0:03

Welcome to Too Many Tabs, a podcast

0:05

where usually a husband and wife

0:07

sit across from each other at a desk where

0:10

one of them has done research

0:12

about a topic that they've hyperfixated

0:14

on. However, once a

0:16

month, usually the wife

0:19

of the married couple, of

0:22

the husband and wife, usually the wife reads a

0:24

book and then she tells the husband all about

0:26

that book. But every once in a while, when

0:29

the stars align correctly and

0:32

the phases of the moon touch one with

0:34

the universe, the husband reads a book, but not just

0:36

any book. He reads a

0:38

specific book. He goes

0:41

to the mythical land of Prithian. God,

0:44

I hate this book already. Because

0:46

you know what, ladies and gentlemen? We're

0:48

here to tell you that today is

0:50

time for Horny Fairy 3. And

1:17

here we are. We're here. We're here.

1:20

A new Horny Fairy book is among us. We're doing it. We're

1:23

recording. We're getting this out now. Just to let you guys

1:25

know that we are dropping this episode here on Tuesday. Don't

1:28

know how long it's going to be. Yeah. This

1:30

could be a multi-part. This could be a single

1:32

part. We haven't started yet. We don't

1:35

know. We don't know. You're finding out a

1:37

couple hours after we recorded it. We

1:40

have no clue. We don't know what we're doing. But

1:42

that being said, we do not have the time or

1:44

the resources. So this is the only

1:46

episode this week. This is your Sunday drop. Sunday drop.

1:49

We're just doing it early. We're doing it early for Thanksgiving. Because

1:51

a lot of people are going to be traveling. Yes. They're

1:54

going to be driving, flying. They're going to be

1:56

sitting in the den of some ant that they

1:58

don't like. Yeah. in the

2:00

dining room and living room. You're gonna be reintroduced to a

2:02

cousin that your mom is gonna swear to God

2:05

is important in your life, and you're like, who

2:07

is this person? And that person is

2:09

going to have the absolute worst politics

2:12

that you've ever imagined. And here's the

2:14

thing, they're gonna agree with you on

2:16

40%. And that 40% is

2:19

not the most important things to you. And it's

2:21

gonna drive you insane, which is why I

2:23

have spent the last bunch of months

2:27

reading perhaps the worst book I've

2:29

ever read. I'm gonna just step in real quick and say that for

2:31

the last bunch of months, you've

2:33

been, we didn't tell anybody. We didn't tell anybody. He

2:35

was secretly reading this in hopes of doing it in

2:38

the last episode. And then, but we

2:40

had no timeline. It was like every once in a

2:42

while he'd read it. I was traveling.

2:44

Meandering, it was meandering through the last

2:46

book. But then after what happened in

2:48

November, we agreed, I said, listen

2:50

to me, you son of a bitch, you're gonna read

2:53

all that book fast as

2:55

possible because these people need, they

2:58

need the Horning Ferry book. We're all having a bit

3:00

of a time right now. And we

3:02

need to listen to you explain what I

3:04

think is your favorite book. I mean, you've

3:07

read three of them. And I

3:09

finished the book 24 hours ago. And

3:12

then I sat down and I wrote

3:14

an entire outline that is now a little over

3:16

12 pages. And

3:19

in single space, 11 font. There's

3:25

no double space on this page. We

3:28

are in it to win it. So that being

3:30

said, for all of our Patreon members, all of

3:33

our team leads, all of our upline managers and

3:35

our feds, all of you and the Hayhuns, we

3:37

have a bunch of people who are grandfathered in

3:39

it at the old Hayhuns here. Thank you guys

3:41

so much for being continued supporters of us. This

3:44

is for y'all and for all y'all and

3:46

for all of our listeners. But,

3:49

and the other thing I just wanna let everybody know, if you're

3:51

new, if this is the first time you've ever heard our podcast,

3:54

there is a playlist that I'm going to make that will

3:56

be up there by the time you hear this of

3:59

on YouTube, of. all three books so

4:01

you can watch them on YouTube very easily.

4:04

And if you wanna hear any of

4:07

our other special stuff like the warmup,

4:09

which is our parasocial Patreon podcast where

4:11

we kind of talk more about ourselves.

4:13

Or if you wanna find out about

4:15

our new delight that people are loving.

4:17

The people are loving it. Burning up

4:19

the charts. It's our

4:22

Patreon exclusive podcast called Vibing Out with

4:24

the Food Moron. Hi, my name's Alex

4:26

Perlman, also known as Perlmania 500, but

4:28

now known as the Food Moron. And

4:31

I'm sitting here across from the greatest

4:33

vibe chef in history, Mrs. Perlmania, who

4:35

is now taking her vibes and actually

4:37

measuring them out. Because she does

4:40

all of her cooking. I didn't even know how to measure

4:42

vibes before. You figured it out. It's

4:45

exactly three teaspoons of shortening. Exactly.

4:47

But that's basically what she does.

4:50

Mrs. Perlmania's always been kind of a pinch of this, a

4:52

dash of that type of cook. And

4:54

she's taking her favorite recipes that she's made over

4:56

the years and she has actually been testing them

4:58

out on me and then

5:00

writing them out into recipes. And then she explains

5:02

the recipe to me in a

5:04

podcast. But all of the recipes right now, they're just

5:06

the ones. They're just one. And it's a big one.

5:08

It's deviled eggs. It's deviled eggs at times. Listen to

5:11

me right now. This is going out on Tuesday. There

5:13

is enough time to listen to the episode, maybe

5:15

print the PDF that's on the Patreon. You don't have to

5:17

print it. If you don't have

5:19

a printer. You probably a full-cast person if you don't have a

5:21

printer. If you don't have a printer. And

5:23

you have time to get to the grocery store, get

5:26

the ingredients and make them. Okay? If

5:28

you go into a family event, if

5:30

you're not, if you just said, fuck

5:32

everybody, hear me out. Listen to this

5:34

podcast and then eat deviled eggs

5:36

that you made. Oh, think of it. And

5:39

if you really want to do that,

5:41

all of that, you can join

5:43

us at pearlmania500.net. That's

5:46

a hyperlink directly to our Patreon

5:49

or patreon.com/pearlmania500. That being said,

5:51

Mrs. P, are you ready? No. Mr.

5:53

P, are you ready? No. Listeners,

5:55

are you ready? I

5:58

don't think you are because here we are.

6:00

It is time for a

6:02

court of wings and

6:04

a ruin That

6:07

was the name of the title a court

6:09

of wings and ruin Also

6:13

known as horny fairy 3

6:15

so we are gonna go throw

6:17

to our first break and when we come back

6:20

Y'all I got a surprise Marketing

6:23

is hard But

6:25

I'll tell you a little secret. It doesn't have to be let me

6:27

point something out You're listening to a podcast

6:29

right now and it's great. You love the host you

6:31

seek it out and download it You listen to it

6:34

while driving working out cooking even going to the bathroom

6:37

Podcasts are a pretty close companion

6:39

and this is a podcast ad did I get your attention?

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ads comm that's Libsyn

7:00

ads comm today In

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the dry states of the Southwest There's

7:07

a group that's been denied a basic

7:09

human right in the Navajo Nation today

7:11

a third of our households Don't have

7:13

running water, but that's not something they

7:15

chose for themselves Can

7:17

the Navajo people reclaim their right

7:19

to water and contend with the

7:22

government's legacy of control and neglect

7:28

That's in the next season of

7:31

reclaimed the lifeblood of Navajo Nation

7:33

listen now wherever you get your

7:35

podcasts Sometimes

7:48

the dragons there and

7:50

they're all in the new Sometimes

7:54

there's a dinosaur Sometimes

7:58

it's for fail more Sometimes

8:00

it's just a tiny girl

8:03

with a shadow daddy rocking

8:05

her world. Fairies

8:09

bugging, fairies bugging, a

8:11

railing all day. Sexy

8:15

fairies with big bat wings

8:18

please, carry me away. Yeah,

8:23

that is our bumper for

8:25

this episode. I want to

8:28

thank all of the people

8:30

who tagged me on that on TikTok. I

8:32

reached out to the band, they are called Grief

8:35

Cat. I'm

8:37

going to link to them in the show notes on

8:39

Instagram and their TikTok. Please follow them on both, they're

8:41

incredible. I reached out to them

8:43

and I was like, can I use your song on our

8:46

podcast? They're like, yeah, what is it?

8:48

And I was like, you said yes way too

8:50

early. And I

8:52

just want you to know that I've

8:54

been hyper fixated on this song. Hyper

8:57

fixated on this song. And

9:00

I actually put together a whole new

9:02

sound board just to be able

9:04

to use this song. I've

9:07

been neglecting my child. I

9:09

did it, don't worry, I took care of it. No, you took care of

9:12

it, but I have not been there. You know why? Why?

9:18

That's it. I just made

9:20

just that part or my other favorite. So

9:27

those will come back. Okay, I have them. I have them

9:29

queued up. I love that. So here's

9:31

the thing. Well, as we go into Horny Fairy

9:33

3, I was realizing something. I've been living in

9:35

a Horny Fairy land for a full year now.

9:37

Yeah. You have only

9:40

been there for four hours. Yeah.

9:42

Because the only time you've been in the Horny Fairy

9:44

realm has been when I've been telling you about it.

9:47

Yeah. I like these names don't

9:49

like Feyre. You probably don't remember that is. No.

9:52

That's the main character. Oh. So

9:54

I'm going to quickly give you a brief synopsis. The

9:56

main character's name is Feyre, but she's not a fairy.

9:59

She is now. into it. Okay. There's

10:01

a brief synopsis of book one and two.

10:03

Book one, Feyre is a 19 year old

10:05

human girl living in the woods with her

10:07

broken dad and sisters, Nesta and Elaine. Who

10:09

were jerks then? Yes. Got it. They

10:12

live in basically Southern England. All

10:14

right? Because when you look at the

10:16

map of this world, it's clearly just

10:18

England. It's just England. It's just Great

10:21

Britain and Ireland and a

10:23

little bit of France. That is the map

10:25

of the world. Sarah J. Moss is anyway.

10:28

Uh, so she

10:30

is hunting because her family's really poor.

10:32

She shoots a wolf and

10:35

the wolf is actually a fairy. Yep. And

10:37

then a giant werewolf shows up and yells,

10:39

you killed my man and then stole her

10:41

and takes her back across the wall. Yes.

10:43

And then she goes to a place that

10:46

is the spring court. Now at the spring court,

10:48

it is permanently April 25th. Okay.

10:51

Because as was stated by miss Rhode Island

10:53

in the movie, Miss Congeniality, April 25th is

10:55

the perfect date. It's not too hot. It's

10:57

not too cold. And all you need is

10:59

a light jacket. Yes. That is the realm

11:01

she's taken to perfect. Then we slowly realize

11:03

that, Oh, this is just beauty and the

11:05

beast. Yeah. Because he has some, he and

11:07

all of his people, just like in the

11:09

Disney version, all have some sort

11:11

of weird mask curse where they can't take

11:14

these masks off and all of

11:16

them have like animal features. Uh,

11:18

and she meets Lucian and he's like,

11:20

he's the candelabra from the beauty and

11:22

the beast. Um, but he's

11:24

like the friend and also like the

11:26

court guy. And then the main guy,

11:29

the main dude's name Tamlin. So Farah

11:31

and Tamlin have this weird beauty and

11:33

the beast style romance. And then plot

11:35

hook. The curse is actually, uh, is

11:38

there, they keep calling it the blight,

11:40

but the curse is actually this evil

11:42

dark queen who lives on this place

11:44

called under the mountain. Her name was

11:46

Amarantha. Amarantha. Farah and Tamlin, uh, do

11:49

the old will. They won't, they shenanigans

11:51

for most of the book. It's a

11:53

lot. They adjust most of the book.

11:56

Um, and then, uh, Farah ends

11:58

up under the mountain. with

12:00

Tamlin and

12:02

Amarantha and this guy, Ry-Sand, who

12:05

is like a weird, Dracula sex

12:07

highlord, because they're all highlord fairies.

12:10

And it's all very whips and chains,

12:12

excitement type of stuff. But

12:15

she has to get through three trials and

12:19

one of which was just reading. Yeah, it's

12:21

difficult actually. She doesn't know how to read.

12:23

It's like a big deal. She doesn't know

12:25

how to read. She also kills like a

12:27

giant worm. But at the end, she ends

12:29

up battling Queen Amarantha

12:31

and Tamlin and Ry-Sand and

12:34

the three of them, they all battle her

12:36

and they kill Queen Amarantha. I'm

12:39

sorry, I'm getting distracted because now that you're saying

12:41

them all together, I'm realizing that

12:44

Sarah J Maas, did you name all these people after food and

12:46

not know it? I don't know. Because

12:48

Amaranth is a type of grain. Okay. And

12:51

rice is a type of grain. Yeah. Tamarin

12:53

is a fruit. She

12:58

might have just been horny in her kitchen, babe. Sarah

13:00

J Maas might have just been horny in the kitchen.

13:02

She was like, oh, I'm making gluten free bread, better

13:04

get the Amaranth out. Yeah, exactly. So

13:07

they kill Amarantha. They get rid of her.

13:10

But in that, it kills, I

13:12

can't remember, I can't remember, like

13:14

Amarantha just straight up kills. I think Amarantha just kills

13:16

her. Yeah, but then she comes back. They bring her

13:18

back. The high lords drop a little bit of their

13:20

power into her and then she comes back. But not

13:22

only does she come back, she comes back as a

13:24

high fae. So now she, Feyre is a fairy. And

13:27

she can read. No, not yet. Oh, damn. That's

13:30

book two. But she comes back

13:32

and then she kisses Tamlin. She

13:34

has like a goodbye to Reisen. And Reisen is just like,

13:36

oh yeah, by the way, I have bat wings and he

13:38

flies away. And then she

13:41

goes back to live happily every after

13:43

on April 25th forever. Yeah.

13:46

Okay, that's book one. That's book one. Book two.

13:49

Okay. That was a lie. There

13:51

is no happy ending. She has incredibly extreme

13:54

post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD. And

13:56

claustrophobia from everything she went through

13:58

underneath the mountain. with that evil

14:00

queen, Amarantha, and all the trials.

14:03

Plus, she has this huge case of

14:05

survivor's guilt. Yep. Because while

14:07

everything was going on, when she first

14:09

met Reisend, he

14:12

was like, what's your name? And she was like,

14:14

oh, my name is Claire Bedore. And

14:16

he was like, okay, noted. And then he went

14:18

back and told Amarantha. He's like, yeah, she has

14:20

some human, Tamlin has some human named Claire Bedore.

14:23

And Amarantha sent Fay over the

14:26

wall that separates the world. Yep.

