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while supplies last. Hello

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and welcome to this week's episode

1:01

of what most people think and

1:03

I hope that you are watching

1:05

out for the sound of police,

1:07

the WhatsApp police. You must have

1:09

heard this story. I'm going to

1:11

bring in Scott Bennet returning guest

1:13

today. Obviously we'll get to it

1:15

in detail Scott, Scott, but this

1:17

story about this middle-age, middle-class couple

1:19

being six coppers arriving at their

1:21

door because of stuff they said

1:23

on a WhatsApp group about a

1:25

primary school. It's sent... shivers down

1:27

the spine of middle England. Yeah

1:29

I know it was a it

1:31

was an interesting one it felt I

1:34

mean it felt a tad like

1:36

an overreaction didn't it I think just

1:38

a bit yeah the problem was

1:40

I think she used the phrase control

1:42

freak She called someone a control freak.

1:45

And obviously the best way to

1:47

respond to accusations of being called a

1:49

control freak is to send six.

1:51

Please, obviously. I'm raising issues about the

1:53

leadership of this school. It might

1:55

be slightly autocratic. I'll show you autocratic.

1:58

Okay. We will get to that. think

2:00

we were talking about as well was

2:02

about this this phrase that just before

2:04

we came on air about the UK

2:06

being finished and I see I see

2:09

a lot of that probably because of

2:11

my sort of right leaning algorithm is

2:13

that the UK's finished but then I

2:15

remember the UK was finished after we

2:17

voted for Brexit and then also remember

2:20

the UK being finished throughout after the

2:22

credit crunch throughout early 90's recession. Is

2:24

the UK always finished? It just depends

2:26

on who's in power. It's come back

2:28

more times than Earl Bishop, isn't it?

2:30

In neighbours, everyone's finished. I think it's

2:33

your idea of what's finished, isn't it?

2:35

It's like someone was like, the stamps

2:37

have gone up two pens. That's Britain

2:39

finished. The world's gone mad. That's my

2:41

favourite phrase online is when people say

2:44

the world's gone mad. And what you

2:46

realise, what drove them to say that

2:48

the world... had gone mad was that

2:50

they had to reposition Zebra Crossing because

2:52

of squirrels. Yeah, it's always low-level stuff.

2:54

I think when you actually think about

2:57

politics, I think if it affects people

2:59

on a low-level daily basis, is that

3:01

what most people care about? I really

3:03

do start to believe globalist politics. Do

3:05

people really... engage with that as much

3:08

as, you know, someone's put a traffic

3:10

calming speed bump down the bottom of

3:12

your street. It is the small stuff.

3:14

It is. I mean, you're absolutely right.

3:16

What most people think is that fix

3:18

the fucking potholes and I can cope

3:21

with a lot of the other stuff.

3:23

Yeah, I mean, I would, I must

3:25

admit, my worry about North Korea is

3:27

sort of, it diminishes when I'm having

3:29

to replace the shock absorbersbersbers. Yes, yeah,

3:32

he's not he's not all bad. He's

3:34

not all bad. We are going to

3:36

be talking politics. We'll do what's at

3:38

police. We'll come to that in the

3:40

second half of the discussion. Before that,

3:42

so we're recording this at half three

3:45

on Monday, the 31st of March, and

3:47

Kiastama did a big speech on immigration

3:49

earlier, so we'll be responding to that.

3:51

comedy, comedy entertainment has finally had another

3:53

hit on Amazon. Have you heard of

3:56

this Scott? Last one laughing. Yeah, it's

3:58

a smash hit, isn't it? Yeah, last

4:00

one, and the principle of the show

4:02

for people haven't seen it is that

4:04

comedians have to try and make other

4:06

comedians laugh and if you laugh you,

4:09

you lose basically. I just... It's thought

4:11

like immediately as a comic, I've done

4:13

about you, but I catasthetifies to the

4:15

worst point, is that a lot of

4:17

the clips have shown comedians struggling not

4:20

to laugh, but I would worry that

4:22

if I was on it, the clips

4:24

would be of comedians finding it very

4:26

easy not to laugh and just... showing

4:28

outward contempt. Yeah, it's that sort of

4:30

thing. We've all had those sort of

4:33

gigs where if you filled the room

4:35

with those sort of people you'll be

4:37

like, oh this is a walk in

4:39

the park. Yeah, yeah. First one laughing

4:41

with the way around on it. It's

4:44

on its seventh, seventh series. What we're

4:46

going to discuss it from the point

4:48

of view is comedy entertainments, finally how

4:50

to hear, what does it mean for

4:52

the industry and, you know, we'll be

4:54

coming up with some ideas of what

4:57

they should pitch should pitch next. New

5:00

Patrons! So as you know we rinse

5:02

the names of new patrons by just

5:04

based on their names and anybody that

5:06

joins up to the patron gets the

5:08

podcast early ad-free and with bonus content.

5:10

To start off with we've got a

5:12

one-nameer Emily. Now I always think that

5:14

that means that people are working in

5:16

particularly progressive environments and can't be publicly

5:18

outed as somebody who likes this podcast.

5:20

So where do we think Emily? I

5:23

was probably at that primary school. Maybe,

5:25

or I see her as an illustrator

5:27

in a shed in Surrey with Paduaar

5:29

open and the birds tweeting. I see

5:31

her as sort of a, maybe an

5:33

Enid Blighton character and Emily, maybe, or

5:35

maybe she's making fragrances in a bathtub.

