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1:49

We just finished something

1:51

with Katie Nolan. She

1:53

came back for the

1:56

PFF Floor Hockey guys.

1:58

We end the episode

2:00

with Jack and Alex

2:02

and Sensational.

2:05

Sensational. Let's not

2:07

oversell it. Let's just say enjoy

2:09

and let's just say This is what

2:11

the show is the show This

2:14

is the show. I'll tell you what. The is

2:16

a wild ride. I don't want callers

2:18

to try to now. We don't want

2:20

a bunch of people. No, copycats. The

2:22

beauty of this show is when they're original,

2:25

but holy shit was that enjoyment.

2:28

Enjoyable. It really did. It

2:30

tickled the show and the

2:32

sports part of us equally. Yes.

2:35

And Katie. It was a goddamn

2:37

pleasure. Absolutely. Katie's the best. Check out

2:39

Casuals. And her podcast Casuals, yes.

2:41

We're just going to say it's awesome.

2:43

Katie's the best. The best. The

2:46

best and it's just a goddamn pleasure

2:48

and then so what we've got right

2:50

now. We've got a little something special

2:52

Morgan and I were doing something on

2:54

the patreon which I think we were

2:56

not exactly well I know what we

2:58

were doing Morgan came up with an

3:00

idea to ask people on the Patreon

3:02

to come up with ideas for what

3:04

we could ask at the beginning of

3:06

the show. So where are

3:08

you from? And then we were, what animal?

3:10

We were responding to it in real

3:12

time. And I was texting with Eric during

3:14

it. So I just sent him a Zoom

3:16

link and I said, King, why don't you

3:19

get on? And it was right after we

3:21

had done Jamila's podcast, Wrong Turns. And

3:23

Eric was on fire during it.

3:27

He's the best. We were talking

3:29

about it after, and I talked to

3:31

him after a little. Eric is just the

3:33

greatest. He's as funny as cat? He's

3:35

just the greatest. And he murders on that

3:38

episode. He's as funny as it gets

3:40

on planet Earth. Yes. And when he gets

3:42

cooking, watch out. Well, it's

3:44

the details that everything. Because,

3:46

again, like, you know him better than me,

3:48

so the details you want for all. They

3:51

feel made up and then he's

3:53

like, brother, I was doing it because

3:55

I can't believe that was true. Endlessly

3:57

funny. Endlessly. But so he came on

3:59

and we were just doing the thing. But

4:02

Eric started, I asked

4:04

him to tell his

4:06

colonoscopy story and he

4:08

does. And it was

4:10

so funny that we want to

4:12

put it into this intro. So

4:15

then Natatech said, it's too weird just

4:17

on its own. So we are setting

4:19

up that intro. So

4:21

without even hearing it,

4:24

Natatech is 100 % right. I

4:26

mean, if the intro to

4:28

this show cannot just be Eric's

4:30

colonoscopy story. Why not?

4:33

They can't be. Why not? It's

4:35

a free show game. free show game. agree.

4:38

Tethered to the format minorly is

4:40

important, I believe. So we got a

4:42

great show. We've had a really

4:44

nice bump recently of new listeners, so

4:47

welcome. So, you know,

4:49

things are just going great in the, we're

4:51

here to help universe.

4:53

But I would recommend listening

4:56

to Eric's story because also

4:58

in the middle of it, I'm

5:00

just going to give a little teaser. It is

5:02

similar to Steve Berg's

5:04

chicken. Gareth,

5:07

his, his, his

5:09

chair breaks. Gareth,

5:12

he doesn't miss a fucking

5:14

beat this king. He

5:16

just does not allow

5:18

any air. He doesn't

5:20

allow me to get in and comment. He

5:23

just. So there I was

5:25

on the table. Whoa. I'm on

5:27

and it is a work of

5:29

art. It is after he

5:31

was done Morgan. I just, we gave

5:33

him a standing ovation. Fuck

5:36

well here. I mean,

5:39

what do you want? Honestly,

5:41

so so listen Thank

5:43

you everybody enjoy the show

5:45

and enjoy the amuse -bouche

5:48

of Eric Edelstein's colonoscopy

5:50

story when his colon breaks

5:52

a chair beneath him

5:54

so without further ado We

5:57

are here with Morgan

5:59

now a we are here with Eric

6:01

Edelstein and by the way you say I

6:03

say your last name incorrectly you say I don't

6:05

There's a debate on how it's supposed to

6:07

be said. You say it both. And I

6:09

had people tell me, I say it wrong

6:11

for saying Edelstein. I'm like, it's my contrarian

6:13

and great grandfather. I don't know. I got

6:15

you. Okay. However you want to say it.

6:17

So you have told me in the past,

6:19

a great story. When

6:21

I got my

6:23

colonoscopy, you said,

6:26

I got a story for

6:28

you and you told it briefly. Will

6:31

you tell us? and

6:33

take your time, the story of when

6:35

you got your colonoscopy. For sure.

6:37

And then do you want to hear a

6:39

brief version of why I got the colonoscopy?

6:41

Yes. The moment, because so I've been very

6:43

lucky in my life where I've had some

6:46

incredible friends that are great examples, you being

6:48

in the top three, but also my Gonzaga

6:50

friends were there. And this was

6:52

the incident that led me to go there,

6:54

where I went to a place and

6:56

spoke hand called Kaze, All You Can

6:58

Eat Teriyaki with Mike Nielsen. And

7:00

earlier we'd gone to the gym,

7:02

And sometimes it was rare before Gonzaga

7:04

had a big Nike deal to get

7:06

gear. But I walked out of that

7:09

gym with a pair of pristine white

7:11

Gonzaga game shorts. Then we

7:13

went to K's Teriyaki. Then I got

7:15

very excited. Then leaving K's

7:17

Teriyaki, if you can imagine, my old

7:19

house is next to a train stop.

7:22

So the train has stopped. There's probably,

7:24

you know, holding a lighter. It's eight

7:26

in the morning. I like light incense.

7:28

Okay. Keep going. Oh yeah. For sure.

7:31

And sage. Are you kidding? No, to

7:33

keep the, just to keep your bad

7:35

energy clear. Um, so

7:38

Mike Nielsen and I go to Kay's

7:40

teriyaki. We're coming back and then all

7:42

of a sudden I feel this feeling

7:44

in my stomach. Uh, like

7:46

there's a teriyaki juice. Yeah, a

7:48

lot. And we did not get

7:50

cheated at K's Teriyaki and Spokane Wash. And what

7:52

does that mean cheated? How much do you just...

7:55

Just didn't get fucked over. If I'm going to

7:57

pay $8 .99 for Teriyaki, I'm going to eat Tom

7:59

basically sick. Oh, all you can eat

8:01

please. And it's not around anymore,

8:03

I think, because college students abuse K's Teriyaki. So

8:05

you had... Was it a buffet? Yeah, it was

8:07

a buffet and then they'd order stuff and they'd

8:09

give kind of a look and I'd go in

8:11

there with these other giants because they played basketball.

8:14

They were never thrilled to see us. And

8:16

I wouldn't eat breakfast. I would go

8:18

man there around one 30 just to beat

8:20

the system, not get fucked over and

8:22

eat as much teriyaki as I could. So

8:25

I come back and there's a little bit

8:27

of problem getting dropping me off because of

8:29

this train that stopped. So I get about

8:31

five steps out of the car and then

8:33

I feel this lurchin right stomach like there's

8:35

an angry gnome about to fight his way

8:37

out for her way out. God bless 2025. So

8:40

I moved about five more women.

8:42

Women aren't fighting for that. All

8:45

right. All right. Well, if they are

8:47

to give it to him, Morgan, I'm

8:49

here. I want to be the nomen

8:51

Eric stomach during his stories. I want

8:53

to be the chicken teriyaki from some

8:55

buffet. That's not the fight, Eric. Jake

8:57

representation matters. Okay. So

9:00

I get maybe five

9:02

feet out of the

9:04

car. And I realized something

9:06

horrible is about to happen. And meanwhile, here's

9:08

this giant guy running, holding up his

9:11

white basketball game shorts. And every head is

9:13

kind of looking at me because they're

9:15

all just stopped and forced to watch. And

9:17

this is pre cell phones. They're not

9:19

on their phones, but there's a giant guy

9:21

with a scared look on his

9:23

face holding up white basketball

9:25

shorts. Sounds you're making as

9:27

you're Mike, Mike. Okay,

9:30

buddy. Yeah. And praying my friend will

9:32

drive out quickly so he doesn't see what I can

9:34

feel like is about to go down. So

9:36

I'm running to the front door and then

9:38

I realized it is not going to

9:40

happen. I'm not going to make it inside,

9:42

but I can't explain to you how bad I

9:44

wanted these basketball shorts I was wearing. And I don't

9:46

know what is going to come out of my

9:48

body and if it could stain it. So right as

9:50

I get to the front door, Eric,

9:53

you're adding so much insanity.

9:55

Well, it's important, but why did

9:57

first of all. Why

9:59

did you care about the basketball shorts so

10:01

bad? Because I felt like I had not

10:03

gotten as much gear as I should have

10:05

gotten for hosting as many recruits as I

10:07

should have gotten. And I really wanted these

10:09

shorts. And like I did something for

10:11

basketball camp and I got the shorts. And there's

10:13

only like, you know, 12 a year of these

10:15

shorts. I still have them. In fact, I gave

10:17

you a pair of them. I remember. I

10:20

hope you still have them because they're 1999

10:22

Gonzaga game shorts. And those ones did

10:24

not get hit with what? almost got

10:26

hit with. I remember you gave them to

10:28

me. They were massive and I loved them.

10:31

They're incredible. They're incredible. And I

10:33

wanted to keep them pristine for this

10:35

reason. They're sewn, they're stitched. They don't make

10:37

them like that anymore. So as

10:39

I get to the front door, I

10:41

feel this thing about to propel itself

10:43

out of my body. So in one

10:45

motion, with all these cars going.

10:48

I just whip these shorts down. Oh,

10:50

Eric. I know, buddy. I know.

10:52

And at this this is not the

10:54

story I was asking for. This is a

10:56

college shit story. You can edit it

10:58

all out, friend. Truly. This is just to

11:00

know. Sure you can. Sure

11:02

you can. So then I get there

11:04

and I feel, and you know me, I'm

11:06

not a bathroom humor guy. I'm not an

11:09

explosive shit story. But this is also important

11:11

to know how somebody as resistant as I

11:13

am to the doctor ended up getting pulmonoscopy.

11:15

I know why this is happening. Why?

11:18

We just did Jamila's podcast

11:20

together. Didn't we? Yeah. There

11:22

was a buzz about the work

11:25

I did. Yeah. It hasn't been released yet. It

11:28

was called Wrong Turns. Sure. The

11:30

premise was we all had to come in

11:32

with a wrong turn story, right? I did have

11:34

this story ready. Yeah. At

11:40

the last second, hold on, Eric. At

11:42

the last second, they said, I

11:44

know you and Gareth both pitched shit stories.

