0:01

This is Unbreakable

0:04

with Jay Glacier, a mental

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wealth podcast build

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you from the inside out. Now

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here's Jay Glacier.

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Welcome into Unbreakable Mental Wealth Podcast

0:16

with Jay Glazer.

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I'm Jay Glazer.

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Really excited for my guest today because the first time I've had

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a guest like this.

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On my show.

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And what I mean by this, it's the

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first time I've had an

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NFL team's mental performance

0:30

coach. So good friend of mine, Andy

0:32

Rees joins also Andi is a former

0:34

US Army lieutenant colonel.

0:36

Obviously he's retired now it's

0:39

an author.

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He's a keynote speaker in leadership

0:42

in psychology, but he had a combat

0:44

vet with over twenty years of military service, including

0:46

in the Elite Special Forces Unit. He

0:49

has pioneered human performance

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programs like the Comprehensive Soldier

0:53

Fitness and look holds

0:55

several degrees from I think

0:58

Stanford Wharton.

0:59

Am I right on that way, smart? That is

1:01

the point.

1:01

I went to Pace College downtown Manatta, I think its Pace

1:04

you in versuony now, So, look,

1:06

you've done a lot of amazing things.

1:08

I really appreciate you joining me because it's

1:10

one of the things you know that you and I

1:12

met on the Bear sideline and we

1:14

talked about this. I am trying hard to

1:17

get the NFL to come up

1:19

to the times, if you will. Like man, there's fifteen

1:22

strength coaches and physical trainers,

1:25

and you know medical trainers

1:27

and doctors this, and there are twenty and

1:29

you got one therapist

1:32

that's required to only be on site three days

1:34

a week according to the CBA. Doesn't

1:36

make any sense when everything starts with those

1:38

six inches between your ears. But a lot of teams

1:40

don't have a somebody like you who's a mental performance

1:42

coach on top of that.

1:43

So I want to dive in to what you

1:45

do.

1:45

But before that, how do you

1:48

think we get the

1:50

league and the teams to kind of come Look, I always

1:52

tell guys mental health is so reactive. You guys,

1:54

don't just touch passes when you have the drops

1:57

right the forties when you think you're getting slow, you

1:59

do it all the time constantly.

2:01

But well, why aren't we working

2:04

with a mental performance coach of going to therapist. You're

2:06

only doing that the sky's falling and

2:09

then it's late. We have We've got to get a lot more

2:11

proactive about it. Any How, we'reactive

2:13

about it with the leak.

2:14

It's a great question, Jane, and an honor to

2:16

be here, and thank you for being on this mission with me.

2:19

I mean you, you and I are both passionate about

2:21

teaching people the art and science of kicking ass between

2:23

the ears and uh, and that's really what

2:26

this is all about.

2:27

And I think, how do how do we get mental.

2:29

Training in the hands of more people earlier in their

2:31

careers and lifespan? Right, And that's a great question,

2:34

you know, just looking at elite sports for example. I

2:36

mean, this has been around forever since the beginning of

2:38

man kind arguably, right, and stoicism

2:41

and philosophy is you know, uh, really

2:43

kind of those are the stokes really the ogs and mental

2:45

toughness when you think about it.

2:47

Which is part of what I teach. Yeah,

2:49

like Marcus Aurelius, uh, for

2:51

example, who was a you know, warriors scholar.

2:54

Uh.

2:55

These people have been around for a long time,

2:57

and my field has been around for about

2:59

one hundred years. But it's

3:01

really only become it's not even mainstream

3:04

yet, we don't, you know. So you're wonder like, why do these

3:06

elite populations not have more people like me?

3:09

And I think it's for a couple of reasons.

3:11

I think one is because the medical model

3:13

is really dominant, and of course everything starts with mental

3:15

health, as you know full well, and

3:17

I think it's really the premise behind this show

3:20

and your journey, my journey as well

3:22

too, you know. But it's really based

3:24

on you know, identifying and treating psychopathology

3:26

to anxiety depression, so you

3:28

know, it's really about solving problems, right.

3:31

But that's only two thirds of the bridge

3:33

that I look at, you know, So if that's one side

3:35

of the bridge. In the middle of the bridge is like we're

3:37

trying to help teach people about

3:39

resilience, about bouncing back from adversity,

3:41

about being gritty, and

3:44

you know, that's preventing people from sliding

3:46

into that psychopathology, right, that

3:48

mental illness and injury.

3:49

But then there's this whole other band of the right, the other side

3:51

of the bridge that we're.

3:52

All pushing towards, we all should be

3:54

pushing towards, which is mental performance, and

3:56

that's executing tasks at the upper.

3:57

Range of your potential.

3:59

And I think it's human nature, you

4:01

know, because you know, the medical side

4:03

has really been dominant, especially in Western

4:05

culture where we have resources available

4:08

and the predominant amount of resources are

4:10

really focused in the left hand side of the bridge.

4:12

And although it's really important, there's not enough providers.

4:15

We're not providing education and training to

4:18

help people move to the right. So if life and

4:20

challenge change, university is going to push you left of

4:22

that bridge, we got to fight to the right. The

4:25

problem is is that we don't have the tools, the

4:27

people, the resources to do that. And

4:29

I think traditionally, you know, baseball when

4:31

you look at the major sports answer your question.

4:34

You know, so baseball around fifteen years ago

4:36

mandated to have both clinicians and

4:39

mental performance coaches. So what I do is,

4:41

I'm a non clinical psychology practitioner,

4:44

right, so I have confidentiality,

4:46

but I'm not state licensed, right so I

4:48

don't do counseling or therapy. You

4:50

know that you traditionally think of you come in, you sit on

4:52

a leather couch and talk about your problems.

4:54

Right.

4:55

I am more like a strength coach for the brain, right

4:57

to where my job is to help athletes perform better

5:00

and when they incur, you know, challenge

5:02

on and off the field to be able to bounce back

5:04

and grow because of that.

5:05

Right.

5:06

But the really The model that works

5:08

that we're using in Chicago is having

5:10

both. Now there's some people that can

5:12

do both, but ideally you want two people

5:15

who can span that entire spectrum of the

5:17

bridge. And I think our leadership has

5:19

done a really great job of borrowing from baseball.