5:37

Well, some sort of cottage industry, or

5:39

cottage industry, fragrance by Emily, you know,

5:41

that sort of thing. And it fucking

5:43

stinks, and she's barely sold any, and

5:46

none of the family have got the

5:48

courage to tell her how bad her

5:50

fragrader It's sort of that thing where

5:52

you see that couple on grand designs

5:54

where one of them, you know, has

5:56

got a small cottage. industry darning wool

5:58

and they've got a budget of 11

6:00

million and you think how what is

6:02

what is in this wool gold leaf

6:04

it's that sort of cottage industry I

6:06

think yes an Emily I don't know

6:09

what is in it what era is

6:11

an Emily name Emily sounds like quite

6:13

a willowy sort of woman that might

6:15

need to have a lot of lie

6:17

downs on those shows long She's got

6:19

one of her headaches. Yeah, well Emily's

6:21

retired for the afternoon in a in

6:23

a room where there's a breeze coming

6:25

through the curtains. That's on. Emily was

6:27

overcome. She was overcome. We've got, couldn't

6:29

be more at the other end of

6:31

the name spectrum here. It's Tony Tip

6:34

Top. Tony Tip Top sounds like an

6:36

early hard house DJ. You know like

6:38

hard house DJ's often had these comical

6:40

names that sounded like they were already

6:42

your mate like Scottyby. Rosie and Johno.

6:44

Tony Tip Top is a mobile wedding

6:46

DJ as well, potentially. It is, yeah,

6:48

I sort of imagine is, I can

6:50

imagine wherever he's sat, he's got flashing

6:52

traffic lights. Wherever he sat. Yeah, just

6:54

in the middle, just, I can imagine

6:57

Tony Tip Top written in that sort

6:59

of font that's the, the 80s font

7:01

that does DJ's and also. burger vans

7:03

of questionable hygiene rating. Yeah, he's still

7:05

doing clip art. All his promo material

7:07

is done in clip art. We've got

7:09

Jane Howell. Jane Howell sounds like one

7:11

of those acerbic columnists you get in

7:13

a right wing broadsheet. Jane Howell, yeah.

7:15

She wrote something absolutely excoriating against Megad

7:17

Markle's new Netflix show. Yeah, Jane, Jane

7:19

Howell. Also, I can imagine that being

7:22

someone who runs a solicitous. Partners with

7:24

someone called... a Simpson howls and Simpson

7:26

will take care of your divorce well

7:28

dad the man you put in Simpson

7:30

it did sound like quite a high-end

7:32

solicitor you know like you know like

7:34

the company that made what was the

7:36

one that made the bras for the

7:38

royal family pen and pen and rigby

7:40

yes that's sort of thing oh yeah

7:42

that's very isn't it by royal appointment

7:45

yes yeah howls and Simpson by royal

7:47

appointment, taking only royal marriages, that's all

7:49

they do, the royal divorces, that's all

7:51

they do. Or they do jock straps

7:53

for the male, the male members of

7:55

the royal family, the male members. Yes,

7:57

very good, you see you do jokes

7:59

when you don't even mean so, they're

8:01

just extra support for the polo competition,

8:03

that's what it is. Yes, domain talking

8:05

point, David domain, or super patron, that

8:07

refers back to previous week shows, he

8:10

says lovely to Andrew Doyle, back on

8:12

the referencef. by Andrew Doyle. You know,

8:14

Muff is a place in Northern Ireland?

8:16

I did not know that. How's it

8:18

spelled? As it sounds. Exactly as you

8:20

think. Yeah, yeah. And they've also got

8:22

distillery called Muff Liquor. Incredible. They've really

8:24

rinsed the angles on that, haven't they?

8:26

Well, there's a, there's muff barbers, muff

8:28

diving club and the church of Muff.

8:30

And there used to be a chippy,

8:33

yes. Yes. Muff-groomers. Yeah, it's an endless

8:35

possibility, isn't it? It's in Northern Ireland,

8:37

I think. But yeah, I'd like to

8:39

visit Muff. It's been a while. I'd

8:41

quite like to see a church with,

8:43

you know, the signs outside the church

8:45

where it says the world is not

8:47

a muff. Gives you a little motivational

8:49

quote every morning, but still uses the

8:51

word muff. Or muff, twinned with. Shingay

8:53

come Wendy. Yeah, yeah, that's our thing.

8:55

Muff, twin with Volver in Bulgaria. That

8:58

would be one. Muff, twinned with Cockermouth.

9:00

Okay, I think we've got as much

9:02

out of that as we could. And

9:04

we're talking about show tiles. What's the

9:06

name of your current tour again? It's

9:08

early chance. It's just called Stuff. So

9:10

I was trying to have one word

9:12

titles I think they're quite impactful sometimes.

9:14

Stuff that very much suits your no

9:16

nonsense you're getting quality stand up I'm

9:18

not fucking about with a constant you

9:21

know like it's similar to I mean

9:23

I've called my basic bloke so I

9:25

think we're coming from a very similar

9:27

species but I have got in a

9:29

tortured pun into mine which is there's

9:31

no bloke without fire. And following on

9:33

from that, following on from that, David

9:35

domain says that Stuart Francis's last stand-up

9:37

tour in the UK was called Into

9:39

the Punset. I don't think you can

9:41

beat that. No, that's brilliant. That's really

9:43

good. Yeah. And he sort of suits

9:46

his style as well, doesn't it? perfect

9:48

he was really good at stand-up and

9:50

then he just went yeah yeah I'm

9:52

dumbing out see you yeah I think

9:54

there's people who can disconnect I've sort

9:56

of admired that in a way I've

9:58

often said I'd quite like to do

10:00

Lee Evans and retire you know right

10:02

at the peak not just sort of

10:04

keep eking it out I think I'm

10:06

I think I'm gonna be eking it

10:09

out I think as I've said that

10:11

I'm going to be 70 and going

10:13

to whole I think that's he did

10:15

that after I think he did that

10:17

after I think he's 20th after I

10:19

think he's 20th after I think he's

10:21

20th he's 20th I after the fourth

10:23

time that I've done the Reading concert

10:25

hall and I've gone, you know what?

10:27

700 feet, I've done it four times.