11:47

Eric and Gareth both had shit story

11:49

and they go, we're getting too many of

11:51

them. So Eric in the last second

11:53

pivoted. And boy, that was a good pivot.

11:55

There's a buzz on that. There's real buzz

11:57

on that. Everyone on here. It's great. It's great.

11:59

So then today, the colonoscopy

12:01

story takes place in

12:03

2024. And Eric goes,

12:05

in order to hear that story, you need

12:08

to hear a story from 1999, exclusively

12:10

because there was a bullet. No, no, no,

12:12

no. The colonoscopy story takes place about

12:14

six weeks later. I promise. Oh, really? This

12:16

is what forced me to the colonoscopy.

12:18

You can imagine. My bad, my bad, my

12:20

bad. You can imagine. Twenty, twenty two

12:22

year old me was not going to go

12:24

to a colonoscopy. This happened. The

12:26

colonoscopy, have you gotten one recently? I've

12:29

got one maybe five years ago. Okay, keep going. get,

12:32

I'll get another one soon because I, I have, because

12:34

what I got, I got to get them regularly. But

12:36

this is what got me to get my first one.

12:38

Okay. So I get to

12:40

the front door, I yank the

12:42

pants down and it seriously is like

12:44

something from a movie, the propulsion

12:46

from Kay's teriyaki. This

12:48

defecation leaves my body. And in

12:50

a liquid form flies five to

12:53

seven feet behind me and nails

12:55

the garage across from the front

12:57

door. Yeah, I've never seen anything

12:59

like it. And neither had all

13:01

the people stopped waiting for that

13:03

train because I just, I feel

13:05

all these eyes on me and

13:07

I look at people are just

13:09

aghast and horrified because this massive

13:11

guy has just shot jet propulsion

13:13

defecation out of his ass.

13:15

And then I leave

13:18

the shorts down. Stagger

13:20

inside, jump in the shower and I looked

13:22

and the shorts are pristine. So

13:24

I have one. You shit all

13:26

over a garage, Eric. I shit all over

13:28

a garage, but I have one. clean it?

13:30

Well, here's where we have a problem. So

13:32

I take, I take the shower, I get

13:34

in and the shorts are on. Then I

13:36

look out and it looks like a death

13:38

scene. Like it's just horrible. And

13:40

I'm like, I got to clean this quick. And

13:43

what my roommates should have known is

13:45

I didn't clean a goddamn thing at 13070's

13:47

mission. So then I was out

13:49

there cleaning this. You didn't clean a

13:51

thing when we all went to Landers

13:53

and Brian Farrell made you pay extra.

13:56

Yeah. I had to pay an extra $150

13:58

for the damage deposit for Steve Berg being in

14:00

this murder cabin outside while Clay

14:02

Allen was on his pillow top,

14:05

high thread carat. I think I'll

14:07

stay here, boys. Um,

14:09

so. I go out

14:11

there and I start cleaning and it's just

14:13

horrific. There's like, it's just teriyaki and

14:15

bad decisions. And the night before drinking, I'm

14:17

sure. And then my roommate, Andy Hill

14:19

gets home and he's the main reason I

14:21

don't want to say I shit outside.

14:23

He's like, what the hell are you talking

14:25

about, big fella? Cause he was a

14:27

basketball coach, still is a basketball coach. He's

14:29

the head assistant of university of Washington.

14:31

And he didn't like some of my decision

14:33

-making and sleepiness. I'm like, I don't need

14:35

to hear shit from Fredo. about

14:38

this shit thing. So I cleaned it up

14:40

and he shows up and someone's like, what

14:42

the hell happened out here? Oh

14:45

my gosh. So

14:47

I'm like. You

14:50

can't fall

14:52

backwards

14:54

and not

14:57

miss a

14:59

beat. Can't

15:01

I? No. Too

15:03

much has happened here, Eric.

15:05

I'm golden, brother. No

15:08

one knows. Keep

15:10

going. This chair had been waiting

15:12

to go down for a while, man. It just

15:14

fucking happened. God damn it. So

15:16

he comes up and he's like, what

15:18

the hell happened out here, big fella?

15:20

And I'm like, oh, buddy, I'm just

15:22

thinking of a lie. I'm like, I

15:25

think it was like a sick animal,

15:28

like a coyote. Well, I mean look

15:30

at this and he starts looking and

15:32

he gets real philosophical I kid you

15:34

not and he goes a coyote

15:36

didn't do this We

15:38

did this The poor fuckers over

15:40

there trying to be a coyote and

15:42

people are feeding Cheetos and beer and shit

15:44

and rat boys and now look This

15:47

is sad. And then he kind of takes

15:49

a step, looks in and then he

15:51

walks in and had no clue that I

15:53

was cleaning up my own shit, which

15:55

he should have figured out. Like if a

15:57

coyote really shit in front of the

15:59

house, there's, I would not have been the one

16:01

to clean it. There's five other roommates. There's

16:03

a chore list. I would have happily not cleaned

16:05

it, but he never figured out until a

16:07

few years ago that the giant shit pile was

16:09

from me and word got around pretty quickly.

16:12

I did the best job cleaning I could, but

16:14

I mean, it hit a door. But

16:16

this is kind of those things when I explained it

16:18

to Mike Nielsen, my good buddy that you know, he couldn't

16:20

stop laughing. But he was

16:22

just like, I think you probably need

16:24

to get a colonoscopy. Just check it out.

16:26

Just that this isn't normal behavior, even

16:28

if you had a ton of teriyaki. So

16:31

I went to get my colonoscopy. And

16:33

what I did not tell them was I was, you know,

16:36

having stomach issues. So I

16:38

was taking like pain medication, drinking.

16:41

I should have told the anesthesiologist like,

16:43

we're gonna need more here, friend.

16:45

Yeah. Oh, in terms of the

16:47

drugs, in terms of the drugs, because

16:49

what ended up happening was I'm in

16:51

the colonoscopy. I go under, you think

16:54

you're just, when you open your eyes,

16:56

you're going to be done. And that

16:58

nice, amazing, surreal feeling. Yeah. Well, instead

17:00

I wake up, there's four people around

17:02

me and I'm in the middle of the

17:04

colonoscopy. And I woken up. Oh my God.

17:06

I just lean forward and

17:08

they all look at me like I've seen a

17:10

ghost. I look at the video screen and go, Hey,

17:12

there's my ass. And

17:14

then I went back to sleep. And

17:18

that was truly, truly happened.

17:22

And they kind of afterward, like, do you

17:24

remember waking up? Like, yeah, I remember waking up

17:26

and saying, yeah, there's my ass. And they're

17:29

like, that was our greatest moment in any colonoscopy.

17:31

We also gave our anesthesiologist shit because he

17:33

should have given you more. That shouldn't have happened.

17:36

Everybody enjoy the show. Yeah.

17:38

ha ha ha. Ha ha.

17:40

Ha ha ha. WWF

17:45

or World Wildlife Fund is

17:47

now part of the

17:49

show. Nature needs us now

17:52

more than ever. Our

17:54

forests, oceans, freshwater systems, and

17:56

grasslands are crucial for wildlife

17:58

and for us. This is

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an ad that my wife is

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gonna love me more for partnering

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with. And I like that because

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I like the wildlife, I like

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the earth, and I like my

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wife. WWF is calling

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on as many people as

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possible to take time to

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give an hour for Earth.

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All you have to do

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to participate is pledge to

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spend an hour doing one

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of a variety of actions

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and activities with a positive

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to an hour or more

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enjoying a book outside, visiting

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on the environment, or even

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watching one of the free

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films from the DC Environmental

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Film Festival. There are activities

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for whatever interest you like

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the most. Go to worldwildlife

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.org slash earth hour. That's

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worldwildlife .org slash earth hour. To

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browse a list of

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activities, choose your action and

19:00

spend an hour giving

19:03

back to nature. This

19:05

episode of We're Here To Help is

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brought to you by Spot and Tango. I

19:09

got two dogs. One of them,

19:11

a black lab, retired guide dog, star

19:14

of my movie Ride the Eagle,

19:16

nor my other dog, was

19:18

used as a backyard breeder for

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years, was found on the

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streets. She's a miniature

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Aussie. She's the star of

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the family. Her name

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is... and I'll tell

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you what I feed them because I

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like for them to make it easy and

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I like for it to be healthy

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and I like for it to taste good

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for those dogs because I am also

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That's 1800flowers.com slash here to help. Hi,

22:01

can we get your name, please? Yeah,

22:05

let's go with Gemma.

22:07

Gemma? And where you come

22:09

from Gemma? Gemma. Gemma.

22:12

Virginia. Virginia, and how

22:14

old are you Gemma? 32.

22:17

32, and what do you like

22:19

to do? What's a fun

22:21

Friday night Gemma? I'm

22:26

not very, I'm not very cool, so

22:28

a fun Friday night is probably just

22:30

like reading a book on the couch

22:32

with my dogs. Oh, that sounds nice.

22:34

What kind of dog? I

22:36

have four. I have two

22:38

poodles and then two, like,

22:41

small toy breeds. Cool.

22:43

And what are their names? Oh,

22:47

Reese, Tilly, Tux,

22:50

and Jack. Holy

22:53

shit. Great. So then

22:55

Gemma, mother of four, Reese,

22:57

Tilly, Tux, Jack. What

23:00

can we do for you today? Yeah,

23:03

so I am a

23:05

full -time remote employee. I

23:07

work for a tech company

23:09

and I work from

23:11

home every Few months or

23:13

so I fly into

23:15

my office's physical location and

23:17

so I have a

23:19

trip coming up soon and

23:21

so my problem is

23:23

a few months ago I

23:25

started wearing I started

23:27

wearing wigs because I have

23:29

natural curly wild hair

23:31

and It was hard

23:33

to maintain and I just didn't want to

23:35

do it anymore. So I threw on

23:37

a wig. When my co -workers saw it

23:39

on our zooms and teens meetings, they were

23:41

like, oh my gosh, what did you

23:44

do? And I blanked and I was like,

23:46

oh, I just, I just drank my

23:48

air. And

23:50

so my problem is I

23:52

am flying out in a few

23:54

weeks and I'm definitely wearing

23:56

a wig. And I don't

23:58

know what to say when

24:00

they Ask me in person. Yeah,

24:03

I get it. So the curling

24:05

cream, the process to avoid a

24:07

perm became too much work. And

24:09

what's the website we're getting these,

24:11

Jake? Do you

24:13

have the URL? Hold

24:16

on, Jake, mute yourself. Go

24:18

ahead, Gemma. What is it? I'm looking at a

24:20

few options here. There seems like some good stuff. I

24:22

just want to get to know. just

24:24

really expensive. Is there a cheaper one? Do they do? Did

24:27

they do shorter ones like a newscaster here? Um,

24:31

okay. So,

24:36

uh, what are you

24:38

wearing the same style wig you're

24:40

doing? This is wild, Gemma. It's

24:42

wild. You've really painted yourself into

24:44

quite a strange little wig corner.

