0:00

Curious about today's outfit or

0:02

just want to watch the show

0:04

instead of just listening check out

0:06

the YouTube link in the show notes

0:09

This is a head gun podcast you

0:38

date me a podcast for me,

0:40

Nicole Bire, was trying to figure

0:42

out why I was so single,

0:45

even though you could come on

0:47

a pancake and tell me it's

0:49

butter. My guest today is a

0:51

writer, comedian, and co-host of Smith's

0:53

Sister's Live, which is a little

0:56

bit of a tongue twister for

0:58

me, streaming on Sirius XM's

1:00

Radio Andy. It's Mariah Smith!

1:02

Great, how are you? Listen, thriving,

1:04

feeling good. I mean, you look

1:07

stunning. Ugh, thank you. Everything's

1:09

hitting, I'm so happy. Thank you

1:11

so much. Nails are great. Thank

1:14

you. I'm wearing a sweatshirt that

1:16

says hog wild. There we go.

1:18

What is that from? That looks familiar,

1:21

that character. I don't know.

1:23

I, okay, I love, I've been

1:26

talking about Deepop. Yeah, I just

1:28

started listing on Deepop. I love

1:30

Deepop. third item sold and I

1:32

got chills. Oh! So you trust

1:35

Deepop? I do. I love Deepop.

1:37

It's great. I find so many

1:39

fabulous things on it. Oh my

1:41

God. Like weird little kitty things

1:43

and it's all really cheap. It's

1:46

so cheap which kind of makes

1:48

me sad as a seller. Because

1:50

there'll be like, you know, things

1:52

like this, this similar item that

1:54

I picked $300 for, $10. I'm

1:57

like, but I don't need it.

1:59

So yeah. sellers are like I know

2:01

you want it so it's gonna be a

2:03

hundred and fifty dollars and do you pop

2:06

they're like I don't know two dollars like

2:08

why not when I was in Portland once

2:10

I for my birthday I don't know why

2:12

I was like I need this 50 cent

2:14

G unit authentic concert T it was from

2:17

the last concert I've never been to a

2:19

50 cent concert sure I Don't know a

2:21

song from that album 250 dollars. I almost

2:23

bought it because I said well this is

2:26

authentic It's it's they said it's period accurate

2:28

They were like this is something that you

2:30

can't get and I said well if I

2:32

can't get it I should pay 250 That's

2:35

how I feel all the time. I'm trying

2:37

to break that but here's the thing you

2:39

can go on eBay and find the exact

2:41

thing for cheaper. There you go Mm-hmm. And

2:44

I'm trying to get into eBay now too

2:46

because like that I feel like I feel

2:48

like I really sort of done myself

2:50

with disservice by not letting that

2:52

in earlier. And so I'm really

2:54

trying to correct my ways. I

2:56

fucking love eBay. I love shopping

2:58

online. Me too. It's my biggest

3:00

cryptonite. Yes, truly my biggest. And

3:02

I just, I keep buying things.

3:04

I like, do you have like

3:06

a stock room in your house?

3:08

Like a place where like they're

3:10

just boxes or things you bought

3:12

that you... Yes. Okay, me too.

3:14

Thank you. Yes. Thank you. But

3:16

I have an assistant. Her name's

3:18

Lindsay. She's really great. So I

3:20

try to stay on top of

3:22

being like, hey, Lindsay, can you

3:24

return this for me? Which is

3:26

like, that's what you're using your

3:28

assistant for. I would hire someone

3:31

just to do that. It is

3:33

very nice. Because when you don't

3:35

do a return, then you have

3:37

the thing. Yes. And then you're

3:39

just like, what do I do?

3:41

What do I do I do?

3:43

I do? dating. Very single. Okay.

3:45

Very single. All right. So what

3:47

are you looking for in a

3:49

partner? And are you looking? I

3:51

am. I'm looking for someone. So

3:53

I've been single for a while

3:55

and I'm in my late 20s

3:57

to early mid 30s. Yes, we're

3:59

all 20s. Yeah. And I am

4:01

like, I'm very independent. I can

4:03

do anything I want. I can

4:05

get anything I want for myself.

4:07

So I'm like, I want someone

4:09

who can fit into that, who's

4:11

also independent themselves, but also can

4:13

do some of those things for

4:15

me. You know, like return, it's

4:17

not like an assistant. But you'll

4:19

be like, my love language is

4:21

gifing. And so I love gifting

4:23

things to people. So someone who

4:25

loves to receive and someone who

4:27

also will return things I've gifted

4:29

it to myself. I like that.

4:31

You're like, fuck me and do

4:33

my returns. Thank you. Thank you.

4:35

But it's not just like, baby.

4:37

People are weird here in a

4:39

way. Someone who doesn't have a

4:41

personality of the size of a

4:43

peanut and who actually knows how

4:45

to talk and make me laugh

4:47

and also sit with me on

4:49

the couch and shut up and

4:51

watch NCIS. Oh, you're an NCIS

4:53

gal. S-V-U, Tracker, Chicago med. What's

4:55

tracker? It's on CBS. It's the

4:57

number one CBS procedural. It's with

4:59

Justin Hartley. Oh. It's season two.

5:01

It's very good. Very good. He's

5:03

a rewardist. He like goes hunting

5:05

for people. Not hunting. He finds

5:07

people. A rewardist? Yeah. Like a

5:09

bounty hunter? Yes. I like that

5:11

you said a rewardist. That's the

5:13

language of the show. Really? Yes.

5:15

That's the language of the show.

5:17

I'm just living in the world.

5:19

You know, I love that for

5:21

you. Thank you. Are you on

5:23

the apps, Mariah? I am on

5:25

Riah and Hinge. Okay. I delete

5:27

them constantly. I hate that life.

5:29

I hate them. And I just

5:31

saw this TikTok woman who was

5:33

like a... I think she's a

5:35

dating coach or whatever, but she

5:37

posted at the end of last

5:39

year, she was like, this is

5:41

what you need to find a

5:43

person in 2024. I didn't see

5:45

this tick top till a week

5:47

ago. She's like, delete the apps

5:49

and not because it, you know,

5:51

is something for your mental health.

5:53

She's like, she used to work

5:55

in apps. She said, delete it

5:57

because they prioritize new users. So

5:59

then when you re-log on, she's

6:01

like, don't. your account, don't just

6:03

say I'm taking a break, delete

6:05

it fully, and then come back

6:07

as a new user, same, but

6:09

whatever, you'll have better options. Has

6:11

that worked for you? No. Not

6:13

yet. I mean, you're like, I

6:15

just did it yesterday. Well, that's

6:17

what, I deleted at least once

6:20

a month, and I still have

6:22

some of this same fools coming

6:24

through. And how do people approach

6:26

you, or are you approaching the

6:28

people? This is, okay, I'm going

6:30

to admit this. And I was

6:32

telling my friends this the other

6:34

day. Uh-huh. Because I'm a black

6:36

woman who's not a stick figure

6:38

on these apps, it's like tumbleweeds.

6:40

Mm-hmm. And some, and then if

6:42

it's not a tumbleweed, it's someone

6:44

who looks like a tumbleweed. Okay.

6:46

So I'm trying to fix that

6:48

and it could be, I know

6:50

that in my like little responses.

6:52

I'm not putting like, I can't

6:54

wait to find the love of

6:56

my life and start everything together.