10:29

It's best to go out of the

10:31

top. That's my O2. Look, it's still

10:34

a decent, you know, still proud of

10:36

it. But yeah, he was able to

10:38

make that decision after God knows how

10:40

many times he done the... I mean,

10:42

this is huge, isn't it? I mean,

10:44

we're talking, there must be no one

10:46

he's not played to. Must have been

10:48

millions of people now. I always think

10:50

it might be that thing where they

10:52

go, listen Scott, this is your fourth

10:54

time at the octagon, we'll go for

10:57

redding venues, but you've filled the stalls,

10:59

but the balconies are empty, I think

11:01

it's time to call it a day

11:03

now. I mean, it is that thing,

11:05

when you tour around the kind of

11:07

weed, you're looking at the stalls, I'll

11:09

be all right, because they don't look

11:11

up, do they don't? No, neither do

11:13

I. Yeah, that's the thing. because as

11:15

long as we fill the stalls. As

11:17

long as you feel the stalls, you

11:20

know we need, you know like shire

11:22

horses that have those blinkers from the

11:24

side, we need them from the top

11:26

so that we don't, we need a

11:28

dog that's with a code on that

11:30

doesn't lick itself, you know the code.

11:32

So I can only just see the,

11:34

just the sound man, that's all I

11:36

need to know, as long as he's

11:38

laughing. I also wrote a piece for

11:40

the eye newspaper which was just about

11:42

being judgy. different kinds of people. I

11:45

saw that I saw that yeah and

11:47

it was quite fun because everyone that

11:49

came back and had a pop at

11:51

me I was able to say oh

11:53

you're joining in the spirit of the

11:55

article here yeah that's a bit judgey

11:57

d and it was just an opportunity

11:59

to get some observations out there really

12:01

and one of the things that I

12:03

said was about people that used like

12:05

buzzwords or journalists that used buzzwords like

12:08

the one this year has been transactional

12:10

in relations with Donald Trump everyone's talking

12:12

about things being transactional being transactional Gaslight

12:14

in was a word, it's one I

12:16

don't know what you call it, but

12:18

a word that when you say it,

12:20

it brings status with it, it shows

12:22

that you're in the club, right? Yes.

12:24

So a while ago it was just

12:26

lying, but when people decided that lying

12:28

wasn't enough, we needed to have gas

12:30

light in. David domain says that it's

12:33

still all the rage that word on

12:35

the internet. People often erroneously use it

12:37

to mean simply lying. Most prevalent misuse

12:39

buzz phrase this decade has to be

12:41

literally. talking about wording that could be

12:43

misinterpreted as figurative or metaphoric literally is

12:45

not the word you need. I mean

12:47

I suppose words suffer from inflation and

12:49

distortion. You know like the word soon

12:51

used to mean immediately. I'll be there

12:53

soon and then some fucking tardy dickhead

12:56

ruined it for everybody. Yeah yeah because

12:58

they went from everything from a minute

13:00

to three weeks. Yeah yeah. I don't

13:02

know what this person is but I

13:04

would imagine their a plumber. I'll be

13:06

there soon. It was, or a minicab,

13:08

a minicab office. Yeah. It was the,

13:10

he's with the DJ, the Top Tips

13:12

DJ, he said I'll be there soon,

13:14

miss the wedding, never been the same

13:16

since. Classic Tony Top Tips. Totally Top

13:18

Tips behavior, isn't it? What most people

13:21

think. Okay, the thank you and the

13:23

fuck you. I'm gonna do the thank

13:25

you, which is, I don't know, I

13:27

don't think I mentioned it in the

13:29

breaking news episode on Friday, But I

13:31

went to see Mrs Doubtfire heard a

13:33

musical. Oh yeah, yeah, I'm interested in

13:35

that. It's good. How old are your

13:37

kids? Nine and four teams, so I

13:39

think they'd still enjoy it. No, definitely

13:41

a worker. My son's nine, and we

13:44

went on a Tuesday, which was mental,

13:46

going into London and stuff, but it

13:48

was very funny. He did some impressions,

13:50

like the guy that plays the Rob.

13:52

William's character. He's basically the whole show

13:54

because he's got to do physical comedy.

13:56

He's got to do voices. And he

13:58

did some impressions and it was like,

14:00

it's always that thing with impressionists is

14:02

they do a few that are up

14:04

to date. And you go, oh yeah,

14:06

that's Harry. Yeah, Prince Harry. Oh, that's

14:09

Donald Trump. That's Donald Trump. Okay that's

14:11

Kermit but still good still good and

14:13

Homer Simpson's a good one because he

14:15

is legitimately still on teledoing a yeah

14:17

but yeah what I want to say

14:19

the cast were great man like do

14:21

you ever do that thing when you

14:23

see a musical where you you look

14:25

at the dancers at the back and

14:27

you see who's phoning it in? Do

14:29

you ever do that? Yes, I look

14:32

beyond, yeah, I totally do that. Look

14:34

at the engagement, I think that's a

14:36

performer's thing where you go, you might

14:38

not know where you've been watched, but

14:40

I'm on to that. Oh yeah, Dancer

14:42

7 in the back right-hand corner, but

14:44

I've got to say the whole cast

14:46

of Mrs Doubtfire were putting in a

14:48

shift, we're putting in a partnership. So

14:50

a hard recommend. as the kids say.

14:52

I'd love to see it. Do they

14:54

do that bit where he has to

14:57

be doing the interview with himself and

14:59

then is in the restaurant? Well what

15:01

they did was they had like a

15:03

woman in who was dressed as a

15:05

kind of flamenco dance that was singing

15:07

a song that was very funny to

15:09

cover that was very funny to cover

15:11

that because obviously had to keep going

15:13

backwards and forth. There's one bit basically

15:15

so he did get down to his

15:18

box of shorts and I was just

15:20

had to pretend it hadn't happened. Yeah,

15:22

I mean it's one of those things

15:24

though in the theater. They can smoke

15:26

if it's part of the performance. It's

15:28

considered art. So I think a little

15:30

slip of a bolic would be considered,

15:33

wouldn't be considered exposure, it's probably motivation

15:35

or something. And you know, unless you're

15:37

particularly naturally... Hung, you know, because you'd

15:39

think you'd be quite nervous, so you

15:41

wouldn't be at your best either, you

15:43

know what I mean? Yeah, that's right.