14:28

And they captured a girl named Claire

14:31

Bedore. Yep. And then they killed the

14:33

shit out of her and tortured. And it was really bad. And

14:36

so Fayro feels really, really bad about that.

14:38

Sure. So

14:41

Tamlin's like, whatever, we should still get married.

14:43

And it's like really awkward. And it's pretty

14:45

clear that like he's emotionally distant, but also

14:48

he also has PTSD. And

14:50

at this point, he's becoming increasingly

14:52

paranoid while she is

14:54

rotting away in front of everyone's eyes. Yep.

14:57

Remember that? Yeah. So she's about

14:59

to marry him. She's walking up the aisle and she

15:01

screams and writes into peers and is like, ah, remember,

15:04

we had a bet. We had a bargain bet. I

15:06

saved your life. So I get to take you whenever

15:08

I want, like that one other Greek myth with Hades

15:10

and the pomegranate. Oh, Persephone. Persephone,

15:12

yep, exactly. So I'm gonna take you like that

15:14

and whatever. And then he takes her back and

15:16

he's like, psh, whatever. I don't actually want you,

15:19

but you just sounded crazy. Yeah. And

15:21

then he teaches her how to read slowly over time. And

15:23

then eventually she learns how to

15:25

read. When she learned to read, was it

15:28

like, in A League

15:30

of Their Own, where she's like, milky white bosoms.

15:32

Kind of, yeah. He makes her really, like, he

15:34

writes like a dumb, like a weird sentence, like,

15:36

Reisend is like a beautiful sex god and she

15:38

has to like write it out and read it. So

15:40

it's very much that in

15:42

the book, that is milky white bosoms. And

15:45

so then, quick fast forward, she

15:47

learns how to read, she learns how to do

15:49

her magic, and she learns how to forgive herself.

15:52

Eventually she leaves Tamlin completely and moves to the

15:54

night court. that

16:00

came back. Yeah, I know. So once she's

16:02

there at the night court, she

16:04

has a really good, she

16:09

has a good time, she starts to meet more people. And

16:12

then she learns all about the King of Hyburn

16:14

and the Cauldron. Okay. And how the

16:16

King of Hyburn's like the great evil from the before

16:18

war. Okay. Backstory, backstory, backstory. But then

16:21

she also meets the gang. I'm gonna call them the

16:23

gang. Okay, the crew. Yeah, so

16:25

the crew is a bunch of really cool

16:27

people. The crew

16:29

involves Cassian. Cassian,

16:32

he's the general. Yup. There's

16:34

Azrael, the spy master. He's also

16:36

a shadow singer. There's Morrigan, who

16:38

is Raisin's cousin, but also like

16:41

everybody's best friend. And Feyre's like

16:43

first friend that's a girl. That

16:46

isn't a sister. Like she's actually like a

16:48

girl. She's like my gal pal. Okay.

16:51

And then there's Amryn. And Amryn's

16:53

the eldritch horror that lives inside of an

16:55

older lady's tiny body. Right.

16:58

Okay, you remember her? Yeah. Okay, so

17:00

they run around the crew. The crew. I

17:02

like the crew better, you're right. I kept writing the gang and

17:05

it does make it feel a little bit always sunny. Yeah. The

17:07

crew runs around and they collect a series of MacGuffins. I'm

17:10

sorry, what? Okay, have you ever heard of the

17:12

Maltese Falcon? I'm sorry,

17:14

what? The movie, the Maltese Falcon. A

17:17

MacGuffin is just a device that exists in

17:20

a store. Okay, Pulp Fiction. Yup. You

17:22

know how in Pulp Fiction they keep opening the suitcase and everyone, like

17:24

the golden light comes out of it and it was like, oh my

17:26

God, what's in the suitcase? And like

17:29

the story is kind of tracking the suitcase. Yeah. The

17:31

suitcase is just a plot device. Yeah. That's

17:34

called a MacGuffin. Got it. In storytelling

17:36

world. So basically they have a series

17:38

of MacGuffins they have to run around and collect. Harry

17:41

Potter collecting all of the things to kill Voldemort.

17:44

Yeah, the thing about drinks. Yeah, the thing about

17:46

drinks. Those are all MacGuffins. Yeah. It's

17:48

just, we need a thing. Why are we on this mission? We're

17:50

on this mission to go get the thing. In this case, it

17:52

was like parts of books that they had to

17:54

put together. And then they were gonna go to the cauldron and

17:57

she was gonna touch the cauldron and read the book. And

17:59

then the. Cauldron would end and they would, the war

18:01

would end. Okay. But this is the

18:03

middle of the trilogy. So it didn't, it didn't work out.

18:05

Yeah, we knew that wasn't coming out. They show up, before

18:08

they go to blow up the cauldron,

18:11

Feyre and Rysen finally admit they fall

18:13

in love. They have some soup and

18:15

they fuck. Woo! And

18:20

you know, she like just admits completely that she's

18:22

in love with- Soup. Shadow

18:24

daddy rockin' the world. Anyway,

18:28

so I'm so excited for

18:30

these buttons. So anyway, the,

18:33

where am I, where am I? Okay, so they fuck

18:35

after the soup and then they all go to go

18:37

take out the cauldron. But the plan

18:40

goes completely sideways because

18:42

they discovered the human queens that they've

18:44

been trying to negotiate with to help

18:46

them. They betrayed them completely. And they

18:48

helped the evil fairy lord who

18:50

actually wants to kill all the humans. But he

18:52

was like, I'm gonna turn you into fairies by

18:56

using the cauldron. And then

18:58

Tamlin comes around the corner with

19:00

Ianthe. All right. That's

19:02

not Beyonce. No. Well, honestly,

19:05

she has around the same amount of power

19:07

as Beyonce, so she's like white Beyonce. Ianthe

19:09

comes around the corner with

19:11

Tamlin and Lucian and

19:13

her sisters, Nesta and Elaine. And

19:16

then they're like, and this guy, Jurean. Jurean.

19:18

Yes, do you remember Jurean? I

19:21

remember the name. Yeah, because you remember it hating it. Okay,

19:24

Jurean was a human from the before war

19:26

that was brought back to life who is

19:29

crazy now. Okay. So they

19:31

all get attacked by all these different people. And

19:34

then the king takes her

19:36

human sisters, Nesta and Elaine,

19:38

and pushes them into the cauldron. All right.

19:41

And everybody freaks out. And then the cauldron

19:43

spits out to new Highfei, which

19:45

was proof that, look, we can do this. And

19:47

then Feyre acts like, oh no, you

19:49

broke the bond. Look, I'm free of

19:51

the curse of Rhysand. And

19:53

everyone's like, what the fuck's going on? And

19:55

then Rhysand gets out of there with everybody

19:57

who's injured, plus her sisters. and

20:00

they all go back to

20:02

the night court, okay? So

20:04

they're back at the night court and

20:06

then she goes back to the land.

20:08

Feyre goes back with Tamlin. To the

20:10

April land. To the April 25th spring

20:12

court. So she's back there, but

20:15

the very end of that book, we

20:17

find out a big secret, which is

20:19

before they went on this

20:21

final mission. How long did this take me? It was nearly

20:24

15 minutes to explain you two fucking books. Right

20:27

before she walks into the hall, she goes,

20:29

I'm not going there as Feyre this time.

20:31

I'm going there as the

20:34

high lady of the night court because

20:36

she got secretly married to Ryson and

20:38

she had a glamor on the entire

20:40

time and she still has tattoos. She's

20:42

not putting makeup on them and

20:45

all this different stuff and she's there to applaud

20:47

her revenge. So book two ends with like, we're

20:49

in our lowest place, but I have a plan.

20:52

Okay, I don't really trust her plan because she's

20:55

young. She is, I think 20. I

20:57

recall thinking that she didn't think a lot of things. We

20:59

went through this a lot during book two. She is 20.

21:02

We kept like, we kind of glossed over it

21:04

a lot in the book one because we're just

21:06

kind of like poor peasant girl. But

21:08

then she got to a certain point where like,

21:10

you shouldn't be this dumb anymore. And then we're

21:12

like, oh, but you're still a child. I remember

21:14

being like, you don't have enough life experience. You're

21:16

a 20 year old child. For me to believe

21:19

that you are able to come up with these

21:21

type of plans. Yeah, okay. So now, do

21:23

you feel caught up? Yes. Do you feel

21:25

like you have a strong enough backstory? Okay,

21:28

and that was really more for you than the listeners. For

21:30

anybody else, if you want to get in detail for

21:32

all of these things I just went through, again, go

21:35

to our YouTube page and you can see right

21:37

on there, I'll have a playlist listed.

21:40

It'll be Akatar trilogy. Okay, now, we're

21:43

gonna start with the pro, we're in a prologue. Oh my God.

21:46

I love a prologue. It's

21:48

from Ryson's perspective. Oh, okay. Okay,

21:51

and it's 502 years ago. Okay.

21:54

I know, cause fuck you. Just

21:57

a completely unnecessary chapter. It's

21:59

just him. across a battlefield like just surrounded

22:01

with dead people and this was from the

22:04

war before the wall went up that split

22:06

the human and fairy worlds apart. And

22:08

he's just walking across this thing and he's looking

22:11

for his dead friend, not his dead friend, he's

22:13

looking for Cassian, the general. He's like, where's my

22:15

buddy, where's my buddy? And it's really just there

22:17

just to kind of set up like, hey war

22:19

bad, just to remind you like war is bad

22:21

and everybody has, everybody has feelings

22:23

about going through this thing that they thought

22:25

they defeated again. Everybody

22:28

has feelings about going through the thing they thought

22:30

they defeated again. We all have feelings

22:32

about going through this. Everybody has feelings, okay, you got it?

22:34

You got where I'm going with us? Okay, cool, it's

22:37

a metaphor. Anyway, that's the

22:39

end of the prologue because it's like three unnecessary

22:41

fucking pages. So we're gonna open with part one.

22:43

This book is separated into three parts. Part

22:46

one is called Princess of Carion. The

22:50

Princess of Carion? That's me because I hate

22:52

checking my luggage. No, no, no, Carion, like,

22:54

you know, like, Carion birds, like

22:56

the vulture pinking at the dead

22:58

carcasses on the side of the road and then RFK Jr.

23:00

pulls up and scoops him up and puts him in his

23:03

van. I did heroin and now

23:05

I can read books. That's a real quote he

23:07

has. We're

23:11

in hell. Okay, so, Princess of Carion.

23:15

We open with Feyre is sitting inside

23:17

of the manor and she's painting a

23:19

picture of flowers. Oh right, she loves

23:21

painting. Yeah, she loves painting, I know.

23:23

Oh, I love already seeing it come

23:25

together and you're already getting mad. She's

23:27

using, again, she's using some glamour to

23:29

hide her special tattoos. I am obsessed that

23:31

she's hiding her tattoos with glamour. She's everybody

23:33

going home for Thanksgiving right now. She's

23:36

getting that good KVD tattoo

23:38

cover foundation from Sephora. Now,

23:40

Iante shows up and Iante,

23:42

the priestess, who's like blonde

23:45

and like a total bitch.

23:47

Yeah. She shows up and she's

23:49

the one that like, even Feyre and

23:51

like all the other books was like, why don't

23:53

you just fucking marry, why didn't family marry you?

23:55

Like, you're clearly super into him and he loves

23:57

like hierarchical structures, like a bitch. Oh, like the

23:59

blonde. lady in the nanny? Yes,

24:01

100%. She's the blonde lady in

24:03

the nanny. Yes. And Feyre,

24:06

no, Feyre's not Fran Drescher. Fran Drescher

24:08

would never. Fran Drescher would never. No,

24:10

because Fran Drescher has sense. She was

24:12

a working woman with common sense who saw

24:14

an opportunity literally knocking on the door.

24:16

And she said, yeah, I'll be a nanny.

24:19

So Iante basically

24:21

gaslights her about

24:24

why she betrayed them to the king

24:26

of Hyburn. Sure. Remember, Hyburn, by the

24:28

way, is Ireland. Just to remind everybody,

24:30

Hyburn is straight up Ireland. This is

24:32

a story of the Irish invading England.

24:36

Because Sarah J. Moss has everything backwards. OK,

24:38

so it

24:40

would make more sense if the wall was

24:43

between Northern Ireland and Southern. You know what?

24:45

Fuck it. I'm sorry. I'm in hell. Now,

24:50

they go through like they have this conversation. And

24:52

she's like, no, listen, I did it because I

24:54

wanted to cover the unspoken thing that you really

24:57

wanted, which is like you didn't want your sister

24:59

to stay human because you're going to live, you're

25:01

immortal as a fairy. And you're going to live

25:03

for a super long life. And your sisters would

25:06

die in like 60 years or something. Her bitch

25:08

sister that she didn't fucking like. So I

25:10

made sure that they're immortal like you too

25:12

now. And by betraying you, I actually saved

25:14

you. And then she

25:17

leaves because she's not a bitch. And then Lucian

25:19

comes in. Remember Lucian, he has red hair and

25:21

a metal eye? Yeah. OK. At

25:24

the end of book two, when

25:26

her younger sister Elaine, I

25:29

think she might be the middle sister, but when Elaine, who's

25:31

the prettiest of them, they make a big deal, she's

25:33

skinny pretty. She's that

25:35

like very important these days. Yeah, no,

25:37

but she's like skinny's back. I know.

25:40

But she's like that like unhealthy skinny.

25:42

That's perfect. Yeah. And she's like

25:44

that really like rail thin. And everyone's like she's

25:46

so pretty. Everyone's like. Picture that guy from that

25:48

show with a musical show you like. Oh, god.

25:52

What was it? Gallivan? Gallivan. He's like I

25:54

like him. I like him. No,

25:56

he's like I like him skinny. I like him on

25:58

a healthy skinny. Or

26:00

he likes them really big. He likes them more

26:02

really, what was that guy? That's fucking Vinny, Vinny

26:05

Jones, I think, is he out? He's like a soccer

26:07

hooligan. He's a crazy guy. I love him. He's amazing,

26:10

I love Gallivan. Now, enough about that. Back

26:12

to things you don't like. Lucien shows

26:15

up, because he immediately realized when he

26:17

saw Elena as a fairy, that they

26:19

have a mating bond. Right, the dog

26:21

mating bond. Yeah, he's like, I smelled

26:23

her and she's my mate. And then,

26:26

and it's super weird. And

26:28

we touch on it a little bit throughout this book

26:30

of how weird mating bonds are. Because everyone's like, who

26:32

makes them up? I go, I don't fucking know, it

26:34

just happens. They're like, well, how do you know it's

26:36

real? I don't fucking know, it could just be a

26:39

delusion. So

26:41

he shows up and he's like, where, you know, Ryson's

26:45

gonna hurt your sister and we need to get her

26:47

back so I can protect her. And she's like, it's

26:49

fine, Ryson's fine. He's not gonna hurt her, you're being

26:51

weird. And she's like, I also don't

26:53

trust you because you betrayed me too. Because

26:55

remember, he hunted her down in book two a little bit too. So

26:58

there's like a whole thing, but she's like, I really liked

27:00

you in book one, but you were jerking book two and

27:02

like. Now you think you're. Now you think

27:04

you're my brother-in-law? Like it's weird, like it's really weird.

