Sleeping With My Horny Friend

Sleeping With My Horny Friend

Released Tuesday, 29th April 2025
Good episode? Give it some love!
Sleeping With My Horny Friend

Sleeping With My Horny Friend

Sleeping With My Horny Friend

Sleeping With My Horny Friend

Tuesday, 29th April 2025
Good episode? Give it some love!
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0:04

24 chefs. 24

0:06

culinary showdowns. For

0:09

24 hours straight. Which

0:13

chef will out cook? Out

0:15

pace? Out last? The

0:17

competition. No

0:20

chef. Escapes the clock. All

0:23

new, 24 and 24. Last chef standing

0:25

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0:27

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Medical, healthcare just got less painful.

1:06

What's up guys well back to views We

1:10

are in good spirits this

1:12

week. Guess what what Natalie?

1:15

No, no, no, no this don't

1:17

we're fucking opening the podcast with

1:19

I'm not waiting any longer. No He

1:21

says it later. I'll just edit it and

1:23

put it up front Natalie had sex

1:25

with the biggest dick of her life. Stop,

1:28

stop, stop. It's not true. Not

1:30

true. It's not the biggest of your life.

1:32

Everybody that's listening, he's liar. I hooked up Natalie

1:34

with a guy. Oh my God. I knew he

1:36

was gonna come on here this week and be like,

1:39

guess when I did? I'm so proud.

1:41

I'm so proud. I set her up with a

1:43

really cool guy. The dude is like six

1:45

foot fucking eight. Oh. Six

1:48

foot, I'm not kidding. What's

1:50

his actual height? Yeah,

1:52

he's six eight. Six fucking eight. Yeah,

1:54

he's really tall. The height of

1:56

Chewbacca! Do you understand this? I don't

1:58

know if I can continue. No

2:00

today. Oh my god. How have you

2:02

been getting by all day knowing that? I

2:04

don't know. I've been holding it. It

2:06

was so funny I was so you know

2:08

how my house has like two living

2:10

rooms slight flex I was I was in

2:12

living room one Italy was in living

2:14

room two and it was the day after

2:16

and the guys dong went from living

2:18

room So I was yeah, I was in

2:20

living room one and I was talking

2:22

to Ali getting the debrief I talked to

2:24

I talked to Natalie about this guy's

2:26

penis for A good 15 minutes. So

2:29

embarrassing. And I was like, just tell me

2:31

how big it is. Just explain it to

2:33

me. And she goes, she goes, and she

2:35

goes. No, we're not doing this

2:37

right now. Why? You can't do that. Why don't

2:40

you fucking tell everybody? Exactly,

2:45

we're not doing that. Brr, brr,

2:47

brr, brr. Natalie and David are

2:49

getting laid this week on the

2:51

pod. That's crazy. I love it.

2:58

Why can't we talk about I don't want

3:00

I don't want like someone to send this

3:02

to him or something and then we're just

3:04

like And then I'm going to all my

3:06

godfriends me like hey look at this guy's

3:09

dick or whatever Yeah, you're our best friend

3:11

obviously where I even asked that I'm like

3:13

in allies are at some point We could

3:15

see his dick like I have you gotten

3:17

close to him more like at one point

3:19

because I mean this man crazy This I

3:21

mean the first thing I woke up I'm

3:23

very hungover. It's like 9 a .m. And there's

3:26

one chat in our group chat and it's

3:28

from Ilya and he's like, how big was

3:30

the penis? We're all thinking it. We couldn't

3:32

imagine this guy's penis. And I'm

3:34

talking to Natalie about it. And I'm like, so how

3:36

big is it? And she makes a comment about the

3:38

size. And I just hear Ilya from the other living

3:40

room go, what the fuck? He just

3:42

could not contain himself. Ilya loves these

3:45

conversations so much. You have an intro.

3:47

You have a measurement for me? She

3:49

said she couldn't wrap her hand around it. Her

3:51

hand, her fingers couldn't touch the other fingertips. That's

3:53

where you get in trouble. It's the girth that'll

3:55

bother you more than the length. Didn't bother her.

3:58

Didn't bother my girl

4:00

Natalie. I'm just going

4:02

to remove myself from this conversation. She's a champ.

4:04

Yeah, you're a champ. She's a champ. Congratulations, by

4:07

the way, because all day she was manifesting it.

4:09

She's like, I got to get laid tonight. I

4:11

got to get laid tonight. And it wasn't like

4:13

a desperate lay at all. It was. Yeah,

4:15

it almost like the perfect scenario. Yeah,

4:17

it was like literally such a sweet guy. Great.

4:21

Great looking. It was literally best case

4:23

scenario. Like a beer can or like

4:25

a mini diet coke? No,

4:28

like a mini diet coke would be

4:30

really, really big. A mini diet coke. Have

4:32

you ever had a mini diet coke

4:34

in terms of girth? No, my brother. No,

4:36

it's like a beer can. Oh, like

4:38

a beer can? No, no, no, no. It's

4:40

like a regular diet coke. Yeah. Like

4:42

a what? Yeah, Jay. Did you not hear

4:44

me describe it? Bro, in girth? Jay,

4:47

she couldn't wrap her fingers around it, you

4:49

dumb fuck. No, I gave it. There's

4:51

nobody that's that big. Jay, this. Dave, I'm

4:53

doing it. My hand is smaller than

4:55

yours, but yes, it was like, you know,

4:57

like this. Sorry, there's no video

4:59

right now, but Natalie is cupping her hands in

5:01

a circle and Jason is approaching. That's got big

5:03

hands. Yeah.

5:06

I beer can. A beer can is big. I

5:08

know I've never heard of that. No, this

5:10

is I've watched lots of movies. No, I mean

5:13

Natalie couldn't believe it. Wow. Well good good

5:15

good. I'm glad. I don't want to get to

5:17

the dirty aspects of Natalie life. I want

5:19

I don't need people picturing what I was doing.

5:21

That's where I like draw the line. Okay.

5:23

Yeah. So I won't get into like the position

5:25

she talked about with me. I won't get

5:27

into. And the fact that I

5:29

relate it to you is like. I know you're

5:31

my, like, best friend, but... Oh, that you relate

5:33

it to me? Yeah, like, I don't want to

5:36

be, like, a kiss and tell sort of person,

5:38

you know? Okay, if you're not sharing your hookups

5:40

with your friends, there's something wrong. There's something about

5:42

sharing it with you that's, like, different. What?

