0:13

Got a few clubbing problems here. Seems

0:16

like... Keep moving. Sibling

0:29

Rain? Sibling

0:31

Rain? Brothers?

0:37

Sisters? Is

0:41

anyone there? Please

0:51

answer me. High

0:53

Prophet Faulkner? Sibling

0:55

Rain? The

0:58

faithless cowards! They've

1:02

left for the hills. They've

1:05

all gone. They've

1:09

abandoned me. Sibling

1:12

Rain! Someone's

1:17

alive down here. High

1:24

Prophet Faulkner? Is that

1:27

you? Is

1:30

everything all right? Here.

1:38

This is the dreaming chamber. Just

1:41

take the steps down. High Prophet

1:43

Faulkner will see you now. He

1:45

will pass the traumans' judgement of

1:48

the land. We'll be

1:50

back in a few minutes. on

2:00

you. You're not

2:02

coming down with me? No, no,

2:06

no, no. I need to secure

2:08

the perimeter. If

2:13

you're fleeing for the hills,

2:15

sister, then do

2:17

me the courtesy of uncoffing

2:20

me. Please.

2:32

Good luck. Yeah.

2:36

You too. Count

3:12

of Bayseans, if we could

3:14

have a little quiet now. The pause

3:16

is a fine thing, but it can

3:18

overextend itself if you understand me. To

3:23

order, to order, please. The

3:27

question that lies before us today, as

3:30

you know, is a matter of long-standing

3:32

historical dispute. The duelist hill

3:34

that the trawler man had in two

3:36

heads has two minds, both of them

3:38

essentially opposed in nature, unable to come

3:40

to terms forever by, and the

3:42

monists state that both mouths are solely

3:45

aspects of the father's entire nature, just

3:47

as it is the river that both

3:49

takes and offers a whole imperfect thing

3:51

existing in a state of unified paradox.

3:55

Of course, centuries ago, Sex of the

3:57

Parish would have fought to the death

3:59

over Trivial disagreements such

4:01

as these, but we, being

4:04

kindlier, being more civilized,

4:07

can settle this with words. Let's

4:09

get this right. Once and all,

4:11

let's just put it to bed. Come

4:16

on, what do we think? Get a

4:19

vise and rain? Hmm? Such

4:22

a thoroughx. Dad,

4:26

you're coming at this fresh, you know, we'd appreciate your

4:28

insight. Two

4:31

faces, two minds, two faces, one mind.

4:36

Come on now, people are relying on us

4:38

to get this right. Well?

4:47

Two minds, forced

4:49

to look at compartments. It's

4:52

the way they used to tell it in the seminary. He's

4:58

basically a cow. A

5:04

fresh candidate comes seeking a place on my

5:06

couch, look! Welcome! Welcome! Oh,

5:09

I'm glad to see you, sibling fairy. Glad.

5:14

I have so many missing posts yet to fill. I

5:17

keep crying out for promise in children of the faith

5:19

with the hope of securing our future, and yet... my

5:23

people just seem to keep on leaving

5:25

without saying goodbye. Do

5:29

they keep on

5:31

leaving? Betty

5:37

and your boys, a kindly candidate.

5:40

Poets in your favor. It's

5:43

alright, I'm accustomed to sudden departures.

5:46

My father left me quite without warning when I was

5:48

young. My brothers too, both of them. I've

5:51

seen them around, but they never worked to stay

5:54

in touch. My

5:56

sister left me behind long ago. No,

5:58

nobody's fault. We just... parted

6:00

ways. People

6:06

in my life keep on leaving to serve

6:08

because I can't understand. They're

6:13

not interested in walking this path with

6:15

me. But

6:19

that's okay. That's the nature of things,

6:21

isn't it? Every

6:23

great change is a greater betrayal. Every

6:26

act of mane and full progress, of

6:28

mane and full abandonment. Every

6:30

new beginning, a conflagration of who you

6:33

were and who you

6:35

loved. And

6:39

so when someone turns their back on us, we must

6:41

not be sour. We must love them

6:43

for fleeing from our touch. We must

6:45

not call

6:48

after them. I

6:55

forgive them for running from me. All

6:58

of them. I

7:00

will not punish them for their disloyalty.

7:04

And I will not curse their names. And

7:08

when this is written about, I will

7:10

understand them and sympathize with them for,

7:13

as you may have heard, I'm a generous man, not

7:15

only a prophet. Do you

7:18

recognize me, Faulkner? Of

7:30

course I recognize you. Your

7:35

carpenter's ghost. Yes.

7:40

I am. And

7:42

that... That

7:46

must mean that I'm being punished.

7:50

Hard-eyed. I'm being

7:52

punished. Hard-eyed.

7:56

Hard-eyed. Hard-eyed.

8:02

This is all my punishment. It

8:06

certainly looks that

8:08

way from here.

8:11

They do say that there's a punishment,

8:13

don't they? In

8:16

the garden below. A

8:19

great torment for betrayers

8:21

and liars. Those

8:24

who turn against the siblings of their faith. The

8:26

very worst of us living on

8:29

in shame, anathema, remembered

8:31

to be hated. And

8:36

as these wretched souls are cursed in life,

8:38

so in the garden they shall be visited

8:40

by angels, re-forged into the forms of the

8:42

people they've hurt. They're twisted and broken and

8:45

humiliated. This is a fate that they will

8:47

not escape, not till the rivers rise and

8:49

drown into the world above. Not even then.

8:58

But if

9:02

this is my

9:06

punishment, then

9:09

why am I smiling? Why

9:14

am I smiling if

9:17

you're the one they've sent to make me suffer? Why

9:22

is there such an unbearable

9:24

joy, Carpenter, in

9:28

seeing your face and hearing your voice

9:30

again? If

9:37

it's any consolation, Faulkner, I

9:40

shouldn't be smiling either. I

9:44

should be choking you out. I

9:49

ought to drown you down here. I

9:54

know. I do. I

9:56

do know. You

10:00

have to understand, Carpenter.

10:04

I didn't want them to do it. I

10:08

tried to tell them that they

10:10

didn't understand. My

10:13

Papi was the one, he told me, Be

10:16

right of the prophet, Be right of

10:18

the great man, Become something better.

10:22

That's what I wanted for myself. But

10:25

I couldn't shake him off. They

10:28

wouldn't let me shake him off. They

10:31

kept me here, they caged me, they... They

10:34

stole the wither mark from me With hunger

10:36

and eyes and plead and voices Screaming

10:38

my name like baby birds Starving

10:41

in their nests. And

10:44

then they drowned GLottage. And

10:46

they praised me, they

10:48

praised me, Carpenter, As

10:50

if I was the one who'd done it. And

10:53

when they saw me falter, they... They abandoned me

10:55

in turn. They

10:58

used me, and then they abandoned me. They

11:03

invented their own falconer. And

11:06

they forced me to be him. So

11:11

they're to blame, are they? Not

11:16

all. I

11:19

did it. I'm

11:22

to blame. I

11:24

accept that. I

11:28

can look at Volvi in

11:30

the face. But

11:35

think about it from another angle,

11:37

Carpenter. What

11:41

you have to understand is that all of

11:43

these choices might... Might actually

11:45

have been necessary. You

11:48

just need to see the bigger picture. If

11:51

I hadn't given them the wither mark when they asked for it,

11:54

They'd have given up on me, and our

11:57

resistance would have collapsed. It

12:00

would have all been for nothing. If

12:03

I'd let Mason live, or

12:05

if I'd been blamed for his death instead of

12:07

my sister, if I'd been hunted down like a

12:10

dog for it, the

12:12

faith would have perished, legalized,

12:14

tamed, broken to the will

12:17

of our enemy. And

12:19

that's not what you'd have wanted, is it, Carpenter?

