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are millions of them. Some might

1:33

say, too many. I have one

1:35

already. I don't have any, because

1:38

there are enough. Politics, business,

1:40

sport, you name it. There's

1:42

a podcast about it. They

1:44

all ask the big questions

1:46

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1:48

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1:50

is covering the most important

1:52

topic of all. Why is

1:55

that? Are they scared? Too

1:57

afraid of being censored by

1:59

the man? Possibly, but not us.

2:01

We're here to ask the only question

2:03

that matters. We try and say it

2:06

at the same time, Max. What did

2:08

you do yesterday? What did you do

2:10

yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's

2:12

it. All we're interested in is what

2:15

the guest got up to yesterday, nothing

2:17

more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The

2:19

greatest and most interesting day of your

2:21

life? Unless it was yesterday, we don't

2:24

want to know about it. I'm Max

2:26

Rushton. And I'm David O'jahadiadi. I

2:31

welcome to a series two episode.

2:34

We don't know anymore, but it

2:36

doesn't matter David. It's the hundredth

2:38

episode of series two. This is

2:41

a tricky one. So Jess Napots

2:43

coming on is brilliant and hilarious.

2:45

You wrote from all the things?

2:48

No, don't say that. Jess wrote

2:50

ad starred in Drifters. Yes. And

2:52

has been in tons of cool

2:55

stuff since then. She hosts... a

2:57

podcast that is probably the most

2:59

similar to ours Max? I'd say

3:02

it's a direct rival. It's called

3:04

Perfect Day and I'm absolutely furious

3:06

that she's been allowed on to

3:09

our podcast, but I think the

3:11

key David is we don't mention

3:13

it. Absolutely no mention of it.

3:16

Really? We're just... It's got a

3:18

giant animal with a trunk in

3:20

the corner of the room that

3:23

somehow... She could be coming onto

3:25

this podcast to ruin it. I

3:27

don't know how malevolent nap it

3:30

is. I don't know. I'll try.

3:32

She's not malevolent. She was once

3:34

the star. I had failed. sitcom

3:37

pilot that she was quite clearly

3:39

the best thing in by a

3:41

billion miles. Do you want to

3:44

redo it and I could be

3:46

the I could be in it?

3:48

Okay yeah it's sat on an

3:51

Antarctic ship frozen in the ice

3:53

in 1915. My sitcom idea which

3:55

I don't think you is a

3:58

good idea where you play my

4:00

brother on Zoom. That is, I

4:02

seriously think it's got legs. What's

4:05

the sitcom idea? I don't want

4:07

to say it. I think it's

4:10

too good to actually tell people

4:12

about it. Yeah. But how are

4:14

we brothers? We don't sound similar

4:17

at all. Yes, yeah, that's the

4:19

thing. And Dara O'Brien's another brother

4:21

and Barry Glenn Denning's my other

4:24

brother. We only ever meet on

4:26

Zoom. Honestly, I haven't written anything

4:28

because I don't know how to

4:31

write scripts, but I think it's

4:33

got legs. I think it's got

4:35

legs. It's called, wait for this,

4:38

it's called Max. Okay, so let's

4:40

get on with today's broadcast. Yes,

4:42

yes. Yeah, I'm excited to meet

4:45

Jesse. Well, let's be, look, cards

4:47

on the table, we've just finished

4:49

the episode, it is really good.

4:52

It's a very busy day, a

4:54

lot happens, and as long as

4:56

we don't mention the rivalry. Yeah,

4:59

we will definitely try not to

5:01

mention that in the one that

5:03

we've just recorded and are clearly

5:06

aware that we mentioned it pretty

5:08

much straight off the top. Yeah,

5:10

here it is. They're different. No,

5:13

you didn't. Who came up? I'm

5:15

really glad we've started with this.

5:17

Yeah. The elephant in the room.

5:20

Who came up with the idea

5:22

for your podcast? Not me. Let

5:24

me just say that in full

5:27

confidence. I booked the guest. Who

5:29

came up with the idea for

5:31

your podcast? Well the thing is,

5:34

I had been listening to, do

5:36

you know, Jess Knappit? She's coming

5:38

out with him ideas. And I

5:41

was like, that is perfect days,

5:43

a good idea. But I was

5:45

trying to think of a thing

5:48

a bit like that. That's how

5:50

I came up with this. So

5:52

it was you, Matt. This is

5:55

a bit like Robert De Niro

5:57

and Al Pacino meeting in heat.

6:00

It is actually and I can't

6:02

remember anything of either of them

6:05

that either of them said because

6:07

it would be really good if

6:09

I did Yeah if we both

6:11

knew it so my real question

6:14

to you Jess is what are

6:16

your intentions because you obviously host

6:18

perfect day the podcast we're not

6:20

so different me and you we're

6:22

both in the day market we

6:25

thought we had the day fans

6:27

all of us we are we

6:29

love days and are you here

6:31

You know, is this subterfuge? Oh

6:33

yeah. Are you here to take

6:36

us down? It's industrial espionage. Right,

6:38

I see. But I'm not being

6:40

very subtle about it. Right. Because

6:42

A, I'm on the podcast in

6:45

broad daylight and B, I've just

6:47

said it out loud. Yeah, that's

6:49

true. We have to keep our

6:51

eyes and ears open David during

6:53

this record. Like the way we've

6:56

subtly got around it from trade

6:58

descriptions is, ours is called what

7:00

you do yesterday. brackets if yesterday

7:02

was your perfect day. That's how

7:05

we just sort of like, you

7:07

know when Fiddle come out with

7:09

a bag of crisps that are

7:11

remarkably similar to... Yeah, it's like

7:13

the cheese puffs from M&S. There

7:16

are wotsets and they are referred

7:18

to in our household as wotsets,

7:20

but they're cheese puffs and actually

7:22

they're probably more expensive than wotsets

7:25

anyway. Actually, what I've just admitted

7:27

to there is that, yeah, I

7:29

sometimes do my big shop in

7:31

Emmaus. Wow, good for you, good

7:33

for you. It's doing well. Yeah,

7:36

perfect day is doing well, is

7:38

what we've heard from that. Really

7:40

well. I just want to say

7:42

that there is a big difference

7:45

between our pods, isn't there, because

7:47

I'm based purely in the fantasy

7:49

realm, and you're based in cold,

7:51

hard, fact, reality. There is no

7:53

fantasy to this. Oh, interesting. And

7:56

we know who's winning that war,

7:58

don't we? I sometimes feel that

8:00

men don't get enough say, do

8:02

they? Middle class men. It's just

8:04

not enough. avenues for us to

8:07

express how we feel about things,

8:09

Jess. No. We've invited you on

8:11

this podcast to tell you that.

8:13

But in all seriousness, I love

8:16

what you do and I love

8:18

what I do and I do

8:20

think they're genuinely different enough, legally,

8:22

to the quote where I'm not

8:24

going to say. And I'm happy

8:27

for all of us. This is

8:29

a fun hour of mediation right

8:31

now, beginning with... Jess, what time

8:33

did you... Wake up at yesterday,

8:36

actual yesterday. No, no, it will

8:38

be actual yesterday. I've documented the

8:40

whole thing in my notes up.

8:42

Great, great. Five ten a.m. I'm

8:44

waking up in a hotel in

8:47

Tunbridge Wells with a headache. No

8:49

idea why you're there. And because,

8:51

whereas your podcast can acquire us

8:53

to other days rather than yesterday,

8:56

we just have to just carry

8:58

on from this place. Gonna have

9:00

to be the reality, I'm afraid.

9:02

Is the headache a splitting headache?

9:04

Is it more of a kind

9:07

of dull... Is it like the

9:09

first thing you notice? Yeah, it's

9:11

the first thing I notice. It's

9:13

a sharp pain. And I think,

9:16

what did I do? How much

9:18

did I drink? And I think,

9:20

nothing at all, I'm on day

9:22

75 of 100 days sober. Wow!

9:24

Do you think that's what caused

9:27

us? Clearly, this is a tension

9:29

headache from not being lashed. Is

9:31

it every 25 days is like

9:33

a kind of, it's the way

9:35

it works, but the way it

9:38

works? So on day 75 is

9:40

a real killer day. That's the

9:42

killer day. No, do you know

9:44

what it was? There is an

9:47

explanation for the headache, actually. Exhima

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21:01

the night before though. Oh yeah, that would be

21:03

too much. Your body would... I didn't need

21:05

another one. I did need... Well first,

21:08

I needed to try and get Alanis

21:10

Morissette tickets. Ah, okay. And what time did

21:12

they come online? They've been online

21:14

for a long time, but I

21:16

thought, you know, I've actually got...

21:18

couple of hours here. I can

21:20

sort through the World Tour destinations.

21:22

I can get on my WhatsApp

21:24

groups like my Geist with my

21:27

mates from home and we can

21:29

sort this out. I had a couple in

21:31

my basket but of course it's

21:33

6 a.m. No one's responding

21:35

to their WhatsApp. I'm getting

21:37

ahead of myself. Did you have a

21:40

couple in your basket and the other

21:42

is giving a peace sign? Yes. Oh

21:44

God, I sure did. So what did

21:47

you do? Did you think I'm just

21:49

going to go for this? No,

21:51

I struggled. I did start getting responses

21:53

at 7am. We left it in the

21:55

end because I was about to do

21:57

something mad. Yeah. Which was by... the

22:00

only tickets that were left in

22:02

Amsterdam which were gold VIP tickets.

22:04

Oh, you've got to do it.

22:06

How much is a gold VIP

22:08

Alanis Morissette in Amsterdam? Three pounds.

22:11

Three gold VIP tickets. Yeah. 800

22:13

quid. Is she doing all of

22:15

jagged little pill in a row

22:17

and no other songs? I mean,

22:19

of course she is. I mean

22:22

she'll do some other songs but

22:24

we're getting... That's what you want.

22:26

Yeah, yeah, you want to know.

22:28

You're getting you want to know

22:30

that I've spent 800 pounds on

22:33

these tickets. So I didn't do

22:35

it anyway, I didn't do it.

