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more at W.G.U.E.U. Hi

1:32

everyone, it's Sophia. Welcome

1:35

to Work in Progress. Hey

1:47

Whip Smarty's one of our

1:49

favorite early guests is back

1:52

on the podcast today. We

1:54

are joined by none other

1:56

than award-winning comedian Whitney Cummings.

1:58

You know her for her.

2:00

observational humor and currently she

2:02

is on the road with

2:05

her big baby North America

2:07

tour exploring some pretty signature

2:09

themes of relationships gender dynamics

2:11

and modern dating from a

2:13

very new perspective that includes

2:15

being a mom what it's

2:17

like to age and societal

2:20

expectations of all those things.

2:22

She has so many great

2:24

stories and laughs and so

2:26

much wisdom to share and

2:28

I'm just so thrilled that

2:30

she is here today. So let's

2:32

dive in. I'm so happy to

2:35

have you back. I'm so happy

2:37

to have you back. I feel

2:39

like we had the best conversation.

2:41

You were one of my first

2:44

guests on the pod in 2019.

2:46

We made all these plans to

2:49

hang out and ride horses and

2:51

then the fucking world shut down.

2:53

And I was like, oh, I guess I'm

2:56

just never going to be social again. But

2:58

I feel like we're getting we're getting back

3:00

to it now. I also think, I mean, this

3:02

might be a hot take, but like. We do

3:04

also get to socialize for public

3:06

consumption, which is slightly toxic, but

3:08

also radically feminist, to just monetize

3:10

our friendships, like everyone's too busy,

3:12

whatever. I mean, it is funny

3:14

because whenever I hang out with

3:16

a girlfriend of mine or run

3:18

into a female comic friend of

3:20

mine at the comedy store, it's

3:23

always like 10 minutes in to

3:25

where they're like, do you want

3:27

to pad? Like, why are we

3:29

doing this for free? Oh my

3:31

God, I'm obsessed. We were just

3:33

saying we were getting the camera

3:35

set up for this and it

3:37

was a little wide and they

3:39

were like, oh, well, we can

3:41

see your feet on the couch.

3:44

I was like, no, no free

3:46

feet. No, that's so funny.

3:48

No one gets free feet.

3:50

And you're right. No one,

3:52

no one, no one should

3:54

get free, free hangs either,

3:56

I guess. I'll take it. We'll

3:59

talk about. I mean, changes

4:01

in personal lives for both of

4:03

us, hello. You have a baby.

4:05

I have a baby. How is being a

4:08

mom? Well, the good news is

4:10

currently my toddler gets along

4:12

well with my inner child. Okay,

4:14

great. The concern was, is my

4:17

inner child and my actual child

4:19

gonna get along? And they do.

4:21

It's a trip. I mean, look,

4:24

I don't have to tell you

4:26

like. I just always thought in order

4:28

to have a kid, you have

4:30

to have the guy. And so

4:33

my brain could like, you know,

4:35

just this socially constructed timeline, even

4:37

though half the people in my life

4:39

at least got the guy, then the

4:41

kid, then broke up with the

4:43

guy, but I was still going

4:45

out to get the guy first,

4:47

even though there was very little

4:49

proof that that was a working

4:51

formula. Right. Or anyone. I froze my

4:54

eggs when I was 33, highly recommend

4:56

whenever anyone asks me for advice about

4:58

literally anything. I just go, don't ask

5:00

your parents for a trip to Italy

5:02

when you graduate or those shoes or

5:04

that purse, just go freeze your eggs.

5:06

It's like an insurance policy. You get

5:08

car insurance. The goal is you never

5:10

actually get a car accident, just put

5:13

your shit on ice for many reasons

5:15

because I did find myself. doing this

5:17

math, you know, like, okay, I'm 32,

5:19

I'm dating this guy, all right, so

5:21

we have a year before we, and

5:23

then a year, we'll take a year

5:25

to get pregnant, and then I'm like dating

5:27

guy with a chain wallet because I'm lowering

5:30

my bar, lower and in total, like, I

5:32

guess I just have to date a guy

5:34

who wears a rope as a belt, all

5:36

right, you know, because you start doing the

5:39

math of like, they start calling it

5:41

a geriatric pregnancy pregnancy

5:43

at 35, 35. 75 year old Smithers

5:45

told me I was having a geriatric

5:47

so I was kind of like I guess

5:49

I'm never gonna have a kid I guess

5:51

I'm not adopt I did kind of for a

5:54

while because you know this you're like this

5:56

too I rescue animals and I was like maybe

5:58

I should adopt like is having your kid

6:00

kind of like getting a dog

6:02

from a breeder at this point

6:05

like I should be adopting there's

6:07

so many kids who needs homes

6:09

and then I went through pretty

6:12

hardcore grief after the pandemic which

6:14

all of us just scrambled our

6:16

brains I did experiment with edibles

6:19

during the pandemic oh wasn't a

6:21

match for my brain okay so was

6:23

making a lot of bad choices in

6:25

the romantic area I did that too

6:28

it's okay Yeah, I mean it was

6:30

just like two edibles and I'm dating

6:32

a rock climber like how like

6:35

we'd be legal unclear and also

6:37

A bigger thing is I was

6:39

on birth control, which I was

6:41

on for migraines, I think, you

6:44

know, I got these date piercings,

6:46

the piercings on the inside here

6:48

on both sides. Does it help?

6:50

Placebo effect is an effect. So

6:53

if that's why it works, fine.

6:55

60% effective. I'm obsessed with opening

6:57

a medical practice that's just placebo

6:59

effect because placebo effect is actually

7:01

higher than the effect of most.

7:04

Yes. drugs. It's kind of a genius idea.

7:06

And so I was on birth control,

7:08

which there's all this sort of, look,

7:10

I'm the first person to poke holes

7:12

in like research, but showing that when

7:15

you're on birth control, you're attracted to

7:17

a different kind of partner because you

7:19

smell pheromones differently, your body thinks it's,

7:21

you know, so you're attracted to a

7:23

different kind of person. They say that

7:26

if you're going to get married, get

7:28

engaged, go off birth control for a

7:30

year. before you get the government

7:32

involved to make sure that you're

7:34

still attracted to that person. Wow.

7:36

So I went off birth control,

7:38

I went off Prozac in my

7:40

grief, I just forgot to take

7:42

it all, you know, and I was

7:45

hanging out with this awesome, awesome

7:47

guy who, you know, it's interesting,

7:49

like, this might sound savage, but

7:51

I think there's something so

7:53

cool about it where I was like, look,

7:55

I know I'm not your match. And look,

7:57

in X's, my new favorite thing is to

7:59

just go, we weren't a match. Yeah.

8:01

I don't have to give them

8:03

a diagnosis. They're a narcissist. They're this

8:06

maybe, but also we just weren't

8:08

a match. And like, that's fine. And

8:10

instead of like carrying all these

8:12

negative terms about X's, like, you know,

8:14

and so we're just not a

8:16

match. Like they are a pathological liar

8:18

and I'm not. I mean, it's

8:21

like, you know. I know a thing

8:23

or two about that. I just,

8:25

well, they're actors. They lie for a

8:27

living. They win prizes for lying.

8:29

So, you know, but I try to

8:31

just like take all that negativity

8:33

out of it and whatever hit of

8:35

superiority I need to like, you

8:38

know, I was like, we're not a

8:40

match. He's younger than me. And

8:42

I'm like, look, I want you to

8:44

be able to like have all

8:46

these like life experiences with somebody who

8:48

isn't so road hard and put

8:50

away wet. And so like, oh, I

8:53

overrated. Like you should be able

8:55

to like go enjoy it. Go to

8:57

Cancun. Please. And there is this

8:59

next generation of younger guys that are

9:01

like actually like not monsters. They

9:03

grew up with like Beyonce and Michelle

9:05

Obama. Like they kind of only

9:08

saw a black president, you know, for

9:10

most of their life. And you

9:12

know, they grew up with like Bernay

9:14

Brown and a lot of video

9:16

games, I got to say, are like

9:18

about chivalry and a lot of

9:20

them are about killing hookers. But there's

9:22

some that are, you know, there's

9:25

these Dungeons and Dragons guys and these,

9:27

they're very cringe, but like rent

9:29

fair guys. Oh, one of my best

9:31

friends and I love a rent

9:33

fair. They're very, very pro. Sophia, wait,

9:35

we're, oh, no, I have, okay.

9:37

So are we going? No, are we

9:40

going? I've already DM'd rent fair.

9:42

I'm trying to be the queen for

9:44

the, for the year. So the

9:46

rent fair queen, the rent. I want

9:48

to be in your court. It's

9:50

a year. I'm ready. I

9:53

DM them and they, and they actually,

9:55

I'm on, I've been left on red

9:57

by the rent fair. seen

10:00

it. Wow. Okay. And it's, it's tougher

10:02

than like getting rejected on

10:04

Riah. You, you don't know, the

10:07

rent fair is like, we're good.

10:09

But Lindsay Sterling and I go

10:11

together. And, and here's this thing,

10:13

I, I'm so curious, and I want

10:15

to shut up, ASAP. I'm going

10:18

to get TMJ on this podcast,

10:20

but I just am so excited

10:22

to talk to you. Is there anything

10:24

that you're doing in life as

10:26

an adult? because I'm always looking

10:29

for like hobbies as entertainers. It's

10:31

like, what are we doing to be

10:33

entertain? Where you're doing something kind

10:35

of to make fun of it, or kind

10:37

of as a joke, and then you're like,

10:40

no, I'm just doing it. Like, I've been

10:42

to the Renfair like six times like as

10:44

a joke, and I'm like, yeah, I just

10:46

go to the Renfair. Okay, so yes, I

10:48

have discovered and I thought it was ironic

10:51

and that I was being very contrarian and

10:53

silly and silly with my girlfriends,

10:55

I'm just a Disney adult. And I

10:57

didn't know I was a

11:00

Disney adult, but then I

11:02

went to Disneyland, went on

11:04

rides with all my friends,

11:07

ate corn dogs all day.

