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Welcome to the Scott Townsend Show brought

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to you by Dietzelman Productions . Hey

0:07

, this is Scott Townsend . Welcome back to the Scott Townsend

0:10

Show . And today I have with me

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repeat guest executive

0:14

producer of the Scott Townsend Show , ben Townsend

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, ben , how's it going ?

0:19

Good , how are you doing Scott ?

0:20

I'm doing great . I'm doing great . Thanks for joining

0:22

today .

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No short notice , but

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first off , what

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did you have for breakfast this morning ? What

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I normally have for breakfast One egg , One

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egg scrambled and some . It's instant

0:38

oatmeal , but it's

0:40

more of an organic type with extra

0:43

protein in it and

0:50

with some extra oat bran thrown in there , some walnuts

0:52

and some blueberries .

0:53

And some psyllium husk , no maple

0:56

syrup and a little pancake or anything . Nope

0:58

, I had one egg

1:00

this morning too . I usually have four , but

1:04

I only had one left , so I

1:07

had to suffer with one egg

1:09

.

1:15

And so I put a bunch of other stuff in there and it's not super sweet to start with , but

1:17

I add a little bit of monk fruit sweetener to

1:19

it Monk fruit . Monk fruit

1:21

yeah , it's a natural sweetener

1:23

but it's zero calorie and I don't think it works real . It's a

1:25

natural sweetener but it's zero calorie . Um , and I don't think it works real . Well , it's

1:27

like a primary sweetener , but I think

1:29

it works great as a sweetener . Just

1:32

to take it up a little bit for something that already

1:34

has , you know , sugar in it right

1:36

so I like that . Yeah

1:39

, I'm still . We're still in our little apartment here . Um

1:42

, our home is , uh , they're

1:44

out there weathering the the build-in

1:47

right now . They've got all the decking on

1:49

the roof , they've got all the tar paper down

1:51

, they've got the sides on everything . After

1:54

today , maybe by noon tomorrow , it will be completely

1:56

weathered in . We're making good progress on our house

1:58

. This has been a great little apartment . Man

2:01

, we're ready to

2:03

move into our own home .

2:04

Yeah , not bad bad . That's exciting

2:06

, it's good news . Yep

2:08

, can't wait to come down and stay in my bedroom

2:11

down there .

2:12

Um , however , you've got that set up we

2:15

can go on the back deck and we can have coffee or

2:18

coffee mugs yeah and

2:21

watch the deer walk by .

2:22

Watch the deer walk by . Yeah . Well

2:25

, the reason for this episode I

2:28

saw this Simon

2:31

Sinek video on LinkedIn yesterday

2:33

. It kind of hit me

2:35

between the eyes just a little bit and

2:38

wanted to get your take on it . He

2:41

was talking about somebody

2:45

who had gone through a hard time and

2:48

, uh , it's just a very short video and now

2:50

I can't find it . But there's another video

2:52

that goes along the same lines

2:54

with him and I'll get to that in just

2:56

a second . But , um , he

2:59

was talking about somebody going through

3:01

a hard time and so

3:04

he told them well , first

3:06

off he was talking about , you know , a lot of people

3:08

say well , if there's anything I can do , let me know . You know

3:10

, blah , blah , blah . And

3:12

uh , it's kind of a easy

3:15

, cheesy , lazy

3:17

way out of committing to helping

3:19

a friend or family member by

3:21

putting the burden on them to come up with something that

3:23

you can do for me .

3:27

So he said but but points for

3:29

being there well , I mean , if

3:31

you , if you do that minimally , you know

3:33

, I guess you're on the playing field yeah

3:36

uh , and so you may not be an impact player

3:38

, but you're on the field , you're

3:40

on the map at least .