5:45

Why? Because you have a podcast.

5:47

Yeah, because we're... That's the

5:49

difference. Yeah. Because we're talking about

5:51

it right now. Okay, regardless,

5:53

I just want to start the

5:55

pod out with how proud

5:57

I am of Natalie. Okay. Thank

5:59

you. For taking that big

6:01

fucking three -foot fucking monster. No,

6:04

no, no. Okay. I do have a lot

6:06

of thoughts to start out this podcast. I

6:08

have a bunch of different things. I just

6:10

had this discovery yesterday and I can't believe

6:12

it's just come to me. You know, when

6:14

like a kid is being fed food and

6:16

they go, here comes the train. Do

6:19

they say that? Because once it

6:21

enters your mouth, you have to chew,

6:23

chew. Yes. What?

6:26

Yeah. What? Yeah, choo

6:28

-choo. Wait, what? Is

6:30

that real? Are you being serious? Jay,

6:33

are you being serious? Yeah, choo -choo, because

6:35

you're about to chew the food. No fucking

6:37

way! Wow, I never knew that.

6:39

I literally just had that thought on my

6:41

own. There's no way. I'm

6:43

gonna make a tiktok about this because I

6:45

feel like... I feel like no one's thought

6:47

about this. No, I don't think so. No,

6:49

Jay, that must be like a fact. That

6:51

feels like lore hidden behind the saying that's

6:53

been lost for like 15, 20 years. Well,

6:55

what about an airplane? Here comes the airplane.

6:57

Turbulence, turbulence. Yeah, it doesn't work.

7:00

No, not the same. I don't

7:02

think it has to do with you, too.

7:04

I mean, I think that was like a

7:06

nice coincidence. OK, right. I think it's like

7:08

you put the food in. Oh, really? Yeah.

7:10

Okay, okay, so that's my first thought my

7:12

next time this would also be really I

7:14

have a couple thoughts guys, so these are

7:16

big big big thoughts I was thinking how

7:18

cool would it be if you're in heaven?

7:20

Yeah Right? And I feel like this is

7:22

totally plausible. Like whatever heaven is, I feel

7:24

like you'll have access to a lot of

7:26

things. How amazing would it be if once

7:28

you die, you can play back any moment

7:30

from any time from anybody's perspective? Because

7:33

I recently just saw pictures of George

7:35

Bush getting the news that a plane

7:37

has at the tower during 9 -11.

7:39

And it's just pictures of him in

7:41

like a kindergarten classroom reading a book. And

7:43

I'm like, could you imagine being

7:45

in that room and the next 24

7:48

hours of what that whole like

7:50

presidential like Sphere of people's

7:52

doing yeah, like the vice president going to

7:54

panic room like they had to debrief in a

7:56

different classroom The president because they were in

7:58

a school and they didn't have anywhere to meet

8:00

so they just went into another classroom to

8:02

be like, okay What's our plan of attack here?

8:04

Not that the United States is under attack

8:06

So like but just like imagine like you're in

8:08

heaven and you're like, okay I want to

8:11

see the morning that JFK woke up before he

8:13

got assassinated or Abe Lincoln or and you

8:15

could just like dial back how cool I'd love

8:17

to know like people that that were mad

8:19

at me I would love to see their perspective

8:21

Okay. Yeah. Right you never thought

8:23

about that you ever have like you don't talk

8:25

to somebody anymore And you're like that person's

8:27

an asshole, and then you think about it, and

8:29

you're like well what what the fuck were

8:31

they thinking? Yeah, but you're using it in like

8:33

you said other person's perspective. Yeah, well I

8:35

mean it more like historically you're like historically up

8:37

you really I can't use it personally You

8:39

can't like get one wish and you just tell

8:42

me you're gonna die you're gonna be in

8:44

heaven you're gonna be like I wonder what Judy

8:46

Garland thought of me in the fourth grade

8:48

Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe that's what you would use

8:50

it for well well You want to be

8:52

like, what was Hitler's perspective on what about a

8:54

fucking thing? We know what Hitler's perspective was.

8:56

No, I know, but like, how did he get

8:58

there? Like, I want to be

9:00

like, if you could AI anything in heaven, I'd

9:02

be like, show me all of the moments

9:04

where Hitler started to build up this animosity towards

9:06

this group of people. Show me everything. He

9:08

was a failed painter, and then he got pissed.

9:10

Yeah, it was just like one moment. I

9:12

think so. He was a waiter, and he just

9:14

didn't get a good enough tip from somebody.

9:16

They said that's the moment that Obama roasted Trump,

9:18

that Trump was like, fuck this. Oh,

9:21

really? Some of them documented that, yeah. Oh,

9:23

yeah, when Obama's on Kimmel? No, Obama was doing

9:25

the Correspondents' Dinner and he fucking eviscerated Trump

9:27

and Trump sat there and had to take it,

9:29

and they say that that was the moment

9:31

that Trump's like... gonna show you, I'm gonna be

9:33

president. Damn. Isn't that crazy? Those are my

9:35

favorite moments of like anybody. I was watching Bohemian

9:37

Rhapsody. Oh, I love moments like that. Yes,

9:39

yes, yes. And it's like, and it was Freddie

9:41

Mercury talking to his dad. Yes, what was

9:44

the moment? What happened? It was around the moment

9:46

where Freddie legally changed his name to Freddie

9:48

Mercury. Yeah. And it was like, it was basically

9:50

his dad was just like, you're not doing

9:52

anything with your life. It was that situation. Yeah,

9:54

yeah, yeah, yeah. But Freddie just like completely

9:56

disregarded that. Yeah. Because he was just like, I

9:58

know exactly what I'm doing with my life.