11:09

There are every delicious food

11:11

from around the world, including

11:14

Little Benets, are at

11:16

Disneyland. And I want

11:19

to go all the time. Okay. Let's

11:21

break this down because I think

11:23

I'm someone who historically maybe poked

11:25

fun at Disney adults because I

11:27

didn't have Disney in my childhood.

11:30

I think we went one time

11:32

in my childhood like, it's great.

11:34

I went one time, one of

11:36

my best girlfriends is Jennifer Goodwin,

11:38

she played Snow White princess yes, and

11:40

Josh Dallas is whatever so we went

11:43

and they're like they're like gods there

11:45

right oh yeah at a tour guide

11:47

and I'm such a weirdo I didn't

11:49

grow up around Disney I didn't I

11:51

didn't really have a childhood like I

11:53

you know I so I'm asking all

11:55

these questions about like the park I'm

11:58

obsessed with the park I yeah is

12:00

all princesses that used to work at

12:02

Disney telling all the secrets of like

12:04

what they had to wear makeup wise

12:06

and what you know because the Disney

12:08

princess is very strict rules they're not

12:10

a lot to say certain things you

12:12

know and like who are that I'm

12:14

just fascinated the makeup they have to

12:16

wear all of it and they can't

12:18

pee they can't go to the bathroom

12:20

they can't eat they can't drink water

12:22

like none of it and so I'm asking

12:24

all these questions to this guys and I'm

12:27

like so what's the deal with the deal

12:29

with the because there's this whole underground

12:31

like jail and I've heard about this

12:33

I want to see it. And I

12:35

think it's like one in every like

12:37

30 people at Disneyland is an undercover

12:40

cop. And if you really just sit

12:42

there, and then you'll watch someone just

12:44

go up to a guy and be

12:46

like, hey dude, you're going to come

12:48

with me, we're going for a walk.

12:50

Like they have it obviously, you know,

12:52

so hardcore, so dialed in and then

12:54

I'm like. That's the only place I

12:56

want to be at a time when

12:58

you're like the Epstein list and all

13:00

these creeps are everywhere. I live at

13:02

Disneyland where their policy is no creeps.

13:04

No creeps. I love that. If that

13:06

could be a policy everywhere outside

13:09

of Disneyland also I would be

13:11

so grateful but unfortunately. I think

13:13

girls should just be able to

13:15

go there for like girls nights

13:17

because there is no creeps or

13:19

at least they handle the creeps. Yeah.

13:21

And then the cat. You know they let

13:23

out. 100 cats at night to take

13:26

care of the rat problem just to

13:28

make sure there's no rats love it

13:30

every night I love the Disneyland like

13:32

oh I love that you have the

13:34

lure it's a whole city there's a

13:37

city underneath I mean Disney like there's

13:39

a city so I'm sure that being

13:41

a you know do you look back at

13:43

anything that used to make fun of or

13:45

not like and then realize it's

13:48

because you were becoming it like

13:50

We kind of become what we hate, like whatever

13:52

we resist, persist, or you know, whatever adage kind

13:54

of like works, but I find whenever I'm like,

13:56

oh, Disney adults, I'm kind of like, I feel

13:58

like that's on the rise. That's probably why

14:01

I'm like resisting so hard. It's like

14:03

when you're like mean to a guy,

14:05

you're like, oh, I actually just like

14:08

you. Well, so really the point of

14:10

this podcast is we're going to Disneyland

14:12

together. Sold. And Ren Fair. Let's go.

14:14

Okay, wait. But when you were talking

14:17

about Ren Fair, you were also talking

14:19

about this sort of younger, more gentle,

14:21

dudes that go to a rent fair.

14:24

So where's that train going? Next generation

14:26

of God, not all of them, I

14:28

can't speak for all of them, we

14:30

only see the redid stuff and the

14:33

negative stuff, but I think the next

14:35

generation of guys is going the opposite

14:37

way from these like porn obsessed, like,

14:40

you know, checked out overstimulated with women.

14:42

I hope so. There's a lot of

14:44

younger guys that are not using porn

14:46

and they're like, their kink is like

14:49

love. because that's the kinkiest thing you

14:51

can do at this point is like

14:53

one woman actually be in love like

14:56

missionary and like eye contact and like

14:58

kissing because like it was so extreme

15:00

for this like pendulum is like swinging

15:03

back and he's just this like just

15:05

the I don't know I just became

15:07

obsessed with him I was like I

15:09

know I'm not your wife like But

15:12

can I just go off birth control?

15:14

And if it happens, it happens. Because

15:16

you might not be my husband, I

15:19

might not be your wife, but you

15:21

are a father. Like, just I see

15:23

it so clearly. And that's what happened.

15:25

That's what happened. Yeah. And what's the

15:28

non-relationship relationship now? It's the best. There

15:30

was this part of me that was

15:32

like, make it work, make it work,

15:35

make it work, to have this new

15:37

year family that you always wanted. And

15:39

it was like, that's not fair to

15:41

him. I think that we forget sometimes

15:44

as women when you're in any relationship

15:46

or guys probably do it too. I

15:48

just can't speak to that. Where you're

15:51

like, you know, I need to make

15:53

this work. Like, you know what, just,

15:55

can you imagine if you found out

15:58

the other person was thinking like that

16:00

with you? Yeah. We forget what we're

16:02

like, I'm gonna be a martyr and

16:04

make this work. Like, eww. you're wasting

16:07

another person's time. If you're already, you

16:09

know, if you're pretending or faking or

16:11

trying to make something work, I mean,

16:14

look, if you're in, of course, relationships

16:16

take work, I really can't speak to

16:18

all that, because I get so confused

16:20

around it, but I was just like,

16:23

I don't want to have any internal

16:25

monologues that are negative about this. Let's

16:27

just start this off, like honest and

16:30

forward thinking and radical acceptance so that

16:32

our son never knows any different, you

16:34

know, just sees us as like good

16:36

friends and we don't complicate things and

16:39

I just never want to show resentment

16:41

or weirdness around him. So we just

16:43

started co-parenting like from the beginning and

16:46

it's such a blast. That's so cool.

16:48

It's like a dream and then I

16:50

started dating the guy that I'm with

16:53

like when my son looked like three

16:55

months old. Oh my goodness. That's so

16:57

cool. just like look it's so hard

16:59

for me to trust that anyone would

17:02

be into me in any capacity that

17:04

the guy that I'm with now we

17:06

start dating when I had a newborn

17:09

like that's what it takes for me

17:11

to be convinced that you actually like

17:13

me to throw you in the deep

17:15

end so hard you know I'm like

17:18

still hemorrhaging from childbirth and just purple

17:20

from barico's veins and just you know,

17:22

here's my baby. Here we are. I'm

17:25

breastfeeding. I can't really walk and you

17:27

know, so the guy that I'm with

17:29

now. So it's kind of a wild

17:31

dynamic, but like why not? And now

17:34

a word from our sponsors who make

17:36

this show possible. Oh, Whipsmarties, do we

17:38

have the scoop for you? So. What

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is it, you ask? It's that Discover

17:43

is accepted at 99% of places that

17:45

take credit cards nationwide. But before you

17:48

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proof that this kettle of tea is

17:54

not only piping hot, but 100% true.

17:57

So yeah, sometimes it pays to be

17:59

a little nosy, but it always pays

18:01

to discover. Based on the February... 2024

18:04

Nielsen report. Learn more at discover.com/credit card.

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19:20

think there's something, you know,

19:23

not that we've had

19:25

the same experience, but

19:27

I do think there's

19:29

something about meeting a

19:31

person when you are your

19:33

most taken apart in

19:35

a way. And for me, like, I

19:37

had to really deconstruct

19:40

so many things about the

19:42

pressure I put on myself, the

19:45

subconscious pressure I put on

19:47

myself. approaching 40 and wanting

19:49

to be a parent and

19:51

doing all these things. And yeah,

19:53

sure, there's things that aren't for

19:55

public consumption and there's

19:57

diagnoses you could give and all

19:59

those. that you're talking about, but at

20:01

the end of the day, it's like,

20:04

no, if we're just trying to build

20:06

the image, but the life inside isn't

20:08

happy or you feel hollow or it's

20:10

like a movie backdrop, like it looks

20:12

like the mountains, but actually it's just

20:14

a sheet that's been painted on? Like

20:17

what are we doing and why do

20:19

we feel like we have to do

20:21

it that way? And I grew up

20:23

watching parents. fight like dogs that would

20:25

not have been together. I remember sobbing

20:27

begging my parents to get a divorce

20:30

and you know I just I don't

20:32

feel like it's fair. You know I

20:34

think that children understand oh this didn't

20:36

work out like now I can show

20:38

you if things don't work out the

20:40

way that the Norman Rockwell painting is

20:43

like it's it's okay. And you know

20:45

I think that it was also liberating

20:47

because I was like okay I'm 40

20:49

years old if I start over right

20:51

now. not having a child, which I

20:53

want, you know, so bad. I'm just

20:56

going to put so much pressure on

20:58

everyone I date. Like, are you a

21:00

father? Are you a father? And dada,

21:02

let me see. I'm just going to

21:04

be like, how big are your hands?

21:06

And like, just getting so primordial. Do

21:09

you have any history of heart disease

21:11

in your family? What about rare cancers?

21:13

Like, I'm just getting this while we're

21:15

sending it to 23 and me right

21:17

now. I don't think it's fair to

21:19

be, you know, we talk about objectifying,

21:22

you know, women a lot, but it's

21:24

not fair to objectify a man on

21:26

the first date. Like, are you a

21:28

father? Are you a father? You know,

21:30

are you a homeowner? And you can

21:33

say, let me see your credit score.