6:58

It's just like, I want you

7:00

to like what I like and

7:02

be normal. Yes. And liberal, like

7:04

that's basically. Yes. That is. Truly

7:06

just like the bare minimum the

7:08

bars on the floor. Yes I

7:10

yeah I mean anybody who's like

7:12

I'm looking for the love of

7:14

my life to me that's a

7:16

that's kind of a red flag

7:18

a completely red flag yes we're

7:20

all here looking I mean you're

7:22

either looking for the love of

7:24

your life or you're just looking

7:26

to fuck that and truly the

7:28

thing is it's like you don't

7:30

have to put either one of

7:32

those out there because I'll know

7:34

within the first message but I

7:36

do think you should say just

7:38

look in the love of my

7:40

life of my life then that

7:42

means you get to swipe no

7:44

on the person who's like, I'm

7:46

just here to fuck. Yeah, true.

7:48

Do you know what I mean?

7:50

I think that's the one thing.

7:52

Yeah. Because I can just assume

7:54

that you're on a dating app

7:56

to date to find somebody. Yes,

7:58

right. Like that's just a base

8:00

assumption. Exactly. It's somebody to do

8:02

whatever it is. Yes. But when

8:04

you're like, I don't know what

8:06

I'm looking for, I'm like, what

8:08

do you mean? Old, old man,

8:10

what do you mean? You don't

8:12

know what you're looking for. If

8:14

you're looking to fuck, say it.

8:16

And those men are. But you

8:18

have to say it. So I

8:20

can go, no, thank you. I

8:22

don't want to just fuck. Yeah.

8:24

You know? But they like to

8:26

trick you and then getting your

8:28

messages, then ask me a real

8:30

question. These, okay. Also during the

8:32

pandemic, there was this woman who

8:34

did like, I was trying to

8:36

think about it or like find

8:38

info about it the other day,

8:40

this matchmaking service for like singles

8:42

at home and she's like, I

8:44

think you just sent her your

8:46

Instagram or something. I can't remember,

8:48

but it was like going around.

8:50

So I was like, what am

8:52

I doing? So I did it.

8:54

I matched with this guy. He

8:56

was around my age. He seemed

8:58

like. Good because he was going

9:00

to a protest and I was

9:02

like, oh, he was a white

9:04

guy. And I was like, oh

9:07

man, he's in the thick of

9:09

it. I had lost my mind.

9:11

Sure. And then he was like,

9:13

after he was, we were talking

9:15

about like black lives matter, whatever.

9:17

And then he was like, I'm

9:19

so hard right now. Huh? racial

9:21

equality makes me horny. I was

9:23

marching in the streets with my

9:25

black sisters makes me want to

9:27

come. I truly was blown away.

9:29

I said, sir. And for me,

9:31

I don't know what to do

9:33

now with this information because I

9:35

don't want to engage you, but

9:37

I also want to see what

9:39

your end goal is besides. I

9:41

probably would have been like, and

9:43

what is your end goal with

9:45

all this? Like, what is role

9:47

playing like us in the street?

9:49

Like just before bed with signs?

9:51

And then like you fuck me

9:53

later? Like what? Like what? Like

9:55

you want someone then to come

9:57

in with flares and that's gonna

9:59

do it? I

10:01

have the tear gas and

10:03

he's like, I'm gonna come.

10:06

Wait, that is so wild.

10:08

And then he sent me

10:10

photos to him and women's

10:12

lingerie the next day and

10:14

jeans. He said he loved

10:16

to wear that as well.

10:18

Which I'll go for, but

10:21

I, again, we had stopped

10:23

talking. Yes. Also, I probably

10:25

would have revealed I liked

10:27

women's lingerie before I said

10:29

protesting makes me hard. Yeah.

10:31

Yeah. That's tough. Real quick,

10:33

we have to take a

10:36

break. Today's

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12:59

What's one of the worst dates

13:02

you've been on? Okay, the worst

13:04

state that I have ever been

13:06

on, and I can't believe I

13:08

went to three locations with this

13:10

person. I had met someone at

13:13

an event, it was like an

13:15

industry thing, and he was the

13:17

brother of someone, and throughout this

13:19

party, we had... an

13:21

amazing night. Like my sisters were there,

13:24

his family was there, truly by the

13:26

end of the night, and it was

13:28

one of those parties that didn't end

13:31

until like 4 a.m. We were like,

13:33

we've met each other's families, we've done

13:35

this, like we thought we were in

13:38

love. I was truly like, this is

13:40

the person I'm going to marry. Okay.

13:42

So then his brother told a family

13:44

member of mine, they were like, my

13:47

brother loves, you know. Mariah like he's

13:49

like we're gonna they're gonna be together

13:51

da da da da and we hadn't

13:54

gone on our first date yet and

13:56

he was first red flag as he

13:58

was using WhatsApp he was WhatsApp being

14:01

me but why is that a red

14:03

flag as an Android? Okay. I don't,

14:05

I truly, okay. Do you have an

14:07

Android? No, I have a, I have

14:10

an iPhone. There we go. But I

14:12

will say, when they have an Android,

14:14

I do like WhatsApp. I hate WhatsApp.

14:17

Really? I hate it. I like WhatsApp

14:19

better than the Green. But the WhatsApp

14:21

is the green personified for me. But

14:24

you can switch the settings. So minor

14:26

purple. If you have to use WhatsApp,

14:28

your phone doesn't work without Wi-Fi. So

14:31

what are we doing? I don't get

14:33

it. I hate it. And so he

14:35

was messaging me on WhatsApp and we

14:37

were like planning our date. He at

14:40

the time I was vegan. He was

14:42

also vegan. He was also vegan. And

14:44

so we went to this vegan restaurant

14:47

for our date. And this is when

14:49

he had told me already that he

14:51

wanted to marry me and was like

14:54

waiting for the right time to propose

14:56

basically. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

14:58

So at this event, he was like,

15:00

I want to marry you. Yes, then

15:03

after. And you said, this is great.

15:05

Let's go on a date. I was

15:07

20-something, lost in it. Okay. I get

15:10

it. Lost in the sauce. Love of

15:12

my life. All right. Like, like, it

15:14

was just, it felt like, it felt

15:17

like, like, like, a fairy tale. Okay.

15:19

And so we went to this restaurant

15:21

and like things were going okay until

15:24

he had told me that he had

15:26

run into some legal trouble. And it

15:28

was for something like crazy and I

15:30

was like, okay, not too bad. It

15:33

wasn't like a violent offense. So I

15:35

was like, this is fine. So he

15:37

then was like, let's go to this

15:40

bar near my apartment and it's a

15:42

bar I like. It was near where

15:44

I lived. We get it. tab. He

15:47

gets the Uber and it's under someone

15:49

else's name but someone's name of note

15:51

and I was like why are you

15:53

using this person's name as you're like

15:56

Uber? Again, didn't think twice about it.

15:58

We're at this bar, second location, we're

16:00

at this bar and was just drinking

16:03

and he was like so what's your

16:05

favorite thing and he was like about

16:07

what we were talking about work and

16:10

I was like what's your favorite thing

16:12

you know that you do in your

16:14

job like all that and he said

16:17

firing people I was like oh firing

16:19

people was his favorite thing and I'm

16:21

like huh that's tricky yeah interesting and

16:23

like it was just and that was

16:26

just and that was just and that

16:28

was the least offensive thing he said

16:30

during that time okay again he was

16:33

like I have a great view from

16:35

my apartment do you want to come

16:37

over and I'm like sure at this

16:40

point I already knew I was like

16:42

maybe you know no one's perfect basically

16:44

and that everyone has flaws I can

16:47

accept some of these things I can

16:49

accept some of these things and he

16:51

had what else did he say I'm

16:53

like while you're at the bar he

16:56

when he had legal troubles had to

16:58

Come across the country to New York.