15:45

And less of the very 80 shots,

15:48

like the Kevin Keegan's. Yeah, yeah. They're

15:50

probably a bit longer, weren't they? They're

15:52

probably a bit more, the mooder. I

15:54

would double pant in that situation. I

15:56

would go for a pair of wiferons

15:58

with boxer briefs on top. Yeah. I

16:00

would take the same approach I do

16:03

when I'm wearing beige trousers now. I'd

16:05

double box to absorb. A pair of

16:07

socks maybe, just for impact. What is

16:09

the fuck you? For me, I've noticed

16:11

it more now. I'm sure you're the

16:13

same. I'm going to petrol stations and

16:15

waiting to fill up. And people in

16:18

front, they get out and then they

16:20

go and do a full week shop.

16:22

Very good spot. And you see it

16:24

and when they get a bag for

16:26

life out, I feel like stopping them

16:28

and going, no. No. This is the

16:30

petrol station. And I think it's when

16:33

you see them ambling around and browsing

16:35

while there's a cue. They've forgotten that

16:37

they've got a car on the forecourt.

16:39

Yeah, and it's always that thing is,

16:41

I think it's just when someone's, we're

16:43

all too busy and when your life's

16:45

paused like that by someone else who's

16:47

trying to find saffron in a laundice.

16:50

Just feel like a petrol station laundice,

16:52

you're not getting saffron there, you'll be

16:54

lucky if you're getting saffering. and I

16:56

keep seeing it again and again and

16:58

I think I don't know if you've

17:00

noticed it really it's just the lack

17:02

of social awareness seems to be spreading

17:05

a bit. So I ate this article

17:07

that I write I could have added

17:09

into it another one of my pet

17:11

peeves is where you know when you're

17:13

checking in for a flight right and

17:15

there's a long queue and then there's

17:17

a person at the front that will

17:20

use that moment like their time to

17:22

shine like they're temporarily a celebrity or

17:24

meal beer and will we get tiny

17:26

sashies of pepper and pepper and will

17:28

you wrap the fucking cutlery in the

17:30

thing or would it come or is

17:32

it wooden cutler? You're like you know

17:35

what you'll find all this out in

17:37

due time what I think they think

17:39

is what I had to wait but

17:41

now it's my turn I'm gonna sort

17:43

of visit upon the people behind me

17:45

the same thing I had visited upon

17:47

me I think those would get out

17:50

of the fucking way I sometimes my

17:52

wife has to tell me to tell

17:54

me to calm me to calm down

17:56

because I'll be like talking louder get

17:58

out of the fucking way yeah It's

18:00

almost like it's their first conversation. It

18:02

might be the first conversation of the

18:05

day. You know, apps and technologies stopped

18:07

us conversing and then these people take

18:09

this upon themselves to have that moment

18:12

where their whole life spills out into

18:14

someone's face. And you think, not now.

18:16

I think anything where there's travel

18:18

and there's a deadline, not now. You

18:20

feel like you should be able to walk in and

18:22

go. Not now. Do you know what they should have

18:25

as well? You know what they should have as

18:27

well? You know like in the swimming pool

18:29

you have fast lane, medium lane, slowly. You

18:31

know when you're going through security you should

18:33

have that regular travellers go this way. If

18:35

you're a fuck quit that even after all

18:38

these years since 9-11 still doesn't occur to

18:40

you that you might have to take your

18:42

belt off. You can go in this lane.

18:44

Yeah. You can be with your own kind.

18:46

It's a wild when you see someone when

18:48

you see someone who hasn't got the selves

18:50

ready. and it's like a surprise. You've got

18:52

to have a strategy. Can you take your

18:54

belt off, mate? And you feel like going,

18:57

how, how? Do you not know? But some of

18:59

them, they literally just get, you think

19:01

all this time you're waiting, I would

19:03

love to know, maybe I'm just jealous

19:05

because I think that maybe their moms

19:08

just floating off into reverie. What were

19:10

they thinking about? But yeah, you can

19:12

tell we're comedians, we travel too much,

19:14

this is why I love staying in

19:17

Travelage mate because I've never ever had

19:19

anybody else in front of the Q

19:21

to check. You know, some of these

19:23

hotels where they start showing you at

19:26

a travel lodge, right? They go, room

19:28

19. Yeah, they say, the vending machine

19:30

will cost you a mortgage payment.

19:32

That's all they need to

19:35

say. There's nothing of worth.

19:37

There's no toothpaste. We'll charge

19:39

you for that. Just get

19:41

in your room and be

19:43

anonymous. And I'll see you

19:45

in two days. And maybe

19:47

they could give you useful

19:49

life advice. Like that, that

19:51

3 AM kickout won't, won't

19:53

make you happy. Yeah, yeah. So

20:00

Labour's poll numbers are

20:03

sliding again. They had

20:05

to be brief bounce

20:07

after Ukraine, Trump, yeah.

20:09

Starmer pulling a letter out of

20:12

his pocket. All right with special vouchers

20:14

that he gave to Donald Trump and

20:16

then since the spring statement they started

20:19

to plummet I think Rachel Reese's approval

20:21

rating as Chancellor's are the lowest ever

20:23

recorded I think and they're also with

20:25

the local elections coming up they're terrified

20:28

of reform in the red wall so

20:30

lo and behold I'm not saying these

20:32

things are connected Scott but they come

20:34

out and say we're immigration we don't

20:37

like it We don't like it. In

20:39

fact, at one point, Starman talks about

20:41

people coming here illegally and he said,

20:44

it makes me angry. But he also

20:46

said it in a way that was

20:48

the least angry way that anybody's ever

20:51

sounded angry. It just didn't fly. It

20:53

reminded me of when Ian Duncan Smith

20:55

was the leader of the Tories and

20:58

he had a party conference and everyone

21:00

accused him. They called him the quiet

21:02

man. They called him the quiet man.

