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we are a little host episode

2:36

it's been a while always fun

2:38

always fun always fun and I

2:40

really had fun with what I'm

2:42

bringing you today cool sweet so

2:44

you did some prep yeah I

2:46

have no I have no idea

2:48

where we're going mm-hmm has per

2:50

uge great I think this will

2:52

go well okay what do you

2:54

got what do you got for

2:56

us well you know what before

2:58

we begin I'd actually like to

3:00

to start by saying, you do.

3:02

Merry Christmas! Actually, yeah, if this

3:04

comes out next Wednesday, it will

3:06

be Christmas Day. Michael, today. Okay,

3:08

well then. Who knows what day

3:11

it is? Happy holidays. Keeping it

3:13

evergreen. It's definitely coming out in

3:15

2024 though, right? So we can

3:17

say, hope you all had a

3:19

wonderful year. Yeah. And. Let onwards

3:21

and upwards. Yeah, here's to 2025

3:23

where we get AGI and the

3:25

aliens reveal themselves and the world

3:27

may come to an end. So

3:29

enjoy it while you have while

3:31

you still can. Wait, does AI

3:33

have a new letter in the

3:35

middle of it? What's the G

3:37

stand for? Artificial general intelligence. So

3:39

basically reaching the singularity. Okay. Where

3:41

it can outperform humans in all

3:43

aspects of anything. Okay. Yeah, so

3:45

different podcast. That's for another show.

3:47

All right, so before we get

3:49

into all of this, what I

3:51

wanted to do is start by

3:53

saying to you, Jeremy, that you

3:55

do a really good job at

3:57

producing all these podcasts. Oh, thanks.

3:59

Thanks. You're welcome. Have fun

4:01

doing it doing it. So thank you.

4:03

you. It's my job. It's my job.

4:05

you want to say in response to that?

4:07

else you want to say in response

4:09

to that? No. in particular you mean this

4:11

one in particular speaking I'm just speaking I

4:14

was I was just speaking overall. Yeah, yeah,

4:16

Okay. Thanks yeah, okay, for

4:18

more podcasts that

4:20

I I produce out Snack

4:22

on your your favorite pack

4:24

podcast snack Snack Labs podcast network.

4:26

Oh man, man. I great. want now I I

4:29

want to follow up that by asking

4:31

you how that felt when I when

4:33

I when I said that to you

4:35

I when I when I you're good to you about I

4:37

gave it was that I gave you

4:39

that. that I did that feel? was that I

4:41

gave feel like a compliment? did

4:43

that feel like a compliment? Yeah,

4:46

I did that feel like

4:48

a compliment? I'm trying

4:50

to like dial into I'm

4:52

trying to go back. I'm trying to doing what I've

4:54

been doing in therapy lately, which is like. like.

4:57

really investigating what feelings

4:59

feel like, feelings I don't

5:01

like to feel. Because I certain

5:03

feelings. I don't like to feel

5:05

did I what did I

5:07

feel? So what I think I

5:09

felt. did I feel? I think I

5:11

felt I felt a a little bit

5:13

of of a little a

5:15

little bit of warmth. But But

5:18

probably not as much warmth as

5:20

I would have felt would have know or

5:22

five years ago. know four or five

5:24

years ago. Okay. I I

5:26

think my my depression has dampened a

5:28

lot of the warmth that I

5:30

feel. a lot of Uh warmth that

5:33

I feel in situations where in the past, I

5:35

probably would have felt a lot more, I so. It

5:37

was like a, it was like a muted lot more

5:39

so it was like a it was mean,

5:41

a it's something. like hmm yeah which I mean

5:43

wasn't like a, okay but it wasn't like

5:46

a Thank you. yeah I probably

5:48

would have been like that a

5:50

few years ago. have all

5:52

right. Okay, that's so interesting.

5:54

ago yeah speaking, I mean, how I

5:56

mean, how do you feel

5:58

about receiving compliments Like that. That was

6:00

one, like, you just acknowledged, it's

6:02

definitely different than it would have

6:04

been five years ago. But what

6:07

if I had said, like, Jeremy,

6:09

you're, you're, you're, you are really

6:11

great at, like, dressing to express

6:13

yourself well. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I

6:15

think, I think, I think oftentimes

6:17

compliments, like kind of, I hear

6:20

them, but like, they, they go

6:22

in one ear and at the

6:24

other kind of. Okay. And they

6:26

come out the other, but they

6:28

don't come out the other. There's

6:30

like a little lag. There's a

6:32

bit of latency before it hits,

6:35

before it leaves. Does it like

6:37

leave a little bit of slime

6:39

as it passes through? No, no,

6:41

it's just a wispy cloud that

6:43

goes in. It stays there for

6:45

a moment. And then it's like,

6:48

okay, this is enough. I don't

6:50

want to feel this anymore and

6:52

it gets it out. I don't

6:54

think I don't think I necessarily

6:56

take compliments that well, okay And

6:58

by that I mean I don't

7:00

I don't think that I I

7:03

think I hear I like I

7:05

receive compliments I hear them but

7:07

I don't like And it feels

7:09

good, but I don't I don't

7:11

like I don't like I don't

7:13

like I don't keep it okay

7:15

and I think yeah which probably

7:18

has to do with like there's

7:20

a lot of like negative self-talk

7:22

and stuff yeah and self like

7:24

self-doubt and things like that which

7:26

I think is like probably the

7:28

the thing that pushes that far

7:31

out yeah that's that's really interesting

7:33

because the internet abounds with information

7:35

and resources and thoughts and ideas

7:37

of how we can get better

7:39

at receiving compliments yeah and you

7:41

can trust everything you read on

7:43

the internet yeah So yeah, let's

7:46

see what let's hear what it

7:48

is. Well, here's the thing that

7:50

I want to I want to

7:52

say to that is your response.

7:54

You're what you said immediately if

7:56

you played back the tape was.

7:58

Thank you. you. Which is

8:01

a Which is a effective simple,

8:03

effective way of responding

8:05

to a compliment, right?

