0:00

I hear the sound of glass breaking as

0:02

I pull into the parking lot. It's faint

0:05

over the irregular purr of my Lincoln

0:07

Zephyr's engine. The bright neon

0:09

light from the bar's sign splashes the

0:12

inside of my car. I can

0:14

hear it buzzing even with the windows rolled

0:16

up. I've been hungover for about

0:18

a decade and the noise slices

0:21

right down into my brain, putting me

0:23

on edge. Why did I agree

0:25

to this job? I knew it was trouble

0:27

the moment I laid eyes on the woman. Then the

0:30

sound of glass breaking comes again, about

0:33

as welcome as the screech of two cats

0:35

in the middle of a fight. Low

0:38

voices follow the sound. I

0:40

sigh as I step out of the car and into

0:42

the night. It's

0:44

muggy and ominous, like a constant

0:47

presence at your back, waiting

0:49

for you to slip up so it can wrap

0:51

you in its dark embrace. Not today,

0:54

I tell the night. Not

0:56

if I have anything to do about it. What?

0:59

A woman's voice in my ears says. It's

1:01

unnerving, having her talking to

1:03

me through a tiny piece of futuristic technology.

1:07

But she's the one paying me for the job. Nothing,

1:10

I say. Heading in now. I

1:13

reach into my suit pocket, fingers

1:15

brushing aside my brass knuckles

1:17

to get to my cigarettes and lighter. The

1:20

weight of my revolver in its shoulder holster

1:22

provides grim comfort. I

1:24

just hope I won't have to use it. I

1:27

stop at the bar door to light the cigarette, exhaling

1:30

smoke through my nose. Then I open

1:33

the bar door and step inside, my

1:35

feet crunching on glass. Love

1:37

what you've done with the place, Polly, I tell

1:39

the bartender, who's cowering behind

1:41

the bar. A small man

1:43

in a gray suit stands on top of the bar,

1:46

a pint glass

1:47

in one grimy hand. He drops

1:49

the glass to the floor as he turns to fix me

1:51

with a stare. He's got a bulbous

1:54

head and a naturally amused looking

1:56

expression. A bushy mustache

1:58

hides his mouth. Standing

2:00

at the back of the room is a similar looking man

2:02

in a black suit. His head is

2:05

less bulbous, and he has a more serious

2:07

look about him. He also has a

2:09

bushy mustache. He has

2:11

a bar stool in his hands, which he's clearly

2:14

been using to break the mirrors placed throughout

2:16

the establishment. Now

2:18

that I've stepped into the newly wrecked place, there

2:21

are four of us. Paulie's normal customers

2:23

must have beat feet when these two jackals

2:25

started tearing up the place. Who

2:28

the hell are you?

2:29

The one in the gray suit says, jumping down from the bar. Just

2:33

a guy looking for a drink, I say with a

2:35

puff of smoke. What you think, Paulie?

2:38

The bartender looks at me like I'm nuttier than

2:40

a circus. Maybe I am. I

2:43

heard you fellas are owed a debt. I

2:45

say when it's clear these two aren't in the mood

2:47

for a little friendly banter. I'm here to

2:49

pay that debt, and get a drink while

2:51

I'm at it.

2:52

The guy in the black suit drops the bar stool

2:55

with a crash, and joins his companion

2:57

about a foot away from me. What you think,

2:59

Chris? The one in the gray

3:01

suit

3:02

says, I think if this fella has the money we're owed,

3:04

he must be hiding at somewhere mighty uncomfortable

3:07

barrel. Chris replies, I

3:09

got the money nearby, I say. Right

3:12

outside, matter of fact. Why

3:14

don't we leave poor Paulie alone and go

3:16

get it? The two men look

3:19

at each other, then back at me. Their

3:21

mustache is twitching. Why don't

3:23

you go get it? Like a good lad.

3:26

Chris says, in the meantime,

3:28

me and my brother will continue doing what we

3:30

do best. But the moment

3:32

we see what we're owed, we'll

3:34

stop. After all, we

3:37

were just getting started. Unable

3:39

to help myself, I blow smoke in

3:41

their faces. They don't like that.

3:44

Barrel, the one in the gray suit, moves

3:46

so fast I can hardly see his fist come forward.

