0:01

This is the Woo-Wai Wisdom

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Podcast. Our weekly No-Nonsense

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life lessons aim to

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inspire you to master

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your emotional and spiritual

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help, achieve balance, harmony

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and flow, and rediscover

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the authentic and awesome

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you. We're your hosts

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David James Lee's and

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Alexandra Lee's. This

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week is part two

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in our inner child

0:31

life lessons series and

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this week we are

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going to be talking

0:38

all about how your

0:40

inner child can use

0:42

their emotions and experience

0:44

emotional empowerment rather than

0:47

fear. Okay David, so when

0:49

you're working with your clients

0:51

and the inner child What

0:54

is the main lesson that

0:56

you communicate to them regarding

0:59

how the inner child should

1:01

view their emotions? I think

1:03

this is the main lesson, Alex,

1:05

and this is why I try

1:07

and say on every teaching, you

1:10

are the creator of your emotions,

1:12

you are not the victim. And

1:14

I think the main lesson is

1:16

the inner child. doesn't want

1:18

to accept that they create

1:20

the emotion and they make

1:23

you the victim of emotions

1:25

and this is where it

1:27

gets very complicated. and hard

1:29

to talk about as we've

1:31

often said it's hard to

1:33

kind of pull apart all

1:35

what's going on but it's

1:38

always about emotions and I'm

1:40

saying that emotions are not

1:42

negative emotions are natural and

1:44

normal and you can use

1:46

them positively even the emotion

1:48

that I call a red light

1:51

emotion fear anxiety stress tension whatever

1:53

you want to call it I

1:55

would prefer you to try calling

1:58

it a red light emotion. because

2:00

that takes all the connotations

2:02

away from it. I am

2:04

choosing to create a red

2:06

light emotion and then you

2:08

can ask yourself the next

2:10

question on the golden thread

2:12

because this is what this

2:14

is about really the golden

2:16

thread. Why am I choosing

2:18

to create the red light

2:20

emotion? Most of my clients

2:22

then will absolutely explode. I'm

2:24

not creating the emotions I

2:27

don't want the emotions and...

2:29

We don't have to spend

2:31

like 10 minutes as understanding

2:33

that you are creating the

2:35

emotion. So let's find out

2:37

why you're creating the emotion.

2:39

But then the next answer

2:41

that I guess you would

2:43

commonly get is, well I'm

2:45

creating the red light emotion

2:47

because of what they're doing

2:49

or because of this situation

2:51

and then there's still a...

2:53

Well I wish I did

2:55

get that answer. The answer

2:57

I get is I'm not

2:59

creating the emotion, they're creating

3:01

the emotion. I'm triggered, it's

3:03

them, they're doing it. So

3:05

I wish I did get

3:07

that answer. I'm creating the

3:09

emotion because then you're on

3:11

the next step of the

3:13

gone thread. Oh, why do

3:15

you choose to create that

3:17

emotion? And you see why

3:19

it's so important and a

3:22

red light emotion can be

3:24

positive. because you put you

3:26

right at the first stage,

3:28

you're on the starting grid

3:30

of the golden thread. I'm

3:32

creating a red light emotion.

3:34

Why? And you can say,

3:36

well I'm choosing to create

3:38

a red light emotion because

3:40

of what they've just said.

3:42

Oh, so why? What they

3:44

said, why would you create

3:46

a red light emotion? And

3:48

now you're on the golden

3:50

thread of self-inquiry. And the

3:52

answer to that is normally

3:54

because... Don't in a child

3:56

believes it's not fair. It's

3:58

not just the criticism me,

4:00

they're judging me, they think

4:02

I have no value, their

4:04

behavior or the situation, I

4:06

believe I'm not going to

4:08

be able to cope with.

4:10

That's normally the kind of

4:12

deeper answer to the why

4:14

if we get beyond the

4:16

emotions. That's right. Once you

4:19

get beyond the emotions and

4:21

then celebrate that the emotions

4:23

have done their job, I

4:25

see the emotions as red

4:27

light as I often said,

4:29

if you were driving your

4:31

car and the red light.

4:33

came on the dashboard and

4:35

you pulled into your first

4:37

garage and the mechanic says,

4:39

oh, I'll fix that for

4:41

you in two ticks. Let

4:43

me unscrew the red light.

