2:03

Hello there! If

2:05

you don't mind waiting just a

2:08

moment while we get ready, we're

2:11

actually trying something new. We're

2:15

formalizing our process.

2:17

So this is an exciting time to be

2:20

here. I've actually written something

2:22

up, so I think I'm pretty

2:25

proud of it. It's cool. Where

2:27

am I? I'm going to start with all of your questions

2:30

until the presentation is complete. Everything

2:33

will be answered in time. Okay,

2:36

I think I'm ready. You

2:38

may approach the counter. Welcome

2:49

to Desert Skies, Traveler. Your

2:52

journey through the physical plane

2:54

has come to an end. But

2:57

we are so glad you're

3:00

here. And I know

3:02

what you're thinking. Where is

3:05

here exactly? I'll

3:07

do my best to explain. Desert

3:11

Skies Astral Plane Fuel and Service Station

3:13

exists on the lowest sphere

3:16

of existence between life

3:18

and death. Or as

3:20

we like to say around here, between

3:23

life and the next life. You

3:27

have no more reason to

3:29

be afraid. No more reason

3:32

to fret, nor worry. Whatever

3:35

your needs, we are here to

3:37

help. My colleague

3:39

here is the mechanic, or Mac

3:42

for short. It

3:45

is his job to service your vehicle

3:48

in preparation for the journey

3:50

across the celestial spheres. I

3:54

am the attendant, or tendie for

3:57

short. I told you not to call me that in front

3:59

of the travelers. I think it puts

4:01

them at E. I'm trying to create

4:04

an error of mystique. Yeah, well

4:06

that's stupid. Yeah, well nobody asked you. Um,

4:10

what's going on? Like

4:12

I said, I am the attendant. It

4:14

is my job to ensure you have adequate

4:17

provisions and are well instructed in

4:19

navigating the journey through

4:21

the celestial spheres. Now,

4:26

let me tell you about a selection of products

4:28

available and any associated

4:31

promotions. Wait

4:34

a second here. What's

4:37

your favorite? What's your favorite? What's

4:41

your favorite? We have all of

4:43

your road trip favorites. Chips,

4:46

sodas, sunflowers, seeds, pickled

4:49

pig's feet that induce a devastating

4:52

degree of sadness. It's

4:54

a trip. Um, that's

4:57

Max's favorite, actually. It's just

4:59

nice to feel something. Before

5:01

hitting the road, how about one

5:03

last trip south of the border? We

5:06

have an impressive selection of over 34 varieties

5:09

of microwavable burritos. Everything

5:12

from breakfast, brunch, lunch,

5:15

dinner, dessert, and various

5:19

other flavors. Right

5:21

now, if you grab three, you'll

5:24

receive a portable microwave to take

5:26

with you on your journey. It

5:28

has a little cigarette lighter adapter.

5:31

Hell of a deal if you ask me.

5:35

Are you dealing with the regret

5:38

of never having accomplished anything

5:40

significant in your life? Punish

5:43

yourself appropriately with some

5:45

Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Do not, enough, turn off the

5:47

music. What's wrong? Was

5:51

I reading too fast? That's

5:53

fine. I can start over. Where's

5:56

the rewind? No, no, don't do it again.

6:00

Look,

6:01

I need some answers. Five

6:03

minutes ago, I'm sitting at home eating a

6:05

plate of toaster waffles. Next

6:07

thing I know, I'm driving down a deserted

6:10

highway, then pulling into a gas station

6:12

in the middle of God knows where, and

6:14

you start reading off some brain melting specials

6:17

of the day with Gimli here. I

6:19

just want to know what's really going on. Give

6:22

it to me straight. Am I high right

6:24

now? Possibly, but that's irrelevant.

6:28

You're here because you're dead. This

6:31

is your last stop on your way to

6:34

the great beyond. It's our

6:36

job to make sure you're prepared for the ride.

6:38

Uh-huh. And what if I don't believe

6:41

you? What if this is all just

6:43

some kind of sick dream, huh? Some

6:45

elaborate prank? Look, I

6:48

understand this experience can

6:50

be jarring. Especially

6:54

if your death was sudden

6:56

or unexpected. I

6:59

can't remember, but I probably went through the same

7:01

emotions you're experiencing right now. For

7:03

the sake of argument,

7:05

let's say you're telling me the truth. What's

7:07

to keep me from driving back the direction

7:10

I came from, huh? High-tailing

7:12

it back to my living room.

7:14

No pun intended. There's

7:17

nothing keeping you from that. I mean,

7:19

we can't stop you, but

7:22

I don't recommend it. Yeah, and why's that? Microwaveable

7:26

burritos. What? What

7:28

is that supposed to mean? I'll show you.