24:46

Yeah. We have a picture of the

24:48

wig as well when we want to see it. great.

24:50

So hold on, we'll take a look here. So

24:52

obviously this will all go on our website. We

24:55

can blur the face. And then what's the name

24:57

of the website again? Sorry, I'm dyslexic as hell.

24:59

I always forget names. This

25:01

will be here2helppod.com. Perfect. And

25:03

it's also on our Instagram. Let's

25:05

see the photos. So

25:09

that's a real hair that

25:11

you really are very beautiful curly

25:14

by the way cut the

25:16

sides This is not a joke

25:18

cut the sides. That's Garrett's

25:20

new podcast hair You look like

25:22

an American doll with that

25:25

wig You look like an American

25:27

girl now. Go back to

25:29

curly. No, I've got a pitch.

25:31

This is insane. This call

25:33

is not about what we think.

25:36

Gemma. No, wait, hold on.

25:38

Jake. Hold on. Jake. Gemma.

25:41

Jake. So

25:45

Gemma, the reason

25:47

why you're, Jesse, please

25:49

stop going back and forth between the

25:51

goddamn pictures. It's like I'm doing camera one,

25:53

camera two. I'm getting seasick. So

25:56

Gemma. You

25:58

You don't The reason why you

26:01

wore the wig is because the

26:03

hair that you had was too

26:05

much work. That's pretty much why

26:07

right? Yeah

26:09

I'm 32. I've had that

26:11

hair my whole life. I've got

26:13

it. He's

26:17

45. Year under

26:19

30. Keep going, Gemma. Sorry, Jake's drunk.

26:21

Go ahead. He's drunk with power. We just had

26:23

a, we just made clown porn on the other

26:25

call. Go ahead. After

26:30

32 years, it's just, I

26:32

wanted to change, but I

26:34

didn't want to like actually

26:36

damage the hair, although Gemma,

26:40

Gemma, Gemma. Hold on, hold on.

26:42

I have to say this. Your

26:44

real hair is very cute,

26:47

very curly, very, it's big,

26:49

it's not crazy. It's just you have curly

26:51

hair. Your wig

26:53

picture that you sent in looks

26:55

very unrealistic. The wig chair. Do

26:57

we want just look at it one

26:59

more time? Jesse, I know I said it

27:01

off. So the wig looks like honest

27:03

to God for anybody who doesn't like to

27:06

see the images. It looks like an American

27:08

girl doll. So if anybody's

27:10

ever seen. Yeah,

27:12

it's it's the perfect

27:14

fake hair, but your

27:16

real hair Gemma is

27:19

perfect. So if yes, great.

27:21

And guess what, you know, you could also

27:23

do with hair like that. Host

27:25

a podcast. Gemma,

27:29

he's, listen, sometimes it feels

27:31

like he's knowing somewhere and he's,

27:33

let me tell you, Gemma,

27:35

Gemma, when you, Gem, shut up

27:37

Jake. Gemma, when you started

27:39

this call, he started mind shooting

27:41

arrows right away. As in,

27:43

get ready, take cover. Have

27:46

you seen, really quick Gemma, have you

27:48

seen the podcast where there's like four little

27:50

boys talking about different foods they eat?

27:52

Gemma, Gemma, I'm gonna actually focus on you.

27:54

One of them has the same perm

27:56

as Kara. Two of them do. Gemma,

28:00

so let me, to Jake's point

28:02

a little bit, it's like whatever

28:04

makes you comfortable obviously, but why

28:06

not just let your hair without

28:08

doing all that stuff? What happens

28:11

when you just kind of let

28:13

your natural hair go? Yes, you

28:15

don't like the look of it.

28:17

Well, no, no, I like the

28:19

look of it, but the the

28:21

location I'm flying out to is

28:23

super dry. And so I'm currently

28:26

in a very humid area. Yeah,

28:28

humid area. You got the

28:30

frizz, baby. You got the frizz. It

28:33

goes so much bigger.

28:36

All right. What do you think about a ponytail? What do

28:38

you think about a bun? I'm

28:41

telling you the wig is crazy. I'm telling you the

28:43

wig is crazy. And I'm saying that as a friend.

28:45

Oh, no. The wig is

28:47

crazy. Jake. Why don't you just

28:49

throw a wig on in an eye patch? And

28:52

go like this. Well, the sun gets in my eyes.

28:54

Can you pitch me why I can tell people I

28:56

have an eye patch on? Yeah, here's my pitch. Take

28:58

the eye patch off unless you are missing an eyeball.

29:00

Now if this one, I don't have any

29:02

hair, Jake, let's solve her problem. I'm

29:05

trying to! Her problem is the wig! Is

29:07

that she has lied about it being

29:09

a wig. Yes, so you just show up

29:11

with curly hair and they say, what's

29:13

going on? You say, the dryness wig. wig.

29:15

Oh, you never bring up the wig.

29:17

You die with the wig line. They go

29:19

like this. Your hair looks different. And

29:21

you go, I know it. This temperature does

29:23

crazy stuff to my hair. I try

29:25

to straighten it, but that's so bad for

29:27

my hair. And they go, it used

29:29

to be straight. And this is the real

29:31

her. Moving on. You know, it's

29:33

worse. You jump in a goddamn pool

29:35

at a work trip. And

29:37

your hair comes off, but you

29:39

also have other hair. Why

29:41

are you wearing a wig to cover my

29:44

hair? What's wrong with your hair? Nothing. Gemma,

29:46

look. You got a wig on a wig.

29:48

This is madness. Why'd you

29:50

wear five wigs? Gemma Jake. If someone calls

29:52

and it says I wear 10 wigs, why

29:54

should I tell them I wear 10? I'm

29:56

not pitching on that. Take the 10 wigs

29:58

off. You know

30:01

I'm right, Gareth. Gemma,

30:03

Jake, sit on some ice

30:05

for a minute, okay? Deal. Ice yourself for a

30:07

minute. Let me talk to Gemma here. Gemma.

30:09

Now Jake muted himself could

30:12

not be controlled to the point

30:14

where he's self -muted which it's

30:16

a first A unmuted He

30:18

remuted, but I guess there's no

30:20

point to himself muting so

30:23

Gemma and the Jake's question is

30:25

Why not just on the

30:27

next trip since you've already done

30:29

the wig lie? Show up

30:31

with your regular hair and some

30:34

fun doesn't even need to

30:36

be super done up But then

30:38

you say, oh, yeah, I

30:40

changed my hairstyle It just the

30:42

temperature all that I just

30:45

kind of changed it up Can't

30:47

do you feel like you

30:49

could do that because otherwise? I

30:52

think the fear on behalf of

30:54

the show is you're just gonna

30:56

start doubling down on wig fibs

30:58

And the web is only going

31:00

to get a little title for

31:02

you. He is back to

31:04

muted. The web is only

31:06

going to get a little bit worse. It's

31:09

going to start to probably

31:11

compound and stress you out. Not

31:13

probably. And they're probably, I mean,

31:15

I don't know why he's muting if

31:17

he keeps on muting to jump in. The

31:19

problem is people are probably going to

31:21

start to go like, oh, she's weird. Every

31:26

time he talks, he un -mutes and remutes just

31:28

so you know. Do you

31:30

understand the point a little bit? Your

31:32

worry is also our worry, is

31:34

that you're going to have to kind

31:36

of keep digging deeper down. Yeah,

31:41

that's true. No, I can

31:43

definitely kind of do my

31:45

hair, not done up, but

31:47

just put a little bit

31:49

more effort into it when

31:51

I fly about. I

31:53

would just say do that, and maybe

31:55

you don't even need to go full

31:57

your actual hairstyle. You don't need to

31:59

go the full Gemma. But you could

32:01

just do a version that's kind of

32:03

in the middle. And I'll bet

32:05

you people will be like, oh, gosh, I

32:07

just go, yeah, I just decided to just

32:09

kind of change up my look a little

32:11

bit. Because I do think the next time

32:13

you go there, people might, I mean, people

32:15

are going to start wondering what the fuck

32:18

is going on in a way where the

32:20

answer is that you just got sick of

32:22

doing your hair. I think Jake's point is, yeah,

32:24

it's probably just going to get a little fucking

32:26

airy. Hey, Gemma. You

32:29

can't ever wear that wig again in your

32:31

life. I want you to throw that in

32:33

the garbage can. Gemma? Gemma,

32:35

Gemma, you can wear it again. That's

32:38

Jake. Have you ever... Hey,

32:40

Jesse, could you Google American Girl

32:42

doll? There's

32:46

a doll I got for my

32:48

daughters. I swear

32:50

to God, it's the same exact hair. Gemma,

32:53

here's my pitch to you. You're

32:56

beautiful lady. You got beautiful

32:58

hair. Naturally

33:00

curly. A lot of

33:02

guys who are 45 years old

33:04

who are on YouTube podcasts would

33:06

die for that error. Not

33:15

only die for that hair, they would

33:17

wake up early to do a zoom

33:19

podcast with a 20 year old friend

33:21

and curl their hair for that. And

33:23

then be surprised when that other friend

33:25

goes, can you start doing curling cream?

33:27

I'm trying to, I am trying to

33:29

mute you and I fucking can't. It's

33:31

a real shame. That would have been

33:33

a perfect time to be muted. Gemma,

33:36

here's where I'm at. And I'm sorry that

33:38

we can take a moment and Gareth can pitch

33:40

solutions because I'm sure you got some good

33:42

pitch. Yeah, this is Gareth. Do you see the

33:44

American Girl doll photo? Yes. Okay,

33:46

so we'll post that too. So

33:50

Gemma, we're going to send

33:52

you this image too. There's

33:56

a result. But

33:59

it's fine. It's

34:01

fine. The main issue is

34:03

that you're going to have

34:06

to keep lying. And

34:08

it's going to get harder for you

34:10

to undo the lie. This lie

34:12

is harder. So really quick, Gareth. Can

34:14

you pitch really fast of

34:16

things she could say? What

34:18

was your original question, Gemma? What

34:22

do I say to people when they ask about why

34:24

I look like an American girl doll and why

34:26

I have a wig on? I

34:29

technically didn't want to like Talk

34:32

to them about it because I didn't

34:34

want them to ask questions about

34:36

it. And so I guess I was

34:38

kind of just wanting to be

34:40

a bit delusional Hey, your hair used

34:42

to be curly now. It's really

34:45

straight. You're looking for what do you

34:47

say in that situation? Yeah,

34:50

I straightened it No, you know what I think

34:52

you really say Gemma I'm wearing a wig and

34:54

the reason I'm wearing a wig is because my

34:56

hair is too curly and I don't want to

34:58

deal with it Honestly, that's also

35:00

not a bad approach. Honestly, if you want

35:03

to do that, that's not a bad, just say

35:05

my hair gets so frizzy. My hair's just

35:07

the pain in the ass, so I just throw

35:09

a wig on every now and then. But

35:12

the problem is, here's the

35:15

problem, Gemma. The first

35:17

round of this, you lied. By the way,

35:19

here's the second thing I would say. No,

35:21

I would say, lie on a lie equals

35:23

the truth. What's going on with your

35:25

hair? What do you mean? It used to be curly. I've

35:27

never had curly hair. No straight

35:29

you mean so it went

35:31

so straight to straight No,

35:33

she no wait did they

35:35

ever see you with curly

35:38

hair? They did oh, yeah,

35:40

yeah, okay, so then curly

35:42

to straight so honestly Gemma

35:44

you Throw when you go

35:46

just go just go burn

35:48

the way it'll clog it I

35:51

know you're being hyperbolic, but for anyone do

35:53

not throw a wig in the garbage disposal. It's

35:55

not what it's for. Here's what I want

35:57

you to do. will string it up. Here's what

35:59

I want you to do. Trap will get

36:01

caught. How much did you spend for that wig?

