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1:29

You don't wake up

1:31

dreaming of McDonald's fries?

1:33

You wake up dreaming

1:36

of McDonald's hash browns.

1:38

McDonald's breakfast comes first.

4:24

wasn't ever on everything. he's

4:26

ever done. That's why it's great

4:29

to have him rob Becketing away

4:31

on our podcast. His tour, he'll be

4:33

touring the world for the next year,

4:35

I think, something like that. So if

4:38

you are in the world, have a

4:40

Google and find out the nearest

4:42

place to go and watch

4:44

it. This is the sort

4:46

of stuff we say. if

4:48

we're not handed a sheet

4:50

with things to say. My

4:52

co-host says something like if

4:54

you're in the world, Google

4:56

him and find out where

4:59

he is in the world.

5:01

He's a lovely man and

5:03

this is what he did

5:06

yesterday. Robert, it welcome to

5:08

what did you do

5:10

yesterday? Thanks mate that's official that

5:12

we were having like little chat before

5:14

and then you went into pure presenter

5:16

mode Yeah, happy to be here. It's

5:18

the thing about this guy this guy

5:20

just has presenting in his bones Yeah,

5:22

you can present the shit like if

5:24

you were a cop and you pulled

5:26

him over he'd start presenting as he

5:29

did the drunk driving test. I mean

5:31

you could announce the death of a

5:33

royal You've got that, me and

5:35

David couldn't do that. Yeah. You've got

5:37

that in the locker. Yeah, yeah. If

5:39

I walk down the street with Jamie,

5:41

you know, and she's just there thinking

5:43

walk to the cafe and I'm walking

5:46

down the street going, it's houses like

5:48

these. And she's just like, can you

5:50

just give it a rest, Max? And

5:52

I'm just doing the news, I can't

5:54

help it. Yeah, that's great. This is

5:56

not about me and my broadcasting ability

5:59

and my broadcastinga. with this very simple

6:01

question, what time did you wake up?

6:03

So yesterday, it was a busy day

6:05

yesterday, is that good for this show

6:07

or not good, a busy day? Well,

6:09

the issue is... Well, I can't change

6:11

it now. No, you can't, the busy

6:13

day is, we spend a lot of

6:15

time between maybe 6am and midday, and

6:17

then we really have to race to

6:19

bedtime. Now come a time in a

6:21

podcast where David goes interruption and you'll

6:24

see my eyes glaze over because we've

6:26

been doing an hour and a half

6:28

already and I'm thinking but we can't

6:30

change it's just how it always happens.

6:32

I think 20 past 6 a.m. Okay

6:34

wow and this is high level peak

6:36

performance lifestyle is that what this is?

6:38

No no this is young children and

6:40

we move too far away from the

6:42

school so the school runs well long.

6:44

That's what it is. Okay, so it's

6:46

an alarm. It's an alarm at 16.

6:48

That is an alarm, but my wife

6:51

gets up slight, whatever time I set

6:53

my alarm, she gazumps me and then

6:55

is the hero somehow. So like I've

6:57

been trying to creep to the time,

6:59

she gets up at 6, and then

7:01

I swear she used to go up

7:03

half 6. And when I start going

7:05

20 past 6, it seems to get

7:07

earlier, so it feels like I'm in

7:09

a race to the bottom. to book

7:11

a space and a class at the

7:13

local gym. And I consider that to

7:15

be the greatest injustice ever. That's mad.

7:18

What space is she booking? It's a

7:20

community gym. It books out at like

7:22

two minutes past seven. And they only

7:24

opened the booking lines at seven. I

7:26

hate it, but I can't get back

7:28

to sleep afterwards. So then... Well, I've

7:30

just got a whoop. So I've just

7:32

got a whoop. So I've now getting

7:34

woke up by my whoop. What's that?

7:36

A whoop, it's sort of like a

7:38

fit bit thing that like tracks all

7:40

your stress and also tells you when

7:42

you're tired and tells you when you

7:44

should go to the gym and when

7:47

you shouldn't. Because basically I'm trying to

7:49

get fit but I quite like being

7:51

told you too tired to go. Which

7:53

is what it does a lot. So

7:55

now I've got an excuse. If I

7:57

had that, it would have just told

7:59

me I'm tired since 1996. Yeah, no,

8:01

mine doesn't. Mine keeps telling me to

8:03

go to sleep, but I'm like, when

8:05

I can, I go, well, I'll bet,

8:07

because on the whoop, so it's not

8:09

actually, I'm going to the gym less.

8:11

But it wakes you up with a

8:14

vibrate, which is going nice. Does it

8:16

ever say, like, go for a pint?

8:18

You know what I mean? alcohol. If

8:20

you talk about alcohol with this on,

8:22

it's sort of just like you see

8:24

smoke coming out of it. Like your

8:26

heart rate goes up, you're not sleeping,

8:28

your stress goes up. It gets shit-faced

8:30

as well. That's what's good. Exactly. So

8:32

I've been getting vibrated on my left

8:34

wrist to a wagering around 630, about

8:36

620 I think it was yesterday, because

8:38

we had a busy morning trying to

8:41

get the kids out and I was...

8:43

going off, which we will get to.

8:45

Of course we will. Slightly earlier start,

8:47

but there's a constant battle in my

8:49

house where I think we could get

8:51

up at seven as a family and

8:53

keep the momentum up and rush through

8:55

breakfast, getting dressed, brushing your teeth, brushing

8:57

your hair into the car to school

8:59

where my wife will arrive at an

9:01

airport three days before the flight, if

9:03

you should. You see, what I've learned

9:05

from doing this podcast, Rob, is you

9:08

don't want to... Ellis James situation whereby

9:10

he is standing at a polyester tracksuit

9:12

just in the bottoms shouting at his

9:14

kids as they eat poles of frosties

9:16

you're snatching defeat from the jaws of

9:18

victory because he's I think left it

9:20

a little bit later yes and middle

9:22

ground turn into not a monster but

9:24

just like some relief PE teacher the

9:26

school has brought in. Yeah there is

9:28

a balance but I feel like we

9:30

get up a bit too early for

9:32

the school run but then Lou does

9:34

more of the legwork in the morning

9:37

and if I'm not on tour I'll

9:39

drive him in so it's a bit

9:41

of a I can't really criticize so

9:43

because she's doing it. You're sort of

9:45

a driver you're sort of a driver

9:47

you just get out of better get

9:49

into the car with the hat on

9:51

and just wait. Well I do the

9:53

school run but the real legwork in

9:55

the school runs before you leave the

9:57

house before you leave the house before

9:59

you leave the house before you leave

10:01

the house. is here, his name is

10:04

wrong. Well I sometimes go out and

10:06

warm the car up for him. Oh

10:08

good idea. When it's getting a bit

10:10

stressful, I sometimes get a car warm.

10:12

That's the thing I do in the

10:14

winter. Okay so 620, your whoops vibrated

10:16

your wrist, you're straight out or do

10:18

you just like roll over again and

10:20

just sort of like grimace? No, I'm

10:22

up and out and then normally I

10:24

jumped in the shower. No, I didn't

10:26

jump in the shower. Normally I jump

10:28

in the shower because I need to

10:31

get dressed to go down and go

10:33

on the school run, but this time

10:35

because I wasn't doing the school run

10:37

because I was going up to London

10:39

separately for work. I went downstairs and

10:41

let the dogs out, did the dogs

10:43

food, made the coffees and helped the

10:45

kids get their breakfast because I wasn't

10:47

actually doing the driving. So now in

10:49

the Beckett household, are the dogs eating

10:51

well now? Are you like pedigree charm?

10:53

Which I imagine is, you know, what

10:55

you want to, like given... I don't

10:58

know what they have, I eat it

11:00

though. So they have these packets that

11:02

arrive frozen and they go in the

11:04

freezer and then you have to get

11:06

them out to defrost them. But then

11:08

we always forget so they have to

11:10

like pour the kettle on them to

11:12

get defrosted first thing. Lose sticks in

11:14

the microwave sometimes and it fucking give

11:16

it to them cold. Just give it

11:18

some cold, I'm not warming up dog

11:20

meat. I don't know what it's called,

11:22

but Lou organises that. But one of

11:25

them's got a limp, so he's actually

11:27

at the vet's currently getting an extra

11:29

round on his foot. Don't know what's

11:31

wrong with him. Do the dogs not

11:33

wake you up? Do they come up,

11:35

or are they in their own? They're

11:37

not allowed upstairs, the dogs. Okay, and

11:39

they stick to that? They stick to

11:41

that because I've got a disgusting bit

11:43

of cardboard from a barbecue I bought

11:45

two years ago at the bottom of

11:47

my stairs that I'm supposed to replace

11:49

but I've had that there for years

11:51

that's got dog claw scratches on. So

11:54

they're not ex-el bullies is what you're

11:56

saying? No, they're two whippets, they're two

11:58

whippets, they're a bit too bouncy, so

12:00

if they go upstairs, they'll chew and

12:02

nick and break the toys. My sister's

12:04

dog, I used to... And we won't

12:06

go into it now, but I got

12:08

punched in the face at a Chinese

12:10

about 15 years ago, and it knocked

12:12

a tooth back. So I have to

12:14

wear a retainer on and off for...

12:16

What's that got to do with the

12:18

dog? About a year and a half.

12:21

The dog would enter the house, and

12:23

if I didn't have a shitty piece

12:25

of cardboard from a barbecue or something

12:27

across the bottom of the stairs, straight

12:29

up, just eat the retainer. Oh, you're

12:31

eating a retainer. Right, right. Right. came

12:33

off the retainer. The dog would just

12:35

be the second. She hadn't been in

12:37

the house for six months. She'd be

12:39

like, oh yeah, sorry, yeah, your retainer

12:41

again. That's gonna be 150 quid for

12:43

you to replace that. But not out

12:45

of your mouth, like, not like the

12:48

little part. No, I've left it beside

12:50

the bed. Got it. Somewhat disgustingly, but...

12:52

It's quite a technical dog that could

12:54

get in and get them to carry

12:56

that out. Remove it and chew it.

12:58

And then the dog would wear the

13:00

retainer to get exactly my teeth. That's

13:02

how you know the dog today. My

13:04

dog does. I hate. Sometimes if I

13:06

wake up and not at a shower

13:08

yet and you're a bit stinky or

13:10

whatever, you'll come up and just sniff

13:12

my ass. I know, I know. I've

13:15

not had time for a shower shower.

13:17

You really ate me like me like

13:19

this. If you did have a dog

13:21

that you didn't like or you prepare

13:23

to dispose of the dog in the

13:25

situation in the circumstances, you could get

13:27

the dog to have your teeth using

13:29

the retainer and then it died in

13:31

a way that it was only identifiable

13:33

by his dental records. Yeah. And then

13:35

you could escape the life that you

13:37

hate. It's just a thought. Yeah, I

13:39

think I put that down with a

13:42

missing kayak man, that kind of a...

13:44

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but he didn't have

13:46

that, did he? So, do, that's what

13:48

he was missing. Retainers for dogs, for

13:50

people who want to fake their own

13:52

death, put it down as a business

13:54

idea. Is it possible that the reason

13:56

Greyfires, Bobby, sat on the dead owner's

13:58

grave for years, was just waiting for

14:00

his time to try and eat his

14:02

time to try and eat his retainer?

14:04

Yeah, yeah. Okay, so it's, you've got

14:06

the dogs, what are the kids having?

14:08

They had toast yesterday. They just had

14:11

butter toast and one had butter bagel

14:13

that she wanted to make herself. Okay.

14:15

Because she's getting older now, wants to

14:17

do her own things. So she did

14:19

a bagel. Did they have tea? Would

14:21

they drink tea? No, just water. They

14:23

just had chilled water. Chilled water. And

14:25

then they might have a yoga and

14:27

maybe some fruit after toast and bagel.