27:08

So there's that. Tamlin

27:10

then explains. Tampon. A

27:13

lot of listeners, I'm with you

27:15

now on the tampon thing. He's in. I'm

27:18

in. It took to book three

27:20

or was it book two where you were

27:22

like, it's tampon. Book two, I knew

27:24

instantly. Oh, this man's an abusive psycho.

27:26

But like he's in this one, he's

27:29

just a dildo. Like he is just

27:32

the worst. I mean, he's just, he's

27:34

giving me septic shock. Whoa. So

27:37

Tamlin explains that he had to make

27:39

this bargain with the evil guy, the

27:41

king of highburn. By the way, king

27:43

of highburn, that's his name. Never

27:45

get a real name for this dude. The whole

27:47

book, they're gonna keep calling him the

27:49

king of highburn or highburn or

27:51

the forces of highburn or the highburns.

27:54

And I'm like, his name's like Kevin.

27:57

Yeah. His name's

27:59

probably just Kevin. Probably Kevin. But anyway, Tamlin's

28:01

like, no, listen, I had to betray you

28:03

and all of your friends because you left

28:05

me and Rice and stole you. And

28:07

so like- Well, only one of those could be true. Either

28:10

she left or she was stolen. Well, she

28:12

left because he stole her brain. And

28:15

that's what Rice and stole her brain because he- But wasn't

28:18

she like screaming that she didn't want to get married and

28:20

that's why he came and got her? Yes, 100%. In

28:22

her mind. Yes, yeah. See, I remember- Because Rice, because

28:25

they have a mind link. And she's not using the

28:27

mind link right now because she doesn't want anyone to

28:29

overhear it. So she's being like

28:31

real careful about the mind link because she still has

28:33

it. Nobody knows she still has the mind link. Yeah,

28:36

she's using a, what's the text message thing?

28:38

Signal. She's using signal. She's

28:41

using signal. So, but

28:43

he also explains, he's like, and when I made the deal, I made sure

28:47

that when I made the deal that Hyburn promised he

28:49

wouldn't hurt any of my spring court subjects. So

28:51

anyone who is here on April 25th enjoying

28:54

this lovely 68 degree weather,

28:57

they won't be hurt by Hyburn. And she's

29:00

just like, yeah, you dumb bitch. Like he goes

29:02

back on everything. Like you're dumb. You

29:04

just, okay, sure, enjoy your tariffs

29:06

motherfucker. Like she just kind of like sit

29:08

there just like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Oh, we're special.

29:11

We won't get married. Okay, yeah, it's real

29:13

different. You're playing him. So

29:16

then the next day, Jurean shows up. Jurean.

29:18

Jurean's the human. That was

29:20

the eyeball in Amarantha's ring that they brought

29:22

back to life because she tortured him for

29:24

500 years in a ring. How's

29:27

he doing? He was crazy, but he seems

29:29

less crazy. Cause he lives inside of a

29:31

ring. Cause it was just his eyeball. Yeah.

29:34

Just his one eye. I'm gonna say something.

29:36

Yeah. Out of the gate. And

29:39

I don't know how to put this. How

29:41

many tropes did Sarah J. Mustiel from Harry

29:44

Potter? Okay. Because

29:46

when I think of the eye ring, when

29:48

I think of the Horcruxes, when I think of

29:50

the, I'm just like, are we, is this just

29:52

Harry Potter? No, so to

29:54

be fair, I wanna be completely fair. Harry

29:58

Potter also stole those from everybody. Okay,

30:00

so like like it's not original in

30:03

fantasy for any of like yeah, there's

30:05

very little original things. Yeah, we're just

30:08

Much like cooking. Yeah much like cooking You're just

30:10

taking some ingredients from this thing taking some ingredients

30:13

from this thing and if you're we're making fusion

30:15

baby. We're making fusion Okay, all right back in

30:17

we're making some fairy few so the eyeball ring

30:19

So the eyeball ring guy shows up and he

30:22

is like he's he shows up with two highburned

30:24

commanders. Okay now these are weird

30:26

creepy twins Name

30:29

Prince DAG Dan and Princess Brana.

30:31

Oh, it's a boy-girl twin Yeah,

30:33

that's the worst type of twin

30:35

especially in fantasy. Yeah, always creepy.

30:37

Yeah Holding

30:40

hands. Yes for the listeners Legend

30:43

of Korra season one this if

30:45

they're that level of twins Yeah, where they

30:47

have their and they even point out their

30:49

mind reading freaks And

30:51

so like not only do they have a sweet secret twin

30:53

language They just look at each other sometime and you can

30:56

tell they're talking. No, that's the worst guy I know and

30:58

they sleep in the same room. No. Yeah, they make a

31:00

big deal about how that we don't need two rooms Okay,

31:03

you don't if you say that that made my skin

31:05

crawl just hearing that yeah, and don't worry. Don't worry

31:07

They make it very overt later. No So

31:10

because she's not original Sarah J Moss is not

31:12

original and anything. She just is like they're

31:14

twins and yeah, they do it Yeah Now

31:21

we don't think about that one anyway, so Where

31:25

was I okay? I should have made this bigger fun Now

31:28

Jurian explains that turning Feyre's

31:31

sisters into fairies drained the

31:33

cauldron It only it's

31:35

a one pump chump when it comes to making big

31:37

spells like no, it's like a hot water heater You

31:40

know you take a big long shower. Yeah, it's got

31:42

a refill now. We got to wait Yeah, you did

31:44

the dishes to your fool You

31:46

did the laundry the dishes and wash the

31:48

baby. Yeah, nobody showered a night. Yeah, you're

31:50

taking a shower in the morning Yeah, so

31:53

that's basically what happened with the cauldron and so they

31:55

were like because it's weak They can't just pull down

31:57

the wall right now but they

31:59

wanna go poke at the wall for some weak

32:01

points and maybe they'll take the cauldron to the

32:03

wall and just shove it in one of the

32:05

holes and then expand the hole till

32:08

it breaks. Okay. That's like

32:10

their idea right now. Sure. And

32:13

so like Feyre convinces them

32:15

that she needs to go too.

32:18

Yeah. And cause Tamlin's like not letting

32:20

her leave the house again. He's being really fucking

32:22

controlling in like things. But also he's also running

32:24

around doing a bunch of different shit. So

32:27

eventually Jurean, Lucian, Feyre

32:30

and the freak twins, they

32:32

go to the wall and to check it out. Now

32:34

they do this three times and each time is, cause

32:37

of course, you know, rule of threes. Yeah. And

32:39

each time like you learn a little bit more. About the wall.

32:41

About the wall, but also about just everything else is going on.

32:44

Jurean explains that

32:47

he fought during the, in the pre-war, the

32:49

prequel war, 500 years ago, Ryson

32:52

and Jurean fought alongside each other.

32:56

And, uh, but one of the things that happened

32:58

is like, there was this whole thing about, there's

33:00

this lady named Miriam. Miriam. And Jurean

33:02

was like in love with her. And

33:04

I guess like it didn't work out. I

33:07

can't remember correctly like that well, but

33:09

basically like Jurean feels like Miriam betrayed

33:11

him for this guy named

33:13

Prince Drakon. Prince Drakon.

33:15

Yeah. Okay. Okay. D-R-A-K-O-N.

33:19

Drakon. Oh, like Drake. Yeah.

33:22

Like Drake. Um, except hold

33:24

on. She's clearly 19.

33:27

Cause every woman in fiction, fantasy fiction is 19 or 20.

33:31

They're like just over the line. But never,

33:33

never old enough to actually. But still don't have that

33:35

frontal lobe development. Uh, excuse me. Thanks to

33:37

Obamacare. I'm still on my parents insurance. Uh,

33:40

that level until I'm 26 until next

33:42

year. Um,

33:45

so I got to stop sprinkling those in, huh? Yeah.

33:48

Okay. I really do. So

33:50

anyway, uh, Ryson, uh, there

33:52

was a whole thing in there and like, he's

33:54

like, where's Miriam? I don't fucking know where Miriam

33:56

is. Cause like Miriam quote unquote died. Miriam is such

33:58

an older lady name. It's like impossible to

34:00

picture a younger like hot woman who

34:03

he's in love with named Miriam. I pictured his kind

34:05

of grief. I also thinking a picture of a baby,

34:07

like a little baby, and you're like, we're going to

34:09

name her Miriam. Yeah. Somebody's going to

34:11

get in our comments. I have to be like, fuck you for making fun of my

34:13

kid. But anyway, Miriam

34:17

and Drakon, they left at the end of the

34:19

war and nobody's heard from them since. And

34:21

there's like a big deal about that. And Jirion's like, I

34:23

still want to get my girl. And he's like, he

34:26

makes it pretty clear that the King of Hiberns, like

34:28

letting him have a little bit more leash so he

34:30

can go hunt them because they are still also a

34:32

threat. So he wants to hunt

34:34

them even though he allegedly loves one of them.

34:36

Well because it's X. He

34:38

loves them like an X. Yeah. He loves

34:41

them like a nice guy. Got it. Okay.

34:43

Because there's a lot of sexual violence in this

34:45

book. It's just

34:48

there's a lot of undertones that just

34:50

really sucks, Sarah. Okay. So

34:52

I don't know what you're saying that you

34:54

love this book series. They realize and says

34:56

that she knows for a fact that Miriam

34:59

is dead. Okay. Now that's a

35:01

lie because in the last book, Ryerson was like, yeah, she's

35:03

alive. I totally want to go visit them a while back.

35:05

He's like, they're great. No, he did. He's like, I went

35:07

to their Island for like a couple of years because again,

35:09

they're all long. They all live forever

35:11

and they basically live in like Greece. Okay. It's

35:14

like they're, they're her weird, like Santorini. Yeah. Having

35:17

a good time. But they, people went back to where

35:19

they were. It's an Island called Kratia. Like Crete. Yes.

35:22

A hundred percent. Like Crete. I'm

35:25

upset at me. This

35:27

item that is clearly Greece, but they went back to it and

35:29

they're like, oh, it's just ruins there now. I don't know where

35:31

they went. They must've left. No. Meanwhile,

35:34

they're on the beach eating a grilled feta salad

35:36

with fresh fish. Yeah. A hundred

35:38

percent. No waiter ever checking on them again. I don't

35:40

know why we paid for any. I don't know. We

35:43

should just laugh. What were they

35:46

going to do? Jurian tells Feyre that

35:49

he knows Miriam isn't dead because he

35:51

tried to resurrect her using the cauldron

35:54

and nothing came out. And the only

35:56

way that would happen is if

35:58

she wasn't dead. Bro,

36:00

you just admitted you tried to resurrect the

36:02

lady. Yeah, he did because he's fucking lunatic

36:05

Okay, so Farah and Lucian they talk they have

36:07

more exposition and then eventually they all end up

36:09

back at dinner and Farah

36:12

straight up is like, you know what

36:14

these twins they fucking and it's gross It's

36:16

like she has a whole long thought like these

36:18

twins are fucking who

36:20

I picture almost like

36:24

She's like homeschooled like a homeschooled golden

36:26

retriever girl who like it's just like

36:29

oh This and like

36:31

not really paying attention to a lot for

36:33

her to be like wait a minute guys

36:35

Yeah, no, no because also like they're making

36:38

out also because they also have mind reader

36:40

powers and they try to get in her

36:42

head Yeah, and she like uses defenses that

36:44

rice and taught her to be like no

36:46

and like grabs their little mind hands I'm

36:48

like twist it like fuck you. All right,

36:51

so like there's a lot of that happening Um Farah

36:56

Eventually like the dinner ends

36:58

and then she remember Alice Alice

37:00

is the maid. Okay, remember like

37:03

in the Exactly

37:06

it's a hundred six this is spelled

37:08

al is because she's a fairy Anyway

37:16

Alice tells Farah that that

37:19

she Alice lied to Tamlin in book

37:21

two Okay, when Farah screamed for help

37:23

and Morrigan showed up and like helped

37:26

her leave the night court made to

37:28

leave To go to the night

37:30

court. Yeah there Alice

37:33

lied and said that Morrigan showed

37:35

up and kidnapped her against her

37:38

will okay, but she was like

37:40

I was there She's like I saw your shit Like I

37:42

saw you just straight up being like I need to get

37:44

out of here and then on top

37:46

of that you melted your wedding Ring and she's

37:48

like I found the melted wedding ring. I

37:50

threw it out. Oh, okay She's like I protected

37:53

your ass and I know that you came back

37:55

here Under false pretenses,

37:57

but I ain't saying shit. Okay She straight up

37:59

looks at her. It's like it's like one of

38:01

the scenes like that movie to help. I'm not

38:03

saying shit She's like

38:05

but whatever you're gonna fucking do leave my fucking

38:07

nephews out of this. Yeah I remember in book

38:10

one she made this big deal, but she has

38:12

these hidden nephews that she's been

38:14

protecting That was like her sister's kids or whatever.

38:16

Okay, but she makes like a big deal about

38:18

it. I think that Alice now feels

38:20

to me like the The

38:23

staff from the Downton Abbey. Yes, like she's

38:26

just like no, I know all of your

38:28

secrets Yeah, I know everything. Yeah, I know

38:30

everything. I know everything Don't

38:33

fuck it up. Don't fuck with me Yeah,

38:36

so now the next day I would

38:39

read a book about Alice I Would

38:41

too. Yeah, honestly, I'd rather hear about her. I think

38:43

Alice would be an incredible book because here's the thing

38:45

Feyre Do

38:48

you know that song look what made look

38:50

what you made me do by Taylor Swift? Yes,

38:52

look what made you maybe do This

38:56

whole section of the book is

38:58

that coded? Because it's very

39:00

much she should be like, oh look he

39:02

thought he was gonna use a salad for it But instead I

39:04

gave him the fucking shrimp fork It's

39:07

very much like her she from this

39:09

moment forward She's playing games with the court and

39:11

like trying to like twinge out She's doing that

39:13

thing where like you tap on somebody's right shoulder,

39:15

but you're on their left Yeah, and then they

39:17

look and then they're slightly She's

39:21

slightly inconveniencing everybody just enough to drive them

39:23

all against each other Okay, and this is

39:25

then we're gonna start doing that now. Okay,

39:27

so we aren't there remember you aren't they

39:30

Pop quiz who's the auntie white Beyonce?