22:37

Didn't do it. Okay. Thank you

22:39

for not doing it. That's an

22:41

obscure, because that's not from Jagged

22:43

Little Pill. No, it's not. What

22:46

I need to point out here,

22:48

Jess, is my colleague Max has

22:50

incredible knowledge of specific eras of

22:52

culture to the point where I

22:54

think the last album he got

22:57

was either hard-fi or top-loader. Yes,

22:59

somehow he knows Jagged Little Pill.

23:01

That's the Top Loder era. I

23:03

guess it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

23:05

Top Loder. Dancing in the moon

23:08

light. We bought Jack a Little

23:10

Pillon CD on a road trip,

23:12

me and my wife were on.

23:14

I can't remember. I think we're

23:16

driving through the States and we

23:18

only had about four CDs. So

23:21

occasionally we listen to serial or

23:23

something. And then we just put

23:25

Jack a Little Pillon. Just on

23:27

repeat. It is an incredible album.

23:29

It's great album. Truly. And I

23:32

can't remember now. I'm not gonna

23:34

be able to remember the names

23:36

of the names of the names

23:38

of the names of the names

23:40

of the names of the names

23:43

of. The names of. The names

23:45

of. I'm sure that somebody from

23:47

Foo Fighters plays on... Yes. Or

23:49

a couple of members of Foo

23:51

Fighters potentially. Free from the Red

23:53

Hot Chili Peppers plays the base

23:56

on it. Yeah, it's like an

23:58

insane lineup, the backing band. Jess,

24:00

with respect. Shall we crack on?

24:02

She's not been up too much

24:04

lately. Now, how do you? Does

24:07

this affect your perception of her

24:09

that she... is from 1994 when

24:11

I went out with Roseanne and

24:13

Roseanne would make me sit in

24:15

the chair and listen to the

24:18

whole album on CD straight through.

24:20

As in Roseanne Barr? Roseanne Barr,

24:22

that's who I was thinking. You

24:24

went out as Roseanne? Well you

24:26

in Roseanne, I just thought it

24:28

was John Goodman. Maybe it was

24:31

David. Your darlene's dad. This is

24:33

amazing. also was very critical of

24:35

my father because so she was

24:37

my first university girlfriend still see

24:39

her around the place shout out

24:42

to Rosanne and she also gave

24:44

my father a tough time because

24:46

he had golf clubs and that

24:48

was the game of the patriarchy

24:50

it was like the perfect university

24:53

first girlfriend who comes home and

24:55

just tells your parents they're Dix.

24:57

Wow. Yeah. You're supposed to say

24:59

nice golf clubs. I fancy your

25:01

son That's what you do you

25:03

say what's you handicap? Mr. Odote

25:06

May I get down now, please.

25:08

Yeah, that is good All right,

25:10

so this has taken an hour

25:12

of sort of arming and aring

25:14

over Alanis Morissette. Yep, yep, yep,

25:17

yep. Okay, so what time are

25:19

we at now? We're really motoring

25:21

through this day. We really are.

25:23

It can't be 815 yet. The

25:25

next time I've written down is

25:27

815. Okay. Because that's when I

25:30

get in the car to King's

25:32

Cross. Okay. So you've dressed. So

25:34

that is a whole thing that

25:36

is painful for me. Made Marian

25:38

had brown hair, that's all I'm

25:41

saying. Look, it's a small part.

25:43

If I was made Marian, you'd

25:45

fucking know about it, there'd be

25:47

a deadline article. Max, you need

25:49

to use your journalism skills here.

25:52

We're going to try and side

25:54

door into this and work it

25:56

out. such that the articles will

25:58

be like Jess not but reveals

26:00

new roles in the Lord of

26:02

the Rings or whatever it is.

26:05

Do you want to have a

26:07

go now? If you can't. Okay,

26:09

hey Jess, hey Jess. Hi Max.

26:11

What's the movie you're in? The

26:13

reason I'm not going to say

26:16

is because I just don't trust

26:18

anything anymore. It's not because it's

26:20

an exciting reveal or anything. They

26:22

don't care that I'm in it.

26:24

They're not like holding back on

26:27

the reveal that Jessnappets in it.

26:29

I don't know. I just don't

26:31

trust that anything. You know, there

26:33

was that movie that got made

26:35

and then they didn't ever put

26:37

it on Disney or whatever. And

26:40

I just don't trust anything anymore.

26:42

Right. So do you think your

26:44

bit like it's a pivotal moment?

26:46

Because I've heard about stories where

26:48

people are in films and then

26:51

they get cut and you think

26:53

surely someone should have just worked

26:55

that out before they paid someone

26:57

and invited them to Tumbridge Wells.

26:59

Anything can happen. Anything can happen.

27:02

Yeah, it is a small, I'm

27:04

just not going to say. I'm

27:06

not going to say, just in

27:08

case. How is Hugh Grant to

27:10

work opposite? You're not getting me

27:12

on that. Okay, she's a tough

27:15

not to crack David, I've tried

27:17

my best. Jess, the funny thing

27:19

about this, because Max has never

27:21

listened to this podcast. He doesn't

27:23

know that producer Morrisire edits him

27:26

out entirely from every episode, and

27:28

it's actually just David already in

27:30

conversation with a variety of people.

27:32

Okay, so you've watched your disgusting

27:34

hair? Yeah. Certainly it needs to

27:37

be brown. Max, if it's a

27:39

sort of medieval type thing. No

27:41

blondes in those times. Yeah, there

27:43

is no blondes, or at least

27:45

there might be one, and she's

27:47

the queen. That would be the

27:50

only blonde. Unless they were Vikings.

27:52

All the Vikings would be, so

27:54

she's not playing a Viking. We

27:56

can write off Eric the Vikings,

27:58

too. Eric, what an incredible reference.

28:01

I loved Eric the Vikings by

28:03

the way. Absolutely incredible film. Which

28:05

is why you traveled half the

28:07

length of the country to take

28:09

a small pint. Eric your Viking

28:12

too. The sequel to Eric the

28:14

Vikings. The Vikings were all lads.

28:16

Okay, we know this and they

28:18

nicked the ladies of Ireland. Like,

28:20

do you know this about why

28:22

the Icelandic ladies are such hotties?

28:25

Is because... prior to retiring in

28:27

Iceland, which is where a lot

28:29

of the Vikings went, they came.

28:31

to Dublin and collected all, stole

28:33

all our hotties and brought them

28:36

back there. Can I just say

28:38

that I don't think the women

28:40

of Dublin are going to love

28:42

this as an announcement? We were

28:44

left with the mayors after the

28:47

Vikings took all the hotties, but

28:49

the opposite of that is that

28:51

when you go to Iceland then,

28:53

you've got all these Irish-looking buttes.

28:55

and then tiny orch men who

28:57

are like, oh good, good, good,

29:00

good, good, good, good, good, good,

29:02

good, oh. But can I just

29:04

say, are you wrong about, I'm

29:06

gonna stand up for hot Irish

29:08

women here? Yeah. I've seen the

29:11

cause. I've seen Ashley B. And

29:13

bewitched, come on, let's be real

29:15

here. I'm bewitched. Yeah. So they're

29:17

not all in Iceland, okay. So

29:19

it's 815 Jess? Yeah, it's 815,

29:22

yeah, yeah. I've got in the

29:24

car to King's Cross. That's a

29:26

long old journey. Why wouldn't you

29:28

get the train in to London

29:30

Bridge? It's the movies. The transport

29:32

is provided. Okay, so this is

29:35

a car with a little water

29:37

bottle in it. It is a

29:39

car with a little water bottle

29:41

in it. So I was in

29:43

a car recently that was paid

29:46

for by someone else. It had

29:48

just two seats in the back

29:50

with a large... Rest between us,

29:52

okay? Yeah, it had two water

29:54

bottles one for me, but then

29:57

there was this sort of hollowed

29:59

out area and the driver had

30:01

just put in I would say

30:03

200 word there's the originals to

30:05

fill that and that was too

30:07

many even the idea of it

30:10

is slightly gross. I know I

30:12

always feel weird about eating those

30:14

sweets because in my head I

30:16

can still hear my mum saying

30:18

don't get in a car with

30:21

any strangers and you don't eat

30:23

any sweets given to you in

30:25

the car with the stranger. Any

30:27

chat with the driver on the

30:29

way? Oh yeah, loads of chat

30:32

with the driver because this driver

30:34

has been my driver for the

30:36

whole job. We're best friends at

30:38

this point. Oh wow, this is

30:40

amazing. Is he rent his Elweger

30:42

as driver as well? Yeah. So

30:45

we discussed what he had for

30:47

tea last night. We actually did

30:49

an episode with him. Yesterday said

30:51

he knows. We know that. So

30:53

you'll know that it was cheese

30:56

on toast. We discuss the gourmet

30:58

options available to adorn cheese on

31:00

toast. We discuss. Have we both

31:02

had the cheese on toast available

31:04

at the restaurant to assume? Yes,

31:06

we have. Oh well. It's good,

31:09

isn't it? It's really good. Oh

31:11

my God, yes. Then what happened?

31:13

The Alanis conversation on what's up

31:15

is still limping on, by the

31:17

way, at this point. Got it,

31:20

okay. I'm having also, I mean,

31:22

that's the wonderful thing, isn't it,

31:24

about this modern society that we

31:26

live in, that we can be

31:28

having so many conversations at the

31:31

same time. My husband about the

31:33

fact that we need a second

31:35

car, we're a one-car household, we've

31:37

got to purchase a new second

31:39

car. No, no, no, that should

31:41

be enough. No, it's not because

31:44

mainly I want to have the

31:46

most partridge sounding second car that

31:48

we could possibly have at the

31:50

moment we're going for a Honda

31:52

Jazz. Nice. I was going to

31:55

suggest Honda Civic, the car of

31:57

my parents. It's quite good, isn't

31:59

it? Kias Portage is nice as

32:01

well. So I start reading a

32:03

review, he sent me yet another

32:06

another car option for the family

32:08

car to replace the current

32:10

family car that we have.