7:31

Come on, follow me. Our

7:36

microwavable burrito selection.

7:38

Currently, there are 34 varieties. If

7:42

you drive back the way you came, there's going

7:44

to be 35. Here,

7:47

take a look at this package. What do you see?

7:49

It says, Gutbuster brand microwavable

7:52

burritos. And there's

7:54

a face, lady with red hair.

7:57

Alice's Chicken-Aller King style. Read

8:01

the back. Okay.

8:05

This delicious microwaveable snack

8:08

is dedicated to Alice McDougall,

8:10

who attempted to return to the physical realm

8:13

and retrieve her beloved cat Wallace.

8:16

We honor her brave effort.

8:19

What the hell is this?

8:21

Just keep reading.

8:22

In accordance with the governing rules of the Astral

8:25

Plane, the full essence of this individual's

8:27

existence, desires, purpose,

8:29

and romantic history has been meticulously

8:32

crafted into this artisan-style

8:35

burrito.

8:36

Taste the flavor of life.

8:40

So there's ground-up lady in here?

8:42

Uh, no? God,

8:45

no. That's... that's disgusting.

8:49

This isn't her physically. It's the

8:51

flavor and texture of her existence. Which

8:54

apparently tastes like diced chicken

8:57

in a cream sauce. It's... it's actually pretty

9:00

good. Congratulations, friend. I've

9:02

heard some crazy shit in my life, but I've

9:04

never heard anything like that.

9:09

But you know...

9:12

that I'd be chicken. Some kind

9:14

of chicken burrito. Why

9:16

do you say that? I saw it on one

9:18

of those placemats at a Chinese restaurant. I

9:21

was born in the year of the chicken. I

9:23

think you mean rooster. Really?

9:25

I always thought it was chicken.

9:29

I think I'd rather be a chicken than a cock. You

9:32

know?

9:34

Oh, God. I need a cigarette.

9:36

You got those? Huh? A brand

9:39

that doesn't taste like devastating sadness

9:41

or contain the essence of someone's great-grandma?

9:44

You're... have one of mine.

9:45

Thank God. Something I can actually

9:48

use. I

9:50

know these things are awful for you. I'm

9:52

not sure you gotta worry about that anymore.

9:56

Come on, buddy. Let's take a look at that car

9:58

of yours. the other thing I don't even

10:01

own a car then boom I'm

10:03

suddenly cruising down the highway in a Buick

10:05

Skylark. That's one hell of a car.

10:07

Sure I'm not complaining but that's

10:09

not my automobile. And this isn't

10:12

my beard's natural color yet

10:14

here we are. Come on let's

10:17

get you road ready. Hey Nintendo

10:20

or whatever your name is you

10:22

really telling me I'm dead? It's attendant

10:25

and yeah you

10:28

you are sorry friend.

10:30

Well ain't that just a kick in the pants. One

10:33

more question this

10:35

place at the end of the road

10:40

what's it like?

10:41

Is it nice? Yeah it's

10:45

real nice. Huh that's

10:47

good to know I guess.

10:50

Look come come back and see me before taking

10:52

off okay. Whatever you want

10:54

Lord of the Underworld. Hey

11:03

Cast Register. Hello

11:05

attendant.

11:06

How can I be of service? I

11:09

always tell people that what lies at

11:11

the end of the road is a nice

11:14

place.

11:15

You excel at putting our travelers at

11:17

ease attendant.

11:18

Um yeah sure but

11:21

what if it's a lie? I don't know

11:23

if it's nice or not. For

11:25

all I know it could be a plane of

11:28

non-existence.

11:29

I would assume that even a state

11:32

of non-existence is better than

11:34

having your essence converted into a microwavable

11:37

burrito. Yeah maybe I

11:39

don't know a lot of people

11:41

like burritos. Attendant as

11:43

you know. I'm incapable

11:46

of lying. So you've told me.

11:49

But you're not. I

11:51

can't say for certain but I believe

11:53

that it's given the ability to provide comfort

11:55

to frightened travelers. Able

11:57

to travel but one direction. I

12:00

will allow myself to express confidence

12:02

that they are headed towards a nice

12:05

place, regardless of my

12:07

uncertainty. You really think that's okay?

12:10

Attended. I am just a computational

12:12

assistant and service help register, but

12:14

logically, you tend to believe. With the existence

12:17

of Desert Sky, a national plane,

12:19

fuel and service center dedicated to

12:21

the comfort and safety of travelers

12:24

embarking on their final journey. Well,

12:26

it seems to me that level of intentional

12:28

care would denote a certain

12:29

amount of goodwill on the part of

12:32

our superiors. Our superiors?