5:21

They have both clinicians and mental

5:23

performance coaches to be able to get

5:25

people across the bridge. And I think just

5:27

to look at the physical side is you know, they're very

5:29

similar. I mean, can you imagine, you know,

5:32

not having a team doctor, not having an athletic

5:34

trainer, and not having a strength.

5:35

Coach on a football team. You

5:37

can never imagine it.

5:38

So why the hell do we just have one person

5:41

temporarily when the mental game is

5:43

everything in football and then everything in life,

5:46

and so we're trying to shit that paradigm.

5:48

I think one of the issues also, look so I

5:50

obviously come from football reporting world, but

5:53

from a flying world, right. I was one of the first

5:55

guys in the NFL ever to fight professionally in mixed

5:57

martial arts, all.

5:58

The way back in two thousand and three.

5:59

Then I started to an MMA training program and

6:02

started training fighters and football players. I've trained

6:04

a hundreds and hundreds and

6:07

my whole mindset of this unbreakable

6:09

you know, or a breakable mindset. If

6:12

you're hurt and tired, you will never ever ever

6:14

know. Our guys cannot

6:16

take a stoolok between rounds. They got to pace back

6:19

and forth, and paste back and forth, and pace back and forth

6:21

and look and see where that person's starting to break. We're

6:23

not showing it. We're not showing it. And that

6:25

is necessary in football fighting.

6:28

But that's what's holding us back. Yeah,

6:31

were outside that cage.

6:32

That same thing. I think that's.

6:33

Why we are so behind, is like we'll

6:36

show it, we don't show it.

6:37

You're weak if you show it.

6:38

And now I say, no, no, no, you got to lean into

6:40

your teammates, y no, and

6:42

you got a man. You're struggling, think

6:45

of what this is going to do for you as a team, thinking how much better

6:47

it's going to make you as a team. But I think that's

6:49

one of the things of that mindset that man

6:51

is warriors and gladiators. Yes,

6:53

it's back now from being even better warriors

6:55

than gladiators.

6:56

You're right, yeah, And you made a great point earlier,

6:59

Jay, to your point is that the mindset

7:01

at the individual level, the end user

7:04

level, So the players and the coaches, it's

7:06

like, hey, it's like human beings. We don't have a dashboard

7:08

like a car to where we have this check engine

7:10

light. We can develop that check engine light through awareness,

7:13

but just true, like we don't have that check engine

7:15

light. And what happens when the check engine light has when we're driving

7:18

our car, you know, it's like, hey, we blow

7:20

past it until something bad happens. We don't see

7:22

a mechanic until there's a problem, right,

7:25

And so we don't have the tools and resources to do

7:27

our own preventive maintenance, right, And we don't

7:29

really fix our own cars anymore like we used to back.

7:31

In the day.

7:31

Right, But we also don't understand

7:34

the resources and what they're for. So

7:36

you don't just go to the mechanic when your car is broken.

7:38

You do preventive maintenance, and you can sooop

7:40

up your car engine. And I'm dealing with Lamborghinis

7:43

and you know, I'm dealing with high powered Nascars

7:46

or F one, whatever you want to do it. And

7:48

I think that that you know, traditionally, especially a

7:50

lot of our veteran players, you know, they

7:52

think, okay, well, well got me, here's what's going

7:54

to keep me here? And if I didn't need a guy like Andy before,

7:57

then why would I go to him now?

7:58

Right? If it's not broke, don't fix it.

8:00

But the reality is, the longer you do it in

8:02

anything, the pro football, pick, any profession

8:04

that's difficult, the longer you do it, the more

8:06

the mental game becomes your decisive edge.

8:09

And I think people at.

8:10

The paradigm is starting to shift a little bit, you

8:12

know, because this generation jays. You know, even

8:15

though we can say they have all the lack of coping skills,

8:17

I think the research supports that. But this generation,

8:19

more than ever, is more open to mental

8:21

training than any other generation before that.

8:23

And I'm really excited to be working with those

8:25

people.

8:26

Yeah, and I think.

8:27

Also, you know, we talk about how necessary

8:29

it is again in the fight world.

8:31

Look girl fucking crazy taking those three steps out.

8:33

Yeah, but the amount of nerves

8:35

you deal with, Yeah, it doesn't like

8:37

it right, one thing of a bar fight breaks

8:39

out.

8:39

But if I tell you him him in three

8:41

months from now, you're.

8:42

Gonna be a national TV in

8:45

front of millions of people in a cage.

8:48

We're allowed to try and kill each other.

8:50

The nerve plus now you throw onto now

8:52

the fact that you have memes and social

8:54

media and that pressure and that embarrassment.

8:57

It's so true.

8:58

Everything in the fight game starts no six

9:00

inches between the and we don't

9:02

have enough.

9:03

But that's whenever our work with fighters, we do

9:05

a lot of ship group.

9:05

But more than anything, I'm just look on

9:08

that mindset, being

9:10

relentless, being relentless, how to kind of engine

9:12

there. And then by the way, hey listen,

9:15

if things aren't going right in the

9:17

first three minutes, we got to change a

9:19

game plan on the fly.

9:20

Right.

9:21

You have to be strong enough to be able to do that and take that

9:23

right, you know, recognize that

9:25

that's all mental wealth,

9:27

mental health, mental right.

9:30

Mental health is not just depressing anxiety.

9:32

Yeah, I think I love that idea, that

9:35

of mental wealth to because you have to invest in it. And like

9:37

you said, when you're in the fight and

9:39

the ship hits the fan, if you've waited, that's

9:41

not when you start training your brain right, you

9:44

need to do that. I look at four phases of every

9:46

performance. There's planning, preparing,

9:48

performing, and processing. The majority

9:50

of your work is done in planning and

9:52

preparing, so when you perform, you don't have to

9:54

think you just get out of your own way and do it. But if

9:57

you don't, you don't change those brain patterns.

9:59

With the mental skills that I teach that

10:02

beforehand, the likelihood they're going to actually benefit

10:04

you and be that edge and help you push

10:06

through adversity is the probabilities

10:08

it's not in your favor.

10:10

Protect me the process.

10:11

When God gets drafted by the barriers, Yeah, yeah,

10:14

your process with that, Like Caleb Williams,

10:16

he gets drafted, your process boom go

10:19

you know Rome this year or yeah,

10:21

Ean Allen gets traded.

