0:01

Hi, thanks for listening to the

0:03

Tony Robbins podcast. This is

0:06

just a quick note about

0:08

this episode, in case you'd

0:10

rather watch and see the

0:12

video of this conversation, and

0:14

that's found at youtube.com, backslash,

0:16

Tony Robbins Live. If you'd

0:18

like to listen, you're in the

0:20

right place. Bad news and good

0:22

news. The bad news is... 91% of all

0:25

of us will get

0:27

a PTSD-inducing traumatic event

0:29

at least once in our

0:32

life. PTSD is the

0:34

top level of trauma,

0:36

okay, where you suffer

0:38

post-traumatic stress disorders, right?

0:41

Good news is, 93%

0:43

would recover within three

0:45

months, 96.7% would recover

0:47

within... six months. These are data

0:50

from the people that were in the

0:52

9-11 attacks. The next person we have

0:54

is Sajinai is one of our favorite people

0:56

and we only got to know him

0:58

about a year ago, but we really

1:00

found love with this man. And the

1:02

reason is because most of us have

1:04

some idea of what the worst experience

1:06

could possibly be. The experience that we

1:09

couldn't come back from or people wouldn't

1:11

come back from and some don't in

1:13

these situations. In fact, some of you

1:15

have heard, you know, you're familiar with

1:17

some of you, I've told you about

1:19

it, but others, if you haven't, I

1:21

just want to give you an example

1:23

and I've heard it before, remind you

1:26

of it. So if I asked you,

1:28

what would be the worst thing you

1:30

could ever happen in life, the number

1:32

one answer in North America for

1:34

people say is if they became

1:36

a quadripleg. And if they asked them,

1:38

what's the best thing that have won

1:41

the lottery? and studies on people

1:43

that have become quadriplegics. And

1:45

the question is, three years after that

1:47

experience, whether you lost the use of

1:49

all your limbs or you won the

1:51

lottery, who is happier? Who is happier? What's

1:54

kind of a setup? You immediately

1:56

go, it must be the quadriplegic.

1:58

Hell no, the quadriplegic. happy,

2:00

what are you thinking of yourself?

2:02

Nor was the person who won

2:04

the lottery. Because what happens is

2:06

our brains adjust. If you don't

2:09

drug the person who went to

2:11

the quadripleg, if they are able

2:13

to mean their natural system, we

2:15

have a natural happiness immune system,

2:17

we adjust. Most people have a

2:19

set point for their happiness

2:21

and they get back to it. It's interesting

2:23

that people, the lottery, now everybody wants something

2:25

from you. You know what it's like when

2:28

you really, how many of how did something

2:30

you wanted to give somebody, and then you

2:32

find out they expect it or demand it,

2:34

and it took away all the joy. Who

2:36

knows what I'm talking about here, right? Well,

2:38

imagine, well, all of a sudden, everybody wants

2:40

something from you who didn't really care before.

2:43

And those people now start to feel jaded and

2:45

angry. And the people who can't move, what's interesting

2:47

about them if they start to move their finger

2:49

this much for the first time, they get over

2:51

the first time, they get overjoyed. They get overjoyed.

2:54

They get overjoyed. Contrast is the

2:56

most powerful tool I know to keep

2:58

you balanced on your happiness. So that's

3:00

why I brought you here, where you'll be

3:02

in total absolute abundance at every level,

3:05

and then we'll take you to a

3:07

portion of India that's 4,000 years old

3:09

where people go to die and who

3:11

are joyous about dying. Because they have

3:14

a different belief than we do. They have

3:16

a completely different belief. They

3:18

believe the body is the t-shirt. You

3:20

burn that t-shirt, they burn bodies all day

3:22

long there, as you'll see, 24 hours a

3:25

day, 365 days a year, and the people

3:27

there are joyous. There's no tears,

3:29

there's no upset. So our beliefs play

3:31

such a role. It's why we say,

3:33

and it's over there on the notes

3:35

again, is that suffering is not in

3:37

the fact, right? It's in our perception of

3:40

the fact. It's our belief about how it's

3:42

supposed to be, how it isn't, that this

3:44

person shouldn't have died. This shouldn't have happened

3:46

this way. My child shouldn't be going through

3:49

this. I shouldn't be having this health problem.

3:51

But you are, and they are. And so that's life.

3:53

And so what it is, is now we got to

3:55

deal with life instead of our perceptions. That's

3:57

how you get out of suffering. And so this man

3:59

is me. It was an engineer, is

4:01

really a genius at what he

4:04

does, but he's also got a

4:06

heart of gold and he experienced

4:08

something none of us would ever

4:10

want to go through, but he's

4:13

turned that around and still demonstrated

4:15

how happiness is not contingent upon

4:17

the environment whatsoever. Please stand up

4:20

and give a big welcome to

4:22

our dear friend, Mo Gawat, give

4:24

it up for him. Thank you.

4:27

I counted 25 hugs so

4:29

far so that this evening

4:32

is great already. I will

4:34

start with a disclaimer. I

4:36

will make mistakes as I

4:38

speak because I actually know

4:40

specifically that when I'm sleep

4:43

deprived or jet-lagged, I am

4:45

both. My speech processor breaks.

4:47

So I will have all

4:49

the right intentions to say

4:51

the right things, but occasionally

4:54

the word peacock, or I

4:56

don't know, whatever will come

4:58

out, okay? So please ignore

5:00

that or highlight it to

5:02

me. I took 18 hours

5:04

to Bresbon and then stayed

5:07

18 hours in Australia and

5:09

then 18 hours back, showered

5:11

and jumped here because I

5:13

absolutely believe this is totally

5:15

worth it. I had... Thank

5:18

you. I love... I love

5:20

Sage and Tony more than

5:22

I can tell you. I

5:24

love a lot of you

5:26

who I met in Mexico.

5:28

Thank you so much for

5:31

the warm welcome again. Today

5:33

I want to talk about

5:35

a slightly different topic, which,

5:37

by the way, what I

5:39

spoke about in Mexico, Tony

5:42

and Sage put on a

5:44

podcast, so please do listen

5:46

to it about happiness. I

5:48

want to talk about stress.

5:50

So, you know, things like

5:53

18 hours and 18 hours

5:55

back, yeah, I do that

5:57

shit. So, but I also

5:59

have, I'm among families, so

6:01

I'll share a little bit.

6:03

This has no doubt been

6:06

the toughest year of my

6:08

life, hands down. January, my

6:10

sister-in-law, who truly is the

6:12

dearest person. She's my sister.

6:14

We were three brothers, and

6:17

she came into my life

6:19

when I was around 15,

6:21

and I truly considered her

6:23

my sister. She was in

6:25

the room with my brother

6:27

who was recovering from a

6:30

very serious cancer. And there

6:32

was a bit of a...

6:34

Anyway, because of the stress,

6:36

she had a cardiac arrest

6:38

and we lost her. All

6:41

of a sudden. And of

6:43

course, as you can imagine,

6:45

the stress on him, even

6:47

though he had recovered his

6:49

cancer, two months later he

6:51

left. And then as the

6:54

stress of them leaving affected

6:56

my mom, two months later

6:58

she left. And I have

7:00

to tell you openly, I

7:02

never expected that losing my

7:05

mom will affect me that

7:07

much. I mean, she was

7:09

84, we had a wonderful

7:11

life together, she was a

7:13

freaking genius, that woman, she

7:16

was a force of nature.

7:18

And for some reason... I

7:22

felt a mega emptiness in my

7:24

life, I really did, which has

7:26

really, if you know my work

7:28

and you know how I practice

7:31

what I preach, I really had

7:33

to stop. Actually, she left right

7:35

before we published the book Unstressable.

7:37

So I had to go and

7:39

be in the tour of the

7:42

book tour, the book, made it

7:44

to number four, so it was

7:46

worthwhile and it comes with a

7:48

very important mission to take a

7:50

million people out of stress every

7:53

year. But then I had to

7:55

retreat. I retreated for 40 days.