10:00

Yeah, Kurt Cobain has the same thing. I love

10:02

the Those moments like that is the best

10:04

part of being young and dumb and like bold

10:06

Yeah, it's like I feel like people always

10:08

we talked about this a couple times on the

10:10

podcast But I feel like I feel like

10:13

I've been having this problem where I I'm so

10:15

envious of me earlier in my days because

10:17

I had this I had like the blindest dumbest

10:19

ambition to get anything done Yeah, and like

10:21

I feel like it's like catching lightning in a

10:23

bottle and like now It's tougher for me

10:25

to find that ambition because I'm so comfortable with

10:27

where I'm out of life And I'm like

10:29

and I'm where I've always wanted to be and

10:31

I'm so fucking grateful. But I do miss

10:33

the conversations with friends where they're like, you can't

10:35

move to LA and do this. When you're

10:37

like, just looking at your friends like they're literally

10:40

on crack. You're like, yeah, I can. It's

10:42

exactly what I'm gonna do. And it's like, I

10:44

know. I went to dinner last night and

10:46

the guy next to me was like. You guys

10:48

used to make the best videos. They were

10:50

so good. What's going on? What happened?

10:52

And I was like, yeah, yeah, I know. It's

10:54

over now. It was so sad. I

10:56

was like, yeah, it's pretty boring now. And

10:59

he was like, oh, I was like, yeah, well, that

11:01

happens, I guess. Yeah, it's just really tough. Did any

11:03

chance you guys would do it again? I'm like, no,

11:06

I don't think so. That's

11:09

what I fear when somebody asks me, where the vlogs coming

11:11

back? I'm like, probably never. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

11:13

Is that what you say? I do, but I

11:15

say it kind of in a jokey way. Right.

11:17

I mean, the vlogs can never, ever come back.

11:19

like, will I make more videos for sure? Like

11:21

here and there. Yeah. But they need to be

11:23

like big moments in my life that I'm like

11:26

really excited about. Yeah. That's what it is. But

11:28

I don't want to get to that. Anyway, like

11:30

I miss being, I just miss being a kid

11:32

and just like wanting something so bad. And like

11:34

when you're a kid, you think you're invincible, right?

11:36

Like that is like the mindset of a child.

11:38

Like you can't get in trouble. You can't get

11:40

hurt. Nothing bad can happen to you. Yeah. And

11:42

I think there's no better time. Like

11:44

I really hope I keep this in mind

11:46

as a parent when my kid tries to

11:48

do some dumb or like stupid out there

11:50

things. I really hope I give him all.

11:52

the leverage in being able to do that

11:54

like i really hope i'm not a fucking

11:57

pussy dad and i'm like no you can't

11:59

do that you'll get hurt or this or

12:01

this or this like whatever that kid fucking

12:03

needs to do because he believes in himself

12:05

that blind ambition i think will carry a

12:07

person to the fucking ends of the planet

12:09

and further like i don't know i think

12:11

you should never derail a person that's delusional

12:13

and 15. I think

12:15

those people are fucking destined for greatness. I used to

12:17

say crazy stuff when I was in my 20s. Yeah,

12:19

it's the fucking best. I'd be like, I would tell

12:22

my friends, I'm like, I'm gonna be on Saturday Night

12:24

Live in like two years. And

12:26

I would say it. And they'd be like,

12:28

wow. And my friends were so nice. They'd be

12:30

like, yeah, you can do it. You can do it.

12:32

Then I auditioned, I didn't get it. You

12:35

have the other side of the story. They

12:38

were right. They were wrong.

12:41

I was like, why didn't you tell me I was so fucking out of

12:43

my mind? They're like,

12:45

wow, you just were, you know, you You wish

12:47

you had friends to derail you. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

12:49

yeah, yeah. Oh, Dan, that's funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

12:51

I don't know. As well. I do that with

12:53

Wyatt. I tell him, I say crazy things to

12:55

him. I've said it all his life. Well, I

12:57

hope you tell Wyatt that he can't make it.

12:59

No, no. I'd say the opposite. I'm

13:01

too, I'm too. You should go backwards on him. No,

13:04

no. I told him he was 13 to drop

13:06

out of school. I told you that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

13:08

No, I know. That's

13:10

so sick. Those are the best those

13:12

are the best best moments. I don't know.

13:14

It's just like watching Rami Malik's interpretation

13:16

of Freddie Mercury is just so fucking fun.

13:18

I love, like, a fish out of

13:20

water or... I love stories where a person

13:23

figures out who they are. Like, that

13:25

is my favorite. That's like Moana.

13:27

Moana. I talked about this every

13:29

podcast for the last three weeks?

13:31

I just love, like, a life quest where

13:34

you finally figure out what your purpose

13:36

is. I'm sorry, I've never seen Moana. You

13:38

gotta see it. She's basically an island

13:40

princess who can't go beyond her, like, little

13:42

reef. Yeah. But she's just like... I

13:44

want to go fucking explore the ocean. And

13:46

her parents are like, you can't do

13:49

that, don't do that. And then she connects

13:51

with the ocean like nobody else and

13:53

she fucking explores the fuck out of it.

13:55

That's why she's the best. She's

13:57

queen of the sea now. What other

13:59

good ones do know? I was the most

14:02

like dude interpretation of Moana. And she's

14:04

the fucking queen of that. No, I did

14:06

that for a reason. I didn't want

14:08

the dudes listening to be like, he's

14:10

soft. I

14:20

mean I'm sure so many I'm sure

14:22

that's like that's every story everybody's crazy well

14:24

like everybody's crazy till it works right

14:26

right like you're fucking idiot jackass delusional conceded

14:29

yeah like it's all of that until

14:31

it actually starts to work I think that's

14:33

so fucking cool Jay you know cool

14:35

that moment is what moment well Freddy Freddy

14:37

was laying in bed with his girlfriend

14:39

at the time or his wife And

14:42

he was like, I am exactly the person I've

14:44

always meant to be. And I'm not afraid of anything.

14:46

That's what he says to her like in the

14:48

movie. And I thought that was so fucking cool. Like

14:50

achieving like what you need to become and what

14:52

you wanted to become and then like being there. And

14:54

like recognizing that you're there, I think is the

14:56

coolest fucking thing. Who do you admire? Who

14:59

do I admire? If

15:01

I had to like think of like a role

15:03

model. Yeah. David. You could say me. It's

15:06

David. I idolize him. I

15:08

know this, this woman, her name's

15:11

Emma Greedy. Oh, she, um, she

15:14

started her. Not a great

15:16

word. It's

15:22

her alter ego. Yeah, she completely made up

15:24

this person just to justify her stealing money

15:26

for me. I'm kidding.

15:28

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Anyways, her and her

15:30

husband started this started this company. Yeah.