17:00

I was in New York then and

17:03

he couldn't fly and so he he

17:05

couldn't fly No, so he drove and

17:07

There are very key things. I truly

17:10

cannot say sure sure Okay, so he

17:12

drove and then as he was driving

17:14

he loved he's like I love getting

17:16

on apps and finding women who were

17:19

married so we just have like quick

17:21

one night stands out go through the

17:23

the country and do that I mean,

17:26

Moriah, I'm just saying, you went to

17:28

three locations with a man who said,

17:30

I have legal troubles, and on my

17:33

way to solve those legal troubles, I

17:35

fucked married women across the country, and

17:37

then the end goal is to settle

17:40

my legal troubles. But okay, let's go

17:42

to the third location. The third location

17:44

is his home. Uh-huh. And he, we're

17:46

in Manhattan, and we're in like, it

17:49

is up upper town, but he... I

17:51

said upper town like I didn't live

17:53

there I was like I Up, town,

17:56

but upper, up, down, you know, I

17:58

was like, up, stupid. Up, up, town,

18:00

up, down New York. I was like,

18:03

where was this up? Uper, town, up,

18:05

town. But he has, he lives alone

18:07

in a three bedroom apartment. Okay. And

18:09

I'm like, doing well. Doing well. Walk

18:12

in, everything is Christine. But he has

18:14

red leather couches. I'm like, huh, okay.

18:16

So then, how red? Are we talking

18:19

like fire engine red or like burgundy?

18:21

Closer to fire engine, but not as

18:23

look. Yes. Okay. And it's like, it's

18:26

like one of those sets you get

18:28

at like Bob's. Sure. It's, you know,

18:30

the couch, the love seat, the chair

18:33

kind of situation. Okay. So he also,

18:35

what I realize, is very organized. And

18:37

we, he was like, do you want

18:39

a glass wine wine? And I'm like,

18:42

and wine. And I'm like, and I'm

18:44

like, and I'm like, I don't. but

18:46

he only had red. So it was

18:49

like, of course, red couches, red wine.

18:51

But he was like, I don't really

18:53

drink wine so I don't know how

18:56

to open this. And so I tried

18:58

to open the wine bottle and for

19:00

whatever reason, and this is the first

19:02

and last time this has happened to

19:05

me, it was red wine. It like

19:07

splattered on the wall. And this man,

19:09

very particular and white walls. as I'm

19:12

repeating this, I haven't told the story

19:14

in a while and I was, I

19:16

can't stress enough, I was in my

19:19

early 20s. So he was like, you

19:21

made a mess, clean it up, clean

19:23

it up. And so I was like,

19:26

okay. So after I clean the walls,

19:28

we go to his couch and you

19:30

know, I was like, oh, what's going

19:32

to happen? He was like, I want

19:35

to show you my favorite show. And

19:37

I was like, okay. And so then

19:39

we watched an episode of Archer. So

19:42

then, you know, still I'm like, I'll

19:44

still maybe like, up with him or

19:46

something. I made it. this far. I

19:49

made it this far and then when

19:51

I like truly when I got in

19:53

my right mind I was like I'm

19:55

not gonna have sex with this man

19:58

I excuse myself. He then and for

20:00

some reason I was like I hope

20:02

he still likes me like that. I'm

20:05

truly deranged. I was really hoping then

20:07

the next day or like a couple

20:09

of days later he texted me and

20:12

he was like yeah I don't think

20:14

we're compatible you want something more serious

20:16

than I can give you. And I

20:19

was like. Okay, great. Good to know.

20:21

I, it, what a while, that is,

20:23

that is a wild date. Yeah, but

20:25

I wish I could say I made

20:28

better choices after that. I truly got

20:30

a massage the other day because I

20:32

had class past points and it was

20:35

this random place in the valley. It

20:37

looked normal. I walk in and it's

20:39

like one of those warehouses that have

20:42

multiple. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's

20:44

this man, and I thought it was

20:46

like a business. I get into a

20:49

room smaller than this, like half this

20:51

size. It's only one massage table, just

20:53

this man, and his tools. And he

20:55

like was doing like, when it was

20:58

like a very deep tissue sort of

21:00

sports like type of massage. Before the

21:02

massage, he's on bended knee talking to

21:05

me. like this for an hour and

21:07

a half about the tissue and your

21:09

body and how important massage is and

21:12

like how he gets into things and

21:14

like how connects with the mind and

21:16

brain again I love massages first thing

21:18

you should know and I'm the time

21:21

was flying because I was like I

21:23

just want him to give me my

21:25

massage and I'm alone in this room

21:28

with him and I don't want to

21:30

leave yeah so then finally get them

21:32

I He excuses himself, I get undressed

21:35

for the massage, I'm on the massage

21:37

table. He's using different tools and he

21:39

was like, I need you to breathe

21:42

deep. You know, sometimes I don't want

21:44

you to breathe, like get the tension

21:46

out. And he was like, you're not

21:48

breathing hard enough. for loud enough, you

21:51

need to breathe louder for the people

21:53

in the other room to hear you.

21:55

And so he was like, he was

21:58

trying to tell me how hard to

22:00

like breathe. And I was like, I

22:02

just wanted to keep doing it so

22:05

he would tell me not tell me

22:07

to keep doing it basically, you know?

22:09

And then I left and I tipped

22:11

him of course. I really, I understand

22:14

I sound like a lunatic and I

22:16

do have, I do have my wits

22:18

about me. I do. I promise you,

22:21

it's just in certain situations, they go

22:23

out of the window. I feel you

22:25

on this. I've been in very strange

22:28

circumstances where I'm like, I should leave,

22:30

and I don't. I stay, and it's

22:32

weird, and it is what it is,

22:35

and I can't help. And then I

22:37

look back on it, and as I

22:39

retail it, I'm like... My parents raised

22:41

me so much better. So much better.

22:44

I was raised with just a little

22:46

bit of sin. And I don't know

22:48

where it's gone. Truly, baby. That's so

22:51

funny. How long did this massage? Was

22:53

it like a two hour massage? It

22:55

was only 60 minutes. And usually I

22:58

do minimum 90 minutes. I love a

23:00

two hour. And like the 60 minutes

23:02

was already, it was basically like a

23:04

hint of a massage for me. And

23:07

so. For it to be that type

23:09

of experience for only 60 minutes, I

23:11

could have just had my points cross

23:14

over to the next month. Yes. Wait,

23:16

what is class pass? People talk about

23:18

it and I don't know what it

23:21

is. I used to hate it. And

23:23

when I lived in New York, I

23:25

had it. Mm-hmm. How long did you

23:28

live in New York? Ten years. Oh,

23:30

okay. And I like never used it.

23:32

I was always missing classes, which like

23:34

didn't. Work well for me and then

23:37

when I like earlier this year I

23:39

started doing Pilates and I don't want

23:41

to go to one studio or do

23:44

one ex Y & C and I

23:46

realize on class pass you can go

23:48

to a Pilates class for like eight

23:51

points or like six points or whatever

23:53

and it's only $89 a month to

23:55

go to all these other things I

23:57

can do that I can go to

24:00

berries, I can go to boond, I

24:02

can do whatever. And it's like, I

24:04

use it as a supplement to like

24:07

my full workouts. You know, I love

24:09

it. And you can get facials, massages.

24:11

Oh, actually good ones. Maybe I should

24:14

get into, it's called Class Pass. I'll

24:16

send you a code for Class Pass.