21:35

Like I just, you know, so I

21:37

was like, let me just take this

21:39

off the table. And then I had

21:41

this, you know, because that worked, you

21:43

know, you know, person needs to go

21:46

to your husband and your best friend

21:48

and the father of your kid and

21:50

your you know and the handyman at

21:52

the house and the part like everything

21:54

or your girl whatever it is and

21:56

so to me I'm like okay now

21:59

that I have my heart

22:01

so full I can actually

22:03

go out and find a

22:05

teammate a co -pilot a

22:07

partner instead of like my

22:09

world I have a world

22:11

already yeah you know and I think

22:13

that my relationship support was so codependent

22:15

because I was like I need you to

22:17

you're my dad that never loved me

22:19

and my mom that drank and you're you

22:21

know and then I was getting my

22:23

emotional needs met from like Hollywood like I

22:26

mean it was my it was mentally

22:28

ill so now it's like I think it's

22:30

just about how do you get your

22:32

emotional needs met in appropriate ways and the

22:34

word is kind of a new one

22:36

for me as a comedian I know it's

22:38

not something that comes naturally for me to

22:40

understand but like it's just like

22:42

not appropriate for me to

22:44

expect my guy to

22:47

be sad about my

22:49

girlfriend breakup you know

22:51

he's like no it's not she was toxic for

22:54

you and I'm like I need to cry

22:56

for two weeks because I still love girlfriend breakups

22:58

are so much they're so hard harder than

23:00

guy you know what wait I have to okay

23:02

I know we're talking about this thing but

23:04

I do have to ask you this because this

23:06

was like a for me I don't even know

23:08

what the interview was but when Oprah

23:10

and Gail were talking and Oprah said you

23:12

cannot be friends with someone who has

23:14

even an ounce of jealousy about your

23:16

life even an ounce and

23:19

it really it

23:21

hit me in such

23:23

a way because I went oh well

23:25

no wonder they've been friends for you

23:27

know their whole lives and oh no wonder

23:29

we go through these things our lives

23:31

are weird Hollywood's weird our careers

23:33

are weird being being in relationship to

23:35

people in the public eye is

23:37

weird and it's hard and also you

23:39

kind of can't have relationships with

23:42

people who find your life hard

23:44

for them it's also tricky with

23:46

that because I wouldn't even have

23:48

been able to apply that

23:50

advice to my life into very

23:52

recently same in order to

23:54

ascertain whether someone's jealous of

23:56

you you have to have self -esteem

23:58

and thank your life was awesome and

24:01

that you're awesome. Ding ding ding.

24:03

I was in all these relationships

24:05

where I think that was happening

24:07

but I was like who would

24:09

be jealous of my life? I'm a

24:11

same. I was like nobody's meaner to

24:13

me than me. I'm not fill in

24:15

the blank this person I'm not doing

24:17

fill in the blank this job.

24:20

I'm not and I and I

24:22

wasn't in any way capable of

24:24

owning what I am. I just

24:26

constantly identified what I wasn't. And

24:28

and and that. Not only for

24:30

the kinds of friendships that

24:33

break up, but for relationships,

24:35

for romantic relationships,

24:37

that makes you such a target

24:40

for manipulation and

24:42

people who will take advantage

24:44

of you. And like, it

24:46

really required everything, like the

24:48

House of Cards really coming down

24:50

to go, hold on, in what ways

24:52

have I been complicit in what

24:55

I've accepted that isn't it? And

24:57

how do I change that? And

24:59

you know in the same way

25:01

that you're talking about meeting your

25:03

guy in the most insane time

25:05

like I never thought I was

25:08

going to find the most healing

25:10

and and sweet and joyful

25:12

and and kind love of

25:14

my life in a fucking divorce

25:16

girl group chat but here we like

25:19

not on my bingo card ever. And

25:21

here we are, and it's like, I

25:23

bet it wasn't on your bingo card

25:26

that you were going to have a

25:28

three month, three month old and fall

25:30

in love with someone that wasn't that

25:32

baby's dad. But I realized the only,

25:34

my heart was so full with this

25:37

child that the only person who could

25:39

have even got through to me was

25:41

someone, he's already a dad, he's, you

25:43

know, has kids, that was like, oh,

25:46

you still have stitches in and

25:48

you can't have sex for three

25:50

months. baby and like pressure yeah

25:52

he was like well you know was

25:54

he was he just like let

25:56

me swaddle your baby and you

25:58

were like yup He showed up

26:00

a Harley Davidson onesie. Oh my God. And he's

26:03

an Eagles fan. So all these like Eagles gear.

26:05

And it was like, because I had this identity

26:07

that was like, okay, now I'm a single mom.

26:09

Like, I'm no one's gonna want to sign up

26:11

for this. Oh, it's gonna make me cry. Like,

26:13

who would want this? You know, like, and I

26:16

think that you're like this too. And maybe I

26:18

won't diagnose you, but I think that we come

26:20

off. So independent and so self-sufficient that it doesn't

26:22

occur to anyone that we ever need help. Yes.

26:24

Yes. You know, I That was the only time

26:26

I was needing help because I like, like, like,

26:29

literally, like, couldn't walk up a flight of stairs.

26:31

Yeah, you couldn't pretend you didn't need help anymore.

26:33

Exactly. You just nailed it. And it softened me

26:35

in that moment. And I'm like, is this what

26:37

it comes to for a man to see my

26:39

vulnerable side? Literally just being like, he would drive

26:42

all the way here and he lives two hours

26:44

away. And I'd be like, I have to take

26:46

a nap. He'd be like, no problem. You know,

26:48

like, let me make you some food. Like, that's

26:50

what it came to for me to allow someone

26:52

to love me and take care of me. And

26:55

I don't think that's really. It's really profound and

26:57

that's really beautiful and how fucking cool that you

26:59

did it. Tricky thing because I'm so like anti

27:01

pretending to be anything you're not or don't ever

27:03

make yourself small for someone but there's also a

27:05

point where you have to go like if I

27:08

want to attract someone that has any caretaking capabilities

27:10

that will be helpful and useful and that helps

27:12

them build their pride and their self-esteem and that's

27:14

maybe how they give love if their language is

27:16

acts of service or you know and I'm not

27:18

giving them the opportunity to do that for me

27:21

because my thing is like I don't need any

27:23

I'm so independent. I

27:25

got it. I got it.

27:27

I got it. And

27:29

they're like, do you even

27:31

need me for this?

27:34

Like I was someone that

27:36

I can love. And,

27:38

you know, I love through

27:40

acts of service and

27:42

I love through fixing and

27:44

helping, you know, and

27:47

then I found myself in

27:49

relationships with people that

27:51

were just like so unavailable

27:53

and so not there.

27:55

And I'm like, of course

27:58

I'm attracting that kind

28:00

of person because I don't

28:02

need anything. So I'm

28:04

going to attract someone who

28:06

can't give anything. And

28:08

so, you know, I don't

28:11

know where you are

28:13

on love languages. I know

28:15

I'm I'm sure a

28:17

lot of it is, you

28:19

know, it is what

28:21

it is, but there is

28:24

a book that is

28:26

so deeply toxic and it

28:28

is so helpful. I'm

28:30

going to bring it up.

28:32

It is called Getting

28:34

to I Do. And it

28:37

is truly the worst

28:39

title of any book, but

28:41

ignore all the toxic,

28:43

heteronormative, like marriage stuff. It's

28:45

not even about the

28:47

marriage. It's like about how

28:50

one person needs to

28:52

be a giver and one

28:54

person needs to be

28:56

a receiver and like switching

28:58

back and forth is

29:00

confusing. And you got

29:02

to pick a lane. And in my relationships,

29:05

I was always the giver, but in my

29:07

work, I'm the giver. And I just was

29:09

always giving, giving, giving, and I wasn't allowing

29:11

myself to receive anything anywhere. And I wanted

29:13

a teammate, but I wasn't giving anyone the

29:15

opportunity to give to me. So I was

29:17

so frustrated where I was like, I'm doing

29:19

everything myself. Why aren't they helping? It doesn't

29:22

occur to me. When would they have time

29:24

to help? You've already done it all. Right.

29:26

You know, double Virgo till I die, come

29:28

from alcohol at home, like I'm a friend

29:30

of my child. Yeah. You and me both,

29:32

babe. And help

29:34

me to learn, receiving isn't weak. It

29:36

doesn't mean you're stupid. It doesn't mean

29:38

you need a man or need a

29:41

relationship or you're pathetic or weak. It's

29:43

like, yeah, could you make the reservation?

29:45

Could you make that choice? What do

29:47

you want to eat? Make the choice?

29:49

I'm just a capacity of making choices

29:51

today. I just, I don't, I'm a

29:53

decision fatigue. What did you go to

29:55

this thing? Could you just schedule it?

29:57

Thank you. to

30:00

love you and that's what the essence

30:02

of that that book is that kind

30:05

of yeah but that's what

30:07

I was going to ask

30:09

you because the the hyper

30:11

independence that comes off as

30:13

so professional so successful so

30:15

whatever you know you mentioned growing

30:17

up in a household where you

30:19

were at times begging your parents

30:22

to get divorced I also

30:24

went through that and I realize I

30:26

was a very early parentified child. I

30:28

was like, I love you both. Y'all

30:30

are nuts. I will see myself out.

