I'd never have done anything

6:35

like that before. And then I got

6:37

in my car and because I was

6:39

all flustered, I crashed into someone's car.

6:41

Oh, car park. No. Oh, good for

6:43

you though, Lucy. I'm glad you said

6:45

that because that is an unfair advantage

6:47

because that is an unfair advantage, isn't

6:49

an unfair advantage, isn't it, isn't it,

6:51

isn't it, promotions, isn't it, promotions, promotions,

6:53

promotions, promotions, that reason. I've never heard

6:56

of an affair at work ending well.

6:58

I know they do happen a lot.

7:00

Kriki, you should have seen us in

7:02

our Holly Oaks era, but they never

7:04

end well, do they? Rarely, rarely. And

7:06

the thing is that, you know, sometimes

7:08

you just think there's more to the

7:10

relationship than there is just because you're

7:12

spending so much time together. And it

7:14

is an unfair advantage on other people

7:16

in the workplace if you're getting perks

7:18

because of it. So, you know, but

7:20

if you are in a relationship like

7:23

that, I'd keep it really under wraps,

7:25

you know. Don't let him take pictures

7:27

of work. Yeah, at least for us.

7:29

when when you told them that you

7:31

know I bet he was probably nervous

7:33

as well was he? Yeah he did

7:35

say anything you just stood there wide-eyed

7:37

like have you actually just said this?

7:39

Well you thought well you told me

7:41

because Lucy you're this guy told you

7:43

that what was going on is there

7:45

an obligation do you have to tell

7:47

HR I mean I don't know how

7:50

it works would you have to tell

7:52

HR that someone that work is having

7:54

an affair or a relationship only if

7:56

they stipulate it in the contract begin

7:58

with but really is it any of

8:00

their business yeah especially if the two

8:02

people if the two people are single

8:04

yeah then that's completely different isn't it

8:06

lots of relationships start up in the

8:08

workplace and go on to be long

8:10

and happy but if I guess you

8:12

knew someone was having an affair yeah

8:14

the other girls know what you did

8:16

yeah couple of my friends know yeah

8:19

did you connect with him after us

8:21

and find out like what happened what

8:23

the fallout was after you'd left They

8:25

didn't say anything, they didn't know anything

8:27

about it. Nothing was said to them,

8:29

so it was all very hush-hush. Yeah.