32:12

It's a Vauxhall. something. So

32:14

does Mr Napett want to

32:17

buy a new family car

32:19

and relegate what is currently

32:21

first-choice car? To second-choice car.

32:24

We want to get a

32:26

brand-new family car and a second.

32:28

This movie is... Yeah. We're cashing

32:31

in our current family car, okay?

32:33

This is good stuff. An amazing

32:35

thing happens at this point. I

32:37

read a review on what car

32:39

of the Vauxhall... Gangland

32:42

is also another image.

32:45

I don't know what

32:47

it's called, but I

32:50

start reading the review

32:53

on what car and

32:55

the actual

32:57

review which was

33:00

written by a

33:02

journalist. mentions my

33:04

friend Matthew Lewis who is

33:07

Neville Longbottom in Harry Potter.

33:09

Oh yeah he's a nice guy. Is

33:11

he the pioneer of the Vauxhall Gang

33:13

Bang? What is this? Should I read

33:15

it? Because it was so funny. But

33:17

then I obviously had to then send

33:20

it to him. I just love how

33:22

these little funny things happen in the

33:24

day. I think it's called the Grand

33:26

Land is the name of the car.

33:28

Genuinely. It's the Gang Land. It's the

33:30

Gang Bang. Well, if we get it, it'll

33:33

be known forever. Kids, in the Gang

33:35

Bang, off we go. Yeah, exactly. So

33:37

this is what the review says. I'm

33:39

trying to get an unbiased

33:41

review here of the Vauxhall

33:44

gangbang. The what-car journalist

33:46

says, it's hard to pin

33:48

down exactly when the term

33:50

glow-up became mainstream. But like

33:53

Matthew Lewis, the actor who

33:55

played Harry Potter's Neville Longbottom,

33:58

the Vauxhall Grandland can... be

34:00

added to the list of examples.

34:02

Oh Neville has had a glow

34:04

up in recent times. Neville's had

34:07

a glow up. Neville is now

34:09

like outrageously hot. He aged well

34:11

didn't he's got like a 12

34:13

pack. He was my boyfriend in

34:15

the sitcom that I did with

34:18

Romesh. What? And you say he

34:20

wasn't as hot then? I've had

34:22

a glow-up since last year, David.

34:24

He has one every year. He's

34:26

constantly glowing up. Yeah. Oh my

34:29

God, that would have been great

34:31

if I'd said that to him.

34:33

I think they mean since last

34:35

year. Send us a pick. But

34:37

now he's been compared to sort

34:40

of sensible family cars. It's just

34:42

that's an absolute goal. Isn't that

34:44

amazing? So obviously I had to

34:46

send him that and then I'm

34:49

in the back of the car

34:51

just having a back and forth

34:53

with Neville. The driver is really

34:55

in detail describing this. She's a

34:57

sandwich he had. And you are

35:00

on three different WhatsApp groups. You're

35:02

like mm-hmm-hmm-hmm. What's the name of

35:04

the WhatsApp group with the girls?

35:06

Zite my Geist. Oh, not bad.

35:08

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Excuse me. Sorry,

35:11

what? Should we not bad? Not

35:13

bad. So you haven't got a

35:15

clue why it's called Zite My

35:17

Ghost. Can I ask why? Because

35:20

I was less dismissive of it.

35:22

I would be quite open-minded to

35:24

why it's called that. Unlike David.

35:26

I think the appropriate response was,

35:28

oh, why is it called that?

35:31

Okay, and then you threw out

35:33

one of the girls, one of

35:35

the girls became a Tory, so

35:37

you then set up another one

35:39

that needed to have a slightly

35:42

similar name, but was nonetheless, so

35:44

you'd never make the mistake of

35:46

going honest. And so you called

35:48

it Zite MyGist. Yeah, it's the

35:51

Eric the Viking too of what's

35:53

that groups. No, it's just, it

35:55

was our catch phrase, it was

35:57

our catch phrase at university. We

35:59

used to say Zite Geist a

36:02

lot, whenever people would be. sort

36:04

of dicks actually didn't really make

36:06

sense it was stupid we used

36:08

to shout like yes like that

36:10

sort of obnoxiously when people were

36:13

being sort of too cool yeah

36:15

when people had taken on a

36:17

trend and they'd taken it on

36:19

too hard or they'd made a

36:22

fool of themselves which shouts like

36:24

geist then we started saying zite

36:26

my geist oh good given the

36:28

last time my bought was Hardfai.

36:30

I can't be accused of zeitgeistness.

36:33

I don't know. You haven't been

36:35

ziting. I have not been ziting,

36:37

not today. It's also possible every

36:39

contemporary car review compares the car

36:41

to someone from the Harry Potter

36:44

movies. Oh, that's true. The minimum

36:46

is truly the Jesse cave of

36:48

2025. Were you in Harry Potter

36:50

or Jess? No, I fucking wish

36:52

I was in Harry Potter. Oh,

36:55

I'm sorry. I didn't make sure.

36:57

Actually, no, do you know what?

36:59

No. I backtrack. I'd love to

37:01

be in this TV series of

37:04

Harry Potter. Well, you're in luck

37:06

because Max is directing it. I'm

37:08

head of casting, yeah. I don't

37:10

know who I'd be, though. Well,

37:12

I don't know how much of

37:15

a reimagining it is, but I

37:17

think you either. I'm 40, I

37:19

think you're either too old to

37:21

be, obviously too old to be

37:23

a kid and too young to

37:26

be a teacher. That's not really

37:28

much in between, is there? Yeah,

37:30

that's true, yeah. Okay, so have

37:32

we got to King's Cross? Because

37:35

I'm thinking rush hour, that's going

37:37

to take hours, Tumbridge Wells to

37:39

King's Cross. I'm thinking, King, I've

37:41

got in the car at 815,

37:43

I'm definitely going to get the

37:46

1003. You'd have made it if

37:48

you got on the train. Do

37:50

I make the 1033? Have you

37:52

got the Blackwell Tunnel? No. We

37:54

went through a few tunnels, yeah.

37:57

Okay, okay. I did make the

37:59

1033. I did make the 1033.

38:01

Does the driver... point say something

38:03

like this is gonna hurt but

38:06

we'll get there in time and

38:08

plows through a field you know

38:10

something like that yeah he did

38:12

actually he said I'm zigzagging for

38:14

you Jesse cause me Jesse I'm

38:17

zigzagging for you Jesse is a

38:19

dance move or was he stayed

38:21

in the same lane but he

38:23

was dancing we zigzagged through East

38:25

London fantastic it was great and

38:28

he was pointing out historical landmarks

38:30

landmarks And I politely, I knew

38:32

them, I knew the landmarks because

38:34

I used to live in East

38:36

London, but I kept that to

38:39

myself. Like what, what's one? Well,

38:41

he was talking about Dennis Sever's

38:43

house at one point. Who's that?

38:45

So he was saying this place

38:48

is steeped in history. I said,

38:50

I know it. Spital fields, I

38:52

think I know what that stands

38:54

for. Hospital fields. Yes, there is

38:56

a Roman remains underneath that narrow

38:59

row. Who's Dennis Severs? Dennis Severs

39:01

House is one of the most

39:03

incredible living museums in London. Yeah.

39:05

It is a perfectly intact 19th

39:07

century house. Shit! Where is that?

39:10

It's in front of Liverpool Street

39:12

station on Brushfield Street, I think

39:14

it's called. It's absolutely incredible. And

39:16

you go in there, they say,

39:19

don't speak. The song by no

39:21

doubt. Gwen Stefani's there. I know

39:23

just what you're saying. That's Saline

39:25

D on doing Gwen Stefani I

39:27

think just there Jess. That's when

39:30

Saline D on went on Stars

39:32

in their eyes and said tonight

39:34

Matthew I'm going to be Gwen

39:36

Stefani. I know what you're thinking.

39:38

I have an idea. So Severus

39:41

has just gone to the top

39:43

of my list as is the

39:45

Ripper. is the Ripper! Jack the

39:47

Ripper! And if his house hasn't

39:50

been touched since the 19th century

39:52

there's still clues in there. So

39:54

I say we get the old

39:56

bill round there and we dust

39:58

it down and we do what

40:01

I call historical detectiveing. That is

40:03

a fantastic idea. Do you

40:05

want to come on perfect

40:07

day? Because you'll, I think

40:09

you'll find your dipping into

40:11

the realm of fantasy, mate. Stay

40:13

in your line. The clues in

40:16

the name. Severs. He severed those

40:18

poor ladies in half. Thank you.

40:20

Are you suggesting we ring 999

40:22

now? I'd like to report a

40:25

murder. Please, please, label straight. My

40:27

dad My dad

40:29

works in B2B marketing. He came

40:31

by my school for career day

40:34

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on Green Light. Um,

41:30

I think I just won my taxes.

41:32

Yeah? I just switched to H&R

41:34

Block in about one minute. All

41:36

I had to do was drag

41:38

and draw Blashard's return into H&R

41:41

Block, and bam! My information is

41:43

automatically there. So I don't have

41:45

to go digging around for all

41:47

my old papers to switch? Nope.

41:49

Sounds like we just leveled up

41:52

our tax game. Switching to H&R

41:54

Block is easy. Just drag and drop

41:56

your last return. It's better with Block.

41:58

Is it a right? to the

42:00

train can you get to pret?

42:03

I get to pret? Of course

42:05

you do. Casually by a flat

42:07

white and a baget because that's

42:10

actually all that's available. A mini

42:12

baget? Yeah it's the mini one,

42:15

it's the mini one. And then

42:17

I stroll to the platform and

42:19

the best thing that can possibly

42:22

happen when you're getting the train

42:24

to leads is it's the old

42:27

Ellen E. Now, if I know

42:29

this movie, they've given you a

42:31

whole carriage, yeah, first class ticket

42:34

as well. Well, actually, they've given

42:36

me a flexible, which is very

42:39

expensive, open return standard. I get

42:41

on first class because I think,

42:43

well, I can buy myself an

42:46

upgrade, can't I? Yeah. Then what

42:48

happens? A wonderful thing. I seat

42:51

myself in first class. It's very

42:53

quiet. It's the old style train

42:55

so the seats are really comfortable.