21:05

but he didn't even turn up the

21:07

volume as he said it. So he kept

21:09

it at the same level. He said, the

21:11

quiet man is turning up the volume. It's

21:14

just, that's a different tone, it's not a

21:16

different volume. So, I mean, it might be

21:18

in the cynic here, a Labour just trying

21:20

to play to the Red War, or is

21:23

this earnest? I think he does suffer with

21:25

that staccato delivery. I think that is definitely

21:27

a issue. I think also, I watched a

21:30

few bits about it today when he's going

21:32

to roll up his sleeves. Do you know

21:34

what I mean? You're a party of

21:36

practicality. And I always think, I

21:38

think when I look at him, I think

21:41

he's the sort of guy that

21:43

would pay a kid in Halford's

21:45

to change windscreen wiper blades. It's

21:47

like I don't think there's any

21:49

practical, it doesn't feel like he

21:52

engages his persona with what he says.

21:54

That's the first issue I think is there.

21:56

And then when he said he's going to

21:58

roll his sleeves up. It's all the

22:00

sort of thing we're going to roll

22:02

off season, we're going to smash, we're

22:05

going to smash the gangs, that's what

22:07

he says, we're going to smash the

22:09

gangs. And I feel like going, again,

22:11

the language is not helping you there

22:13

because it feels like you're now going

22:15

to have to do something so drastic,

22:17

but the reality is it's going to

22:19

take time. I feel like they're a

22:22

victim of their own. pump sometimes. I

22:24

think Smash the Gangs did feel very

22:26

2024. I was surprised to hear it

22:28

because you know the illegal arrivals are

22:30

actually up this year. Now in fairness

22:32

to them the returns are up as

22:34

well. They said the 24,000 people have

22:36

gone back the highest on record but

22:38

there are still possibly one million people

22:41

living here illegally and it's kind of

22:43

very difficult when you're going into that

22:45

space and your natural predators are reform.

22:47

who can just because they won't be

22:49

in power you know could just say

22:51

what we'll send them all back you

22:53

know yeah I mean I think as

22:55

well that the Rwanda thing which was

22:57

the only other option would I mean

23:00

I looked at that they sent four

23:02

people didn't they? I think some of

23:04

them were volunteers as well. Yeah, 700

23:06

million for four people, which I mean

23:08

I've had some expensive travel insurance in

23:10

my time, but that seems like a...

23:12

Seriously. And I think the problem is

23:14

it's a really difficult thing to solve.

23:16

And like you said, reform do, because

23:19

it's such a clear-cut part of their

23:21

policy and they don't have to do

23:23

it, but I think he doesn't... he

23:25

doesn't inspire does he i think this

23:27

is what's been the issue well he

23:29

did mention for it was good to

23:31

hear some sort of kir bingo card

23:33

from 2024 because he mentioned smashing the

23:35

gangs he also remembered during my workers

23:38

director of public prosecutions you know I've

23:40

never done that one for a while.

23:42

I've never fully understood the rules on

23:44

when he can mention that because it

23:46

seems that when he didn't do stuff

23:48

in that job, he can't bring that

23:50

up, you know, like, or when he

23:52

was a human rights lawyer, you know,

23:55

everyone knows that they have to take

23:57

on cases they don't want to. But

23:59

anything he's proud of, you can talk

24:01

about that. It does seem to be

24:03

a little bit of a double standard.

24:05

When he was directed, you know, what

24:07

we did, and he keeps talking to

24:09

you about stuff that he did a

24:11

while back, and he went on to

24:14

discussing great detail about how, it was

24:16

very odd moment, he spoke about how

24:18

the boats that they use aren't actually

24:20

very good, and it was really odd,

24:22

it's like, no one was thinking these

24:24

are great boats here. He said, you

24:26

know, I used the word boats advisedly,

24:28

because they're actually dinghies. And like, we've

24:30

seen the fucking news, mate's mate, right.

24:33

Right. But they've had this summit on

24:35

immigration because it's a problem for a

24:37

lot of countries. And we've had a

24:39

few summits here now, we've had AI,

24:41

and we've had summits on Ukraine. I

24:43

was wondering, are we going to grow

24:45

the economy via summits? There's been a

24:47

lot of talk about how do we

24:49

get this economy moving again? You think

24:52

all these diplomats here, all these politicians,

24:54

they're all getting deliverer. We just got

24:56

to keep having summits. Don't actually solve

24:58

anything. It's like the award ceremony approach,

25:00

isn't it? Like where you go like,

25:02

do you want a table? It's two

25:04

and a half grand. You're not owning

25:06

an award, but you can come and

25:08

have a dinner and you go like,

25:11

I'm not a minute. That's a free

25:13

course dinner for 10 grand. Yeah, but

25:15

you're part of the energy of the

25:17

room. Because they've got an organized immigration

25:19

crime summit. That's what's what's happening. immigration

25:21

crime summit, which the irony of that

25:23

is wonderful, isn't it? Where they come,

25:25

everyone's coming from all over for this

25:28

immigration. Do you know what, they should

25:30

have seen it like you've got to

25:32

arrive in the way that an illegal

25:34

immigrant would have arrived, you know? So

25:36

some of them are arriving in the

25:38

back of like a lorry, some of

25:40

them arriving on their own dingy and

25:42

stuff. Just a great photo op with

25:44

the press. Spend the PR out a

25:46

bit. Yeah, it's like you said we

25:48

do they do a lot of talking

25:51

they do a lot of climate summits

25:53

that summits That's probably what there's someone

25:55

making some money out the catering on

25:57

the sum. That's what I mean. There

25:59

seems like there's a gravy train at

26:01

the moment You know, like sort of

26:03

like when the diversity come in, you

26:05

know, there was a lot of people

26:07

that was suddenly a boom time industry.

26:09

I reckon now if you set up

26:11

an industry called teaching teenage boys not

26:13

to be pricks, you get win loads

26:15

of contracts in schools. It's the same

26:17

thing with summits. So I think that

26:19

we should, you and I, should position

26:21

ourselves as the summit comedians of choice.

