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Welcome to Unchartered and Unfiltered

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the journey back to you . I

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am Cynthia Jameson , your host , and this is

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where we break free from the noise and dive

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deep into what truly matters you

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. If you're tired of the shoulds , the

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expectations and the pressures to fit

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into a mold that doesn't serve you , you're in

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the right place . This

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isn't a podcast about easy answers or sugar-coated advice . This is your invitation to

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reclaim your path , embrace the unknown and become the bold , unapologetic

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version of yourself that's been waiting

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to show up . It's time to get unfiltered

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. Let's get started . Hello

0:45

, hello , and welcome back to Unchartered

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and Unfiltered a journey back

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to you . How are you all doing

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today ? It has been

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an incredible morning so far and

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it's only 1130 in the afternoon

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. So this morning

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I just want to share something that a little bit of

1:02

a funny thing , because I think there's a huge

1:04

leadership lesson in it . But this morning

1:07

I went out with the Devon Deer , which

1:09

is our usual run mornings . We go on Monday

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and we go on Wednesday at 615

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. And today on

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the run I paused to take in the sunrise

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, which was glorious , it was golden and

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it was totally worth every second . And

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here's what I didn't realize I

1:25

was apparently beside

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a hidden nest . Now

1:30

, I didn't know , and all of this was unbeknownst to me

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. So as I started running again , I heard

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one of my peer

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runners yell someone's

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chasing you , and I was like . At first I was like

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who is he ? Who's he talking to ? Eventually

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I turned around to see a Canada goose

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, literally head down , wings

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out , charging full tilt at

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me . It was incredible . I

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had never seen anything like this , so you can imagine

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that I started running faster and I

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started searching for cover . Wouldn't you

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Please tell me that you would ? Anyways

2:01

, a few minutes later , after my heart

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started to you know , calm , take a beat

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, take

2:12

a beat I stopped to take a video of this goose . I was trying to get it in

2:14

the video with me so that I could explain it and share it with other people

2:17

, because it was just such an interesting interaction

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. And later I started to think about it , which is

2:21

why I'm talking to you about it , because there

2:24

are some leadership lessons here

2:26

. Let

2:28

me give you the rest of the story before I give you the leadership

2:31

lessons , because the goose , apparently

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, like I , went on about my run . I finished my run , we

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stopped for coffee and , in the line as we were getting

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getting our coffees , I

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found out that the goose actually

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took flight again . And the

2:44

goose took flight and actually

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flew into a cement

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park bench and

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toppled over backwards . And of

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course my running friends were looking at this

2:56

goose , thinking what should we

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do ? And of course nobody wanted to touch it . You

3:01

know , I wouldn't have done anything different . Anyways

3:03

, this interaction

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the more I was thinking about it , the more I thought how

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this was so interesting and

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what are the lessons that it can teach us

3:13

about leadership . And so the first

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one is we all have blind spots

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. Firstly , I didn't see the nest , the

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goose didn't see the bench . So

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we act fast when we feel

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threatened , but also , without clarity

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, we can cause more chaos than

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we can cause calm . The second

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thing that I thought about is belonging

3:33

Belonging matters . So

3:36

the goose wanted to be part of the Devon

3:38

Deer gang and

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leaders want to

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be a part of something too . So leaders

3:44

who feel excluded or

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who also sense their teams

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are threatened can act out of protection

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rather than perspective , which really ties into

3:54

the episode I want to get into here today . The

3:57

third piece is brilliance can distract

3:59

us . So the morning sun was absolutely

4:02

gorgeous , stunning . I'm so glad that I stopped

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to take a picture of it . The picture it doesn't even

4:06

come anywhere near what I actually

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experienced , and

4:15

it also blinded the goose . So leaders can get dazzled by big ideas , new opportunities or personal

4:17

ambitions , which , again , is going to wrap into today's episode . So

4:19

the key that I have here for you is to

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stay grounded as

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you rise . So , as

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you start your week , I

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invite you to start it with presence , with

4:30

perspective and with enough humility

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to ask what is the lesson

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in this for me ? So

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, regardless of what you're chasing today

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, or whatever you're chasing this week , think

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about how you might respond differently

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, with more awareness than

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I had this morning . So

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I thought you might find that useful . I wanted

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to share that with you . It actually

4:53

is really , really applicable to today's

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episode . Because let me ask

4:58

you something have you ever told

5:00

yourself this year I

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am going to focus on my health , I'm