42:58

Cool. Cussions. Yeah. Because the new

43:00

trains, by the way, are so

43:02

bad that people actually ripped off

43:05

the cushions because they were too

43:07

hard. That is a hard cushion.

43:10

It's very poor actually. Is it

43:12

softer underneath the cushion? It's softer

43:14

underneath the cushion, yes. That's how

43:17

bad the upgrade is. Anyway, I

43:19

got on first class. The ticket

43:22

conductor lady comes up to me.

43:24

I said, please can I buy

43:26

an upgrade to first class please?

43:29

She said yes. She starts to

43:31

put it into a machine. She

43:34

said, I said, isn't it nice

43:36

when it's the old trains? And

43:38

that's the secret code. Is that

43:41

the cousin? Yes, I love it

43:43

too. I said, they're just so

43:46

comfortable. And she said yes. And

43:48

they're very nostalgic, can't. They said,

43:50

I said, yes. And she went,

43:53

oh dear. Oh dear. What? My

43:55

machine's not working and then she

43:57

winked at me. Oh! This is

44:00

a perfect day. I see what

44:02

you're trying to do here with

44:05

this. And then they come round

44:07

and they say, what do you

44:09

want for breakfast? I'm thinking, I've

44:12

got a bag. What have I

44:14

done here? I've doubled up. Oh

44:17

no. And I said, I'll have

44:19

the frittata please. And he went,

44:21

you're in look, it's the last

44:24

one. It must be your lucky

44:26

day, he said. Stop it. Stop

44:29

it. So by being nostalgic with

44:31

the... ticket inspectors. She has just

44:33

because she loved those old trains

44:36

as much as you. Yeah. She

44:38

ripped off the shareholders of LENER.

44:41

to help you. Who I think

44:43

are the government actually, so I

44:45

don't think we mind. You know

44:48

the downside of these trains though.

44:50

Obviously it's the little doored-in carriages,

44:52

like the little individual sections, okay?

44:55

Jess has got a sleeper as

44:57

well, probably, so she's in a

45:00

big duck-down duvet with the frata.

45:02

You hear like the sand of

45:04

the China. Rattling China on tray

45:07

as it's just, I'll just put

45:09

that there for you, misnap it.

45:12

But you know what happens then?

45:14

A Belgian guy with a big

45:16

mustache appears, there's been a murder.

45:19

Yeah, we're coming back to the

45:21

murder. And then of course I

45:24

had to get to work. Solving,

45:26

off she goes again to solve.

45:28

Murder she podcasted is... the modern

45:31

version of effectively what you're doing.

45:33

The train to leads. It's a

45:36

two and a half hour train.

45:38

It's two hours, three minutes. Great.

45:40

Are we talking Stevenage, Peterborough, New

45:43

York, Doncaster? Wow. A bit of

45:45

Grantham. Or maybe not. I don't

45:47

think there was Grantham on this

45:50

one. Okay, interesting. Wakefield Westgate, certainly.

45:52

No further questions, Your Honor. What

45:55

do we do on the train?

45:57

What else is there a succession

45:59

of tasty treats being come? Is

46:02

it like being my guest that

46:04

they keep coming in with wobbly?

46:07

jellies and like... You'll have another

46:09

spoonful there, this is just... Is

46:11

it like that? It's just like

46:14

that, yeah, it's just like that.

46:16

It's a lot of tea. Yeah.

46:19

It is a lot of tea

46:21

and bickies. They love to chuck

46:23

little brownies at you. They cannot

46:26

give those highly salted, thick crisps

46:28

away fast enough. Yep. And how

46:31

empty is the train? Is there

46:33

anyone near you on the train?

46:35

Or is it interesting? Any celebs?

46:38

Any lead celebs? Lead celebs. Yeah,

46:40

lead celebs. Are they there? The

46:42

Kaiser Chiefs, are they there? The

46:45

Kaiser Chiefs, all there. Sarah Lancashire,

46:47

no she's not from Leeds, but

46:50

she does the Yorkshire tea advert.

46:52

I can't, Freddie Flintoff, he's there.

46:54

Yeah, good. The woman who presents,

46:57

um, BBC. Yorkshire News. She's presenting

46:59

from the corner. Who's there? She's

47:02

there. Richard Whiteley is back from

47:04

the grave. Jeffrey Boycott is there.

47:06

Anita Rani's in the corner actually.

47:09

Okay. Doing some journalism. Do some

47:11

journalism. Yeah. And I think that's

47:14

it. So who's who? Yeah. They're

47:16

all there. There's just a guy

47:18

next to me and a businessman

47:21

who hasn't got a new. Earphones

47:23

actually, he's watching some clips on

47:26

his phone. Oh no! Loudly! Yeah,

47:28

he doesn't do it the whole

47:30

time, but it's all right, I've

47:33

got my, I've got earphones and

47:35

they are noise cancelling and I

47:37

will put them in my ears.

47:40

This is slightly unrelated, but my

47:42

favourite headphone story based on a

47:45

train is my friend Gabby, was

47:47

having a bit of, sending the

47:49

clowns. She was like, it's a

47:52

bit quiet on her headphones. She

47:54

realized obviously that the song ended.

47:57

It just hadn't clicked in the

47:59

whole song. She just wanted to

48:01

have a moment to mope. Send

48:04

in the clouds a whole train

48:06

just singing in a

48:08

beautiful harmony. They're already

48:11

here. Oh my God,

48:13

and everyone's probably shaking

48:15

their heads at her quite

48:17

subtly, and she's thinking, yeah,

48:19

this is the sort of

48:21

day I'm having. It feels

48:24

like people looking at

48:26

me with disapproval. Maybe

48:28

I'm just sad. So yeah

48:30

I'm doing some admin, I'm doing

48:32

some admin on the train on

48:34

my phone. Are we any

48:36

closer to Alanis Morissette tickets

48:38

here? No, what's happened

48:40

is a couple of the girls

48:43

aren't sure if they can get

48:45

off work, one of them's husband

48:47

might be in Porto. So we're

48:49

leaving it again for another two

48:52

weeks probably until all

48:54

the tickets are sold

48:56

out. Is Alanis using

48:58

dynamic pricing? I

49:01

actually am not

49:03

sure if she

49:05

is using dynamic

49:07

pricing. Yours

49:09

is better. Dynamic

49:12

pricing. Thank you,

49:15

dynamic pricing. That

49:17

would be bad if

49:20

she thanked it. Dynamic

49:23

pricing. Dynamic pricing. There

49:25

actually are songs, like

49:27

people have an active

49:29

choice of podcast or

49:31

something. Come on! Jeepers!

49:34

I just hope someone's

49:36

listening to this without earphones.

49:38

The train ride flies actually,

49:40

should we crack on? Because we're

49:43

probably at about 9am guys. Max

49:45

knows what he's doing here, Jess.

49:47

He's calibrated. I've worked at timings.

49:49

This is where I feel we're

49:51

coming in today conflict here. Because

49:53

Jess thinks she knows the correct.

49:55

We like to do. Yeah, it's

49:57

a good question, David. Do you

49:59

keep... bit tight just on a

50:01

perfect day because sometimes we do

50:03

we're an hour in and it

50:06

is only nine o'clock so we

50:08

probably don't give dinner you know

50:10

the requisite respect that it deserves

50:12

often no I don't I do

50:14

if you're asking me if I

50:16

had here to my own format

50:19

the answer is often no but

50:21

you make a good point we

50:23

should get a bit of a

50:25

rattle on it's gone midday and

50:27

we're in leads yeah okay yeah

50:29

now Something slightly awkward happens because

50:31

I've got to go to therapy.

50:34

Oh great. My therapy session is

50:36

at 2 o'clock. Okay. It's 1.15.

50:38

I haven't arrived yet at my

50:40

local town train station. My car

50:42

is parked at home. My husband

50:44

is at home. My husband very

50:47

kindly text me. He says do

50:49

you want me to come and

50:51

pick you up from the station?

50:53

I said no I want you

50:55

to go one fucking better than

50:57

that. I want you to meet

51:00

me at the station with the

51:02

car hand it over and walk

51:04

yourself home. Okay. Rule with an

51:06

iron fist and does Mr nap

51:08

it oblige? He obliges reluctantly. He's

51:10

bearing in mind had to be...

51:12

solo parenting two children for the

51:15

last two days while I've been

51:17

swanning about three days while I've

51:19

been swanning about filming and then

51:21

my greeting is meet me at

51:23

the station give me the keys

51:25

for how old are the children

51:28

two years old and seven years

51:30

old oh that's not fair it's

51:32

hard it's fine so you've got

51:34

your car and mr napp it

51:36

is walking the 15 miles across

51:38

the deals it's only a five

51:40

to 10 minute walk home. He's

51:43

not actually that pissed off. He's

51:45

gone to buy some chicken nuggets

51:47

from M&S. I'll meet him back

51:49

at home. I drive to therapy

51:51

and you know the slight disagreement

51:53

that we've had about that gives

51:56

me something to talk to her

51:58

about. I mean I would have

52:00

also liked if the train had

52:02

been delayed and then you had

52:04

to do it over headphones on

52:06

the train for doing Max's for

52:08

getting the plans. Send in the

52:11

plans. Yeah that would be really

52:13

good. Just when this session finishes

52:15

there's just a round of applause

52:17

from the whole carriage then. And

52:19

how was the session? I mean

52:21

we I don't want to pry.

52:24

Well I've brought it up. You

52:26

brought up, did you leave thinking

52:28

that was a good one? Or,

52:30

not sure, you know, she's just

52:32

stringing me along now? No, I

52:34

don't know, I never think that

52:37

she's stringing me along. No, I

52:39

left in King, we're nailing this

52:41

actually. I did some seshes a

52:43

few years ago in the car,

52:45

and the amount of people who

52:47

walked past your car. I had

52:49

a therapist a few years ago

52:52

who decided that it just appears

52:54

to be a boring zoom or

52:56

whatever. It's hard to come back

52:58

to talking about the events, having

53:00

someone being like, you said you

53:02

would fix my bike. Can you

53:05

do that please? I had a

53:07

therapist a few years ago who

53:09

decided that he was going to

53:11

do something called walking therapy. Okay,

53:13

oh yeah. And so he said

53:15

to me, we're not going to

53:17

meet in the room anymore, we're

53:20

going to meet outside, and then

53:22

we're going to walk and talk.