30:33

Yeah, I'll take it from here. I

30:35

will never need anything. And the wild

30:37

thing that I've been through more recently,

30:39

you know, we had this big kind

30:41

of family meeting, I don't know,

30:43

eight years ago and started processing

30:46

through some things that I thought

30:48

were a really big deal. And

30:50

I was in a period of,

30:52

you know, five years of deep

30:54

single-dom, just like... I reject a

30:56

relationship. I'm not doing this. And

30:58

I had to kind of get to

31:00

the bottom of some things in my

31:03

family. And the coolest thing that's

31:05

happened to me since I, you

31:07

know, knocked down the whole House

31:09

of Cards two years ago is it

31:12

gave my parents and I

31:14

another opportunity to talk to each

31:16

other. And I realized I'd been saying,

31:18

you know, I'm so glad my

31:20

parents still have each other. And

31:22

I'm really glad for where they're at,

31:25

but I don't know when they became

31:27

this couple that holds hands walking down

31:29

the street and likes hanging out with

31:31

each other. And I realized that because

31:33

I rejected the hard times they went

31:35

through, because they're just two people

31:37

doing the best they can, you

31:39

know, not in a generation where

31:41

they had Instagram therapists and mental

31:43

health access, you know, resources everywhere,

31:45

that I missed the way they healed

31:47

together. So I rejected what didn't

31:50

work, but I never learned

31:52

what really did. And so

31:54

I didn't even know that in

31:56

my hyper independence, which was

31:59

a response to that toxicity

32:01

at the time, I didn't even

32:03

realize that as an adult who

32:05

looked super successful on the outside

32:07

and who'd been through a lot

32:09

and had healed from it supposedly,

32:11

that I just kept finding the

32:13

same fucking claws to fit the

32:15

same fucking wounds and the aha

32:17

moment that I had realizing I

32:19

was in a situation at 40

32:21

that so closely mirrored a situation

32:23

I was in a situation I

32:26

was in a situation 20 years

32:28

before. Like pattern recognition. I was

32:30

like, oh my God, everything stops,

32:32

everything's got to stop. And it

32:34

was so scary to do it.

32:36

But the way it feels now,

32:38

like I see the joy on

32:40

your face when you talk about

32:42

where you are now and I

32:44

feel that. I just, in talking

32:46

about how different it is, if

32:48

it feels uncomfortable and the opposite.

32:50

of my thing is, you know,

32:52

look, I'm, you know, I'm in

32:54

Alenon and ECA and, you know,

32:56

it's really just about taking a

32:58

contrary action. And if something feels

33:00

too familiar before you've been in

33:02

recovery, that means you're recreating your

33:04

childhood circumstances, whatever equilibrium of the

33:06

neurochemical. There's a great book again,

33:08

horrible title, horrible Hendricks, getting the

33:10

love you want about how we're

33:12

attracted to people with the negative

33:14

qualities of our primary caretakers because

33:16

it recreates that from mine was

33:18

chaos. And the more on drugs

33:20

you are, the more, you know,

33:22

dramatic going through a horrible break

33:24

up, you need to, you know,

33:26

go from the rehab to the

33:28

assisted living and you have a

33:30

stock, like chaos was so familiar

33:32

to me because that was my

33:34

role as a kid. was to

33:36

make everybody happy and calm and

33:38

just help. You get the helper,

33:40

right? And so, you know, and

33:42

I did, and no shade on

33:44

your parents, no shade even on

33:46

my parents, I'm kind of at

33:48

the point where it's like we

33:50

forgive others not because they deserve

33:52

forgiveness because we deserve peace and

33:54

now that I have a son,

33:56

I'm like, God, I hope he

33:59

like forgives me when I miss.

34:01

up. I'm sure I will. So

34:03

just trying to, you know, approach

34:05

that way. But there was this

34:07

guy on, I think it was

34:09

Rich Roll, who said a sign

34:11

of healthy parenting, is that your

34:13

children don't wish to be famous.

34:15

And it's just kind of like,

34:17

okay, I don't have to overthink

34:19

this. I went to strangers. I

34:21

go to try to make drunk

34:23

strangers laugh at night. You know

34:25

what I mean? I didn't get

34:28

what I needed, but no one's

34:30

going to give it to me.

34:32

I have to give it to

34:34

myself. You have to give it

34:36

to yourself. And now you're famous,

34:38

you're in a super big jam

34:40

because then people want to be

34:42

around you sometimes for the wrong

34:45

reason. So it's not real love.

34:47

And then I go, oh, well,

34:49

I'll sell it for being used.

34:51

I'll never love. So I'll just

34:53

be used. Like I know what

34:55

that is. And then to break

34:57

that cycle is like, is like,

34:59

is not a game. But I

35:02

would not go back for a

35:04

moment. And I- The concept called

35:06

wabi-sabi, I'm sure you know, the

35:08

job- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, term

35:10

of something is actually more valuable

35:12

after it's been broken. And like

35:14

when a bolt breaks, they paint

35:16

it back with gold. Yeah. It's

35:19

so beautiful. Yeah. You're like, I'm

35:21

an art piece, bitch. Yeah, like

35:23

I'm like, I'm fancy. I love

35:25

it. Put me in a museum.

35:27

The hotel guy? Yes, he put

35:29

his hand through a Van Gogh

35:31

because he has skin issues and

35:33

then they restored it and now

35:36

it's worth like 50 million more.

35:38

Like being broken and fixed is

35:40

sicker. Like scar tissue is stronger

35:42

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So I'm curious about this, because

37:21

you've talked about it a lot,

37:23

and if you feel like you've

37:25

talked about it too much, we

37:27

can move on, but you've shared

37:29

about your postpartum depression journey. And

37:31

so not only when you give

37:33

me context on finding this really

37:35

healthy love and learning to let

37:37

people support you, you were also,

37:39

you weren't just dealing with the

37:41

physical postpartum, you were dealing with.

37:43

this enormous mental shift and were

37:45

you able to identify that really

37:47

quickly? Because like when I was

37:49

going through. what I was going

37:51

through granted, not because of a

37:53

kid, but like fertility hormones are

37:55

gnarly. I was like, oh, what

37:57

is happening to me is a

37:59

kind of depression that is scary,

38:01

and I need to figure it

38:03

out. And I had to confront

38:05

a lot of things, namely like,

38:07

I'm not getting any help with

38:09

this. Yeah. How did you know

38:11

that it wasn't just, oh, my

38:13

body aches, because I pushed a

38:15

baby out, but like something else

38:17

is wrong? I'm already getting emotional,

38:19

so you know, lots coming. No,

38:21

in a good way. You know,

38:23

I don't, I no longer see

38:25

crying as bad. Like, it's, you

38:27

know, it's decongestion. And it's like.

38:29

the body that keeps the score

38:31

I have here somewhere. It's just

38:33

like, you know, releasing. And I

38:35

think when we have these conversations,

38:37

like it's a sign of, I

38:39

think, strength and success that people

38:41

are this deep. Well, yeah, that

38:43

you're not masking this part of

38:45

yourself. I can't pretend anymore, and

38:47

I'm so grateful for that. And

38:49

I don't, I used to kind

38:51

of just like go for the

38:53

joke. And going for joke podcast

38:55

when there's no audience just comes

38:57

off cringe and pick me anyway.

38:59

You know for me it was

39:01

a couple things you know I

39:03

will start by saying I'm not

39:05

a big pharma pusher person if

39:07

it's for you that's awesome I

39:09

think there's definitely a place for

39:11

I know people who have. are

39:14

no longer with us who have

39:16

taken their lives because they went

39:18

off a medication they really needed.

39:20

I know people who I think

39:22

have gone on medications they did

39:24

not need at all and it

39:26

has hurt their lives. In a

39:28

lot of ways and mental health

39:30

I went off everything and ultimately

39:32

settled on just because I have

39:34

repetitive intrusive thoughts, which is a

39:36

normal healthy reaction from a dangerous

39:38

childhood to go like, is that

39:40

a, is this a son? Is

39:42

this a door like, is that

39:44

like it's a survival mechanism? It's

39:46

something that also I think women

39:48

we specific have, we're, you know,

39:50

used to have to give birth

39:52

in the woods at 15, blood

39:54

everywhere with predators around, is that

39:56

a line, is that a line,

39:58

is that a line, like that's,

40:00

you know, survival narrative. But I

40:02

did go on first 10 milligrams

40:04

of Prozac and then up to

40:06

20 milligrams of Prozac, which just

40:08

kind of cuts the perseveration in

40:10

the loop and like kind of

40:12

in half for me of like

40:14

get off this podcast and go

40:16

like, oh, that was boring. You

40:18

were boring. You talked too much.

40:20

That was annoying. You cried on

40:22

the podcast. Why did you do

40:24

that? That was psycho. I'll do

40:26

that for like five minutes and

40:28

you know, instead of an hour.

40:30

improve the way I communicate, but

40:32

I'm not going to like hurt

40:34

myself, you know, so I had

40:36

gone off Prozac when I was

40:38

pregnant. So I was definitely off

40:40

Prozac as well, you know, so

40:42

I'm not saying everyone that has

40:44

postpartum should be on something for

40:46

me personally. So a little bit

40:48

of those repetitive thoughts before the

40:50

Prozac kicked back in. And then

40:52

I think there was just, you

40:54

know how like when you almost

40:56

get in a car accident, but

40:58

you don't. you're fine and you're

41:00

fine and then you like get

41:02

home and then like, yeah, like

41:04

it comes out like a delay.

41:06

Yeah. All the stuff that I'm

41:08

talking about of like, I did

41:10

it with someone that I'm not

41:12

married to and I did it,

41:14

you know, out of wedlock after

41:16

my mom died and I, coming

41:18

off like I'm very like, I

41:21

made this decision and I, you

41:23

know, that's so self actualized and

41:25

I have all this agency and

41:27

I have all this agency and

41:29

I did this, you know, you

41:31

know, you know, you know, kind

41:33

of, kind of, what's the, I

41:35

think that there was like a

41:37

delayed emotional hangover of having to

41:39

be an acceptance of that. I

41:41

didn't really have any choice. Like

41:43

when I was pregnant I was

41:45

just kind of like this is

41:47

what I'm doing. I think we

41:49

forget a lot about like the

41:51

freeze response and like shock and

41:53

it took me a lot of

41:55

the time I'm in shock a

41:57

lot and sometimes it takes me

41:59

a second to like like, process

42:01

something that happened and

42:03

after I had him

42:05

and things got real. Ooh,

42:07

it's gonna make me cry.