24:18

I don't really do classes. I really

24:21

hate them. I can only stomach like

24:23

berries I like the how it feels

24:25

after but I hate that type of

24:27

instructor Pilates I love it because I

24:30

can't really see the instructor they're just

24:32

like walking around talking it doesn't it

24:34

feels like you're in your own little

24:37

world but I can't do what I

24:39

used to do in New York where

24:41

it's like a dance fitness class and

24:44

you're just like oh like that type

24:46

of thing I that would drive me

24:48

crazy I simply can't. I once did

24:51

a Zumba class where the teacher kept

24:53

dancing right next to me. My friend

24:55

was like, she doesn't ever do that.

24:57

I'll never get it. Leave me alone.

25:00

Just leave me alone. And then I

25:02

used to do poll classes. Now I

25:04

do private sessions because it's tailored to

25:07

me. I love a private session. And

25:09

that's why I started doing Pilates. I

25:11

started with private sessions before I did

25:14

any classes. So I was like, you

25:16

know, I've never done a reformer. What's

25:18

a reformer? That's the machine? Machine. I've

25:20

never done it. I've never even taken

25:23

a yoga class or Pilates class on

25:25

a mat. So truly I had no

25:27

idea what I was doing. It helped

25:30

so much. It took three privates, then

25:32

jumped into classes. I also did that

25:34

lifting. I started every new exercise I

25:37

want to try. I do a private.

25:39

Well, I think that's like helpful because

25:41

you kind of learn how your body

25:44

works for things. Like the last poll

25:46

class I took, I was like, oh,

25:48

do you have like an adjustment for

25:50

this move? And she was like, no,

25:53

just do it. And I was like,

25:55

cool. Okay. So then I knew in

25:57

my. brain I was like in order

26:00

for me to do it I have

26:02

to figure out the adjustment and that

26:04

like suck. It's sometimes like just do

26:07

it. I hate that. Because I'm like

26:09

I'm not going to do it. No.

26:11

I'm true and I can't imagine on

26:13

a pole I'm not going to do

26:16

it. No! Like absolutely not. That is

26:18

hard. Pole is very hard. How do

26:20

you handle going upside down? Well, thank

26:23

you for asking. I've just really gotten

26:25

into it. It is hard and you

26:27

kind of just have to, when you

26:30

are upside down, you're like, all right,

26:32

there is a finite amount of time

26:34

for me to set into the move

26:37

or come down because I can't hold

26:39

it for a super long. Some people

26:41

can. But I can do a crucifix,

26:43

which is you're holding the pull upside

26:46

down with your knees and your arms

26:48

go out. I can do an inside

26:50

leg hang, which... hurts because that's like

26:53

when you're it's one leg. It's one

26:55

leg over the pole and then your

26:57

other leg is going backwards and then

27:00

you're holding it with the pull is

27:02

like that through your leg and then

27:04

your arm has to grip the pole

27:06

so there's like three points and I'm

27:09

learning how to do leg switches and

27:11

it oh my god my side is

27:13

coordination. I was going to say your

27:16

is your body literally like insane. My

27:18

body is bruised on one side. And

27:20

but how do you even it out

27:23

then? You have to do both sides.

27:25

And my teacher's always like, we gotta

27:27

do the both sides. And I'm always

27:30

like, leave me alone. No, it's Mariah,

27:32

you have no idea. That and I

27:34

don't know why I love it so

27:36

much. Because it's like when you get

27:39

the, when you have progression, it's addicting.

27:41

Yes. Oh, there you go, you got

27:43

it. Oh, my body! I had pole

27:46

on Sunday and I'm still reeling from

27:48

it because I had to go to

27:50

my friend's adult tap recital. the Tapitalists.

27:53

There was a monster who came to

27:55

town and that was the whole storyline.

27:57

It was really wild and I loved

27:59

it. Okay. But we only had an

28:02

hour, usually we'd go for two. And

28:04

she was like, all right, well, we're

28:06

working on upside down, so we'll just

28:09

go up, say down for the hour.

28:11

No. And I had to invert, like,

28:13

I don't know, like 10 times, and

28:16

I was exhausted. And probably delirious, because

28:18

you're like, like, going up and I

28:20

have pots and I could never. I

28:23

have pans. What's pots? Pots is like,

28:25

I don't know the actual like postural

28:27

or uh, it's basically when your blood

28:29

constricts and like I get dizzy very

28:32

easily and I think. Oh no. And

28:34

so like going upside down, I truly

28:36

can't like I can't get up too

28:39

quick or else I'm liable to pass

28:41

out. That's so scary. It's fine. Is

28:43

it? Yeah. I mean, I honestly I

28:46

think Tiktop because it taught me what

28:48

it taught me what it taught me

28:50

what it was. Oh, you know, tick

28:53

talk and Instagram. They'd be teaching. They'd

28:55

be teaching. So I was like, I've

28:57

been fainting since I was six. And

28:59

the first time was at a funeral

29:02

and my people, my family and doctor

29:04

thought it was just like shop. And

29:06

then kept happening, I think at least

29:09

once a year, like I know it's

29:11

been 364 days. I'm like, oh, Jesus,

29:13

I'm about to faint tomorrow. Like I

29:16

know. And do you know you're about

29:18

to faint? But then I was like,

29:20

every doctor I went to and I've

29:22

seen so many doctors and they're like,

29:25

you just need like smelling salts. And

29:27

it's like, I clearly I don't just

29:29

need smelling salts. There's something else going

29:32

on. Something's afoot. Something's afoot. But then

29:34

I heard about pots. I was like,

29:36

I have every one of those symptoms.

29:39

And I went to my doctor and

29:41

like we did some tests and they

29:43

were like, oh yeah, when you stand

29:46

up your doctor. blood like it's supposed

29:48

to I think go to your head

29:50

or something and mine pools in my

29:52

abdomen so I don't get blood flow

29:55

like further up. And then I just

29:57

did this, I just have to be

29:59

careful. That is so wild that you

30:02

had to like go online, watch videos

30:04

and be like, this is what's wrong

30:06

with me. And then a doctor went,

30:09

ah, yes, yes, that is what's wrong

30:11

with you. And I actually don't even

30:13

know much about it, because I'm like,

30:15

they're just like, oh, yeah, they don't,

30:18

and doctors don't call it pots a

30:20

lot of the lot of the time.

30:22

It's a term for, but it's umbrella

30:25

for it's umbrella for a lot of

30:27

stuff. drastic as many other people. Like

30:29

I just am very used to it

30:32

because I've been living my life like

30:34

this. All day I'm like, everyone doesn't

30:36

get dizzy when they stand up. Everyone

30:39

doesn't go black when they stand up.

30:41

And I was like, oh, okay, fun.

30:43

It is fun to figure out what's

30:45

wrong with you. I have type two

30:48

diabetes. Yay! She did it! And all

30:50

of my diabetic symptoms I thought were

30:52

just, that's the way my body is.

30:55

And since being on medication for it,

30:57

I was like, oh, that's how people

30:59

been living. That's so nice. Because I

31:02

would get like super thirsty or I

31:04

peed so much and then I can't

31:06

describe how. my body felt internally other

31:08

than like I had tingles a lot.

31:11

Like I was very tingle all the

31:13

time and would get like sick to

31:15

my stomach a lot and I just

31:18

like wouldn't feel good. And what tipped

31:20

it? Like when were you like? What's

31:22

going on? Okay, well I went to

31:25

the Ghana Colleges. Okay, good for you.

31:27

And she did my blood pressure and

31:29

she was like it was like 200

31:32

over something and she was like, do

31:34

you see spots? Do you have a

31:36

headache? And I was like, no. And

31:38

then she was like, because if you

31:41

had any of those things, I'd send

31:43

you to the ER and I was

31:45

like, oh my God, it's an emergency.

