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2:05

Welcome back to We Can

2:07

Do Hard Things. In the

2:09

last episode, if you have

2:11

not listened yet, we dove

2:13

into anxiety culture. Dr. Martha

2:15

Beck and Martha walked us

2:17

through why it is that

2:19

the things we do to

2:21

try to help ourselves feel

2:23

safer actually make us feel

2:25

less safe and take us

2:27

into anxiety spirals that we

2:29

can't get out of and

2:31

she taught us how to

2:33

get out of anxiety spirals

2:35

with actual real skills and

2:37

tricks. Today she's going to

2:39

walk my sister Amanda and

2:41

me. through particular issues that

2:43

bring each of us great

2:45

anxiety. She's going to show

2:47

you, pod squad, how to

2:49

stop that anxiety in its

2:51

tracks and how to move

2:54

into a place of peace

2:56

and creativity and it actually

2:58

freaking works. Okay, so just

3:00

sit down, listen up, watch

3:02

Martha, work her magic on

3:04

us and you're going to

3:06

learn how to work this

3:08

magic on yourself. Welcome, Dr.

3:10

Martha Beck. Martha, let's start

3:12

with this, and then you

3:14

are going to go into

3:16

an exercise with each of

3:18

us to coach us through

3:20

and out of an anxiety

3:22

spiral, is how we're thinking

3:24

about this. And I'm hoping

3:26

it will serve the entire

3:28

pod squad and then they'll

3:30

be able to recreate it

3:32

in their own lives. But

3:34

can you first just quote

3:36

to us what Irma Bombek

3:38

said about how... she keeps

3:40

airplanes in the air because

3:42

I if not I haven't

3:44

written down but you

3:46

know that

3:48

it says he says

3:50

people asleep all

3:52

around me

3:54

while I alone

3:56

me keeping the

3:58

plane in

4:00

the air by

4:02

pulling upward

4:04

on the arms

4:06

of my

4:08

seat. upward on the arms

4:10

of how we should yes

4:12

that is how we should live not

4:15

my beloved beloved love bugs

4:17

pod you understand. you We

4:20

are not. are not the pilot

4:22

we are literally sitting in

4:24

seats with no control.

4:26

control people around us rest. us

4:28

feeling mad at them. because we

4:31

we believe that we are running

4:33

the world the the slight pressure we're

4:35

putting. on our on our armrest, so

4:37

going to show us how we could

4:39

be the people that just take

4:41

naps. take naps. The is in the air.

4:43

the air. Amanda, would you like to

4:45

start? start? Sure, I love I love that

4:47

quote because it just shows that

4:49

a lot of anxiety is coming from

4:51

a place of love and protection

4:53

of I mean, mean, we're not doing it

4:56

to be the God in the

4:58

sky. We're doing it because we really

5:00

do believe that pulling up is

5:02

keeping everyone on this plane safe. So

5:04

it's just like all of that beautiful

5:06

energy, but it's just going down the

5:09

wrong Right. Isn't that adorable that adorable really we

5:11

really, really are trying to control

5:13

the so no one ever has to

5:15

suffer again. again? I know it's it's and a

5:17

and a little bit right? Martha, like one

5:19

of the things things about so much

5:21

over the last year the last that

5:23

the thing that I'm doing. I'm doing to help

5:25

my people. is in is in

5:28

fact my my people. when you're on a

5:30

When you're on a plane, actually, let's just stick with

5:32

that metaphor. And you see

5:34

someone gripping. What does that do?

5:36

It makes you, what does that do? not,

5:38

It makes you, whether you like

5:40

it or not, I be a reaction

5:42

maybe should be doing that something. she's

5:44

onto something. our daughters one of my

5:46

daughters, on a was going on a...

5:48

dropping her off at her was dropping her

5:50

off at house and I said like when

5:52

sure like when you're walking around the town

5:54

you know, you know keep your little voice

5:57

inside your head that's like that's like, out

5:59

for danger, danger. And she goes, Mom,

6:01

I think you can officially rest

6:03

that the voice that voice you

6:05

have in your head is in

6:07

my body. I love that. But

6:09

it's sad, Martha. I did that

6:11

to her. Is it? That's okay.

6:13

Is it? Because, yeah, I mean,

6:16

I remember when I was 13

6:18

and I read for the first

6:20

time that the brain is fixed

6:22

and rigid by the age of

6:24

five. And I was like, fuck.

6:26

I know. And then, you know,

6:28

like three decades later, they figured

6:30

out, oo, oops, the brain is

6:32

actually malleable and moving and rearranging

6:34

itself all your life. So all

6:36

you have to do is say,

6:39

oh, let me fix the anxiety

6:41

tendencies in my own brain. Then

6:43

I'll be a touchstone for Tish

6:45

about not only being calm, but

6:47

getting there from the anxiety I

6:49

gave to her. And you just

6:51

have to live it in order

6:53

for it to... emanate out from

6:55

you, you teach it, you teach

6:57

your own beliefs with every action,

6:59

every choice, everything you say to

7:02

anybody. So if you can calm

7:04

your own anxiety and live in

7:06

a place of joy and creativity

7:08

and connection, which I truly believe

7:10

we all can, the people around

7:12

you are going to be affected

7:14

very powerfully, no matter how old

7:16

they are. Oh, that's a good

7:18

start. Okay, so there's so much

7:20

hope. It's not done by the

7:22

time we're five. If you're five.

7:24

to figure out how to emanate

7:27

calm and peace instead of terror.

7:29

Sister, would you like to start?

7:31

Sure, it's a good segue. Segue,

7:33

let's do a segue. So Martha,

7:35

what do you need to know

7:37

from her to get started on

7:39

this? Or do you already know

7:41

enough? Martha, you just do me

7:43

without... Stop being anxious or I'll

7:45

bury you alive in a box.

7:47

Bob Newhart thing no No, but

7:50

I'm a psychiatrist and she's have

7:52

this terrible terrible fear of being

7:54

buried alive in a box says,

7:56

okay, I'll give you my cure.

7:58

Stop it. Stop it, or I'll

8:00

bury you alive in a box.

8:02

Which is kind of what we

8:04

do to ourselves. Anyway, all I

8:06

need to know is, like, on

8:08

a scale from one to ten,

8:10

how anxious are you feeling today?

8:12

I am not feeling anxious today.

8:15

Talking to y'all makes me not

8:17

feel anxious. Maybe a two or

8:19

three today? Then my work here

8:21

is done. As soon as we

8:23

stopped recording, then we're right back

8:25

up. Is that true? All right.

8:27

So what has made you feel

8:29

anxious today earlier in the, before

8:31

we started recording? I mean, this

8:33

week, I'm splashing around in a

8:35

little pool that I thought that

8:38

I had made a bunch of

8:40

progress with, so kind of revisiting

8:42

in a way, but I have

8:44

always had like a kind of

8:46

existential... anxiety about my daughter not

8:48

having a sister. And because of

8:50

just like the permanence of that,

8:52

the kind of like your whole

8:54

life you know, you know, even

8:56

if you weren't to be like

8:58

best friends with your sister, you

9:01

know like that's a constant, that's

9:03

a touch tree, that's like a

9:05

forever there. And I don't know

9:07

what it's like to not... especially

9:09

she's about to get in like

9:11

middle school times and it's like

9:13

so how do you know who

9:15

your person is if your person

9:17

changes if it's just like a

9:19

flow of people I feel very

9:21

fearful about it and I don't

9:23

know how to navigate that with

9:26

her so I have like a

9:28

big and something happened last week

9:30

where I see some dynamics and

9:32

it gets triggered up. And I

9:34

don't know how much I should

9:36

do versus not do versus just

9:38

let happen. Well, first of all,

9:40

we need to not only just

9:42

let things happen, but let's go.

