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3:06

It's I-Doo Part 2. I'm Cheryl

3:08

Burke, one of your celebrity mentors

3:10

here on the podcast. And today

3:12

I'm excited because I'm going to

3:14

chat with someone who has successfully

3:16

found love again in their chapter

3:19

2. She's an award-winning journalist, author

3:21

of How to Metapause, women's health

3:23

advocate, and host of her own

3:25

podcast, the Tampsin Fiddell, to the

3:27

podcast. Thank you. So you're in

3:29

your I-Doo Part 2. I am.

3:31

And? I do think it's going

3:33

well. I like it. I like

3:35

it's going well. Let's go back to

3:38

the I do part one first though.

3:40

Okay, okay, we can do that one.

3:42

I'm also divorced and I am, I

3:44

would say maybe heading that direction to

3:46

that part two, part of things, but

3:48

I'm not dating, nor do I have

3:50

any interest. So I don't know if

3:52

I'm heading that direction, but right now

3:54

I'm dating myself. How, so your first

3:56

marriage, you guys work together, you were

3:58

matchmakers matchmakers, say more. Yes, there was

4:00

a lot to say. Yeah, you know, I

4:03

met my first husband and I was at

4:05

an age where I'm like, oh my gosh,

4:07

I have to, I have to like hustle

4:09

this up and get married. Like, you know,

4:11

because. then I thought there was this

4:13

real critical timeline I kind of had a

4:16

hit and I was a little bit older

4:18

than the regular timeline and so I

4:20

met him and it was just like kind

4:22

of fast and furious and now we

4:24

call it maybe love bombing but then I

4:27

was like he must love me a lot

4:29

so we got together we had started

4:31

a business we had moved to New York

4:33

I was at the time working as a

4:35

news anchor and then he was working

4:37

this business matchmaking business called the love consultants

4:40

and we were having a great time

4:42

I mean, we were setting people up,

4:44

we were socializing, it was wonderful for

4:46

a while. And then, you know, it

4:48

just, I think you realize, at some

4:50

point, like, wow, I feel very lonely

4:53

in this place, like, wow, I feel

4:55

very lonely in this place. And that's

4:57

what had happened to me. And I

4:59

was like, this is not working. And

5:01

I'm scared now to admit that like,

5:03

this is not working because now I

5:06

have failed. And so that was very

5:08

worrisome to me for a long time.

5:10

Divorce was the only option. And I went

5:12

through that and I thought to myself, oh

5:14

my gosh, I'm embarrassed, I'm ashamed. Now I

5:17

look back and I was like, what was

5:19

wrong with you? This didn't work out and

5:21

it's okay. And it really took my father

5:23

coming to New York visiting me and we

5:25

took a long walk in the village one

5:27

day and he was like. it's okay you

5:29

don't always have to win and everything like

5:31

it's okay that's where it is right now

5:34

and i felt like it gave me a

5:36

little bit of grace and i i left

5:38

that relationship and i was like i'm never

5:40

getting married again i'm never falling in

5:42

love again i never never never never

5:44

and then you know fast forward ten

5:46

years later and uh... ten years yeah

5:48

for ten years i was i uh...

5:50

went through the divorce separation i was

5:52

forty one so it was about It was

5:55

40 actually was the separation. So

5:57

I started 40 and I got

5:59

married again. at the age of 50.

6:01

And even that, I was a little

6:03

like, oh, am I allowed to wear

6:05

white? Am I allowed to wear a

6:07

pretty dress? Can I have a big

6:09

wedding? And then I was like, you

6:11

know what? I'm doing all those things.

6:14

And so it's been pretty amazing. But

6:16

I really did have that in my

6:18

mind. Like, I'm never doing that again.

6:20

When you were single, was it like,

6:22

oh, I feel so lonely, or were

6:24

you thriving? I did both, you know,

6:26

I did both. So I always had

6:28

remembered, my dad had said he's giving

6:30

me a lot of these one-liners that

6:32

I live by. I love your dad.

6:34

He's pretty amazing. He's 85 right now

6:37

and he's just, he's gone through so

6:39

much. You know, he lost my mother

6:41

when they were, you know, at a

6:43

young age when he was young and

6:45

then he lost my stepmother about three

6:47

years ago, but to watch how he

6:49

deals with grief and then moves forward

6:51

has just been an incredible. part of

6:53

my life. But he had said to

6:55

me, it's better to be alone than

6:58

lonely with somebody. And that was what

7:00

was happening. I was lonely with somebody.