31:48

And then I lived like that for

31:50

two more years. Oh. the ER and

31:52

then went to the orthopedic surgeon, they

31:55

did my blood pressure and they were

31:57

like, we cannot operate on you with

31:59

this high blood pressure. And I was

32:01

like, ugh, rats, I have to walk.

32:04

So then I went to a general

32:06

practitioner or whatever and she put me

32:08

on, we did like a bunch of

32:11

tests and she was like, you have

32:13

high cholesterol and you have high blood

32:15

pressure. So let's get all those in

32:18

check. And then she was like in

32:20

your AC1 or whatever is in diabetic.

32:22

And I was like, whoa, what? So

32:25

then she put me a metform in.

32:27

And all of it went away. And

32:29

I was like, I was seeing spots.

32:31

I did have a headache. Isn't it

32:34

great being black? It's fun. So well,

32:36

I will say it is my fault

32:38

because. That gynecologist, her name is Rebecca

32:41

Brown, she was my favorite, she has

32:43

since left the practice. And I really

32:45

miss you, Rebecca, but I really loved

32:48

her, she was so nice to me.

32:50

And then like checked in on me,

32:52

like she was really like, she was

32:54

like, have you gotten this under control?

32:57

And I was like, no, leave me

32:59

alone, I love you. No. And then

33:01

when I finally did, I was like,

33:04

oh yeah, here you go. And then

33:06

before I got on birth control, she

33:08

was like. you told me that your

33:11

mother died of deep vein thrombosis so

33:13

I need you to get some tests

33:15

done to make sure that you are

33:18

not predisposed to blood clots before I

33:20

figure out what to prescribe you and

33:22

I I loved her so much because

33:24

no other doctor had taken such care

33:27

yeah and like made sure that like

33:29

my family history came into play and

33:31

stuff because I think some doctors are

33:34

like you are fat and that's it

33:36

lose weight I don't whatever but like

33:38

she really made sure to be like

33:41

Some stuff you can't help that that

33:43

is so I'm my mind is Blown

33:45

because my dad died of deep pain

33:48

from both this after a stroke and

33:50

he had type two diabetes And he

33:52

was like doctors weren't helping him get

33:54

it under control and he had like

33:57

stressful job. It was during you know

33:59

2021 And so then after that, I

34:01

was like, why don't you have a

34:04

doctor? And I realized I was like,

34:06

I need to like, get ahead

34:08

of basically my health, family's

34:10

health history and truly just

34:12

being black in America, not

34:14

being predisposed to high blood

34:17

pressure type two. And so

34:19

I got on Munjaro and

34:21

I never looked back. And

34:23

now also on Munjaro. It's

34:25

my favorite thing. I like it,

34:27

but I'm like, will I be part

34:29

of a class action lawsuit in 10

34:31

years? I don't care. But I'm like,

34:34

I truly am like, it

34:36

is the best thing in the

34:38

world. It's expensive as Lou Dickens,

34:40

but it's great. Does your

34:42

insurance cover it? Because

34:45

I'm not diabetic. Oh. I

34:47

see. But I'm like, I need

34:49

this so I don't become diabetic.

34:51

Yes. Because my body, that's what

34:53

it wants to do. Mm-hmm. So

34:55

yeah, I once went to the doctor.

34:58

I had been away for a week

35:00

So I hadn't taken it and she

35:02

was like your numbers are bad and

35:05

I was like what I was like

35:07

just a week not taking that Okay,

35:09

like let's get to it. Oh, I

35:11

mean it is I truly and I

35:14

also just got off met forming so

35:16

I was on that too. I think

35:18

it's a miracle drop. It's like the

35:20

fountain of youth they say what? Manmongarra

35:22

Woo person on ticket. I love it.

35:25

But it like changes you from the

35:27

inside out. Oh, like really reworks, whatever,

35:29

which is why I loved being on

35:31

it. But then it started making me

35:33

feel sick again. I was like, I

35:35

can't do this. Interesting. My

35:37

foreman doesn't make me feel sick. I'm

35:39

just on so much stuff right now. Me too.

35:41

I love a med. D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-y. Real quick. We got

35:44

to take a take a break. We got to

35:46

take a break. We got to take a break.

35:56

We're back. Did you lose weight

35:58

on Munjaro? I did. How much?

36:00

It's so crazy when I

36:02

say this because I can't believe

36:05

it and my family

36:07

can't. 100 pounds. That's

36:09

great. And I'm like, I

36:11

still want to lose more.

36:13

I don't know. I lost 90.

36:16

It's crazy that there was

36:18

90 extra pounds on me.

36:20

And also, it was, okay,

36:22

did you ever look in the

36:25

mirror and go, I don't know

36:27

who this person is? Not.

36:29

Yet. Okay. Well, I don't know

36:31

because I'm like it felt to

36:33

me I still feel like I look

36:36

the exact same. So I don't

36:38

know what's wrong with me in

36:40

that regard. So I think that

36:42

that's a me issue. And not

36:44

a issue that many others are

36:46

having. Interesting. I like once

36:49

woke up and I was like,

36:51

I don't know who she is. I

36:53

don't know. She looks different. Wow.

36:55

And what was like, what

36:57

was that like? It felt

36:59

weird. I was like, I'd

37:01

have to get used to

37:03

this person. Yeah. And for

37:05

a hot second, I was

37:07

like, I don't know if I

37:10

like her. She looks weird. And

37:12

I missed my bigger butt. Really?

37:14

I just missed things. Yes.

37:16

Wow. And because I don't know.

37:19

I liked the way I look.

37:21

Yeah. I I liked having a

37:23

bigger butt. I liked. the

37:25

way that like my titties were tying

37:27

in my butt was big like it

37:29

was really very much parishayed and then

37:32

I liked my double chin being more prominent

37:34

because I thought I looked more cherub

37:36

like oh my god the thing is

37:38

you have always looked like an actual

37:40

doll so I think that's like part

37:42

of the thing but that's not gonna

37:44

go away yeah and that was the

37:46

thing I had to get with yeah

37:48

like oh I am still me right

37:50

I just look a little different right

37:52

and then I like stop posting pictures

37:54

of like my body so much because

37:56

I was like I don't want my

37:58

body to be a point. of discussion.

