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1:06

What's up guys well back to views We

1:10

are in good spirits this

1:12

week. Guess what what Natalie?

1:15

No, no, no, no this don't

1:17

we're fucking opening the podcast with

1:19

I'm not waiting any longer. No He

1:21

says it later. I'll just edit it and

1:23

put it up front Natalie had sex

1:25

with the biggest dick of her life. Stop,

1:28

stop, stop. It's not true. Not

1:30

true. It's not the biggest of your life.

1:32

Everybody that's listening, he's liar. I hooked up Natalie

1:34

with a guy. Oh my God. I knew he

1:36

was gonna come on here this week and be like,

1:39

guess when I did? I'm so proud.

1:41

I'm so proud. I set her up with a

1:43

really cool guy. The dude is like six

1:45

foot fucking eight. Oh. Six

1:48

foot, I'm not kidding. What's

1:50

his actual height? Yeah,

1:52

he's six eight. Six fucking eight. Yeah,

1:54

he's really tall. The height of

1:56

Chewbacca! Do you understand this? I don't

1:58

know if I can continue. No

2:00

today. Oh my god. How have you

2:02

been getting by all day knowing that? I

2:04

don't know. I've been holding it. It

2:06

was so funny I was so you know

2:08

how my house has like two living

2:10

rooms slight flex I was I was in

2:12

living room one Italy was in living

2:14

room two and it was the day after

2:16

and the guys dong went from living

2:18

room So I was yeah, I was in

2:20

living room one and I was talking

2:22

to Ali getting the debrief I talked to

2:24

I talked to Natalie about this guy's

2:26

penis for A good 15 minutes. So

2:29

embarrassing. And I was like, just tell me

2:31

how big it is. Just explain it to

2:33

me. And she goes, she goes, and she

2:35

goes. No, we're not doing this

2:37

right now. Why? You can't do that. Why don't

2:40

you fucking tell everybody? Exactly,

2:45

we're not doing that. Brr, brr,

2:47

brr, brr. Natalie and David are

2:49

getting laid this week on the

2:51

pod. That's crazy. I love it.

2:58

Why can't we talk about I don't want

3:00

I don't want like someone to send this

3:02

to him or something and then we're just

3:04

like And then I'm going to all my

3:06

godfriends me like hey look at this guy's

3:09

dick or whatever Yeah, you're our best friend

3:11

obviously where I even asked that I'm like

3:13

in allies are at some point We could

3:15

see his dick like I have you gotten

3:17

close to him more like at one point

3:19

because I mean this man crazy This I

3:21

mean the first thing I woke up I'm

3:23

very hungover. It's like 9 a .m. And there's

3:26

one chat in our group chat and it's

3:28

from Ilya and he's like, how big was

3:30

the penis? We're all thinking it. We couldn't

3:32

imagine this guy's penis. And I'm

3:34

talking to Natalie about it. And I'm like, so how

3:36

big is it? And she makes a comment about the

3:38

size. And I just hear Ilya from the other living

3:40

room go, what the fuck? He just

3:42

could not contain himself. Ilya loves these

3:45

conversations so much. You have an intro.

3:47

You have a measurement for me? She

3:49

said she couldn't wrap her hand around it. Her

3:51

hand, her fingers couldn't touch the other fingertips. That's

3:53

where you get in trouble. It's the girth that'll

3:55

bother you more than the length. Didn't bother her.

3:58

Didn't bother my girl

4:00

Natalie. I'm just going

4:02

to remove myself from this conversation. She's a champ.

4:04

Yeah, you're a champ. She's a champ. Congratulations, by

4:07

the way, because all day she was manifesting it.

4:09

She's like, I got to get laid tonight. I

4:11

got to get laid tonight. And it wasn't like

4:13

a desperate lay at all. It was. Yeah,

4:15

it almost like the perfect scenario. Yeah,

4:17

it was like literally such a sweet guy. Great.

4:21

Great looking. It was literally best case

4:23

scenario. Like a beer can or like

4:25

a mini diet coke? No,

4:28

like a mini diet coke would be

4:30

really, really big. A mini diet coke. Have

4:32

you ever had a mini diet coke

4:34

in terms of girth? No, my brother. No,

4:36

it's like a beer can. Oh, like

4:38

a beer can? No, no, no, no. It's

4:40

like a regular diet coke. Yeah. Like

4:42

a what? Yeah, Jay. Did you not hear

4:44

me describe it? Bro, in girth? Jay,

4:47

she couldn't wrap her fingers around it, you

4:49

dumb fuck. No, I gave it. There's

4:51

nobody that's that big. Jay, this. Dave, I'm

4:53

doing it. My hand is smaller than

4:55

yours, but yes, it was like, you know,

4:57

like this. Sorry, there's no video

4:59

right now, but Natalie is cupping her hands in

5:01

a circle and Jason is approaching. That's got big

5:03

hands. Yeah.

5:06

I beer can. A beer can is big. I

5:08

know I've never heard of that. No, this

5:10

is I've watched lots of movies. No, I mean

5:13

Natalie couldn't believe it. Wow. Well good good

5:15

good. I'm glad. I don't want to get to

5:17

the dirty aspects of Natalie life. I want

5:19

I don't need people picturing what I was doing.

5:21

That's where I like draw the line. Okay.

5:23

Yeah. So I won't get into like the position

5:25

she talked about with me. I won't get

5:27

into. And the fact that I

5:29

relate it to you is like. I know you're

5:31

my, like, best friend, but... Oh, that you relate

5:33

it to me? Yeah, like, I don't want to

5:36

be, like, a kiss and tell sort of person,

5:38

you know? Okay, if you're not sharing your hookups

5:40

with your friends, there's something wrong. There's something about

5:42

sharing it with you that's, like, different. What?

5:45

Why? Because you have a podcast.

5:47

Yeah, because we're... That's the

5:49

difference. Yeah. Because we're talking about

5:51

it right now. Okay, regardless,

5:53

I just want to start the

5:55

pod out with how proud

5:57

I am of Natalie. Okay. Thank

5:59

you. For taking that big

6:01

fucking three -foot fucking monster. No,

6:04

no, no. Okay. I do have a lot

6:06

of thoughts to start out this podcast. I

6:08

have a bunch of different things. I just

6:10

had this discovery yesterday and I can't believe

6:12

it's just come to me. You know, when

6:14

like a kid is being fed food and

6:16

they go, here comes the train. Do

6:19

they say that? Because once it

6:21

enters your mouth, you have to chew,

6:23

chew. Yes. What?