39:32

Okay, but after that joke, what's her

39:34

role? That

39:37

I don't know. She's the priestess sure. She's

39:39

the blonde priestess. Okay, and it's a summer

39:41

solstice in the spring Oh the time

39:43

for that party again Yes, but

39:46

they make a big deal about how the Tamlin's not

39:48

doing it this year Lucien did it. Okay Yeah,

39:51

somebody else's hosting and then but fair enough it's somebody

39:53

point out why didn't he make it why do you

39:55

make Lucien do it last? time yeah, like he made

39:57

this whole thing but I can't not fuck somebody and

40:00

And apparently you can, apparently you can be like, you be

40:02

the guy who can't not fuck somebody. And

40:04

Lucien was basically assaulted by Iante

40:06

during that. Anyway, yeah, there's

40:08

a lot about how Iante is a predator

40:12

towards men and like how often, cause she

40:14

went after Ryson at one point, she went

40:16

after Tamlin a bunch of times, like Lucien,

40:18

she's like abused these guys. And

40:20

she's very much being like, what? Men can't say no.

40:23

Like it's very much like that. He's like written into

40:25

the underscore of it. Which

40:27

feels really gross. Anyway, so they

40:29

had, she makes everybody, Iante makes

40:31

everybody wake up super early. And

40:33

not for brunch. Bro.

40:36

They gotta go to church. No. They

40:38

go and they have to stand on this hill

40:41

in front of an altar with everybody else as

40:43

she prays to the sun for the summer solstice.

40:45

But the thing is, is like, she's

40:48

trying to become friends with Feyre again. So

40:50

she let like Feyre help plan it. Okay.

40:52

And so Feyre was part of the plans. The

40:54

planning committee. The planning committee. And

40:57

Feyre knew that Iante placed

40:59

a stone in a

41:01

location, kind of like as like a

41:03

stage tape. Okay. To like, oh,

41:05

this is where I need to stand. So when the

41:07

sun rises, the first light beam will hit me. Yeah,

41:09

nice. And she went and she moved the stone six

41:12

inches to the left. Honestly?

41:14

Okay. And so when the sun

41:16

came over. So her selfie wasn't as good? It wasn't

41:18

as good. Not only was it not as good, the

41:20

light beam hit Feyre. Yeah, bitch.

41:22

Bitch. And then Feyre was like threw a little extra

41:24

glamor on there that no one knows that she can

41:26

do. And she made herself

41:28

shine even more. And so all of

41:30

the people knelt to Feyre because they

41:33

were like, oh my God, she is

41:35

the blessed. Feyre

41:37

is the blessed. Okay. Okay. Do

41:40

you feel me? She put on some glitter highlighter. Yeah,

41:42

she did. She a hundred percent. And that

41:45

made everybody, everybody

41:47

mad. Yeah. Okay. That

41:50

night, that night Feyre has a nightmare. Oh

41:53

no. And she wakes up and

41:55

she crosses the hallway to Lucien's room because

41:57

she needs, she just needs somebody to console her. Red-haired

42:00

glass-eye Lucian. Yeah, so she goes to Lucian.

42:03

And now Lucian's room is right across the hall

42:05

from Feyre's room. She and Tamlin aren't staying in

42:07

the same room right now. Yeah, because she's married

42:09

to someone else. But also in Tamlin's mind, she

42:11

just needs space. She's still getting over all the

42:13

things that happened to her. Right, okay. And so

42:15

she's playing them on that. And then

42:18

Tamlin also keeps turning into a dog and sitting

42:20

in front of doors and shit like that. He's

42:22

weird. But

42:24

she can't go to her old room because

42:27

when she left in book two,

42:30

Tamlin punched out all of the drywall. He

42:33

just white guy, just, oh, I gotta beat

42:35

up, I gotta beat up objects. Okay, Josh.

42:38

I gotta beat up some objects. Oh no.

42:40

And so that's what he did. He ran

42:42

around, he punched holes and all that. And

42:44

so, and then didn't fix it. He has

42:46

magic. Why the fuck is a castle made

42:49

of drywall at this point? You know what?

42:51

I don't know. It might be the

42:53

wood, but I'm just telling you, in the metaphor I'm using,

42:55

it's basically drywall. It's funnier if

42:57

it's drywall. So they moved her room

42:59

across from Lucian. I like that they didn't

43:01

fix it. They just did another room. They just did

43:03

another room. They have magic. That checks out. They

43:06

have magic and servants and infinite money. And

43:08

they were like, nah, you know what? Nah.

43:10

She's been home for like a month. Like

43:12

this could have already been done. Nope. Yeah,

43:15

anyway. So she runs across the

43:17

hall of Lucian and she's like, oh, I had

43:19

such a nightmare. Can you hold me? And she

43:21

reaches in and she holds her, oh, Lucian. I

43:23

just, I don't feel safe. And then Tamlin walks

43:25

in. She left the

43:27

door open. Just a crack. Just a crack. The ball

43:29

came sniffing. And then Tamlin was like, what's going on?

43:32

And he looks and he sees Pharah in

43:34

Lucian's arms, late at night

43:36

and Pharah wearing silky lingerie. Oh

43:39

no. And then she's like, ah, I

43:41

should leave. And then she walks out and then

43:43

she admits she had set it all up. She hadn't had

43:45

a nightmare. This was all her plan. I'm

43:48

sorry. Cause the real Pharah can't come to

43:50

the phone right now. Why? Because

43:53

she's dead. Look

43:55

what you made me do. Look what you

43:57

made me do. It's so

43:59

fucking. It's so listen listen I remember

44:02

I was reading and I was like

44:04

this bitch thinks she thought something That's

44:07

the whole and I'm just like and these

44:09

guys are falling for it because this is she is 20 Yeah,

44:13

and all of these these fairies.

44:15

Mm-hmm are like a thousand years old. Yeah

44:17

with like 14 years

44:19

of experience 14

44:21

years of interpersonal experience. Yeah, they

44:23

all have arrested development. Yep So

44:26

the next day Lucia Farah Jurian and the twins they

44:28

had to a different hole in the wall This is

44:31

whole to why there's so many holes in the wall.

44:33

There's three holes. It's a terrible wall. This is three

44:35

holes That

44:37

I don't like saying that I don't like

44:39

yelling there's three holes but it feels gross

44:43

that feels gross Yeah

44:47

three holes, okay now So

44:50

favorite asks Lucian if there's any way

44:52

for Tamlin to get out of the

44:54

deal He made with highburn and Lucian

44:57

says no the king of highburn Basically

44:59

a lawyer wrote this bargain real good.

45:02

No way out And

45:04

magic would strike Tamlin dead if

45:06

he doesn't allow highburns armies to

45:08

march across his lands. Okay He

45:11

says it will claim Tamlin's power or his

45:14

life and it's like well Gives

45:16

a shit Favorite and Lucian fine

45:18

finally find the hole Yeah, the second hole because like

45:21

they know where they are But they kind of like

45:23

move around a little bit They find the second hole

45:25

in the wall and standing on the other side of

45:27

it are three children of the blessed Okay,

45:30

you don't remember them they're from the very

45:33

beginning of book one. Mm-hmm. These are humans

45:35

who wear cloaks Who

45:37

walk around who fucking love fairies?

45:39

They're like fairies are the best

45:41

we we were better. They're cult

45:43

people Yeah, yeah,

45:45

they're cult people who were super nefarious even though

45:47

nobody in the human lands has seen fairies forever.

45:49

Yeah, these are they are and Pharah's

45:53

fuck out of here and then the

45:56

creepy twin show I'm like, hey By

45:58

the way, they call themselves children of the blessed, but they're like, they're,

46:02

I want to say between 17 and 20. Okay.

46:05

Like they're not like little kids, but they are

46:07

children. Yeah. Anyway,

46:09

the creepy twins like, come over here. We want to be,

46:11

we want to play with you, but they say it all

46:14

creepy. They say it all creepy and fucked up. But favorite

46:16

enters their mind, which nobody knows that she can do. She

46:19

enters their mind and she tells the

46:21

kids to like, fuck off. Like she scares them away and

46:23

the kids run away. And Juryon

46:25

kind of pulls favorite of the side. And

46:27

he's like, thank you for protecting the twins.

46:30

And then he shares more of his

46:32

backstory about like,

46:34

he's like, Ryson was one of the good ones,

46:36

basically. Like he basically is like, I loved Ryson.

46:38

Like Ryson was such a G

46:40

during the war. And like

46:43

every, every other high Lord's a bag of shit. Yeah.

46:46

But that guy, that guy. The

46:49

guy with the bat wings. With the bat wings,

46:51

he's cool as fuck. Yeah. And she's like,

46:53

okay, cool. And then they go to sleep and Lucian and

46:55

Feyre. I still look at the hole in the wall? Yeah. Cause they're just

46:57

like at their tent because it takes like a day to get back. And

46:59

they spend all day like looking at the hole. And

47:01

so. They look over in the tent that has the twins in it and

47:03

rocking. Well, they go to sleep and then they wake

47:06

up to the smell of blood and they

47:08

open their tent and they discovered that

47:10

the twins had gone through the hole,

47:12

captured the three children of the blessed,

47:14

dragged them back and tortured them to

47:16

death outside of their tent. And

47:18

they didn't hear, they didn't wake up. I don't know. That's

47:20

crazy. Like we're by the campsite. I thought they were going to

47:22

eat them. It doesn't, it

47:25

doesn't really go into too much graphic detail,

47:27

but it's good, which is good. But

47:29

it's, it's very clear that it's just like sexual

47:32

violence. Oh God. Like it's

47:34

just the way they keep doing that. It just

47:36

keeps coming up at a rate that you're just

47:38

like, Okay. Sarah, have you

47:40

talked to a therapist? God.

47:43

Okay. So the twins, creepy twins

47:45

murdered innocent people. Yeah. And so

47:47

there's a whole thing where they

47:49

get revenge on the twins by,

47:51

by a sicking, like a wild

47:53

animal on them. It

47:56

doesn't kill them, but it does chase them around, make them annoyed. And

47:58

so. You know with

48:00

her whole her whole like plot arc or

48:03

whatever it is just like being like I'm

48:05

just slightly annoying I'm a waiting room, you

48:07

know There

48:12

is the waiting yeah, you're the princess of

48:14

waiting rooms not princess of carry on the

48:16

temperature is just a little too cold in here

48:18

Yeah, and you know what we have been going here for a

48:21

bit. So why don't we take a quick break? Okay? Oh my

48:23

god, we've been over. Wow. Yeah, we've been going for a

48:25

while I feel like this is gonna be a super long episode

48:27

because I'm not even through part one yet And we're already 40

48:29

minutes in so we're gonna take a Quick

48:32

little break and when we come back, I'm gonna

48:34

tell you about how that part

48:36

one ends. Okay. All right, right

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50:00

so the freak twins killed

50:02

humans killed you They were got a little bit

50:05

of light retribution against them You actually don't even

50:07

like read it like you're told about it off-camera

50:10

Okay, like it's like they cut and Tamils you shouldn't

50:12

have done that and it's like I

50:14

would have been better to hear like them Do that

50:16

because there's so many unnecessary chapters in this book. I'm

50:18

like at least put that in that would have been

50:20

interesting Yeah, cuz it's this creature called like the boog

50:23

the boog the boog And

50:25

it's like it's mentioned and described in prior

50:27

books I don't really quite remember it, but

50:29

it's just like a big scary like booger

50:31

forest monster. Okay Anyway,

50:33

they had like it's just like picturing two

50:35

weird Incest twins who

50:38

I picture wearing like all black Oh,

50:41

I was picturing them in like light gold cloaks

50:44

No, blonde hair. No because like the evil

50:46

people in this book are like evil evil

50:49

So it's all very much like they're like, oh,

50:51

yeah We won't wear like black even though like

50:53

the good guy actually also wears black leather, but

50:55

they wear like freaks You know what I mean?

50:57

Yeah, and they have like spiky hair in my

50:59

head They like spiky hair and like their head

51:01

their faces are a little bit too round. I

51:05

Don't know. I have like a very picture of like

51:07

a really shitty honestly out of anything

51:10

the freak twins They're done in AI they

51:12

have that uncanny Valley AI feature in my

51:14

head. Does that make sense? Yeah, okay, so

51:18

Tamlin and Farah have a huge argument about

51:20

this. Mm-hmm I guess Tamlin's

51:23

like you undercut me by getting

51:25

retribution yourself on the

51:27

fucking Twins, okay, that's

51:29

gonna fuck up my shit with highburn

51:31

and Faye was like they're murderers Mm-hmm.

51:34

He's like, yeah, but they killed

51:36

humans. Yeah, and she's like bitch. I was a human He's

51:38

like, yeah, but you're different and she's like

51:40

he's like you're one of the good ones and she's like,

51:42

whoa What the fuck and they go back and forth a

51:44

little bit and then finally Tamlin just like

51:47

a white guy in the suburbs Explodes yeah,

51:49

and like literally when Tamlin's rage explodes like

51:52

he actually explodes like this huge

51:54

like wind Explosion

51:56

comes out and like blows everything up

51:59

the last time he did this, she threw up

52:01

a shield at the last minute because fairies can

52:03

create like magic bubbles around themselves, but

52:06

she knew he would blow up. Yeah,

52:08

because she's been poking him. She's been

52:10

poking him. And so she didn't

52:13

throw up a shield on purpose. Yeah. And

52:15

so the blast hits her throws her against

52:17

the wall. She's like a cut on her

52:19

cheek, but this happens directly in front of

52:21

Tamlin's guards. Okay. Who were extremely loyal to

52:24

him like these are like his Praetorian guards.

52:26

These are his boys. Remember the

52:28

wolf that she killed in book one. That

52:30

was one of his guards. He had to

52:33

send one of his guards every year to

52:35

the human lands to like be murdered to

52:37

find the woman who would break the curse.

52:39

Yeah. And so his guards like

52:41

we sacrifice ourselves one by one to go find

52:43

this lady. Now, you're beating her up. Yeah. And

52:45

so like she does that completely and it's

52:48

like it's starting to split the guards.

52:51

The guards like that's **** up. Yeah. I didn't sign

52:53

up to be protecting a woman beater. You know what

52:55

I mean? Now, that night. Uh

52:57

huh. A thing

52:59

happens where there are these creatures

53:01

called Nagas and AGA. Okay.

53:04

Okay. Mm hmm. And

53:07

not M. Uh yep. Okay. So

53:09

a bunch of Nagas get

53:12

into I know it's difficult

53:14

to say how about this swamp

53:16

creatures. Okay. Is that better? Yeah.

