0:01

Welcome to What a

0:03

Time to Be Alive! The

0:05

only podcast counting down everything

0:07

this week that made you

0:10

say. What a time to

0:12

be alive! And now, Patrick

0:14

Monaghan, Kath Barbadoro, and Eli

0:17

Yudin. Folks, welcome. Welcome.

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Welcome. Welcome. Welcome.

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Folks, welcome. Welcome.

0:24

Welcome. Welcome. Welcome.

0:26

Welcome. Welcome. Welcome.

0:28

Welcome. I almost made an

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immediate and huge blunder right before

0:32

we started recording. Oh yeah? Forgetting

0:35

we were recording and singing one

0:37

of my little ditties to Iggy

0:39

and then that would have been

0:41

on the soundboard forever. It would

0:43

have been trapped. Love those songs. I

0:45

feel like I've been having that problem

0:47

a lot lately where just like similar

0:50

thing. I go to a fancy gym now.

0:52

I joined a fancy gym. If you

0:54

know me in person, you know this

0:56

has become my entire personality. It's all

0:59

I talk about and all I do. But

1:01

I'm not used to like showering at

1:03

the gym because the other places that

1:05

I used to work out, you would

1:07

catch so many diseases of the feet

1:10

if you tried to do that. But

1:12

not doing it. Just a fun

1:14

game. Just straight up looks like

1:16

the last of us. Just there's

1:18

a guy in the wall on.

1:20

Screaming. Uh-huh. Yeah, it's like that.

1:22

It's like that. Footness. Exactly. This

1:24

is not a judgment on

1:27

the people that go there.

1:29

It's the level of custodial

1:31

attention. I just want to

1:33

be clear about that. That's

1:36

why it's planet footness. But

1:38

anyway, now I shower at

1:40

this fancy gym and I

1:42

talked to myself in the shower

1:44

a lot. And so I will

1:46

like just start talking and then

1:49

be like, oh no, I am

1:51

essentially a public right now just

1:53

because I am. It's just like

1:55

my brain doesn't assume naked

1:57

public like those are not.

2:00

You know, it's like surely this is

2:02

a private space where I can mumble things

2:04

to myself. No, it's not people can hear

2:06

me Okay, that's in the shower. You talk

2:08

to yourself in the shower. I don't think

2:10

this is where you wanted it to go

2:12

But I don't care. Yeah, I don't know

2:14

She recites her enemies lists. So that's dangerous.

2:16

I'm gonna imagine imagining being in the shower

2:18

Someone's showering next to me at a gym,

2:20

and they're just like stupid stupid stupid Oh

2:23

god, I'm doing the Philip Seymour Hoffman.

2:25

I'm a fucking idiot from boogie nights in

2:27

the shower No,

2:30

I think it's like I talk to

2:32

myself when I'm alone But

2:34

when I'm in public It's I

2:37

know not to do that

2:39

But shower is like there's not

2:41

enough different Stimuli going on that

2:43

I remember that I'm not supposed to

2:45

be doing that. Yeah I was I

2:47

no good gyms. I mean like yeah,

2:49

there's all stuff but I remember getting

2:51

like a crazy when I worked at

2:53

a specific building They had like an

2:55

agreement with equinox. So you got a

2:57

super cheap and like it was it

3:00

just was so nice in there And

3:02

it was also the it was the

3:04

Chelsea equinox. So everyone was like the

3:06

most in shape Person I'd

3:08

ever seen and I felt every time I

3:10

showered in there. It felt like I was

3:12

being deloused Like I was like they'd brought

3:14

me in off the street like and they

3:16

were like like Spongebathing my hump Thank

3:20

you. Thank you But yeah,

3:22

no, it's nice everything smells

3:24

like eucalyptus great smell eucalyptus

3:26

Get rid of lavender bring in eucalyptus.

3:29

We've had enough of lavender forever It

3:31

is funny though. Because like I I

3:33

don't know. I'm not I'm not like Super

3:36

pro gym person or whatever

3:38

But like I I've never felt

3:40

intimidated at the gym until I started going to

3:42

this place And I because everyone is in

3:44

better shape than me and has like

3:46

everyone's wearing like Dedicated

3:49

like workout outfits, you know,

3:51

like there's a lot of that

3:53

and That's not my I'm

3:55

wearing a black shirt that has

3:57

like bleach spray on it

3:59

from when we were disinfecting stuff

4:01

during COVID, because it's

4:03

like a eight-year-old shirt. That's

4:05

the move. Yeah. Yeah. No, the rich, the

4:07

rich gyms have people who have like,

4:10

clearly have multiple, it's like a

4:12

separate life where they have multiple

4:14

outfits where they're like, I wouldn't

4:16

be caught dead in the same

4:18

workout here two days in a row, or

4:20

meanwhile I'm like, no, you wear, you wear, and

4:23

it's, I wear the same thing that you

4:25

did where I was like a sleep shirt,

4:27

a sleep shirt, I don't know. I'm stinky

4:29

in there. There are people that are like,

4:31

get ready, get ready with me for the

4:33

gym. And then they like put things in

4:35

like a bunch of little compartments and some

4:37

little thing and it's all very, it's all

4:39

very, as people say, aesthetic, which is in

4:41

fear and infuriating. Yeah, the way that

4:43

that has become a different part of

4:45

speech. The way that that's a word

4:47

that means something on its own is

4:49

insane. It's a problem. Yeah. It's either

4:51

that or they're wearing, they're either wearing

4:54

like a coordinated gym outfit or

4:56

a free t-shirt from a like

4:58

Deloitte sponsored fun run because

5:00

that's right work. That's right.

5:02

Everyone, everyone there. That's right.

5:05

That's, that's, yeah, the, the. Big

5:07

company, yeah, like some kind of, right.

5:09

Which of course they don't, they don't

5:11

reflect the values of or anything like

5:14

that. It's like everybody on dating apps

5:16

who's like, first and foremost, I believe

5:18

in kindness and then they work at

5:20

like, yeah, Lockheed Martin. Yeah, it's like,

5:23

um, interesting, interesting. No, see, the thing

5:25

is though, like, this is how I'm

5:27

actually better than all these people. you

5:29

know, because this is like a

5:31

way bigger portion of my income

5:33

is going to pay for this

5:36

gym. These people, this is pennies

5:38

to them, you know? Nothing.

5:40

This is nothing. I am working my

5:42

ass off to be walking on

5:44

a nicer treadmill and lifting

5:46

up slightly less like cracked,

5:49

fucked up dumbbells. That's why

5:51

that's what I'm doing. And

5:53

they have like a little

5:55

like fuel station that's like

5:57

nicer than most grocery stores.

5:59

around me it's got all sorts of

6:02

like liquids with spheres in it or

6:04

something yeah it's cool the nice or

6:06

the the I was gonna say orbies

6:08

but they have orbies orbits water with

6:10

orbies in it the water with

6:12

the the water with the little

6:14

beads in it from the orbit soda

6:17

yeah okay yes all right so orbies

6:19

are these related did the orbit

6:21

soda have orbies in it no they

6:23

were they were edible There's probably like

6:26

a bubble tea situation, but I

6:28

think the orbit is the operative.

6:30

That's why those words are similar.

6:33

Orbitz was a was a clearly

6:35

Canadian cousin, I believe. Ah, yeah.

6:37

Orbitz was the Canadian Jetson, the

6:39

orbits. Yeah. You watch George orbits.

6:42

It's George orbits. And orbits is

6:44

now famously that. Online travel agency.

6:46

So there we go. Is that

6:48

what they turned into? Yes, they

6:50

made a slight change in what

6:53

their primary thing was. Yeah, if

6:55

I remember I orbit to classic

6:57

hubris sort of like they were

6:59

like, oh, isn't this cool? And

7:01

everyone was like, this is gross.

7:04

And they just didn't work. It's

7:06

pretty weird. I definitely, that

7:08

was like a big, going along with

7:10

mom to the bank. get you're getting

7:13

in orbits you're getting in

7:15

orbits you're getting a little treat

7:17

a little water with the orbits at the

7:19

pool you know you know how you know

7:21

how when you drink stuff don't you like

7:23

to also eat stuff at the same time

7:25

don't you have parts of your drink to

7:27

be chewy I mean I guess that's what

7:29

bubble tea is and that worked out

7:31

yeah I'm not a bubble tea I'm

7:33

not a bubble tea I am a

7:35

staunch attack. You want to keep your

7:37

drink in your eat? I find, yeah,

7:39

I personally, I find that to be

7:41

an upsetting sort of combination. I'm always

7:44

worried I'm gonna like do the thing

7:46

together, the one vine where the guy's

7:48

like, I'm trying bubble tea and just

7:50

coughs it all over his dashboard. It's

7:52

gonna be me. It is like a

7:54

choking hazard challenge. It's like,

7:56

consume this without embarrassing yourself.

7:58

Good luck. Yeah. I'm doing the

8:00

I'm doing the viral choking challenge.

8:02

It's the new pass out that

8:04

the passing out game. Hey guys

8:07

here's my take I know you've

8:09

all been asking for it my

8:11

take on the viral Dubai chocolate.

8:13

A lot of people have been

8:15

asking me what I think about

8:17

the viral Dubai chocolate. The viral

8:19

lasagna you know just like okay

8:21

you know. What's up guys? It's

8:24

Garfield here trying the new viral

8:26

lasagna. I'm flown to goodbye. You

8:28

know, whatever. I have been... My

8:30

thing is not that stuff other

8:32

than other than chiropractor videos I'm

8:34

big on the and I've shared

8:36

a few of these the fast

8:39

grabbing guys on Instagram is huge

8:41

for me right now fast they

8:43

grab stuff fast yes they're like

8:45

start a timer on their phone where

8:47

you can see it and then they

8:49

go and they grab like a lighter

8:52

or a high lighter or whatever and

8:54

there's at least two of them there's

8:56

like an Italian guy and and I

8:58

think he's Turkish and I got to be

9:00

good at that so they can do the ice

9:02

cream thing. They got to be quick

9:04

at grabbing stuff. He's training for a

9:06

career as the tricky ice cream guy.

9:09

Yeah, the other guy like goes into

9:11

supermarkets and he'll just be standing in

9:13

the island going like But like not

9:15

actually grabbing yet like he does like but

9:17

I can and then but then he'll do

9:20

it or whatever Yeah, it's really great. So

9:22

I don't know if there's more than those

9:24

two guys. I don't know how you I

9:26

don't know how a second guy gets into

9:29

that when you know what I mean. I'm

9:31

like I've people always told me I was

9:33

a really fast grabber of things. I don't

9:35

know. Need one of those guys in

9:37

Sapporo with me. Postapes get in there.

9:40

Yeah, they should get a shot loading.

9:42

I was gonna say what those guys

9:44

really want to get into. They should

9:46

check out Jack's. They'd love Jack's. Oh,

9:48

competitive Jack's. They'd be winning. No, I feel

9:51

like any of that is like, to me,

9:53

it's like too close to, for me to

9:55

ever do, like, it's too close to like

9:57

me on the playground doing Dragon Ball Z.

10:00

It's like pretending to go super sand.

10:02

It's kind of got that vibe where

10:04

I'm like, but I do like, I

10:06

like the Karam guys. You've also been

10:08

big into the Karam king. Oh man.

10:10

The Karam king is unbelievable.