8:31

Oh, well Lucy, thank you so much

8:33

for joining us. I love that you

8:35

had that dramatic exit. You probably inspired

8:37

a few people to go and say

8:39

the same to their boss is our

8:41

partner. Thank you so much. Thank you

8:43

for coming there. So

9:03

this is the overshare and today we're

9:05

talking dramatic exits. Now we have so

9:07

many ways for you to get in

9:09

touch. You can DM us on our

9:11

social media, you can drop us an

9:13

email or you can send us a

9:15

voice note which we love getting Jamie's

9:17

done just that. Take a listen to

9:19

this. This all started about six years

9:21

ago. We'd always talked about meeting Spain,

9:23

myself and my partner. It was something

9:25

we'd kind of thought we'd do once

9:27

be retired. Just over six years ago,

9:30

I was working in Cornwall and doing

9:32

a job. I absolutely loved my job,

9:34

working for the library service there. When

9:36

suddenly the offer of voluntary redundancy was

9:38

floated, it set something going in my

9:40

mind. My daughter at the time was

9:42

eight, nine. We talked about where we'd

9:44

go and where we'd go. and my

9:46

daughter and I went over to New

9:48

Yorker for a week to have a

9:50

look see if it was still as

9:52

nice as I remembered and just get

9:54

a feeling for whereabouts we might like

9:57

to live that kind of thing. We'd

9:59

also asked my dad if he wanted

10:01

to come with us because he was

10:03

living with us in Cornwall at the

10:05

time and while we were actually in

10:07

New Yorker on holiday we got a

10:09

phone call from my dad saying he'd

10:11

just been offered a job at an

10:13

international school in New Yorka and he'd

10:15

managed to negotiate a free place at

10:17

the school for my daughter. So yes

10:19

in 48 hours we'd gone from floating

10:21

it as an idea to actually finding

10:24

a house and signing a contract. When

10:26

I landed in New Yorka I had

10:28

about a hundred pounds in my account

10:30

and that was it I'd got no

10:32

savings. Looking back it was probably a

10:34

fairly crazy thing to do but... I

10:36

had no savings, I had no job

10:38

to go to, but my dad had

10:40

at least got some work. It's been

10:42

a lot harder for my partner because

10:44

of work and everything else and having

10:46

to get back and forth. But we

10:48

did have a mealker very much. It's

10:51

a beautiful place, absolutely beautiful. Two years

10:53

ago we decided to move from there

10:55

to Malaga. I came and saw a

10:57

house, came over for one day, came

10:59

and saw a house, liked a house,

11:01

signed the contract, went back and told

11:03

the family I'd just signed a contract

11:05

on a house, a rental contract and

11:07

that I was paying it from that

11:09

day and so we might as well

11:11

move sooner rather than later and we

11:13

actually ended up moving on Christmas Eve

11:15

two years ago. If I think about

11:18

things too long I will think of

11:20

all the reasons not to do them

11:22

when sometimes it's just about taking the

11:24

leap and just going for it and

11:26

enjoying the ride. I like the fact

11:28

first of all that you wouldn't associate

11:30

a librarian with having that much drama

11:32

to storm off to Spain. But kind

11:34

of... of the way she invited a

11:36

dad and he'd already secured a job.

11:38

That's kind of meant to be, isn't

11:40

it? Definitely feels that way. Definitely. I

11:42

love the fact that everything kind of

11:45

fell into place for them so quickly.

11:47

And also the fact that they just

11:49

really seized the moment, you know, when

11:51

you know things aren't right and you

11:53

really just know something needs to change,

11:55

you know, sometimes you just have to

11:57

trust your gut and just go with

11:59

it. and I feel like that's what

12:01

they do. They were like, let's just

12:03

do it, let's just see what happens,

12:05

let's make the most of it. And

12:07

we know where's case and are you

12:10

come back to the UK? I was

12:12

going to say there's always a choice

12:14

to go back, isn't there? Yeah. And

12:16

I think it's something I do it

12:18

whenever I go on holiday, I always

12:20

think, oh, it'll be nice to live

12:22

over here. I think it doesn't matter

12:24

where you go, does it, there's four

12:26

days in, you thinking, you thinking, you're

12:28

thinking, or saying to your other half,

12:30

or saying to your other half, could

12:32

we possibly, could we possibly, you know,

12:34

you know, you know, you know, you

12:37

know, you know, you know, you know,

12:39

you know, even get a, you know,

12:41

even get a, you know, even get

12:43

a place, even get a place, you

12:45

know, you know, you know, even get

12:47

a place, even get a place, you

12:49

know, I always say my partner's Spanish

12:51

gawker and his family are from Bilbao

12:53

and whenever we go and visit the

12:55

lifestyle over there is just so much

12:57

more like the hassle and madness of

12:59

school runtime here obviously they still have

13:01

it in Spain but those couples sat

13:04

outside with espressos you know walking the

13:06

dogs and there seemed to be so

13:08

much more laid back the whole siesta

13:10

vibe over there it's kind of you

13:12

compare it to how we're just all

13:14

systems go in the UK so maybe

13:16

for Jamie and her family there are

13:18

a lot more relaxed as a fact

13:20

which will only benefit the family definitely

13:22

and their health as well no doubt

13:24

because stress is always bad for your

13:26

physical health and I do really love

13:28

the fact that in in another country

13:31

like Spain is very much about lifestyle

13:33

rather than just working and working so

13:35

and the son oh son's like medicine

13:37

isn't it what would you advise to

13:39

someone thinking about a move like this.

13:41

I mean, you've already touched on it,

13:43

but it's a bit apprehensive, is it?