3:41

yeah , yeah , so

3:44

good point . So he

3:46

said what he told his friend was

3:49

I'm

3:52

going to call you every day at

3:54

three o'clock for

3:56

a month or two months or

3:59

three months , depending

4:01

on the severity of the case , and

4:03

you know where they are

4:06

in their headspace and all that stuff , and

4:09

uh , so

4:12

he would call them every day at three

4:14

just checking it . And then , and then he said , then he

4:16

said and don't feel like

4:18

you have to answer the call . You

4:21

know I'm calling , I'm telling you right now I'm going to call

4:23

, I'm going to be there . If you

4:25

don't feel like picking it up , if you don't feel

4:27

like talking , that's totally cool , I

4:30

get it . But if you do want to pick

4:33

it up , you know I'm going

4:35

to be there at three o'clock and if there's something

4:37

you want to talk about or say , uh

4:39

, there you go . So I'll

4:41

be there for you for a

4:44

short little phone call . Um

4:46

and I thought that was really . I've never heard

4:48

anybody say or do something

4:50

like that how cheap , how

4:53

easy that is , how and

4:55

how . It's

4:57

not even inexpensive , it's no cost

5:00

, except for a little bit of time it's

5:02

intentional and it's intentional , purposeful

5:05

and uh . And

5:07

so he said this friend didn't answer

5:09

for the first week . It's totally

5:12

okay , you know he just he

5:15

or she , whatever they were going through just didn't

5:17

feel like talking . And then pretty soon

5:19

they started picking up the phone every so often

5:21

and then pretty soon it's like every day and

5:25

that's totally cool . At

5:28

least if you put yourself in the place of the

5:30

person who's receiving the phone call , just getting

5:32

the call is someone

5:35

who's consistent and someone who follows

5:37

through and does what they say they're going

5:39

to do , that in itself means

5:42

would mean a lot to me .

5:49

What are your thoughts ? Yeah

5:59

, I think it all kind of gets back to when you're going , when you have a friend

6:01

or somebody whoever . You know that , that you know that's going through some sort of hard thing , you

6:09

know , I think . I think empathy goes

6:11

a long way toward putting you where you probably need to be , to

6:13

be of the most service . You

6:18

know . It's like . You

6:20

know it's like you know with with , with Janet , you know , and

6:22

her cancer , you know , just to know that people are thinking about you

6:24

and reach out . I think what he did there is a fine thing Say

6:26

, I'm going to call you every day . For some people it may be a

6:28

little much , I don't know , it depends on the person , but

6:31

if you give them permission not to answer the phone , I think

6:33

that's a pretty big deal and

6:37

you persist anyway and you're not going to take offense

6:39

and you

6:41

can't have a whiff of offense in

6:43

any of your communications . Have

6:46

any . You can't have a whiff of offense in any of your communications . You know if you're going to

6:48

say you know , and you really mean it and and presumably you know , you would mean that

6:50

you know , so I , I think that , I think that's good

6:52

, I I think you

6:54

know when , when . Um , you know , we kind

6:57

of like teamed up you know when

6:59

, when , when janet was going through her

7:01

difficulty with cancer , when Janet

7:03

was going through her difficulty with cancer

7:06

, so

7:09

I was able to write on CaringBridge .

7:11

What's .

7:12

CaringBridge . It's just a site for people

7:15

. I don't know if it's just cancer , but there's

7:17

a lot of people who have cancer and

7:22

it just provides them an easy way to communicate what's going on with their cancer . And

7:24

if you're going through it , I think it's

7:26

really hard to try to write , you

7:28

know . So if you have somebody that can write

7:30

for you , I think

7:33

that's a big deal . And having

7:35

somebody that can write for you or kind

7:37

of intercede for you , like that kind of

7:39

be a personal administrative

7:41

assistant , I think that's a big

7:43

deal because it kind of takes the pressure off of them

7:45

to communicate , um , and

7:48

let everybody know what's going on . Because because

7:50

everybody wants to know what's going on yeah

7:52

, and and you know some of these things like this is somebody

7:55

with a , with a serious illness . Um

7:58

, you know what I learned about it ? Um

8:00

, is that it can be a super isolating

8:02

experience . Why is ?

8:04

that well , because you know super isolating experience .

8:05

Why is that ? Well , because you know you're going through all

8:07

kinds of treatments and

8:09

there's , there's a lot of those that that make you

8:11

immunocompromised , you

8:16

know . So you can't successfully fight off infection and you're trying like crazy to get through

8:18

chemotherapy . And you know

8:20

chemotherapy is trying to kill you . That's

8:22

what chemotherapy is doing . It's trying to kill you and

8:25

you know chemotherapy is trying to kill you . That's what chemotherapy

8:27

is doing . It's trying to kill you and

8:31

the healthy cells hopefully regenerate quicker than the cancer cells that are being killed , you know