12:35

I don't even know who they are. Do you,

12:37

Cash? I'm sorry, Attended, but

12:40

as

12:40

I told you 473 times,

12:43

I'm unable to speak to that subject.

12:45

Unable or not allowed?

12:47

Is there anything else I can assist

12:48

you with, Attended? Um, play

12:51

some music? You got it. Mmhmm.

12:55

Let's do... Contemplative.

13:25

I'm sorry. I'm

13:28

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

13:31

sorry. I'm sorry.

13:35

I'm sorry. I'm

13:37

sorry. I'm

13:40

sorry. I'm sorry.

13:43

Well, he's all set. Where is he at?

13:46

Dude's just sitting in this car with his head resting

13:48

on the steering wheel. I'd

13:51

ask what it gives, but it ain't like I've

13:53

never seen it before. I told them to come back in here.

13:56

What's his story, anyway? Jeez,

13:58

I haven't even ran the report. Cash

14:00

register. How can

14:02

I help you attend it? Request the traveler

14:05

bio for... Oh

14:07

god, I didn't even ask his name. I

14:09

got that from him at least.

14:12

Name's Lawrence Cobb. Requesting

14:14

traveler biography for Lawrence Cobb.

14:20

Alright, let's take a look here. Lawrence

14:23

Cobb. Age, um, 42.

14:27

Looks like it was the toaster waffles that

14:29

did him in. Choked to death watching

14:31

television. When I die, that's

14:34

how I wanna go. Yeah, well, um,

14:37

you are dead, so there's

14:39

that and what? You

14:43

wanna die, uh, choking

14:45

on frozen breakfast foods watching

14:47

TV? You're judgy, you know

14:49

that. Anyway, um,

14:52

born and raised in New York. Managed

14:55

the electronics counter at a department

14:57

store. Fascinating

14:59

stuff, but you know what I want. Yeah,

15:02

I know. There you go, you sick

15:04

little man. Embarrassing childhood

15:07

memories, God, I love these. Look,

15:10

in fourth grade, choked on an ice cube at lunch

15:13

and threw up all over the table. How

15:17

do you even do that? Hmm.

15:21

Says his wife died. Her name

15:24

sounds so familiar. Debra

15:27

Cobb. Debra

15:30

Cobb.

15:32

Deb-a-bruh-cob.

15:35

Cash, do you have a record of a Debra Cobb who

15:37

was married to a Lawrence Cobb? Indeed.

15:40

Debra

15:41

Cobb. Age, 36.

15:45

Sudden death.

15:46

Brain aneurysm. Jesus, that's

15:48

so young. We have so many people come

15:50

through here, Tendi. What

15:53

makes you think you'd remember some random woman? We

15:56

must have had 20,000 Debra's at

15:58

Desert Skies in my time, and- At least

16:00

a handful of Deborah Cobbs. I

16:03

don't know. Some people just

16:05

stick with you, Mac. Yeah, I guess that's

16:07

true. There is that one

16:09

guy who crapped his pants dancing to you. You're

16:11

the one that I want during a school play. I

16:15

still got the report pinned up in my shack. You

16:17

can't make this stuff up. No you

16:20

can't. I

16:22

think I'm gonna check on our traveler. Mr.

16:30

Cobb? Go away, Nintendo. I

16:32

just want to talk real quick. Give

16:35

me 30 seconds.

16:38

Please, Mr. Cobb. Stop

16:41

calling me Mr. Cobb.

16:46

My name is Lawrence. Hey, Lawrence,

16:48

buddy. You've been out here

16:51

a while and we're getting some good news. Worried

16:56

about me? What's there to worry about? I'm already dead.

16:58

Dead is such a weighty word. You

17:01

left a physical plane. So what? It's

17:04

just one plane of existence. This is another. And down that

17:06

road is another. And

17:10

that's your destination. That's

17:14

the next life. That's

17:16

your destination. That's your

17:18

destination. That's your destination. That's

17:22

the next life.

17:24

Yeah, well if

17:26

it's so great, why haven't you driven down that

17:28

road, huh? If it's so

17:30

wonderful, what are you doing out here in

17:32

the plane of God knows what hawking burritos

17:35

with people in them?

17:36

I don't know. What do you mean you don't

17:38

know? You're dead too, right?

17:41

You must have pulled in here just like

17:43

me.

17:44

But you stayed. You're right.