10:12

Do you know Karam the game of like,

10:15

it's almost like a, it looks

10:17

like air hockey a little bit, kind

10:19

of like pool, but with disks and

10:21

you flick them with your fingers. Okay,

10:23

this sounds vaguely familiar,

10:26

K-A-A-R-R-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-M. And there's a

10:28

guy who like is just incredible at

10:30

it to a point where it is

10:32

like eerie because he like flicks a

10:34

disc and then just like poses and

10:36

smiles at you and it goes around

10:38

the board like 800 times. He puts

10:41

it and then he sounds cool. He

10:43

points to which are the ones that's

10:45

going to go in and just waits

10:47

and then it slowly goes. It all I

10:49

mean who knows how many of these he

10:51

films in between I'm not trying to.

10:54

Yeah there's no question what his name.

10:56

It's right there. Great marketing. It's very,

10:58

yeah, so fast grabbing guys and machine,

11:00

if you Google fast grabbing guys, you

11:03

will find a bunch of Tik Talks

11:05

in the images. So it's not hard

11:07

to find. That is for sure. I'm

11:09

looking at Rashid right now. He

11:12

seems pretty cool. Yeah, he needs

11:14

more followers. The one follower I

11:16

have in common with him is

11:18

Rajat. So, shout out of Rajat.

11:20

Fan of the Karam King. Rajat,

11:22

the Karam fan. Rajat, the Karam

11:24

fan. Yeah. Man, I was going

11:26

to record too, speaking of Orby's.

11:28

That was a good YouTube ticked

11:30

at whatever was the, for a

11:32

while plumbers, because Orby's like, fuck

11:35

your plumbing up incredibly, because they

11:37

swell so big. Yeah. And there

11:39

are a lot of plumbers that

11:41

would just like, like fill pipes with

11:43

Orbe's and then try to fix it.

11:45

Like they just dump a bunch of Orbe's.

11:47

It's how they test you. It's how you

11:49

take the plumbing test. I mean, how happy

11:51

are the people that make Orbe's and or

11:54

the, you know, Temu knockoffs of Orbe's, I

11:56

assume at this point, that like that became

11:58

like a whole like rolling a. are full of

12:00

them downstairs until it breaks or

12:03

like. There's no other use for them

12:05

so that really saved their business. Billing

12:07

a balloon and then like cutting it

12:09

open so they in with water so

12:11

they come shooting out or you know you

12:13

name it. Disemboweling of Orby's balloon. I'm

12:16

big on when they have when they

12:18

have two they hang two toilets each

12:20

by a rope and they swing them

12:22

so they crash into each other. No

12:24

this is a thing. Yeah yeah you

12:26

never seen this. And you're just waiting

12:29

for them to hit. You're like, oh,

12:31

oh, and they keep almost missing. And

12:33

still, yeah, it's very, yeah. It's like,

12:35

if you've ever seen where people put

12:37

like a brick in a washing machine,

12:39

and then that one. Sure, sure, yeah.

12:41

It's, it's kind of, it's a physical,

12:44

it's really kind of smart and scientific,

12:46

because it's like a, that's right. And

12:48

they fill the toilets with it because

12:51

it's school. They fill the toilets with

12:53

colored water, but they plug the bottom

12:55

so the water stays in the bowl.

12:58

And then when they smash, the water

13:00

goes as well. That's all. This is

13:02

actually the high school physics curriculum

13:04

now is just watching brain

13:06

rot videos of like glasses

13:08

rolling downstairs. Yeah. Toilits swinging together

13:10

and hitting each other. Now why

13:12

did that break? No. Don't listen

13:15

to the red it. post narration

13:17

over it. Just think about why

13:19

it broke. Think about what? Stop

13:21

watching subway surfers. Ignore that part.

13:23

That's not part of it. In the

13:25

scale of intellect, you know, it's

13:27

better to watch the toilet swinging

13:30

than Brianna Chicken Fry News or

13:32

whatever. So it's actually smart. It's

13:34

school. Whoa. Hey. Come on. Patty's

13:36

been sending us Brianna Chicken Fry

13:39

updates periodically. She

13:41

attended the Golden Globe solo, you

13:43

know. Def defiantly. Speaking

13:45

of updates, I just got

13:48

a email notification that my

13:50

dog DNA test has found

13:53

new relatives. She's an iconic

13:55

class. Golden state killer. Your

13:58

dog is related to... Dog's

14:00

uncle has been

14:02

linked to countless crimes

14:04

across Sorry robot Shelby, for

14:06

stepping on your AI. Not

14:09

AI. Yeah,

14:12

the Thomas Jefferson style

14:14

beat. This

14:17

is incredible. Sorry that this week we're just talking

14:19

about what we send each other, but hey, it's

14:21

like being in our group chat. This is what

14:23

Hamilton should be. That's what Hamilton should sound like.

14:25

Hamilton should be that. Beatmaker

14:29

want to do a jig. So the background

14:31

for this is just an Instagram from,

14:33

I guess, like a beatmaker or whatever. And

14:35

he's like, MF emailed this to me,

14:37

labeled Thomas Jefferson style beat. It

14:41

is. Just cold calling somebody

14:44

with the Thomas Jefferson style beat.

14:46

Thomas Jefferson

14:48

style beat, body none. Are

14:52

you sure you want to send this email

14:55

without a subject? Yes. Thomas

14:57

Jefferson style beat.

14:59

Wave, really high fidelity.

15:01

It's like 168

15:03

megabytes. It's a.OGG or

15:05

whatever. Should

15:07

we do numbers? I

15:10

suppose. Number five.

15:14

Number five, this story comes to

15:16

us from the average Gatsby in the Discord. This

15:19

is, hey, Bing

15:21

is still around and they're

15:23

still trying. They're doing their

15:26

very best. Bing

15:28

really, the thing. That's

15:30

cool, Brad Pitt. For

15:33

every reading. That's cool. We

15:35

gotta get that on the

15:38

soundboard, request. Ah, that's cool.

15:40

Yes. Ah,

15:43

that's cool. Bing search, the

15:45

number one way to realize that

15:47

you accidentally opened Internet Explorer

15:49

and you're not in fact on

15:51

Chrome. You're on edge. Yeah,

15:53

you're on edge, sorry. Which God,

15:55

the edge browser. The Gooning

15:57

platform. Where you go

15:59

to Goon. Bing, it's where you go

16:01

to Goon. Honestly, Bing Search, you know,

16:03

that's the one thing that I'm bringing

16:05

about it. Look, that's a differentiator,

16:07

you know? I mean, you know,

16:09

there's some subset of people that

16:11

if they think there's a place

16:13

where they're in their horrible little

16:15

cave, you know, and that's where

16:17

they're supposed to be, that's better

16:19

to watch that, you know, then

16:21

there you go. The search engine

16:24

for your horrible little cave. Yeah.

16:26

You know fucking Rumple-Stilken, Stiltskin's Binging

16:29

shit. He's like Bing, how to

16:31

make more gold thread. And so

16:33

yeah. So the thing is here,

16:36

that Bing, like, and Bing's

16:38

whole, the more you say

16:40

Bing, Bing's whole, as I

16:42

just mentioned, their whole plan

16:44

is, hey, maybe people won't

16:46

realize their own Bing. And

16:48

then they've given up. That's

16:50

all they've got now. Yeah.

16:53

So. They've tried to change it

16:55

now where the home people have

16:57

noticed that the home page for

16:59

being is it's like here I'll

17:01

send you. the picture of it, but

17:03

you don't, you know, for the

17:05

listeners, you don't really, what it

17:07

is, is I'll describe it here,

17:09

it is a standard search bar,

17:11

and then above it is a

17:13

like multi-colored in clothing, I mean,

17:15

like group of people that looks

17:17

exactly like a Google Doodle. It's

17:20

the corporate Memphis, like Alagria,

17:22

exactly that like graphic

17:24

style that Google always uses. Yeah.

17:26

It is, yeah, precisely. Precisely that. And

17:28

leaning into the thing that Google is

17:30

able to do, because Google is such

17:32

a massive monolith that they don't even

17:34

need to put their brand, like name

17:36

on their site anymore, so that's why

17:38

they can do those Googles and stuff.

17:40

And Bing is just leading to that,

17:43

because they're like, it's actually better if

17:45

we don't say Bing. Like, it's helpful

17:47

for us that we don't mention that

17:49

we're Bing. And this is even more

17:51

insidious, because this isn't actually the

17:53

Bing homepage. It says promoted by

17:55

Microsoft up top there, so you

17:57

know, it also automatically scrolls the page

18:00

a little bit when it loads this page

18:02

because if you scroll up it says Microsoft

18:04

Bing at the top. But it intentionally

18:06

hides that from you if you try

18:08

to search Google on Bing. And then

18:10

it just brings you to like Google,

18:12

Google, huh? That's what you want. How

18:14

about this? Do you just want a

18:17

nice little picture of a very calculatedly

18:19

diverse group of people drawn in a

18:21

very flat graphical style because we got

18:23

you. Yeah, it's like a integrated ad

18:25

block room Bing, but instead of blocking

18:28

ads, it blocks Bing. It blocks any

18:30

like image of the Bing logo. Yeah,

18:32

where the other thing here, honestly, is

18:34

like, for Bing, I feel like Bing

18:36

has never had more of a

18:38

possibility of like taking over, except

18:41

that they're also as like egregiously

18:43

awfully monetized as Google is, because

18:45

Google is like unusable now. Right.

18:48

They can just be like, where the

18:50

one without AI. Come over here and they

18:52

do it. We have twice as much.

18:54

Yeah, I mean, shout out duck. Go

18:57

like I literally can't use Google for

18:59

work anymore because it's just full of

19:01

wrong AI just incorrect AI spouting bullshit.

19:03

But yeah, it didn't account but have

19:06

not used that caggy yet. I haven't

19:08

like actually like gotten through the free

19:10

trial, but that's when we're like you

19:13

pay a small amount every year and

19:15

as a result, like you are not

19:17

the. like the whole thing is that you're

19:19

not like the product of you know like

19:21

you're you know but no idea whether that's

19:24

actually good enough you know whether it works

19:26

well or not yeah most of what I Google

19:28

would at this point Google does not need

19:30

to be you know what I mean like

19:32

it's like blank wiki you know what I

19:34

mean like that pretty sure research engine can

19:36

handle that at this point like you know

19:38

yeah so blank do I never understood the

19:40

people that the trend that everyone says like

19:42

now I have to Google something question read

19:44

it and I'm like why don't go to

19:46

read it for that like yeah that's worse

19:48

than Google that's just a bunch of idiots

19:50

don't do that I I mean it depends

19:53

yeah you have to go through it I've

19:55

been I've been enjoying R slash what is

19:57

this thing which is just you know people

19:59

finally something they don't know what it

20:02

is. I like that yeah and their

20:04

comments are always one person being like

20:06

it's this and then immediately someone after

20:08

me like no it's not it's what

20:10

are you talking about like correcting them

20:13

that's always search for everything there's a

20:15

third comment down. I like to add

20:17

read it to the end of all

20:19

my searches because I like to read

20:21

hundreds of replies that are quoting a

20:24

movie. I want to read the screenplay

20:26

of a movie one reply at a

20:28

time while I'm trying to get an

20:30

answer to my question. That's a fun

20:32

diversion that I enjoy. It's like, hey

20:35

buddy, Futuram is a good show, but

20:37

it's not the response to everything. I

20:39

was looking for what? Like antibiotic ointment

20:41

to put on my wound. I don't

20:43

need to read futurama. I need wound

20:46

care. Wound care, read it. Love 20

20:48

years. Sounds Park references. Yeah, South Park

20:50

a big one. Just everything. Our slash

20:52

wound care. I check it out, but

20:54

it's mature content, so I can't check

20:57

it out. It's probably pretty graphic. I'm

20:59

not signed in for that. R slash

21:01

wound care listed as cause of death

21:03

on the autopsy. Do not do. Right.

