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This is the Wuwai Wisdom

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Podcast. Our weekly no-nonsense

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life lessons aim to

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inspire you to master

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your emotional and spiritual

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help, achieve balance harmony

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and flow, and rediscover

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the authentic and awesome

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you. We're your hosts

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David James Lee's and

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Alexandra Lee's. Today

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we are tackling the topic

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of I Can't Cope and

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the overwhelming fear of failure

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that many people suffer from.

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Now life can often seem

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like a race to succeed

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and if we struggle or

0:45

stumble it can be easy

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to slip into a spiral

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of self-doubt. Well in this

0:52

episode you'll learn why fear

0:54

of failure is not necessarily

0:56

something to be overcome but

0:59

more understood and why

1:01

failure is not a

1:03

stopping point but

1:06

more a stepping stone

1:08

to positive self-growth.

1:11

Okay David, so

1:13

this belief that I

1:15

can't cope that I'm

1:18

gonna fail, how common

1:20

is it with the clients

1:22

that you work with?

1:25

It's really common Alex and

1:27

as you was giving the

1:29

introduction there I had to

1:31

smile because these are the type

1:33

of words and the inner dialogue

1:36

that what I call the

1:38

inner child creates inside of

1:40

our mind. It creates confusion.

1:43

So there's two conflicting things

1:45

here. Number one is I

1:47

can't cope. What does that mean?

1:50

and who's judging that and cope with

1:52

what and how and how should you

1:54

cope and the next one is I might be

1:56

a failure and the same could be

1:58

asked with that. What does that mean?

2:00

failure of what? What does failure mean?

2:03

Who judges failure? And so the inner

2:05

charge is very good at kind of,

2:07

I call it the maze of confusion,

2:09

bringing those two together and leading you

2:12

into the maze and then you kind

2:14

of lost as in the maze.

2:16

And if we can today, and

2:18

it might mean you do a

2:20

little bit of role play, we

2:22

have to unpick or deconstruct what

2:24

is it we're actually looking for?

2:26

Do we believe that we have

2:28

to succeed? Do we believe we

2:30

have to be number one? Do

2:32

we believe we can succeed? What

2:34

does success mean? You see, there's

2:37

all these questions. It's a

2:39

huge topic and you're right,

2:41

it becomes very jumbled up

2:43

in our mind because as

2:46

soon as we have this I

2:48

can't copeness, this fear of failure

2:50

thing triggered within us. Then

2:53

the red light, uncomfortable, painful,

2:55

red light emotions kick

2:57

in, of anxiety, of

2:59

stress, of self-pressure, of

3:02

uptightness, of confusion, of

3:04

emotional and mental overwhelm,

3:06

and then the emotions and their

3:09

uncomfortableness become the focus

3:11

of our attention, rather

3:13

than our ability to

3:15

unpick this jumble of

3:17

what's happening. But David, the

3:19

reality is that... I know you

3:21

said, okay, the inner child

3:23

is involved and in all

3:26

our teachings we talk about

3:28

how the inner child can

3:30

misinterpret things, it can create

3:32

illusions, it can create a false

3:34

reality. But playing

3:36

devil's advocating here David,

3:38

what if the demands of

3:40

our current life or our

3:42

current situation and our skills

3:45

and ability, there is a

3:47

mismatch, there's a gap and

3:49

we are. the reality is

3:51

we are falling short, you

3:53

know, is it then appropriate?

3:55

Okay, you know, how do

3:58

we deal with that? the

4:00

consequences of that, I

4:02

guess, panic state because of

4:04

the reality of our situation.

4:06

So you've already done the first

4:08

step there, Alex, because you've singled

4:11

it down. And now, if we

4:13

do with what you said, here's

4:15

the situation. My current career

4:17

job situation, I haven't got

4:20

the skill set to be able

4:22

to address that properly. you have

4:24

to improve your skill set. You have

4:26

to take steps to find out what

4:28

is it that you need to learn,

4:30

and again you'll hear me use

4:33

this word a lot, learn, because

4:35

that's what we're doing. That's why

4:37

we call these videos, life lessons.