13:45

Like you say, just, just trying. In

13:47

one of my self-help books, Resilient Me,

13:49

I talk about the three pillars of

13:51

resilience, and they are... you know, have

13:53

a positive outlook, have a driving motivation

13:55

to achieve the end goal and use

13:58

a problem solving approach. And as long

14:00

as you approach anything that way, you

14:02

know, it just means that you just

14:04

attack things head on. Whatever life throws

14:06

at you, good or bad, you just

14:08

roll with the punches, you know, there's

14:10

something positive to come out of even

14:12

the negatives, and you'll end up in

14:14

a different place, in a better place

14:16

in your life as a result of

14:18

it, whatever happens you're going to grow

14:20

through it. So if you're happy, your

14:22

relationships are happy, your health is better

14:25

for it, you'll... likely live longer you

14:27

know if you look at research so

14:29

just do what you need to do

14:31

to make you happy and you have

14:33

to start with yourself so just really

14:35

be very introspective what do I need

14:37

and what changes will help me to

14:39

achieve them because I've I've got like

14:41

friends and family who they literally they

14:43

hate going to work they're doing it

14:45

because it's a paycheck and it's a

14:47

survival mechanism and they say don't if

14:49

you enjoy your job and what's that

14:52

saying you never work a day in

14:54

your life but It is hard for

14:56

a lot of people who are, they've

14:58

literally, their job is because they put

15:00

food on the table. It's not because

15:02

they had this desire to work in

15:04

this specific place. Yes. So it's hard.

15:06

It is hard. It is hard. And

15:08

for those people, I would say, find

15:10

a way to make the rest of

15:12

your life fulfilling and fulfill those needs

15:14

and hobbies and desires that you have.

15:16

Stuff that suits your personality. Do that

15:19

in your spare time if you can.

15:21

So even if you know. unfortunately hate

15:23

your 9-5, so to speak, the rest

15:25

of your life is a pleasure. You

15:27

know, one of the things I always

15:29

say to people is build your relationships

15:31

and career and your life around your

15:33

personality, you know, not the other way

15:35

around. So, you know, just think about

15:37

who you are and what's going to

15:39

make you, he and make you tick.

15:41

Thank you for having me. Now your

15:44

dramatic exit took place just after you'd

15:46

landed from getting married abroad. What happened?