12:23

No matter if you've turned your back on us,

12:25

you wouldn't want to see your parents'

12:28

legacy, your grandmother's legacy withered away in

12:30

the flames. I

12:33

had a responsibility to you.

12:38

No, that's not what you wanted.

12:41

Not for us to come to nothing. And

12:46

what have I done that is so

12:48

bad, truly, compared to

12:50

the legislatures, compared to

12:52

the great faiths? Why

12:56

should I be a monster for drowning

12:58

in glottage? Why should

13:00

they make me an obscene

13:02

thing? So...

13:09

So perhaps in time, interpreted

13:12

from the correct angle, that this will all

13:14

be seen as not an atrocity, not

13:17

as a failure, but

13:19

as a hard and necessary

13:22

choice that was made for

13:24

the right reasons. And

13:27

that could still be a consolation, couldn't it? That

13:31

even if you are hated now,

13:33

spurned by the shallow, near-sided,

13:36

short-lived people, even

13:39

then, if

13:42

you are only great, you

13:44

may yet be loved and

13:46

mourned and celebrated.

13:50

They will make sense of all of this

13:52

in time. I

13:57

thought you didn't want to be. A

14:00

great man, any longer Faulkner.

14:05

Of course not. I told

14:07

you I'm not him. It

14:10

never was. But

14:12

they're watching the doors. Who's

14:15

watching the doors? The faithful.

14:18

The children. The squawking,

14:20

shrieking followers. Baby birds

14:23

rising to pick out their father's eyes, not

14:25

out of hate, but only because they can't

14:27

stop hunkering. They

14:29

won't stop. They keep dressing me up in robes.

14:31

They keep on pressuring me to speak, but only

14:33

the words they want me to speak. They

14:35

keep staring me on like a puppet. And if

14:38

only I could steal away from them. If only

14:40

I could be free from them. If

14:42

only they weren't watching the doors and

14:44

blocking my pa- I'd

14:47

leave. I'd vanish.

14:49

There's nobody here,

14:51

Faulkner. No, no, no,

14:54

no. They're watching. Great tide of voices.

14:56

When I step out, you'll see. They'll

14:59

cry my name in my titles like they're

15:01

expecting something from me, something I never had

15:03

it in me to give them. Because

15:05

I am not great. Oh

15:08

no, I was never crying. Not

15:11

like the ones who came before. I

15:23

can see that man out

15:25

in front of me, that false

15:28

image, and he's- He's

15:31

fading from me. His

15:34

back is turned and I will not

15:36

follow. I

15:40

renounce him and all

15:43

of his ambitions. I'll

15:47

leave now. I'll- I'll

15:49

go. And I'll find

15:51

a peaceful place, down

15:54

by the water. I'll plant

15:56

a garden there. And

15:59

no matter what. how small a laugh

16:01

that is. No

16:04

matter how meaningless and

16:07

inconsequential, I'd

16:10

be happy.

16:15

I could bear the weight. And

16:20

how about what you

16:22

did to me? Can

16:25

you bear that weight, Faulkner? I

16:31

let you die. I

16:34

made you flee. Yes.

16:40

I ruined your name. I

16:44

wrote you into our faith's histories.

16:48

I miss the very worst of us. That

16:51

too, for all it's worth. And

16:56

then I handed the wither mark over to them.

17:00

Because I could not bear their eyes upon

17:03

me. You did.

17:10

Sister Thurog's and

17:13

Sibland Raine. Cata-Bazian

17:17

Mason. Greve

17:22

and Roma. All

17:26

the people in

17:28

glottage. So

17:31

many people who believed in me. And

17:36

so many people who never knew my name.

17:41

It was me. No

17:44

one else. The

17:47

rod was in my grasp. I

17:51

could feel the weight of it. I

17:56

did it anyway. For

18:00

the sake of my great talent

18:04

and my future success. There'll

18:08

be a reckoning for

18:10

what you've done, Voknor. There

18:14

has to be. And

18:16

the cost will be far greater than

18:19

you can know. You

18:22

wouldn't be able to bear the

18:24

weight if you understood the

18:27

harm you've done. You

18:31

couldn't look it in the eyes and go

18:33

on living. There's

18:37

no way past it, and

18:39

there's no way around. You

18:43

won't get free. I'll

18:50

make it right. I'll

18:52

volunteer. I'll dedicate myself, surrender myself, except

18:54

any punishment they give me. If

18:57

that means die, I'll die at their hands and

18:59

I'll apologize for it, and I will not let

19:01

them make a martyr of me, although I will

19:03

not, but all my children, I'll make it all

19:07

better. I

19:10

don't know if you can. You're

19:19

hurt, sister. You're

19:21

hurt. What did

19:23

they do to you? Nothing.

19:29

Something in my side. I crashed

19:34

my ride getting here. You

19:38

crashed a car? Yeah,

19:42

I crashed a car. Is

19:44

there pain? Yep. Quite a lot of pain. Did

19:48

you tell them? No.

19:52

I wanted to see you. They

19:57

should have taken you to the

19:59

infirm. They should have made you

20:01

better. This will be remembered. They need

20:03

to fix you. They need to make you better. I'll

20:07

watch over your bed. I'll be there, Carpet. I'll

20:10

pray for as long as I need to. I

20:12

promise I'll pray. Stop. Just

20:17

stop. Sit

20:20

with me. I'm

20:31

sorry. You

20:52

know, in

20:55

the Silt Verses, everyone

20:58

dies with great Elan. Everyone

21:04

who matters, I

21:08

suppose. Everyone

21:12

who's important gets

21:14

their moment. Everyone

21:18

who's not. The

21:21

sacrifices, the nameless. They're

21:25

passed over between the words. But

21:29

then there's only so much

21:31

space and only so much time to get your

21:33

point across. The

21:36

great prophets and thinkers, the

21:38

high Carabasians, they

21:41

get to climb to the top of the mountain. They

21:45

get to make a final speech. They

21:50

get to sum themselves up. Makes

21:56

sense of what they've been. I

22:06

quite like that part of it, growing up. It's

22:10

not a bad lie. To

22:13

imagine that your life culminates

22:16

instead of tailing off. That

22:21

clarity and

22:23

not-fog is

22:25

waiting for us at the end. We'll

22:29

find the words instead

22:32

of falling silent. And

22:37

of course everyone imagines that they're

22:39

the ones who matter, so of

22:41

course we'll all get that time.

22:48

M. When

22:51

we were out in the marshlands, and

22:54

he wasn't too old to play with me

22:56

yet, he'd want

22:58

to play at being

23:00

a prophet. He'd

23:04

climb to the top of an ant hill

23:06

or an old boat wreck,

23:09

and he'd declare onto me

23:11

some pithy

23:14

final statement about how courageous

23:16

or wise he'd been, how

23:19

much he'd achieved in his long

23:22

life. And

23:24

then he'd fall to the ground as

23:27

the last hide swept over his body,

23:29

and then it'd be my task, as

23:32

the younger sibling, to

23:34

be his last audience and

23:37

the recipient of his legacy. I'd

23:42

have to run around the marshland,

23:45

shouting to the empty

23:48

sky and the wading birds. This

23:51

is High Catabasian M's final

23:53

message to the world. Harken

23:57

to the final words of High

23:59

Catabasian M. telling

24:02

tales of him. And

24:05

my brother would lie there, soaking

24:08

and still, as

24:11

I played his messenger foot. I

24:13

felt like hours, until

24:16

all four corners of the world

24:18

had heard of his glory, and

24:22

the game could come to its natural end. He

24:29

never let me play the prophet, but

24:33

when you're small and stupid, it can still feel like a blessing

24:37

to be the beneficiary of your elders'

24:39

commands. You

24:42

can still feel grateful

24:46

to be shaped by what came before you,

24:51

without aching to

24:53

be rid of it. And

24:58

as much as he set the terms, he

25:02

was entrapped by me in turn, a

25:06

vessel to my will, lying

25:09

there still and shivering,

25:12

as he waited for me to

25:14

finish the game he'd started. I

25:24

should tell Paige that story, if

25:27

I get to see her again. I

25:31

think she'd understand what

25:33

I meant. And

25:37

it's a little like an apology,

25:40

isn't it? Explaining

25:43

yourself. Paige?

