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Capella.EDU. Put on your winter

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so smooth, you might slip.

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Filling in for Bill Curtis,

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I'm Chiokie Ainsen. And here

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is your host at the

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Altria Theater in Richmond, Virginia,

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Peter Sago. Thank you, Chiokie.

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Thank you, everybody. We are

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so delighted! To be

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back in Richmond with the two mayor

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of this city, Chiriki Ainsen filling in

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just one more time for Bill Curtis.

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Now later on, we're going to be

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talking to two members of the shock

1:01

metal band Guar. Fame. For their

1:03

costumes and their stunts and

1:05

their headbanging music. Now

1:07

the band was formed

1:09

by art students and

1:11

musicians right here in

1:13

Richmond. Forty years ago. Meaning,

1:15

this band has gone all

1:18

the way from having dad's

1:20

yell, why are you kids

1:23

listening to that noise? To

1:25

dad's yelling, hey kids, listen

1:28

to this noise! But first

1:30

we want to hear what

1:33

you're playing, whatever it might

1:35

be, give us a call

1:38

at 1 AAA, wait, wait,

1:40

that's 1-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1 Nick Fish, that's

1:43

it. Not Nick the fish, who'd

1:45

be kind of like a notorious

1:47

gangster, but just Nick Fish. That'd

1:49

be Jersey, if I was just

1:52

a fish. Well, welcome to the

1:54

show, Nick. Let me introduce you

1:56

to our panel this week. First

1:59

up, a comedian will be bringing

2:01

his cocktail hour comedy show shaking

2:03

with. laughter to the Kansas City

2:05

Irish Center in Kansas City Missouri

2:08

on February 20th that's Adam Burke.

2:10

Hi Nick. Next he's a comedian

2:12

and host of the podcast Fake

2:15

The Nation it's Nagan Farsan. And

2:17

the Emmy and Peabody Award winning

2:19

journalist and comedian and host of

2:21

the new Nat Geo show What

2:24

X does to your body. It's

2:26

Also Slade. What's up Nick. You're

2:30

going to play who's Chiyoki this

2:32

time. Chiyoki, I Anson of Richmond,

2:34

Virginia, is going to read you

2:37

three quotations from this week's news.

2:39

If you can correctly identify or

2:41

explain just two of them, you'll

2:44

win our prize. Any voice from

2:46

our show you might choose in

2:48

your voicemail. Are you ready to

2:51

go? Let's do it. Here is

2:53

your first quote. So about that

2:55

asteroid. That was the headline of

2:58

the Atlantic. on the news that

3:00

a giant asteroid out in space

3:02

now even has a better chance

3:05

of doing what? Would that be

3:07

hitting Earth? Yes, hitting Earth. Updated

3:09

calculations from NASA. Say that the

3:12

asteroid flying by Earth in 2032,

3:14

that is going to happen, well

3:16

it now has a one in

3:19

43 chance of hitting Earth. Just

3:21

last week we were told the

3:23

asteroid only had a one in

3:26

100 chance, so whoever just started

3:28

having an affair, God saw you.

3:30

Now NASA is referring to it

3:33

as a potential quote, city killer.

3:35

A city killer. That really freaked

3:37

people out. But then everybody said

3:40

wait, which city? I think I

3:42

think The asteroid needs to chill

3:44

bro, like we don't have time

3:47

for this. We got enough problems

3:49

going on on earth So and

3:51

these are or we need to

3:54

give Bruce Willis and his homies

3:56

to jump on that thing and

3:58

bust it up or we just

4:01

need another round of tariffs but

4:03

this time on the asteroid. That'll

4:05

keep it away. They do it?

4:07

They do everything. Even though they

4:10

can calculate whether or not it

4:12

will hit Earth within some degree

4:14

of specificity, there's no way of

4:17

knowing where the asteroid might hit,

4:19

but you know. you know it's

4:21

going to be Greenland right after

4:24

we buy it. I know just

4:26

when you drive a country out

4:28

of the bus. Well fortunately I've

4:31

been practicing a video game since

4:33

1982. You're all set. All right

4:35

your next quote is from a

4:38

headline in the New York Times

4:40

that was kind of worried about

4:42

a big news story this week.

4:45

What becomes of penny loafers? They

4:47

were worried about a new presidential

4:49

order to get rid of what?

4:52

The penny? Yes, the penny. President

4:54

Donald Trump announced he will be

4:56

ordering the US Treasury to stop

4:59

minting pennies. Big surprise, he's getting

5:01

rid of the only coin of

5:03

color. He really doesn't like brown

5:06

faces even when it's Lincoln. That's

5:08

true. The problem was Lincoln emancipated

5:10

the enslaved. That's the big deal.

5:13

And one brown penny? Yeah. That's

5:15

a DEI coin. Yeah, exactly. That's

5:17

the only reason it got in

5:20

the pocket, I'm sure. Trump did

5:22

this the same week that he

5:24

announced he was also getting rid

5:27

of paper straws, which also everybody

5:29

hates. This feels like a win-win,

5:31

but then Trump also announced that

5:34

from now on all straws will

5:36

be made of melted pennies. Nobody

5:38

knows. I mean, he's been so

5:41

sort of impulsive. Nobody knows exactly

5:43

why he came up with this.

5:45

He might just be governing based

5:48

on what he finds in his

5:50

pocket. That's why he also just

5:52

declared war on chapstick and lint.

5:54

I don't think Trump has... shafts

5:57

dig in his pocket. His lips

5:59

are always aschy. When we get

6:01

rid of pennies, what are we

6:04

going to put on corpse's eyes?

6:06

Or does like, do they take

6:08

Bitcoin in Hades now? Like what's...

6:11

Yeah, you can't put a Bitcoin

6:13

on a railroad track. You got

6:15

a smushpoint. That's not going to

6:18

work. And you just know we're

6:20

never going to get that Harriet

6:22

Tubman 20. Just give it on.

6:25

All right, very good. Here is

6:27

your last quote. I thought the

6:29

officer was joking. Then she pulled

6:32

out her notebook and fined me.