8:07

few things on then you stacked

8:09

a few things on afterwards, which is

8:11

really interesting for a little I wanted to mine

8:14

you for a little bit of information on

8:16

what your process was there in all

8:18

of those. furthering furthering

8:20

statements you said after. Okay, well then

8:22

if you'll humor me, Yeah. If you you

8:24

had said that exact same

8:26

compliment. And we weren't sitting

8:28

in front of microphones, in there was not

8:31

an audience of. And there you

8:33

know, thousands of people listening. of, you know,

8:35

thousands of people have

8:37

just said. would have thank you. said, oh,

8:39

and then that would have been it, And

8:41

because would have Your job is speak. because

8:43

your job is although we are being we

8:46

are. Because we're, although we are

8:49

performative. performative. Presenting,

8:51

presenting. Yeah. so

8:53

So, yeah. I I found this

8:56

article that crossed my. my

8:58

desk um, probably a month ago,

9:00

and I've been thinking about it

9:02

a lot. I thought this would be

9:04

a really great conversation to have,

9:06

um, turned me on. this Um, be a

9:08

and it, it came out, uh, it's

9:10

published by the bbc .com in April

9:12

of this year, came out, it's published by the

9:14

BBC.com in Anything

9:16

else? this year. Hello. Cheerio. Anything

9:19

else? Bay Bay say. And the of this article

9:21

is why it's so hard for

9:23

some people to accept for some people

9:26

to accept compliment. to

9:28

accept hard for That's

9:30

my, accept going to repeat

9:32

everything. my, um, you're going to

9:34

repeat everything I say. That's my Michael

9:36

Kane, uh, yeah. I you, actually,

9:38

should have found should have

9:40

voice to to

9:43

read voice to, exactly. this. we could

9:45

do that. Yeah, we could do that. Okay.

9:47

Okay, so the so the subtitle

9:49

for this is, receiving compliments can

9:51

be distracting and lead to

9:53

a self -conscious state that is

9:55

cognitively draining. Huh. draining.

9:58

right? right? Okay. So as

10:00

we already discussed, there's tons of

10:02

information on the internet that would

10:04

have you believe that it's really

10:06

important to improve yourself at getting

10:09

better at receiving compliments. But here

10:11

is an argument for why you

10:13

should kind of maybe let yourself

10:15

off the hook for that. So

10:17

it's not an area that we

10:19

need to improve necessarily. Okay, here,

10:21

before you dive into that, I

10:23

want to know because I've heard

10:25

that statement before of like, oh,

10:27

I'm not going to accept compliments

10:29

or I need to be better

10:31

accepting compliments. What is the, what's

10:34

the like general consensus on the,

10:36

you know, the societal general consensus

10:38

about what is a good way

10:40

of handling a compliment? Is it

10:42

what I would have done if

10:44

we weren't recording, which is just

10:46

like a, oh, thank you. And

10:48

then that's it. Or is it?

10:50

What is it? Yeah, well, yeah,

10:52

society would say, yes, that you

10:54

should be not like overanalyze. but

10:57

you should just say thank you

10:59

or thank you that's kind of

11:01

you to say or use it

11:03

as an opportunity to own your

11:05

strengths. Thank you. Yes, I work

11:07

really hard. I thank you for

11:09

seeing that. You know, someone's like,

11:11

you do a great job at

11:13

producing podcasts, you know, is to

11:15

own your strengths and to also

11:17

just take. Take a minute and

11:19

allow and basket it and allow

11:22

yourself to reflect on how others

11:24

see you. Those would be some

11:26

of the suggestions. Okay, right? Okay,

11:28

so that's what we're supposed to

11:30

be working hard on. But for

11:32

so many people, they're bad at

11:34

accepting compliments. So they feel like

11:36

awkward in those settings. They don't

11:38

know how to respond. Yeah, you

11:40

say, hey, you're really good producing

11:42

podcasts. And I go, honestly, they're

11:45

all pieces of shit. Yeah. Yeah,

11:47

no, I really suck. I really

11:49

suck at that. Yeah. Yeah. That's

11:51

one strategy. Downplaying. Sure. Downplaying. you

11:53

you know, like,

11:55

yeah, I could, I

11:57

could, you know,

11:59

anybody could do

12:01

it, a monkey a

12:03

monkey could do it. You know, right,

12:06

right. Yeah. All right. So let me

12:08

bring back my article. my article.

12:10

Mm. Which is Which is kind of

12:12

shit like kind of that's of, that's

12:14

thing can I thing can, I think

12:16

I easily can come off can

12:18

come off in a very not, like, if

12:20

I said that to someone that where I

12:22

went, wow, holy smokes, you are fucking really

12:25

good at. you are You know. really good

12:27

at, you're good good at.

12:29

Flirting and they go, oh fuck,

12:31

it's fucking, I'm not that good. I mean,

12:33

it's they go fucking dumb monkey could

12:35

do it. I'm not that good. I mean,

12:37

it's to easy to well, I guess I'm could

12:39

do it a and and then and then

12:41

I'm Yeah, to go. Oh, well, I

12:44

guess I'm dumber than a and they're like, oh, it's so,

12:46

or someone walks into your house, and they're

12:48

like oh it's so oh, it's your home is

12:50

so lovely, and you're like Oh, it's such

12:52

a mess right Yeah, they're like just house a dump

12:54

on my I just took a dump on

12:56

my floor this morning floor this morning. Fuck and

12:58

you think this is a mess? is a never

13:00

coming over to my house. Yeah, never I

13:02

just over to a dump on my floor this

13:04

morning I I left all my a dump on my I

13:06

picked off my partner. and I left

13:08

all my couch I later. my

13:10

for eating on on the couch

13:12

for later. of the problem

13:15

is that Okay. Okay. So some

13:17

of the problem is that that that

13:20

are not always what they seem. they

13:22

seem so In general, you know, we know, we

13:24

just think of compliments as these

13:26

positive things, but sometimes they can

13:28

contain stereotypes within them. So you give

13:30

give someone a compliment, but it's

13:33

sort of based on a group

13:35

that they're in, like like, funny

13:37

for a woman, Or, or you know,

13:39

there's lots of of like of like

13:41

racial stereotypes you know, calling You know,

13:43

calling people who don't speak English

13:46

as a first language, like really

13:48

articulate or really well or really well spoken for

13:50

someone who is this, you

13:52

know. Right? Right. That's a really common

13:54

one. So I should say to you a

13:56

really common one. So I should say, too, if you're

13:58

interested. Wow, you're really good at - math for Irishmen.

14:01

Exactly, you're really, you know. Oh,

14:03

you can keep a great job.

14:05

Wow, you do, well, as for

14:07

an Irishman, you do math like

14:09

a good Chinese guy. Right, like

14:11

that's probably not a good one.

14:13

Yeah, I think that's actually one

14:15

of the quotes in the article

14:17

here. I'm just saying. Don't say

14:19

that. That's, you know, it's, yes,

14:22

it's a stereotype that Irishmen are

14:24

dumb and can't do math. Yes,

14:26

okay, we don't have to say

14:28

it, you know? You certainly don't

14:30

have to keep saying it. Yeah,

14:32

so, so we've got that issue.