26:23

After a hard day's summer in. It's

26:25

finished the summit with a smile, that's

26:27

it. It's finished the summit, a tough

26:29

day with the, and during the day

26:31

we'll do a summit comedy workshop. How

26:33

I get laughs at photo calls. Yeah,

26:35

a couple of vinyl banners, smile at

26:37

the summit, that sort of thing. Okay,

26:47

a hype here. As you know, I'm

26:49

gonna be talking about my tour of

26:51

Fair Bit. Basic bloke too. There's no

26:53

bloke without fire. 60 dates all around

26:55

the UK. Some would say that's a

26:57

lot of dates. Some would say, I

26:59

now have weird dreams about turning up

27:01

to places where there's nobody. And that's

27:03

definitely not related or one for the

27:06

therapist. So, you know, Bedford, Birmingham, bath.

27:08

Bridport, I mean I could just, those

27:10

just four of the fucking bees, Scott,

27:12

you know, but I like to get

27:14

around the country. I know you're a

27:16

comedian as well, not like these fucking,

27:18

not like these artsy ones that want

27:20

to do 20 dates at the Soho

27:22

Theatre, right? We're getting out there and

27:24

about, where do people need to come

27:26

and see you? I'm all over, mate,

27:28

I'll be... touring until 26. So we

27:30

just keep adding dates. I used to

27:32

be for me, the hard sell was

27:34

Leicester, then we had a breakthrough last

27:37

time. The field, the Y theatre, that

27:39

was a breakthrough. Aberdeen, I've got words

27:41

of Aberdeen, this is my fourth tour

27:43

in Aberdeen. Each time it's built up

27:45

like by increments. I think the first

27:47

time I was there I did one

27:49

20, that was a great show. next

27:51

time it would really push on. I

27:53

did 1.50 and then it's just gone

27:55

up in increments of 30 and then

27:57

this one I was thinking I'd for

27:59

God's sake every enough people have now

28:01

seen me have a good gig in

28:03

Aberdeen it's just it's the same they

28:05

won't let me win in Aberdeen I

28:07

don't understand is it could I could

28:10

I console myself it's because of the

28:12

transient oil industry that in any two

28:14

to three year period people are relocated

28:16

to like Norway and fucking Houston or

28:18

something I think you're getting oil workers

28:20

because the third is like a big

28:22

mini bus. Yes, yeah. So I think

28:24

you're just getting like a mini bus

28:26

every year, an extra mini bus of

28:28

oil drillers. I just need because I

28:30

like going there because it's got the

28:32

hotel, it's one of the rare times

28:34

I'll treat myself to a Premier Inn,

28:36

but it's over the road from the

28:38

venue so you can sound check. and

28:41

just go back and just sit in

28:43

your room for a while. So essentially

28:45

your hotel room is the dressing room

28:47

and the hotel is in one of

28:49

the grimest buildings I've ever seen. You

28:51

know, like these buildings that are so

28:53

brutalist and ugly, it's almost beautiful. The

28:55

premiering in Aberdeen is one of the

28:57

most shocking looking buildings I've ever seen,

28:59

but I'm very fond of it. Is

29:01

it a grey granite nightmare? It's a

29:03

tower blockie. Yeah, but I like that.

29:05

Brutalist architecture, isn't it? If you're having

29:07

a good gig, it doesn't affect you.

29:09

If you've had a terrible one, it

29:12

might be the, you know, the joy

29:14

division icing on the cake. It's a

29:16

bleak, sad thing. Well, I mentioned on

29:18

the last story, you know, Stevenage, Town

29:20

Center, is so ugly, it's protected by

29:22

law. It's like an example of the

29:24

worst kind of brutalism, so the government

29:26

will like, we need to preserve this.

29:28

What a fucking slap you, you, you,

29:30

for the people of Stevenage. for years,

29:32

isn't it? Knowing that you can get

29:34

rid of it, but going, oh I've

29:36

become accustomed to it now. I like

29:38

a war on my neck. There's nothing

29:40

wrong with that. I like it. I

29:42

couldn't balance things on it. I wouldn't

29:45

know how to do it at my

29:47

time without it. I play with it

29:49

when I'm nervous. You know, that's it.

29:51

police now. So there was a row

29:53

with the primary school that started after

29:55

a radio producer complained about the recruitment

29:57

process for a new head teacher and

29:59

then the school contacted police after it

30:01

objected to the parents sending multiple emails

30:03

and criticizing staff on a private parents

30:05

WhatsApp group, right? So the school claimed

30:07

that the couple were making disparaging an

30:09

inflammatory... comments and they were blocked from

30:11

attending parents even. So what a lot

30:13

of people would have seen is this

30:16

keyhole ring doorbell footage of the six

30:18

coppers. And looking as gormless, what is

30:20

it in modern coppers and just looking

30:22

gormless? They just look like fucking like

30:24

stupid meerkats, just stand at six of

30:26

them. Six of them arrived for this

30:28

arrest. Now first things first, a lot

30:30

of people said, well, you know, people,

30:32

I don't know why you need a

30:34

fucking swap team to arrest people for

30:36

sending emails, but... Some people have said,

30:38

well it's a plan to rest standard

30:40

procedure when their kids are going, okay,

30:42

but the standard procedure is wrong, that

30:44

you, you know, if people can't turn

30:47

up to burglary, Scott, I mean, this

30:49

is the problem for the public. Whether

30:51

or not this couple, like, they might

30:53

have really gone out and very hard.

30:55

I still think six coppers feels like

30:57

a lot. It feels like a, you

30:59

know, using a sledgehammer to crack a

31:01

nut, don't it? It feels a bit

31:03

over the top, it feels a bit

31:05

over the top, I mean, I mean,

31:07

I think, I think, I think, I

31:09

think, I think, I think as well,

31:11

I mean I think back I'm sure

31:13

one of one of our teachers got

31:15

punched at a parent's evening once and

31:17

I remember that was a big story

31:20

and I heard you but she still

31:22

carried on she didn't go home it

31:24

was like that weird moment where everyone

31:26

was like I think we'll just move

31:28

this on. She was like, everyone's doing

31:30

really well and we were like, yeah.

