0:01

Are you ego

0:03

-ing? Let

0:06

go of my ego -ing. What is the

0:08

ego? Do you do

0:10

the ego or does the ego

0:12

do something to you? I'm

0:14

doing a series, three

0:16

parts. This is part one in the

0:18

What in the Woo? Whoa,

0:20

whoa, whoa series. I'm

0:22

traveling for the next few weeks.

0:25

First up, I'm going to Egypt,

0:27

maybe some day. you

0:29

will come with me because I think

0:31

I'm going to keep going. But right

0:33

now, when this recording drops, I will

0:35

be en route to kissing the

0:37

Sphinx. I will send you

0:39

some photos from the temples. So I'm going

0:41

to roll out this three -part series, What in the

0:43

Woo? We're going to cover the

0:45

ego. We're going to do

0:48

that right now. The inner child.

0:50

And we shall conclude with some fun

0:52

with karma. Big twist on it. So

0:55

are you ego -ing? Or

0:57

are you loving? I

1:00

want to kick this off

1:02

with a diamond liberating reframe

1:04

of the ego. You ready?

1:07

This might feel amazing. I hope it feels amazing.

1:09

Here it is. The

1:11

gift of the ego

1:13

is to show us who we truly are. It's

1:17

like got a bow on it. struggle

1:19

with it most of our lives, but

1:21

it all leads to our divine nature.

1:23

It's a gift. It has divine utility. The

1:25

ego is not your evil twin. Not

1:29

really. I mean, maybe it is like

1:31

your evil twin, but metaphorically, it's not

1:33

a curse. The ego

1:35

is your shadow and your

1:37

shadow is your power

1:39

portal. Isn't that the

1:41

best news ever? I feel so much

1:44

relief. This took me a long

1:46

time to figure out. I'm here to

1:48

flatten your learning curve because for

1:50

the longest time I thought I

1:52

needed to punish all

1:55

of my egocentric isms.

1:59

My arrogance needed

2:01

to be told a thing

2:03

or two. I

2:06

thought meet my arrogance with

2:08

even bigger arrogance. My neediness

2:10

needed to be squashed. I

2:12

felt really ashamed of my,

2:14

really my deepest needs, my

2:17

fear of the future. What a

2:19

loser, manipulating to

2:21

get my needs met, which

2:23

really, not in my defense, but

2:26

with realism for humanity.

2:28

Most of us go through

2:30

life, manipulating in one

2:32

way or another to get our

2:35

legit needs met, you know. I

2:37

eventually realized I was

2:40

in this constant state of

2:42

striving to burn my

2:44

karma, to

2:46

behave, to

2:48

rectify my karma. Or

2:51

there were periods, occasions

2:54

when I thought, I'm just going

2:56

to ignore my dark side and

2:58

plow forward, willful as fuck, with

3:01

a great smile, paid a lot

3:03

for this dental work. But

3:06

no, I

3:08

learned that I've needed

3:10

to assimilate, to

3:12

actively, intentionally embrace

3:14

my ego, to be

3:16

gentle with my

3:18

shadows. And that is

3:21

some scary work. I

3:23

had to change my

3:25

relationship to my shame of

3:28

my shadowy parts. to

3:30

my fear of my shadow self, to

3:32

my fear of the collective shadow, oh my

3:34

god, take me out. But

3:36

first, before I could do that,

3:39

and I've made some progress with that,

3:42

I had to understand what

3:44

the ego actually was because

3:46

the personal growth scene in

3:48

the 90s really did me

3:50

dirty in terms of ego

3:52

misinformation. got

3:57

curious about a lot

3:59

of ego -centered teachers. Too

4:02

curious about that and

4:04

not enough Carl Jung and

4:06

loving kindness in my ego

4:09

approach protocols. I have

4:11

some useful synonyms for the

4:13

term ego, help flesh this

4:15

out, the shadow, the

4:18

unhealed self, the

4:20

wounded self. I

4:22

think more specifically I would say

4:24

the perceived wounded self. So

4:26

many of our wounds are just how we look

4:28

at things, you know? The small

4:30

self, lower self, the

4:33

abandoned self, abandoned by

4:35

us, the

4:37

unconsciousness, the subconscious, the

4:40

inner child, which I'm going to

4:42

talk a lot about next week, and

4:45

ego -ing. I love

4:47

ego -ing. I'm borrowing that term.