6:26

Yeah. What? Yeah, choo

6:28

-choo. Wait, what? Is

6:30

that real? Are you being serious? Jay,

6:33

are you being serious? Yeah, choo -choo, because

6:35

you're about to chew the food. No fucking

6:37

way! Wow, I never knew that.

6:39

I literally just had that thought on my

6:41

own. There's no way. I'm

6:43

gonna make a tiktok about this because I

6:45

feel like... I feel like no one's thought

6:47

about this. No, I don't think so. No,

6:49

Jay, that must be like a fact. That

6:51

feels like lore hidden behind the saying that's

6:53

been lost for like 15, 20 years. Well,

6:55

what about an airplane? Here comes the airplane.

6:57

Turbulence, turbulence. Yeah, it doesn't work.

7:00

No, not the same. I don't

7:02

think it has to do with you, too.

7:04

I mean, I think that was like a

7:06

nice coincidence. OK, right. I think it's like

7:08

you put the food in. Oh, really? Yeah.

7:10

Okay, okay, so that's my first thought my

7:12

next time this would also be really I

7:14

have a couple thoughts guys, so these are

7:16

big big big thoughts I was thinking how

7:18

cool would it be if you're in heaven?

7:20

Yeah Right? And I feel like this is

7:22

totally plausible. Like whatever heaven is, I feel

7:24

like you'll have access to a lot of

7:26

things. How amazing would it be if once

7:28

you die, you can play back any moment

7:30

from any time from anybody's perspective? Because

7:33

I recently just saw pictures of George

7:35

Bush getting the news that a plane

7:37

has at the tower during 9 -11.

7:39

And it's just pictures of him in

7:41

like a kindergarten classroom reading a book. And

7:43

I'm like, could you imagine being

7:45

in that room and the next 24

7:48

hours of what that whole like

7:50

presidential like Sphere of people's

7:52

doing yeah, like the vice president going to

7:54

panic room like they had to debrief in a

7:56

different classroom The president because they were in

7:58

a school and they didn't have anywhere to meet

8:00

so they just went into another classroom to

8:02

be like, okay What's our plan of attack here?

8:04

Not that the United States is under attack

8:06

So like but just like imagine like you're in

8:08

heaven and you're like, okay I want to

8:11

see the morning that JFK woke up before he

8:13

got assassinated or Abe Lincoln or and you

8:15

could just like dial back how cool I'd love

8:17

to know like people that that were mad

8:19

at me I would love to see their perspective

8:21

Okay. Yeah. Right you never thought

8:23

about that you ever have like you don't talk

8:25

to somebody anymore And you're like that person's

8:27

an asshole, and then you think about it, and

8:29

you're like well what what the fuck were

8:31

they thinking? Yeah, but you're using it in like

8:33

you said other person's perspective. Yeah, well I

8:35

mean it more like historically you're like historically up

8:37

you really I can't use it personally You

8:39

can't like get one wish and you just tell

8:42

me you're gonna die you're gonna be in

8:44

heaven you're gonna be like I wonder what Judy

8:46

Garland thought of me in the fourth grade

8:48

Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe that's what you would use

8:50

it for well well You want to be

8:52

like, what was Hitler's perspective on what about a

8:54

fucking thing? We know what Hitler's perspective was.

8:56

No, I know, but like, how did he get

8:58

there? Like, I want to be

9:00

like, if you could AI anything in heaven, I'd

9:02

be like, show me all of the moments

9:04

where Hitler started to build up this animosity towards

9:06

this group of people. Show me everything. He

9:08

was a failed painter, and then he got pissed.

9:10

Yeah, it was just like one moment. I

9:12

think so. He was a waiter, and he just

9:14

didn't get a good enough tip from somebody.

9:16

They said that's the moment that Obama roasted Trump,

9:18

that Trump was like, fuck this. Oh,

9:21

really? Some of them documented that, yeah. Oh,

9:23

yeah, when Obama's on Kimmel? No, Obama was doing

9:25

the Correspondents' Dinner and he fucking eviscerated Trump

9:27

and Trump sat there and had to take it,

9:29

and they say that that was the moment

9:31

that Trump's like... gonna show you, I'm gonna be

9:33

president. Damn. Isn't that crazy? Those are my

9:35

favorite moments of like anybody. I was watching Bohemian

9:37

Rhapsody. Oh, I love moments like that. Yes,

9:39

yes, yes. And it's like, and it was Freddie

9:41

Mercury talking to his dad. Yes, what was

9:44

the moment? What happened? It was around the moment

9:46

where Freddie legally changed his name to Freddie

9:48

Mercury. Yeah. And it was like, it was basically

9:50

his dad was just like, you're not doing

9:52

anything with your life. It was that situation. Yeah,

9:54

yeah, yeah, yeah. But Freddie just like completely

9:56

disregarded that. Yeah. Because he was just like, I

9:58

know exactly what I'm doing with my life.

10:00

Yeah, Kurt Cobain has the same thing. I love

10:02

the Those moments like that is the best

10:04

part of being young and dumb and like bold

10:06

Yeah, it's like I feel like people always

10:08

we talked about this a couple times on the

10:10

podcast But I feel like I feel like

10:13

I've been having this problem where I I'm so

10:15

envious of me earlier in my days because

10:17

I had this I had like the blindest dumbest

10:19

ambition to get anything done Yeah, and like

10:21

I feel like it's like catching lightning in a

10:23

bottle and like now It's tougher for me

10:25

to find that ambition because I'm so comfortable with

10:27

where I'm out of life And I'm like

10:29

and I'm where I've always wanted to be and

10:31

I'm so fucking grateful. But I do miss

10:33

the conversations with friends where they're like, you can't

10:35

move to LA and do this. When you're

10:37

like, just looking at your friends like they're literally

10:40

on crack. You're like, yeah, I can. It's

10:42

exactly what I'm gonna do. And it's like, I

10:44

know. I went to dinner last night and

10:46

the guy next to me was like. You guys

10:48

used to make the best videos. They were

10:50

so good. What's going on? What happened?

