0:00

This podcast is brought to you by

0:02

aura. By the time you hear about

0:04

a data breach, your information has already

0:06

been exposed for months. On average, companies

0:09

take 277 days to report a breach.

0:11

That's nine months where hackers have access

0:13

to your personal data. That's why

0:15

we're thrilled to partner with aura.

0:17

ORA is an all-in-one digital safety

0:20

solution that monitors the dark web

0:22

for your phone number, email, and

0:24

social security number, sending real-time alerts

0:26

if your info is found. It

0:29

also includes a VPN, password manager,

0:31

and data broker removal to help

0:33

keep you safe. For a limited

0:36

time, aura is offering a 14-day

0:38

free trial plus a dark web

0:40

scan to check if your personal

0:42

information has been leaked, all for

0:45

free at aura.com/safety.

0:47

That's aura.com/safety to

0:49

sign up and

0:52

protect your loved

0:54

ones. That's A-U-R-A.com/safety. Terms

0:56

Apply, check the site

0:59

for details. Hey

1:02

guys, welcome to Giggly squad on

1:04

a cast a place where we

1:06

make fun of everything, but most

1:08

importantly ourselves I'm Paige DeSorbo. I'm

1:11

Hannah burner. Welcome to the squad

1:13

Giggly squad started on summer house

1:15

when we were giggling during an

1:18

inappropriate time But of course we

1:20

can't be managed so we decided

1:22

to start this podcast to continue

1:24

giggling we will make fun of

1:27

pop culture news We're watching fashion

1:29

trends heptocks where we give advice

1:31

where we give advice Acast helps

1:35

creators

1:38

launch,

1:41

grow, and

1:43

monetize

1:46

their

1:49

podcasts

1:52

everywhere.

1:56

Acast.com I

2:00

expected twists, turns, tales, facts, stories, claims,

2:02

all backed up by two lads who

2:04

have pretty much no qualifications to be

2:06

doing this. But hi, it's me, Dave

2:09

Moore and Hymniel Danimer and we like

2:11

to have the crack. Hello, how are

2:13

you? Like a roller course that ends

2:16

in a brick wall. It has twists,

2:18

it has turns, it has turns, and

2:20

then some degree of regret. That's what

2:22

this podcast is about, my friends. Actually,

2:25

in the second half of this podcast,

2:27

I'm going on something I hate. I

2:29

hate it as I hate it as

2:31

much as I hate roller coasters. Is

2:34

it just you talking about yourself? That

2:36

would be amazing. If it was just

2:38

therapy for the second half of it

2:40

and then I said this I'm gonna

2:43

be so stupid and then you just

2:45

start. No but I wonder like I

2:47

hate I hate roller coasters like as

2:49

in like I've only been on one

2:52

roller coaster ever in my life. Okay.

2:54

It was for charity was on my

2:56

radio show. Yeah. I thought I was

2:58

safe because we set them a challenge

3:01

of like, my audience is challenged in

3:03

two hours of raising 30 grand, of

3:05

course they did. So I went on

3:07

the Irish potato park roller coaster, it's

3:10

now called Emerald Park. Why do you

3:12

not like it? I don't trust carnies.

3:14

Okay. I just don't trust that. You

3:16

know who the current Prime Minister of

3:19

Canada is? John Kearny? Mark. So I'm

3:21

just slightly worried that you are again

3:23

all Canadians now and again the former

3:25

Governor of the Bank of England based

3:28

entirely in a second name. No, no,

3:30

no, I don't mean that. I mean

3:32

like people who work as carnival things.

3:34

No, yeah, so no, I understood. Okay,

3:37

Grand Grand Grand Grand, yes, I did.

3:39

You think about like aircraft maintenance people,

3:41

right? Yeah, yeah, you know, I I

3:43

trust in them. Now, what about Chillicon?

3:46

I'm just going to keep throwing in

3:48

bad jokes here. Can you preach? the

3:50

effort involved in there. There will be

3:52

ups, there would be downs, much like

3:55

the thing that you're talking about. So

3:57

sorry, yeah, aircraft engineers, what's your issue

3:59

with them? No, no, like I trust

4:01

them. I trust that when I get

4:04

on an airplane, sufficient redundancies are there.

4:06

Right. I believe that between engineering, piloting,

4:08

air traffic control, that the safety of

4:10

everybody is paramount. And I just think

4:13

that if you work, that if you

4:15

work. at a place that sells you

4:17

the chance to win a giant Pikachu.

4:19

Yeah. Chances are, you know, I don't,

4:22

I'm not putting as much faith in

4:24

you. And it might be wrong, and

4:26

I'm sure statistically someone will tell me

4:28

it's very important and more likely to

4:31

die in an airplane than you're in

4:33

and wrong, but I don't care. Is

4:35

it the peripatetic nature of fares that

4:37

go around and that there's an untraceability

4:40

to the person who might be holding

4:42

your life in your hands? Or is

4:44

it that there isn't the same degree?

4:46

Like if you are an aircraft engineer,

4:49

presumably you have to have a degree

4:51

in engineering. You have to have some

4:53

level of, you know, there's sort of

4:55

a ladder that you go through and

4:58

you can point to this. In the

5:00

same way that you go to a

5:02

medical doctor, he or she has to

5:04

have done a medical degree. If you

5:07

go to a therapist, the therapist could

5:09

be amazing or they could all to

5:11

be just rubbing a wing chime over

5:13

your freshly shaved earlob and telling you

5:16

that your chakra is actually out with

5:18

you because what your left ear is

5:20

a capricorn in your right is ear

5:22

as a Sagittarius and if you shove

5:25

this crystal up your hole and count

5:27

of 10 you'd be fine. Sorry where

5:29

is this therapist when we sign up

5:31

because this is my kind of therapy.

5:34

Yeah like as I said it's probably

5:36

utterly... Unfounded, however, I can't shake it.

5:38

And so on the day when I

5:40

had to do this, Neil, they obviously

5:43

miked me up. They thought this is

5:45

going to be so hilarious. This man

5:47

is going to scream his head off

5:49

from the start of the finish of

5:52

this 90 second. ride. And did you?

5:54

All I did, Neil, was as we

5:56

shuffled off slowly up the first incline,

5:58

I realized that this was how I

6:01

was going to die. And so I

6:03

didn't scream, I didn't make any noise,

6:05

I barely made a facial expression, all

6:07

I did was be sad. I was

6:10

just sad for the entire time. And

6:12

then when I got off, I like

6:14

I had a cup of tea, I

6:16

drove home. I sat on the couch

6:19

and talked to my wife for about

6:21

five minutes and then I just uncontrollably

6:23

fell asleep. Okay, so we'd suggest that

6:25

there was some degree of adrenaline going

6:28

through your system if you've got to

6:30

do that quickly. Yeah. Oh, I mean,

6:32

are you just, see, see, normally I

6:34

would describe you as a person who

6:37

was a happy sort of a person.