10:22

Over to you, like and I don't know if it's

10:25

well.

10:25

I do want to know what's different from a guy who gets drafted to

10:27

a veteran player who comes.

10:28

Yeah, it's it's a great question, you know,

10:31

without getting into a lot of the details of the course

10:33

proprietary that you know about, I'll speak in

10:35

general terms, and obviously everything

10:37

starts years in advance. With our scouting department,

10:39

and most scouting departments are are

10:41

pretty similar this way, where you're doing a lot of subjective

10:44

you know, I call it in the military world intelligence

10:47

gathering. You're looking for actual intelligence to look

10:49

at their makeup, right, So you're looking at

10:51

their coachability, You're looking at what type

10:53

of person they are on and off the field.

10:54

You're talking to everyone.

10:56

That's in their you know, sphere of influence

10:59

as I call it, from their coaches, to their parents,

11:01

to their friends, to their girlfriends. So

11:03

like we have you think a scouts is kind of like people

11:05

who are collecting intelligence that create

11:07

this makeup years in advance. And then as

11:09

we get closer to the draft, we're

11:12

obviously now people think of the combine, you

11:14

know, which is we're looking at their physical attributes,

11:17

some that don't necessarily translate, you know, over

11:19

to the football field directly, but we're trying. It's

11:21

all educated guests, and so we also deploy

11:23

psychological assessments too, and so you

11:26

think about the psychological combine.

11:28

Element of the NFL.

11:29

Draft is using these valid and

11:31

reliable psychological tools to look at their

11:33

what's called their makeup. So we're looking at their

11:35

attributes and their characteristics,

11:38

and we're looking at them objectively to give us

11:40

information that tells us knowing

11:42

about their personality and their

11:44

character which is kind of like you look at characters like

11:47

their values, purpose beliefs that

11:49

are the drivers that you know, drive them

11:51

you know, so if you're looking at okay, well do they really love

11:53

the game, it's a very common thing. Well, we can

11:55

actually look at what motivates them.

11:57

We're also looking at you know, their example,

12:00

their football IQ. And that's what we think

12:02

when we tend to think of the mental game, especially in football,

12:04

we think of football IQ. And there's a couple

12:07

assessments that are out there. I won't name them,

12:09

you know, but they look at the information processing,

12:11

their learning style, their spatial

12:13

awareness, their decision making, their problem solving.

12:16

And then there's another piece that is often forgot

12:18

about, and that's their mental toughness question,

12:21

you know, quotient.

12:22

That's looking at their confidence.

12:24

Their you know, looking at their ability to

12:26

control themselves and their emotions, looking

12:28

at their challenge orientation, their risk

12:30

orientation, and looking at their confidence.

12:33

And I think there's probably a last piece.

12:34

In there too, you know that some

12:36

teams look at as well, and that's their emotional

12:39

intelligence. And so I think about that like being a thermostat.

12:42

Your audience is out there familiar with Daniel Goldman,

12:44

that's his work, and so that's like being a thermostat.

12:47

So this is actually what makes a great teammate makes somebody

12:49

coachable and what makes somebody a great leader, which

12:51

is another thing that I do with the Bears. So I

12:54

will tell you, jayfis I pick one thing that

12:56

I look at is that I want a player who's

12:58

been through some hardship, man, Like, I want

13:00

a guy who's and adversity

13:03

is relative and stress is relative.

13:04

Right. Okay, So if you're a suburban kid and you had

13:06

to set.

13:07

Out a year and not transfer, you know, then

13:10

you know you've had everything given to your life. Your

13:12

resilience is relative. If your guy like Josh

13:15

Jacobs, if you know his story.

13:16

Yes, a dude who was homeless in the car,

13:19

Yeah, living in a car with his families,

13:21

had to scratch and claw and fight for everything

13:23

he's had. That man, that dude's

13:25

right.

13:25

There is a guy that I want, you know, because I want to go to

13:28

war with that guy. And his relative

13:30

coping skills that he's had through

13:32

his experience or that he's learned on his own, that's

13:34

huge. That's huge, right, And so I think

13:37

what we're trying to do is we're trying to create this way

13:40

of assessing their makeup that's subjective and objective

13:42

to then provide information to our leaders to make

13:44

decisions on them, and then once we assess

13:47

them, we select them based on that

13:49

criteria and it's all weighted.

13:51

There's a formula that goes into that.

13:53

So then draft happens and free agency happens,

13:55

and so once we assess them,

13:57

now we select them, we bring them in. Now we hand

13:59

that off the player development, which I'm

14:01

also a part of, and so we're.

14:03

Now taking that information.

14:04

Uh, players can opt out of taking

14:07

psychological assessments, but once

14:09

they actually are part of the roster, we can no longer

14:12

psychologically test them according to the the

14:14

bargaining agreement, and that's something that

14:16

you know is evolving over time, but it's just privileged

14:19

information right now.

14:20

But if they've.

14:20

Elected in and they'd opted in, we now have this information

14:23

we can hand off to the coaches And then

14:25

I'm a part of as well too because I'm a coach, to

14:27

now understand how they think, how

14:29

they respond to different situations, and

14:32

how the coaches match up from

14:34

a relationship standpoint to develop them

14:36

and to get the most out of them. So that

14:39

then allows us to look at that bridge that

14:41

mental fritness groups. How do I meet the player

14:43

where they're at to get them where they want to go, and that starts

14:45

with the relationship.

14:47

And especially Generation Z, they want a

14:49

relationship.

14:50

Transactional things in the NFL

14:52

are a long gone thing of the past, and

14:54

you're seeing coaches and players who focus

14:57

on transactional relationships, you know,

14:59

are not having a lot success. But you've got to

15:01

form a unique bond and connection at

15:03

a personal level. And when you can do that, you

15:06

establish trust and rapport and a lot of things are

15:08

possible.

15:08

So that real quick, Yeah, it's

15:11

because of social media. Nothing's real

15:13

in our lives. That's

15:15

real.

15:15

That's why Dan Campbell works and Mike

15:17

Tomlin work works like they want

15:20

something that is real, and

15:22

that's you know, there's there's we're dealing

15:24

with bots on X and we're dealing with filtered

15:27

highlights that it's just full

15:29

of shit on Facebook and Instagram.