9:44

Inside your brain

9:46

and find a

9:49

calm creative place

9:51

where you can

9:53

address the issues

9:55

that you're afraid

9:57

of that you're afraid

9:59

boil down this

10:01

fear what I'm

10:03

hearing is this

10:05

and tell me

10:07

where I'm wrong.

10:09

It feels to

10:11

me like wrong. It feels

10:14

to me a sister who, she was

10:16

your person and still is in many

10:18

ways. still is in her and

10:20

an absolute lifeline for

10:22

you. for much your whole life.

10:24

Tell me where I'm wrong. life. Tell me No,

10:26

correct. wrong. All right. so

10:28

So you then an emotional an

10:31

emotional sister. So a sister. has

10:33

to have a So everybody has to have

10:36

a sister. had the way you had

10:38

Glennon as Tell me where I'm wrong. Tell me

10:40

where I'm wrong. kind it

10:42

just a of feels like

10:44

a sheltering place from

10:46

what I know it would coming

10:48

of friend kind

10:50

of friend betrails

10:53

or abandonment or or abandonments

10:55

just feel. just feel... Like like there's

10:57

no shelter around that that because just

10:59

out in an open field in

11:01

those hits. taking those how

11:03

it feels. All right, so

11:06

so sanctuary, safety safety protection

11:08

from the slings and arrows

11:10

about of outrageous that that you.

11:12

for from a sister. a sister True?

11:14

Yes, okay. So then you have so

11:17

then. You have defined

11:19

those feelings, sanctuary, protection, a

11:21

love, a person to go

11:23

to, a person who understands

11:25

you as who understands But

11:27

I I know many, many people. who are

11:30

who are terrified of their

11:32

sisters, They're terrible sisters. Do you you

11:34

have brothers? know a brother-sister pair

11:36

who like know a brother

11:38

without each other. They're not live without

11:40

each other. They're both married. healthy

11:42

a very healthy, normal relationship, but

11:44

they grew up way out

11:46

in the wilderness together. They're both

11:48

brilliant. And. and the sister can only

11:50

say, can only say, I cannot stand to

11:52

think of people who don't have a

11:54

brother. a brother. Because her brother was

11:56

that for her. for her she was that for

11:58

him. for him, but I known people whose

12:01

greatest fears and most devastating traumas

12:03

came directly from their sisters. So

12:05

sister is not necessarily the same

12:07

as sanctuary. So what you're really

12:09

saying, what's your daughter's name? Alice.

12:11

So could we say that your

12:14

real fear is that Alice has

12:16

no sanctuary? Alice has no person.

12:18

Alice has no protection from slings

12:20

and arrows. Alice is all alone

12:22

out there. Is that the biggest

12:25

fear? Yes. Because she doesn't have

12:27

Glennon. This is actually really specific.

12:29

Does she not have Glennon? She

12:31

sent me a pitch to be

12:33

on the podcast last week. She

12:35

definitely has me. Good segue there.

12:38

Segue. See you last episode. And

12:40

Alice also has you Amanda. Amanda.

12:42

whom Glennon calls sister in her

12:44

books, you are that source of

12:46

safety and protection. It's not the

12:49

sisterness of you. It's what you

12:51

are. And Alice has you, she

12:53

has Glennon, she has Abby, she

12:55

will find other people in the

12:57

same vein because she has been

12:59

given the example of this patterning

13:02

of choose people like these, not

13:04

horrible backstabbing people, which is what

13:06

people choose when their sisters have

13:08

been backstabbing to them. Am I

13:10

making any headway here. Yes. Yes.

13:13

Okay. So. Yes. This is the

13:15

calming part of addressing an anxiety.

13:17

You just gently talk sense to

13:19

the frightened little creature that conflates

13:21

sister with safety so that you

13:24

can say there is safety. And

13:26

that can happen with almost anyone.

13:28

You know? And she has you

13:30

and Glenn. The two sisters in

13:32

this equation before Abby came up.

13:34

long? She has both of you.

13:37

How cool is that? Double sisters.

13:39

It's true and she has a

13:41

brother who's wonderful to her. Well

13:43

there you go. I think maybe

13:45

it's like when I'm thinking about

13:48

it I'm like is it that

13:50

if she had a sister that

13:52

was my daughter then I would

13:54

know that I had raised both

13:56

of them to protect each other

13:58

and since her people are going

14:01

to be people... that just other

14:03

people raised. And how vulnerable is

14:05

that? I can't even, I have

14:07

no control over those people. Those

14:09

people are just out there running

14:12

wild. Oh sweetheart, it's so funny

14:14

that you think you have control

14:16

over how your daughters grow up.

14:18

That is hilarious. It's so much

14:20

more nature than nurture. They're gonna

14:22

be who they're gonna be and

14:25

you can't control it. So basically

14:27

you're now in a story that

14:29

says be afraid and take control.

14:31

Here's how to control it. I

14:33

need to control it. I need

14:36

to control it. That's the way.

14:38

Now this creates what we call

14:40

an anxiety spiral. You have a

14:42

bolt of fear that comes from

14:44

the world is unsafe. My daughter

14:46

had a triggering incident. Oh no.

14:49

Then immediately your brain tells a

14:51

story. She has no sister. She's

14:53

alone out there. Then it goes

14:55

to its favorite method of fixing

14:57

things. I will control everything. I

15:00

must have another child and raise

15:02

it to me my sister's sister.

15:04

No matter what it wants. Anxiety

15:06

spiral and it is and I

15:08

love you so much but it

15:10

is fucking insane. Yeah yeah you

15:13

put it like that it is

15:15

like that you put it like

15:17

that so now when you get

15:19

to a space of laughter you've

15:21

shifted from the anxiety spiral remember

15:24

the right side of the brain

15:26

the only place it uses language

15:28

are poems jokes and songs so

15:30

by joking I call it a

15:32

joy jolt. You go, you open

15:34

up the right side of the

15:37

brain. You haven't lost sight of

15:39

the fact that the world is

15:41

hard and your daughter is vulnerable.

15:43

You know that. But you can

15:45

also look at the people around.

15:48

Glennon's here, here. Abby's

15:50

here. I'm here.

15:52

pod squad is

15:54

here. here. There are

15:56

so many people

15:58

so so many

16:01

forces surrounding Alice

16:03

to make sure

16:05

that it her her

16:07

up. she'll have And

16:09

yeah, she'll have

16:12

difficult experiences. you've heard

16:14

you've heard about those trees that

16:16

they grew in domes. Have you Have you

16:18

heard about this? They grew up these domes

16:20

to try to simulate a little

16:22

ecosystem. And all the trees fell

16:24

down. fell down. before they were mature.

16:26

And And what they realized is is

16:28

trees need the the pressure

16:31

of wind. in order order to

16:33

become strong. So, yeah, it's a windy world out there.