14:29

Yeah. I never would have accepted water.

14:31

in the mornings when I was a

14:33

kid. Yeah, but they did. They asked

14:35

for water. One has milk sometimes, but

14:38

the other one always has water. Wow,

14:40

I think it was an unhealthier time.

14:42

It was definitely on a healthier time,

14:44

even though people look back on it,

14:46

I think. So, one second, are you

14:48

in Australia, Max? Have you got an

14:50

alcohol problem? I just don't want people

14:52

to talk about it. I was like,

14:54

fuck me, no one who wants to

14:56

know what other people are doing, he

14:58

can't look at himself. It's two minutes

15:00

to nine in the evening, and I

15:02

don't have a social life. This is

15:05

my social life now. That's fine. It

15:07

just happens to be a podcast. Just

15:09

when I saw it, I was like,

15:11

here we go. Is this a live

15:13

enough? And I've got another one, if

15:15

I'm having a great time. a big

15:17

assai can. But we'll stop because I

15:19

had three doing the Kerry government episode

15:21

and by the end it was really.

15:23

He was talking shit like Rob we've

15:25

already established he's a great presenter and

15:27

then you're wondering why doesn't he get

15:29

the big gigs? You can't do a

15:32

match of the day and on the

15:34

little coffee table in front of you

15:36

there's just three counts of assahi sitting

15:38

there. It's a powerful beer the assai

15:40

as well, it don't fuck about assai.

15:42

Then you just go Michael, do you

15:44

give a shit, do you give a

15:46

shit? No, seriously, lads, this dog retainer

15:48

thing. Go to the League table, Max.

15:50

No, no, trust me, I'm a dog

15:52

retainer. It's really good. No one cares

15:54

where Crystal Palace are. You're fine. Okay,

15:56

you dressed, how are you dressed here,

15:58

Rob? Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm covering

16:01

the important topic. of things I used

16:03

to drink before school. Oh yes, okay,

16:05

yeah, sorry. I bet this is banned

16:07

now, but my mom used to get.

16:09

squeeze or a synthetic concentrated orange juice

16:11

in a fucking tin that you opened

16:13

like beans and you poured it into

16:15

water. It's tougher in Ireland, it was

16:17

tougher in Ireland. It was concentrated fake

16:19

orange juice and if you were to

16:21

drink a little, you'd be like, I'll

16:23

have a little sip of this and

16:25

it was genuinely toxic. It was like

16:28

a hardcore Robinson squash. but in a

16:30

tin. Even more hardcore than that. Right,

16:32

okay. Yeah. Because I'm in the sunny

16:34

delight, that was a powerful drink when

16:36

we were kids. Yeah, that was bad.

16:38

That was my equivalent of a tin

16:40

of a sahi. You know what I'm

16:42

wearing? I went on with you wearing

16:44

it so then I had a pair

16:46

of jogging bottoms like baggy jogging bottoms

16:48

and a just a t-shirt just a

16:50

black t-shirt I had that I'll basically

16:52

cozy laying around the house clothes I

16:55

wore before bed and they were on

16:57

a pile next to my bed like

16:59

someone had been vaporized and then I

17:01

pop them back on and then went

17:03

down because I had a shower later

17:05

on and a shower later on. a

17:07

weird thing with ug where there's ug

17:09

with three G's or something everyone's just

17:11

making their own ug boots but spelling

17:13

ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg. Well no I think you can

17:15

call it the same can't you? I

17:17

don't know. Well maybe it's a slightly

17:19

different spelling but I think in the

17:22

UK you can't bring out like a

17:24

sheepskin shoe in it's shoe in Australia.

17:26

Right. Yeah. Max, you're supposed to, you're

17:28

supposed to, you get out of the

17:30

off license and get to the shoe

17:32

shops, mate. I'm on the ground here.

17:34

I need to go to Foot Locker,

17:36

straight away, or whatever it is. A

17:38

bottle shop, mate. Yeah. Okay, so, ball

17:40

lice. you know, things significant happen between

17:42

making their breakfast and the kids getting

17:44

out and then you're free in the

17:46

house. My wife brushes her hair too

17:49

hard. She says it's the normal level

17:51

of pressure. The girls cry. I think

17:53

it looks like an assault that we

17:55

argue about that. As we have done

17:57

for the last 10 years, the girls

17:59

look at me, roll their eyes when

18:01

she drags the knots and knots out

18:03

of their eyes and then she said

18:05

we should have conditioned it last night.

18:07

Where's the deistangle spray? And I'm sort

18:09

of running around going, anything I can

18:11

do to help because I'm aware I'm

18:13

going on. point we had an old

18:15

lady pool trolley thing that my daughter

18:18

had put an old dress on and

18:20

then put loads of old... rubbish on

18:22

it to make it look up cycled

18:24

that I had to get a black

18:26

binder liner on to put over the

18:28

top and then I had to take

18:30

photos of her with it and I

18:32

put that in Lou's car and then

18:34

the other one I had this robot

18:36

she made out of boxes and rubbish

18:38

called and it had long hair called

18:40

Robopunzel we had to put that in

18:42

the car yeah they're getting their shoes

18:45

on so it's a lot of do-do-do-do

18:47

this and I like the dog's body

18:49

running around loose getting in the car

18:51

and I'm trying to get it the

18:53

other bits in the other bits and

18:55

I'm trying to get the other bits

18:57

and I'm trying to get the other

18:59

bits and I'm trying to get the

19:01

other bits and bobbs and I've been

19:03

So he's 745 and 8 o'clock is

19:05

the sort of departure, you know. I

19:07

like that the project was build robots

19:09

out of rubbish. Well, it's anything out

19:12

of rubbish essentially. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

19:14

One was a robot, one was just

19:16

a dress, but she was using the

19:18

trolley to hang it on. Seems a

19:20

bit extra, but I didn't want to

19:22

bring that up at 7 here. So

19:24

like a mannequin, the trolley was a

19:26

mannequin? Yes, essentially, that was the mannequin,

19:28

yes, I put that was put in

19:30

the car along with, I think a

19:32

guitar for guitar lessons. There's quite a

19:34

lot to get your head around before

19:36

I am, isn't it? When the door

19:39

closes, so they're all in the car.

19:41

Yeah. Is that the first time you

19:43

exhale? Do you exhale for the first

19:45

time? That is an amazing moment, however

19:47

I was up against it clockwise. so

19:49

I didn't have a moment because I

19:51

had other stuff to do for me

19:53

to get out the house on time

19:55

because I had a cab coming at

19:57

835. Ooh, okay. Talk us to it.

19:59

So then basically I'd done a bit

20:01

of the prep the night before where

20:03

I packed my tour bag because I

20:06

was going away on tour so I

20:08

was going away on tour so I've

20:10

got a tour bag of all the

20:12

stuff I need for tour and then

20:14

I had to get my clothes that

20:16

I wear on stage and then I'd

20:18

put them in my car the car

20:20

the night the night before the night

20:22

before. and then I packed all that

20:24

up put that in the boot of

20:26

my car but I was getting picked

20:28

up at 830 to go into London

20:30

to do some work and then my

20:32

tour manager was coming to my house

20:35

to pick up the car to drive

20:37

to Manchester and then I was going

20:39

to meet him in Manchester but I

20:41

loaded up the car with all my

20:43

stuff so I didn't have to carry

20:45

it on the train so I just

20:47

took my backpack and then I was

20:49

loading up the car and getting showered

20:51

ready to um... Get in the cab

20:53

at 835. Oh Max, it would have

20:55

been a lovely mix up if he'd

20:57

taken the school projects and then had

20:59

to do the gig in address and

21:02

just loads of rubbish and just not

21:04

mention it. Your data is like gold

21:07

Your data is like gold to hackers.

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22:54

I was away, because I was away, because I

22:56

felt bad, because I felt bad. I always

22:58

feel guilty when I go away. So I'm sort of half

23:00

dancing on the line of the dog house. Yeah. If a

23:02

whoop tells you you're stressed. Yeah. Does that make you more

23:04

stressed? Yes. So this is what happens with this. I'm

23:06

not, like, by the way, I've had a whoop

23:09

about a month. This is not a brand deal.

23:11

I'm not being paid to wear this whoop. I'm

23:13

not advertising. Well, I know about the whoop. One,

23:15

it's got absolutely unobtainable levels of sleep levels of

23:17

sleep that he wants your body levels of sleep

23:19

that he wants your body to achieve that he

23:21

wants your body to achieve to achieve to achieve.

23:23

Like. Like, like. 10 hours a night. I'm like,

23:25

it's not happening, mate. So I looked at the

23:27

other day and went, go to bed now. If

23:29

you're waking up at 6-20 tomorrow, you need to

23:32

go to bed now. It's caught to wait. I'm

23:34

still tucking me dawering. I'm trying to, she's

23:36

not asleep there. But what I've noticed with

23:38

the wolf is, essentially, if you drink loads

23:40

of booze, right? The problem is, the wolf

23:42

tells you this in cold hard data data.

23:44

So. What you find is every day of

23:47

the week it gives you your your score

23:49

out of a hundred which is your recovery.

23:51

So if you slept really well and not

23:53

drunk they say 80% and it will say

23:55

try and go to the gym today or

23:57

go for a run you're feeling good you've

23:59

got lots of energy or like it did

24:01

after I went out on the piss at

24:03

the weekend I was on 16% and it

24:05

basically was like don't leave yes. You're

24:08

like a phone you're like red on

24:10

16% you have to be charged wow.

24:12

So my mate come out from Cheltenham

24:14

and 1% because he's got so much

24:16

Guinness. But whoop doesn't know you're at

24:18

the pub or like there's no way

24:21

who's like just lower me into whatever

24:23

you're drinking here I'm gonna have a

24:25

look. Yeah, you can tell it knows.

24:27

That's a say. Yeah, no, exactly. So

24:29

you can tell it if you want,

24:32

but even if you don't tell it,

24:34

it knows what you've been doing because

24:36

it's hard-sfucked. What I've noticed with

24:38

the whoop is there's two types

24:41

of people that get it. You

24:43

have a get it and it

24:45

tells you you you're fucked and

24:47

you go, all right, maybe I should

24:50

drink a bit less or sleep for

24:52

the tour manager. he's got

24:54

a spare trust he's part

24:56

of the family no no no

24:59

no no he's a good look no yeah

25:01

he's a really nice guy but he just had

25:03

to despair so He comes and grabs it

25:05

and then he leaves his car at mine. Max

25:07

was taking note of all the crimes he can

25:09

commit when he comes back to England next.

25:11

One of them we check it inside the well

25:14

just above the car tire on the front left

25:16

hand side. Under the flower pot, quite fun to

25:18

steal Rob Beckett's, I've never started a car

25:20

on a car before. Why not steal Rob Beckett's,

25:22

make a start. You can also, the car now,

25:25

you can drive your car of an app.

25:27

Oh, like open the doors and everything with just

25:29

the phone. I can open the doors with it.

25:31

I don't know. I think I can drive of it.

25:33

So if I'm stolen it, you could get on the

25:35

whoop or the other app. The word? You could drive

25:37

the car around. I'd be in the car going on.