21:05

They just have an automatic medical advice.

21:08

Right. Please listen to this. Right. They

21:10

just have like a first like like

21:12

they have like a default thing that

21:14

starts before every comment. I am not

21:16

I A N A D, you know,

21:19

not medical advice. Yeah, just making it

21:21

very clear. Yeah, I love the I

21:23

love the mental of people who do

21:25

that on Reddit who are like, someone's

21:27

like, hey, I need a doctor or

21:30

a lawyer and then they're just they

21:32

feel this need to be like I'm

21:34

not, but. I do have some thoughts.

21:36

Just like, why are you doing this?

21:38

Well, I mean, that's what you get

21:41

when you're like, I need a doctor

21:43

or a lawyer. Let's go to read

21:45

it. It's like, you can't expect doctors

21:47

and lawyers to be the ones helping

21:49

you there. There's a pretty specific path

21:52

to get to those people and read

21:54

it is not it. So good luck.

21:56

The legal advice I read is also

21:58

really taking on. new like tinge to

22:00

me because knowing like through a patty

22:02

that it's like real layers like aren't

22:04

really supposed to aren't like you have

22:07

to be kind of controlled about what

22:09

advice you give so I'm like real

22:11

lawyers are like not allowed to post

22:13

on here so this is literally just

22:15

a circle of dogs eating slop off

22:17

the ground and trying getting each other indicted

22:19

like all those all those YouTube

22:21

lawyers are really serious legal legal

22:23

Come, hello, sending a, sending a

22:25

DM to legal legal. I have

22:27

been accused of murder. I need

22:29

you in the courtroom tomorrow. My

22:32

dog has been linked to the

22:34

Golden State killer, please defend.

22:36

Yeah, it'll be so funny. You

22:38

just gets disbarred for making a

22:40

YouTube channel, but Bing. Yeah, back

22:42

to Bing. Yeah, I mean, people are like.

22:45

shitting on them for doing this. They're

22:47

like, oh, they're, it's just, to me,

22:49

I don't know if I care about

22:51

Bing being weird because Bing is weird.

22:53

Like, you know, it's just like, all

22:55

right, man, let them. Let him cook,

22:57

dude. Let him try to figure this

22:59

shit out. Because if you're gonna be

23:01

like, this is pretty disrespectful to the

23:03

consumer, it's like, so is Google, man.

23:05

What are you telling? Like, this is

23:07

all, you're being sold by everybody. So

23:09

if Bing wants to try to bamboozle

23:11

some people in a way that just

23:13

gets them to get bad search results,

23:15

I don't know. I mean, Microsoft does

23:17

a lot of this shit, but, you know, you

23:19

know, I feel like bamboozled. It's like,

23:21

that sounds like a children's book. I

23:23

don't want that to happen to me. Yes,

23:26

that's too silly. I have a problem.

23:28

Spend the rest of the time trying

23:30

to undo the curse of Bing. The trap,

23:32

the mental trap that Bing put me in.

23:34

But yeah, I don't know. Like some of

23:36

this stuff now is like. You're walking into,

23:38

you have to be ready. You have

23:40

to have your, if you're on the

23:43

internet, you should have your hand, the

23:45

equivalent of put your wallet in your

23:47

front pocket if you go on the

23:49

internet. It's just, you're walking around, everyone

23:51

is trying to monetize you right now.

23:53

Yeah, so it's, Microsoft does a lot of this

23:55

shit, Microsoft is well seasoned at this

23:57

point of like trying to get people.

23:59

to use their worst versions of stuff.

24:02

I mean, they've been really, how long

24:04

has Bing been around? They've really been

24:06

trying, trying their damages. A long time,

24:08

it's, yeah. I would love to know

24:10

their demographics. I feel like it's, yeah,

24:12

it's people who don't know their other

24:14

browsers besides the one that comes with

24:16

your computer. Yeah. Yeah. Or its main

24:19

clientele. Like now, even like, like, my

24:21

parents are like, they delete Internet Explorer

24:23

and install. something else. Like it's really

24:25

that bad. Firefox is a big, that's

24:27

a big parent's one. Parents love Firefox,

24:29

yeah. Firefox, solid, good choice parents. That's

24:31

why they're, that's the main reason why

24:34

Firefox is still around I feel like

24:36

is, is there's, there's uptake from people

24:38

who. It was like the one their

24:40

kids used when their kids were teaching

24:42

them computer stuff in like 2008 type

24:44

yeah you know what I mean like

24:46

and so it's like well I'm not

24:48

changing all my bookmarks are on here

24:51

all my bookmarks yeah I don't even

24:53

get like you guys have bookmarks you

24:55

bookmark and stuff I don't book does

24:57

anyone bookmark stuff like I bookmark stuff

24:59

a lot actually I do like I

25:01

have stuff like I have stuff like

25:03

I have stuff for us but it's

25:05

unclear like I a quarter of my

25:08

bookmarks are accidents accidentally accidents accidents accidentally

25:10

in there it's all it's all been

25:12

replaced it's a lot of it's like

25:14

stuff I've it was it started a

25:16

stuff I meant to check out and

25:18

now that's just having one 15,000 tabs

25:20

open at any given time and that's

25:23

its own nightmare hell that I have

25:25

destroying your ram I'm looking I got

25:27

my folders I got I got recipes,

25:29

uh, clothes, perfume, lie, cheat and steel

25:31

stories. Uh, place I want to go

25:33

on vacation and J store. Those are

25:35

my, those are my bookmark tabs. Yeah,

25:37

they're fairly organized. They all got stuff

25:40

in them. Yeah, I have, I don't

25:42

use them in the way that I

25:44

think that people used to or they're

25:46

like, I'll check this out later, like

25:48

I don't, or like Patty has, I

25:50

have like shutter stock, like like things

25:52

I use for work, like specific Google

25:55

Docs and shut. You're not

25:57

just typing in

25:59

SH on your address

26:01

bar and getting

26:03

there? It's like, I don't know. And

26:05

also I sometimes don't, because I turn off a

26:07

lot of history. I turn a lot of,

26:09

I have privatized everything, so it doesn't remember. But

26:12

one thing that's been happening to me that's

26:14

really funny is, so I like re, I had

26:16

to, they'll reinstall Windows and like, I upgraded

26:18

my computer. And so like the first thing I

26:20

ever watched on YouTube on this computer was

26:22

like a very helpful video from

26:24

a guy in India on how to fix

26:26

something on your computer. But now, because it

26:28

was the first one I ever went, if I

26:30

type Y -O and hit enter, it takes

26:32

me to that video. And I heard the first

26:35

three seconds of like this guy being like,

26:37

welcome, like every time I go to YouTube,

26:39

this guy's like, welcome, open up the terminal.

26:41

Like I don't like, it's nice. He's your friend.

26:43

Yeah, at first I was annoyed. Now I

26:45

think I'm gonna leave it. This is a

26:47

nice greeting. Yeah.

26:49

Welcome to YouTube. Here you go.

26:52

So I don't know. Yeah, I mean, is anyone surprised

26:54

that Bing is, Bing

26:56

and Edge. Bing and Edge,

26:58

just a real cursed couple. Just,

27:00

God, just. Gotta get on Edge

27:02

and Bing it. Yeah, do that on

27:04

your own time, man. Do that in

27:06

private. about that. Yeah,

27:09

yeah. I mean, we love, of

27:11

course we record every episode this podcast

27:13

on Microsoft Teams. So, know. That's

27:15

true. Yeah, we use

27:17

Microsoft Copilot, Microsoft Teams, all

27:19

this stuff. I'm still using

27:21

Outlook. Yeah, that's another one. Outlook Firefox, the

27:23

parents suite. The parents computing suite. Outlook

27:25

is just for work. I mean, that's like,

27:27

you know, that's if you have an

27:29

office job, you use an Outlook for the

27:31

most part, I feel like. Not I,

27:34

not I. When that mail client opens,

27:36

I am trying to exit out as

27:38

fast as possible. Get it out of

27:40

here. No way. Yeah, it does

27:42

have one of those like, intense mail

27:44

clients. I mean, I don't know if

27:46

Outlook still does that, but there's certain

27:48

things that they're like, when open your

27:50

mail, and then you just hear your

27:52

computer fans like, wha, where are you

27:54

getting the mail from? A mine? It's

27:56

far away. But

27:58

it's, I don't know. Anyone who uses like. I guess most

28:00

people, almost everyone uses Apple computers. They're

28:03

not used to like Microsoft stuff, but

28:05

this is, like Microsoft is famous for

28:07

bundling stuff. There's literally like software

28:09

you can get that if you're installing Windows,

28:11

you run it first and it, it basically,

28:14

like I said, deloused earlier, it delouses Windows.

28:16

It just is like. goes in and like

28:18

pulls off like this shit off yeah it

28:20

takes teams away it takes like it just

28:23

cleans it and it's like here's the actual

28:25

windows and not you know some weird thing

28:27

that's gonna pop up it takes it kills

28:29

clippy it goes in and assassinates clippy and

28:32

then installs windows yeah it sends it a

28:34

special ops team to go that's agent 47

28:36

in there he goes in there and

28:38

takes him out yeah it's clippy lying

28:40

down horizontally in this Adon Hussein I

28:42

mean Clippy can hide in a very

28:44

narrow space so you're hard to get

28:46

to all he needs is like a

28:49

little crack to just hide among other

28:51

paper clips that's the perfect spot

28:53

I mean the googly eyes kind

28:55

of give him away yeah he's got a

28:58

close him I when he closes them

29:00

do they go away I feel like they might

29:02

go away I don't know if he blends

29:04

I'm not sure I don't know. He's

29:07

unblinking. He stares into the

29:09

abyss at all times. We

29:11

need a delouser for bonsai buddy.

29:13

I want him just to do

29:16

the swinging and not mess my

29:18

stuff up. Sorry, I need

29:20

complete access to everything in

29:22

order to swing. Ola, give

29:24

me root access. Would you

29:26

like to let bonsai buddy run

29:29

his administrator? Yes. I was

29:31

wondering if we were going

29:33

to submit stories. I was wondering

29:35

if we were going to make

29:37

it through the bing story without

29:40

a bonsai buddy. Bonsey Buddy. Bonsey

29:42

Buddy and Rumple Still Skin references

29:44

already. I was wondering if we

29:46

were going to make it through the

29:48

Bing story without a Bonsey Buddy.