31:32

Mrs Wilkinson will be running seven to

31:34

ten minutes late on tonight's birthday. Yeah,

31:36

yeah, it was, it's a weird one

31:38

because WhatsApp groups as well. I think

31:40

we all know, probably in our private

31:42

WhatsApp group, we've all got something so

31:44

incendiary, we'd never work again. I haven't.

31:46

you know i'm declaring that now but

31:48

but i think you know what's that

31:51

group is a sort of last bastion

31:53

of privacy or at least for your

31:55

colleagues to think you're a bit of

31:57

a backstabbing yeah oh yeah something i'm

31:59

not talking something illegal but i'm talking

32:01

something that would discount you an invite

32:03

from a wedding at least you know

32:05

that sort of thing isn't it and

32:07

I think it's that it's that thing

32:09

of it does feel a little bit

32:11

a little bit of an overreach and

32:13

I don't think they made any threats

32:15

I think it was they accused someone

32:17

have been a control freak and I

32:19

think one of the I think their

32:22

child had some learning difficulties always neuro

32:24

diverse and I think they were trying

32:26

to get them more help and I

32:28

think it came from a point of

32:30

genuine trying to do something and I

32:32

think they hit a bit of a

32:34

brick wall of admin. Now you've got

32:36

kids, I've got kids, schools are hot

32:38

on admin. I mean that is the

32:40

one thing I get text today saying

32:42

they've changed the pasta. tomorrow? Are you

32:44

okay? And I'm like, yes, I'm not

32:46

eating. So I'm fine with that. I

32:48

get constant, you know, they ring me

32:50

up sometimes, I think, you know, has

32:52

there been an accident? She was like,

32:55

no, your daughter's forgot a water bottle.

32:57

I'm like, it's 1130 in the morning.

32:59

The combs are out of control. They

33:01

are sort of out of control a

33:03

little bit. And I think it's that

33:05

sort of litigious element to schools now

33:07

that we've sort of grown a bit.

33:09

In fairness, if you lose the room

33:11

as a teacher or head teacher in

33:13

the WhatsApp group, it is like losing

33:15

the parliamentary party in the Tories, the

33:17

knives are going to be out, you

33:19

know what I mean? You could find

33:21

life becomes very difficult, but ultimately private

33:23

citizens are allowed to communicate about you

33:26

in whichever way they choose, and whoever

33:28

screenshot it and sent... these what's that

33:30

messages. You're a fucking weasel. I just

33:32

think we have to have some rules

33:34

left in society. Whatever someone said, do

33:36

not be that person that screenshots and

33:38

sends them. And where it becomes hard

33:40

for the British public is we've watched,

33:42

you know, we've watched marches in London

33:44

where people were doing hate speech and

33:46

the police have been too scared to

33:48

intervene and they've said, oh just tag

33:50

and snitch and let us know and

33:52

we'll sort it out later. They seem

33:54

very casual in those situations. Where I

33:57

live, a vulnerable relative at the block

33:59

of flat she lives in, the main

34:01

front door of the whole block, was

34:03

being kicked in regularly, maybe six, seven

34:05

times, every time they ran Cambridge Police.

34:07

No, we don't come out of stuff

34:09

like this, we don't come out, you

34:11

know, just like, if they were actually

34:13

in your flat, give us a call.

34:15

Well, if they're in my flat, I'll

34:17

be trying to fight them off with

34:19

a fucking golf club, mate. So a

34:21

lot of people would have had stories

34:23

like this. So on the one hand,

34:25

there's this concern which is about state

34:27

overreach and policing people's language. And the

34:30

other hand, on a simple level, it

34:32

brings that anger to the boil, about

34:34

what the anger to the boil, willing

34:36

to the police are willing to come

34:38

out for, and what they're willing to

34:40

come out for and what they're not.

34:42

It does seem like they're weighing it

34:44

up on an individual merit, which is

34:46

quite hard to swallow when you've got

34:48

a burglar in a headlock. I'm just

34:50

holding it going, yeah I'm going to

34:52

ring the police and they might. come

34:54

out. Remember that? And it's that sort

34:56

of, what you have to do is,

34:58

while the burger is happening, it's just

35:01

slag off the police commissioner in the

35:03

WhatsApp group. Yes, start off the immediate

35:05

one, can't do anything. And I think

35:07

there should be something in a WhatsApp

35:09

group though that we, as soon as

35:11

someone takes a screen grab, a little

35:13

emoji just comes up, a little rat.

35:15

Just a little rat's emoji. And we

35:17

know it's happened. I think it has

35:19

changed a lot of things, WhatsApp's, it's

35:21

changed arguments, you know, people don't storm

35:23

out of pubs anymore, do they? They

35:25

just leave a group. You know you

35:27

can read them immediately, like there's nothing

35:29

else than you do that. It's so

35:32

funny, if you really want to drive

35:34

somebody to the edge of their own

35:36

sanity. Have you ever got any big

35:38

school WhatsApp? beefs or have you shared

35:40

from the the breakaway group to the

35:42

main group or well no I try

35:44

and stay we've got one on our

35:46

street which is it's quite wild it

35:48

goes from everything from suspected criminals to

35:50

does anyone want some lemon grass it's

35:52

sort of it's quite a roller coaster

35:54

ride and I tend to use it

35:56

for recommendations for tradesmen but you you

35:58

sometimes get the odd I quite like

36:00

nose if people on the street. I

36:02

feel safer. I don't mind it at

36:05

all if someone says this car's been

36:07

here for... 11 hours and I've been

36:09

on the TVLA website and it's not

36:11

taxed and I'm gonna rip that sort

36:13

of level of sort of feeling like

36:15

you're living under a bit of a

36:17

regime feels comforted at the end of

36:19

the right side of the regime oh

36:21

that's the thing I'm basically a sap

36:23

because I would be on I got

36:25

sucked into it me and Jim is

36:27

like oh they're you know out there

36:29

are a bit nosy I'm like you're

36:31

joking out you ring doorbell footage I

36:33

want to I want to know what's

36:36

happening on my street you know Well,

36:38

I mean, the what you just said

36:40

there, it does make me think of...