6:39

Oh yeah. Maybe we've just, maybe you're

6:41

just opposite man, and maybe all the

6:43

things that give other people joy, just

6:46

take joy away from you, you hate

6:48

all that. he said you know the

6:50

most overrated things in the world are

6:52

right parties yeah fireworks and smiling yeah

6:55

so that's basically you everything that gives

6:57

everybody else joy what are the other

6:59

things that absolutely everybody loves The sunsets,

7:01

sunrises, I think it gives anybody else

7:04

joy makes you miserable. Rum comes, sunsets,

7:06

a child playing on a guitar or

7:08

a piano that's slightly better than you

7:10

expect and somebody falling over and hurting

7:13

themselves but being okay. All those things

7:15

that give us joy. A donkey laughing

7:17

at you. A donkey uncontrollably laughing. A

7:19

chimp just... Pulling himself a sunder in

7:22

front of people who shouldn't be doing

7:24

it in front of... No, no, no

7:26

things. You're describing one of my favourite

7:29

things. No, the only things I hate

7:31

are roller coasters and the thing I'm

7:33

talking about in the second part of

7:35

this. Okay, okay. Sorry, and Liverpool fans,

7:38

but... Anyway, apart from what I mean.

7:40

Well, that's true. Well, that's to be

7:42

expected, Dave. Jealousy is a look you

7:44

wear well. Okay, listen, because you're such

7:47

a miserable Dickensian psychopath, why don't I

7:49

tell you something nice, fagin' stroke Ebenezer?

7:51

I'd love that. In the first half.

7:53

And then, I'll be honest with you.

7:56

Okay. So, something nice to start off

7:58

it. In the 1950s, there was a

8:00

woman. and she had abandoned law school

8:02

and she went to law school and

8:05

then she left right and she was

8:07

working as an airline reservation clerk and

8:09

she was riding and she you know

8:11

it wasn't going back particularly well right

8:14

1956 she receives a gift from her

8:16

friends and you know what her friends

8:18

do her friends give her a year

8:20

salary what now listen I don't know

8:23

how much it was for an airline

8:25

reservation clerk in 1956 but it's it's

8:27

Anything by doing to the fact that

8:29

you can live for a year without

8:32

working is a good heft of money.

8:34

Maybe it's in millions of millions of

8:36

millions. Sure sure sure. But the idea

8:38

was, and they said to her, go

8:41

and write your magnum opus. Oh so

8:43

they would free her up for the

8:45

year to go and write this thing

8:47

that's sitting inside her. Yes, specifically. What

8:50

an amazing bunch of friends. Yeah, yeah,

8:52

isn't that deadly, yeah. a year's salary

8:54

so she could devote herself to her

8:56

writing or as you said get that

8:59

thing that's inside her out. So it's

9:01

either a tumor or a book. Fingers

9:03

crossed, it's a book. The PET scan

9:05

says book. So and she described it,

9:08

this is how she described it, a

9:10

full fair chance for a new life

9:12

not given me by an act of

9:14

generosity but by an act of love.

9:17

Faith in you was really all I

9:19

had heard them say. Wow. So she

9:21

writes this book. She doesn't 100% believe

9:23

in the book all of the time

9:26

as lots of writers do. At one

9:28

point she flung the manuscript out her

9:30

window in New York City. Oh wow.

9:32

Which is a very dramatic thing. I'd

9:35

love to see you interviewing Bobby, Bobby

9:37

De Niro and the questioning that you

9:39

ask is just shit and you just

9:41

take the microphone and throw it out

9:44

the windows. Smash it through the soundproof

9:46

window into the AFM. Like so annoyed

9:48

that you have to, no actually you

9:50

have to throw something else through it

9:53

first so you can throw the window.

9:55

Get the microphone, yes, yeah, got it.

9:57

It's not even a microphone, like it's

9:59

the head of your researcher. You just

10:02

grab call by the head, run them

10:04

in a wrestling move towards this and

10:06

then throw out the microphone afterwards. Her

10:08

agent goes, go out there and picked

10:11

it up and picked it up and

10:13

then anyway. The novel. Well, the woman

10:15

was happily and the novel was to

10:17

kill a mockingbird. Oh my God. Yes.

10:20

For real. Would she have written it

10:22

without the help of her friends? I

10:24

don't know. That's unbelievable. But she certainly

10:26

did it because that they had given

10:29

her the wherewithal to do it. A

10:31

little aside on this for you, if

10:33

you pitch up the warbling cry of

10:35

the mockingbird, it goes, Buckle-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-I! Everyone will

10:38

have to reference the last week's episode

10:40

for that book. I thought you'd like

10:42

that. That's a week old. I wonder

10:44

if I and a bunch of people

10:47

got together and gave you a year's

10:49

salary, would you just go away? We

10:51

just leave this loan for a year.

10:53

Just stop ringing you. I just, yeah,

10:56

yes, I would. My, my, my early

10:58

salary are your early salary. My only

11:00

early salary. Yeah, what I mean, like,

11:02

I'm not made of money, like I

11:05

can't, I can't give you mine, like

11:07

I'm, I'm very well to do, but

11:09

you like, you know what I mean,

11:11

like, you're, you are minted. Yeah, I

11:14

mean, what are you, your, your, your,

11:16

your minimum wage. plus 2% I think

11:18

is it? I would go away, I

11:20

would stop contacting you for four scratch

11:23

cards and a pound of butter. Possibly

11:25

three, three and even some spray oil

11:27

at a touch. Can you buy scratch

11:29

cards on Tesco online? Can I have

11:32

them delivered to Neil's house? You get

11:34

out of the delivery right now. If

11:36

you don't want to talk to me

11:38

anymore after that heartwarming story, listen to

11:41

the absolute insanity I have next. I

11:43

was having my conflicts. and a fact

11:45

popped into my head and I went

11:47

there's no way of making this up

11:50

and I think that I heard this

11:52

somewhere. Okay. Do you know any complex

11:54

best facts? The only one I know

11:56

is the is the Kelloggs one that

11:59

he was severely anti what what you

12:01

were saying that the chimps were doing.

12:03

Yeah. So the fact is Kellogg invented

12:05

complex so people would stop fiddling with

12:08

himself. And I went, there's no way

12:10

this can be true. Yeah. We haven't

12:12

talked about this in this show before.

12:14

Have we? I thought we did. Am

12:17

I ruling your, am I ruining your

12:19

episode here? No, look, well, let's just,

12:21

let's just go into it. So I

12:23

looked at it and I haven't imagined

12:26

this. So either we've talked about before

12:28

and I went, oh, or maybe one

12:30

of our listeners will tell us that

12:32

we've talked about before. Quick shout out

12:35

to Colin noon, Colin noon, every time

12:37

he, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd,

12:39

we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd,

12:41

we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd,

12:44

we'd, we'd, release, release, release, release, release,

12:46

release, release, release, release, release, release, release,

12:48

release, release, release, release, release, release, release,

12:50

release, He does these little kind of

12:53

animated videos and they're amazing. He came

12:55

to my show on Sligo the other

12:57

day. He gave me a whole nipper.