8:33

, in the process . But it's not . It's an equal opportunity killer

8:37

, you know . And it'll kill the host too , you

8:39

know . So it brings everything down

8:41

, your whole system down , so you

8:43

can't get out , and this goes on for months and months and

8:46

it wrecks your white blood cells , red

8:48

blood cells . That can go on for a year

8:50

, year and a half . So

8:52

you know , when I say isolating

8:54

, that's what I mean . You can't go to church , you

8:57

know . You have to really be choosy about whether or not you

8:59

, you know , go along to the

9:01

grocery store or go out to a restaurant . I mean

9:03

pretty isolating . So

9:06

and your social interaction ? You

9:08

know just flat lines at that point , and

9:10

so you know , for us to

9:12

be able to to write and I wrote for

9:14

janet , but you know we had other people in our family

9:17

, like um tasha , who

9:19

, uh , who volunteered to communicate

9:21

for us . I'm

9:24

comfortable writing and communicating , and

9:26

so you know I took that on

9:28

and it's less for Janet to explain to somebody

9:31

else about what to write , what to

9:33

communicate , but , man

9:35

, just you know , getting that out there , so

9:37

people knew what was going on , and then it

9:39

was so meaningful , like we had so many

9:41

people that were following along , like

9:43

I don't know what the number was , but it was over a hundred

9:45

people , I think , following along

9:48

, and you know when you would write

9:50

, when I would write something about you know the latest thing

9:52

that was happening . I tried to put week updates out there

9:54

weekly . You know , just getting

9:56

, just getting things back , you

9:58

know like a thumbs up or

10:01

or you know somebody say , yeah

10:04

, we're , um , you know

10:06

, thanks for thanks for the note , we're praying for you . I mean

10:08

just those little things telling

10:10

you , you know , from being in the trenches

10:12

, that's meaningful you know , and

10:14

as you know somebody who , um

10:17

, you know people who are , um

10:19

, you know , committed to their

10:21

faith , you know we're

10:23

, we're Christians and so to to to

10:25

, you know know that somebody is out there

10:27

and they're praying for you , meant everything

10:30

. And I'm not kidding , it

10:32

meant everything Cause you know

10:34

you go to bed at night and you're thinking , wow , so

10:36

I can go to sleep , I can go to bed

10:38

here , I can lay down and rest , and , and you know , like

10:40

the likelihood that there's somebody out there who's actually

10:42

thinking about us and lifting us up , it's

10:45

a big deal . So I

10:47

think I think those , you know , I

10:50

think having people that are willing to respond

10:53

like that or reach out , just , you know a text and

10:55

just be , you know , purposeful about

10:57

it Don't try to write a book , you

11:00

know , when you send a text , just something quick and

11:02

easy to consume , to consume

11:04

and not putting any burden on the recipient

11:06

, you know is huge .

11:10

Sometimes those of us on this side

11:13

think that just sending a little emoji

11:15

or a little thumbs up or whatever isn't

11:17

enough . You know , was

11:20

that , yeah , it kind of poo-poo , the

11:22

it kind of just dismiss

11:25

the gesture , the the easy

11:27

click on the thumb or the heart or

11:29

whatever . So what you're saying is

11:32

it really does mean something if when you get well

11:34

to us it .

11:34

Did you remember that movie ? Um

11:37

, you've got

11:39

mail way back there

11:41

. I think that was tom hanks and yeah , meg

11:44

ryan , or meg ryan yeah , yeah , but

11:46

you know , just in there , when you , when , when , when

11:48

she would hear this bing you

11:51

know , did a male come in ? you know how excited she got

11:53

, like it's kind of like that . But you

11:55

know , for us , um , those kind of things were really

11:57

meaningful . Then some people would write more

12:00

extensively . You know , write a paragraph back

12:02

or something , um , and you know , get give give paragraph back

12:04

or something Um , and you know , get give give some sort

12:06

of encouragement , and they're really good at it

12:08

too . I mean , the last thing you want to

12:10

do , you know , for somebody in that kind of situation

12:12

is give advice , because

12:15

you know , you know uh

12:17

, talk about that for a minute .

12:18

Why is that so bad ?

12:19

Because that sounds like the natural thing you want to do

12:21

is give them some advice , especially if I've been

12:23

that

12:30

it is valuable , but but I think you

12:33

, you have to earn their permission

12:35

to provide advice , otherwise

12:37

they can just be unwelcome for whatever

12:39

reason . You know that they feel terrible

12:42

, you know , and

12:44

you know I , you know . To have somebody say like I

12:46

know what you're going through , you know what you need to do is , you

12:48

know , put some vitamin c and some hot

12:50

water and dump some whiskey in there and then put

12:52

some lemon in there and drink it and you'll be fine , you know

12:55

, or whatever . You know , it's

12:57

not realistic and it

12:59

it ? It really kind

13:01

of , in a way , people aren't trying to be , but it's kind of arrogant

13:04

. It's not really understanding the situation or

13:06

thinking that they got a quick cure for something . It's kind of like

13:08

why didn't you figure this out ?

13:09

I mean , that's kind of insulting , you know , and people aren't

13:12

intending to be insulting , that's not what they intend

13:14

and they're trying to be helpful , right

13:16

, but in that price it gets

13:18

real sticky when you have and

13:31

I think that's why people back

13:33

away from this kind of stuff , becauseught with landmines

13:36

and you don't want to upset or tip

13:39

over the apple card or whatever

13:41

you know . Yeah , I

13:57

don't know how to communicate

13:59

with you . They don't know what to say .

