0:00

To say, oh no, no, no, I'm

0:02

not creating those thoughts, like all of

0:04

these external things have created my mood,

0:06

is a much easier thing than taking

0:08

accountability for being in a pissy mode.

0:10

Hey there, I'm Matt Diavella and welcome

0:13

to my short-form podcast, Three Rules.

0:15

Each episode I ask a guest

0:17

to share three rules that helped

0:19

them find success and happiness. Today

0:21

I'm joined by Amen and Beck,

0:23

entrepreneurs, YouTubeers, and van life pioneers

0:25

who have built a global community

0:28

by sharing their adventures on the

0:30

road. From converting camper vans to

0:32

launching a successful T company, they've

0:34

mastered the art of seamlessly integrating

0:36

their passions into their life and

0:38

bringing their audience along for the

0:40

ride. Let's jump into these three rules.

0:42

What's rule number one? Real number one

0:44

is happiness is a choice. And I

0:46

think it's important to preface this. with

0:48

it's our role and how we live and

0:51

I know that as I say that it

0:53

can be really triggering for people. I first

0:55

learned about it from Mo Gottitz's book,

0:58

Sol for Happy, and he said after

1:00

he made that statement on his like

1:02

Kindle Analytics, he can see that

1:04

80% of people drop off. So people

1:07

don't want to hear it and they

1:09

don't want to know that they can

1:11

make the choice to stop being

1:13

unhappy, which is another way of saying

1:16

the same thing. So we've really dove

1:18

into this world and I would just

1:20

invite people to Maybe it doesn't resonate

1:22

with them right now. Maybe they're in a

1:24

place where things are really hard and it

1:26

feels like that isn't a choice that they

1:28

could make But I just invite them to

1:30

like keep it as a possibility put it

1:32

in the back of their brain and maybe

1:34

one day The things we're about to say

1:36

will resonate. We've talked about this a lot

1:39

on our show is it is triggering for

1:41

people and even though we're leading us off

1:43

with our rule as rule number one it

1:45

really it's still we still remind each other

1:47

constantly yeah right like all being just a

1:49

crappy mood and she'll be like happiness is

1:51

a choice I'm like you don't want to

1:53

hear it in that moment either you're like

1:56

no like this happened today this happened

1:58

today and I'm pissed because of this

2:00

and this person and it's like we

2:02

all have reasons to be unhappy but

2:04

in the exact same breath we have

2:06

so many reasons to feel grateful and

2:08

to be happy and and even if

2:11

in the day all you can do

2:13

is feel gratitude for like the chair

2:15

you're setting on that's a choice too

2:17

you know I think it's hilarious that

2:19

he had this author actually saw that

2:21

people drop off after he mentions this

2:23

yeah and it's they don't want to

2:25

be told something that's so That it

2:27

just seems too easy or maybe it

2:29

seems dismissive of their feelings I think

2:32

it's dismissive and I also think To

2:34

say oh, no, no, no, I'm not

2:36

creating those thoughts like all of these

2:38

external things have created my mood is

2:40

a much easier thing than taking accountability

2:42

for being in a pissy mode You

2:44

know we we have that choice and

2:46

I think that's what's triggering for people

2:48

is they're like no, you don't know

2:50

what I'm going through or People look

2:53

at an author or a youtuber as

2:55

this high horse, right? But we're all

2:57

just living a normal life. Yes. Yes.

2:59

Sure, some people have, you know, a

3:01

deeper pocket to use money and money

3:03

is great. Yeah. But we're all feeling

3:05

emotions, we're all dealing with stress, we're

3:07

all humans, right? Yeah. Where does venting

3:09

come in? Because I like to vent.

3:11

How do you balance that? You know,

3:14

maybe being able to vent, talk about...

3:16

challenges that you're going through totally without

3:18

being complaining like without complaining but then

3:20

also not going to the other end

3:22

of being like toxic positive where everything

3:24

is everything is great you have no

3:26

reason to complain yeah I think it's

3:28

all about how long we stay in

3:30

that feeling so you need to vent

3:32

you need to like get it off

3:35

your chest you need to move through

3:37

the emotion and then you have to

3:39

say okay I've let it out and

3:41

I'm gonna choose to feel differently. I

3:43

also heard like if you look at

3:45

animals, they physically shake it off. Like

3:47

if a deer is being chased by

3:49

a lion, they will literally like shake

3:51

them. out of fright. And I think

3:53

movement is such an important part of

3:56

that or even just physically shaking or

3:58

taking a deep breath or venting a

4:00

little bit. Yeah. But it's about not

4:02

dwelling and hanging on to that. And

4:04

I think it's really interesting when you

4:06

hang out with people that love talking

4:08

about negative things, it's very addicting. And

4:10

it's their identity and they want to

4:12

dive into people's drama and almost talk

4:14

shit, right? Yeah, it does negativity has

4:17

a way of kind of like bleeding

4:19

into every conversation. Like if one person's

4:21

negative, it's very hard for the other

4:23

person in the conversation to keep it

4:25

positive. It's like it brings the whole.