7:57

I do that every summer of

7:59

silence. and I reflected

8:01

on a lot of things. I

8:03

have to say to you openly,

8:06

our world is in a lot of

8:08

stress. I mean, you know, I tell

8:10

you my story, but there

8:12

are so many people around

8:14

the world who are today

8:17

in war zones, right, who

8:19

will lose three loved ones in

8:21

a year. right, may even lose

8:23

more. There are so many people

8:25

who are struggling with an economic

8:28

crisis that's crushing a lot of

8:30

people around the world. There are

8:32

so many people, you know, already

8:34

starting to lose their jobs because

8:37

of artificial intelligence or other things.

8:39

You know, it is, it's a

8:41

very stressful time in our life.

8:44

And I will openly tell you,

8:46

even though definitely my

8:48

heart was very badly scarred with

8:50

this year, And even though sometimes

8:53

I feel depleted, I'm not

8:55

stressed. Okay? And I will

8:57

openly tell you that every single

8:59

one can live that way. And,

9:02

you know, it's quite interesting

9:04

that stress is different. Being

9:06

exposed to a stressor is

9:08

different than actually being

9:10

stressed. So I want to

9:12

talk to you very quickly so that

9:15

we have a lot of time for

9:17

questions about a model I call the

9:19

3434. Right? Your three accountabilities,

9:22

the four sources of stress,

9:24

the three reasons we break,

9:26

and the four modalities in

9:28

which we interact with stress. So

9:31

I'll take you through them one

9:33

by one, but very quickly I'll

9:35

tell you that I never intended

9:37

to write on stress. My one

9:39

billion happy mission was about the

9:42

idea of I will write about

9:44

happiness, and then I will write

9:46

about all of the different reasons

9:48

we become unhappy. Right? So my

9:51

second book was called That Little

9:53

Voice in Your Head, which was

9:55

about how your mind fools you

9:57

if you want. I was then

9:59

intending... to write about empowering

10:01

the feminine, which I think is

10:03

one of the biggest reasons for

10:05

cumulative unhappiness in the world, is

10:07

that we have been very unfair

10:09

to the feminine. And I wrote

10:12

the book almost entirely 187 pages

10:14

were written, and then I decided

10:16

to write on stress, because I

10:18

met this wonderful young author from

10:20

the UK, Alice Law, who had

10:22

actually struggled with every possible sample

10:24

of what a stressor could be

10:27

when she was 21. And Alice

10:29

and I are very different. Alice

10:31

is very soft, very nurturing, very

10:33

feminine if you want. And I

10:35

am, as you, some of you

10:37

may know, I'm a brainiac. You

10:39

know, I'm a very serious mass

10:42

geek. Don't be fooled by the

10:44

fact that I can speak full

10:46

sentences. But in all honesty, I

10:48

actually truly truly and honestly see

10:50

the world in numbers, and it's

10:52

really weird. I found a way

10:54

to translate that into English, but

10:57

that's not how I see the

10:59

world at all. And so Alice

11:01

said, let's write about stress, I

11:03

said I need to figure that

11:05

thing out first. I need to

11:07

understand. I'm usually that calm person

11:09

that could be drained, but is

11:12

not stressed. My reputation at Google

11:14

was that I'm the one to

11:16

go to when things are very,

11:18

very, very stressful. But I didn't

11:20

know how I did it. So

11:22

anyway, the first thing I did

11:24

is I said, okay, let me

11:27

understand the mathematics, the algorithm of

11:29

stress. And she said, there isn't

11:31

one, and I said, there must

11:33

be one. And it's actually shocking

11:35

how simple it is. When you

11:37

want to think about stress, the

11:39

easiest place to understand it is

11:42

in physics. Even if you don't

11:44

like physics, you may remember in

11:46

elementary physics that stress on an

11:48

object. was the force applied on

11:50

the object divided by the cross

11:52

section, the area of the cross

11:54

section of the object, right? It's

11:57

not that complicated, you know, and

11:59

here in the Middle East, when

12:01

they taught us that, they said

12:03

that's why the camel doesn't sink

12:05

in... the sand, right? Because the

12:07

camel has very big hooves, the

12:09

one-ton weight is distributed across the

12:12

hooves so it doesn't sink in

12:14

the sand because the stress on

12:16

the sand is not very high.

12:18

I realized later in life that

12:20

this wouldn't have been a very

12:22

valid example in other countries. But

12:24

anyway, we got it, right? So

12:27

the idea is in objects, okay,

12:29

stress is the force divided by

12:31

the square area. In humans, stress

12:33

is the external challenge divided by

12:35

your square area, by your resources,

12:37

your abilities, your skills, your connections,

12:39

right? Which actually is quite interesting.

12:41

So it's mathematical. The stress that

12:44

you feel is... Not just the

12:46

stressor, it's the stressor divided by

12:48

the resources you have to deal

12:50

with it. And it doesn't require

12:52

mass to understand this. You can

12:54

easily understand it because things that

12:56

freaked me out when I was

12:59

20, I managed to deal with

13:01

when I was 30, I dealt

13:03

with with ease in my 40s

13:05

and then in my 50s I

13:07

love about them. Right? And you

13:09

know, Jason, for example, as a

13:11

CEO, the more you become a

13:14

CEO, the more you start to...

13:16

respond to things differently, okay? And

13:18

so on. And so it's actually

13:20

valid, huh? That the more skills,

13:22

the more square area you have,

13:24

the more you become capable of

13:26

dealing with the external stressors. But

13:29

that equation gives you, once you

13:31

have an algorithm, you can easily

13:33

understand how things work, how the

13:35

machine works. But the number one

13:37

thing to underline from that mathematical

13:39

side of it is, you're accountable.

13:43

Listen to that, huh? So while

13:45

the stressors may not always be

13:47

within your control, the square area

13:49

is within your control. You're actually

13:51

accountable, huh? It's not the events

13:53

of your life that stress you.

13:56

It's the way you deal with

13:58

them that does. So

14:00

let's remember that. It's not

14:02

the event of your life

14:04

that stress you, it's the way

14:06

you deal with them, that actually

14:08

turn the challenge into stress.

14:11

The same challenge could be

14:13

taken without the stress. So

14:15

when it comes to accountability,

14:17

I'll start with the first

14:20

three. Which in the book we

14:22

call the three Ls. The three,

14:24

your three accountability, which are three

14:26

Ls, which are three Ls. Learn.

14:29

limit and listen. Okay?

14:31

Learn is very obvious. Learn

14:33

is what is the

14:35

square area. It's the

14:37

denominator of the equation.

14:40

If you grow the

14:42

denominator, your ability to deal

14:44

with the stress increases and

14:46

so your feelings of stress

14:48

decrease. So we're going to

14:50

talk about a lot of

14:52

learning, but the first thing

14:54

to say is... do not

14:56

assume that stress has to

14:59

happen, okay? Assume that if

15:01

you can actually learn the

15:03

skills, you're going to take

15:05

the stress away. Now, let's talk

15:07

about the numerator, right? The number

15:10

of stressors that come into

15:12

your life. And it's quite

15:14

interesting, because when you really

15:16

think about the stressors that

15:18

come into our life, they're not

15:20

all from outside you. Do you

15:23

realize that? So some things

15:25

happen outside you and a

15:27

lot of things happen inside

15:29

you, triggered by things outside

15:31

but they happen inside you.

15:34

Also not all of them are

15:36

big enough to break you. So

15:38

some are major and some are

15:40

minor. So if you can

15:42

imagine a four quadrant chart,

15:45

minor and major stressors. in

15:47

outside and inside you,

15:49

triggering from outside or

15:51

from inside you, you'll

15:53

find four quadrants

15:56

that we term as ton of

15:58

stress, T-O-N-N, okay? T. is major

16:00

stress coming from outside you, which

16:03

is trauma, right? O is major

16:05

stress coming from inside you, which

16:07

is obsession. Obsession are those beliefs,

16:10

those scripts that you tell yourself,

16:12

that you will obsess about for

16:15

years after years after years, and

16:17

that will eventually get you, right?

