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1:40

Hello and welcome to another episode of

1:42

Why would you tell me that with

1:44

me Dave Moore him and Neil Delamer

1:46

and we will bring you Wow facts

1:48

crazy tales and big claims to make

1:50

you ask the question. Why do you

1:52

tell me that that's I have a time? Or

1:55

a fact you haven't started well Neil

1:57

you haven't started well as your internet

1:59

Fucked the second you opened your mouth.

2:01

It was perfect in the pre-chat. And

2:03

then you went, okay, that's actually, I'm

2:06

learning a new language. I'm learning, I'm

2:08

learning early modem. I don't know if

2:10

you know this. Yeah, see early modem

2:12

then old... It's very complicated. It's... Do

2:14

you know that somebody who spoke old

2:16

Norse would actually understand early modem? Yes.

2:18

Maybe my modem and my router acts

2:21

up when it knows I'm telling lies.

2:23

I think that's possibly going to be

2:25

what it is. Let me try that

2:27

again. Hello Dave. What I was saying

2:29

before my speech was compressed and ruined

2:31

was that I think... Listen, it's a

2:33

short fact, but I think it's top

2:36

five fact ever. on the first part

2:38

of the book. No, hang on, that

2:40

is a big claim. It's a big

2:42

claim, isn't it? It's a big claim.

2:44

No, that's not a big claim. That

2:46

is, I mean, I would expect, I'm

2:49

expecting... you to Uber deliver now. Okay,

2:51

like that's what I'm going to be

2:53

doing if I don't deliver. Sorry, I

2:55

assume you already live. Is that not

2:57

how you make your make ends meet

2:59

there, no? Judging by the quality of

3:01

your internet and other jobs. Please read

3:04

my internet five stars. I, well listen,

3:06

maybe not. Okay, I'll tell you why

3:08

I don't understand it now. I mean,

3:10

if you're going to go in, go

3:12

balls deep. Like, if you're going to

3:14

go away. That's why you never want

3:17

to see Dave Moore sitting in an

3:19

Amsterdam window. It's because on an apron

3:21

he'll be in the nip with an

3:23

apron saying if you're going to go

3:25

in go ball steep. It's just horrendous.

3:27

And I'll tell you why I like

3:29

it's pissy. it's it's repeatable it's you

3:32

will be incredulous and and it has

3:34

the natural world in it that's why

3:36

I think in that description it does

3:38

have the characteristics of a top five

3:40

why would you tell me that fact

3:42

it's not that I would doubt you

3:45

Neil I don't you know I'm I'm

3:47

your big biggest fan but it is

3:49

a big claim yeah it is a

3:51

big claim well listen if you've any

3:53

facts that you want to to spread

3:55

around the world with love and big

3:57

claims you can get in contact with

4:00

us and we are proudly parked at

4:02

the Acres Creator Network. I'm at Neil

4:04

Delamer Comedy and Instagram and you're at...

4:06

Dave, today I am is where you'll

4:08

find me. Yes, David, are you ready?

4:10

Go on. Listen, we've built it up,

4:13

it's been a couple of minutes, your

4:15

internet's holding fast. I think we strike

4:17

while they are in its heart, we

4:19

tear off the bandage, we go balls

4:21

deep as soon as the opportunity to

4:23

the opportunity arrives, so the opportunity arrives,

4:25

so go. Go. Go. Let me ask

4:28

you a question, you're in the woods.

4:30

Right, I remember not in the woods,

4:32

actually. You've had, you've built it up

4:34

so much and you've just set, immediately

4:36

set a story, you're in the woods,

4:38

actually maybe you're not in the woods.

4:40

Maybe you're not in the woods. You've

4:43

got to commit to this. No, no,

4:45

no, okay, you're outside, right? It's a

4:47

lovely day, let's, let's say you're in

4:49

America, the crickets, Automatic gunfire in the

4:51

distance, all the things that we've, the

4:53

shopping malls are not safe. Okay, you

4:56

don't have any sort of thermometer with

4:58

you, okay? I'll allow you to have

5:00

a watch, because you have a watch

5:02

with you most times. How can you

5:04

tell me what temperature it is? I

5:06

mean there are silly answers like look

5:08

at the flashing sign outside the pharmacy

5:11

which will say, you know, 1310, oh

5:13

no bones in America, I'll say one

5:15

10, then it will say 22 degrees,

5:17

like that's not allowed. It's not that's

5:19

Fahrenheit, it's not that, no, no. Of

5:21

course Fahrenheit. Let's say, let's say you're

5:24

in the woods, let's say you're in

5:26

the woods, I'm back in the woods,

5:28

you might be in the woods, you

5:30

might not be in the woods, you

5:32

might not be in the woods, you

5:34

might not be in the woods, this,

5:36

this doesn't, this doesn't, this doesn't, this

5:39

doesn't, this doesn't, this doesn't, this doesn't,

5:41

this doesn't, this doesn't, this doesn't, this

5:43

doesn't even, this doesn't even, this doesn't

5:45

even, it, this doesn't even, this doesn't

5:47

even, this doesn't even, this doesn't even,

5:49

this doesn't even, this doesn't even, it,

5:52

this doesn't to the woods but I'm

5:54

centering you in the woods okay you're

5:56

in the woods how do you're following

5:58

a trail of you're following a shell

6:00

of red crumbs there's an older woman

6:02

who doesn't look like she has good

6:04

intentions there's a wolf there's a little

6:07

red riding goat you're in the woods

6:09

outside so you mean specifically it's not

6:11

a fox Oh I see, right. And

6:13

you mean specifically a temperature as in

6:15

a number, not like, you know, as

6:17

for example on my radio show when

6:19

the newsreader finishes their weather, they will

6:22

say, with temperatures today ranging from 12

6:24

to 19 degrees. You don't mean, you

6:26

don't want a range. No, I don't

6:28

want a range. I want, you're right

6:30

about Fahrenheit, although it could be centigrade

6:32

as well or Celsius, or even Kelvin,

6:35

but I want Fahrenheit. Because we're in

6:37

America and that's what the American views

6:39

use. As in, there's a method. This

6:41

is one of your... There is a

6:43

method, right? Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

6:45

What would you do this to you?

6:47

By the way, you said the pharmacy,

6:50

you said listen to today FM, which

6:52

is fairly useless if you're in America

6:54

and the news read is going in

6:56

Dublin, trying to extrapolate the 3,000 miles

6:58

across the Atlantic Ocean, I assumed I

7:00

was going to use the brilliance of

7:03

today FM app powered by goal out

7:05

and I was going to run in

7:07

there and then tune in and wait

7:09

for the top of the hour with

7:11

the great, today FM giving me the...

7:13

Yeah, but you're in Wyoming Wyoming or

7:15

something fundamentally broken with your brain, you're

7:18

brain. Do I? Yeah. Place a body

7:20

part on the ground. Well, it depends

7:22

on the much you want to brag,

7:24

I suppose. Yes, like some sort of

7:26

horrendous old-fashioned stereotype in films where the

7:28

Native American would listen to the ground

7:31

like Tanto and tell us five miles

7:33

away. There's two horses coming ridden by

7:35

a man with a club foot and

7:37

four fingers on one hand. Yeah, you're

7:39

going to... Womp your ear onto the

7:41

ground and go it's 55 degrees from

7:43

it. I wasn't thinking ear. I'll just

7:46

categorize it. No, I know that and

7:48

I thought I was thinking, I was

7:50

thinking something like your knee or something.

7:52

You know, my maybe my, maybe my,

7:54

my, maybe my, my wonderfully shaped chest.

7:56

Maybe I'd pull off my t-shirt. Yeah.

7:58

I would lie on the ground. Okay.

8:01

And my nipples would determine the temperature

8:03

to an exact. The only reason I

8:05

don't know is because I haven't tried

8:07

it in the cops in Wyoming. Okay,

8:09

so basically, I suppose if you lined

8:11

the ground and your nipples hitting man

8:14

in Australia, we would say we're in

8:16

the low temperatures. I'd say 30 degrees

8:18

Fahrenheit. It's pretty cool at that point.