16:35

it's a windy world out there.

16:37

And sometimes the wind can be

16:39

cold, but it makes people strong.

16:41

I mean... I mean, look 'all. You've

16:43

been - some really dark stuff. stuff.

16:46

of you, right? You're you're

16:48

strong, you're brave, and right

16:51

now you're creating. creating. You are

16:53

are creating connections between between millions

16:55

of other people who are on

16:57

the same wavelength who would

16:59

love to help keep Alice safe.

17:02

who would love is just a different

17:04

story. safe This is but

17:06

it feels to me. story When

17:08

I tell it, my body relaxes

17:10

and that is my signal from nature,

17:12

which runs my body. is my signal

17:15

oh, you've landed in the truth. runs my

17:17

body Just say oh you've is

17:20

the truth She's okay.

17:22

And And you're okay. The little

17:24

scared little scared. you is

17:27

inside you. really needs who

17:29

also really needs your care and

17:31

compassion. The one who's afraid that Alice

17:33

feels as scared as she scared as

17:35

she did. I met Alice as scared as

17:37

you did. as scared don't know did.

17:39

I don't know. No, I hope don't

17:41

think so with y 'all so. With y'all's

17:43

parents? No. that's her story. her

17:46

story. And people can go through really

17:48

hard things and it makes them very

17:50

strong them you three are a testament

17:52

to that. And as long as we

17:54

can laugh and love and tell stories

17:56

about our adventures along the way, that's

17:58

the fun of it. of it! Like, would

18:00

you go to a movie about

18:02

some nice people who are born

18:04

in very tidy circumstances have nice

18:06

lunches and dinners every day until

18:08

they die at the age of

18:10

110 with no conflict? Let me

18:12

out! My God, that's boring! Yeah.

18:15

Why would you? It's true. Okay,

18:17

so I'm just gonna let everything

18:19

happen Martha. Guess what? There's no

18:21

alternative Amanda The alternative is I

18:23

could think of all the ways

18:25

That's right figured out and then

18:27

still let everything happen Yeah, because

18:29

everything is just gonna happen the

18:31

way is gonna happen and the

18:33

more clenched up you are The

18:35

less influence you'll have because if

18:37

we can unclench completely and go

18:39

into a state of real present

18:41

joy What happens is that conditions

18:43

tend to shift around us in

18:45

favorable ways. And this is, I

18:47

wrote three parts of this book

18:49

on anxiety. First part is the

18:51

creature, because that's the animal that

18:53

gets anxious. Then there's the creative

18:55

who says, oh, the world is

18:58

scary. What should I do now?

19:00

But what should I make now?

19:02

Which immediately takes you into creativity.

19:04

And if you can go into

19:06

the creative part of your brain,

19:08

then the last third of the

19:10

book is called the creation. Because

19:12

you stop. When you're deep enough

19:14

in joy and far enough away

19:16

from anxiety, you start to feel

19:18

yourself as kind of a field

19:20

of compassion that is moving with

19:22

your body and sometimes through your

19:24

body, but there's no sense of

19:26

effort. And it's not really known

19:28

in our culture. In China and

19:30

Japan, it's well known. People have

19:32

been talking about it for thousands

19:34

of years. But when you get

19:36

to that state of transcendent happiness,

19:38

You make everything around you better,

19:40

but you don't have to do

19:43

it It just happens. I understand

19:45

that because it feels like the

19:47

inevitable outcome of that would be

19:49

that you would become a sanctuary

19:51

Yes, yeah, my favorite poem from

19:53

the poet Hafiz,

19:55

who was a

19:57

13th century Persian

19:59

poet. There's a

20:01

little bit of

20:03

it that just

20:05

goes troubled, then stay

20:07

with me for I am not. Oh,

20:12

thank God, all you have

20:14

to have is someone like that.

20:17

So not be someone like that?

20:31

What does the future hold for business? Ask

20:34

nine experts and you'll get

20:36

10 different answers. Bull market or

20:38

bear market, rising or falling

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Do you want

23:52

to go You

23:54

wanna go Sure. Okay.

23:57

Abby, you're...

24:00

What's the game, what do I say? What are

24:02

you most worried about? What are you most

24:04

anxious about lately? See,

24:07

I don't... I

24:09

don't do anxiety. It's not something

24:11

that I relate to, because I

24:13

think being an athlete

24:15

for so long, I've learned to like use

24:17

my body in a way. to work through

24:19

it? Absolutely. And so

24:21

I have had anxious times in

24:23

my life. Absolutely, when

24:26

the wheels fall off and people

24:28

die, all of that, those feel

24:30

like. real moments. I'm not in

24:32

an extraordinarily, like, anxious

24:34

moment of my life. but

24:37

I've had the worst year of my life. So,

24:40

okay, first of all, let me just

24:42

address what you just said, because

24:45

it is profoundly important. All the time

24:47

you spent. perfecting your

24:49

skills. in athletics soccer, of

24:51

course, mostly, but everything you do really, as

24:53

an athlete, you're grounded in your body and

24:55

you're paying really close attention to things like

24:57

the arc of the ball as it comes

24:59

toward you. You're not thinking about what you're

25:01

going to do with your friends next week.

25:03

You're present. You're physically grounded,

25:06

your senses are wide open, and

25:08

you've fired your brain in

25:10

that direction so often that you

25:12

don't wire for anxiety. You

25:14

have wired yourself for no anxiety.

25:16

So, kudos. You

25:19

thought you were just a world -class

25:21

athlete. You were also a -class brainiac.

25:23

Okay. Now, Now. why

25:26

was it the worst year of your

25:28

life? First time that's ever been said

25:30

out loud. I'll take it. Yeah, so

25:32

my brother passed away at the end

25:34

of December last year. Sorry, honey. It

25:37

has felt like. The

25:39

hits just have kept

25:41

coming, sisters cancer, stuff that

25:43

she went through. we've

25:46

had some, you know, just like

25:48

life was like really, I wasn't able

25:50

to transcend is what I'm saying.

25:52

I wasn't able, and I think I've

25:54

been grounded in so much grief

25:56

over the last 12 months that that's

25:58

kind of been my... baseline yeah yeah and

26:00

because of And because of

26:02

that, I it's given me,

26:05

I think this sure outlook. saying

26:07

like every month because I keep saying

26:09

like every month and I'm like, we're

26:11

that's done. we're moving, we're moving on.

26:13

But like, you know, grief is

26:15

not something to just like and be the

26:17

closet and be done with. It's something

26:19

that keeps showing up. so I've done so a

26:21

done quite a bit of like intense

26:23

therapy around it. And the moment I

26:25

started to accept the fact that I

26:27

was going to live with this grief

26:30

forever. with this It will move in

26:32

different ways It show up differently different

26:34

ways and The light has kind

26:36

of started to show back into

26:38

my life, which is great. started to

26:40

show back into I think maybe

26:42

there's an anxiety. think maybe that

26:44

now kind of lives in my

26:46

body. kind of lives in my body

26:49

around. Is it it true? Like

26:51

there's fear that I have I

26:53

will never be able to

26:55

have. have. access to pre,

26:57

life feeling of life I

26:59

was just going to was just

27:01

going to ask you, are you afraid

27:04

of feeling this way forever? Yeah. that

27:06

is a real thing. that is a

27:08

real thing. And it's really interesting,

27:10

because in our last episode I talked

27:12

about how. with fear the The first thing

27:14

you do is calm the animal of your body and

27:16

you'd know how to do that, but then you

27:18

go into a place where you make something. go into

27:20

a place where In your case. something.