17:47

I mean, I assume

17:49

that's what happened, but I don't

17:51

remember a time when I wasn't working here. When

17:54

I wasn't the attendant. I

17:58

don't remember my life on the physical plane. plane

18:00

or my real name. I have

18:03

no idea who I am

18:05

or even how I died.

18:08

Jesus that's messed up guy. So

18:12

what's to keep you from going now?

18:14

Get in the car. Come on we'll go together.

18:17

I know I'd feel better if someone was with me you know. I'm

18:20

sorry Lawrence I can't. Why

18:23

not? Because I like what I do.

18:26

It may not seem like much to you but

18:29

to me it's everything.

18:33

It's all I've ever known. Do you

18:36

know how many Lawrence Cobbs I've had come through

18:38

here? People like you who get

18:40

behind that wheel and can't seem to turn the

18:43

key? And ninety

18:45

nine point nine percent of the time

18:48

I get them down that road. I

18:50

save them from the burrito plane of existence.

18:55

I help them move on. It might

18:57

not be so bad being a burrito you know.

19:01

A lot of people like burritos. This

19:03

is true.

19:05

You know I had a wife who died

19:07

three years ago. I

19:11

couldn't do anything without her.

19:13

Ever since she's been gone my life's just

19:16

been one pointless day after another.

19:20

She might be up there too huh? Down

19:22

that road?

19:24

How could I not realize that?

19:27

Tell me did a Deborah Cobb ever come

19:29

through this place? She

19:31

did. Yes

19:34

well okay. I'm

19:36

gonna get to see her again. Come inside

19:39

Lawrence. Let's get you what you need. Hey

19:41

you got any of those corn chips shaped like a dunce

19:43

cap? Indeed we do. And

19:45

you didn't do nothing weird to it?

19:48

No need. Those things are

19:51

weird enough on their own. So

19:58

go ahead and take a look around the store. Lawrence and

20:01

meet me at the counter when you're done. Thanks, but

20:03

I can't buy none of this stuff. I don't even

20:05

have my wallet. Then how in

20:07

the hell are you planning to pay for

20:09

all that astral grade fuel I just

20:11

pumped into your Buick? We

20:14

don't take kindly to thieves around here. Hey

20:16

now, wait just a minute. You

20:19

didn't say nothing about no payment. I

20:21

mean, what would you guys even do with money?

20:24

Uh, nothing at all. Mack

20:26

is just being an asshat. Yeah, I'm just

20:28

messing with you buddy. Nobody's

20:30

got money this side of the physical realm. You

20:33

know what they say. You can't take

20:35

it with you when you go. Yeah. Uh,

20:38

like I said, just grab whatever you like

20:41

and I'll be waiting

20:43

for you. Right here. Oh,

20:46

and don't forget to grab

20:49

a map. They're on that rack

20:51

over there by the burrito freezer. There's

20:53

only one main road that you'll need to stay on, but

20:55

there's some interesting sites along the way you might want to check

20:58

out. Oh, also, uh, it gets

21:00

cold once you get past the Martian sphere, so

21:02

it would help to grab a- No,

21:05

no, no. What's wrong? My

21:08

Debbie. What about her? I

21:10

told you. She's been through here,

21:12

Lawrence. She didn't go down that

21:15

road. She

21:17

tried to go back. What are you talking about?

21:20

Come see for yourself. See what? That's

21:23

her face. Right there. Debbie's Waffle

21:25

Stuffed Burrito. Let me see.

21:28

It says this delicious microwavable

21:32

snack is dedicated to Deborah Cobb, who

21:34

attempted to return to the physical plane for

21:36

her dear husband, Lawrence. We

21:44

honor the sacrifice she made in the

21:46

name of love. Damn it. I

21:50

knew I remembered

21:51

that name. My wife. The

21:52

only reason I ever had for living is a burrito.

21:59

Well, a lot of people like burritos.

22:03

Ooo, okay, I should shut up. No,

22:06

you're right.

22:08

A lot of people like burritos.

22:12

But I loved this one,

22:14

and she's gone. For

22:16

a second there, I thought there really was a

22:18

chance we could be together again. I'm

22:22

so sorry, Lawrence. Que

22:25

sera sera.

22:28

Could I have a moment alone, fellas?

22:31

Of course.

22:33

Mac, I'm coming.

22:38

Poor guy. I can't imagine

22:40

what he's feeling. The thoughts

22:43

that have to be going through his head right now. And

22:45

to think that if his wife could have

22:47

just waited, they'd be together

22:50

now. I wonder

22:52

what it feels like, Mac. To

22:55

miss the physical plane. The

22:58

people you left behind. I

23:02

remember things about the physical plane. Real general things.