6:34

Now that was a man in

6:36

France. And he was the first

6:39

of what we hope will be

6:41

many people around the world to

6:43

get fined for doing what in

6:46

public. I have no idea. Can

6:48

I get a hint? Well, it's

6:50

an obscure story, but I think

6:53

you'll find it a welcome one.

6:55

He could have avoided the fine

6:57

if he had just spent the

7:00

money for headphones. Oh, listening to

7:02

music on the subway or in

7:04

public? Close enough, yeah, using his

7:07

phone on speaker in public at

7:09

full volume. Prison. It is now

7:11

illegal in France. Finally, a judge

7:14

has ruled in the case of

7:16

me versus literally everyone else on

7:18

this. This man was fined about

7:21

$200 for talking to his sister

7:23

at full volume in a crowded

7:25

train station. And if $200 doesn't

7:28

seem like the right punishment, remember

7:30

France no longer has the death

7:32

penalty. I'm surprised the French went

7:35

for this, because I've seen Les

7:37

Miserables, and they love to stand

7:39

around yelling their soliloquies at each

7:42

other. Yeah. Can I defend this

7:44

guy for a second? No. No.

7:46

No. No. No. slippery slope because

7:48

once we let all these things

7:51

be fine and we're just letting

7:53

big etiquette take over and dictate

7:55

everything we do. I'm okay with

7:58

it. And the next one on

8:00

the list is the people who

8:02

do the Bluetooth. Like they're just

8:05

talking into air? Yeah. Can I

8:07

say big etiquette sounds like a

8:09

French gangster. Big etiquette? Yeah. I

8:12

could whoop his ass. He just

8:14

kicks into a room and goes,

8:16

folks go on the left. And

8:19

not only, I gotta say, not

8:21

only is this rude to the

8:23

people who happen to be around

8:26

you, it's actually unfair to the

8:28

people you're talking to. Like, so

8:30

you say, Helen, I'm really sorry

8:33

you have chlamydia. That's tough. And

8:35

I'm sorry that I didn't tell

8:37

you you're on speaker and I'm

8:40

in church. Or it could be

8:42

the inverse where the person on

8:44

speaker is telling you that you

8:47

have chlamydia, which is even worse.

8:49

I don't know that we need

8:51

a law for this. I mean,

8:54

the asteroid is coming here. The

8:56

asteroid has a point. It's really

8:58

true. Yeah. Jokey, how did Nick

9:01

do in our quiz? Nick the

9:03

Fish got all three right. All

9:05

right, Nick, yes! Congratulations, Nick. You

9:08

have made Philly proud. Thanks so

9:10

much, Peter. Good talks, yeah. Take

9:12

care, bye, bye. Panel, it is

9:15

time for you to answer some

9:17

questions about this week's news. Adam,

9:19

thanks to a new technology, more

9:22

and more couples are discussing whether

9:24

or not... It would be permissible

9:26

for one of them to do

9:29

what? Is it like, is it

9:31

the, you know, is it the

9:33

Hall Pass thing? Is it like...

9:35

It is a Hall Pass, but

9:38

not with another person. Oh, is

9:40

it, oh, is this a, is

9:42

this a bang and robots thing?

9:45

Because you can't spell laid without

9:47

AI. That's true. Yes, more and

9:49

more couples are sort of getting

9:52

prepared for when the time comes

9:54

when you can do this, if

9:56

it would be okay for their

9:59

partner to cheat with a robot.

10:01

to a survey that seemed to

10:03

be exclusively offered to complete freaks.

10:06

One out of four people say

10:08

they would be okay with their

10:10

partner cheating with a robot, but

10:13

if, and only if, and I

10:15

swear to you this is

10:17

true, if the robot's appearance

10:19

was based on them. What?

10:21

The person being cheated on,

10:23

right? So jealous, I'd be like,

10:25

you're coming home smelling like titanium?

10:28

No, thank you. Is that

10:30

motor oil on your collar? And how

10:32

do you first suspect, like, does

10:34

the electricity bill like really

10:36

high? It is so weird that that

10:39

is the condition under a witty,

10:41

it would be okay. It's

10:43

like, oh, my spouse prefers

10:45

intimacy with a machine, that's

10:47

humiliating. Wait. It's also balding with

10:50

a spare tire, now it's validating.

10:52

Wait, so this is. This is

10:54

laziness. This is like, I don't want

10:56

to have sex with you, let the robot

10:58

do it. It's basically me. It's kind of,

11:01

I mean, it kind of makes sense,

11:03

like, to just have an understudy, I guess.

11:05

A what? What? You know, like in theater you have

11:07

an understudy if you can't perform. Yeah.

11:09

And in this situation, the robot is

11:12

your understudy. Yeah. What is... What is...

11:14

Yeah, but what if you take that thing

11:16

in those old movies where the understudy is

11:18

better? Oh yeah. The understudy becomes the story.

11:21

Yeah, it's like all about ease, it's terrible,

11:23

you know? But you have to practice safe

11:25

sex with a robot. You do? Firewalls,

11:27

you know, like that. You're

11:29

like, honey, it's not that

11:31

kind of virus, I swear.

11:33

It's just rust. Coming up,

11:36

as Ben Franklin said, 1.2

11:38

million dollars saved is 1.2

11:40

million dollars earned. It's our bluff

11:42

listener game. Call 1 AAA, wait,

11:44

wait, wait to play. We'll be

11:47

back in a minute with more

11:49

of wait, wait, don't tell me.

11:51

From Npeon. Hey,

11:53

it's Peter Siegel before we get back to the

11:56

show. I wanted to tell you about a special

11:58

bonus episode working on one in which we Learning

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of life. With Capella's game-changing learning

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Learn more at Capella. EDU. NPR.

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it all. FX's Dying for

13:56

Sex, all episodes streaming April

13:59

4th on Hulu. This is

14:01

Wait, wait, don't tell me,

14:03

the NPR news quiz. I'm

14:06

Shiyoki Ainsen. We're playing this

14:08

week with Adam Burke, Also

14:10

Slade, and Nagan Farsad. And

14:13

here again is your host

14:15

at the Altria Theater in

14:17

Richmond, Virginia, Peter Sago. Thank

14:20

you, Shiyoki. Thank you, everybody.