14:02

Well you're horribly embarrassed because you're going through

14:04

some sort of nasty divorce or something . I mean

14:06

, I haven't had that experience , you

14:08

know , but some people do . And there's other things

14:10

as well . You know where people , you

14:12

know they it's

14:15

embarrassing to them , you know their life

14:17

isn't Facebook put together

14:19

like everybody else's , you know , and

14:22

they and they that's embarrassing

14:24

to them and so they don't really

14:26

want to , you know , talk about it

14:28

or communicate about it . So you know again

14:31

, it's empathy , it

14:36

. So you know again it's it's empathy . It's really kind of like , you know , if you're , if you're kind of oriented

14:38

towards or you can put that yourself there for a little while , you know , empathy

14:40

is all about doing your best to understand

14:43

where the other person is coming from and

14:45

just being receptive to what you can do

14:48

to help . But I think I

14:50

think you kind of got to earn that permission for somebody

14:52

to say , yeah , you know , you know you've been through

14:54

something similar to what I've been through

14:56

. What did you do in this ? Now

14:58

you have an invitation and if you have

15:00

something that you can say , you

15:03

know , then then at that point , you know , you

15:05

share it very carefully and again , thoughtfully

15:07

and with you know , your

15:09

your empathy mindset on . But

15:12

not every , not all two divorces are the same

15:14

. Not all heart attacks are the same . Not all heart attacks are the same

15:16

, you know , not not all issues

15:18

with children are the same , you know . So , even though

15:21

you may have had , you know , a similar

15:23

thing yeah , I have , I

15:25

also have , you know , experience with , whatever

15:27

it is , you know , a difficult child or or

15:29

a a a divorce . You know and you

15:32

know , even though , even though you may kind

15:34

of have already earned a similar merit badge

15:37

, it doesn't mean that

15:39

therefore , you have the right , you know , just to tell

15:41

people like how to fix everything

15:43

, because that's not understanding them , that's

15:45

you trying to provide advice and

15:48

you know , I don't know . you know it's

15:50

kind of difficult to articulate , but Well

15:52

, it's just like a guy .

15:53

Guy , that's what guys do you know ? Women

15:55

to women , I don't know , but I'm just speaking

15:57

from a guy standpoint . That's immediately what

15:59

we default to is . Oh well , here let me tell you what you

16:01

need to do . Man , I went through the same

16:03

thing . Well , number one , it's not the same thing , it's

16:06

. It's a type in a shadow , but

16:08

it's not the same thing . And

16:10

so you might give some advice , that's

16:12

. And so you just want to start

16:14

kicking in that let's fix this

16:16

, let's fix this right now . You know , come on , bro , let's

16:19

go . You know , and

16:21

that's where listening comes in , and that's

16:24

where people I

16:29

would say most people are not good at

16:31

listening . And so when someone

16:33

says I got this problem , you

16:36

know whatever ? Let's say they finally

16:38

pick up the phone and say hey , what's going on ? You know

16:40

, hey , like I said , I was just calling to see what's

16:42

going on , and so then they start

16:44

talking , and then your wheels start going and you

16:46

know you're starting to put things together . So

16:48

here's what we can do to you know , here's what you should do

16:50

. Blah , blah , blah . The best thing you do is just

16:52

keep your mouth shut . Yeah

16:55

, just let them talk and just listen .

16:57

Yeah , and not but , but

17:00

active listening is good too . I mean , you don't

17:02

want to give them , like a a , a blank

17:04

surface to speak into . They get no verbal

17:06

cues or anything back .

17:07

Oh no , no , that's right yeah , all right , right , right

17:10

, you want to . You want them to know that you

17:12

are listening and that you are receiving

17:14

what they're , you're

17:16

picking up what they're laying down . But

17:19

I just know

17:21

from experience I wind up trying to help

17:24

fix their problem and I stopped listening

17:26

and I start prescribing , and

17:29

that's the last thing they want

17:31

to hear . Really , they just want to get it off their chest

17:33

.

17:33

Yeah , prescribing is an interesting word , cause that's

17:35

what I was just . I was thinking about . You know , avoid

17:38

being prescriptive , oh man .

17:45

Before we continue , the best way to support

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18:13

for your support . Full-time , part-time , anytime . So thank you so much for your support

18:15

.

18:16

But you know everybody needs to eat and

18:18

so I don't think there's anything wrong with you know , depending

18:21

on the situation . Like

18:24

you know , sometimes if somebody's incapacitated in some way they broke their leg or whatever

18:26

everybody's got to eat . It's difficult

18:28

to fix dinner when

18:31

you've got a broken leg or you know you have

18:33

some other thing where you're going through some sort of intense

18:35

thing . It's like when people lose a loved

18:37

one , you take them food . It's a way of showing

18:39

care and concern in

18:42

actual service , I

18:47

think , offering to bring a meal or

18:50

join somebody out for coffee . There's lots of ladies

18:53

that did that with Janet , you know . Join somebody out for

18:55

coffee . There's lots of ladies that did that with Janet , you know if , if it worked out for

18:57

her , you know meet her for coffee . Or or you know , bring her something

18:59

. You know just bring stuff by . When

19:02

we're going to come and bring some stuff by , we're

19:06

not going to stay long . We're just going to drop it off . That's also a good

19:08

call , you know , because you know you never know what's going on in the house you know where

19:10

you have . You know people who have been torn

19:13

up by surgery and all kinds of stuff . So you know quick

19:15

hits I think are really good , you

19:17

know , if you show up and they're like no , no , no , can

19:19

you , can you sit down for a second ?