10:52

And I was like, yeah, yeah, I know. It's

10:54

over now. It was so sad. I

10:56

was like, yeah, it's pretty boring now. And

10:59

he was like, oh, I was like, yeah, well, that

11:01

happens, I guess. Yeah, it's just really tough. Did any

11:03

chance you guys would do it again? I'm like, no,

11:06

I don't think so. That's

11:09

what I fear when somebody asks me, where the vlogs coming

11:11

back? I'm like, probably never. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

11:13

Is that what you say? I do, but I

11:15

say it kind of in a jokey way. Right.

11:17

I mean, the vlogs can never, ever come back.

11:19

like, will I make more videos for sure? Like

11:21

here and there. Yeah. But they need to be

11:23

like big moments in my life that I'm like

11:26

really excited about. Yeah. That's what it is. But

11:28

I don't want to get to that. Anyway, like

11:30

I miss being, I just miss being a kid

11:32

and just like wanting something so bad. And like

11:34

when you're a kid, you think you're invincible, right?

11:36

Like that is like the mindset of a child.

11:38

Like you can't get in trouble. You can't get

11:40

hurt. Nothing bad can happen to you. Yeah. And

11:42

I think there's no better time. Like

11:44

I really hope I keep this in mind

11:46

as a parent when my kid tries to

11:48

do some dumb or like stupid out there

11:50

things. I really hope I give him all.

11:52

the leverage in being able to do that

11:54

like i really hope i'm not a fucking

11:57

pussy dad and i'm like no you can't

11:59

do that you'll get hurt or this or

12:01

this or this like whatever that kid fucking

12:03

needs to do because he believes in himself

12:05

that blind ambition i think will carry a

12:07

person to the fucking ends of the planet

12:09

and further like i don't know i think

12:11

you should never derail a person that's delusional

12:13

and 15. I think

12:15

those people are fucking destined for greatness. I used to

12:17

say crazy stuff when I was in my 20s. Yeah,

12:19

it's the fucking best. I'd be like, I would tell

12:22

my friends, I'm like, I'm gonna be on Saturday Night

12:24

Live in like two years. And

12:26

I would say it. And they'd be like,

12:28

wow. And my friends were so nice. They'd be

12:30

like, yeah, you can do it. You can do it.

12:32

Then I auditioned, I didn't get it. You

12:35

have the other side of the story. They

12:38

were right. They were wrong.

12:41

I was like, why didn't you tell me I was so fucking out of

12:43

my mind? They're like,

12:45

wow, you just were, you know, you You wish

12:47

you had friends to derail you. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

12:49

yeah, yeah. Oh, Dan, that's funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

12:51

I don't know. As well. I do that with

12:53

Wyatt. I tell him, I say crazy things to

12:55

him. I've said it all his life. Well, I

12:57

hope you tell Wyatt that he can't make it.

12:59

No, no. I'd say the opposite. I'm

13:01

too, I'm too. You should go backwards on him. No,

13:04

no. I told him he was 13 to drop

13:06

out of school. I told you that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

13:08

No, I know. That's

13:10

so sick. Those are the best those

13:12

are the best best moments. I don't know.

13:14

It's just like watching Rami Malik's interpretation

13:16

of Freddie Mercury is just so fucking fun.

13:18

I love, like, a fish out of

13:20

water or... I love stories where a person

13:23

figures out who they are. Like, that

13:25

is my favorite. That's like Moana.

13:27

Moana. I talked about this every

13:29

podcast for the last three weeks?

13:31

I just love, like, a life quest where

13:34

you finally figure out what your purpose

13:36

is. I'm sorry, I've never seen Moana. You

13:38

gotta see it. She's basically an island

13:40

princess who can't go beyond her, like, little

13:42

reef. Yeah. But she's just like... I

13:44

want to go fucking explore the ocean. And

13:46

her parents are like, you can't do

13:49

that, don't do that. And then she connects

13:51

with the ocean like nobody else and

13:53

she fucking explores the fuck out of it.

13:55

That's why she's the best. She's

13:57

queen of the sea now. What other

13:59

good ones do know? I was the most

14:02

like dude interpretation of Moana. And she's

14:04

the fucking queen of that. No, I did

14:06

that for a reason. I didn't want

14:08

the dudes listening to be like, he's

14:10

soft. I

14:20

mean I'm sure so many I'm sure

14:22

that's like that's every story everybody's crazy well

14:24

like everybody's crazy till it works right

14:26

right like you're fucking idiot jackass delusional conceded

14:29

yeah like it's all of that until

14:31

it actually starts to work I think that's

14:33

so fucking cool Jay you know cool

14:35

that moment is what moment well Freddy Freddy

14:37

was laying in bed with his girlfriend

14:39

at the time or his wife And

14:42

he was like, I am exactly the person I've

14:44

always meant to be. And I'm not afraid of anything.

14:46

That's what he says to her like in the

14:48

movie. And I thought that was so fucking cool. Like

14:50

achieving like what you need to become and what

14:52

you wanted to become and then like being there. And

14:54

like recognizing that you're there, I think is the

14:56

coolest fucking thing. Who do you admire? Who

14:59

do I admire? If

15:01

I had to like think of like a role

15:03

model. Yeah. David. You could say me. It's

15:06

David. I idolize him. I

15:08

know this, this woman, her name's

15:11

Emma Greedy. Oh, she, um, she

15:14

started her. Not a great

15:16

word. It's

15:22

her alter ego. Yeah, she completely made up

15:24

this person just to justify her stealing money

15:26

for me. I'm kidding.

15:28

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Anyways, her and her

15:30

husband started this started this company. Yeah.

15:33

And they started skims, Good American. They're

15:35

the like they're the people she's the woman actually

15:38

behind those brands. Oh, I'm sorry. We came at

15:40

that pretty high. She's pretty powerful. We gave Madeline

15:42

an uplifting moment and we just shed on her

15:44

within seconds of her speed. That's why I asked.

15:49

Build her up to burn it back down. Um,

15:52

yeah. Okay. Well, that's another one of my thoughts.

15:54

Speaking of Natalie, can I talk about this?

15:56

Can you, can it be nice? Let's

15:59

make this one pleasant. Oh, one's not pleasant.