15:33

And they started skims, Good American. They're

15:35

the like they're the people she's the woman actually

15:38

behind those brands. Oh, I'm sorry. We came at

15:40

that pretty high. She's pretty powerful. We gave Madeline

15:42

an uplifting moment and we just shed on her

15:44

within seconds of her speed. That's why I asked.

15:49

Build her up to burn it back down. Um,

15:52

yeah. Okay. Well, that's another one of my thoughts.

15:54

Speaking of Natalie, can I talk about this?

15:56

Can you, can it be nice? Let's

15:59

make this one pleasant. Oh, one's not pleasant.

16:01

Great. This is actually where we gave you

16:03

some trauma. Oh. Are you ready to unpack

16:05

this? I'm not really, not like trying to

16:07

awaken the PTSD. So, so now I'm about

16:09

to, I'm about to, I'm about to reveal

16:11

one of Natalie's traumas. It's a very, very

16:13

baby trauma she had. It was on a

16:15

trip to South Africa. Do you know I'm

16:17

about to say? God, yes. This

16:21

episode is brought to you

16:23

by Max. Presenting HBO original comedy

16:25

special, Brett Goldstein, the second

16:27

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Goldstein sheds his testy -roy kid

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streaming exclusively on Max. Hey

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there, I'm David Harbour from Marvel

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Studios Thunderbolts. I don't mean to interrupt

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17:08

Okay, now back to the show, or

17:10

on to the next ad. It

17:14

has scarred me for life because of

17:16

this. Yeah. Does it involve diarrhea or

17:18

anything? Close. Okay. Natalie was peeing. Yeah.

17:21

And we were sharing a tap and

17:23

it was the loudest stream we've ever

17:25

heard. We're

17:28

in the middle of the safari have

17:30

not used a bathroom all day Yeah,

17:32

and my tent is filled with bugs

17:35

and scorpions and all sorts of lizards

17:37

and shit It was like a waterfall

17:39

landing into a bucket J. It was

17:41

literally a hole. I was peeing into

17:43

a hole. She was peeing into a

17:45

hole. It was, Ellie and I were

17:47

sharing a room with her because we

17:49

were scared of all the bugs Natalie

17:51

goes to pee. It is like Almost

17:53

ear shattering Coachella P festival. It is

17:55

so fucking. I was so loud Jay

17:57

I'm surprised the animals of the wild

18:00

didn't come expecting a new water source

18:02

stuff sprung up in the middle of

18:04

Africa it was fucking insane I've never

18:06

heard anything like an Ilya looked at

18:08

each other and we went what the

18:10

fuck Natalie all of a sudden you

18:12

just hear the P stop and she

18:14

goes What? Is

18:18

it possible that the whole

18:20

created sound? Totally.

18:23

The echo, everything. Everything was working

18:25

against her there. And

18:27

the fact that I had these two idiots on

18:30

the other side of the wall? Because I bring

18:32

this story up because we were watching a movie

18:34

yesterday and I went to go pee like in

18:36

the bathroom. And I tried to go for as

18:38

loud as possible because some of my friends pee

18:40

really loud. And then they always come back to

18:42

finish the movie and then I'm like looking around.

18:44

I'm like is there anybody gonna acknowledge how loud

18:46

that P was but nobody does so I'm like

18:48

I'm gonna try to pee as loud as I

18:50

can right now and I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm

18:52

just gonna ask everybody if they heard me so

18:54

I come back and I was like did you

18:57

guys hear me pee and they're like no no

18:59

it's pretty quiet and then then I got into

19:01

Natalie having the biggest pee of all time in

19:03

our friend group so I'm just curious I was

19:05

just curious like do you think about that when

19:07

people when people listen to me I think about

19:09

a healthy stream yeah that's really important when you

19:11

get older no no it's really important it's really

19:13

good not that you have a thick healthy stream

19:15

I don't I don't No, you should be proud

19:17

of it. Because in a lot of countries, that

19:19

would be applauded. Wait, were you standing while you

19:22

were peeing? How was it getting so much downward

19:24

speed? I don't know. I don't know what I

19:26

was doing, David. I wasn't analyzing it. Now, from

19:28

that moment forward, I analyze every pee I take

19:30

to ensure that it is quiet. Really? Yes. I

19:33

wonder if it was the speed or the height it was coming

19:35

out It was the speed. It was the amount. It was the

19:37

fact that I hadn't peed all day. It

19:39

was a trauma peak because I was already

19:41

traumatized about the safari tent thing. You were

19:43

definitely high enough for your pee reach terminal

19:45

velocity on its way down. Cause the speed

19:47

at which it was. You hire German scientists

19:49

to recreate it. This is insane! We've

19:53

not seen any kind of type of torque

19:56

like this in all our days and all

19:58

our research. They leave

20:00

the bathroom with Natalie. They're just

20:02

shaking their hands. They cannot study this

20:04

any longer. trajectory

20:08

correct if we

20:10

can properly recreate

20:12

it we will

20:15

break the sound

20:17

barrier Natalie solves

20:19

the equation of

20:21

space time with

20:23

these numbers and

20:25

these calculations we

20:27

will be able

20:29

to travel through

20:32

time Okay,

20:34

sorry. I'm embarrassed all over again. I thought

20:36

that was supposed to be a nice story. No,

20:39

none of that happened. Okay, I have

20:41

one more thought I had. This is great. You know

20:44

what I'm getting pretty close to though? Okay, other than

20:46

Natalie's peak, you know what I've been getting pretty close

20:48

through too? So you know like when you're a kid

20:50

and you think you can move things with your mind?

20:52

Yeah. Have you had that experience? I

20:54

mean, I've never... I'm

20:56

having one, but I think it's a little

20:58

bit more of an adult feeling. Yeah,

21:00

so I think it's a little bit more

21:02

realistic But I think I'm on the

21:04

verge of being able to leave my body

21:07

and view it from from an outwardly

21:09

perspective That's a mental disorder and every time

21:11

I get close I snap out of

21:13

it I feel like every time I'm a

21:15

hairline away from breaking this wall And

21:17

then I realize that I'm doing it and

21:19

puts me right back I am, like,

21:21

on the edge of my skin. I'm telling

21:23

you, I don't know how to explain

21:26

this. Have you researched it? No, I haven't

21:28

looked it up, so I don't know

21:30

if this is a condition or if I'm...