4:45

There you are. No red

4:47

light now. You would think

4:49

this guy is crazy. He

4:51

hasn't looked at the problem

4:53

and that really is when

4:55

we experience fear, anxiety. That's

4:57

why I prefer to call

4:59

them red light. It's signaling

5:01

for you that there is

5:03

a deeper problem in the

5:05

engine and your engine, our

5:07

engine, is our beliefs. What

5:09

do we believe? Why do

5:11

we believe it? The golden

5:14

thread then links us from

5:16

the emotion to us to

5:18

the belief and perhaps today

5:20

we can go through that

5:22

in a little bit more

5:24

detail and explain why people

5:26

get stuck on the golden

5:28

thread. But the inner child

5:30

part of your mind will

5:32

not want you to do

5:34

that. because the inner child,

5:36

as your example, will want

5:38

them to stop criticising, don't

5:40

have an opinion about me,

5:42

don't chastise me, don't compare

5:44

me. That's not fair, that's

5:46

not what I want. Because

5:48

it wants to get rid

5:50

of the emotions, that hit

5:52

believes these situations or these

5:54

people are creating, when it's

5:56

actually creating the emotions itself.

5:58

So it wants to get

6:00

rid of, well, let me

6:02

just rephrase that. It's using

6:04

the emotion. to change the

6:06

person. So let's say the

6:09

person is criticizing them. a

6:11

child once is to stop

6:13

that person from criticizing them

6:15

so it uses the emotion

6:17

so to try and stop

6:19

and control or manipulate that

6:21

person from criticizing them. What

6:23

do you mean by showing

6:25

that you're upset, sharing that

6:27

you're angry, sharing that you're...

6:29

Yeah, just in a, in

6:31

a, in a, in a,

6:33

like an emotional reaction, which

6:35

in theory would manipulate the

6:37

other person to, but a

6:39

lot of the time, David,

6:41

don't we, we're experiencing these

6:43

uncomfortable and painful red light

6:45

emotions and we don't let

6:47

on to the outside where

6:49

we, we bury it and

6:51

we mask it and we,

6:53

but we still experience the

6:55

overwhelm and the discomfort. That's

6:57

right. So then the inner

6:59

chart has taken the path.

7:01

That's a great observation you've

7:03

just made. So then the

7:06

inner child will take the

7:08

path. We're fragile. We're over

7:10

sensitive. We can't deal with

7:12

his life. We can't cope.

7:14

It's too much for us.

7:16

We're not good enough. So

7:18

what now the inner child

7:20

is doing in your example

7:22

is trying to build protection

7:24

around him. And withdrawal. Exactly.

7:26

Not to be able to

7:28

live, oh I can't live,

7:30

I can't deal with this.

7:32

I can't deal with that

7:34

person. They're too critical, they're

7:36

too judgmental, they're too aggressive,

7:38

they're too demanding. I don't

7:40

like, I just answered the

7:42

letter this morning. I don't

7:44

like confrontation, so I avoid

7:46

it. See, so the inner

7:48

child now is saying, I

7:50

don't like this. Let's avoid

7:52

it. Let's say that we

7:54

can't deal with it. Let's

7:56

say we can't cope. There

7:58

you are. I can't cope.

8:01

It's too much for me.

8:03

I'm vulnerable. I'm fragile. I

8:05

don't want to cope with

8:07

it. Rather than dealing with

8:09

the issue. And so these

8:11

are now what you're talking

8:13

about. safety and protection and

8:15

manipulations that we talked about

8:17

in the part one in

8:19

last week's in a child

8:21

life lesson. Exactly, Alex. And

8:23

that's why the Golden Thread

8:25

process is so powerful. And

8:27

as I say, I believe

8:29

it's life-changing because it is

8:31

simple. You start with a

8:33

premise. I am the creator

8:35

of my emotions. Let me

8:37

keep on saying, I am

8:39

not saying you shouldn't create

8:41

emotions. I am saying emotions

8:43

are natural and normal and

8:45

every human being experiences them,

8:47

thank goodness, it makes us

8:49

human, but other people do

8:51

not put an emotion in

8:53

your body. Even the way

8:55

they look, what they say,

8:58

they can be hypercritical, hyperjudgmental,

9:00

hyper comparing yourself with family

9:02

members or other people. They

9:04

are not putting an emotion

9:06

in your body. Once you

9:08

experience that emotion, which is

9:10

normally tightness in your chest,

9:12

sweaty palms, your abdomen churning

9:14

over, weakness in your legs,

9:16

whatever it is for you,

9:18

that emotional feeling is what

9:20

you're creating. And the golden

9:22

thread is just then asking

9:24

the question, why am I

9:26

creating this intense emotional feeling?

9:28

Because that's the engine room.