29:50

Bonsey Buddy. This story comes to

29:52

us from Eric in the Discord. If

29:55

you would like to submit stories to

29:57

the podcast, you can join our

29:59

Discord. that up. Join our

30:01

patron at the $10 a

30:03

month level, get access to

30:06

our private discourse channels where

30:08

you can submit stories, such

30:10

as this one. This is

30:12

from politico.EU, a website I

30:14

did not know existed. Sorry

30:16

you just get a whole

30:19

continent. You don't get special,

30:21

special country politicos. So this

30:23

story comes from Poland. This

30:25

is a breaking story, I

30:27

think this happened yesterday. So

30:30

apparently there was like a

30:32

train in Poland with a

30:34

train car full of anti-tank

30:36

mines on it and they

30:38

just like forgot to unload

30:40

it and it was just

30:43

like taking a tour around

30:45

the country, these anti-tank mines

30:47

mines. They, so they like

30:49

covered it up. They're on,

30:51

they're on, they're, yeah, on

30:54

a scenic. It's a road

30:56

trip movie for these anti-take

30:58

minds. So they didn't unload

31:00

them and they just sort

31:02

of like covered it up

31:05

because they were like, oh

31:07

shit, oops, fuck, we fucked

31:09

up. And they ended up

31:11

in an IKEA warehouse, and

31:13

said, hey, do you want

31:15

to come get these? It

31:18

seems a little too calm

31:20

for me, but that's how

31:22

it's reported in this story.

31:24

It says, quote, officials apparently

31:26

became aware of the problem

31:29

when the weapons were found

31:31

sitting in the IKEA warehouse,

31:33

at which point someone called

31:35

the military to ask, quote,

31:37

when they would collect their

31:40

minds. So I was just

31:42

like, hey, yeah, we're keeping

31:44

them up, these explosive, active,

31:46

live minds. Yeah. What part

31:48

of the warehouse are they

31:50

putting that in? They're like...

31:53

I don't know, the particle

31:55

board is gonna go fucking

31:57

everywhere. Can you imagine? damage

31:59

a mine would do in

32:01

an IKEA my god just

32:04

pulp would pulp everywhere yeah

32:06

pile of sawdust yeah particulate

32:09

all over the place yeah yeah I

32:11

mean we have to say we have

32:13

to the elephant in a room

32:15

here it just a massive fuck

32:18

up the number one thing you

32:20

can't be doing if you're a

32:22

Polish military man you can't

32:24

you got to be on your fucking

32:26

shit dude This is, you know, you've

32:28

got a years and years of screen

32:31

doors on submarine jokes. You can't be

32:33

losing minds, man. You've got to be

32:35

on top of this. You've got to

32:37

have your best. Right, you're in the

32:39

military, like, presumably to serve your country,

32:41

right? And like, the best thing you

32:44

can do to serve your country if your

32:46

country is Poland is not fuck up.

32:48

Yeah. It's like the main one. Don't

32:50

end up on our podcast. Polish military.

32:52

You cannot be ending up on it.

32:54

You cannot be ending up on here.

32:56

Yeah, I mean, the whole like live

32:58

ordinance, I don't know why they would

33:00

even sign for it. Like, I

33:02

guess they just unload everything and

33:04

they didn't check it out until

33:06

it was off the truck, but you

33:08

know. Imagine going to IKEA and being

33:11

like, okay, I gotta go pick up

33:13

my table made of match sticks in

33:15

Isle 14 Cubby 22 and then you

33:18

go and it's anti-tank mines. Yeah, like

33:20

that's, that's like a scary, but also

33:22

very funny part of Ikeas do you.

33:24

Like customers kind of have warehouse access.

33:27

You're in the warehouse. Yeah. So it's

33:29

like maybe there's like there's

33:31

probably a separate warehouse before that warehouse that

33:33

they don't want you in. I'm gonna guess.

33:35

I feel like if this was America, somebody

33:37

would have like tried to take them by

33:39

them and then resell them on like eBay.

33:42

They'd be like, oh, this is like I'm

33:44

gonna flip these mines. If I flip these

33:46

mines, I can go to fucking West Elm for

33:48

that table. I don't need to go back to

33:50

go back to I. acts like becoming an arms dealer

33:52

by flipping anti-tank minds. Yeah, I mean I

33:54

know it's in Poland and I don't know

33:56

what the global reach is but I feel

33:58

like this is like more like a like

34:00

a wayfare situation because like I don't

34:03

know maybe we sell that I don't

34:05

know like IKEa like it's all first-party

34:07

stuff wayfare it's like I don't maybe

34:09

we sell that too I don't know

34:11

we sell everything else you know wouldn't

34:13

be surprised Amazon Temu wayfare like for

34:16

more than maybe that whole fake child

34:18

trafficking thing rubbed off on me in

34:20

sub subconscious way but like Wayfair in

34:22

particular seems like, I don't know how

34:24

that stuff is getting to me. I

34:26

don't want to know. It seems unsavory.

34:29

It just seems like, because they just

34:31

sell too many things and it makes

34:33

me uncomfortable. I just don't know what's

34:35

going on there. I feel like everything

34:37

I get, I bought a rug from

34:39

there. It's a very nice rug. The

34:42

website said it was made of wool.

34:44

I'm like, this is made, it has

34:46

to be partially at least made of

34:48

microplastics, because it's from Wayfair, like there's

34:50

no way. It's made of, I don't

34:52

know, man. They sweep barber shop floors

34:55

and make rugs out of it, and

34:57

they're like, wool. Yeah, you know, they

34:59

found out what was the Wayfair like

35:01

trafficking thing, like the secret behind it,

35:03

and it happens on Amazon too. is

35:05

apparently like when companies are out of

35:08

stock in an item getting something delisted

35:10

or they no longer offer it so

35:12

I think something delisted is such a

35:14

nightmare that they just listed for so

35:16

apparently if you go on Amazon you

35:18

can find like our classic like why

35:21

Jessica six foot audio cable but they're

35:23

like 37 thousand dollars because they're just

35:25

like it's harder to take this off

35:27

our site than to just and it's

35:29

like if someone buys one hey they'll

35:31

find a fucking audio cable to send

35:34

them for $37 for that it's fine.

35:36

Yeah, it's still cheaper than the diamond

35:38

encrusted HDMI cables. Yeah, you know, you

35:40

know those guys are trying to sell

35:42

older people those things. That's right. So

35:44

yeah, you need to, look, if you

35:47

want HDMI, you know, video, you got

35:49

to, you know, you got, you got

35:51

to get this. Yeah. It's such a

35:53

weird, like, that is how they try

35:55

to sell it. It's like, you know,

35:57

you need the perfect clear resolution. Like

36:00

you're selling this to an old person

36:02

whose eyes are bad. Like they

36:04

can't tell. They can't tell the

36:06

difference. Yes or no? There's no

36:09

like fidelity like issue. There's standard.

36:11

Yeah. Or isn't it? Right. Like

36:13

if it's approved. Not really. It's

36:16

like, it's also the thing where

36:18

it's like, oh, you think you

36:20

need like a diamond encrusted

36:23

cable to get, you know,

36:25

fucking long order to your

36:28

TV. Meanwhile, the entire internet

36:30

comes through an Ethernet cable

36:32

that's like stapled. You gotta

36:35

do it. You gotta do it. Um, uh, yeah. So

36:37

like, but the weird thing about not to go

36:39

further than best, but it's like, I, whatever,

36:41

I respect their hustle, I guess, to like

36:43

sell old people gold cables. But it's crazy

36:46

that they usually don't have a normal, like

36:48

I feel like you should be, you could

36:50

go in and you're like, I'm not an

36:52

idiot. They're like, we just don't have

36:54

regular ones. And it's like, that is like,

36:56

like, like, like, because I'm like, because I'm

36:59

not, because I'm not super. tech savvy, but

37:01

like I have a general understanding of

37:03

what things I might need and what

37:05

they should cost. And I'm like scared

37:07

to go into Best Buy because I'm

37:09

like... I feel like all they have in there

37:11

are things to rip me off. I feel like

37:13

there's like one thing that is normal and then

37:16

six things that are twice the cost and it's

37:18

really hard to find the one normal one. And

37:20

I just, I don't have it in me. Not

37:22

to be, yeah. They definitely have, not to be

37:24

a Best by Defender. I feel like they had

37:26

a, they had a moment that was equivalent. Remember

37:29

when Domino's was like, okay, our pizza sucks, you

37:31

got us, you got us, we're fixing it.

37:33

You got us, we're fixing it, we're fixing

37:35

it, we're fixing, we're fixing, we're fixing, we're

37:38

fixing, we're fixing, we're fixing, And they have

37:40

like computer components now that I buy from

37:42

them. But yeah, the cables are where they

37:44

really do it because they just, and I

37:46

guess part of it is they can't have

37:49

a reasonably priced one because even old people

37:51

will be like, they may not understand technology,

37:53

but they know a deal when they see

37:55

it. So they would point at the one

37:57

that's $10 and be like, why? Why is this? Yeah.

37:59

You gotta have that completely noiseless, fair day

38:02

cage HDMI signal. No interruptions. Yeah, you gotta

38:04

wear your magnetic bracelet when you're operating Netflix.

38:06

So, what can you do? But these minds.

38:08

Apparently over a thousand tons of explosives in

38:11

total. This is an explosive area of conversation.

38:13

I don't think all of those ended up

38:15

in IKEA, but that's how many were on

38:17

this train that needed to be unloaded, and

38:20

at least a good chunk of them did

38:22

not end up where they were supposed to

38:24

be. Yeah. Did they say, what's like a

38:27

thousand pounds of mines? What's like the payload?

38:29

Like what's, you know, that's like, that has

38:31

to be, I'm sure they don't say, but

38:33

it's like, okay, well, it would be dark,

38:36

but it's like, could this one train. Take

38:38

out, you know, you said a thousand tons,

38:40

correct? Yes, I did say a thousand tons.

38:42

So that is in fact 20,000 pounds of

38:45

mines. So Yeah, unless there are metric tons

38:47

in which case it's like 22 or no,

38:49

forgive me. I believe it is 200,000 something

38:51

like that. Yes, it's a lot of pounds.

38:54

How do you that's like enough minds for

38:56

the whole world? Is like why what is

38:58

Poland up to? We just did a lie

39:00

cheat and steal episode about big giant trucks.

39:03

Check it out. It's very good. It's out

39:05

now. Pet did a whole research into like

39:07

why it's so profitable for auto companies to

39:09

make big giant trucks. Did you like I

39:12

had no idea how much those things weigh.

39:14

It's fucking crazy. Yeah. A Hummer is like

39:16

10 tons. Like it's I just didn't realize

39:18

it was like that bad. Like yeah. I'm

39:21

sorry, you want to run over a kid

39:23

in a crosswalk and anything less than that?

39:25

Yeah. It's not going to take him out

39:27

with anything less than that. No, you, I

39:30

mean, well, clearly, when you're driving on Virginia,

39:32

you need to be able to tank an

39:34

IED, so you've got to get the Hummer

39:37

or whatever. Yeah, no, they're like crazy. I

39:39

remember I said, I looked up for his

39:41

story, it's like... it was

39:43

like, what's the gap?

39:46

What's the miles per

39:48

gallon that the Model

39:50

T got? And it's

39:52

like the same, if

39:55

not better than a

39:57

lot of modern cars.

39:59

It's like, no, okay,

40:01

so we're just not,

40:04

I think we can

40:06

stop pretending that anything

40:08

is gonna get better

40:10

on that front. Yeah,

40:14

no, but maybe that's why Poland covered this

40:16

up is because there was 20 ,000 tons

40:18

of mines and they were like, they

40:20

didn't want the world to be like, the

40:22

UN to be like, hey, Poland, what

40:25

exactly do you need 20 ,000

40:27

tons? What are you up to? What

40:29

are you up to? I

40:33

also, this is, I feel

40:35

like this speaks to the,

40:39

a positive of having a rail system because

40:41

it's like, okay, if they forgot to

40:43

unload these, at least there's only a couple

40:45

places they can go. These were in

40:47

a truck, they easily intercepted, could

40:49

go anywhere, you know what I mean? They'd

40:52

be in my Amazon box, know mean? Yeah,

40:54

they'd be blowing up our

40:56

mailboxes, our package rooms. Yeah, they're

41:00

like, it turns out the new

41:02

Unibomber is a guy messed up

41:04

in Poland, that's what happens. There

41:06

was a routing error in FedEx's system.