53:24

And I was like, really? It

53:26

was like, yeah, yeah, it's a

53:28

thing. It's called walking therapy. I

53:30

was like, right. And I was

53:33

like, yeah, yeah, it's a thing.

53:35

It's called walking therapy. I was

53:37

like, right, like, I start crying.

53:39

He was the same age as

53:41

me or like a little bit

53:43

older. I was walking through the

53:45

park bumped into a friend that

53:48

I had not seen since

53:50

school. Of course

53:52

he did. Exactly.

53:54

She's like, how's

53:56

it going? And

53:58

she just stood

54:01

there expecting me

54:03

obviously to introduce

54:05

this man. He

54:08

was presumably my husband who I

54:10

just wasn't introducing at it. And then

54:12

eventually I just had to say,

54:14

this is my husband. I mean, this

54:16

is my therapist. And she went,

54:18

oh, oh. And

54:20

then she walked off. And then after

54:22

that, I thought, well, maybe he'll start to

54:24

see that walking therapy isn't a great

54:26

idea. I like the idea that he might,

54:29

he might say, we'll meet in the

54:31

park and you arrive and he's got seven

54:33

dogs. He's running

54:35

a side household. He's duckling

54:37

up. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that story

54:39

got weirder, but it's a

54:41

story for another time. Oh no.

54:43

She ended up going out

54:45

with him. Oh

54:48

dear. It's a tale as old

54:50

as I've just, yeah. Okay.

54:53

We've done the sash.

54:55

We've done the sash. We're

54:57

feeling good. We're driving

54:59

home. Great. eating. What are

55:01

we eating? Chicken nuggets.

55:03

No, the practical. baguettes. Yes.

55:06

Well done. It's active.

55:08

Has it aged well? I

55:11

don't know. I calculated it. I

55:13

was like, it's egg mayo. Right.

55:15

Egg and avocado. But I was

55:17

starving by this point. This is

55:19

the most deja vu. There's an

55:21

episode of your podcast where Amy

55:23

Gladhill literally has the shits and

55:25

the pukes for three days, because

55:28

I'm pretty sure she had this

55:30

exact pret baguette. He's chicken. No,

55:32

hers was chicken. You learn nothing.

55:34

I know. I know. Honestly, I

55:36

was thinking of Amy Gladhill as

55:38

I did it, but I calculated

55:40

and I was like, I bought

55:42

it at 10 a .m. Okay.

55:44

It's 2 p .m. Four hours at

55:47

room temp. I think that's okay.

55:49

I said to myself, you'll be

55:51

fine. I really believe that that

55:53

makes it fine. What was the

55:55

weather like? Was it a slightly

55:57

sweaty egg or was it? Oh,

55:59

yeah. No, it was sunny. it's a

56:01

perfectly crisp Yorkshire day. Right, so that's fine. So

56:03

I'm not worried about, I'm not worried

56:06

about it. You'd know by now, and

56:08

it would have reappeared, it would have

56:10

poked its little head out by now

56:12

I feel. You're right. But if you

56:14

want to puke towards the end of

56:16

this podcast, it'd be a good clip

56:18

for a very rarely used Instagram. Yeah.

56:21

Sorry guys, the egg mayo and

56:23

Afo's back. Great, so we

56:25

go back Mr. Knappet

56:27

has bought chicken nuggies.

56:29

He's bought chicken

56:32

nuggies. They're in the

56:34

fridge waiting for dinner time.

56:37

It's what, 2.30? I get

56:39

home, no, it can't be

56:41

2.30, it's 3. So at this

56:43

point it's countdown because not

56:45

actual countdown. Because what a great

56:47

show it is. I wish it

56:49

was. Tell you all. Because you

56:51

do it every day, I love

56:53

that. That's lovely. I wish. No,

56:55

it's countdown to picking up the kids

56:58

from school. Yeah, do you miss them?

57:00

How does it feel? Been gone for

57:02

three days. I've missed them and

57:04

I'm looking forward to it, but

57:07

I also know what I want to

57:09

do before I pick them up today

57:11

because... It's Dance Club. Yeah, it is,

57:13

yeah. And they're preparing

57:15

for the danceathon tomorrow. Wow. So

57:18

it's a big day. What style

57:20

of dancing are they... I'm imagining

57:22

Northern Soul just because we're in Leeds.

57:24

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you put your

57:27

elbows up and you sort of jump

57:29

around on the floor. Yeah, they're

57:31

all in flares with their Fred

57:33

Perrys Tuckton. They are dancing to...

57:35

I know that one of the

57:37

songs is Queen's Don't Stop Me Now.

57:40

Wow. So it's a banger, isn't it?

57:42

They're learning some quite sort

57:44

of like literal, you know, like finger

57:46

wagging. Okay. Let me just step in

57:48

here. Where I to dance to don't

57:50

stop me now by Queen's. No, no,

57:53

no, no, I wouldn't go literal on

57:55

it. I would take the energy of

57:57

the tune such that opening tonight I'm

57:59

going... So I'd be dancing sexually

58:01

and you're thinking oh he thinks

58:04

this is a slow jam. But

58:06

then the only sign would be

58:08

don't stop me now. So I'd

58:10

go to a robot. Robot, okay

58:13

good. And then I'd go, so

58:15

now I'm, there's a jog on

58:17

this fall. So I'm running around

58:19

the dance floor, okay? And having

58:22

a good time, having a good

58:24

time, and there's a sense of

58:26

like, and I'm sprinting by this

58:28

now, you know what I mean?

58:31

And then right up, so we're

58:33

sprinting around the dance floor, till

58:35

the guitar is a bill, a

58:37

guitar, a guitar, a guitar, a

58:40

guitar, a guitar, Dules are smashing

58:42

out of the way. And then

58:44

for the, don't stop me, don't

58:47

stop me, that bit. It's a

58:49

call in response with me and

58:51

the other people who were good

58:53

time. Exactly. Look, this is really

58:56

good because I've got to go

58:58

to the Danceathon later today and

59:00

all the parents are required to

59:02

dance along. The Danceathon. I should

59:05

hope so. You've given me some

59:07

good ideas there. No problem. If

59:09

any of the listeners need to

59:11

know one of my dance routines,

59:14

I have ones for every song

59:16

ever written. content. That's good isn't

59:18

it? To get David Adohadi's deeply

59:20

dippy by right said phone simply

59:23

send us 45,000 pounds and you

59:25

will get all two minutes 20

59:27

seconds. Do you guys want to

59:29

do an Alanis co-lob? I've done

59:32

through too. Yeah, I genuinely love

59:34

that. Which one would you do?

59:36

Would you do one hand in

59:38

my pocket or would you do

59:41

ironic? No I do you ought

59:43

to know. Okay, yeah. Is that

59:45

I'm here to remain? bitch that

59:47

I think would be awkward in

59:50

that song I think. Oh yeah,

59:52

you're right. Would you go down

59:54

on me in a theatre? Yeah.

59:56

All the kids? Yeah, exactly. Dance

59:59

a thumb. The music teacher is

1:00:01

like, Kay, just call me Mr

1:00:03

Wilma, you can call me Kevin.

1:00:05

And yes, and now he's getting

1:00:08

them all to do that. Are

1:00:10

you thinking of me? Yeah, yeah,

1:00:12

yeah, no, we won't do that

1:00:15

bit. No, you shouldn't do that

1:00:17

one. Are they happy to see

1:00:19

you, Jess? They're happy to see

1:00:21

me. Some other children were slightly

1:00:24

less happy to see me because

1:00:26

I had given away. my tickets

1:00:28

for the RSC kids performance of

1:00:30

the tempest to another mum. And

1:00:33

as I arrive into the playground

1:00:35

the mum is telling is breaking

1:00:37

the good news to her children.

1:00:39

So they all have to go

1:00:42

and see the fucking tempest? Those

1:00:44

kids are scowling at me like

1:00:46

they're putting a hex on me.

1:00:48

How old are they seven and

1:00:51

they've got to go and see

1:00:53

the tempest? She's got an older

1:00:55

one, yeah. Shakespeare is for all

1:00:57

ages. No, but it's RSC Kids.

1:01:00

Oh, right, okay. It's a kids

1:01:02

version, it's a short version. Yeah.

1:01:04

Is it got the cast of

1:01:06

Rainbow doing the tempest? That's all

1:01:09

puppets, yeah. We pick up the

1:01:11

lads. The lads. Yeah. Yeah, no,

1:01:13

I do get like quite a

1:01:15

lot of love and affection when

1:01:18

they see me. Are they like,

1:01:20

how is Eva Longoria who you've

1:01:22

just been in that movie? What's

1:01:24

Steve Bashimi like in real life

1:01:27

mum? Yeah, they just couldn't give

1:01:29

a shit about any of it.

1:01:31

It's annoying. I mean, if it

1:01:33

was Harry Potter they'd be excited,

1:01:36

but... they don't get it all

1:01:38

care but they're just happy to

1:01:40

see me of course they are.

1:01:43

My youngest daughter who is two

1:01:45

I say there's some good news

1:01:47

guys I'm going to tell you

1:01:49

some good news after you've gotten

1:01:52

car. And my youngest daughter says,

1:01:54

is the good news that you

1:01:56

have chocolate? Good question. And I

1:01:58

said, are you quite mad? And

1:02:01

she said, no, I am quite

1:02:03

hungry. Which I thought was amazing.