3:50

But I feel it. I'm lifted off my

3:52

feet by the punch and thrown all the way back,

3:54

crashing through the door and out into the parking

3:56

lot. You okay?

3:59

my ear as the door closes on its own, leaving

4:02

me alone with the muggy night and the buzzing neon

4:05

sign. Her name's Sarah, and

4:07

it's clear her plan isn't gonna work. I

4:10

feel like I've just been hit by an express train,

4:13

I say, getting to my feet. It

4:15

hurts to breathe. I tried to warn

4:17

you about these guys, she says. They're

4:19

dangerous.

4:21

I lost my damn cigarette, I say,

4:23

reaching into my pocket for another one. They're

4:26

not going to come out, are they? If

4:28

they won't willingly, I'll have to force

4:30

them. Murphy, that's not

4:32

a good... The front wall of the bar

4:34

to the left of the door explodes outward in

4:37

a rain of shattered cinder block, wood,

4:39

and insulation. I raise an

4:41

arm to ward off bits of flying debris. Lowering

4:44

my arm, I look into the decent-sized

4:47

hole to see Beryl standing there in the bar,

4:49

grinning under his mustache.

4:51

Better bring that money in soon.

4:54

Otherwise, Polly won't have a pot to

4:56

piss in. I'm sending the men

4:58

in. Sarah says through my earpiece. Just

5:01

wait a minute, I say. But she

5:03

doesn't listen. I hear the screech of

5:05

tires as several vehicles close in. Several

5:07

Ford Deluxe Patty Wagon police cars squeal

5:10

into the parking lot, rocking on their struts.

5:13

Dizzy Dame's gonna get them all killed, I

5:15

mutter. I'm sure she heard me, and

5:18

before she has a chance to say misogyny,

5:20

the battle is on. Beryl

5:22

and Chris rush out the door, while the boys

5:25

in blue are still getting out of their cars. Since

5:27

I'm standing around like a dope, the two

5:29

men rush past me and engage. Not

5:32

one to let an opportunity slide past, I

5:34

turn around, reaching for my 38. And

5:37

I see Chris jump into the sky about 30 feet.

5:40

He hangs there in the air, looking down at

5:42

the police car directly under him. And

5:44

then he drops down, smashing the Ford's roof

5:47

and likely killing the bulbous cop who was having

5:49

trouble getting his big belly out of the passenger's

5:51

seat. Meanwhile, Beryl

5:53

moves like the wind, punching a cop

5:55

in the face. The fella doesn't just

5:57

fall back, knocked

5:58

out like he would with a regular his

6:01

face caves in under Beryl's fist

6:03

like a hammer into a watermelon. I

6:06

knew these boys were something else, but

6:08

Sarah didn't tell me they were like this. I

6:11

suddenly feel like a kitten in a box floating

6:13

down a river toward a waterfall. No

6:15

way out and nothing to do but take what's coming.

6:19

So that's what I'll do. But just because

6:21

I have to take what's coming doesn't mean I can't

6:23

go down fighting. I was

6:25

brought into this world kicking and screaming, and

6:28

I've always known that's how I'll leave it. So

6:30

while Chris is busy beating a cop to death,

6:33

I step over to Beryl, who's just finished

6:35

slamming one of the boys in blue to the ground

6:37

like a child's doll. I level

6:39

my .38 at his head and hold the trigger.

6:42

BAM! Beryl goes down. I

6:45

fire twice more into his back before

6:47

I turn around in time to see Chris rushing

6:49

toward me like a fastball in Fenway Park.

6:52

He grabs me by the lapels and slams

6:54

me into the nearest paddy wagon, using

6:56

my head to smash the window. You're gonna

6:59

pay for that,

6:59

he says, or face is inches apart.

7:03

You know they got these things called toothbrushes. I

7:05

tell him. You should try one. He

7:08

rears back and goes to hit me, but I

7:10

unload the other three bullets from my .38 into his chest. He

7:13

falls down just a few feet from his brother. Huh,

7:16

I say. That was easy.

7:19

Get out of there, Murphy. Sarah says. Get out

7:21

of there now. They're not dead. Looks

7:24

like they are to me. I say, looking

7:26

down at them. But just as soon

7:28

as the words leave my mouth,

7:29

the two men disappear, blinking

7:32

out of existence. Well,

7:35

that's something I've never seen before, I

7:37

say, scratching my head. This

7:39

isn't working like I thought it would. Sarah says.