7:02

And so when I left that marriage,

7:04

I had some of those tough times.

7:06

I was like, oh gosh, this is

7:08

awful. I feel like I failed. I'm

7:10

never going to meet anybody. Everybody's coupled

7:12

up. Everyone's having children. And so I

7:14

went through a lot of that struggle

7:16

for a long time. Why didn't it

7:19

work for me? And then I got

7:21

to about my mid-40s, like 44, a

7:23

few years in of, you know, eating

7:25

pizza with my two chihuahuas on the

7:27

college on Friday nights. And then I

7:29

was partying at me. I was so,

7:31

it was great. Where's no Netflix? I

7:33

don't know. You know, I got to

7:35

a place where I'm like, okay, I

7:37

can go out there and enjoy dating

7:40

again or at least have fun, but

7:42

I'm never going to get married again.

7:44

And that's really what I thought. Oh,

7:46

okay. You see, I'm not opposed to

7:48

that. I'm not opposed to getting married.

7:50

No? It's just that probably I should

7:52

date. Like, this is my thing. I

7:54

did before I get married. Yeah, yeah,

7:56

yeah, yeah. But that's good. How long

7:58

since divorce? So how long? So it's

8:01

been almost three and a half years.

8:03

All right, but that's good. That's like

8:05

I've been I was a serial dater

8:07

prior to my marriage, meaning like I

8:09

wasn't single from age 13 till now

8:11

40 or no since we got separated.

8:13

So 37. Yeah, is this is, oh,

8:15

is it, is it, is it, is

8:17

this the first time that you've been

8:19

like not? Oh, how do you feel

8:22

about it? Netflix and my addiction to

8:24

productivity. I'm an addict as well. I've

8:26

been sober for six years, but like

8:28

it is an addiction, you know, just

8:30

numbing. Of course. Of course. But going

8:32

back to your first marriage, how did

8:34

you believe that working together was one

8:36

of many issues? Definitely one of one

8:38

of many issues. Here's what I think

8:40

the big issue was. I think that

8:43

I didn't realize how important it was

8:45

to not just have that initial spark,

8:47

but to also be able to want

8:49

to walk the world with somebody. And

8:51

that's how I feel about my husband

8:53

now. Like, I want to walk the

8:55

world with him. And so whatever that

8:57

means to anybody else, but to me,

8:59

it means to anybody else, but to

9:01

me, it means like this is a

9:04

person I want to walk the world

9:06

with him. And so whatever that means

9:08

to anybody else, but to get our

9:10

job. And as long as this works

9:12

as this works. What defines success in

9:14

that relationship was very different than what

9:16

I have defined success now. But working

9:18

together was hard. It was hard to

9:20

shut it off, you know, because we

9:22

did a lot of it out of

9:25

the apartment in New York, which we

9:27

all know are not big apartments. And

9:29

that was difficult. You know, it was.

9:31

And then I also think what was

9:33

difficult is I didn't know. I knew

9:35

my value system, but I did know

9:37

what was really important to me because

9:39

I had worked so much. Like my

9:41

hustle was always my job. I worked

9:43

in TV news for a very long

9:46

time of my whole career. And television

9:48

news is, you know, 24-7 you're kind

9:50

of on. And you're always worried about

9:52

the next job and the next job

9:54

and the success of it all. And

9:56

that's what my focus was. And so

9:58

when it came... time to you know

10:00

that I was getting married I was

10:02

like yeah I think this is the

10:04

right person and we have fun together

10:07

and sounds good I just didn't realize

10:09

all the other nuances that you really

10:11

have to pay attention to during that

10:13

time and if I look now I'm

10:15

like wow I can't even imagine Tampsin

10:17

today could ever ever gone into a

10:19

marriage like that and so I I

10:21

didn't blame myself them but I was

10:23

very aware of what I never wanted

10:25

to do again and I taking care

10:28

of that mental part and really understanding.