1:02:05

Yeah, it's good. And so we

1:02:07

all had a good laugh about

1:02:10

that. and then we're in a

1:02:12

good mood I told them the

1:02:14

good news which is we've got

1:02:16

friends coming this weekend brilliant and

1:02:19

they were happy about that are

1:02:21

the friends bringing kids yeah they're

1:02:23

bringing kids exactly cool that's the

1:02:25

delight now hang on there is

1:02:28

a dip here as in I

1:02:30

no not in the podcast in

1:02:32

the episode yes the energy of

1:02:34

the kids as in my mom

1:02:37

would pick me up sometimes at

1:02:39

three or three thirty. And I

1:02:41

just remember those days that I

1:02:43

would sit just motionless in the

1:02:46

car on the lift home because

1:02:48

I'm kind of wiped after the

1:02:50

day. So maybe you could have

1:02:52

brought a flask of chicken soup.

1:02:55

Maybe I could have. I find

1:02:57

giving my three-year-old a flask of

1:02:59

chicken soup is good for the

1:03:01

day. Yeah, just a scolding hot.

1:03:04

Open. Just there you go. Yeah.

1:03:06

Get over some piles. We'll see.

1:03:08

It was pretty high energy and

1:03:11

the kids like asking Siri for

1:03:13

songs. That's their favorite thing to

1:03:15

do in the car. So they're

1:03:17

shouting over each other. Good. Oh

1:03:20

yeah. And it's a battle to

1:03:22

see who can get Siri to

1:03:24

play. And the youngest wins with

1:03:26

Mary had a little lamb by

1:03:29

Coca-melon. Oh yeah, good. Which under

1:03:31

normal circumstances my husband, because he

1:03:33

hates that song so much, will

1:03:35

say, oh no, that one's broken.

1:03:38

Yeah, I know that one's broken.

1:03:40

Yeah, I know that one's broken,

1:03:42

but we decided it wasn't broken

1:03:44

today. And that in fact I

1:03:47

would crank it up just to

1:03:49

annoy my eldest daughter. And she's

1:03:51

screaming and shouting, my ears are

1:03:53

bleeding, turning, turning it off. The

1:03:56

other one's laughing. And we're listening

1:03:58

to this terrible. terrible song very

1:04:00

loudly in the car. This

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1:05:19

you're home. You're home, Jess.

1:05:22

I'm home. It's tacos. Oh

1:05:24

yeah. I'm not sure how

1:05:26

I feel about this. Actually,

1:05:29

we are. Is that work?

1:05:31

Wow. I think it might

1:05:33

work. Because we just don't

1:05:36

know which way it's going

1:05:38

to go. So we've got

1:05:40

tacos and we've got chicken

1:05:43

nuggets. And if you want

1:05:45

to put the chicken nuggets

1:05:47

in the tacos, you can.

1:05:50

Okay. We've got black beans,

1:05:52

we've got avocados. Our Mexican

1:05:54

listeners are furious. Losiento. My

1:05:57

husband whipped up a halopino.

1:05:59

yogget and coriander dick. Oh

1:06:01

lovely. For us. Wow, okay.

1:06:04

Did I say cheese? We're all shoveling

1:06:06

it all into our tacos.

1:06:08

We're eating at five o'clock.

1:06:10

You're two-year-olds eating tacos. Yeah.

1:06:12

Mine will just eat plain

1:06:15

bread without the crusts. You

1:06:17

sprinkle cheese onto what is essentially

1:06:19

bread, a taco. Yeah. And then you

1:06:22

put a chicken nugget in it and

1:06:24

she'll eat it. Yeah. He won't do

1:06:26

nuggets anymore. Too spicy. So

1:06:28

do we not have a like

1:06:31

a Mexican rice or something? Do

1:06:33

you not need a carb with

1:06:35

that? No, I know I are off.

1:06:37

No, we don't know. The tacos

1:06:39

are the carbs. Yeah, don't worry.

1:06:41

We've got fiber, we've

1:06:44

got carbohydrates all

1:06:46

represented. And some

1:06:48

fats, both saturated

1:06:50

and unsaturated. Great, great.

1:06:52

Are you having a drink? Tequila,

1:06:55

the whole four members of

1:06:57

the family are slamming them

1:06:59

back. Well, not for me,

1:07:01

obviously, that wouldn't be the

1:07:03

moment to be breaking the

1:07:05

hundred days. But... No, that's

1:07:07

true, sorry. It's just water. The

1:07:10

kids are allowed milk. It's a

1:07:12

special day, and they're allowed

1:07:14

to milk. My eldest daughter

1:07:16

nearly wet herself laughing at

1:07:18

the table. She has to run

1:07:21

off. I can't remember what it

1:07:23

was, but it was something the

1:07:25

little one did and she has

1:07:28

to leave the table because she's

1:07:30

laughing so much. As she's leaving

1:07:32

the table she falls over. Oh

1:07:34

no, okay. And then there's a

1:07:36

pause and then she goes, I'm

1:07:39

okay and then she runs off

1:07:41

again. And she's off up to the

1:07:43

toilet and then she's gone a long

1:07:45

time. and when she comes back we've

1:07:48

actually cleared the table because we didn't

1:07:50

wait that lot we couldn't wait for

1:07:52

her and she'd finished anyway. My youngest

1:07:54

daughter started heckling me. So my husband

1:07:56

and I were talking in the kitchen

1:07:59

it's like an open plan kitchen dining

1:08:01

situation. My husband's doing all the

1:08:03

washing up and I'm sort of

1:08:05

talking to him. I thought I

1:08:07

was tidying up but in fact

1:08:09

as my youngest daughter shouted at

1:08:11

me, Mommy you're not doing anything.

1:08:14

You're just standing there and daddy's

1:08:16

doing all the tidying. Well that

1:08:18

made us laugh a lot. and

1:08:20

then he sort of got her

1:08:22

to dig into that and then

1:08:24

we were asking her things like

1:08:26

who does more? Oh good, washing

1:08:28

up and she was going daddy

1:08:30

and I said who does more

1:08:32

laundry and she said mummy and

1:08:34

I said who does more cooking

1:08:37

and she said daddy. Was she

1:08:39

right? Was she spot on and

1:08:41

she you know she's not gas

1:08:43

lighting? She was right. She was

1:08:45

right. And then the eldest came

1:08:47

back and declared that she'd written

1:08:49

a script. Wow. in that time

1:08:51

in the toilet yeah so this

1:08:53

is the first time that she's

1:08:55

ever done this and she had

1:08:57

just written down this everything that

1:09:00

just happened like the nature of

1:09:02

the conversations and who as in

1:09:04

like daddy was doing the washing

1:09:06

up and mummy was standing there

1:09:08

she wrote down the scene of

1:09:10

her falling over cool yeah But

1:09:12

we've been collecting quotes that our

1:09:14

little one has been saying we've

1:09:16

been writing them on the fridge

1:09:18

and I think that she was

1:09:20

like copying that idea and then

1:09:23

she started saying to me that

1:09:25

she wanted to write more and

1:09:27

then she was asking me questions

1:09:29

about writing scripts. This is come

1:09:31

on! Starham Young, but you'll be

1:09:33

disappointed because unfortunately there is a

1:09:35

real dearth of sitcom commissioning at

1:09:37

the moment. She could write a

1:09:39

serious drama. She could write Eric

1:09:41

the Viking too. There are so

1:09:43

many opportunities. There's a market. But

1:09:46

also you, I hope when you

1:09:48

got the script, you're like, yeah,

1:09:50

so can we make this character

1:09:52

a man? You just get her

1:09:54

used to the studio system. Yeah,

1:09:56

have you got a star attach?

1:09:58

Can everyone be 18 in this

1:10:00

as well? Yeah, could Brett Goldstein

1:10:02

do this? Do you think you

1:10:04

know him, don't you? The one

1:10:06

time I remember actually losing it

1:10:08

was my neighbor and I still,

1:10:11

it still affected me for days

1:10:13

after when I just thought back

1:10:15

at it. He told me, and

1:10:17

I was probably about that age,

1:10:19

he told me the rhyme Artie

1:10:21

Fartie had a party, all the

1:10:23

Farts were there. Do you know

1:10:25

that one? juicy, Lucy led a

1:10:27

beauty and all the parts went

1:10:29

out for air. So I think

1:10:31

it was the fact that my

1:10:34

only experience of poetry up until

1:10:36

then had been probably fairly worthy

1:10:38

verse and it was like the

1:10:40

invention of hip-hop or something. This

1:10:42

is the sound of the streets

1:10:44

when you're seven and it's just...

1:10:46

a poem about farts. So I

1:10:48

lost it, I think, at the

1:10:50

end of the first line. And

1:10:52

then he was just like, there's

1:10:54

more. Like we're literally one quarter

1:10:57

way through this. Yeah. And for

1:10:59

him, he's been trying this so

1:11:01

many times and finally he's got

1:11:03

an audience. He's like, and he's

1:11:05

in the palm of my hand.

1:11:07

You were there. Wow, wow. Yeah,

1:11:09

yeah. Okay, so we've written the

1:11:11

script, we've sort of looking for

1:11:13

commissioning, I guess. So we're looking

1:11:15

for commissioning, then my husband starts

1:11:17

working because he works on American

1:11:20

time, so this is when his

1:11:22

phone starts ringing and he gets

1:11:24

to work. So he worked on

1:11:26

Wall Street. He works on Wall

1:11:28

Street, yeah, it's like he worked

1:11:30

on Wall Street. And then, so

1:11:32

off he goes. And then it's

1:11:34

bath time. We go, we go

1:11:36

early, early, we go early to

1:11:38

bath. Good idea. Is everyone in,

1:11:40

all in, all in? 17 year

1:11:43

olds, all in, all in, all

1:11:45

in, everyone in together. I wash

1:11:47

my seven year old's hair, it's

1:11:49

a big deal, because she's got

1:11:51

very very long hair, and then

1:11:53

I have to open up the

1:11:55

salon and blow dry it, which

1:11:57

I love, actually. I really love

1:11:59

it. So you put the beehive

1:12:01

on her head and leave it

1:12:03

there for four hours? Yeah, I

1:12:05

do. with Grazie a magazine. I

1:12:08

do put, I put, she loves

1:12:10

it because I put a towel

1:12:12

on her head and then I

1:12:14

let her read her book for

1:12:16

a bit while I go and

1:12:18

sort the other one out. And

1:12:20

then I come back and then

1:12:22

we do, we do, actually then

1:12:24

my husband came back and then

1:12:26

he sorted the little one out.