19:21

Yeah , again there's your invitation

19:24

.

19:24

There's your invitation and your permission , and

19:26

so you know if you're trying to show empathy

19:29

. I think that's an indicator

19:31

of success .

19:32

Yeah , you

19:36

, I think that's an indicator

19:38

of success . Yeah , you kind of hit the nail on the head . Yeah , if

19:40

you get the invitation .

19:44

Yeah , so to be a good listener . What does it mean to be a

19:46

good listener ?

19:49

Well , I mean , like I said , kind of like active listening .

19:50

You know , like I guess I wasn't listening earlier

19:52

. So , yeah , you're too focused on what you want to say

19:54

. You know just verbal cues , as you're , or and nonverbal

19:57

cues . You're too focused on what you want to say . You know just verbal cues , as you're , or

19:59

nonverbal cues , you know as you're listening . And if you're something

20:01

you don't quite understand , you know checking

20:03

for understanding , as somebody you

20:05

know is explaining something to you to make you , because

20:08

you want to make sure that you're understanding them right and you want

20:10

to make sure that they know that they're being

20:12

understood , you know . So

20:14

those kind of you know .

20:16

You know active listening skills , which doesn't

20:18

include advice , you

20:20

know and also maybe

20:22

kind of feeding back what you just heard , so they

20:24

know that you did receive it correctly yeah

20:27

, repeating it back , yep yeah

20:31

. Why is reaching

20:33

out for help so stigmatized ? Why

20:37

do people not like to reach

20:39

out for help ?

20:41

because nobody wants to feel needy . It's

20:43

. It's a maybe part of a pride issue . You

20:47

know , and I'm not immune to that . You know I just

20:49

yesterday I got out of um

20:51

my sling for my rotator

20:54

cuff surgery and

20:56

you don't want to be a bother and an inconvenience

20:58

and you know it's like even here in the

21:01

house . You know , try

21:03

putting your socks on sometime . With

21:05

one hand it

21:08

can be done . But you know I

21:10

like to wear like the smart wool wool

21:12

socks . And you know , after you wash them

21:14

one time , you know they kind of like they

21:17

. They don't shrink but but but

21:19

actually shrink but they're . They

21:21

become kind of stiff and you know , like harder to put

21:23

them on you know it was like tighter . Yeah

21:26

, man , try that with

21:28

one hand sometimes and so and

21:30

so a lot of times . You know , janet was helping me put my socks

21:33

on , you know , and that's every day , man

21:35

, yeah .

21:36

Every day .

21:36

And so you feel like you're a bother and you don't want to be

21:38

a bother and even though you know

21:40

she would get irritated with me because I would

21:42

try to put my socks on without asking for her help

21:45

, because she wanted to help , you know , still

21:47

, you know you kind of feel like you know that's a lot of it

21:49

. You know it's hard to ask for help

21:51

, I mean .

21:53

And then if you

21:59

don't ask for help , you hit on something else

22:01

too . You deny the people around you the

22:03

service that they want to provide . And

22:06

could they actually get really upset

22:08

with you because you didn't ask them to help and they're

22:10

ready to help and you

22:12

didn't employ them . And

22:14

you know , we all know

22:17

this is just a temporary little setback

22:19

, so just let me help you . You know , yeah

22:21

, you don't , you don't need to be superman all the

22:24

time , and and then you try to

22:26

be superman and then people

22:28

get irritated and and disappointed

22:30

and whatnot , and that's just . I

22:32

guess I guess that's got to be okay , and that's just . I guess I

22:34

guess that's gotta be okay too . But that's natural for

22:37

them to get that way , because they want to try

22:39

to help , and we just need to let people

22:41

help us . We

22:43

need to be able to ask for help and we need

22:46

to be able to allow people around us to help

22:48

them , help us , because they get something out of it

22:50

too .