4:27

conversation and energy down. Exactly, it's funny

4:29

because you're trying to bring the energy

4:31

up, but you're bringing it down because

4:33

you're not meeting that person with where

4:35

they're at essentially. And it's a way

4:38

to bond is to be like, oh,

4:40

this happened. And then your bestie is

4:42

like, no, like my day was even

4:44

more shit. And it's like this weird

4:46

bonding that happens over negativity. So yeah,

4:48

I think venting fits in in just.

4:50

lessening the time or like allowing that

4:52

to happen and then recognize I don't

4:54

want to get stuck in that pattern.

4:56

Yeah, right. Do the pattern of venting

4:59

if the next day you vent again

5:01

and the next day you vent again,

5:03

it's like then you become a vendor.

5:05

You know, then it becomes your personality

5:07

to be negative. You know, then it

5:09

becomes your personality to be negative. But

5:11

if you have the vent, you like

5:13

shake it off, like get it out

5:15

of your system and then you're having

5:17

gratitude thoughts and elevated. And just bringing

5:20

it back to that micro level sometimes

5:22

is so key. Going out and just

5:24

staring at a tree or a leaf

5:26

or the water flow down a river.

5:28

She's also not afraid to express like

5:30

her venting, right? So she'll scream and

5:32

she lets out her energy, but then

5:34

within minutes she can be really happy.

5:36

So there's so much to learn by

5:39

having a kid where you're like, okay,

5:41

like feel the emotion, let it out,

5:43

and then kind of... recalibrate. Yeah, yeah,

5:45

I think you're right. Like it's some

5:47

things that you just have to go

5:49

through, but then there's always attorney. point.

5:51

You're like, okay, like how many days

5:53

I'm gonna, am I gonna allow myself

5:55

to feel like this? Before you start

5:57

to change and start to try even

6:00

in small ways, like you said, exercise,

6:02

small habits that can help you to

6:04

start to music, have more positive thoughts

6:06

rather than negative thoughts. An exercise I

6:08

love is this neuroscientist said when you

6:10

wake up in the morning before you're

6:12

even conscious that you're Matt Diabela living

6:14

in this body, just have gratitude for

6:16

your pillow, your bed and the comforter.

6:18

Just try it. And it just sets

6:21

the tone of gratitude. It's like the

6:23

smallest little thing, but if you do

6:25

that, you'll catch yourself like midday just

6:27

feeling a little bit of gratitude. So

6:29

it's small, it's really small, but it's

6:31

a choice we can make. Or you

6:33

can catch yourself saying like, there I

6:35

am, I'm thinking negative again, and this

6:37

happens to me. all the time. Like

6:39

I'm in the negative thought pattern. Oh,

6:42

the video's not doing well. Nobody cares

6:44

about that. Like it's all going away.

6:46

You know, and it's like, whoa, Beck,

6:48

you're having that thought. Okay, you've had

6:50

it, it's done. Let's just choose, like,

6:52

I have gratitude for everyone who did

6:54

watch. And it's a simple space. Yeah.

6:56

You know, videos, 10 of 10, that's

6:58

cool. But she's like, well, 80, 80,000

7:00

people watched. Like, people watched. Like, like,

7:03

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

7:05

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

7:07

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

7:09

like, like, like, like, I'm in fear

7:11

that everything's going away. or whatever the

7:13

fear is at the deep, or you

7:15

can say, wow, 80,000 people spend the

7:17

time. Like I'm so grateful for them.

7:19

How beautiful is that? Yeah. And people

7:21

watching, like, they don't have a lot

7:24

of sympathy for people who get lots

7:26

of views on their videos, but it's

7:28

like they had onic treadmill. So it's

7:30

like they had onic treadmill. So this

7:32

is true for people who had on

7:34

their videos, but it's like they had

7:36

onic treadmill. So this is like they

7:38

hadonic treadmill. So this. Let's move on

7:40

to rule number two. So rule number

7:42

two is back yourself into a corner.