27:22

And in your -A -T CAT for C is

27:24

for A A is for art.

27:27

your art, your primary art was

27:29

soccer, soccer, is soccer. So So you've

27:31

been doing art your whole life

27:33

in case people think I'm narrowly

27:35

defining art. It's anything you make

27:37

or do that you can master. make

27:39

So you've done that. master. So you've

27:41

you continue to make things.

27:43

make things, you you get to this

27:45

point. I just talked about called transcendence. And

27:48

Abby, I think your life is

27:50

bringing you. you. an an opportunity

27:52

because you've already come so

27:54

far on this path of evolution

27:57

away from fear. from fear

27:59

that it's asking you to

28:01

transcend the deepest fears that

28:03

a human being has. So

28:05

you are in the black

28:07

belt training right now. And

28:09

what we have to do

28:12

with any of our fears,

28:14

you saw how I sort

28:16

of picked away at Amanda's

28:18

saying, are you sure this

28:20

is true? So let's take

28:22

your brother's death. What's the

28:24

most painful thought you have

28:26

around his being gone? that

28:29

it's going to happen to

28:31

me too. Well, your body

28:33

probably will eventually lie down

28:35

and stop talking. Yeah, I'm

28:37

really scared to death. That's

28:39

part of what I'm like

28:41

in active therapy around because

28:43

this has really brought it

28:45

to the surface. Obviously I'm

28:48

like devastated for his family

28:50

and his children and him.

28:52

Yeah, he really liked living

28:54

and he liked having a

28:56

good time. He was total

28:58

joy guy. But it stoked

29:00

this real deep fear of

29:02

the unknown, the thing that's

29:05

really happening to all of

29:07

us right now. And as

29:09

I said in the last

29:11

episode, all long-standing fears that

29:13

aren't of something in the

29:15

room, they come from stories.

29:17

And culture tells us different

29:19

stories. And every culture tells

29:21

slightly different stories, sometimes very

29:24

different stories, about death and

29:26

what it is. We live

29:28

in a very left hemisphere-dominated

29:30

society and the left hemisphere

29:32

only believes in material objects

29:34

and it identifies itself as

29:36

material objects and wants to

29:38

grasp them and hold on

29:40

to them. And the idea

29:43

of losing the self and

29:45

losing control are maxed out

29:47

in the idea of death.

29:49

Interestingly, when they... Test meditators,

29:51

Tibetan meditators who are in

29:53

complete bliss all the time.

29:55

You know what's not working?

29:57

in their

30:00

brains. the part

30:02

that that says, I am a self,

30:04

and the part that says I am in control, those

30:06

two things are off. Those

30:08

two things are off. Yeah. So

30:10

you know know the materialist

30:12

story of what death

30:14

is. culture says Our

30:17

culture says. you're gone.

30:19

That's all That's all there is. that

30:21

bring peace to that bring peace

30:23

to your body to think that story,

30:25

to just have those thoughts? thoughts

30:28

thoughts. Does Does

30:30

it bring a sense of freedom? freedom? That we

30:32

die and we're that we die the gone

30:34

and the material. And there's nothing else. No.

30:36

So I may have told you this I may

30:38

have told you this before, the Buddha used

30:40

to say you find Wherever you find water,

30:43

you body of water, you can know

30:45

if it's the sea because the sea

30:47

always tastes of salt. And wherever you find

30:49

enlightenment. You can

30:51

recognize it because it always tastes

30:53

of always tastes of freedom.

30:55

So when we we think thoughts are

30:57

deeply true to us, like the

30:59

thought. Think this thought, you this

31:01

thought, you three overachievers. At no time

31:04

am I At no time to I ever

31:06

required to do more than I

31:08

can do in peace. that one a trip

31:10

around your give that one a trip around

31:12

your brain. Does it Yeah, that's good.

31:14

Does it make you feel freer? it

31:16

makes you feel reason it makes you

31:18

feel free is that it's true. That's

31:21

my Now, I had had in your I

31:23

have had a near -death experience or something

31:25

very much like it. it. And

31:27

And after it, I became

31:29

obsessed with near -death because

31:32

it was so

31:34

exquisite. couldn't I just couldn't

31:36

live without it. I read I just

31:38

would read books, anything I could

31:40

about people who gone through this gone

31:42

through this transition. what they because

31:45

what they experienced. actually this Actually,

31:47

this painting of of blurry. yeah!

31:49

This is a This is a

31:51

painting I did that on that experience.

31:53

a a man going through of sort

31:55

of stained glass. glass. windows in a

31:57

a that's also a forest and he's going

31:59

toward this. light. So long story short,

32:01

I was in surgery, I regained

32:04

consciousness even though I wasn't feeling

32:06

any pain and I could see

32:08

even though my eyes were taped

32:10

shut and this light appeared to

32:12

me and it permeated me and

32:14

it was the most exquisite feeling.

32:17

Oh my God and it was

32:19

just laughing with me. We were

32:21

laughing together. We were laughing together.

32:23

We were laughing together. We were

32:25

like... Oh my God, I forgot

32:28

that I was this. And the

32:30

light was saying, I know, we

32:32

told you you'd forget. And you

32:34

said, no, no, I won't. And

32:36

then you totally forgot. You're laughing

32:39

and laughing. It was physically warm.

32:41

It was like liquid bliss. And

32:43

I couldn't stand to live without

32:45

it. And I had to find

32:47

my way back to it. But

32:50

I know that I probably haven't

32:52

going to go through that when

32:54

I die. It's such an intensely

32:56

real experience. It's so much more

32:58

real than the physical universe. But

33:01

Abby... Is there any way we

33:03

could like chip away at the

33:05

story of death that you've been

33:07

taught by your culture or by

33:09

your religion where God's really pissed

33:12

off at you? Yeah. And where

33:14

she's going straight to hell. Yeah,

33:16

that's the... She was taught that

33:18

as a kid, but she was

33:20

going to hell. Me too. Yeah,

33:22

that's the deal. I left Mormonism,

33:25

not to mention being gay. That

33:27

is the sin worse than murder.

33:29

I'm going to eternal darkness. Yes.

33:31

Yeah. Except that is not what

33:33

sets my soul free. And I

33:36

refuse to meet things that are

33:38

just told to me arbitrarily by

33:40

my culture when they don't set

33:42

me free. That, no, I'm not

33:44

going to stop with their bullshit

33:47

stories. I'm going to keep digging

33:49

in. What's your brother's name? Peter.

33:52

Peter's gone. Can you be sure that's true? Oh

33:54

yeah. Now ask it a second time only this.

33:56

time, drop it down

33:59

into the deepest interior part

34:01

of yourself. Like if

34:03

it's infinite out, there's also

34:05

an infinite in. Drop

34:08

that question in and wait for a

34:10

response from the deepest part of yourself.