9:30

That's the same as the

9:32

mechanic seeing the red light

9:34

and lifting up the hood

9:36

of your car or the

9:38

bonnet of your car and

9:40

seeing what the problem is.

9:42

And that ways the problem

9:44

lies in those beliefs that

9:46

I would say the majority

9:48

of the time were developed

9:50

in childhood. So what we're

9:53

saying here is teaching the

9:55

inner child that you can

9:57

move from a state of

9:59

emotional... overwhelm where your emotion

10:01

are dictating your actions and

10:03

choices to a place

10:05

of emotional empowerment if

10:08

you understand and accept.

10:10

One, you're creating

10:13

the emotions and two,

10:15

that the emotions are

10:17

fantastic signals that there

10:19

is something to be

10:22

learned here, something to

10:24

be discovered here that

10:26

we can... can and should

10:28

acknowledge the emotions because they

10:31

are telling us something that

10:33

we need to begin this

10:35

self-inquiry process this the golden

10:37

thread process as you call

10:39

it that you use with

10:42

all your clients that there

10:44

is something fundamental to be

10:46

discovered here when you are

10:48

experiencing discomfort emotionally in terms of

10:51

what you are thinking

10:53

or believing and that

10:55

this is a fantastic

10:58

opportunity for self-understanding for

11:00

self-improvement. That's

11:03

exactly right Alex

11:05

and I know we've done

11:07

several videos in more in

11:10

depth on this but let's

11:12

go back to the idea

11:15

someone criticizes you and you

11:17

get an intense emotional

11:20

feeling of fear scared

11:22

avoidance. The question is

11:24

why? Why? Why? can't they criticize you?

11:27

The inner child will normally answer,

11:29

well I don't like it. Now

11:31

we're already on the golden thread

11:33

because my next question is

11:35

now is when you're doing

11:37

the golden thread, for those of

11:40

you practicing for yourself, because this

11:42

is the power of the golden

11:44

thread, you can do it for

11:47

yourself. The starting grid, the highest

11:49

level is your red light feeling.

11:51

Now you separate the red light

11:54

feeling and this is where

11:56

when I get questions, or

11:58

I can't do that. golden

12:00

thread it falls down I

12:03

can't manage it you have

12:05

to accept and if you

12:07

don't accept you can't do

12:10

the golden thread that every

12:12

emotional feeling that you create

12:15

naturally in your body but

12:17

you are creating it once

12:19

you accept that you are

12:22

now on the starting grid

12:24

and you can start why

12:27

am I creating the red

12:29

light well because he's criticizing

12:31

me she's criticizing me now

12:34

why shouldn't he criticize me?

12:36

Because I don't like it.

12:39

Why don't you like it?

12:41

Now you see how it

12:43

gets more sticky now. And

12:46

you start also going around

12:48

in circles because the Yinnachal

12:51

will say because it doesn't

12:53

feel nice. Well now I

12:55

would say it upsets me.

12:58

That's right now. You've just

13:00

highlighted where everybody gets stuck.

13:03

There's no the only rule

13:05

in the golden thread is

13:07

you can't use a feeling

13:10

In the answer because you've

13:12

already accepted that you create

13:15

the feeling You can't say

13:17

I feel or I'm scared

13:19

or I don't like because

13:22

these are feelings That's the

13:24

number one place where people

13:27

get stuck because what we're

13:29

trying to do is move

13:32

the inner child part of

13:34

our mind from being entirely

13:36

fixated on the feelings and

13:39

the emotional experience and move

13:41

the needle of its viewpoint

13:44

to looking at what it's

13:46

thinking and what it's believing.

13:48

That's it. That's the power,

13:51

the simplicity. See, this is

13:53

not complicated. You can do

13:56

this for yourself. You do

13:58

not need anyone else. You

14:00

can just do what Alex

14:03

says. Except that you create

14:05

the feelings. Then the next

14:08

obvious thing is, why am

14:10

I creating the feelings? and

14:12

as Alex demonstrated you cannot

14:15

use a feeling in the

14:17

answer. So in this case

14:20

rather than saying I don't

14:22

like that person criticising me

14:24

because it makes me upset

14:27

it makes me feel bad

14:29

about myself what we would

14:32

want the in-child to be

14:34

honest about is the thoughts

14:36

or the belief so because

14:39

I think they think I

14:41

have no value or I

14:44

believe that I have no

14:46

value when they criticize me.

14:48

There you go. So now

14:51

you're on to the golden,

14:53

now you're down at the

14:56

life lesson. Do you believe

14:58

these people give you value?