8:20

No, it's not that. By the way,

8:22

do you think that it would be

8:24

brilliant to remake the hit US TV

8:26

show cops? Yeah. But put an E

8:29

on the end of it. Police officers

8:31

exploring small woodlands. I do like that.

8:33

I mean, I think there's a whole

8:35

genre then. Good boys, good boys. What

8:37

you gonna do? What you gonna do

8:39

when they explore the undergrowth? Good boys.

8:42

I think there's a whole thing here.

8:44

Oh, do you know that Robert Frost

8:46

poem? I was in, what is it,

8:48

in a, in a wood and I

8:50

took the road less travel. That could

8:52

essentially be described as good cops by

8:54

cops. Good cops, bad

8:57

cops. That is so ridiculously, why

8:59

would you tell me that joke?

9:01

It requires... There are very few

9:03

podcasts in the world in which

9:06

this could happen. And there's a

9:08

reason for that. Okay, do you

9:10

want me to give you a

9:12

clue? I do need a clue

9:15

at this point. So I said

9:17

the birds are singing and the

9:19

crickets are chirping. Okay, you can

9:21

actually tell if you have your

9:23

watch, or you don't really even

9:26

need your watch if you can

9:28

count in your head, but it's

9:30

probably easier with the watch, if

9:32

you time the cricket's chirps for

9:35

about 15 seconds and add 40,

9:37

it will give you the temperature

9:39

in Fahrenheit. Shut up! I am

9:41

that lion. Count the chirps of

9:44

the crickets for 15 seconds. Yeah.

9:46

Actually hang on, while we're talking,

9:48

can I pull this up on

9:50

YouTube? Maybe we can actually get

9:53

some cricket noises. Well, you want

9:55

me to tell you why you

9:57

look... it up why cricket makes

9:59

a noise and makes? Yes very

10:02

much so I mean I assume

10:04

like the for example the non

10:06

why would you tell me that

10:08

in fact would be crickets chirp

10:10

by rubbing their legs together but

10:13

then I don't actually even know

10:15

if that's true wings wings wings

10:17

so I double-check this whole thing

10:19

on snopes and on QI and

10:22

on various other things so it's

10:24

wings it's not legs right so

10:26

it's only the male of the

10:28

species that does the chirping and

10:31

they do so to attract mates.

10:33

So if you're listening to crickets,

10:35

you're essentially eavesdropping on a courting

10:37

ritual. You're listening to the equivalent

10:40

of a... Do you want to

10:42

play a wicket there? That's what

10:44

you're listening to. Oh yeah, it's

10:46

the guy from the bar. Smurnafice

10:48

for you and the ladies. That

10:51

sort of stuff, right? Or... Or...

10:53

Or... Or... Or... Or... Just cricket

10:55

stripin here. So, I'm going to

10:57

count for 15 seconds. Sorry for

11:00

15 seconds. Sorry... six, seven, eight,

11:02

nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen,

11:04

fifteen, sixteen, eighteen, twenty, twenty, twenty,

11:06

twenty, two, twenty, two, twenty, twenty,

11:09

two, twenty, twenty, two, three, twenty,

11:11

three, twenty, four. Okay, so it

11:13

was fifteen seconds. Mm-hmm. I have

11:15

double-checked this. It is true. Okay

11:18

let me explain. Please explain. So

11:20

the courting ritual. Yeah so basically

11:22

male crickets trying to attract a

11:24

female or a worn off another

11:26

male apparently or apparently according to

11:29

QI it's at they said that

11:31

it's also celebrating it successful. So

11:33

especially well we've done it. Oh

11:35

well as in I got my

11:38

end away. Yeah yeah yeah. Wow.

11:40

The notion that counting the chirps

11:42

of crickets can serve as an

11:44

informal way of working out the

11:47

temperature is not new. There's a

11:49

thing called dull bears low and

11:51

there was a physicist called Amos

11:53

dull bear and He published this

11:56

thing in 1897, the cricket as

11:58

a thermometer, and his idea was

12:00

that outdoor temperature determined a number

12:02

of cricket calls one would hear.

12:04

So because they are, you know,

12:07

the warmer gets, the more kind

12:09

of enliven they become, it would

12:11

start to chirp more in higher

12:13

temperatures. And then his way of

12:16

looking at this relationship was turned

12:18

around. People now counted chirps to

12:20

get the temperature. rather the consulted

12:22

thermometer to figure out how many

12:25

quicker calls they were actually here.

12:27

But you know, do you not

12:29

hear like how adding 40 is

12:31

so arbitrary? Like how the the

12:34

crickets don't know that they're chirping

12:36

at a minus 40 Fahrenheit race?

12:38

Well. there are no no they

12:40

don't know but it doesn't the

12:42

crickets don't have to have cognizance

12:45

of temperatures for this to work

12:47

right but I fear you are

12:49

doing the cricket I mean this

12:51

isn't a service that the cricket

12:54

performs for human kind the cricket

12:56

doesn't go listen I know you

12:58

need to know about the temperature

13:00

today so what I'm gonna do

13:03

is I'm gonna just feel out

13:05

the temperature yeah and then according

13:07

to the information it doesn't know

13:09

what's doing it but maybe the

13:12

cricket is being paid in Crops?

13:14

I don't know what crickets like.

13:17

Do they like crops? Are they

13:19

locusts? I don't know. If at

13:21

the start that's it that sounded

13:23

weird. So there's been a rake

13:26

kind of suggestions that the old

13:28

farmer's almanac seems to be the

13:30

most reliable and they said that

13:32

to convert cricket cherps to degrees

13:34

Fahrenheit you count the number of

13:37

cherps in they said about 14

13:39

seconds and had 40 to get

13:41

the temperature. So 30 cherps plus

13:43

40 is 70 degrees Fahrenheit Fahrenheit.

13:45

Dr. Peggy Lamone of the Globe

13:48

Program, which is a science education

13:50

program funded by NASA and N-O-A-A-N-S-S-F

13:52

and others, studied the theory during

13:54

the summer of 2007 at her

13:57

home in Boulder, Colorado, and posted

13:59

her findings. on her blog, basically

14:01

she found out if she counted during

14:03

a 15 second span and

14:05

added 37 to that number

14:07

the resultant figure did closely

14:10

approximate the actual air temperature,

14:12

however one slightly adjusted the

14:14

formula by recording a chirp

14:16

count at 13 seconds and

14:18

adding 40. the results even

14:20

more closely adhere to the actual

14:22

air temperature. So basically 13 seconds,

14:25

14 seconds, plus 40 is very

14:27

close to the Fahrenheit temperature in

14:30

the air. However, a couple of

14:32

issues obviously, only accurate down to

14:34

55 degrees because at lower temperatures

14:37

they just stay ardent in the

14:39

mood for the local. Okay, okay,

14:42

okay, okay. So a couple of

14:44

things, right. Number one is, this

14:46

is incredible. Right? So number one,

14:49

hats off. You are right, this is

14:51

definitely up there with the, why would you

14:53

tell me that fact? The fact that it's

14:55

been proven time and time again with

14:58

slight modifications, the formula

15:00

incredible. Yes. So that's great. I

15:02

just, I'm just not happy with the

15:04

addition. It's like when... How do you

15:06

go from Fahrenheit to Celsius again?

15:09

Some are, like, you divide it

15:11

by 32 and add something. Take

15:13

away 32 and yeah, multiply, blah,

15:16

blah, blah, yeah. I mean, it's

15:18

112 degrees Fahrenheit is 100 degrees

15:21

centigrade, isn't it? It just

15:23

all seems a bit random, for

15:25

want of a better critique. Like,

15:28

how is this happening? Like,

15:30

why can we add a

15:32

random, human thought up constructed

15:34

number? to the amount of chirps

15:36

that a cricket does in

15:39

a setting in a cops

15:41

and get something accurately approaching

15:43

the temperature it just it I

15:46

don't know why I know but

15:48

it like it but it says

15:50

to Alan Partridge it defies sense

15:52

it does defies sense that's why

15:54

we like it now in terms

15:57

of if your smoke alarm battery

15:59

is going And you count the

16:01

number of chirps in that. If

16:03

your house is on fire, you

16:05

can tell how hot a fire

16:07

will be based on whether your

16:09

nipples are a flame or not.