34:14

Peter's gone. Can I

34:16

absolutely know that? That is true. No,

34:21

It's not true. I know that. I

34:23

just got me the

34:26

chill of truth. Like,

34:28

feel that? Yeah, but it's so

34:30

difficult for me because See,

34:32

I feel so conflicted around even

34:34

saying that out loud because it conflicts

34:36

with not just the things that

34:38

I was taught, but then I had

34:40

to rebel against everything that I

34:42

was taught in order to be in

34:44

my body and to leave my

34:46

home and to be able to live

34:48

the life that I did. So

34:50

I went through atheism and then agnosticism

34:52

and then I met Glennon who

34:54

is like very, you know, Jesus minded

34:56

and I'm just like, all of

34:58

it's so fucking confusing. And the truth

35:00

is we will never know. what happens

35:03

until it happens to us? Absolutely. And

35:05

so even like these stories that I

35:07

make up, even the positive stories, I

35:09

don't know if that's even true. Exactly,

35:11

we can know that this guru I

35:13

love who says the only true thing

35:15

the mind can say is I do.

35:17

not know. Yeah. But it's

35:20

very different to live in what's

35:22

called don't know mind, which is

35:24

common in Asian philosophy where you're

35:26

not projecting stories. You're actually in

35:28

the present moment and you're very,

35:30

very sensitive to what's happening. in

35:32

and around you. When my father, I was,

35:35

I wrote a book about. many

35:37

things, leaving Mormonism. He sexually abused me, the

35:39

whole thing. He was 95 when I published

35:41

that book and I couldn't understand why I

35:43

felt I had to write it while he

35:45

was still alive. But the

35:47

day it came out when the New York

35:49

Times was doing a whole covered

35:52

on the art section.

35:54

and I was getting

35:56

like death threats and my family wanted

35:58

to put me in prison. everything. and

36:00

I And I woke up four in the morning. with

36:03

his his overwhelming sense of my

36:05

father's presence, but it was beautiful.

36:07

was like a It was like a

36:09

symphony, was like I'd been hearing

36:12

him through a a staticky this beautiful

36:14

song, and it and it was just

36:16

glorious. I sat there I sat there for

36:18

two hours. I got up and got then

36:20

I got up and got ready for the day and I

36:22

I I guess it's because both of our truths are out

36:24

there. out there. And And then as I was doing

36:26

an interview, someone came in and said, your father

36:29

died at four o 'clock this morning. your father died

36:31

at o'clock had no

36:33

investment I had no investment I in,

36:36

him, I I love him, but I didn't

36:38

necessarily need him to be alive to

36:40

be happy. need So I didn't really have

36:42

a dog in the race. I didn't really have

36:44

a dog in the Whatever it

36:46

was. whatever it me so so

36:48

tangibly. And it stayed it

36:51

stayed with me through this book tour

36:53

I I had to have guards and

36:55

people, you know, know, getting frisked for

36:57

guns, coming into book readings and stuff.

36:59

And I would hear him singing. hear him

37:02

singing, like from the the songs

37:04

that he would never have sung.

37:06

would never it was his voice. was

37:08

his voice. And he was was there

37:10

the whole time. So powerfully, like

37:12

all the... fathering fathering he

37:14

did was kind of made up

37:16

for in the month of great fathering

37:18

he did once he died. did once he

37:20

died. This is just another story. story. Was

37:23

it really? I don't know. Of

37:25

course I know. know. Is the religious

37:27

story true? Is the religious

37:29

story true? says this is

37:32

the way it is, says you. way

37:34

It is not. It is You do

37:36

not know that. You're just a

37:38

little monkey in shoes like me.

37:40

Stop pretending you know shit. in shoes

37:42

like me. Stop But

37:44

then you. No in the But

37:47

know. in the I don't And sometimes

37:49

you feel him. you

37:51

feel him. And And sometimes you

37:53

feel that when you say we all when you say

37:55

we all just buried, and and get the the

37:57

end. it's like, oh, it's like, oh, that doesn't set me

37:59

free. A religion doesn't set

38:02

me free. What if I

38:04

just leave my mind wide

38:06

open and walk into the

38:08

mystery? That's what this guy

38:10

behind me is doing. He's

38:12

not walking into certainty. He's

38:14

walking into the mystery. Isn't

38:16

maybe that like the most

38:19

brave? I think you know,

38:21

Abby. I think you just

38:23

said the truth. Yeah, isn't

38:25

that the right way? It's

38:27

not the right way, but

38:29

it is the brave way.

38:31

That's the thing I just

38:33

I haven't known like the

38:35

direction to take the thought

38:38

or the fear Yeah, this

38:40

has been a Huge suffering

38:42

point for me throughout my

38:44

entire life Yeah, and it's

38:46

like I can attach myself

38:48

to the brave way because

38:50

that's the truest way you

38:52

know the hero in your

38:55

story absolutely Okay, and the

38:57

heroic story is not to

38:59

allow any religious dogma to

39:01

determine what you think about

39:03

death, and it is not

39:05

to let atheistic science, which

39:07

is just as dogmatic as

39:09

religion, tell you what death

39:11

is, leave your mind and

39:14

your senses open the way

39:16

they are open when you're

39:18

on the soccer field playing

39:20

ball, be present in that

39:22

moment, and you will meet

39:24

in their energy people that

39:26

you've lost to death. What

39:28

is it? I don't know,

39:31

but it feels like freedom.

39:33

Hmm. All right. Well, this

39:35

is good. Also, let me

39:37

just say in the words

39:39

of my Australian wife, sucks,

39:41

might? Sucks! Yeah. Maybe you've

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know We

42:04

were talking the other night in bed

42:06

about this, which bed about this, which is

42:09

an ongoing forever

42:11

eternal conversation. eternal conversation.

42:14

And Abby was saying we

42:16

were discussing the possibility of

42:18

an afterlife and what it

42:20

could be and what it could

42:23

be and what even another

42:25

place existing and how insane

42:27

that is to think

42:29

about. then I was

42:31

like, well, about. what makes

42:33

me confused about people not

42:35

even possibly believing there could

42:37

be another existence is that

42:39

we're in an existence right Right

42:42

now! I'm doing doing it. It's

42:44

like, I'm I'm having, there

42:46

how could there possibly be another

42:48

place where there's beautiful rivers? I'm

42:50

like, I'm looking outside right now. right

42:52

now. I see an ocean. I am I am

42:54

in this in this place. I feel

42:56

like it's like a bunch of

42:58

people at a party sitting around

43:00

going going... They're sure as hell

43:02

is not another party. another what

43:04

kind of idiot would believe

43:06

another party exists? believe another party exists? Yeah,

43:08

make me laugh, I cough, me

43:10

but I I this so much.

43:13

I'm willing to cough, but it's

43:15

hilarious. to cough, that is People

43:17

say. people say, I I think I

43:19

can move things with my mind alone. alone.

43:21

Oh look, I just did it. No

43:23

one. How are you doing that? They're

43:25

moving their hands up and down. You're

43:28

moving their hands with your mind. And

43:30

one philosopher says, nobody has

43:32

any idea why consciousness can inhabit

43:34

a physical form. And no

43:36

one even has the slightest idea

43:38

what it would be like

43:40

to understand how consciousness can animate

43:43

a physical being. animate knows it.

43:45

being. doesn't know. We don't understand

43:47

a thing about it. understand a thing

43:49

about it. But thing we do do know.

43:51

as you said, is is, we are,

43:53

or at least we're least we're wondering where

43:55

we are. So, by the way, the way,

43:57

to situation, you you know.