25:39

I don't need the actual key, I don't think, to

25:41

drive it. I just used to get in it. I

25:43

think I can drive it with just my phone. charged,

25:45

but also I can on my app for the car,

25:48

I can see where the car is. So when he's

25:50

like, got it, I can see where it's sometimes a,

25:52

if I'm on the train, I try and see if

25:54

he's on the motorway next to the train track. Do

25:56

you know what I once, I was talking about on

25:58

talk sport, what I'd love is a little... that told

26:00

you where all the footballers are and

26:02

all their commutes go to training and

26:04

then all going home right and I

26:06

was saying this on air and Ben

26:09

Foster who was then playing I can't

26:11

know who was playing for he

26:13

just sent me his live location we're

26:15

gonna see him driving up the A1

26:17

It's quite fun. Does it be a

26:19

real switch around in my mind as

26:22

regards to your car? Because at the

26:24

start of this, you said some days

26:26

you went out just to warm it

26:29

up. So I was imagining it was

26:31

like a 1981 Ford Escorts. You had

26:33

to pull out the chub and just

26:35

sit there. But then when you said

26:38

you could drive it with an app,

26:40

I was like, this is not a

26:42

1981 Ford Escorts. It's a BMW X7

26:44

Mitori. a name on the side for

26:47

your face? Well, I say my tour

26:49

and car, it's just like the family

26:51

car. Lou's got a little run around

26:53

to do the school one. This is

26:56

like the one that we go to

26:58

centre parks in. I was once driving

27:00

on a motorway in England and a

27:03

pugio, either 205 or 305, you know,

27:05

solid mid-range, went past and it said

27:07

Phil to power Taylor. on the side

27:10

of it. Nice. And Phil the parrotailer

27:12

was driving it. That's mental. It's

27:14

great. You don't need PR.

27:16

I'm not going to go, I'm

27:19

not into darts. Hang on, I've

27:21

just seen a darts player's name

27:23

on his car. Let's go and

27:26

watch a darts. What is it

27:28

achieving? The question with the shower

27:31

is cold blast. Do you do

27:33

a cold blast? we've got an

27:35

unsweet that we've not been using for a

27:37

little bit because there was a leak in

27:39

the bathroom but we've discovered the leaks from

27:42

somewhere else so I use it for the

27:44

first time in ages and then no water

27:46

came out for a bit because obviously it

27:48

gets all like lime ska doesn't it because

27:50

we've not been using it so I was

27:52

like been having to clean the lime scale

27:54

off and then get underneath it but I

27:57

was just sort of rubbing it plastic bits

27:59

of the shower. and then it unblocked I

28:01

think I think I think I think I

28:03

need to up my lime scale sort of

28:05

headspace I don't feel like I'm on top

28:07

of my lime scale enough that I shouldn't

28:09

be at home you need a whoop for

28:11

a lime scale I need a whop for

28:13

lime garden to get the analytics on that

28:16

shower it did it feel nostalgic to get

28:18

in that a share if you had been

28:20

there a while yeah I wouldn't show this is

28:22

a great shower This is a great shower, it's fun, I've

28:24

actually missed it. Because I've been going downstairs, we've got like

28:26

a little shower downstairs, I was using that little one, and

28:28

I thought, I don't mind it, but it's always that gauntlet

28:30

running upstairs in like a dressing gown, isn't it? It always

28:32

feels a bit like you're doing something normal. Just in case

28:34

your tour manager's there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's come early

28:36

for the car, and I've run it upstairs, we knob out,

28:38

because I've forgot to, because I've forgot to, because I've forgot

28:40

to, because I've forgot to, because I've forgot to, because I've

28:42

forgot to, because I've forgot to, because I've got, because I've

28:44

forgot to, because I've got, because I've got to, because I've

28:46

got, because I've got to, because I've got it, because I've

28:48

got it, because I've got it, because I've got it, because

28:50

I've got it, because I've jacuzzi type bath just a

28:52

regular bath but it had

28:54

holes in the bottom of

28:56

it for jacuzzi so the

28:59

first thing I did was

29:01

heated up the water and then

29:03

filled the bath I love a

29:05

bath and sat in it with

29:07

my finger just hovering over the

29:09

jacuzzi button here we go here

29:12

we go so I hit the

29:14

button oh no first use yeah

29:16

so the Water had obviously been

29:18

sitting in the pipes for the

29:21

six months that no one had

29:23

been living in this house. So

29:25

what came out was kind of

29:27

tomato juice colored liquid. And because

29:29

it was accompanied with like, I

29:31

actually thought I was neutral bulletin

29:34

my legs. Like you actually looked

29:36

out and you think it's liquidizing

29:38

your bottom half. That was fucking

29:40

bleak. I do think the hot

29:42

tub, it's overrate. You want a

29:45

hot tub that's in constant use.

29:47

Do you know what I mean? Like a hot tub at

29:49

like the gym, if you go to like a David

29:51

Lloyd, is good because every day it's on. There's people

29:53

in and out all the time, so it's like they're

29:55

on top of it. Whereas once, you know when you

29:57

go to like sort of like a hotel or and

29:59

there's... like one in the corner and

30:01

they go is a hot tub? Yeah

30:04

if you're on you know and you

30:06

like lift it back and it's like

30:08

this film on top now leave it.

30:11

All right so you've showered have you

30:13

had any breakfast yourself did you have

30:15

you have toast when the girl

30:17

I didn't I skip breakfast hmm did

30:20

the whoop tell you to do that?

30:22

No I was in a bit of

30:24

a rush and I've come back from

30:26

India last week okay I don't have

30:28

you had No coffee. Normally would have

30:31

a coffee, but I can't risk the

30:33

coffee until I know that I'm getting

30:35

in a cab and getting on a

30:37

train. So with the belly I've got.

30:39

Well, now it's, I would say I'm

30:41

on to diarrhea now, a weekend. So

30:44

I've moved up to diarrhea. So I'm

30:46

happy with that. Maybe it's

30:48

dysentery. What's that? Dysentery

30:50

is really heavy, hebshits. So how long

30:52

does that last for? Well, I was

30:54

working at the BUC and had a

30:57

week's holiday to take and I was

30:59

just going to do some admin around

31:01

the house somewhere. I can go goa

31:03

direct. So I was like, all right,

31:05

so I just got on a plane and

31:07

went to goa. And it was six

31:09

weeks before I was doing the marathon.

31:11

My recommendation would be, don't get dysentery

31:13

six weeks before the marathon. Not because

31:16

you're going to, you know, it just

31:18

takes out any energy that you had.

31:20

And you're fine. But the thing is

31:22

it, people used to die of it

31:24

all the time in like the 18th

31:26

century. Seven years, but now you're okay.

31:29

You'll be fine. I feel like I'm

31:31

on top of it now, but back

31:33

to yesterday, I didn't have coffee because

31:35

I wasn't confident in what I could

31:38

hold in anymore. Max, did

31:40

you have to talk enthusiastically

31:42

about Crystal Palace's transfer of

31:44

speculation while dying of dysentery?

31:46

No, actually, I just had dysentery.

31:48

I had to fly back from India with

31:50

dysentery. I mean, the worst I ever

31:52

had was in Tanzania. Wow. Just go

31:54

ten a week or something like you're

31:56

doing to him. Yeah, he's the David

31:58

Attenborough of Shitting. I was in Zanzibar, right?

32:00

It was on Zanzibar. For the endangered diseases to come

32:03

out of his ass. I was on Zanzibar, right? And

32:05

I was there with about three friends, and they all

32:07

got the run straight away, and I was like totally

32:09

fine. I was drinking the water, eating the salad. Absolutely

32:11

great. And then the day we had to leave and

32:14

like fly across the country was when my stomach just

32:16

disappeared. And so we had like an hour on like

32:18

a mini bus on a mini bus on a bumpy

32:20

bus on a bumpy track on a bumpy track to

32:22

the bumpy track to the airport to the airport.

32:25

And then I was just like, I

32:27

was totally broken. And like any time

32:29

we stopped, I had to just run

32:31

into a bush. And then we had

32:33

like an hour and a half flight

32:35

on one of these tiny planes. I

32:38

remember like, so I went to the

32:40

toilet just before the flight and again.

32:42

And then as we get in the

32:44

planes, I'm walking the toilet just before

32:46

the flight and again, and as we

32:48

get in the planes, I'm walking in,

32:51

because I'm walking, I'm walking, I'm like,

32:53

you're going to go. door and it's not

32:55

a door, it's a cupboard and there's a

32:57

bucket. There's a curtain, a bit like, you

32:59

know, you're just trying on a t-shirt, top

33:02

man. And literally when you took the bucket

33:04

out of the cupboard, you were basically

33:06

next to the people sitting. Oh no,

33:08

you didn't. I had to sit on

33:10

that bucket for an hour. Oh my

33:13

God. It feels the same as what

33:15

I had. I would be worried the

33:17

smell would force the pilot to crush

33:19

the plane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're,

33:22

have we left the house, we're heading

33:24

into London? Yes, I've got my bags

33:26

ready, I've loaded the car up, the

33:28

taxi arrived, a jump in the taxi

33:31

to the station. Rob, just one very

33:33

important thing here. This is a very

33:35

military precision operation. Are you one of these guys

33:37

with a little book where you're like this is

33:39

the order of action today? All in my head. Wow.

33:41

Sometimes I'll put, if I get an email, I

33:43

put in the calendar like pick up whatever time. But

33:46

like, yeah. But I think that's part of my dyslexia

33:48

where I can just have it all in my head

33:50

because I can never get it out of my

33:52

head and written down and then when I write it

33:54

down, it doesn't go in. So it's just a skill

33:57

I've sort of learned over the sort of learned

33:59

over the years to. have. So all of

34:01

it's just in my head floating around. X-man

34:03

shit. X-man shit. How long is the journey

34:05

to the station, please? 15 minutes drive to

34:07

the station and then I jump on like

34:10

the, that's like a 25, 30 minute train

34:12

to Charing Cross. Do you do anything on

34:14

the train? Listen to anything on the train.

34:17

So I got there and the train, I

34:19

was well early for the train I was

34:21

aiming for, so I actually got the delayed

34:23

one before, but it was very busy on

34:26

the platform, so I walked right up to

34:28

the top of the train and I got

34:30

on and I put my headphones in, I get

34:32

in a corner, head down and play

34:34

bubble shooter. That's my technique for

34:36

the train. You play what, excuse

34:38

me? Bubble shooter. Is that three

34:40

of the same colour and they

34:43

all disappear? the most addictive game

34:45

ever it's not a very well-known

34:47

game it's so hard I've played

34:49

it now for eight years okay

34:51

in the eight years as an

34:53

easy mode which I can complete at

34:55

will yeah well done the hard mode

34:57

guess how many times I've won

34:59

it in eight years never Once, oh

35:01

wow. About three months ago, and

35:03

I was on the tube, and

35:05

I genuinely, I fucking celebrated lightly,

35:07

I scored a last minute winning

35:09

the FA Cup. I was fucking...

35:12

It's been eight years! Every commute!

35:14

I don't actually think it's designed,

35:16

it's quite a low-fired game. I

35:18

don't think it's actually designed for

35:20

you to complete it, and get

35:22

all the bubbles off. It's how

35:24

many... points can you get before

35:26

it goes down but I've never

35:28

been interested in the points I

35:30

just want it cleared yeah I did

35:32

it and fuck me it felt good

35:34

it's wild so I have a I

35:36

don't play computer games I've just it's

35:38

never really interested me but on my

35:40

phone is one game that I think

35:42

I downloaded in about sort of iPhone

35:44

nine era that just keeps updating which

35:46

is called stack which is it's a

35:49

large pile and sliding their like trays

35:51

come towards you have to land them

35:53

perfectly on top of each other. I

35:55

play it on every flight ever for...

35:57

The podcast I don't do that, I

35:59

do that yeah. interest in other computer games,

36:01

but for some reason this almost doesn't count

36:03

as a computer game. It's just a thing

36:06

that I need to do for my mind.

36:08

It's good for my mind also as well.