22:51

Right , no , I think that's right . And and

22:53

you and , and you know they want to be helpful and

22:56

they're they're kind of answering , you

22:58

know , in their own life , you

23:01

know a friend or a spouse

23:03

or whatever kind of like the call they have

23:05

to service , you know , and if they're

23:07

trying to engage with you and you're going through something , they

23:09

feel a call to service . So it's

23:11

hard . I mean , I , I , you know , I , I believe me , you know

23:13

I couldn't do , I couldn't put on , I , I , you know I , I believe me , you know I , I couldn't do it

23:15

, I couldn't put on a shirt by myself . You

23:18

know , when I had my that , that my shoulder

23:20

surgery , I couldn't put my socks on , I

23:22

couldn't button my jeans , you

23:24

know . So you know I

23:27

, I'm , I walk around , you know , for six

23:29

weeks wearing sweatpants almost

23:31

every single day , cause it's something that I could pull up

23:33

, you know , and , uh

23:35

, but you know , there , when we go to , like it

23:38

would go out for whatever reason it's not that I never

23:40

wore my jeans , you know , but you

23:42

know I had to have her butt in my jeans

23:44

and zip my pants up and put my belt

23:46

on . It's something else I couldn't do . Um

23:49

, so you know , just

23:51

it's really basic stuff , man , you know

23:53

, and you just kind of have to accept help

23:56

, and so we've been helping

23:58

each other with stuff for a long time .

23:59

So yeah not a not a big deal

24:02

, but kind of have

24:04

to have a good sense of humor about it too .

24:06

Mm , hmm , yeah , yeah

24:08

, yeah , find ways to make it fun .

24:11

Yeah , simon

24:14

Sinek was talking about the eight minute call . This

24:17

was another video . I guess , uh

24:19

, some research shows that someone

24:22

going through a depression , grief

24:24

, whatever trouble times

24:26

that uh

24:28

, a an eight minute phone call , whether

24:30

it's daily , weekly , every

24:32

other week or whatever , uh , eight minutes

24:35

seems to be the uh

24:37

, the

24:41

uh ideal

24:43

time . It's not too long

24:45

, it's not too short , gives you enough time

24:47

to get some info , give some info

24:49

, uh , and then hang

24:52

up because you're busy , they're busy , but

24:54

you've been able to accomplish your mission

24:56

to help them and and

24:59

and they've been able to

25:01

let you help them by

25:03

, you know , speaking , talking

25:05

and you listening . So

25:08

eight minutes , I thought that was an interesting

25:10

number yeah

25:12

, I do .

25:12

I think that it is interesting and

25:15

you know , for

25:17

the love of all , that's holy , if somebody

25:19

has ever told you that you're a talker

25:21

, you know , you just got to understand

25:23

what you're . You're . You tend to

25:25

do , um , and

25:28

if that's you , you know , I think you

25:30

gotta set a timer , you

25:32

know , and and and just say we're

25:34

only gonna , I'm only gonna , I'm going to limit myself

25:36

to five minutes here , because I don't want to take up your

25:38

whole day . And sometimes I start talking

25:40

and I , I , you know , we'll be 30 minutes

25:42

later and I'm still going and I haven't taken a breath

25:45

and you haven't said a word . That's me , you

25:47

know . So I , I'm gonna , I'm gonna hold this to five

25:49

minutes and then I'm going . Unless

25:51

you want me to , you know , hang out , but I just , you

25:53

know , this is really all about you , blah , blah , blah . So set

25:56

a timer . If you're one of those people , man , set a

25:58

timer , because some people can absolutely wear you

26:00

out . Oh , yeah , going on and on and on

26:02

, and you know you're about to pass out .

26:04

Yeah , you

26:18

lay the phone down , go to the bathroom , get a , so anything you know . I thought this would be

26:20

good to do a video like this , a podcast like this , to help people who we all go

26:23

through stuff job

26:25

, medical , family

26:29

, friends , whatever

26:33

um and

26:35

not a lot of people know how to deal with it . Uh

26:38

, we don't do a lot of teaching on it , we don't

26:40

. You know there's not a lot of talk about it because

26:42

it's not a lot . It's not a fun conversation , but

26:44

it can be a good conversation . It's not

26:46

necessarily fun , although I think this conversation has

26:48

been kind of fun , but I

26:52

think that it's a important thing Because

26:57

there are people out there hurting and

27:00

if we can help just one other

27:02

listener get it and know

27:04

how to approach someone going

27:06

through a tough time , I

27:10

guess mission accomplished .