1:12:28

And then after I'd blow-dried her

1:12:31

hair like really straight and glossy,

1:12:33

great looking fantastic. I'm a bit

1:12:35

tired by this point actually. Yeah,

1:12:37

it's still a day. I've been

1:12:39

up since five, ten. Yeah, yeah,

1:12:41

yeah, yeah. I know, I actually

1:12:43

know that. And I've been lying

1:12:45

on the bed and I'm, I'm

1:12:47

scrolling actually and she's listening to

1:12:49

an audio book, which is a

1:12:51

sort of dungeons and dragons type

1:12:54

thing where you can choose your

1:12:56

own adventure. So I'm sort of

1:12:58

half, I'm lying there, I'm kind

1:13:00

of scrolling on my phone, I'm

1:13:02

buying some, um... I'm actually buying

1:13:04

some hair care products. I've been

1:13:06

prompted by the salon. Sorry Jess,

1:13:08

if you're seven is it imperative

1:13:10

that the two-year-old goes to bed

1:13:12

first because you need to, you're

1:13:14

basically a grown-up, and you have

1:13:17

grown-up straight hair now, and you're

1:13:19

lounging there with an audio book.

1:13:21

100% and the two-year-old... is really

1:13:23

tired at this point, even though

1:13:25

it's probably only 630, 645. She's

1:13:27

already had like a bit of

1:13:29

a meltdown, she's been crying a

1:13:31

bit. So that's the sign that

1:13:33

she needs to get in that

1:13:35

bed. And so off she goes.

1:13:37

Then it's guitar time. What? This

1:13:40

guitar time. You and Mr. Knappet.

1:13:42

You go and play demonstrates for...

1:13:44

No, it's the seven-year-old is desperate

1:13:46

to become a popopopor. Great. Now

1:13:48

we've talked about this and it

1:13:50

takes practice. So we've taken inspiration

1:13:52

from there's a sort of creative

1:13:54

self-help guru who is also an

1:13:56

artist called Austin Cleon. Yeah. And

1:13:58

he says... the numbers one to

1:14:00

28 in a grid and the

1:14:03

idea is that you write practice

1:14:05

whatever guitar suck less and you

1:14:07

don't break the chain so it's

1:14:09

not about being perfect and getting

1:14:11

really good it's just about doing

1:14:13

a little bit every day but

1:14:15

you're not allowed to break the

1:14:17

chain you've got to cross off

1:14:19

28 and we're I've incentivised her

1:14:21

because at the end of the

1:14:23

28 if she doesn't break the

1:14:25

chain she can have a bit

1:14:28

to say A witch, a bitsy,

1:14:30

a what? A bitsy, is... She

1:14:32

can have some bit coin. Bitsy?

1:14:34

It's, when you were, did you

1:14:36

ever have a Tamagocchi? No, I'm

1:14:38

too old. But if you'd have,

1:14:40

you know what a Tamagocchi is,

1:14:42

you'd have said, oh, I wonder

1:14:44

what Tamagocchi's will look like in

1:14:46

the future. There'll be a hologram.

1:14:48

It is... the weirdest, most futuristic

1:14:51

little talk, it's a little thing

1:14:53

that pops open and this character

1:14:55

comes out and it's basically a

1:14:57

sort of hologram. But you can

1:14:59

touch it and kind of tickle

1:15:01

it and things. Yeah, it's like

1:15:03

it's... Help you be one, you're

1:15:05

my only home. Yeah. Yeah, and

1:15:07

you can do little things, you

1:15:09

can slide across and you have

1:15:11

to like feed it and do,

1:15:14

but it's all different characters. Anyway,

1:15:16

she got one for Christmas, but

1:15:18

she wants a different one now.

1:15:20

They're only about 20 quid. great

1:15:22

but anyway she she's after a

1:15:24

new bitsie so she's got to

1:15:26

do 28 days straight question here

1:15:28

now so the nature of the

1:15:30

28 day cycle to become a

1:15:32

pop star yeah she's got a

1:15:34

guitar she's got a guitar she

1:15:37

has is she learning chords or

1:15:39

is she just whacking away on

1:15:41

it she's learning willow by Taylor

1:15:43

Swift which is I think E

1:15:45

I think it's just E A,

1:15:47

I don't know, it's E, A,

1:15:49

minor D, and C, I think.

1:15:51

Yeah, and she can basically play

1:15:53

all of those chords now, but

1:15:55

she, but her transitions are the

1:15:57

things, so I basically make her.

1:16:00

Do the transition make her

1:16:02

fingers bleed? Yeah, I said to

1:16:04

her Taylor Swift's fingers bleed But

1:16:07

is she working on stage craft

1:16:09

as well then and not just

1:16:11

does she do costume changes? No,

1:16:13

no, no. She's not allowed to

1:16:15

have any fun The thing is

1:16:17

it is really tricky because with

1:16:19

all of these things you don't want

1:16:21

a bit like you don't want to

1:16:23

be a pushy Do you? No, but I

1:16:26

also know. But there's a lot of coins

1:16:28

to be, there's a lot of coins.

1:16:30

There's always one really young person on

1:16:32

X Factor, you know, and that's going

1:16:34

to bring that back soon. And it's

1:16:36

an eight-year-old, you know. The truth

1:16:38

is I learned loads of musical instruments

1:16:41

at school, but I didn't

1:16:43

enjoy the process of learning them at

1:16:45

all because it was kind of torture.

1:16:47

Yes. And I sort of think that once

1:16:49

you've got the general hang of it,

1:16:51

it, it just becomes really fun. So

1:16:53

my dad is a piano player

1:16:55

and he would always be asked to

1:16:58

do lessons for people and he

1:17:00

would, so with kids he would

1:17:02

always say they had to ask him

1:17:05

if they, because I think it

1:17:07

had happened a few times where

1:17:09

he'd gone out to someone's house

1:17:11

and it was a kid who

1:17:13

was not particularly interested. So with

1:17:15

us, his children, we had to

1:17:17

go to him and have specific

1:17:19

questions and be like. Dad how

1:17:22

do you play this song or

1:17:24

whatever and then he'd be yeah

1:17:26

that's interesting yeah but the problem

1:17:28

with him because he's a jazz

1:17:30

guy he's so high level his

1:17:32

idea of a music lesson is

1:17:35

you just put on the radio

1:17:37

and you hear you know fly

1:17:39

me to the moon and he's

1:17:41

like okay so now we'll try

1:17:43

and play that as a samba

1:17:45

and you're like oh for fuck's

1:17:47

sake and you've just got a

1:17:50

tambourine you're like now jest i'm

1:17:52

conscious of time because this episode

1:17:54

is longer than an actual day

1:17:56

very long i'm sorry no that's

1:17:58

okay my fault It was probably

1:18:01

David's fault. I, uh... I wouldn't

1:18:03

worry about it because I go

1:18:05

to bed at 830. Oh, well,

1:18:08

let's slow down. Let's get back

1:18:10

into the guitars. I do try

1:18:12

and, I do try and get

1:18:15

her to do like... a sort

1:18:17

of we rock out at the

1:18:19

end of the practice I say

1:18:22

now just play whatever you want

1:18:24

and like sing about being angry

1:18:26

whatever you're angry about and the

1:18:29

last time she did it she

1:18:31

went I am teasing my Actually,

1:18:33

I've always thought about teething that,

1:18:36

like, looking at how bad teething

1:18:38

is, it is really a close-shaven

1:18:40

whether it's actually worth having teeth

1:18:43

for your whole adult life. To,

1:18:45

you know, maybe on balance, you

1:18:47

don't go through that pain as

1:18:50

a kid. Do you have a

1:18:52

better time at 18 months? And

1:18:55

you don't have any teeth. Just

1:18:57

skip it. Skip teeth. So this

1:18:59

is the episode that social services

1:19:02

go back to listening to this

1:19:04

is played in court and the

1:19:06

fact that he and Jess didn't

1:19:09

go. Max don't remove. I haven't

1:19:11

stopped his teeth from growing. That

1:19:13

is sad watching them grow but

1:19:16

I don't like I haven't like

1:19:18

put like I don't know how

1:19:20

you would stop the teething process

1:19:23

but that's not my dragon's den

1:19:25

idea. Ladies and gentlemen I'm looking

1:19:27

for two hundred grand in return.

1:19:30

10% of stopping kids growing teeth.

1:19:32

With these clamps, clamps, mouth clamps

1:19:34

for toddlers. That's what I'm trying

1:19:37

to sell here guys. Jess does

1:19:39

the, so the latest part of

1:19:42

the 1 to 28, is she

1:19:44

tired after that, having expressed herself?

1:19:46

Yeah, oh my gosh, yeah, she

1:19:49

hates it. She is agony. but

1:19:51

I coax her because she loves

1:19:53

pistachio nuts. So I last night

1:19:56

I was standing there just eating

1:19:58

pistachios watching her. Yeah. watching

1:20:00

her practice and she was going,

1:20:03

oh I really want some of

1:20:05

those! And I was like, you

1:20:07

can have some in six minutes,

1:20:09

you can have some in five

1:20:11

minutes. And then it got to

1:20:14

the end and the timer went

1:20:16

off and she was allowed some

1:20:18

pistachios and then we went into

1:20:20

the sitting room and we sat

1:20:23

down and we watched a new

1:20:25

show that I'd never seen before,

1:20:27

it's an animated show, it's a

1:20:29

accommodate, it's hilarious, genuinely, Christian Charles

1:20:31

in it. It's called gravity falls.

1:20:34

Oh, yeah, I've heard about this.

1:20:36

It's really really really good. So

1:20:38

we had a good laugh eating

1:20:40

our pistachios watching an episode of

1:20:42

gravity falls. Then we went up

1:20:45

to bed. I read her a

1:20:47

story. We had some cuddles. What

1:20:49

story was just give us this?