15:32

So that relationship, you're right, is more important now

15:34

than ever. So let's say now you get the lawship

15:37

come in the process for a rookie. Then we'll get to a veteran

15:39

AFT. Now they're on the team. What

15:41

do you do to help these guys? Yeah, they're on the teams. So what's cool

15:44

is the NFL.

15:45

Yeah, So the NFL has a really cool program

15:48

like on our side as it's a total wellness program.

15:50

So there's some mandatory training

15:52

and classes they have to go through. That's that's

15:54

outside of what the rookies doing that you

15:56

know, I mean that I call those life skills,

15:58

right, and so that has everything to do with their their

16:00

mind, their body, their spirit, their money. You

16:03

know, it's some and it's been developed and

16:05

adjusted over time. And then there's a component

16:08

of that that I teach that has to do with mental

16:10

performance and resilience as

16:12

well too, and so there's

16:14

that's a that's a big.

16:15

Part of what they do, you know, what you

16:17

do.

16:18

Yeah, so I teach them about what mental performance

16:20

is, you know, because a lot of them, depending on where

16:22

they've come from, like you talked about, you

16:24

know, even even they may have

16:26

a great psychology department across

16:28

campus, that doesn't mean the coach is going to allow them

16:30

to work with that sports psychology department.

16:33

And there's that faculty.

16:34

So you know, it alsus to understand

16:36

what is their relative experience working with

16:38

somebody like leading, working with somebody like our our

16:40

team clinician. And again that allows

16:42

us to be able to understand a baseline as far

16:45

as what their work is. Some of them have

16:47

received somebody through their a sports agency. Of

16:49

some of the big sports agencies have people

16:51

like me on their staff that they can work with them, or

16:54

they've worked with them through their separate you know, quarterbacks

16:56

coach or the position coach that is

16:58

part of their team outside of the But

17:01

then I think, I'm so it's really heavy on the

17:03

education. But the big thing

17:05

for me is just being available and being

17:07

around so they knew who I am. You

17:09

know, and most of my money that I make Jay, whether you're

17:11

rookie or you're a veteran, is you know,

17:14

by having conversations, sitting down and having

17:16

a meal, just chopping up outside

17:18

of football. It's just like you said, just being a real

17:20

dude. Like for me, being effective

17:22

at what I do starts a good leadership. And if

17:25

I'm a good dude and I'm someone that they learn that.

17:28

Yeah, all great leadership starts with good

17:30

dudership. Man, if you're a good dude, and like,

17:32

man, I trust Andy and I

17:34

know that when I talk to him, I have confidentiality.

17:36

It stays between us.

17:37

What needs to stay between us stays between us. But

17:40

I also have a unique relationship because I want to normalize

17:42

mental training. Is that if they are willing

17:44

to disclose information and get their coach involved or

17:46

get other people involved, now we start

17:48

to multiply the effects as far as

17:50

what this training looks like, because we're

17:52

reducing stigma and we're getting it out

17:55

of the shadows in this black box where

17:57

it's been for so long, and now we're actually

17:59

true this like a true skill,

18:02

just like you know, blocking and tackling or the

18:04

other fundamentals. And so that's in

18:06

a roundabout way, how I do it.

18:08

The veterans is a little bit trickier and

18:11

for me, my my really point of entry

18:13

is really talking to the leaders because

18:15

if they're not familiar with me, they haven't worked with

18:17

someone like me on another team or in the in

18:20

this my first year with the Bears, then it's

18:22

it's a little bit more challenging, right because they're

18:25

like, why do I need?

18:26

What do I need from Andy? And what's he going to do for me?

18:28

And so I think they're the way that I attack

18:31

that is through leadership, right and asking

18:33

about you know, and getting to know them on

18:35

a personal level. Big Dog is a great example

18:37

you know who's only six years. Yeah,

18:40

shout shout out to Marcedes Lewis. And part

18:42

of that is this co opting for years.

18:44

I got them in year four I think, and that was

18:46

your nineteen right.

18:48

Yeah, what an amazing I mean we talk

18:50

about the locker room guy. The guys a

18:52

force multiplier, you know when it comes to

18:55

things like what I do. And so for me to understand

18:58

what it's like to be in the l

19:00

for nineteen years, I have no idea what that's

19:02

like despite all my experience. So for

19:04

us, it's just really having conversation about what

19:07

is it like to be a veter in the NFL and

19:09

what's important to these guys? How can I reach

19:11

them? How can you help me be my

19:13

nuclear business card? Because the

19:16

players talk, and the players know

19:18

who's real and who's not, who they trust and they can't

19:20

trust in varying levels. Right, So

19:22

if I'm not in with those key multipliers,

19:24

then I'm dead in the water. I'm not going to be able to make a

19:26

difference for the Vets, especially the team

19:29

captains, who are really the epicenter

19:31

of influence for the team. You know, great teams

19:34

are player led. You know that we talk about all

19:36

the time. But you know, understand, but they

19:38

doesn't cstainly mean that they know how to lead.

19:41

And that's another piece that I do on the Bears.

19:43

Give me the four season mental toughness.

19:46

Yeah, four season mental toughness. This is the roadmap

19:48

that we operate office. So number one is confidence.

19:51

So this has to do with this starts with the belief in yourself,

19:54

how you talk to yourself, and then your

19:56

interpersonal confidence as far as how you

19:58

influence other people towards common goals

20:01

using trust and rapport. Second one

20:03

is control. I mean this is controlling

20:05

how you think and how you respond in any situations.

20:08

Controlling you know that what you do

20:10

impacts how you perform. It also is

20:13

how you control your emotions before

20:15

they control you. Controlling your imagery, controlling

20:18

your imagination and then controlling your attention

20:20

and using it like a weapon system.

20:23

The third one is commitment.

20:25

At leach starts with motivation and discipline

20:27

and understanding how those two work together and how

20:29

do you develop a roadmap for success to

20:31

be able to achieve your goals but also to be

20:33

able to learn even when you don't

20:35

achieve your goals and get the outcomes

20:38

and The.

20:38

Final one is challenge.