27:13

Yeah , and I think you know again , as

27:15

a Christian , you know sometimes people wonder why they

27:17

have to go through tough things . You know , if God loves

27:19

me , why do I have to go through tough things ? I

27:22

think it's a super complicated answer , complex

27:24

answer . But I think one of those things is

27:27

it kind of uniquely qualifies you to

27:30

talk to somebody else who is

27:32

going through something very similar , and

27:35

so it allows us , it kind of empowers

27:37

us for service . You can't

27:39

jump in with giving

27:41

advice and all kinds of stuff like that . Again , you have to wait

27:44

for the invitation . But if you've gone through

27:46

it before , if somebody's been through a divorce , even though they're all

27:48

different , it

27:51

kind of empowers

27:53

you for service to be of maximum

27:56

assistance to somebody who's going through the same thing

27:58

. Or you know it's all kinds of trouble that people have

28:00

out there . And if you've gone through that , you

28:03

know some sort of health thing , whether it's a heart

28:05

attack or cancer or whatever

28:08

it is , you know it does kind of empower

28:11

you in a different way to

28:13

be of service . And

28:15

that's also great too , because when , when

28:17

you know if you , if you make

28:19

yourself available , if you've already

28:22

earned that merit badge

28:24

, you know and you

28:26

make yourself available and then somebody invites

28:28

you in , you know then you , then you can

28:30

really really help them out . And there are

28:32

some people like that . You know when we're going through

28:34

all of our stuff . You remember Mike Perryman

28:37

. Yeah

28:39

, he's one of those guys you know and he's

28:41

he's been through you know his own cancer

28:43

struggle and he's amazing

28:46

and you

28:48

know the way he handled that . You know his attitude

28:50

and his encouragement was amazing . So

28:53

you know there are those people out there

28:56

and we all have different experiences and

28:58

sometimes we get the call We've

29:01

had that similar experience and

29:04

we can help people out , but

29:08

you still have to run all the same traps as everybody

29:10

else and just kind of be there and

29:12

empathize and listen and wait

29:14

for that invitation .

29:16

So , yeah , when they're in the mud and this person , whatever , when

29:18

this person , whatever it is , is in the

29:21

, is in the muck , is

29:23

in the yuck , you know the

29:26

mud and you're reaching down trying to help

29:28

them out , they

29:32

might not want to move for a little bit . It

29:34

might be better . What you're saying is might be better for

29:36

that , for you to get down in the mud with

29:38

them , and that's not a lot of fun , for you to get down in the mud with them , and that's

29:40

not a lot of fun . The

29:42

other thing , too , is , if you've been through this before , then your

29:44

pants are probably probably stained

29:47

with the same mud . You

29:49

know , because you went before them . So

29:51

when they're looking at you , they see you've

29:53

actually been through this crap . You

29:56

know your , your , your pants are stained

29:58

with this mud . It's

30:00

kind of a , it's like a scar . You

30:08

know . It tells a story . So just to get down in the and so when you get in the mud

30:10

with them , then they're they're kind of okay with it , I guess

30:12

, and they know what you're doing and you don't have to say anything

30:15

and eventually , at some point , at some

30:17

point , you

30:19

you know , you look at them , say are you ready to get up and

30:21

climb this ladder now , and

30:24

at some point they're probably

30:26

going to say , okay , yeah

30:28

, I think I'm ready now . But what I

30:30

tend to do is immediately go and

30:33

grab their hand , say , come on , let's go you

30:35

know , yeah , you basically make all the mistakes

30:37

.

30:44

Yeah , yeah , that's true , but you

30:46

know what I mean too . You know you

30:48

might feel like this is the way I feel , like

30:50

I feel like I need to say something that's going to be like

30:52

necessarily profound , but

30:54

I want to say something like intelligent

30:56

, to help them , to encourage them in some way , and you don't have to do

30:58

that , you don't have to put that kind of pressure

31:00

on yourself . Really , it's way

31:02

more effective just to just to be empathetic

31:05

, you know , just to practice . You

31:07

know your , your empathy skills and and

31:09

I'm not saying I'm great at it , but I've

31:12

seen some people who are great at it and some people

31:14

who have been great at it , you know , have been involved in

31:16

our lives and , uh , some

31:18

. But sometimes you do get , you know some pretty

31:20

profound stuff . I mentioned , like you

31:23

know , uh , I remember

31:25

one time he said and I'm gonna get , I'm not gonna quote

31:27

exactly right here , but he said something to the

31:29

effect of you never know

31:31

how strong you can be until

31:34

there's no other way . You

31:37

never know how strong you can be until there's no

31:39

other way , and I think that's 100 true . Uh , and , and you know things

31:41

like that , you can be until there's no other way , and I think that's 100% true and

31:44

you know things like that . You know people who have

31:46

kind of been in the same trenches and things

31:48

you know they can offer

31:50

that kind of thing . You know kind of real

31:52

, thoughtful kind of input

31:55

. It's not really advice , it's just kind of input

31:57

into the process . It's encouraging . You know

31:59

giving your courage , encouraging

32:01

others . Get me imparting my courage

32:03

to you .

32:04

I encourage you yeah

32:06

, that's good

32:08

, that's good . Well , I

32:10

anything else along these lines no

32:14

man , I think I'm tapped out .

32:17

You've hit my limit of uh

32:19

insight I can provide here , I think .

32:22

Yeah , I mean you and Jan went through quite a bit there and there

32:25

was a lot of people supporting you guys and

32:27

helping you guys . And oh , one thing that you mentioned

32:29

that , just

32:31

when you and me but we haven't mentioned it here on the podcast

32:34

is , well , you did mention

32:36

about eating and like a good towns and we all want to mention about eating , but you mentioned

32:38

something about people in like a good towns and we all want to mention

32:40

about eating , but you mentioned

32:43

something about people doing DoorDash , gift certificates

32:45

and stuff .