44:00

Descartes, the great philosopher, he said, that

44:02

he I think therefore I am.

44:04

that's not what he said. He

44:06

he said, am. But that's sum, he said,

44:08

I don't know what's going on, I

44:10

don't have a clue. going on. But

44:13

that means something here is thinking, so

44:15

I must exist. here It was doubt,

44:17

so I it was an open mind. It

44:19

was doubt. It celebration

44:21

of mind, not a celebration

44:24

of thinking. Right? Oh. Yeah, and

44:26

by the way, there the way, of there

44:28

are a lot of physicists right

44:30

now who believe seven more dimensions

44:32

are unfolded within every point of

44:34

space every point we can't perceive them. we

44:37

are levels and levels and levels

44:39

of existence and are on of of

44:41

existence that we as of existence that we as

44:43

can't understand. can't We can't. we We can't,

44:46

so Like echolocation. make an echolocation. Yes. And he wants

44:48

do that. time they say, do

44:50

I'm like, you're telling me a

44:52

shark can tell the distance of

44:54

its prey the there's some kind of

44:56

prey force field surrounding it, of we

44:59

think we don't have gut instinct.

45:01

it. Yep. But right. we don't have actually people

45:03

learn to echolocate. Blind people learn to

45:05

to echolocate by clicking. sometimes And

45:07

then the sound bounces off objects. sound

45:09

Hey, try this one on. Hey, try

45:12

is an artist named artist named Astrof Armegan

45:14

in who was born. born... with one eye

45:16

the size of a lentil, which is

45:18

totally non -functional. The other eye just

45:21

isn't there. other eye This person. there. This person

45:23

realistic portraits and landscapes. and

45:25

He is an artist

45:27

by artist by He has no

45:29

eyes, he was born

45:31

without them. all these And all

45:33

these different, went and and did a

45:35

study on him just to make

45:37

sure he wasn't cheating. He's really

45:39

doing it. He's the hell is that

45:41

happening? that And we think we

45:43

understand the universe. the universe! It's

45:46

not understanding. No, listen, No,

45:48

pod squad does not squad does not

45:50

need to. What is Glenn and anxious about?

45:52

we want to know what one is anxious I don't think

45:54

we need to, but. we need to, but we can

45:56

can do one real quick if you

45:58

want, but I just so love that. thing about

46:00

Descartes because it's what makes me

46:02

feel like I exist as the

46:04

doubting. It's like the existing in

46:07

the most vibrant existence is at

46:09

first always a rejection. It's like

46:11

when you are just parroting when

46:13

a religious leader is just giving

46:15

you dogma and you are just

46:17

soaking it in and repeating it.

46:19

to me that's like not vibrant

46:22

existence. No. I love that that

46:24

quote starts with the doubting is

46:26

the beginning of existence. It proves

46:28

that there's a chemical reaction happening

46:30

between what you're saying to me

46:32

and what is inside of me

46:34

that is creating a third thing

46:36

and that is proof that I

46:39

exist. It starts with my rejection

46:41

of swallowing what you're saying I'm

46:43

adding myself. Exactly. It's the creativity.

46:45

It's the right brain stuff. Yes.

46:47

It's like I see your things.

46:49

I see your facts. And I'm

46:51

adding this like exactly. Exactly. I

46:54

will consider it in the field

46:56

of not knowing where I live.

46:58

There's a terrific neurological researcher named

47:00

Andrew Newberg, who's written a lot

47:02

about spirituality in the brain, and

47:04

he himself had this experience early

47:06

in his life, where he was

47:08

in agony trying to figure out

47:11

what was real. And one day

47:13

he found himself in what he

47:15

calls the infinite sea of doubt.

47:17

And it sounds odd, but he

47:19

said it was warm, it was

47:21

sweet, it was... Boyant, it cared

47:23

about me. That was my experience

47:26

with the white light that came

47:28

to me in the surgery. And

47:30

he just calls it the field

47:32

of infinite doubt. But it's conscious

47:34

and it loves us. Why not?

47:36

That's a story. We might as

47:38

well believe it. It's just as

47:40

good as, you know, you lie

47:43

down, stop talking and we bury

47:45

you and walk away. I will

47:47

bring one up and I think

47:49

you could probably do it quickly

47:51

because I've heard you talk about

47:53

it as Perhaps one of yours,

47:55

which is why I'm not to

47:58

to bring it

48:00

up. I will try

48:02

to explain it as a know

48:06

how to be a peaceful,

48:08

vibrant. goddess

48:11

of the human being, Uh -huh,

48:13

as long. as

48:15

47 conditions are

48:17

present. to make me and

48:19

they all are related to my

48:21

body. I am so

48:23

Interesting. So scared. of not

48:27

sleeping. So I have

48:29

to have all of these

48:31

things in line. I'm afraid of

48:33

different, not having my specific

48:35

foods, not having my specific, whatever

48:37

the hell it is that

48:39

month that I believe like a

48:41

magic potion is making me

48:44

have. a liveness. end.

48:47

So it narrows my life

48:49

in terms of travel,

48:51

in terms of new experiences,

48:53

because I could live I

48:56

could live a solid month. and

48:58

be my version of peaceful and

49:01

happy and never leave my house.

49:03

Oh, me too. Okay. Oh, lockdown

49:05

was heaven for me. I'm an

49:07

introvert and I don't like people.

49:09

But I love humanity and would

49:11

die for any of you. Yes.

49:14

But I'm just a paranoid introvert

49:16

at heart. But I think this

49:18

is really exciting because I think

49:20

you're actually ready to experience this

49:22

experience. because you say that, but you've

49:24

also, you know, the stuff that I'm telling

49:26

you, and you've talked to brilliant people from

49:28

all over the world and everything, and you're

49:31

brilliant yourself and these guys are there to

49:33

support you. So it's not a big deal,

49:35

but. if you can go into

49:37

don't no mind. where it's

49:39

peaceful and joyful, but when you're in

49:41

a sea of loving, compassionate, not

49:43

knowing. but just going through it,

49:45

like if you're present in your

49:47

current space, that's the first thing. See

49:49

-A -T, get calm and present in

49:52

the current space, right? Nothing's

49:54

to attack you right in this

49:56

very moment. when I talked to Jill

49:58

Bulty Taylor about what the world

50:01

was like when her left hemisphere

50:03

was offline. This brain scientist who

50:05

had a big left hemisphere stroke,

50:07

she said there's no anxiety in

50:09

the right hemisphere because there's no

50:11

time. So we're just right here.

50:13

So here we are. And there

50:15

are all these conditions that you

50:17

think are necessary to make your

50:19

physical self vital and alive and

50:21

feeling good. Yeah? So I started

50:24

doing this research and I came

50:26

up with this idea that creativity

50:28

is the opposite of anxiety and

50:30

that if you go into creativity

50:32

You're going to leave your anxiety

50:34

behind and I experimented on myself

50:36

and I did it religiously and

50:38

I got to a place I

50:40

did a lot of arty things

50:42

Then I started to experience transcendent

50:44

things and then The exact fears

50:47

you're talking about my deepest fears

50:49

were very much like these and

50:51

I started experiencing what felt and

50:53

still feel like miracles. Insomny, it

50:55

was my number one fear, had

50:57

it my whole damn life. I

50:59

met these three Canadian women who

51:01

run a thing called sleep underscore

51:03

works. You can Google it. They

51:05

said, we can fix your your

51:07

sleep cycle. And I said, no,

51:10

you can't. I once took a

51:12

drug that literal, they said, Put

51:14

yourself, empty your bladder and then

51:16

arrange yourself exactly the way you

51:18

want to sleep and then drink

51:20

this liquid because you're not going

51:22

to move for four hours and

51:24

you will pee yourself if your

51:26

bladder is full. And you won't

51:28

record memories, I took the thing,

51:30

I waited 45 minutes later I

51:33

got up and started to learn

51:35

to play the ukulelei. Yes, I

51:37

remember that night. It was horrible.