36:05

And I want the truth. I

36:07

want the truth.

36:11

I want the truth. You can't handle it. It

36:13

was about 300. Gemma,

36:15

Gemma, Gemma. I've never felt more like a

36:17

dad in my life. I'm gonna come to

36:19

Virginia and we're gonna have a talk until

36:21

about finances and life decisions. $300

36:25

to look like

36:27

an American girl though,

36:30

when you got beautiful curves.

36:33

Jake, Gemma, the move

36:35

is in our opinion.

36:37

Get your head out of

36:39

your ass. Jake. The

36:43

move is, show up

36:45

with your natural hair next time,

36:47

and if anyone asks any questions, you

36:50

either say, it was something I tried,

36:52

I didn't really like. How many got? That's

36:54

a diplomatic way to do it. How

36:56

many wigs you got, Gemma? I'd

36:59

rather not say. Gemma? Oh,

37:01

Jesus. How many wigs you got?

37:04

Gemma, this is the snake wrapping around your

37:06

neck. I would just answer. Can

37:14

we just take a minute to congratulate

37:16

Jake on his math? You're

37:22

cut off from spending.

37:24

No, you're not her dad.

37:26

You're cut off, Jake. You're

37:31

cut off, Gemma. You

37:33

have the freedom to

37:35

wear the wigs whenever

37:37

you want. No, she

37:39

doesn't, honey. Yes, she

37:41

does. You're my wife.

37:44

When I'm not, I have

37:46

life energy. You and my daughter

37:48

have the same hair when you curl

37:50

yours. It's curling cream.

37:52

Genetically, she got your hair when

37:54

you faked it on a podcast

37:56

at 46. Jake, why

37:59

am I getting older? Life

38:01

happens, baby. all

38:03

get older. We're gorgeous as we age. Jesus,

38:05

the worst thing that happened on this show

38:07

is when you unmuted for the second half.

38:09

I'm muting. No, don't even bother. I

38:12

think wear the wigs whatever you want.

38:14

But the problem is if you lie about

38:16

wearing it, you know, it's creating a

38:18

fucking problem for yourself. I would just show

38:20

up next time, natural hair. And if

38:22

anyone asked about your hair the last time,

38:24

you just say it was just something

38:26

I was trying out. That's the truth. It's

38:28

also not a lie. I think

38:30

that, like we said, the problem is

38:32

you're just going to dig yourself further

38:34

into the wig hole. So how do

38:36

you feel about that pitch and with

38:38

the total freedom to do whatever you

38:40

want outside of it? To us, that

38:42

probably seems like the safest long -term

38:45

play, especially at work. The last thing

38:47

you want at work is for people to be like,

38:49

we're working with a liar. And a maniac. Yeah.

38:51

Who knows what's going on? She might

38:53

be hiding from someone. This woman spent.

38:55

$10 ,000 on wigs by 2030. are

38:57

exaggerating, and they don't know her wig budget. Gemma, go

39:00

ahead. The floor is yours. Yeah,

39:03

I think that's really good advice

39:05

is to just wear my natural hair

39:07

when I fly out in a

39:09

few weeks. But question, when

39:12

I come back to my home, am

39:14

I allowed to wear the wig? Yes.

39:16

But hold on. Gemma, for what? Where?

39:18

Like, where do you? So fun. But

39:20

is it? Do you just wear the

39:22

wig like when you go to get

39:24

coffee? When

39:26

do you wear the wig, Gems? I

39:29

wear it all the time. Like I wake

39:31

up, I'll work out, I'll shower, and then

39:33

I'll put the wig on, and then hop

39:35

on Zoom meetings, and then I'll probably be

39:37

on Zoom meetings most of the day, and

39:39

the wig is still there. Oh,

39:42

I guess. So you just use it the

39:44

way I use a hat. Well,

39:47

now do you wear the red you wear the

39:49

wig after like if you're going out for drinks with

39:51

friends Do you keep the wig on or is

39:53

it just because you don't want to deal with your

39:55

hair because the only reason I wear a hat

39:57

I have a hat right next to my computer for

39:59

these zooms. I just don't want to think about

40:02

hair So is it really just I throw that on

40:04

for this now does that wig go into your

40:06

life at all? Do you if you're going out to

40:08

dinner with a friend? Do you wear the wig

40:10

to dinner or is that crazy? I

40:15

think that's I'm scared again. Don't

40:17

be scared the only thing that's

40:19

problematic is when you said it

40:22

wasn't a wig You can do

40:24

like whatever who gives a fuck

40:26

if you're the truth is beautiful

40:28

hair if this is wearing a

40:30

wig with friends that energy if

40:33

You're wearing the wig for work

40:35

zooms As long as

40:37

you're not lying about it, you're fine.

40:39

What I wouldn't do, and this is

40:41

just because you previously lied about it

40:43

on the work trip, is I just

40:45

wouldn't wear it again just so everyone

40:47

knows that's your natural hair. Then

40:49

if you wanna wear it again, you

40:51

can wear it again. I guess her hair

40:53

is straightened at home. Yeah, or whatever,

40:55

you're wearing a wig. I mean, I just

40:57

think the thing. You mentioned that so

40:59

casually, Gareth. It's so wild if someone's just

41:01

wearing a wig. the lie is the

41:03

issue. Be like a hat like you said

41:06

it's a fucking hat. It would be

41:08

like me seeing you out and saying Hey,

41:10

where'd you get that hat and you

41:12

go? It's not a hat. You're totally right.

41:14

You're right. Definitely a hat. Yeah, that's

41:16

where it gets fucking weird. the way, I

41:18

actually agree. So if you're

41:20

just a lady who likes wigs, they? Yeah,

41:22

who gives a shit? You're right. So

41:24

you can wear them whenever you want. But

41:26

I think for the next work trip, I

41:29

think for Or go with it. or wear

41:31

it there, but then you've got to say, it's

41:33

a wig. Yeah, you gotta say it's a

41:35

wig. If you're a wig lady, Gemma, be a

41:37

wig lady. But I would say the issue

41:39

is lying about it. Who gives a fuck? If

41:41

you wear it, again, the hat comp is

41:43

perfect. Look, I've been hot on this call, but

41:45

I'm gonna go a 180 and fully agree

41:47

with Gareth. I would say get rid of the

41:49

wig, use your natural hair, but if you're

41:51

a wig lady, then be a wig lady. You

41:53

can't be a wig lady and lie about

41:55

being a wig lady. And who gives a shit?

41:57

I really don't think anyone's gonna give enough

41:59

of shit. Some people will. Yeah. But

42:01

who They're on this call. But I

42:03

really don't think... But I really... Yes,

42:05

do what you do. I think whatever.

42:07

You know, it's like, it's an aesthetic

42:09

and whatever. So you could do it

42:11

just, you can't lie about it. I

42:14

think that is Because people are gonna

42:16

know... a wig 100%. Especially if you

42:18

have four of them. Also, Gemma, the

42:20

way, everybody already knows. You ever see

42:22

like an older lady in Florida who's

42:24

got like bright orange hair? Yes. And

42:26

acts like it's natural and you have

42:28

to go like, what? That's not your

42:30

natural color? Yes. Cheetos orange? Or

42:33

an old guy with a jet -black beard where he's

42:35

like, hey, know what? I'm 84. I'm Al Pacino.

42:37

And you have to go like this. Jesus, Al, you

42:39

look fantastic. You've got hair. You've got

42:41

tuxedo black hair. Taking a lot of shrapnel on

42:43

the show lately. He's not listening. He has no

42:45

idea what the podcast is. He might. We

42:48

don't know. His whole show is out of order. Gemma,

42:51

what are you feeling? How do you

42:53

feel about that general take on this?

42:57

I like it. I definitely

42:59

like the idea of... wearing

43:02

the wig on my work trip and then

43:04

just kind of being honest that like, no, no,

43:06

no, this is a wig. This is definitely

43:08

a wig. There you go. Love

43:10

that. Yeah. Yeah. I feel good about that.

43:12

So there you go. That's the, look, nobody's,

43:14

I think the thing is that you probably

43:16

think people are going to give more of

43:18

a shit about this than they will. And

43:21

I also think - Don't jump in a pool.

43:23

The deadliest move right now. If a dead

43:25

animal falls off your head in a pool,

43:27

people are going to give a shit. Kids

43:29

are going to scream. I

43:31

think I would it would be

43:33

an honor if I was

43:35

at a pool and someone said

43:38

because you're a stand -up comedian

43:40

I would honor maybe it

43:42

comes up maybe that night you

43:44

go I just got 12

43:46

minutes probably comes up well you

43:48

know the title of the

43:51

special but but I will hold

43:53

it with dignity and with

43:55

respect and Gemma that's the only

43:57

thing just Tell the people

43:59

the truth. I agree with this.

44:02

It'll feel way better. So,

44:04

Gemma, what are you gonna do?

44:08

I'm gonna wear the

44:10

wig. Great. I

44:12

will you cool the

44:14

truth. Okay,

44:17

keep going. Steamroll

44:19

past me. Yeah. Great.

44:22

There you go. Well, this is what

44:24

I think you need to do. Do

44:26

it. And then follow up with us

44:28

and let us know how it goes. I'm

44:30

guessing it's going to be a much

44:32

less stressful experience than the first run. I

44:36

hope so. Yeah. All right. Thank

44:38

you for the call, Gemma. Please

44:40

follow up and let us know.

44:42

We'll do. Thanks guys. Bye. Thanks.

44:44

Bye. Bye. This

44:46

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details. Hi

48:38

everybody, this is Sherlock. This

48:40

next call is a follow

48:42

up to episode 153 PFF

48:44

with Katie Nolan. If you haven't

48:46

listened to that episode, you're definitely going to want to

48:48

listen to it before this follow up. All

48:53

right. Hello. Hello.