15:48

Tell us. We landed back on the

15:50

early hours of the Sunday morning and

15:52

on the Tuesday morning I woke up

15:54

and said I can't do this anymore

15:56

and walked out. I have to take

15:58

two days of marriage. I've just seen

16:00

your expression. This is pretty much anyone

16:02

that I tell this story. Yeah I

16:04

say I did a Brittany Spears. With

16:06

hindsight it's a wonderful thing. We shouldn't

16:08

have got married. I was having second

16:11

thoughts. and I had tried to talk

16:13

to him about it and was told

16:15

that I was being a bit of

16:17

a princess. A really good friend of

16:19

mine said, no, no, it's just wedding

16:21

nerves, don't worry. And so I thought,

16:23

oh, it's all in my head, and

16:25

you have to go to the registry

16:27

office to get your license to get

16:29

married, and we were there for an

16:31

hour. And the whole time I thought,

16:33

if I just run now, we don't

16:35

have to do this, but I couldn't,

16:38

and I felt very trapped, and I

16:40

felt very trapped, and I felt very

16:42

trapped, and I felt very trapped, and

16:44

I felt very trapped, and I felt

16:46

very trapped, and I felt, and I

16:48

felt, and I felt, and I felt,

16:50

several times throughout the time being out

16:52

there and between pretty much the day

16:54

after the wedding until we flew home

16:56

we weren't speaking and on the Monday

16:58

he was particularly horrible and I just

17:00

I didn't sleep that night and I

17:02

just thought it can't be any worse

17:05

than this if I leave him and

17:07

I set up and I just said

17:09

to him I can't do this anymore

17:11

we should never have got married and

17:13

I left. Oh, well Amy, I'm sorry

17:15

like you went through all that. Here

17:17

and your side of it, because my

17:19

question was going to be, why go

17:21

through the wedding? But the way you've

17:23

discussed it, like, it's a lot of

17:25

pressure, I think. And especially on the

17:27

bride, I think, because people always assume,

17:29

oh, it's the bride's a big day,

17:32

it's the fairy tale wedding, and if

17:34

you're not 100% truly happy. a wedding

17:36

isn't something you can just say oh

17:38

it'll be fine well as you've proven

17:40

Amy you know you've done that I

17:42

think you've definitely done the right thing

17:44

if you're not happy oh yeah you

17:46

have to lead that situation you can't

17:48

be with someone if it's not yeah

17:50

and do you not looking back it

17:52

was a plaster over a crack our

17:54

relationship hadn't been good for a while

17:56

and he proposed in a very public

17:59

place where I couldn't say no and

18:01

I just felt very trapped. Once it was booked

18:03

and we'd paid the deposit and friends and family

18:05

are paid I just didn't feel like I could

18:07

back out but yeah they actually I guess

18:09

the landing back into reality of being back

18:12

home was I was like I can't I can't carry

18:14

on my life like this and I remember texting

18:16

my friend to say what had happened and she

18:18

was like I'm in the hairdresses I'm

18:20

getting my hair done for your wedding

18:22

reception because we were due to have

18:24

the wedding reception back home and I

18:26

was like I'll sorry I'll pay for

18:28

your hair for your hair. It is

18:30

so easy to feel so trapped in

18:33

a situation like that though and feel

18:35

like you're going to let everybody down

18:37

if you don't go ahead with it

18:39

because everyone's excited. It's almost like it's

18:41

everybody's wedding sometimes isn't it not just

18:43

yours? I'm so happy for you though

18:45

that even if it was after the

18:47

wedding sometimes it's not just yours I'm

18:49

so happy for you though that even

18:51

if it was after the wedding and a

18:53

couple of days afterwards she said oh it's

18:55

good to have you back we haven't

18:57

seen you from while and actually looking back

19:00

he was very controlling and in fact actually

19:02

his wedding speech he didn't mention me once

19:04

one of my friends did say to me

19:06

afterwards you're okay and I was like oh

19:09

that's just normal it was obviously something you'd

19:11

been experiencing for such a long time that

19:13

you were so used to it when he

19:15

behaved in such a poor way on your

19:17

own wedding day that it was like oh

19:19

it's just the usual and it's very much

19:22

about diminishing your worth oh god thank God

19:24

your way from him yes It was pretty

19:26

miserable afterwards I would say for a while

19:28

because all my friends and family loved him.

19:30

What advice would you give to someone in

19:33

the wrong relationship but doesn't know how

19:35

to get out of it? Listen to

19:37

yourself because at the end of the

19:39

day research finds that our relationships impact

19:41

our health, our happiness and even our

19:43

longevity. So who you choose to spend

19:46

your life with is really crucial to

19:48

your future, everything. So don't listen to

19:50

other people's opinions when they really don't

19:52

know what goes on behind closed doors,

19:54

especially when you're with somebody who's manipulative

19:56

who puts on this wonderful persona in

19:59

front of the... will but you know

20:01

otherwise really listen to yourself if you

20:03

have at least one good friend you

20:05

know will listen to you hear you

20:07

out have your back speak to them

20:09

because you know research finds that even

20:11

just one friend can make us resilient

20:14

and you know boost our well-being so

20:16

that would be really helpful in terms

20:18

of support and but even if you

20:20

don't have anybody to speak to just

20:22

tune into your intuition because your brain

20:24

actually does a lot of evaluating and

20:27

calculating subconsciously and so sometimes you get

20:29

a feeling very physically in your body

20:31

you can get a feeling about what

20:33

the right decisions for you and what

20:35

the wrong decisions for you. before you

20:37

can put into words why you're getting

20:39

that feeling. And so, you know, the

20:42

way intuition works is that your brain

20:44

processes subconsciously, very rapidly, information you've got

20:46

stored in memory, information you're absorbing through

20:48

your senses, and any patterns it's identified.

20:50

All the research finds that your brain

20:52

makes decisions subconsciously, so your brain makes

20:54

decisions subconsciously, and then you later make

20:57

the same decisions consciously. Yeah, you make

20:59

the same decision later, but what you

21:01

don't realize that you've already made that

21:03

decision, so actually, reaction to that calculation

21:05

that your brain is already done in

21:07

the background that you're not consciously aware

21:10

of. So just tuning into your bodily

21:12

sensation sometimes can be really helpful for

21:14

you to work out before you can

21:16

put into words why you're getting a

21:18

certain feeling about something, just pay attention

21:20

to the feeling. So very simply, it

21:22

could be like, you know, following through

21:25

on decision. X versus decision Y, does

21:27

that make me feel tense or relaxed,

21:29

light or heavy, good or bad? And

21:31

just pay attention to that because that

21:33

is actually intuitive awareness that you're tapping

21:35

into before you can pinpoint what it

21:38

is. Because I heard, and it's obviously

21:40

the case for you, Amy, I heard

21:42

a stat that when a woman finally

21:44

leaves a man, they usually mentally checked

21:46

out a long time beforehand. Oh, absolutely.