41:08

I just needed some cheap plates

41:10

and now I have a fucking

41:12

anti -tank mine from IKEA. So

41:15

yeah, I think, this is a scandal, people

41:17

have resigned over it. I

41:20

clicked on a tending article to try

41:22

to learn more and it's all in

41:24

Polish, so, not my problem. All

41:26

those letters got little hooks hanging off of

41:28

them, what the fuck are you supposed

41:30

to do? Oh my God, so many, how is

41:32

every letter accented? How do you say any of

41:34

these words? So many accents. Poland's writing

41:36

in fucking Velcro, dude, I don't know

41:38

what the hell's going on over

41:40

there, but goddamn hook and loop shit,

41:42

can't follow it. So

41:45

many hooks. Oh man, yeah, this

41:47

site's trying to send me notifications

41:49

and notification center, I don't even

41:51

know what these are gonna say,

41:53

no thanks. Yeah, admin access to

41:55

Poland's, give admin a grateful access

41:58

to Poland's. Hey

42:00

folks, if you're enjoying this regular

42:02

episode, why not check out our

42:04

bonus episode where this week we

42:06

review some of the TSA's biggest

42:08

fines, weirdest fines this year. We

42:11

also talk about Nosferatu, the film,

42:13

and the man. We talk

42:15

about crabs and Swiss Army

42:17

knives. Never the twain shall

42:19

meet. Patriot.com/wartime pod. We also

42:21

have our regular episodes available

42:23

without ads on the bonus feed. Again,

42:25

check it out. Thanks. Number

42:30

three? Number three. Number three.

42:32

Number three. Number three this

42:34

week comes to us from a

42:36

guana helium cube in the discord.

42:39

And hey, we don't, you know, we

42:41

don't want to give this guy more

42:43

glow and more attention. We discussed

42:46

that, but also he's most

42:48

likely going to jail. So,

42:50

you know, at this point,

42:52

what's a guanahelium cube? Yes.

42:54

So this is disgraced former

42:56

congressman, George Santos. And so

42:58

he is under he's been

43:00

he has federal fraud charges.

43:02

Once and future congressmen

43:04

is worth it. Yeah,

43:06

exactly. Imagine my bets

43:08

on this. So he's

43:10

he's under federal fraud

43:12

charges, but he has

43:14

recently has he's asked for

43:17

the judge to delay his

43:19

sentencing. And this is because

43:21

his reasoning is that he

43:23

has to pay an incredible

43:25

amount of fines. He does not

43:28

have the money so he has asked

43:30

for a delay on his sentencing so

43:32

that he can make more episodes of

43:34

his podcast in order to pay off

43:36

the fines. He's got to get more

43:38

of a social industry professional. The brother

43:40

in arms. By the way a

43:42

podcast called Pants on Fire which

43:44

has got to be great to

43:46

ask a judge to be like

43:48

hey sir I need to make

43:50

more episodes of a podcast about

43:52

how I am a lying piece

43:54

of shit. Yeah I got to

43:56

say a bunch of more insane

43:59

false bullshit. Yeah. People pay me

44:01

for this. People pay me to be a

44:03

dumb liar and you need to let me

44:05

do it some more. This is not

44:07

actionable fraud, okay? This is just

44:09

sort of general untruth, so you

44:11

got to let me. Yeah, so

44:13

this is, here's the point, okay,

44:16

so he's, first of all,

44:18

he's facing a mandatory

44:20

to minimum two-year sentence

44:23

and a maximum of

44:25

22 years for charges,

44:27

wire fraud and aggravated

44:29

identity theft. I'm

44:31

not sure what makes

44:34

identity theft aggravated, that's

44:36

something all research. This

44:38

is like, the lawyer, I mean,

44:40

this is this. They said that the

44:42

weekly podcast he announced shortly after pleading

44:44

guilty, which is like another one. It's

44:47

like, hey, you want the judge to

44:49

give you some latitude. Don't like be

44:51

like announce a podcast immediately after you've

44:53

been convicted. On the courthouse steps, launching

44:55

your podcast on the courthouse steps into

44:57

that big boom mic that someone is

44:59

holding from several steps below. This failure

45:01

will not define me. You can find

45:04

me on Spotify everywhere you get your

45:06

podcast. So they said the weekly

45:08

podcast you know shortly after pleading

45:10

guilty represents a promising revenue stream

45:12

But due to technical technical and

45:14

logistical impediments won't be so he's

45:17

already delay. It sounds like he's

45:19

already like well. I can't I'm

45:21

still working on it That's also

45:23

relatable not putting out content right

45:25

away. That's that's the Obama Springsteen

45:28

sort of you know, yeah, yeah, why can't all

45:30

these people who are like have all the

45:32

access to tech in the world. It's

45:34

too hard for them to do

45:36

a podcast. Like they're like,

45:38

oh, this tech stuff, it's

45:40

so complicated. Yeah. It's kind of

45:43

incredible. Yeah, and it doesn't,

45:45

let me tell you, it does

45:47

not take an incredible amount.

45:49

I mean, especially, you know

45:51

that they're being bought, like

45:53

they all have in-year monitors,

45:56

like they're playing, fucking, you know.

45:58

He's gonna, coach Shelby. Bye, bye.

46:00

We have Shelby, so we can't be

46:02

like, oh, it's too, too hard. You're

46:05

going to offer Shelby the Max contract.

46:07

They're going to slap the franchise tag

46:09

on Shelby, which you don't want. We

46:11

do, we do have the option to

46:14

match any offer given to Shelby, to

46:16

keep him, you know, keep him here.

46:18

Shelby's still on his rookie contract. That's

46:21

the only reason we can even do

46:23

this podcast, you know, once. Once it's

46:25

time for Shelby get his big contract.

46:27

It's going to be Patrick Mahomes numbers.

46:30

Yeah, we get the chance to match

46:32

and our response is going to be

46:34

Zoidberg. I can't pay. I broke your

46:37

television. Just to go back to the

46:39

credit. I'm taking my talents to South

46:41

Beach. That's right. Well, that's what they

46:43

do is like all these shows. I

46:46

don't go down the rabbit hole, but

46:48

it's like, yeah, like, I'm not a

46:50

big South Park fan, but like, like,

46:53

I'm not a big South Park fan,

46:55

South Park fan, But yeah, so the

46:57

other thing George Santos here, there's this

46:59

whole thing and it's like the whole

47:02

thing that he's making his lawyers say

47:04

is like, has the energy of like.

47:06

someone begging his parents not to kick

47:09

them out of the house like with

47:11

their big plans because here it's all

47:13

just it's all about to happen it's

47:15

just about to happen literally like here's

47:18

there okay you know mr. Santos now

47:20

has a viable path to making meaningful

47:22

progress and satisfying his obligations requiring only

47:25

additional time for the quarterly compensation structure

47:27

to generate sufficient funds this is his

47:29

lawyers wrote that and then the prosecutors

47:31

immediately countered that his request provides no

47:34

details about the predicted financial returns. So

47:36

like, what's your plan? I don't have

47:38

one. But- That classic podcast funding model,

47:41

a quarterly compensation structure. Yeah, yeah. Getting

47:43

paid on net three months, was it

47:45

net 90? Of course. So yeah, and

47:47

then they also cautioned that the delay

47:50

would create a perverse incentive structure, which

47:52

I would argue is podcasting in general,

47:54

is a perverse incentive structure. Yeah. We

47:57

could describe it as that. Yes, this

47:59

entire industry. Fuck that guy. Don't

48:01

look out for his podcast.

48:04

Definitely don't subscribe to

48:06

his pagereons. Yeah. It is one

48:08

of those things where like

48:10

when one of these people

48:12

becomes like a public figure

48:15

sort of like a pop culture

48:17

person like like anasurican

48:19

or like Caroline Callaway or

48:21

whatever and like they do

48:23

more stuff that like like

48:25

they become famous for

48:27

being untrustworthy. and

48:30

they like enter the zeitgeist and

48:32

then they're like support my

48:34

upcoming projects and people do

48:36

but then it's like they have truly

48:38

no recourse because it's like you you

48:40

get what you pay for you knew

48:42

what you were getting with me like

48:45

It's just it's fascinating to

48:47

me that people will still

48:49

give those people money in a

48:51

even as like a joke. This guy

48:53

got railroaded. I'm gonna pay him. I

48:55

have a dog brain. Yeah, like do

48:57

they do they think that that's what

49:00

happened that like oh no

49:02

this is they're being very unfair

49:04

to him and that's that's

49:06

what the issue is and not that

49:08

This person is now famous for scamming and

49:10

I'm going to give them money because it's

49:12

funny. Like I just I don't understand the

49:14

psychopathy. Yes, it's some of that. I mean,

49:16

yeah, it's like your honor, my client needs.

49:18

Give it like six weeks, he's got to spool

49:21

up another scam and then he'll be able to

49:23

pay off some of these people that were. You

49:25

need to get in the headlines again. Yeah,

49:27

your honor, maybe, maybe this is enough,

49:29

maybe, although the judge said no, right.

49:31

Right. They said, right. They said, right.

49:33

They said, right. They said, Your Honor,

49:35

my client is a garage full of

49:37

graphics cards. And if, well, when reselling,

49:40

yeah. I mean, that's also like what

49:42

they do, because they know, they just,

49:44

once they start scamming like that, they

49:46

need PR, isn't, I don't want to,

49:48

I don't want to, I don't want

49:50

to, I don't want to send you

49:53

down a Caroline Callaway, like, rabbit hole,

49:55

but isn't part of her thing now

49:57

just like claiming she's involved in.

50:00

She's always saying she's always saying stuff

50:02

and then people are interviewing her about

50:04

it. I she must retain some kind

50:06

of publicist like There's no there's no

50:08

way, but yeah, that's and and people

50:10

still like give her money I think

50:13

like because she quote unquote sells things

50:15

She's like I'm writing another book place

50:17

your pre orders for this book. I

50:19

haven't written and like people do it

50:21

must be nice. Yeah Well, I just

50:23

saw, I just saw the return. Well,

50:26

we do, uh, it is in exchange

50:28

for things we are actually producing. We're

50:30

like, give us money, give us, that's

50:32

the other thing that's crazy about like

50:34

podcast stuff, where it's like, give us

50:37

money to start our podcast. Oh, you

50:39

need $200? Yeah. I mean, you know,

50:41

I saw there have been headlines recently

50:43

speaking of like the addiction to this

50:45

type of person, the hipster grifter, which

50:47

I studiously ignored and will continue to

50:50

ignore for the rest of my days.

50:52

Oh, we did a like in the

50:54

news deal about her. Yeah, the the

50:56

Asian woman, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's

50:58

back? She's back, she has a memoir

51:01

apparently. Love a memoir. Great, very cool.

51:03

Yeah, 15 years later, just, you know,

51:05

they got to, got to, got to

51:07

look back a simpler time, I guess.