4:40

You're not born with a complete

4:42

knowledge of everything you're going to

4:44

encounter in life. This is your

4:46

spiritual journey. We don't get to

4:49

an end point and go, oh,

4:51

there you are. I know everything.

4:53

I am now successful. Everything is

4:56

currently and always a learning process.

4:58

In the introduction, you said the

5:00

right things. They're stepping stones. So

5:02

it doesn't matter. Look at me.

5:05

I'm an old man now and

5:07

I'm still learning. We will carry

5:09

on learning. So in your situation

5:11

that you just said, I've realized...

5:13

the situation I am, I haven't

5:15

got the knowledge or the skill

5:18

set to deal with it. So

5:20

now you have to either change

5:22

your situation, resign, find a different

5:24

job, or improve your skill set.

5:26

Those are your two alternatives. Creating

5:29

emotional feelings of overwhelm is not

5:31

going to help the situation. And

5:33

so this could apply to, as

5:35

you say, a career situation,

5:37

but it couldn't imply to

5:40

a personal health situation. It

5:42

could... apply to a financial

5:44

situation, it could apply to

5:46

a relationship situation whereby

5:49

the situation we're encountering

5:51

is not within our

5:54

zone of comfort or

5:56

experience or knowledge. And I

5:58

guess what makes... the problem worse

6:01

and amplifies our emotions of stress

6:03

and anxiety is our ego or

6:05

our inner child that part of

6:08

our mind which also holds the

6:10

belief that either I shouldn't experience

6:12

any discomfort or I shouldn't experience

6:15

anything which is out of my

6:17

familiar or comfort zone. The inner

6:19

child believed that I should be

6:22

perfect, I should be strong, I

6:24

should be always in control. And

6:26

those two... There's another one. What's

6:29

the other one? What other people

6:31

think about me? Yeah. How they

6:33

judge me. we call it CCJ.

6:36

Am I going to get criticized

6:38

if I get it wrong? Am

6:41

I going to be compared or

6:43

are they going to give me

6:45

negative judgments? Because at the base

6:48

of the two that you said

6:50

and the third one I've added

6:52

is my worth. Have I got

6:55

innate worth and value? Or do

6:57

I get it? from being successful,

6:59

from knowing everything, from being slightly

7:02

superior or other people elevating me.

7:04

So those in a child beliefs,

7:06

that in a child's faulty logic,

7:09

is what makes a challenging unfamiliar

7:11

unknown situation. a hundred times worse

7:13

in terms of the emotional experience

7:16

and our reaction to it. That's

7:18

right. And then the inner child

7:21

creates the emotion. An emotion for

7:23

me, I can't say every time,

7:25

but the majority of the time

7:28

with my clients, the powerful intense

7:30

emotions of fear, anxiety, stress, overwhelm.

7:32

This is the voice of your

7:35

inner child. Your inner child speaks

7:37

through your emotions. And instead of

7:39

seeing into something you should avoid

7:42

or cancel or put down... We

7:44

should move toward it and we

7:46

should try and understand because the

7:49

issues you're in a charge crying

7:51

for help, crying to see that

7:53

the skill set it's got, the

7:56

three we just mentioned, can't deal

7:58

with this situation. What does it

8:01

do? It creates an emotion. And

8:03

so, and as you say, everything

8:05

has its basis in self-doubt and

8:08

believing that our performance, our ability

8:10

to be strong and unflafable to...

8:12

excel at every situation in life,

8:15

whether it's relationships, career, money, health,

8:17

that unreasonable like standard that we're

8:19

setting for ourselves so that we

8:22

don't get criticised, so that everyone

8:24

still thinks we're wonderful at all

8:26

times. That is what is transforming

8:29

a potential challenging but yet positive

8:31

learning experience and opportunity into something

8:33

to be avoided into something that

8:36

just creates emotional overwhelm. Well you

8:38

use the word unreasonable and I

8:40

would change that word to unobtainable.