38:00

And I don't want to hear

38:02

congratulations because it was like, oh,

38:04

I'm, I have diabetes. Like, this

38:07

is not like a wire. Like,

38:09

yay! Now, I, someone and in

38:11

my dams, they were like, I

38:13

just posted a photo and they

38:15

were like, look at the glow

38:17

up. And I was like, that's

38:20

tough to hear. The glow up

38:22

because it's like I thought I

38:24

was cute before and my sister

38:26

Warren always would say and this

38:28

is true She's like a bad

38:30

bitch is a bad bitch no

38:33

matter what that's what I think

38:35

and I'm like that's I Have

38:37

you know regardless of my dating

38:39

history for the past whatever I'm

38:41

a little cutie. I can you

38:43

know like the face was always

38:46

gonna be there was always so

38:48

no matter what? That's how I

38:50

felt and I didn't have trouble

38:52

fucking Oh, yeah. They don't like

38:54

me out here? I'm sorry. Do

38:56

you find dating was easier in

38:59

New York? Yes. Yeah, a lot,

39:01

but I wasn't taking it as

39:03

seriously. Same. And so that's the

39:05

issue. Same. When I was in

39:07

New York, it wasn't like, oh,

39:09

I'd like to be partnered. I

39:12

was like, who am I going

39:14

to fuck to not? You're just

39:16

like, I'm just literally out in

39:18

Brooklyn until 5 a. Yes. Oh,

39:20

but now I like, I can't

39:22

go back. No, no, not at

39:25

all. You know what's interesting about

39:27

losing weight and exercise? Yeah, it

39:29

does make the exercise easy, which

39:31

is, or not easy, easier, which

39:33

is annoying, because when you're fatter,

39:35

they're like, just exercise, and you're

39:38

like, but it's hard, but it's

39:40

hard, but it's hard. And now

39:42

it's like, okay, things are a

39:44

little easier. But also I actually

39:46

love exercise, right. my past, like

39:48

when I lived in New York,

39:51

where I would go to crunch

39:53

all the time to do those

39:55

stupid little classes. And now... Now

39:57

my whole week revolves around my

39:59

lifting schedule and Pilates. Oh. That's

40:01

it. Oh, I'm simply not there

40:04

yet. I do these like, I've

40:06

talked about it before, but I

40:08

do these 30-minute workouts with this

40:10

man named Daniel, who's a part

40:12

of the body project. I don't

40:14

know, it's like a bigger thing

40:17

that I'm not, I just do

40:19

the free videos that are on

40:21

YouTube. I don't do them with

40:23

his wife, I don't like her,

40:25

she goes too fast, and she

40:27

doesn't tell me I'm doing a

40:29

good job. But Daniel will tell

40:32

me I'm doing a good job.

40:34

I love that. And he's like,

40:36

sit down if you won't. He's

40:38

from Australia or somewhere. I feel

40:40

like I've heard of it before.

40:42

I mean, I love it. And

40:45

I was like, OK, if I

40:47

do 30 minutes a day, that's

40:49

more than not doing. Yeah. I

40:51

can commit to 30 minutes. But

40:53

I'll put it off for the

40:55

longest because I just hate it.

40:58

And then he's always like, do

41:00

you feel better. I'm going to

41:02

speak to you like someone I

41:04

hate. Yes, give it to me.

41:06

That's best to do it in

41:08

the morning. It's truly, and I

41:11

will say, my sister's, our radio

41:13

show is from 6am to 7am,

41:15

like we're live 6am to 7am.

41:17

I'm not a morning person, so

41:19

I'm like, I'm already up, I

41:21

may as well, I may as

41:24

well, when I don't. simply just

41:26

go after our show. It's harder

41:28

for me to like, I still

41:30

want to go, but it's harder

41:32

for me to be like, okay,

41:34

let's just go do it and

41:37

I have less energy to do

41:39

it. But I truly never in

41:41

my life, even when I thought

41:43

I enjoyed working out, thought I

41:45

would enjoy working out. I simply

41:47

don't, but I do love Paul.

41:50

And I think the key is

41:52

like finding something you love. Yeah.

41:54

Wait, have you ever met anyone

41:56

at the gym? No, because I

41:58

take these. Oh, because you do

42:00

private. Well, I was doing private.

42:03

Then I am in these, um,

42:05

up until. last week, small, like

42:07

women, it's like this woman lifting

42:09

trainer, it's like six people a

42:11

session at her house and Encino

42:13

outside, and it's amazing, but like

42:16

now I just needed to change

42:18

for a variety of reasons that

42:20

may or may not have included

42:22

the election. Oh, okay. Well then,

42:24

but do you think you would

42:26

ever approach anyone at the gym?

42:29

No. Why? Personally for me, I

42:31

don't want to be bothered. So

42:33

I'm like, why then would I

42:35

bother someone else? I get that.

42:37

Like I just, it's not, I'm

42:39

not in that head space. Maybe

42:42

right as I'm entering or departing.

42:44

Or departing, like, but as it's

42:46

happening, I'm too focused on like

42:48

what I need to get done

42:50

and I don't want to lose

42:52

momentum and I just got to

42:55

keep it going. Wow. That's also

42:57

probably why I'm not single too.

42:59

I don't approach people. I mean,

43:01

I don't really approach people either,

43:03

but sometimes I do. Like, I

43:05

really like to give a compliment.

43:07

Like, oh my goodness, look at

43:10

those pants. And that's what they

43:12

were off to the races. Oh,

43:14

look at those pants. Your life

43:16

is changed. Oh, I like those

43:18

pamps. Wait, so you're on the

43:20

apps currently. Have you had any

43:23

good dates from the apps? No.

43:26

Who? No. Not a single

43:28

good one. Like Pleasant? Okay.

43:30

What do you mean by

43:32

pleasant? They're a nice enough

43:34

person. Like you can hold

43:36

a conversation with them, but

43:38

no one who was like,

43:40

oh, you know, like a

43:42

connection type of thing, or

43:44

it's just weird. Fair. I

43:46

went on a string of

43:48

like weird bad dates. It

43:50

was like... Like a solid

43:52

three month span where I

43:54

was like everybody is bad.

43:56

Like I keep getting into

43:58

my car and calling somebody

44:00

being like, this happened. And

44:02

they be like, it's not

44:04

that bad. I'm like, yeah,

44:06

but like, well, it's just

44:08

weird. Yes, they're just being

44:10

weird and just like not

44:13

fun. Or they'll suggest like

44:15

a bad place to go.

44:17

And I'm like, whatever, I

44:19

guess I'll go here. I

44:21

truly and I don't, I'm

44:23

someone who like, I don't

44:25

like to be. put

44:27

go out of my way, especially

44:29

if it's for someone on an

44:31

app I'm like I am I

44:33

need it to be the most

44:35

convenient thing and the it has

44:38

to make complete sense I'm like

44:40

I have more things to do

44:42

again even if that's just sitting

44:44

on my couch watching Gibbs on

44:46

it. Yes, that's important to me.

44:48

Yes, that is important to my

44:50

health and wellness. I will cancel

44:53

anything to do that. Wait, tell

44:55

me about another date you've been

44:57

on. I don't think your nails

44:59

have bad. They're bad because it's

45:01

like... They're not bad. They're just,

45:03

they're not smooth. They're not smooth.

45:05

But that's okay. I know, and

45:08

it's hard gel. And it's iridescent.

45:10

Yeah, do you have a... Do

45:12

you have a... No, I don't

45:14

have that yet. I just started

45:16

my hard gel journey at home.

45:18

Mm-hmm. I was like, I can't...

45:20

look at these any more than

45:23

ones last night. What time do

45:25

you go to sleep? I try

45:27

to be asleep by 1030 and

45:29

sometimes it doesn't work but in

45:31

an ideal world and I stay

45:33

1030 so I can be a

45:36

functioning member of like grown up

45:38

society. Sure. In an ideal world

45:40

I'd be in bed by 8.

45:42

That's so early. I love the

45:44

bed, I love the couch and

45:46

I love the sleep. I love

45:48

sleeping too. I, okay, I love

45:51

sleeping during the day. I do,

45:53

I love a nap. I love

45:55

a nap. And I have a

45:57

nap. I love waking up at

45:59

noon. It's, oh, I wish I

46:01

could wake up at noon now.

46:03

Well, you can't. You gotta work

46:06

at six fucking AM. But even

46:08

when I went, the other day

46:10

I had, we didn't have the

46:12

show, and my body naturally woke

46:14

me up at 5.30 in the

46:16

morning. I wanted to catapult myself

46:18

out of the window, and I

46:21

couldn't go back to sleep. Oh!

46:23

Could not go back to sleep.

46:25

Do you wear an eye mask?

46:27

Oh God, I have it all.