16:11

So I know I checked this

16:13

and I went. This is so

16:15

weird. And on the national, the

16:17

national. Let me find this. The

16:19

National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration which

16:21

is the NOAA we referenced earlier

16:23

on. Like they have basically how

16:25

to do this with your local

16:27

crickets and you don't even need

16:29

to chat to them. There's implied

16:32

consent just by them being crickets

16:34

you know you don't need to

16:36

ask them for permission can i

16:38

or pay offers to pay them

16:40

in crops nothing their privacy or

16:42

anything like that no no and

16:44

we don't know exactly which cricket

16:46

they think it was the snowy

16:48

tree cricket of course and obviously

16:50

you don't want your crickets to

16:52

be near a warm building because

16:54

it would excuse crickets near a

16:56

fridge if you bring a cooler

16:58

out into the cops with a

17:00

couple of you don't want to

17:02

go on a beers yeah yeah

17:04

you don't presumably like a menopausal

17:06

cricket and I mean think about

17:08

it you could end up being

17:10

two or three degrees Fahrenheit off

17:12

yeah I mean this could have

17:14

catastrophic effects on I don't know

17:16

nothing yeah if your child is

17:18

sick and you want to know

17:20

if the child does a fever

17:22

Stig Creek is in its ear.

17:24

I'm just saying that maybe a

17:27

standard oral thermometer would be best

17:29

rather than going, stay with me,

17:31

Timmy, stay with me. One, two,

17:33

we just have to make it

17:35

to the cops. Four, it's a,

17:37

wait me, stay with me, two,

17:39

me. Oh, fuck, it. It's a

17:41

locust, it's not a cricket. It's

17:43

a prey on his face. Now

17:45

he is a fever, and I'm

17:47

trying to eat him. Oh my

17:49

God, what's going on. It's still

17:51

quality. That is not genuinely is

17:53

incredible. It's genuinely incredible. I am

17:55

as you suggested, I am blown

17:57

away, it's all of those things

17:59

you said it would be. And

18:01

the fact, like as I said,

18:03

I didn't believe it, but the

18:05

fact that it's been proven time

18:07

and time again and it's accurate,

18:09

and if you go 13 and

18:11

add 40, it's just great. I

18:13

would have, if you're going to

18:15

do this, have a rake of

18:17

crickets that you're going to, like

18:19

you don't want a cricket that

18:22

maybe has a high core body

18:24

temperature, you don't want like a

18:26

sona, a cricket just out of

18:28

bikram yoga, you don't want, as

18:30

I said, a menopausal cricket, no

18:32

absolute disaster. A cricket with any

18:34

kind of viral infection, but generally

18:36

if you take your average number

18:38

of cricket chirps, that's how you

18:40

can tell. Do crickets. I'll realize

18:42

you may not know this, but

18:44

I'm assuming you're an expert. Do

18:46

crickets suffer from the same thing

18:48

humans suffer from in that I'm

18:50

always warm? That's why I wear

18:52

shorts, for example. I'm never cold.

18:54

Okay. Whereas, like my wife, for

18:56

example, would have a cold nose

18:58

and my fingers are so cold.

19:00

I'm a cold person. Like I'm

19:02

just like, like obviously my temperature,

19:04

like I'd be like, with me

19:06

wings left right in center and

19:08

she'd be like. She

19:11

would, but she don't, because the females,

19:13

I don't. Yeah. But like, so, do

19:16

you think that there are crickets who

19:18

are hotter than the other crickets? I

19:20

mean, like in terms of attractiveness or

19:23

just core, what are you doing? Well,

19:25

I assume in terms of attractiveness there

19:27

are, otherwise, why would they bother? Yeah,

19:30

yeah, yeah. I don't know. That's fine.

19:32

You don't have to know. I'm just,

19:34

I'm just asking the universe. But I

19:36

mean, if you were using the insect-

19:39

thermometer. I mean I don't know if

19:41

you're necessarily massively into that level of

19:43

degrees of accuracy. Probably not. I mean

19:46

we're not saying this is in any

19:48

way useful by the way. It's just

19:50

no but I'm saying what I'm going

19:52

to do right what I'm definitely going

19:55

to do is next time I'm in

19:57

on my holidays because I'm going to

19:59

New York. The common house fly will

20:02

predict your child's leaving. The common house

20:04

fly will predict your child. That was

20:06

so, it was like, bumblebees, really? No,

20:09

they won't. They won't. The common housefly

20:11

will predict your child's leaving cert results.

20:13

To within one degree of accuracy. It's

20:15

the spider would give you a car

20:18

insurance course. Yeah, I'll stick with insects

20:20

for my second fact. This is a

20:22

bit more understanding. Um, Candyman, you've seen

20:25

the film, Candyman. Candyman, I don't think...

20:27

The scary, Candyman, Candyman, Candyman, the scary

20:29

films in the 1990s or 90s, is

20:31

this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, there's a

20:34

famous scene where he brings his... Lady

20:36

struck victim's stroke, you know, back to

20:38

his lair and she, he kind of

20:41

takes her in an embrace, I just

20:43

watched a couple of seconds before we

20:45

jumped on this and bees come out

20:48

of his mouth. Wow. There were real

20:50

bees. In the movie, there were real

20:52

bees. Yeah, yeah, he had real bees

20:54

down his gob. Wow. And he negotiated

20:57

a bonus of a thousand dollars for

20:59

his thing during the bee scene and

21:01

I got stung 23 times. Oh my

21:04

God. Yeah. Now, I don't know much

21:06

about making movies. Okay. What you'd say

21:08

is what this was in the 90s.

21:10

92, I think it came out. I

21:13

mean, surely there was enough CGI at

21:15

that point to fake the bees. I

21:17

think they didn't have a huge amount

21:20

of money and... Well they gave him

21:22

23 grand for his stings. Yeah, he

21:24

stung by a bee, what? Apparently the

21:27

director, this guy called Bernard Rose, was

21:29

watching Johnny Carson's show, right? And there's

21:31

a guy who's, Norman Gary was his

21:33

name, he was a professor of entomology

21:36

and he had this act and he

21:38

had... done is he had synthesized a

21:40

Queen B pheromone. Right. So he would

21:43

lather this on himself and they wouldn't

21:45

sting him. Because yeah, the Queen B

21:47

is there to protect. Bernard Rose was

21:49

there like, I am going to, this

21:52

is how we're going to do the

21:54

B scene. Don't mind your CGI, don't

21:56

mind? I'm going to laviate it in

21:59

Queen B pheromone. Yeah, and we're going

22:01

to get there. And he put them

22:03

in his mouth. Yeah, you can tell

22:06

it, an actor, an actor, anything, anything,

22:08

anything, can, can't anything, can't, can't, can't,

22:10

can't you, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't

22:12

you, can't, can't, can't, can't you, can't,

22:15

can't, can't you, can't you, can't you,

22:17

can't you, can't, can't you, can't you,

22:19

can't you, can't you, can't you. I

22:22

know very little about bees. Most of

22:24

what I've learned from bees is from

22:26

watching a lady, but I think if

22:28

we actually have live bees crawling out

22:31

of your esophagus, that's what's going to

22:33

do. That's what you have to ask

22:35

yourself. Yeah, he pretended to be. He

22:38

pretended to be. He wouldn't allow you

22:40

to shove bees. Because I know very

22:42

little about bees. Most of what I've

22:45

learned from bees is from watching a

22:47

lady on Instagram and Tik-tok who removes

22:49

bees from people. houses and barns and

22:51

sheds in America right yeah and she

22:54

has taught me that for example holding

22:56

your breath yeah will stop bees from

22:58

stinging you if you yeah because they

23:01

react to the carbon dioxide that you're

23:03

exhaling so no yeah so that's how

23:05

they basically they know where the carbon

23:07

dioxide comes out of your mouth and

23:10

nose so they will attack there because

23:12

they know that's your face Now they

23:14

don't know it's your face but they

23:17

know it's a vulnerable spot. What if

23:19

we were in a disco and those

23:21

dry ice everywhere? I wouldn't invite a

23:24

swarm of bees. But would the bees

23:26

be just like stinging random dry ice?