8:43

The inner child is trying to

8:45

get to a position. that it

8:48

is always successful, it's always number

8:50

one, it's always special, it knows

8:52

better than anybody else. And perhaps

8:55

we should do a video in

8:57

the future on humility because the

8:59

inner child doesn't want to have

9:02

a doubt, he doesn't, she doesn't

9:04

want to be seen to be

9:06

wrong. That's one of the driving

9:09

things of the inner child. So

9:11

when it comes to this past

9:13

that it can't get what it

9:16

wants, like all children, It throws

9:18

a temper tantrum. It's a cryout

9:20

for help. What can I do

9:23

here? So it doesn't want to

9:25

change its beliefs. It doesn't want

9:28

to see all other people to

9:30

see there's a failure. So it's

9:32

stock and then it produces the

9:35

intense red light feelings. And so

9:37

the... these beliefs and thought patterns

9:39

originate from childhood where we always

9:42

I guess we wanted to be

9:44

praised as a good boy or

9:46

a good girl by our parents

9:49

or our teachers or important people

9:51

adults in our life and we've

9:53

carried this into adulthood and I

9:56

guess the problem also is now

9:58

in today's society and culture it

10:00

very much encourages us to cultivate

10:03

an image of being strong, of

10:05

capable, of in control or times.

10:08

So it becomes a self-perpetuating cycle

10:10

if we're not careful, if we

10:12

don't step off this carousel of

10:15

thinking. And those inner-chart experiences can

10:17

be many, many, and varied. It

10:19

could be, for instance, as what

10:22

we would perceive as simple as

10:24

the first time you go to

10:26

school, and you receive criticism, or

10:29

somebody makes fun of you. somebody

10:31

makes one of the way you

10:33

look, or the teacher, but to

10:36

be red cross on your work,

10:38

and you haven't got the ability,

10:40

you don't know how to deal

10:43

with that. And so instead of

10:45

taking it as something to learn,

10:48

when you were a child, you

10:50

did something that really is going

10:52

to put you on a different

10:55

path, you take it personally, and

10:57

you say, well, I call the

10:59

vow. V-O-W. And this could be

11:02

normally from your parents, extended family

11:04

or a teacher, they give you

11:06

what you perceive to be criticism,

11:09

bad judgmental on you, and then

11:11

you say, it must be me.

11:13

There's something missing in me. There's

11:16

something wrong with me. And that

11:18

is the call. Kind of thought

11:20

line that's the doubt that then

11:23

moves on and then you say

11:25

like if you said I have

11:28

to be perfect I can't make

11:30

a mistake other people have to

11:32

think well of me I have

11:35

to be number one I can't

11:37

drop I can't drop the ball

11:39

I can't learn. And so you're

11:42

on this hamster's will that I

11:44

call the carousel of despair and

11:46

then you can't fulfill what you

11:49

want to do and then you

11:51

create red light feelings. And so

11:53

in order to break this or

11:56

to truly be able to reframe.

11:58

how we respond to challenging and

12:00

familiar situations. Do we need to

12:03

do this deeper inner child work

12:05

of undoing the self-blame, undoing the

12:08

faulty link we've established between our

12:10

performance or other people's reactions to

12:12

us and our intrinsic self-work? Is

12:15

it really at that core fundamental

12:17

level that we need to be

12:19

doing this work? I believe so

12:22

and I believe that's how you

12:24

make a really authentic and lasting

12:26

change. You have to take this

12:29

opportunity and unfortunately when your red

12:31

light are at the most intense

12:33

this is the best time to

12:36

do what we call the golden

12:38

thread. You have to separate. So

12:40

the first thing you have to

12:43

accept or if you don't accept

12:45

please write into me and tell

12:48

me if you do not create

12:50

your emotions. How do emotions get

12:52

into your body? Do they fly

12:55

through the air? Do other people

12:57

transport them in as in as

12:59

into your body? What I find

13:02

and see whether this applies to

13:04

you, most of my clients will

13:06

say, yes, of course I understand

13:09

that I create my emotions from

13:11

my perceptions. There's no doubt. But

13:13

when we start to do the

13:16

inner child work and the golden

13:18

thread, and we get down to

13:20

that part of the psyche, the

13:23

mind we're calling the inner child.