16:19

The first N is happening from

16:22

within you, but it is... You

16:24

know, a small thing like me

16:27

walking out of the door, looking

16:29

at the window, at the mirror

16:31

and going like little belly. No,

16:34

no little belly, right? And we

16:36

do that all the time. It's

16:38

just those little nagging comments that

16:41

you give yourself all the time.

16:43

None of them will really break

16:46

you, but they're noise. That N

16:48

is called noise. Okay? And then

16:50

finally, there are nuisances. A nuisances

16:53

are stressors that are sub-trauma. They're

16:55

not big enough to break you,

16:58

right? But there are so many

17:00

of them. So many of them,

17:02

starting from your, you know, alarm

17:05

in the morning, jolting you out

17:07

of bed with, you know, with

17:09

a massive noise, all the way

17:12

to a relationship that you need

17:14

to break up from or you

17:17

need to fix or whatever. Okay?

17:19

When you think about T-O-N-N, trauma,

17:21

I'll come back to it and

17:24

talk about it in a minute,

17:26

but trauma is not within our

17:29

control. Right? The others, interestingly, are,

17:31

we are accountable. Okay? Because obsessions

17:33

and nuisances happen within you, there

17:36

are techniques we can remove those.

17:38

And because the noise is actually

17:40

quite easy to limit. Right? So

17:43

remember the three accountabilities were learn,

17:45

limit, and listen. Your accountability is

17:48

called limit. This is actually something

17:50

I'd love for you to do

17:52

before the end of this trip.

17:55

Okay? I'd love you to... Take

17:57

a paper, write down everything that

18:00

stressed you that can come to

18:02

your mind in the last month.

18:04

A comment from a friend, a

18:07

social media post, something happened at

18:09

work, your partner said something, everything.

18:11

Write every one of them down,

18:14

everything, everything that stressed you. Okay?

18:16

And then we're going to limit

18:19

them in one of two techniques.

18:21

Either you're going to scratch them

18:23

out completely and say, this is

18:26

never going to happen in my

18:28

life again. I don't like that

18:31

friend, I'm going to tell them

18:33

I don't want them in my

18:35

life, or social media is killing

18:38

me when it goes beyond 30

18:40

minutes, I'm not going to go

18:42

beyond 30 minutes, and so on.

18:45

Or if it's something you cannot

18:47

change, you're going to reduce its

18:50

intensity. So if you have a

18:52

commute that is 50 minutes going

18:54

and get 50 minutes back every

18:57

day, and you have to take

18:59

that commute, you can either take

19:02

it at a different time, so

19:04

it becomes 30 minutes. Or you

19:06

can take it as 50 minutes,

19:09

but make the best cup of

19:11

coffee and listen to good music.

19:13

And then you're limiting your exposure

19:16

to stress. Now, I'll talk about

19:18

the obsessions and then usances, because

19:21

you can limit those as well,

19:23

especially the noise. Especially the noise.

19:25

To limit the noise is simply

19:28

an observation of, why am I

19:30

talking to myself this way? and

19:33

removing the things that hurt from

19:35

the language that you use. But

19:37

I'll talk about those because they

19:40

come from within us a little

19:42

later in my conversation. So we

19:44

spoke about two of the three

19:47

accountabilities, learn and listen, sorry, learn

19:49

and limit. We spoke about the

19:52

four sources of stress, which are

19:54

the T-O-N-N. Now let's talk about

19:56

the biggest myths about stress, right?

19:59

You heard Tony say a bit

20:01

of stress works for you, a

20:04

lot of it works against you.

20:06

Stress within context is good. stress

20:08

out of context is not right

20:11

now this is really important to

20:13

understand why because everyone here is

20:15

a successful business person right as

20:18

a successful person it means that

20:20

you have you know approached life

20:23

with courage with perseverance and you

20:25

did something which basically means that

20:27

by definition you faced some stressors

20:30

in life okay When you learn

20:32

about how to face those things,

20:35

you normally get that guy on

20:37

the cover of Harvard Business Review,

20:39

striped suit, dark, red tie, people

20:42

perform their best when they're stressed.

20:44

And I usually looked at this

20:46

and I was like, in my

20:49

younger career, I was like, yeah,

20:51

let's stress the hell out of

20:54

them. Right? And then I was

20:56

like, this is actually stupid. I

20:58

actually... Honestly, I believe that people

21:01

perform their best when they are

21:03

in flow, when they're working better

21:06

in teams, when they are taking

21:08

care of their health and well-being,

21:10

when they are creative. I mean,

21:13

of course, if it's Charlie Shapplin,

21:15

remember that movie, when he was

21:17

on the production line and they

21:20

moved the production line faster, right?

21:22

You know, it's basically if your

21:25

people are gears in a machine...

21:27

A little bit of stress increases

21:29

5%. If you are a gear

21:32

in a machine, a little bit

21:34

of stress increases 5%. But if

21:37

the task is anything other than

21:39

being a gear in a machine,

21:41

then stress is definitely not the

21:44

best way you can perform. Now,

21:46

stress is the best way to

21:48

perform within context. And the context

21:51

is the following. The biological machinery

21:53

of stress was a bit like

21:56

the hulk. Did you see the

21:58

movie? Right? Yeah, you get in

22:00

a certain situation that... pumps enough

22:03

cortisole in your blood so that

22:05

you reconfigure the machine theoretically

22:08

to run away from a tiger.

22:11

In the modern world, when

22:13

was the last time you

22:15

were attacked by a tiger? Never,

22:17

right? It's normally an

22:19

email. Correct, right? And

22:22

so the problem is,

22:24

the machinery works. The same

22:26

machinery works, you get cortisole

22:28

in your blood, you're in fight

22:30

or flight mode, right? But

22:33

it's completely out of context.

22:35

The more interesting side of this

22:37

is what I call the 90

22:39

seconds rule. So stress, even when

22:41

it was a tiger, basically happens

22:43

in your amygdala, it's completely unconscious,

22:46

right? You don't even have time

22:48

to think, you jump out of

22:50

your seat, you start to run,

22:52

right? Within 90 seconds, this

22:54

is the work of Gilbalti

22:56

Taylor, one of my favorite

22:58

neuroscientists, within 90 seconds the

23:00

cortisole is flushed out of

23:02

your system completely. And that's

23:05

when you call on your

23:07

prefrontal cortex on your rational

23:09

brain for your rational brain

23:11

to actually suspect if there is a

23:13

tiger or not, if there is a

23:16

threat or not. And then if there

23:18

is, you renew the lease for another

23:20

90 seconds. and another 90 seconds, and

23:22

another 90 seconds. So if you've

23:25

been stressed for the last 90 days,

23:27

you need to start asking yourself how

23:29

many times have you renewed the lease,

23:31

right? And the problem, of course, is

23:34

out of context. When you look back

23:36

at the email with your rational brain,

23:38

the email is still there, right?

23:40

And so we stress ourselves over

23:42

and over again. But I will go

23:45

again and say a bit of stress

23:47

works. I have a presentation on Thursday.

23:49

it's good for me to respond

23:51

to that with a little bit

23:54

of stress so that I perform

23:56

my best, right? However, used

23:58

out of context, stress will

24:00

break you. And it will break

24:02

you in three different ways. One

24:05

is what we spoke about, called

24:07

trauma, capital T trauma, okay? Losing

24:09

a loved one, losing my mom,

24:11

does break me, right? You know,

24:14

being in an accident, being in

24:16

a war zone, whatever. Big, big,

24:18

big events. Trauma is a massive

24:20

amount of stress in a very

24:23

short period of time that exceeds

24:25

your ability as an object if

24:27

you want to carry the load.

24:29

Right? Bad news and good news.

24:32

The bad news is 91% of

24:34

all of us will get a

24:36

PTSD-inducing traumatic event at least once

24:38

in our life. PTSD is the

24:41

top level of trauma. Okay? Where

24:43

you suffer post-traumatic stress disorders. Right?