10:30

Here's what I needed to understand in

10:32

therapy. Why did I do that? Why

10:34

did I put up with that for

10:36

so long? So, you know, I was

10:38

in a relationship that really had become

10:40

abusive and there were pink flags and

10:42

not quite red yet. and I would

10:44

look around and I'd be like okay

10:46

this is a problem but maybe there's

10:49

a reason for it and this is

10:51

probably a problem but we can talk

10:53

that one away and I and now

10:55

going back and looking at it I

10:57

was like wow what why did you

10:59

talk yourself into that not out of

11:01

it into it you're not alone yeah

11:03

and I did that and that was

11:05

what I had to grapple with in

11:07

therapy like why did I talk myself

11:09

into something that probably at the core

11:12

I knew was inherently wrong for me

11:14

yeah thanks for for being so vulnerable

11:16

I can totally relate and yeah I

11:18

will be in forever therapy I was

11:20

in therapy since I was born until

11:22

I die like it's just so helpful

11:24

for me just to put a language

11:26

to it my feelings because it's really

11:28

like you you know I'm addicted to

11:30

work and and it's just another form

11:33

of a drug yeah that it's just

11:35

more I guess Accepted in society today,

11:37

right? It's it's cheered on. It's revered

11:39

in some cases. Are you kidding? Yeah.

11:41

And if you go on vacation, you're

11:43

just lazy. Yeah. Yeah. How dare you

11:45

now for a little while? Yeah. So

11:47

selfish. Yeah, so selfish. Yeah, so selfish.

11:49

You really need that time. You're right.

11:51

But I really do. change everything for

11:54

me. I had an eating disorder when

11:56

I was younger and I started therapy

11:58

in my mid-20s and so that was

12:00

always something that really helped me through

12:02

obviously really difficult places but now it's

12:04

not an on-off now it's an on

12:06

and that's what I do. It's not

12:08

a question of should I or shouldn't

12:10

I it's that's a part of my

12:12

life and I don't think about it

12:15

I just do it yeah and it's

12:17

it's having a language to things is

12:19

important, having an understanding of it at

12:21

the core because it's not just that

12:23

one thing it relates to some of

12:25

the other areas of your life. For

12:27

sure. And so you're able to to

12:29

deal with things I think. in a

12:31

different way, proactively. Just being aware of

12:33

it. Just awareness. And sometimes it's like

12:36

the AAA program. It's like one step

12:38

at a time, one minute, one, sometimes

12:40

one minute. Sometimes one day. It just

12:42

depends on the day. It's a daily

12:44

practice. It is. And it's what my

12:46

father told me about grief. I said,

12:48

how did you deal with this? Like

12:50

you've dealt with so much. And he

12:52

said, it's one day at a time.

12:54

For real. Like that is it. It's

12:57

not what happens in a week and

12:59

what happens in a month and what

13:01

happens in a year and why aren't

13:03

we here at Christmas? Because all we

13:05

have is now, right? That's what we

13:07

have. And I think it's a precious

13:09

lesson that a lot of us are

13:11

learning. I think that. I also think

13:13

we have to be appreciative for this

13:15

day, you know, I'm sure you're the

13:18

same way. I was like, oh, someday

13:20

I'll go on vacation, someday I'll, someday

13:22

I'll, someday I'll, and I was like,

13:24

oh, this is someday. This is your

13:26

day. We're in someday right now. And

13:28

we have to remember that. Yeah. And

13:30

if we don't remember it, somebody needs

13:32

to be around us that reminds us.

13:34

For sure. For sure. I mean, just

13:36

like that. First of all, congratulations on

13:39

your book. I'm halfway through it, as

13:41

I told you, prior to this interview.

13:43

And your Good Morning America interview is

13:45

amazing. Is it weird to be on

13:47

the other side now? It's so funny

13:49

you ask me that. The teleprompter had

13:51

like something about a fire in it.