23:28

Like what would they be stinging random

23:30

dry ice? Like what would they be

23:33

stinging like what would they be stinging

23:35

like that would be did it be

23:37

all over the place? over where the

23:40

carbon dioxide bubbles are coming up when

23:42

you're underneath the water for fifth... 15

23:44

minutes at a time so that they

23:46

can sting you if they think you're

23:49

attacking their hive or threatening their queen.

23:51

Presumably that you're going to jump in

23:53

the water. You're not going to jump

23:56

in the water and stay in the

23:58

spot under which the bees are hovering.

24:00

Yes, but they will follow you. Yeah,

24:03

but how... Yeah, but you just swim

24:05

away from the bees. They would just

24:07

keep following you. They can fly, Neil.

24:09

You, but how are they, they're not

24:12

following, so you're trying to tell me,

24:14

if I dive into a simple, bees,

24:16

I'm running out with the cops, I'm

24:19

delight with myself, I'm going at 55

24:21

degrees centigrade, I could tell this, that

24:23

thank you, thank you, chirpy, I don't

24:26

know what chirpy that noise the day,

24:28

right? The cricket, but the chirpy, the

24:30

cricket is delight with himself, right? And

24:32

then suddenly I spot my mortal enemy.

24:35

bees. Yeah, bees chase me and they're

24:37

not happy enough that I clearly have

24:39

good relations with the crickets. They're traditional

24:42

enemies of the bees. We all know

24:44

this in the insect world. They chase

24:46

me because of a long-standing beef that

24:48

I have with the bees, right? And

24:51

I dive into a lake, elegantly. Yeah.

24:53

Nice. Beautiful. I mean all your Iron

24:55

Man training is paying off. Oh my

24:58

God. Oh my God. Straight into the

25:00

lake and I swim. Yeah. Underwater. Right.

25:02

For 25 meters. You're trying to tell

25:05

me if I hold my breath by

25:07

the way, there's nothing coming up. No,

25:09

there isn't. But you have to breathe

25:11

at some point. Yeah, but 25 feet

25:14

from where I entered the lake. They

25:16

will follow your CO2. This is true.

25:18

You used to believe that you can

25:21

add 40 to a cricket horse and

25:23

get the temperature and you won't believe

25:25

me an actual true flacked. I'm telling

25:27

you a true. I'm telling you a

25:30

true fact. Are you trying to tell

25:32

me the bees could chase down Michael

25:34

Phelps even though he can swim underwater

25:37

for like 25 feet away? Yes. They

25:39

can tell the carbon dioxide from that

25:41

far away. He's over there. I saw

25:44

a bubble. Yeah. I saw a bubble.

25:46

I'm going to lead them to. I'm

25:48

going to lead them into West Ham's

25:50

ground because that way there's no way

25:53

they're going to be able to catch

25:55

me. It has the start of the

25:57

match and everybody's Jesus forever blowing bubbles.

26:00

None of these pieces catch. You, you,

26:02

I tell you what when we finish

26:04

this episode you go on Google will

26:06

be sting me underwater and how do

26:09

they get me and blah blah blah

26:11

and you'll see and you'll eat your

26:13

humble chirpy pie. I thought you were

26:16

going to say you go and antagonize

26:18

beans and you come back to me.

26:20

Yeah, so what they tried to do,

26:23

by the way, in this, just to

26:25

finish it, is they tried to use

26:27

immature bees. Okay. Yeah, so your man,

26:29

Gary, was up on the roof of

26:32

the studio with a rake of immature

26:34

bees. A lot of teenager bees. Like,

26:36

yeah. That's a bad move. Sounds like

26:39

you should be on a register, doesn't

26:41

it? And now, Gary, isn't you, let

26:43

allow deer, a school anymore. But that's

26:45

not true, immature bees, in a hive

26:48

on a hive on a studio, because

26:50

on the roof of the roof of

26:52

the roof of the studio, because they

26:55

don't have any venom, because they don't

26:57

have any venom, because they don't have

26:59

any venom, because they don't have any

27:02

venom, So they tried to use those,

27:04

right? And after every shot, he would

27:06

vacuum them up into a little soft

27:08

pouch and take them back to the

27:11

dresser room. They have a dresseroom, they

27:13

have a dresseroom, they have stuff. I

27:15

thought John, you were marvelous at that

27:18

one. I've booked a Boyne commercial for

27:20

next week. I can't wait. Oh my

27:22

God, we're going to bloom. We've been

27:24

booked for a private gig and bloom.

27:27

This is Jude. Oh, John, you're amazing.

27:29

I know you're a child. I believe

27:31

Seinfeld is making something called a B

27:34

movie. I've been called up. I've been

27:36

called up for an audition. Oh my

27:38

god I believed you, I believed you,

27:41

I believed you. You were buzzy, you

27:43

were, you were angry, I believed you

27:45

could sting again and again and again.

27:47

Oh my god, and those stripes, hmm,

27:50

delightful. And so he would hoo for

27:52

them up with a little bee hover

27:54

and they would take it back to

27:57

the... dressing room in the little pouch

27:59

and they said all this is so

28:01

mad all Tony had was a dental

28:03

dam. She aizes to prevent them going

28:06

down his throat it was very courageous

28:08

he certainly was such an unsettling and

28:10

stunning image when the bees emerge from

28:13

his mouth. You have to watch that

28:15

clip now during the break that is

28:17

incredible. Oh my god why don't you

28:20

watch it now watch it now this

28:22

is live live googling live YouTubeing here

28:24

bee seen candy man. Well, by the

28:26

way, be seen, squid game, be seen,

28:29

be seen, Bridgeton, be seen, my girl,

28:31

be seen fried green tomatoes, be seen

28:33

hunger games, be seen wicker man, be

28:36

seen Tommy boy, be seen packed the

28:38

babysitter, there's a lot of be seen

28:40

in movies. Yeah, okay, Candyman, here we

28:42

go. Skip you about 145. Okay, so

28:45

he's laying her down, was actually a

28:47

little in Anderson. No. All right. You

28:49

should see his face, ladies and gentlemen.

28:52

It is the study of relaxed expectation.

28:54

So she's crying, looks like he's gonna

28:56

kiss her. He opens his coat. Her

28:59

hands got bees on them. He opens

29:01

his coat, he's covered in bees, he

29:03

opens his mouth. Oh, that is, that

29:05

is sick. And bees are coming out

29:08

of his cake. That director is right.

29:10

That looks unbelievable. Now you imagine that

29:12

thinking, yeah, there's bees actually coming out

29:15

of his mouth. Oh, that's so good.

29:17

That is so much. Like you don't

29:19

watch that and go, ah yeah, but

29:21

he has a dental dam, isn't he?

29:24

No, you don't at all. You big

29:26

wuss? No, but your dental dam, so

29:28

a bead isn't good down, you're into

29:31

your lungs, just in you? That is

29:33

very very impressive. Brilliant facts Neil Tellamer.

29:35

There you go. There's two. Two for

29:38

you and I'll go off in the

29:40

break and read about bees and see

29:42

if they can chase me underwater. I'm

29:44

sure they can. So what are you

29:47

going for me? That's actually true in

29:49

the second now. Oh my god, I've

29:51

got so much as true for you.

29:54

I'm going to tell you about one

29:56

of the worst things in life traffic.

29:58

Traffic. Okay. Hey,

30:01

Kristen, how's it tracking? With

30:03

Carvana value tracker? What else?

