0:01

This is the Woo-Wai podcast.

0:03

Podcast. weekly no -nonsense life

0:06

lessons aim to inspire

0:08

you to master your

0:10

emotional and spiritual health,

0:12

and spiritual help, achieve balance,

0:14

harmony and flow, and

0:16

rediscover the authentic and

0:18

awesome you. We're your

0:20

hosts, David James Lee's

0:23

and Alexandra Lee's. This

0:29

week we are talking all about

0:31

perfection. Now do you do

0:33

you always strive for perfection

0:35

in your life, maybe your

0:38

your your your or your career?

0:40

or your Perhaps you are your

0:42

own worst critic and you

0:44

are always fault with yourself. Well,

0:47

what if you could let

0:50

go of this driving need

0:52

for perfection and embrace who

0:54

you truly are you your

0:56

unique journey? Well, this is

0:58

what we'll be discussing today. we'll

1:01

be discussing today. Okay David

1:03

so why is it that

1:05

we are always David,

1:07

so why is it that or

1:10

are always striving for perfection

1:12

or always kind of

1:14

criticizing ourselves fault finding? is a

1:17

really big subject big it's

1:19

one I speak to

1:21

my clients a lot about

1:23

I speak have this kind

1:25

of about. They have idea this idea, this

1:27

goal that they're trying to

1:30

reach to reach, they were

1:32

perfect perfect, then everyone would

1:34

like them and love them.

1:36

Everything would work out just

1:38

as they wanted it as they

1:40

They could future They themselves. prove

1:42

Things would go the way go

1:44

they way They would never

1:46

be what we call be what we

1:48

call CCJ criticized compared or been judgmental.

1:50

And so they've And so they've

1:52

got this aim that they're

1:54

heading like a It's like a

1:56

journey. And I always have this

1:58

image of the donkey the cat. always

2:01

trying to grasp, but

2:03

they never get there.

2:05

Yet, they do not

2:07

give in. They continue.

2:09

My little adage on

2:11

this is perfection is

2:13

a perception. Perfection doesn't

2:15

exist in anything you

2:17

do. But that part

2:19

of the mind that

2:21

I call the inner

2:23

child doesn't want to

2:25

let that go. So

2:27

is our inner child

2:30

striving for self-preservation, self-protection, and

2:32

it believes that if I'm perfect,

2:34

if everyone likes me, if I

2:36

do everything right, if I achieve

2:39

everything that needs to be achieved,

2:41

then I'll be okay? It is

2:43

what I call the utopian or

2:46

the Disney world kind of idea

2:48

that that part of our mind.

2:50

And for those of you new

2:52

to this teaching perhaps we should

2:55

spend just a moment to describe

2:57

what we mean when we say

2:59

the inner child. And we're talking

3:02

about a part of the mind

3:04

that was kind of frozen in

3:06

time. win your childhood around the

3:09

age of six to nine years

3:11

old. And it's almost though, although

3:13

you mature and you're grown up

3:15

and you're highly intelligent, this part

3:18

of the mind has got these

3:20

kind of patterns of thinking and

3:22

this perfection is one of them.

3:25

So even though you know intellectually

3:27

doesn't make sense. Even though you

3:29

know it's wrong, it's almost like

3:32

you can't let it go. As

3:34

one of my clients says something

3:36

very interesting to me. It's like

3:38

a drug. It's like I can't

3:41

let go of this drug. I've

3:43

got to keep on trying to

3:45

get it. But David, I think

3:48

that part of our mind, if

3:50

we call it the inner child.