13:25

You know what? The inner child

13:28

does not accept that they create

13:30

emotions. They believe that other people

13:32

create their emotions and they are

13:35

a victim of the emotion. And

13:37

here again, it becomes adding to

13:39

the confusion. So now, the inner

13:42

child will see themselves as a

13:44

victim. And then they have righteous

13:46

justice and indication to say, poo

13:49

me, I can't cope. Now that

13:51

goes back to what you said,

13:53

I can't cope. I need somebody

13:56

like a guardian angel to come

13:58

in and sort all this out

14:00

for me and put a bow

14:03

on it and give it to

14:05

me. And so it adds to

14:08

this. maze of confusion and what

14:10

you have to do in the

14:12

golden thread process is so powerful

14:15

at this, so powerful that people

14:17

don't like doing it and they'll

14:19

say to me and say, oh,

14:22

so why did you do that?

14:24

And they say, being a child

14:26

answer, I don't know why. Well,

14:29

you're doing it and you don't

14:31

know why you're doing it. It

14:33

doesn't make sense and you've got

14:36

to clear that up. I mean,

14:38

I'm thinking of a situation in

14:40

my past where my desire to

14:43

face up to a challenging situation

14:45

with someone at work who was

14:48

acting inappropriately towards me. I really,

14:50

you know, I felt a strong

14:52

authentic calling to speak up and

14:55

speak my mind to them, but

14:57

I was running through the scenarios

14:59

in my mind of what was

15:02

going to happen, the fallout, what

15:04

they'd think of me for speaking

15:06

up, and that... running through the

15:09

scenario my mind created such an

15:11

overwhelming amount of red light emotions

15:13

of anxiety and stress that I

15:16

just wanted to run away from

15:18

a situation which I hadn't actually

15:20

faced up to because it was

15:23

like as much as I wanted

15:25

to speak my truth and speak

15:28

up and and stand up for

15:30

myself the emotion the red light

15:32

emotions that I were I was

15:35

creating, thinking about doing that act

15:37

of speaking got for myself, was

15:39

more over... overwhelming, you know, it

15:42

kind of trumped the desire to

15:44

speak up for myself. That's a

15:46

great example, Alex. Because that's the

15:49

inner child doing what he does

15:51

really well. It creates worse case

15:53

scenarios. Instead of looking at the

15:56

whole situation, yes, it could go

15:58

badly, but it could go really

16:00

well. The person could have said,

16:03

I'm so sorry, Alex, I misspoke,

16:05

I didn't realize that that's how

16:07

it came across. So the inner

16:10

child doesn't look at the good

16:12

points, it looks at the worst

16:15

case scenario because it's wanting to

16:17

protect itself from what we call

16:19

CCJ, being criticised, being compared or

16:22

being judged. And so the inner

16:24

child will say, I don't want

16:26

to go there, so it's much

16:29

better if I avoid it, but

16:31

then you have this inner conflict

16:33

where... your shared spirituality, your true

16:36

self, your authentic self, knows that

16:38

you should go up and address

16:40

this situation and the inner child

16:43

is digging their hills in going,

16:45

no, no, no, I don't want

16:47

to go there, I don't want

16:50

to go there. And so this

16:52

inner turmoil is far greater than

16:55

the situation ever was and so...