36:42

of maybe a double standard here with

36:44

the way that the media covers stuff.

36:46

Like I remember when they first started

36:48

talking about Andrew Tate, they didn't really

36:50

give a shit about teenage boys. And

36:52

then it suddenly felt like a few

36:54

middle class columnists to realize that their

36:56

lovely darling boys that go to private

36:58

school, we're looking at this stuff too.

37:00

So then we had a swive of

37:02

articles like hand-ringing. And then, you know,

37:04

there's been issues with freedom of speech

37:07

for a while. It'd been quite clear

37:09

like the telegraph columnist, like, like, like,

37:11

like, and you know she didn't get

37:13

that much sympathy and then suddenly you

37:15

know it's a radio producer and everyone

37:17

thinks what they seem like you know

37:19

decent people and they are suddenly they're

37:21

might be a problem it feels like

37:23

it has to literally go into their

37:25

sort of strike zone Yeah you mean

37:27

like pace the middle class bubble as

37:29

soon as it's yeah exactly because all

37:31

of a sudden it's got a bit

37:33

closer isn't it freedom of speech issues

37:35

they're going hang on I just slagged

37:37

off teachers on what sounds well the

37:40

thing is there is a bit of

37:42

double standard as well because I don't

37:44

know if it's like they are at

37:46

your school but my daughter goes to

37:48

a very good school but they have

37:50

if she's ill they've got zero tolerance

37:52

on children being ill now so like

37:54

you know when we were kids you

37:56

could a child would vomit in the

37:58

class and they will get them out

38:00

the class and within 10 minutes they'd

38:02

be back next to you. They would

38:04

be literally back and they'd spend the

38:06

rest of the day there. Now it's

38:08

like one little wet... or something. And

38:11

you're down to reception and your kid's

38:13

sitting there with the pants in a

38:15

bag and she's going, I hope she's

38:17

going to be at 48 hours they

38:19

have to have off then. And you

38:21

go like, are you all right? I

38:23

was like, course she's all right. Look

38:25

at her. There's nothing wrong with her.

38:27

Do you know what's so funny there

38:29

was when you said zero tolerance on

38:31

kids being ill? My right wing brain

38:33

meant that they just don't believe them

38:35

and they won't accept illness. as being

38:37

real. Yeah, yeah, I went completely the

38:39

opposite. I thought, no, we just don't

38:42

accept it. You've got to come in

38:44

when you're, but it's actually the complete

38:46

opposite. No, they just, they bundle them

38:48

out like a bouncer in a nightclub.

38:50

If they could get them out of

38:52

a fire escape, they would. It's like

38:54

they just contain and I feel like

38:56

going... somewhere someone saving it you always

38:58

know there's always a leak in the

39:00

system there's always a leak yeah there's

39:02

a one-to-ones I I am so if

39:04

they're trusted enough but I just don't

39:06

know that well one of things I

39:08

just don't know that many comedians I

39:10

know some comedians are on like multiple

39:12

groups I think I'm on one I'm

39:15

on one WhatsApp group and I I'll

39:17

never reveal who that is. Because one

39:19

night when you're sort of scrolling for

39:21

your phone a little bit drunk, you'll

39:23

hit the wrong group with the wrong

39:25

message. It's bound to happen. Yeah, yeah.

39:27

And you know, hopefully the worst outcome

39:29

of that will be that your friends

39:31

like you a bit less. But you

39:33

know, as we've seen this week, what

39:35

could happen is that you could quite

39:37

write, everybody, get down, get down. I

39:39

mean, it was just... When you see

39:41

the footage it's just so weird because

39:43

it's got to go did they think

39:46

that they were going to get stabbed

39:48

with an email or somebody was going

39:50

to spray what's happened in their face?

39:52

So I've realized what my relative should

39:54

have done like she should have said

39:56

instead of them kicking down the door

39:58

she should have said they've sent a

40:00

really upsetting letter through the door which

40:02

quite frankly, question my leadership style. So

40:04

for everybody else it's going to be

40:06

the end of the show but me

40:08

and Scott are now going to discuss

40:10

last one laughing on Amazon Prime but

40:12

we're also going to discuss what next

40:14

for comedy are we going to see

40:17

a return of comedy entertainment shows. So

40:19

yeah if you want to hear that

40:22

really interesting chat I just had with

40:24

Scott we ended up speaking about supply

40:26

chain issues in comedy which was a

40:28

genius phrase by Scott so if you

40:30

want to know all that relates to

40:32

then enjoy the patron only and Scott

40:35

it's a pleasure to have you backman

40:37

your tour stuff so if you're pleasure

40:39

to have you backman your tour stuff

40:41

so if you go on Scott Bennett's

40:43

website he's got loads of dates coming

40:45

up you do need to see Scott

40:48

live or he's content he puts out

40:50

to share some tips. And the podcast

40:52

as well, reminders of the podcast. Yeah,

40:54

so I'm actually doing two tour shows

40:56

this year. So I've got the stuff

40:58

which is a stand-up one. I've also

41:01

got one called Blood Sugar Baby which

41:03

is a sort of narrative stand-up, still

41:05

comedy, but about my daughter, so it's

41:07

about my daughter, so it's about my

41:09

daughter, so it's about my daughter, so

41:11

it's like about a thing. So I'm

41:13

doing two tours for being on the

41:16

show. and I think I will be

41:18

back next week. No, I might be

41:20

back later in the week with the

41:22

breaking news, but I'll be back next

41:24

week with Simon Evans.