51:39

I did not sleep at all.

51:41

These Canadian women. And dude. They

51:43

did things that have to do

51:45

with the way you're exposed to

51:47

light and the way you're exposed

51:49

to temperature. And after about two

51:51

weeks, I felt melatonin come into

51:53

my brain for the very first

51:56

time. And I was like, oh

51:58

my God, I'm going to fall

52:00

as... sleep without meaning to.

52:03

I never felt that.

52:05

Yeah, years old. You can

52:07

years old. But that you

52:09

can learn to sleep. But that

52:11

miracle came to me. time. same time,

52:13

then the next email said, are You

52:15

are invited to go on a seven

52:17

day walk in England. We will be walking

52:19

85 miles, to 10 to 12 miles a

52:21

day. have Now I have not walked for

52:24

10 years my I broke my foot, it

52:26

healed badly. I It was a mess, I

52:28

couldn't walk for like five years then

52:30

I had surgery, surgery, I couldn't walk for

52:32

five more years. five more So I'm all I'm

52:34

all and old and what the hell? old and

52:36

what The next email said, you have a

52:38

free round a to London from British Airways.

52:40

London from like, Airways. I'm

52:42

supposed to do this. think I'm

52:44

I started walking. walking. even

52:46

though I had all kinds of pain and

52:48

all kinds of fear and it brought up

52:51

every anxiety I had about physical pain and

52:53

they I many. And last

52:55

October I went to England. last I

52:57

had to skip a day

52:59

because my son was sick, but

53:01

I I had to in six days

53:03

son was sick but I it. in six days and

53:05

loved it. wasn't supposed to happen

53:07

in my supposed to happen in my 60s. Then

53:09

like I could go through a

53:11

list of things, everything that I

53:13

am most deeply afraid of was

53:15

given to me of then healed. me and

53:18

then It just starts to be magic. Anxiety

53:20

pulls us out of what we're

53:22

meant to be, is let us

53:24

face it, witches, which is, let us face it,

53:26

'all know that's what we are. know

53:28

that's they're coming for us. That's all

53:30

right, they're coming for sociologists sociologists anyway.

53:33

They are, they don't teach it

53:35

in Florida anymore cause it's too

53:37

left wing. because it's too left wing. But...

53:39

Glynan, let's tell a few new

53:41

stories about these fears. about these fears.

53:43

So the biggest the fear, what

53:45

is it for you? fear,

53:47

getting sick for you? feeling

53:50

bad, Or feeling tired,

53:52

feeling tired, not

53:54

feeling right. feeling right. bad, feeling

53:56

off, not feeling right. All right. right.

53:59

All right. So, there is a

54:01

belief in the brain that says,

54:03

feeling bad is bad. Pretty solid

54:05

story. But can you be sure?

54:08

It's true. Doing hard things often

54:10

feels what we might see is

54:12

bad. Like, if you're climbing a

54:14

mountain and you're at the very

54:16

peak capacity and your muscles are

54:19

straining and you're hanging on by

54:21

your fingernails, you have bad feelings.

54:23

There's pain. There's a rock under

54:25

your finger now. There's scratches on

54:27

your knees. Your shoulders feel like

54:30

they're being ripped out of their

54:32

sockets. And then you get up

54:34

on a little ledge and you've

54:36

done it. That is actually the

54:39

condition for flow, which is the

54:41

most, the greatest sense of bliss

54:43

that humans can experience. Being at

54:45

the outside edge of capability, where

54:47

it is really uncomfortable and mastering

54:50

it. And you happen to marry

54:52

someone who's a master of it.

54:54

So, feeling bad is always bad.

54:56

Is that true? No. No. And

54:58

how do you feel? And how

55:01

do you react? And what happens

55:03

when you think the thought feeling

55:05

bad is bad? It feels constricty.

55:07

Yeah, that's the anxiety spiral tightening

55:10

on you. It does not feel

55:12

like freedom. It is not enlightenment.

55:14

So who would you be if

55:16

it were impossible? This is the

55:18

Byron Katie work, by the way.

55:21

If it were impossible for you

55:23

to think painful feelings, bad feelings

55:25

are bad. You couldn't think that

55:27

thought. Animals don't think that thought.

55:29

There is pain and there is

55:32

not pain. They don't sit around

55:34

thinking about how bad it is.

55:36

They just are there. Well, I

55:38

guess I would avoid less things.

55:41

It feels like that's what animals

55:43

don't do, right? They don't avoid

55:45

based on... beliefs they have about

55:47

things. They don't have any beliefs,

55:49

yeah. Right. My dog has a

55:52

few, but... So I guess I

55:54

would not avoid things. Yeah, they

55:56

don't avoid things they love. They

55:58

avoid things that seem dangerous or

56:00

unpleasant. Yeah, because they're not afraid

56:03

of being ashamed, humiliated, attacked if

56:05

they don't do the thing. They're

56:07

going to stay away from things

56:09

they don't want, but they're going

56:12

to really go toward things they

56:14

love. Without without any particular... negative

56:16

sensations or emotions or not. They're

56:18

sort of up for it. All

56:20

right. I just remember what Jill

56:23

told me, you know, when she

56:25

was without that left hemisphere anxiety,

56:27

she was in a state of

56:29

perpetual awe and glory, like beauty

56:31

bliss. She said they thought scientists

56:34

say that left hemisphere strokes make

56:36

people depressed because they cry a

56:38

lot. She said I wasn't crying

56:40

because I wasn't crying because I

56:43

was in. pain or in depression,

56:45

I was crying because I was

56:47

in awe all the time. And

56:49

Martha, was she an awe? She

56:51

was in awe of just what

56:54

was around her. See, this is

56:56

my question. Yeah. Yeah. Is it

56:58

possible? I feel like I love

57:00

my life. in my house. Like

57:02

I love my people. I love

57:05

my living room. I love doing

57:07

little creative things at my table.

57:09

I love going for a walk

57:11

and I feel like I'm supposed

57:14

to want when I travel. I'm

57:16

like, I'm at this beautiful place

57:18

and I'm like, okay. I wouldn't

57:20

why are you doing it? Exactly.

57:22

Why are you doing it? I'm

57:25

serious. Why the hell are you

57:27

leaving when everything so perfect at

57:29

home? Why would you do that?

57:31

Why would you do that? Because

57:33

experiences also expand us. Because Bobby

57:36

tells me I have to. Well,

57:38

that's a story, isn't it? Well,

57:40

it's a truth for me. It

57:42

might not be a truth for

57:45

you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean

57:47

to cut you down. I respect

57:49

your truth, and I have had

57:51

voyages of dis- right in the

57:53

in the chair

57:56

where I'm sitting

57:58

now. Just as good

58:00

as good as

58:02

anything I've ever

58:04

traveled. That is why sometimes why know I

58:06

don't know I haven't left the house

58:09

for a week. because I I a a

58:11

week of great adventure. not?