16:57

we then surrender to the inner

16:59

child. It's like giving the child

17:02

another bar of chocolate to shut

17:04

them up. But the problem is

17:06

that when you do that, the

17:09

inner child goes, oh, if I

17:11

shout loud enough, I get my

17:13

own way. And so it starts

17:16

to shout loud enough. And then

17:18

it gets into a position where

17:20

it says, getting my own way

17:23

still doesn't work. What do I

17:25

do? And this is why we

17:27

call it reparenting. You have to

17:30

understand what the emotions are. You

17:32

have to view the emotions in

17:35

a different way. And you have

17:37

to separate the emotions that you

17:39

create. No one puts in... emotion

17:42

into your body and no one

17:44

can feel your emotions. So you

17:46

could be internally under the greatest

17:49

stress and intense anxiety. No one

17:51

else knows. They can see it

17:53

as on your face, but they're

17:56

not feeling it. And so it

17:58

all becomes an internal maze of

18:00

confusion. And it's like quicksand. It

18:03

draws you down and down. And

18:05

to cure this, you have to

18:07

get to the root of the

18:10

problem. Because for me, I see

18:12

a beautiful child crying out for

18:15

help. And if a young child

18:17

of six and seven came to

18:19

you in distress and said, please

18:22

help me, you wouldn't turn you

18:24

back on them and just walk

18:26

away. You would say to them,

18:29

the golden thread question, what's the

18:31

matter darling? That's the golden thread

18:33

question. Why? Why do you feel

18:36

like this? What's behind the feeling?

18:38

See, the golden thread is not

18:40

complicated, but it's not dressing the

18:43

feelings. It's addressing the beliefs that

18:45

create the feelings. That's the key.

18:47

We are the creator of our

18:50

emotions. We are not the victim

18:52

of them. And I think, David,

18:55

that so in the situation I

18:57

talked about my belief. that the

18:59

outcome of the confrontation, let's say,

19:02

was going to go badly and

19:04

that I was going to fail

19:06

and that I wouldn't be able

19:09

to cope with the criticism or

19:11

potential backlash, but equally it could

19:13

be a scenario where you have

19:16

to face up to a challenging

19:18

situation which you're not necessarily familiar

19:20

or skilled with and it may

19:23

go wrong or not as you

19:25

hoped. Every time we make the

19:27

choice to avoid those situations, to

19:30

either stand up for ourselves or

19:32

to push out of our comfort

19:35

zone, we are doing... ourselves a

19:37

disservice, we're doing our authentic self,

19:39

we're doing our personal self-growth, self-empowerments

19:42

a disservice, we're compromising ourselves. So...

19:44

That's the word that I would

19:46

use. We're compromising our spirituality. We're

19:49

not honouring our true self. Yeah,

19:51

yeah. And it's perverse really because

19:53

what we're doing is we're putting

19:56

all the people's... potential opinions of

19:58

us, whether it's someone we know

20:00

or like a faceless jury of

20:03

people who we just think are

20:05

just generally going to be judging

20:07

us or our status or our

20:10

performance or our worth above our

20:12

own self-growth, self-worth, self-service. And I

20:15

didn't want to stop you because...

20:17

But if you go right back,

20:19

if you roll back the tape

20:22

and listen to what Alex said

20:24

the first word, if the confrontation,

20:26

who said it's going to be

20:29

a confrontation? So right away, see

20:31

the inner child has stepped in,

20:33

oh this is going to be

20:36

a confrontation. It doesn't have to

20:38

be a confrontation. You could just

20:40

go up with a big smile

20:43

on your face and say, you

20:45

know, I've just thought about what

20:47

you just said. Can we run

20:50

through that again? It doesn't have

20:52

to be a confrontation at all,

20:55

but the inner child is so

20:57

good at creating these worst case

20:59

scenarios. And then once it starts,

21:02

it's like a snowball running down

21:04

a hill. Oh, then they're like,

21:06

and then other people will take

21:09

their part, and then I'll have

21:11

no friends, and I hear this

21:13

all, and then I'll be alone.

21:16

I'll be all on my own.