25:52

Yes, Paige. Our...

25:57

Paige. Paige.

26:01

Yes. She's

26:04

a prophet. No, too, Faulkner. We're

26:07

up to our ears and prophets out here. She's

26:12

got a gathering in

26:14

the hills. Not

26:16

far from here. We

26:19

were trying to get back to her when you found us. A

26:25

prophet of what? Oh, I don't

26:27

know. A prophet of her

26:29

people. Maybe. Good

26:33

people. The

26:36

god doesn't matter. The

26:39

god's just her way of telling the story. Anyway,

26:45

she's done a damn sight better with the role

26:47

than you have. Sorry

26:50

to be harsh. It...

26:54

It won't end well. You

26:57

should warn her, Carpenter. It

26:59

won't end well. Never

27:02

does. Never

27:04

can. Might

27:09

end better if you and I are there to see it, though. I

27:16

can't... I

27:19

can't promise you anything. They'll

27:22

hate you, Faulkner. For

27:25

the things you've done. Because

27:27

pages, people, are the ones taking the

27:30

blame for it. They'll

27:33

probably want to kill you. And

27:37

I'm not sure how

27:40

confidently I can tell you that you

27:42

wouldn't deserve it. But

27:47

I'll speak for you, Faulkner. If

27:51

you come with us. Even

27:53

at the end of the world. Even

27:56

amongst the world. the

28:00

bodies you've piled up. Yeah.

28:06

I'll speak for you. Why?

28:15

Because you matter to me. Even

28:18

though I'd be happier if you didn't. Because

28:24

we're entangled.

28:27

You and I. In

28:29

the ruin of one another. Hopelessly

28:33

and helplessly entangled.

28:38

Neither of us is getting out intact. And

28:41

we've torn each other to pieces

28:44

already in the trying. But

28:47

we owe one another Faulkner. A

28:52

firm and kindly

28:54

grip between bloodied hands.

28:59

Both of us deserve that.

29:06

Come with you. Yes.

29:14

And... They'll

29:16

hate me. These

29:18

people. They'll...

29:24

They'll want to punish me

29:26

for... for

29:29

everything that happened. They'll

29:31

see you. Hate

29:34

will come first. As part

29:36

of that. Okay.

29:45

Yeah. Yeah,

29:47

that's how it'll go. I'll

29:52

come with you. In

29:55

trains. Because

29:57

you are magnanimous. And

29:59

I'm not. I'll

30:03

leave my palace, and

30:05

my loving followers, and

30:08

everything here we've worked so

30:10

hard to achieve, and

30:12

I'll get down on my knees

30:14

before your new family,

30:17

and I'll beg and

30:20

beg and prostrate myself.

30:25

I, Faulkner of the parish

30:27

of Todd and Flesch, a

30:30

load of all the children of

30:32

the world, have sinned. My

30:35

hubris, my clumsy valence,

30:37

that's what's to blame for

30:39

your pain, that's the

30:41

answer that makes sense of your

30:44

suffering. It

30:46

was not you, no,

30:48

not you, you've done

30:50

no wrong, you saintly

30:53

creatures. I

30:55

was the only one who hurt

30:57

you. And

30:59

Paige, oh Paige, she'll

31:02

sit atop her own burnished

31:04

throne, in her own white

31:06

robes, in her own crown

31:08

of kelp, and she'll pass

31:10

judgment upon me. She doesn't

31:12

have a throne or

31:14

a crown, she doesn't

31:16

have any of those things. And if

31:18

I'm very lucky, she

31:21

will demonstrate just how wonderfully merciful

31:23

she is, the great prophet you

31:26

could bring yourself to believe in,

31:28

while you never believed in me.

31:30

I'll speak for you, I said.

31:33

And if I should live, I'll

31:37

labor to make amends. I'll

31:39

play the jester in the

31:41

court of another god. The

31:43

pariah shunned and scoffed, ad-kicked,

31:46

incursed, unacceptable, and irredeemable, dancing

31:48

at the heels of the

31:50

real people. Clad, sackcloth,

31:53

the nettle-reathed, waiting and waiting

31:55

to be told by someone

31:57

else that I've worked through

31:59

my punishment. that I've

32:01

done enough, that my captors are

32:03

merciful and good and kind so

32:05

my labors may cease. And

32:09

then at the end, at the end

32:11

of my very life, perhaps, after

32:13

I've mopped and scraped and endured

32:16

the long decades of humiliation and

32:18

exclusion, when I've proven myself and

32:20

proven myself just enough so that

32:22

the memory of the harm I've

32:24

committed and the shame I brought

32:26

down upon myself can fade just

32:28

a little. Then,

32:38

when I'm old and broken,

32:41

that's when you'll invite me in, with

32:44

all of your mercy and

32:46

your pity, for one

32:48

last meal at the table and there'll be

32:51

just enough meat left in the pot for

32:53

me to get the final portion and

32:55

you'll let me sit with you only

32:59

once as if

33:01

I'm your equal. Or

33:07

more likely, for

33:09

you and I both know that hope

33:11

is a twisted noose. I'll

33:15

wait and wait

33:18

and I'll wither alone in the

33:20

cold, in

33:22

constant dream and hope of

33:25

that great mercy which shall never come.

33:29

Not for me, not

33:32

for the undeserving. Do

33:39

you think me, deluded

33:42

carpenter? Is

33:44

that really the best you have to

33:46

offer me? It'd

33:52

be a better ending than

33:54

this. But

33:58

this is not how it ends. This

34:01

is not how it ends!

34:04

You don't get to tell me what it's ending! This

34:06

is the second act! The curtain fall

34:09

before the interval. It's a low moment,

34:11

no more than that. And

34:16

in the verses, every great man

34:18

has their low moment, whereas the

34:20

triumph could not be triumphant. This

34:24

is only one final terrible

34:26

trial of faith and courage

34:29

before everything becomes clear. If

34:33

there is one truth to our lives, it's

34:35

that there is no great

34:38

change without greater suffering. And

34:40

I have suffered. Haven't

34:44

I? And

34:52

so change will come, it has

34:54

to. A

34:56

bright golden dawn will break tomorrow, muddy

34:59

waters will run clear, and my children

35:02

will return to me. And

35:04

their voices will be transfigured, and

35:07

they will sound beautiful and harmonious,

35:09

and they will do as they

35:11

are told. And

35:15

this time, this time, it

35:17

will all go exactly as it's meant to.

35:22

There's no other reasonable interpretation. Is

35:27

there? What

35:32

do you think? I

35:45

think we're

35:48

all crawling grubs, dreaming

35:51

of butterflies' wings, Faulkner.

35:56

Told a fine tale by

35:59

the birds above. of us. And

36:04

while we're dreaming, they

36:07

all come down to feed.

36:11

Skofrin. You've

36:15

always been a Skofrin. That's all

36:17

you've ever had to offer me.