36:10

It's quite good to avoid eye contact that

36:12

may lead to a 30 minute chat on

36:14

a train for... me because you know when

36:16

you've done a bit of telly they want

36:18

to people do like to have a chat

36:20

which is fine yeah every single journey some

36:23

mornings after that busy morning I don't want

36:25

to get into it about what Jimmy Carr's

36:27

like when you said you went up the

36:29

front of the train for a moment

36:31

I imagined it's just you and the

36:33

driver sitting in that tiny little car

36:35

yeah maybe I should ask about that

36:37

but then well at the moment it's

36:40

more stressful because I'm not doing this

36:42

show called last one laughing yeah Amazon

36:44

and they have gone mental with a

36:46

and at my local station is a

36:48

poster of me, I would say, like,

36:50

bigger than I've seen for a Tom

36:53

Cruise mission impossible to do. It is

36:55

fucking insane. Honestly, my head is as

36:57

big as like a four-bedroom mouse, staring

36:59

at me while I'm waiting for the

37:01

train. It's the trigger happy TV thing

37:03

where there's a sign that says, have

37:05

you seen this man? Yeah. And he

37:07

is standing in front of and asking

37:09

people questions. Because also as well, you're

37:12

like, I'm just a guy that wants

37:14

to be left alone on a train.

37:16

And I'm like, mugging it up for

37:18

the muddy in the camera. Obviously, I

37:20

never. Oh like three times I'd join

37:22

a gym to walk into the gym

37:24

to be shown around the gym and

37:26

like soccer am the best bits would

37:28

just be on every fucking telly and

37:30

I'd be really trying to sort of look

37:33

away. It's just terrible. I bet Alan Carr

37:35

once in Sydney when he was out touring

37:37

and I was out touring and we went

37:39

for a drink and it was just like

37:41

the nearest pub that was open late next

37:43

to the hotel in Sydney. We went in

37:45

there and it was like a weird sports

37:47

bar that had screens by there to be.

37:49

telly that was just done by chance because

37:52

there was telly's everywhere. We sat down drinking

37:54

and then the barmaid come over and then

37:56

on the telly behind us was eight out

37:58

of ten cats does count down. with both

38:00

of us on it. And it looks

38:02

fucking bananas. Like you'd staged it. Like

38:04

you'd staged it. Maybe you need to

38:06

take a leaf out of your face,

38:09

us book, Rob, and get a poster

38:11

with your face on us and just

38:13

a description of what Jimmy Carr is

38:15

like above it. So then no, just

38:17

be like, he's actually different how he

38:19

is. He's like a nice guy, really

38:21

nice guy. Just loves kicking. Not really

38:23

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trial. When you're on the train playing a

39:56

game, how like hidden are you like are you

39:58

desperately? Yeah, it depends if The thing is, if

40:00

I'm not working a lot and I'm quite

40:02

well rested and I'm not busy, I will

40:04

just straight. If the whoop tells you you're

40:06

okay for that interaction. No, I am. So

40:08

on holiday, if I'm well rested, I'm that

40:10

annoying bloke that ends up having a mate

40:12

and lose like, why are we fucking mates

40:14

with him? I'm like, I'm like, I'm naturally

40:16

that person. But obviously, because my job is,

40:19

I'm kicking five nights a week doing shows,

40:21

doing shows, you lose that. that energy to

40:23

chat and engage with people does dwindle and

40:25

the battery runs out. So like when I'm

40:27

not working, I am that chatty guy. So

40:29

if I'm not working that much, I might have

40:31

the headphones out, I'll be looking around at the train,

40:33

having a chat, but if I'm nacking, I'm like, I've

40:35

got a busy day today, because I'm like, I've got

40:37

a busy day today, because this day that we're still,

40:40

I'm like, I've got a busy day today, because I've

40:42

got a day, because this day, because this day, this

40:44

day, this day, this day, this day, I'm still, this

40:46

day, this day, I'm still, I'm still, I'm still, I'm

40:48

still, I'm still, I'm still, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,

40:51

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've,

40:53

I've, I've We're in London for my, well I used

40:55

to do it, I've just finished doing it now, Radio

40:57

2 show on a Sunday afternoon, I'm gigging on the

41:00

Sunday, so it was a pre-record of

41:02

my final show. So I went into

41:04

BBC to pre-record that and then I

41:06

was taking the team out for a

41:08

bit of lunch before I went up

41:10

to Manchester. So that's why I'm in town.

41:12

Interestingly because Rob was conserving Energy for

41:15

the gig that night, he... doesn't ask

41:17

anyone any questions or talk to anyone.

41:19

So it's an entirely silent lunch. Everyone

41:22

sat around the table. He's playing bubble

41:24

bubble bubble. Yeah, I've got bubble sugar.

41:26

You took a bunch yourself while you

41:29

wait for the food. I'm playing bubble

41:31

chases. Now I'm guessing radio too, right?

41:33

They don't want you to... be honest about

41:35

the fact that it's a pre-wreck.

41:37

So we all sound as live,

41:40

there's no... Yeah, so we don't

41:42

say this is a pre-wreck, we

41:44

don't go, I'm here now on

41:46

Sunday, see a bit more loose,

41:48

that's the weird sort of radio

41:50

thing where you don't want to

41:52

be obviously, but you can't lie,

41:54

but obviously, because I'm, you know,

41:56

away touring on the Sunday, I

41:58

couldn't do it live. did it like

42:00

just press go or did you start in the end

42:02

but got it if we're up against the clock I

42:04

know what cold play sounds like mate you'll remember lunch

42:07

with Max on BBC Radio Cambridge here in two thousand

42:09

four and I was moved from Saturday breakfast and I

42:11

was a bit annoyed about it because I was living

42:13

in London I was working with BC London had to

42:15

go back so I said that one I pre-wreck every

42:17

other week so I do one live Saturday and then

42:20

the other I just go up on a Thursday and

42:22

pre-record and pre-record it yeah but I would do things

42:24

like Chris has been in touch to say it's very

42:26

busy heading into town, just so you know, because he's

42:28

always busy driving it since the middle of Cambridge. So

42:30

I was like, you're not allowed to do this. You can't do

42:32

this anymore. Well, do you know what? I also found, I also

42:35

found, I also found, you know when you're driving, and then the

42:37

travel news comes in really loudly from another radio station, and you're

42:39

like, like, you know, you're driving, maybe doesn't happen, it doesn't happen,

42:41

it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen,

42:43

it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. It's, it doesn't happen, it doesn't

42:45

happen, it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, it doesn't

42:47

happen, it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, it doesn't

42:50

happen, it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, it doesn't

42:52

happen, it doesn't happen And so I did this

42:54

bit where I'd be like, we control the button

42:56

for the travel news that will go

42:58

into loads of rent. It's a great way

43:00

to get audiences. So we'd either press the

43:03

button and say, I'm really sorry if you're

43:05

listening to Radio 2 or Radio 1, but

43:07

we're in a Cambridge church. We could show,

43:09

like give it a try, or you just

43:11

press the button and go, watch out! And

43:14

that was really, you've got a lot of

43:16

trouble, but I didn't realize you weren't allowed

43:18

to do that. I didn't allowed to do

43:20

that. I think if you want to know the news,

43:22

listen to the news like shut show, talk show things,

43:24

right? It's really into news, right? Or everyone's got

43:27

a phone, you can find out news. Trapped, what

43:29

serial killer is waiting for the radio on

43:31

the hour to tell you that a road

43:33

in Glasgow shut and you're living in Kent?

43:35

Just get on sat nav, or it's mental.

43:37

And then like you're trying to have a

43:39

bit of fun and then it goes into

43:41

a horrific news story or like some traffic

43:43

stuff. I think it's bullshit. I think it's

43:45

bullshit. Also the other trip for radio for

43:47

radio for radio is. When they go, we

43:49

need another feature for this bit, always go

43:51

play another song. No one's ever complained to

43:53

Radio 2 that you've played the Beatles again.

43:55

You just got so easy, isn't it? So

43:57

easy. Just play another song. Stuck on all.

44:00

speech radio. We need a lot

44:02

of a link do we? The

44:04

Beatles exist. Give a lot of

44:07

fucking bash. You see Max

44:09

doesn't like this Rob. Talk sport

44:11

or whatever are just to Max

44:14

we need someone to talk for

44:16

the next two hours. Can you

44:18

just talk about football generally? Max

44:21

is just like football the

44:23

people's game played by millions and

44:25

he's wow he's being at this

44:28

speech now. fans which is always

44:30

good value. Me? Okay. Yeah, are you

44:32

a Tottenham fan? It's tough at the

44:34

moment. And me, I mean. Is it

44:37

harder to win the Carabao Cup than

44:39

the new Europa League now that the

44:41

Champions League's got bigger? Discuss. That's the

44:44

sort of phoning that if a producer

44:46

said to me I'd say give that

44:48

to some other show I'm not doing

44:50

that. As an Alkma, mid-table Dutch league,

44:53

you've beat them or you in the quarterfinals.

44:55

Yeah, that's an easier route you in it.

44:57

When other shows are doing, who's the bigger club,

44:59

Liverpool and Man United again? And I just dare

45:01

going, I can't, just leave me. Because Champions

45:03

League's got bigger and all the good clubs have

45:06

gone out, what's harder to win? I'll try it

45:08

on Saturday. What's the bigger achievement? Newcastle winning

45:10

it or Tutner winning your open fans will go

45:12

fucking, I'll do the Rob Becket phone in. I

45:14

generally think it's harder to win the Carabale

45:16

Cup than it is the Europa league now that

45:19

the quality of of the quality of the quality

45:21

of the quality of the quality of the quality

45:23

of the quality of the role of the role

45:25

of the game. Good idea, did some material?

45:27

I haven't got an idea, but here's

45:29

Rob Becket's phone in. It's a bit

45:32

of football for us, but we'll give

45:34

it a try. It's normally, when I

45:36

name a team, what Jersey sponsor are

45:38

you thinking of? We got Peter on

45:41

line 7. We got Sharpeau cam. We

45:43

got Brian. We got Brian. We got

45:45

Brian. We got Brian. Dreamcast. Here we

45:48

go. Right, okay, so we've had the

45:50

lunch, that's nice, you take them out,

45:52

you take them out for the hard

45:54

work. There's a bit of a caveat to

45:57

the fancy to a rocker in Charlotte Street, which

45:59

is like a jack Japanese sushi

46:01

place. Two words. Groupon.

46:03

You've got a group on.

46:05

Lunch menu. Lunch menu. Well, can

46:07

we go Alicarp? Nah! Wouldn't a

46:10

boy's like? How big's the team?

46:12

How big's the team? How big's

46:14

the team? There's only three of

46:16

them. So it was four of

46:18

us. It's four of us. It

46:20

wasn't a massive. There's a lovely

46:22

meal. It's really nice. It was

46:25

nearby. But a lunch menu menu

46:27

menu is good there. Okay, that's

46:29

good to know. What did you

46:31

have? They had cocktails. I had a Coke Zero because

46:33

I was working. Where does the set menu, and it

46:35

was something like, I can't remember what it was, I mean

46:37

it was a bit pricey, but it was a nice,

46:39

no, thank you lunch, but you got like a bit of

46:42

sushi, you got some... some spinach here, then you picked the

46:44

main and it was like black cod or beef and

46:46

lamb but we got one of each and shared and one

46:48

of the guys were vegetarian so they did go out

46:50

of cart which was was fine obviously I said it was

46:52

fine, it was fine, it was fine, I said it

46:54

was fine, it was fine, it was fine, it was fine,

46:57

it was fine, it was fine, it was fine, it was

46:59

absolutely fine, did you say you, I was so busy,

47:01

because it's Sunday after, because it's Sunday afternoon, it was

47:03

too, it was too much, it, it, it, it, it,

47:05

it was, it was, it was, it, it was, it

47:07

was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it

47:09

was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it

47:11

was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it

47:13

was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it

47:15

was, it was, it was, it was, it was You

47:17

know, was there a nice moment where you stood up

47:19

and you took 16 A4 sheets out of your pocket?