58:13

Every Why would you not? different and one of

58:15

us is different. And yeah, we make compromises

58:17

to be with each other and to learn

58:19

each other's and share those those things. And if

58:21

they're fun, keep doing them. them. But don't do

58:23

if If you don't wanna do them, it's

58:25

that simple. That was the integrity thing.

58:27

thing. Know what you really know, feel what you

58:29

really feel, you say what you really mean and

58:31

do what you really want. and do what you

58:34

really how do you know,

58:36

then, Martha, if you're not

58:38

doing something because something.

58:40

satisfied in you're deeply

58:42

satisfied in what you're already doing,

58:44

doing you're not doing something because

58:46

you are afraid of the

58:48

friction you? will cause you. is that when

58:50

difference is that when you're

58:52

doing something out of deep satisfaction,

58:54

you feel deeply satisfied. And

58:56

when you're doing something out of fear, out

58:59

you're afraid. you're afraid. So if a to go

59:01

out, but she's like, out, but she's

59:03

that's a fear reaction. But if

59:05

she's just like, just like, oh look at

59:07

these. I have made I table

59:09

full of of beads whatever. And And I

59:11

am just gonna sit here making

59:13

precious, pointless things things. it's joyful. I

59:15

did an I did an experiment in January of

59:17

lockdown year. Every day I just got up and

59:19

I said, what will happen if I only

59:21

do right I things? So I would get up

59:24

and start drawing. up drawn for a long, long

59:26

time, drew a lot as a kid a all

59:28

that. time, drew a And I said, a

59:30

kid start with drawing And I on from

59:32

there. with I never moved on from there.

59:34

I started drawing and then painting 20

59:36

hours a day. I was waking up

59:38

at hours a the morning to go paint.

59:40

up at four in the morning to go paint. I on

59:42

it. I was it. I was so... excited

59:44

all the time. was like, like, this is

59:47

so fun! then I was then I was

59:49

supposed to stop. I could I

59:51

could not. I couldn't. So I called

59:53

my IFS therapist I said to her, I I

59:55

said to her, stop need you to

59:57

stop me from pain. all day. And

59:59

she said Why? And I said, well,

1:00:01

because I have to do other

1:00:03

things. And she said, why? And

1:00:05

I said, because it's not normal

1:00:08

to paint all day. She said,

1:00:10

well, go inside and find the

1:00:12

true self and ask it what

1:00:14

it thinks. I was like, OK.

1:00:16

All right. And I was like,

1:00:18

it's not working. My true self

1:00:20

doesn't think I should stop painting.

1:00:23

And she's like, all right. And

1:00:25

then she said, this very, very

1:00:27

brilliant professional. And she says, full

1:00:29

disclosure. I am taking an oil

1:00:31

painting class and I also cannot

1:00:33

stop. He's like, I'm a bit

1:00:35

conflicted out of this, you're going

1:00:38

to need it in there. How

1:00:40

awesome is that? And I have

1:00:42

noticed, this is why Row and

1:00:44

I made our online community of

1:00:46

creatives, I have noticed creativity rising

1:00:48

in the very people who are

1:00:50

the opposite of the actors at

1:00:53

the top of our government and

1:00:55

so on. that we're all a

1:00:57

bit nervous about, right? And there

1:00:59

are people who are going to

1:01:01

fight them through politics, through policies.

1:01:03

I have great honor and respect

1:01:05

for those people. But to go

1:01:08

into the other part of the

1:01:10

brain and begin to create, like

1:01:12

in your living room, is I

1:01:14

believe a far more seditious act.

1:01:16

It undermines the structures based on

1:01:18

fear. Making art out of joy

1:01:20

and celebrating it and making things

1:01:23

with one another, it undermines the

1:01:25

structures of white supremacist patriarchy. It

1:01:27

is so many people from other

1:01:29

cultures will tell us that they've

1:01:31

known it all along. Look, do

1:01:33

whatever is making you happy in

1:01:35

your house and get rid of

1:01:38

the stupid story. that says you

1:01:40

should do anything except what makes

1:01:42

you happy. That makes no sense

1:01:44

to me. That's a wrap, y'all.

1:01:46

Does that help? It helps so

1:01:48

much. I can't wait to get

1:01:50

up and be done with this

1:01:53

podcast and go nowhere. Yes, me

1:01:55

too. I'm just going to literally

1:01:57

pick. up my palate

1:01:59

just keep drawing

1:02:01

doing Which is what I was doing is we

1:02:03

got... I was doing when we got online. I love you so

1:02:05

I love you so much the

1:02:07

world. Just so the world just so

1:02:09

grateful and I'm just a give

1:02:12

a hug to all your

1:02:14

entire family all of you. I think Rowan

1:02:16

might of you. think Rowan might

1:02:18

be present there. just feel Okay. But

1:02:20

be. a cat there's a cat says, that

1:02:22

says, love love you, love you love

1:02:24

you, love you, love you, you,

1:02:26

love you. That's always how I

1:02:28

feel when I see the three

1:02:30

of you. three of you. And we're back

1:02:32

to cat, Okay. One more time. Calm,

1:02:34

calm, artistic, that is Artistic. is creative in

1:02:36

any way. then transcendent. And this has has

1:02:38

been a lot of fun for me, but

1:02:40

I also can also can the grief

1:02:42

in in heart. and surrounding that

1:02:44

in the gentlest, warmest, most

1:02:47

loving. loving energy I

1:02:49

can can send you and I

1:02:51

promise you it gets transmuted

1:02:53

into something beautiful There's

1:02:55

an an to this and I know

1:02:57

that you know how to use

1:02:59

it. use it. I'm I'm getting there. I

1:03:01

feel starting to happen. to happen.

1:03:04

know you know You know, you know,

1:03:06

we'll see you next time We'll see you

1:03:08

next time. Go get get beyond anxiety They're

1:03:11

all going together beyond anxiety.

1:03:13

You're all going to

1:03:15

get beyond the anxiety

1:03:18

together. If this this

1:03:20

podcast means something to you, it

1:03:22

would mean so much to us.

1:03:24

If you'd be willing to take to

1:03:26

seconds to do these three things.

1:03:28

First, can you please follow or

1:03:30

subscribe to We Can Do Hard

1:03:32

Things? helps the pod helps you

1:03:34

because you'll never miss an episode it

1:03:36

it helps us because you'll never

1:03:38

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1:03:40

just go to the We Can

1:03:42

Do Hard Things show page on

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1:03:46

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1:03:54

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us a five -star rating and review and

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be so grateful. We We appreciate

1:04:02

you very much. can do hard Do

1:04:05

Hard Things is created and

1:04:07

hosted by by Doyle, Doyle, Abby and

1:04:09

Amanda Doyle in partnership with Odyssey.

1:04:12

Our executive producer is

1:04:14

Jenna Wise producer show is

1:04:16

produced by Lauren This show

1:04:18

is produced by Lauren and Bill

1:04:20

Shot, Dana Kleiner, and Bill Schultz.