36:20

You limited thing. You bound

36:22

and broken carcass.

36:27

Do you remember that first day, Carpenter?

36:29

Upon the river? When

36:32

I found the sacrifice that led us

36:34

to Bellwethers, that led us to the

36:37

Withermark, that led me to glory. That

36:40

was a sign. That

36:43

was the first sign that I was

36:45

faded to greatness. It

36:47

was the first step upon the path

36:49

that led us here, and yet, you

36:51

scoffed at me. You

36:54

never once apologized for that, even

36:57

though now you can plainly see you

36:59

were wrong. You

37:02

can see that there was a plan

37:04

in store for me, and a wondrous

37:06

purpose, a purpose you always lacked. I

37:12

hate you. You

37:15

understand that? I

37:17

hate you because I know you

37:20

better than anyone else has known you. I

37:23

can see beneath the mask you wear

37:25

that you hate me too, and

37:28

that's why you've only ever sought to undermine

37:30

me. I hate you. I hate

37:33

you. I hate you. I hate

37:35

you too, Faulkner. I

37:41

truly do. And

37:46

I love you too, in

37:49

spite of everything. That's

37:53

what it means to have a sibling, isn't it?

37:56

You learn new ways to love

37:58

and to hate. Someone... always

38:02

on the very precipice of understanding one

38:04

another. No, no, no,

38:06

no! Get off me! You're

38:08

not my sister! If

38:10

you were my sister, you'd have been there for

38:12

me! You wouldn't have let any of this happen!

38:14

You... You... You're

38:18

myself, down. You're

38:21

my nagging, skeptical inner voice.

38:24

Man of best flesh! That's

38:26

what you are! You're my

38:28

anchor to the world I need to

38:30

leave behind. You're

38:33

here to test me. That's your

38:35

only purpose! I told you once,

38:38

Faulkner, I won't be your allegory.

38:40

And yet here you are! Come

38:42

to tempt me upon the threshold,

38:44

even when you are dead, dead,

38:47

dead! I'm

38:50

wise to watch you true, they are. I

38:52

can see the eyes beneath your

38:55

eyes, the song beneath your stamens.

38:57

This is a trial! That's

39:00

why you were sent to me!

39:02

That's the only reason Faulkner! I

39:07

don't have time. I'm

39:12

not dying down here with you in

39:14

the dark, so please listen

39:17

to me. One

39:20

last time. Follow

39:23

the white gull downriver through the

39:25

hills. There'll be

39:28

a turning point east by the height

39:30

of the cascade, where the

39:32

rocks and scree turn to trees and

39:34

living things. I'll

39:37

leave a trail for you to follow a

39:39

pile of stones, so you

39:41

know it's the place to turn. Break

39:45

away from the river. Keep

39:47

walking east and come after us.

39:52

I'll be walking slow, so you've

39:55

got time ahead to catch me. There'll

40:00

be a place for you, Vawgner. No

40:03

matter how hard it gets, no matter what they

40:06

do to you. There'll

40:09

be a place for you. And

40:12

it'll be beside me. That's

40:18

my offering. That's

40:23

all I have to give. Well...

40:34

Alright. Carpenter!

40:53

If this is a trial, you

40:55

stay than here before me now. Then

40:59

it must be the final

41:02

trial. You

41:04

understand that, don't you? Perhaps

41:09

I've only been brought here to my

41:11

lowest point, alone and

41:13

abandoned. And you've

41:15

been brought here in turn. That

41:19

I might demonstrate one last act

41:21

of true faith. One

41:26

final act of commitment. Perhaps,

41:32

to become who I truly need

41:35

to be, he

41:37

requires me first to be rid of the

41:39

shadow that trails after me. Perhaps

41:43

he only wishes me to prove, once

41:48

and for all, that

41:51

I have the courage to finally

41:54

let you go. Thank

41:58

you. Yeah,

42:05

perhaps that's it. Do

42:12

you? Goodbye,

42:23

Faulkner. And

42:46

with a single word that

42:49

rang out like thunder through the hills,

42:52

the high price and

43:23

at last, at

43:27

last he understood. What

43:49

I do want to talk about

43:52

is the aberrant psychology of the

43:54

Renegade. So most

43:56

false faith cultists commit atrocities

43:58

from a position of what

44:00

we... might call misapplied sociability.

44:03

Now say you were raised in the surface of

44:05

a God of Fire, so

44:07

you feel like the world would

44:09

be a much better place if

44:12

more things were on fire. We

44:14

could have a civil disagreement about

44:16

whether that's a good idea or

44:18

not, but ultimately

44:20

I understand that the fire cultist

44:22

is coming at things from a

44:24

positive mindset, from a position of

44:27

love and a desire to share

44:29

that love as widely as possible.

44:32

Now these wound tree cultists,

44:35

though, they approach life from

44:37

a negative mindset. They want

44:39

to take faith and take

44:41

love and take sacrifice away

44:44

from other people. We're talking

44:46

about an essentially anti-social worldview,

44:49

or perhaps even psychopathic

44:51

tendencies. We're

44:58

leaving so much

45:00

behind. Unwashed

45:04

clothes and worn radios, craft

45:08

projects, indoor climbers and

45:10

band posters. There's

45:14

comfort and there's beauty and

45:17

there's love in everything

45:19

we have to abandon if

45:21

we want to be free. In

45:27

the town square, we've

45:30

dug three graves for our friends who

45:33

went on pilgrimage and never came

45:35

back. I

45:38

hope nobody ever finds them. In

45:42

my old house, I've scrawled a

45:44

message in chalk across the living

45:47

room wall. Dennis

45:50

the class helped. Hayward.

46:01

Dad. Carpenter.

46:06

I'm leaving all of you

46:11

behind. I wish I didn't

46:13

have to. I

46:39

do feel guilty, you know.

46:45

There's a lot of material we're having to

46:47

leave behind. All

46:50

of the supplementary essays, the expanded

46:52

manifesto. People

46:54

worked hard on this. First

46:58

draft's all about passion. Second

47:01

draft is all about compromise. I

47:06

like our first draft best. We're

47:11

low on time. We

47:13

should help with the baggage train. Set a

47:15

watch in case the government comes roaring up the road. No

47:17

need. The

47:20

baggage train's ready. A

47:23

lot of the families who are staying behind,

47:26

they said they'd wait to help

47:28

us prepare for the pilgrimage west. And

47:32

we've set the watch. The

47:35

government's already on the highway. A

47:37

couple of jeeps, a small camp. Think

47:40

they're waiting for more troops to come. No

47:43

signs of movement. I've

47:45

timed it. Don't worry. What?

47:52

Gods above, Elgin. Why didn't you tell me any

47:54

of that? I

47:56

wanted you to have a moment's peace. And

48:01

I wanted you to know when

48:03

you looked back at today That

48:06

we waited for him For

48:09

as long as we possibly could Do

48:16

you do anything for yourself Algan

48:19

all of this has been for me

48:23

You know that page don't

48:25

you Thank

48:33

you sister You

49:00

have inhabited lands Strayal

49:03

starving dogs dwell beyond this point Go no further, go

49:05

no further A

49:41

ragged column of bodies clad

49:44

in radiation suits Inhuman

49:47

and strange beneath our masks Climbing

49:51

into the old hills Past

49:54

broken clay statues of forgotten gods

49:56

Abandoned vehicles Abandoned

49:59

vehicles swollen with rust and

50:01

change. It's

50:05

slow progress, dragging

50:07

the baggage sleds with us, navigating past

50:09

the rocks where there's no road to

50:11

follow. But

50:15

we take turns to keep the

50:17

weight from becoming too much. In

50:22

time, we make it to the top of the

50:24

ridge. From

50:29

up here, you can see the tiny

50:31

black blot of the grace, our

50:33

abandoned home, the

50:35

greater ruins of the town that stood

50:37

before it, teetering on all sides. Far

50:43

to the east of us, the

50:45

wrecked farmlands, cratered by

50:47

the endless bombings, shattered

50:50

concrete highways, and a visible,

50:52

growing cluster of tiny vehicles.