15:00

Do you believe value is

15:03

external? Do you see in

15:05

these now we're on the

15:08

life lesson? Yeah and this

15:10

is a life lesson for

15:12

next week's teaching. Exactly. Exactly.

15:15

About external validation. So someone

15:17

in our group answered somebody

15:20

else's like comments and said

15:22

actually. I don't know whether

15:25

you've heard that saying all

15:27

roads lead to Rome. It's

15:29

like when you start at

15:32

the top and you follow

15:34

it down, they all lead

15:37

to the same thing really.

15:39

It's about do you believe

15:41

you have innate intrinsic value

15:44

and worth? Do you believe

15:46

that when you came out

15:49

of your mother's womb, you

15:51

had value and worth? Really

15:53

that's a... vital question for

15:56

the inner child or do

15:58

you believe that someone else

16:01

gives you value and worth?

16:03

Well, then the next question

16:05

is, well, where do they

16:08

get it from? Now you're

16:10

on the infinite regression. Well,

16:13

where do they get it

16:15

from? Is there a value

16:17

and worth tree? Everybody goes

16:20

and picks value and worth

16:22

from and passes it down.

16:25

No one, again, we've done

16:27

so many teachings on this

16:29

vital issue. No one can

16:32

give you value and worth

16:34

and no one can take

16:37

it away. They can criticize

16:39

you as much as they

16:41

want to. It's just their

16:44

opinion. And if it has

16:46

that dramatic effect on you,

16:49

when you do the golden

16:51

thread, you'll see in your

16:53

beliefs there is a misalignment

16:56

about your value worth. And

16:58

we can drill down into

17:01

this particular belief next week.

17:03

I guess for this week.

17:05

What I want to get

17:08

to the knob of is

17:10

this concept that rather than

17:13

react to the emotions and

17:15

let them be like the

17:18

untrained dog that pulls us

17:20

around as the analogy you've

17:22

used on many teachings that

17:25

we have a choice in

17:27

how we respond to the

17:30

emotions. So we can choose

17:32

to do this healthy self-inquiry

17:34

process to understand what other

17:37

thoughts and the beliefs that

17:39

are creating my emotions here.

17:42

And that through that on,

17:44

I guess even through that

17:46

process of... quick self-inquiry using

17:49

those questions that you've just

17:51

demonstrated there David. That enables

17:54

us to rebalance our energy

17:56

if you like from a

17:58

place of it being swung

18:01

out of balance to the

18:03

extreme being led by the

18:06

emotions to one of thoughtfulness,

18:08

quiet self-reflection both internally and

18:10

then an ability to reflect

18:13

in a more balanced way

18:15

on what's going on with

18:18

this person or the situation

18:20

so that we can respond

18:22

more authentically more calmly from

18:25

a place of balance and

18:27

peace. and non-reactivity. That's right.

18:30

And so one of the

18:32

simplest way is to stop

18:34

using these very emotive words

18:37

like fear, scared, anxious, because

18:39

when you use that word,

18:42

you're almost preloading a whole

18:44

heap of energy. The word

18:46

fear, I can't do because

18:49

I'm frightened, I can't do

18:51

it because I'm scared. I'm

18:54

a very, and then what

18:56

happens? I can't do it

18:58

because I'm anxious. And then

19:01

over time, what you do,

19:03

rather than using it in

19:06

a descriptive way, you start

19:08

to use it as an

19:11

identity. I am an anxious

19:13

person. I am a fearful

19:15

person. I am a scared

19:18

person, I am a vulnerable

19:20

person. And you see what

19:23

you're doing there, you're setting

19:25

your stall out, your direction

19:27

of travel to come to

19:30

that conclusion. And that simple

19:32

technique, it's almost so simple

19:35

that people think, well, it's

19:37

not worth it. Stop using

19:39

those words, acknowledge your feelings,

19:42

they're very intense, very important,

19:44

but call them. red lights.

19:47

I'm now creating a red

19:49

light feeling. Let's find out

19:51

why. It may well be

19:54

totally acceptable and logical and

19:56

appropriate to create a red

19:59

light. light feeling, but let's

20:01

find out why. Let's find

20:03

out when somebody gives

20:05

you a criticism or negative feedback.

20:08

Why do you create that

20:10

feeling? This is what a

20:12

lot of clients say. Oh

20:14

David, I don't go through

20:16

it just happens like that.

20:19

But it happens like that.

20:21

Bang. Because you've already

20:23

got the program precondition.