23:06

Telephones, TVs, wars,

23:08

placemats at Chinese restaurants. But

23:11

I don't remember me. The

23:17

only me I remember is

23:20

the me at Desert Skies. I've

23:24

asked Cass to request a bio so many times I've lost count. And

23:26

every time she says the same thing,

23:29

I'm unable to submit bio request

23:31

for current staff. I

23:35

know I've asked you before, Mac, but you don't remember anything

23:37

else about me when I got here? Just

23:40

the same stuff I told you before, Tindy. You

23:43

showed up, got out of the car,

23:48

walked past me like I wasn't even there, dead silent.

23:51

You went inside. I started

23:54

prepping your vehicle for the journey, and when I went

23:56

to tell you it was ready, you were

23:58

already standing behind the counter. The

24:01

old attendant had slipped out the back and took the car

24:03

and meant for you. I

24:05

guess he was finally ready to hit the road. Funny

24:09

thing is, I never got

24:11

back. Come here. Look

24:14

at this. What's he doing? He's chewing.

24:17

What's that in his hand? That,

24:21

my friend, is Deborah

24:23

Cobb. The full essence

24:25

of her existence, desires, purpose,

24:28

and romantic history meticulously

24:31

crafted into an artisan-style

24:34

burrito. Well, I'll

24:37

be damned. I've never seen

24:39

a man sob and eat a burrito at the same

24:41

time.

24:43

I have.

24:45

You said you'd never mention that again. Hey,

24:49

fellas. Hey,

24:51

Lawrence. You all right? Yeah.

24:54

You know what? I am. I think

24:57

I'm ready to go. But you don't have

24:59

anything. Don't need anything. You

25:02

don't have to, but you sure you

25:04

don't want to grab some snacks for the road? At

25:07

least let me grab you a map. No need. I

25:10

ain't stopping. Well, okay

25:13

then. Sounds like

25:15

you're ready. As I'll ever be.

25:18

Thanks, fellas.

25:19

For everything.

25:39

And that was the last time that we ever saw

25:41

Lawrence Cobb. As

25:44

his tail lights faded into the distance,

25:47

we were reminded of the power of love and

25:50

its ability to cause wandering

25:52

souls to find resolve. Perhaps

25:55

each one of them... Give it a rest, Mac.

25:58

Look. He's

26:00

turning around. Maybe

26:05

he's coming back for something. I don't

26:07

think so. He's not

26:09

slowing down.

26:18

And there he goes. Nothing

26:20

you could have done, Tindy. I

26:23

really thought he was gonna make it. Who's

26:25

to say he didn't? Seems

26:28

to me like he made it exactly where

26:30

he wanted to go.

26:32

The freezer, Al. Come on, Tindy.

26:34

We got a 35th variety now.

26:37

Let's see what it is. We're gonna need

26:39

a bigger freezer. You go ahead.

26:43

I'm gonna submit my traveler report. Hey,

26:47

Cash. Hello,

26:49

attendant. I'd like to submit

26:52

my traveler report for Lawrence

26:54

Cobb.

26:55

I am ready to capture your report.

26:59

Another traveler has coming on.

27:03

Lawrence Cobb never departed for his

27:05

trip across the celestial spheres. It

27:09

seems that he found a reason to

27:11

head the other direction. It's

27:14

different this time, though. He

27:17

wasn't trying to return to the physical plane,

27:19

at least as far as I can tell. He

27:23

knew what the outcome of driving that direction

27:26

would be, and that seemed

27:28

to be his intention. To

27:30

follow the path that his dearly departed

27:32

Deborah had taken just three

27:34

years before. I hope he

27:36

found what he was looking for. That's

27:39

the end of my report, Cash. Pensive and

27:41

distinct, attendant.

27:43

Will you be needing anything else? Yeah. It's

27:46

probably time we requested a second freezer.

27:49

Thirty-four varieties of microwavable burritos

27:51

is just about all we have room for. Looks

27:54

like you're not up to thirty-five varieties just

27:56

yet, bud. What do you mean? There

27:59

you go. Look for yourself. Lawrence

28:02

and Debbie's Chicken and Waffle Stuffed Burrito?

28:04

Uh-huh. And read the back. This

28:07

delicious microwavable snack is

28:10

dedicated to Lawrence and

28:12

Deborah Cobb, whose

28:15

love for one another transcends the boundaries

28:18

of the known planes. May

28:20

their essences enjoy an eternity of artisanal

28:23

bliss together. Chase

28:25

the flavor of love. Another

28:30

problem.

28:31

It's called a pancake? That's right.