13:53

Were you about to read it? I

13:55

was like, oh my. gosh should I

13:57

be doing something like I think I

14:00

got like this feeling of like I

14:02

think Does anyone, you want me to

14:04

take this? And I was like, oh,

14:06

no, no, you're here for your menopause

14:08

book, not for the breaking newsfire. But

14:10

it's such an automatic, you know, reaction

14:12

to things. Have any of your older

14:14

colleagues interviewed you? Yeah. Yes, two of

14:16

them did. I showed them back to

14:18

my old station where the first incident

14:21

happened. Oh, right. Do you want to

14:23

tell them? Yeah. So I worked at

14:25

a television station in New York City,

14:27

W. W.P.I.I.X. for about 15X. for about

14:29

15 years for about 15 years. And

14:31

one night. and it was the 10

14:33

o'clock newscast, it was live, all of

14:35

a sudden I got what I now

14:37

understood to be a hot flash, then

14:39

I didn't know, I didn't have the

14:42

language, heart racing out of control, felt

14:44

like I was gonna fall over, the

14:46

lights making it even worse, I hear

14:48

my heartbeat like in my ear, and

14:50

I said, I gotta get off the

14:52

set, a coworker realize what was going

14:54

on, and I just went down to

14:56

the bathroom floor in the lady's room.

14:58

And I got up like 15 minutes

15:00

later, like 15 minutes later, like little

15:03

packs on my head of cold water.

15:05

It was two guys, you know, because

15:07

it was mostly guys at night. So

15:09

they're like, can we come into the

15:11

bathroom and help you? And I'm like,

15:13

yeah, I'm so embarrassed. So anyway, so

15:15

fast forward. So that happened, and that's

15:17

how I realize I was in menopause,

15:19

because I went up going to a

15:21

doctor doing some blood work, not knowing

15:24

it was menopause. Any questions? And that

15:26

was it. That was in my patient

15:28

portal. Four words. That started me on

15:30

this journey. So I went back to

15:32

the television. I left my job about

15:34

a year and a half ago to

15:36

full-time advocate for women and women's health,

15:38

work on a documentary that was released

15:40

about six months ago on PBS, called

15:42

The M Factor, shredding the Silence on

15:44

Menopause. It's not been seen in over

15:47

42 countries. And so I know the

15:49

need. I always knew the need was

15:51

there once I started on this journey.

15:53

I had no idea. what that would

15:55

bring me? you know, seeing women be

15:57

helped. And so I wound up going

15:59

back to the television where that happened

16:01

earlier this week. And it was, I

16:03

don't know, it was just, it would

16:05

feel right though. It did, it felt

16:08

so right. Thank you. It felt like,

16:10

wow, because I was so scared when

16:12

I stepped away from my job. My

16:14

job was everything. I get it. And

16:16

I was afraid that I would be

16:18

irrelevant in that I had worked so

16:20

hard, what am I doing, and I'm

16:22

afraid. a lot of fear you know

16:24

wrapped up in like my identity with

16:26

that sure and so yeah I went

16:29

in and it was like that appearance

16:31

for me it was great for you

16:33

know whatever to talk about it but

16:35

it was for me it was reassuring

16:37

that like I made the right decision

16:39

it really it told me it was

16:41

all okay yeah I can I'm like

16:43

have chills because it's the same thing

16:45

when you know I was on Dancing

16:47

with Stars for so many years for

16:50

so many years it's like Yeah, I

16:52

hear you. Yeah, now what? You know,

16:54

it's a very scary thing. But you

16:56

know it's had to be done. But

16:58

like, even if there is, like, now

17:00

what? And maybe I don't have the

17:02

exact answer, but it's like, that's okay.

17:04

I didn't. I didn't know exactly what

17:06

I was going to do. All I

17:08

knew is that's not what I had

17:11

set up. No, I mean, I knew

17:13

I was working on the documentary, but

17:15

we had gotten so many knows. We

17:17

had no idea where it was going

17:19

to be. Was it you invest yourself?

17:21

I did invest in myself with it

17:23

with with the group of women I

17:25

was working with. And yeah, and then

17:27

we had some people come after and

17:29

help with some different parts of the

17:32

doc, but yeah, we put our own

17:34

money into it, money into it. We

17:36

were told our own money into it.