50:58

The legislature's forces are gathering.

51:03

Let them. We'll

51:06

be gone, where they can't follow. So,

51:20

that way we have

51:22

to cement the border

51:30

and block

51:32

it. Well,

51:44

well, well. Page.

51:48

Okay. Dan.

51:54

I made it. Put

51:57

it back. We

52:00

gotta... we

52:04

gotta get on the road. They're coming for us! Paige?

52:12

They're coming for us. Paige? You've

52:19

left. Oh,

52:24

thank God. You've

52:27

already left. Paige?

52:58

Paige? Paige,

53:01

can you hear me? Paige?

53:14

Paige, can you hear me? Oh

53:17

my God. Hey, word? Hey,

53:24

word? Hey,

53:28

word? They're coming after us. We can't

53:30

turn back. Find

53:32

a place to hide and

53:35

I'll make my way back to you once it's safe. There's

53:39

gas masks in the cash. Just lock yourself in the

53:41

store room and wait for me. I

53:44

promise I'll come back. Keep going,

53:46

Paige. Don't come back. I

53:50

just wanted to say goodbye. Hey,

53:56

word? I'm so fucking sorry. We

53:58

should've waited. We

54:01

should have waited for you. We left too early.

54:03

We left too fucking early.

54:32

Because now I get to see you walk away.

54:35

Best feeling in the world seeing you walk away.

54:41

I'm not leaving. Hey,

54:44

hey, hey, just wait. Please,

54:46

we could come back for you. Did

54:50

you? Did you figure out

54:53

my role? What's

54:56

the opposite of a sacrifice? It's

55:00

groaning, this one.

55:03

It will make you groan. It's

55:09

a gift. It's a gift that's

55:11

given an end, not an end return. A

55:16

joy with no conditions. My

55:21

time with you. That

55:24

was a gift. Your

55:26

voice again now when I never thought

55:29

I was. That's another

55:31

gift. Watching

55:34

you walk away like this. That's

55:40

the greatest gift I could have

55:42

ever asked for. Because I get to

55:44

die now and you can't further than me. Please,

55:49

Paige, keep

55:52

on walking. Welcome

55:55

to your lost domain. Don't

55:58

look back. Paige!

56:02

Paige! They're

56:11

bringing in the helicopters! We

56:15

need to go, Paige! Tell them to

56:17

get moving then! What

56:19

are they standing around for? Why are they waiting? They

56:22

won't go, Paige! Not without

56:24

you! Not without you!

56:29

Sister, you

56:31

need to come with us. You

56:34

gotta go, Paige. You are a ton.

56:38

Let me have my gift, please. Let

56:43

me walk you walk away. You

56:45

were a gift to me too, Hayward. I

56:49

don't think you'll ever understand how much. We

56:55

won't forget you. I

56:59

won't forget you. I

57:03

won't be able to let go of you. I'll

57:08

be empty and broken alone.

57:10

You leave me on the side. I

57:14

don't want to say goodbye, Hayward. Hayward,

57:18

I don't know if I have some words. I'll keep

57:22

my eye on you, Paige,

57:25

until you're fled from me. Once

57:28

you're fled, I'll keep

57:31

dreaming of you walking

57:33

onto someplace better. And

57:36

you will, you'll

57:39

find what you're looking for. And

57:43

I know that because I dreamt it. Hayward.

57:51

Hayward? We're

58:05

just

58:08

coming

58:12

in

58:18

over the blue

58:22

tree camp now. Looks

58:24

deserted right now. Oh,

58:29

hold on, I've

58:32

got a

58:35

sightlet heading

58:38

west into the hills, about a mile

58:42

out. Do I try to mark? Do we have

58:46

permission to fire? No,

58:53

no, you're not getting

58:56

her. Branches,

59:00

black branches, lifting into the

59:02

sky. Hey,

59:08

hey, down here! Shoot

59:11

me! Shoot me,

59:13

you are revenge! Coming

59:19

over the bridge now. The

59:21

ability is poor, but I think I've got

59:23

eyes on them. Do

59:26

I try to mark? Repeat, do we have

59:28

permission to fire? Look.

59:33

Tell me, sorry, do we

59:36

spot? Roger that.

59:53

Blooditch Meteorological Society? Yes.

1:00:00

I live up on the border. The

1:00:03

winds are changing. The

1:00:08

blowing strong from west to east.

1:00:12

Make sure... everyone

1:00:15

knows. I've

1:00:18

flooded Glottich! I

1:00:20

set a bunch of fucking prawns loose

1:00:22

in the subway! I'm

1:00:25

the instrument of your destruction! I'm the

1:00:27

one you want! It's me! Me!

1:00:30

Me! I

1:00:33

will die today, fuckers! Show

1:00:36

by! Come

1:00:49

on, take me, you stupid fucking tree!

1:00:53

You're hungry, aren't you? Take

1:00:55

me! Where

1:00:57

are you? Come on! Fuck!

1:01:30

Before... she

1:01:36

died. She

1:01:41

remembered... who

1:01:43

she was. Didn't

1:02:08

work out at

1:02:12

all.

1:02:17

How I blend. I

1:02:22

suppose it's not really a miracle if it goes the way

1:02:25

you expected. We'll

1:02:31

wait for you here,

1:02:34

Carpenter. And

1:02:38

I can tell you

1:02:40

how it all went

1:02:42

down. How

1:02:48

she got away from us. You

1:02:52

laugh, I think, when

1:02:55

you hear it. I

1:03:06

had one tray. Many

1:03:09

below. Yeah,

1:03:12

it's your chance. And

1:03:16

it didn't come through. Time

1:03:19

for someone else to have a shot at the title. What

1:03:25

about Carpenter's thing? Can

1:03:29

we? No. This

1:03:35

is the place. This

1:03:40

is the place. Something

1:03:42

about the place. And

1:03:46

it's always been the place. Forever

1:03:51

will be the place. Not

1:03:56

a repetition, but a stare.

1:04:01

Not for me, I think. What

1:04:05

else is there? Your

1:04:09

mind forbids. Not

1:04:11

fussy. Come

1:04:16

in to something that'll make me laugh. Choose

1:04:20

a shape. You're gonna

1:04:22

save. Make

1:04:30

me the swan grass and

1:04:33

the cool winds. Make

1:04:36

me the sky. And

1:04:40

make me the stone. Anyone?

1:04:52

No? You

1:04:55

never really cared. I don't have you all

1:04:57

that much. If I'm honest.

1:05:03

You never made life much easier

1:05:05

for me. Fuck

1:05:15

it. Fuck

1:05:20

it. This

1:05:27

one's not for

1:05:29

any of you. This

1:05:34

one's for me. You

1:06:06

Let's move, let's move! Dan,

1:06:31

leave them on! Come

1:06:33

on, let's go, let's go! I'm

1:07:00

sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

1:07:30

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. My

1:08:00

people may hate you, they may seek

1:08:02

to kill you, but I will speak

1:08:04

for you. I

1:08:07

will protect you. And

1:08:11

she was the one. She

1:08:15

was the one who turned her back on him.