21:32

Is this when you're asleep, like, at

21:34

night, or afternoon nap? No, no, no. This

21:36

is just when I'm laying on the

21:38

couch or laying in bed. Sometimes it'll be

21:40

around sunset, and I'll think to myself,

21:42

I'm gonna try to leave my body. Sure.

21:45

And then I have to surrender that

21:47

thought, put that thought into the back of

21:49

my mind, and then I feel it's

21:51

kind of like my soul... Like being in

21:53

water and I'm loose and it's losing

21:55

the feeling of gravity and it's kind of

21:57

traveling upwards and just associating. Yes, and

21:59

I'm trying to get it to the point

22:01

where I'm floating above my body. Kind

22:04

of like Avatar and like his airbender state.

22:06

Call David Blaine, he'll tell you. I

22:08

don't think he's mastered this yet. I bet

22:10

he has. It

22:12

sounds pretty easy for David Blaine. He's

22:14

just like, David, what you're trying has never

22:16

been done before. How close

22:18

did you say you are? He

22:21

thinks I'm so impressive. He's

22:23

like, you're not doing this during sunset,

22:25

are you? I'm like, here's exactly what

22:27

I'm doing. David, we need you to

22:29

disassociate. We need you to levitate above

22:31

Natalie's pisterine. This is the only way

22:34

we will reach maximum velocity. Now,

22:36

David, now, disassociate. This is what

22:38

I dream about. The same

22:40

German scientists that are working on Natalie's

22:43

pee are helping me disassociate. Bring the

22:45

giant dog over. We

22:53

will use the hair from his balls

22:55

to connect the stream to the levitation

22:57

Wow, that was kind of like a

22:59

Marvel movie this podcast was kind of

23:01

like a Marvel movie And that was

23:03

end game That was all the Avengers

23:05

coming together. Incredible. Yeah, everybody coming together

23:07

at the end. You had the big

23:09

penis, you had Natalie's stream, and you

23:11

had me trying to levitate out of

23:13

my own body. All came in at

23:15

the end for the grand finale. Man,

23:18

no one does it like you, man.

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24:42

together on Green Light. Um,

24:46

grew up with David. Grew up

24:48

with David. So, - for Natalie? Reggie

24:51

is Yeah, he work for

24:53

Natalie. Reggie's my roommate's brother. He's John's

24:55

brother. Reggie for the - Reggie, when did

24:57

you come out? You came out on one of

24:59

the vlogs and we got your car. Yeah, it

25:01

was Black Friday, I think it was - That's

25:03

how I remember it. The most Filipino moment to

25:05

come out. Right

25:09

after I got a good 32 -inch

25:11

LCD, I was feeling myself. John bought

25:13

his CV that day. Yeah, exactly. Resale

25:16

value is going to be high. Might

25:18

as well come out. 2018

25:21

yeah, so for the longest time growing

25:23

up with Reggie Reggie would be part

25:25

of our sleepovers and We would always

25:28

try to convince John. We're like John.

25:30

You know Reggie's gay, right? And John

25:32

would be like no dude. There's no

25:34

way And this is like this is

25:36

like back in the day when like

25:38

you still weren't like exposed to like

25:40

that culture Yeah, right. So like it

25:43

was more rare now like everybody's gay.

25:45

Yeah, so yeah like me So

25:48

at the time, that's why it was rare. But

25:50

we were like, yeah, Reggie's off the gate. But one

25:52

of the first moments I knew Reggie was gay.

25:54

This isn't what this is about. But one of the

25:56

first moments, one of my favorite moments with you,

25:58

Reggie, was because we would always try to convince Reggie,

26:00

or John, that you were gay. And there was

26:02

one time we had to sleep over. And do you

26:04

remember this? And you were sleeping next to me?

26:06

You probably don't remember this. Yeah, I woke up with

26:08

a boner. David

26:12

also had the juiciest ass

26:14

in middle school. It tickled us.

26:16

It wasn't that you woke

26:18

up with a boner. It was

26:20

that I woke up with

26:22

your boner. In

26:26

where? Well, we were having a sleepover and

26:28

I woke up. And I felt your penis

26:30

on my leg, or like on my ass,

26:32

or somewhere. And I was like, oh yeah,

26:34

he's gay. I'm a changed person. I'm actually

26:36

straight. What'd

26:38

you say when you found it? It was

26:40

still connected to Reggie. I wasn't like, Reggie, here

26:42

it is. Was it the morning? Was it

26:44

the middle of the night? It was like, it

26:46

was like probably like... the sun hasn't already

26:49

been up, but it still wasn't time to wake

26:51

up. You know, it's actually

26:53

the exact time you get, like,

26:55

morning wood. Sure. Like, but

26:57

like, yeah, probably could have just been morning wood, but it

26:59

was, the way it was positioned on me, I was

27:01

like, oh yeah, she's gay. And I use

27:03

that as a big part of my argument

27:05

to tell John. That I'm gay. Yeah.

27:07

Oh my god. Did John believe you or not? Not

27:09

the makeup. or not even like

27:11

anything else? Yeah, Reggie. The most

27:13

fashionable day guy ever in high school?

27:15

Yeah, there were so many sides.

27:17

wasn't that one, right? No, it also

27:19

wasn't that you were the manager

27:21

of the cheer team. No,

27:28

he's not. He's not a gay. That's

27:30

really funny. Yeah, so I told him,

27:32

I told you, I came out to

27:34

make Korean barbecue. It was just me

27:37

and him. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay,

27:39

well, maybe you told me, but this

27:41

is, I can't imagine, because I can't

27:43

imagine John handling like any kind of

27:45

news like somewhat serious. I

27:47

know, he was like, he was questioning, he

27:49

was like, what? Wait, what Korean

27:51

barbecue back home? Yeah. Okay. And then, um...

27:53

How did you say it? I was like...

27:56

Did you take him to Korean barbecue just

27:58

because you knew he loved it and it

28:00

would like soften the blow on any possibilities? Yeah,

28:03

I paid for it too. So it

28:06

was like a nice treat for him. So it was

28:08

like, okay, I'll take it easy on him. John,

28:10

you want the good news? Good

28:13

news is I paid for it. Bad

28:16

news is you were wrong about me, I'm gay. Well,

28:19

okay, yeah, so how did you say it? I

28:21

kind of was just like, John, I said I think

28:23

I'm gay, but I already knew I was gay.