21:48

And I've been there, Amy, where I've

21:50

been in relationships, and for at least

21:53

six months. I've known it's not my

21:55

person, but I've stayed with them in

21:57

fear of, it sounds ridiculous now, but

21:59

it was like the press or another

22:01

breakup, another person's left. And so I

22:03

stayed with them, because I think if

22:06

I get to this two-year mark, at

22:08

least they won't say it was just

22:10

a fling. And I've known it's not

22:12

been my person. But you mentally check

22:14

out before you physically do, and obviously

22:16

that's what happened with you. partner take

22:18

it at the time when you told

22:21

him you were leaving had you split

22:23

up before or was this like a

22:25

complete the first time for him where

22:27

you said I am I am leaving

22:29

you I remember one day we had

22:31

a huge route we're in a park

22:33

and I went to walk away and

22:36

he said to me if you walk

22:38

away don't think you're coming home now

22:40

he knew that I didn't have any

22:42

family that I could go and stay

22:44

with. I think he knew that I

22:46

didn't have anyone that I could go

22:49

to immediately and stay with until we'd

22:51

sorted it out. And I remember stopping

22:53

and walking back thinking, I've got nowhere

22:55

to run to. About six months later,

22:57

he then proposed, obviously, you know, trying

22:59

to paper over the cracks. And I

23:01

did feel very trapped. And I had,

23:04

you know, I think it was at

23:06

that point that I had decided. this

23:08

isn't working but then I didn't know

23:10

where to run to because he made

23:12

it clear I had nowhere to run

23:14

to. It sounds like he was cornering

23:17

you, cornering you with the public proposal,

23:19

cornering you when you're having an argument

23:21

knowing that you've got nowhere else to

23:23

go to. Yeah very intimidating, very controlling,

23:25

very coercive sort of behaviour. Have you

23:27

seen him since? Yes, I haven't seen

23:29

him for a while but we had

23:32

a similar circle of friends and I

23:34

was... very good friends with a wife

23:36

of his friend. So we occasionally bumped

23:38

into each other at social events. I

23:40

was always civil, but for many years

23:42

it wasn't civil. I think without change

23:44

there's no growth and you know I

23:47

think you've totally done the right thing.

23:49

You know I learn a lot about

23:51

myself and how to manage situations so

23:53

that's what I've taken from it. And

23:55

just remember how he treated you is

23:57

not about you. your fault is about

24:00

him. Yeah, that's one thing I did

24:02

learn. It took a while, but I

24:04

did I did learn that. And

24:14

there you go on our overshare episode of

24:17

dramatic exits. Hopefully that's inspired you to get

24:19

out of the situation or circumstance that you're

24:21

in. Maybe not by telling them to shove

24:23

it up their ass, but you know, just

24:25

getting out of there. So thank you for

24:28

tuning in. Thank you to you Sam as

24:30

well. Hope you've enjoyed it, have you? I

24:32

have, I have. Thank you so much for

24:34

having you. Remind us again, what your books

24:37

call for anyone who wants to get it.

24:39

Well, they're self- Before you all go and

24:41

remove this download from your download, don't forget

24:43

to have a look at our other episodes

24:46

as well. Have a nose in our social

24:48

media pages, we post behind the scenes and

24:50

you'll meet our guests, our experts on there.

24:52

There's loads of extra clips as well and

24:55

vision, hence why we've got all these posh

24:57

couches. So take a look at those. The

24:59

overshare was produced by Matt Foister and Molikata

25:01

for Bauer Media. But you know what? Shven!

25:03

Shovered up your ass Matt! I'm out of

25:06

her! I'm out of her! I'm out of

25:08

her! See you! Just

25:14

subscribe, yeah, do whatever you

25:16

want.