1:08:18

How to... Deluded

1:08:22

pride. And

1:08:24

refusal to see. At

1:08:28

the very end. What

1:08:31

truly lay before her. At

1:08:38

nothing, lay

1:08:41

before her. No.

1:09:06

Are you there, River? Can

1:09:12

you hear me? Perhaps.

1:09:21

We live our lives in the

1:09:23

poisoned fields of perhaps. I

1:09:29

did dream once that

1:09:32

I could see you clearly and

1:09:34

undeniably. It

1:09:38

was upon the first pilgrimage that

1:09:41

comes back to me now. Upon

1:09:44

the road with Carpenter and with

1:09:46

Page. Neither

1:09:49

one of them believing in you. Both

1:09:53

of them kind. I

1:09:56

dreamt. of

1:10:00

a drowned land, a

1:10:03

finished work, a

1:10:06

place in time where there's nothing left

1:10:08

for a god to do but stroll

1:10:11

and tend to his garden. I

1:10:16

saw you there, tall

1:10:19

and bowed, shrouded

1:10:21

and smiling, obscure

1:10:24

and obvious all at once. Two

1:10:29

faces, a

1:10:31

prince's face, a knowing

1:10:33

expression behind that smile and the

1:10:37

eyes that were, they

1:10:41

were, I

1:10:43

try to picture it now and all

1:10:46

I can see is my own reflection. I don't

1:10:51

know if you ever truly had a face at

1:10:53

all. A

1:10:56

woken friend, what

1:11:00

terrible secret lay behind that

1:11:02

smile. What

1:11:05

did you intend for me? I

1:11:12

dreamt once upon the pier at

1:11:14

Marcel's Crossing, but

1:11:16

I was not alone because

1:11:19

I sat and I wept at

1:11:22

the power of the weapon in my hands and

1:11:26

my own frailty as I saw it and

1:11:29

not being able to use it and

1:11:33

I felt a presence beside me, gold

1:11:36

and warmth and gold and light in

1:11:39

the darkness, a

1:11:41

comfort and a grace that felt holy and

1:11:46

then I saw that it wasn't the face of

1:11:49

a god but my

1:11:51

sister's face that was looking

1:11:53

down at me. I'm

1:11:58

looking at you fully now. Father

1:12:01

in the water. Stripped

1:12:05

of all illusion. I

1:12:10

know you. And

1:12:13

you are colored. And

1:12:15

you are tamed. And

1:12:18

you are whimpering behind your

1:12:20

smile. You

1:12:25

always were. A

1:12:29

dumb animal. A

1:12:32

hungering beast. Just smart

1:12:34

enough to perform tricks for treats

1:12:36

of flesh. Just brave enough to

1:12:38

snarl and snap for our attention.

1:12:43

All to go on feeding. If

1:12:49

there's any consolation left to

1:12:51

me, any final

1:12:53

comfort, it's

1:12:55

in this. I

1:12:59

will be their enemy and

1:13:01

their mockery in history's verses.

1:13:04

The fool who split the faith,

1:13:06

the monster who drowned a city,

1:13:08

they will not make me their

1:13:11

pet, as you shall

1:13:13

become their pet. This

1:13:18

is my first and

1:13:20

last true prophecy, River.

1:13:25

You shall die alone

1:13:28

and full of terror. There

1:13:32

will be more concrete dams to

1:13:34

come. More

1:13:37

motorized fishing boats. More

1:13:40

bridges and nets and

1:13:42

lobster pods. More

1:13:44

pollutants dumped into the sea than

1:13:46

currents. They

1:13:49

will package you. They

1:13:51

will drain you. They

1:13:54

will choke you with smog. And

1:13:56

they will break your body upon

1:13:59

their churning. They

1:14:01

will wedge you to a

1:14:03

fish god, or an undersea

1:14:05

cable god, or whatever vapid

1:14:08

partner they so please, and

1:14:10

you will accept the union

1:14:13

just to go on vain.

1:14:18

You will take on new shapes, awkward

1:14:22

contortions and ill-fitting names,

1:14:25

according to their whim. And

1:14:28

when you lash out, it

1:14:30

will be pitiful and full eaten, and

1:14:33

they will be accommodated. They

1:14:37

will make space for it. And

1:14:42

even when the river has dried up,

1:14:46

they will continue to make use of you. Not

1:14:50

a god of the currents, not

1:14:52

a god of the white gull, a dribbling

1:14:56

deity of leaky taps and sweat,

1:14:58

a god of piss and sewage

1:15:01

water, and you will bear your

1:15:03

new names and your new shapes,

1:15:05

weeping. Yea,

1:15:07

you will accept even

1:15:10

that humiliation. Your

1:15:16

currents are pliant. Your

1:15:19

purpose is malleable. They

1:15:22

have made you something that

1:15:25

cannot be free, and my

1:15:27

satisfaction river, my

1:15:29

last comfort, will

1:15:32

be knowing that your dying

1:15:34

screams will go unheard, and

1:15:37

that if they are heard, they, in

1:15:41

turn, are just a

1:15:43

product to be used to your

1:15:45

master's liking. But

1:15:58

what about me though? Do

1:16:03

I really have to die here with

1:16:05

you? Have

1:16:10

I truly reached the end of my youth? Is

1:16:16

it really such a

1:16:19

bad thing to

1:16:21

be nothing? To

1:16:24

be humbled and humiliated so

1:16:28

long as you go on living? And

1:16:31

you can still stretch out your hand to find

1:16:34

the people who love you. The

1:16:39

people who can forgive you. And

1:16:45

if they can forgive you, you

1:16:49

can still change. It's

1:16:55

never too late to change. And

1:17:04

that's who I could be. Yes,

1:17:12

yes, this is never my ending. Oh,

1:17:17

this was in my hands. I'll

1:17:19

become someone else. Better things. Better

1:17:23

things will start to grow. I'll be

1:17:26

forgiven. I will change. And

1:17:29

the next chapter is yet to come. Carpenter!

1:17:32

Carpenter, wait! Carpenter, wait! Carpenter, wait!

1:17:34

I'm coming! I'm coming! Carpenter! Is

1:17:36

that you? I know you'd wait

1:17:39

for me. No! Hey,

1:17:41

don't turn your back on me. Sister,

1:18:03

Sister wait for me. Sister

1:18:05

come back. I

1:18:08

love you and I'm coming with

1:18:10

you, I promise. Sister

1:18:13

I'm leaving him behind. I'm

1:18:15

going to be free of him. I'll

1:18:18

work hard. I'll take my punishment.

1:18:20

I'll be the clown. I'll bear the weight.

1:18:22

I'll wear my shame and my sorrow with

1:18:24

pride. I'll take the blame

1:18:27

for everything that's happened. I'll

1:18:30

wear whatever shape you choose for me. I'll

1:18:33

never need to be anything else because

1:18:36

you'll be there beside me. You

1:18:40

were my choice, not him. You

1:18:45

were right. It's not

1:18:47

too late to change. It's never

1:18:49

too late. Slow

1:18:53

down, Sister. Where

1:19:00

are you going? Can't

1:19:02

you hear me? Sister.

1:19:07

Sister, help me. Sister.

1:19:13

Sister, please. Sister,

1:19:19

I love you. Where are you going?

1:19:23

Don't turn your back on me. Don't

1:19:26

you dare. Don't you dare. Sister.

1:19:31

Sister, I need

1:19:33

you. Sister.

1:19:38

Sister, please. Come back.

1:19:42

Please help me. Sister.

1:19:49

Marco. Marco.

1:19:56

Can you hear me? Please.