48:57

Fellas, welcome back.

49:00

Listen, we've

49:02

been... awaiting the update

49:04

on this one. So we're going to ask

49:07

you to sort of set up again

49:09

what the call was. But before we tell

49:11

you that, we were so excited that

49:13

we invited back the guest helper from the

49:15

first round. The great Katie

49:17

Nolan is back on the

49:19

show for the update. So

49:22

you've got Jake, you've got Katie, you've

49:24

got me. Remind us

49:26

of your names very quickly and then we'll

49:28

get into it. I'm

49:32

having a first. Yeah. Two

49:35

alpha dogs competing.

49:38

I feel like Tupade is not wanting to

49:40

walk through a door. No, it's two alphas

49:42

being polite going like this. You go ahead

49:44

because I'll go second. polite alphas. Yeah. I'm

49:47

Jack. I'm

49:49

Jack. going to talk to you guys

49:51

again. What's up, Jack? And then who else

49:53

we got? I'm Alex.

49:56

Yeah. And so just to recap, so we're

49:58

all on the same page, Alex called

50:00

in first. And Alex was

50:02

saying that Jack thinks that

50:05

he is better at floor hockey

50:07

and That all Alex was

50:09

looking for was that the rankings

50:11

out of a pff of

50:13

15 was that Jack and Alex

50:15

were basically like seven and

50:17

eight That would have made Alex

50:20

happy Jack believes he's two

50:22

or three and Alex is a

50:24

nine or a ten, but

50:26

Alex with some lessons from Jack

50:28

could get up to about five

50:30

or a six. So

50:32

easily. That's

50:34

nice of you to say, Jack. Kind

50:37

of. So then. We decided the best

50:39

way to go about this, and the

50:41

reason I'm taking over right now is

50:43

we got two polite alphas, so I'm

50:45

gonna be the impolite alpha, because I'm

50:47

dying for this info, but I want

50:49

it to be clean. Then

50:51

we decided to go to the group

50:53

and send an email to everybody that

50:56

they needed to do a PFF ranking

50:58

out of 15 members, or was it

51:00

12 members? Anyone remember? 15

51:02

15 15 of everybody

51:04

rate where Jack is and

51:06

where Alex is have

51:08

Katie. Have I missed anything?

51:11

I think that's all of it. I

51:13

really I'm so excited. I just

51:15

want you to read the numbers to

51:17

know I know but a slow

51:19

burn guy. Yeah, have I missed anything

51:21

Jake edges? Yeah, I

51:23

want to make sure

51:25

It was survivor style,

51:28

right? It was anonymous

51:30

replies. Kind of, but it's emails. Right,

51:32

but it was the other people in

51:34

the office didn't know who wrote Yes, we

51:36

don't tell Jack and Alex who's who.

51:38

Nat Attack, is there anything else you feel

51:41

we should include before we start getting

51:43

into the numbers, which we are going to

51:45

do one by one? Yes, so I've

51:47

made a presentation. You

51:49

made a presentation? This is

51:51

exciting. Yeah, you're attacking today. I

51:53

don't want to make it more than

51:55

it is. It's a very simple thing.

51:58

Rob helped me brand it and design

52:00

it. And so,

52:02

but before we do

52:04

this. He just texted me

52:06

that he made the presentation. Fair

52:08

enough, Rob. Sounds like Rob. Not to

52:10

get braggy, Rob. Rob

52:13

attack. Is

52:15

the presentation just so I know because I'm a

52:18

hedger? Is it just one image that gives us all

52:20

the numbers? No, I'm going to walk you through

52:22

it just like you like, Jake. OK,

52:24

thank you so much. I appreciate it. We've got we've

52:26

gotten to know each other. Jack

52:28

and Alex, let's start with you,

52:30

Jack. Where are you at?

52:32

What are you feeling? Oh,

52:35

you know, I woke up today

52:37

and I was like, God, I hope

52:39

I don't like embarrass myself here. Oh,

52:42

light out. Yeah, yeah.

52:44

Yeah, true. Honestly. No, it isn't Katie.

52:48

No, it isn't. But, uh, but we've

52:50

had, we've played some good floor hockey

52:52

since, uh, since our call. Um,

52:56

I had a good game a couple of weeks ago, had some solid

52:58

games in between. I'm happy to be

53:00

here. Jack, happy to

53:02

be here. How did Alex play? Be

53:04

honest. Alex played solid

53:06

as always. He's a good, he's a good

53:08

player. He had, he had one game

53:10

where he was doing, oh, there was one

53:13

day where he, Alex, Alex told me,

53:15

Put me down. Nice one day. He had

53:17

a he had a one really good

53:19

game. I sucked that day and Alex was

53:21

the opposite. Okay, can I ask one

53:23

question? Please, Gareth. Quickly. Do you

53:25

feel like the call has affected your play

53:27

since and have you noticed any vibe

53:29

shifts with the guys you play with since

53:31

the email got more questions there? I

53:34

mean, we get a lot of like jokes

53:36

like like, oh, like Oh, you scored

53:38

that one for the podcast or something like

53:40

that. Oh, of course. But, uh, that

53:42

I would say the day, I think it

53:44

was like the first day after the

53:46

first floor hockey day after the podcast came

53:49

out, I definitely, I had like my

53:51

worst game in a long time. And I

53:53

was like, I definitely got in my

53:55

head. Oh yeah. I got way into my

53:57

head. I was like, I was like,

53:59

man, I told these people, I was, I

54:01

told all, I told all these people,

54:04

I was like the second best player and

54:06

like, I better deliver on that. And

54:08

I did not tighten up. Yeah,

54:10

yeah, but we were covered every great

54:12

athlete. Okay. Yeah, well, what would you

54:14

know about that Jake? Just out of

54:16

curiosity. What are you talking about? A

54:18

lot. A lot? This

54:21

isn't about us. Yeah, but you just

54:23

made it about us because you brought it up. Keep

54:25

going. I don't want At attack, delete all this. What

54:27

are talking about? What

54:29

are you talking about? You can't delete all this. Alex? How

54:32

you feeling about everything, big dog,

54:34

polite alpha? You know, I'll

54:37

be honest, I'm feeling pretty

54:39

good. Uh, you know, I

54:41

think I'll do it too.

54:43

I think from the, uh,

54:47

from the podcast, honestly, I think

54:49

the podcast gave me a lot

54:51

of confidence. Um, like, like I've

54:53

come in and I like, I,

54:55

I don't know if I really

54:57

defined that I was a glue

54:59

guy before the podcast and that

55:01

helped me find my role a

55:03

little bit. And like, I've really,

55:05

I've, I've settled into the wing

55:07

position a little bit. a

55:09

natural spot for you, for sure. And

55:11

so, I Katie agrees. Katie

55:13

and I said at the same time, Jake. I've

55:16

played a little bit more aggressively, I'd say.

55:18

I think Jack would agree with that. Jack,

55:20

would you? Jack, would you? Yeah, sure. Sure,

55:22

sure, yeah. Yeah, sure. Don't say sure. Wait,

55:24

the comma's sure, Jack. Polite alpha. Yeah,

55:27

he is. Yeah, sure. Really,

55:30

please. Here's what I figured out

55:32

is that... know if like one -on -one.

55:34

I'm a better player, but I

55:36

do think that if I had a

55:38

team of four Alex's and they

55:40

had to play four Jacks I think

55:42

four Alex is like the cohesion

55:44

and the ball movement is It's just

55:46

it's pretty phenomenal right now. Okay,

55:48

and do you think four Alex's would

55:50

beat four Jack's? No chance Okay,

55:52

okay, so let's not get where we

55:54

started. Yeah, we know guys we

55:56

have an answer today We have an

55:58

answer now Alex. I just have

56:00

to say to you, you know Katie's

56:02

a big fan, Gareth is a

56:04

big fan. I'm a fan of both.

56:09

No, Alex, I'm

56:11

a fan, but yeah, I love that you're a

56:13

glue guy, but I don't mind Jack either.

56:15

I mean, with the embarrassing myself that Jack, that's

56:17

not way see it. Why are we doing

56:20

this? Yeah, I agree. Let's just get some in.

56:22

I know we're going to work on it.

56:24

Jake said, I agree to the thing he was

56:26

doing that we were flagging. Right.

56:28

Fair. But what I got to say. Here's

56:30

what I got. Fair. Yeah, sure.

56:35

Do you speak English? Yeah,

56:37

sure. All right. So, Alex, whatever the results

56:39

are, I'm asking you, my glue guy, don't

56:41

let the confidence come down. You're on an

56:43

ice cream, and I'm saying this, I don't

56:45

know the results. Yes, I think we should

56:47

say - It'd be a real sour note

56:49

if this brought you down a notch. Why

56:51

don't we say this, Jake, and Katie, back

56:53

me up if you agree here. No

56:55

matter what the results, let's accept

56:58

them. And let's not let them

57:00

affect the overall vibe. Tonight's game. Yes,

57:02

tonight we still got a game. Because

57:04

keep in mind something, Jack and Alex.

57:06

We're the media. We're sports writers. So

57:08

what we're saying about you does not define

57:11

your game. Remember when everyone said Peyton Manning

57:13

couldn't win the big one? Remember

57:16

when they said Aaron Rodgers is

57:18

weird? No, no, Jake,

57:20

are. Remember when they said Jordan Love

57:22

is overrated? Remember when they said the

57:24

Bears haven't won a Super Bowl in

57:26

most people's lifetimes? Let's not make this

57:28

about us, Gareth. You always want to

57:30

go on the attack. Jake? He's

57:33

the Stephen A. Smith of this podcast. Yeah,

57:35

he really is. He

57:37

really is. If we're reporters, I'm Stephen

57:39

A. Who are you here, Katie, and

57:41

who's Gareth? I feel like I'd be

57:44

Mina Kimes. And

57:46

Raquel. And Gareth

57:48

is like a... He's the guy

57:50

from Part of the Interruption, the

57:52

hot guy with the hair. Tony

57:54

Rielly. Tony Rielly. I'll tell you,

57:56

I honestly was worried Skip Bayless was

57:58

gonna be said, so I happy. No,

58:01

no, no, too much love for you. My

58:03

dream would be I'm Shannon Sharp. Yeah, but

58:05

unfortunately, I'm Steven. That's coming across. Yeah,

58:07

we do get that. My dream is,

58:09

and I wish there was video of

58:12

me with a woman that got released

58:14

and the sounds she was making. he

58:16

sounded like a warthog looking for trophies.

58:18

What a dream that would be. But

58:20

it's not that, unfortunately. What?