14:34

Taylor, stop looking at me. Can

14:36

we, can we can still put

14:38

this out, right? Okay, so patronizing

14:40

compliments based on group identity. She

14:43

showed good leadership for a woman.

14:45

Let's just use woman. I think

14:47

that's a safe example. Sure sure.

14:49

Yeah, let's keep let's keep skin

14:51

color out of it. That's a

14:53

good idea. In fact, there's a

14:55

link in this very paragraph to

14:57

a study. This whole thing is

14:59

riddled with links to science studies

15:01

and papers that that actually when

15:04

someone receives or is the recipient

15:06

of a stereotype enforcing compliment like

15:08

that, it actually promotes anger and

15:10

the desire to for confrontation for

15:12

confrontation. So you can imagine in

15:14

a social situation. Yeah, if I

15:16

was like, geez, bride, you're real,

15:18

you're real, you're real articulate for,

15:20

you're real, geez, bride, you can,

15:22

you can shoot basketball pretty well

15:24

for a woman. Yeah. You'd be

15:27

like, what the fuck is wrong

15:29

with you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

15:31

I mean, yeah. But because of

15:33

our social programming, I can't like,

15:35

I just kind of have to.

15:38

Figure out a way to respond to

15:40

your complement. Oh, fuck that. I know

15:42

I know a lot of people that

15:45

would most certainly not do that I

15:47

do I also I mean I do

15:49

I feel that like that So we're

15:52

sorry so so and maybe this is

15:54

a stereotype I feel like that type

15:56

of complement More so than than any

15:58

other time, you'll usually hear it from

16:01

a bit of a different generation. Yeah.

16:03

Right? Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure there's some

16:05

fucking thing bats out there that are

16:08

like in their 20s doing that kind

16:10

of thing. But like, I feel like

16:12

you'd hear that from like a, you

16:15

know, yeah, exactly, like a boomer who's

16:17

like, gee, what is she drives a

16:19

car? She drives a car pretty aggressive,

16:22

like pretty. damn straight for a lady.

16:24

You know, like that kind of thing?

16:26

Yeah, totally, 100%. Well, I think we

16:29

have to just acknowledge to you that

16:31

because those things, those behaviors and those

16:33

ways of speaking are out and about

16:35

and still like very much part of

16:38

our social, you know, you've got little

16:40

new ones hanging out with their grandparents

16:42

and how much we like how much

16:45

we pick up just socially yeah but

16:47

but yeah you're right it's I think

16:49

we're definitely getting better however there's also

16:52

other issues where we think we're complementing

16:54

someone or saying something that's flattering but

16:56

it's being interpreted as harassment or like

16:59

unwanted yes you know like I don't

17:01

want you to tell me that my

17:03

ass looks good at my pants or

17:05

whatever that's not yes you're you you

17:08

think it's something that I should be

17:10

flattered at hearing you know but you're

17:12

a greasy slob disgusting man that that

17:15

I'm serving right now and I really

17:17

don't want it's not to have to

17:19

fucking come back to this table yeah

17:22

to try to work for a tip

17:24

yeah speak with your money yeah not

17:26

with your words yeah Just leave me

17:29

a really big tip of that's how

17:31

you feel. Okay, so yeah, that is

17:33

in general women receive more compliments on

17:35

their appearance than men do, generally speaking.

17:38

Well, yeah, and men get more compliments

17:40

on their abilities when it's all looked

17:42

at under a scientific microscope. So these

17:45

kinds of comments on appearance have a

17:47

distinct, and we've talked about this on

17:49

the show before, they have a distinct

17:52

effect. called the focus off. on

17:54

body monitoring. So

17:56

when someone compliments your

17:59

appearance, you're more

18:01

likely to be self

18:03

-aware or self -conscious

18:05

of what you are

18:08

looking like physically

18:10

in the moment. whether

18:13

or not it's relevant to

18:15

the social. setting that you're in, know.

18:17

Someone's drawing attention to your appearance. I

18:20

get that a lot. Yeah. increased.

18:23

I get that a lot, specifically about

18:25

what I'm wearing. Right. All

18:27

the fucking time. Really? Yeah. I

18:31

wouldn't guessed that. Yeah. Okay. It's

18:33

usually like, oh, cool watch. or cool

18:36

Cool shirt. What the fuck do you get

18:38

that shirt? I wear a lot of shirts that people go. Where

18:41

the fuck did you get that shirt? That's

18:43

awesome. Yeah. All the time. Oh, I see. But

18:45

it doesn't make you feel self -conscious all the time. That's

18:47

not what you were saying. No. Okay, I see. Well,

18:49

that's nice then. No, it makes me go, yeah, you

18:51

like this one? I got way more where that came

18:53

from. Yeah, so it's

18:56

not... This watch? Yeah. It's

18:58

a Simpson's Swatch. you.

19:01

Do you really have more where that came from? I

19:03

only have one of these watches, but I do have

19:05

plenty of if you think one of my shirts

19:07

is cool boy, howdy. You better take a look at

19:09

my closet So someone likes your shirt and

19:11

says that and wants to know where you got it

19:13

and where they can get one, do you feel

19:15

warm about that as in like, I have good taste?

19:20

Uh, no. Okay. No, I, I'm

19:22

more, no, more so. I'm like,

19:24

Hey. cool. like when

19:26

you meet someone who has a similar interest to

19:28

you and you go, hey, cool, we should

19:30

be friends. Okay. that. Okay, we're Okay,

19:32

we're alike. Yeah, Yeah, yeah. you oh

19:34

you got the reference of this shirt cool. We

19:36

must be similar we should sit down and play

19:38

D &D together Okay. Like that kind of vibe Okay.