46:29

I have an eye mask, I

46:31

have a weighted blanket, I have.

46:33

And you couldn't go back to

46:36

sleep with all that? No, because

46:38

my brain was just racing. See,

46:40

when it's the day, my brain

46:42

goes, there's a lot of stuff

46:44

going on, you better get back

46:46

to sleep. You better stay away

46:49

from the world. Here's the thing.

46:51

Don't play with me in a

46:53

good old nap. I will fall

46:55

with me in a good old

46:57

nap. Sometimes I just gotta be

46:59

like call it a day at

47:01

830, see what's doing on YouTube,

47:04

and get my behind a bed.

47:06

That's so funny, I can't do

47:08

that. I'm up till one, two,

47:10

three, just finding things to do.

47:12

That's my preference. Gotta fold the

47:14

laundry, it's 3 AM. I wish.

47:16

That's my preference, and that's who

47:19

I am at my core, but...

47:21

The way my job is set

47:23

up right now, unfortunately it's boxed

47:25

me into a corner. I'm so

47:27

sorry. God bless. Thank you. Wait,

47:29

tell me about another date you've

47:31

been on. Let me see. I'm

47:34

trying to think one that's like

47:36

not Insane I want insane unless

47:38

it's traumatic for you. No, I

47:40

think no, no, no, nothing I

47:42

really can't find trauma and many

47:44

other many things now experiencing the

47:46

death of a parent. It does.

47:49

I just I truly I'm a

47:51

date I'm trying to think of

47:53

a date oh God when I

47:55

first moved to LA I before

47:57

I moved here and I really

47:59

I I can't stress enough, I

48:01

have good judgment. I do. I

48:04

just want to preface this by

48:06

saying I have good judgment. Like,

48:08

yeah, wait. So before I moved

48:10

to LA, I was on, I don't know

48:12

how I met this guy. I think

48:14

I was on some dating app, but

48:16

had to have been, and I was

48:18

like, searching, I was looking in LA,

48:21

so I was about to be there

48:23

the next week. And we matched,

48:25

and then we started talking, he

48:28

seemed like, normal, into the

48:30

same things and I remember

48:32

and this is again first

48:34

red flag we were like since

48:36

I'm not there let's we didn't

48:38

even face time we talked on

48:40

the phone okay we were talking

48:42

on the phone we talked on

48:44

the phone for five hours and

48:46

I was like oh this guy

48:49

seems like great amazing yeah five

48:51

hours get get to LA we

48:53

have a date and I wish

48:55

I remembered where it was

48:57

because like I didn't have

48:59

my bearings about the city

49:02

and I truly wish it

49:04

was like some jazz place oh

49:06

no I simply would say no

49:08

it was I but I didn't

49:11

I didn't know what I did

49:13

not know sure okay so we

49:15

go to the stress place

49:17

and he had been telling

49:20

me that he was not

49:22

really employed but like

49:24

working for a I think what he

49:26

said was a quarter at his mom's

49:29

theater like as a performer and he

49:31

was just doing that as like a

49:33

he had some reason but why it had

49:35

to be a quarter I don't really

49:37

a quarter I really I really it

49:39

was like some theater in Glendale like

49:41

something he was working as a quarter

49:43

no for a quarter like a

49:46

payment one singular quarter for like it

49:48

was like he was that was this

49:50

like I love that you said that

49:52

so casually like it was a thing

49:55

like the You know, his mom owned

49:57

the theater. And I'm like, uh, okay.

50:00

I'm like because I'm trying to

50:02

get okay so he so we

50:04

went on that date again stupid

50:06

I just moved my apartment and

50:09

it wasn't really furnished I was

50:11

like oh let's just go back

50:13

to my apartment get a bottle

50:16

tequila go back to my apartment

50:18

I we get there and he

50:20

proceeds to show me he's a

50:23

white guy he shows me he

50:25

was like you look exactly like

50:27

my ex girlfriend and it was

50:29

like this we didn't look like

50:32

at all she was black it

50:34

was just another black person it

50:36

was just another black person you

50:39

guys are twins you must be

50:41

related yes what would you do

50:43

if he showed you your sister

50:46

like one of your sisters I

50:48

kind of would have Kept it

50:50

going just far enough to be

50:53

able to make fun of him

50:55

the next day. Because I'm like,

50:57

also like, have you dated one

50:59

of my sisters? You know exactly

51:02

who I am. That's the first

51:04

thing we talk about is each

51:06

other. But I, so then he

51:09

was like, you know, reminding me

51:11

about how, or he, I looked

51:13

like. Mm-hmm. Show me the photo.

51:16

And then was like, yeah, you

51:18

know, we were together for a

51:20

long time. Dada-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-a-a-de-a-a-a-a-a-de-a-a-a-a-a-a-a- Ew. Hmm. And

51:23

so then he starts crying about

51:25

his ex-girlfriend and about how much

51:27

he loved her and loves her

51:29

but thinks that he could love

51:32

me as much as he loved

51:34

her or loves her. And when

51:36

I was like, I think, you

51:39

know, you should... leave. Yeah. He

51:41

was like, I don't understand why

51:43

like what's wrong with like a

51:46

man showing emotion. I was like,

51:48

it's not you showing emotion. It's

51:50

what the emotion is about. That's

51:53

what that is. That's wild. It's

51:55

and it was so and again

51:57

that was like the I think

51:59

the second night I officially lived

52:02

in LA. He was like, welcome

52:04

to LA. Everyone's a freak. Everyone

52:06

is a freak. And so what

52:09

the best part about this guy

52:11

is he was obviously wayward and

52:13

he decided that the best thing

52:16

for him was to go teach

52:18

English abroad and he had a.

52:20

blog about it. Uh-huh. It was

52:22

one of the craziest things. He

52:25

like lived off Peaches for a

52:27

month. Like, it was very weird.

52:29

And I'm like, thank the good

52:32

Lord. I didn't even take this.

52:34

I didn't even get him. Did

52:36

you find the, you found the

52:39

blog after after? Okay. Did it

52:41

already gone to where it went?

52:43

Oh my God. And I think

52:46

it's wild that he showed you

52:48

a picture of her. That's unhinged.

52:50

That's wild. God bless. Oh my

52:52

God. Oh, Mariah. So, yeah. That's

52:55

why I think Dayton in a

52:57

lay for me is also like,

52:59

I'm still quite unsteady because no

53:02

one I've met feels regular. Like,

53:04

they know it. It's just like...

53:06

something and I wondered about myself.

53:09

I'm like, have I become warped

53:11

in the brain? And is that

53:13

what people are thinking about me

53:16

as well? Because like, I just

53:18

don't, I just don't know. I

53:20

don't know. I don't know either.

53:22

But I think there's somebody out

53:25

there for you. We'll see. We'll

53:27

see. No, I definitely do. Okay,

53:29

I take it in, I receive

53:32

it. Yeah, receive it. I receive

53:34

it. Boy, oh boy, I'm really

53:36

stuck on this man crying. on

53:39

a first date. I've had a

53:41

man cry on a date and

53:43

I was like, oh no! It's

53:46

just drawing when someone shows that

53:48

type of like... a motion in

53:50

a way that's not about you.

53:52

Yeah. And that's not joyous. Like

53:55

it just is. Yeah, I mean,

53:57

I do think we should be

53:59

in a relationship before you start

54:02

crying at me. That is a

54:04

bit. Yeah, I think that I

54:06

know. And that's honestly, not a

54:09

lot to ask. No, just a

54:11

little bit of a commitment before

54:13

you boo-hoo-hoo-hoo. I'm not even crying

54:15

in front of my dog, God

54:18

rest his soul, because I'm too,

54:20

I'm too nervous about it. Why

54:22

would I cry in front of

54:25

a stranger? What a date. Yeah,

54:27

that's wild. I've only cried on

54:29

one date, and that was going

54:32

to the Sonic, the Hedgehog-themed cafe.