21:18

They'll all be against me. This

21:20

is the inner child. But actually

21:23

the thing, the point you made

21:25

was almost the most important. thing

21:27

in this equation, actually what we're

21:30

trying to avoid is the emotional

21:32

feelings. So the emotional feelings that

21:35

we may experience if someone criticizes

21:37

us or thinks badly of us

21:39

or if we... perceived as not

21:42

being a good person or a

21:44

successful person. Actually, we're not trying

21:46

to avoid that per se. What

21:49

we're trying to avoid is the

21:51

emotional feelings that arise from that,

21:53

when all the while we are

21:56

in control of those emotions, like

21:58

we could have exactly the same

22:00

outcome. So let's say, whatever scenario

22:03

is, we have the worst case

22:05

scenario outcome, of which there are

22:07

many different outcomes. But our experience

22:10

of that, our emotional experience in

22:12

that, is entirely dependent on our

22:15

perception of does this mean I

22:17

am a bad person to my

22:19

core? Or does this mean... Well,

22:22

I've learned how to navigate this

22:24

situation maybe slightly differently next time.

22:26

You know, I perceive this as

22:29

a, I've learned something here. This

22:31

is not a reflection on me.

22:33

It's a reflection on that or

22:36

it's a reflection on how I

22:38

could maybe communicate slightly differently or,

22:40

you know, it's totally down to

22:43

our perception. And that goes down

22:45

to the core teaching. I try

22:47

and repeat on every life lesson.

22:50

You have to remember that you

22:52

are the creator of your emotions.

22:55

We are not saying, I am

22:57

not saying, so if you're in

22:59

writing to me and saying, oh,

23:02

you're saying I shouldn't have emotions,

23:04

that's the last thing I'm saying.

23:06

Emotions are natural, normal, they're part

23:09

of all we are, thank goodness,

23:11

the emotion of joy, happiness, love,

23:13

fulfillment. These are emotions as well.

23:16

So I'm not saying don't have

23:18

emotions, I'm saying absolutely take full

23:20

ownership. You are the author of

23:23

your emotions. So, yes, that person

23:25

has a different view of you.

23:27

Why can't they have a different

23:30

view of you? Why can't they

23:32

think you've made a mistake? Why

23:34

can't somebody offer a criticism? The

23:37

only reason why they can't is

23:39

because you're looking for them to

23:42

validate you. You're looking for them

23:44

to give you self-worth. I've got

23:46

a little saying. I know some

23:49

of you find this very difficult.

23:51

What others think about me... Is

23:53

none of my business? What you

23:56

think about you is your business.

23:58

So they could come up to

24:00

you in your case and say,

24:03

Alex, you've really messed up on

24:05

this project. That just means your

24:07

skill set on this project. My

24:10

first question would be, could you

24:12

show me how I've messed up?

24:14

Could you explain to me why

24:17

you believe I've messed up? I

24:19

followed the instructions. It's nothing to

24:22

do with my worth or value

24:24

as a spiritual being and that's

24:26

the difference in this woo wave

24:29

wisdom model You have to go

24:31

back to the core of who

24:33

you are That's spirituality nothing to

24:36

do with religion nothing to do

24:38

with anything outside of yourself You

24:40

are inherently a spiritual person you

24:43

have and as a birthright, worth

24:45

and value. No one has more

24:47

worth and value than you. No

24:50

one has less worth and value

24:52

than you. No one can add

24:54

to your worth and value. It's

24:57

not like a commodity that can

24:59

inject you with four milligrams of

25:02

worth and value or take it

25:04

away from you. Your worth and

25:06

value is constant. The only thing

25:09

that changes is your connection to

25:11

your worth and value. And that's

25:13

why... I picked up at the

25:16

very beginning. The words you're using

25:18

is like the connection to your

25:20

worth and value. The original thing

25:23

was, I can't cope, I will

25:25

be a failure. Both of those

25:27

are totally incorrect. They don't make

25:30

to me any sense whatsoever, because

25:32

you've always coped. You always will

25:34

cope. You are a coping machine.

25:37

And then I am a failure.

25:39

Well, then you have to show

25:42

me how you believe. that you,

25:44

your spiritual essence, can be a

25:46

failure. It's like having a newborn

25:49

child, you're in the delivery room

25:51

and you look at it and

25:53

you go, well, you're a failure.