19:41

let's -up. And then when they say where did

19:43

you get it I go do your own fucking research I'm not telling you where

19:45

I get my good stuff You obviously Set your

19:47

boundaries. Yeah. yeah, yeah, Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna give

19:49

away the fucking goods. No. No, because

19:51

then other you won't get all attention. maybe

19:53

you don't want to play D &D

19:55

with me. And Until

19:57

we sit down and we Really

20:00

hash this out? So I'm going to

20:02

shut up now. De

20:04

this. You've gotten two sentences into your

20:06

study. man, OK, know, and I

20:08

keep losing it's so fun. I'm having

20:10

fun. that's good. And that's all. you

20:12

said at the start I'm good at

20:14

podcasts, so fuck it Absolutely. OK,

20:16

here's another point. not

20:19

so good at math, but but you know what, we're not gonna

20:21

go back there. You're pretty good at

20:23

math for someone who. for

20:25

a guy of Irish descent? Um,

20:30

OK, here's just one interesting

20:32

point about neuroscience has,

20:34

has, has, has studied that,

20:36

um, words like compliments

20:38

or just words referring to

20:40

the body process more

20:42

quickly in our brains than

20:44

things like being told

20:46

we're friendly. So personality, body

20:48

-based words, even if it's like

20:50

the example they used was like,

20:52

a bone head. Like, you

20:55

process that? in

20:57

your brain more quickly than

20:59

if someone calls you like

21:01

you're a polite person. Yeah,

21:03

I mean, yeah, that's that's the same as

21:05

like you know, Uh,

21:08

you only remember the negative things. Like,

21:10

like we only, we only, we have

21:12

a, we have a real good knack

21:14

for holding on and remembering the bad.

21:17

and not so much the good. Are we

21:19

back in therapy? No, no, I think

21:21

think that's just like it. That's just the

21:23

general, like think about the, think about like

21:25

the, like, like think social media is a

21:27

really great example of that or or, or,

21:29

know, like like reading reading.

21:33

This isn't probably. relatable to

21:35

everybody because not everybody has a podcast. Almost everyone

21:37

does, but not quite everyone yet. So if

21:39

you're somebody who doesn't have a podcast, sorry, you're

21:41

not gonna get this. But like if you

21:43

read the like your podcast reviews or like you

21:45

read comments online about something that you've created.

21:47

yeah, you can get 500 of

21:49

the sweetest, nicest things that people

21:52

say. but you get one bad one.

21:54

You don't remember any of the fucking good ones. You only remember

21:56

that one bad one, right? Right. It's the same

21:58

thing, I think. in therapy. I that that

22:01

is that is an unhelpful

22:03

thinking trap is what

22:05

it's called. it's called. And yeah, it's

22:07

one, it's just a it's one, it's

22:09

just a very unhelpful. to a

22:12

way of thinking to discount

22:14

all the good and only focus

22:16

on the bad. find it

22:18

hard though because at one point,

22:20

it was like, early on, it was

22:22

like, well, I'm just not gonna read any

22:24

reviews or any comments because if I'm

22:26

gonna, if if I I... to have any faith

22:28

or trust in the in the things, I

22:31

will also have to have as much faith

22:33

and trust in the negative things. And

22:35

yeah, I just, after a while, was like,

22:37

I can't trust anything. I don't trust

22:39

anyone. yeah, I think that's a better way to go. while,

22:41

I trust anything. I trust

22:43

trust anything. I don't trust

22:45

anyone. I think me on a

22:47

we'll be back to this short break.

22:50

anything. Don't trust any

22:52

one. Turn me on podcast,

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for safety, it's, quality. Okay, so this is

24:57

interesting. One of the

25:00

okay. So. of This

25:02

is interesting. one of

25:04

the consequences of receiving a

25:06

compliment. down your that it

25:08

actually slows down your thinking. a

25:10

study of students

25:13

there's a co -author of a study. who

25:15

received that both men

25:17

and women who received

25:19

appearance -based compliments subsequently did. did

25:21

much worse worse on

25:23

math tests. math tests. This This

25:26

was study in Israel, not Ireland,

25:28

so we're not talking about people

25:30

that are not good at math

25:32

already, already So we've already established the

25:34

Irish. Don't do math. this was This

25:36

was done. elsewhere. I'm just gonna

25:38

just going to keep my mouth shut. good

25:41

idea. even though even though these compliments can

25:43

feel good feel good, the the

25:45

science interpreted this to suggest

25:47

that, um, that getting body -based

25:49

appearance -based compliments can actually,

25:52

uh, create a distracting self -consciousness

25:54

that undermines your cognitive performance.

25:56

that undermines How the fuck did, I

25:58

don't know, whatever. Yeah. How do you

26:00

how do you how do you you, how do just you

26:02

sit a bunch of people down be like Oh,

26:04

we're gonna do math test and by the way down and

26:06

be like, oh, we're right do math testing. By the way, nice tits.

26:09

All right, start. You know, like, is

26:11

like, holy else is like, holy

26:13

shit. I just want to the

26:15

room generally to the room. What a great. in the

26:17

front has great tits. And now everybody

26:19

pick up your pencils and you have

26:21

five minutes. your pencils and you one

26:24

gets anything done. Shelly did

26:26

you have five minutes. Shelly. Everyone else

26:28

didn't even answer a single question. They were

26:30

just busy going who's They were just busy going,

26:32

who's Shelley? Where are her tits? Could

26:34

Shelley stand up? Oh man. Jesus, okay.

26:36

Yeah, other psychological evidence

26:39

suggests that Yeah, other psychological

26:41

evidence suggests that be -based

26:43

compliments can be especially draining

26:45

for women. of Italian students study

26:47

of Italian students simulating

26:49

a job interview, inappropriate compliments

26:52

increased anxiety and depression

26:54

levels in women, in though

26:56

not men. At the same time women in

26:58

many the same time, women

27:00

in many cultures are

27:03

expected to be modest as

27:05

well as attractive, creating

27:07

tensions on how to receive

27:09

compliments. subtly reinforce in force subtly reinforce,

27:11

enforce as sex traditional role as

27:13

sex objects whose appearance is constantly

27:16

policed. It also may serve also may

27:18

serve to maintain the gender status

27:20

quo in which women are

27:22

more likely to be evaluated based

27:24

on their appearance. on their

27:27

appearance. so then there's also

27:29

some cultural differences cultural don't

27:31

know if this is safe territory to

27:33

go into given the conversation as it's

27:35

gone so far, given but the will

27:38

say that so some

27:40

cultures, say small, in

27:42

probably remote cultures, where

27:44

there is a, where

27:46

there is a belief in both in

27:48

both envy and witchcraft? can

27:51

be received can be All

27:54

right? So you can as threatening.

27:56

just put right. So you can kind of just put

27:58

the pieces together there if you in a

28:00

culture where you believe witchcraft are

28:02

and witchcraft are things

28:04

that you are legitimately. of? Like

28:06

in Haiti or something? something?