58:22

So, Jack and Alex,

58:26

before we get to the numbers, Jack,

58:28

what's your final prediction? Where are we at out of

58:31

15? What are you going to be rated? Uh,

58:34

so I was thinking about this like

58:36

mathematically, if I think I'm two, everyone agrees

58:38

with Vic at one. If I think

58:40

I'm two and anyone else thinks that they're

58:42

also two, then like there's no chance

58:44

that the final number will be two. So

58:46

I'm hoping for top five. I'll say

58:48

five. Okay. Top five.

58:50

Okay. Alex, where are you at,

58:52

big dog? What's your final PFF score and where do you

58:54

think you're going to be? You know, I'm

58:56

right, I'm right down the middle. I'd say

58:58

like slightly above the average, like six or

59:01

six, I'd say six. We'll

59:03

give you six and where

59:05

Jack what's your final call of

59:07

where's Alex? No,

59:09

I hope I hope be six. I

59:11

hope be six. Stop saying that. Don't

59:13

do that. Don't do that. I like

59:16

I'll throw them. I'll throw them to

59:18

eight. Okay, Alex,

59:20

where's Jack? Uh,

59:23

yeah, I think he's right on like

59:25

that was a very humble approach by Jack

59:27

that I haven't seen from him before.

59:30

Um, I'd say five. He went through media

59:32

training after this one dropped. Yeah. He's

59:34

honestly, he's thinking about the endorsements after the

59:36

show to be quite honest. Everybody changes

59:38

after their rookie year. Yeah. I've never heard

59:40

Alex say that I was top five

59:42

before. So that's very nice. Yeah,

59:45

this could be a 30

59:47

for 30 eventually. We don't know.

59:49

Yeah 30 would be sweet

59:51

on this This is just a

59:53

floor hockey rivalry. We're actually

59:55

pickleball partners. So like we're We've

59:58

made up another athlete. Multi -sport athletes,

1:00:00

I didn't know. We also

1:00:02

played, we did play a varsity sport back

1:00:04

in the day together. You guys

1:00:06

have known each other forever. This is a

1:00:08

lot coming out. is a 30 for 30.

1:00:10

So Jack, let's be honest, you don't view

1:00:12

yourself as top five, you're being humble. You

1:00:14

view yourself as two, but you think everybody

1:00:16

else is, so you think you're three. Cut

1:00:18

the bullshit, we ain't doing media training. Thank

1:00:20

you. This ain't ESPN. Jack, what's your real

1:00:22

number here, King? Good Steve. just bullshit. I'm

1:00:25

not going to play the

1:00:27

bullshit. There you go, Steve. Real

1:00:29

number, I do think that

1:00:31

I, you know, should be two.

1:00:34

Okay, so you're two. Yes.

1:00:37

So Jacks feels these two. Alex, you

1:00:39

feel you're six, but Alex, you're being really

1:00:41

sweet. You're originally called in because you

1:00:43

said you and Jack are even. So you

1:00:45

think Jack is five and you're six

1:00:47

and you're happy with that. Yeah,

1:00:50

I'm delighted with that. Great. Jack,

1:00:52

you think Alex is eight and you

1:00:54

think you are two. Correct?

1:00:56

Yeah. I'm delighted by that.

1:00:58

Yeah, yeah. Katie, do you have

1:01:00

anything else before you see the numbers? I just

1:01:02

need to come. Can we please have the numbers?

1:01:05

Please. I'm dying. This is taking

1:01:07

so long. I'm dying to know

1:01:09

who's better. Katie, we're going to

1:01:11

go another 45 minutes of this. I

1:01:16

got you right where I want

1:01:18

you, Katie! Garrett,

1:01:20

anything before you finish?

1:01:22

I came minutes ago.

1:01:26

I got you nowhere where I want

1:01:28

you. I got another round of me,

1:01:30

baby. Wonderful. I got to

1:01:32

Katie. I got to keep going until

1:01:35

Garrett three loads. I've been doing this

1:01:37

with him for almost 20 years. I

1:01:39

need a cold towel in 10 minutes.

1:01:41

Oh, just blame it on weird stuff.

1:01:43

Let's keep going. Keep going, baby. No

1:01:45

cleanups. So, Nat Attack.

1:01:48

Hey. I said it's

1:01:50

time for you to take over and

1:01:52

walk us through. And will

1:01:54

you read what's going on and just guide us

1:01:56

through this a little bit? Yeah, sure. OK.

1:02:00

First off, before we do it, Jack Alex,

1:02:02

how you feeling? Last thoughts. I

1:02:04

see. We've

1:02:06

been waiting a long time for this. Maybe

1:02:08

all he's edgy. Yes. We're all

1:02:10

ready You're doing a great job

1:02:12

Jake. It's just in terms of

1:02:14

the metaphor I have lost my

1:02:16

erection. I'm trying to get it

1:02:18

back You're doing the who wants

1:02:20

to be a millionaire where you

1:02:23

know, all right, but but it's

1:02:25

simply because I've lost track with

1:02:27

no We're just gonna go right

1:02:29

now to taco. This is good.

1:02:31

Okay, so you guys made a

1:02:33

bet at the end of the

1:02:35

last call Oh, right. So these

1:02:37

are the terms of the bet.

1:02:39

So if Jack ranks at a

1:02:41

one or two, or if there

1:02:43

is a six -point difference and Jack

1:02:46

is six points higher than Alex,

1:02:48

then Alex will take a lesson from

1:02:50

Jack. We want video. And

1:02:53

if Jack and Alex are

1:02:55

within three points, then Jack will

1:02:57

apologize to Alex for offering

1:02:59

lessons in front of the whole

1:03:01

team. So Jack

1:03:03

and Alex, are you both

1:03:05

still okay with this? Absolutely.

1:03:10

Alex? There's no way

1:03:12

that he's six above me. Okay, so

1:03:14

for you, you are the six

1:03:16

above you. It says if Jack ranks

1:03:18

one or two. So if

1:03:20

Jack is a two, you need to take a

1:03:22

lesson from him. Yeah, I agree.

1:03:25

or if there is a six -point difference.

1:03:28

So then for Alex, if

1:03:30

Jack, if you guys are within three points, you

1:03:33

need to apologize to the whole team. Alex, you

1:03:35

need to film it. And Jack, don't do it

1:03:37

half -ass and trying to be cute and funny.

1:03:39

Fucking apologize. I will do

1:03:41

it with all the passion of floor hockey and

1:03:43

love for Alex. And I want there to be

1:03:45

something in there where you do say, my ego's

1:03:47

out of control. Okay. All

1:03:51

right, all right, let's uh, holy

1:03:53

shit. All right, so we only

1:03:55

we only received seven submissions Seven

1:03:57

and hold on Alex and Jack.

1:03:59

Does that change anything for you

1:04:01

guys? So half the team basically

1:04:03

before we get into excuses. No,

1:04:05

okay, Jack you're more than I

1:04:07

thought Yeah, I'd like to know

1:04:10

a lot of male people junk

1:04:12

mail apparently Yeah. But

1:04:14

so Jack and Alex, you are

1:04:17

willing to accept the seven as our

1:04:19

final answer, yes? Yes.

1:04:22

Katie, are you unhappy with the seven?

1:04:24

I'm unhappy. I just feel like

1:04:26

they had so much time. But

1:04:28

maybe we gave that, was it that they

1:04:30

had to get their vote in by a certain

1:04:32

time? We had a deadline. got late commissions,

1:04:34

which I took anyways, but okay. I also think

1:04:36

a lot of people didn't care because it's

1:04:39

just stupid foolhardy at work. Wow. I think I

1:04:41

wouldn't have cared anymore. I care so much,

1:04:43

so I'm a little disappointed that the people who

1:04:45

are in control of it. Look, I've been

1:04:47

disappointed at people for not voting before. So it's

1:04:49

just a little bit more of that. But

1:04:51

it just feels like this is kind of important,

1:04:53

guys. Garrett, are you - comfortable with leaning into

1:04:55

the seven and that's it. We never discuss

1:04:58

it again. That's it. That's what we're going to

1:05:00

get. Like Katie said, it's the presidential election.

1:05:02

Half the people don't vote. This is the system.

1:05:04

This is what the founding fathers of this

1:05:06

podcast wanted when they came up with it. We

1:05:08

have to accept it. Jake, are you also

1:05:10

willing to it? 100%. I would be happy if

1:05:12

only one. It is what it is. I

1:05:15

just don't want somebody to come up with an

1:05:17

excuse and say, if the other seven, dude, I

1:05:19

would have. No. We all have decided before we

1:05:21

got to the answers, we live and die by the

1:05:23

seven. Everyone's in agreement. Yes. Yes.

1:05:25

That attack turned the page. All right.

1:05:27

So some people gave commentary and some

1:05:29

people just gave straight numbers. So you're

1:05:31

going to see a difference on some

1:05:33

of the slides. Okay.

1:05:35

Thank you for doing this. Oh,

1:05:37

shit. Okay. Wow. Anonymous

1:05:40

one. Jack

1:05:43

two. Alex

1:05:46

eight. Okay.

1:05:48

It feels like bingo. Next one. Yeah,

1:05:50

this one. Oh my god. Oh

1:05:52

my god. Yes a of anonymous

1:05:54

to your most verbose co -worker.

1:05:56

Are those decimal points? I think

1:05:58

it's a biblical passage. They didn't

1:06:00

give an overall score. They just

1:06:03

gave all of the rankings on

1:06:05

all the categories we asked about

1:06:07

and I average them together. I'll

1:06:09

run through them quickly, but we

1:06:11

could definitely post on the socials

1:06:13

the full breakdown. I feel like

1:06:15

they might have done it in

1:06:17

reverse. No, I checked it.

1:06:19

They did actually do it

1:06:21

in reverse. I used their commentary

1:06:24

to fix it. I reversed

1:06:26

it back and we're here now.

1:06:28

Well, I am totally lost,

1:06:30

but let's go through it. Jack

1:06:32

was given. It's shocking. Jack

1:06:34

was given an 11 for scoring,

1:06:36

a 14 for defense, 13

1:06:38

for court vision, 10 as a

1:06:40

teammate. Slow scoring. Jack, and I

1:06:42

need you to hear this. Okay. While

1:06:44

he does score some goals, the

1:06:46

little dance he does after

1:06:48

cherry picking a little, tap

1:06:50

it like he did something

1:06:52

impressive, lowers his score. Okay,

1:06:55

so you were dinged for

1:06:57

your little dance. 14

1:06:59

defense. Katie,

1:07:01

you want to read this one, Katie?

1:07:03

Oh, that's sweet. You think I can

1:07:05

read from that far away. 14, defense.

1:07:07

Jack does not play defense. lord.

1:07:09

Now, Spellbilton S and then a

1:07:11

C is interesting. Jack does not play

1:07:13

defense except under duress, hence not

1:07:15

a zero. Okay. Katie, keep

1:07:17

going. You're on fire. 13,

1:07:19

court vision. He only has eyes

1:07:21

for other players. What is

1:07:24

that? Sexual. Interesting. I

1:07:26

think that's exactly right. 10, teammate.