14:23

It's time for the wait wait

14:25

don't tell me Bluff the listener

14:28

game call one triple eight wait

14:30

wait to play our game on

14:32

air or check out the pin

14:34

to post on our Instagram page

14:36

at wait wait and beyond Hi,

14:38

you're on wait wait don't tell

14:40

me. Hi, this is Will from

14:42

Boston, Massachusetts. Yeah, I love Boston.

14:45

What do you do there Will?

14:47

So I work as a coordinator

14:49

for the visual performing arts department

14:51

of a local school district. That's

14:53

really good work. I really appreciate

14:55

it. What do you do to

14:57

do to enjoy yourself? I like

14:59

to ride bikes when it's not

15:01

cold and slushy outside like it

15:04

is today. Right, so that's two

15:06

or three days of great riding

15:08

in Boston. Well, welcome to the

15:10

show, Will. You're going to play

15:12

our game on which you must

15:14

try to tell truth from fiction.

15:16

Chokey, what his will's topic? $1.2

15:18

million saved. Everybody would love to

15:20

save an extra $1.2 million, but

15:23

act fast, your opportunity to get

15:25

it as 120 million pennies is

15:27

fast running out. Our panelists are

15:29

going to tell you about it.

15:31

Someone who is able to save

15:33

$1.2 million in a unique way.

15:35

Pick the one who's telling the

15:37

one who's telling the truth and

15:39

win. I'm ready. All right, first

15:42

let's hear from the Guine Farsand.

15:44

Hollis Benton is a third-generation oil

15:46

tycoon from Lockhart, Texas, which means

15:48

he didn't have to prospect land,

15:50

but he did get a few

15:52

years after college to discover his

15:54

passion for DJing in Ibiza. Eventually,

15:56

he moved back home to be

15:58

his family's overseer of oil money,

16:01

and that's when he met Bridget

16:03

Calhoun. She was a real charmer,

16:05

getting her PhD in antiquities, and

16:07

he fell hard. To impress her,

16:09

he would buy concert tickets, Michelin'

16:11

Start Meals, a straight-up yacht. a

16:13

landlocked town, but never mind. One

16:15

time they took her nephew to

16:18

a water park and she said,

16:20

this is fun, well that was

16:22

all the encouragement he needed because

16:24

he immediately hired a water park

16:26

architect to transform his backyard into

16:28

a $1.2 million splash atarium, complete

16:30

with Lazy River and Wave Pool.

16:32

Anything is that water park architect

16:34

turned out to be a real

16:37

dream boat. She ended up leaving

16:39

Hollis Benton and all his wealth

16:41

on the upside. He saved money,

16:43

proving the old adage. If you

16:45

have to spend $1.2 million on

16:47

a water park to impress your

16:49

boo, she's probably not the one.

16:51

A tycoon saves $1.2 million when

16:53

he doesn't have to build a

16:56

water park for his goo. Your

16:58

next deep discount comes from Adam

17:00

Burke. Nature conservation can be a

17:02

slow process, what with the red

17:04

tape, bureaucracy, and complaints from trees

17:06

that never consented to being hugged

17:08

in the first place. Take the

17:10

Czech Republic, for example, where government

17:12

officials were poised to act on

17:15

a plan seven years in the

17:17

making to build a $1.2 million

17:19

dam designed to help preserve a

17:21

protected wetlands area. Construction on the

17:23

dam was just about to begin

17:25

when it was suddenly and unexpectedly

17:27

derailed by the fact that a

17:29

bunch of beavers had gone ahead

17:32

and built a far better dam

17:34

the weekend before. Not only that,

17:36

they'd used nothing but locally sourced,

17:38

sustainable and renewable materials, all at

17:40

no cost to the taxpayer. While

17:42

farmers often decry beavers as a

17:44

destructive nuisance, felling trees and creating

17:46

toothede mayhem, these particular rodents seem

17:48

to have filled out all of

17:51

the required permits and permissions, building

17:53

as they did far from any

17:55

inhabited farm. We get it beavers,

17:57

you're better than us. Beavers! Save

17:59

a town in the Czech Republic,

18:01

$1.2 million by building a dam

18:03

before. they could get around to

18:05

it. Your last story on sale

18:07

comes from Also Sleigh. Henry Jackson,

18:10

the CEO of a graphic design

18:12

company in Tempe, Arizona, thought he

18:14

was doing his sister a favorite

18:16

by hiring his nephew Rob Phillips

18:18

to work in the IT department

18:20

as a low-level intern. He just

18:22

graduated from a vocational IT school

18:24

thinking he's going to be the

18:26

next Steve Jobs, to the extent

18:29

that he requested people address him

18:31

as Rob Jobs. The very first

18:33

task assigned to Rob was just

18:35

to renew the company's various software

18:37

subscriptions. Instead, he canceled all of

18:39

them permanently and had no idea

18:41

how to undo it. In a

18:43

panic, he realized he could take

18:46

advantage of the various company's free

18:48

trial offers. But for each, he'd

18:50

have to open a new account.

18:52

So quote, Billbo Jay Baggins gets

18:54

two weeks of autocad. And Dr.

18:56

Mundo, a champion from the video

18:58

game League of Legends, got 50%

19:00

off of scheduling software by using

19:02

the code, wait, wait, at checkout.

19:05

The next Monday he got called

19:07

into his uncle's office where instead

19:09

of being fired, he was praised

19:11

for saving the company $1.2 million

19:13

by getting all of that software

19:15

for free. He doesn't know what

19:17

he'll do when the free trial

19:19

starts to expire in two weeks

19:21

and billbow baggings gets a bill.

19:24

But, like his idol Mr. Jobs,

19:26

he just plans to think different.

19:28

All right, somebody saved $1.2 million.

19:30

Was it from Naguen Forsod an

19:32

oil tycoon who ended up not

19:34

having to build that water park

19:36

in his backyard when the designer

19:38

ran off with his lady friend?

19:40

From Adam Burke, a Czech town

19:43

that didn't have to build that

19:45

dam because the beavers did it

19:47

for them or from Also Slade,

19:49

a bad IT guy manages to

19:51

cancel all the software subscriptions for

19:53

his company, but the free trials

19:55

saved them $1.2 million. Which one

19:57

is the real story of big

20:00

savings? I think I'm going to

20:02

go with Adam's story about the

20:04

beavers. That would be Adam Burke.