7:45

We chose this because it's something we've

7:47

naturally done, basically our entire relationship of

7:49

just saying things. out loud saying you

7:51

know we're going to Australia this year

7:53

and we didn't book a flight we

7:55

didn't look into details we didn't clear

7:57

our calendar we just started saying that

7:59

and eventually your community your people around

8:01

you start going so when are you

8:03

going Australia I'm going January okay cool

8:06

and we've just constantly done that and

8:08

it's such a great way for people

8:10

to keep you accountable I want to

8:12

also preface though it's not about just

8:14

talking the talk and saying things you

8:16

need to action it. But we use

8:18

that as a superpower in a sense

8:20

of, you know, it's a form of

8:22

manifestation. Yeah, like we've backed ourselves into

8:24

the corner because we've told so many

8:27

people we've started, we're starting a tea

8:29

company. And it's like, okay, like what

8:31

tier you to sell? And then all

8:33

of a sudden it's almost like working

8:35

backwards to get the thing done. We've

8:37

never been like, this is the business

8:39

plan. This is like the next step.

8:41

Because I think we'd talk ourselves out

8:43

of everything we've ever done. If we

8:46

saw like the likelihood that a T

8:48

company would be successful, there's so many

8:50

D companies and do we really need

8:52

another one, we'd just not do anything.

8:54

You know? So we work in the

8:56

opposite way. Which I think in a

8:58

way is a form of manifestation where

9:00

we embody and know, hey, we're gonna

9:02

go do that thing. How do you

9:04

know? like 100% this is the direction

9:07

that I want ahead. I think a

9:09

lot of people struggle with with not

9:11

knowing which thing to start, which interest

9:13

to pursue. So when you say, oh,

9:15

we want to come to Australia or

9:17

we want to start a T company,

9:19

how do you know that that is

9:21

the thing that you should be focusing

9:23

your energy on when there are maybe

9:25

100 other other things calling for your

9:28

attention? It's so interesting because before we

9:30

started, I said if we had different...

9:32

If we were on this show separately,

9:34

we'd have different roles maybe. One of

9:36

mine would have been trust the nudge.

9:38

There's this feeling, people call it intuition

9:40

or whatever, this naggingness inside that's like,

9:42

you got to do that thing. Or

9:44

you just feel, it's a feeling really,

9:46

it's this nudge that just keeps coming

9:49

up. And if you don't do the

9:51

thing, a week later, you're like, mmm.

9:53

I was really thinking I should, you

9:55

know, it comes back. When the thought

9:57

or the idea keeps coming back, that's

9:59

when you've got to trust the nudge

10:01

and back yourself into the corner. What

10:03

would you say is the, maybe the

10:05

time when it worked out the best

10:07

when you backed yourself into a corner

10:10

and you're like, oh my God, thank

10:12

God we forced ourselves to do that.

10:14

Otherwise we may never have done it.

10:16

I think. our move into the van

10:18

was kind of a big one. So

10:20

we had a tea company that was

10:22

in Toronto and like selling to cool

10:24

cafes and we were like, how are

10:26

we going to expand this? We have

10:28

no money. Like we should go to

10:31

Vancouver and these other like cool places

10:33

to try to sell but like we

10:35

can't afford an Airbnb and the flights

10:37

and stuff. So Amman just like throughout

10:39

the idea of a van and within

10:41

like a week we'd purchase this van

10:43

we were renovating the van and it

10:45

just I'll never forget we were just

10:47

about to buy it it was like

10:49

$10,000 van and I'm like holding the

10:52

paper and I looked at you and

10:54

I'm like do you want to choose

10:56

the adventure? Yeah because this was a

10:58

lease. Yeah. We were going to lease

11:00

an apartment or choose the van. Yeah.

11:02

2016. Yeah. Yeah, like this is like

11:04

pre-van life. Nobody was doing that. Yeah,

11:06

like and that's why we use like

11:08

our little bit of filming skills to

11:10

film making the van because we had

11:13

wished someone could show me how do

11:15

you have electrical systems in the van?

11:17

So we just and we would have

11:19

had no channel without van life. Like

11:21

that's what built our brand. Right. Exactly.