1:20:00

Please let me go! Please let me

1:20:02

go! Let me go! This

1:20:05

is it. Please. This

1:20:10

is it. Come on,

1:20:12

girl. Come

1:20:16

on, girl. Come

1:20:21

on, girl. Get

1:21:00

out of here. Getting

1:21:11

harder than ever to walk now, as

1:21:14

I make my way down through the rubble

1:21:16

and the scree. Legs

1:21:18

always threatening to slip out from under me.

1:21:22

Harder than ever to remember

1:21:24

when it was easy. Hard

1:21:29

to understand how I kept telling

1:21:31

myself that I'd reached my limit

1:21:33

when, as it

1:21:35

turns out, things can always

1:21:38

get worse. Side

1:21:41

hurts. Leg

1:21:44

hurts. Head hurts.

1:21:49

Might be easier to top up the absences at this point. I know.

1:21:51

I promised. Hayward, I know. I did.

1:22:00

But I

1:22:02

know they can do without me too. They

1:22:07

can go a long way, the pair

1:22:09

of them. So long as

1:22:11

they have each other. So

1:22:14

there's no sense rushing. No

1:22:17

sense raging at what we can't control. If

1:22:21

I make it back to them, I'll make it back. And

1:22:25

if I can't, I'll

1:22:28

dream of them walking on. At

1:22:36

my side, the river is wild. Crimson

1:22:41

with fury and coloured with

1:22:43

thick red sandstone silt. Tearing

1:22:46

gory chunks free from the

1:22:48

hills. Perhaps

1:22:52

it's angry. Perhaps

1:22:55

the endless months bombing and war

1:22:57

have inflamed its natural course. Perhaps

1:23:02

this is only what rivers do

1:23:04

sometimes, and there's no mystery to

1:23:07

be solved. I

1:23:12

don't think I'm imagining things.

1:23:16

There's a denseness to the air

1:23:18

out here. An

1:23:21

oiliness like something struggling

1:23:23

to come to life. Whispering

1:23:26

voices. Hungry

1:23:29

pleas. Savage

1:23:33

and furious threats in

1:23:35

a language I cannot

1:23:37

comprehend. Ignoring

1:23:42

them now, that at least comes easier

1:23:44

than it did. Ignore

1:23:47

them and keep

1:23:50

walking on. In

1:23:55

time I come to a narrow cascade,

1:23:58

and a high cliff. A

1:24:01

place where the river turns southwards and

1:24:03

down, down over

1:24:05

a twenty-foot promontory, descending

1:24:08

in white, polluted froth, and

1:24:11

raging noise out into the fields and

1:24:13

valleys and cities that stretch beyond, into

1:24:16

the ghastly violet mist. I

1:24:23

take my seat there, heavily

1:24:28

upon the precipice, and

1:24:32

I begin building a

1:24:34

cairn of pebbles, neatly

1:24:38

piling them up on top of each other,

1:24:44

so that Faulkner knows to follow, if

1:24:48

he comes this way again. And

1:24:53

then, because

1:24:56

I'm tired, I decide

1:25:01

that I'll wait for him, just

1:25:06

for a few minutes. And

1:25:11

then I'll get up, and

1:25:14

press on. And

1:25:19

then, I'll get up, and press on. He

1:25:27

arrives, just before

1:25:29

dusk. One

1:25:34

last offering for me, from

1:25:36

the water. One

1:25:41

final trick. My

1:25:46

brother is following

1:25:49

me downriver, just

1:25:51

as I asked him to. White

1:25:55

robes, stained in

1:25:57

crimson silt. His

1:26:01

body drifts in the floodwater, knocking

1:26:06

against the rocks, circling

1:26:09

back into the currents, continuing

1:26:13

on. I

1:26:17

wade into the shallows, and

1:26:20

I haul him out before

1:26:22

he reaches the falls. My

1:27:12

brother has the face of a

1:27:14

drowned man. Which

1:27:17

is also the face of terror, which

1:27:21

is also the face of change. He

1:27:26

could be any one of the river's victims.

1:27:30

He could be a face from my childhood, or

1:27:34

his. Inhuman

1:27:37

hues of blue and

1:27:40

white and purple, swollen

1:27:44

asphyxia cheeks, the

1:27:47

blood vessels in his

1:27:49

wide eyes popped and flooded, crabs

1:27:53

and river lice swarming over

1:27:55

his swollen skin. I

1:28:00

fought forever, in

1:28:03

his very worst moment. I

1:28:10

do the best I can to

1:28:13

make that better. I

1:28:17

work the scuttling things, free

1:28:20

from his tangled blonde hair, and

1:28:24

let them loose to dance in

1:28:26

the mud. I

1:28:30

wash the thick, red silt

1:28:33

from his face. I

1:28:37

take care to close

1:28:39

his eyes and work the muscles

1:28:41

of his jaw loose, so

1:28:44

the rictus grin is no longer quite

1:28:47

so evident. I

1:28:50

slip him free of his thick, trailing

1:28:53

white robes, the

1:28:56

ones that lightly dragged him down.

1:29:01

I toss the crown of kelp away into the

1:29:03

water. I

1:29:07

don't whisper the care maiden's prayers as

1:29:09

I work, because they don't belong to

1:29:11

him. I

1:29:14

don't speak a word aloud, as

1:29:18

I repair the worst of the damage, because

1:29:21

the silence between the words, that

1:29:24

can still belong to the pair of us. I

1:29:30

honestly don't know if he deserves any of

1:29:32

this, not

1:29:35

with everything he's done. But

1:29:39

no matter how it starts, no

1:29:42

matter how it all turns out for us, it

1:29:45

can still end with love, can

1:29:48

it? It

1:29:52

can end with love, and

1:29:56

it can end with kindness.

1:30:02

When the work is done and Faulkner

1:30:04

is no longer looking like one who

1:30:07

died alone and frightened, I

1:30:10

almost don't know what to do with him. My

1:30:15

Nana used to say that they were

1:30:17

the people of the land and

1:30:19

the people of the water, and

1:30:22

there was no common ground to be found between

1:30:25

either of us. I

1:30:29

don't know where my brother

1:30:31

belongs, whether

1:30:34

he'd consider it an insult to

1:30:37

be buried on the land, having

1:30:39

spent his life devoted to the water,

1:30:45

whether he'd rather be on firm

1:30:47

soil, far

1:30:49

from the flood plains and the white gull

1:30:51

and the trawler man, a

1:30:53

place where I have no hope of dragging him. We

1:31:00

talked a lot, him and me, but

1:31:04

always about the wrong things. But

1:31:08

if there's any comfort at all, then there may well

1:31:10

be none. It's

1:31:13

that the currents bear all of us on, and

1:31:17

even the river may not know where we'll wash up.

1:31:33

I wade out into the very centre

1:31:35

of the torrent, the

1:31:38

water rushing about my feet as if it

1:31:40

still belongs to drag me down with him,

1:31:44

fearing my brother before me. And

1:31:51

then I let him go. I

1:31:57

let him go. And

1:32:01

he leaves me behind. Rushing

1:32:06

over the edge of the torrent in

1:32:08

the triumphant fury, resurfacing

1:32:11

again in the dark plunge

1:32:13

pool below. Smaller

1:32:16

and smaller, born

1:32:19

downriver. I

1:32:23

keep on watching him, in

1:32:25

that tiny, sudden shape,

1:32:28

even as he's lost to me in

1:32:31

the gathering night. I

1:32:36

keep on watching, for

1:32:39

a long time after that. If

1:32:46

he wants to be buried in silt, he'll

1:32:50

be buried in silt. And

1:32:53

if he wants to wash up somewhere

1:32:55

green and cool, a

1:32:58

quiet, final sanctuary in

1:33:01

bashed soil, he'll

1:33:05

find that too. If

1:33:09

he wants to make it all of

1:33:12

the way out to the implacable vastness

1:33:14

of the sea, and

1:33:16

be forgotten there, well,

1:33:21

the river is vast, and

1:33:24

no dam can block

1:33:26

every channel. And

1:33:29

ours is a world

1:33:33

of miracles. Ah!