24:45

Good news is, 93% would recover

24:47

within three months. 96.7% would recover

24:49

within... six months. These are data

24:52

from the people that were in

24:54

the 9-11 attacks. Okay? In the

24:56

9, they were in that zone,

24:58

okay? And 93% recovered within three

25:01

months. What does that mean? It

25:03

means that while trauma will almost

25:05

certainly break you, okay? you'll get

25:07

put back together and for most

25:10

of us we will actually enjoy

25:12

post-traumatic growth. So in an interesting

25:14

way trauma is not the reason

25:16

for the pandemic of stress that

25:19

we have in our lives today.

25:21

The reason are the other two

25:23

breaking points if you want. There

25:25

are other breaking points but these

25:28

I think are the most important.

25:30

One is burnout, okay, and the

25:32

other is what I call the

25:34

anticipation of a threat. Let's talk

25:36

about them quickly. Burnout mathematically, if

25:39

you want, is when the sum

25:41

of all the stressors multiplied by

25:43

the the intensity of each of

25:45

them multiplied by the duration of

25:48

its application multiplied by the frequency

25:50

of its application exceeds your ability

25:52

to carry the load. So it's

25:54

not one big stressor, okay? It's

25:57

a million little stressors and you

25:59

add them all up and then

26:01

if the load is too much

26:03

you break. Okay? Now, again, that

26:06

goes back to your second accountability,

26:08

which is... limit. Remove the stressors

26:10

that you don't need to deal

26:12

with. Okay? Completely within your hands,

26:15

by the way. And as I

26:17

said, when you write that list,

26:19

there will be some big decisions.

26:21

Okay? Jane is annoying you. Jane

26:23

goes. Okay? It's as simple as

26:26

that. Right? Any jains here? No

26:28

jains. Great, right? Pick the right

26:30

name. One. Anyway, I'm very serious,

26:32

huh? So there are big decisions.

26:35

There are decisions that you have

26:37

to make if you want to

26:39

live a stress-free life. Now, the

26:41

second reason we break, by the

26:44

way, when we get to burnout,

26:46

we break because of a very

26:48

unexpected reason. You know, your partner

26:50

wakes up and goes like, hey

26:53

baby, good morning, and you go

26:55

like, don't good morning me, like

26:57

I don't want to hear it.

26:59

Right? Because you're so stressed with

27:02

everything else, it's just that one

27:04

little lost straw. The other one

27:06

is quite interesting. I call it

27:08

the anticipation of a threat. So

27:11

remember, cortisole is pumped into your

27:13

blood because there is a tiger.

27:15

In the modern world, we create

27:17

the tiger in our heads. There

27:19

is going to be a tiger.

27:22

And a tiger means that the

27:24

moment where the tiger shows up...

27:26

is less safe than this moment

27:28

right now. Do you understand that?

27:31

So it's quite interesting, most emotions

27:33

are actually algorithms. as well. There

27:35

is a logic behind them. A

27:37

moment in the future, less safe

27:40

than now, what do you feel?

27:42

You feel fear. And a typical

27:44

human response to fear is, how

27:46

am I going to deal with

27:49

the threat? So if you're afraid

27:51

of something in the future and

27:53

you start to work on the

27:55

threat, you're okay, you're not stressed.

27:58

As a matter of fact, when

28:00

you're working on dealing with the

28:02

threat or the anticipated threat, you're

28:04

engaged and you're probably not feeling

28:06

the stress, you're feeling the energy.

28:09

The other three derivatives of fear

28:11

are what breaks us. One of

28:13

them is worry, the other is

28:15

anxiety, and the third is panic.

28:18

And the reason they break us

28:20

is because we deal with them

28:22

as if they were fear, when

28:24

they're not. We deal with them

28:27

as if we know there is

28:29

a threat. Worry is not that

28:31

I know a moment in the

28:33

future is less safe. Worry is,

28:36

I'm not sure if a moment

28:38

in the future is less safe

28:40

or not. Okay, I'm not sure

28:42

if presidential candidate A or B

28:45

is going to be You know

28:47

chosen and I'm afraid that if

28:49

that one is chosen I'm going

28:51

to be in a bad place

28:53

You know worry is I'm not

28:56

sure if I'm going to lose

28:58

my job or not if I

29:00

lose it I need if I

29:02

know I'm going to act in

29:05

a certain way if I don't

29:07

I need to act in a

29:09

different way Right and the problem

29:11

with worry is when you treat

29:14

it like fear Okay Then you

29:16

take a couple of steps and

29:18

then you tell yourself, ah, there's

29:20

nothing to be afraid of and

29:23

then you take a couple of

29:25

steps back and then, oh my

29:27

god, I'm afraid. So the answer

29:29

to worry is not to treat

29:32

it as fear, not to look

29:34

at the reason that you're afraid.

29:36

The answer to worry is to

29:38

make up your mind. Should I

29:40

freak out or should I chill?

29:43

Right? If you freak out, then

29:45

treat it like fear. If you're

29:47

supposed to chill, then don't even

29:49

look at it, drop it, drop

29:52

it altogether. Anxiety in my view

29:54

is the biggest reason for stress

29:56

in today's world and anxiety is...

29:58

the result not of a threat

30:01

in the future, anxiety is the

30:03

result of you reviewing your own

30:05

capabilities and deciding that I am

30:07

not equipped to deal with the

30:10

threat. Okay? And so the more you

30:12

try to deal with the threat, the

30:14

more you start to get faced

30:16

with the reality that you're not

30:18

qualified, the more anxious you become,

30:20

and so the cycle continues. So

30:22

the worst thing you can do

30:24

when you're anxious is to try

30:26

to solve the problem. When you're

30:29

anxious, you're supposed to work

30:31

on your skills. Or on

30:33

getting somebody who has the skills

30:35

to come and partner with you,

30:38

so that you basically have enough

30:40

skills to attend to the

30:42

threat. If you treat it

30:44

like fear, you're more anxious.

30:46

If you treat it like

30:48

anxiety, you can actually work

30:50

on yourself. Finally, panic is

30:52

the threat is imminent. The closer

30:55

you get to the threat, the more

30:57

you panic. If you're running out

30:59

of time, you panic. And so accordingly,

31:01

again, if you treat it like fear,

31:04

you suddenly get faced with, I'm running

31:06

out of time, I'm not going to

31:08

be able to do this, so you

31:10

get more panicked and so, and the

31:13

cycle continues. When you panic, what you

31:15

need to work on is time.

31:17

cancel other things, give yourself more

31:19

time to deal with this, get

31:21

someone to help you so that

31:23

you can actually have double the

31:26

time, you know, call the person

31:28

that's expecting something from you and

31:30

tell them that you need a

31:32

little bit more time presentation,

31:35

one o'clock instead of 11am.

31:37

Okay? So these are the reasons we

31:39

break. When we then

31:42

are approaching those areas

31:44

in our lives when

31:46

we're supposed to break,

31:48

the last four of

31:50

the model, so remember

31:53

we said three accountabilities

31:55

limit, learn limit listen,

31:57

four sources, a ton of...

32:00

stress, three reasons we break, trauma,

32:02

burnout, and anticipation of a threat.

32:04

And then finally, the last of

32:07

your accountabilities is listen, and listen

32:09

is really the result of how

32:11

stress is manifested in you. Okay?

32:13

And I, I, I, I, I,

32:16

I realize that and it shocked

32:18

us that stress is normally discussed

32:20

as one big topic. I am

32:23

stressed. Okay, but you get stressed

32:25

in four different modalities. Okay? You

32:27

can get mentally stressed, emotionally stressed,

32:30

physically stressed, or spiritually stressed. Okay?