53:18

Okay. So these weird swamp creatures

53:21

get into the estate and

53:23

like it's a whole thing because like the keys

53:25

were left in the gate and

53:27

like and something happened but

53:29

A. Y. Wakes up. Yeah.

53:31

She she has a

53:33

vision. Oh sure. And the vision

53:36

told her that something bad was gonna happen. She's

53:38

able to like raise the alarm and they're able

53:40

to kill these monsters before anything bad happens. So

53:43

the the thing on her phone with the nest

53:45

camera out front. Yeah. The motion. Yeah. The motion.

53:47

The motion detector went off in her dreams. Oh,

53:49

there's small people outside. But what really happened was

53:51

Ianthe stole the keys from a guard that she

53:53

had knocked out. Okay. And

53:56

then the guard got

53:58

the blame. Yeah. And Tamlin whips

54:00

the guard and again,

54:03

this is more of a wedge between Tamlin and

54:05

his guards So like you're gonna listen this ho

54:07

over your bros and it becomes a whole thing,

54:10

right? Yeah, these are the guards the guards like

54:12

go we guards Bros for

54:14

life and he's like you fucked up though

54:17

And so again, they're like so like if you we're

54:20

talking about like you messed up with a key Like

54:22

you just write them up. You don't beat them up.

54:24

No, he whips the shit out of them. I literally

54:26

whips them um Alice

54:29

the maid at this point is

54:31

like turns to Feyre

54:33

that night after all this and she or maybe

54:35

that's that morning I can't remember when but she's

54:38

like hey just you know, I'm getting the fuck

54:40

out of here. I'm taking my boys Yeah, okay.

54:42

She's like yo, this place is fucked. Yeah, I

54:44

get this I get Alice. I'm I'm heading to

54:46

Canada She's like I'm going to Canada except it's

54:48

warm there. It's it's north of here and warmer.

54:51

It's confused but yeah, she's like I'm going

54:53

to the summer court and And

54:55

and Feyre is she's like I'm going to summer court

54:57

you always visit me there if you want and she's

54:59

like There's a bounty on my head

55:01

in the summer court and she's like well Well,

55:05

I won't try to kill you if you

55:07

visit but like someone else might fucking this

55:10

whole con This whole world's fucked idiot. Yeah,

55:12

so Alice just leaves and then the usual

55:14

gang of Feyre Lucian Jurian and the freak

55:16

twins go to wall hole number three worst

55:19

crew. It's the worst blunt rotation in history

55:22

Yeah, the worst brunch you've ever imagined

55:25

round three as a server not I'm

55:27

not that with you these people so

55:31

When they get there, they're chit-chatting and everyone

55:33

gets like a little bit looser About

55:36

like what they're talking about because now it's like their third

55:38

one. There's a third hole. They've been the other two. Yeah

55:42

Yeah, listen, you're more than acquaintances. Listen when you've

55:44

already stretched out two holes in your head for

55:46

the third There's

55:48

a bond, you know So

55:51

anyway friends She finds out

55:53

that Hibernia has an army of over 200,000 Okay

55:56

troops and that they have some allies

55:58

from the continent that are joined She

56:01

also learns how they're gonna use the

56:03

cauldron. That's what I told you earlier

56:05

about shove it in the wall. And then

56:07

Feyre goes down like her mental checklist and she's

56:09

like, got it. I've knocked off everything I want

56:11

to do. I've

56:14

ruined Tamlin's relationship with his guards.

56:17

I've told everybody that Yante is in

56:19

shit. I've gotten, I've checked

56:21

off like who their allies are and their troop strength.

56:23

I've gotten basically every piece of information I can get.

56:25

And she's like, you know what? I'm

56:27

getting the fuck out of here. I'm

56:30

getting out of here. And then

56:32

you're not getting my third hole. I'm leaving.

56:34

Exactly. And she's a, she gets her

56:36

bag. Cause she's like, I got stuff in my bag.

56:39

I got like enough to like get me to the

56:41

night court. So

56:47

she's getting ready to leave. And all of a sudden

56:50

she hears Lucian yelling, not

56:52

to touch it. And she

56:54

like looks and she finds Lucian

56:57

is chained up by

57:00

Yante who is like getting

57:02

creepy like predator on him. And

57:05

she's like, what the fuck? And she realizes

57:07

that Yante is using these same magic blue

57:10

chains that she had seen the

57:12

king of high burn people using before that

57:15

like nullifies people's powers. So

57:17

Feyre enters Yante's mind and

57:19

she like, you're going to let Lucian free now.

57:22

And like Yante can't stop. And she's just like

57:24

lets her let them go. And then

57:26

she's like, pick up that stone over there. She picks up

57:28

a stone. And she puts her hand on that boulder. She

57:30

puts her hand in the boulder. And she starts smashing your

57:32

hands. And she makes her like break her own hand with

57:35

a rock. Which is like crazy,

57:37

but also I was like, all right, that's the

57:39

first like non

57:41

Taylor Swift thing you've done. Like that's

57:44

the first like you've been sitting

57:46

like dressing up like a snake and being like,

57:48

my snake in the background. But now it's like,

57:50

break your own fucking hand you bitch. I was

57:52

like, yeah, good. I listened to

57:55

that album. Yeah, fuck yeah dude. Yeah,

57:57

torture that poet. So. Um,

58:00

and so she's like... Who's

58:03

her biggest enemy? It's her. Yeah. So,

58:05

right? So then she's like, Lucian's like, I'm

58:07

coming with you. I need to go see

58:10

Elaine. She's like, you're... Elaine? Yeah. Remember the

58:12

girl? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Why do you think...

58:14

Oh, you're thinking from Seinfeld? Because there's still so

58:16

many crazy names. Yeah, fuck you! No! Fuck

58:19

you! Fuck you! Fuck

58:22

you forever. It's Nesta and Elaine, remember?

58:24

Yeah, I know. I remember now. Okay.

58:27

Fuck you. Elaine. Do you have any idea how many of these guys they

58:29

keep straight? Uh-huh. Do

58:32

you have any idea how many of these names

58:34

get only like one letter different? Uh-huh. So...

58:38

So she's like, okay, I guess you can come.

58:40

And then right then, they get attacked by the

58:43

freak twins. And catch it. Oh. Because

58:45

the freak twins tell... Secret spies. They tell

58:48

them, they're like, oh, remember that apple you

58:50

ate earlier? We put Fabane in it. Fabane?

58:54

Fabane is some sort of magic plant

58:56

that grows in highburn. Mm-hmm. That can

58:58

nullify a fairy's power. Okay. There's

59:00

too many obstacles to your power. There's

59:02

so many. It's like they're... And also, they're

59:05

like, oh, yeah, no, my secret. My

59:07

secret weakness. Bullets. Like, you know what I mean?

59:09

Like, Jesus Christ. Eventually... Also,

59:11

if the twins gave me an apple, I would not eat

59:13

it. Yeah, exactly. So, but inside the

59:16

apple, they had laced it

59:18

with Fabane. And they're like, that's gonna... You've

59:20

been secretly drugged. And this

59:23

is gonna leave you powerless for days. And

59:25

we got you. Bitch. We also caught

59:28

you. You killed Yande. And Feyre has

59:30

just enough power left that

59:32

she and Lucian are able to kill the twins.

59:34

She like, bam, bam, she does this thing called

59:37

winnowing, which is like the Nightcrawler bamf.

59:39

We're just like, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft. You

59:41

know what I mean? No. She like puffs and then

59:43

appears somewhere else. Oh, okay. And then puffs and then

59:45

appears somewhere else. Got it. So, she can do like

59:48

these short-range teleports. And they don't know

59:50

she can... Nobody knows she can do this shit. Yeah. Lucian

59:52

knew like a little bit because he saw her do it

59:54

in book two, but he never brought it up. Like Lucian

59:56

goes out of his way to like not mention a lot

59:58

of things. Yeah. He's a... What's that thing? a

1:00:00

lie of omission. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You hate

1:00:02

a lie. I hate a lie. Yeah. Because

1:00:04

you know, I wanted that information. You left

1:00:06

it out. So lie

1:00:09

of the mission. They

1:00:11

kill the twins. OK, honestly, great. It's

1:00:13

great. It's actually a pretty well-written scene.

1:00:16

Yance and twins dead. No. Yante

1:00:18

is still alive. She just has

1:00:20

smashed hands. OK. I was wondering

1:00:22

because you were saying, oh, well, she attacked. OK.

1:00:24

Yeah, she smashed it. She had her smash her

1:00:26

own hands with a rock. Both hands. Just one.

1:00:28

OK. She had what she had to you can

1:00:30

only smash one. I know that's why I was

1:00:32

I was saying it because I it's hard enough

1:00:34

to paint both your nails. Yeah, with your hands.

1:00:37

Yeah, exactly. So she smashed her own hands with

1:00:39

a rock on the thing. And then

1:00:41

they I think that one twin, they decapitate and the other

1:00:43

one. I think they just stab a bunch. OK,

1:00:46

guys. But now they're out of power. Oh,

1:00:48

OK. So they can't teleport. So now they just going

1:00:50

to they have to wipe out in the woods. They

1:00:52

have to walk. Oh, gross. They have to walk like

1:00:55

like the commoners. They have to walk the entire breadth

1:00:57

of England into Scotland because

1:01:00

that is where they have to walk all of

1:01:02

England. OK. Because that because remember, they're in the

1:01:04

Supreme Court. That's like the South. Yep.

1:01:07

That's like that. That's like the Midlands of England.

1:01:09

And they got to walk all the way to

1:01:12

like northern Scotland because that is where Ryssen is.

1:01:14

OK. I mean, what's that walk in the

1:01:16

from the bottom of Jersey to the top of Jersey?

1:01:20

I mean, it's a little bit longer than that. It's

1:01:23

a little longer than that. I just I'm kidding. It's

1:01:25

very much that American thing of like where you're like,

1:01:27

what? How big could it be? No, to be fair,

1:01:29

to be fair. There is no drive in England that

1:01:31

is anywhere near as long as the drives we've done

1:01:34

for that. I'm obsessed with that. I'm obsessed with when

1:01:36

that was going viral on the Internet for people that

1:01:38

don't know in the middle of the pandemic. There was

1:01:40

like people going viral because people

1:01:43

from the UK were finding out that people in

1:01:45

the US like have really long commute times for

1:01:47

work. Or like when they go home to

1:01:49

visit, they'll drive like three hours. Or if they're

1:01:52

going to like visit someone they love, they'll drive

1:01:54

seven hours. Like it's not a thing in American culture

1:01:56

to care about that. Yeah. But in the UK,

1:01:58

like people will be like, oh, I have.

1:02:00

visited my dad in five years and they're like how far

1:02:02

away is he? 45 minute drive. Yeah,

1:02:04

it's like they it doesn't comprehend to

1:02:07

them that we drive so much. The

1:02:09

European mind. Yeah. Cannot

1:02:11

comprehend a 22 mile daily commute.

1:02:13

Yeah, I'm like we both did

1:02:16

that. Yeah. And

1:02:18

the thing is, that's a one direction. Yeah. One

1:02:20

direction. Twenty two months. Then twenty two back. Twenty

1:02:22

two back. Bitch. In the middle

1:02:24

of traffic. At the

1:02:26

worst times of day to do a

1:02:29

job to do. Actually, you went further.

1:02:31

Yeah. You were 35 to do a

1:02:33

job to go. You do

1:02:35

an online job. You drove in an Internet

1:02:37

job. She drove into the city to answer

1:02:40

a Zoom call. I almost flipped

1:02:42

the table. So Lucian's

1:02:44

like, hey, I'm going to

1:02:47

walk with you. I know a shortcut. And

1:02:49

she's like, OK. And he's like,

1:02:51

you know, I hope you get back. But I want

1:02:53

to I want to see Elaine. And

1:02:56

he's like, we're going to have to walk, though. And

1:02:58

that's the end of part one. That's

1:03:00

the end of part one. Wow. That's that's the princess

1:03:02

of carry on. So what are your thoughts here on

1:03:05

part one? Um,

1:03:09

a lot. OK. I was introduced

1:03:11

to the twins and now the twins are dead. Yeah. The

1:03:14

twins, to be fair, they never felt like that fleshed

1:03:16

out of a character. They were just weird little like

1:03:18

fuck monsters. Yeah. And you're like, oh, no, I hate

1:03:21

them. Yeah. And

1:03:23

OK. But now we're walking to Night

1:03:26

Court. Yeah. And, uh, yeah,

1:03:28

no, I think I'm ready. I think I got my feet on

1:03:30

the ground. In

1:03:32

the dry states of the Southwest,

1:03:34

there's a group that's been denied

1:03:37

a basic human right in the

1:03:39

Navajo Nation today. A third of

1:03:41

our households don't have running water.

1:03:43

But that's not something they chose

1:03:45

for themselves. Can the Navajo people

1:03:47

reclaim their right to water and

1:03:49

contend with the government's legacy of

1:03:51

control and neglect? Our water, our

1:03:53

beauty, our water, our beauty. That's

1:03:56

in the next season of Reclaimed,

1:03:59

the lifeblood of Navajo. nation listen

1:04:01

now wherever you get your podcasts

1:04:20

i'm obsessed every time but

1:04:23

now it's time for part two yeah curse

1:04:25

breaker i'm excited okay good you

1:04:27

should be excited because we're gonna walk a

1:04:29

lot now okay great most of the beginning

1:04:31

of lord of the rings lord of the

1:04:33

rings lord of the rings it's fayron lucian

1:04:35

he takes her through the autumn court yeah

1:04:37

that's where his dad and his brothers reign

1:04:39

yep and so he's like we gotta be

1:04:42

real quiet we gotta be take a lot

1:04:44

of ducks but luckily i grew up here

1:04:46

so you get a little bit about his

1:04:48

backstory about how like he fell in love

1:04:50

with a girl who they didn't accept uh

1:04:52

so they murdered her wait i'm sorry they didn't accept her

1:04:55

so they murdered her yeah that's just what they do with

1:04:57

his place i mean the thing is is like again

1:05:00

the fairies suck like i

1:05:02

can't stress about how like fairy culture

1:05:04

is bad yeah fairies in general evil

1:05:06

yeah there's like you just like hey

1:05:08

you're not allowed to get married there's

1:05:10

like three good ones okay

1:05:13

okay like there's three good

1:05:15

fairies uh she just happens to keep meeting

1:05:17

those yeah uh i mean there's

1:05:19

more than that but like the high lords

1:05:21

especially they're all fucking crazy yeah of course

1:05:23

um so they like they keep take they

1:05:25

take this cave passage to the autumn court

1:05:28

uh which gets them from spring to autumn and then

1:05:30

they stay spend a night in a cave spring autumn

1:05:32

they just skip in summer they skip summer because summer

1:05:34

is on the right no no i'm kidding i know

1:05:36

joke about how weather works oh yeah yeah well i

1:05:41

think we got less autumn so they

1:05:43

um they like so

1:05:45

one of the things that he

1:05:47

admits lucian admits is that he knew pharaoh was

1:05:49

faking it the whole time okay because he was

1:05:51

like yeah i didn't say anything because like if

1:05:53

i had said something number one tandlin wouldn't have

1:05:55

believed me so i wouldn't have fucking mattered yeah

1:05:57

he's like at number two if i had called

1:06:00

any problems with your plans, I would never be

1:06:02

able to see Elaine, my mate again. And

1:06:05

so he like just didn't say shit.