4:49

I'll tell you who I got it from. Short

4:52

version, the ego. is

4:55

the unhealed part of us. Isn't

4:58

that sweet and

5:00

approachable? Doesn't that feel

5:02

true? More

5:04

succinctly. The

5:07

ego is the way that

5:09

our unhealed self acts. It's

5:12

really just like unhealed

5:14

behavior acting out. So

5:16

I know you know this,

5:18

but the ego is not

5:21

this energy, this entity outside

5:23

of ourselves. doesn't

5:25

come from another

5:27

dimension, it's not

5:29

a curse, it's our creation, it's

5:31

part of us. It's

5:34

back to this notion of

5:36

it being the way our unhealed

5:38

self acts. It's a

5:40

way of exaggerating a sense of

5:42

separate self. The ego thinks

5:44

it's separate. This is a function of

5:46

the mind. The mind's job is

5:48

to say, this is hot, this is cold,

5:50

this is right, this is wrong, this is

5:52

inferior, this is superior. For better,

5:54

for worse, that's what the mind does. Keeps

5:56

us safe, brings us back to home. What's

5:59

the gift of the ego to show us who

6:01

we really are? That's the gift of the mind. We

6:03

use our free will, we engage the mind, we

6:05

get to truth. And truth is

6:07

beyond the mind. Anyway, the

6:10

ego is an

6:13

exaggeration that we

6:15

are separate from

6:17

each other. It

6:19

has this way of identifying that

6:21

it's actually, it isn't soul, it

6:23

isn't from source. It's

6:25

separate from all other forms of

6:28

life. It's superior to animals

6:30

or whoever voted in a particular

6:32

way. It's

6:34

not fully part of God's

6:36

source. It could not be

6:38

possibly that powerful. So

6:41

it's a way of seeing ourselves as

6:43

alone. And when you perceive

6:45

yourself to be alone, you

6:48

might start to think that you're in a

6:50

hostile universe, an unfriendly

6:52

place. And the

6:54

ego acts like it wants to keep

6:56

it that way, but it doesn't,

6:58

not really. The ego

7:00

is looking for love. We

7:03

tend to think, or

7:05

at least how I was raised, because

7:07

you know, I was too

7:09

big for my britches, that

7:12

the ego is always about grandiosity

7:15

like bravado flash arrogance

7:17

you know but ego

7:19

behavior also shows up

7:21

just as much as

7:23

insecurity as being overly

7:25

meek overly self -deprecating

7:27

that part of us

7:29

that believes we're separate

7:32

from everything else is

7:34

going to work all

7:36

sides it's going to

7:38

tell you all kinds

7:40

of stories to

7:42

stay in its familiar place, to

7:44

keep you out of high vibration

7:46

states and experiences. It

7:49

is craving,

7:52

but not that interested

7:54

in acceptance or

7:57

communion, but that's what it really wants. We

8:00

might think that our

8:02

ego is the villain, that

8:04

it's out to get us, that

8:07

it's not really us, that

8:10

it's apart from our divinity from

8:12

our sacred nature. But

8:14

the ego isn't actually separate from us.

8:16

It just likes to keep up that

8:18

appearance. So, let's

8:21

get really meta with

8:23

this. The shadow

8:25

comes from the same source

8:27

as the light. But

8:30

the shadow isn't real. It's just a

8:32

shadow. It's only a projection. But

8:35

it comes from the light. The

8:37

darkness has a divine origin.

8:40

All shadows are cast by light,

8:42

which is to say, stay

8:44

with me here. The

8:46

ego is a figment of your imagination.

8:49

You're making it up. But

8:52

you're the one that's doing

8:54

the imagining. You're the

8:56

consciousness. You're the spiritual

8:58

adult. You're the grown -up.

9:00

You're the higher self. You're the

9:02

lower self, becoming your higher self.

9:04

You're the light source that's casting

9:06

the shadows. This is also really

9:09

good news. You're in charge. So

9:11

while the ego is

9:14

this false sense of being

9:16

alone, it actually really

9:18

belongs to us. It has

9:20

a place. And

9:22

rather than trying to tame it or

9:24

leave it behind on our way to being

9:26

more enlightened, we need

9:29

to accept it for what

9:31

it is and let it

9:33

finally, finally, finally just come

9:35

to peace. So

9:38

let's get to one of my favorite

9:40

terms, ego -ing. The

9:43

ego is a behavioral pattern, right?