20:06

You think that the story, I'm

20:08

sorry, you think that the story

20:10

about the beavers is the tooth,

20:12

all right? The whole tooth. Well,

20:14

to bring you the correct answer,

20:16

here's somebody who could speak to

20:19

that real story. Environmental experts confirmed

20:21

that the work was actually better

20:23

than their original plan, noting that

20:25

beavers always no best. That was

20:27

Tik-talker at That Good News Girl.

20:29

Talking about the real story about

20:31

how beavers did it best in

20:33

the Czech Republic. Congratulations, Will. You

20:35

got it right. You earned a

20:38

point for Adam. You have won

20:40

our prize. The voice of your

20:42

choice on your voicemail. Thank you

20:44

so much for playing with us

20:46

today. Thank you so much. Thank

20:48

you so much. Well, take care.

20:54

And now the game we call

20:57

Not My Job. In 1984, a

20:59

group of musicians and art students

21:01

at Virginia Commonwealth University started a

21:04

new band, kind of as a

21:06

joke, with players in elaborate costumes

21:08

and even more elaborate fictional back

21:11

stories. Forty years later, Guar is

21:13

still going strong, playing over-the-top, bloody

21:15

stage shows around the world. We're

21:18

still based in Richmond, and members

21:20

Mike Bishop and Mike Dirk's join

21:22

us now. Dirk's and Bishop of

21:24

Guar, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't

21:27

Tell Me. Now, for anyone, I

21:29

mean, it's been 40 years, so

21:31

everybody should know who you are,

21:34

but for the few people who

21:36

don't, can you describe what Guar

21:38

is? Because it is absolutely like

21:41

nothing else I've ever seen or

21:43

heard. It's a theatrical shock rock.

21:45

shock heavy metal band that is

21:48

very performative on stage and we

21:50

are satirical, funny, theatrical show that

21:52

involves a lot of costuming. and

21:54

set pieces and phony executions and...

21:57

Oh, it's very... Oh, that old

21:59

saw. Quite literally, they use a

22:01

saw sometimes. We're also from outer

22:04

space, though, we have a new

22:06

narrative. Of course, the band of

22:08

extraterrestrial war gods that has been

22:11

banished to the planet Earth for

22:13

all the crimes they committed in

22:15

outer space. Right. And do you

22:17

remember the original name of the

22:20

band? It was gua! But that

22:22

didn't fit on the Marquis. I

22:24

see. So just, and you two

22:27

are right there in the beginning.

22:29

And when you, when you joined

22:31

the band, did you pick your

22:34

own characters? I inherited mine. I

22:36

am Balzac, the Jaws of Death.

22:38

Balzac, the Jaws of Death. And

22:41

I was the third Jaws of

22:43

Death. There had been a couple

22:45

incarnations because the first few shows

22:47

that war played, they were... It

22:50

was just a collective of whoever,

22:52

whatever artists and musicians they could

22:54

grab from VCU in the surrounding

22:57

areas to throw on these costumes

22:59

and do a show. Yeah. I

23:01

love, I love how folks see

23:04

that sounds. You know, like, my

23:06

father is Mr. Balzak. Call me

23:08

Balzak. But his grandfather was the

23:10

child of death and his grandfather

23:13

before me. And Bishop, who are

23:15

you on stage? Who are you

23:17

on stage? Who are you on

23:20

stage? Beefke has some fans here.

23:22

Yeah, and I did create the

23:24

character along with Don Dracula, who's

23:27

one of the artists in the

23:29

band, you know, just sort of

23:31

developed it over time. Now I

23:34

am the singer, following the passing

23:36

of the originally singer Dave Brockie,

23:38

who everybody knows and knows. And

23:40

I came back and now I

23:43

play the Berserker Blothar. And for

23:45

people who haven't seen it, these

23:47

costumes you wear are not just,

23:50

I mean, like, like the guys

23:52

from KISS, for example, are just

23:54

amateurs for it comes to you

23:57

guys. You've got like enormous... Head

23:59

pieces in huge full body costumes

24:01

that often have, shall we say,

24:04

over-the-top anatomy. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

24:06

I think you guys should show

24:08

up in those costumes to one

24:10

of the Civil War reenactments. And

24:13

one of the things that I

24:15

find fascinating is you guys usually

24:17

don't do any appearances not in

24:20

costume. And you're not in costume

24:22

right now. Yes, that's right. And

24:24

how does it feel? It's really

24:27

odd. We usually have the characters

24:29

to put on and to hide

24:31

behind, and so we always know

24:33

how to behave. We never really

24:36

had to just be ourselves. Right.

24:38

I mean, don't we all do

24:40

that? Ultimately. Yeah, even if we

24:43

don't have enormous fleshy protuberances, it's

24:45

really, it's something we all deal

24:47

with. This is not your first

24:50

time in NPR, because famously, Guard

24:52

did a tiny desk concert. And

24:59

you are, I'm not a,

25:01

you know, I'm not an

25:03

absolute expert, but I do

25:05

believe you were the first

25:07

musicians ever to play a

25:09

song at Tiny Desk called

25:11

Sexcow. Yeah, probably that. I

25:13

mean, Regina Specter tried, but

25:15

she just didn't have a

25:17

job. What was, what would

25:19

you, because, and by the

25:21

way, I recommend everybody watch

25:23

this, when you walked into

25:25

NPR Headquarters, in the full

25:27

war, regalia, what was the

25:29

reaction from our colleagues there?

25:32

No, they made us go

25:34

around the whole studios and

25:36

I think Michael was on...

25:38

What were they? What were

25:40

they recording? Yeah, they were

25:42

kind of using us to

25:44

scare their... Wait a minute,

25:46

what do you mean? It'd

25:48

be like, hey, Scott Simon,

25:50

could you step out of

25:52

the office just for a

25:54

second? Yeah, yeah. Sylvia. I

25:56

love the thought of someone

25:58

showing up to MPR for

26:00

the first day seeing you

26:02

guys. I'm like, man, Ira

26:04

Glass does not look how

26:06

it sounds. What's amazing is

26:08

in the Tiny Desk concert,

26:10

your character, Blothar, the Percircher,

26:12

proclaims his incredible enthusiasm for

26:14

Terry Gross. Oh yeah! Who

26:16

doesn't have a driveway moment?