12:59

Of course he did. Like a massive

13:02

whole nipper. Of course he did. Like

13:04

a massive whole nipper. Of course he

13:06

did. Because that was the subject of

13:08

all episodes. So listen, if we have

13:11

talked about it before, it was on

13:13

QI and they did say that he

13:15

developed conflicts to stop people masturbating. And

13:17

then I went and I looked it

13:20

up a little bit more and I

13:22

looked it up a little bit more

13:24

and it's not really as simple as

13:26

simple as that. Dr. John Harvey Kellogg,

13:29

sorry, sorry, just before you go on,

13:31

because my presumption was that if you,

13:33

I don't know if your mother ever

13:35

did this when you were small, but

13:38

like you you take cornflakes and a

13:40

chicken breast and you put them in

13:42

a ziploc bag and you bash them

13:44

with a rolling pin and then the

13:47

chicken breast gets covered in the cornflake

13:49

dust and then you have cornflake chicken.

13:51

Like I assume that the way he

13:53

invented this, the reason he invented it

13:56

was so that you'd your... your slong

13:58

in a ziploc bag where conflicts bash

14:00

it with a rolling pin and only

14:02

a very small percentage of people would

14:05

find that kinky. Yeah, I mean... Most

14:07

people would stop fiddling themselves. after a

14:09

couple of batches with the paint. But

14:11

can you imagine if you were the

14:14

person who found the kinky? If you

14:16

had searched high and low for everything

14:18

else, you tried it with rice crispies,

14:21

you tried it with cocoa pops, but

14:23

you cut in hand with the monkey

14:25

looking at you from the box, you

14:27

tried it with the tiger, but it

14:30

was too sugary, but then you put

14:32

your cock while the cock of the

14:34

box looked and you smashed the shit

14:36

out of your flute with a rolling

14:39

pin and that was the thing that

14:41

set you off. I mean in some

14:43

ways. that like just a sexual gratification

14:45

that you would get from that that

14:48

would probably stop someone murdering wouldn't this

14:50

so either way it's making society bad

14:52

well let me throw a little bit

14:54

of a spanery hit your own and

14:57

his own and his works shall we

14:59

say so the background of this is

15:01

he was very prominent in the church

15:03

right in his own church and in

15:06

1840 1876 sorry he became the head

15:08

of a church founded the health spa

15:10

in Battle Creek in Michigan the Battle

15:12

Creek sanitarium and became this very popular

15:15

medical spa and that was where conflicts

15:17

began the way they came up with

15:19

the conflicts were wheat based cereal dough

15:21

it was accidentally left out right for

15:24

an extended period and I kind of

15:26

fermented it kind of went a bit

15:28

the door went a bit moldy and

15:30

it was rolled into sheets and baked

15:33

and you combine the fermentation and the

15:35

high temperature and you got these crispy

15:37

flakes okay so that's how it comes

15:39

about but this guy is obsessed with

15:42

sin obsessed with sin and you got

15:44

to remember at this point in America

15:46

as well Americans are eating meat for

15:48

breakfast essentially okay a lot of people

15:51

in the world are eating meat spots

15:53

sausage links bacon cake and you could

15:55

have Spuds and cake and pie and

15:57

meat for breakfast and you could have

16:00

her for dinner. That would be my

16:02

wife's dream. She is a slight woman,

16:04

but oh my God, she gets up

16:06

in the morning and goes, has anybody

16:09

got any pasta and sauce? You're like,

16:11

no, it's just serious. I want chicken

16:13

liver and you're just like, calm down,

16:15

what's wrong with you? She turns into

16:18

the graphic element of that Snickers ad

16:20

that you actually. cut and show. You're

16:22

not you and you're hungry, but like

16:24

she might go psychopat. Really? Yeah, oh,

16:27

she just can't get enough. Like I

16:29

go, well, what about some toast? What

16:31

about, again, a bowl of cornflakes. Oh,

16:33

come on. You know what would be

16:36

amazing for her now if you could

16:38

do variety pack, but with animals? So

16:40

like if you just glued a bit

16:42

of lamb to a piglet, to a

16:45

duck. a rabbit to a rabbit and

16:47

just had and she could just pick

16:49

one off. Yeah, one of eight. Love

16:51

it. Would she love that? She'd be

16:54

so happy. Okay, so people are eating

16:56

that sort of stuff. And people indicating

16:58

it, the narrative or the zeitgeist are

17:00

in all those kind of opinion pieces

17:03

and papers. They're all talking about indigestion.

17:05

and digestion. In digestion. The way people

17:07

talk about being overweight now or being,

17:09

you know, they're obsessed with this and

17:12

it's in all the newspapers and it's

17:14

in all the kind of, it's in

17:16

the zeitgeist, shall we say, everybody's talking

17:18

about it. As you would be, if

17:21

you were eating fucking meat at half,

17:23

nine and a more and just down

17:25

and above all the risk. So basically

17:27

the eight like Robert Lewandowski, eats the

17:30

other way, you know he eats his

17:32

dessert first and then is... No. Some

17:34

sort of blood sugar thing, yeah, Robert

17:36

Lewandowski. He eats his dessert first and

17:39

then eats his mains and then possibly

17:41

eats his starter or not. I'm not

17:43

sure about that. So this guy is

17:45

not only interested in sin, but he's

17:48

also trying to promote this thing called

17:50

biological living, right, in his sanitarium. I've

17:52

got bad news from we're already doing

17:54

that Mr. Kennel. We're all alive and

17:57

we're all biological. So you know. Yeah,

17:59

all the chemical living we're doing is

18:01

difficult. That physics living. Yeah, exactly. That

18:03

is a bit of a tautology. It's

18:06

a bit like that, you know, Centra

18:08

live every day. What is the alternative?

18:10

I've always thought this. Expire quite regularly.

18:12

Monday's chooses and Wednesdays die on... Friday

18:15

and Saturday and then rotates every second

18:17

Sunday to whatever you want. So yeah,

18:19

he's into this biological. He believes a

18:21

diet centered on bland foods like cereal

18:24

would lead Americans away from sick. You'd

18:26

have less sin, got you. And one

18:28

specific sin, masturbation. And he doesn't want

18:30

people to drink coffees and have stimulants

18:33

and have all that sort of stuff.

18:35

He once said a man that lives

18:37

in pork, fine flour bread, rich pies

18:39

and cakes and cakes tea and coffee

18:42

and uses tobacco might as well try

18:44

to fly as to be chased in

18:46

thaw. Wow! Well he's clearly rotten, like

18:48

you never see somebody, you never catch

18:51

someone in the background of the Bake

18:53

Off tent, just crack a one out.

