0:00

This is Whatever Happened

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to Pizza at

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McDonald's. The investigative journalism

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program where I asked

0:09

the question, Whatever

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Happened to Pizza at

0:14

McDonald's. The Investigative Journalism

0:17

Program, where I asked

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the question, Whatever Happened

0:21

to the Pizza at

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McDonald's. I being me.

0:25

Brian Thompson. Brian Thompson.

0:28

Brian Thompson. investigative

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journalist. Last time on

0:33

this program I detailed

0:35

the horrifying details about

0:37

so-called Altoona-style pizza, a style

0:39

of pizza developed by

0:41

deranged hotelies in the

0:44

depressed hamlet of Altoona

0:46

Pennsylvania. The defining ingredient of

0:48

this pizza is its top

0:50

layer of wilted semi-gelatinous processed

0:52

cheese food in the form

0:55

of a craft single. As

0:57

I do plan to risk my life

0:59

by trying this pizza sometime

1:01

in the future, I set about

1:04

inoculating my body to this vile

1:06

poison by consuming small amounts of

1:08

said cheese in a piecemeal fashion,

1:11

thereby allowing my innards, aka guts,

1:13

time to accustom themselves to the

1:16

Craft Singles effects. Unfortunately,

1:18

I did not realize Craft Singles

1:20

come wrapped in a wrap of

1:23

plastic wrapping, which I consumed

1:25

along with the imitation cheese.

1:27

I contacted the customer service

1:29

representatives at the Craft Corporation

1:31

for advice on what I

1:33

might expect vis-a-vis expulsion of

1:35

the plastic from my bodily

1:37

person, whereupon the matter was

1:40

escalated to a supervisor, likely

1:42

because either the person with

1:44

whom I originally spoke had

1:46

no medical expertise, or because

1:48

the company is somewhat alarmed

1:50

at the prospect that I

1:53

might exercise my full legal

1:55

right to seek monetary compensation

1:57

for my mishap in a

1:59

court of law. your customer service

2:01

representative. I'm speaking with Brian Thompson.

2:04

Yes, you are. Hello. Hi. How

2:06

are you today, sir? I'm doing

2:08

fairly well. How are you? I'm

2:11

doing well. Thank you so much

2:13

for asking. And I think here

2:15

you called in in regard to

2:18

the crafty singles. It seems you

2:20

consumed one without taking the plastic

2:22

off. Correct. Okay. And are you

2:25

okay? Oh, I'm perfectly fine. I

2:27

was just calling to see what

2:29

I should expect vis-à-vis medical, I

2:32

guess, consequences, whether it's going to

2:34

be digested or just expelled whole

2:37

or just sort of what I'm

2:39

in store for. I was surprised

2:41

to learn that apparently it's rather

2:44

unusual for someone to consume the

2:46

craft single with the plastic still

2:48

on. I thought it would be

2:51

a fairly common mistake. I mean,

2:53

unfortunately, Mr. Thompson, you know, because

2:55

the product is not meant to

2:58

be consumed with the plastic, you

3:00

know, unfortunately, we wouldn't have any,

3:02

you know, information as far as

3:05

how that would, you know, or

3:07

what you should expect, you know,

3:09

basically medically of how this would

3:12

be digested. You know, we would,

3:14

what we recommend, because of course,

3:16

we're not, you know, medical professionals

3:19

is maybe. asking you know your

3:21

doctor or a doctor you know

3:23

if this would be something that

3:26

you should be concerned of. But

3:28

unfortunately we wouldn't have that information

3:30

specifically. Well I guess due to

3:33

the nature of the American health

3:35

care system often when I try

3:37

to call a doctor I put

3:40

on hold for quite a while

3:42

I do understand that that would

3:45

probably be the most prudent way

3:47

to get further information about this

3:49

but do you think maybe I

3:52

could also Perhaps call my local

3:54

reaps. Oh, I'm sorry. Someone is

3:56

at my door. Delivery man. My

3:59

dog is barking at the buzzer.

4:01

One moment, please. I apologize. Quiet.

4:04

Paparoni. Quiet. Paparoni.

4:06

I apologize. I

4:09

was saying, do you think

4:11

maybe calling a research

4:13

librarian or something

4:15

to perhaps look

4:17

into the scientific literature

4:20

about something like this

4:22

might be worth doing

4:25

in lieu of waiting on hold

4:27

with a doctor? No,

4:29

I understand. I mean, that would

4:31

be another option if you believe that

4:34

would be something that, you know, maybe

4:36

they can help you, you know, research

4:38

on. But unfortunately, again, with us,

4:40

because our product is not meant

4:43

to be consumed with the plastic,

4:45

you know, we wouldn't have that

4:47

information. But I mean, that would

4:50

be an option that maybe you may

4:52

want to look into. Okay. All right,

4:54

well, I will see what I

4:56

can do about this. And just

4:58

for your own records, in case

5:00

this happens, again, should I call

5:02

back and maybe report on what

5:04

happens, just so you can have it

5:06

on hand for the next, I

5:09

mean, victim is maybe that's a

5:11

strong word to use, but. No, I

5:13

mean, definitely. You're more than

5:15

welcome to always give us a

5:17

call. Yes, Mr. Thompson, not a

5:20

problem. Okay. Thank you. Of

5:22

course, and do you have

5:24

any other questions

5:26

or concerns?

5:28

No, I do not think so.

5:31

Okay. All right. Well,

5:33

again, I do. Thank

5:35

you for calling

5:37

the Craphing Company,

5:40

and I hope you

5:42

enjoyed the rest of

5:44

your day. You as well.