26:18

Right. And you, guar, very

26:20

popular in Richmond, of course,

26:22

and you even have a

26:25

guar bar. Do people have

26:27

been to it? For fans

26:29

and, and, uh, Dirks, you

26:31

work there sometimes, right? I

26:33

do. I bartend and I'm

26:35

a man, one of the

26:37

managers there. Right. And do

26:39

people ever come in and

26:41

I presume will be their

26:43

guar fans? They recognize you?

26:45

We'll get people in there

26:47

all the time. I'll be

26:49

bartending and people will come

26:51

up and ask me like,

26:53

so do the guys and

26:55

guar ever hang out here?

26:57

Well, Mike Dirks and Mike

26:59

Bishop, we have invited you

27:01

here to play a game.

27:03

We're calling. You guys are

27:05

guar. Meet Jaguar. We're going

27:07

to ask you about jaguars.

27:09

Answer two out of three

27:11

questions about jaguars of various

27:13

guys. You'll win our prize

27:16

for one of our listeners,

27:18

Chokey, who are Mike and

27:20

Mike playing for? Sharon Lowry

27:22

of Richmond, Virginia. All right.

27:25

If you win, maybe she'll

27:27

come by the bar to

27:29

thank you. All right, here

27:31

we go. Now, the Jacksonville

27:33

Jaguars are an NFL team

27:35

that's had some good seasons,

27:37

but they have also been

27:39

very unlucky, including one year

27:42

when their punter suffered a

27:44

unique injury. What was it?

27:46

A. He bet somebody he

27:48

could punt a 35-pound kettle

27:50

bell and broke all his

27:52

toes. Be he accidentally chopped

27:54

himself in the leg with

27:56

the inspirational axe kept in

27:58

the locker room or see

28:00

he joined to the team's

28:02

cheerleaders for a kick line

28:04

and ruptured his groin on

28:06

the first kick. C sounds

28:08

really. Yeah. The kicker joining

28:10

a kick line? But I

28:12

know that they have strict

28:14

rules against the fraternization between

28:16

the players and so I'm

28:18

thinking it's the he broke

28:20

his toes. Broke his toes.

28:22

So let me get this

28:24

right. Dirk's you're picking he

28:27

broke his toes trying to

28:29

punt a kettle bell. And

28:31

Bishop you're choosing he got

28:33

in the kick line with

28:35

a jewelry. It was actually

28:37

the other one. The coach

28:39

kept on axe and a

28:41

stump in the locker room

28:43

to inspire his team to

28:45

quote keep chopping. And one

28:47

day the punter did. All

28:49

right, that's okay guys, you

28:51

still have two more chances.

28:53

Here is your next question.

28:55

The Jacksonville Jaguars mascot is

28:57

Jackson Deville. It's a person

28:59

in a skin-tight suit and

29:01

a big Jaguar head. And

29:03

he has been so innovative

29:05

in the mascot arts that

29:07

he has actually inspired a

29:09

rule change for all mascots

29:12

across the NFL. What is

29:14

that rule change? A. No

29:16

mascot may ever mime intimate

29:18

acts with the other teen's

29:20

mascot. B. All mascots must

29:22

be drug tested before each

29:24

hat. Or C. No mascot

29:26

may get closer than six

29:28

feet to the field of

29:30

play, especially not if they

29:32

are carrying a life-size dummy

29:34

of the opponent's quarterback that

29:36

they intend to stomp on

29:38

midfield. Well, it sounds like

29:40

a very Gore answer, so

29:42

that having the big rubber

29:44

dummy of the opposing quarterback.

29:46

Yeah, it really, it could

29:48

be inspired by Gore, maybe

29:50

it was, that's the real

29:52

answer, of course. The rule

29:54

arose from an incident in

29:57

a game against the Steelers

29:59

in 1998. Okay, let's start

30:01

talking about real jaguars. According

30:03

to the scientists who work

30:05

at a wildlife reserve in

30:07

Guam... Guatemala. The best way

30:09

to attract one of the

30:11

big cats, they can do

30:13

it without fail, is to

30:15

do what? A, turn on

30:17

music by Kenny G, which

30:19

the jaguars find irresistible. B,

30:21

wear lots of obsession by

30:23

Calvin Klein, which draws them

30:25

like flies. Or C, dress

30:27

like Jackson-Daville, the Jacksonville jaguars,

30:29

Massman. My bet it's Kenny

30:31

G, man. The audience is

30:33

saying, B. B. The audience

30:35

is shouting, B. Cess, saying,

30:37

Calvin Klein, a session by

30:39

Calvin Klein. I don't know,

30:42

cats don't have a super

30:44

sensitive smell like dogs. Yeah,

30:46

well, they got that thing

30:48

where they go, like that.

30:50

All right, all right. We're

30:52

trusting these people are obviously

30:54

more intelligent than that. So,

30:56

Chioki, how did Dirkson Bishop

30:58

do in our quiz? The

31:00

scum dogs of the universe

31:02

do not know defeat. Well

31:04

done. One more victory for

31:06

our visitors from the asteroid.

31:08

Mike Bishop and Mike Dertks

31:10

are members of the intergalactic

31:12

heavy metal band Guar, which

31:14

you can catch on their

31:16

40th anniversary tour later this

31:18

year. More information at guar.

31:20

Bishop and Dirks, thank you

31:22

so much. Give it up

31:24

for guar, everybody. In just

31:27

a minute, Chioki has a

31:29

new way to avoid me

31:31

at the office. It's the

31:33

listener Limerick Challenge. Call one

31:35

triple eight wait, wait, to

31:37

join us on the air.

31:39

We'll be back in a

31:41

minute with more. Wait, wait,

31:43

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Download the latest episode and

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You can also invest on your own

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and trade on on Think Or Swim. Visit schwab.com

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to learn more. In

32:59

just one minute, it's time to

33:01

sit. Just a minute, it's time

33:03

to sit your kids down and

33:05

have the talk about Limerick's. It's

33:07

our listener and limerick challenge game.