16:01

Great. This is actually where we gave you

16:03

some trauma. Oh. Are you ready to unpack

16:05

this? I'm not really, not like trying to

16:07

awaken the PTSD. So, so now I'm about

16:09

to, I'm about to, I'm about to reveal

16:11

one of Natalie's traumas. It's a very, very

16:13

baby trauma she had. It was on a

16:15

trip to South Africa. Do you know I'm

16:17

about to say? God, yes. This

16:21

episode is brought to you

16:23

by Max. Presenting HBO original comedy

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special, Brett Goldstein, the second

16:27

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16:31

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16:33

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16:37

Goldstein sheds his testy -roy kid

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16:41

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streaming exclusively on Max. Hey

16:49

there, I'm David Harbour from Marvel

16:51

Studios Thunderbolts. I don't mean to interrupt

16:53

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17:02

and it's got everything. Action, suspense,

17:04

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Bob? Find out by getting tickets now.

17:08

Okay, now back to the show, or

17:10

on to the next ad. It

17:14

has scarred me for life because of

17:16

this. Yeah. Does it involve diarrhea or

17:18

anything? Close. Okay. Natalie was peeing. Yeah.

17:21

And we were sharing a tap and

17:23

it was the loudest stream we've ever

17:25

heard. We're

17:28

in the middle of the safari have

17:30

not used a bathroom all day Yeah,

17:32

and my tent is filled with bugs

17:35

and scorpions and all sorts of lizards

17:37

and shit It was like a waterfall

17:39

landing into a bucket J. It was

17:41

literally a hole. I was peeing into

17:43

a hole. She was peeing into a

17:45

hole. It was, Ellie and I were

17:47

sharing a room with her because we

17:49

were scared of all the bugs Natalie

17:51

goes to pee. It is like Almost

17:53

ear shattering Coachella P festival. It is

17:55

so fucking. I was so loud Jay

17:57

I'm surprised the animals of the wild

18:00

didn't come expecting a new water source

18:02

stuff sprung up in the middle of

18:04

Africa it was fucking insane I've never

18:06

heard anything like an Ilya looked at

18:08

each other and we went what the

18:10

fuck Natalie all of a sudden you

18:12

just hear the P stop and she

18:14

goes What? Is

18:18

it possible that the whole

18:20

created sound? Totally.

18:23

The echo, everything. Everything was working

18:25

against her there. And

18:27

the fact that I had these two idiots on

18:30

the other side of the wall? Because I bring

18:32

this story up because we were watching a movie

18:34

yesterday and I went to go pee like in

18:36

the bathroom. And I tried to go for as

18:38

loud as possible because some of my friends pee

18:40

really loud. And then they always come back to

18:42

finish the movie and then I'm like looking around.

18:44

I'm like is there anybody gonna acknowledge how loud

18:46

that P was but nobody does so I'm like

18:48

I'm gonna try to pee as loud as I

18:50

can right now and I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm

18:52

just gonna ask everybody if they heard me so

18:54

I come back and I was like did you

18:57

guys hear me pee and they're like no no

18:59

it's pretty quiet and then then I got into

19:01

Natalie having the biggest pee of all time in

19:03

our friend group so I'm just curious I was

19:05

just curious like do you think about that when

19:07

people when people listen to me I think about

19:09

a healthy stream yeah that's really important when you

19:11

get older no no it's really important it's really

19:13

good not that you have a thick healthy stream

19:15

I don't I don't No, you should be proud

19:17

of it. Because in a lot of countries, that

19:19

would be applauded. Wait, were you standing while you

19:22

were peeing? How was it getting so much downward

19:24

speed? I don't know. I don't know what I

19:26

was doing, David. I wasn't analyzing it. Now, from

19:28

that moment forward, I analyze every pee I take

19:30

to ensure that it is quiet. Really? Yes. I

19:33

wonder if it was the speed or the height it was coming

19:35

out It was the speed. It was the amount. It was the

19:37

fact that I hadn't peed all day. It

19:39

was a trauma peak because I was already

19:41

traumatized about the safari tent thing. You were

19:43

definitely high enough for your pee reach terminal

19:45

velocity on its way down. Cause the speed

19:47

at which it was. You hire German scientists

19:49

to recreate it. This is insane! We've

19:53

not seen any kind of type of torque

19:56

like this in all our days and all

19:58

our research. They leave

20:00

the bathroom with Natalie. They're just

20:02

shaking their hands. They cannot study this

20:04

any longer. trajectory

20:08

correct if we

20:10

can properly recreate

20:12

it we will

20:15

break the sound

20:17

barrier Natalie solves

20:19

the equation of

20:21

space time with

20:23

these numbers and

20:25

these calculations we

20:27

will be able

20:29

to travel through

20:32

time Okay,

20:34

sorry. I'm embarrassed all over again. I thought

20:36

that was supposed to be a nice story. No,

20:39

none of that happened. Okay, I have

20:41

one more thought I had. This is great. You know

20:44

what I'm getting pretty close to though? Okay, other than

20:46

Natalie's peak, you know what I've been getting pretty close

20:48

through too? So you know like when you're a kid

20:50

and you think you can move things with your mind?

20:52

Yeah. Have you had that experience? I

20:54

mean, I've never... I'm

20:56

having one, but I think it's a little

20:58

bit more of an adult feeling. Yeah,

21:00

so I think it's a little bit more

21:02

realistic But I think I'm on the

21:04

verge of being able to leave my body

21:07

and view it from from an outwardly

21:09

perspective That's a mental disorder and every time

21:11

I get close I snap out of

21:13

it I feel like every time I'm a

21:15

hairline away from breaking this wall And

21:17

then I realize that I'm doing it and

21:19

puts me right back I am, like,

21:21

on the edge of my skin. I'm telling

21:23

you, I don't know how to explain

21:26

this. Have you researched it? No, I haven't

21:28

looked it up, so I don't know

21:30

if this is a condition or if I'm...

21:32

Is this when you're asleep, like, at

21:34

night, or afternoon nap? No, no, no. This

21:36

is just when I'm laying on the

21:38

couch or laying in bed. Sometimes it'll be

21:40

around sunset, and I'll think to myself,

21:42

I'm gonna try to leave my body. Sure.