11:23

So we just said we were doing

11:25

it, did it, did it, and then

11:27

it all worked out started this whole

11:29

journey. Yeah. That's insane. I know. Paul

11:31

because of this. I appreciate it. We're

11:34

done with Van Life now though. Is

11:36

there anything that you're looking forward to

11:38

now in terms of like we're like

11:40

oh maybe we could do this or

11:42

like I mean are you guys kind

11:44

of the podcast obviously there's a lot

11:46

that's new that's going on with your

11:48

life being parents like is there anything

11:50

that you're looking forward to in terms

11:53

of like oh that would be something

11:55

pretty epic or are you guys kind

11:57

of in a place now where you're

11:59

feeling like just happy with how everything

12:01

is. I think the pod is so exciting. Yeah. Just like

12:03

how far can we push this thing? You know, like who

12:05

can we sit across from? Like talk about being

12:08

inspired by someone. We're so inspired by you.

12:10

So do we sitting here having this conversation

12:12

feels bizarre in the coolest way? And it's

12:14

been happening more and more where I'm just

12:16

sitting across from someone and I'm like. We're

12:18

like hanging out with this person, you know,

12:20

it's so cool and to learn from these

12:22

people has just been amazing So yeah, we

12:24

love the pod I'm gonna be back with

12:26

the third and final rule in a moment

12:28

But first one of the ways I'm supporting

12:30

this podcast is through patron by becoming a

12:33

patron You get access to the full unedited

12:35

episodes of the show my life that kind

12:37

of explains why you never see Matt Diabelle

12:39

logging in public Are you joking? I tried.

12:41

I tried vlogging in the airport once and

12:43

I just like, I am trying to talk

12:45

like, walk it through the airport and then

12:47

like I walk past somebody and I'm like,

12:50

fuck this. And that's the last time I

12:52

ever tried to do it. Like that would

12:54

be me. As a patron you'll also

12:56

get additional unused footage from my

12:58

YouTube videos and access to a

13:00

members only area where you can

13:03

ask me questions for my patron

13:05

exclusive AMA podcast. And most importantly,

13:07

you'll feel good knowing that you're

13:09

supporting. slash Matt Diavala to support

13:12

the show. That's patron.com/Matt Diavala. There's

13:14

a link down in the description

13:16

below. Thanks for considering. Let's move

13:18

on to rule number three. Rule

13:21

number three is invest in community.

13:23

It's almost like investing into a

13:25

bank account. So the more you

13:27

invest in compounds over time. And

13:29

when you really invest in your

13:31

relationships, whether it's the relationship with

13:33

yourself, your partner, or your inner circle,

13:35

in those moments especially of hardship.

13:37

It's been everything for us to

13:39

have our community just like hold

13:42

us, you know, and we're really

13:44

open and we stay curious about

13:46

meeting new people, expanding our community.

13:48

I think we have so much

13:50

to learn from people who especially

13:52

are different from us. So we're just,

13:55

I don't know, I just think investing

13:57

in people is the best use of

13:59

your time. an advocate for like meeting your

14:01

neighbors. I think it's so lost. But

14:03

it's so key having someone you can

14:05

call and be like, hey, can you

14:07

let my dog out? Hey, can you

14:09

shuffle my driveway? Like those little things,

14:11

you can rely on each other. It

14:13

makes life so much more enjoyable. My

14:15

life is, yeah. And it doesn't need

14:17

to be a deep relationship. It doesn't

14:20

need to be, you know, tell me

14:22

all your darkest secrets. It can be

14:24

like, Tony, how are you doing? I'm

14:26

so bad at that dude. I'm like

14:28

the guy that like I get I'm

14:30

very like introverted and like a bit

14:32

socially awkward at times and so if

14:34

I'm like at the door I'm about

14:36

to leave my house and I hear

14:38

that my neighbor just left and like

14:40

I think I'll just wait a couple

14:42

minutes. Oh yeah. I just like do

14:44

you know their name? Oh no I

14:46

mean our neighbors now they're incredible. We

14:48

love all of our neighbors. I'm just

14:50

saying like in general like actually like

14:52

in this studio that I have now

14:54

like that's something that I get quite

14:56

anxious about where I'm like oh my

14:58

god like am I gonna have to

15:00

have a conversation with a stranger today?

15:02

I think that's just like part of

15:04

my like anxiousness and social aversion. I'm

15:06

the same, don't worry. Yeah. But my

15:09

partner is the opposite. So he's always

15:11

like, you're so introverted. You're so introverted.