3:52

It does kind of make sense

3:55

to it because we get that

3:57

drug hit when we do get

3:59

say recognition or we do make

4:01

an achievement. We do get that

4:04

small drug. It doesn't last long

4:06

and then we're still chasing the

4:08

next thing, we're still trying to

4:11

improve the next thing, or we're

4:13

still comparing ourselves to the next

4:15

person who would perceive as better

4:18

as us. But for some reason

4:20

that small drug hit seems to

4:22

be enough to keep driving us

4:24

on this hamster wheel of self-criticism

4:27

and striving. That's right and I

4:29

think what's getting even worse in

4:31

my experience working with clients is

4:34

the social kind of media being

4:36

on social because that's almost like

4:38

another you've got it the way

4:41

you look. what car you drive,

4:43

the way you dress, the size,

4:45

the size you look, you know,

4:47

your career, you're always being kind

4:50

of compared with or you're always

4:52

driving. So I think right now,

4:54

this is this is the worst

4:57

time that this perfection and moving

4:59

away and being better and driving

5:01

yourself. And a lot of my

5:04

clients will say, what is my

5:06

motivation? Keep me going. Put it

5:08

to motivation that can't. you can't

5:10

sustain? So it's learnt behaviour in

5:13

childhood initially so we want to

5:15

be a good boy or a

5:17

good girl for our parents so

5:20

we want to be the best

5:22

we can be and we're always

5:24

watching for that kind of parental

5:27

or feedback from our parents, guardians,

5:29

teachers, important adults in our life

5:31

and then we carry the belief

5:33

that we need to be perfect,

5:36

we need to be the best

5:38

into adulthood. and that

5:40

self-doubt, that comparing, that criticising

5:43

is then reinforced as you

5:45

say by consumer society, social

5:47

media, and also the fact

5:49

that you know nowadays, particularly

5:51

on social media, where we

5:54

spend a lot of time

5:56

consuming stuff, false

5:58

realities are presented

6:00

of people's

6:02

lives lives. So we are

6:05

not only not only

6:07

comparing ourselves, but we're

6:09

comparing ourselves to other people's

6:11

illusions they're presenting. presenting. And it's perverse.

6:13

It's self -harming in a

6:15

way. a way. if you go

6:17

right to the heart

6:19

of this, and it goes

6:21

right to the heart

6:23

of the it goes right to the

6:25

this goes back to understanding

6:27

this goes you already have

6:29

an innate. have an innate

6:31

and worth. worth. You

6:33

don't have to look outside

6:35

externally to get get this validation.

6:37

so if And so if

6:39

you're looking for any kind

6:42

of validation, just

6:44

think of that word, of

6:46

the giving of value. That's

6:48

what validation means. And

6:50

how can somebody give you

6:52

give you? what you've already got.

6:54

And here's where the inner

6:56

child part of our mind

6:58

steps in mind they do

7:00

not believe they already have

7:02

it. They do not believe

7:05

it's inherent, it's innate. They

7:07

believe it has to

7:09

be earned or given to

7:11

them. them. And that that sentence,

7:13

that teaching, that that really

7:15

is the core of

7:17

this teaching. That's the

7:19

question to ask yourself. Do

7:22

you believe you have

7:24

an innate worth and

7:26

value? that? Or do Do you believe

7:28

that? Or do you believe

7:30

that worth and value is something

7:32

that has to be to of

7:34

given to you you or somehow on

7:36

you earn it? have to earn

7:39

it? Because if you believe that,

7:41

then you're on what I

7:43

call the carousel of despair. a

7:45

It's like a hamster on the

7:47

wheel, running faster and faster

7:49

and faster faster with this... force goal

7:51

of perfection. When I

7:53

reach the utopian perfection, then

7:55

everyone's going to give

7:57

me what I want.

7:59

want. this is the ideal

8:02

of the inner child. Yeah,

8:04

and I think if we

8:06

hold that self-doubt, that then

8:08

creates the drive to compare,

8:11

criticize and be judgmental about

8:13

other people and ourselves. Those

8:15

people who are constantly criticizing

8:17

and judging others. are doing

8:20

it to themselves even worse.

8:22

Even worse. Even worse. Again,

8:24

this is what I find

8:26

when I'm working with my

8:29

fantastic clients. They are their

8:31

own worst critic. They hate

8:33

other people CCJing them. Let

8:35

me repeat what CCJ means.

8:38

Criticizing, comparing, or being judgmental.

8:40

They dislike it intensely when

8:42

somebody else does it to

8:44

them. But they are the

8:47

expert. They will do it

8:49

to other people. And as

8:51

you say, more destructively, they

8:53

will do it to themselves.