1:06:07

Yeah. And which was probably a good move.

1:06:09

Like at least in the story, it was a pretty good

1:06:11

move. So they are

1:06:14

going back and forth about like a bit different stuff. She's

1:06:17

really weirded out because Lucien's like already talking about

1:06:19

Elaine like they're married. And she's like, this is

1:06:21

fucking weird. Cause they also keep using, by the

1:06:23

way, they also keep using males,

1:06:25

females and mates at a rate

1:06:27

that really fucking grosses me out.

1:06:30

Like they don't say like boyfriend,

1:06:33

girlfriend, husband, wife, guy. No,

1:06:35

gal. No. You

1:06:38

know, and that's up. No, it's mate. And

1:06:41

so there's very much like, there's very

1:06:43

much a, how can I put

1:06:45

this? It's very much like

1:06:47

a shifter romance. What's a shifter? Okay.

1:06:50

Don't make me do this. But I don't

1:06:52

know what you're talking about. Okay. So

1:06:55

you've never gone down the

1:06:57

shifter romance corner

1:06:59

of the internet. No. There's

1:07:01

people who like to fuck like a werewolf cause

1:07:04

they shift into other animals. Oh.

1:07:06

Or maybe like a werebear. A

1:07:08

werebear. Now that sounds cute. Or a

1:07:10

were dinosaur. Do

1:07:13

they shift during it? Why would they be attracted

1:07:15

to it? It's just that we can

1:07:17

just give animalistic qualities to things. It's really what

1:07:19

it comes down to. It's just like, I really

1:07:21

like doggy style. I'm into werewolves. That's

1:07:24

kind of like how this kind of goes.

1:07:26

Okay. But like every time she's talking,

1:07:28

and by she, I mean Sarah J.

1:07:30

Mass. Every time Sarah J. Mass is

1:07:33

writing about relationships in this world,

1:07:35

it's not about men and women.

1:07:38

Yeah. It is about males

1:07:40

and females. Yeah, gross. And

1:07:42

it's about mates. Yeah. And

1:07:45

bonds. Not relationships. The

1:07:47

worst guy you know ever is calling a

1:07:49

woman a female right now. Yeah. It's

1:07:51

very pharynge. It's pharynge-y. Female.

1:07:54

No, the pharynge's I actually, I'm just like,

1:07:56

okay, that's how the pharynge's are. They don't allow

1:07:58

women to wear clothes. Listen,

1:08:01

I'm talking about human men that are like,

1:08:03

these females, and you're like, ugh. Yeah, I

1:08:06

know, yeah, I know, I know how they

1:08:08

vote. So now the, so

1:08:11

they go back and forth. Lucian

1:08:13

warns Pharah that his dad, the

1:08:15

High Lord of Autumn, his name's Baron, or

1:08:18

Baron, doesn't matter, it's with a

1:08:20

B. This guy will get

1:08:22

mad at her, because

1:08:26

Baron was one of the High Lords that helped her

1:08:28

come back, right? And when they did that,

1:08:30

they all, she got a little bit of all their powers. Yes.

1:08:33

So she's like the Avatar in that way. She has all the powers.

1:08:35

Baron's gonna be mad that she took a little bit

1:08:37

of his power, and he's gonna wanna kill her to

1:08:40

get that power back. Oh,

1:08:42

so this is a very dangerous situation for them.

1:08:44

Very dangerous situation for them. So they keep walking

1:08:46

through the Autumn Court, he gives

1:08:48

more backstory, and then right

1:08:50

before they get to the border between

1:08:53

the Autumn Court and Winter, Lucian's

1:08:56

brothers catch up, and

1:08:58

they find them. Damn. And

1:09:01

I don't know they named all the brothers, but

1:09:03

the eldest one, the most important one, his name

1:09:05

is Eris. Eris. E-R-I-S.

1:09:09

Okay. Okay. Now the thing is,

1:09:11

Lucian hates him. Yeah. And

1:09:14

Pharah hates him. Okay. Because Eris

1:09:16

was the guy who was betrothed to

1:09:18

Morrigan. Okay. When Morrigan

1:09:21

cheated on him with Cassian.

1:09:23

Okay. And then they nailed a

1:09:26

note to her womb and left her in

1:09:28

front of her family. I

1:09:31

don't remember that. Yeah, it happened. Okay.

1:09:33

They did some sexual violence. And

1:09:37

when that happened, that

1:09:40

was the whole reason why Morrigan isn't accepted

1:09:42

by her family anymore, because

1:09:44

they couldn't sell her off to

1:09:47

make a new alliance. Okay.

1:09:49

So she's always hated Eris. Yeah.

1:09:51

And it's this whole thing. So

1:09:53

they show up and then immediately

1:09:56

the brothers are like, ha, the

1:09:58

rumor going across all of Prithian

1:10:00

is that. you cucked Tamlin with

1:10:02

Feyre-lution. You guys cucked

1:10:05

Tamlin. And they're like,

1:10:07

ah, no. And then Feyre uses

1:10:10

her fire powers in front of

1:10:12

them, which

1:10:15

is crazy. And she, because

1:10:17

a little bit of her power is able to come

1:10:19

back, and she uses it to collapse a cave as

1:10:22

they're finally escaping through this one area.

1:10:24

So they're unable to catch up. They

1:10:27

finally cross into the winter court, and

1:10:30

they're crossing like a big frozen lake. And

1:10:32

that's when Lucien's brothers, specifically

1:10:34

Eris, catch up with them. On

1:10:37

a lake. On a frozen lake. And

1:10:40

these guys, guess what? Are they horses? No,

1:10:42

they have fire powers, dummy. Are they gonna

1:10:44

melt the lake? That's 100% what they're doing,

1:10:46

but her power's starting to come back. Oh,

1:10:48

yup. So she uses- The novocaine in her

1:10:50

mouth is wearing off. It's starting to wear

1:10:53

off. She's getting a little tingly. It's 100%

1:10:55

like how it's described, actually. So she's getting

1:10:57

a little tingly, and she's running, and she's

1:10:59

able to like refreeze the ice using the

1:11:01

winter court king, high lord's powers. Which, guess

1:11:03

what? Winter powers? Cold. Yeah.

1:11:07

I do cold. I do cold. Yeah,

1:11:09

it doesn't, so the part that doesn't make sense to

1:11:11

me is like summer. So the heat misers are going

1:11:14

against the cold misers. Yes, 100%. And

1:11:16

so she's like refreezing the ice as they're

1:11:18

running across it. But like enough of it

1:11:21

breaks that she's finally able

1:11:23

to send a signal down the bond tattoo. Oh,

1:11:27

okay. And then out of nowhere,

1:11:29

Cassian and Azriel show up. Boom,

1:11:32

boom, and they do the superhero

1:11:34

landing with their wings, and then

1:11:36

they beat off the fucking brothers.

1:11:38

They beat them off? They beat them off.

1:11:40

I don't think that's what you meant to say. I know, I was gonna

1:11:42

say up, but I was like off is fun here. But

1:11:45

they like, and then she stands up,

1:11:48

because now she's like, I'm fucking, we

1:11:50

got this shit. This is awesome. And

1:11:52

Feyre reveals that she's

1:11:54

like, I am actually not, you

1:11:56

know, I didn't cook Tamlin.

1:12:00

I couldn't have because I've already been, I've been

1:12:02

married the whole time. I am the mate to

1:12:04

Ryssen and I am actually the high lady

1:12:06

of the night court. And she lets her,

1:12:09

the high lady of the night court.

1:12:12

I was singing the music. I know. Oh

1:12:15

wait, which one? Night court. Oh.

1:12:17

Oh god. That was too loud.

1:12:21

The high lady of the night court. Let me try it again, ready? Yeah. In

1:12:23

three, two, one. I am

1:12:25

the high lady of the

1:12:27

night court. So

1:12:31

she's Ryss? No. Now.

1:12:36

Oh. Okay. Everybody calm

1:12:38

down. Everybody breathe. We're getting too excited. We're

1:12:41

getting too excited. So they,

1:12:43

she tells them that she could kill the brothers, but

1:12:46

she has decided in her infinite wisdom to spare

1:12:48

them. Oh, all right. And then they

1:12:51

reunited friends. They

1:12:53

fly home. The crew. The crew flies home. The crew

1:12:55

is coming home. The crew is coming home. The crew

1:12:57

is coming home. The crew is coming home. The crew

1:12:59

flies home. The crew is back. Asriel grabs Lucian. Cassian

1:13:02

grabs her. Bat wings out. Bat wings

1:13:04

out. And they fly back to Valerius.

1:13:07

Yeah. Which is the city of

1:13:09

dreams. Yep. In the night court.

1:13:11

Yup. Yup. Yup. Yup.

1:13:15

One more number down. So they finally make it back

1:13:17

to the townhouse, right? Because remember that the townhouse. It's

1:13:19

a townhouse. Now they call it a townhouse the entire

1:13:21

time. I'm going to tell you from here on out,

1:13:23

I'm calling it a row home. Cause it's funnier. Because

1:13:26

they make a big deal. That was one of

1:13:28

the things that they really pushed in the book

1:13:30

is all these other guys have these incredible palaces.

1:13:32

Yeah. And all this opulence and

1:13:34

wealth. And the Ryerson's just different. He just lives

1:13:37

in a little townhouse. He's

1:13:39

like the prime minister of Britain. You know, he doesn't have

1:13:41

a White House. He doesn't have a presidential

1:13:43

palace. He just has a little 10

1:13:46

Downing Street. That's where the Ryerson lives

1:13:48

in 10 Downing Street. Anyway, I hate

1:13:50

it. Because it's also like

1:13:52

clearly like a nine bedroom town. I'm like,

1:13:54

this is like a fucking New York brownstone.

1:13:57

A brownstone. Yeah. You

1:14:00

try to make it seem quaint. It has a garden. I'm

1:14:02

like you fucking what are you talking about? anyway,

1:14:06

they get back there and Ryson

1:14:10

and Feyre are

1:14:12

reunited. Okay, he just like walks through him.

1:14:14

He's like everybody out. Oh,

1:14:16

okay. Everybody that makes me nervous

1:14:19

because So they see each other and

1:14:21

they get right down the business

1:14:24

basically, yeah, and It's

1:14:31

it's pretty graphic. How far into this book are

1:14:33

we? Like when

1:14:35

you were reading it, this is probably really 30% Okay

1:14:39

And like there's been times where she's been communicating him every

1:14:41

now and then like just to check if her sisters are

1:14:43

safe But then like even though she's in this

1:14:45

dangerous situation Like he still throws like a little double entendre out

1:14:48

or ever now and then about like, well, I'll lick you We

1:14:52

also get in like from here on out there's an

1:14:54

issue I had which is I did not buy a

1:14:56

physical copy of this book I was reading on digital

1:14:58

because I was traveling and I didn't want to have

1:15:01

the physical copy to look around I

1:15:04

Didn't realize it at that time that I

1:15:06

didn't note like I did in the last

1:15:08

book of like how often they Got

1:15:11

to bone and yeah, it's a lot more.

1:15:13

However, let me tell you the differences in

1:15:15

the boning between the book Oh, please tell

1:15:17

me book one is all about the edge.

1:15:19

Yeah book one is very will they won't

1:15:21

they? Oh my god They finally got together.

1:15:23

Oh my god. Look at this. Yep. They're having

1:15:26

the sex and then book two and book two

1:15:28

is Mournful

1:15:30

for most of it is the

1:15:32

PTSD and then it's the Stella got

1:15:34

a groove back type of sex Yeah, book one very

1:15:36

much though is like the oh my god first-timer type

1:15:38

of sex book two Very

1:15:41

much more of the like the soup scenes a

1:15:43

big deal. And again, there's a lot of flirtatious

1:15:45

stuff There's like the fingering and the throne and

1:15:48

a bunch of other different things that kind of

1:15:50

like happen. So it's a lot flirtier Yeah in

1:15:53

a gross or way and then book three

1:15:55

book three is kind of a hey you got

1:15:57

a nut I

1:16:00

uh it's more like we're in a relationship.