28:08

sure. Exactly. I actually think I

28:11

actually think this

28:13

particular Nigeria. was

28:15

in Nigeria. second guess. the second

28:17

my second year. But this is

28:19

super important as we we an

28:21

an increasingly multicultural blended communities all

28:23

of these like social

28:25

norms are bound to not

28:27

to not apply. to everyone. Yeah. So wait. So if

28:30

you're so you're you know from a

28:32

remote community in Nigeria. in

28:34

And somebody says, somebody says hey you you I really

28:36

love what you've done with your hair

28:38

today. and you're like, you can't have it. today

28:41

and you're You can't. can't have

28:43

it you can't cut off you it like that oh oh

28:45

wow so it's like it's So it's like, it's

28:47

like, oh, you like this? Yeah, you

28:49

must be, you it it. And you're going

28:51

to like, you're going to fucking do

28:53

something. do something. I'm risk Wow. Because you

28:56

like something that I have

28:58

Oh, that I am. Interesting. Okay,

29:00

right. So yeah, So So it's

29:02

so's distrust or like fear and guarded

29:04

us. Yeah, unease with

29:06

Yeah, unease. start implementing

29:08

that every time I need start implementing that

29:10

every time I get a compliment. dialing that up

29:12

a little bit for myself. that up a

29:14

little bit for think I'm going to do a Yo, you

29:16

think I'm going to you You're going to podcast better

29:19

than me then? I like like that. on my

29:21

on my list. I actually

29:23

have some lists of suggestions for

29:25

how you might respond to to

29:27

than well. And that's one

29:29

of them. So good job. them.

29:32

jumping ahead job. You jumped in a So Great.

29:34

Okay. So also, you you know, this

29:36

one, it doesn't get in too

29:38

much detail, but I am

29:40

very curious. It I am about curious. It

29:42

Germany, in there's a German conversation

29:45

analysis that found that found the

29:47

participants overwhelmingly accepted accepted tended

29:49

to not do so by

29:51

saying do you, instead you. Instead, they often

29:53

complimented on the compliment would

29:55

say, So nice, that's nice

29:57

of you to say. of you to

29:59

say. you know, or express or whatever. clown.

30:02

Geez, you're very good at good at

30:04

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Many researchers have

30:06

many researchers have documented an

30:08

internal conflict when someone is receiving

30:10

a compliment, so that's that

30:12

awkwardness we talked about. we

30:14

talked about. to keep the you smooth,

30:16

but you don't know how to

30:18

keep going but whether you should acknowledge

30:20

what was said. whether you should acknowledge but

30:22

there's also cultures that there's

30:24

also cultures that are. obligated to

30:26

avoid praise altogether, which is

30:28

more common in Japanese

30:30

cultures. cultures. So they have

30:33

their have their own

30:35

of way of... speakers

30:37

have a what it says.

30:39

Japanese speakers have a variety of

30:42

strategies to acknowledge a without endorsing

30:44

or rejecting it, such as

30:46

a series of head nods or

30:48

humorously suggesting that the the behavior

30:50

is actually sinister. in

30:52

sinister in some way. For someone

30:54

who's grown up in a culture

30:56

where feedback tends to focus on

30:58

how to improve to than on what

31:00

they're doing rather than on it can

31:03

be uncomfortable to receive compliments. can be

31:05

says the Chinese children are trained

31:07

to focus more on what they

31:09

need to improve and not to

31:11

boast of their accomplishments. to focus So on

31:13

what they need to not surprising essentially that

31:15

Chinese children may feel uneasy when

31:17

they receive praise. Hmm essentially

31:19

that Chinese children may feel

31:21

right, all right, all right. receive praise

31:24

down here. There's a

31:26

little bit more on personality factors, which

31:28

I think we kind of talked about,

31:30

kind but of talked about. thing I thought was

31:32

really interesting is that people with low

31:34

self -esteem. is that people with

31:36

low self-esteem a

31:38

compliment can be really detrimental

31:40

to their mental health. mental

31:42

And health their

31:44

state of of. they believe about themselves. So when people

31:47

people feel like their way that they

31:49

are being perceived as different than the way

31:51

that they feel, even when the way

31:53

that they they are are being perceived as more

31:55

positive than the way they feel, it

31:57

causes a dissonance for them. for them. Yeah.

32:00

Interesting, I'm I think, because

32:02

I pretty low with

32:04

pretty low But I, I don't

32:07

know, I don't think I've ever. know, I don't

32:09

think I've ever, and I think

32:11

I have a, have a fairly good gauge on

32:13

hearing something like that and

32:15

going, something like that and

32:17

going, now, oh, interesting. that's me. But I me.

32:19

I don't if that I

32:21

don't know if that actually is me. I don't

32:23

know if I've experienced that. Okay, well,

32:26

imagine. Imagine this, So I also feel like

32:28

also feel like I'm not someone with

32:30

super high self -esteem. So So say say going

32:32

through a bit of a a bit of a

32:34

I'm talking to you and I'm confiding

32:36

in you as a friend and I'm

32:39

saying you as a you know, whatever

32:41

insecurity I'm having, insecurity I

32:43

don't really feel like

32:45

I'm a great. really feel like

32:47

I'm a great. yoga teacher

32:49

I'll give I'll give you a bunch

32:51

of reasons why I feel like I'm

32:54

not really a strong yoga teacher

32:56

and then you'll sit there and you'll

32:58

be like, you'll sit there and you're great. be

33:00

like have a you're you know, speaking

33:02

voice or you have voice you know, you

33:04

know like you whatever whatever, you whatever and I'm like I

33:06

And I'm like, not I

33:08

feel like you're you're understanding.

33:11

to You're not listening to me. yeah yeah yeah

33:13

Yeah. yeah Yeah. yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I

33:15

get that. Yeah. Yeah. yeah yeah I feel

33:17

like, yeah totally not seeing how I'm

33:19

actually. yeah okay okay that okay,

33:22

that makes sense. yeah and for and for others

33:24

this article says an

33:26

unexpected compliment can actually be

33:28

destabilizing be when we receive

33:30

a compliment, we we receive a suddenly

33:32

have that sense that we're

33:34

being evaluated. have that a lot of

33:37

people, being evaluated and a lot of feel

33:39

strongly about that. about that yeah And lots of

33:41

lots of people don't like that

33:43

of being evaluated, takes them

33:45

out of the moment, again, takes them

33:47

out of makes you maybe more

33:49

concerned about what people think about

33:51

you. makes you maybe more concerned about And

33:53

then in another instance, about you.