8:56

It will never be enough.

8:58

Even if they reach their

9:00

goal, they will set another

9:02

goal. I call it the

9:04

high jump syndrome, you know,

9:07

in the Olympics when people

9:09

jump over the high jump

9:11

bar. Well as soon as

9:13

you get close to jump

9:16

it, guess what you do?

9:18

Raise the bar. So you

9:20

never actually jump it. And

9:22

so David, a lot of

9:25

people would say, well the

9:27

teaching is all about embracing

9:29

imperfection, but I kind of

9:31

sense that the term or

9:34

the connotations of the word

9:36

imperfection is not a very

9:38

spiritual not very dull it's

9:40

not a very woo way

9:43

concept so what is what

9:45

are we aiming for here

9:47

well the unit child would

9:49

say imperfection because the unit

9:52

child would see it as

9:54

the emotional pendulum if you're

9:56

not perfect then you go

9:58

to the other imperfect

10:01

and really if you picture

10:03

in your mind now that

10:05

pendulum what we're looking for

10:07

is the center of that

10:09

pendulum what we call woo

10:11

way or being in your

10:13

flow why can't you just

10:15

celebrate your uniqueness I say

10:17

to all my clients, there

10:19

is no one in the

10:21

universe like you. You are

10:23

unique, and if that's not

10:25

enough for you, I don't

10:27

know what is, because you

10:29

can't be better than someone

10:31

else, and you can't be

10:33

worse than someone else. when

10:35

you start comparing that the

10:37

inner child now saying I

10:39

have to be better than

10:41

them I have to be

10:43

make more money than them

10:45

thinner than them happier than

10:47

them more successful than them

10:49

or then the pendulum swings

10:51

the other way, they're more

10:53

successful than me. They're happier

10:55

than me. They've got a

10:57

bigger car than me. They're

10:59

progressing in their career more.

11:01

They had a better childhood

11:03

than me. This is one

11:05

I hear all the time.

11:07

They had a much happier

11:09

childhood than me. And so

11:11

it's always running in this

11:13

comparison. And this CCJ is

11:15

another part of the drug.

11:17

You get almost hooked into

11:19

this CCJ. That you do

11:21

do to everyone and CCJ

11:23

and perfection. are brother and

11:25

sister, they are linked. Yeah,

11:27

I'm just smiling to myself

11:29

because it's like, you know,

11:31

nature, animals even, they don't

11:33

compare, they don't criticize, they

11:35

don't judge, they just get

11:37

on and do, they focus

11:39

on, they just do what

11:41

they do and they just

11:43

thrive and transform and except

11:46

they're not looking around

11:48

to say, oh, that

11:50

dog's better than me,

11:53

or that tree's better

11:55

than me, just, and

11:57

it's the ego that

11:59

creates these artificial parameters.

12:01

statuses, statuses,

12:03

hierarchies. child, the ego strives for

12:05

know, the inner of the ego

12:07

strives for like a sense

12:09

of completion and perfection. Once

12:11

I get this completed, once I

12:14

reach this point in status, in

12:16

goal and then then everything will

12:18

be okay. That will be enough. but

12:21

the way the way the universe isn't. there

12:23

isn't a completion and there's

12:25

a there's a and a

12:27

grain to life life

12:30

that the inner the inner child. want

12:32

to know because the inner inner of

12:34

our mind is in this kind of

12:37

polished. this kind of polished Disney

12:39

world or it's aiming

12:41

for like a polished where we

12:43

are. where we are crowned

12:45

the prince or princess you

12:47

know crazy. I call

12:49

it hand you know it's so

12:52

crazy. Yeah yeah the inner wants

12:54

to be special. be

12:56

special so you either accept that

12:58

there is someone special or somebody

13:00

can't be special special or all special we're

13:02

all that really is the and and

13:04

what you were saying about the

13:06

ego because we would call the

13:09

ego the inner child we would put

13:11

it as one of the same. the

13:13

same So one of the things

13:15

why the the inner a child ego

13:17

want to do this. It

13:19

means it has to be accountable.