18:55

You just, you know where no feeling,

18:57

by the way, an old feeling, I

19:00

think a great presenter, I would have

19:02

him murdered if I was mid. tension

19:04

showstopper and he's walking over drawn a

19:06

face and a wooden spoon and trying

19:09

to distract you for a couple of

19:11

seconds. I would have that. That's what

19:13

makes the tell. I would have been

19:15

rammed up as hoop. That I would,

19:18

you never see those mafia films for

19:20

a guy, it's just repeatedly closing a

19:22

fridge door and another fella's head. Yes,

19:24

yes. One feeling would have the face

19:27

like the moon which given what he

19:29

did, what he did years ago would

19:31

be kind of ironic, but no. Well

19:33

he famously played the moon. But you

19:36

never see him when he's made that

19:38

someone's just, oh I've just finished with

19:40

donuts and time where just pulling himself

19:42

a son during the background. So there

19:45

was, he had a rat with a

19:47

brother by the way. Will Kellogg was

19:49

a brother who set up Kelloggs and

19:51

he continued tweaking the recipe. So the

19:54

Dr. John Harvey was actually said, you

19:56

know, I'm not after your business, I'm

19:58

after the reform and they had a

20:00

falling out and Will. continued to tweak

20:03

the recipe. There's some consternation about who

20:05

necessarily came up with it, but most

20:07

people think it was John Harvey. But

20:09

Will Kellogg added sugar to it and

20:12

he hated the idea of that. So

20:14

basically what I'm saying is, long story

20:16

short, conflicts were invented by Kellogg's. did

20:18

believe that masturbation was the same, did

20:21

believe that bland foods would help you

20:23

avoid that. So some people on the

20:25

internet think that he advertised it as

20:27

a non-master bakery food. That's not true.

20:30

But broadly speaking, we're in the right

20:32

ballpark. Okay, I mean, he must be

20:34

utterly disappointed as time goes on and

20:36

cereals turn into the most colorful sugar

20:39

laden. Yeah. I mean, like, I don't

20:41

know, I can't get up in the

20:43

morning if I see a box of

20:45

alpin. on the kitchen table. I mean,

20:48

I'm all, my pants are down. I'm

20:50

just like, I'm getting, I'm just getting

20:52

gone straight away. And you know, and

20:54

it has to be the red box,

20:57

because the blue one is sugar free.

20:59

That's not gonna turn me up. But

21:01

the red one, the red one. What

21:03

do people put in their albin? And

21:06

I'm talking, that's what's in the albin.

21:08

That's horrific. The idea of you. Just,

21:10

oh God. You see, fact, just the

21:13

idea of you is just, it's just

21:15

horrendous. But like, no teenage boy ever

21:17

stops because his mammy or daddy hands

21:19

him a bowl of. A bowl of

21:22

conflicts. Put the football sock down and

21:24

eat the cornflakes. What do you do

21:26

with my rollupid? I just, I've tried

21:28

everything else. I've tried literally everything else.

21:31

Can we make rice, crispy beans for

21:33

them? No. No, I just think it's,

21:35

it's, it's, it's, but maybe he would

21:37

argue, listen, if we were all eating

21:40

it as bluntly, originally, as I intended,

21:42

maybe you would know the fiddling with

21:44

ourselves. The wildest thing I think I

21:46

possibly have ever seen was when I

21:49

was about 12, I think, and I

21:51

went to Limerick and I visited with

21:53

my cousins, the lynches, and there were

21:55

four boys and two girls. I was

21:58

kind of in the middle aligned with

22:00

Stephen but I saw above me in

22:02

age where I'm like cool, not that

22:04

Stephen wasn't cool, but he was the

22:07

same age as me, so we were

22:09

kind of on a par, but above

22:11

him. It was Emmett Rory and Trevor

22:13

and they were so much older and

22:16

Patricia Rader. but they were, God these

22:18

guys were just, they were the be

22:20

all in the end of me. And

22:22

we sat down at breakfast and I

22:25

always remembered they had, you know those

22:27

brown wooden bowls that in some cheap

22:29

restaurants you'll get chips nowadays. Yes. They

22:31

had them as their breakfast bowls, which

22:34

I thought was exotic in itself. Yeah.

22:36

And they would pour out brown flakes,

22:38

which I would argue, if Kellogg began.

22:40

with anti masturbatory conflicts or insulations. That's

22:43

what you have. Well, he perfected it

22:45

with brown flakes and all flags are

22:47

just, I mean, horrendous. I'm not jerking

22:49

like Alpen, yes, but I mean, brown

22:52

flags, no. So he, the lads all

22:54

sat down for breakfast. That's the clip

22:56

for the promo. That is a clip

22:58

for the promo. Hashtag ad, sat down

23:01

at the kitchen table. And there was

23:03

on the kitchen table was simply a

23:05

giant jug of milk. as you got

23:07

in country house, I'll be honest, and

23:10

a box of brownflakes. And everyone poured

23:12

a ball of brownflakes and everyone poured

23:14

in the milk. And as I put

23:16

the spoon in, I noticed that I

23:19

was the first one to eat because

23:21

the rest of them were pouring sugar

23:23

on their brownflakes. It blew my mind.

23:25

That defeats the purpose of the soulless

23:28

brownflakes of... You buy frosties, you buy

23:30

cocoa pops, you buy... you're not really

23:32

Irish. You're not really Irish. You're not

23:34

really Irish. And then you're not... No,

23:37

you're not! You're not! You're not! It's

23:39

not! The only thing you put in

23:41

brown flecks, you can put milking it,

23:43

or you can whisper into the bowl

23:46

your deepest, darkest desires. And where you've

23:48

failed in life, because you're eating fucking

23:50

brand flecks. However, let me ask you

23:52

one simple question. I think that what

23:55

they did is... is the microcosm of

23:57

the Irish soul. Have you ever given

23:59

lining up for Lent? Yeah, as a

24:01

kid, yeah. Razzic, child, did you then

24:04

break that Lent on Paddi's day? Of

24:06

course. Because you're allowed, because it's a

24:08

loophole. Right, that's what they're doing every

24:10

single morning. Look at themselves, I need

24:13

brown flecks because brown flecks are good

24:15

and healthy and for some reason my

24:17

colan thinks I need them. However, they

24:19

are soulless cardboard. They are the shavings

24:22

of an elderly horse. That's what they

24:24

are. Someone has, there's a load of

24:26

horses somewhere and there's a man in

24:28

a Kellogg factory and he has to

24:31

shave the back of the horse. It's

24:33

just sometimes the horse's back. It's just

24:35

the back of the horse. It's the

24:37

back of the horse. It's the back

24:40

of the horse. It's the rope at

24:42

the horse. It's horse shavings. That's what

24:44

all brand is. That's what they are.

24:46

That's what they are. And eventually the

24:49

horse gets too old and it's running

24:51

through a thing that just cuts from

24:53

the middle open to all brand. That's

24:55

what it is. Well the original horse

24:58

was called bran and sometimes sticks would

25:00

fall into it and some of them

25:02

say are they of all the sticks

25:04

been taken out of that and someone

25:07

originally said yes that is all bran

25:09

that's all bran all they're doing is

25:11

they're taking that because they think they

25:13

should have but they're sold demands glucose

25:16

and they're living their life well I

25:18

respect them for it. It's an Irish

25:20

cast, I think. Yeah, that's what it

25:22

is. It blew my mind. I don't

25:25

think I've had a mind-blowing scenario as

25:27

a while as that. Do you remember

25:29

we covered what Finterotool wrote about his

25:31

book about how Ireland, you couldn't have

25:34

the pill in the 1960s in Ireland,

25:36

and yet you could have the concept

25:38

of pill if... your married wife, of

25:40

course, had menstrual problems. And Ireland had

25:43

the highest prevalence of menstrual problems in

25:45

the world. Even the men had menstrual

25:47

problems. Cats, dogs, buggies. God, the menstrual.