1:07:29

He's quick to tell you how great

1:07:31

a job you did on a play,

1:07:33

especially if it involved him in some

1:07:35

way. Wow, really seeing the ego. Interesting.

1:07:38

Eight. Eight. Ability to affect

1:07:40

the game in a positive or

1:07:42

negative way. Nine. Passing.

1:07:46

His passes are solid when

1:07:48

he makes them. Interesting. Eight

1:07:51

and a half IQ, just

1:07:53

like his IQ. Oh, you're

1:07:55

getting dinged, King. And there's

1:07:58

seven endurance. His

1:08:00

endurance is decent, but for

1:08:02

someone who never has sleeves on

1:08:04

his shirt, Pat McAfee, I

1:08:06

figured he'd be faster. Okay,

1:08:08

so Jack really fast. Who's the

1:08:10

one saying this? So

1:08:12

I've worked a couple jobs at

1:08:15

our place of employment. And

1:08:17

there's no way this isn't my

1:08:19

first boss. We banter a lot when

1:08:21

we're playing. Okay. But now

1:08:23

let's hear what he said about Alex. Katie? Oh,

1:08:26

me again. Okay. Four

1:08:28

scoring. Alex

1:08:30

is there when you need him. Solid

1:08:32

player and is also quick to set up

1:08:34

assists. Great. Three

1:08:37

defense. Alex

1:08:39

hustles back to play defense as

1:08:41

needed. Great. Two

1:08:43

court vision. Alex sees

1:08:45

all. Great. One teammate.

1:08:48

If I had to

1:08:50

sum Alex up

1:08:52

in two words, Quiet

1:08:54

leader hold on

1:08:57

Alex Wow, you got

1:08:59

quiet leader my

1:09:01

glue king I'm leaders

1:09:03

massive Alex. I'm

1:09:05

really blushing right now.

1:09:07

You should be Katie

1:09:10

keep going one ability to

1:09:12

affect the game in a

1:09:14

positive or negative way his

1:09:17

attendance is required for it

1:09:19

to be a good game

1:09:21

This is beyond glue the

1:09:23

truly Two, passing. His passes

1:09:25

are solid and get to

1:09:27

your stick like a laser.

1:09:30

Lasers and caps. caps. Emphasized.

1:09:34

One IQ, just like his IQ. All right, I

1:09:36

don't know, is that the same? That's what

1:09:38

he said. I shouldn't have

1:09:41

left it. There was an edit

1:09:43

there. It was actually 180. I

1:09:45

don't know if that's all better. Wow, that

1:09:47

is better. is way better. That felt like maybe.

1:09:49

guy know your IQ? Yeah. So this guy

1:09:51

loves you, Alex. Loves you. See, this is your

1:09:54

wife, I think, did this. Yes. And

1:09:56

then lastly, five endurance. His

1:09:58

endurance is decent, but he

1:10:00

will push past his human

1:10:03

limits and tap into something

1:10:05

primal. It's pretty amazing to see.

1:10:07

This one is from Alex. Wow. This

1:10:09

has to be Alex. This is

1:10:11

Alex Burner. We need to know

1:10:14

for real, Alex. I know it.

1:10:16

Did you write this? exactly who

1:10:18

wrote this. I did not write

1:10:20

this, but I do know who

1:10:22

did. Swear to God we can

1:10:24

holy do you didn't write this

1:10:26

I Swear to God I didn't

1:10:28

write it and you could you

1:10:30

could check with Jesse neither of

1:10:32

them are this person. Okay, let's

1:10:34

go on. All right, I Like

1:10:37

this person Interesting Jack and this

1:10:39

one is an eight Alex is

1:10:41

a six. Wow. This is crazy.

1:10:43

Huh next one. Oh

1:10:45

Jack Oh,

1:10:48

Alex is a test. That hurt

1:10:50

me. tightening up. That hurt me. This

1:10:52

is wild. OK, next one. Jack

1:10:55

is a four. Alex

1:10:58

is a nine. Shit.

1:11:02

Gareth you undo this one. Sure. This

1:11:04

is anonymous six We've got for

1:11:07

Jack great scorer and smart touches around

1:11:09

net first you got to give

1:11:11

the score Well, I thought it cap

1:11:13

it off. All right cap it

1:11:15

off count off play your game does

1:11:17

not play defense cherry picks That's

1:11:19

something we're hearing a lot of it

1:11:21

has a solid hockey IQ and

1:11:24

skill plays the offensive half of the

1:11:26

court Well and solid face offs

1:11:28

gets the trash talking going overall six

1:11:30

Alex Game has improved

1:11:32

remarkably this past year. Passing

1:11:34

is better, vision is stronger,

1:11:36

and endurance is more solid. Does

1:11:39

not maintain possession as strongly

1:11:41

under pressure and still needs to

1:11:43

work on shot accuracy. Very

1:11:45

positive team member. During this, it

1:11:47

reoccurred to me how funny what is

1:11:49

actually happening right now. way, not

1:11:51

what you want to get as a

1:11:53

glue guy. I

1:11:56

reoccurred what the fuck we're

1:11:58

actually doing right now. Anyway, Alex

1:12:00

overall, Alex's overall is

1:12:02

an eight. So Jack,

1:12:04

six and Alex eight. This

1:12:06

is so tight. Katie,

1:12:09

you wanna do this one? Yeah,

1:12:11

Anonymous 7 says, with a little

1:12:13

caveat, these are both above average

1:12:15

players in our league. It's close.

1:12:18

Jack focuses on offense and sometimes

1:12:21

leaves the goalie exposed when he

1:12:23

doesn't have a defensive -minded teammate,

1:12:25

but his play in front of

1:12:27

the opponent's goal gives him the

1:12:29

slight edge overall. He ranks him

1:12:31

a 5. Alex is

1:12:33

the more well -rounded player contributing

1:12:35

on both offense and defense, getting

1:12:37

a rank of a 7.

1:12:39

Is that all of them? That's

1:12:41

all of them, and I

1:12:43

have one tallying slide at them.

1:12:45

Please. So, hold on, guys.

1:12:47

This is for all the fucking

1:12:49

marbles. The results.

1:12:52

Wow. Jack and

1:12:54

Alex are within three points.

1:12:57

and Jack was not a

1:12:59

one or a two. Wow.

1:13:02

Therefore Jack will apologize

1:13:04

to Alex for offering

1:13:06

lessons in front of

1:13:08

the team. Total averages.

1:13:11

Jack, you are a

1:13:13

5 .99, rounded up

1:13:15

to six. Alex, you

1:13:17

are a 7 .20, rounded

1:13:20

down to seven. Alex

1:13:22

claimed that he was

1:13:24

a six. This is

1:13:26

shocking. Jack was a

1:13:28

five. Jack claimed that

1:13:30

he was a two

1:13:32

and Alex was an

1:13:35

eight. Alex, you have

1:13:37

won. Jackie boy,

1:13:40

you have lost. Starting with the

1:13:42

loser of UFC, they do

1:13:44

not interview the guy who just

1:13:46

got knocked out because of

1:13:48

concussions, but we are going to

1:13:51

you, Jack. May I do

1:13:53

my catchphrase announcement? Let's get ready

1:13:55

to humble. Nearly

1:14:02

perfect, G -Man.

1:14:05

Jack. The microphone's

1:14:07

yours. This is not your apology. That goes

1:14:09

to the team. Alex, we ask you to

1:14:11

film it. Jack, this is just

1:14:13

your post game. This is the mic's on you.

1:14:15

What's going on? Yeah,

1:14:17

I humbly accept defeat.

1:14:22

I think that when I gave my analysis

1:14:24

of Alex, I said he did everything

1:14:26

right. He just needed to improve his shooting

1:14:28

and his scoring and his passing. And

1:14:30

I think that that was reflected in the

1:14:32

responses. I'm

1:14:35

gonna tape a five next to

1:14:37

my my door and you know hit

1:14:39

it every day Five point nine

1:14:41

nine king. Oh, yep, my

1:14:43

bad. I'm gonna tape a six

1:14:45

next to my door and slap it

1:14:47

on my way out the door

1:14:49

every day and And we'll do nothing

1:14:51

but do nothing but hit the

1:14:53

gym Hit the you know hit the

1:14:55

court and get back to it.

1:14:57

You feel a little bit about passing.

1:14:59

Yeah, but do you feel a

1:15:01

little embarrassed about lessons about lessons though?

1:15:04

No, no, I think you know

1:15:06

six six to a seven Yeah,

1:15:09

no, it's a I I'm shocked

1:15:11

by the passing remarks because I

1:15:13

don't I don't hold on to

1:15:15

the ball very much I either

1:15:17

get the ball and pass or

1:15:19

get the ball and shoot. I'm

1:15:21

not good at controlling the ball

1:15:23

the long. Um Yeah,

1:15:25

I'm your thoughts

1:15:28

really fast I just

1:15:30

that I was nice to hear

1:15:32

humility for what I believe may

1:15:34

be the first time ever. I'm

1:15:36

really not very good at that.

1:15:38

In closing, Jack, your final statements.

1:15:42

I am happy I get to play

1:15:45

floor hockey with my friend Alex every

1:15:47

Wednesday. What a beautiful

1:15:49

ending. And now, Alex,

1:15:53

the quiet leader, the

1:15:56

polite alpha. The seven

1:15:58

to Jack six. How

1:16:00

you feeling big dog? You

1:16:02

know, I'm feeling pretty good. I

1:16:05

thought I'd feel better weirdly. You

1:16:08

know, it's you know, I'm

1:16:10

think I'm thinking about it and Our

1:16:12

lat and I told Jack this after

1:16:14

our last game. We actually we ended

1:16:16

up on the same team this last

1:16:18

game and I think our skills really

1:16:20

complement each other In that like when

1:16:22

we're on the same team, I feel

1:16:24

like we're pretty unstoppable Um,

1:16:27

because we kind of have the court vision and

1:16:29

the defense that's needed on one side and Jack can

1:16:31

kind of do what he wants to do around

1:16:33

the goal. Um, and so I,

1:16:35

you know, I, I see, I

1:16:37

feel like, you know, Jack, Jack

1:16:39

does get, you know, deserve some

1:16:41

credit here. Um, you know what

1:16:43

this sounds to me, Alex, like

1:16:45

you're a quarterback and Jack's the

1:16:47

wide receiver and you understand that

1:16:49

wide receivers are crazy. Do

1:16:51

you also know you're putting up good

1:16:54

numbers with Antonio Brown? You're

1:17:01

like in his prime number 84

1:17:03

could do some shit with the ball

1:17:06

a lot of other options

1:17:08

I hear you in a

1:17:10

lot of ways but number

1:17:12

84 could do some shit

1:17:14

with the ball without it

1:17:16

You don't even need to

1:17:18

mind the field to do

1:17:20

some shit and so I

1:17:23

understand where you're coming from, Alex. That

1:17:25

is the answer of a quiet leader.