54:34

And what got ya? I love

54:36

Sonic. Oh. But truly it was

54:39

like in an old sunglass hut.

54:41

Okay. It was not... Like, it

54:43

was not as big and as

54:45

grand as I thought it was

54:48

going to be, but I was

54:50

just so excited to be there

54:52

that I was just like tears

54:55

of joy streamed down my face.

54:57

I was so fucking excited. And

54:59

how did your date receive it?

55:02

You know, he was like, he

55:04

said, I wish, I hope one

55:06

day I love something as much

55:09

as you love Sonic. I love

55:11

that? I love it. Wait, Mariah,

55:13

do you have any advice for

55:15

single people? I would

55:18

say, be more vulnerable than you

55:20

think you should be. Which I

55:22

have yet to do, but I

55:24

know is like what's holding me

55:26

back. And so that is probably

55:28

the biggest piece of advice. And

55:30

treat it like a job. Which

55:32

I'm gonna start doing in the

55:34

new year. Like that's what I

55:36

felt like. is that's why I

55:38

feel like I need to be

55:40

doing one of my friends. I

55:42

met her boyfriend that she met

55:44

on the app and she was

55:46

like, it took a while but

55:48

she said bare minimum going two

55:50

dates a month. But then I

55:52

knew one friend who met her

55:54

husband, she would go I think

55:56

for, and this only lasted a

55:58

month I believe. for like three

56:01

days of the week, she would

56:03

go on three dates and night.

56:05

So it would be drinks,

56:07

snacks, and then dessert.

56:09

But met her husband within a

56:12

month. Wait, she was going on

56:14

three days a week or three

56:16

days a night. Three days a

56:19

night for like three. She was

56:21

like trying to get all, like,

56:23

she was trying to do

56:26

something different than full.

56:28

That's a lot. As we know, I

56:30

go to bed early and I love being

56:32

on my couch. That is not the system

56:35

for me. No. That is not. Two dates

56:37

a month I think is good for you.

56:39

Two dates a month is really good

56:41

for me. Right, I could talk to you

56:43

all day. Same year. Do you have anything

56:46

you want to promote? Just

56:48

my little radio show with

56:50

my sister, Smith Sisters Live,

56:52

on Radio Andy Series XXXM

56:54

channel 102, at 6 A.M Pacific, 9

56:57

A. Mariah, would you date me? Absolutely. Thank

56:59

you! I mean your assistant can do both

57:01

of our returns at the same time. She

57:03

really could. And that's a good way to

57:06

utilize. Lindsay, wait, oh my god, I forgot

57:08

to ask you about this. So you were,

57:10

we are at the end, but you got

57:12

to cover the Steve Harvey show when you

57:15

were an assistant, or no, you were working

57:17

at Best Week ever. Oh, yeah, I had

57:19

to watch it every day and it made

57:21

me want to jump. Wait, you just

57:23

had to watch? Because I was assistant

57:26

at Best Week Ever, or PA at

57:28

Best Week ever, and we had to

57:30

find clips for the show. Oh. And

57:32

so it was like every PA had

57:34

their sort of beat. I was Steve

57:36

Harvey and Kardashians, and Steve,

57:38

I truly had to watch

57:40

Steve Harvey every day the Lord

57:43

brought, just because it was that

57:45

crazy that there was truly always

57:47

something to be pulled for Best Poop.

57:49

Was it just a Steve Harvey

57:51

show? I would personally love that

57:54

job. I love Steve Harvey.

57:56

I love Steve Harvey.

57:58

He's the best. have you

58:00

done family food? No, my sister

58:03

has. Yes, with lapis, right? Yeah.

58:05

He does stand up like in

58:07

between, like he gives the audience

58:10

a show. He is a show

58:12

man. A showman? A showman? A

58:14

showman? A showman? A showman? I

58:16

don't know how to say that.

58:19

Because when I say the greatest

58:21

showman, everyone says a thing. But

58:23

it's not showman. No. Showman. He's

58:26

a showman. Yeah. And he's a

58:28

workhorse. He is a workhorse. He

58:30

works and works and work. Like

58:33

he's got a radio show, the

58:35

Steve Harvey show, family. It's wild.

58:37

And he's got all them great

58:40

suits. Just the dating, his dating,

58:42

POV, I can't get with. It

58:44

is a little okay. Yeah. But

58:46

like I do think he is

58:49

a very successful and smart guy.

58:51

Yes. And funny, obviously. So funny.

58:53

So wonderful. Well, we've come to

58:56

the end to the end to

58:58

the end. Mariah, thank you so

59:00

much for being here. Thank you

59:03

for having me. If you like

59:05

this episode of Why Won't You

59:07

Date Me, you can like it,

59:10

you can read it, because subscribe,

59:12

give me five stars on Apple

59:14

Podcast, and if you write me

59:17

something nasty hitting on me to

59:19

Why Won't You Date Me podcast@gmail.com,

59:21

we are running low. I will

59:23

read it. Nicole, let's recreate Jurassic

59:26

Park. But instead of dinosaurs. It's

59:28

just a bunch of horny dudes

59:30

and dynamosuits chasing us. We'd hide

59:33

under a table until they'd find

59:35

us. Then I'd watch you ride

59:37

that T-Rex until he forgets about

59:40

eating lawyers and starts eating dot

59:42

dot something else. We'll call it

59:44

Jurassic Pork. insane. And I'll make

59:47

sure we both go extinct one

59:49

orgasm at a time. Thank you.

59:51

That's it. Bye-bye! You've been listening

59:53

to Why Won't You Date Me

59:56

With Me? Nicole Byer. This show

59:58

is produced and edited by Mars

1:00:00

with executive producer Anya Kenofskaya. It's

1:00:03

engineered by Casey Donahue. With guest

1:00:05

research by... Kempt. Our VP of

1:00:07

content at Headgum is Katie Moose.

1:00:10

And our theme music is arranged

1:00:12

by Mike Comite. Thanks for listening.

1:00:14

We'll be back next week with

1:00:17

a brand new episode. See you

1:00:19

then. Okay, bye. Hey,

1:00:21

I'm Wayne Brady, and I'm Jonathan

1:00:23

Mangam, and we're two big improv

1:00:25

nerds who get a chance to

1:00:27

play and make stuff up on

1:00:29

shows like Whose line is it

1:00:31

anyway, or let's make a deep

1:00:33

and we're now hosting a new

1:00:35

improvised show called What If on

1:00:37

the head gum podcast network? And

1:00:39

on what if we believe that

1:00:41

improvisation is a conversation So we

1:00:43

get to have conversations with guests

1:00:45

from the world of TV film

1:00:48

tech and literature a guest like

1:00:50

Bobby Moynihan Aisha Moynihan Aisha you

1:00:52

heard of monkey's feelings. What if

1:00:54

your grandma was a secret agent?

1:00:56

What if Jonathan was invited to

1:00:58

the cookout? I'm not. And then

1:01:00

we turn the conversation into spontaneous

1:01:02

scenes, songs, well, because that's what

1:01:04

we do. Subscribe to what if

1:01:06

on Spotify, Apple, podcast, pocketcast, wherever

1:01:08

you get your podcast, and watch

1:01:10

episodes on YouTube. No script, no

1:01:12

net, just what if.