42:09

There is like a sadness

42:12

around it also, which is

42:14

like fine. This is a

42:16

choice that I made, you know,

42:18

but there's a sadness for

42:20

all of us to go like,

42:22

oh, like, I'm not gonna

42:25

have that thing. You know,

42:27

does anybody have it unclear?

42:29

you know, that's why movies

42:31

like Frozen are so important

42:33

because you're like, oh, the

42:36

love story between sisters, you know?

42:38

Yes. But I do think that I

42:40

also had a sadness for myself

42:42

of like, whoa, I could have done

42:44

it this way this whole time. Yeah.

42:46

But myself through shape shifting and

42:48

pretending and trying to be the girl

42:51

that he'd want to marry so we

42:53

can have the kid. You know, I

42:55

was like, there was a sadness for

42:57

also like, like, like, what I

43:00

had done to myself

43:02

and being around

43:04

a baby, it's just

43:06

like, it gives you

43:09

a whole new

43:11

level of understanding

43:13

how, I guess mentally

43:15

ill, my parents

43:18

were. It went from

43:20

like I'm mad at them

43:22

to like, Oh wow, I was

43:24

in actual danger. Like when you're

43:27

with a baby and you see

43:29

how defenseless they are and how

43:31

innocent, there's like a new status

43:34

that comes up that's like,

43:36

it's like they didn't want this, like

43:38

how can you not, you know, you

43:41

can have the kid, you know, I

43:43

was like, there was a sadness

43:45

for also like what I had

43:47

done to myself and being

43:49

around a baby. It's just like.

43:51

It gives you

43:53

a whole new

43:56

level of understanding

43:59

how I guess mentally

44:01

ill, my parents were.

44:03

It went from like I'm mad

44:05

at them to like, oh wow, I

44:07

was in actual danger. Like

44:09

when you're with a baby

44:11

and you see how defenseless

44:13

they are and how innocent,

44:16

there's like a new status

44:18

that comes up that's like,

44:20

it's like they didn't want this?

44:22

Like how can you not? You

44:24

know? But addiction is real. and

44:26

addiction, you know, people that are

44:28

addicted to drugs, they give their

44:30

baby away, gambling, you know, you

44:32

know, so I think it's a

44:34

lot of that. I think when

44:36

you're with a baby, that's so

44:38

defenseless and so innocent and so

44:40

sweet, you also go like, what happened?

44:42

What does this world do? Like I

44:45

have a little boy, he's the sweetest

44:47

thing, and I'm like, all men start

44:49

out like this? Yeah. What are we

44:51

doing to these people? Like, what are

44:53

we doing to them? So I think

44:55

there was just, there's a sadness there.

44:57

And then as he gets older, I think

44:59

that's when the postpartum, I

45:02

don't know what to call, really hits

45:04

me because I didn't really have a

45:06

childhood with toys in play. And so

45:08

I'm kind of having it for the

45:10

first time with him. And it's just

45:12

like sadness, which is like, I'd rather

45:14

be the person crying on your podcast

45:16

as much as embarrassing it as is

45:18

like. angry later, you know, because I

45:21

think I had a lot of anger

45:23

for a long time that I just

45:25

thought was like, I'm funny and I'm

45:27

sarcastic, but it was like angry underneath it,

45:29

you know, and so that's kind of

45:31

what it was for me. I think

45:33

it was a remix of chemical and,

45:36

you know, your body is not your

45:38

body that I actually for the first time

45:40

of my life got obsessed with my body,

45:42

like I had eating disorders and dysmorphia and

45:44

all kinds of was at war with my

45:46

mom with my mom so long. Once I

45:48

had a kid I was like it's not

45:51

about my body it's I'm not trying to

45:53

get some executive at CBS to be like

45:55

in an empire me like what I was

45:57

like this is just my kids house at

45:59

this point. You know, that's, I thought

46:01

about it. So I think there's just

46:03

also this crystallist of going like,

46:06

I'm an adult now and the

46:08

relief of like, I don't have to

46:10

think about myself anymore. And I was

46:13

so sick of myself, what we

46:15

do for a living, I know

46:17

everyone kind of wants to do

46:19

what we do and that's awesome.

46:21

And there's so many amazing things

46:23

about what we do. But like, I

46:25

was at a like peek mental

46:27

mental mental illness like. crisis and

46:29

I think plot twist I guess

46:32

I'm not a malignant narcissist I

46:34

was just so sick of myself

46:36

and I realize like if I'm

46:38

thinking about myself all day I

46:40

hate myself but if I'm thinking

46:42

about myself like an hour a day

46:44

that's like that's like the sweet spot

46:46

so right such a victory in all

46:48

of this but yeah once you have that

46:51

child in front of you and the

46:53

decisions really made of like okay like

46:55

I'm a single mom like okay like

46:57

I tried like I I did everything

47:00

I could. I'm pretending like the, you

47:02

know, the Miami Heat for a guy.

47:04

I pretended to like hot me. I

47:06

pretended to be this person. I pretended

47:09

to be in the camping. Like I

47:11

tried and it didn't work and I

47:13

couldn't make it perfect. And

47:16

there's a little bit of a like, you

47:18

know, I think my son's gonna think

47:20

it's cool, but there's a little bit

47:22

of like, I have to explain this

47:25

one day, you know, you know. Yeah. Yeah,

47:27

but I think it's kind

47:29

of incredible,

47:31

you know, I will never

47:34

forget like, and this

47:36

was years before any

47:38

of this, but I

47:41

will never forget

47:43

doing during the

47:45

pandemic when we

47:47

were all home. I

47:50

did Glenn and Doyle's

47:52

book tour with her

47:54

on Instagram live. When

47:56

she talked about being in

47:59

this marriage, and looking at her

48:01

daughter and saying, like, would I

48:03

want this for my daughter? Oh,

48:05

like I'm staying for my daughter,

48:07

but would I want my daughter

48:10

to stay in this? Oh, I

48:12

needed to hear that to eventually

48:14

unpack the house I grew up

48:16

in with my parents and I

48:18

needed to hear it so that

48:20

on the precipice of having a

48:22

kid, I could say, I don't want

48:24

this for my kid. I don't want

48:27

this for my kid. I don't

48:29

want. The

48:31

thing I'm in that has just

48:33

eviscerated me to

48:35

be the thing my kid grows

48:38

up in and and I

48:40

think there's something

48:42

so Cool about the fact

48:44

that we all in our

48:47

own unique versions are

48:49

having this experience because

48:52

I think the kids

48:54

we raise are going to

48:56

be more mentally healthy

48:59

Because we can talk to

49:01

them about finding mental

49:03

toughness, about finding our

49:06

own mental health, about

49:08

not having to make it

49:10

look perfect, and not

49:13

trying to go after

49:15

the fairy tale ending,

49:17

but actually finding joy

49:19

and personal fulfillment,

49:21

even when it requires so

49:24

much courage because you

49:26

have to do the brave hard

49:28

thing. But I think that what you're saying

49:30

is making me think for the first

49:32

time, the idea is that I think

49:34

this generation, we are kind of been

49:36

chosen to be the cycle breakers, and

49:38

hopefully this next generation doesn't need to

49:40

have constant mental health. All the time,

49:42

hopefully there's meditation in schools and there's,

49:44

you know, school isn't just sitting down

49:46

and staring at memorizing when that's not

49:48

how we're wired, you know, like, I

49:51

think this next generation, you know, is

49:53

going to look at phones the way

49:55

we look at cigarettes. We're going to

49:57

be like, you guys just did that

49:59

all day inside. you know, I think

50:01

that like were kind of the,

50:03

you know, our parents, I mean,

50:05

the parents before that were just

50:07

a wash there, they were like

50:09

kids working in factories, you know,

50:11

they're doing pretty good given the

50:13

circumstances, that generation, and our

50:15

parents were raised by, you know,

50:17

people completely emotionally shut down that

50:20

were like in wars, you know,

50:22

and then. us like we're the

50:24

ones that are hopefully going to

50:26

get a modicum of you know

50:28

sort of mental health in place

50:31

so this next generation can just

50:33

exist and be in a way you

50:35

know but it's it's it's it's a lot

50:37

man and like I think to me

50:39

you know I really stick with a

50:41

lot of like basics like gratitude

50:43

list is it because the worst

50:46

thing I think we can be

50:48

at this point is a sore winner.

50:50

Yeah do you do that every day? Do

50:52

you do it in the morning or at night?

50:54

I do it usually at night before

50:56

bed. Because I do a 10 step

50:58

in a 12 step program, which is

51:01

where you go. Do I owe any

51:03

apologies today? You know, do I have

51:05

any resentments from today? Do I have

51:07

any fears from today? Do I have

51:09

any fears from today? And then like

51:11

gratitude list before bad. Yeah. It's good.

51:13

Yeah, that's like a 10 step in

51:15

a 12 step program so that you

51:18

don't like carry shame and in the

51:20

next day. She said, you should hang

51:22

out. Did I drop the ball on

51:24

that? Like, instead of just thinking

51:27

about it, I can just go, like,

51:29

hey, you know, sorry, if that, I

51:31

was late, great talking, like, whatever

51:33

it is, I can just make

51:35

an apology where I need to,

51:38

so that I'm not beating myself

51:40

up over it and accruing an

51:42

embarrassment kind of thing. But yeah,

51:45

I really am trying to write

51:47

stuff down. I have a typewriter now.