25:49

In fact, Ireland was much bigger originally,

25:52

but cramps. We got cramps every single

25:54

28 days. And that's what Ireland. Cinch

25:56

is in. Just in the middle, yeah,

25:58

yeah. Just, yeah, see, between Dilbrin and

26:01

kind of just above Claire. Yeah, just

26:03

sit just in there, that's how this.

26:05

So I think that's what they're there.

26:07

Well, as I said, it was just

26:10

such an eye-opener to me that you

26:12

could add this level of devilment to

26:14

the anti-masturbatory products of Mr. Kellogg. Next

26:16

week, you're going to tell you that

26:19

birds-out waffles are to stop your playing

26:21

with your balsack. It's like a little

26:23

cage for your willy. Birds-out banana waffles,

26:25

stop playing with your sack. Hold them,

26:28

touch them, fond of them, cream them.

26:30

Oh, I love the fact that we

26:32

couldn't do this in any other medium.

26:34

It's just to 14 year old boys.

26:37

Okay. In the second half when you

26:39

tell me something that you hate. I

26:41

will. And it's food related. And next

26:43

week I'll tell you about the hooler

26:46

burger. Okay, okay. Deal, deal, deal. Right.

26:48

That's coming up in a second. Your

26:52

customers are scrolling past

26:54

your social ads, using

26:56

ad blockers, and paying

26:58

for ad-free streaming. But

27:00

when they're listening to

27:02

a podcast, they're hearing

27:04

Acast ads, which are

27:07

4.4 times more engaging

27:09

than with display ads.

27:11

So, if you want

27:13

real attention, start advertising

27:15

on podcast with Acast,

27:17

start today at go.acast.com/ads.

27:30

Welcome back to part two of

27:32

why would you tell me that

27:34

I hope you've gone off had

27:36

a cup of tea looked in

27:38

the serial press and then closed

27:40

it which one of them is

27:42

getting it later on when everyone's

27:44

gone to bed all right oh

27:46

to Bix you're next don't don't

27:48

make it creepy it's just you

27:51

doing it to yourself you're not

27:53

you're not writing the box I

27:55

mean you're wrong about this I

27:57

am absolutely objectifying them on this

27:59

is what's what's happening One broadcast

28:01

of Dave Moore was thrown out

28:03

of the middle aisle of Little

28:05

again today as they had a

28:07

two for one offer on Frosty's.

28:09

He was laughed at shouting there

28:11

great over the noise of Spilly

28:13

Jile Four, Spilly Jile Four, and

28:15

then unexpected bag in the Arizona

28:17

area. I read that by the

28:19

time the second half of this

28:21

podcast started, we would stop, but

28:23

no. There we are. No, no,

28:25

we're not. No, I tell you,

28:27

I'll tell you what, we are

28:29

going to stop because I'm going

28:31

to tell you something in a

28:33

second about something I hate. However,

28:35

before I do that, I will

28:37

tell you about how I was

28:39

mistreated by a certain Mr. Delamer

28:41

via the medium of WhatsApp this

28:43

week, in which he sent me

28:45

a straver running app screen grab.

28:47

of his amazing performance. Garman. Garman,

28:49

whatever. All they're all the same.

28:51

They're all they're all full for

28:53

wankers. And he sent me a

28:55

screen grab going, well first of

28:57

all there's nothing, I propose nothing,

28:59

no comment, just a screen grab.

29:01

I was looking at the distance

29:03

he had run, I was looking

29:05

at the pace per kilometer. Like,

29:07

this is impressive. So being the

29:09

friend I am. Got back and

29:12

said, you were very pleasant. I

29:14

was like, Christ, that is very

29:16

impressive. And you were like, yeah,

29:18

I think I could do the

29:20

21K, which I again had to

29:22

work out on Google, oh, that's

29:24

half marathon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And

29:26

I was like, yeah, cool, go

29:28

for it. And then you were

29:30

like, he was like, nah, like,

29:32

five hours sleep. And I was

29:34

like, what is he talking about?

29:36

I don't know what he said.

29:38

His nipples were torn off him,

29:40

running against the wind. And then

29:42

I replied, and I said, well

29:44

I have no sympathy for runners.

29:46

What do you do? There's no

29:48

reason for you to be out.

29:50

The only reason to run is

29:52

when you're being chased by a

29:54

predator. I didn't realize it was

29:56

my other friend Dave who does

29:58

a bit of running and convinced

30:00

me to be running. And you

30:02

were so polite that I never

30:04

mentioned running to you before. had

30:06

never sent you a screen grab

30:08

had never talked about shoes or

30:10

anything like that just sent you

30:12

a roof as if I had

30:14

been kidnapped and you were polite

30:16

enough to go I was just

30:18

playing football and I was really

30:20

breathless which was very pleasant of

30:22

you by the way My other

30:24

friend Dave was really fit. I

30:26

thought he was being very polite

30:28

because he's very fit and he

30:30

told me he was breathless at

30:32

the plane for five minutes. The

30:35

way you distinguish between me and

30:37

your other friend Dave is he's

30:39

very fit. That's a single distinguishing

30:41

feature between me and him. Well

30:43

there's many features but he's a

30:45

like he's an ironman div so

30:47

like I'm I'm not an iron

30:49

man you're not an iron man

30:51

the nipples thing was partly because

30:53

I was running into the wind

30:55

that it was cold but partly

30:57

is because I ran by a

30:59

hotel and it was early morning

31:01

I sent him to the airy

31:03

morning Well, you know the rest

31:05

of us? They have those glass

31:07

cylinders of cereals. Oh yeah, you

31:09

could control yourself. Yeah, yeah, you

31:11

turned that top. Oh, you turned

31:13

that top. Yeah, turned that top.

31:15

So, oh, it's like a thousand

31:17

of complex. Flaky, flaky, flaky. Sorry,

31:19

could the chef make me a

31:21

ballpark of chance. Squelchy is possible,

31:23

please. Can I take it to

31:25

my room? Do you know the

31:27

way there's furries? You think there's,

31:29

there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's,

31:31

there's, there's, there bring out different

31:33

levels of porridge. And one is

31:35

too hot and one is too

31:37

cold. And then, we saw. He

31:39

shows to get hour with the

31:41

sex worker dresses a fucking bear.

31:43

Dress as the oddlums L. Yeah,

31:48

loses himself

31:51

in the

31:54

Goldie Cox

31:57

Passage. Okay,

32:00

can we get back to my

32:02

episode now, please? Okay, so... Started

32:05

off with Harper Lee, it was

32:07

lovely. Yeah, as much as we've

32:09

established, I adore, I adore a

32:11

cereal. I do have a least

32:13

favorite food, I most hated food.

32:15

Okay, but it is also annoyingly

32:17

amazing. Okay. I hate mushrooms. I

32:20

get out. Now, I mean hate.