21:45

And then I have to surrender that

21:47

thought, put that thought into the back of

21:49

my mind, and then I feel it's

21:51

kind of like my soul... Like being in

21:53

water and I'm loose and it's losing

21:55

the feeling of gravity and it's kind of

21:57

traveling upwards and just associating. Yes, and

21:59

I'm trying to get it to the point

22:01

where I'm floating above my body. Kind

22:04

of like Avatar and like his airbender state.

22:06

Call David Blaine, he'll tell you. I

22:08

don't think he's mastered this yet. I bet

22:10

he has. It

22:12

sounds pretty easy for David Blaine. He's

22:14

just like, David, what you're trying has never

22:16

been done before. How close

22:18

did you say you are? He

22:21

thinks I'm so impressive. He's

22:23

like, you're not doing this during sunset,

22:25

are you? I'm like, here's exactly what

22:27

I'm doing. David, we need you to

22:29

disassociate. We need you to levitate above

22:31

Natalie's pisterine. This is the only way

22:34

we will reach maximum velocity. Now,

22:36

David, now, disassociate. This is what

22:38

I dream about. The same

22:40

German scientists that are working on Natalie's

22:43

pee are helping me disassociate. Bring the

22:45

giant dog over. We

22:53

will use the hair from his balls

22:55

to connect the stream to the levitation

22:57

Wow, that was kind of like a

22:59

Marvel movie this podcast was kind of

23:01

like a Marvel movie And that was

23:03

end game That was all the Avengers

23:05

coming together. Incredible. Yeah, everybody coming together

23:07

at the end. You had the big

23:09

penis, you had Natalie's stream, and you

23:11

had me trying to levitate out of

23:13

my own body. All came in at

23:15

the end for the grand finale. Man,

23:18

no one does it like you, man.

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together on Green Light. Um,

24:46

grew up with David. Grew up

24:48

with David. So, - for Natalie? Reggie

24:51

is Yeah, he work for

24:53

Natalie. Reggie's my roommate's brother. He's John's

24:55

brother. Reggie for the - Reggie, when did

24:57

you come out? You came out on one of

24:59

the vlogs and we got your car. Yeah, it

25:01

was Black Friday, I think it was - That's

25:03

how I remember it. The most Filipino moment to

25:05

come out. Right

25:09

after I got a good 32 -inch

25:11

LCD, I was feeling myself. John bought

25:13

his CV that day. Yeah, exactly. Resale

25:16

value is going to be high. Might

25:18

as well come out. 2018

25:21

yeah, so for the longest time growing

25:23

up with Reggie Reggie would be part

25:25

of our sleepovers and We would always

25:28

try to convince John. We're like John.

25:30

You know Reggie's gay, right? And John

25:32

would be like no dude. There's no

25:34

way And this is like this is

25:36

like back in the day when like

25:38

you still weren't like exposed to like

25:40

that culture Yeah, right. So like it

25:43

was more rare now like everybody's gay.

25:45

Yeah, so yeah like me So

25:48

at the time, that's why it was rare. But

25:50

we were like, yeah, Reggie's off the gate. But one

25:52

of the first moments I knew Reggie was gay.

25:54

This isn't what this is about. But one of the

25:56

first moments, one of my favorite moments with you,

25:58

Reggie, was because we would always try to convince Reggie,

26:00

or John, that you were gay. And there was

26:02

one time we had to sleep over. And do you

26:04

remember this? And you were sleeping next to me?

26:06

You probably don't remember this. Yeah, I woke up with

26:08

a boner. David

26:12

also had the juiciest ass

26:14

in middle school. It tickled us.

26:16

It wasn't that you woke

26:18

up with a boner. It was

26:20

that I woke up with

26:22

your boner. In

26:26

where? Well, we were having a sleepover and

26:28

I woke up. And I felt your penis

26:30

on my leg, or like on my ass,

26:32

or somewhere. And I was like, oh yeah,

26:34

he's gay. I'm a changed person. I'm actually

26:36

straight. What'd

26:38

you say when you found it? It was

26:40

still connected to Reggie. I wasn't like, Reggie, here

26:42

it is. Was it the morning? Was it

26:44

the middle of the night? It was like, it

26:46

was like probably like... the sun hasn't already

26:49

been up, but it still wasn't time to wake

26:51

up. You know, it's actually

26:53

the exact time you get, like,

26:55

morning wood. Sure. Like, but

26:57

like, yeah, probably could have just been morning wood, but it

26:59

was, the way it was positioned on me, I was

27:01

like, oh yeah, she's gay. And I use

27:03

that as a big part of my argument

27:05

to tell John. That I'm gay. Yeah.

27:07

Oh my god. Did John believe you or not? Not

27:09

the makeup. or not even like

27:11

anything else? Yeah, Reggie. The most

27:13

fashionable day guy ever in high school?

27:15

Yeah, there were so many sides.

27:17

wasn't that one, right? No, it also

27:19

wasn't that you were the manager

27:21

of the cheer team. No,

27:28

he's not. He's not a gay. That's

27:30

really funny. Yeah, so I told him,

27:32

I told you, I came out to

27:34

make Korean barbecue. It was just me

27:37

and him. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay,

27:39

well, maybe you told me, but this

27:41

is, I can't imagine, because I can't

27:43

imagine John handling like any kind of

27:45

news like somewhat serious. I

27:47

know, he was like, he was questioning, he

27:49

was like, what? Wait, what Korean

27:51

barbecue back home? Yeah. Okay. And then, um...

27:53

How did you say it? I was like...

27:56

Did you take him to Korean barbecue just

27:58

because you knew he loved it and it

28:00

would like soften the blow on any possibilities? Yeah,

28:03

I paid for it too. So it

28:06

was like a nice treat for him. So it was

28:08

like, okay, I'll take it easy on him. John,

28:10

you want the good news? Good

28:13

news is I paid for it. Bad

28:16

news is you were wrong about me, I'm gay. Well,

28:19

okay, yeah, so how did you say it? I

28:21

kind of was just like, John, I said I think

28:23

I'm gay, but I already knew I was gay.