51:09

You know, it's all like the, you

51:11

know. people want like the gawker era

51:14

kind of back you know or whatever

51:16

you know I think yeah I think

51:18

it's nostalgia for that whereas like now

51:20

she would just post a go fund

51:22

me about her unsafe housing situation and

51:25

do the same thing which isn't as

51:27

fun you know memoir that is that

51:29

is not as fun memoir a word

51:31

that definitely retains meaning in the current

51:33

day that's almost exclusively written by people

51:35

under 25 that is certainly true yeah

51:38

yeah like if you're writing a memoir

51:40

and like I don't know. It's like

51:42

I feel like it's like how long

51:44

are your chapters about like ninth grade?

51:46

Because you're like 23. Like what you're

51:49

literally reading about you in high school.

51:51

And I'm sure you're not spending a

51:53

ton of time on what you thought

51:55

when you were three. So presumably there

51:57

has to be a lot. of high

51:59

school in there. It's like the 22

52:02

year old one man show or whatever.

52:04

It's like that's a one boy show. That's

52:06

not. That's not a one-man show.

52:08

Memoir starts, it was a dark

52:10

and stormy night. Webster's dictionary defines

52:13

memoirs. Neither here nor there, but

52:15

I just think you guys will

52:17

appreciate this. And it's not your

52:20

be, just in terms of crazy

52:22

things to say, Jim Harbaugh, who's

52:24

like a football coach, was at

52:26

Michigan now in the Chargers. One

52:28

of the greatest, he's known for

52:30

saying insane shit, but dropped a

52:32

real banger, which is that he

52:34

said he remembers being born. That's

52:36

such a classic crazy person thing

52:38

to say. I feel like that's

52:40

like, I bet like cat Williams

52:42

says that. He says he like

52:44

remembers like being in the like

52:46

fucking tank or whatever, you know,

52:48

like where do they put a baby

52:50

right after it's more? Like he's like,

52:52

I remember looking around. It's like, hell,

52:54

what the hell. Hell yeah, dude. It's

52:57

like, no, you saw a movie where

52:59

that happened. And now you remember that

53:01

scene in that movie. Yeah, it was

53:03

like secondhand to see, you know, he

53:06

wasn't saying it for clout. They were

53:08

like talking to the quarterback, like, has

53:10

he ever seen anything really weird to

53:12

you? And he was like, he did

53:15

tell me he remembered being born once.

53:17

It was like, hell yeah. No, that's

53:19

like such a classic. It's like that

53:22

and you can see people's oras. Not

53:24

interested. Fuck all that noise.

53:26

But I think I may use this defense

53:28

if I ever have to go, if

53:30

I'm ever being charged with a crime.

53:33

Your Honor. I need to let me

53:35

let me like voluntarily surrender myself in

53:37

three months because I need to I

53:39

need three more months of patron income.

53:41

It's very important. Yeah, I was

53:43

wondering if I, I, I, to,

53:45

recording a podcast should count as

53:47

time served against your sentence. Yeah.

53:49

Patty, you're a lawyer. If you,

53:51

if in the during the case, I had to

53:53

go to the bathroom, does the judge have

53:55

to let me go? If I'm like, your

53:57

honor, I have to go to the bathroom.

54:00

They have to let me go, or going to like,

54:02

hold it. He has to give you the big

54:04

wooden block with the key attached to it. I

54:08

have to carry that big flag

54:10

they have, the big, like, giant, you

54:12

know, metal, like, eagles hopped. Yeah,

54:14

the fridge. That has the key it.

54:16

Yeah, that was a bathroom key. They

54:20

pop it out a little holder and there's a

54:22

key dangling the bottom. It's a pain in the ass

54:24

to try to get that in the door. You

54:27

need, like, six feet of clearance behind you while you're

54:30

the bailiff keeps the clipboard, the sign

54:32

in and sign out sheet of

54:34

everyone. So, yeah, you got to take

54:36

them to the bathroom. I

54:40

don't think the bailiff has to be

54:42

that. That's got to be a lower,

54:44

job. If you're a defendant, somebody's taking

54:46

you to the bathroom and just letting

54:48

you go. And you might have might

54:50

be a play risk. It probably is

54:52

the bailiff. That's sort of their job.

54:55

That's kind of their job to watch

54:57

you, right? I don't know. Yeah, man.

54:59

They put you in like a crib.

55:01

The bailiff is like the sports commentator

55:03

of the court, right? Don't they do

55:05

the all rise and all that? Isn't

55:07

that the bail? Yeah, but I think

55:10

that's just because it's a command, because

55:12

they're like in charge of their security.

55:14

Yeah, but they're also security. Yeah, they're

55:16

more like security, you know, sports commentator.

55:18

Yeah. Here we go. They tell you

55:20

what's happening. Yeah. Yeah. They're like they're

55:22

like the dick vital of the court.

55:26

It's unbelievable, baby guilty. Whose job?

55:28

Whose job is it to wake

55:31

up jurors that are falling asleep?

55:33

Is that the bailiff? It's the

55:35

gavel's job. Bam, bam. Get the

55:37

fuck up. What you doing? Wake

55:39

up. Yeah. That

55:42

was I don't. I I've never

55:44

been. I mean, I'm plagued with

55:46

having to go to jury duty

55:48

every two weeks. For some reason,

55:50

I'm like, I'm like constantly called

55:52

to jury duty. But I've never

55:54

heard the gavel be used. My

55:57

dad, who's a judge, says he.

56:00

never I don't think he's ever used

56:02

the gavel. Are there people who use it

56:04

and then are there other people who are

56:06

like that judge is a little too crazy

56:08

on the gavel? Like I would imagine that's

56:10

like anything else probably. The way

56:12

Shelby's playing it since somebody's got

56:14

two. Double base. That just sounds

56:17

like gunshots. This

56:20

just sounds like I'm

56:22

playing Phoenix, right?

56:25

Honestly, every minute like

56:27

every minute like every

56:29

time he says me

56:31

there's a judge They

56:33

give the judge a gun

56:35

and he shoots it into

56:37

the ceiling to calm down.

56:40

Yeah order order Well, that's

56:42

true. I mean like my

56:44

dad I my loud ass

56:46

voice I get a meal perd

56:48

as a judge The

56:54

judge has the Fred Willard

56:56

and I think you should leave

56:59

machine. Oh yeah. Just going off

57:01

on that. Trying to restore

57:03

order with that thing is

57:05

really difficult. Get

57:07

a squeaky one. It

57:09

only encourages further

57:12

shenanigans. Sorry for your

57:14

loss. Condolences. Should

57:16

we do number two? Number

57:21

two comes to us from snowy

57:23

1982. This is a story from

57:25

Wales, which is always a

57:27

challenge for us. Very, very,

57:29

very difficult. I'm gonna, I'm

57:31

gonna put the name of this

57:33

town in the chat. I want

57:35

everyone to take a stab at

57:37

it. I said earlier Polish is

57:40

Velcro language. So Polish is the

57:42

one side, Welsh is the other.

57:44

That's Polish, yeah, Polish sticks to.

57:47

The Welsh is the loops that

57:49

the hooks of Polish slips into

57:52

and then seals. Yeah, it's

57:54

very like foo-foo-foo-foo-foo-foo-foo-foo.

57:58

There's a lot of like... Look

58:00

at the name of this town

58:02

and tell me it's not like

58:05

that. Oh yeah, that's a, that's

58:07

a creature. That's a, that's a

58:09

name that would, that's a name

58:12

that would stick to Polish. It's

58:14

very like smooth and loopy. Hey

58:17

buddy, stick to Polish, okay? Give

58:19

it a try. Sif-f-f-f-filogue. Well it's

58:21

really junk of log. Definitely, definitely

58:24

like a creature that would jump

58:26

on to you and like start

58:29

draining your stamina. This is, that's

58:31

the vibe here. This comes to

58:33

you. This comes to you in

58:36

the night, for sure. Let's see.

58:38

I'm gonna do pronunciation. This thing

58:41

be sitting on your chest while

58:43

you're asleep, for sure. This is

58:45

the thing that eats your shield

58:48

every time you encounter it. Yeah,

58:50

yeah. And you have to get

58:53

a new shield. It's the stack

58:55

of pancakes from Zelda. Yeah, this

58:57

thing's got death blight buildup on

59:00

it. This fucking ruining my life.

59:02

Okay, I just looked up a

59:04

pronunciation. The pronunciation is even more

59:07

complicated and hard to say than

59:09

our guess is. It's beautiful to

59:12

hear someone speak it for real.

59:14

If you're a Welsh person. It's

59:16

C-Y-F-F-Y-L-L-I-O-G. So, sorry to our listeners

59:19

in Wales. To be clear, we

59:21

love it. I love that it

59:24

looks like. It's great. It's beautiful

59:26

to hear someone speak it for

59:28

real. I just don't know how

59:31

to fucking... It sounds so cool.

59:33

It sounds like you're a Tolkien

59:36

elf. It's awesome. It's just sort

59:38

of brex. Yeah. Anyway, in this

59:40

place, siff, fook, no, God. There

59:43

is, it's pretty rural. Lots of

59:45

farmland and stuff, believe it or

59:48

not. But on Google Maps, there's

59:50

an Aldi out there. And it's

59:52

like truly. out in the fields,

59:55

on the glens. I just sent

59:57

a picture of it from Google

1:00:00

Maps. But it's causing all kinds

1:00:02

of problems because people are like,

1:00:04

oh my god, there's an Aldi

1:00:07

out here. That's awesome. I'm gonna

1:00:09

go check out the Aldi. Apparently

1:00:11

a milk tanker got stuck, which

1:00:14

sounds like what you'd call a

1:00:16

big boob. I don't never heard.

1:00:19

Milk tank got stuck. Milk tanker

1:00:21

stuck in dryer. Boob, that's what

1:00:23

I call, it sounds like the

1:00:26

incoming president. But yeah, so it's

1:00:28

like, it's on these like very

1:00:31

windy little roads because it's like

1:00:33

in the middle of nowhere and

1:00:35

people keep going there trying to

1:00:38

get to Aldi and there's so

1:00:40

Aldi there. They cannot support this

1:00:43

infrastructure. Apparently it was like on

1:00:45

the Aldi website too. Yeah like

1:00:47

they beefed it up and they

1:00:50

also beefed it up. Big problem

1:00:52

big problem for them is the

1:00:55

goblins love Aldi and Orks and

1:00:57

all the other creatures and so

1:00:59

you know they have to do

1:01:02

it. Meets back on the menu

1:01:04

because we got it at Aldi.

1:01:06

Yeah. We went to Aldi to

1:01:09

get the meat to put on

1:01:11

the menu. Oh God who told

1:01:14

the Urakai about Aldi? Oh no

1:01:16

mistakeake. They go nuts in a

1:01:18

nuts in a grocery grocery grocery

1:01:21

grocery grocery store. My God. They're

1:01:23

slamming the gallons of milk down.

1:01:26

They're doing that. The Trader Joe's,

1:01:28

almond butter is back on the

1:01:30

menu. It's back in stock. God,

1:01:33

working at Trader Joe's was, at

1:01:35

that moment, like, 75% of my

1:01:38

job is telling people we didn't

1:01:40

have almond butter. Or what, was

1:01:42

it, cookie butter? I was just

1:01:45

like, we don't have cookie butter.