17:38

We were told. in a documentary about

17:40

menopause and there was it was a

17:42

niche audience one billion women by the

17:44

way or menopause as of this year

17:46

so not too niche right yeah no

17:48

I really didn't know where the path

17:50

was going to go so and even

17:53

if you do I think it's scary

17:55

like I don't ever think that we

17:57

walk away from something that it is

17:59

the only thing that we've never known

18:01

nothing is forever and we think it

18:03

is when we're young you know we

18:05

think it is and so I think

18:07

that that's a lesson I've learned I've

18:09

learned and I've learned to learn how

18:11

to be okay with that movement and

18:14

that pivot, the unknown. The unknown could

18:16

keep you up at night. It's really

18:18

scary. It can keep you up a

18:20

lot of nights. And so even after

18:22

I left, I was like, what the

18:24

hell did I do? Yeah. But now

18:26

I know, like every woman I meet,

18:28

every woman I talk to, every screening

18:30

I see, every, everybody that comes up

18:32

and says, like, look, I found a

18:35

doctor, I walked away from the doctor

18:37

that didn't help me. moment there's the

18:39

movement of women helping each other and

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23:14

right we are

23:16

back so. Filipino

23:22

mother started her own company, you know,

23:25

rags to riches story and she never

23:27

asked for help. You know, and when

23:29

you are kind of observing hustle culture

23:32

right in front of your eyes from

23:34

when you're a little girl, that's all

23:36

you know, you know. That's that's that

23:39

that's a fine success. So to undo

23:41

all those things. That's what's hard. Yeah,

23:43

it's hard. It's very hard. Untraining. There's

23:45

rewiring. Yeah, it's a rewiring and it's

23:48

also being able to say This is

23:50

how I'm going to do it. And

23:52

this is because everything is very different.

23:55

The world is different now, right? What

23:57

we're able to do someplace else. like,

23:59

used to be how to live in

24:01

New York or LA, and that was

24:04

it, right? That's not what it's like

24:06

anymore. And so there's ways and different

24:08

definitions of success. And look, to me

24:11

right now, success is a balance in

24:13

my life. It's an understanding of what

24:15

is important to get me up every morning.

24:17

I loved my job, but I wouldn't say

24:19

that I sprung out of bed every day

24:21

and couldn't wait to go, you know, and

24:24

hated to go to sleep at night. I

24:26

would say that now I have. I've just

24:28

realized that untapped, like, whatever it

24:30

was inside of me, that I

24:32

can never quite feel. You know, I

24:34

couldn't feel like I loved what I

24:37

was doing. They were like, are you

24:39

crazy? You worked so hard to get

24:41

this job. Why would you leave this?

24:43

This? But it was very hard. You

24:45

know, I'm sure you know. It's, it's,

24:47

but wow do I realize. Are you

24:49

crazy? Are those words? Those words are

24:51

just awful. Awful. And sometimes. I felt

24:53

like that, you know, and I do

24:55

think it's also this time in our

24:57

lives as women when we look at

24:59

this as 40 and 50 and 50

25:01

and we have been ingrained that like

25:03

at this age, you know, oh boy, you

25:06

know, your best years are behind you and

25:08

that's just bullshit, like that is not, that

25:10

is not, it's not true in any way.

25:12

You're so right. I get, I am so

25:14

filled by women that I see doing incredible

25:17

and they have. they're amazing and so they

25:19

I feel like I'm like kind of in

25:21

that title way of a woman like now

25:23

you have purpose you know like I'm not

25:26

saying you didn't before no no but that

25:28

must feel so different it feels so different

25:30

and somebody when I first started this conversation

25:32

they said to me like are you really

25:35

gonna talk about menopause like that is not

25:37

a career you know that's not great for

25:39

your career because Age and youth were all

25:41

the revered things for a long time And

25:43

so I really I was like what you're

25:45

a woman telling me that like how are

25:47

you saying that? But I knew that's what

25:49

has been ingrained in our society for so

25:51

long Yeah, what's been ingrained is that our

25:53

best years are behind us and that we

25:55

only matter if we're having children But we've

25:57

been ingrained with so many of these beliefs

26:00

and that if we ask for

26:02

help that we're weak and if

26:04

we don't suffer through it or

26:06

if somebody, I was just at

26:09

an event and a woman got

26:11

up and we were talking about

26:13

solutions for menopause and perimenopause and

26:15

she said, how bad do I

26:17

have to feel before I pull

26:19

the trigger and take hormone therapy?

26:21

And I said, how bad do I

26:24

have to feel? Like what's enough pain

26:26

for me to go through before I

26:28

decide to help myself? But that's what

26:30

all of our words have been in

26:33

our minds. Yeah. And so I- Especially

26:35

with not a lot of education. I

26:37

mean, like listening, I was listening to

26:39

the audible version I drove from LA

26:41

to San Francisco the other day and

26:43

I was just shocked. And my jaw

26:46

dropped to the floor of my car.