32:32

Each part of you, we as

32:34

humans, are made of a mind,

32:37

heart, body, and soul. Okay? And

32:39

each of them gets stressed differently

32:41

and speaks to you in a

32:44

different language. And if you don't

32:46

respond to it, it stresses you

32:48

back differently. Okay? So let's go

32:51

through them quickly and then open

32:53

for questions. Mind, heart, body and

32:55

soul. Your mind, when you're mentally

32:58

stressed, that's the time when you

33:00

wake up at 4am in the

33:02

morning with rushing thoughts. When you're

33:05

unable to stop thinking about something,

33:07

when you keep trying to solve

33:09

over and over and over, it's

33:12

all happening up here. Okay? Mental

33:14

stress happens for once in a

33:16

reason that I know Tony teaches

33:19

you all the time, so please

33:21

remember it. Okay? I'll say it

33:23

in a more blunt way if

33:26

you want. Your brain has never

33:28

ever ever ever once in your

33:30

life told you the truth. Ever.

33:33

Okay? It tells you what it

33:35

thinks is the truth. Okay? Informed

33:37

by all of its scripts and

33:40

all of its memories and all

33:42

of its assumptions and all of

33:44

the blind spots that it doesn't

33:47

see, it just tells you the

33:49

negative side of the truth more

33:51

often than the positive. Okay? Mental

33:54

stress is all about how to

33:56

remember that the fact that the

33:58

stress is not the fact. The

34:01

way you look at it is

34:03

the fact. And when you really

34:05

think about that, and you leave

34:08

your mental stress, if you don't

34:10

attend to your mind when your

34:12

mind is spinning, what happens is

34:15

that in itself stresses you more,

34:17

so your mind spins more. So

34:19

one very simple view of. of

34:22

mental stress is what we call

34:24

the happiness flow chart, to ask

34:26

yourself if what you're thinking about

34:29

is true, if you can do

34:31

something to fix it, or if

34:33

you can accept it and do

34:36

something to make your life better,

34:38

despite its presence. Emotional stress, once

34:40

again, we feel emotions, we're told

34:43

in the modern world of success

34:45

not to show those emotions, and

34:47

so what happens is we bottle

34:50

them in. Right? Emotions, when they're

34:52

bottled in, they don't go away.

34:54

Did you realize that? Okay? When

34:57

they're bottled in, they shout louder.

34:59

Okay? And then when they shout

35:01

louder, you get more emotional and

35:04

then you shout louder and so

35:06

on. And then one day they

35:08

explode sooner or later. So the

35:11

answer to your emotional stress in

35:13

a one line is, acknowledge your

35:15

emotion and find out what it's

35:18

trying to tell you. If an

35:20

emotion is telling you I am

35:22

worried about my future, that's a

35:25

very good message. Like let's sit

35:27

down and understand why. And if

35:29

there is something that can be

35:32

done about it, we do it.

35:34

If there isn't, then at least

35:36

we acknowledge it and we allow

35:39

ourselves to feel it, because we

35:41

all feel we're only alive when

35:43

we feel. Your body... I think

35:46

that's very clear. Okay? Your body

35:48

is supposed to be your instrument

35:50

that gets reconfigured when you have

35:53

cortis also that you can run

35:55

through the world and achieve. Okay?

35:57

That same body when you stress

36:00

it, it communicates back to you

36:02

in aches and pains. Okay? How

36:04

many of you have aches and

36:07

pains, if you don't mind? Yes.

36:09

And how many of you, like

36:11

I did for... So many years

36:14

told yourself it's normal, I'm traveling

36:16

too much, right? It's not normal

36:18

at all. I will absolutely tell

36:21

you in the last three years.

36:23

So Alice and I wrote different

36:25

chapters and we edited each other's

36:28

work. Alice wrote Physical Stress. I

36:30

read the chapter and I texted

36:32

her as I was editing. I

36:35

said, Alice, are you mocking me?

36:37

Like, are you writing about me?

36:39

Because every single symptom, every single

36:42

behavior was within me. Right? And

36:44

she said, yeah, I've been trying

36:46

to tell you. And I changed

36:49

my habits. And I promise you,

36:51

I'm a different human being. So

36:53

bodies speak in aches and pains.

36:56

When you feel aches and pains,

36:58

stop or the body will kill

37:00

you. And then finally, spiritual stress,

37:03

and then we open for questions.

37:05

Spiritual stress is an acknowledgement, whether

37:07

you're spiritual or religious or not,

37:10

that you're not just made of

37:12

your body. There is a non-physical

37:14

side to you. Call that your

37:17

consciousness, call it your spirit if

37:19

you're religious, call it your purpose

37:21

if you're driven. Whatever that non-physical

37:24

side of you is, it's communicating

37:26

to you through your intuition. It

37:28

gets you the things that your

37:31

mind doesn't sense, doesn't comprehend that

37:33

your emotions might not sense, that

37:35

your body is not even living

37:38

within. And when you're disconnecting from

37:40

that non-physical side of you, it

37:42

gets very stressed. And when it

37:45

gets very stressed, it stresses you

37:47

in terms of really making you

37:49

feel empty. emptiness is the sign

37:52

of spiritual stress. I'm not sure

37:54

where the gentleman that spoke about

37:56

his family becoming wealthier and feeling

37:59

more unhappy. That part of that

38:01

is that this connection, I mean

38:03

there could be many other reasons,

38:06

but it's very common that you

38:08

know our purpose in life is

38:10

not to be. become rich. Becoming

38:13

rich is the method to realize

38:15

our purpose in life. And so

38:17

accordingly, you start to get very,

38:20

very stressed and sometimes unhappy because

38:22

as a result of that disconnection

38:24

between you and the real you

38:27

if you want the non-spiritual side

38:29

of you. I can speak about

38:31

this for a very long time,

38:34

but I think we have enough.

38:36

3434, that's 614, so yeah, we

38:38

spoke quite a lot, so maybe

38:41

questions, yes? Thank you, thank you

38:43

for all your information. About a

38:45

week and a half ago, my

38:48

home was hit with a couple

38:50

of hurricanes and I lost everything.

38:53

My the momenta is

38:56

that you can never

38:58

get back My reaction

39:00

was I was in

39:02

a Days I Would

39:05

stand in front of

39:07

I would I would

39:09

I would I couldn't

39:12

find my clothes to

39:14

put on even though

39:16

they were right in

39:18

front of my shoes

39:21

I had trouble walking

39:23

on the sidewalk. I

39:25

might fall out, I

39:28

kept trying to fall

39:30

off of it. I

39:32

just wasn't really functioning,

39:34

but yet I could,

39:37

I could call power

39:39

companies and I could,

39:41

I could do all

39:44

those things. Since then,

39:46

things have gotten a

39:48

lot better. The days

39:50

is still sort of

39:53

there. I never was

39:55

to the point where

39:57

I just wanted to...

40:00

sob. I just don't

40:02

know how to get

40:04

rid of the days.

40:07

By sobbing? By

40:09

sobbing? By sobbing?

40:11

By sobbing? Oh. No,

40:14

I first of all I

40:16

know how you

40:18

feel. I'm really

40:20

sorry that you

40:22

went through this.

40:25

Loss comes in

40:27

so many different

40:29

ways. loss is not

40:31

just the loss of love,

40:33

I loved one, it's the

40:35

loss of something I'm

40:38

attached to. And trust

40:40

with life is lost

40:42

when life so

40:45

unexpectedly out of

40:47

the blue shows up and

40:49

takes something away. I think

40:52

the reason why the loss

40:54

of a loved one is

40:56

so... painful is because of

40:59

its finality. It's because we

41:01

haven't succeeded in bringing anyone

41:03

back yet. So we suddenly,

41:05

you suddenly go like, that's

41:07

it? So I can't solve

41:09

that problem, I cannot bring

41:11

them back. I will have

41:13

to say though, if I may, you

41:16

have not lost everything. No,

41:18

I have my health and my

41:20

family's health. So no one was

41:22

hurt, which I am so grateful

41:24

and thankful for. And... And

41:27

I know that they're just

41:29

things, but they were my

41:31

child's baby pictures and

41:33

everything that he ever

41:36

made for me and... Yeah, so

41:38

this is going to hurt for

41:40

a very long time.

41:42

May even hurt forever.