32:46

Yeah .

32:46

I had never thought of , you know , and

32:48

so talk about that just a little bit

32:50

before we head out here .

32:53

Yeah , so well , in the past two weeks

32:55

we've had two opportunities to

32:57

. You know Hunter

33:00

is in Houstonston . You know he

33:02

was really sick with the flu . We're really

33:04

hoping that emily , his wife , would not

33:07

get the flu , but it's frustrating for

33:09

us to be here . You know , uh , three

33:11

out , three and a half hours away and

33:13

we can't be around somebody with the flu . You know , now it's not

33:15

not smart for us . Um , you know , probably in the end okay , but

33:17

you know we just really don't impress it , but but you feel useless and you feel like

33:19

so . But man , you know , probably in the end okay , but you know we just really don't want to

33:21

impress it , but you feel useless and

33:23

you feel like , but , man , you know

33:25

there's all different kind of ways you can help and if

33:27

the only thing you can do is call or

33:29

send text or let them know you're praying , that's awesome . There's

33:35

a what's

33:40

it place called , yeah

33:43

, of comfort . There's a , there's a it's

33:45

an online thing spoonful of comfort and

33:47

and somebody you know at distance or

33:49

even in your , in your , in your main town , but it works great

33:51

for somebody at distance . You know you

33:54

can , you can uh buy them . You

33:56

know they have uh , soup and kind

33:58

of like care packages , and it's really good stuff

34:00

. It's not cheap , it's pretty

34:02

good and you can send it to them

34:04

. And then you know , nolan

34:07

, you know , had something you know , the next

34:09

, the very next week , you know , like five or six days

34:11

later he , he , he got the flu in a different

34:13

location . Again , we're at distance . So on

34:15

that one , we , we did DoorDash and we sent

34:17

him a DoorDash . You know , sorry , we can't be there

34:19

to bring something to you . Wish we could . So

34:22

even though even though you're not there , it doesn't mean there's

34:24

nothing that you can do . You know you

34:26

can send , you can do that . You can have flowers

34:29

sent . You don't have to spend a dime though

34:31

, um , and if you want to rock somebody's

34:33

world , you can .

34:41

You can do a real old world thing that nobody does anymore and actually write a handwritten

34:44

note , you know , and it's put it in the mailbox , um , with a little flag .

34:46

Yeah , that's really cool and a little , what a little flag on the mailbox

34:48

you put that up and somebody will come and take

34:50

that , that mail and deliver it to you

34:52

. Yeah , but

34:55

you know , emails are great , text messages are

34:57

great . Uh , you

34:59

know , a letter or a card in the mail

35:01

is an absolutely it's a lost art

35:03

. And you want to rock somebody's world

35:05

? Man , do that because it shows a lot

35:08

of forethought . Um , even if

35:10

you don't have to say anything , you know real great

35:12

or anything you know , just like , don't have to be ernest

35:14

hemingway , you just right , three sentences

35:16

, two sentences . You

35:19

know whatever you want . You know um

35:21

, that's almost

35:24

free yeah you know , text message

35:26

is free , unless , for most people , an

35:28

email is free . There's a phone call , so

35:31

there's . There's all kinds of ways to do it . So if

35:33

if you're thinking that , well , I just you know they're

35:35

there , or whatever kind of excuse

35:37

yourself , um , there's

35:40

tons of ways to do it , yeah , so you just

35:42

got a purpose to do so again

35:44

purposeful .

35:46

Get a little piece of paper , write down a couple sentences

35:48

. Get a little .

35:50

Get a little uh package , put a little pester

35:52

in there and mail it out and you're

35:54

good to go exactly so

35:57

I'll be looking for my your letter to show my

35:59

mailbox . It shouldn't

36:02

see it's Thursday . She get here next Monday man

36:04

.

36:06

All right , well , that's a good , that's a good convo

36:08

. You're

36:13

listening to this , uh , share it with your friends , family it's , this is something

36:15

that a lot of people need to hear . It's , uh , it's

36:17

important and , uh , it

36:19

it's important because it helps others and

36:23

just helps us all

36:25

of us get through the day a little bit better

36:27

. All right , well , go enjoy

36:29

wrapping your house up .

36:32

Sounds good . Thanks , Scott .

36:34

All right . Well for Ben Townsend . This is Scott

36:36

Townsend . Thanks for listening to the Scott

36:38

Townsend Show . Have a great day

36:40

. Everything's going to be all right and

36:43

we'll talk to you later . For

36:49

more episodes , visit the Scott Townsend

36:51

Show YouTube channel , listen on Apple Podcasts

36:53

or wherever you listen to your favorite shows . The

36:55

Scott Townsend Show Talks

36:57

on show .