7:42

You're not strong enough. I thought

7:44

you were, but you're not. Jeez,

7:47

leave a fella his pride, will ya? I say.

7:50

What the hell is going on here, Sarah? Murphy

7:52

Law. The shout comes from up above

7:54

me. I look up to see Chris and Beryl

7:57

floating about 20 feet overhead. They're

7:59

looking for you.

7:59

As fresh as daisies, if daisies

8:02

wore mustaches and had the ability to stare

8:04

death at you. Didn't I just shoot

8:06

you fellas? I ask. I think you

8:08

better just go ahead and die if it's not too much

8:10

trouble. We won't be the ones

8:12

dying. Chris says. Yeah,

8:15

that'll be you. Beryl says. As

8:17

if I needed clarification. There's

8:19

one more thing I can try. Sarah says

8:22

through my fancy pantsier piece. Well,

8:24

you better be quick about it. I say. Cause

8:26

I'm not sure these guys are gonna go easy on me. I

8:29

flip open

8:29

the cylinder on my gun while reaching into

8:32

a jacket pocket for loose bullets. But

8:34

before I can even dump the spent shells out of the cylinder,

8:37

the two men are coming at me. I have to

8:39

jump out of the way as Chris comes down so he

8:41

doesn't crush me. And when I come up for my

8:43

roll, Beryl is standing there, waiting.

8:46

He backhands me and I lose my grip

8:48

on the revolver. Out of the corner

8:51

of my eye, I can see the remaining cops

8:53

running away to fight another day. I

8:55

don't blame them. Chris grabs me

8:57

from behind in a full Nelson, standing

8:59

me up

8:59

and taking my arms out of the equation.

9:03

Beryl steps forward and slams a fist into

9:05

my stomach. The pain is like

9:07

nothing I've ever felt before. I'm pretty

9:10

sure he tore something inside me. He

9:12

gets me in the face, knocking a couple

9:14

of teeth out.

9:15

Then he goes back to my stomach.

9:18

After a minute of this, I'm spitting

9:20

up blood and hoping for a swift

9:22

death. Swifter than this, anyway.

9:25

Then there's the sound of a bottle breaking, and

9:27

I feel glass bounce off my shoulders. Chris

9:30

throws me to the ground, a hand of on

9:32

all fours on the asphalt. Beryl

9:34

kicks me in the ribs. There's a crunching sound

9:36

as the kick lifts me and dumps me on my

9:39

back. The dame that hired me,

9:41

Sarah, stands behind Chris with

9:43

a neck of a broken bottle in hand. Her

9:45

dark curls cascade down her shoulders,

9:48

framing an angelic face accentuated

9:50

by rouge and red lipstick. Chris

9:53

turns around, brushing broken glass out

9:55

of his hair as he does. Why would

9:57

you go and do a thing like that? He

9:59

asks.

9:59

Yeah, why?

10:29

I roll onto all fours. It takes all I have

10:32

not to scream out in pain. I

10:39

lurch to my feet as the two men pin Sarah

10:41

to the hood of the half-smashed paddy wagon. Reaching

10:44

into my pocket, I shove the pack of cigarettes

10:46

out of the way and find the brass knuckles. I

10:49

get the weapon onto my fingers just before tapping

10:51

Chris on the shoulder. He turns, and

10:54

I give him all I've got. Barrel

10:56

lets Sarah go, turning to swing at me.

10:59

I duck the blow and

10:59

then hit him with an uppercut. His head

11:02

snaps back, and he hits the car

11:03

next to Sarah and slides down. Stepping

11:06

over to Chris, I pull him up by the lapels

11:08

of his black suit jacket and then hit him again,

11:11

busting his nose up. I do the same

11:13

thing to Barrel for good measure. Then

11:15

I stand there next to Sarah, breathing hard,

11:18

looking at the two men. What? No

11:20

disappearing act now? How are

11:22

you doing this? Chris says, writhing

11:25

on the ground, blood pouring out his nose.

11:28

How? I shrug.

11:29

Shouldn't have touched the woman.

11:32

A whole army of cops shows up all of a sudden.