13:21

to be It has to now

13:23

take responsibility for itself, for its

13:25

progression. It can't blame other

13:27

people. Oh, well, if it wasn't

13:30

for them, if it wasn't for

13:32

this, if it wasn't for

13:34

my childhood, if it wasn't if it

13:36

wasn't a child. child. wants

13:38

to be able to shift

13:40

the blame onto something else

13:43

rather than stand up. And

13:45

this is the spirituality of

13:47

this teaching. You this

13:49

you already you already,

13:52

to this, you already

13:54

have everything you need

13:56

or will ever want,

13:58

it's within you. you. This

14:01

is what I would

14:03

call your Shen, your

14:06

innate spirituality. This is

14:08

your birthright. And the

14:10

moment you look to

14:12

other people and say,

14:14

I'm better than them,

14:17

they're better than me,

14:19

you are moving away

14:21

from your journey. You

14:23

are departing. I think

14:26

about it like a

14:28

fork in the road.

14:30

And we have these

14:32

choices almost daily. Do

14:35

we walk our path

14:37

of truth? Thank you.

14:39

honesty and integrity and

14:41

do we respect and

14:43

honor our shed our

14:46

spirituality or do we

14:48

go down the other

14:50

path where we're always

14:52

comparing criticizing being judgmental

14:55

being our own worst

14:57

critic you know it's

14:59

much harder to stand

15:01

up on the stage

15:03

and to act it's

15:06

much easier to sit

15:08

in the audience and

15:10

criticize and the inner

15:12

child will want to

15:15

be in the audience

15:17

we want to be

15:19

in the audience we

15:21

want to have the

15:24

gravitas of being famous

15:26

and being on stage

15:28

but not one be

15:30

on stage once it

15:32

be in the audience

15:35

and criticize. Yeah, and

15:37

so I think there's

15:39

a misunderstanding that the

15:41

spiritual way, the authentic

15:44

way means not wanting

15:46

to self-improve. are authentic

15:48

self-improvement without the like

15:51

layering on top

15:53

of the unrealistic,

15:55

unhealthy drive for

15:58

perfection and external

16:00

and fuel by the self-doubt that

16:03

we talked about. Well the two

16:05

paths that you identified there Alex

16:07

is the one path is you're

16:10

going down this path and this

16:12

relies on others external this relies

16:14

on what other people think what

16:17

the papers are saying what your

16:19

social media is saying the way

16:21

you should look. This other path

16:24

which I would encourage you most

16:26

strongly to follow the path of

16:28

your spirituality doesn't rely on anyone

16:31

else, but it does rely on

16:33

you. This is your

16:35

journey, this is your potential,

16:38

this is what you should

16:40

be responsible for. And again,

16:43

when the inner child hears

16:45

this teaching, it will absolutely

16:47

want to push this away

16:50

because when you are being

16:52

responsible, it means other people

16:54

can criticize you, will criticize

16:57

you. They will

16:59

criticize you, you will be

17:01

criticized. Can I give you

17:04

one of my best little

17:06

mantras? Think about this, what

17:09

other people think of me,

17:11

is none of my business.

17:14

because you will always be

17:17

criticized. Now, do you want

17:19

to be criticized going down

17:22

this force road where you'll

17:24

never win or just accept

17:26

the criticism? And that's why

17:29

this word acceptance is so

17:31

powerful. Just accept, do you

17:34

be criticized? Whatever you do,

17:36

you'll be criticized. Everybody gets

17:39

criticized. It's a human condition.

17:41

You just smile and say

17:44

thank you for your feedback

17:46

while they're criticizing you. You

17:48

can focus on your journey.

17:51

Let them walk around the

17:53

carousel of despair and you

17:56

plot your course. You follow

17:58

your journey. And David, I

18:01

think if we can move

18:03

a place of self-acceptance, but

18:06

that we are on our

18:08

journey, we are still going

18:10

to develop and grow and

18:13

not stagnate. But that acceptance

18:15

of ourselves then transforms into

18:18

acceptance of other people and

18:20

acceptance of situations. Again, it's

18:23

not being adormat, it's not

18:25

putting up with inappropriate things.