33:09

If you'd like to play, give

33:12

us a call at one triple

33:14

eight, wait, wait. That's one, eight,

33:16

eight, nine, 24, eight, eight, four.

33:18

Right now panel, some more questions

33:20

for you from the week's news.

33:22

The screen keeps showing them... I

33:24

don't know what can I mean.

33:26

I'll give you a hint. Yeah,

33:29

it seems pointless because they've already

33:31

bought the car. What an ad?

33:33

Yes, it keeps showing them ads.

33:35

Is it that one Harrison Florida?

33:37

Oh man. That would be terrible.

33:39

That would be hell. Is it

33:41

like the screen in the back

33:43

seat of the oovers that you

33:46

can never turn off? Sorta, yeah,

33:48

it's the screen on their dashboard.

33:50

You knew this day was coming.

33:52

Car companies were not giving us

33:54

those huge full-color screens just to

33:56

distract us into fatal crashes. No.

33:58

G-boners. have been complaining about ads

34:00

for extended warranties on their car

34:03

that pop up every time they

34:05

come to a stop. The company

34:07

says that's just a glitch, not

34:09

supposed to happen, but it's hard

34:11

to believe that when every time

34:13

the driver gets within two feet

34:15

of another car, the ad pops

34:17

up again and says, are you

34:20

sure? This is like when you're

34:22

watching Netflix and it shows you

34:24

ads for Netflix and it's like

34:26

I'm already watching, I can't watch

34:28

more Netflix while I'm watching Netflix

34:30

and then you realize you're talking to

34:32

Netflix. Yeah, it's a problem. Those ads

34:35

are for the people that are stealing

34:37

your account. By yourself. And like I

34:39

said, Chrysler says no, we didn't mean

34:41

to do this, but they all mean

34:43

to do this, right? Ford Motor Company

34:45

has already applied for a patent for

34:48

a system, all true, that will use

34:50

your camera in a camera in a

34:52

car. to identify the driver and then

34:54

show that driver personalized ads on

34:57

the screen. Oh, so

34:59

your garrison for. Right, right.

35:01

And these ads will be

35:04

based on its observations of

35:06

you while driving. So it

35:08

will be extra hurtful when

35:11

you start seeing ads for

35:13

like voice lessons near you.

35:16

Also, for more than a

35:18

decade, a man in Ireland

35:21

has been pleading with authorities

35:23

to let him search the

35:25

town's landfill after his girlfriend

35:28

threw away a Bitcoin wallet

35:30

worth hundreds of millions of

35:33

dollars. Sucker! Now, the town

35:35

has always refused his

35:37

request, so now the guy has

35:39

offered to do what? By the

35:42

lake. Not the body of water,

35:44

is a landfill. Oh. By the

35:46

landfill. By the landfill, that's right,

35:48

yes. Twelve years ago, James Howells

35:50

put a hard drive containing 8,000

35:52

Bitcoin in a digital wallet and

35:55

a garbage bag for easy storage

35:57

and his girlfriend threw it in

35:59

the trash. Correction. girlfriend. It's hard

36:01

to win an argument when you're

36:03

like, honey, what do you mean?

36:06

You threw away my garbage bag.

36:08

Now the wallet is right now

36:10

worth $800 million. Oh yeah, we

36:13

digging, bro. We are digging. So

36:15

he says, okay, okay, I will

36:17

buy the whole landfill and his

36:19

odds are good. He says that

36:22

through careful, you know, research, he

36:24

has narrowed the search down so

36:26

he will only have to sift

36:28

through 10,000 tons of garbage. Meanwhile,

36:31

by coincidence, Siegel has moved into

36:33

a $40 million venture. Not the

36:35

coast. So he has enough money

36:37

to buy a landfill? I mean,

36:40

I've never bought one myself. No,

36:42

he's gonna pay. So just how

36:44

much of these landfills running these

36:46

days? Also, he's gonna pay them

36:49

on the back end. Yeah, he's

36:51

just gotta get a promissary note

36:53

right here. Really, he's just going

36:55

into every bank in Ireland saying,

36:58

look, I'm good for it. Can

37:00

we find this ex-girlfriend and give

37:02

her an award for creating the

37:05

perfect metaphor for Bitcoin? It really

37:07

is amazing. Because it's either worth

37:09

everything or just another piece of

37:11

garbage. It really is something. Coming

37:14

up, it's lightning fill in the

37:16

blank, but first it's the game

37:18

where you have to listen for

37:20

the Rhine. If you'd like to

37:23

play on air, call and leave

37:25

a message at one triple eight,

37:27

wait, wait. That's one, 8888924-824. You

37:29

can catch us most weeks at

37:32

the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago.

37:34

Or come see us on the

37:36

road. For example, we will be

37:38

at the Walt Disney Theater in

37:41

Orlando, Florida on March 20th. Hi,

37:43

this is Vanessa calling from Kane

37:45

Hill, Arkansas. Kane Hill, Arkansas. Okay,

37:48

what do you do there? I

37:50

work as the director of a

37:52

non-profit historic and cultural site. Historic

37:54

in Kane Hill? What interesting history

37:57

do you one have in Kane

37:59

Hill? Well, it's a really special

38:01

place and probably my favorite. thing

38:03

is that was the first co-ed

38:06

college in the state of Arkansas.

38:08

Wow! That's exciting. What was the

38:10

name of the first co-ed college?