32:22

Like, detest. Run away from cannot

32:24

cope with and I've realized as

32:26

time has gone on like I

32:28

don't mind say for example mushroom

32:30

soup, right? Yeah, I have I

32:32

wouldn't I wouldn't want it I

32:34

wouldn't last or I wouldn't love

32:37

it But if it was the

32:39

only thing that was on the

32:41

menu with a slice of brown

32:43

bread, I'm like yeah, fine. It's

32:45

the idea of mushrooms in their

32:47

natural form their texture the filt

32:49

of them the fact that they

32:52

grow in between your toes, all

32:54

these things are just so wrong,

32:56

I don't want anything to do

32:58

with them. However, they are a

33:00

fungus, and neel fungi are incredible.

33:02

I mean properly incredible, okay? So

33:04

let's learn about fungi together, shall

33:06

we? Okay. Now look, we can

33:09

get bogged down in technical terms

33:11

like eukaryotic organisms, holomicota, but let's

33:13

just try and keep it digestible,

33:15

unlike mushrooms, which... as I said,

33:17

are a gross abomination on a

33:19

place. So, first of all, fungi

33:21

are ancient. I mean properly ancient.

33:24

They colonised land on earth about

33:26

1.3 billion years ago. So the

33:28

order of like existence is effectively

33:30

sun ignites, earth, moon, bacteria, fungi.

33:32

Okay? They're ahead of the Cambrian

33:34

explosion. Do you remember that from

33:36

school? The Cambrian explosion was the...

33:38

the earliest kind of baseball in

33:41

the 1970s. It was like the

33:43

most basic kind of creatures like.

33:45

jellyfish, it was way before fish

33:47

per se, right? Okay. So they

33:49

were, the fungi were around. They're

33:51

also neither plant nor animal, but

33:53

are far closer to animals than

33:56

plants. So plants photos synthesize, okay?

33:58

Yeah. So they effectively feed themselves.

34:00

They create their own food. Whereas

34:02

fungi have something in their cell

34:04

walls called kitten, C-H-I-T-I-I-N. and that

34:06

means that they absorb their food

34:08

in, I guess, the same way

34:10

we do with enzymes that break

34:13

the food down and they absorb

34:15

it through the cell wall. And

34:17

we're all called, here's a bit

34:19

of a term I said I

34:21

wouldn't get bogged down to us,

34:23

but we're all called heterotrophs. In

34:25

other words, we can't produce our

34:27

own food. Yeah. So that's why

34:30

we are closer to fungus than

34:32

we are to a plant. And

34:34

in fact, and then we're obviously

34:36

we're going back a long time,

34:38

there are shared ancestors ancestors, ancestors

34:40

at one point. in the animal

34:42

classification of animals. So therefore we

34:45

are much closer to fungus than

34:47

we are to plant. We are

34:49

close. So if I go back

34:51

far enough on an episode of

34:53

who do you think you are

34:55

for Dave Moore, there is death

34:57

cap, mushroom. It would be like

34:59

your great-grandfather fought in the Great

35:02

War, but if you go back

35:04

far enough, David, you will learn

35:06

that you were once on a

35:08

forest floor. growing out of a

35:10

fallen tree. Oh, well not, but

35:12

they're pre-day trees. They do pre-day

35:14

trees. Yeah, obviously the ones that

35:17

now are wood consuming, which I'll

35:19

get to, they obviously have only

35:21

sprung into existence since wood has

35:23

been around. So, but this is

35:25

the thing. Neil, there are probably

35:27

more than three million species of

35:29

fungus. And would you like to

35:31

know how many we have described

35:34

scientifically? Yes. of the three million

35:36

plus. We basically know nothing about

35:38

it. And that's what I'm gonna

35:40

take. over the world in the

35:42

last of us. Yes, the last

35:44

of us was that thing where

35:46

the fungus effectively created the zombies

35:49

by you know spreading its spores

35:51

and whatever and we obviously know

35:53

about those zamba finance if I

35:55

could get on to ants in

35:57

a while. They are very important.

35:59

You may remember Neil we did

36:01

an episode of the podcast way

36:03

back I think was season one

36:06

about how Indian farmers use fungi

36:08

to get rid of the chaff

36:10

that remains after they harvest the

36:12

rice crops which reduces the need

36:14

for fire setting and therefore fights

36:16

air pollution right so they're doing

36:18

amazing things but that's kind of

36:21

a human adapting them and going

36:23

here's a microbial or a whatever

36:25

fungicidal spray spray that down there

36:27

and it will get rid of

36:29

the thing whatever but in real

36:31

life as I said they decompose

36:33

all the leaf and wood matter

36:35

that In fact, if they didn't

36:38

exist, we would be buried under

36:40

a sea of leaf and fallen

36:42

tree. Really? Without them, we would

36:44

be... It would affect us so

36:46

greatly in terms of the amount

36:48

of available space, the amount of

36:50

land, the amount of humans or

36:53

animals that could live in any

36:55

particular area without fungi. Sorry, and

36:57

by the way, particularly American scientists,

36:59

call them fungi. I know. I

37:01

just can't bring myself to do

37:03

it. No, no, no. I'm not

37:05

having that, sorry. I know they're

37:07

scientists and it's their field. I

37:10

don't care. So basically, do we

37:12

just be leaves upon leaves upon

37:14

leaves upon leaves and trees and

37:16

trees and trees and branches and

37:18

all that stuff? It's all taken

37:20

away by the fungi. Have you

37:22

ever seen how much a dog

37:25

loves a pile of leaves though?

37:27

Particularly, I mean, think of how

37:29

happy your dog would be. Oh

37:31

God. If when you left your

37:33

house, there was just a leaf

37:35

wall higher than your house. They've

37:37

actually found more than a hundred

37:39

species of mushrooms who can degrade

37:42

plastics Neil. No way! Yeah, more

37:44

than a hundred of them. And

37:46

there's two... Are they the ones

37:48

that you're buying a supermarket that

37:50

are in plastics? So eventually if

37:52

you leave them there, everything disappears.

37:54

Yeah, they just grow out the

37:57

side of the box. No, and

37:59

two species can degrade plastic in

38:01

140 hours. So I'm guessing that's

38:03

about a week. But they can

38:05

literally, you put a piece of

38:07

plastic down, put a fungus on

38:09

it, in a week it's gone.

38:11

Like they're only we have microplastics

38:14

in every single part of us.

38:16

Yes. Do you know the way

38:18

people try and take that kind

38:20

of charcoal infusion before they go

38:22

drinking? Yes. Do you think we

38:24

should just be eating those mushrooms

38:26

every time we eat something? Possibly

38:29

so. Well, okay. The thing is

38:31

though, you are covered in mushrooms.

38:33

I hear no, not mushrooms, fungi.

38:35

Okay, so look. No, I came

38:37

to Dublin and that was frowned

38:39

upon here. So you are covered

38:41

in them. Even if you're the

38:43

two showers a day type of

38:46

person, you will learn that particularly

38:48

your feet are home to 200

38:50

types of fungi. Okay? I know.

38:52

Their favorite spots to sit around

38:54

and have a little party. Stop

38:56

doing the thing with your fingers.

