0:00

always have a bucket on standby. Like I

0:02

have not ever had an apartment that leaked

0:04

this much before. And mind you, I'm on

0:06

the ground floor. We've long had a idea

0:09

that we should have a canoe in

0:11

our garage just in case like shit goes

0:13

down and we have to float our way

0:15

down the Mississippi River. Or like last time

0:18

it started leaking. I was like, oh fuck,

0:20

it must be raining outside. No. It wasn't

0:22

even raining. I'm like, what is leaky? Is

0:24

it? Siegel piss? Like, what is leaky through

0:27

the roof right now? We saved this up

0:29

for winter for the dry times. We

0:31

got a little bit of wet

0:33

for the dry times. Don't worry.

0:35

We're gonna give cheese black mold

0:37

one way or the other buddy.

0:39

Yeah, exactly. And the worst part

0:42

is I get a two-year contract

0:44

on this place, and that rules,

0:46

because finding anything, My dog is

0:48

doomed, but I'm good. My dog

0:50

is gonna get black mold cancer.

0:52

Everybody's gonna die of cancer, but

0:54

Joe's gonna get another 10 years

0:56

stacked onto his life. The black

0:58

molds. The black mold actually, like it

1:00

keeps you, it's like, it's like the venom suit in

1:02

Spider-Man, it's like kind of symbiotic, it keeps you alive.

1:04

It's the only thing that makes any sense. And because

1:06

I've actually, I've been like, you know, doing really well

1:08

in the gym recently, I assume it's also some kind

1:10

of performance enhancer. Just to be safe, I'm gonna start

1:12

smoking it. It's a very careful balance between the black

1:14

lung on the inside and the black mold and the

1:16

black mold, and one of the black mold, and the

1:18

black mold, and the black mold, and the black mold,

1:20

and the black mold, and the black mold, and the

1:23

black mold, and the black mold, and the black mold,

1:25

and the black mold, and the black mold, and the

1:27

black mold, and the black mold, and the black mold,

1:29

and the black mold, and the black, and the black,

1:31

and the black, and the black, and the black, and

1:33

the, and the, and the, and the You just got

1:35

to huff a few spores and you're ready to go.

1:37

That's actually how RFK Jr got so, got so jacked.

1:39

You know, it just, it's doing me great in the

1:41

gym. He kept feeding the brainworm in his head, black

1:43

mold, and it just made him fucking ripped. I might

1:45

look like shit on the outside of my brainworm, my

1:47

brainworm, is jacked. All right, well, let's talk about some

1:49

serious news here, guys. I have a question for you.

1:51

Do you guys know how old your penose know how

1:53

old your penises are? I would like to think about

1:55

36. Okay. Yeah, I mean, it's similar. I would like

1:57

to think about 37. If not, I'm going to have

1:59

my whole. Well, yeah. Brian Johnson, our

2:01

anti-aging guru, says that he has

2:03

the happiness. Yes, yes, Brian Johnson.

2:06

The Beach Boyce has a 22-year-old

2:08

penis. He should probably give it

2:10

back then. Is that because he

2:12

stole it from his son whose

2:14

erections he's monitoring with a cell

2:16

phone app? Yes, actually. We'll get

2:19

there. Yeah, so he has been

2:21

measuring his erections. Now, personally, congratulations.

2:23

He's me when I was 13.

2:25

Yeah. Oh, you get a lot

2:27

of bonus. Congratulations. You know, I

2:29

mean, look, if you really want a

2:32

22-year-old penis, there's this. App call grinder.

2:34

That'll get one delivered right to you.

2:36

And he's so wealthy, he could just

2:39

get one grafted right on there. I

2:41

don't know. Right, like, you know, I

2:43

don't know if you ever read the

2:45

story about the guy who had his

2:48

penis regrown on his arm. I think

2:50

he was a British man too. I

2:52

think he was in the UK. You

2:55

know, he was sucking that dick like

2:57

mad while it's attached to his whole

2:59

life. We can grow you a new

3:02

penis on your arm. It's like a

3:04

dick nursery on your forearm. You know,

3:06

you just got it. Why not? So,

3:08

uh, Brian Jack. What did it have

3:11

been so bad, but they were doing

3:13

it to him right around the holidays.

3:15

You had a lot of, like, really

3:18

ruin the Christmas pictures. Yeah, he just

3:20

wasn't really quite the same when he

3:22

said on the Christmas card. It'd be

3:25

funny if they put balls on it,

3:27

too. Just a hole in some balls.

3:29

Look at logistics of this. What do

3:32

you got going on? What kind of

3:34

what kind of hot mess do you

3:36

have going on in your pants here?

3:38

So I love bringing up Brian Johnson

3:41

because my wife made the mistake of

3:43

reading one of his less crazy articles

3:45

and she's like, oh, he's doing a

3:48

lot of like really interesting stuff about

3:50

health and he's having scientists, you know,

3:52

study him and everything. And look, we

3:55

have a long history of eccentric rich

3:57

people being the scientists and figuring out.

3:59

I bring him up every time because

4:02

my wife one time said anything nice

4:04

about him and they're just like, hey,

4:06

did you hear how he uses

4:08

his son as a blood bag? Hey,

4:11

did you hear about his dick age?

4:13

Just to, you know, just to make

4:15

her feel a little, a little bit

4:18

bad. But Brian Johnson 47 gathered a

4:20

huge following on social media due

4:22

to his pursuit of longevity and all

4:24

of us obviously making fun of his

4:27

dumbness. microdosing sialis or something. Yeah, so

4:29

ladies, if you don't know this, men

4:31

get like five boners a night. It's

4:34

just what happens to us while

4:36

we're sleeping. Those are rookie numbers, you're

4:38

gonna pump those numbers. I go to

4:40

sleep erect, erect, I wake up erect,

4:43

there's nothing, it's just a constant flow.

4:45

So many can have as many as

4:47

five a night correl with the

4:49

rapid eye movement sleep, and they can

4:52

last anywhere between 20 to 30 minutes.

4:54

But a lack of no. and things

4:56

like that. So Johnson says, it's a

4:59

huge marker for your body's actual age.

5:01

Quote, it turns out that, and

5:03

this is true for men and women,

5:05

that a woman, your boners here, that

5:08

a man's nighttime erections and a woman's

5:10

nighttime erections, the cliterus engorging, is one

5:12

of the most important biomarkers of anything

5:15

about our body. And he knows

5:17

that he has a 22 year old

5:19

penis because he has a 22 year

5:21

old son. So that's what he's been.

5:24

Once again, he's asking his son for

5:26

too much. I'm not really a religious

5:28

person, but I do have to say

5:30

in this particular instance that this is

5:33

all, you know, going further away from

5:35

God's light every day.