47:21

No, I'm not very good at that. I said thank

47:23

you and, you know, for all the whole work, but

47:26

I'm not a... I'm not very sentimental, because I've always

47:28

moved, I've never had a proper job for ages, I've

47:30

always moved about a lot. You know, some people work

47:32

at the same place for 20 years,

47:34

I've always only ever been anywhere. My

47:36

longest jobs probably, syllabs go dating, doing

47:38

the voiceover for that on E4, I'm

47:40

like 10 years deep into that. And

47:42

especially with the radio too thing, I

47:44

probably will go back and do some

47:46

cover and some podcasts and some podcasts.

47:48

So it's not like a proper good

47:50

bite good bite type thing. or Jack

47:52

Reacher. You're like the Jack Reacher littlest

47:54

hobo of broadcasting. No, exactly what I

47:56

think, you know, it's nice to be,

47:58

you know, I'm a very much... like it's good

48:00

to move on and change things up I'm

48:03

not a big fan of stands anywhere too

48:05

long doing anything the same for long sends

48:07

me a bit mad that's good when I

48:09

think I've been doing that Sunday show for

48:11

12 years yes if you like it you

48:13

like it yeah there is an intensity to

48:15

what we do though whereby you know I've

48:17

done a week in a venue and where

48:19

you're the same tech has listened to your

48:22

show over and over I feel we

48:24

have an unbreakable bond and we will

48:26

be brothers for life obviously I never

48:28

see them again but there's a moment

48:30

where we hug the last time on

48:32

stage thank you for everything yeah give

48:34

me your number if you ever need

48:37

and then just we never speak again

48:39

but it is still there's an intensity

48:41

to it's an intensity to it's family

48:43

looked after me like they come to

48:45

a show and I was acting on

48:47

the on them I was skinned, I

48:50

had kids at a similar age and I

48:52

was like I'll come around for a bit

48:54

of the barbecue and stuff like that and

48:56

because I spent three weeks with they sort

48:58

of turned into family and it was very

49:01

like I always see them when I go

49:03

to Australia when I'm going to go next

49:05

year so that's nice I'm not completely cold-hearted

49:07

bitch but I try and be put a

49:10

positive spin on stuff rather than being too

49:12

down about it. Yeah come to the

49:14

show Melbourne, we'll have a cup

49:16

of... I'll have a drink with

49:18

you, I'll have a drink with

49:20

you, I'll have a drink with

49:22

you, I'll drink it. Like I

49:24

started comedy when I was about

49:26

23 and it was definitely... There

49:28

was times in my sort of

49:30

mid-20s where I could hang out

49:32

with if there were students there

49:34

and it wouldn't be weird. Just

49:36

so I want to go for

49:38

a pint. As in like grown-ups

49:40

we're still too old to hang

49:42

out with. Mums and dads or whatever.

49:44

And I do remember a couple of times

49:46

finishing a gig and being like, is anyone

49:49

up to anything afterwards? Yeah, I've been there

49:51

when I was on the saddest ending to

49:53

a gig. Well, look, I was out there

49:56

with like no money, I didn't know anyone,

49:58

I went for a drink off. and they

50:00

were, this guy called Ross and his wife Catherine, and I was like, did

50:02

you show us great mate, do you want to drink? Do you want to

50:04

drink? Like that, I was like, oh yeah, I'll have a drink, I just

50:06

got chatting to them. But yeah, when you're on your own somewhere, you just

50:08

sort of hang about a bit, you're like, do you go for a drink?

50:11

It's quite tragic. But that's why you take tool support in the early days.

50:13

Now I just do the gig, I just do the gig, I do the

50:15

gig, or support, or support, or support, or support, or support, in, or support,

50:17

in, in, or support, in, or support, or support, in, or support, in, in, in, I take,

50:19

in, I take, I take, I take, I take, I take, I take, I take, in, I

50:21

take, I take, I take, I take, I take, I take, I take, do,

50:23

It sounds like I've made this up but

50:25

it my day and then into the next

50:28

morning literally turns into like Stella Street the

50:30

amount of mad famous people I've bumped into

50:32

and the reasons obvious when you get to

50:34

so as I'm walking from radio too I

50:36

am walk past Ryland yeah good okay Ryland's there

50:38

just on the street and I say oh hello

50:40

Ryan I say hello to me with two people

50:42

I don't really know and then like I say

50:44

hello to this lady she's with this other guy and shake

50:47

it was like sort of an awkward stop and check, because

50:49

he's obviously in the middle of something. And he's like, where

50:51

you're going? I'm going up to Manchester. He's like, I'm going

50:53

up to Manchester. I'm going up to Manchester. I was like,

50:55

what are you going up for? He's like, oh, I'm doing

50:57

my tour. What train you on after too? Oh, wow. See

51:00

on the train? And then as this is going on, the

51:02

bloco. The bloco I've just shook hands and said, a load. And

51:04

I said a load. The bloko I've just shook hands and I said,

51:06

I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I

51:08

said, the train, the train, the train, the train, the train, the train,

51:10

the train, the train, the train, the train, and then as this is

51:12

going. And then as this is going. And then, the train, the train,

51:15

the train, the train, the train, the train, the train, the train,

51:17

Wow. So I go to a station and

51:19

then I get the train to Manchester

51:21

and then. Oh hang on. I guess it

51:23

gets on the train. Oh, do you

51:25

want to? Sorry, have I gone too

51:28

fast? No, if we're still on the

51:30

train, that's okay. Yeah, so I got

51:32

to the station. I also went to

51:34

the station. I was, I also went

51:37

to the station. I also went to

51:39

the layout that I was traveling first

51:41

class. I went to the lounge that

51:43

I've. We were going to watch it

51:46

last night last night. but I insisted

51:48

that I wanted to watch a documentary

51:50

on the Vassa, the Swedish warship from

51:52

the 16th century that they brought

51:55

up recently first. Absolutely. It was

51:57

exciting and Helen fell asleep during

51:59

that. there's no way she was going

52:01

to stay awake during a 45 minute single

52:04

shot bleak drama then. So we've put that

52:06

off till today. It's like MDMA for old

52:08

people and at these crime dramas where you're

52:10

like I can do it but I need

52:13

to know what I'm doing tomorrow. Because I

52:15

can't, I've got emotionally deal with watching this

52:17

gritty drama and then living my life in

52:19

a happy way the next day. So I

52:22

need a bit of time either side of

52:24

it. Yeah, when I used to have to

52:26

go to screen junk clips that would be

52:28

on at like 9 in the morning and

52:30

then you'd watch like Tom Hardy played Charles

52:32

Manson or Charles Bronson or Charles Bronson or

52:34

Charles Bronson, if you can remember. That is

52:37

not a 9am film. I was like, I'm

52:39

just not ready. No, I'm just not ready.

52:41

This isn't, this is an 8 p.m. and

52:43

nothing else. Okay, so hang on, so you're

52:45

sitting on the train, it hasn't left and

52:47

a famous person walks on the train. Me

52:49

and David should do a quiz to see

52:51

who gets it first. Is that fun? Or

52:53

what do you just tell? You can do

52:55

that if you want. I can give you

52:57

some clues to start off with. Manchester, a

52:59

lot of television is made in

53:01

Manchester, Media City. So Cat's countdown

53:03

is done there. But then, used

53:06

to be, you would be walking

53:08

through the, it felt real golden

53:10

age of showbiz. Because Alan Shearer

53:13

would walk past you, someone in

53:15

a dance costume from, strictly would

53:17

come past you here. if they

53:20

can spend all their budget on

53:22

train tickets. Exactly. I'm going to

53:24

go Susie Dent. Oh no, good

53:27

guess, I can see workings, but

53:29

not Susie Dent, no. Okay, Max.

53:31

No, a friend of mine lives

53:34

near me, boardhead.

53:36

Oh, Tim Allen. Oh, Tom Allen.

53:38

Tom Allen. Tim Allen is

53:40

from home improvement. No, my

53:43

guess was Tim Allen from

53:45

home improvement. Okay, sorry. My

53:47

guess was, is it Tim

53:49

Allen from home improvement? No,

53:51

is it the neighbour who

53:53

was ringers and over the

53:55

fence? Tim, yes, it was

53:57

Tim Allen from home improvement.

53:59

But he's well, hey, I'll get really

54:02

well with him. So we sit and

54:04

have a chat the way up. It

54:06

would have been a different show if

54:08

Tom Allen had been in home improvement.

54:10

So the whole show. He's terrible power.

54:12

He won't might be saying that. He

54:14

won't want to be saying that. Tom

54:16

Allen, going on Sunday brunch, is one

54:18

of my favorite YouTube clips ever. So

54:20

funny. He's just an agent of chaos.

54:22

In the most charming, polite way. When

54:24

he's asked to chop a spring onion,

54:26

he's like, is it because I'm gay

54:28

or whatever? And everyone is just absolutely

54:30

unsure what to say to Tom Allen.

54:32

He's so funny. Yeah, watch that clip,

54:34

he's hilarious. So the train ride goes

54:36

by, you don't look away from Tom

54:39

Allen playing bubble crush. No, Richard, in

54:41

the whole way. I'm quite glad I'm

54:43

having a break from adolescence on the

54:45

iPad. I'm quite glad to look up

54:47

and see of the joy in Tom

54:50

Allen's eyes. He orders a quiche. I

54:52

order a ploughman's. He has a gin

54:54

and tonic. I have a kombucha. And

54:56

we enjoy the beautiful sites

54:58

of the English countryside. Wow, Rob.

55:01

Is kombucha available on the first class

55:03

menu on the train to Manchester Manchester?

55:05

I had two compooches and I was

55:07

really dehydrated when I got some Manchester

55:09

because I didn't have any water. Just

55:11

fizzy ginger, whatever it is. Where's Ryland?

55:13

Is he just trying to get in

55:15

the conversation? Don't see Ryland actually. He

55:18

must be on another coach. Don't see

55:20

Ryland's up. Ryland's gone. He does make

55:22

an appearance later on. Well that's exciting.

55:24

Okay, wow. Wow. This is the most

55:26

star study. If you'd done the day

55:28

before, it'd have been so fucking boring.

55:30

Just me picking the kids up from

55:32

school, going swimming. The Manchester train station.

55:35

Where are you doing the Lowry rub?

55:37

Where are you on in Manchester? Opera

55:39

House. Whoa. Right in the centre town.

55:41

It's a beautiful venue. Very lucky to

55:43

be able to do that once. I'm

55:45

doing that. So I'm staying at the

55:47

same hotel as Tom Allen. coincidentally, and

55:50

when we arrive the production company is

55:52

put on a car for him, I'll

55:54

jump in the car with you, to

55:56

go to the hotel, to drop the

55:58

bag, the traffic is mentoring. Manchester so

56:00

it gets a point where he's changed the route the

56:02

driver to drop me I've gone I think I'm gonna

56:04

have to just go straight to the venue here because

56:06

of the traffic so then I'll get them stuck in

56:09

traffic which is very awkward and then I go if

56:11

I get out here I could just walk for five

56:13

minutes and they're like okay then so I get out

56:15

and go and then I leave Tom Allen with his

56:17

driver stuck in traffic heading the wrong way they're still

56:19

there they must come in relief yes I was like

56:21

sorry guys and then I went and then I went

56:23

to the venue and I went to the venue and

56:25

I went to the venue and I went to the

56:27

venue Let's try a vocal or lonzo ball for buzzballs.