20:40

So this is risk orientation, This

20:42

is the growth in the fixed mindset, and

20:44

this is how I manage stress and pressure

20:47

to be able to optimize my performance and bast

20:49

back when I inevitably go through challenges.

20:51

So that's the fourth CE model of mental toughness. A

20:54

lot of good science behind it, and it works.

20:57

Give me the Okay, let's say, so many doesn't

20:59

have confidence? Yeah, how do you help

21:01

build their confidence?

21:02

It's a great question. So you know,

21:04

it really starts with you know.

21:06

How they tend to see themselves, right,

21:09

and so, and a lot of that is indicated

21:11

by how we talk to ourselves. And so the

21:13

first step is then beginning basically understanding

21:16

of the mind body connection. Right, we have these brain patterns

21:18

I just just I mentioned before. These brain

21:20

patterns help us and it hurt us. So if they understand

21:23

how they think affects how they feel

21:25

both physiologically and my body and

21:27

my emotions, that affects

21:30

how I behave, what I do or don't

21:32

do, and that affects how I perform, which

21:34

is how do I how do I drive outcomes? If they understand

21:36

that connection, the only two

21:38

things you control in that cycle is my attitudes

21:41

and my behaviors, how I think and

21:43

how I respond. And if they can control

21:45

their attitude, they control what they say to themselves.

21:48

So the way that we talk to ourselves really

21:51

ultimately determines not only

21:53

how we see ourselves, how we see others, ultimately

21:55

who we become, because it helps drive

21:58

that flywheel, but also it helps

22:00

influence the what I call the doom loop

22:02

when you flush yourself down the toilet. So

22:04

that's a really fun so and then I have different

22:07

techniques that I use to be able to help their self

22:09

talk and to create their own playlist. So

22:11

just like you listen to your own, you know,

22:14

playlist before your game to hype you up or calm

22:16

you down or get you focused, creating

22:18

your own playlist in terms of what you say to

22:20

yourself before, during, and after

22:22

a performance really matters.

22:24

Well the playlist.

22:25

I would assume there's there's I don't know, but stew or

22:28

not. But it's not just the game, it's all

22:30

the other stuff. It's the other days of the week two.

22:32

One hundred percent, and that that's what's so cool about

22:34

the Metal game Jay is that it doesn't

22:37

require field, it doesn't require a gin.

22:39

You can do it twenty four seven three sixty five

22:41

in when you sleep.

22:42

So the more reps you get, the

22:44

better off you're gonna become in terms of changing those

22:46

brain patterns to be more productive. And

22:49

when you inevitably fall into a counterproductive

22:51

brain pattern, you can get out of that right

22:53

so ineverthly, when that negative self talk comes

22:56

in, what I teach my players and the science

22:58

shows, is that how do you accept you

23:00

know, what I'm saying to myself? How do I separate

23:03

from it because I am not my thoughts? And

23:05

then what do I do about it? So it's not

23:07

just thinking, it's doing. And when you when

23:09

you can do that in a productive and effective ways,

23:11

you're more likely to get, you know, to perform

23:14

at an optimal level. And then, as

23:16

I said optimal, I don't mean necessarily like

23:18

a peak performance where you're gonna be in the zone all the damn

23:20

time.

23:20

It's not the goal.

23:21

The goal is to be able to when you have a C game,

23:24

how do you get a C plus? Because that's

23:26

what world class performers do. The Michael Jordan's,

23:28

the Lebron's, the Kobe Bryants,

23:30

you know the best of.

23:32

The Tom Brady's.

23:33

They're not always gonna have feel great and they're

23:35

not always gonna have a great game, but they're.

23:37

Able to squeeze every bit of juice out of what they got.

23:39

And that's the difference.

23:41

I'm gonna throw myself in.

23:42

Let's say I'm a player, and so this is a real

23:44

thing that I have, because yeah, here's control,

23:46

right, life control, emotional control.

23:48

Yeah, control has sucked for a long

23:51

time.

23:51

Right, there's a lot of players like about Burst

23:53

that they don't get the ball, and you try and make

23:55

sure, Okay, we can't do this anymore,

23:57

but it's hard. So for a guy like me, when I have

24:00

a really gray meltdowns,

24:03

I self harm. Yeah, I tend

24:05

to since I was maybe

24:07

in fifth, sixth, seventh grade till

24:10

to this day. I punched myself

24:12

from the head and face over and over. Yeah,

24:14

I hit the artist. Fuck it sucks. Yeah, yeah,

24:16

not to do it.

24:17

Like I know logically not to do

24:19

it, but that's the control. So so now was one

24:21

of.

24:21

Your players, Yeah, I'm.

24:23

Not able to have this emotional control. What

24:26

would you, you know, help with me? And I know this

24:28

is probably for you and the therapist together, but I was

24:30

like, hey, I got you here right now, I'm gonna fucking ask you because

24:33

I still you know, I

24:35

still struggle with it

24:37

and it scares the shit out of people when it happens,

24:40

you know not to So how can I build that

24:42

control?

24:42

So? Does that happen when you hit that cell phone?

24:44

Has it happened in the moment, like right afterwards or when

24:47

does it happen after the right in.

24:49

The moment I get frustraight because I don't want to put my hands anybody

24:51

else or anything else, no

24:53

problem destroying me lack of worth?

24:56

So does that?

24:56

And then how long does that last when you're kind of

24:58

like where you're feeling a lot that rage and what

25:01

hold on?

25:01

Does that last few minutes?

25:03

A few minutes? Okay? Gotcha? Yeah? So,

25:05

like I I've always I can relate to J.

25:07

I mean, I've had temporar issues

25:10

and that's gotten worse with my diagnosis of post

25:12

amount of stress things in and out of

25:14

combat, right, and I think.

25:16

I think the most important thing.

25:17

And I used to deal with a lot with like pitchers

25:20

who would come out of the dugout and

25:22

where they just got blown up in and they gave a bunch of

25:24

earned runs and they just would throw their helmet

25:26

and you know, or or a hitter who's

25:29

in a slump, or you know, you even see in

25:31

football guys slamming their helmet. They're pissed off,

25:33

they're yelling at everybody, they're not getting

25:35

the ball, they made a mistake, or they're frustrated

25:37

because we're losing. And so

25:39

I think the important piece is is that

25:41

you have all this energy built up that's

25:44

related to that stress of that

25:46

mistake right where you're mad at yourself. I think it's important

25:49

to have space to create space to be able to do

25:51

that.