25:56

You'd laugh, it's silly, it doesn't

25:58

make sense. You would say, well,

26:00

you're going to make lots of

26:03

mistakes and have lots of processes,

26:05

of course, but that doesn't make

26:07

you a failure, and we have

26:10

to make this separation, which is

26:12

the core of woo-way wisdom. So

26:14

be very careful of the words

26:17

that you use. And one tip

26:19

I would say is when you're

26:22

talking to yourself, stop using the

26:24

word I feel. Stop it. Use

26:26

the word, I think, I believe,

26:29

I choose. So I feel like

26:31

I can't cope. Change that to,

26:33

I believe I can't cope. Then

26:36

the next question is, what you

26:38

would say to a child? Sweetheart,

26:40

why do you believe you can't

26:43

cope? Then they would tell you,

26:45

because teacher criticized me. Now you

26:47

can give them the learning. Well

26:50

sometimes teacher criticizes you. It doesn't

26:52

mean to say you can't cope,

26:54

you just mean you know you

26:57

give them a proper learning. Yeah

26:59

and David just to close I

27:02

want to touch into the kind

27:04

of Taoist teaching because this teaching

27:06

of being honouring ourselves is obviously

27:09

a very powerful spiritual teaching but

27:11

also like the Taoist teaching of

27:13

this thing about the inner child

27:16

expecting everything to be perfect than

27:18

ever to be any problems and

27:20

that really Taoism teaches us that

27:23

you know if life is like

27:25

a stream that courses towards the

27:27

sea there will always be rocks

27:30

and boulders thrown into the stream

27:32

or unexpected blockages and that you

27:34

know it doesn't mean we we

27:37

give up. It doesn't mean we

27:39

perceive those blockages or those challenges

27:42

as points of failure or reasons

27:44

to just stop moving, stop progressing.

27:46

It's about learning to be responsive

27:49

and to flow and to be

27:51

resourceful and be creative to navigate

27:53

that the... the river of life

27:56

which will always have challenges? These

27:58

normally manifests with my clients is

28:00

the unknown or the uncertainty and

28:03

they want to know. I would

28:05

say the majority of my clients

28:07

when you get to their area

28:10

in a child what they're looking

28:12

for is to be in control.

28:14

They want to try and control

28:17

the uncontrollable. They haven't accepted or

28:19

they're not prepared to accept that.

28:22

We live in uncertainty. We live

28:24

in the unknown. You've always lived

28:26

in the unknown. You always will

28:29

live in the unknown. We don't

28:31

know what's going to happen in

28:33

the next few seconds, let alone

28:36

next week, let alone next year.

28:38

We don't know. And we have

28:40

to accept that. And as you

28:43

just said, we have to learn

28:45

how to navigate, how to... surf

28:47

that wave, we have to learn

28:50

how to be flexible, we have

28:52

to learn how to use our

28:54

skill set, we have to learn

28:57

how to connect to our share

28:59

in our spirituality, we have to

29:02

know that we will cope because

29:04

we always have done what these

29:06

life lessons is about how you

29:09

cope, the gracefulness is as in

29:11

your cope. Yes, there will be

29:13

great challenges. Maybe your ill health,

29:16

maybe important relationships break down, maybe

29:18

changes your career, maybe somebody you

29:20

love is ill. You have to

29:23

learn how to deal with that.

29:25

You can't control that. And that's

29:27

the big difference. And the inner

29:30

child will always be looking to

29:32

say, if I think of the

29:34

worst case scenario, oh my goodness,

29:37

I wish I had a dollar

29:39

for every time a client said

29:42

this to me. If I have

29:44

the worst case scenario, if I

29:46

think about the worst, I will

29:49

be prepared. And it's totally the

29:51

opposite. If you think of the

29:53

worst case scenario, you're attracting that

29:56

energy into your life. Yeah, and

29:58

you're not present. Exactly. Your energy

30:00

is running through all. the scenarios

30:03

is in the example I use,

30:05

you're not mindfully present, you're not

30:07

kind of fully surrendered

30:10

to observing and then

30:12

responding authentically to

30:14

what's happening in the moment

30:17

because your mind, your

30:19

energy is future projecting.