38:12

Kane Hill College. There was a

38:15

women's seminary that closed and the

38:17

women went to Kane Hill College

38:19

which was previously a man's only

38:21

college and it became co-ed. So

38:24

Kane Hill College. And they got

38:26

busy. Yeah. That's where my mind

38:28

went. Well, Vanessa, welcome to the

38:31

show. Chiyoki Ayansen right here is

38:33

going to read you three news-related

38:35

limerics. With the last word of

38:37

phrase missing from each, if you

38:40

can fill in that last word

38:42

or phrase correctly, in two of

38:44

the limerics you will be a

38:46

winner. Ready to go? Yes. Here's

38:49

your first limeric. Like strong whiskey,

38:51

cocaine, cocaine is just fine. They

38:53

will find a dry white where

38:55

the blend is just right because

38:58

we'll sell it like bottles of

39:00

wine. Yes, the president of Columbia,

39:02

Gustavo Petro, has envisioned a future,

39:04

he says, where cocaine is sold

39:07

around the world and valued and

39:09

appreciated just like fine wines. He's

39:11

a bit late. Yeah, I think

39:14

we're already there. Possibly. I just

39:16

want to say, hey, NPR Wine

39:18

Club, I have an idea that

39:20

might make us a lot of

39:23

money. What do you pair cocaine

39:25

with other than a 14-hour-long story

39:27

about your dad? All right, here's

39:29

your next Limerick Vanessa. Saying buddy

39:32

and pal feels real lame. Oh,

39:34

hey you, hello, chum, glad you

39:36

came. I once had a trick,

39:38

I found charming and slick, but

39:41

it's creepy, repeating a... Name? A

39:43

name, yes, you have all heard

39:45

that advice. If you want to

39:47

make a good impression on someone

39:50

you have just met, just repeat

39:52

their name. Keep repeating their name.

39:54

You know, Jeff, great to meet

39:56

you, Jeff, by which I mean

39:59

you, Jeff. But the

40:01

Wall Street Journal reports that

40:03

people are really getting tired

40:05

of that trick. They call

40:08

it pushy and creepy. You

40:10

have to be careful not

40:12

to cross that line from

40:14

like co-worker trying to make

40:17

the new guy feel welcome

40:19

all the way to dad

40:21

talking to the Applebee's waitress.

40:23

Do you think Jesus hates

40:26

this? He better not. He's

40:28

like, I get it, you

40:30

know me. Yeah. It's like,

40:32

dude, I appreciate you saying

40:35

my name. Did you do

40:37

it once when you haven't

40:39

stubbed your joke? All right,

40:41

here's your last limerick, Vanessa.

40:44

Chatty colleagues are not worth

40:46

exploring. They keep hoping you'll

40:48

laugh and start roaring. But

40:50

they might go away if

40:53

you simply go gray. Don't

40:55

engage them. Stay listless and...

40:57

Boring! Boring! Exactly! A self-described

40:59

introvert wrote to the New

41:02

York Times workplace advice columnist.

41:04

They have one. Saying that

41:06

she had a colleague who

41:08

simply wouldn't stop. bothering her

41:10

and the advice was to

41:13

quote go gray that is

41:15

to make her responses so

41:17

dull that the other person

41:19

would just give up and

41:22

go away. That's easy for

41:24

her to do. Some of

41:26

us have no off handle

41:28

on our charisma foster. Do

41:31

you know your Lord and

41:33

Savior Jesus Christ? That'll do

41:35

it. Is that the only

41:37

reason people can enter the

41:40

priesthood in the front place?

41:42

Jokie, how did Vanessa do

41:44

in our quiz? Another first

41:46

for Kane Hill. Vanessa got

41:49

all three right. Well done,

41:51

Vanessa. Hang out on your

41:53

museum. Congratulations. Thanks so much

41:55

for calling. Soo! Support

42:01

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state law. Not available in all

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states. Now on to our final

43:10

game, lightning fill in the blank.

43:12

Each of our players will have

43:14

60 seconds in which to answer

43:16

as many fill in the blank

43:18

questions as they can. Each correct

43:21

answer is worth two points. Shoki,

43:23

can you give us the scores?

43:25

Adam and Alzo, half three, negains

43:27

got two. Okay, so, Negene, you

43:29

are in second place. That means

43:32

you're up first. The clock will

43:34

start when I begin your first

43:36

question, fill in the blank. After

43:38

a phone call with Russia on

43:40

Wednesday, President Trump said negotiations to

43:43

end the war in blank would

43:45

start immediately. Ukraine. Right. On Sunday,

43:47

the Philadelphia Eagles beat the Kansas

43:49

City. chiefs to win the blank.

43:52

Super Bowl. Right. This week, automakers

43:54

Nissan and Blank announced they were

43:56

pausing their merger. Honda? Yes. According

43:58

to New Data, rush hour commute

44:00

time in blank has dropped 30%

44:03

thanks to congestion pricing. New York

44:05

City. Right. This week, the Chesterfield

44:07

Virginia Snowball Festival was rescheduled due

44:09

to blank. On Tuesday, former Beatles

44:11

blank had a surprise show to

44:14

600 fans in New York. McCarthy.

44:16

What? McCartney. McCartney. McCartney. After me,

44:18

he told his in-laws were considering

44:20

buying a house in his neighborhood

44:22

just to be closer to the

44:25

family, a wealthy man in California

44:27

blanked. He decided to marry his

44:29

robot. No, he didn't. He secretly

44:31

bought the house so the in-laws

44:33

couldn't move in. When the in-laws

44:36

excited they told the guy, well

44:38

they put in a bit in

44:40

this house, we'll be right around

44:42

the corner, he then formed an

44:44

LLC under another name and bought

44:47

the house in cash so they

44:49

could not get it. That's gangster.

44:51

He was very proud of his

44:53

quick thinking. So that has ensured

44:55

for all time that the in-laws

44:58

he apparently hates will have to

45:00

stay in his house whenever they

45:02

visit. Joki, how did Nagine do

45:04

in our quiz? Nagine got five

45:06

right for 10 more points. That's

45:09

a total of 12. Nagine has

45:11

the lead. All right. Adam, I

45:13

am arbitrarily choosing you to go

45:15

next. Here we go. Phil in

45:17

the blank. On Tuesday, the Senate

45:20

voted to confirm blank as director

45:22

of national intelligence. Tonsi Gabber? It

45:24

was. This week, US blank jumped

45:26

by 3%. Inflation? Right. After firing

45:29

the entire board, President Trump was

45:31

named chairman of the blank center.

45:33

The Kennedy Center. How did he

45:35

manage that? This week. I don't

45:37

think they like that. No, apparently

45:40

not. I think they're just booing

45:42

the Kennedy's. This week a Georgia

45:44

representative introduced a bill to rename

45:46

Greenland blank. Oh, red, white, and

45:48

blueland? That's right. Right, on Monday,

45:51

NASA announced the astronauts stuck on

45:53

the blank would return home sooner

45:55

than planned. The International Space Station.