30:05

Oh, it's tracking. In fact,

30:07

value surge alert trucks up

30:09

2.5% Vans down 1.7. Just

30:11

as predicted. Mm-hmm. So, we

30:14

gonna... I don't know. Could

30:16

sell, could hold? The power

30:18

to always know our car's

30:20

worth. Accelerating, isn't it? Hey,

30:22

it's Matt here from P1

30:24

with Matt and Tommy, and

30:26

we're currently being sponsored by

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at go.acast.com/ads. Welcome

31:44

to Buzzy buzzy buzzy buzz

31:47

buzz. Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp.

31:49

Part two. Why would you

31:52

tell me that? Part two,

31:54

I should interrupt you very

31:57

quickly, it's gonna be... there

31:59

are the noises. Okay, is

32:01

that a year in LA by? Is

32:04

that like, yes, effectively, your conception

32:06

story? What is this? This is,

32:08

it stems from real life. So,

32:10

on Sunday, I was playing, playing,

32:12

I was coaching a match, my

32:14

daughters were playing in and was in

32:16

gray zones, which is very far from

32:18

where I live. It was about 50

32:21

minutes, five zero to get out there.

32:23

E elongated by about seven or

32:25

eight minutes because I had to call

32:27

to my friend. in Rahini and collect

32:29

him and his daughters and go out. Anyway,

32:32

we got out there, we talked out, we lined up, we

32:34

played the game, we won one nil, which

32:36

is a rare score line for an under

32:38

11 girls game, let me tell you. But

32:40

right, okay. Great, backs of the wall performance.

32:43

George Graham, Arsenal performance. Yes, exactly. One meal

32:45

away from home, three points on the board,

32:47

let's go. Brilliant. So after then we went

32:49

to Grey Stones for a bite to eat.

32:52

We looked around all the lovely restaurants. didn't

32:54

really find out. We went to this deli

32:56

in Super Valley, we got chicken fill at

32:58

rolls and sat in the park. Neil,

33:01

it was a delight. It was

33:03

a delight. It was a delight.

33:05

I'll catch up with good friends,

33:07

our daughters hanging around, looking out

33:09

at the sea, sunny, gorgeous, brilliant.

33:11

You could tell what temperature it

33:13

is, you were outside. If I

33:16

had counted the cricket sherp, or

33:18

the ring road around Dublin, which

33:20

is called the M50. So... Obviously we

33:22

jumped on what's called the N11 first that

33:24

turns into the M11, that turns into the

33:26

M50, and it brings us all the way

33:28

to the north side. And I would have expected,

33:31

you know, with a 9am departure time,

33:33

say 57 minutes all in, I would

33:35

have expected maybe, I don't know, 63, 64 minutes

33:37

on the way back, a bit longer. Obviously

33:39

it's a bit busier on Saturday kind of

33:41

lunch time than it would be in the

33:43

morning, but not too bad. The M50 moves

33:45

moves swiftly moved swiftly and all

33:47

the rest. delays between junction 17 and

33:50

14 and I went ooh that's quite

33:52

a it's quite a long stretch that because

33:54

the the junctions at that end of

33:56

the M50 are very distant I was

33:58

like that's a lot of delays. Sat

34:00

there, delayed, it was still moving, maybe

34:03

doing 30 kilometers an hour. It was

34:05

fine. Eventually got past Junction 14 and

34:07

off we went. Maybe not 100 kilometers

34:10

an hour, but maybe 70, 75, getting

34:12

up to 80. We're motoring. Then as

34:14

we hit Blanchard's town, I see a

34:17

sign over the motorway and it says,

34:19

delays after incident after Junction 4 Bally

34:21

Moon, delay is expected. I was like,

34:23

oh, another 10 minutes here. Left Grey

34:26

Stonesons at 1 o' 1 o'clock. Walked

34:28

into my back garden at 25 past

34:30

3, Neil. Oh, 2 and a half

34:33

hours effectively in traffic. And it was

34:35

meant to be about an hour. About,

34:37

I would have given an hour 10.

34:40

An hour 10 would have been, damn,

34:42

that was a bit long. But now

34:44

look, don't get me wrong, sunny day,

34:46

catching up with my friend who lives

34:49

in Edinburgh, I happened to be over,

34:51

you know, his daughter's chatting to my

34:53

daughter, like it was great. It was

34:56

an extra bit of time with them

34:58

that we hadn't we hadn't planned. but

35:00

I did not want to sit in

35:02

the car for effectively two and a

35:05

half hours, which is a long movie.

35:07

Yeah. Like it's not even a movie,

35:09

it's a long movie. Yeah. So it

35:12

got me thinking about traffic. So I

35:14

explored a little bit about traffic stats.

35:16

US economy loses $74 billion a year

35:19

due to traffic nail. God. The inefficiency

35:21

of traffic, the delays caused the, obviously

35:23

people in traffic, the people driving to

35:25

and from work, the delivery drivers, everybody

35:28

involved, it costs the economy 74 billion

35:30

dollars a year. The average driver in

35:32

a Western industrialised country loses a week

35:35

a year in traffic. That's the average.

35:37

So there's lots of people doing way

35:39

more than that. So if you've got

35:41

a bell curve and the average is

35:44

a week... a week a year, there's

35:46

people on the wrong end of the

35:48

bell curve losing two or three weeks

35:51

a year. So your year is effectively

35:53

could be 48 weeks long. Yeah, like

35:55

your average is 51, but you could

35:58

have people with a 48-week year because

36:00

they're spending so long in traffic. Is

36:02

there anything that you won't do in

36:04

the car? I hate eating in the

36:07

car. Oh my god, eating in the

36:09

car every day. It's all I like

36:11

to do in the car. Do you?

36:14

Oh, it's one of my favorite things.

36:16

I just think it's kind of grim.

36:18

Oh, well then you would think my

36:20

life is very grim. But I do

36:23

anyway. Yeah, yeah, fair, fair. He does.

36:25

He does. He's very grim. So go

36:27

on, tell me. I just kind of,

36:30

do you know what we're saying that

36:32

in the US, like a huge proportion

36:34

of meals are eating at the day?

36:37

Yes. Sorry eating at the Dutch, right?

36:39

And it kind of, it speaks to

36:41

me of a lot of people who

36:43

don't have a choice a lot of

36:46

time to have to create distances and

36:48

whereas, I suppose if it's if it's

36:50

a choice. and you is a busy

36:53

man and who wants a little bit

36:55

of peace and quiet. That's why you're

36:57

in your carry, eating your feeling. I

37:00

should point out, I don't get home.

37:02

Say it all to my family, cook

37:04

a meal and then take the plate

37:06

out into the driveway. That's not what

37:09

happens. My wife swears that she knew

37:11

a family where she is from in

37:13

small village in rural Ireland who of

37:16

a Sunday will go into the car,

37:18

sit in the car and read the

37:20

papers in the car. You're joking. Yeah,

37:22

and the family, the whole family would

37:25

do it. So there wasn't for pieces

37:27

going for one person that were all

37:29

out there. No, no, no. The roll

37:32

up the car, reading the paper, reading

37:34

the paper. in and around lunchtime a

37:36

little bit later than lunchtime. I started

37:39

early, finish early. And what I do

37:41

is I kind of power through and

37:43

work. So I have a bowl of

37:45

porridge at a quarter to nine and

37:48

then that's it until I walk out

37:50

the door out of cups of tea,

37:52

all of leaders and leaders of water.

37:55

But I basically won't eat substantially again

37:57

until I walk out the door and

37:59

on the way then I'll choose a

38:01

restaurant, a deli, a deli, to go

38:04

to the car and then I've had

38:06

about an hour's drive in the afternoon

38:08

to get home. And I will begin,

38:11

I'll make a quick phone call to

38:13

my wife to say hello, tell her

38:15

I'm on the way, and then I

38:18

will shout down on whatever good, God

38:20

deliciousness I've picked up in town. Is

38:22

that in the car park though? No,

38:24

no driving. I eat while I drive,

38:27

listening to, why would you tell me

38:29

that episodes? Other other podcasts that are

38:31

also available, but I listen to those

38:34

and then I would like eat. And,

38:36

oh, it's such a joyous time for

38:38

me. Now, of course, people don't realize

38:40

that you're a man of the people

38:43

kind of nonsense that you spout out.