1:33:57

Ah! By

1:34:23

the time I get back up onto the cliffside,

1:34:28

the little stone cairn has

1:34:30

toppled onto its side. A

1:34:35

single pebble remains, softly

1:34:38

spinning in defiance of gravity,

1:34:40

in odd concentric circles.

1:34:47

Something has happened out here.

1:34:51

The waters of the torrent beneath

1:34:54

my feet aren't keeping their shape

1:34:56

any longer. They

1:34:58

twist and knot, turning

1:35:00

in on themselves like the

1:35:02

solid threads of some vast

1:35:04

crimson tapestry. The

1:35:08

scree is rolling downhill beneath my

1:35:10

feet, occasionally

1:35:13

as if at a whim it turns

1:35:15

and begins to bounce back up. The

1:35:19

God winds have drifted further

1:35:21

east. The

1:35:25

peninsula's hungry past is coming

1:35:27

down out of the hills,

1:35:31

looking for something to

1:35:33

devour. And

1:35:38

as I stand there beside the altered

1:35:41

currents and

1:35:43

beneath an altered sky, I

1:35:46

look out over the ruined landscape,

1:35:50

cratered and bombed and erupted

1:35:52

on all sides, pock-merked with

1:35:55

vast circular scares.

1:36:00

I can just make out the shape of

1:36:04

one enormous willow tree. Alone

1:36:08

and half uprooted by

1:36:10

the banks of the white gull, its

1:36:14

great tangled fronds are

1:36:16

standing up on end, like

1:36:20

hairs of the arm of a frightened man,

1:36:23

as if offering one

1:36:25

final hallelujah before

1:36:28

the darkness falls, as

1:36:31

if stretching up to grasp something that

1:36:35

will forever be just out of reach.

1:36:58

Okay. This

1:37:18

is the place, then, the

1:37:21

floating willow, beside

1:37:23

the twisting water, just

1:37:28

like you said. Not

1:37:33

the place I'd have chosen, but

1:37:36

it's still beautiful. You

1:37:41

can find the beauty in almost anything,

1:37:44

once you stop struggling. All

1:37:52

right. Here

1:37:56

it goes. I

1:39:03

expect you thought that was pretty funny. Alright,

1:39:13

you old devil.

1:39:24

I'll see you back around here another time

1:39:26

soon, I suppose. Keep

1:39:29

me waiting too long. I'll

1:39:35

head north. See

1:39:38

if I can catch up with Hayward and Paige. See

1:39:41

if they've got

1:39:43

away from me. If

1:39:46

they have got away from me, I... Oh,

1:39:50

I don't know. I'll

1:39:53

raise a toast to the pair of them. Maybe

1:39:58

I'll get Lottie.

1:40:00

haircut. Find

1:40:03

a few stray cats

1:40:05

to feed. Plenty of dead

1:40:07

to bury. The rest...

1:40:13

I can probably figure out

1:40:16

as

1:40:20

it

1:40:23

comes.

1:40:27

I'll forget what I was when

1:40:31

the tide comes home. I'll

1:40:35

forget what I did when

1:40:38

the tide comes home.

1:40:43

There'll be no more

1:40:46

need for hurt, word or deed, for

1:40:56

counsel or creed, for

1:41:02

sorrow or... How

1:41:11

did the damn thing end again? How

1:41:15

did it end? I...

1:41:27

I did

1:41:53

it. Exactly

1:41:57

the right moment. Exactly

1:42:00

the right place. Just...

1:42:06

Just like she said. So

1:42:17

why? Ooh,

1:42:20

why don't I? Tainsley.

1:42:32

That is one of the Boontrees Renegades, I

1:42:34

reckon. Must

1:42:36

have been. She

1:42:41

was armed, of course. We

1:42:43

don't want any talk of soldiers shooting civilians. There'll

1:42:49

be a medal for you, Tainsley. Medals

1:42:52

for all of us, perhaps, because her

1:42:54

accomplices, seeing their leader fall, were

1:42:56

led into the hills. How

1:43:01

many renegades did you spot, Tainsley? Bali's

1:43:07

not coming up. There's

1:43:15

sure hills, and then there's sure enough.

1:43:18

And that's sure enough. For

1:43:20

a medal. And a good story. It's

1:43:24

not like she said it would be. It

1:43:30

doesn't satisfy. It'll change things

1:43:32

so it does. Come

1:43:35

on. Time to

1:43:37

head home. unload

1:45:57

this is not, i hope how

1:46:00

it ends. But

1:46:03

it is the last you'll ever see of

1:46:06

us. A

1:46:08

thin, winnowing trail of pilgrims, frail

1:46:11

and small against the endless

1:46:13

landscape, stumbling

1:46:16

and tripping as we make our way higher

1:46:18

and higher into the mountains. We

1:46:22

look absurd and hopeless out

1:46:25

here, in our

1:46:27

stolen gas masks and suits, dragging

1:46:29

sleds packed with stolen supplies. We

1:46:34

keep getting smaller and smaller,

1:46:39

and soon we'll be lost to you.

1:46:46

I'm there at the very back, the

1:46:49

first to be left behind. Because

1:46:54

there's something dark and hungry

1:46:56

inside of me, that

1:46:59

must not be allowed to live on beyond

1:47:01

me. If

1:47:05

we get far enough, there'll

1:47:08

be a time when I get to watch them walk

1:47:10

away. A

1:47:12

time when the god that's inside

1:47:15

me tears an upwards path through

1:47:17

organs, bone and skin, sinking

1:47:19

its black roots into the poisoned

1:47:22

ground. It

1:47:25

will hurt when

1:47:27

I become what I become. But

1:47:33

my feet will be planted in the ground, and

1:47:36

my face will be turned and smiling through

1:47:39

broken teeth towards the ones who come after

1:47:41

me. For

1:47:45

now, we walk on together, tripping

1:47:47

over one another, every footstep its own kind

1:47:49

of failure. We

1:47:55

walk on with a rough and

1:47:58

tarnished hope, and we'll be there. entangled

1:48:00

ruined love, carrying

1:48:03

the weight of one another and the

1:48:05

weight of the ones we've lost along

1:48:07

the way. We

1:48:12

hope that against all odds, we

1:48:15

will find more than just another

1:48:17

lonely ending in the darkness. We

1:48:23

hope that we can be rid of the shadows

1:48:25

that birthed us. We

1:48:28

hope that those who come after us will make

1:48:31

it further than we could. We

1:48:35

hope you find the missives that have been left for

1:48:37

you. We

1:48:40

hope you can make sense of them. We

1:48:44

hope you find them flawed, inadequate,

1:48:46

yearning. We

1:48:51

hope, someday, you'll

1:48:56

find a way to follow us. These

1:49:05

were the silt verses. These

1:49:10

were the silt verses. These

1:49:14

were the silt verses. These

1:49:18

were the silt verses. And

1:49:22

I name our disciples thus. We

1:49:26

mave to Broon. We

1:49:29

seal Valentine. Jimmy

1:49:32

Omegoochie. Dean

1:49:35

R. This

1:49:38

was a podcast created by John

1:49:40

Ware and Mona Hissam. Thank

1:49:44

you for listening. you