45:57

Right, on Tuesday a giant Schnauzer

45:59

named Monty won Best in Show

46:02

at the blank. The Westminster Dog

46:04

Show? Right, this week's singer Brian

46:06

Adams announced he had to cancel

46:08

a concert in Perth, Australia because

46:10

the city was dealing with a

46:13

giant blank. Infestation of other Brian

46:15

Adams? No, they canceled the concert

46:17

due to a giant fat... Fatburg.

46:19

Oh, that's right. Fatburgs are giant

46:21

sewer blockages made of discarded grease

46:24

that all clumps up together and

46:26

one was so close to the

46:28

venue where Brian Adams was set

46:30

to perform that the concert was

46:32

canceled over fears that all the

46:35

toilets would back up. This is

46:37

of course a huge disappointment to

46:39

Adams fans who weren't able to

46:41

hear his hits like Summer of

46:43

69. I'm sorry, the theme from

46:46

Robin Hood, everything I do, I

46:48

do it for you? Oh, excuse

46:50

me, Mr. Adam Stan. I think

46:52

he took a fifth. I think

46:54

so. Jokey, how did Adam Burke

46:57

do on our quiz? Adam got

46:59

six right for 12 more points,

47:01

total of 15, Adam is in

47:03

the league. All right, so how

47:06

many then does Also Slave need

47:08

to win this big thing? Six

47:10

to tie, seven to win, seven

47:12

to win. All right. This is

47:14

for the game. On Monday, President

47:17

Trump announced 25% blanks on steel

47:19

and aluminum. Tears. Right. On Tuesday,

47:21

the chair of the Federal Reserve

47:23

said they were in no rush

47:25

to cut blanks. Interest rate. Right.

47:28

This week, flights were delayed to

47:30

severe blanks at the East Coast.

47:32

Winter storms? Right. On Thursday, Israel

47:34

said that Hamas must release more

47:36

hostages by Saturday or the war

47:39

in blank would resume. Gaza. Right.

47:41

This week, Command in Minnesota was

47:43

charged with arson after he tried

47:45

to put out a fire by

47:47

blanking. by starting it. No, but

47:50

he actually did start it, but

47:52

he tried to put it out

47:54

by dosing it with alcohol. That's

47:56

what he had in his hand.

47:58

Due to botulism... a recall was

48:01

issued on several brands of canned

48:03

blank. Uh, tuna? Right. On Wednesday,

48:05

outcast, Billy Idol and Fish were

48:07

among the nominees to be inducted

48:09

into the blank. Rock and Roll

48:12

Hall of Fame? Right. This week

48:14

a woman in the UK in

48:16

a bad first date excused yourself

48:18

to the bathroom to text a

48:20

friend. Tell them the date was

48:23

awful. They should call with a

48:25

fake emergency. But she accidentally blanked.

48:27

Yes. Everything

48:29

I'm about to tell you is

48:31

true. Since one woman was on

48:34

this first date, she was having

48:36

a terrible time, she goes into

48:38

the bathroom and she texts her

48:40

friend and I quote, this date

48:42

is rubbish, he's brutally ugly and

48:44

I'm not having fun. Can you

48:46

call me in about five minutes

48:48

and I'll pretend there's an emergency,

48:50

unquote, and she pressed send right

48:53

to him at the table. So,

48:55

and again, this is true. The

48:57

guy looked at it, turned to

48:59

the waiter and said, you know.

49:01

I've got to leave in a

49:03

hurry and emergency has just come

49:05

up. My lady friend is in

49:07

the bathroom, but she is the

49:09

credit card and she'll take care

49:12

of the bill. Yeah. Skipped out

49:14

the door. He is the hero

49:16

we needed. Yeah, yeah, until he

49:18

got another text from her going,

49:20

oh, and he's cheap as well.

49:22

Well, at that point, it wouldn't

49:24

matter. Yeah, I know. Chiyoki did

49:26

Alzo do well enough to win.

49:28

Oh yeah, Alsoe got seven right

49:31

for 14 more points. Total of

49:33

17, Alsville Slade is this week's

49:35

winner. There you go. In just

49:37

a minute, our panelists will predict

49:39

now that pennies are being phased

49:41

out, what will we do with

49:43

all our leftover pennies? Wait, wait,

49:45

don't tell me. Is a production

49:47

of NPR & W. B. E.

49:50

Z. Chicago and association with Urgent

49:52

Hercom productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord.

49:54

Philip Godeker writes our Limerick's, our

49:56

public address announcer, is Paul Friedman.

49:58

Our tour manager is Shaina Donald.

50:00

Thanks to the staff and crew

50:02

at the Altriath. Theater of Richmond,

50:04

Virginia, and a special thanks for

50:07

our wonderful partners at VPM. P.J.

50:09

Liederman Composer, our theme, our program,

50:11

is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles,

50:13

Robos, and Lillian King. Special thanks

50:15

this week to Vinny Thomas and

50:17

Monica Hickey, our jolly good fellow,

50:19

is Hannah Anderson, Peter Gwyn's got

50:21

that big dinner energy. Emma Choi

50:23

is our vibe curator, technical erectionism,

50:26

Lorna Whiteer, CFO, as Robert Newhouse.

50:28

Now panel, what will we do

50:30

with all those pennies? Also Slade.

50:32

I got to buy some fresh

50:34

loafers to put them in. Negene

50:36

Farsad. The pennies will be equally

50:38

distributed among barista tip jars from

50:40

coast to coast. And Adam Burke.

50:42

We're going to tickle those pennies

50:45

over the next four years and

50:47

throw them into fountains and make

50:49

a wish over and over again.

50:51

And if any of that happens,

50:53

we'll ask you about it on

50:55

Wait, don't tell me. Thank you,

50:57

Chayoki. I answered filling in for

50:59

Bill Curtis, who will be back

51:01

the next time you hear us.

51:04

Thanks also to Megim Farsa, under

51:06

Burke and Alsos Lade, our fabulous

51:08

audience here in Richmond, Virginia. And

51:10

thanks to all of you for

51:12

listening wherever you are on Peter

51:14

Siegel. We'll see you next week.

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