41:44

Okay? And that's okay,

41:46

by the way. That's

41:48

absolutely okay. The thing

41:50

that really is very

41:52

unusual about us, is that

41:54

we can... We can choose to

41:57

focus on the pain of

41:59

it. what was lost, but

42:01

not the joy of it,

42:04

what was given. So the

42:06

fact that your child made

42:08

those pictures for you is

42:10

what you're celebrating with that

42:12

picture, okay? So I'll give

42:15

you my own personal example.

42:17

I lost my son when

42:19

he was 21, okay? And

42:21

Ali was everything. I mean,

42:24

he was, to me. Everything.

42:26

And I have the ability

42:28

to observe how my brain

42:30

treats me. And every morning,

42:33

for months on end, I

42:35

would wake up and my

42:37

brain would say Ali died.

42:39

Okay? Ali died is true.

42:42

I can't argue that with

42:44

my brain. Ali is gone.

42:46

It's final. It's not coming

42:48

back. No more hugs, ever,

42:51

by the way. We're not

42:53

going to meet in our

42:55

physical form ever again. But

42:57

think about that. A few

42:59

months in, and by the

43:02

way, it's absolutely the best

43:04

thing you can do to

43:06

grief. Absolutely. Go ahead and

43:08

grief, whatever you lose, because

43:11

emotions, if not expressed, will

43:13

be bottled in, and they

43:15

will either eat us from

43:17

inside or explode eventually. But

43:20

think about this, a few

43:22

months in. When my brain,

43:24

I woke up and my

43:26

brain said Ali died, I

43:29

said, yes, brain, but Ali

43:31

also lived. Ali lived. Ali

43:33

lived. Ali lived is the

43:35

same fabric of the thought.

43:38

It's the same canvas. But

43:40

it's a very different. feeling

43:42

because Ali lived is all

43:44

the jokes we joked, all

43:46

the hugs, all the conversations,

43:49

all the video games, we

43:51

played together, the music, we

43:53

played together. It's the reminder

43:55

that, by the way, we

43:58

never planned for Ali. He

44:00

never did. He was making

44:02

love to my wife. And

44:04

Ali showed up. And oh

44:07

my God, what a freaking

44:09

miracle that boy was. Completely

44:11

didn't deserve it. Completely didn't

44:13

ask for it. As a

44:16

matter of fact, had she

44:18

asked me if we were

44:20

ready to have a baby,

44:22

I would have said no.

44:25

And yet, when he leaves,

44:27

we focus on he left.

44:30

The reality is what

44:32

life actually was doing

44:34

is he came. And

44:36

if you focus your

44:38

life not on the

44:41

fact that those things

44:43

were lost, but those

44:45

things were given to

44:47

start, I think you'd

44:49

see the world very

44:51

differently. I'm

45:02

O, Kent from Los

45:04

Angeles, thank you so

45:06

much. So I really

45:08

resonated with what you

45:10

said. Lost five family

45:12

members and friends in

45:15

the last 60 days.

45:17

Oh my God. So

45:19

my question is, since

45:21

you classify that as

45:23

trauma, and people go

45:25

on to experience post-traumatic

45:28

growth. How do I

45:30

go on to enjoy

45:32

that post-traumatic growth? You

45:34

don't. You don't ever

45:36

make that your objective.

45:38

So... There is a

45:41

logical view of life

45:43

that. view of life

45:45

is that we come

45:47

here, we meet here,

45:49

and it ends here.

45:51

I don't believe that

45:53

to be true. And

45:56

I don't believe that

45:58

to be true, not

46:00

because of my religious

46:02

background, not because of

46:04

my spiritual teaching, but

46:06

because of my very

46:09

deep understanding of quantum

46:11

physics and theory of

46:13

relativity. Let's just simply

46:15

understand that all of

46:17

science tells us that

46:19

the world we live

46:22

in is the big

46:24

bank, followed by expansion,

46:26

followed by Earth, followed

46:28

by life, followed by

46:30

me, and my son

46:32

Ali. Followed by is

46:34

a property of time.

46:37

Okay? But Einstein tells

46:39

us that time doesn't

46:41

exist. that all of

46:43

space and all of

46:45

time has already happened.

46:47

That if you have

46:50

a different vantage point

46:52

of this space-time continuum,

46:54

you could slice it

46:56

differently and see different

46:58

slices of time. True.

47:00

Right? You could look

47:03

at a slice of

47:05

time where my mom

47:07

died, my son died,

47:09

and my son was

47:11

born are at the

47:13

same slice. Complex physics,

47:16

but it's actually very

47:18

true. That means that

47:20

our perception of space

47:22

and time is the

47:24

perception of an observer.

47:26

That your physical avatar

47:28

lives within the space-time

47:31

continuum, but the real

47:33

you lives outside the

47:35

space-time continuum. Okay? The

47:37

real you and the

47:39

real essence of every

47:41

one of the five

47:44

family members. that I

47:46

will not say died,

47:48

but I will say

47:50

left their physical forms

47:52

behind. Right? Quantum physics

47:54

will tell us that

47:57

nothing exists until it's

47:59

absorbed. observed by life?

48:01

Do we know? We all agree

48:03

that? We know that. Experiments

48:06

prove that. And yet physics

48:08

will tell us, cosmology will

48:10

tell us, it was the Big

48:12

Bang theory, a small mass that

48:14

exploded. And over 13.7

48:17

billion years we came here. Life

48:19

is 3 million of those years.

48:22

How can that be? Who observed

48:24

all of that for it to exist?

48:26

Okay? Who observed the

48:29

mass? who observed the

48:31

dust, who observed the

48:33

earth forming, okay, who

48:35

observed all of this,

48:37

life always existed.

48:40

Okay? Life is not

48:42

the opposite of death. Okay?

48:44

Life is the opposite of

48:47

birth. Sorry, death is

48:49

the opposite of birth. Death

48:51

is the opposite of

48:54

birth. Life happens before,

48:56

during and after.

48:59

physical video game, if

49:01

you want, through a portal

49:03

called Birth. We play the

49:05

game, then we leave the

49:07

game through a portal called

49:09

Death. And we are alive before

49:12

it, we are alive during

49:14

it, we are alive after

49:16

it. And if you grief the

49:18

loss of the physical forms

49:21

of those that you love, There's

49:24

nothing you can do to take

49:26

that away. I'm really sorry to

49:28

tell you this. Ali left

49:31

11 years ago. It turns

49:33

my heart apart. When Tony

49:35

played the video at the

49:37

beginning and I saw

49:40

Ali, I teared up. It

49:42

doesn't go away. It never goes

49:44

away. Okay? What is certain,

49:46

however, is that you will be

49:49

where they are sooner or later.

49:51

Okay? That you too will leave

49:53

the avatar behind. Okay? And that

49:55

you too, when you leave the avatar

49:58

behind, will look back at this. and

50:00

say, oh my God, that

50:02

was fun. Okay? Believe it

50:04

or not, 99.3% of those

50:06

who had near-death experiences went

50:08

to the other side and

50:10

said, oh my God, this

50:12

is so cool. This is

50:14

wonderful, right? I had a

50:16

near-death experience myself, okay? And

50:18

I will tell you, I

50:20

was so angry at the

50:22

person that brought me back.

50:24

Okay? I will tell you

50:27

hands down, they are not

50:29

struggling. They're not. We are.

50:31

We are. Okay? We are

50:33

struggling because of losing them.

50:35

And if you ask me,

50:37

there are ways where you

50:39

can live, you can make

50:41

them live. And those ways

50:43

are to actually take their

50:45

essence and make that essence

50:47

continue. Take their stories, take

50:49

the times you lived with

50:51

them. It won't bring them

50:53

back. Okay, so the other

50:55

side of what I was

50:57

talking about Ali died and

50:59

Ali lived I call that

51:01

a joyful thought Okay, the

51:03

other way to think about

51:05

an event like this is

51:07

a useful thought a useful

51:10

thought is what can I

51:12

do with this that makes

51:14

it slightly better? Losing something

51:16

like your home or your

51:18

loved ones is Unfortunately of

51:20

happiness. Okay? And the answer

51:22

to that Jedi Master level

51:24

is what I normally refer

51:26

to as committed acceptance. Okay.