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56:42

a vocal exercise. Busballs,

56:44

Biggies, Blueballs, Busballs, Biggies,

56:46

Blueballs, this season. with

56:48

buzzballs. Please respond to

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supply. couple of nerdy stand-up questions

57:58

then. It's a two-half show. Are

58:00

you doing both halves yourself? Yeah, 8 o'clock star, I

58:02

do 45 minutes, 20 minute break, 45 minutes. Yep. And

58:04

is the show bedded in now such that you don't

58:06

really have to think about it that much beforehand? Yes,

58:08

but I haven't done it for a month, so I

58:10

know it, but I haven't done it, if that makes

58:12

sense. You didn't do it live in Bangalore? I presume

58:14

you went over there. No, no, no, so Mumbai, I

58:16

was filming, I was filming with Romish. Yeah, so I

58:18

know it, but I just got it fully bedded in,

58:21

so the point where I can sort of mess around

58:23

around it. It's still few things, it's always evolving slightly,

58:25

but it was in. It was in, it wasn't that

58:27

horrible bit, it, that horrible bit when you know, when

58:29

you know, when you know, when you know, when you know,

58:31

when you know, when you, when you, when you, when you, when

58:33

you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when

58:35

you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when

58:37

you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when

58:39

you, when you, excited belly feeling of I think I know it

58:41

but I don't sure if I know it anymore so I had

58:44

to trust future Rob essentially. Well did

58:46

you do the one of the

58:48

maddest times in the life of

58:50

a comedian is when you are

58:53

listening to your own show on

58:55

headphones? Can't do it. Really? I

58:57

started doing that years ago to

58:59

improve on jokes and I was

59:01

like, for the 10% it might

59:04

improve the set, the 40% hit

59:06

I take on morale, happiness, self-worth,

59:08

I'd rather accept a dipping quality

59:10

for an improvement of life quality.

59:12

So I cannot pass. I've recorded

59:15

every show, never listen back, ever

59:17

it just sits there. There was

59:19

an awful time before mics on

59:21

phones got good where sometimes you

59:24

would ask the tech in the

59:26

venue to record it on a

59:28

mini disk or whatever off the

59:30

desk. So on that you got

59:33

no audience sound whatsoever. And sometimes

59:35

you do a punchline and you'd

59:37

be like, that never happens on

59:39

a Thursday and you just hear

59:42

silence and you'd sort of hear

59:44

yourself going like... It's literally making me itchy

59:46

thinking of listening. I don't watch myself back

59:48

and I don't listen to it. I've never

59:50

listened back to a podcast. I've never watched

59:52

back a television show. Even my special I

59:54

don't watch. I just let the editor edit

59:56

it and I've a couple of people I

59:59

trust. Pick point. I just can't do

1:00:01

it. I just tap out of

1:00:03

it. It's not for me. I'm

1:00:05

the same. There are a couple

1:00:07

of episodes of this where I

1:00:09

thought, oh, I didn't think that

1:00:11

was great. So I've listened to

1:00:14

those. But all the other, seriously.

1:00:16

Yeah. I do that. Well, no,

1:00:18

just because I'm like, oh, I

1:00:20

wonder how they've rescued that one.

1:00:22

But actually, they're all fine. I'm like,

1:00:24

oh no, get it off sometimes, that's

1:00:26

worse than me being shit, me finding

1:00:28

myself funny. You know, I just, I

1:00:30

do too many podcasts to listen back,

1:00:32

I don't got time to do that.

1:00:34

Now I've just got. bullet points written

1:00:36

down on a bit of paper that

1:00:38

I look at and nothing really goes

1:00:41

in. Did you psychologically think your way through it?

1:00:43

That's sometimes a useful thing just to close your

1:00:45

eyes and be like I go to this, I

1:00:47

go to this, I go to this. Yeah but

1:00:49

bouncing from bullet points really if I go in

1:00:52

and say that I've got a joke about people

1:00:54

getting divorced but I'll hit those sort of... I've

1:00:56

got like bullet points. that I'll be floating around my head.

1:00:58

I don't write any of it down, it's not written down, it's

1:01:00

all just set out loud, remembered, set out loud, remembered, and I've

1:01:02

just got bullet points of the things. You come up stage, you

1:01:04

look at the whoop and you see you've done six minutes. Yeah,

1:01:07

thank you very much, good night. Exactly, yeah. So yeah, but then

1:01:09

it just of everything, the best stuff I've ever done sort of

1:01:11

just happened on stage and then I chat to the crowd and

1:01:13

I don't understand the crowd and I don't understand the process and

1:01:15

I don't understand the process, I don't understand the process, I don't

1:01:17

understand the process, but, but I know, but I know, but I

1:01:19

do, but I do, but I do, but I do, I do, I do,

1:01:21

I do, I do, I do, I do, I

1:01:23

do, I do, I do, I do, I do,

1:01:25

I do, I do, I do, I do, I

1:01:27

do and then I'll have a break and then

1:01:29

I sit there and go what the fact do

1:01:31

I do and then as soon as I'm out

1:01:33

there it comes. Do we eat before the show?

1:01:35

It's a tricky thing of what to eat. So

1:01:37

always eat before the show I try and eat

1:01:40

around six o'clock. and I'll have a big feed

1:01:42

normally from Nandos because it's the same everywhere. You

1:01:44

can normally get one near the venue and it's

1:01:46

quite healthy if you just give like the chicken

1:01:48

some broccoli. So I try and do like loads

1:01:50

of chicken. So I have half a chicken

1:01:52

with broccoli and mash and the gravy

1:01:54

or I'll have the double chicken pitter

1:01:56

with mashed and broccoli and gravy

1:01:58

but maybe a bit. less if I had

1:02:01

more in the day. So I only had

1:02:03

the wrap last night, no mash or broccoli,

1:02:05

because I had a big lunch and I

1:02:07

dipped it in the gravy and the gravy

1:02:09

was too hot on the first bite and

1:02:11

I burnt my lip. I used to watch

1:02:13

the American football at Matt Walsham's house every

1:02:16

Sunday in the early 90s, but it was

1:02:18

on too late so we'd video it from

1:02:20

the week before. There was no way of

1:02:22

finding out the American football school so we'd

1:02:24

never find out. So we'd watch it a

1:02:26

week late and every week. Matt Walsam's mom,

1:02:29

Allison, would make me a hot chocolate and

1:02:31

I'd burn my mouth. And then it would

1:02:33

just recover by the next Sunday and then

1:02:35

I'd burn my mouth again. So I didn't

1:02:37

taste anything from 92 to 995. Well yeah,

1:02:39

hot chocolate back in the 90s was boiling

1:02:41

water on a bit of cocoa powder. Yeah,

1:02:44

yeah, yeah, yeah. Just warmed the milk up.

1:02:46

Yeah, no one at all of that. It

1:02:48

doesn't need to be boiling. Nish Kumar is

1:02:50

the first... closer to his gig then. Oh,

1:02:52

really? Yeah, a lot of his work is

1:02:54

just him burning off the crazy energy that

1:02:57

his giant Nandos has given him. I go

1:02:59

at six and then I probably do a

1:03:01

little sound check at half six to go

1:03:03

all that down in five minutes and then

1:03:05

I lay down and meditate listening to Alan

1:03:07

Watts on YouTube and if I'm really tired,

1:03:09

I'll just meditate. just to get as calm

1:03:12

as possible and then I read myself up

1:03:14

closer to stage time. Who's Alan Watts? Alan

1:03:16

Watts is like his philosopher bloke. He died

1:03:18

in like the 70s, but he went to

1:03:20

like China and India and all places like

1:03:22

that and it's really weird. My wife's name's,

1:03:24

made her names, what's, and he's, Alan Watts,

1:03:27

is actually from Chiselers, which is about half

1:03:29

a mile from where I grew up, and

1:03:31

he's just very much, he's like, It depends

1:03:33

on the night of the week. how many

1:03:35

is in the room, what the venues like,

1:03:37

what's happened to you that day. You can

1:03:40

only do as good as the conditions allow.

1:03:42

Obviously, you need to have the material and

1:03:44

be well practiced and going in with energy

1:03:46

and stuff, but you just have to accept

1:03:48

your fate almost of a comedy gig and

1:03:50

go out of good intentions and the way

1:03:52

it will be is the way it will

1:03:55

be. But your ego wants to be like,

1:03:57

I'm gonna be fucking smash this, but no,

1:03:59

you haven't got any control over that. You

1:04:01

haven't got any control over any control over

1:04:03

that. So, you haven't got any control over

1:04:05

that. You haven't got any control over, you,

1:04:08

you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,

1:04:10

you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,

1:04:12

you, you haven't got, you, you, you, you,

1:04:14

you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,

1:04:16

you, you, you, you, you haven't got, you,

1:04:18

you, enjoy the process and just accept it.

1:04:20

And that's what I do. And then that

1:04:23

calms me down and gets me out of

1:04:25

my head. And how do you rev yourself

1:04:27

up five minutes to go? Like Roy Keene?

1:04:29

No, I'll... Oh, sometimes we don't meditate. I

1:04:31

like yawn loads and like my eyes stream

1:04:33

with water. Do you ever have that? I

1:04:35

don't know if you meditate. It's like a

1:04:38

weird release of stress. My whoop goes off

1:04:40

the chart. I'm basically dead. I'm not humid.

1:04:42

Charge everywhere. You're just roaring out of everywhere.

1:04:44

So I'll do that till about quarter past

1:04:46

seven, to half seven. I'll get dressed, do

1:04:48

my air and I'll listen to some music

1:04:51

that's quite chilled. to talk for the podcast

1:04:53

with Parent in Hell, which was very intimidating.

1:04:55

I listened to this song called Silk and

1:04:57

Lever by Good Cop, Bad Cop, and it

1:04:59

just was a nice calm song by associating

1:05:01

that with Getting Ready. Now I'm listening to

1:05:03

Chaparone picture of you or picture you, and

1:05:06

it's quite nice to have stuff, like a

1:05:08

little bit of a routine that goes, right,

1:05:10

this is, my body sort of responds to

1:05:12

it, goes, oh, okay, now we're going from

1:05:14

getting dressed, chilling, chilling out to... getting on

1:05:16

the road to getting up for this gig.

1:05:19

Do that till about quarter two, eight, ten

1:05:21

to eight, and then I go and stand

1:05:23

on the side of the stage for 10,

1:05:25

15 minutes to listen to the music the

1:05:27

crowd are listening to, listen to them coming

1:05:29

in and fill their energy and then my

1:05:31

energy will match their energy by the time

1:05:34

the show starts. What music are you giving

1:05:36

them in your pre-show? It's like a mixture

1:05:38

of upbeat party. It's like a wedding that

1:05:40

isn't shit. So a wedding that's not shit,

1:05:42

but also with some indie music that I

1:05:44

really like, and then some other songs that

1:05:46

I like that are current and poppy. Because

1:05:49

I have a real mix from like 15

1:05:51

up to 60 or 70. So I have

1:05:53

like Billy Ocean, red light spells danger, which

1:05:55

when you hear it like, this is a

1:05:57

banger, but then I'll also have like Chapal

1:05:59

Rhone and Duaipra or Taylor Swift and those

1:06:02

kind of ones, and then middle ground ones

1:06:04

of like a bit of oasisis or arctic

1:06:06

monkeys, or arctic monkeys, and you know. Bangers

1:06:08

when you hear them, but you sort of

1:06:10

send me forget that you know them, that

1:06:12

everyone loves. The mistake I've been making on

1:06:14

this tour is I just played the Beatles

1:06:17

Let It Be album, which has got loads

1:06:19

of bangers on us, but it also has

1:06:21

across the universe on it. Because they just

1:06:23

let them roll. There's a point where the

1:06:25

stage managers are like, all right, you're ready

1:06:27

to go on, and they put the houselights

1:06:29

down, and I know what's about words are

1:06:32

flowing out like endless rated to a favorite.