18:28

but it's almost like we

18:30

take 30% of the edge

18:32

of pressure off on things

18:35

if we drop the CCJ,

18:37

the comparing critter. And that

18:40

frees us up so much

18:42

to transform and grow and

18:45

develop, but in a healthy

18:47

way. So we still move

18:50

forward, we still progress, we

18:52

still move towards

18:54

what we intend to move

18:56

towards. But we do it

18:59

in a way that feels

19:01

good, that's full of green

19:03

light, feelings of calm, peace,

19:05

exhilaration, joy rather than stress,

19:07

angst, pressure, self-loathing. And that's

19:09

why you have to understand

19:12

that inner child part of

19:14

your mind, Alex, because the

19:16

inner child part of your

19:18

mind has what I said

19:20

earlier. This idea of this

19:22

Disney world, this utopian, where

19:25

there's no problems, everything works

19:27

out the way that they

19:29

wanted to, when they wanted

19:31

to, in the way they

19:33

wanted to. But that's not

19:35

the reality that we live

19:38

in. And so you're always

19:40

going to be chasing this

19:42

illusion. This is just made

19:44

up from a child. And

19:46

if you walk the other

19:48

path, when you're connected to

19:51

your shen, to your truth,

19:53

to your honesty, to your

19:55

integrity, problems still come. They

19:57

come whichever path you take.

19:59

There's no path that doesn't

20:01

give you issues, problems, difficulties

20:04

in your life. This is

20:06

an illusion. But the difference

20:08

if you walk the spiritual

20:10

path, when those problems do

20:12

come, you don't see them

20:14

as barriers. You see them

20:17

as stepping stones. You build

20:19

bridges. You get through it.

20:21

And that really is the

20:23

teaching of woo-way wisdom. We're

20:25

not offering you a life

20:27

where nothing ever goes wrong.

20:30

We're saying, this is why

20:32

we call these videos, life

20:34

lessons. Every situation in life

20:36

offers you a lesson. Now

20:38

do you accept that lesson

20:40

and learn from that lesson

20:43

and build a bridge to

20:45

get through this situation or

20:47

do you go on to

20:49

an illusion road where you're

20:51

going round and round thinking

20:53

whatever was perfect then this

20:56

problem would never arise it

20:58

will still arise it will

21:00

still happen so the choice

21:02

is yours do you walk

21:04

down this forced path? with

21:06

this illusion that life will

21:09

suddenly have bunny rabbits jumping

21:11

in the field and roses

21:13

growing around the door and

21:15

everything works out it's almost

21:17

like it's like a Disney

21:19

movie isn't it where the

21:22

path just unfolds in front

21:24

of you but that's not

21:26

the universe the reality that

21:28

we live in or do

21:30

you equip yourself? like, as

21:32

I often use the metaphor,

21:35

like a sailor, a skilled

21:37

sailor, sailing across the seas,

21:39

knowing when to open yourselves,

21:41

knowing when to close down,

21:43

being able to read the

21:45

tides and the winds and

21:48

using the stars, the North

21:50

Star is your guide. So

21:52

you may have to move

21:54

off course occasionally, but you're

21:56

following what I would call

21:58

ye, y I. and

22:01

your potential. Don't

22:03

worry about anyone else's

22:06

journey, focus on yours

22:08

and you will see the

22:10

life lesson is perfection

22:13

is a is a perception. This

22:15

This doesn't exist, but

22:17

what does exist? exist. What is

22:19

real is is your spirituality,

22:21

is who you really are.

22:24

are. Wonderful. Thank you, David.

22:26

And if you'd like to

22:28

explore the subject some more,

22:30

please check out the links

22:32

to other the -form videos some

22:34

guided meditations. I'll put in

22:36

the show notes for you

22:38

to help you get to

22:40

grips with the subject and

22:42

the issues around CCJ issues around CCJ

22:44

and If you have

22:46

struggled with this issue,

22:48

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