1:20:51

Was it a David O'Docketes? Dangerous

1:20:53

everywhere. Yep. No, it was actually

1:20:56

an enid blight and stories for

1:20:58

seven-year-olds, it's called. Is that good?

1:21:00

Was there any point in it

1:21:02

where you're like, wow, you cannot

1:21:04

say that? Say that anymore. Oh

1:21:07

no, it wasn't that bad. It

1:21:09

wasn't that bad. It wasn't that

1:21:11

bad. This one was fairly safe.

1:21:13

Sometimes, no, they have tweaked them

1:21:16

a bit so they're not too

1:21:18

bad anymore. Right, so where are

1:21:20

we now? Both of them are

1:21:22

asleep. My husband's upstairs, he's working.

1:21:24

He's working. It's eight 30. I

1:21:27

have a bath. Oh yeah. Can

1:21:29

I just ask you? Yeah. How

1:21:31

do you get into it? How

1:21:33

do you enjoy your bath? So

1:21:35

I've got in trouble in this

1:21:38

podcast for revealing my technique, which

1:21:40

is to make it insanely hot.

1:21:42

Yeah. And then stand there and

1:21:44

then slowly build up the courage

1:21:46

to placing one foot into it.

1:21:49

And then I won't go into

1:21:51

the details, but it involves a

1:21:53

slow dipping of the balls. Right.

1:21:55

What's your technique? Well I hate,

1:21:58

I love a hot bath and

1:22:00

I sometimes, it's too hot. Because

1:22:02

I fill it up with only

1:22:04

hot water, and then I add

1:22:06

the cold. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

1:22:09

But I sometimes get sidetracked when

1:22:11

the cold's going in, and there's

1:22:13

nothing worse than having to then

1:22:15

put the hot in to get

1:22:17

it up to temperature. Yes, sometimes,

1:22:20

because my tank's not that big,

1:22:22

I do that technique to use

1:22:24

up all of the hot, and

1:22:26

then if you overdo the cold,

1:22:28

there's no way back. You can't

1:22:31

go back. You have to have

1:22:33

a shitty, a shitty, like, like,

1:22:35

like. not that warm shower then.

1:22:37

It's one of the saddest times.

1:22:40

If people have had showers in

1:22:42

the day and the kids have

1:22:44

had a bath, sometimes the kids

1:22:46

haven't had the same bath, yeah,

1:22:48

sometimes we can be low. And

1:22:51

we've got to be really careful,

1:22:53

but tonight was a good night.

1:22:55

The temperature was pretty good. Okay.

1:22:57

We've got some lavender sort of

1:22:59

scented bath oil in there. And

1:23:02

I'm listening to my horoscopes, actually.

1:23:04

Is that a podcast in podcast

1:23:06

form or is Russell Grant in

1:23:08

the bathroom? It's an app, it's

1:23:10

an app, it's an app and

1:23:13

it's sort of a bit like,

1:23:15

I mean I've already had my

1:23:17

therapy for the day but it's

1:23:19

quite therapeutic I think it is

1:23:22

horoscopes but I think it could

1:23:24

sort of be applied to anyone

1:23:26

and it's such she'll say things

1:23:28

like you know just the moons

1:23:30

in Jupiter and so you've got

1:23:33

to make sure that you take

1:23:35

care of yourself this week yeah

1:23:37

make sure and it's just all

1:23:39

it's just for me it's 20

1:23:41

minutes of excuses and you know

1:23:44

it's like 20 minutes of excuses

1:23:46

to look after to do nice

1:23:48

things because of the stars does

1:23:50

she say that pret sandwich will

1:23:52

come back yeah it's really haunting

1:23:55

some of the stuff she says

1:23:57

there yeah it's retrograding Yeah, and

1:23:59

then that is, you know, I'm

1:24:01

cleansing and a moisturizing. I'm getting

1:24:04

my jammies on. Then my husband

1:24:06

comes. back downstairs, we have a

1:24:08

quick discussion about the Honda Jazz

1:24:10

in the bathroom. Lovely. That sounds

1:24:12

like a euphemism, I have to

1:24:15

say. Maybe it is. And we

1:24:17

discuss whether or not we've got

1:24:19

time to watch an episode of

1:24:21

White Lotus and the decision is

1:24:23

no. Great. It's great when you

1:24:26

come to that decision. Because you

1:24:28

both know you're going to be

1:24:30

watching it going, oh I can't

1:24:32

be asked with this. Because he's

1:24:34

got to go back upstairs and

1:24:37

do some more work if he's

1:24:39

honest and I'm tired and I

1:24:41

know that I'm going to be

1:24:43

woken up at 5 o'clock in

1:24:45

the morning. So I'm going to

1:24:48

bed. Max, I don't think we've

1:24:50

ever got the end of an

1:24:52

episode. and like I said I

1:24:54

want to know stuff about the

1:24:57

danceathon you know today seems like

1:24:59

we've trailed a lot of stuff

1:25:01

for it today but it's not

1:25:03

relevant so yeah we'll just well

1:25:05

I have to come back tomorrow

1:25:08

then yeah we'll see it tomorrow

1:25:10

jest thank you very much a

1:25:12

spare hour and 45 minutes tomorrow

1:25:14

do you go back tomorrow morning

1:25:16

probably great great great jest thank

1:25:19

you very I like that day,

1:25:21

David. And I, look, my fears

1:25:23

about the rivalry were unfounded, so

1:25:25

I apologize to just snap it

1:25:27

for that. She was surprised to

1:25:30

just nap it for that. She

1:25:32

was surprised to learn. that we're

1:25:34

not together, that you are in

1:25:36

Melbourne as well? That was another

1:25:39

interesting thing that happened. Such is

1:25:41

our chemistry that goes around the

1:25:43

earth, Max. It's global chemistry. Global

1:25:45

chemistry. Global chemistry. That will be

1:25:47

the name of our high performance

1:25:50

podcast. And our drug gag. Which

1:25:52

is a front for our crystal

1:25:54

meth importation operation. I think it's

1:25:56

important to say that I'm not

1:25:58

against. Children having teeth. What a

1:26:01

disclaimer that is. Oh my goodness.

1:26:03

It did sound like for a

1:26:05

minute you were even maybe in

1:26:07

a tired state that you are

1:26:09

now from this teething child. You

1:26:12

were against children having teeth. Well

1:26:14

interestingly, one's got teeth and one

1:26:16

hasn't got them yet. So I

1:26:18

mean a sort of perfect, I

1:26:21

mean the perfect, I mean the

1:26:23

eye of the storm. I mean

1:26:25

the eye of the storm. So

1:26:27

I'm not feeling any of the

1:26:29

storm. But what I was trying

1:26:32

to say was it's just looked

1:26:34

so painful growing them that maybe

1:26:36

you'd just be better off not

1:26:38

having them, totally. And so then

1:26:40

what would your diet be? It

1:26:43

would just be for the rest

1:26:45

of your life, those little Capri

1:26:47

Sun packets full of turnip? Yeah,

1:26:49

it would be that. And Capri

1:26:51

Sun's. You could have them. I

1:26:54

guess you wouldn't rot your teeth

1:26:56

because you wouldn't have teeth to

1:26:58

begin with. You wouldn't have to

1:27:00

brush them. Think of all the

1:27:03

money you would save on Colgate.

1:27:05

Yeah, and we wouldn't have braces.

1:27:07

You wouldn't have to go to

1:27:09

the dentist. It does sound like

1:27:11

you're back in favor of children

1:27:14

not having teeth again. You'd win,

1:27:16

you'd win sort of Les Dawson

1:27:18

impersonating. Gurning. Gurning, you'd win those.

1:27:20

Maybe it's something we can all

1:27:22

think about. If you have any

1:27:25

thoughts on babies not having teeth

1:27:27

or indeed anything else raised in

1:27:29

the episode today, here's how to

1:27:31

get in touch with us. To

1:27:34

get in touch with the

1:27:36

show you can email us

1:27:39

at what did you do

1:27:41

yesterday pod@gmail.com Follow us on

1:27:43

Instagram at yesterday pod and

1:27:45

please subscribe and leave a

1:27:47

review if you liked it

1:27:49

on your preferred podcast platform

1:27:51

and if you didn't please

1:27:53

don't. Thank you David, thank

1:27:55

you Jess Napid as well.

1:27:57

Ah, that was very carnifer.

1:27:59

One of the absolute gems

1:28:01

of... the business of show.

1:28:03

Yeah. Of which everything

1:28:06

is entailed,

1:28:08

isn't it? Yeah,

1:28:11

you're a gem.

1:28:13

I'm a gem.

1:28:16

We're all gems.

1:28:18

It's all showbiz.

1:28:21

Everyone's a gem.

1:28:24

Everything is showbiz.

1:28:27

Thanks, David.

1:28:29

I'm Kima Bob and I have a

1:28:32

new podcast. It's called Iceberg and it's

1:28:34

about the endless journey to find ourselves

1:28:36

and find out what it really means

1:28:39

to have self-acceptance and self-love. I'll be

1:28:41

exploring the inner landscapes of some of

1:28:43

my favorite people. Oh, I don't like

1:28:46

being self-worth! and asking them about who

1:28:48

they are, how they got that way,

1:28:50

and how they feel about it. That's

1:28:52

subjective what I do on stage.

1:28:55

I'm objectively not funny off stage.

1:28:57

A bit of their present? I didn't

1:28:59

know that I was ugly until I

1:29:01

was like 16 and record executives told

1:29:03

me it. A bit of their past?

1:29:05

I need more time being alone than I

1:29:07

thought. and how they navigate all that

1:29:10

stuff. That's definitely something I

1:29:12

think my therapist would have an

1:29:14

opinion on. The thing about icebergs is

1:29:16

only 10% of them is above the

1:29:18

surface. 90% we can't even fathom and

1:29:20

I think people are a lot like

1:29:22

that. And if they're not, then that's

1:29:24

a really dumb name for a podcast.