51:28

And committed acceptance is when

51:30

life hits you with something

51:32

you cannot change, by the

51:34

way sooner or later you're

51:36

going to have to accept

51:38

it. Yes. Sooner or later

51:40

you're going to sit down

51:42

one day and say Ali's

51:44

not coming back, right? The

51:46

Jedi Masters of happiness will

51:48

say... If I know that

51:51

I will never be able

51:53

to change it, I might...

51:55

as well accept it right

51:57

now. Okay? But I don't

51:59

want to be here. Last

52:01

hug, I promise you, Ali

52:03

was taller than me, he

52:05

was white-shouldered, he was so

52:07

freaking wise, right? And I

52:09

hugged him before he went

52:11

into the surgery room and

52:13

I will tell you, hands

52:15

down, that was the highlight

52:17

of my life. Top point.

52:19

Okay? Four hours later, we

52:21

lose him, I'm here. Right?

52:23

Yes. There needs to be

52:25

acceptance. And acceptance is, can't

52:27

have him back. can't bring

52:29

my mom back. Done. But

52:31

I don't want to stay

52:34

here. Right. Okay? What I

52:36

want is I've accepted this,

52:38

but I don't want it

52:40

to be my baseline. Right.

52:42

So after acceptance, you need

52:44

to commit. Very simple commitment.

52:46

To do one thing every

52:48

day that makes today a

52:50

little better than yesterday. And

52:52

tomorrow, you know, a little

52:54

better than today. And after

52:56

tomorrow, a little better than

52:58

tomorrow. Tiny. Like, tiny thing.

53:00

But do it every day.

53:02

And most of those things,

53:04

by the way, is to

53:06

make their memory live, their

53:08

essence, their beauty. To forgive

53:10

everything that went wrong. To

53:12

remember everything that went right.

53:14

To talk about them lovingly.

53:17

To sit, I know this

53:19

sounds horrible when I say

53:21

it, but please think about

53:23

it. To sit in gratitude

53:25

that they came. To sit

53:27

in gratitude that they hugged.

53:29

Don't know what to tell

53:31

you I I there is

53:33

no answer to what you're

53:35

going through but It is

53:37

how the design of life

53:39

is you know what you

53:41

said helps and the You

53:43

know putting my dad in

53:45

the ground This is the

53:47

hardest fucking thing I've ever

53:49

had to do in my

53:51

life. I know climb mountains.

53:53

I've started companies. I've written

53:55

books you know I've done

53:57

went through a seven-year divorce

54:00

you know That was the

54:02

hardest thing and putting my

54:04

dad in the ground, I

54:06

didn't want to do it.

54:08

And the only thing that

54:10

got me through it was

54:12

just finding the piece. I

54:14

somehow found the piece in

54:16

myself and I just was

54:18

able to just to do

54:20

it. So I was able

54:22

to go overcome that and

54:24

now maybe that's a path

54:26

for me. And so I

54:28

connect that with the gratitude

54:30

that you said and the

54:32

incremental happiness that you mentioned

54:34

every day, something more. a

54:36

tiny bit more, but also

54:38

a tiny bit that makes

54:40

him happy, that you're doing

54:43

what you're doing in life.

54:45

I don't know what to

54:47

tell you. Any easier questions?

54:49

Can I just, we'll take

54:51

more questions, but can I

54:53

just highlight one thing? Nobody's

54:55

without pain. Look at the

54:57

person next to you. They're

54:59

in pain. which is a

55:01

horrible thing to say from

55:03

one side, but it also

55:05

makes you know that you're

55:07

not alone. Nobody's without pain.

55:09

Okay? From one side, it

55:11

makes you feel you're not

55:13

alone, and from the other

55:15

side, believe it or not,

55:17

it makes you want to

55:19

hug everyone. I mean

55:22

it in every possible way.

55:24

Next time I married the

55:26

love of my life a

55:28

year ago. Okay? And yeah.

55:31

Actually, actually, she said yes

55:33

exactly yesterday. So the thing

55:35

is this. Okay? Through it,

55:37

we went through some interesting

55:40

times. And through the interesting

55:42

times, I wondered in my

55:44

head if she doesn't like

55:46

me that much anymore. Okay,

55:49

and she wondered if I

55:51

didn't like her that much

55:53

anymore Okay, but the truth

55:55

is She was in pain.

55:58

I was in pain Do

56:00

you understand? And once

56:02

we spoke about it, like

56:04

Robert was saying, once we

56:07

spoke about it, once we sat

56:09

down and we said, oh this

56:11

is not about you. I love

56:14

you. This is not about me.

56:16

She loves me. This is about

56:18

what we're going through,

56:20

everything changes. Nobody comes

56:22

to work in the morning

56:25

to annoy everyone. Something going

56:27

on. Right? Yeah, okay

56:29

one more Well, first of all

56:31

God bless you. Thank you so

56:33

much is the copper statements

56:35

spoke deeply to my heart

56:37

I have two questions for

56:39

you two things that I'm

56:41

dealing with Question number one

56:44

attending all this many events

56:46

and I believe in prayer

56:48

prayer every morning. I'm an

56:50

absolutely amazing alignment but I

56:52

come from the country where

56:54

my family is still in

56:56

a communist country. And when

56:58

we talk, it becomes very

57:00

heavy. Especially when I deal,

57:02

try to deal with my brother.

57:04

He's very strong alpha men, seven

57:06

feet. And he's energy over the

57:09

phone. Sometimes it just turns me

57:11

up. It's just so... I don't

57:13

know how to deal with. It

57:15

puts me in very sad state

57:18

and even before I call him.

57:20

I say the incantation, I say

57:22

a prayer, I try to get

57:24

myself in a positive state, create

57:26

the aura around me, but still,

57:29

I don't know how better to

57:31

deal with. Every time he picked

57:33

up the phone, or if

57:35

he calls me, I know

57:37

it's gonna be an avalanche

57:39

of negativity, and it hurts.

57:41

I don't, like, this is

57:43

one question. And a second

57:46

question, in the past

57:48

14 years. In

57:51

the past 14 years, I had

57:53

a dog. I know to somebody,

57:55

it sounds funny, but it was

57:57

pitable and a pet. They're huge

57:59

big boys. he was the

58:01

most loving and protective. He

58:03

passed this year in May.

58:05

I actually had to put

58:08

him down. It was the

58:10

most difficult thing I had

58:12

to deal with. It's the

58:14

love and connection we shared

58:17

was so deep that at

58:19

this point I think I'm

58:21

searching for. I don't know

58:23

where it is. So two

58:26

things. Didn't we say easy

58:28

questions? So I

58:30

wrote, I told you, I

58:32

wrote about love. I wrote,

58:34

I didn't tell you, I

58:36

told you, I wrote about

58:39

the empowerment of the feminine,

58:41

I also wrote about love,

58:43

just speak for the fun

58:45

of it. And I actually

58:47

don't believe love is of

58:49

this world. Love is not

58:51

a physical thing. So if

58:53

anyone doesn't understand how you

58:55

could love a dog or

58:57

a dog could love you

58:59

back, I don't think they

59:02

really understand love. Right? Love

59:04

is not between the physical

59:06

beings, love is between the

59:08

souls manifested in the physical.

59:10

So it's two souls longing

59:12

for each other. Yes. But

59:14

we're not, if you, I

59:16

don't know how to explain

59:18

this without going into a

59:20

bit of spirituality, but please.

59:22

If you, if you, if

59:25

you, if you understand the

59:27

soul journey. You're not supposed

59:29

to be with one soul

59:31

in this life. You're supposed

59:33

to have a journey that

59:35

goes through multiple souls to

59:37

complete you, to enrich you,

59:39

to show you, to reflect

59:41

for you. So I write

59:43

about, when I wrote about

59:45

this in terms of love

59:48

and romance, I usually, when

59:50

someone comes to me crying

59:52

and saying I broke up,

59:54

I say congratulations. That's amazing.