38:58

He's just creeping his fingers like

39:01

he's playing the piano in the

39:03

air and it's freaking me out.

39:05

Well, on the back of your

39:07

heel Neil, Neil, you'll find 80,

39:09

80 types of fungus. Between the

39:11

toes, 40 and beneath your toenails,

39:13

near 60 species of fungus. Jesus.

39:15

No, obviously most of them are

39:18

harmless, right? But if they multiply,

39:20

you can't get an infection and

39:22

that's what athletes foot is. Right.

39:24

You never hear of athletes heel

39:26

though? No, but maybe they should

39:28

be calling that. Also, do you

39:30

remember, I don't even remember the

39:33

story, but Chernobyl, five years after

39:35

Chernobyl, the disaster happened. They found

39:37

a fungus. that was feeding on

39:39

the radiation. Jesus stores, lads, will

39:41

eat anything, won't they? Literally will

39:43

eat anything. No, it has a

39:45

plastic and radiation. And then to

39:47

those... fungi do they glow in

39:50

the dark? Do they have any

39:52

sort of weird? No! All jogging

39:54

aside there are fungi that glow

39:56

in the dark, not ones that

39:58

have been to Chernobyl. It's just

40:00

a naturally occurring phenomenon, but they

40:02

do, they're bioluminescent. So there's these

40:05

fungi who live in Ukraine and

40:07

they're like, geez, I love a

40:09

bit of old uranium. And they're

40:11

clearing it, like slowly, but they're

40:13

clearing it. And scientists now reckon

40:15

that they could use this kind

40:17

of this kind of fungus, in

40:19

space to help protect astronauts from

40:22

radiation, which is one of the

40:24

key difficulties with space travel. You

40:26

could use a fungus to stop

40:28

radiation from space travel. Yes. How?

40:30

Because it would the outside of

40:32

your... Yeah, it would live east,

40:34

the radiation effect. Or if it

40:37

was big enough, you would just

40:39

hold it like Mary Poppins does

40:41

with an umbrella. like a shield.

40:43

Well actually eventually there eventually would

40:45

be our mushroom overlords and there

40:47

would be a Mary Poppins where

40:49

she comes down like that but

40:51

it'll be a toads to a

40:54

hundred percent. I mean like as

40:56

I said they are so much

40:58

more ancient than we are. been

41:00

here for so long they are

41:02

perfectly evolved there are so many

41:04

species of them we don't understand

41:06

it's only a matter of time

41:09

before they take over and actually

41:11

you mentioned a huge one that

41:13

Mary Poppus could come down the

41:15

largest living organism on earth Neil

41:17

yes is a fungus it is

41:19

in the forest of Oregon it

41:21

is 2,400 years of a mushroom

41:23

was okay so What it is,

41:26

a small amount of this are

41:28

the mushrooms that exist above ground

41:30

that if you went there you

41:32

could see them. However, underneath. It's

41:34

a massive network of threads effectively,

41:36

called the Mycelium, and they've come

41:38

up with a brilliant name for

41:41

it, Neil, to help us understand

41:43

it. It's the wood wide web.

41:45

That's so good. And they communicate.

41:47

Like it is a single entity,

41:49

but they... They're so advanced in

41:51

ways that we consider advanced. How

41:53

does it communicate? They communicate, right?

41:55

So they communicate with each other,

41:58

first of all, which is amazing.

42:00

What's up? No, no. So they

42:02

send chemical signals to alert other

42:04

fungi in the area that there

42:06

may be a drought, that there

42:08

may be animals who are feasting

42:10

on their mushroom. Because obviously, the

42:12

idea of the mushroom is it

42:15

simply reproduction. It comes out of

42:17

the ground. to spore, to spread

42:19

its spores around them, that's what

42:21

the mushroom bit is, and the

42:23

fungus is living beneath the ground.

42:25

So, but they do communicate all

42:27

the time, but so I thought

42:30

it was amazing that they would

42:32

communicate intraorganism as in this fungus

42:34

to this fungus. No. They communicate

42:36

with trees, okay? So a totally

42:38

different form of life. Yeah. They

42:40

have a relationship with one of

42:42

the trees where they provide... I

42:44

guess the savory, they provide this

42:47

kind of nutrient rich, they will

42:49

bring the nutrient rich material along

42:51

their threads to the roots of

42:53

the tree, and then the tree

42:55

will provide this dessert. Sugar? Yeah,

42:57

it will provide sugars that it

42:59

doesn't need, that it produces, but

43:02

doesn't want or need the sugars

43:04

and the mushroom benefits from the

43:06

sugar. So that's incredible. But they

43:08

also communicate with ants, properly communicate

43:10

with ants, right? Yeah. In South...

43:12

in Central America, you know, have

43:14

you heard of the leaf cutter

43:16

ants? Yeah. These lads go along,

43:19

they snip off the leaf and

43:21

they head off with their leaves

43:23

and you see them, I mean,

43:25

they're talking about like thousands of

43:27

these ants carrying thousands of leaves.

43:29

And I didn't know, I just

43:31

assumed where are they bringing the

43:34

leaves, they must bring them to

43:36

their underground giant ant cities and

43:38

I don't know what are they

43:40

doing with them. They're giving them

43:42

to a freaking fungus. They're not,

43:44

it's not for them. They're making

43:46

an offering to the fungus gods

43:48

of this is. Exactly what they

43:51

do. So effectively, you gotta think

43:53

of the ants like waiters, okay?

43:55

So they have gotten an order,

43:57

chemically, they've gotten an order, a

43:59

communication. from the fungus to say,

44:01

I want, today I need this

44:03

kind of tree, I need the

44:05

leaves, the ants go off

44:08

in their thousands, they can carry

44:10

back about 50,000 leaves a

44:12

day, they bring them back

44:14

down underneath the ground, five

44:17

meters underneath the ground,

44:19

to the mushroom, and the

44:21

fungus consumes the leaves,

44:23

breaks them all down, and in

44:25

the end. For the ant, it supplies

44:28

them with a regular food supply

44:30

of mini mushrooms. Not ones that

44:32

they want to spore, but mini ones

44:34

that the ants go, that's our

44:36

food supply, and it's a whole

44:38

symbiotic relationship. But they literally communicate

44:40

and tell the ants which ones

44:42

they want. So they're basically giving

44:44

the ant star babies. There you

44:46

go, eat that. You can have

44:48

a little small fill in the

44:50

corner. 100%. Wow. Wow. That's mental.

44:52

It is properly mental. properly mental.

44:54

And we all know that like

44:56

fungi or as I said that's

44:58

the grossest thing in the world

45:00

you can do is eat mushroom but

45:03

they're around okay so they're in our

45:05

fringes from a mushroom point of view.

45:07

But did you know they're also in

45:09

bread from a moisture point to bread,

45:11

beer, wine and a lot of cheese

45:13

all include types of fungi. Yeah so

45:16

yeast forming fungi, essential ingredient for

45:18

all of those and there's actually

45:20

a new one they've found recently

45:23

which they've this lion's main fungus

45:25

to coffee and it helps ferment

45:28

cacao beans into chocolate.