28:26

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And what did he say? I

28:28

was like, no, no, Roger, you're not gay. He's

28:30

like, huh? Is mom no? Pops

28:33

no? I'm like, no, honestly, I

28:35

feel like David and Natalie know. That's

28:39

about it. It's really funny. Yeah,

28:41

so I mean, he handled it the most. Oh,

28:44

sorry, dick appointment. It's OK.

28:49

Yeah, no. And then when you came home

28:51

for Thanksgiving, that's when I told you.

28:53

was like, oh, I told John

28:55

I'm gay. What year was this how

28:57

like what when did you tell John? It

28:59

was the same like 2018. Yeah, right.

29:01

Okay. It was all around the same time

29:03

You actually wow coming out. I didn't

29:05

know that damn. I'm so glad I came

29:08

out online Because it just moved from

29:10

group chat to group chat throughout my family

29:12

and they're like we know You know,

29:14

right? I didn't have to tell anybody. Right.

29:16

Yeah. Well, I have a question. The main reason

29:18

I wanted to have you on here is because

29:20

I wanted your perspective as a gay man. And

29:22

that's because I've seen like one or two TikToks

29:24

now. I think it's more than one or two.

29:27

turned you on. Yeah, I'm seeing it. edits of

29:29

Dylan O 'Brien. Really? Do

29:31

you play with yourself? No, I'm kidding. I

29:33

don't know why Dylan O 'Brien is always my default

29:36

celebrity. I know. I don't know. That is weird. Okay.

29:38

Cause he seems so niche. No, that's

29:40

what I'm saying. I've seen some edits

29:43

of gay guys going, can we please

29:45

bring back calling things gay? Have

29:47

you seen this? I love this question. Um,

29:50

yeah. No, I mean, you love

29:52

the question of like, like, you know,

29:54

like there's a whole movement. which

29:56

totally makes sense, which was like, gay is

29:59

not a synonym for stupid. So like,

30:01

stop being like, that's gay. Like,

30:03

stop using that to describe that. But

30:05

now, it looks like the tides, at

30:07

least with those one or two TikToks I

30:09

have seen, are possibly turning

30:11

the other way. And in my

30:13

donut, O 'Brien, checkered. So

30:17

yeah, how do you feel about... And now you're

30:19

speaking on behalf of all gay people here, just

30:21

so you know. Yeah, no, no, no. It's just

30:23

based on my... Okay, yeah. Well, what's your opinion

30:25

on it? In my opinion, I feel like if

30:27

you describe something gay, that's actually nice as a

30:30

positive way, then I don't give a fuck.

30:32

If you're like saying it down to a person,

30:34

you're like, you're fucking gay. There's some shit like

30:36

that then. That's what you don't like? Yeah. Okay,

30:38

let me give you situations. Okay. Okay, John

30:40

walks in with a haircut. Uh -huh.

30:43

Um, he looks like he's a

30:45

little warlord. So it's like a little

30:47

army -ish haircut. And I go, a

30:49

gay haircut. I'm confused. That's

30:51

fine. Uh... Cause that could be good or bad

30:53

haircut, you know what saying? Right. I

30:56

mean, I'll be like, John, that gay. So,

30:58

when I say that, you don't know if

31:00

you should be mad or happy. You're

31:02

like, well, I like that. I honestly don't

31:04

give a fuck. Okay. Is it

31:06

gay? Like gay looking or is it gay like you

31:08

don't like it? I don't know. That's up to the...

31:10

That's up to the... I see. My

31:13

car is gay. Yeah. Okay. Great. What

31:15

do you think about that? It's gay, but

31:17

your car is gay. Oh

31:20

Yeah, interesting. This is a

31:22

really oh that right really? No,

31:25

it's gay because it's just

31:27

like it's it's like happy

31:29

gay Like fuck. Yeah, okay. I'm

31:32

giving horrible examples here. The car ones are

31:34

really interesting life But okay, let's say I'm

31:36

like, yo, let's go to the club tonight.

31:39

And then John goes, nah, that's gay. Now

31:41

Richie goes, well, is it a gay? Is

31:44

it we have? OK,

31:46

fuck. What if I said, what if

31:48

I said Spotify hasn't uploaded the episode, Spotify's

31:50

being gay? But you're describing Spotify as

31:52

like a bad thing. Yeah, not working. Then

31:54

no. Then no, yeah. OK,

31:56

so it's not back. Yeah. I don't think so.

31:59

Yeah, I think it only applies to like

32:01

things that are actually gay. Like if something's like

32:03

flamboyant or something's maybe a little more like

32:05

fem or centric or whatever it is. I mean,

32:07

if you really want to use the gay

32:09

pass, you could like experiment and then you could

32:11

say it. Possibly

32:13

on my only fans. Okay,

32:18

okay, I get it. That makes sense. Yeah,

32:20

nothing's changed. Yeah,

32:24

guys, breaking news here. Gay

32:26

is not a sin. Okay. I think what you're

32:29

saying, though, is kind of confusing because, like, let's

32:31

say Ilya comes in and he's wearing really short

32:33

shorts. Gay. Yeah. And

32:35

I'm like, you look gay, but he does

32:37

look gay, but I'm also meaning in an

32:39

insulting way. Maybe don't use gay as, like,

32:42

an insult if you like his outfit. But

32:44

a straight man. If, like, I called you

32:46

straight, you wouldn't want to be straight. That

32:48

would be an insult to you, because you'd

32:50

be like, that's not what I'm going for

32:52

here. Honestly. No, don't fucking lie. What

32:55

are you going to say? That you want

32:57

to be called straight? No, I feel like

32:59

my friends call me straight when I'm not

33:01

like looking that good. So I'm like, oh,

33:03

I'm straight. So an insult. Yeah, it's an

33:05

insult to me. OK, so see, so just

33:08

because I'm calling Ilya gay and it's an

33:10

insult to him doesn't mean I mean it

33:12

as an insult to the community. That's just

33:14

not what he is. He looks gay. Like

33:16

right now, I would never dare call you

33:18

straight. That

33:20

actually hurts my feelings. No,

33:23

I don't give a fuck. I feel like

33:25

people just look into it too much. And then

33:27

J, how do you feel about the N -word?

33:31

Pretty liberal with it. And

33:33

you're like, well, it depends how you're

33:35

using it. That

33:38

wraps up the segment of, is

33:40

it gay? Great.