26:48

And literally when you said that even

26:50

doctors have zero education. Yeah. Yeah. By

26:52

their own admission. By their own admission.

26:55

Yeah. They're like I got two

26:57

weeks, one month. And for the

26:59

patient, it's kind of like, well,

27:01

you know, I've always thought, because

27:03

I, you know, I don't, I am not

27:06

a doctor, obviously, but I got

27:08

my, I went through my menstrual

27:10

cycle at age nine, and I'm

27:12

still on birth control, and I

27:15

have been since I was 1617,

27:17

I'm not sexually active, I'm on

27:19

birth control for other reasons. Sure.

27:22

And I went into my

27:24

yearly checkup, I... went to go

27:26

see a new OPEC because I moved.

27:28

And when I asked her

27:30

about parametopause, she's like, I

27:33

can't check because you're on

27:35

birth control. I'm like, what? What do

27:37

you mean? You can't check? Like, you

27:39

need to check? Wait, what do you

27:41

even need to check? What do you

27:43

even need to check? What are you

27:45

checking? What do you check? What do

27:47

you have to go inside meet? No.

27:49

No. No. Right. These are symptoms.

27:52

These are symptoms. Period menopause is the time

27:54

before menopause. That's what it is. Right. Period.

27:56

Right. Like you still have your period in

27:59

fact. It's better. I Bring

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leaks for your life. a

44:30

guide to help them to make decisions.

44:32

And so I want that to be

44:34

kind of that resource that they can

44:36

open up and say like okay I'm

44:38

not having a problem sleeping but my

44:41

sex life is taking a dive so

44:43

I'm turning to the sex chapter or

44:45

hey these things are going well but

44:47

mindset is really difficult for me. I

44:49

even have a dating chapter. Are you

44:51

going to help me? You can tell

44:54

me what you're looking for and I'm

44:56

always going to look out. I'm not.

44:58

That's the problem. That's all right. You

45:00

might have to look for your mindset. I

45:02

just have to like just look for you.

45:04

But I'm a picky one. Okay. Well, trust

45:07

me. I'm not. Trust me. Okay. Okay. So

45:09

first of all, thank you for your service

45:11

because this is really helpful. It is it

45:13

is beyond helpful. I mean, even for just

45:16

to sparkle curiosity curiosity in me. I don't like

45:18

doctors. It's not the first stop for me.

45:20

I get it, you know. I lost my

45:22

mother to breast cancer. I couldn't go into

45:24

a hospital without feeling like I was

45:26

going to pass out. I couldn't go

45:29

to a doctor's office without smelling that

45:31

smell. So I really understand what you're

45:33

saying. I think that if I encourage

45:35

any woman to do anything, it's start

45:37

looking at your lifestyle and back into

45:39

it if that's the best way to

45:41

do it and don't suffer. God. Yeah.

45:43

Yeah. Because it's not just about hot flashes,

45:45

it's not just about not being able to

45:47

sleep or a little belly fat, it's about

45:50

long-term health ramifications. And if we don't start

45:52

dealing with this now and we are going

45:54

to live to 70 years old or 65

45:56

years old or whatever these ages are, we

45:58

are talking about protecting our bones. protecting

46:00

our minds and protecting our hearts so

46:02

hard. I know you have. I know

46:05

you have. I know you have. You

46:07

do say something in your book where

46:09

you wrote like whatever the way

46:11

you treated yourself in the earlier years

46:13

is you're gonna feel it. Yeah. And

46:15

I'm good. You know what? This is gonna

46:18

be paid full. I felt it but

46:20

it's never too late. Yeah. It's upping

46:22

your you know to protect your bones.

46:24

You know, you're protein. You're protein.

46:26

Yeah, I know. I did

46:28

too. I got Diet Coke

46:30

and Fritos. I love Diet

46:33

Coke. Me too. I had

46:35

snack wells because they were

46:37

fat free. Everyone thought they

46:39

were good. My stepdad's a

46:41

dentist and literally I was

46:43

raised with like, remember those

46:45

Jenny Craig TV dinners and

46:47

like hot pocket? Everything process.

46:49

Everything process. One night a week.