1:01:47

Yeah. The hell is this? This

1:01:50

is, yes. They've been out of

1:01:52

cold brew concentrate lately, and it's

1:01:54

really fucked my shit. Because I

1:01:57

ask it every time I go.

1:01:59

Where is it? Because I ask,

1:02:01

I ask it every day. Here comes

1:02:04

that cold. I call them the minute

1:02:06

they open and ask for cold brew.

1:02:08

You don't need it. You're up at

1:02:10

5 a.m. to call us. What do

1:02:13

you need coffee for? They recognize her

1:02:15

and she goes, well, you know, you

1:02:17

know what I'm gonna say. Don't make

1:02:19

me say it. Get out of here,

1:02:22

lady. So yeah, I mean, this is

1:02:24

like, so there, you said their milk

1:02:26

tank, so like they're trying to deliver.

1:02:29

grocery store levels of it sounds

1:02:31

like it's like how is that it's

1:02:33

like how is that possible that they're

1:02:35

being like Charge to go stock this

1:02:37

fake Aldi. I guess it's just this

1:02:39

this one truck was the only one

1:02:41

although Maybe a bunch of the other

1:02:44

ones drove by and we're fine. It

1:02:46

didn't get stuck and we never hear

1:02:48

about him. Who knows? Yeah, like this

1:02:50

is they just think this is the

1:02:53

final test This is like maximum difficulty

1:02:55

for a truck driver like to get

1:02:57

through because these are yeah, they said

1:02:59

they're all just like tiny winding

1:03:02

winding roads. Was it the milk

1:03:04

tanker that says that oh yeah?

1:03:06

Not exactly coded for that. Yeah.

1:03:08

Yeah, clearly not the right height.

1:03:10

Apparently this, this, they do

1:03:12

think it originated from a

1:03:14

Google map problem. So maybe

1:03:16

someone like submitted it or

1:03:18

something. You know, like sometimes

1:03:20

you're on Google Maps and

1:03:22

there's this like. You're scrolling

1:03:24

around looking for directions

1:03:27

or something and then there's

1:03:29

like some random house and it's

1:03:31

like Matt's place. Yeah, and you're

1:03:33

like, how did this happen? Yeah,

1:03:35

that's going on there. I think

1:03:37

someone must like send it to

1:03:39

somebody to help or like they

1:03:41

said maybe they're at a party or

1:03:43

something and they were like, here's

1:03:46

my address, but it's crazy to

1:03:48

have that. Those don't go out to the world. I don't

1:03:50

know how they do it. I don't know. And New York, I

1:03:52

ignore them. It's not, it's not, like, because it's

1:03:54

probably someone who lived there 15 years ago, like

1:03:56

male. Right, yeah, it's, it's nothing. It's one of, it's

1:03:58

one of those things that like. If you have a

1:04:01

problem, it's like truly a nightmare. It's

1:04:03

like, oh yeah, you know, customer service,

1:04:05

that thing that we all know how

1:04:07

to use from Google. You know what

1:04:10

I don't even know what you would,

1:04:12

you know. Your best hope is to

1:04:14

get it in the newspaper. That's about

1:04:16

it. It's basically, it's like trying to

1:04:18

talk to God about it. You just

1:04:21

have to pray. and hope your petition

1:04:23

you have to go to fucking Palo

1:04:25

Alto and light a candle at an

1:04:27

altar and then someone will maybe help

1:04:30

you from Google I had to get

1:04:32

down so I was in like a

1:04:34

student film in college and there was

1:04:36

like a it was like a comedy

1:04:38

but there's like a sex scene thing

1:04:41

in it or whatever please don't look

1:04:43

this up and uh Eli was in

1:04:45

a porno tried to get it down

1:04:47

it was funny I got my milk

1:04:50

tank stuck in the dryer and um

1:04:52

but there was like a porno eli

1:04:54

just yeah just like on the set

1:04:56

or whatever for fun you know I'm

1:04:58

snapping pictures and there's one of me

1:05:01

like shrugging in a bathing suit with

1:05:03

like a unrolled condom in my hand

1:05:05

and it was like in my top

1:05:07

five photo results for my name forever

1:05:09

and I had to get in touch

1:05:12

with the guy who made it and

1:05:14

be like brother you gotta get rid

1:05:16

of this because it's like you know

1:05:18

that in my elfwood I just got

1:05:21

to try to get scrubbed to spend

1:05:23

portions of my life being like I

1:05:25

don't want people to think I'm a

1:05:27

fantasy bad fantasy illustrator that maybe does

1:05:29

porno like you got to get these

1:05:32

results off man that's got to describe

1:05:34

at least a couple people yeah Good

1:05:36

for that fantasy illustrator that does porno.

1:05:38

I mean that's like that's an architect.

1:05:41

That's like 40% of the base of

1:05:43

Blue Skye. Yeah. None of them understand

1:05:45

comedy. They take everything literally. Yeah. Yeah.

1:05:47

They are. Yeah. That is a viable

1:05:49

career path from those two interests. Yeah.

1:05:52

A bummer that there's no ALDI out

1:05:54

here. I know, they should just build

1:05:56

one. Make good on your promise. Is

1:05:58

Aldi bad, yes? Or Aldi's good. Bring

1:06:01

these Welsh people to Aldi. Yeah, I

1:06:03

don't know, probably, everything's bad. What is...

1:06:05

Yeah, fair enough. Not this town in

1:06:07

Wales. This town in Wales is good.

1:06:09

Thums up to them. We love Fivavog.

1:06:12

We love it. That was number two.

1:06:14

That was number two. That was number

1:06:16

one. Number one. Number one. And this

1:06:18

week's number one reason to say what

1:06:21

a time to be alive. Contract

1:06:25

offers for shell be plummeting. The

1:06:27

market is shrinking. Number one comes

1:06:29

to us from the old crumb

1:06:31

crisper, which I think is a

1:06:33

delightful name in the discourse. Makes

1:06:35

me hungry, it makes me wanna

1:06:37

baked good. Gotta crisp up some

1:06:40

crumbs. This is a story from

1:06:42

trying to pronounce this here, Florida.

1:06:44

That was a real that was

1:06:46

a real drop the coffee mug

1:06:48

moment when I realized that Florida

1:06:50

is just a guy from Florida.

1:06:52

He's riding flows and he's from

1:06:55

Florida. It's like wait it sounds

1:06:57

stupid but cutting between the the

1:06:59

word Florida and then flow right

1:07:01

and then you just put them

1:07:03

together and it's like my god

1:07:05

this is any walking through your

1:07:07

mind palace assembling Florida's name. That's

1:07:10

right. So yeah just read the

1:07:12

headline here this is from... News

1:07:14

for Jacks. Florida deputy resigns. It's

1:07:16

for the really fast, fast grabbers.

1:07:18

News for Jacks. That's right. Seriously,

1:07:20

check those guys. Uh, all right,

1:07:22

Florida deputy resigns after crashing patrol

1:07:25

vehicle while looking at porn, Sheriff's

1:07:27

Office says. So, um, it's not

1:07:29

what you want to be out

1:07:31

in the public news there. I

1:07:33

don't know if he's, uh, body

1:07:35

cam I'm looking here yeah so

1:07:37

the way this is reported is

1:07:40

really funny because it it goes

1:07:42

through like it is clearly closing

1:07:44

in on him like first it's

1:07:46

this then they discover this then

1:07:48

they discover this and then he's

1:07:50

like yeah I was looking at

1:07:52

porn I was

1:07:55

look at it.

1:07:57

This is the

1:07:59

one thing we

1:08:01

didn't want to

1:08:03

happen. Oh my

1:08:05

god So

1:08:08

we're gonna say the the

1:08:10

phone began displaying pornography, right

1:08:12

the phone So

1:08:17

first he says he was oh, yeah

1:08:19

No, I was on the phone with

1:08:21

with another deputy about a case and

1:08:23

I you know stopped short and my

1:08:25

brakes locked up He said the ABS

1:08:27

light was on in his vehicle and

1:08:29

his brakes locked up That was his

1:08:32

first story then they checked the-cam in

1:08:34

the car and they see he is

1:08:36

Looking at his phone before not talking

1:08:38

on it looking at it and then

1:08:40

he says. Oh, yeah, I was looking

1:08:42

at a text I'm sorry. I shouldn't

1:08:44

have been looking at text But I

1:08:46

was looking at text from my from

1:08:48

like the cop slack channel like saying

1:08:50

Using Microsoft teams. Yeah, and then they

1:08:52

review the footage again, and they're like

1:08:54

you were looking at a video And

1:08:58

you're fucking cop aviators is

1:09:00

porno Yeah,

1:09:02

like also picture picturing picturing Tim

1:09:05

Robinson here in a police uniform. Yes,

1:09:07

that's that's what I'm Yeah We

1:09:09

noticed you were looking at a video

1:09:11

on your phone And you were

1:09:13

loosening your collar and then slapping the

1:09:15

dashboard and howling so we don't

1:09:17

think you're in the cop slack channel

1:09:19

Though there probably is I am

1:09:21

amazed at the level They must not

1:09:23

like this cop because like they

1:09:25

went through it They literally like subpoenaed

1:09:27

the group chat of cops to

1:09:30

make sure there were no messages sent

1:09:32

at that public. I Would love

1:09:34

to see a Maybe it's part of

1:09:36

the court What's

1:09:39

that group title probably something we can't

1:09:41

repeat That's what was like I'm sure if

1:09:43

there was a cop like they would

1:09:46

have like a hashtag porn channel that they

1:09:48

just all trade porn They seem like

1:09:50

guys who send each other porn most cops.

1:09:52

I think yeah, yeah bouncer adjacent bouncer

1:09:54

adjacent the I

1:09:56

feel like the They

1:09:59

only call our pornography

1:10:01

if you were looking at

1:10:03

it when you weren't supposed

1:10:05

to. That's true. That's definitely

1:10:07

true. Okay yeah so he

1:10:09

described what he was looking

1:10:12

at as and this is in

1:10:14

the story quote pornographic material

1:10:17

like boobs or whatnot that is

1:10:19

what the that apparently is what

1:10:21

he said so he tried he

1:10:23

did do like the look at

1:10:25

some milk tankers. It did an ocular

1:10:28

pat-down of an adult actress. I

1:10:30

was inspecting the, yeah, right. Officer

1:10:32

Stephen A. Smith has been arrested

1:10:34

for boobs and things of that

1:10:36

nature. Yeah. But this is just,

1:10:38

yeah, this is the guy that,

1:10:40

like, they decided, like, the thin

1:10:42

blue line did not hold off

1:10:44

in this guy's defense. They really

1:10:46

were like, all right, this guy's

1:10:48

looking at porno, we hate this

1:10:50

guy, get him out of here. He's

1:10:52

gotta be not a favorite if they're

1:10:55

going this far to get him. get

1:10:57

him out of there. Yeah, I'm

1:10:59

looking at the comments here.

1:11:01

Not a lot of good

1:11:03

ones. I was expecting news

1:11:06

for Jacks to have better,

1:11:08

better, that, I like the

1:11:10

person who's demanding to put

1:11:12

a link to what he

1:11:14

was watching or this is fake

1:11:17

news. That's a good comment.

1:11:19

Show us which porno he

1:11:21

was watching. What? Yeah, News

1:11:23

for Jacks. Jay-A-C-K-S, obviously. Yes.

1:11:25

Jacking. News for Jacking. Yeah.