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going to slow down , I'm going to not get caught

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up in work drama and then

5:09

, out of nowhere , you find yourself spiraling

5:11

because of something or someone

5:13

that you can't stop thinking

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about and I'm just going to like

5:17

, hand on heart , yeah , same same here . So

5:20

in this episode today , I want to take

5:22

you inside a coaching conversation

5:24

with one of my clients that I just finished

5:26

having this conversation with

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. We have been working together for about six months

5:30

, and when I tell you that

5:33

this human has been

5:35

through a season , I really

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mean it . His

5:39

story might just help you shift

5:42

your own . So let's get into it . When

5:44

my client and I first started working together , he

5:47

had just been diagnosed with cancer . There

5:49

were no warning signs , there were no major risk factors

5:51

, just boom , there

5:53

it was , and the way that he described it to

5:56

me was , of course , it

5:58

felt unwarranted . I think it's a very

6:00

normal human thought to think that , and on top

6:02

of that , his wife had recently experienced

6:04

some serious health issues

6:07

as well . His kids were going through college

6:09

admissions . He had lost both of

6:11

his parents within a short window of time . There was

6:13

a lot . So when I say that his

6:15

plate was full , I mean

6:17

we would probably all be able to agree

6:19

that it was overflowing . And

6:21

yet my client made a promise

6:23

to himself this year healing

6:26

comes first , not over , overworking

6:29

, not overstressing , just healing . Healing

6:31

the body , the mind and the spirit . Now

6:34

I want to fast forward to the session that we had , because

6:37

he came into the session looking drained , and

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not because of treatment that's

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all going well , and not because

6:43

of his home life , because that's all going well

6:46

but but because of work and

6:48

more specifically because

6:50

of a co-worker , a peer , someone

6:52

that used to be a friend . Now they

6:55

are both up for the same promotion in

6:57

the same group and over

6:59

the past few months the

7:01

co-worker has started creeping into

7:03

my client's projects . He steps

7:05

into meetings uninvited , he takes initiative

7:08

on things that belong to my client and my client's

7:10

team . So my client started to

7:12

feel watched , questioned

7:15

, undermined . And

7:17

here's the worst part . My

7:20

client said I can't stop thinking

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about him . I can't

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stop thinking about him and I feel

7:26

ashamed of myself is

7:28

what he told me . I shouldn't care

7:30

, but it's like I'm stuck in this loop

7:33

. I'm constantly comparing and

7:35

I'm wondering what he's doing and

7:37

I'm wondering what people think of him

7:39

versus what they might think of me

7:41

. And

7:44

silence is golden in coaching . So

7:48

he paused and

7:50

then he said maybe I'm

7:53

jealous , but and

7:56

there's a thought coming in here right now , because I used

7:58

to watch Dr Phil eons and eons ago

8:00

. I don't even know if that's still a thing , but

8:03

Dr Phil used to say whenever

8:05

we say a sentence , sentence and

8:07

then we insert the word but we're

8:10

about to tell you what we really think . So

8:14

he said maybe I'm jealous , but

8:16

I can't help but

8:18

think he's better than me

8:20

. Now

8:23

, if you've ever had a version

8:26

of that thought , you're

8:29

not alone . So I asked

8:31

my client what are you making

8:33

this mean about you

8:35

? And he said that

8:38

I'm not enough , that I'm lacking

8:40

in some way . Now

8:43

, this is what we uncovered . He

8:45

thought he's better than me . The

8:47

feeling that it created within

8:49

him was an inferior feeling

8:52

. And then the action that he took

8:54

was to overcompensate , to

8:56

over research , to over explain

8:58

, to try and prove his worth

9:01

, to take actions to prove a point

9:03

. The result to

9:12

prove a point . The result Exhaustion , distraction and shame . And then he would refocus , he would

9:14

try to remind himself of what matters , but the pattern

9:16

would keep repeating . Because

9:18

underneath of it all was

9:21

this belief , a

9:23

deeply conditioned story

9:26

that I'm not enough , and I see

9:28

this come up so often . I

9:30

don't actually think there has been a

9:32

human that I have coached

9:35

that hasn't had

9:37

that thought or some

9:39

variation of that

9:41

thought , and I think that's

9:43

really important , because I know we hear

9:46

it a lot , we talk about a lot , we talk about a lot , but I don't

9:48

think we really allow ourselves to

9:50

understand or to reflect or look within

9:52

and ask ourselves what

9:55

is the cost of my thinking that

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, or what is the cost of me

9:59

avoiding the fact

10:01

that I'm thinking that ? But I don't even want

10:03

to admit to myself that I'm

10:05

thinking that , because then we're

10:08

in the surface and

10:10

we're not digging

10:12

in the subconscious , we're

10:17

not bringing out what's in the subconscious basement

10:19

, we're not taking the power that that has on

10:22

us when we're not willing to go there . We're

10:24

not taking that power back and

10:26

we're not deciding to go there . We're not taking that power back and we're not deciding for