46:51

We didn't know. We didn't know. I know.

46:53

Gosh, but now we do. Now we do.

46:56

Protein is the other big one. Protein. You

46:58

can't get it from Burger King. You can't

47:00

get it from Burger King. Well, I mean,

47:02

maybe, but I would. I got some other

47:04

sources for you in the book. Okay, thanks.

47:07

So what would you say the most common

47:09

questions are from other women? Yeah. I think

47:11

that one of the big questions is what,

47:13

you know, exactly what you asked, like in

47:15

my impairment, how do I know I'm impairmentarey

47:17

menpery menopause? Tracking those symptoms is the most

47:20

important. I think the next big question is

47:22

always like, are there really lifestyle changes that

47:24

you can make? And the answer is yes.

47:26

My big focus and my big, you know,

47:28

if I push for anything, it's like trying

47:30

to focus on sleep and trying to make

47:32

sure you're getting that. because of the

47:34

fact that your hormones are so erratic that

47:37

chapter scared this I'm sure it did you

47:39

have to listen to it twice actually as

47:41

I was unpacking it was like three in

47:43

the morning I was like oh great great thanks

47:45

thanks thanks it's not even like you said

47:48

like every every night that you lose sleep

47:50

I'm like oh my god that chapter I

47:52

had a scale back it was so long

47:54

and you know it's still the long one

47:56

long as chapters in the book right it

47:58

was you're talking at me yeah I've been

48:00

talking to me. You're at me. It was

48:02

crazy. It's really important though. It's really important.

48:04

Can you just just reiterate, I guess? Sleep

48:06

hygiene, getting in bed at the same time

48:08

every night, waking up at the same time

48:11

as best you can within reason, not making

48:13

yourself crazy. blacking out your room, making sure

48:15

that you do a wine down, that you're

48:17

not, huh? My dog snores, I refuse to

48:19

not sleep with that. I know, I know,

48:21

I know, I think I'm, I, that's hard

48:23

for me, like that was not, that was

48:25

not a deal breaker for me. I had

48:27

to have my dog in my bed all

48:30

the time. I mean, I sleep with my

48:32

airpods, which is probably another problem that it

48:34

will cause. I try to like, I try

48:36

to like, I try to unwinde to unwinde

48:38

on that, like, like, like, like, like, like,

48:40

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

48:42

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

48:44

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

48:46

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

48:49

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

48:51

like, like The sleep hygiene part in understanding

48:53

it and understanding what those different hormones do

48:55

to our sleep to disrupt it is so

48:57

so important. So that's one of the big

48:59

ones. And then I think the other thing

49:01

that women ask is like, is it ever

49:03

going to feel like myself again? And the

49:05

answer is not really, I think you're going

49:08

to feel like a better version of yourself.

49:10

You can feel very different on the other

49:12

side of this. And it's in part, yes,

49:14

because you've gone through the symptoms, but I

49:16

think the bigger part of it is that

49:18

there's a freedom that comes with all of

49:20

this. There's a freedom that comes with this

49:22

lack of timelines in life that we feel

49:24

like we have to, should, could have, I

49:26

feel like we got to a place where

49:29

our minds are not trying. question and that

49:31

would definitely be my answer. Let's talk a

49:33

little bit more about the I guess the

49:35

positive aspects of all this though it may

49:37

not seem like that. I know I know

49:39

I always want to start high end of

49:41

a good note. Yeah what so do you

49:43

feel empowered what type of freedom did you

49:45

feel I mean not to say that because

49:48

you're still going through it. Yeah, right? Sure.

49:50

You're never for the rest of your life.

49:52

Right. The second half. Yeah. The I, my

49:54

life part too, you know, like, let's do

49:56

this. So what is that like, that feeling?

49:58

You know, I mean, you get past that

50:00

hard part of the symptoms, like parents. menopause

50:02

is really the most confusing chaotic part of

50:04

things. Menopause I felt like I was a

50:07

little more in control. So I understood what

50:09

was happening. My brain fog that dipped down

50:11

here and was debilitating at times you know

50:13

came back up so I can memor I

50:15

wouldn't have been able to have a conversation

50:17

with you. I literally would have been like

50:19

struggling for words. Like what's your book about?

50:21

Yeah so there's a chapter In

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