33:43

I honestly just don't give a

33:45

fuck about if you're using gay. Just

33:49

don't use it in a

33:51

bad form of gay. Okay,

33:53

that totally sounds like you

33:55

can I don't give a

33:58

fuck. You better not be

34:00

using it in any negative

34:02

way. It's different for everyone.

34:04

Yeah, guess just depending how you come on

34:06

it. Yeah, I guess how you come on it. Yeah. Are

34:09

there any words that offend

34:11

you if I said you stupid

34:13

Slovak? Would that offend you? I

34:15

don't like being called a twink. What's

34:20

a twang it's like a twang,

34:22

but you're like Harry That reminds

34:24

me of like that reminds me

34:26

of like ordering like a munchkin

34:28

from Dunkin Donuts, and there's hair

34:30

in it. That's what I So

34:33

a bear would be an older

34:35

guy a twang older hairy guy

34:37

like a younger hairy guy Yeah,

34:39

that's right here is a bear

34:41

like kind of like fit. Yeah.

34:43

Yeah. Yeah, what are the terms?

34:45

I mean like David's old body

34:48

would be an otter. Okay. Ooh,

34:50

I like that. But he's not

34:52

hairy. He is. Is he? Okay,

34:54

Reggie. Sorry. Have

34:57

you ever fantasized about David? I grabbed

34:59

Reggie's thigh. Reggie, have you

35:01

ever jerked off to me? No, not yet. Which

35:05

one of the boys? Not

35:08

any of them. Really? I feel like they

35:10

just like remind me of cousins. Yeah,

35:13

that makes sense. Do straight guys

35:15

turn you on? Of course. Yeah.

35:17

So there straight guys that... It's like saying

35:20

do lesbians turn me on. I was

35:22

nothing to do with anything. Right. Do straight

35:24

guys... Have you ever flipped a straight

35:26

guy? I mean, I've been there first. Yeah.

35:28

How is that like? Usually straight men love... things

35:31

in their ass. Like I would be like

35:33

going to a huck up. I'm like, oh my

35:35

God, I'm about to get it in. But

35:37

it's like, can you put it in me? I'm

35:39

like, oh, I thought you were straight. Wow,

35:41

that's crazy. I feel like it's the curious part

35:43

of the body that you have not experienced.

35:45

I think we talked about this on podcast. When

35:47

I was like four, two, or 15, was

35:49

singing a bath and I put like my fingers

35:51

on my ass. Did we talk about this

35:53

in the pod? I don't know. If we did,

35:55

I put it far out of my memory,

35:57

but go ahead. Because

36:01

I see that a lot of, like you're

36:03

not your pressure point. Your pleasure point is

36:05

like in your ass or something. G -spot?

36:07

Yeah. For a guy which really confuses me,

36:09

which doesn't make any sense to me. Oh

36:11

no. As a man who's experimented in the

36:13

tub back in Verne Hills. You

36:16

can hit your G -spot and not be

36:18

in your ass. How? Well, you can.

36:20

What do you mean? What are you hitting?

36:22

If you're a guy? Yeah. What else

36:24

are you hitting? I think so. Don't backtrack

36:26

now. I

36:31

think that's what I'm hitting. I

36:33

mean, what? Yeah, you tap and Reggie

36:35

on the side. Why

36:37

are you licking your lips? The

36:40

thing about the but to is it's

36:42

very hard. It's very hard to get

36:44

anything in there. Do you know what

36:46

I mean? Like, even if you have

36:48

to put something in there, um, surgically,

36:50

or maybe for like a reason, like

36:52

you have hemorrhoids or something, like, it's

36:54

a tight area. No, I don't think

36:56

so. Yeah. think a little lube just

36:58

does it. Oh, a little lube takes

37:00

care of it. Is it once you

37:02

get past the first part of the

37:04

butt where it opens up later? Um,

37:07

is it just the hole that's a

37:09

little tight? The, yeah, it is. And

37:11

then it's then inside it's like hollow?

37:13

Yeah. But depending, like, how your girth is,

37:15

then you could feel. What's a creep

37:17

eye like? Ew, okay, no more. Last

37:20

night was crazy. go! What's

37:25

it like to get the cream pie out? I

37:29

love when you draw the line of something

37:31

that's too gross for you. You literally sit

37:33

here all day cream pies going to talking

37:35

about all kinds of shit You just talked

37:37

about you're exploring your butt in the bathtub.

37:40

That's normal You don't want to know what

37:42

is the cream pie? Like

37:45

just to fill

37:47

the butt Cream

37:50

and then a pie. You don't know what a

37:52

cream pie is? I don't really like it. As a

37:54

foodie? Oh, like the food, yeah, I know what

37:56

a cream pie is. Okay. Yeah, so you fill in

37:58

the butt with some cream. Yeah, pours out a

38:00

little. Oh, okay, I'm done. Ew, ew, ew,

38:02

ew. Okay, okay, stop it. Next segment. Cut

38:04

the fucking pie, Jay. Okay, let's roll it up.

38:06

Ew, this guy's just music. Hey, Jay, do

38:08

you know about Ziki? Perfect

38:12

to get you tickets to your favorite cream

38:14

pies. I don't know. Reggie, how much you

38:16

make on OnlyFans? Oh, not that much. Like,

38:18

I'm just enough to cover rent. I mean,

38:20

yeah. Like, three, four, five grand a month.

38:23

That's really good. I mean, with my spending,

38:25

no. Well, stop your spending. But

38:27

that's really good. That's insane. Reggie, as

38:29

a guy who does OnlyFans, have you had

38:31

like weird requests on there? Okay,

38:33

this one person requested me

38:35

working a video shoot. of me

38:37

working out, and then taking

38:39

off my socks, and then jacking

38:41

myself off. But I'm

38:43

like, I can't do that video, I don't

38:45

work out. Jacking off into the sock?

38:47

Yeah. Rage. Wow, that's crazy. Fucking grab a

38:49

barbell, dude. Oh my god. Oh, that's

38:52

what you drew the line at working out?

38:54

Yeah. You're like, everything checks out.