33:56

say that power can they say that

33:58

power reveal, like, reveal like a... you

34:00

abruptly aware of a power imbalance. So

34:02

for example, like a teacher will often

34:04

like complement a student or a boss

34:07

may complement their employee, but then when

34:09

the impulse is there to reverse it,

34:11

it's like you might feel more awkward

34:14

because of the power imbalance. Like we

34:16

don't necessarily always complement up to our

34:18

superiors or like our teachers or leaders

34:21

are. are bosses and so just like

34:23

again it's a look more of a

34:25

vague sense of inappropriateness maybe or awkwardness

34:28

at at directing a compliment what do

34:30

you need? Do you need your hamburger

34:32

bone? Do you want to come up?

34:35

You want to go on my lap?

34:37

Come on up here. If Remy gets

34:39

to sit on someone I want to

34:42

sit on someone. We've done its brother

34:44

here with us today so it's a

34:46

dog. Dog, dog, dog heaven. There's this

34:49

guy who's quoted quite a bit in

34:51

this article. His name is Brummelman. He's

34:53

an associate professor of development, developmental psychology

34:56

at the University of Amsterdam. And he

34:58

has done a lot of work with

35:00

children and he says that children can

35:03

be very sensitive to how they're being

35:05

praised. For instance, inflated compliments from teachers

35:07

can signal that they have low expectations

35:10

of certain students and are praising lavishly

35:12

to overcompensate. And students then interpret the

35:14

inflated praise as evidence that they are

35:17

not so smart. So they show this

35:19

awareness, children show this awareness of the

35:21

nuances of praise from a very young

35:24

age. Preschoolers, when they see that teachers

35:26

praise lavishly, regardless of the quality of

35:28

their work, they start trusting their teachers

35:31

less. Their teachers praise less. Okay, that

35:33

makes sense to me, yeah. Right. Parents

35:35

are more likely to give praise to

35:38

kids that have lower self-esteem and that's

35:40

because they think the kids need the

35:42

praise to feel better about themselves but

35:44

his colleagues research shows that when she

35:47

children with low

35:49

self -esteem receive more

35:51

inflated praise their self

35:54

-esteem actually becomes worse

35:56

over time over time because

35:58

it sets up, up inflated

36:01

praise up expectations that

36:03

are impossible to

36:05

measure up to while

36:08

also signaling to

36:10

children that their self

36:12

-worth should be linked

36:15

to external praise. to

36:17

external praise. Right. So he he

36:19

suggests advocating the with with

36:21

children by being more judicious

36:24

and tailored with praise and I think

36:26

personally actually that. That should should

36:28

extend to everyone, like, know,

36:30

like, great job. job is pretty

36:32

vague. think, why why not just

36:34

be really specific about, you

36:36

know, what I want to express

36:38

if I'm going to use

36:41

the words to express them, you

36:43

know? them, you know, he has some other

36:45

other thoughts has some other on again thoughts

36:47

just on hook if we us off the

36:49

hook if we don't always have the

36:52

to to accept praise gracefully, could

36:54

be a cultural factor, could be a

36:56

personality factor. And there's all

36:58

kinds of different reasons that praise can

37:01

make you feel bad. that praise can make you

37:03

feel bad. And it's my takeaway

37:05

with this, because I know I'm always ranting

37:07

and raving about how much there's

37:09

always more work to be done on

37:11

yourself, no matter how great you

37:13

get, is like, I I think this is

37:16

one that, you know, can we can all.

37:18

if we think we bad at we're bad at

37:20

taking compliments, we can kind of like. kind of

37:22

like, Let's just just like. Let's

37:24

Let's get rid of that that story. sure Yeah,

37:27

it's just not not something you need to

37:29

need to concern yourself

37:31

with. at the at the us at

37:33

the exact same time shit you just read

37:35

to the shit you just read to me? it I'm going

37:37

of it, I'm going... thinking about it so

37:39

hard like who thinking about it so hard.

37:41

know Like who fucking cares? the kid know,

37:43

like It's like okay. Yeah like It's like, okay, yeah.

37:45

It's I mean, like it's just like use

37:47

common sense. Yeah, like try to to check yourself

37:49

and use common sense. Yeah. So if if

37:51

your kid seems to be a kid, that's like. like

37:54

Super Super self -conscious all the time. Definitely

37:56

for sure, shut the fuck up and don't

37:58

be like, don't be like, oh you you aren't, you're... Very

38:00

good at drawing. You know, like, yeah,

38:02

don't fucking do that. Just fucking say

38:04

it when it makes sense. Say it

38:06

when you need to, you know? I

38:08

think, like here in this office, like

38:10

with Taylor and Brian and

38:13

myself. Um because as

38:15

you were talking about that, I was thinking about how

38:17

we compliment each other, which we do. We

38:19

do, we don't do it all the

38:21

time, but we do it enough that it's

38:23

something I notice. Yeah. And we do

38:25

it. guys.

38:27

They're just complimenting each other. We

38:30

do it when it's needed. You

38:32

know, it's like, are we doing what it sense? Yeah.

38:35

So like, I might, might have a meeting

38:37

where we were talking to a potential

38:39

new client. And when the meeting is

38:41

over, we have a little debrief. And then like we're about

38:43

to leave and Brian might go, oh, by the way, Jer, really

38:47

good job on hitting on those two points there.

38:49

And then it's like, oh yeah, thanks, cool. And

38:51

then I take that and I go, Like,

38:54

that's helpful for me because it.

38:59

Signals to me, okay I

39:01

did something there that he feels works that maybe

39:04

I didn't even even like realize I did it.

39:06

Yeah. So now it's like, okay, I'm gonna like

39:08

clock that go into the next time I'm to

39:10

do this thing. And

39:12

that will be ingrained in me. Yeah. But

39:15

it's not like every single fucking time we have a

39:17

meeting, Brian's like, hey, guy, good job. It's like, yes,

39:19

of course, at that point, I'm gonna be going. am

39:23

I actually not doing a good job? What

39:25

the fuck's going on here? know, are

39:27

being weird about it? Yeah, totally. Same thing

39:29

a kid to that applies your children.

39:31

Same thing applies to a stranger. Like, just

39:33

use common sense. yeah. All this

39:35

stuff. most of everything is just common sense

39:37

It we live in a world where there's

39:39

no such thing as common sense anymore, you

39:41

know? So it's like, let's just get

39:44

back to common sense. you

39:46

know? I love that. That's my takeaway. Get

39:48

back to common sense. That's the title of this

39:50

episode. Make sense great again. You

39:55

Um, common sense

39:57

2020, 2025. Yeah,

40:00

I was on the bus right I

40:02

I got on my way here and this

40:05

that's a little too

40:07

up right in front of me. I almost laughed

40:09

on her face on the bus right before I got

40:11

on my way here I this woman stood up right

40:13

in front of me. I almost laughed on her

40:15

face because it was so timely. was looking at

40:17

my notes for this and she stands up in

40:19

front of me and she yells to someone at

40:21

the back the bus. She goes, at just want

40:23

to say. the bus. She goes, just want

40:26

to want to say that your

40:28

earings. Look so great with

40:30

that jacket and your glasses. glasses Everything

40:33

so wonderful. And then she. Too much, too

40:35

much, goes off the us too been perfect.