25:51

I feel like I.

25:51

Deserved to get beat down to wouldon't be the one to beat

25:54

myselfthing.

25:55

You know? And I and I think that's okay.

25:56

And I think it's like, you know, if it's you

25:58

know, and if people know you, and again it's about authenticity

26:01

and they know that you're a passionate guy and you care.

26:03

It doesn't matter what the outside world looks

26:06

at it. The people are looking at you saying, okay, well that's

26:08

just Jake because he cares a lot.

26:09

Right.

26:09

The problem is that becomes destructive when

26:12

that starts to bleed over into your next

26:14

play in your next series or your next performance

26:16

and what that is? Does that happen to you?

26:18

Jay?

26:19

Yeah, it's well, it's just that, it's just you know, it's

26:21

scared, Rosie, it's scared. Remember

26:23

like I'm Milton, Bam bam bam. Then

26:26

you're then you deal with a shame.

26:27

After That's right.

26:28

The shame cycle happens, right, Yeah,

26:30

And and that's natural, right, And I think

26:32

that So when that happens, you want to

26:35

develop develop a routine again.

26:36

You want to control your A and B button, right, So

26:39

the things.

26:39

That you want to do so when you want to have it out, you want

26:42

to have have that situation happen

26:44

when it is in a healthy way. And then once

26:46

you're done, you then want to be able to think in ways

26:48

in terms of Okay, when what

26:50

do you what do you say to yourself in that moment?

26:52

Jay? When you're mad? Are you are you beating yourself up? Are

26:54

you critical? Analytical and judgmental? Yeah?

26:56

So what I want you to do is I want you to I

26:59

want you accept that.

27:00

Yeah, that inner critic is designed

27:02

to keep you safe, so you're never gonna shut it up. So I

27:04

want you to embrace. I want you

27:06

to give it, give it, give it some space. Accept

27:08

the fact that you're being critical in your own worst enemy

27:11

at this point in time, and accept that.

27:12

Right.

27:13

And then what I want you to do is then I want you to actually

27:15

do some things. They're going to help you

27:17

downshift to hit the brakes on your nervous system.

27:20

Right. There's a couple of things that you can do

27:22

right in that moment too. One is

27:24

the breath. That's like putting your auction mass.

27:26

On right, because especially when you

27:29

on your exhale, you're hitting the brake

27:31

system in your nervous system, and you're actually releasing

27:34

things like norpernephronin and serotonin

27:36

that inhibit cortisol. So now you're

27:38

going from the fight mode to now

27:40

I'm I'm downshifting and I can regulate

27:43

myself in the moment.

27:44

Now.

27:45

Once I start to regulating myself, maybe and maybe I'm

27:47

separating myself from my teammates or somebody

27:49

else to where they you know, maybe I go

27:51

for a walk, I go outside for a minute. Then

27:53

I start to and that's accept I shift from it. And

27:55

I actually I want you to observe that

27:58

you know, and give that give that anger character

28:00

of yours, give it a just like that movie Inside

28:02

Out. Give it a make it a character right

28:05

in your mind's eye. I want you to maybe it's

28:07

a it's a little flame, or maybe it's this the

28:09

dictator like.

28:10

Borat or something like that.

28:11

Whatever it is, I want you to give it a character,

28:13

like on your shoulder, and I want you to look at it and

28:15

say, like, hey, are you helping me or hurting me?

28:17

Right now?

28:18

Right? And if you're hurting me right now.

28:20

I'm not I'm not gonna shut you up, but I'm

28:22

gonna punch you and you're gonna shut up, and you're gonna sit

28:24

down. And then I'm gonna ship to

28:26

the next most productive thing in

28:28

terms of how I think and what I do. So now I'm

28:30

gonna shift to productive thinking and say, Okay, I

28:32

don't want you to think positive. I don't want you to blow

28:35

the sunshine and rainbows up your

28:37

back because that that doesn't word being positive or it's

28:39

being neutral.

28:40

It's like, Okay, that just happened. I just

28:42

made that mistake. Okay, this just

28:44

happened. What are you gonna do about it?

28:46

Jay?

28:46

Okay?

28:47

And then that's asking yourself a question. And now

28:49

I shipped into What am I gonna do

28:51

the next play? What am I gonna do the next event?

28:54

The next time?

28:54

I learned from that because I've actually reflected on it.

28:57

I filtered out what I need, I got rid of what I

28:59

don't, and now I focus on

29:01

the next part of my mission. So I

29:03

would say those steps, and it seems

29:06

like a lot because that is described the first time. But

29:08

what I do is I make that easy.

29:11

Three things that you can do that you can

29:13

remember that you put into practice, that

29:16

when the moment happens, you fall back

29:18

on those because those are your dominant brain patterns.

29:20

I love that, dude.

29:21

One of the things I've done is, you

29:23

know, it's no secret Michael Phelps and I were like mental

29:25

health buddies. Yeah starts

29:28

Now, I half the

29:30

time I still do it to myself. The other half I call

29:32

him or I text him, I sent him a video or

29:34

something, and he gets me out of my habits

29:38

and he doesn't yeah me. But the

29:40

cool thing here, Annie is two years

29:42

ago, three years ago, we'd never be able to have this conversation

29:45

all well. The reason why I want to do this, I want to

29:47

be like, Hey, what's the worst or the most

29:50

dramatic thing I do and show

29:52

the world. If you and I you're a

29:54

special operations military and

29:56

working NFL teams, I'm in the middle of football,

29:59

of fighting and ball center dudeism

30:01

myself. If two of us can have conversations,

30:03

it's open for the world to hear.

30:06

The rest of you all come to hell, Yeah, you can

30:08

run from each other here. We're like, yeah, man, we're

30:11

teammates. How do we build each other up?

30:12

That's right?