1:11:27

I mean, shout out, the

1:11:29

rare okay comment here from

1:11:31

Tinker of Terror. So it

1:11:34

was a card-jacking. Solid. I'll

1:11:36

give you that. Nice, I'll give it

1:11:38

that. This is another really good detail. So

1:11:40

part of the problem was he wasn't

1:11:42

wearing his seat belt. And he had,

1:11:44

I guess, to keep the alarm from

1:11:46

going off. He went the extra mile

1:11:49

and buckled it behind his back. So

1:11:51

it would stop doing that. And then

1:11:53

he says, regarding the seat belt, the

1:11:55

deputy stated, quote, he believes it more

1:11:57

tactically sound not to be seat belted

1:11:59

well on. patrol. So yeah, it's for

1:12:01

tactics. It's to, you know, so you

1:12:04

can better jump out of the car

1:12:06

at a moment's notice. Very smart. Was

1:12:08

it to kill someone's dog or something?

1:12:10

Apparently, I guess, I guess Zoom does

1:12:13

that when you give a double thumbs

1:12:15

up. And fireworks started shooting off behind

1:12:17

you. Yeah. Do it again. Does it

1:12:19

work with one? Mine doesn't do it.

1:12:21

One gets a little bubble and then

1:12:24

I don't know I don't I never

1:12:26

turn this stuff on so I don't

1:12:28

know it's yeah By deleting a reinstalled

1:12:30

zoom, so maybe it's on by default

1:12:33

Yeah, from when I was having those

1:12:35

probably I was generating you just let

1:12:37

me bang. Hang on. Let me see

1:12:39

what's going on. I'll bang it really.

1:12:41

Yeah Yeah This is this is a

1:12:44

good detail. I guess he you know

1:12:46

as you do when you get in

1:12:48

the situation. He said this year has

1:12:50

been hard hard for him and he

1:12:52

is currently on. Sounds like medication. So

1:12:55

good for him that he still like

1:12:57

wants to jacket while he's on depression

1:12:59

medication. That's almost like a lot. That's

1:13:01

a trial. That's a trial. Like sir.

1:13:04

That's my Phoenix right. I regularly have

1:13:06

you been taking Phoenix right hand slamming

1:13:08

on the desk. Objection. If you're on

1:13:10

depression medication you wouldn't be able to

1:13:12

come or jacket at all. Famously decreases

1:13:15

libido. Yeah. His defense is. Hormey. I'm

1:13:17

sorry, did you say Hormey with a

1:13:19

M? Hormey. Hormey. Yeah. So I don't

1:13:21

know what the consequences were. I guess

1:13:24

he's off the force. I don't know.

1:13:26

What did they do with him? I

1:13:28

guess he's just under investigation at the

1:13:30

moment. Sounds like he's been investigated. Sounds

1:13:32

like they cracked it. I don't know

1:13:35

how much longer he needs to remain

1:13:37

under investigation. It's even more okay. So

1:13:39

this is like yeah, well, this is

1:13:41

also like this goes into the thing

1:13:44

of like we talked about like he's

1:13:46

you know porno guys the guys watch

1:13:48

I don't know I guess you see

1:13:50

more of those guys in New York

1:13:52

because usually somebody is in their car

1:13:55

But you see guys just watching porno

1:13:57

on the subway sometimes and it's like

1:13:59

even weirder when it's someone who's not

1:14:01

jacking it there it's just a guy

1:14:03

watching it it's so weird to pet

1:14:06

like yeah it's like what are you

1:14:08

doing man it's like your stop must

1:14:10

not be soon because I don't think

1:14:12

you're standing up and you know just

1:14:15

not to be gross are you like

1:14:17

is this like you're pre- gaming for

1:14:19

when you're gonna be home you're like

1:14:21

You know, it's very weird. I'm getting

1:14:23

ready. I'm going to get warmed up

1:14:26

on the subway. I'm getting right. Texting

1:14:28

your wife. I'm watching porno on the

1:14:30

subway. She's going to be so excited.

1:14:32

Yeah, so excited. This reminds me of,

1:14:35

I can't, I can't find it, but

1:14:37

I posted a picture of it, you

1:14:39

know, months, a month ago, but it

1:14:41

was like. a car with a big

1:14:43

one of those like stickers that like

1:14:46

takes up your whole back windshield and

1:14:48

it's and it was like with a

1:14:50

drawing it's a like certified panty dropper

1:14:52

or something so that's what I'm picturing

1:14:55

this guy you know I wasn't a

1:14:57

cop car anything but it's like yeah

1:14:59

man I'm putting this on my car

1:15:01

this is going on my car I

1:15:03

can't remember who it was but there

1:15:06

is a Wrestling when wrestling people give

1:15:08

interviews out of character is called a

1:15:10

shoot interview and I was watching a

1:15:12

shoot interview in this they like well

1:15:14

car wrestlers were like carpool together to

1:15:17

stuff and Somebody was saying like yeah,

1:15:19

I was carpooling with this famous wrestler

1:15:21

and like start to finish Pourno the

1:15:23

whole time just like we got in

1:15:26

the car and he put Pourno on

1:15:28

the dash and we drove like eight

1:15:30

hours with Pourno just Pourno playing in

1:15:32

the car. There's yeah, it's the Pourno.

1:15:34

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, this is like

1:15:37

a hallowed halls. The porno equivalent of

1:15:39

the Wade Boggs drinking like, you know,

1:15:41

80 beers on a cross country flight,

1:15:43

because like this guy, I can't believe

1:15:46

how much porno, this guy washed, just

1:15:48

like, well, there's this car that used

1:15:50

to, near where downstairs Dan and I

1:15:52

live for a while, he knows, he,

1:15:54

I assume this haunts him the same

1:15:57

way, there was park near us all

1:15:59

the time, like a shitty. you sleep

1:16:01

with the vulture. It's like, I think

1:16:03

about it all the time, I'm like,

1:16:06

the vulture, who's the vulture, dude? Tonight

1:16:08

you sleep with the

1:16:10

vulture. If you're trying to

1:16:13

be like a cool guy,

1:16:15

vulture is not the one

1:16:17

you pick. Like, it's like,

1:16:19

yeah, I'm going after

1:16:21

the, the nasty leftovers.

1:16:23

I'm a scavenger, and

1:16:26

if you scare me,

1:16:28

I throw up. Such a great defense

1:16:30

mechanism, shout out whichever vulture that is,

1:16:32

that it's like if it gets attacked,

1:16:34

it just throws up everything. And then

1:16:36

the fear like, oh! Nothing grosser than

1:16:39

the throw-up of an animal that eats

1:16:41

rotting meat. Like that's as bad as

1:16:43

it gets. Nasty stuff. It's a

1:16:45

good defense mechanism, because nothing wants

1:16:47

to be near there. Yeah. That's

1:16:49

like, apparently, they don't throw up,

1:16:51

but dogs will just like crap

1:16:53

everywhere. And it's a good defense

1:16:55

mechanism, to be honest. First time

1:16:58

Maggie got a shot, Kablamo,

1:17:00

blasted. And I was

1:17:02

like, I'm so sorry.

1:17:04

And that was like, they

1:17:06

do this. And I was

1:17:09

like, all right. Well, I

1:17:11

don't need to walk her

1:17:13

for a while, because just

1:17:15

firing one out. Oh, yeah.

1:17:17

Yeah, it sounded like a

1:17:20

potato cannon. Uh, yeah, look, this

1:17:22

this guy was not

1:17:24

charged with a crime.

1:17:26

So I don't know,

1:17:28

they're probably on suspension

1:17:30

and probably the real

1:17:32

punishment's already happening in

1:17:35

sort of every interpersonal

1:17:38

interaction this guy's having

1:17:40

with anyone who knows

1:17:42

about this. Yeah. Yikes. Yikes

1:17:44

from us. Plugs. Find our

1:17:47

patron bonus episodes, merch, discord,

1:17:49

and more at what-a-time-pod.com. And

1:17:52

follow us on Twitter, tick-dog,

1:17:54

YouTube, and Instagram at what-a-time-pod.

1:17:56

Check out CAF's other podcast

1:17:59

live. You know, I plug

1:18:01

that special, steal, about liars,

1:18:03

frogs, thieves, and bullshiters. Thieves

1:18:06

on by Naki, professor. Thanks

1:18:08

for listening and best of

1:18:10

luck. You know, I plug

1:18:12

that special. Hey, come to

1:18:15

my special taping at the

1:18:17

Gutter in Green Point on

1:18:19

January 24th. There shows at

1:18:22

730 and 930. Tickets are

1:18:24

selling. The early show is...

1:18:26

About half sold out almost,

1:18:28

the Late Show has more

1:18:31

tickets available, but get

1:18:33

on it. I think there's a

1:18:35

promo code for listeners, if I

1:18:38

remember correctly, it's Pigeons

1:18:40

Fly for half off tickets. But,

1:18:42

you know, hey, come on down. Come

1:18:44

on down. Move your ass. Don't be

1:18:46

loud. Don't wear a big hat. Don't

1:18:49

fuck this up for me. But come

1:18:51

down. Don't have a weird laugh.

1:18:53

If you have a weird laugh,

1:18:56

stay home. Oh, well, if you

1:18:58

go, oh, don't do that, but

1:19:01

it would be funny. Oh, just

1:19:03

wait until everyone stops laughing

1:19:05

and then say, terrific.

1:19:08

Terrific. Yeah. A lot

1:19:10

of people aren't, oh,

1:19:12

hell no, in the,

1:19:14

uh, into the, the,

1:19:16

the, thing. Into

1:19:19

The Thing, My Thing, Your Special Name,

1:19:21

Into My Thing, Into My Thing. Do

1:19:23

you know it's going to be, you

1:19:25

don't have to tell us, but do

1:19:28

you know what you're going to call?

1:19:30

Yeah, it's the same name as the

1:19:32

show, Humble Offering. It's the name of

1:19:34

the, Ah, okay. Yeah, and I licensed

1:19:37

some cool art. It looks like a

1:19:39

metal album and a very good, it

1:19:41

looks like a metal album, it's the

1:19:44

name of the, ah, okay, okay,

1:19:46

and I licensed some cool. Yeah,

1:19:48

for sure. Might sell some t-shirts,

1:19:51

classic metal looking t-shirts. Nice. Well,

1:19:53

I don't think I have anything

1:19:55

to plug this week, so thank

1:19:57

you for listening. I don't either. I'm gonna

1:19:59

be away, I'll see you. You'll

1:20:02

hear me in a few weeks. hear

1:20:04

this is Patty's last episode for

1:20:06

a little while. Oh yeah,

1:20:08

going is Patty's last episode

1:20:11

Fuffa, a Fuffa. while. Bye,

1:20:13

Fuffa, Fuffa. Going to the

1:20:16

to the that's right. Lands.

1:20:18

Yeah. I was gonna

1:20:20

fuh, fuh, fuh, me. He's

1:20:22

being extradited. fuh, fuh, fuh. Going

1:20:24

extradited to the undying

1:20:26

lands. Lands. Charged with with a

1:20:28

series of property crimes

1:20:30

in the crimes in the undying

1:20:32

lands. Mail Male fraud from

1:20:34

the undying lands. the

1:20:36

Disgraced former senator of

1:20:38

the undying lands. That's

1:20:41

right. of the undying me the

1:20:43

Bob Menendez of the

1:20:45

undying lands. me the Bob Menendez

1:20:47

of the undying lands. All right. Bye

1:20:49

everyone. Good bye.