45:30

Jesus. So there's loads

45:32

of going on there. And the

45:35

final one I want to give

45:37

you is fungi can make their

45:39

own weather. Oh, no. Yeah, they can.

45:41

Yeah, they can. Yeah, they can. They

45:44

are, they are weird non plant

45:46

non-non animal things that live

45:48

in the ground. Okay. So,

45:50

by the way, can I just ask about

45:53

the plants? Oh yeah. Or the ants, sorry.

45:55

Phone guy says to the ant, we want

45:57

these super leaves today, right? We want, I

45:59

know, maybe. leaves. Sure. Go to Canada,

46:01

ignore what they're saying. Be bold,

46:03

she, get the maple leaf. It's

46:05

not going to be a maple

46:08

leaf, obviously, but it's going to

46:10

be a leaf. The ant goes

46:12

back in with a leaf and

46:14

then gets some numb-nom-nom-nom-nom, small little

46:16

parrotal fungus to eat. Yes. And

46:18

does that ever break down that

46:20

relationship? It's always fine. No, just

46:22

a plant that wants it. like

46:24

there's some sort of, you know,

46:26

because this is a deal essentially

46:28

and I'm and deals go wrong

46:30

where someone changes the terms of

46:32

the deals and I just have

46:34

an image of a revenge thriller

46:36

where the aunt goes in and

46:39

tries to take out all of

46:41

the mushrooms but because something's gone

46:43

wrong yes but the plant is

46:45

covered with the, sorry the aunt

46:47

has gone in to try and

46:49

kill all the mushrooms like a

46:51

suicide bomber but the aunt has

46:53

just gone in but it's just

46:55

covered in caniston. I've

46:59

pulled a little sack and just

47:01

a canister of poo's everywhere. Yeah,

47:03

well, I mean, given how large

47:05

I've described these underground fungi, you'd

47:07

need a lot of caniston. Yeah,

47:09

more countenance, more countenance. Okay. Okay,

47:11

so go on, tell me about

47:13

the weather. I have a claim,

47:15

I have probably the wildest claim

47:17

of all, Neil, okay. Is that

47:19

fungi can make their own weather.

47:21

No, okay, go on, explain this.

47:23

Okay, check it out, right? So,

47:25

Shataki mushrooms, which some people eat,

47:27

and oyster mushrooms, which some people

47:29

eat. Yes, yes. They can actually

47:31

create their own weather systems. Many

47:33

weather systems, this is what they

47:35

do, right? They release water from

47:37

the mushroom part of the fungus,

47:39

okay? Which evaporates in warm air,

47:41

turning into water vapor vapor, which

47:43

then cools the air, the cold

47:45

air will sink, and the warm

47:48

air will rise, and it creates

47:50

the smallest of breezes of breezes

47:52

of breezes. You wouldn't notice? I

47:54

wouldn't notice. But for the fungi,

47:56

it allows them to disperse their

47:58

tiny spores. over a larger distance.

48:00

It's effectively on a hot day,

48:02

it will, they will spray water

48:04

into the air, it cools, it

48:06

creates the difference between hot and

48:08

cold air and the little gust

48:10

of wind and off-gother spores. That's

48:12

mad. Properly mad. So if you

48:14

had enough mushrooms, would you plant

48:16

mushrooms at the base of a

48:18

wind turbine and power Ireland? No,

48:20

I'm not sure how many mushrooms?

48:22

If we had enough mushrooms, if

48:24

we had enough mushrooms, If we

48:26

had all those shittakis, if we

48:28

had all those shittakis, but like

48:30

it's a bit weird because it's

48:32

using the power to fire the

48:34

jet of sports out. Sorry, sorry,

48:36

the fire, the water jet out.

48:38

Why not just use that power

48:40

to also fire the sports? Pretty

48:43

much all of them. release their

48:45

spores into the wind. I guess

48:47

what this particular couple of species

48:49

is creating more wind more wind

48:51

than there was on a day

48:53

when there may not be a

48:55

breeze that they would be able

48:57

to create a little bit of

48:59

a breeze and spread their spores.

49:01

You know when you're driving along

49:03

and your windscreen gets 30 and

49:05

you've forgotten to fill the water

49:07

of weather, weather, or I can't

49:09

even say it, water reservoir. If

49:11

you're out in the middle of

49:13

nowhere, you can't get water, just

49:15

tape as many chitaki mushrooms. to

49:17

the front of your varnish as

49:19

possible. And hope, hope beyond hope,

49:21

that they want to spore. I

49:23

love my wife dearly, but she

49:25

cares so little for the cars

49:27

that I've ever gotten for her,

49:29

that across the front of her

49:31

windscreen, there is no water in

49:33

the reservoir, and there is definitely

49:35

a growth of some kind of

49:38

fungus along that it's all green

49:40

and sprouting, and it goes along

49:42

underneath where the windswipers are, and

49:44

it's shocking. Yeah, she gives out

49:46

to me if I suggest that

49:48

she might wash her car. And

49:50

you wouldn't go out and do

49:52

the necessary maintenance. No, because I

49:54

just get given out for going

49:56

near it. It's a waste of

49:58

time, is what I'm told all

50:00

the time. The visibility of a

50:02

windscreen is largely a waste of

50:04

time. A waste of time is

50:06

what I'm told. Well, I look

50:08

forward to the terrible mangled car.

50:10

I wouldn't wish anybody. Selection of

50:12

fungus facts for something that I

50:14

dislike so much, I feel I've

50:16

done, I've done it as a

50:18

service here because I'm certainly even

50:20

thinking about it in a better

50:22

light than I usually would and

50:24

I still hate their guts. I

50:26

mean it's begrudging admiration. Yes, that's

50:28

exactly what it is. Nonetheless, yeah.

50:30

That's fantastic stuff. If you want

50:33

to listen to Dave on the

50:35

radio, he's 9-12-1-2-F-M, I've added an

50:37

extra Vicky Street date to my

50:39

tour and an extra Leicester Square

50:41

theatre London date to my tour

50:43

as well today on my website.

50:45

And next week I shall tell

50:47

you about nothing as creepy as

50:49

I told you with this. Wow.

50:51

I hope not. Thank you Neil.

50:53

Bye. A-cast

51:10

powers the world's best podcast.

51:13

Here's the show that we

51:15

recommend. They said over and

51:18

over and over again, and

51:20

we just ignored it. What

51:23

if a warning siren sounds?

51:25

From Lawfare and Goat Rodeo,

51:27

this is escalation, a podcast

51:30

about the United States and

51:32

Ukraine. We were all living

51:35

in a bureaucratic process, and

51:37

Putin's living in the world

51:40

of hard power. And the

51:42

word escalation. Everyone just says

51:44

it. This latest escalation... We

51:47

generalized because of nuclear escalation.

51:49

And you know what's interesting

51:52

about the war? When you

51:54

don't want to understand the

51:56

war from the distance, it

51:59

comes closer and closer. Escalation

52:01

is out now, wherever you

52:04

get... your podcasts. Acast helps

52:06

creators launch, grow, and monetize

52:09

their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com