28:26

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And what did he say? I

28:28

was like, no, no, Roger, you're not gay. He's

28:30

like, huh? Is mom no? Pops

28:33

no? I'm like, no, honestly, I

28:35

feel like David and Natalie know. That's

28:39

about it. It's really funny. Yeah,

28:41

so I mean, he handled it the most. Oh,

28:44

sorry, dick appointment. It's OK.

28:49

Yeah, no. And then when you came home

28:51

for Thanksgiving, that's when I told you.

28:53

was like, oh, I told John

28:55

I'm gay. What year was this how

28:57

like what when did you tell John? It

28:59

was the same like 2018. Yeah, right.

29:01

Okay. It was all around the same time

29:03

You actually wow coming out. I didn't

29:05

know that damn. I'm so glad I came

29:08

out online Because it just moved from

29:10

group chat to group chat throughout my family

29:12

and they're like we know You know,

29:14

right? I didn't have to tell anybody. Right.

29:16

Yeah. Well, I have a question. The main reason

29:18

I wanted to have you on here is because

29:20

I wanted your perspective as a gay man. And

29:22

that's because I've seen like one or two TikToks

29:24

now. I think it's more than one or two.

29:27

turned you on. Yeah, I'm seeing it. edits of

29:29

Dylan O 'Brien. Really? Do

29:31

you play with yourself? No, I'm kidding. I

29:33

don't know why Dylan O 'Brien is always my default

29:36

celebrity. I know. I don't know. That is weird. Okay.

29:38

Cause he seems so niche. No, that's

29:40

what I'm saying. I've seen some edits

29:43

of gay guys going, can we please

29:45

bring back calling things gay? Have

29:47

you seen this? I love this question. Um,

29:50

yeah. No, I mean, you love

29:52

the question of like, like, you know,

29:54

like there's a whole movement. which

29:56

totally makes sense, which was like, gay is

29:59

not a synonym for stupid. So like,

30:01

stop being like, that's gay. Like,

30:03

stop using that to describe that. But

30:05

now, it looks like the tides, at

30:07

least with those one or two TikToks I

30:09

have seen, are possibly turning

30:11

the other way. And in my

30:13

donut, O 'Brien, checkered. So

30:17

yeah, how do you feel about... And now you're

30:19

speaking on behalf of all gay people here, just

30:21

so you know. Yeah, no, no, no. It's just

30:23

based on my... Okay, yeah. Well, what's your opinion

30:25

on it? In my opinion, I feel like if

30:27

you describe something gay, that's actually nice as a

30:30

positive way, then I don't give a fuck.

30:32

If you're like saying it down to a person,

30:34

you're like, you're fucking gay. There's some shit like

30:36

that then. That's what you don't like? Yeah. Okay,

30:38

let me give you situations. Okay. Okay, John

30:40

walks in with a haircut. Uh -huh.

30:43

Um, he looks like he's a

30:45

little warlord. So it's like a little

30:47

army -ish haircut. And I go, a

30:49

gay haircut. I'm confused. That's

30:51

fine. Uh... Cause that could be good or bad

30:53

haircut, you know what saying? Right. I

30:56

mean, I'll be like, John, that gay. So,

30:58

when I say that, you don't know if

31:00

you should be mad or happy. You're

31:02

like, well, I like that. I honestly don't

31:04

give a fuck. Okay. Is it

31:06

gay? Like gay looking or is it gay like you

31:08

don't like it? I don't know. That's up to the...

31:10

That's up to the... I see. My

31:13

car is gay. Yeah. Okay. Great. What

31:15

do you think about that? It's gay, but

31:17

your car is gay. Oh

31:20

Yeah, interesting. This is a

31:22

really oh that right really? No,

31:25

it's gay because it's just

31:27

like it's it's like happy

31:29

gay Like fuck. Yeah, okay. I'm

31:32

giving horrible examples here. The car ones are

31:34

really interesting life But okay, let's say I'm

31:36

like, yo, let's go to the club tonight.

31:39

And then John goes, nah, that's gay. Now

31:41

Richie goes, well, is it a gay? Is

31:44

it we have? OK,

31:46

fuck. What if I said, what if

31:48

I said Spotify hasn't uploaded the episode, Spotify's

31:50

being gay? But you're describing Spotify as

31:52

like a bad thing. Yeah, not working. Then

31:54

no. Then no, yeah. OK,

31:56

so it's not back. Yeah. I don't think so.

31:59

Yeah, I think it only applies to like

32:01

things that are actually gay. Like if something's like

32:03

flamboyant or something's maybe a little more like

32:05

fem or centric or whatever it is. I mean,

32:07

if you really want to use the gay

32:09

pass, you could like experiment and then you could

32:11

say it. Possibly

32:13

on my only fans. Okay,

32:18

okay, I get it. That makes sense. Yeah,

32:20

nothing's changed. Yeah,

32:24

guys, breaking news here. Gay

32:26

is not a sin. Okay. I think what you're

32:29

saying, though, is kind of confusing because, like, let's

32:31

say Ilya comes in and he's wearing really short

32:33

shorts. Gay. Yeah. And

32:35

I'm like, you look gay, but he does

32:37

look gay, but I'm also meaning in an

32:39

insulting way. Maybe don't use gay as, like,

32:42

an insult if you like his outfit. But

32:44

a straight man. If, like, I called you

32:46

straight, you wouldn't want to be straight. That

32:48

would be an insult to you, because you'd

32:50

be like, that's not what I'm going for

32:52

here. Honestly. No, don't fucking lie. What

32:55

are you going to say? That you want

32:57

to be called straight? No, I feel like

32:59

my friends call me straight when I'm not

33:01

like looking that good. So I'm like, oh,

33:03

I'm straight. So an insult. Yeah, it's an

33:05

insult to me. OK, so see, so just

33:08

because I'm calling Ilya gay and it's an

33:10

insult to him doesn't mean I mean it

33:12

as an insult to the community. That's just

33:14

not what he is. He looks gay. Like

33:16

right now, I would never dare call you

33:18

straight. That

33:20

actually hurts my feelings. No,

33:23

I don't give a fuck. I feel like

33:25

people just look into it too much. And then

33:27

J, how do you feel about the N -word?

33:31

Pretty liberal with it. And

33:33

you're like, well, it depends how you're

33:35

using it. That

33:38

wraps up the segment of, is

33:40

it gay? Great.