9:45

It's a way of thinking. And

9:48

its way of thinking is either on

9:50

the defense or it's on the offense.

9:52

But it's never coming from the heart

9:54

because the heart is inclusive. Everything's okay in

9:56

that heart space. There's room for all

9:58

of it. There's no division in the

10:00

heart space. It's inclusive.

10:02

It's the portal to the higher self.

10:05

It's got room for your stuff and my

10:07

stuff. So, it's not

10:09

so much that we have an

10:11

ego, it's that

10:13

we ego our way

10:15

through life. So

10:17

this is where the term ego -ing comes from.

10:19

One of my favorite teachers, you've probably heard

10:21

me speak of him before, Adya Shanti, who

10:24

was born Steven Gray, he was

10:26

a cyclist, a Zen

10:28

meditator, had some

10:30

awakening experiences, and I find

10:32

him to be like one

10:34

of the most accessible, honest. clear,

10:38

loving teachers. Anyway,

10:40

he refers to this as ego -ing. So

10:43

my next step from

10:45

that is to think that,

10:47

you know, when we

10:49

could be loving, we're ego

10:51

-ing. And the term

10:54

ego -ing helps me approach

10:56

the ego as a behavioral

10:58

pattern instead of this

11:00

enemy outside of myself. And

11:03

I think that when we

11:05

see the ego, as just

11:07

a way of operating instead

11:09

of this external character. I

11:12

feel like it helps us to

11:14

be more understanding and compassionate with

11:16

that construction, that thing we've made

11:18

up, the ego, and with ourselves,

11:21

with the rest of ourselves. So

11:24

some ego behaviors.

11:26

When we're being a

11:28

bit brazen or

11:30

too timid, What

11:32

if instead of saying, oh, that's my ego

11:34

and I need to get it in check

11:37

and we get into like taming and scolding

11:39

it? What if instead we just say, oops,

11:41

I was egoing and now I can

11:43

get back to loving? Boldness,

11:46

overbold, pushy, timid,

11:49

meek, letting

11:51

our insecurities get the best of us.

11:53

Those are all ego behaviors and you

11:55

can just get right back to loving. You're

11:58

just doing it. You're not

12:00

being it, you know? This

12:02

means that the

12:05

ego is an amazing

12:07

coach, like

12:09

a fantastic trainer

12:11

in intimacy, emotional

12:14

intimacy. Because when

12:16

we're going about doing our

12:18

ego -ing in relationship, when

12:20

we're comparing and we're all

12:22

fearful and wigging out and

12:24

we're rejecting parts of ourselves

12:26

and parts of others, that

12:28

is exactly when we get to meet

12:30

our shadow. shadow

12:32

comes up and says, hi, I

12:35

am what you have been

12:37

repressing. And all of this love

12:39

and this longing and this

12:41

attention is bringing me out of

12:43

the shadows. And this is,

12:45

this is the opportunity to heal.

12:47

This is the opportunity to

12:49

be compassionate, to be forgiving, to

12:51

be radiant, you know. So

12:53

there's a quick move you

12:56

can make in terms of

12:58

eagling. And it's best to

13:00

do this repeatedly. Quick

13:02

and over and over again. Speak

13:04

kindly, just

13:06

like a mother would, to the

13:08

parts of yourself that you've been

13:10

avoiding, to the parts

13:13

of yourself that you've been

13:15

hating on or trying to

13:17

hide. Just speak

13:19

kindly within and maybe

13:22

out loud, especially

13:24

to the stuff that's been wreaking

13:26

havoc in your life. You

13:29

might say, oh, sweet. Jealousy.

13:33

I see you. You can

13:35

relax in my heart. I accept

13:37

you, even though you have torn

13:39

my life apart. You

13:41

have made me into a nutcase

13:43

in relationships. I have space for

13:46

you. I'm not asking you to

13:48

not be jealous. And

13:50

when you have these

13:52

conversations with these havoc

13:55

-reaking, embarrassing parts of

13:57

yourself, these so -called

13:59

shameful fragments, You

14:01

breathe into your heart when you're

14:03

talking with your shadow parts. This

14:06

is very, it's critical,

14:08

it's very metaphysical. Breathing

14:10

into your heart chakra, well,

14:13

you intentionally

14:15

converse with

14:18

your neuroses.