51:49

We like that. I do think another

51:51

part of postpartum depression I'm

51:53

not hearing a lot about,

51:55

just because I'm, you know, I'm

51:57

sure it's a discussion, but you're really.

52:00

really faced with your

52:02

addictions after you have a

52:04

kid. And hardcore, because you're

52:06

like, oh, he's on the

52:08

table sleeping, or he's in

52:10

the bouncer, or whatever, sleeping.

52:12

Okay, do I have a

52:15

second to go get my phone?

52:17

Like, there was a couple times

52:19

where I made the wrong

52:21

decision because I had to get

52:23

my phone or look at my

52:25

phone. And nothing bad happened,

52:28

but like it could have. And

52:30

addictions make you sort of less

52:32

able to assess the true danger

52:34

of something because we want that

52:36

fix so bad. Thank God, for

52:38

me, it's not, you know, substances,

52:40

but like, there's times he was

52:42

like on the bed and I was like,

52:44

okay, I'll just, I'll just turn it on

52:46

real quick and I'll get my phone and

52:48

I'll send that Instagram, you know, and

52:50

I was like, oh, I'm kind of

52:53

gambling with my son's safety as a,

52:55

you know, and nothing bad happened, but

52:57

it could have. So you have to face

52:59

a lot of your like embarrassing

53:02

inner monologue where you're

53:04

there with your baby

53:06

and you're kind of

53:09

like, I gotta make a tick-talk.

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55:22

so I'm really curious about

55:24

this because this has brought

55:26

you so much mental clarity

55:28

and it feels like a lot of

55:30

emotional softening and has

55:33

a required bravery and all

55:35

these things and you're, like

55:37

you said, you're facing all of

55:39

this, the typewriter is genius.

55:41

Also go, I'm falling behind,

55:44

looking at my son and going,

55:46

I'm falling behind. But another

55:48

stand-up special out. So that was going

55:51

to be my question. How do you

55:53

from this place say I want to

55:55

write new comedy? I want to go

55:57

and do a tour. Like what is, is

55:59

it, oh I. took a break and now I have

56:01

to get to work, I'm gonna go do the

56:04

big baby tour or were you

56:06

like, oh I've made more space emotionally

56:08

and now I want this creative hit

56:10

for myself as well. I had

56:12

no ability to be creative for

56:14

like six months and I think

56:17

that was another element of the

56:19

postpartum depression of like that I

56:21

didn't want to talk about and

56:23

I still don't want to talk

56:25

about it only do this for

56:28

you because My brain didn't work. They

56:30

said mom brain, whatever, you know,

56:32

my brain. I couldn't remember the

56:34

most basic things. I couldn't make

56:36

jokes. I couldn't write jokes. Like

56:39

I just was like, I was

56:41

really scared at how for lack of a

56:43

better job I was. And it did make

56:45

me realize like so much of my

56:47

self-esteem is about how much I

56:49

know. And at my start and at

56:51

my funny. And I wasn't those

56:53

things. Six months after I had my kid.

56:56

And I was like my kid. I'm

56:58

useless. Like I'm not funny, I'm

57:00

not smart, I'm not interesting, I

57:02

can't remember anything. And it helped

57:05

me really see that and how this is

57:07

where I get my value and what

57:09

I think people like about me, which

57:11

is probably opposite. People like

57:13

she's such a know-it-all, we

57:15

liked her better. So I had to face

57:17

that. And then, you know, to me, I'm

57:20

really big on software updates for our brains.

57:22

you know, take the time and have the

57:24

software update in order for art to imitate

57:26

life, you have to have a life. And

57:28

I've always struggled with that. I'm sort of

57:31

like, next special, write more jokes, write

57:33

more jokes. And you end up kind of

57:35

writing about the same things and sort of

57:37

doing a bad impression of yourself. I think

57:39

it's, you know, really important that we all

57:41

consciously decide to grow and mature. And I

57:43

have no allegiance to the person I was

57:46

yesterday. And I really try to go like.

57:48

If I do this quickly and fast, it's not going to

57:50

be thoughtful and mindful. So much of stand up

57:52

is just like spending a lot of time ruminating

57:55

and like trying to bear opinion on something and

57:57

I was like, okay, let me just take this

57:59

time to like. read all the books that

58:01

I pretend I've read, and let me

58:03

finish all the books that I say

58:05

I finished, but I haven't, you know,

58:07

and let me just like live my

58:09

life a little and like do chores.

58:11

And I realize that like so dorky,

58:13

but chores are such a big part

58:15

of my sanity, double vergo till I

58:17

die. But I had gotten some help

58:20

like, you know, when I had the

58:22

kid when I was pregnant, and I

58:24

just want to go back to every

58:26

morning doing some like, you know, things that

58:28

need to be done. You know, productivity

58:30

and cooperation make dopamine. I want to

58:33

like take care of my own. I

58:35

just think we're so wired to just

58:37

like do things for ourselves that need

58:40

to be done. I used to have

58:42

someone that did my like garden. I

58:44

started doing it myself and I'm like

58:46

such a happier person, you know, it's

58:48

such a simple thing, I know, but

58:51

before you go to a therapist like

58:53

clean your house, clean out your car.

58:55

plant some flowers and like see what

58:57

happened so I like wake up in

58:59

the sunlight gardening I think we're just

59:01

really wired like barefoot connect to the

59:03

earth I know this sounds so tango

59:06

of me right now but that I really

59:08

you know and then I watch my son

59:10

he just wants to like rake and dig

59:12

and I'm like god this is kind of

59:15

what we're wired to do so little cat

59:17

started started helping me and not going like

59:19

I need to write five pages of jokes

59:22

today I was like let me just be

59:24

a person and And then the

59:26

clarity started coming back. And

59:28

I think a lot of things

59:30

that I don't remember, I

59:32

wasn't meant to remember, here's

59:34

the good news, like once

59:36

you have a kid, there's

59:38

a little bit of like

59:40

a hippocampus wipe. I've run

59:42

into the pool, had a great conversation

59:45

with a couple guys two weeks

59:47

later. I was like, wait, oh,

59:49

we dated, you know, that you

59:51

carry like that. Yeah. was mean to

59:53

me and that person was set something

59:56

nasty on social about me it's like

59:58

gone you know it's not good thing about

1:00:00

mom brain is that soft aid of like

1:00:02

the stuff that doesn't matter is just kind

1:00:04

of gone. Yeah that's great. I mean look I

1:00:06

I I'm sad for you that it felt so

1:00:08

stressful and it definitely makes me

1:00:11

want to double down on the fact

1:00:13

that you know we actually need paid

1:00:15

leave in this country because in other

1:00:17

countries you can be a CEO and

1:00:19

then have a year off with your

1:00:21

baby and in America they're like two

1:00:23

weeks isn't long enough and you're like

1:00:25

no I'm literally still bleeding what are

1:00:27

you talking about? I've known a couple

1:00:29

people that went to England to have

1:00:31

their child because it is cheaper to fly

1:00:33

to London, hotel, have your baby, and

1:00:35

fly back. Then to just do it

1:00:37

here. Yeah. Oh boy. And also make everything

1:00:40

that you said about making peace with

1:00:42

your parents because when you have

1:00:44

a kid come along, they're your

1:00:46

child care. I mean in this

1:00:48

country, like your parents, your sister,

1:00:50

you know. So like you're still

1:00:52

alive, I would have been like, you

1:00:54

know what. It's fine. Come over.

1:00:57

I really need 10 minutes to

1:00:59

make a TikTok. Thank you. This

1:01:01

is your way to get right

1:01:03

with God and get your karmic.

1:01:05

But yeah. I'm cashing in on

1:01:07

all my karmic points. Thank you

1:01:09

so much. But so yeah, another

1:01:11

reason to forgive your parents because

1:01:13

you will. Yeah. You know, but

1:01:15

yeah, it's, it's just a trip,

1:01:17

you know. And now a word from our

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streaming on Hulu. Because obviously

1:02:54

I just want to talk

1:02:56

to you about life all

1:02:58

the time and eventually actually

1:03:01

come over and ride your horses But

1:03:03

I do want to talk about

1:03:05

your work because I'm very excited

1:03:07

about it. How many cities are

1:03:09

you going to on tour? Where do

1:03:11

the people get the tickets? Like people

1:03:13

want to come and watch you make

1:03:15

them laugh? That's so nice. I think

1:03:18

that honestly and that's not just because

1:03:20

this is my job I think coming

1:03:22

to see a standup because it really

1:03:24

is like anathema and alternative data to

1:03:27

what we're seeing online every day like

1:03:29

online every day you would just think

1:03:31

people just want to fight people hate

1:03:33

each other people if they voted differently

1:03:36

they won't speak to each other nobody

1:03:38

wants to laugh everybody hates comedy everyone's

1:03:40

going out of their way to intentionally

1:03:42

misunderstand a joke in order to be

1:03:45

offended and then you're in like a room

1:03:47

of 3,000 people that all showed up to laugh.

1:03:49

shoulder to shoulder. They don't know how the

1:03:51

person next to them voted. Everyone laughing about

1:03:53

the same thing having the same experience like

1:03:55

it is just like makes me feel so

1:03:57

hopeful to see so many people like going.

1:03:59

We want to like enjoy this life.

1:04:01

It's not guaranteed, you know, I don't

1:04:03

know how the, you know, if I'm

1:04:06

going to survive tomorrow, let's just laugh

1:04:08

about all this and we don't want

1:04:10

to be miserable. You know, we're not,

1:04:12

we're not the people that are just

1:04:14

like signing up to be miserable and

1:04:16

adrenalized, you know, although I know that

1:04:18

that hating online, that's an addiction, I

1:04:20

think we'll look back, you know, like

1:04:22

there'll be laws that are like you

1:04:24

can only make five comments a five

1:04:26

comments a day or whatever.