40:37

much another thing, now I think

40:39

that you are trying to. another

40:42

thing now at now. I some sort of

40:44

you are trying to? Steal you're like,

40:46

some sort of like You know side. I'm

40:48

an ally. I'm I'm on your side. I'm

40:50

an ally Don't listen to

40:52

anything else. You might as you have

40:54

said have said hey you hey Look

40:57

personally, I I don't have

40:59

a problem with you with you personally

41:01

Okay, I I just want you to

41:03

know you to know I I don't I don't

41:05

give I what everybody else says. what I

41:08

think you're fine. says. I think And

41:10

then leave. fine and then leave that. love

41:12

that that's I just just turned around

41:14

and looked at this girl and

41:16

at her the up and gave her

41:18

shook my like glasses look like

41:20

There are glasses look was a

41:23

pile of shit my god. She was a pile

41:25

of shit There

41:27

was was literally not a human, there a a

41:30

giant pile of a heaping, a steaming pile

41:32

of of a left on the bus. pile

41:34

thrown that someone left jacket bus. Someone

41:36

had thrown some hearings and a jacket on.

41:38

have a couple couple of, couple

41:40

a anyone out there wants

41:42

to get worse at

41:44

accepting to get worse some, accepting got

41:46

some ideas. I've So some

41:48

one is, my you know,

41:50

how in some, in some,

41:52

in some some... social situations,

41:55

it's like, you can say

41:57

if somebody offers you something offers you

41:59

something like Like a drink or some

42:01

money or a gift you can

42:03

you can say no two times

42:05

But if they ask a third

42:07

time you really have to accept Let

42:10

me buy dinner. No, no, no. No, really. No, no.

42:12

It's on me. No, really. No, no, no. I

42:14

insist. Look, I insist. our fine. Okay.

42:16

Yeah would be

42:18

to Taylor does? he They'll go, hey,

42:20

let me buy dinner. till goes, Oh sweet,

42:22

thanks. Gets up leaves. It's

42:26

already getting in the yeah yeah, yeah. You

42:29

got this? Um, yeah, no

42:31

deflect it three times So

42:34

I give you a go. gonna pay for dinner

42:36

you go huh No, really let me pay

42:38

for dinner I'm sorry why I didn't catch

42:40

that I said I

42:42

want to pay for dinner Excuse me, I'm going

42:44

to the bathroom. And that's it. And that's how

42:46

you do it with a compliment, though. Sorry, someone

42:48

goes, Oh, oh, yeah, okay, with a

42:51

compliment. got it. So Hey, Someone goes, hey,

42:53

I'm gonna pay for dinner. I'm gonna

42:55

go to the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. Right

42:59

just stayed another action that you're gonna Sorry, you not

43:01

hear what I said? I'm gonna pay for dinner I a

43:03

did you not hear what I said? I'm gonna go

43:05

take a shit On

43:08

the bus, okay, so

43:10

someone says someone says

43:13

as that t -shirt looks great on you.

43:16

And I go, I'm gonna I gotta go to

43:18

the bathroom. Yes, you're

43:20

getting it. No, no, Jeremy,

43:22

really, that shirt looks great

43:24

with collection. see I see we're talking about

43:26

what not to do. I forgot I thought this

43:28

was a I thought this was like to

43:30

make it better. I was like, holy fuck. I

43:32

think this is bad Wherever you got this

43:34

info you this must be the onion just excuse

43:37

yourself to the bathroom. I I got a

43:39

shit Exactly.

43:43

Okay. Okay,

43:45

Okay, all right, so we didn't quite

43:47

nail that one. Okay, then there's one,

43:49

I don't know whether to call this

43:51

the poker rule or the ping pong

43:54

rule, which is like. um I

43:56

give you a compliment

43:58

you you give

44:00

me a compliment back then

44:02

then the complement the

44:05

the one up the one uper the

44:07

one up the one one uper okay so like which I

44:09

think we do all the time not it's not think we do

44:11

all the time, but like not always a

44:13

one upper, but like, if someone is like,

44:15

I love I love your sneakers. And I'm

44:17

like, I'm like I was just noticing your coat.

44:19

Like that might be something like that might be

44:21

do that all the time. I

44:24

and I don't mean it and

44:26

I at all. it at all goes, oh

44:28

my God, nice oh my God, I'll go, and

44:30

that's a lovely hat. a lovely

44:32

hat. Lovely hat. Yeah. But then you have

44:34

to, have to increase

44:37

the stakes on it.

44:39

And that's a lovely

44:41

hat. that's a lovely hat. And. Okay, so,

44:43

it's the yes oh, it's the, oh, it's

44:45

the yes hand. Right, okay. Or

44:47

no, I I have a different

44:50

one for yes and one for yes

44:52

and. Yes and is, you don't tell me, give that's

44:54

a really cool sweater. Thank

44:56

you, and I have a lot

44:58

more great great That's yeah, that's essentially what I

45:00

do that's this I got lots more where that

45:02

came from you you are this? I got

45:04

I am. more where that so from.

45:06

You good at someone says, Yeah,

45:08

your calves are looking really,

45:10

like, so someone says, beefed up.

45:12

And you go, are thanks. really,

45:14

And you have beefed eyes.

45:16

you go, oh, thanks. And you have

45:18

a hair is

45:21

particularly interesting. interesting.

45:24

Unique might might say and then

45:26

yeah, and then they're going what

45:28

the what the fuck? How do you do you think

45:30

that conversation goes from there? goes guess they would

45:32

go, I guess they would go and I like I like

45:34

I like the design on your

45:36

nails. Thank you and Yeah, you. probably end it with

45:38

would probably end it with one

45:40

would then you would double down. you've

45:42

So now you've quadrupled down. and at

45:44

And, and at that point their

45:46

head explodes. Yeah, or or they're walking

45:49

away, away Yeah, yeah, which case case you should

45:51

probably follow. Yeah, they get off the they get

45:53

off the bus and keep we're

45:55

humble them on compliments. Okay. So folks, these

45:57

are things not to do, not or, or.

45:59

Or, or. Or do because it's funny.