33:43

I honestly just don't give a

33:45

fuck about if you're using gay. Just

33:49

don't use it in a

33:51

bad form of gay. Okay,

33:53

that totally sounds like you

33:55

can I don't give a

33:58

fuck. You better not be

34:00

using it in any negative

34:02

way. It's different for everyone.

34:04

Yeah, guess just depending how you come on

34:06

it. Yeah, I guess how you come on it. Yeah. Are

34:09

there any words that offend

34:11

you if I said you stupid

34:13

Slovak? Would that offend you? I

34:15

don't like being called a twink. What's

34:20

a twang it's like a twang,

34:22

but you're like Harry That reminds

34:24

me of like that reminds me

34:26

of like ordering like a munchkin

34:28

from Dunkin Donuts, and there's hair

34:30

in it. That's what I So

34:33

a bear would be an older

34:35

guy a twang older hairy guy

34:37

like a younger hairy guy Yeah,

34:39

that's right here is a bear

34:41

like kind of like fit. Yeah.

34:43

Yeah. Yeah, what are the terms?

34:45

I mean like David's old body

34:48

would be an otter. Okay. Ooh,

34:50

I like that. But he's not

34:52

hairy. He is. Is he? Okay,

34:54

Reggie. Sorry. Have

34:57

you ever fantasized about David? I grabbed

34:59

Reggie's thigh. Reggie, have you

35:01

ever jerked off to me? No, not yet. Which

35:05

one of the boys? Not

35:08

any of them. Really? I feel like they

35:10

just like remind me of cousins. Yeah,

35:13

that makes sense. Do straight guys

35:15

turn you on? Of course. Yeah.

35:17

So there straight guys that... It's like saying

35:20

do lesbians turn me on. I was

35:22

nothing to do with anything. Right. Do straight

35:24

guys... Have you ever flipped a straight

35:26

guy? I mean, I've been there first. Yeah.

35:28

How is that like? Usually straight men love... things

35:31

in their ass. Like I would be like

35:33

going to a huck up. I'm like, oh my

35:35

God, I'm about to get it in. But

35:37

it's like, can you put it in me? I'm

35:39

like, oh, I thought you were straight. Wow,

35:41

that's crazy. I feel like it's the curious part

35:43

of the body that you have not experienced.

35:45

I think we talked about this on podcast. When

35:47

I was like four, two, or 15, was

35:49

singing a bath and I put like my fingers

35:51

on my ass. Did we talk about this

35:53

in the pod? I don't know. If we did,

35:55

I put it far out of my memory,

35:57

but go ahead. Because

36:01

I see that a lot of, like you're

36:03

not your pressure point. Your pleasure point is

36:05

like in your ass or something. G -spot?

36:07

Yeah. For a guy which really confuses me,

36:09

which doesn't make any sense to me. Oh

36:11

no. As a man who's experimented in the

36:13

tub back in Verne Hills. You

36:16

can hit your G -spot and not be

36:18

in your ass. How? Well, you can.

36:20

What do you mean? What are you hitting?

36:22

If you're a guy? Yeah. What else

36:24

are you hitting? I think so. Don't backtrack

36:26

now. I

36:31

think that's what I'm hitting. I

36:33

mean, what? Yeah, you tap and Reggie

36:35

on the side. Why

36:37

are you licking your lips? The

36:40

thing about the but to is it's

36:42

very hard. It's very hard to get

36:44

anything in there. Do you know what

36:46

I mean? Like, even if you have

36:48

to put something in there, um, surgically,

36:50

or maybe for like a reason, like

36:52

you have hemorrhoids or something, like, it's

36:54

a tight area. No, I don't think

36:56

so. Yeah. think a little lube just

36:58

does it. Oh, a little lube takes

37:00

care of it. Is it once you

37:02

get past the first part of the

37:04

butt where it opens up later? Um,

37:07

is it just the hole that's a

37:09

little tight? The, yeah, it is. And

37:11

then it's then inside it's like hollow?

37:13

Yeah. But depending, like, how your girth is,

37:15

then you could feel. What's a creep

37:17

eye like? Ew, okay, no more. Last

37:20

night was crazy. go! What's

37:25

it like to get the cream pie out? I

37:29

love when you draw the line of something

37:31

that's too gross for you. You literally sit

37:33

here all day cream pies going to talking

37:35

about all kinds of shit You just talked

37:37

about you're exploring your butt in the bathtub.

37:40

That's normal You don't want to know what

37:42

is the cream pie? Like

37:45

just to fill

37:47

the butt Cream

37:50

and then a pie. You don't know what a

37:52

cream pie is? I don't really like it. As a

37:54

foodie? Oh, like the food, yeah, I know what

37:56

a cream pie is. Okay. Yeah, so you fill in

37:58

the butt with some cream. Yeah, pours out a

38:00

little. Oh, okay, I'm done. Ew, ew, ew,

38:02

ew. Okay, okay, stop it. Next segment. Cut

38:04

the fucking pie, Jay. Okay, let's roll it up.

38:06

Ew, this guy's just music. Hey, Jay, do

38:08

you know about Ziki? Perfect

38:12

to get you tickets to your favorite cream

38:14

pies. I don't know. Reggie, how much you

38:16

make on OnlyFans? Oh, not that much. Like,

38:18

I'm just enough to cover rent. I mean,

38:20

yeah. Like, three, four, five grand a month.

38:23

That's really good. I mean, with my spending,

38:25

no. Well, stop your spending. But

38:27

that's really good. That's insane. Reggie, as

38:29

a guy who does OnlyFans, have you had

38:31

like weird requests on there? Okay,

38:33

this one person requested me

38:35

working a video shoot. of me

38:37

working out, and then taking

38:39

off my socks, and then jacking

38:41

myself off. But I'm

38:43

like, I can't do that video, I don't

38:45

work out. Jacking off into the sock?

38:47

Yeah. Rage. Wow, that's crazy. Fucking grab a

38:49

barbell, dude. Oh my god. Oh, that's

38:52

what you drew the line at working out?

38:54

Yeah. You're like, everything checks out.

38:56

I just don't know if I can go to

38:58

the gym. That was your problem? Yeah. You're like,

39:00

can I just do it with that? Can I

39:02

just sweat by just staying in my socks all

39:04

day? So he wanted a sweaty sock filled with

39:06

cotton. Yeah, but I don't know how you're supposed

39:08

to like ship it out or something like that.