1:04:28

You know what I mean?

1:04:30

Like I think it's self-righteous

1:04:32

indignation. It's an adrenaline addiction.

1:04:35

And guess what? If I was 18,

1:04:37

I'd probably be that person. I'd

1:04:39

probably be online like, you,

1:04:41

Adrian Brody, throwing your gum

1:04:43

at your girlfriend or whatever

1:04:45

offers. Like I'd probably be that

1:04:48

person if I didn't have the outlet

1:04:50

of doing stand-up and writing, you

1:04:52

know? I get it. If you, we get

1:04:54

heard all the time, people here like. you

1:04:56

know, want to hear us like

1:04:59

a lot of people don't get

1:05:01

heard, you know, if I didn't

1:05:03

get hurt, I'm sure I'm doing

1:05:05

that. And so, so yeah, Whitneycom,

1:05:07

I don't, you know, I don't

1:05:09

know, I'm so embarrassed, I'm just,

1:05:11

I have so much shame around

1:05:14

that. Don't, we, and you're,

1:05:16

because you're right, laughter

1:05:18

really is medicine, and it's

1:05:20

like, So essential in a

1:05:23

world where we are trying to

1:05:25

resist the Andrew tatification of Society.

1:05:27

Yeah, oh God, that's a deep cut. I feel

1:05:29

that we need better hair transplants for

1:05:31

men. Yeah, because maybe we could

1:05:33

have avoided the whole mess if

1:05:35

he'd seen there's a photo of I looked

1:05:37

I was googling Andrew takes I was like

1:05:40

I'm gonna do a bit on him on

1:05:42

my podcast like I don't really know what

1:05:44

this guy is and there's a photo of

1:05:46

him with like, uh-huh. The balding I

1:05:48

know exactly what photo you're talking about.

1:05:50

Yeah, that's it. That's it. We just

1:05:53

need better transplants for men so they

1:05:55

don't have to be this angry. Great. We've

1:05:57

solved it. Also what happened to him? Yeah,

1:05:59

I don't know. to that guy, put me in

1:06:01

a cage with his parents. Like

1:06:03

what happened to that guy? I'm

1:06:05

not gonna be the person that

1:06:07

goes, it drives me nuts when

1:06:09

every serial killer. They're like, well,

1:06:12

his mom didn't let him wear

1:06:14

a panty hose. So they always

1:06:16

serial killers, they always blame the

1:06:18

mom. They always blame the mom.

1:06:20

Yeah. Okay. If my son is

1:06:22

a serial killer, it is, that's his

1:06:24

dad. I don't know. Let's play it.

1:06:26

But I just, I don't know. We're

1:06:28

talking about like our parents kind of

1:06:30

set up us on a weird track

1:06:32

like what totally what what what did he

1:06:34

not get as a child I don't know or

1:06:36

maybe psychopath I don't know maybe all

1:06:38

of it seems like a lot of cats in

1:06:41

a bag like do you think it even

1:06:43

would bring was that life if they could

1:06:45

have another one I don't really know

1:06:47

I think to your point I think

1:06:49

some people want attention so badly that

1:06:51

they're literally willing to do anything to

1:06:53

get it and I do find that

1:06:55

to be sad you know, we're having

1:06:57

this conversation on a podcast, other people

1:06:59

are going to listen to, so what

1:07:01

do we know? I totally, I just

1:07:04

kind of like, I just always go

1:07:06

for criminal defense in a way,

1:07:08

because that just makes me go like,

1:07:10

how would any, like, how did you get there?

1:07:12

Like, if I had to defend you, what

1:07:14

would I do? This is indicative to

1:07:17

me of why we both do this,

1:07:19

because we like to ask questions. I

1:07:21

like to interview people. You have a

1:07:23

podcast, I assume you like. it

1:07:25

also or you wouldn't? Do you

1:07:27

prefer being interviewed or

1:07:30

doing the interviewing? Oh, I

1:07:32

kind of stopped having guests

1:07:34

recently. Really? Yeah, because

1:07:37

I just, I don't know, I

1:07:39

tend to be a little wild and

1:07:41

a lot of times I'll be

1:07:43

like, oh my God, that was

1:07:45

so interesting and then

1:07:47

the day before it comes out, they're like, can

1:07:49

you cut this part in this part in this

1:07:52

part? And I'm like, oh, you know, and I

1:07:54

don't want anyone to ever feel like, you know,

1:07:56

uncomfortable. And I also get so excited to talk

1:07:58

to people that I feel like. I'm like

1:08:00

interrupting and I'm annoying and I

1:08:02

don't know I just I need

1:08:04

to like a little break from

1:08:07

from guests. But I also think

1:08:09

really quick with the Andrew Tate

1:08:11

thing. I do think we talk

1:08:13

about mental health a lot but

1:08:15

I don't turn enough people talking

1:08:17

about when boys are abused like

1:08:20

we think it's like funny like

1:08:22

it's like a punch line that

1:08:24

like the Catholic priests like molesting

1:08:26

hideous. Like what do you think

1:08:28

those kids are going to grow

1:08:31

up if we don't if they

1:08:33

get no mental health you know

1:08:35

it's like there's no mental health

1:08:37

care for kids that have been

1:08:39

molested in the Catholic Church like

1:08:41

there's like Alcoholics anonymous which takes

1:08:44

place in a church that's not

1:08:46

triggering yeah no that's not it

1:08:48

you know what I mean so

1:08:50

like who know I don't know

1:08:52

what I'm not defending Andrew Tate

1:08:54

oh my god I can see

1:08:57

this headline already but here's what's

1:08:59

really made me kind of double

1:09:01

take mentally. She said, you know,

1:09:03

I think part of the reason

1:09:05

that men don't actually want to

1:09:07

fix the culture of violence perpetuated

1:09:10

by men against women, against girls,

1:09:12

boys, anyone, is because men like

1:09:14

saying I'm one of the good

1:09:16

guys, I'm a protector. I would

1:09:18

protect you from a bad guy.

1:09:20

And if there's no more bad

1:09:23

guys, they lose out on getting

1:09:25

to cosplay the hero. So remember

1:09:27

there was like talk of is

1:09:29

there arson during the LA fires

1:09:31

and I started like doing a

1:09:34

deep dive on arsonists and Arsenists

1:09:36

usually do it to help put

1:09:38

out the fire So if you

1:09:40

want to find someone that Committed

1:09:42

arson go look at who's fighting

1:09:44

the fire. Yeah, there was a

1:09:47

famous case of that Here in

1:09:49

California, like a big deal fire

1:09:51

chief, who's actually a California arsonist,

1:09:53

when I think in the night

1:09:55

like really gnarly. So yeah, I

1:09:57

don't know, there's just something about

1:10:00

that where I almost wonder if

1:10:02

so many men make victims the

1:10:04

plunge line because they want to

1:10:06

lessen the severity of what's being

1:10:08

done to people because they like

1:10:10

the idea that they're not the

1:10:13

guy who'd do it. Which statistically

1:10:15

we know is not true. So

1:10:17

I don't know, you know, it's

1:10:19

weird. I just wish they'd go

1:10:21

to therapy instead, but here we

1:10:23

are. anything to not go to

1:10:26

therapy, although I do feel like

1:10:28

some men use therapy is like

1:10:30

a way to like have better

1:10:32

excuses. Like I'm just, I'm an

1:10:34

appointment. You know, my love language

1:10:37

is physical touch with other women.

1:10:39

You're like, okay, no, no, no,

1:10:41

no, no, no. Therapy is not

1:10:43

to have. scientific excuses to be

1:10:45

adjourned. For your shitty behavior. Yeah.

1:10:47

The wrong ones will just use

1:10:50

it as a way to gaslight

1:10:52

you into being like, yeah, and

1:10:54

my dad didn't play baseball with

1:10:56

me, so I'm avoid it. I'm

1:10:58

like, you're 50, dude. Yeah, grow

1:11:00

up. Just grow up. You're avoidant

1:11:03

because you like it. But I

1:11:05

hope, you know, look, I'm sure

1:11:07

I was incredibly wrong on a

1:11:09

lot of things I said, but

1:11:11

I'm kind of just at a

1:11:13

point where I'm like not trying

1:11:16

to be right. I think there's

1:11:18

a real sort of acceptance of

1:11:20

self and emotional maturity that comes

1:11:22

with being able to be curious

1:11:24

and to say, I don't know

1:11:27

the answer to that. I'm curious

1:11:29

about this. I'd like more information.

1:11:31

And I think that's a nice

1:11:33

place to be. It's definitely something

1:11:35

that I think we all want

1:11:37

answers. He's a psychopath. He's a

1:11:40

Republican. He's like, I think it

1:11:42

makes us feel too much. I

1:11:44

think it makes us feel safe,

1:11:46

but actually it makes me feel

1:11:48

way safer to be like, two

1:11:50

things could be true at once,

1:11:53

actually. You know? Yeah, the thing

1:11:55

I'm working on is slowing down

1:11:57

and asking more questions. And some

1:11:59

of the phase of life I'm

1:12:01

in. same someone that you hate

1:12:03

someone who voted differently than you

1:12:06

someone who tweets things that piss

1:12:08

you off my thing is like

1:12:10

ask them three questions with an

1:12:12

open heart and see how quickly

1:12:14

you have so much more in

1:12:16

common than you thought you know

1:12:19

is that is that kind of

1:12:21

curiosity is is that pacing like

1:12:23

a work in progress for you

1:12:25

right now or is there something

1:12:27

that takes that mantle that's Oh,

1:12:30

like a thing I'm doing. Yeah.

1:12:32

One of, oh, I like this

1:12:34

question. A big one I'm working.