38:45

There is a person feeding him. He

38:47

pays a person for an hour who

38:50

sits. Not even, I ain't a passenger

38:52

seat, but atop the joiner. Yes, yes.

38:54

I've strived. I have to get a

38:57

special seat belt fitted by Motability Ireland.

38:59

to me, to me straight into you

39:01

and just he just peels, he peels

39:03

the skin off a breaded chicken and

39:06

feeds into him like he's some sort

39:08

of debauched Roman emperor. No, I'm usually

39:10

eating a wrap with chicken and hot

39:13

sauce and cheese. This is the reality

39:15

of what I'm usually eating myself. Yeah,

39:17

but he gets every bit of grated

39:20

cheese individually, dropped into his mouth with

39:22

Starlingwood. That's what he does. And then

39:24

if he doesn't like the person, he

39:26

picks the most vulnerable people in society,

39:29

he stops at the traffic light of

39:31

white oil, and then just gives the

39:33

thumbs down or thumbs up, they're just

39:36

forcibly removed by a gun. from the

39:38

car. From the car. From the car

39:40

and he never sees them again and

39:42

then there's another person. All of these

39:45

people have a perfectly good pension plan

39:47

Neil. They're all fine. People weirdly, he

39:49

makes wear a mask that's his grandfather's

39:52

face and no one knows what. Christ!

39:54

Oh I really hope I always is

39:56

smart enough to know that none of

39:59

this is true. This

40:01

hot sauce isn't hot enough, but

40:03

how do you know master? The

40:06

cricket, the cricket, the cricket, told

40:08

me. That's an entirely different scale

40:10

of eat. That's the scovial scale

40:12

for the joke. I don't care.

40:15

Anyway, I like to eat my

40:17

car, okay? So it provides me

40:19

with a good time management solution

40:21

where I can eat food while

40:24

making progress on the way home.

40:26

and then get back and do

40:28

things like record this podcast and

40:31

go coach football and all those

40:33

things. Anyway, yeah. So the average

40:35

driver loses a year. What city

40:37

in the world, Neil, do you

40:40

reckon has the average worst congestion?

40:42

So in other words, I'm going

40:44

to say there's a 10 kilometer

40:46

journey to be made across this

40:49

city. Yeah. And there's the slowest

40:51

speed there for the longest time

40:53

it takes for cars to travel

40:55

across this city. Tokyo. No. LA.

40:58

Much closer to home. Not Dublin.

41:00

No. London. Yes. Is this? London

41:02

has the average worst congestion across

41:04

the day. It will take on

41:07

average, and this is all hours

41:09

of the day for 24 hours,

41:11

it will take 37 minutes to

41:14

travel 10 kilometres, which is an

41:16

average speed of 14 kilometers an

41:18

hour. But Neil, that pales into

41:20

comparison to the worst traffic congestion

41:23

during rush hour in a city

41:25

in a city in the world.

41:27

Just rush hour. Okay, that's not

41:29

London. That's not London. Is it

41:32

somewhere in China? It is not.

41:34

Is it somewhere in Central America?

41:36

It is not. Is it somewhere

41:38

in Europe? Yes. Is Istanbul. No,

41:41

Neil, it's not Istanbul. You live

41:43

there and so do I. What?

41:45

Dublin has the worst rush hour

41:47

traffic in the world. No way.

41:50

Yes. And here's a stat that

41:52

will make you sit up and

41:54

take. notice of your life and

41:57

probably for you Neil and for

41:59

me make us thank our lucky

42:01

stars. If you make a 10

42:03

kilometre trip during weekday rush hour

42:06

in Dublin. Yes. You will spend

42:08

158 hours extra in your car

42:10

in your lifetime than someone who

42:12

makes the same exact 10 kilometre

42:15

journey at a different time of

42:17

the day just like I do.

42:19

I start my rush hour journey

42:21

at about six. I start my

42:24

second rush hour journey at about

42:26

two. I am not in rush

42:28

hour. Yeah, neither am I. So

42:30

158 hours of your life you

42:33

will lose if you drive in

42:35

rush hour traffic in Dublin. And

42:37

this is a reputable source. You

42:40

haven't been chatting to the seagulls

42:42

again. This is actually... No, no.

42:44

This is the Guinness World Records

42:46

actually. That is absolutely insane. Wild.

42:49

I didn't realize it was that

42:51

bad. And the thing about, and

42:53

what makes it worse, of course,

42:55

about here, is that you have

42:58

no options in the same, okay,

43:00

now you do have options, you

43:02

can't cycle, you can walk, but

43:04

you don't have the degree of

43:07

options that you would have in

43:09

Paris or in somewhere that a

43:11

savage metro system, a savage area,

43:13

or even arterial routes in and

43:16

out of the city, there are

43:18

very few, like for example, I

43:20

have options once I get to

43:23

a place in Dublin called Fairview.

43:25

but i have to go through

43:27

fair view pretty much so yeah

43:29

i always think three car accidents

43:32

oh if you picked three places

43:34

in Dublin and it would only

43:36

take three or four that you

43:38

could absolutely grind the city to

43:41

a halt yeah i've been there

43:43

it's m50 pier street yeah poor

43:45

tunnel Still are working to encourage

43:47

you to encourage you. Good look.

43:50

If you want to do the

43:52

Italian job, that's how you do.

43:54

Okay, so Dublin is bad, London

43:56

is bad, but I want to

43:59

tell you about some of the

44:01

worst traffic jams in history. Okay,

44:03

Kwan. First of all, come with

44:06

me to 1990. Tokyo. There is

44:08

a typhoon warning and people are

44:10

asked to evacuate Tokyo City and

44:12

the prefecture to go to a

44:15

different prefecture which will not be

44:17

struck by the typhoon. At the

44:19

same time it's the end of

44:21

a holiday and holidaymakers are returning

44:24

through the Tokyo prefecture on their

44:26

way to other places as well

44:28

as obviously pulling off into Tokyo.

44:30

And there's four Garth Brooks concerts

44:33

in Tokyo. No. 15,000 vehicles are

44:35

in a traffic jam that measures

44:37

135 kilometers in length. A 135

44:39

kilometer length traffic jam. Yes. Jesus.

44:42

How many evening heralds would you

44:44

have sold? How many of those

44:46

boys, you know, squaging your window

44:49

at the traffic lights? Yes, imagine?

44:51

That is boom time for those

44:53

lads, isn't it? They're making a

44:55

few quays. We're going to get

44:58

on to something like that in

45:00

a minute. Not in Tokyo, not

45:02

in this one, but the typhoon.

45:04

That's a long traffic jam, but

45:07

it is not, Neil, the longest

45:09

traffic jam by distance. Long, 135

45:11

kilometers. That belongs to the French.

45:13

Spanish Arm in 1980 in 1980.

45:16

It was the end of the

45:18

skiing season in the French Alps

45:20

and a lot of people were

45:22

making their way back to Paris.

45:25

Back in that direction. Skiers, particularly

45:27

obviously, laden down with luggage, skis,

45:29

boots, trailers, caravans, holidaymakers all over

45:31

the place. There's a road called

45:34

the A6 which travels from Leon

45:36

to Paris. Leon to Paris. That

45:38

traffic jam. is the longest traffic

45:41

jam that has ever happened and

45:43

it was 176 kilometers long. Oh

45:45

my good lord. I mean that

45:47

is so far in fact let

45:50

me just see if I traveled

45:52

a hundred and seventy six kilometers

45:54

long yeah and was that bumbare

45:56

to bumbare to bumpare yes absolutely

45:59

was just one guy who accidentally

46:01

had stop and stop written on

46:03

both sides of his sign at

46:05

roadworks he was refurbishing the sign

46:08

and instead of go and stop

46:10

That's unbelievable. If you fly from

46:12

Dublin to Knock Airport, the distance

46:14

is 176 kilometers. That's one traffic

46:17

jam on one road. How long

46:19

did it take for those people

46:21

to get back? Well I want

46:24

to get to that in a

46:26

different traffic jam because this one

46:28

is the longest by distance. That

46:30

wasn't too bad. That was a

46:33

day or so. Maybe some people

46:35

who joined late were stuck in

46:37

it for over a day but

46:39

in and around a day cleared

46:42

that one, cleared that one, right?