38:56

I just don't know if I can go to

38:58

the gym. That was your problem? Yeah. You're like,

39:00

can I just do it with that? Can I

39:02

just sweat by just staying in my socks all

39:04

day? So he wanted a sweaty sock filled with

39:06

cotton. Yeah, but I don't know how you're supposed

39:08

to like ship it out or something like that.

39:10

But yeah, that sounds like I declined it. That

39:12

sounds like one of those dogs at like one

39:14

of those bomb sniffing dogs would be like, this

39:16

isn't a bomb. There's some fucking crazy scent coming

39:19

out of this and they'd stop it like in

39:21

the mail. I want you to send me like

39:23

a dick pic. It doesn't need to

39:25

be like a thing. And then you could

39:27

just be like, can you rate my dick? Whoa,

39:29

this is really random. That felt like we

39:31

just like, that felt like we just had to

39:33

edit in the podcasting. I don't know who

39:35

you are. Oh, you

39:39

want me to send you a dick pic? I

39:41

wouldn't know. I'm

39:44

holding my dick with the Iron Man gauntlet. I'm

39:48

pretty sure this is you. Okay,

39:50

yeah. So I'll send you a dick pic.

39:52

You won't know who it's from. Yeah. And

39:54

then we'll, we'll rate all your dick pics

39:56

that you get on next week's podcast and

39:58

we'll see. Okay. Which one's mine? Perfect. Oh,

40:01

wow. I love that. Tune in the next

40:03

pod. Okay. So this is

40:05

an interesting, somebody, somebody asked, I

40:07

won't say their name because this

40:09

is fucking insane, but they said,

40:11

help my cousin is in love

40:13

with me. Oh. January 2024. An

40:16

Antonian? Yeah. This is from Suzy

40:18

Antonian. Oh my God. And

40:20

she's talking about Arman Antonian. January

40:23

2024. I

40:26

got a random message from an unknown number saying, hey.

40:28

So I said, what's up? And then started saying how

40:30

much they were obsessed. And then they started saying how

40:32

much they were obsessed with me. And they couldn't stop

40:34

thinking about me for years and that they were in

40:36

love with me. I told them to tell me who

40:39

they were, but they said they couldn't. I was so

40:41

curious to find out who this person was. I fed

40:43

into it saying, you miss 100 % of the shots

40:45

you don't take. He kept giving me hints like he

40:47

knew me for a long time and my childhood address

40:49

and memories. This is so fucking weird. Especially

40:51

like whatever you're in love with your cousin

40:53

just fucking say it Don't don't tease at

40:55

it be like I know where you were

40:57

when you were five After this I ignored

40:59

all the messages because I knew as a

41:02

family member at this point Eventually,

41:04

he revealed himself to be one of my cousins. But

41:06

I ignored the message and every month since then, he's

41:08

been texting me, even if I blocked the number, the advice

41:10

I need is what to do when I eventually see

41:12

him. And how do I make it not awkward? I don't

41:14

want my family to know. It's embarrassing. I

41:17

obviously want to fuck him and sit on his face.

41:22

From now on, every time I read one of

41:24

these, I'm going to add a sentence that's

41:26

not real. I'll give you that one.

41:28

That last sentence was not real. I

41:30

didn't make that part up. She's got

41:32

to just address it right at the head

41:34

column. You're like, hey, this is fucked up. This

41:36

is weird. You have to stop this. And

41:38

that's it. Yeah, has she not? Don't go to

41:40

the fucking family reunion. That's a

41:42

pretty big deal breaker for me. It's different if

41:44

you're like... I wonder how old the cousin

41:47

is. Yeah. Oh, okay. Like if they're like younger.

41:49

I had a crush on my cousin when I was

41:51

like eight or nine. Right. So...

41:53

don't know if that's like a like a thing.

41:55

Yeah, you're right. I doubt this person is

41:57

like if it's your like 30 year old cousin

41:59

Yeah, that's fucking weird, but if it's your

42:01

12 year old, it's also there's also a double

42:03

standard here It's the fact that she's a

42:05

woman and he's a guy kind of just freaks

42:07

me out even more It is really I

42:09

mean, it's just that's like something where you're like

42:11

I wouldn't even I wouldn't even go to

42:13

the family reunion. I would tell my family I

42:15

know right Unfortunately, yeah, that is like a

42:17

line that if you cross that unless you live

42:19

in a place where incest is okay Is

42:21

there a place for that is? Yeah, well,

42:24

Arkansas. Hey, actually?

42:26

No, no. I just

42:28

know we mentioned Arkansas the other

42:30

day and someone DM'd me saying,

42:32

yay, Arkansas finally mentioned. So

42:34

I wanted to just give it right back to

42:37

them in a more negative way. I'm

42:39

just kidding, people of Arkansas, I'm kidding. No,

42:41

it's not OK anywhere, I don't think.

42:43

Boundaries are really important. Boundaries are amazing.

42:46

Boundaries are like incredible. So if you say like, no,

42:48

no, no, no, no, like that person is going

42:51

to get scared. They're going to stop. They're going

42:53

to change their ways. Yeah. like

42:55

not the place to get laid

42:57

so I don't know this is weird

42:59

you should definitely just tell this

43:01

guy you should you should tell your

43:03

family because this feels like especially

43:05

because he like texted you like anonymously

43:07

I don't know why that adds

43:09

to like the level of creepiness to

43:11

it where he was like maybe

43:13

pleasuring himself to the text anonymous

43:16

really painting yeah I'm like going from

43:18

experience this guy obviously lives in Sherman

43:20

Oaks he used to be a viner

43:22

and he does YouTube no no no

43:24

but you should definitely thought this this

43:26

seems like it's gonna progress into something

43:28

even stranger all right guys that's all

43:30

the time we have for today's podcast

43:32

thank you guys for everybody who joined

43:34

us today If

43:41

you want I'll go out in the college and try

43:43

to do it with you. Did you see it? Did

43:46

you see like a silky version of me? I saw

43:48

you in a quiet place. I saw you in a

43:50

focused place like a focused state. So I'm gonna, okay,

43:52

I'll get back to you guys on my reporting. I

43:54

don't know what it's called the name for it. But

43:56

I'm going to call it Disassociating Levitation. Yeah, write in

43:58

for the podcast if you guys know what this is.

44:00

If any of you guys have mastered it, please let

44:02

me know. Yeah. All right, guys, that's all the time

44:04

we have. Thank you guys for joining us. This has

44:07

been a views podcast.

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