1:17:28

Jack, do you mind the next game

1:17:30

just standing in front of the

1:17:32

team really quickly? Alex, do

1:17:34

you mind filming it and sending it to

1:17:36

us? Absolutely. And

1:17:39

guys, I got to say, both the

1:17:41

UI View is winners. And I would

1:17:43

love to see the two of you

1:17:45

guys together, as well as... did a

1:17:47

pickleball movie that's going to be coming

1:17:49

out. And maybe there's going to

1:17:51

be a press thing where I try to

1:17:53

get you two guys out together as a team.

1:17:56

Now I just feel like I'm part of

1:17:58

the press tour. Let's see what these boys

1:18:00

can do. Let's see what these boys can

1:18:02

do. If you put these

1:18:05

two boys together, they might win

1:18:07

the goddamn thing. I

1:18:09

will say, for a little bit

1:18:11

more context, we work at a

1:18:13

college. What college? What

1:18:16

state? You know,

1:18:18

let's keep the anatomy.

1:18:21

OK, but what state, baby boy? Because I'm

1:18:23

thinking, you in California? Not English teachers, right? It's

1:18:26

in Maryland. It's

1:18:28

in Maryland. OK. And

1:18:31

I will say, we played pickleball last

1:18:33

night against two girls that are on

1:18:35

the varsity soccer team here. And we

1:18:37

crushed them. Well,

1:18:40

guys, just when you made fans out of everybody,

1:18:42

you made it a little weird. I'll be totally

1:18:44

honest with you. I'll

1:18:47

also be involved more this

1:18:49

weekend if you would like to

1:18:51

come. That's my premiere. Oh, you're

1:18:53

going to be in Maryland? Yeah. Where

1:18:56

in Maryland? Bring the whole, bring the team. Uh,

1:18:58

you bring the whole team, whatever. Who cares? I don't...

1:19:00

Come do it type 5. You can do it

1:19:02

type 5. guys, do me a favor. Play floor hockey

1:19:04

during the show. Message

1:19:06

Natalie if you guys are interested in

1:19:08

coming, but, uh... Yeah, I don't know. How

1:19:10

do we put a fine point on

1:19:12

this? think? I'll tell you what, Katie, do

1:19:14

you have any... You've been on a

1:19:16

journey with us. Yes. This is now the

1:19:18

end. We're laying around all smoking cigarettes

1:19:21

in the bed. Your thoughts. Look,

1:19:26

I think this worked out as

1:19:28

perfectly as it could have. I think

1:19:30

we went on a journey, we

1:19:32

gathered numbers. I'm still holding onto a

1:19:34

bit of disappointment for the rest

1:19:36

of the league that they couldn't participate

1:19:38

in a popular podcast asking for

1:19:40

their opinion about something. But I'll let

1:19:42

that go. I'll talk to my

1:19:44

therapist about that. I think I love

1:19:47

that when it all came down

1:19:49

to it, Jack was slightly

1:19:51

humbled, which I think I

1:19:53

felt he needed. and Alex even

1:19:55

came back from that humbling

1:19:57

to say like, hey, chin up,

1:20:00

a great teammate, which is exactly what

1:20:02

you want from your glue guy. So

1:20:04

I feel like this is just gonna

1:20:06

make them more successful on the court

1:20:08

and closer as friends, which is all

1:20:10

you can want at the end of

1:20:13

the day. And then in terms of

1:20:15

the press tour, will you tell us

1:20:17

about your podcast a little bit? Oh,

1:20:19

yeah, it's called Casuals. It's for people

1:20:21

who think they don't like sports, but

1:20:23

I contend it's just that nobody talks

1:20:25

about it in a way that would

1:20:27

interest them. So it's absolutely perfect. And

1:20:30

it's been a blast and a joy to

1:20:32

So for the we're here to help audience

1:20:34

members who don't think you like sports, but

1:20:36

you've loved this, check out

1:20:38

Casuals. You're going to love it.

1:20:40

You might. You

1:20:43

just might. What's

1:20:45

your final take on all this madness? Well,

1:20:47

I think even though it was

1:20:49

a limited form of democracy, it

1:20:52

did work. And I would say

1:20:54

that both of our athletes seem

1:20:56

to come off pretty good, except

1:20:58

for the end when they talked

1:21:00

about how they beat two women

1:21:02

last night at the pickleball. But

1:21:05

no, it feels like there's something to build

1:21:07

on for both of our guys. And

1:21:09

I'm just enjoying the post -coital

1:21:11

cigarette. And it's been a real

1:21:13

pleasure, gentlemen. And what I

1:21:15

would like to say to you guys,

1:21:17

Katie's a gentleman, what I would

1:21:19

like to say to you guys in closing

1:21:21

is, Alex, you've been validated,

1:21:23

but don't forget who you are.

1:21:26

Don't let this change you. What makes you

1:21:28

good is that this victory doesn't feel sweet

1:21:30

for you. And I'm also gonna say, Jack, you've

1:21:34

been humbled, but don't forget who you are,

1:21:36

King. Because sometimes what makes you

1:21:38

great is that the sword's sharp on both

1:21:40

sides. We gotta go. And

1:21:42

don't be afraid, Jack. run faster.

1:21:45

Jack, don't learn too big of

1:21:47

a lesson here because a lot

1:21:49

of these people who wrote are

1:21:51

your competitors. Oh my God, he's

1:21:53

undoing all of it. He's undoing

1:21:56

everything. Jack, you get out there

1:21:58

and you play your game because

1:22:00

what? The people who

1:22:02

wrote this are the people who

1:22:04

fear you and play against you.

1:22:06

you understand what I'm saying, Jack? I

1:22:09

do, I do, I do. I'm

1:22:11

more motivated than ever today. You should be,

1:22:13

because guess what? Anonymous

1:22:15

one through six, I'm afraid of you, Jack.

1:22:19

And seven is you. Hey,

1:22:25

gentlemen, we love you. Thank you for

1:22:28

the call. This was excellent. And thank

1:22:30

you, Katie. And thank you. This is

1:22:32

so fun. Look what the rest of

1:22:34

the season boys. Yeah. Let us know

1:22:36

how the season goes. Send

1:22:39

us this video and please follow up how the

1:22:41

season goes and how you've changed. Absolutely.

1:22:45

Thank you. Thanks. God

1:22:47

bless. Bye. Wow.

1:22:51

What a ride. Wow. What a ride. It's

1:22:53

everything I hoped it would be. It really was.

1:22:55

It was really great. It was an unpredictable ending.

1:22:57

I did not think that was going to be the

1:22:59

ending. I thought Jack was going to murder him.

1:23:01

Me too! I thought it be two to ten.

1:23:03

Also great producing because the first slide, I was like,

1:23:05

shit, we're in it. Same me. This is just

1:23:07

going to be a lot of this. And then

1:23:09

it wasn't. It's perfect. Holy

1:23:12

cow. I feel complete. I haven't been sleeping while the

1:23:14

last few days and I didn't know what it was

1:23:16

and now I know it was there. I needed this.

1:23:19

sleep like a baby. I'm gonna sleep

1:23:21

for two days. No doubt. We all

1:23:23

are. Amazing. I

1:23:25

feel complete. This

1:23:29

is great. Katie, thank you. Thank

1:23:31

you so much. I don't want this

1:23:33

to be over. I know

1:23:35

I don't need to find a new league.

1:23:37

We got to find a new league

1:23:39

with your internal strife and we can be

1:23:41

like the sports helper. Yeah, by the

1:23:44

way great anytime. Yeah, great. Any time you

1:23:46

get a sports question, I'm here. I

1:23:48

like that call so much. I don't want

1:23:50

it over. I know, but they're gone.

1:23:52

And now we're just like weirdos hanging around

1:23:54

here. The last three people I eat

1:23:56

toothpaste. Why do I do that? Have

1:23:59

Have you ever played floor hockey? What

1:24:02

do you think about Jack and Alex? vision like? We

1:24:05

bring in and Jack. Jen, they're to

1:24:07

help you with this toothpaste issue. Alex,

1:24:10

go first. They're

1:24:12

quiet alphas. They lean,

1:24:15

but quiet alphas, polite alphas. The light

1:24:17

alphas. Oh yeah, the light alphas. Thank

1:24:19

you so much, Katie. Thank you, Katie.

1:24:21

You're the best. best. This This is

1:24:24

a treat, a a joy, all the

1:24:26

positive adjectives. You guys are the best.

1:24:28

Likewise, and it. Cool. See you sometime.

1:24:30

That that was fucking great. Great work,

1:24:32

Nat. Rob. Perfect. So good. Nat, mainly.

1:24:34

I'm not going to tell him that you guys said

1:24:36

that. Smart. I

1:24:41

I can't hear on camera.

1:24:44

First cast. It's

1:24:48

I'd like to formally apologize to Alex

1:24:50

for having such an ego that I

1:24:53

thought I should give or that I

1:24:55

should you for hockey lessons. It will

1:24:57

never happen again. Thanks, Jack. We're

1:25:03

here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson

1:25:06

and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like

1:25:08

to be on the show, please

1:25:10

email us your question at helpful pod

1:25:12

gmail.com. And if you want to

1:25:14

watch video episodes of We're Here to

1:25:16

Help, you can go to our

1:25:18

Patreon at.com slash here to help pod

1:25:21

to see our entire catalog. We're

1:25:23

here to help is produced by Rabbit

1:25:25

Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis,

1:25:27

Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis, associate producer

1:25:29

Jesse Thurston, editing mix and

1:25:31

master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by

1:25:33

Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James

1:25:35

Faustike. Animations by Andrew Stralecki. And if

1:25:38

you'd like to To see Gareth, you

1:25:40

stand on the road, go to garethrenolds.com. Remember,

1:25:42

all of the advice given on where

1:25:44

Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only

1:25:46

and all listeners should be adults and

1:25:48

make their own decisions. All

1:25:52

video episodes of season one are

1:25:54

available now on Patreon and season

1:25:56

two video episodes will be available

1:25:58

every Monday starting... January 20th. Go

1:26:01

to patreon.com forward slash here to

1:26:03

help pod. Hi, I'm

1:26:05

Rachel Dillson. And I'm Olivia

1:26:07

Allen. And we host the

1:26:09

podcast. Broad Ideas. Yes, that's

1:26:11

now on head Gum. On our show,

1:26:13

we chat with people like Britney

1:26:15

Snow, Lucy Hale, Kristen Bell, Margaret Cho,

1:26:17

Jake Johnson and so much more.

1:26:19

And we talk about all the things

1:26:21

you would talk about with your

1:26:23

best friend. Like your periods. And

1:26:25

mental illness. And the food you

1:26:28

ate for lunch. Most importantly. listen

1:26:30

to broad ideas on Spotify, Apple

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Podcasts, YouTube, or wherever you

1:26:34

listen to your podcasts.