46:44

Yeah. Now we're going for the

46:46

total number of vehicles. Oh, okay.

46:48

This is a very interesting one,

46:51

because it's in Germany, April 12th,

46:53

1990. You're a smart man, Neil.

46:55

You remember the politics of Germany

46:57

in the 1990s? It is. So,

47:00

the Berlin Wall had fallen, and

47:02

April 12th, in and around then,

47:04

was the first holiday since the

47:07

fall of the Berlin Wall. It

47:09

was Easter. And in East Germany...

47:11

Celebrating religious holidays was not allowed,

47:13

whereas in West Germany it was.

47:16

So a lot of people were

47:18

travelling east to west anyway. They

47:20

obviously wanted to see the free

47:22

west. They wanted to visit relatives

47:25

and friends. And then you add

47:27

on, it's a long weekend. We're

47:29

celebrating Easter. Might be knocking around.

47:31

Maybe I'll be there. And Neil,

47:34

this is going to sound wrong.

47:36

But I have checked and double

47:38

checked and triple checked. Yeah. Okay.

47:40

This is the number of vehicles.

47:43

that were involved in this. And

47:45

it just doesn't seem real, but

47:47

I promise you it is. Have

47:50

a guess at how many... cars

47:52

were stuck in the April, Easter,

47:54

1990, Berlin traffic jam. It's ridiculous

47:56

figure, isn't it? It is ridiculous.

47:59

Is it 80,000? 80,000 to me

48:01

would seem ridiculous, but it would

48:03

also seem like, you know, like,

48:05

I don't know, like, where a

48:08

lot of people do and they're

48:10

like, it seems, okay, it seems

48:12

kind of reasonable in some ways.

48:14

There were 18 million cars in

48:17

this traffic jam. 18 million. And

48:19

I have triple checked this. What

48:21

is the population of East Germany

48:23

at the time? Well. Populations. If

48:26

it's less than 80 million. Yeah,

48:28

it's not all of those. East

48:30

Germany 1990. Yeah, 17 million. And

48:33

then obviously it's not just East

48:35

Germans going west. East German is

48:37

going west. It's West Germans going

48:39

west. West Germans are going into

48:42

into East Germany. It's people coming

48:44

through Germany. There are 18 million

48:46

vehicles stuck in a traffic jam

48:48

for over 48 hours. Oh, Jesus

48:51

Christ. Like the numbers are mine.

48:53

Like, hang on, where did they

48:55

go to the Lou? At that

48:57

point, you're just going in your

49:00

love box. Well, this is where

49:02

it gets completely crazy. because now

49:04

I'm going to give you the

49:06

wildest one of all, Neil, which

49:09

is... Can I ask you about

49:11

that German one for a second?

49:13

Oh yeah, ask me any one,

49:16

yeah, absolutely. So in terms of

49:18

the German one, 18 million, is

49:20

that over the course of the

49:22

weekend, going back and forth? Or

49:25

it's one traffic jam, it's the

49:27

roads going east to west and

49:29

west to east? Yes, it's all

49:31

the roads stuck in that, yeah,

49:34

and I mean, traveling at slow

49:36

enough kilometers per hour. that it

49:38

is a traffic jump. It is

49:40

deemed as a traffic jump. Wow.

49:43

Just for context, okay? Yeah. 18

49:45

million cars is the population of

49:47

Ecuador. Netherlands, Guatemala, and all that.

49:49

Okay, but that no, these are

49:52

all kind of, these are all,

49:54

it's wild. That, and it's just

49:56

that many cars, that means people

49:59

was, it was an even bigger

50:01

number because obviously there were people

50:03

in the cars. But also there's

50:05

a lot of kind of, I

50:08

would assume that the cars come

50:10

from East and Europe, or East

50:12

Germany are smaller cars that it

50:14

would have been, you know, the

50:17

trobants and that sort of stuff.

50:19

Okay, but that, no, no, these

50:21

are, these are all kind of

50:23

amateur traffic traffic traffic traffic traffic

50:26

traffic traffic jams traffic jams traffic

50:28

jams, to the Beijing traffic jam

50:30

of August 2010. I want to

50:32

take you to the 14th of

50:35

August 2010. I'll tell you something,

50:37

I remember doing this on the

50:39

radio because I remember hearing about

50:42

it and going, this is going

50:44

to be big numbers because I

50:46

know there's nine million bicycles in

50:48

Beijing alone. So like, there's got

50:51

to be loads of cars in

50:53

this one. Okay, so this is

50:55

the total number of days. in

50:57

a traffic jam. Days, no, not

51:00

hours. Days per traffic jam is

51:02

not a measurement. You want to

51:04

be involved? No. But let's, let

51:06

me paint a picture for you.

51:09

Okay. So just north of Beijing,

51:11

there is inner Mongolia. Yep. And

51:13

inner Mongolia, all of a sudden,

51:15

finds a huge coal deposit. So

51:18

the lads go, this is class.

51:20

Let's go get the coal, bring

51:22

it to Beijing. We're going to,

51:25

we're all going to be rich

51:27

ladslads. Yeah. So. So. There are

51:29

very, there's no trains, because trains

51:31

obviously a good way to transport

51:34

coal efficient, big, huge, no. These

51:36

are just trucks in any of

51:38

coal trucks. So they're driving on

51:40

this big freeway, big, you know,

51:43

motorway, but it's not big enough.

51:45

So they widen the roads to

51:47

accommodate the coal boom and the

51:49

huge number of trucks coming out

51:52

of inner Mongolia. This is China,

51:54

Neil, would you like to have

51:56

a guess at its widest point

51:58

how many lanes there are on

52:01

each side of the motorway? I

52:03

mean in Ireland we're so lucky

52:05

at one point on the M50

52:08

we've got three lanes on our

52:10

hard shoulder. I'm gonna go 12

52:12

lanes each way. 50 lanes each

52:14

way. Each side, Neil. Mother of

52:17

God, how many cats did they

52:19

kill for the cat's eyes? That

52:21

is a ferocious amount of loose

52:23

chippings in the early stages of

52:26

that. 50 lanes. Well, good that

52:28

you reference things like that because

52:30

the road construction, unsurprisingly, was hurried.

52:32

Because there's a colboo. There's money

52:35

be made, lads. Trundarolds down. I

52:37

don't care, look, you can usually

52:39

do two kilometers a day, give

52:41

me 20 kilometers a day and

52:44

give me 50 lanes wide. Okay,

52:46

so you got 50 lanes wide

52:48

each way. Yes. And very heavy

52:50

trucks leading with coal, not the

52:53

lightest substance known to man, going

52:55

on hastily assembled roads. You can

52:57

see where this is going. I'd

53:00

imagine this isn't great now. Yeah,

53:02

add to this, the fact that

53:04

there are obviously way stations, you're

53:06

only allowed a certain weight, you're

53:09

only like... take a certain weight

53:11

as you begin your journey, as

53:13

you're weighed in the middle, as

53:15

you end your journey. The truck

53:18

drivers see a chance to get

53:20

rich. The amount of coal they

53:22

bring determines their salary. So they

53:24

start paying off the lads at

53:27

the opening way station. Paying off

53:29

the lads at the middle way

53:31

station. Paying off the last the

53:33

end of the way station, everyone's

53:36

getting rich now. The coal companies

53:38

are boving. The government's going, this

53:40

is great, let's keep it up.