15:13

I'm like, we've been with people for

15:15

300 days of this year. I love

15:17

people. I just also need a little

15:19

chill time. Whereas, Aiman is the ultimate

15:21

extrovert. Yeah, yeah, I get energy from

15:23

people. Yeah. If somebody was going to

15:25

try to build a community for themselves

15:27

or if there's somebody like me like

15:29

me who is a bit socially- a

15:31

community. I love that because I think

15:33

it goes back to me saying like

15:35

investing into the bank account compounds over

15:37

time. I think people think okay I

15:39

need to have that meaningful conversation today

15:41

and have a best friend tomorrow. It's

15:43

like it takes time and we were

15:45

just in Hawaii and everyone we met

15:47

were like wow your community is so

15:49

beautiful here they kind of built their

15:51

own families because often they move from

15:53

mainland and it's like yeah but it

15:55

took us time. It takes time. So

15:58

I think starting with hello. What's

16:00

your name to my neighbor or something

16:02

simple like that or just reaching out?

16:04

I've also noticed within the creator space

16:06

and when we You know have said

16:08

oh my god. We'd love to have

16:10

you on the podcast You're like oh

16:12

my god. I can't believe I'm hearing

16:14

from you and I'm like I can't

16:16

believe I'm hearing from you and I'm

16:19

like I can't believe you've responded. It's

16:21

like we all kind of want to

16:23

connect. Mm-hmm I don't know if that's

16:25

helpful. Hi, and then, like there's little

16:27

questions that can make conversation a lot

16:29

easier. Something like, what's something you're excited

16:31

about this week, rather than what do

16:33

you do for work? You're just much

16:35

more interesting of a question. If they

16:37

want to tell you what they're do

16:39

for work, they're going to answer with

16:41

that. But little things like that have

16:43

helped me. Kind of connect with people

16:45

a lot more love that's such a

16:47

good one. Yeah, and then also I'm

16:49

big into just like face timing Right

16:52

I really can't stand planning a face

16:54

time just seems so brutal like I'm

16:56

not into a calendar anyway But just

16:58

calling someone and Bex kind of of

17:00

the thought process like oh you'll be

17:02

interrupting them. What if they're putting their

17:04

kid down? What if they're having dinner

17:06

like making up 10 thousand things in

17:08

their head? You know of thinking of

17:10

what someone's going to be doing But

17:12

I think that's a little bit lost

17:14

in our society of like this text

17:16

message society. Just call someone. Yeah. You

17:18

know, and hang up. Don't drag it

17:20

on for two hours. Like just call

17:22

him. Hey, dude. How's your day? Great.

17:24

Cool. Yeah. I'm just getting home from

17:27

work. All right. We'll see you later.

17:29

Boom. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. It's not

17:31

a big deal. Yeah. Right. Like my

17:33

brother. He calls. And it's kind of

17:35

hard to get him off the phone

17:37

to get him off the phone. for

17:39

two hours. Yeah, I think it's about

17:41

finding your people too that get you

17:43

and understand you. I, my one buddy

17:45

Josh who lives in Melbourne, like we

17:47

have a facetime relationship. So like any

17:49

time like a call will come through

17:51

it will 100% be a facetime and

17:53

which is kind of fun because like

17:55

we catch each other in just in

17:57

between like doing certain tasks like walking

17:59

to the gym or in the middle

18:02

of a work project and I think

18:04

when you do have that kind of

18:06

like open trust in a relationship it's

18:08

a little bit easier so just like

18:10

so he probably initiated that 100% he

18:12

did it yeah yeah yeah yeah so

18:14

I guess my advice would be like

18:16

take the step and just facetime someone

18:18

that's it yeah yeah yeah because you

18:20

can build that relationship yeah yeah Great,

18:22

so if people want to find out

18:24

more about your work, where should we

18:26

send them? Well, my name's Ammon, E-A-M-O-N,

18:28

and if you type Ammon and Beck

18:30

into YouTube, you'll find us. Our

18:33

podcast is called Reroute, and Instagram

18:35

is Ammon and Beck, and yeah,

18:37

we're just really excited about this

18:39

next chapter of podcast, and our

18:41

tea company is Habit, Habit, we'd love

18:43

you to follow that as well. We're

18:46

posting some cool content there. We're posting

18:48

some cool content there. Dream come true.

18:50

If you want to get these

18:52

rules summarized into a weekly newsletter,

18:54

you can subscribe at matdiavela.com/three rules.

18:56

Thanks so much to Aimanibek for

18:59

joining me. Check out the links

19:01

in the description to learn more

19:03

about their work.