14:21

That part of you that feels

14:23

like it can never crack into

14:25

that beautiful people circle. There's

14:28

all that seeking and that fawning that

14:30

you're doing for an entry point in with

14:32

the cool kids. You gotta love

14:34

that part of your needy nut

14:36

bag self. You talk

14:38

to her when you're in the bathtub. You

14:40

say, darling girl, I

14:43

know you always feel uncool and

14:45

you feel unabandoned. That's okay. You just

14:47

feel your feelings and you just

14:49

sit in my heart and rest. I

14:52

made you. I

14:54

trained you. I have space for

14:56

you. I'm a grown -up. Sit in my heart

14:58

and rest. I have so much love for

15:00

you. You don't even need to change. You don't

15:02

need to be less needy. Just park it

15:05

here. Don't hang out anywhere

15:07

else. Stay with me where it's safe. This

15:10

is shadow work. And

15:12

shadow work is the ultimate and

15:14

original cringe. It's the most

15:16

profound cringe. It's the cringiest of

15:18

cringy. Let's

15:20

do another ego racket.

15:22

That bullshitter actor part.

15:26

some of us having us, that

15:28

way that we kind of round

15:30

up the truth, so -called truth,

15:33

you know, that part of you

15:35

that may be tainting your entire

15:37

life, you have to

15:39

love it. Just like

15:41

a little kid needs to

15:43

be loved, little gangster,

15:46

little bullshitter kid, yeah? A

15:49

little kid who's just looking for love. You

15:52

don't even need to forgive that part

15:54

of yourself. Not

15:56

even necessary. Don't even engage in

15:59

that conversation. I forgive you. No, no.

16:01

Your love is unconditional. There's not

16:03

even a need for forgiveness. You

16:05

just make space for that actor

16:07

in you to relax in your

16:10

mind. You talk kindly to it.

16:12

You know why? Because it needs

16:14

a break. It's looking for love.

16:16

You have got the love. This

16:19

is the work. It's the work of

16:21

a lifetime, by the way. You

16:23

know, practitioners can sit

16:25

on a meditation cushion

16:27

for years, perpetual retreat,

16:30

just trying to do

16:32

this work to dissolve

16:34

their self -loathing, their

16:36

internal and external

16:38

cruelties. This is it. I

16:41

think that ultimately, well,

16:44

I don't think there is an ultimate, I

16:46

don't think we arrive anywhere. I think we're here

16:48

now and there will be somewhere else tomorrow. It's

16:51

endless. Does that feel like good news

16:53

or bad news? I don't know, it depends on

16:55

the day, doesn't it? I think

16:58

we will all get to this

17:00

more relaxed place if we

17:02

do the work, the heart -centering

17:04

work, where we can just laugh

17:06

with our ego instead of

17:08

at our ego. We

17:10

just will be able to say, I'm on

17:12

my way to enlightenment and I'm bringing my

17:15

ego with me. That's

17:17

it. There's no resentment. There's

17:19

just loving awareness. light

17:22

and their shadow, no

17:24

fragment left behind. So

17:27

shall we review? Because

17:29

I love me a good bullet point list.

17:31

The ego or the shadow

17:33

self is the unhealed part

17:35

of us. Specifically, it's

17:38

the way our unhealed self

17:40

acts out. So

17:42

that acting, perpetuated, is

17:44

a behavioral pattern. The

17:46

ego is a way of thinking. And

17:49

that way of thinking exaggerates

17:53

a sense of being separate.

17:56

The ego acts like it doesn't want to

17:58

be loved and to be healed. Like

18:01

it doesn't it doesn't need

18:03

the sweetness and the gentleness and

18:05

the spiritual direction but it

18:07

really does want it because all

18:09

fragments in the universe want

18:11

to return home. This

18:13

is all a journey to go back to

18:15

source, to go back to the heart. The

18:19

gift of the shadow is

18:21

to show us that we are

18:23

the light source. The

18:26

gift of the ego is to show

18:28

us who we truly are. Genuine

18:31

authentic love. Ego

18:33

centered. The

18:35

heart centered. I

18:38

will keep being here for you

18:40

again and again in my ego out

18:43

of my ego mostly hopefully in

18:45

my heart always with love. Danielle

18:54

Thank you so much for

18:56

listening, for feeling, for

18:58

spreading the word. With

19:00

love.