1:06:34

And people are like, what the hell is

1:06:36

it? But I sort of enjoy that, because

1:06:38

sometimes you go, thank you very much, good

1:06:40

night. And the person puts the music up,

1:06:42

don't let me down. And you're like, this

1:06:45

was perfect. Yeah, because I don't like the

1:06:47

music being in the same order every night.

1:06:49

I always get them to put it on

1:06:51

shuffle to change it up slightly. But I

1:06:53

have a bank of like an hour and

1:06:55

a half of songs that I'd be happy

1:06:57

to be played as they come in that

1:07:00

makes you feel excited to feel excited to

1:07:02

be there. Do you have a peek at

1:07:04

them through the curtain? I know you get

1:07:06

the energy back off them, but sometimes it's

1:07:08

good to know where the balcony and where

1:07:10

the balconies are. I'll peek at the side

1:07:13

to see like who's in the front row,

1:07:15

because sometimes I like chatting to them, it

1:07:17

gets too dark. So if you get a

1:07:19

bit of an idea of who they are,

1:07:21

then when you just see the silhouette, you've

1:07:23

built half the picture in your head. before

1:07:25

it goes dark. So I'll have a peek

1:07:28

at them, see them coming in, listen to

1:07:30

them. Also if there's a big backdrop, I'll

1:07:32

stand like really close to the backdrop like

1:07:34

I'm almost on the stage. Yeah. But I'm

1:07:36

not just to be stood there and feel

1:07:38

it. Yeah. How it's going to be in

1:07:40

a bit before I go out and stuff

1:07:43

like that. It might be all bollocks, but

1:07:45

it's just stuff that's... I feel like if

1:07:47

I've got to bet you can't hide away

1:07:49

in a room listening to nothing and then

1:07:51

jump out. You've got to meet them in

1:07:53

the middle somewhere. You know, there's a lot

1:07:56

go. Because it's 2,000 people in a room

1:07:58

up for a night out. It's like, if

1:08:00

you think about that too much, it'll send

1:08:02

you sideways. So I'll try and feel it

1:08:04

rather than think it. God, do I sound

1:08:06

like a complete wanker? No, no, no, no,

1:08:08

no. Actually, actually, we've talked to know what,

1:08:11

we've talked a lot of, we've talked a

1:08:13

lot of, we've talked a lot of, we've

1:08:15

talked a lot of, we've talked a lot

1:08:17

of, we've talked about, we've talked about, we've

1:08:19

talked about, we've talked about, we've talked about,

1:08:21

we've talked about, we've talked about, we've talked

1:08:24

about, we've talked about, comedy and I think

1:08:26

this is you've articulated it really really well

1:08:28

actually and I've very limited experience like the

1:08:30

Guardian we do football we do live shows

1:08:32

we've done the Hatany Empire that's like quite

1:08:34

a lot of people but like we're not

1:08:36

there to be funny right that's a bonus

1:08:39

we're obviously trying to be funny because who

1:08:41

isn't but like yeah it's not like this

1:08:43

isn't the reason for being there necessarily I

1:08:45

think it is but it but there's a

1:08:47

kind of getout right there's no pressure if

1:08:49

you say a point there doesn't have to

1:08:51

be a laugh at the end it can

1:08:54

just be oh yeah you're interesting yeah carabout

1:08:56

cup is harder to win yeah exactly but

1:08:58

you sort of moved towards the last but

1:09:00

I always think with with with actually live

1:09:02

shows that I've done but like every radio

1:09:04

show I've ever done or TV or TV

1:09:07

show I've anything if the first ten seconds

1:09:09

is good Well first 20 seconds is good,

1:09:11

it doesn't matter. You're like, okay we're on,

1:09:13

it's good, bang, done. And I never like

1:09:15

think about what me and Charlie or me

1:09:17

and Barry going to do on the radio.

1:09:19

We just start, we just fall on air

1:09:22

and go, all right, this is fine.

1:09:24

And go, all right, this is fine.

1:09:26

And I don't know if you feel

1:09:28

the same, like if you feel the

1:09:30

same, like if you know, like if

1:09:32

you know like how the gig is

1:09:34

going to be loose of it. this

1:09:36

room may not need that line at

1:09:38

this point. Oh no honestly a planned

1:09:41

line it's just like is the first

1:09:43

bit work then you're fine because then

1:09:45

you're not you're like you're going downhill

1:09:47

you're not going uphill. Yeah you need

1:09:49

that confident you need that first big

1:09:51

laugh gives you the confidence to sort

1:09:53

of go and I think that's why

1:09:55

I still do a bit of crowd

1:09:57

work because if you can prove to

1:09:59

them you can be funny off the

1:10:02

cuff yeah with the people coming in

1:10:04

there go fucking he's on it here

1:10:06

kind of here kind of thing. to

1:10:08

try and keep it loose, but I

1:10:10

agree, I know what you're saying though,

1:10:12

once you go on it, it just

1:10:14

works, like just get going and once

1:10:16

the fence, 10 seconds, good, you know,

1:10:18

it'll be a good gig, but I've

1:10:20

tried a lot more to break the

1:10:23

whole show up to be like, sometimes

1:10:25

you do a line and it didn't

1:10:27

go well, you can go, oh God,

1:10:29

this is going to be a gig

1:10:31

where it doesn't go well, and then

1:10:33

you do the next one, but you're

1:10:35

going into the next line, feeling shit,

1:10:37

you're going to the next line, and

1:10:39

feeling shit, you're going on another, you're

1:10:41

going on another, and another, and another

1:10:44

one, and another one, and another one,

1:10:46

and another one, and another one, and

1:10:48

another one, oh, and another one, oh,

1:10:50

and another one, oh, and another one,

1:10:52

and another one, oh, oh, this, this

1:10:54

is a, this, this is a, this

1:10:56

is a, this is a, this is

1:10:58

a, like sort of moments every 20-30

1:11:00

seconds that if you can and it's

1:11:02

very hard to get out your head

1:11:05

and just go right even if that

1:11:07

did go well forget it now there's

1:11:09

a new one and the same for

1:11:11

it doesn't like a great center forward

1:11:13

yeah exactly yeah you're just trying to

1:11:15

exist in those moments in that way

1:11:17

it doesn't drag you down if it

1:11:19

ain't going well but I know if

1:11:21

it's a good gig when the first

1:11:23

time I look at my watch I

1:11:26

don't know if you do this, David,

1:11:28

where like you go on sometimes, you

1:11:30

do a few jokes, you look at

1:11:32

your watches like six minutes past eight,

1:11:34

you know, fuck off that six minutes.

1:11:36

I swear I was dealing in the

1:11:38

end. I don't wish for this to

1:11:40

turn into a real nerdy stand-up thing,

1:11:42

but too late for that. I supported

1:11:44

Rich Hall when I was... in my

1:11:47

20s and he said to me one

1:11:49

night and I didn't understand it but

1:11:51

I understand it now 20 years later

1:11:53

he said at some point you become

1:11:55

funnier than the jokes As in, when

1:11:57

you're starting off, you're like, okay, I've

1:11:59

got these 10 jokes, I've got to

1:12:01

say them all and not go in

1:12:03

the middle of them. But after some

1:12:05

point, like, and it's years in, you're

1:12:07

a vibe. And in fact, all the

1:12:10

people are there to see is the

1:12:12

vibe of you. And your job is

1:12:14

to be the vibe, really. I couldn't

1:12:16

agree more. The ritual is a genius.

1:12:18

unbelievable and so understated with like how

1:12:20

talented and knowledgeable he is but like

1:12:22

that's for me that that's the material

1:12:24

secondary because what we're what we're trying

1:12:26

to do as comedians is we're funny

1:12:28

people in a room with people and

1:12:31

we form connections and we can connect

1:12:33

in a pub and say certain things

1:12:35

and what they want to hear to

1:12:37

make them laugh. And then a tour

1:12:39

show is essentially monetizing that connection. It's

1:12:41

not about the lines as such, isn't

1:12:43

it? It's a way that we can

1:12:45

get as many people in as possible

1:12:47

to do that and then we get

1:12:49

paid. So it's about that connection with

1:12:52

the audience. And it's trying to find

1:12:54

that connection with the audience. And that's

1:12:56

trying to find that connection with the

1:12:58

audience. And that's trying to find that

1:13:00

connection. And then once you've got that

1:13:02

connection, you're giving them. I'm just monetising

1:13:04

this fun guys. And they are like,

1:13:06

yes, take more, take more, take more,

1:13:08

take more, take more. Well, no, I'd

1:13:10

do it anyways, to do it for

1:13:13

no money, but if I can do

1:13:15

it and get paid, it helps, did

1:13:17

it? Totally. Okay, so the interval, like,

1:13:19

do you eat anything, drink anything? What's

1:13:21

that 20 minutes? So just lie there?

1:13:23

I hate the interval, I'm just desperate

1:13:25

to get back on, basically. like I

1:13:27

know they need it because I need

1:13:29

a we in a drink and it's

1:13:31

actually good to give the show a

1:13:34

bit of like you die if you

1:13:36

did an hour and a half straight

1:13:38

through everyone would be bored shit so

1:13:40

I do I'm aware you need it

1:13:42

but I'm just sitting like I'm going

1:13:44

can we go again yet could we

1:13:46

go again yeah I try not to

1:13:48

look at my phone in case the

1:13:50

kids ill or something and it's distracting

1:13:52

you know I mean as you're trying

1:13:55

to keep your head empty as well

1:13:57

as on track so I'll find that

1:13:59

hard. I failed so badly. I end

1:14:01

up literally looking at a life hack

1:14:03

video of how to clean grout in

1:14:05

a back room. But then you'll actually

1:14:07

get in the second half, whatever you

1:14:09

do in that interval, we'll get, so

1:14:11

I just tried to look at the

1:14:13

bullet points. What I mentioned is something

1:14:16

I already know that works, rather, because

1:14:18

that's the danger when you go on

1:14:20

tour, you get too relaxed, and you

1:14:22

just chat shit. Because you're too confident

1:14:24

in the vibe. So come off get

1:14:26

changed and then go downstairs. There's a

1:14:28

couple of people at the stage door

1:14:30

one in a few pictures Okay, are

1:14:32

your head down playing bubble crush going

1:14:34

fuck off? No, it's Ryla then Tom

1:14:37

Allen both there. Ryla Tom Allen's there.

1:14:39

No, so a few people pictures have

1:14:41

a couple of pictures and then we

1:14:43

walk back to the hotel because the

1:14:45

traffic's so bad and it's an eight-minute

1:14:47

walk. So he walked to the hotel

1:14:49

and then I had some friends, a

1:14:51

friend with Joe, Emmett Jay Scanlon, the

1:14:53

actor from Kin, Piki Blinds, I met

1:14:55

him on a show ages ago and

1:14:58

he came to the gig so he

1:15:00

came with his mates so then I

1:15:02

met him for a drink in the

1:15:04

Lowry after the show and had a

1:15:06

catch up and this is where he

1:15:08

gets quite stellar street. That was mental

1:15:10

either. No, so I'm there with Emmett

1:15:12

and his friends and then Tom Allen

1:15:14

comes downstairs and starts having a drink

1:15:16

of age-a-do-do, the TV presenter, hosted Big

1:15:19

Brother. And then, out of nowhere, Michael

1:15:21

Ball turns up. Well, of course he

1:15:23

does. Love changes everything. I was like,

1:15:25

what the fuck's going on it? This

1:15:27

is great. Michael Ball turns up and

1:15:29

starts having a chat with Tom Allen

1:15:31

and A.J. Adoudo, some spring rolls come

1:15:33

out of the bar kitchen. And these

1:15:35

are for you. And then Michael Ball's

1:15:37

like, no, they're my spring rolls. He

1:15:40

takes him spring rolls. So that's going

1:15:42

on. And then Rylen was walking past.