11:35

I step aside and let them handcuff the two brothers

11:38

before tossing them into the back of a paddy wagon.

11:41

Bloody and barely standing, I

11:43

put the brass knuckles back into my pocket, grabbing

11:46

my cigarettes while I'm at it. That

11:48

was your plan? I ask Sarah. Hit

11:51

him with a beer bottle? In

11:53

a way, yes, Sarah says. She

11:55

pauses. the

12:00

one most people live in. I

12:02

sure hope not, I say, lighting

12:04

the cigarette and taking a long pull.

12:08

It's a grim one. Sarah

12:10

shakes her head, onyx curls swishing.

12:13

I mean, the year is 2023. Cop

12:16

cars haven't looked like this for nearly a hundred

12:18

years. No one dresses in suits

12:20

like yours anymore, and no one talks

12:23

like you do. I squint at her, cigarette

12:25

dangling from my lips. Did they

12:27

hit you on the head? You do this,

12:29

wherever you are, you turn the

12:32

surroundings and the people into a hard-boiled noir

12:34

from the mid-twentieth century. That's

12:36

exactly why I came to you with this job. I

12:39

work for something called the Foundation. Yeah,

12:42

sure, I know the Foundation. You

12:44

work for those low lives? She shakes

12:46

her head again. You don't know the Foundation,

12:49

not really. But the fact is,

12:51

those two men, Chris and Beryl, were

12:54

very powerful in our version of reality. We

12:57

couldn't stop them. No matter what we

12:59

tried.

12:59

Then I thought about you. I

13:02

thought that maybe your reality-bending powers

13:05

might just be enough to take some of their power

13:07

away. You're making my head hurt,

13:09

lady, I say, shaking my

13:11

head. That's why I came over here

13:13

and hit them with the bottle. Why?

13:17

Because you knew it would distract them enough to save me? No,

13:20

Sarah says. I did it because there's

13:22

always a woman in trouble in those stories. There's

13:25

always a woman that needs saving. It's

13:27

one of the tropes. So I took a chance.

13:29

And it worked.

13:31

Huh, I say. Well,

13:34

I guess there's more than one way of looking at things. Glad

13:37

it all worked out. I lever myself

13:39

off the car and limp toward my vehicle.

13:42

Here's something else, Murphy Law, Sarah

13:45

says as I open the car door. You

13:47

know where to find me, doll, I say. If

13:50

you pay, I'll play. Just

13:53

do me a favor and give me a few months to recover,

13:55

will ya?

13:57

and

14:00

dash B are Caucasian males

14:02

always observed wearing black and gray suits

14:04

respectively. They referred to one

14:07

another as brothers and often address

14:09

each other by name

14:10

with SCP 4450-A being called Chris and

14:14

SCP 4450-B being called Beryl.

14:17

They claim to be agents of an unspecified

14:20

employer and express a desire

14:22

to collect payment for said employer. They

14:25

start off by making threats which they promise

14:27

to carry out if they don't see the desired

14:29

payment.

14:30

These threats often revolve around property

14:33

damage and the scale of the threats increases

14:35

based on the number of missed payments. The

14:38

only known method of preventing the destructive behavior

14:41

is through the offer of sufficient payment of

14:43

physical currency,

14:45

after which the pair will behave significantly

14:47

more cordially for approximately six

14:49

months.

14:50

They have displayed a number of anomalous properties,

14:53

including the capability

14:55

of spontaneously manifesting in any

14:57

location, the capability

14:59

of spontaneously de-manifesting from

15:02

any location, speed, strength

15:04

and durability far beyond human maxima,

15:07

and prolonged high-speed flight. SCP 3143

15:12

is an intra-fictional construct.

15:14

When active, this construct exhibits

15:17

the ability to temporarily flatten

15:19

portions of reality into a narrative

15:21

derivative of the genre established by

15:23

North American writers of noir fiction.

15:26

During this period, SCP 3143

15:29

takes on the role of the main character, a

15:32

1930s private detective, hired

15:34

to solve a case.

15:36

All entities flattened by its effect become

15:38

characters within the narrative surrounding it, exhibiting

15:41

personalities and attributes typical

15:43

of the genre style. The narrative

15:46

will continue until SCP 3143's actions lead

15:49

to a resolution consistent with

15:51

the genre.

15:57

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