53:43

You're doing brief 50 lanes each

53:45

way, unbelievable. Yeah. The roads begin

53:47

to crumble. Oh God. So then

53:49

repair works begin to the 100

53:52

lane motorway. So they start closing

53:54

lanes, and they close more lanes

53:56

because they need to repair the

53:58

lanes that are crumbling, and they

54:01

close more lanes. But the truck

54:03

numbers don't go down. If anything,

54:05

they're going up. Yeah. Beijing is

54:07

a very densely populated place. People

54:10

are going to Beijing all the

54:12

time on this road. There's always

54:14

huge amounts of traffic. Now there's

54:16

massive... of amounts of trucks. Now

54:19

there's massive construction work. And on

54:21

the 14th of August 2010, there

54:23

began a bottleneck at a tall

54:26

booth. And it led back and

54:28

led back and led back. And

54:30

it was eventually 100 kilometers long.

54:32

Not as long as we know

54:35

from the 176 French one, but

54:37

it was 100 kilometers of 50

54:39

lanes. Neal. Trucks have huge fuel

54:41

tanks. Trucks are motor along, one

54:44

kilometer an hour, stopping, whatever. Cars

54:46

are smaller fuel tanks, so cars

54:48

run out of fuel. Cars aren't

54:50

the greatest quality, so cars break

54:53

down. And as a car breaks

54:55

down and runs out of fuel

54:57

in the middle of a 50

54:59

lane highway, it ain't getting out

55:02

of the way. People start to

55:04

free up heat as well. All

55:06

of those things. People start to

55:09

freak out. They don't have phone

55:11

chargers, it's 2010. They don't have

55:13

food or water. So the locals

55:15

go, hey, coal miners getting rich,

55:18

so are we. So they come

55:20

out onto the roads in the

55:22

evening time, they've got bottles of

55:24

water, they've got noodles, they've got

55:27

fruit, they've got cigarettes and everything.

55:29

They sell them at about a

55:31

15x price, Neil, because if you

55:33

don't have water, you will buy

55:36

it from whatever price it is.

55:38

Can I just say, you've laughed

55:40

to me? for always every single

55:42

day of my life wearing a

55:45

nappy just in case. You always

55:47

say, but one day I said

55:49

to you, one day who knows

55:52

if I'm gonna get stuck in

55:54

a Chinese coal-based traffic jab. And

55:56

who'll be laughing then? Nan Dipper

55:58

boy. Yes, I'll be the one

56:01

defecating into a bucket of KFC.

56:03

problems, anger, road rage, people, you

56:05

know, life happens. So in the

56:07

middle... this traffic jam there's somebody

56:10

who's trying to get to a

56:12

hospital see a loved one there's

56:14

people who need to get home

56:16

their kids aren't being mine there's

56:19

so much life going on but

56:21

it doesn't move Neil it's a

56:23

hundred kilometers long the average speed

56:25

during this traffic jam was one

56:28

kilometer a day and Neil it

56:30

lasted prepare yourself for 12 days

56:32

what people were stuck in the

56:35

traffic jam for 12 Surely, like

56:37

a song on the fifth day

56:39

of the traffic jam, my trullo

56:41

said to me, stop! Shitting out

56:44

the solar roof! You, all the

56:46

first psychopath, we're trying to wash

56:48

the clothes there. People got out,

56:50

they showered, they bought the overpriced

56:53

water, they showered, they clean, they

56:55

ate, they did everything they could

56:57

do. People walked, people bought bikes

56:59

and cycled, people tried everything. It

57:02

was... such a disaster, the authorities

57:04

eventually allowed more trucks than was

57:06

previously permissible into Beijing at a

57:08

certain time. They, especially at night,

57:11

they let loads of trucks in,

57:13

which eventually, after 12 days, cleared

57:15

the traffic jam. My God. I

57:18

mean, I cannot picture, I cannot

57:20

picture what, 12 days in a

57:22

traffic jam, like, I love my

57:24

car. I love all the cars

57:27

I've ever owned, but I love

57:29

this one in particular. It's an

57:31

electric car. It's so comfortable. I

57:33

always have snacks in my car.

57:36

As I've said already, I eat.

57:38

I always have snacks. I have

57:40

spare bottles of water. I have

57:42

chargers, cables, you know, those kind

57:45

of charger blocks. I have milkyways

57:47

in the pocket of the door.

57:49

If I reach behind... the passenger

57:51

seat and the little like mesh

57:54

net thing at the back. There's

57:56

curly whirlies in there. Like you're

57:58

like a diabetic James Bonn. Q

58:01

shows you around the car and

58:03

he asked him, and he goes,

58:05

and you go, is it a

58:07

revolving number? Play it. No, but

58:10

if you press that button, a

58:12

quiz, shoot out straight into your

58:14

mouth. Double-on, blood sugar, seven. See

58:16

those switches there? Yes, they're actually

58:19

minstrels. They're just for sure. You

58:21

can flick them off. straight into

58:23

your mouth and make sure that

58:25

you've met. Oh man, that sounds

58:28

amazing. But my boot is then

58:30

full of extra supplies because what

58:32

I like to do is I

58:34

like to buy the multi packs

58:37

at the supermarket prices and then

58:39

I put them in the boot.

58:41

So at any one time, if

58:44

it's kind of been a bumper

58:46

supermarket hall, there could be two

58:48

bags of chocolate bars in there

58:50

and crisps and other bits. Oh,

58:53

you know, there's so many, I

58:55

don't even think. That's what you've

58:57

just announced there. I would prepare

58:59

myself well for this 12-day Mammoth,

59:02

Beijing, coal-based traffic jam. Isn't that

59:04

wild? I wonder what is the...

59:06

It would be a great start

59:08

to a story, a film that

59:11

you got caught now. What's... Yeah,

59:13

what happened? All the stuff that

59:15

you intended to do. Like, like,

59:17

with enough people, somebody was on

59:20

the way to murder somebody else

59:22

and they survived. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely.

59:24

Absolutely. Absolutely. And by conversely, somebody

59:27

was on the way to save

59:29

somebody's life. Come with us. And

59:31

yeah, wow. Okay. There you go.

59:33

That is quality. That is quality

59:36

gear, I have to say. Thank

59:38

you. And obviously it leads us

59:40

to the point where we are

59:42

now safe to say that thankfully,

59:45

well, you're probably listening to this

59:47

in some kind of traffic as

59:49

people listen to podcast in their

59:51

cars a lot. Hopefully. but you

59:54

and I are going to go

59:56

right now to a place of

59:58

some beehives. Yes. And we're going

1:00:00

to anger the Queen. I'm going

1:00:03

to anger the Queen. And then

1:00:05

you're going to jump into a

1:00:07

lake. Yeah. That's the plan. We're

1:00:10

going to see who gets stunk.

1:00:12

Okay. Listen to him on the

1:00:14

radio. Come to me live on

1:00:16

tour. in the next three a

1:00:19

couple of days in Figure Street

1:00:21

and we'll talk to you next

1:00:23

week. Good luck! From four weeks

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at One Peloton.com. A-cast

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powers the world's best podcast. Here's the

1:00:58

show that we recommend. Welcome back to

1:01:00

Two Judgey Girls. I'm Mary from the

1:01:03

Bay. And I'm Courtney from LA. TJG

1:01:05

is the podcast where we spill all

1:01:07

the tea on your favorite reality TV

1:01:09

shows, celebrity gossip, and everything in between.

1:01:12

We're here to bring you our unfiltered

1:01:14

opinions, hilarious commentary, and plenty of laughs

1:01:16

along the way. We're two SDSU Delta

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Gamma sisters with a microphone and a

1:01:21

whole lot of opinions. Each week we

1:01:23

dive headfirst into the wild world of

1:01:25

reality television from Bravo to all the

1:01:28

trash TV you could want. We break

1:01:30

down the drama, dissect the latest scandals,

1:01:32

and share our thoughts on everything from

1:01:34

the jaw dropping moments to the embarrassing

1:01:37

antics. But that's not all. We're not

1:01:39

here to just gossip. We're here to

1:01:41

connect with you, the jurors, and share

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our love of all things pop culture.

1:01:46

Whether we're dishing on the latest celebrity

1:01:48

breakups, discussing our favorite guilty pleasure movies,

1:01:50

or sharing embarrassing stories from our own

1:01:53

lives, we promise to keep it real.

1:01:55

Keep it real. it fun

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and keep you

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coming back for more.

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back for with

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