30:21

So to be present

30:24

to be surrendered but then

30:26

responsive in that kind of

30:28

woo-way flowing manner is very

30:30

much. So I spoke earlier about the

30:32

words. Now if you were my client

30:34

and you said that, the essence

30:37

of what you're saying is 100% correct,

30:39

but you use one word that I

30:41

would like to talk to you about

30:43

and offer you a correction.

30:46

Surrender. Because the word surrender

30:48

for the inner child. will

30:50

see themselves as a victim.

30:52

Or vulnerable. Exactly. So why

30:54

would want to change that

30:56

word to align? Why don't we align

30:58

with the flow of life? Yeah. Why

31:01

don't we find our path? Why don't

31:03

we look for our niche? Why don't

31:05

we find that current? And that's what

31:08

Wu Wei is. Effortless effort. Somebody

31:10

else is current. Somebody

31:12

else is lying. Might be different.

31:14

But why don't you concentrate on

31:17

finding your unique... alignment because this

31:19

is your life. There is no

31:22

one in the universe like you.

31:24

No one will ever be like

31:26

you. That's why the idea of

31:29

somebody comparing you or thinking you

31:31

failed to me is nonsensical. What

31:33

gives them the position to say

31:36

you failed because they're on a

31:38

different alignment. The skill is finding

31:41

your alignment and being proud and

31:43

honoring your spirituality and following

31:45

your path. The question you

31:47

said about being in the

31:49

now, being in the present,

31:51

oh my goodness, is so

31:53

important in doism because that's

31:55

all we have right now. As you listen

31:57

to this teaching, now you can do...

32:00

this yourself. You can now

32:02

take a breath, have a piece of

32:04

paper and a pen and write

32:06

down what you heard from me

32:08

and Alex, what you agree

32:10

with, what you don't agree

32:12

with, and here's the exercise,

32:15

what you don't agree with,

32:17

write down the golden thread.

32:19

Why don't I agree with

32:21

this? And then here's a third

32:24

test. Is it second test?

32:26

Imagine you had a

32:28

physical child. and they came to

32:30

you and they said that what would you

32:32

say to them if they said to you

32:34

mom dad I can't cope with school

32:37

what would you say oh well it's

32:39

because you're just not good enough

32:41

you know there's something wrong with you

32:43

best run away let's say let's

32:45

not send you to school then

32:47

what would you say to them

32:49

and this is the authenticity

32:51

and the alignment of what

32:53

the golden thread process will

32:55

offer you that you're aligned

32:58

with your and honour your true

33:00

spiritual nature. You are awesome.

33:02

There is no question, not

33:04

even in doubt, because we're

33:06

all awesome. So live up

33:08

to your uniqueness. Wonderful. Thank you,

33:10

David. I will put a link

33:12

in the show notes to more

33:15

teachings on the Golden Threat process

33:17

and also our inner child reparancing

33:19

playlist, which will really help you

33:21

with this topic. Next week, David

33:23

is producing a beautiful new guided

33:25

meditation on the topic of you

33:28

can cope. So please. do tune

33:30

in for that. I really hope

33:32

you have enjoyed this teaching. Please

33:34

do let us know and perhaps

33:36

share it with someone else who

33:38

may also benefit. David works every week

33:41

with clients all over the world by

33:43

Zoom video call on exactly the sort

33:45

of issues we've talked about today. And

33:48

if you'd like to learn more about

33:50

David's one-to-one consultations, I will put a

33:52

link in the show notes for those

33:55

as well. And if you enjoy David's

33:57

teachings, he now has a free sub-substack

33:59

blog. with many many long form

34:01

blog posts and teachings on there

34:03

so check out the link in

34:05

the show notes for that and

34:07

do subscribe. Thank you so

34:09

much for listening to this week's

34:12

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34:14

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34:53

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34:55

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