5:47

Thank you. Bye. Thank

5:49

you. Thank you for

5:51

calling asking YPL, the telephone

5:54

service of the New York

5:56

Public Library. Good

6:00

afternoon. Thanks for calling asking

6:02

what you all. How can

6:04

I help? Hello, my name

6:06

is Brian Thompson. I'm looking

6:09

for some information about craft

6:11

singles. Are you familiar with

6:13

craft singles, the cheese product

6:15

or cheese-like product? Sure, yeah,

6:17

the pasteurized process cheese substance,

6:19

I guess. That's exactly. Yes,

6:22

substance would I guess be

6:24

a good word for them.

6:26

Do you know how they're

6:28

wrapped in plastic wrap? Well,

6:30

I was looking for some

6:32

information about historically speaking, anybody

6:35

who might have accidentally consumed

6:37

the plastic wrap around the

6:39

craft single when eating one.

6:41

And I'm sort of coming

6:43

up short, I tried the

6:45

Google.com information service and it's

6:48

not very helpful. I called

6:50

the craft corporation and they

6:52

say they have no case

6:54

history and they recommend I

6:56

call my local public library.

7:00

Okay, yeah, well we do

7:02

have some databases that might

7:04

have news reports. I would

7:06

expect this sort of thing

7:08

may have made the news,

7:11

hopefully not, and I don't

7:13

know which why or the

7:15

like. Certainly not, because actually

7:17

the reason I was curious

7:19

about it was because I

7:21

accidentally consumed such a craft

7:24

single with the plastic wrap

7:26

on it. I'm not experiencing

7:28

any ill effects, but I

7:30

was just a little bit,

7:32

not worried, but I was

7:34

just wondering what to expect

7:37

as far as expulsion is

7:39

concerned. Right, right. Well, we've

7:41

subscribed to a few databases,

7:43

including ProQuest Research, another database

7:45

called EPSCO Host, and there

7:47

may be articles to be

7:49

found there. I'm just going

7:52

to take the search. myself

7:54

in a couple of the

7:56

big ones and think there's

7:58

any article about it. I

8:00

suppose if there aren't articles

8:02

you could probably do some

8:05

research as to what material

8:07

the plastic is, you know,

8:09

whether it's, you know, more

8:11

complicated plastic or whether it's,

8:13

you know, simple cellophane and

8:15

like, and maybe able to

8:18

take whatever substance it is

8:20

and sort of extrapolate as

8:22

to how... It's going to

8:24

make its way. Interesting. Yes,

8:26

down the path. So yeah,

8:28

well let me take a

8:31

look to see what I

8:33

can see with the resource

8:35

stuff got here. I only

8:37

have limited time that I

8:39

can offer here on the

8:41

phone so I need you

8:44

to send a walk an

8:46

email. Usually that allows us

8:48

to take a little cheaper

8:50

than we can here on

8:52

the phone. Let's see what

8:54

comes up. Just a moment,

8:56

please. Okay. Before I do

8:59

my search, I started from

9:01

Google. Where else did you

9:03

look? Was there any other

9:05

databases or anything like that?

9:07

Google, Bing, Duck. Go, Netscape,

9:09

Navigator, all of the usual

9:12

ones. Okay. All right. Let's

9:14

see what comes up. Just

9:16

a moment, please. Thank you.

9:30

Hello? Yeah, sorry to keep

9:32

you waiting. So I'm taking

9:34

a look in a couple

9:37

of databases, pro quest research

9:39

and EPSCO host. And I

9:41

didn't find any articles about

9:43

cases where someone has eaten

9:46

the plastic and what the

9:48

outcome of that was. You

9:50

know, maybe good thing, maybe

9:52

bad thing. You know, it

9:55

would indicate that it's probably

9:57

not newsworthy. You know, and

9:59

at least there haven't been

10:01

any. death directly attributed to

10:04

it. Okay. Assuming my, you

10:06

know, search, search parameters were

10:08

good. But yeah, I'm afraid

10:11

I don't see anything indicating

10:13

that, you know, it's not

10:15

going to cause problems.

10:18

So, you know, I

10:20

may advise, you know,

10:22

of course, consulting with

10:24

a medical professional, but

10:26

if you want... a

10:29

little more reference

10:31

work, you can

10:34

send us an

10:36

email, the email

10:39

address here, simply

10:42

get help, g-e-t-e-t-e-l-t-l-work.

10:47

That's O-R-G. That's

10:50

O-R-G. Correct. O-R-G. O-R-G.

10:52

Okay, I will send an

10:54

email and maybe I'll make my

10:56

way down to the library

10:58

myself to do some research. In

11:01

the case there is some

11:03

sort of an expulsionary event. Do

11:05

you do have bathroom facilities, correct?

11:07

That's right. Yeah, all of

11:10

our locations do. Just keep in

11:12

mind that. As with any public

11:14

bathroom, sometimes there are outages. So

11:17

you may want to call in

11:19

advance, you know, whatever particular branch

11:21

you're going to visit. the

11:25

facilities are working as they want

11:27

to. Okay, prudent advice. Well, thank

11:30

you for your candor and for

11:32

your time. Pretty much welcome. All

11:34

the best for good. Thank you.

11:36

Take care. Goodbye. Thank you for

11:38

listening to Whatever Happened

11:41

to Pizza at McDonald's, a

11:43

proud part of the Panaplee

11:45

Network, a wholly owned subsidiary

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of Pizza Ple Media.

11:50

To contact the program

11:52

with tips, comments, concerns,

11:55

questions. or abuse, write

11:57

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11:59

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