59:56

Right? Because in a very

59:58

interesting way that means it

1:00:00

wasn't working and more interesting.

1:00:02

it means your journey now

1:00:04

begins. Right? Now moving to

1:00:06

love again doesn't mean you

1:00:08

stop loving before. It just

1:00:11

means that this incredible human

1:00:13

need of our souls connecting

1:00:15

should not be blocked because

1:00:17

it connected before. You know

1:00:19

the interesting thing, I understand

1:00:21

this intellectually. But emotionally a

1:00:23

part of me is just

1:00:25

missing. Go to the third

1:00:27

pet shop on the left

1:00:29

from your home. I promise

1:00:32

you, I promise you there

1:00:34

will be someone waiting for

1:00:36

you there. Third on the

1:00:38

left. Okay? Now about your

1:00:40

brother, seven foot, is he

1:00:42

ever going to listen to

1:00:44

this? Because I can't answer

1:00:46

if he does. I get

1:00:48

very scared of seven feet

1:00:50

people. Look, everyone is on

1:00:52

their own journey. Family is

1:00:55

one of the biggest tests

1:00:57

in life. Because we think

1:00:59

that because they're family, they're

1:01:01

supposed to be like us.

1:01:03

Of course they're not. As

1:01:05

a matter of fact, I

1:01:07

think in the design of

1:01:09

the video game, family was

1:01:11

there as an obstacle. It's

1:01:13

like you have to overcome

1:01:15

that thing called family. Now,

1:01:18

the thing, however, is you

1:01:20

remind me of a very

1:01:22

dear friend of mine who

1:01:24

texted me, she's tiny, texted

1:01:26

me one day and said,

1:01:28

I was backing up with

1:01:30

my car and there was

1:01:32

a seven-foot something person behind

1:01:34

me, okay? And so I

1:01:36

almost hit him, but I

1:01:38

stopped. She lives in Lithuania,

1:01:41

okay? And so I came

1:01:43

out of the car to

1:01:45

apologize to him, and he

1:01:47

looked down at me and

1:01:49

shouted in anger for almost

1:01:51

five minutes. Okay? And I

1:01:53

said, oh my God, and

1:01:55

what did you do? And

1:01:57

she said, and then he...

1:01:59

took a breath and I

1:02:01

hugged him, okay? And I said,

1:02:04

please don't shout, okay? And

1:02:06

he cried, okay? And that

1:02:08

story, I wish I can show

1:02:11

you her picture, she's

1:02:13

literally this tall, okay?

1:02:15

And he's seven feet

1:02:17

and she probably hugged

1:02:19

his thigh or something,

1:02:21

right? But she basically,

1:02:23

completely, again, when someone

1:02:26

is shouting, they are in pain.

1:02:29

Okay, and if you can see through

1:02:31

that, you can't fix it. Don't

1:02:33

ever make it your responsibility. Okay,

1:02:35

but just within your heart have

1:02:37

the compassion that he's feeling some

1:02:40

kind of pain. How can I not

1:02:42

overcome what kind of statements, questions,

1:02:44

what can I do in those

1:02:46

moments? Because when it starts... You

1:02:49

want my honest advice? Please. Okay,

1:02:51

I follow a very interesting technique

1:02:53

I call cliches. Okay?

1:02:55

And cliches are, when I

1:02:57

have a difficult relationship with

1:03:00

someone, I remember 10 good

1:03:02

moments we had together. Okay?

1:03:04

And I constantly bring them

1:03:07

up in different linguistic skills that

1:03:09

basically all go back to,

1:03:11

I like you, I love you, I miss

1:03:13

you, I had a wonderful time

1:03:15

with you. Love breaks everyone.

1:03:18

Okay? Sooner or later, he's

1:03:20

gonna look at himself and go

1:03:22

like, why am I doing this?

1:03:24

Okay? By the way, when

1:03:26

he's shouting at you, he's

1:03:28

not shouting at you. He's

1:03:30

shouting at himself, at his life,

1:03:32

at his world. Okay, we have

1:03:34

zero minutes. I don't know when

1:03:37

I'm supposed to go off the

1:03:39

stage, but there was another mic.

1:03:41

Yes. Kick me off the stage

1:03:43

when it's time, okay? Oh,

1:03:45

one more question. Yes. Thank you.

1:03:48

Hi, Mo. Thank you for

1:03:50

doing what you're doing, appreciate

1:03:52

it. My question. is about

1:03:54

loss that is not finite.

1:03:56

I had to mourn my

1:03:58

relationship with my father. sister, it

1:04:00

made me a better version of

1:04:02

myself. We're not going to get

1:04:05

into details, but there's guilt associated

1:04:07

to that. And I'm not exactly

1:04:09

sure what my question is, but

1:04:11

it's around there. Guilt is the,

1:04:14

can I say that with love,

1:04:16

please don't get me wrong. Guilt

1:04:18

is the most stupid emotion we

1:04:20

have. That makes me feel better

1:04:23

actually. Yeah, let me explain why

1:04:25

I say this. Because had you,

1:04:27

if I gave you the same

1:04:29

you that you were when you

1:04:32

did certain things, with the same

1:04:34

information you had then, with the

1:04:36

same circumstances you were put in

1:04:38

then, you would behave exactly the

1:04:41

same way. Okay? It's a very

1:04:43

interesting way when you look at

1:04:45

it algorithmically, that you feel guilt

1:04:47

now because you're different now. But

1:04:50

what you did then, you can't

1:04:52

be blamed for at all. As

1:04:54

a matter of fact, with the

1:04:56

resources you had then, with the

1:04:59

knowledge you had then, with the

1:05:01

situation you've been put in then,

1:05:03

that was the absolute rational thing

1:05:05

to do. So as a matter

1:05:08

of fact, when I feel guilt,

1:05:10

I celebrate my progress. I suddenly

1:05:12

realize I'm interesting. That means I

1:05:14

am a more aware person now.

1:05:17

That means I am a better

1:05:19

person now. That means at least

1:05:21

I recognize I'm able to tell

1:05:23

myself, because a lot of people

1:05:26

don't have that. I'm able to

1:05:28

tell myself that I did something

1:05:30

wrong in the past. Now, if

1:05:32

you feel the guilt and you

1:05:34

can correct it, correct it for

1:05:37

them. If you cannot, correct it

1:05:39

for you, for your heart, and

1:05:41

you correct it for your heart

1:05:43

by saying to yourself over and

1:05:46

over and over and over, I

1:05:48

wish I could do different, but

1:05:50

I did the best I can.

1:05:52

Okay? What can I do now

1:05:55

to make everything? better either for

1:05:57

me for them for them for

1:05:59

those that they love for their

1:06:01

memory for whatever okay but don't

1:06:04

ever get that's I think that's

1:06:06

a general statement when you feel

1:06:08

guilty what what does that mean

1:06:10

like I didn't know better then

1:06:13

is loving them from a far

1:06:15

that's what I've been telling are

1:06:17

they are they still with you

1:06:19

yes they are so this is

1:06:22

what it's not a finite loss

1:06:24

yeah Is loving them from afar

1:06:26

in my mind is better for

1:06:28

everyone? We're all happier for it.

1:06:31

Yes, if that's what you can

1:06:33

do right now. Right now. But

1:06:35

do it good. Like really love

1:06:37

them. Like totally forgive them. Like

1:06:40

honestly, genuinely in your heart. Okay?

1:06:42

Find what you like about them

1:06:44

and make that the center of

1:06:46

your relationship with them. And if

1:06:49

you do that enough, I think

1:06:51

eventually you'll send them a text

1:06:53

message. Okay? Thank you. Let's

1:06:56

give it from Mo

1:06:58

everybody. No, let them

1:07:00

hear you, it's Mo!

1:07:03

The Tony Robbins podcast

1:07:05

is inspired and directed

1:07:07

by Tony Robbins and

1:07:09

his teachings. It's produced

1:07:12

by us, Team Tony.

1:07:14

Copyright Robbins Research International.