30:13

Yeah, absolutely, And I think that's why

30:16

we need we need. I think I'm with you too,

30:18

and I think that's what people who

30:20

think like we're trying to make a difference in the world, to gravitate

30:23

towards each other. And for me, this is, you

30:25

know, my bigger vision here is just

30:27

like yours. You know, as I've listened to your podcast,

30:30

is like, hey, let's get this in the systemocratize

30:32

it's getting in the hands of more people, and let's

30:35

normalize this. Let's make this just like like

30:37

you know, training training of your body or training

30:39

your trade craft. You know, it's the same thing. And

30:42

we're way overdue from the importance

30:44

of training your mind. Because I mean, interestingly, if

30:46

I I ask players at all levels

30:48

and performers leaders at all the levels. And I've

30:50

asked this question for twenty years now,

30:53

and I just ask them, hey, what's when

30:55

it comes to your success and what you do, what's more

30:57

important the mental and physical side, and give

30:59

it a percentage out of one hundred percent. Can't exceed a hundred

31:01

percent. I've never had anybody say less

31:03

than fifty percent or sixty percent is usually

31:05

the norm. And then I ask them how much time do

31:08

you actually spend, you know, working

31:10

on your mental game? And in football, it's a lot of

31:12

it's film football IQ. They don't understand

31:14

the other part of it, and so inevitably

31:17

it's flipped. They spend more time working on

31:19

there because it's tangible. What's measured gets

31:21

managed. But the deal is is that

31:23

if people understood how to train their brains

31:26

to win from within, now we're

31:28

really not only starting to you know, perform

31:31

better and be healthier

31:33

and happier, have better relationships.

31:35

And I'm not saying it's God, I'm trying to solve all the world's

31:37

problems.

31:37

I'm not trying to boil the ocean. But if

31:39

you're doing this one person at a.

31:41

Time, that makes a huge difference, right.

31:43

Yeah, and it looked I've flipped

31:45

it.

31:45

I trained twice a day, but I

31:48

do twelve things

31:50

for between my years every single

31:52

day. It's the morning,

31:54

it's the ninth, it's the air through. It's a NonStop

31:57

thing. And yeah, we have been over to kind

31:59

of flourished now, unlucky

32:02

ever have before because I have, I

32:04

guess produced an effective fight plan for me.

32:07

Yeah, my game plan for me and

32:09

realize it's all behind my rid cage

32:11

in between my ears, and I really

32:13

understand this. And here like damn, Jay Glazery just opened

32:16

up and said he beats himself

32:18

and harms himself to this day, Like

32:20

oh shit, if he could say that and say

32:23

objective league and that they're like

32:25

without any shame if you will,

32:28

or a little stand there, but not not so much, like

32:30

you know that we could do the same thing, and

32:32

this just gets us closer, Like, son, you and

32:34

I didn't know about each other, Like, oh, you know, you

32:36

talk about Mercedes.

32:38

First time I ever opened up about shit.

32:39

Mercedes reached out and said, Damn, coach, I

32:42

knew you're crazy and that's a badge of

32:44

honor in football fighting, but I didn't.

32:46

Know you're in pain. So I

32:49

got it and it's checked.

32:50

Me every week of my life since.

32:53

So he went from a friend to a brother. Yeah

32:56

about this?

32:57

Yeah?

32:57

Can I give a tool for the audience today that helped

32:59

check and be a great brother

33:02

too? Is you're going back to that mental fitness bridge and

33:04

if you have show notes, uh majing,

33:06

Justin and your team will maybe throw this up there

33:08

too. We look at that bridge and ask someone

33:10

here, are you surviving, coping or thriving? And

33:13

give it a scale one to ten. One is surviving,

33:15

Hey man, I'm barely hanging on. Five

33:18

is in the middle, I'm coping, I'm okay, I'm not great.

33:20

I'm not bad. And then in ten is

33:22

man, I'm having the best day ever. Like, where are you

33:24

at right now? What number are you? What number

33:27

are you?

33:27

And then ask why are you that number right?

33:29

So let's and then the third thing you ask is

33:32

what can you do to move

33:34

shift to the right? So let's practice right now, Jay, Jay,

33:36

where are you at? Are you surviving, coping or thriving?

33:38

What number are you?

33:39

And what today? I'm probably

33:41

I'm trying. I'm thriving today.

33:43

I did a podcast my wife before I'm doing with

33:45

you right now, Yeah, go work out

33:48

right after.

33:48

This, got some other

33:50

stuff going. So I say, I'm thriving.

33:53

What number?

33:54

But I had a meltdown last night, and

33:57

so I'm a little shame to that. And it

33:59

was over nothing, but

34:02

I had to melt down. Didn't hit myself, but

34:04

I wasn't proud how I behaved. So

34:06

I probably said I'm in a seven.

34:09

Probably we had a.

34:10

Nine, if not for last night maybe.

34:13

But one of the things my wife says is so

34:15

good she doesn't let me feel ashamed.

34:18

That's huge, and we discussed it awesome,

34:21

like one of the biggest things in the shame. She's like, well,

34:23

then I'm not gonna let you feel that way and we

34:25

believe. Look we're good, okay,

34:28

yeah right, So yeah, because

34:31

of fame of last night, what

34:33

can you do.

34:33

To move one number to the right between the now and the end

34:35

of the day, Jay.

34:39

Working forgive, forgive myself

34:42

and also I realize, okay, she's

34:44

not going anywhere.

34:46

Next time, we can always

34:48

start over and like next time, do better, Like

34:50

give myself a confidence next time you're going to

34:52

do better, and remind myself the next time you

34:54

promised you gonna do better.

34:56

Yeah, man, what can I What can I do as

34:58

your brother and your battle buddy? What can I do to what

35:00

can I do to support you?

35:01

Jay? I think you just did by asking me, right,

35:04

I think you just did and got me to put a number there

35:06

and go, okay, how can I move forward?

35:08

That's cool, man, That's It's that simple, folks.

35:11

You know it's that simple, right, Really?

35:13

Yeah?

35:14

I love this, dude, really

35:16

cool. I appreciate that.

35:17

Man. That's really really cool. And I know it's gonna help

35:19

a lot of people. Where else can people see your work?

35:22

Yeah? Absolutely.

35:22

So My big thing outside of the working

35:25

with UH in the NFL right now is

35:27

my my public speaking, Like I really want to create

35:29

more awareness understanding about what mental fitness

35:32

is and get the word out. And so you

35:34

know, check my my website at designed to perform

35:36

dot org. This is uh, this

35:38

is my company right there that you probably like that Jay,

35:41

the kettle down design

35:43

to perform.