46:01

Yeah. because it's funny. if just, what

46:03

if you just... always by default. always

46:06

interpreted compliments as sarcasm. I

46:08

think that, I think you're gonna

46:10

have, I I think life's a I

46:12

think ruined. gonna be you just just

46:14

what if you just to all the

46:16

and to all Are you

46:18

sure? as, are you sure? What if that's just

46:21

your your - standard response. Yeah,

46:23

Yeah, right. Right. Yeah, you got a nice a

46:25

nice haircut. Are you sure you sure about

46:27

that? Are you sure about that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you yeah, if

46:29

you to really, are you sure? Really rock someone's

46:31

world. Yeah, really, well, I mean, you know what, actually

46:33

I feel like I I mean, you know with like

46:35

feel like I do that sometimes with

46:37

like cooking if someone's like yeah, yeah, yeah, actually

46:39

great do that. Yeah, are yeah. I didn't Yeah. Yeah. Actually, we

46:41

do do that. Yeah. Are you sure I didn't

46:43

put enough salt middle, while in the Are you sure in the

46:45

mid the the middle? was stirring the soup. sneezed right

46:47

in right Yeah. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, Are you sure? I,

46:49

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

46:51

I, I, I, I, really, I, I, I, I

46:53

sneezed and I didn't cover my

46:56

hands hands saw it go straight

46:58

into the soup. soup. I accidentally washed over

47:00

the pot pot it was in in the... Yeah.

47:02

Yeah. That's one, I like like this that one

47:04

my my final one is just like

47:06

just use it as an excuse

47:08

to be really self -deprecating and it

47:10

doesn't even have to have anything to

47:12

do with have that's delivered to you

47:14

do with can be like you know

47:16

I love I love your So you can

47:18

hate myself know, I love, I love your jeans.

47:20

I fucking hate myself. Actually,

47:23

that that broadly applies.

47:25

Yeah, to all governments. Yeah. I fucking

47:27

hate myself. I'm hate

47:29

myself doing that. I'm gonna start

47:31

doing that. I'm gonna start doing

47:34

start gonna start doing start doing that. great. I mean,

47:36

start doing that, that's great. I mean,

47:38

something I actually do time, time to time,

47:40

which is very fun you do this and

47:42

you do this with people that you

47:45

know, but not. not. Not that that

47:47

well. well enough that know well enough that you know

47:49

you can a make a joke, not like your best not

47:51

like your best friend because it won't work

47:53

with your best friend. So it's So it's someone maybe

47:55

maybe recently come to know you can can tell

47:57

that you're hitting it off. off I said it

47:59

already earlier. But you go, you know, you're about to

48:01

leave. about to leave, you a situation or something, you go up

48:03

to them and you go, hey, by the way. up to them,

48:06

you go, I don't have a problem with you. don't have

48:08

a problem with you. Okay. Personally,

48:10

I I don't have a problem with you. You gotta have

48:12

it with you. You by the way, personally. because

48:14

you go, hey, by the way, Don't think

48:17

you're a bad guy. think and then you a bad guy.

48:19

And then you leave. And they. They go, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

48:21

whoa, they want to know to know what the

48:23

fuck's going on right away. on right then

48:25

you tell them. And then when they

48:27

say, why they say, you say that? You

48:29

go, I fucking hate myself. And then

48:31

you run away. hate myself, they call you the

48:33

next day and they're like, And then they call you

48:35

the was that a super weird interaction that

48:38

we had? was I like to preface it

48:40

with, I don't care what anybody we had? I

48:42

like that's a good one. Yeah, I don't

48:44

care what anybody says I don't

48:46

those glasses look. says. Fire

48:48

on you. and earrings? Yeah.

48:50

Yeah They match the corn. They match

48:52

the corn. Oh my lord. All right,

48:55

folks, well, right, you for you for

48:57

tuning in. Hope you enjoyed

48:59

that. That was very fun, That

49:01

job very to the table. I

49:03

like those. We should do more

49:05

of these. that to the table. I folks,

49:07

We have a happy new year.

49:10

Have a safe folks, have a Have

49:12

Year, have a safe Year's have a Kick

49:14

off your New Year's day, kick off your waking

49:16

up early having some some glass

49:18

of water of water water. out into

49:20

the sunshine the sunshine Take a

49:22

cold a And just remember And alive

49:25

and you're to be alive you're not going is

49:27

one more year that has passed more

49:29

you're not going to get that year

49:31

back. So make the most of what

49:33

you got year back. it's coming to an

49:35

end of what all of us. because And that

49:37

is not a prophecy. us

49:39

That's just fact. a prophecy. That's just fact,

49:41

literally. No gonna live forever. So

49:43

you have live to make 2025

49:45

to make all your past mistakes

49:47

right. right. And it starts starts.

49:49

Well, if you're listening to well,

49:51

on you're listening to this on January

49:53

1st, starts today. If you're listening

49:55

to this on January, January on 2024, it

49:58

starts. in a a week and a bit. bit. So

50:00

nobody knows knows how long actually between Day

50:02

and New York and New if you're you're listening

50:04

to to this on it starts on my

50:06

birthday. So let's So get it. That's

50:08

right. Everyone's got another birthday coming

50:10

up this year. this year. Maybe maybe you

50:12

don't. don't. why maybe you why. That's You know

50:14

what? You you're listening to this, just

50:16

enjoy the moment because it might

50:18

be your last. it And your last. And also

50:20

you're at it, at it. make sure you're

50:23

following the podcast or your favorite

50:25

podcast, podcast or your the podcast apps.

50:27

leave a the review and share the

50:29

and someone you rating or review is it

50:31

the this year. Until next year. you

50:33

be touching yourself all the time. year. Until

50:35

next year, just be touching yourself all the time. All right, there

50:37

we right, there we have it, folks.

50:40

you you enjoyed that conversation that

50:42

we just had. had. And thanks for for listening

50:44

to the podcast. If you want

50:46

to support the podcast further, you

50:48

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50:50

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50:52

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50:58

than that, further you can. you can. Wow, you're so

51:01

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51:03

Go to Go .com slash turn me

51:05

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51:07

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51:09

Well, if you want to reach out

51:11

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51:13

turn me .com is always open for all

51:15

of your messages. your That's the best

51:17

way to get in touch. If

51:19

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51:22

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51:24

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51:26

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51:28

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51:30

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51:32

want to money us a little love note, of

51:34

that transfer, all of that sex toy. know, You know, we're our

51:36

email inbox is open to you. to

51:39

you. That is it for this week.

51:41

Until next week, why don't you

51:43

go Why do yourself? touch yourself? You

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