20:25

And what we're saying

20:28

is. get the microscope,

20:30

look at it, the magnifying

20:32

glass, and look at, oh,

20:34

they gave me negative

20:36

feedback. I put my file on

20:39

my boss's desk and he

20:41

raised his eyes to the heavens

20:43

and I had a feeling in

20:45

a blink of an eye. But

20:47

in that process, there's a

20:50

lot of preconditioning. beliefs

20:52

as a gun on

20:54

in your mind. Yeah,

20:56

and David Ice is thinking

20:59

what you've just said there

21:01

is kind of so profound.

21:03

These labels that we

21:06

unwittingly give ourselves around

21:08

our emotions. So I'm

21:10

an anxious person, I'm

21:12

an angry person, I'm

21:14

a hypersensitive person. We, it's

21:17

such a kind of... a false

21:19

identity. It gives us a

21:21

get out of jail card

21:23

but it actually puts us

21:25

in a jail in terms

21:27

of who we are on

21:29

our identity. Our emotions are

21:31

not our identity. We need

21:33

to teach that to our

21:35

inner child. Our emotions are

21:37

this fantastic tool, a resource

21:39

we have, a sign post,

21:41

a signal telling us that

21:43

we need to look more

21:46

deeply at what is going

21:48

on here. They, I mean, I mean,

21:50

this is the teaching really, isn't

21:52

it? Our emotions are an

21:54

asset if we know how

21:56

to use them well and

21:58

we acknowledge the fact. that we

22:00

are creating the emotions. That's

22:03

right. I see the emotions

22:05

as your greatest gift and

22:07

if I get feedback, negative

22:09

feedback, I sometimes get somebody

22:12

writing and says, oh you're

22:14

saying we shouldn't have emotions.

22:16

That's the last thing I'm

22:18

saying. The last thing I'm

22:21

saying, the emotion of love.

22:23

What better emotion is there

22:25

than the emotion of love?

22:27

Joy, happiness. confidence. The emotion

22:30

of confidence that you can

22:32

live your life creating an

22:34

emotion of confidence. I'm saying

22:36

the opposite. I'm saying that

22:38

we are responsible for the

22:41

emotions. Can I say something

22:43

on what you just said

22:45

a little something? Some of

22:47

my clients have learned this

22:50

technique from their parents. And

22:52

so when... They were children

22:54

and perhaps they did have

22:56

a few squealing piglets, a

22:59

few temper tantrums. Their parents

23:01

would brand them. Oh, you're

23:03

such a sensitive child. Oh,

23:05

you're such a child. Oh,

23:08

and so they don't question

23:10

and that's the power of

23:12

the golden thread technique is

23:14

to question why. Why do

23:17

I believe that? Why do

23:19

I believe my parents was

23:21

right when I was having

23:23

a bit of a hissyfit?

23:26

Why were they right to

23:28

say I'm an overly sensitive

23:30

child? Maybe I was just

23:32

having a bit of a

23:35

hissyfit to get my own

23:37

way like children do. Why

23:39

do I want to take

23:41

on that identity? and your

23:44

emotions are not your identity.

23:46

They cannot be. That's the

23:48

basis of the teaching. You

23:50

are the creator of your

23:53

emotions. You cannot be... the

23:55

victim of them. You can't

23:57

create an emotion and then

23:59

be a victim of it.

24:02

It would be like in

24:04

the horror film creating Frankenstein

24:06

monster and then being a

24:08

victim of Frankenstein monster, don't

24:11

create the emotion if you

24:13

don't want to be the

24:15

victim of it. You have

24:17

that power. You've always had

24:20

that power because you've always

24:22

created the emotion. Wonderful, thank

24:24

you David. I really really

24:26

hope you have enjoyed this

24:28

teaching. Do tune in next

24:31

week for part three of

24:33

our inner child life lesson

24:35

series when we'll be talking

24:37

all about teaching your inner

24:40

child about its own intrinsic

24:42

value and worth. If you

24:44

want to know more about

24:46

this topic, also check out

24:49

the links in the show

24:51

notes. I will put links

24:53

to our whole inner child

24:55

re-parenting back catalogs, so there's

24:58

plenty of information and lessons

25:00

in there for you as

25:02

well. Thank you so much

25:04

for listening to this week's

25:07

Wawai Wisdom Life lesson. You

25:09

can subscribe wherever you get

25:11

your podcasts. and please raise

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us grow. If you'd like

25:18

to work one-to-one with David,

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25:29

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Search for woo-way wisdom and

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25:47

time, stay happy, healthy and

25:49

in your flow.