1:16:02

He clearly needs a nut and Then

1:16:05

he'll be like she seems tense. She

1:16:08

needs that no And so

1:16:10

but because it only happens for like two pages. It's

1:16:12

not like a paragraph You know what I mean like

1:16:14

it's like a couple paragraphs here There's a lot of

1:16:17

and then he put his lips on my mound like

1:16:19

shit like that gets thrown at you and so I

1:16:21

just didn't make a huge bunch of notes about it

1:16:24

and when I was going back and writing out my

1:16:26

my Deal my

1:16:28

book report. I used a sparks

1:16:30

note page like as the the thing and they

1:16:32

didn't really write down too much of the fucking

1:16:34

Yeah, so it's like I started going back. I

1:16:36

was like I didn't highlight. I'm not This

1:16:39

book is 800 pages long and if I

1:16:41

tried to hunt down every because she doesn't

1:16:43

say dick She never says once I think

1:16:45

once she says I grabbed him by the

1:16:47

cock like it once But every other time

1:16:49

it's about it's all about like sheathing his

1:16:51

manhood. She turns more core turns molten a

1:16:53

lot A lot

1:16:55

of molten cores and you're just like

1:16:58

girl. Mm-hmm. Just say you

1:17:00

got wet. No, like no they can't No,

1:17:05

not and this is the type of book that you need to

1:17:07

feel comfortable reading on a train I Don't

1:17:09

feel comfortable. Well, what now now I know

1:17:11

so if I see somebody reading book three

1:17:13

on the train, I'm gonna be like, hey

1:17:15

you hey Don't

1:17:18

make eye contact with me right? Don't make eye. Don't don't

1:17:20

look up because I know what you're reading you're reading about

1:17:24

Now So

1:17:28

they bone And

1:17:31

they're happy about it and then everybody

1:17:33

walks back in the room afterwards like

1:17:36

So that was loud Yeah,

1:17:42

kind of but so but he uses much like in Game of Thrones

1:17:44

like the early seasons of Game of Thrones They

1:17:47

use fuck times as exposition dumps as well. Yeah,

1:17:49

so he kind of tells her about like what's

1:17:51

been going on since she left the spring court

1:17:54

The and he even tells her like hey all

1:17:56

of your plans at the spring court worked like

1:17:58

they're all like in tatters down there It's bad,

1:18:01

but he said that he would he got worried because

1:18:03

once he couldn't hear in the bond It

1:18:06

freaked him out. Yeah So

1:18:08

got that now He

1:18:10

also tells her that his her sisters Nesta

1:18:12

and Elaine They've been sequestered in

1:18:15

a place called the House of wind

1:18:17

the entire time the House of wind

1:18:19

is like this like mountaintop Kind

1:18:22

of palace temple thing they have okay

1:18:24

And it's but it feels very much

1:18:27

like one of those like uber rich

1:18:29

people houses You know what I

1:18:31

mean where it's like you walk in and like yes

1:18:33

It's a library and there's one bookshelf and one chair

1:18:35

like it's one of those type of play. It's very

1:18:37

like Modern ish

1:18:40

yeah, but also what's that thing when rich people like have

1:18:42

less stuff, but the things they have are very expensive Minimal

1:18:46

is it's a minimalist house because it

1:18:48

worships the wind yeah You know

1:18:50

what you're the wind the blow the stuff off your tables

1:18:52

But I remember there's like shields and stuff like that to

1:18:54

keep a warm up there. It's all magic Read

1:18:58

so then they like so they've just been vibing out on

1:19:00

the top of a wind mountain Yeah, they've just been up

1:19:03

there and like everyone's been kind of leaving them alone They've

1:19:05

been checking in on them But

1:19:07

kind of like leaving them alone because

1:19:09

they're also weirded out because again remember

1:19:11

these girls were humans Yeah dumped into

1:19:13

a cauldron yeah dumped out and then

1:19:16

their sister's boyfriend Kidnaps

1:19:18

them yeah to un-kidnap them uh-huh and

1:19:21

then shoves them in a wind Palace

1:19:23

yeah, and then like dad die no

1:19:26

They just don't know where their dad is their dad's just

1:19:28

missing this entire time by the way He was never like

1:19:30

great so he wasn't really great He is missing and they

1:19:32

every now and then they're like oh yeah, dad's still missing

1:19:34

like they just like it Just kind of

1:19:36

pops up by the way. I always

1:19:38

pictured their dad as like Is

1:19:41

I think was a beauty in the beast like the

1:19:44

fat dad from Beauty and the Beast yeah I was

1:19:46

just kind of like balding with a mustache and kind

1:19:48

of like roly-poly fat yeah Like

1:19:51

German fat you know what I mean like

1:19:53

there's like a very specific like German folktale

1:19:55

yeah the

1:19:57

mayor of munchkin land That's

1:20:00

my picture of looking yes. Also.

1:20:02

This is also an ad for

1:20:04

wicked wicked Wicked

1:20:07

are you holding space for

1:20:09

defying gravity? Hey wicked have

1:20:11

you? Gotten a wicked

1:20:13

ad in the last five minutes wicked We're

1:20:16

gonna tell you the whole story of the pre

1:20:19

times of the Prince of Oz part one. I

1:20:22

Lost my mind when I found out it's a two-part movie.

1:20:24

I fucking I was like I can't go through another Media

1:20:27

blitz for a part two. No It's

1:20:30

impossible. I'm so what marriage is Ariana gonna

1:20:32

destroy? Can I tell you I am

1:20:35

so tired of unnecessary Part two

1:20:37

as I'm looking at this and realize we're gonna have

1:20:39

to do a part two This is gonna be a

1:20:41

two-part episode. So Exposition

1:20:44

exposition exposition Lucian

1:20:48

and rice when you say exposition you're not saying

1:20:50

that mean they're just fucking right? No, no, I'm

1:20:52

not actually like there's This is a lot of

1:20:54

like there's so much extra shit that goes on

1:20:56

that I'm just like And

1:20:59

a lot of it too is like oh, let's talk about how

1:21:01

they feel about learning about this Lucian

1:21:05

is like I want to see Elaine and rice and

1:21:07

was like yo shut the fuck up and So

1:21:10

rice and like basically just threatens Lucian And

1:21:13

then they explained to Lucian like hey just so you know,

1:21:15

like you've been a bad guy the whole time Yeah,

1:21:18

and Lucian's like I didn't realize that

1:21:20

I was the Villain

1:21:22

in your narrative. Oh Lucian

1:21:24

I was such fucking nice guy.

1:21:26

I know and he definitely like

1:21:28

his weaponizing. He's weaponizing fucking Yeah,

1:21:32

a hundred percent But anyway, they

1:21:34

basically this is that moment you're like, oh they

1:21:36

need to rehabilitate someone from book one Yeah, that's

1:21:38

what this is. And like he's not really rehabilitation

1:21:41

arc now because he

1:21:43

begs To be like I

1:21:45

want to see Elaine

1:21:47

and she's like no She's

1:21:49

like hey, it's weird that you met

1:21:51

my little sister for one minute and

1:21:53

now you've been obsessing about her Yeah,

1:21:55

the rest of these books. That's weird

1:21:57

behavior my dude. Yeah, and And

1:22:00

he's like, oh, sorry that you've crafted this narrative

1:22:02

about me. Yeah. Oh, I guess that's how you

1:22:04

guys talk in the night court Now

1:22:12

She tells him basically take a walk She's like Lucian go

1:22:15

check out Valerius because that's the other thing too He's he's

1:22:17

weirded out because he can't again remember one

1:22:19

of the big parts of book two Was

1:22:22

about how everyone thought this land

1:22:24

was evil and then there's this

1:22:26

secret city. It's actually Gorgina Gorgina

1:22:28

and it's like Venice meets Edinburgh

1:22:31

like it's fucking crazy and

1:22:33

it's amazing and so he goes around It's like oh my

1:22:35

god, this place is really really cool This

1:22:37

is a lot nicer than the fucking spring

1:22:39

court where we literally have one building and

1:22:41

a bunch of burned-out villages so

1:22:46

She goes to go visit her sisters finally and Nesta

1:22:51

Nesta, Nesta total bitch But

1:22:54

rightfully so I mean No,

1:22:57

but she's been on that like she was like ripped

1:22:59

out of her home and then made

1:23:01

into a fairy Yeah, and it's

1:23:03

crazy. So Nesta is just like fuck

1:23:05

you. She's like shows up. She's

1:23:07

like go this bitch where you been? Yeah,

1:23:10

hi now with your ex like she's very

1:23:12

like it's it's it's good. I enjoyed it.

1:23:14

I will say I like Nesta Elaine

1:23:18

is a broken sad girl who needs a

1:23:20

well She needs

1:23:22

to be leaning on a well and

1:23:24

just staring into it. Yeah, she won't

1:23:26

stop crying. She's refusing food And

1:23:29

she keeps bringing up the fact that she was supposed

1:23:31

to be getting married soon to a

1:23:33

human Lord Super racist

1:23:35

at fairies. Okay. Well babes

1:23:37

Yeah, and she won't take off her engagement

1:23:39

ring, which is iron which the humans believe

1:23:41

can kill fairies But

1:23:44

she keeps just like kind of spinning that and

1:23:46

Feyre notices that Cassian is like

1:23:49

clearly Is making fuck

1:23:51

me eyes at Nesta? Oh

1:23:53

the general Cassian. He's like that.

1:23:55

He's like she got fired. It's you know

1:23:59

Yeah, it's the guy And I from Game

1:24:01

of Thrones, in Brianna Tarth, he's just like,

1:24:03

oh, where's the big girl? I like the

1:24:05

girl, she got fire energy. I

1:24:08

like her. We make big children. Yeah, we

1:24:10

make large children. We make large babies. Yeah,

1:24:12

and the thing is, if Feyre just looks

1:24:14

at that, and that doesn't bother her at

1:24:16

all. She's just like, noted. I'm

1:24:19

gonna play matchmaker. And this is basically from here on

1:24:21

out, Feyre's just like, Feyre, again,

1:24:23

is the homeschool girl who never

1:24:25

could afford dolls. So

1:24:28

she's trying to take, and now kiss,

1:24:30

that's what she wants to do. Yeah. Again,

1:24:35

another, we already covered the Lucian thing. I actually

1:24:37

skipped it earlier than that. But anyway, then they

1:24:39

go see Amran. Okay. Right,

1:24:41

because she just tells Lucian, she's like, go fuck off and go walk

1:24:43

around town. He's like, fine, take us to walk around town. So

1:24:46

then everybody goes to see Amran. Now Amran, do you

1:24:48

remember who that is? No.

1:24:51

I told you two hours ago. Yeah, and I don't

1:24:53

remember. Okay. And I'm betting that

1:24:55

if a listener, who is also listening to

1:24:58

this episode, maybe they don't remember. So just

1:25:00

quickly refresh us. Amran

1:25:02

is the Eldritch horror that lives inside of a

1:25:05

little old lady. Right, okay, got it. Who's super

1:25:07

cool. Yeah. You loved her when I

1:25:09

explained her last time. And honestly, she's a

1:25:11

pretty cool. She's pretty cool. She

1:25:14

explains about, in the last one, remember

1:25:16

they had an evil talking book. Yes.

1:25:19

And they had to put them together. Where they're like, don't put them

1:25:21

together, but then they put them together and then everything went sideways. She's

1:25:24

like, the book's been talking. Yeah. And

1:25:27

then there's more exposition and they

1:25:29

kind of have like a little, the crew has like a

1:25:31

war council where they

1:25:33

explain the size of Highburn's forces, how

1:25:37

they would love it if they could find Dracon

1:25:39

and Miriam. And then if they could

1:25:41

bring them in their forces, but nobody knows

1:25:43

where the fuck they are. They're like, we

1:25:45

sent people to go look at Kritia and there's nothing there.

1:25:47

It's just some ruins. And

1:25:50

then they come up with their plans and

1:25:52

their plans are to unite the seven High

1:25:54

Lords against Highburn and put together a big

1:25:57

mass of army. Okay. says

1:26:00

that he believes that the people of Highburn,

1:26:02

which is Ireland, will

1:26:04

turn against their evil king because he's

1:26:07

been over there and he's seen it. And

1:26:09

he's like, everything there sucks. And

1:26:12

more points out more again, it's like,

1:26:14

no, they won't turn against their king

1:26:16

because the people of Highburn thinks everything

1:26:18

sucks because we made them get rid

1:26:20

of their slaves. And

1:26:24

I disassociated a little bit with that. I

1:26:27

was like, throw it on the nose on

1:26:29

that one, huh? So

1:26:31

all the people in that area think that everything

1:26:33

wrong in the world is because they had to

1:26:36

get rid of their free. Yeah. They were like,

1:26:38

you know what? Honestly, I feel like I feel

1:26:40

like everything in Highburn would be a better. We

1:26:42

could make Highburn great again if we got rid of all

1:26:44

this DEI. Yeah. Okay.

1:26:48

All right. Yeah. So

1:26:51

Amran says, hey, I got a plan. We

1:26:53

can try and repair and close the holes

1:26:55

in the wall. Three holes. We

1:26:57

can go, we can, we can make those three holes

1:26:59

tight again. Oh Jesus. We're going to tighten them up.

1:27:02

We're going to give them a little rejuvenation spell surgery.

1:27:04

All right. But she notes

1:27:06

that the cauldron must be missing

1:27:08

something if they need to use

1:27:11

the holes to break the wall. Okay. They're

1:27:13

like, a cauldron should be able to knock this fucker out from

1:27:15

just over there. It shouldn't have to touch the wall to do

1:27:18

it. And, um, and

1:27:21

Feyre and Amran then get

1:27:23

into an argument because Amran's

1:27:25

like, hey, let's listen. You

1:27:27

and your sisters and me, we

1:27:29

were all quote, made by the

1:27:31

cauldron. Yeah. And

1:27:34

so like we're all made people. We're not

1:27:36

of this world in the same way. We

1:27:38

weren't born of the dirt. We're

1:27:41

special. She's like, your sisters

1:27:43

could help me with like

1:27:45

the spells and such. Yeah. And

1:27:48

you could help me. And Feyre says like, they have

1:27:50

an argument about it. She's like, my sisters have been

1:27:52

through enough. And then finally they, they land on Feyre

1:27:54

says like, okay, fine. My sisters can

1:27:56

help, but they have to choose to help.

1:27:58

Yeah. It has to be 100%. I'm not

1:28:01

forcing them to do anything because

1:28:03

they got forced into the cauldron because of

1:28:05

my existence. Yeah, you know So she's taking

1:28:07

a lot again lots of survivors guilt in

1:28:09

there so then Rice

1:28:13

says rice and says listen we have

1:28:15

to go back to the court of

1:28:17

nightmares Oh, do you remember

1:28:19

that is bottom cave one? Yeah, it's in what's

1:28:21

called the hewn city It's like a city that's

1:28:23

cut into a into a mountain Yeah, and

1:28:26

they have to ask Morrigan's father keer

1:28:28

for help here Keer keer I are

1:28:31

now I was giggling this entire time

1:28:33

because between me reading the first book

1:28:35

or the second book and now The

1:28:39

Labor Party is to won elections in

1:28:41

England Yeah, and their Prime Minister is

1:28:43

now a high named Kier Starmer. Yep.

1:28:45

So the whole time I'm just picturing

1:28:47

Kier Starmer as like her shitty dad

1:28:50

Because there's some dumb rule they have there

1:28:52

because the the court of nightmares in the

1:28:54

human city is like its own

1:28:56

thing They have autonomy between them

1:28:59

and the high lord of the night

1:29:01

court now the

1:29:06

The reason is he needs to go speak

1:29:08

to them is they have a type of

1:29:10

soldier there called a dark bringer So

1:29:13

this is just like some sort of like special foot

1:29:15

troop that like they have and he's like we need

1:29:17

every soldier We can get so we have to go

1:29:20

there and we need to Ask

1:29:23

for his help I can't just command it so

1:29:26

to get these extra guards to get the not duck

1:29:28

guards It's like the actual troops just regular soldiers and

1:29:31

like okay, and then Feyre is like hey

1:29:34

Just so you know, I figured out

1:29:36

how to grow wings and everyone's like what and she's like

1:29:39

she was cuz again She has shapeshifting powers from Tamblin. Yeah,

1:29:41

she's like I've been working on it and then she like

1:29:43

throws out She's like I got bat wings now too She

1:29:45

said but I don't know how to use them And so

1:29:48

they kind of argue over who's gonna train them and they

1:29:50

eventually choose Azrael The the

1:29:52

burned shadow singer. Remember he's covered in

1:29:54

burns how to train your dragon. Yeah

1:29:56

Yeah, yeah, and the reason why is

1:29:58

because everyone else who has wings, learns

1:30:00

how to fly as a baby. And

1:30:04

he's like, no, no, no, I had to learn to

1:30:06

fly as an adult and it's different. And I started

1:30:08

thinking about you. This is

1:30:10

you with your driver's license because you didn't

1:30:12

get it until your thirties, which is very

1:30:14

different than getting it when you're 16 because you

1:30:16

have been in car accidents and you've seen what

1:30:18

cars can do. And so the

1:30:20

terror is different. Listen, I cannot explain to

1:30:23

the people that learn how to drive when

1:30:25

you're 16. When

1:30:27

you're driving down a two lane road where

1:30:30

each car is going the opposite direction, right?