35:43

Yeah, it was a grenade.

35:46

I could be a grenade. We can yeah, we

35:48

can make it a mind bomb. Yeah exactly.

35:50

So, uh that is my design

35:53

to perform dot com yeah,

35:55

dot org.

35:57

Design to perform dot org, yes,

35:59

sir.

36:00

Yeah.

36:00

And then if you want to hire me as a keynote speaker. My

36:02

my keynote is rise

36:04

up, fighting to win.

36:06

The war from within.

36:07

And that's what you learn about what mental

36:09

events is, why it's important you learn about the check

36:11

in, and you also learn about

36:13

how to develop a roadmap for to develop

36:15

yours and your team's mental fitness using the four C.

36:17

Model that I just described.

36:19

And so I'm open for hires, So hit

36:21

me up if for your next event, virtual, in

36:23

person or whatnot to And

36:26

let's get the word out right, let's let's let's get

36:28

after ways to train our brain to win within so

36:30

we can all lead, grow and uh, you know,

36:33

make ourselves on other people better.

36:34

And you know, look, next year I want to come out. I'd love to talk

36:36

to the Barrie.

36:37

We'll talk about I've talked a lot of different teams

36:39

and talk to the whole UFL and uh,

36:41

we're gonna we gotta keep this and again that whole

36:44

thing of like, look, we need that unbreakable

36:46

mindset in a cage you're on a field, but

36:48

also unbreakable mindset has to be we

36:51

lean into each other, right, And what

36:53

I've done also when

36:55

I coach a lot of these guys, and I'm weaponized

36:58

my mental health issues. I've learned to think

37:00

at my depression, anxiety,

37:03

ADHD, bipolar everything.

37:04

You say, where's it helped me? Where's

37:06

it become my superpower?

37:08

Then? If it helps me, if I weaponize it, I'm

37:10

not ashamed by it anymore.

37:11

How it feels? And then how could we

37:13

use it for? How did it end up helping me in my

37:16

life?

37:16

Before I let you go, I asked all my guests,

37:18

this, give me your unbreakable moment, one moment

37:20

in your life that could have should have broken

37:22

your did.

37:23

Now you came through the other side of that tunnel stronger forever.

37:25

No, I really appreciate this is really cool timing

37:28

because it's gone full circle for me my

37:30

first time telling this.

37:31

I appreciate the question. So I

37:33

was towards the end of my career military career.

37:36

I just got, you know, selected to be promoted

37:38

to the tenant colonel. I got selected to teacher the Air Force

37:40

Academy. I was working in the ten Special Forces

37:42

Group. I had this badass team, my wife,

37:44

my four beautiful kids. I was on top of the world

37:47

man and I for whatever reason,

37:49

I made a mistake and you know, I

37:51

made a decision out of character that

37:54

basically led me get into some serious trouble man,

37:56

and as a

37:59

as a result, you know, I went in front of

38:02

a general officer at the time. He's

38:04

Major General Randy George. He's now the chiefest

38:06

Staff of the Army of four star general.

38:08

At the time.

38:09

He had a decision, mate, you know, so

38:11

we've got to punish this guy, the senior officer.

38:13

He should know better.

38:13

It's the first mistake I've ever made in my

38:15

entire career eighteen years at this point. And

38:18

he decided to give me a second

38:20

chance, and

38:23

me, I had been in that position before, because as a commander,

38:25

you're kind of a judge, jury and executioner.

38:27

And I was so thankful for that.

38:29

I decided to dedicate the rest of my

38:31

career and the rest of my life towards

38:33

making the most out of that second chance by pouring

38:36

and serving into others. As

38:39

as a result, I've always thought about this, if I

38:41

ever saw him again, how much I'd want to thank him.

38:43

And I missed him, but he came to the Bears

38:46

Patriots game. I found out about

38:48

it through our leadership, and I was able to get his

38:50

email and I was able to write him a really heartfelt

38:53

thank you to him telling

38:55

me about what happened, because oftentimes, as leaders,

38:57

we make decisions that affect other people's lives and they

38:59

move on. Especially in the military, you

39:01

move every two years, and you know what

39:03

happens to them, right, you know? Did they this

39:05

guy? Was this guy a dirt bag and did he like not

39:08

do anything with it? Or did he do something good with it?

39:10

You know? And I was committed to doing something

39:12

good with it.

39:13

And my low point, Jay, you can appreciate

39:15

this. I was so depressed. I actually thought.

39:17

About taking my own life, you know, and I.

39:19

Experienced depression and again I was I've

39:21

had my own mental health battles, and I've

39:23

experienced post traumatic stress and prost traumatic

39:26

growth. But you know, I really

39:28

there was at a really low point into where

39:31

I don't I didn't know if I wanted to go on, if it wasn't

39:33

for my faith, my family, my friends and

39:36

getting help and actually putting my pride

39:38

in my pocket and going getting help, which

39:40

I hadn't.

39:40

Done at that point in my career.

39:41

Even though I had my mental performance coach, you

39:45

know, I thought that I had all the answers and I didn't.

39:47

And by you know, I had a good set

39:49

of skills, but I needed I needed other people, and

39:51

I sought that help. And just so I was able to

39:53

reach out to General George and I was able to thank him.

39:56

He's able to write me back, and I get a little choked

39:58

up even thinking about it because I

40:00

got it. You've done a good kid type

40:02

of email back man, And so General George,

40:05

thank you, sir. If you ever review watch this podcast,

40:07

I owe you my life and my career, and.

40:10

I've committed to paying it forward.

40:12

So I hope everyone else is inspired by that story

40:14

and does something good for somebody else today by check

40:16

it in.

40:17

I love you, man, I appreciate it. Dude.

40:19

Uh glad to call your teammate and listen

40:21

to any stories like being unbreakable is

40:23

not always being on topics.

40:25

See it's all the.

40:26

Shit you go through. Hell, yeah, didn't

40:29

break you forever. You didn't take your life. So

40:31

what can we do to pay it forward for the rest

40:33

of our lives being of service to everybody else? Any

40:35

rates mental performance coach for the

40:38

Chicago Bears appreciate you.

40:39

Really, Let's go