1:12:36

Yeah, whatever your work in progress

1:12:38

is right now. Because any time

1:12:40

you're judging someone else, it's just,

1:12:43

I'm, my self esteem is so

1:12:45

low, I need to feel good

1:12:47

about myself, right? So what's going

1:12:49

on with me that I need

1:12:51

to judge this person? and be

1:12:53

like, oh, that person's voted this

1:12:56

way or this person's dumb. You

1:12:58

know, it's like, oh, oh, bitch.

1:13:00

Like, how about you that you

1:13:02

needed that quick hit of self-righteous

1:13:04

indignation? Also, usually when I have

1:13:06

a negative thought about someone or

1:13:09

something, it's, I've done that. And

1:13:11

I don't like that that person's

1:13:13

holding up a mirror. Like, I've

1:13:15

done that. you know, she's being

1:13:17

desperate, like she's being so desperate

1:13:19

and pick me, I've done that,

1:13:22

I've done it. And there's just

1:13:24

like a grace that comes with

1:13:26

admitting that you've done the thing,

1:13:28

that's why would it bother me

1:13:30

so much? Who cares? It's not

1:13:33

my business. Why would it bother

1:13:35

me so much if I hadn't

1:13:37

done it or if I don't

1:13:39

do it? It wouldn't bother me

1:13:41

if it wasn't holding up a

1:13:43

mirror, you know? I'm working on

1:13:46

good segue, looking in the mirror

1:13:48

and making it. Really? Yeah. Have

1:13:50

you ever tried? I guess I

1:13:52

don't think about it in that

1:13:54

way, but I don't think I...

1:13:56

I don't really look in the

1:13:59

mirror unless I'm brushing my teeth

1:14:01

or getting... ready for the day.

1:14:03

But I'm not even really looking

1:14:05

at ourselves. We're kind of like

1:14:07

right. It's a it's a 12

1:14:09

step exercise to look at yourself

1:14:12

in the mirror and have some

1:14:14

effort like make contact with yourself

1:14:16

and like be in your skin.

1:14:18

I realize I'm often very like

1:14:20

in a disassociative state where I'm

1:14:23

kind of just like not in

1:14:25

my body. It's a little thing.

1:14:27

But I realize when I look

1:14:29

in the mirror, I'm not looking

1:14:31

in the mirror. At myself and

1:14:33

just being like, hey, that's you.

1:14:36

creepy thing, but try it and

1:14:38

see what happens. Okay, that's a

1:14:40

good one. And I'm, don't just

1:14:42

do something sit there. Just like

1:14:44

don't respond yet. Yeah. If you

1:14:46

think you need to respond or

1:14:49

say something, just don't. Just don't

1:14:51

respond yet. Yeah. If you think

1:14:53

you need to respond or say

1:14:55

something, just don't. It's like, it's

1:14:57

like, you know how when you

1:14:59

go online and you want to

1:15:02

get this pair of shoes, If

1:15:04

it needs to be said, I

1:15:06

can wait two days. Yeah. You

1:15:08

know, I didn't need to respond

1:15:10

to that. I didn't need to

1:15:12

say anything to that. I don't

1:15:15

need to make a point. I

1:15:17

don't need to teach someone a

1:15:19

lesson. Like, I don't need to

1:15:21

be at war anymore. I think

1:15:23

it's really important to know, like,

1:15:26

you know, they say in 12-star

1:15:28

programs, the good news and bad

1:15:30

news is you lost. It's like,

1:15:32

the war is over and like.

1:15:34

I don't have to fight little

1:15:36

wars with emails and stuff to

1:15:39

like make sure people respect me

1:15:41

and make sure like true power

1:15:43

comes with not like trying to

1:15:45

get power. People respect you, you

1:15:47

respect yourself. Not when you're like,

1:15:49

you need to respect me. It

1:15:52

doesn't work that way. You know,

1:15:54

so I think it's just doing,

1:15:56

doing less on all of us

1:15:58

and sitting with the feeling and

1:16:00

not needing to take an action

1:16:02

because we take an action to

1:16:05

feel better. Right. Why would you

1:16:07

say something like this? Defending ourselves?

1:16:09

I'm like, I don't need to

1:16:11

defend myself. No one's attacking me.

1:16:13

If someone is doing something rude,

1:16:16

they're doing that to themselves and

1:16:18

it's nothing to do with me.

1:16:20

I love that. The theme that

1:16:22

keeps coming up for me a

1:16:24

lot lately is slowing down. Just

1:16:26

how nice it is to slow

1:16:29

down a little bit. You have

1:16:31

to be with your own thoughts.

1:16:33

It's tough. Silence, eye contact, slowing

1:16:35

down, all of that. I associate

1:16:37

slowing down with not being productive.

1:16:39

Not being busy, I just think

1:16:42

busyness was like the pinnacle of

1:16:44

success. I'm so big. Oh my

1:16:46

God, now I think free time

1:16:48

is the greatest luxury in the

1:16:50

world. I don't want to be,

1:16:52

I don't want to be, I

1:16:55

don't, I want to be so

1:16:57

much less busy. We glorify being

1:16:59

busy and being tired. Yeah, it's

1:17:01

gross. Like when people get in

1:17:03

the tired Olympics, when they're like,

1:17:05

I only slept four hours last

1:17:08

night and being sick, I've been

1:17:10

sick for two weeks, like, like

1:17:12

we like, like, like, like, like,

1:17:14

like, like, like, like, like, like,

1:17:16

No, thank you. We should be

1:17:19

proud of it. It's like, yeah,

1:17:21

what did you do today? Not

1:17:23

much. Like, I don't have to,

1:17:25

like, make, well, I did this

1:17:27

and this, and I said, like,

1:17:29

I find myself needing to, yeah,

1:17:32

like, you know, like, I gardened.

1:17:34

Yeah, I gardened. I kind of

1:17:36

like, doing nothing is a thing,

1:17:38

you know, you know, and being

1:17:40

okay with like, you know, my,

1:17:42

this therapist I used to work

1:17:45

with said, I mean, one of

1:17:47

the many, but your problem is

1:17:49

you conflate boredom and serenity. When

1:17:51

you come from like adrenaline and

1:17:53

like you think you're bored, but

1:17:55

you're actually just at peace, you're

1:17:58

not bored. That's just peace and

1:18:00

quiet. That's the, that's the, that's

1:18:02

the whole, that's the ultimate. Because

1:18:04

I think in the slowness, like

1:18:06

what you're saying, that's when the

1:18:08

growth comes, that's when the maturity

1:18:11

comes, there's this documentary called cheer,

1:18:13

the last thing I'll say. It

1:18:15

was on, I just all feel

1:18:17

the need to give people like

1:18:19

credit for what they said that's

1:18:22

profound. that was on Netflix years

1:18:24

ago? Yes, I loved that show.

1:18:26

Morgan. Morgan was a young one

1:18:28

who was like kind of close,

1:18:30

but then she got coached to

1:18:32

being great in the season. You

1:18:35

know, she came from like a

1:18:37

rough, lived with her grandmother, whatever.

1:18:39

And she, you know, that show

1:18:41

got huge. And all of a

1:18:43

sudden, she's got like sponsorships and

1:18:45

she's on Tik, sponsorships with scrunchy

1:18:48

and, you know, all the stuff

1:18:50

just sick and Starbucks. And I

1:18:52

saw one of the live shows,

1:18:54

I'm just like a fan of

1:18:56

these girls, because I also am

1:18:58

obsessed with all my internalized misogyny

1:19:01

that you never like creeps up

1:19:03

on you. Because I remember, I

1:19:05

was always like cheerleaders, you know,

1:19:07

I've played basketball, I was like,

1:19:09

like, like jealous obviously. But I

1:19:12

was like, okay, cheerlady's a sport.

1:19:14

Okay. And then watching this, I

1:19:16

was like, whoa, these are like

1:19:18

incredible athletes. And it was just

1:19:20

my internalized sexism, I asked her,

1:19:22

I was like, she's 19 years

1:19:25

old, like, oh, this was happening.

1:19:27

I was like, how are you

1:19:29

doing? Like, what are you doing?

1:19:31

Like, what are you doing? Like,

1:19:33

I'm going to take a couple

1:19:35

months off. And I was like,

1:19:38

oh. And she's like, yeah, I

1:19:40

just need time to like process

1:19:42

all this. Wow. Like, what? I

1:19:44

didn't even know that was an

1:19:46

option. What do I haven't even

1:19:48

thought? to go like, that happened,

1:19:51

that was crazy. Yeah. Like, sometimes

1:19:53

I just go through my photo

1:19:55

album, I'm trying to go like

1:19:57

day to time and go like,

1:19:59

I just dissociated through that entire

1:20:01

thing. And I've designed my life

1:20:04

to be so chaotic that I

1:20:06

haven't had a second to even

1:20:08

process any of this, you know,

1:20:10

we don't make time to process

1:20:12

our feelings, our emotions, our life,

1:20:15

anything. So maybe it's not an

1:20:17

accident that all of us are

1:20:19

ready to slow down. It's kind

1:20:21

of the new, it's a flex.

1:20:23

Yeah, I like it. It's a

1:20:25

flex. I'm proud of us. I

1:20:28

know. Good, good, too. We're no,

1:20:30

hello. Like, yeah, we're like, you

1:20:32

look so good. I stopped getting

1:20:34

Botox, but people like, you look

1:20:36

at them like, I've just like

1:20:38

kind of sleep and I like,

1:20:41

I'm not in toxic relationships or

1:20:43

friendships anymore. If I need to

1:20:45

be somewhere at four and it

1:20:47

takes a half hour, I leave

1:20:49

it three 15. Like, like, yeah.

1:20:51

Just in case. I love that

1:20:54

for you. I love that for

1:20:56

us. We're the best. We ended

1:20:58

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