39:10

But yeah, that sounds like I declined it. That

39:12

sounds like one of those dogs at like one

39:14

of those bomb sniffing dogs would be like, this

39:16

isn't a bomb. There's some fucking crazy scent coming

39:19

out of this and they'd stop it like in

39:21

the mail. I want you to send me like

39:23

a dick pic. It doesn't need to

39:25

be like a thing. And then you could

39:27

just be like, can you rate my dick? Whoa,

39:29

this is really random. That felt like we

39:31

just like, that felt like we just had to

39:33

edit in the podcasting. I don't know who

39:35

you are. Oh, you

39:39

want me to send you a dick pic? I

39:41

wouldn't know. I'm

39:44

holding my dick with the Iron Man gauntlet. I'm

39:48

pretty sure this is you. Okay,

39:50

yeah. So I'll send you a dick pic.

39:52

You won't know who it's from. Yeah. And

39:54

then we'll, we'll rate all your dick pics

39:56

that you get on next week's podcast and

39:58

we'll see. Okay. Which one's mine? Perfect. Oh,

40:01

wow. I love that. Tune in the next

40:03

pod. Okay. So this is

40:05

an interesting, somebody, somebody asked, I

40:07

won't say their name because this

40:09

is fucking insane, but they said,

40:11

help my cousin is in love

40:13

with me. Oh. January 2024. An

40:16

Antonian? Yeah. This is from Suzy

40:18

Antonian. Oh my God. And

40:20

she's talking about Arman Antonian. January

40:23

2024. I

40:26

got a random message from an unknown number saying, hey.

40:28

So I said, what's up? And then started saying how

40:30

much they were obsessed. And then they started saying how

40:32

much they were obsessed with me. And they couldn't stop

40:34

thinking about me for years and that they were in

40:36

love with me. I told them to tell me who

40:39

they were, but they said they couldn't. I was so

40:41

curious to find out who this person was. I fed

40:43

into it saying, you miss 100 % of the shots

40:45

you don't take. He kept giving me hints like he

40:47

knew me for a long time and my childhood address

40:49

and memories. This is so fucking weird. Especially

40:51

like whatever you're in love with your cousin

40:53

just fucking say it Don't don't tease at

40:55

it be like I know where you were

40:57

when you were five After this I ignored

40:59

all the messages because I knew as a

41:02

family member at this point Eventually,

41:04

he revealed himself to be one of my cousins. But

41:06

I ignored the message and every month since then, he's

41:08

been texting me, even if I blocked the number, the advice

41:10

I need is what to do when I eventually see

41:12

him. And how do I make it not awkward? I don't

41:14

want my family to know. It's embarrassing. I

41:17

obviously want to fuck him and sit on his face.

41:22

From now on, every time I read one of

41:24

these, I'm going to add a sentence that's

41:26

not real. I'll give you that one.

41:28

That last sentence was not real. I

41:30

didn't make that part up. She's got

41:32

to just address it right at the head

41:34

column. You're like, hey, this is fucked up. This

41:36

is weird. You have to stop this. And

41:38

that's it. Yeah, has she not? Don't go to

41:40

the fucking family reunion. That's a

41:42

pretty big deal breaker for me. It's different if

41:44

you're like... I wonder how old the cousin

41:47

is. Yeah. Oh, okay. Like if they're like younger.

41:49

I had a crush on my cousin when I was

41:51

like eight or nine. Right. So...

41:53

don't know if that's like a like a thing.

41:55

Yeah, you're right. I doubt this person is

41:57

like if it's your like 30 year old cousin

41:59

Yeah, that's fucking weird, but if it's your

42:01

12 year old, it's also there's also a double

42:03

standard here It's the fact that she's a

42:05

woman and he's a guy kind of just freaks

42:07

me out even more It is really I

42:09

mean, it's just that's like something where you're like

42:11

I wouldn't even I wouldn't even go to

42:13

the family reunion. I would tell my family I

42:15

know right Unfortunately, yeah, that is like a

42:17

line that if you cross that unless you live

42:19

in a place where incest is okay Is

42:21

there a place for that is? Yeah, well,

42:24

Arkansas. Hey, actually?

42:26

No, no. I just

42:28

know we mentioned Arkansas the other

42:30

day and someone DM'd me saying,

42:32

yay, Arkansas finally mentioned. So

42:34

I wanted to just give it right back to

42:37

them in a more negative way. I'm

42:39

just kidding, people of Arkansas, I'm kidding. No,

42:41

it's not OK anywhere, I don't think.

42:43

Boundaries are really important. Boundaries are amazing.

42:46

Boundaries are like incredible. So if you say like, no,

42:48

no, no, no, no, like that person is going

42:51

to get scared. They're going to stop. They're going

42:53

to change their ways. Yeah. like

42:55

not the place to get laid

42:57

so I don't know this is weird

42:59

you should definitely just tell this

43:01

guy you should you should tell your

43:03

family because this feels like especially

43:05

because he like texted you like anonymously

43:07

I don't know why that adds

43:09

to like the level of creepiness to

43:11

it where he was like maybe

43:13

pleasuring himself to the text anonymous

43:16

really painting yeah I'm like going from

43:18

experience this guy obviously lives in Sherman

43:20

Oaks he used to be a viner

43:22

and he does YouTube no no no

43:24

but you should definitely thought this this

43:26

seems like it's gonna progress into something

43:28

even stranger all right guys that's all

43:30

the time we have for today's podcast

43:32

thank you guys for everybody who joined

43:34

us today If

43:41

you want I'll go out in the college and try

43:43

to do it with you. Did you see it? Did

43:46

you see like a silky version of me? I saw

43:48

you in a quiet place. I saw you in a

43:50

focused place like a focused state. So I'm gonna, okay,

43:52

I'll get back to you guys on my reporting. I

43:54

don't know what it's called the name for it. But

43:56

I'm going to call it Disassociating Levitation. Yeah, write in

43:58

for the podcast if you guys know what this is.

44:00

If any of you guys have mastered it, please let

44:02

me know. Yeah. All right, guys, that's all the time

44:04

we have. Thank you guys for joining us. This has

44:07

been a views podcast.