10:29

ourselves what

10:31

we are like , what even is

10:33

enough . How would we even know ? And it's going to be different

10:35

for all of us . And so I

10:37

asked him a new question , which

10:40

was what if this

10:43

isn't about you ? And

10:46

I watched something incredible shift

10:48

. He literally sat back in his

10:50

chair , as if like releasing

10:53

this big weight on

10:55

his shoulders , so I could observe

10:58

him , his energy , everything

11:00

changed . And then he said when

11:03

I take myself out of the center

11:05

, when I take myself out of the center , I zoom

11:07

out , I remember

11:09

what the business needs , I

11:18

feel more strategic , I share what I'm doing with him

11:21

and I let him go do it and

11:30

suddenly I'm free . That's when the real coaching happened , because this wasn't about a colleague

11:32

, this was about an old dynamic . It was about an abusive relationship with self

11:34

, and what I mean by that specifically is

11:36

when we keep telling ourselves these stories

11:39

that don't serve us , that create

11:41

fear , that create lack , that create inferiority

11:44

within us . That is us in a relationship

11:46

with us , and it's abusive and

11:48

it's one that we would I mean , if we ever saw someone

11:50

in that relationship , we would say that is toxic , get

11:53

out . And yet we do it to ourselves

11:55

. And so the version of him

11:57

that says you're falling

11:59

behind , you're not doing enough , you're

12:02

going to be left out there

12:05

was a version of him , and that voice

12:07

is loud , but it's not

12:09

true . He

12:13

told me I believe in

12:15

the soul , I believe there's

12:17

a higher purpose in all of this , and

12:20

even though I'm still afraid

12:23

, even though I know that I will still

12:25

expect and anticipate fear , I

12:27

trust that this season is teaching

12:29

me something . He

12:31

anchored into that he started to practice

12:34

what it would be like to zoom out

12:36

, to observe the story , to

12:38

choose a new focus and

12:41

to act from wholeness , not

12:44

from fear . So

12:46

what's the moral of the story ? When

12:48

comparison creeps in , when you

12:50

find yourself caught up in loops of

12:52

not enoughness , ask yourself

12:55

what am I making this mean

12:57

about me ? And then

12:59

follow it with what if it's

13:01

not about me at all ? Because

13:04

your brain might be

13:07

wired for threat , but

13:09

your soul is wired for truth

13:11

. And the truth is you

13:14

don't need to prove your worth , you

13:16

just need to remember it

13:18

. You need to remember

13:20

your worth . So

13:23

with that , thank you so much for listening . If

13:26

this episode resonated , share

13:28

it with a friend or a colleague who might be feeling

13:30

the weight of comparison right now for themselves

13:32

. And if you're navigating something

13:34

big and wondering what coaching could do for you , you

13:37

know where to find me . So until next time

13:39

, breathe deep , zoom out and remember

13:41

it's not about you and

13:44

that's the best news . Yet

13:46

take care , I'll see you back here next

13:48

week , same time , same place . Have a good

13:50

one . I

13:54

hope that you're walking away feeling more

13:56

aligned with your true self , more

13:58

confident in the choices ahead and

14:00

ready to leave the safe path

14:02

behind knowing you've got everything

14:05

you need within . Remember the

14:07

journey to you isn't about finding

14:09

one perfect direction . It's about trusting

14:12

yourself enough to explore all of it

14:14

. If you're ready to dive deeper

14:16

, join me for the next episode , and don't

14:18

forget to subscribe so that you never

14:20

miss the next step on your path . I

14:23

invite you to join my mailing list at wwwcynthiajamesoncoachca

14:28

, where we'll deepen our relationship

14:30

and you can claim your copy of

14:32

your Inner Compass , a guide to

14:34

charting your course to authenticity . Until

14:37

next time , stay unfiltered , stay

14:40

true and , most importantly , stay

14:42

you .