1:15:44

And then this morning at breakfast, Freddy

1:15:46

Frentorf walked in, because he's in with

1:15:48

a cricket team. I'm afraid we don't

1:15:50

care about it. Okay, so you sit

1:15:52

in the hotel, how late are you

1:15:54

in there? How many drinks, come on,

1:15:56

that's what he really wants to know.

1:15:58

So two rumm and cokes with them,

1:16:01

we have a chat, nice lads, blah

1:16:03

blah blah, then they live about half

1:16:05

11-ish, I go up at the room

1:16:07

because the hotel I mean are having

1:16:09

a power cup between 1am and 5am

1:16:11

to fix the electrics, so there's gonna

1:16:13

be no... No electrics. I'm like, okay,

1:16:15

it's fine. So I go back to

1:16:17

my room at 12. I have a

1:16:19

quick shower because I'm a bit sweaty

1:16:22

from a long day in the gig.

1:16:24

And then when I'm in the shower

1:16:26

at 10 past 12, power goes. Amazing!

1:16:28

Wow, our first ever power cut. So

1:16:30

I'm in the shower naked, dripple wet

1:16:32

power cut. Get the towel, get my

1:16:34

phone light, basically, get dry, find myself

1:16:36

to my... get my iPad out, I've

1:16:38

got enough charge, I'm fine, I'll survive

1:16:40

the power cut. So my day ended

1:16:43

and my new day started, obviously I'd

1:16:45

had a shower, all the lights were

1:16:47

in the room, power cut, so I

1:16:49

get into bed at 10 past 5am,

1:16:51

everything goes on. AirCon at full blast,

1:16:53

every night, I hadn't drawn the curtains,

1:16:55

because I couldn't find him. Boom! It

1:16:57

was mental. Michael Ball screaming from the

1:16:59

room next door. Oh, God, every light

1:17:01

goes on. I'm like, like that, my

1:17:04

whoops got off the chart. I'm on

1:17:06

a high-stress on 5.10 a.m. So that's

1:17:08

how the day ended. What are 23

1:17:10

hours? Amazing. Can I just ask? I

1:17:12

used to have to go to Sydney

1:17:14

a lot to do the Champions League

1:17:16

at a young baby at the time.

1:17:18

And quite often, Jamie, well within a

1:17:20

rights, would just, I get WhatsApp. How's

1:17:22

your really quiet hotel room? Oh, what's

1:17:25

for dinner? And I'd be like, I've

1:17:27

just gone to get a tie. Oh,

1:17:29

how's your tie meal on your own

1:17:31

without a baby? I'm completely understandably, do

1:17:33

you get, because you've just been India,

1:17:35

now you've got five days, is Lou

1:17:37

going? And because obviously because your job

1:17:39

is like when I go away to

1:17:41

the football weekly tour I'm basically just

1:17:43

getting pissed on stage talking about football

1:17:46

and like I can't Jamie knows. I'm

1:17:48

getting pissed at home talking about days.

1:17:50

But Jamie knows that my job is

1:17:52

fun but I like it. No I

1:17:54

can't be like I've had a tough

1:17:56

day at work it's been awful. Well

1:17:58

it's sort of feast and famine for

1:18:00

me and loo where like this year

1:18:02

is an incredibly intense year with the

1:18:04

touring but then like. I'm having a

1:18:07

whole of August off, so it's like,

1:18:09

we booked trips like she goes away

1:18:11

with her friends and stuff like that.

1:18:13

So she's up against it this year,

1:18:15

but obviously it's worth it as a

1:18:17

family. So it's just that balance really.

1:18:19

And she's aware of it, I'm aware

1:18:21

of it, it doesn't make it easier.

1:18:23

And the kids understand it, but I

1:18:25

do have lots of block of time

1:18:28

off. So I work quite intense and

1:18:30

then have quite a lot of time

1:18:32

off. And I'm not going to this

1:18:34

big for quite a few years. and

1:18:36

do other stuff just so I'm around

1:18:38

for the kids in their teenage years

1:18:40

and then go again when they're a

1:18:42

little bit older so I'll still gig

1:18:44

and do like London and local gigs

1:18:46

and charity gigs but I don't think

1:18:49

I'll tour this intensely if my TV

1:18:51

work still is intense do I mean

1:18:53

so I'm gonna drop that out a

1:18:55

little bit I think in my experience

1:18:57

quite often TV work gets less intense

1:18:59

but Exactly. So it might go the

1:19:01

other way and I'll be straight back

1:19:03

out on the road. But yeah, if

1:19:05

I can get away with it, I

1:19:07

wouldn't be at home as much as

1:19:10

I can. Rob, you've just given Max's

1:19:12

an idea. Max returns to the, from

1:19:14

the shed, having recorded this. Jamie, I'm

1:19:16

going to take six years off, or

1:19:18

that's the plan. Oh no, I'll still

1:19:20

work, but just not as like five

1:19:22

nights a week away, like three months

1:19:24

in a row, you know. the most

1:19:26

celebrity all day. I'd say the most

1:19:28

has happened in a day. We picked

1:19:31

a fucking great day, by the way.

1:19:33

Great day. You want to hear some

1:19:35

of the absolute dud days that me

1:19:37

and Max have had to try and

1:19:39

knit some sort of a wooly jumper

1:19:41

out of. Nish Kumar just sat and

1:19:43

lay on the sofa for six hours.

1:19:45

Well, that explains how he plays football

1:19:47

on a Tuesday. Rob Beckett, thanks so

1:19:49

much for doing it. Thank you, Rob.

1:19:52

Brilliant, thanks guys. So what a day,

1:19:54

hey David. So, many celebrities. So what

1:19:56

a day, hey David. So many celebrities.

1:19:58

He's like a celebrities magnet. I like

1:20:00

Ryland Michael Ball and someone from Piggy

1:20:02

Blinders. It's a good selection of... of

1:20:04

celebs to meet. I don't go on

1:20:06

about it but that's what my life

1:20:08

is like constantly. There's always a presenter,

1:20:10

always someone from a musical Elaine Page

1:20:13

or Barbara Dixon. Yeah. Someone like that.

1:20:15

Well Mr. Mr. Mr. Follice is there.

1:20:17

And then someone from a top top

1:20:19

TV show then as well. But I

1:20:21

just... I don't know, I just don't

1:20:23

tell you about it. You don't talk

1:20:25

about it. Well, that's interesting yesterday when

1:20:27

I was just pushing young Willie rushing

1:20:29

around at the pram. I bumped into

1:20:31

one just one small loop. Trevor McDonald.

1:20:34

What? Rusty Lee. And the bass player

1:20:36

from Topow. It was quite the day.

1:20:38

But sadly, we didn't record a midweek

1:20:40

mayhem, because we only do that on

1:20:42

a Tuesday, and so it's just my

1:20:44

Monday again. So. I can't tell you

1:20:46

about what happened there. Even the dream

1:20:48

celebrities you pretend to have met are

1:20:50

also dreadfully yesterday and mundane and that's

1:20:52

why I respect you. We talked a

1:20:55

lot about the art of comedy and

1:20:57

I'm generally more interested in you know

1:20:59

what making their toothbrushes and when they

1:21:01

last spread to the toilet but I

1:21:03

thought he was very articulate about that

1:21:05

part of his day. I enjoyed that

1:21:07

bit. A lot of elements to that

1:21:09

day. There was almost three sections to

1:21:11

the day. You had the radio, you

1:21:13

had the afternoon, and then you had

1:21:16

a gig in the evening. Here's the

1:21:18

thing, two things. Comedians, always on trains.

1:21:20

Always. And apart from you, they're all

1:21:22

just using things to keep themselves healthy.

1:21:24

Have I backed the wrong horse? Have

1:21:26

I backed the wrong horse? The only

1:21:28

one! who's just eating and drinking like

1:21:30

the rest of us. Well, maybe all

1:21:32

our listeners, I like, have a whoop

1:21:34

attached and, you know, are only eating

1:21:37

broccoli. Like, maybe it's just us. This

1:21:39

is why you keep sending me all

1:21:41

of these supplements and all of this

1:21:43

fitness equipment, because you don't want me

1:21:45

to keel over and then the podcast

1:21:47

to end. Well, we're in it for

1:21:49

life, but I think, like, I'm happy

1:21:51

that if I die, you can carry

1:21:53

it on. And if you die I'll

1:21:55

carry it on and we'll just have

1:21:58

to find the most sort of like

1:22:00

for like replacement It's not going to

1:22:02

be the same It would be different,

1:22:04

yeah. I might get Osman. Osman could

1:22:06

anchor this, do you think? But it's

1:22:08

not like for like, is he? Not

1:22:10

really. Who's like for like, for you?

1:22:12

I need someone who can really present

1:22:14

the shit out of anything. Rick Edwards.

1:22:17

90s based. Okay, yeah, Rick

1:22:19

Edwards probably works. If you have

1:22:21

any idea who in the event

1:22:23

of Max's death, I could replace

1:22:25

him with, drop us a line.

1:22:28

And vice versa. It's vice versa,

1:22:30

because I don't want to just

1:22:32

say Chris I doubt, like I

1:22:34

just don't want to just say

1:22:36

that. Or Barry, the Irish guy

1:22:38

that you do your football stuff

1:22:41

with. Yes, Barry Glendeny. It's been

1:22:43

raised several times that you need

1:22:45

an Irish person to co-host everything

1:22:47

you do. Yeah. Me and Bertia Hearn

1:22:49

did a quite unsuccessful.

1:22:51

Even that reference, a Prime Minister from

1:22:54

the 90s, I love it Max, you

1:22:56

always come up with the goods. If

1:22:58

you want to get in touch with

1:23:00

the show, he's out. To get in

1:23:02

touch with the show, you can email us

1:23:04

at what did you do

1:23:06

yesterday pod@gmail.com. Follow us on

1:23:08

Instagram at yesterday pod and

1:23:11

please subscribe and leave a

1:23:13

review if you liked it

1:23:15

on your preferred podcast platform.

1:23:17

And if you didn't, please

1:23:19

don't. And

1:23:22

that'll do for

1:23:25

today. Thanks, uh,

1:23:27

David. Thank you

1:23:30

for doing this

1:23:32

podcast. I have a

1:23:34

nice time. I had

1:23:37

a nice time. I

1:23:40

can't wait to do

1:23:42

it again soon.

1:23:44

Bye, Max! See ya.

1:23:46

I'm Kim above and I have

1:23:48

a new podcast. It's called Iceberg's

1:23:50

and it's about the endless journey

1:23:52

to find ourselves and find out

1:23:54

what it really means to have

1:23:56

self-acceptance and self-love. I'll be exploring

1:23:58

the inner landscape. or some of

1:24:00

my favorite people. Oh, I don't like

1:24:03

being self-worth. And asking them about who

1:24:05

they are, how they got that way,

1:24:07

and how they feel about it. If

1:24:10

that's subjective what I do on

1:24:12

stage, I'm objectively not funny off stage.

1:24:14

A bit of their present? I didn't

1:24:16

know that I was ugly until I

1:24:18

was like 16 and record executives told

1:24:20

me it. A bit of their past? I

1:24:22

need more time being alone than I thought.

1:24:24

And how they navigate all that stuff.

1:24:26

That's definitely something I think my

1:24:29

therapist would have to bring in

1:24:31

on. The thing about icebergs is only

1:24:33

10% of them. It's above the surface.

1:24:35

90% we can't even fathom them. And

1:24:37

I think people are a lot like

1:24:39

that. If they're not, then that's a

1:24:41

really dumb name for a podcast.