1:30:32

Yeah. And you're driving and

1:30:34

another car is coming in the opposite direction.

1:30:36

And there's only this thin little yellow line

1:30:39

between you and you're what, going like 40

1:30:41

miles per hour at each, you're going towards each

1:30:43

other. It is so hard

1:30:45

to get used to. Yeah. And

1:30:48

like a 16 year old's brain that's not fully

1:30:50

developed and doesn't have any fear is

1:30:53

like, yeah, sure. Okay. And

1:30:55

y'all got used to it. Y'all built up

1:30:57

your immunities against how fucking

1:30:59

terrifying a two way street is,

1:31:01

a two way road. And

1:31:03

I didn't have that when I was 34 years old. And

1:31:06

I was like, y'all, this is crazy. I have

1:31:08

something to live for. Yeah. There

1:31:13

are cars driving at you and they're

1:31:16

only two feet in the other direction

1:31:18

and they're doing 60 on

1:31:20

some roads. It's not so

1:31:22

that we live like this. Well, you know, it's not

1:31:24

even scarier too. So if you're doing 40 and that

1:31:26

other car is doing 60, you're actually doing a hundred

1:31:29

at each other. Yeah. Because you add the forces together.

1:31:31

I can't. So yeah. That's why you catch me

1:31:33

on the regional rail. I know. So,

1:31:37

so again. So they're like, you need, you need to get

1:31:39

a grown up to teach her how to drive. Yes. So

1:31:44

Azrael is like, yeah. And he's like, listen, I know,

1:31:46

I know, I understand the fear. And he's like, I

1:31:48

think he's like, I'll teach you. And

1:31:50

then Cassian's like, well, you

1:31:52

also need to learn how to fight with a sword because

1:31:55

of this fave main shit. You don't always

1:31:57

have your powers. So you need to learn

1:31:59

how to like actually fight. So. she's gonna train with Cassian

1:32:01

for like physical fighting. So when after she's eaten Fabian, they're

1:32:03

gonna give her a sword? No, no,

1:32:05

no, like if she gets hit with Fabian. Yeah, then

1:32:07

she gets, it's very funny though. It's like she's

1:32:09

powerless, but she'll have a sword. Yeah,

1:32:12

kind of, yeah, yeah. So

1:32:15

Feyre and Nesta then have a

1:32:17

chat about the wah-hole plan. Okay,

1:32:19

wah-hole. A wah-hole, wah-hole. And

1:32:23

she tells her like Amren can teach you magic. And

1:32:26

Nesta agrees eventually.

1:32:28

But only, only

1:32:30

if they promise to murder all

1:32:32

of the human queens that betrayed

1:32:34

them and the king of Highburn.

1:32:37

Honestly, it's like. Because Nesta is that bitch. I was

1:32:39

gonna say, Nesta gets it. Nesta is that bitch and

1:32:41

I love her. Okay. Nesta

1:32:44

is fucking amazing. Then they're like, hey, listen,

1:32:46

we're gonna have a big meeting with all

1:32:48

the High Lords. It'd be really great, Nesta,

1:32:50

if you could come there and like tell

1:32:52

your story and maybe that could help like,

1:32:54

you know, like in the negotiations and people would

1:32:56

understand like what we're going up against. And

1:32:59

she was like, absolutely the fuck not. I am

1:33:01

not out here to grovel in front of

1:33:04

your fucking High Lords. I'm not out here

1:33:06

to be using your fucking, your fundraising sob

1:33:08

story email bitch. Fucking miss me, Nancy Pelosi

1:33:10

with your goddamn text messages. Fuck you. And

1:33:12

you better not look at my sister to

1:33:14

ask her to do this shit. And they're

1:33:17

just like, okay, okay, okay. And

1:33:19

they just like back out of the room.

1:33:21

So we get a few chapters here with

1:33:23

Feyre, Trainsworth, Cassian and Azrael. And

1:33:25

then they go to, guess what? The

1:33:27

library. What? I

1:33:30

know. I'll put you guys on a read now, baby. Yeah, but also

1:33:33

it's really just because they're looking for

1:33:35

like special spells that might be in

1:33:37

the libraries that Ameren might

1:33:39

need to help teach Nesta. They're also looking

1:33:41

at like backstory about like the wall and

1:33:43

about the cauldron. They're just looking for like

1:33:46

anything at all. They're just doing research. They're

1:33:48

just doing their own research. And

1:33:50

when they're there, they get some backstory about how

1:33:52

most of the libraries in the world got burned

1:33:54

to the ground. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the elves,

1:33:57

sorry, the Fey were worried that humans. would

1:34:00

get a hold of magic books and use it against them.

1:34:03

And this is a one humans don't have magic. And

1:34:05

he's like, some do because they're like part fey because

1:34:07

there used to be a lot more half fey around.

1:34:09

And she's like, what happened to them? And he's like,

1:34:11

I don't know, I don't know. So

1:34:14

what I'm hearing is that they destroyed

1:34:16

the books because they were scared of

1:34:19

information. Of

1:34:21

other people learning information that they felt would

1:34:23

make them too powerful. Yes, 100%. And

1:34:26

intelligent. Okay, yeah,

1:34:28

no, I don't know. We also find out in

1:34:31

the basement of this library, the library has like,

1:34:33

it's like a spiral. It

1:34:35

seems to go eternally down. And

1:34:37

like, it's full of books. Big spiral

1:34:39

ramp. And there's these

1:34:41

priestesses there who are the one named

1:34:43

Clotho. And she doesn't talk because she

1:34:45

doesn't have a tongue. Whoa,

1:34:47

what'd she do? Sexual violence happened to

1:34:50

her, which is why a lot of

1:34:52

these women are like, and this library,

1:34:54

it's like where they go. Oh, it's

1:34:56

like the Medusa library. It's like a

1:34:58

sanctuary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it.

1:35:00

But in the basement of this

1:35:02

library that seems to go down forever,

1:35:04

there's a monster. Ooh. There's

1:35:06

a big monster. I love a

1:35:08

library monster. Yeah, there's a library monster. It lives

1:35:10

down there. It is like made of shadow. And

1:35:13

like, you never quite get like a really good

1:35:15

description of it. I'm

1:35:17

kind of obsessed with it. And, but

1:35:19

you just like hear about that. So I want a book

1:35:21

on Alice and I want a book about the library monster.

1:35:23

Yes. Okay, got it. They said at one point like Cassian

1:35:25

actually went down there and like faced it and like it

1:35:27

fucked him up. He's like, he saw it and he's like,

1:35:30

he doesn't talk. It's like the one thing he doesn't talk about. He was

1:35:32

like, I went down there once. I'm like a bet. Like Rice bet him

1:35:34

and he went down and he was like, fuck that dude. Now,

1:35:37

Rice tries, Rieson tries

1:35:39

to fuck in the library. Cause he's like,

1:35:41

yeah, he just like tries to get a

1:35:44

little finger in getting there. Baby,

1:35:46

this book is about. Shadow daddy

1:35:48

rocking a world. But

1:35:52

you just told me that this library

1:35:54

is a place where

1:35:57

victims of sexual violence are

1:35:59

working. So maybe

1:36:01

this isn't the place to fuck. I

1:36:03

don't know if you understand that

1:36:06

this book is about fairies

1:36:08

having good manners. Okay.

1:36:13

All right. We're making sense. All right. I

1:36:15

get it. Okay. They're

1:36:17

fingering through the books. Okay. Thank you.

1:36:19

They're fingering through the stacks. Now

1:36:24

instead we ended up getting more exposition. Oh

1:36:26

God. Okay. And they come up with

1:36:28

a plan to free the bone carver from the

1:36:30

magic prison. The bone carver. Now saying that out

1:36:32

loud, it does sound

1:36:34

like I just said a sex thing. Yeah. Freeing

1:36:37

the bone carver from the magic prison. Sounds

1:36:40

a lot like, and then he pulled out his

1:36:42

girth, but no, the bone carver was the monster

1:36:44

they met in the second book. Yeah. Now

1:36:47

their thought is we'll break

1:36:49

him out and then he

1:36:52

can fight in the war. He'll fight on the battlefield.

1:36:55

Oh. Because he's a big monster. Yeah.

1:36:57

And then she goes to sleep and she has

1:36:59

a bunch of PTSD nightmares. Now in

1:37:02

the morning, Reese, Pharah and Cassian,

1:37:04

they head to the prison. Reese

1:37:07

drops them off and they

1:37:09

have to walk into the prison and Pharah and

1:37:11

Cassian go in and they have

1:37:13

a whole Hannibal Lecter scene with the bone carver. Pharah

1:37:16

realizes, because remember the bone carver chooses what

1:37:18

you, everyone sees a different thing when they

1:37:20

look at the bone carver. And she was

1:37:22

seeing a young boy and she's

1:37:24

looking at him closely this time. And

1:37:26

she realized, oh my God, he is our son. What?

1:37:30

He's taken the image of our child, me

1:37:32

and Reese's kid, because the kid has like

1:37:35

Reese's hair, you know what I mean? Like

1:37:37

his nose and her eyes, you know what

1:37:39

I mean? Like she's seeing, looking at the

1:37:41

kid and she's like, this is actually

1:37:43

our kid. She

1:37:46

gives the bone carver a

1:37:48

bone and it's from the Ator, the big

1:37:50

bat monster that she killed. Yeah. And

1:37:53

he's like, oh, that's pretty cool. That's pretty good bone. That's

1:37:55

a good bone. If I'm a carver, shit

1:37:57

out of this. And then they like, hey, you know. We

1:38:00

want to make a deal with you like we'll get

1:38:02

you out of the prison and he's like Oh, I

1:38:04

can leave the prison whenever I want. No, what he's

1:38:06

like. Oh, I choose to be in the prison He's

1:38:09

like for three meals in a cut baby. No, he's

1:38:11

like and protection from my brother and sister I know

1:38:13

like what and like yeah, he's

1:38:15

like I'm a death god He's

1:38:17

like it's as are my brother and sister and

1:38:19

he explains that he has a brother

1:38:21

named Kashi That

1:38:23

which is another type of food. Is it? Yeah.

1:38:25

Okay. This is k o s c h e

1:38:29

Maybe it's koshk But anyway,

1:38:31

I'm gonna pronounce Akashi He's

1:38:33

out there evil as fuck Yeah evil death

1:38:35

god and he also says that

1:38:37

my sister is now called the weaver in the

1:38:39

woods But her old name

1:38:41

was stridja Strigga, which is

1:38:43

basically just the one of the Who's

1:38:47

lady with the house with the chicken legs? Oh Baba

1:38:50

Yaga, he's basically like yeah, she's

1:38:52

Baba Yaga but The

1:38:56

weaver in the woods you might remember in book two

1:38:59

Was the lady in that cat that the cottage where

1:39:01

she made her go in to get that ring? And

1:39:04

then she by the way, I forgot to leave it I left out

1:39:06

that part that ring that she stole from the weaver in the woods

1:39:09

That is her wedding ring now because it was

1:39:11

her mother It was his mother's wing and then

1:39:13

he tricked her to go in to go get

1:39:15

that But it turns out that lady who she

1:39:17

stole from is a fucking death god. Okay, and

1:39:20

later looking back She's like I'm gonna fucking have

1:39:22

a talk with him about sending me to fucking

1:39:24

barely Like I'm literally like a newborn fawn over

1:39:26

here of my in my fucking fairy body death

1:39:29

god But he also notes

1:39:32

the bone carbon makes makes mention that

1:39:34

nesta is something different because she took

1:39:36

something from the cauldron on her Way

1:39:38

out. Okay, and then they're

1:39:40

like, okay. Yeah, whatever. We don't care.

1:39:42

That's weird. Will you fight with us? He goes. Okay, but I'll

1:39:44

make a deal with you. I'll make a bargain with you You

1:39:47

got to bring me a mirror that was

1:39:49

in my sister's castle back

1:39:51

in the day We're gonna steal from the

1:39:54

bad sister again new McGovern, but the decision

1:39:56

doesn't have this anymore It's

1:39:58

but it's the thing called the it's an obsession a city

1:40:00

and mirror called the Ouroboros. Okay. And

1:40:03

he says, if you get me this, cause you can

1:40:05

use this to see anywhere in the world.

1:40:07

Okay. And he's like, you get me this,

1:40:09

I'll put this in. It's like getting cable in my prison

1:40:12

cell. Perfect. I just want to watch MSNBC. You

1:40:14

know what I mean? Like that's what he wants.

1:40:16

I said no one ever. Yeah. He just says,

1:40:18

I just want to scry here, watch Real Housewives,

1:40:20

maybe get peacock on it, give me a smart

1:40:22

TV, you know? So he's like. Parks and

1:40:25

rec reruns. Yeah, just watch Parks and rec reruns until I feel

1:40:27

better and then feel worse because I'm like, well that'll never

1:40:29

happen. Now, this

1:40:32

is, I'll fight for you. And they're like, okay. They're

1:40:34

like, what do we get it? He's like, guess what?

1:40:36

Kier has it. Kier. At

1:40:38

the Hoon City. So just ask

1:40:40

him, silverness fuck boy pad. And

1:40:43

then they leave. And as they leave, they

1:40:45

was like, oh, Nesta might be death. Huh?

1:40:49

Like she might be a death god. Okay. Is

1:40:51

that the little thing she stole? Yeah, she might've stolen the

1:40:53

power of life and death from the cauldron. That's why

1:40:55

she's so grumpy. Yeah. So let's go

1:40:57

back to go visit the sisters again. And Alayna's having

1:41:00

a bad time. Alayna

1:41:02

reminds me of, we're

1:41:07

doing sad music. That

1:41:10

meme that's going around right now. Yeah. That

1:41:13

we found TikTok. Another

1:41:17

one. Another one. We're doing sad

1:41:19

music again. Oh God. Yeah,

1:41:21

no, you're right. I don't have that

1:41:23

cute. I would love to hit that. We