0:00

You made it weird, you

0:02

made it weird, you made

0:04

it weird, you made it

0:07

weird, you made it weird,

0:09

you made it weird, you

0:12

made it weird, you made

0:14

it weird, you made it

0:17

weird, what's happening weirdos? What's

0:19

happening weirdos? What's happening weirdos?

0:22

Welcome to What's happening

0:24

weirdos? We

0:27

got a groovy baseline through

0:29

this entire episode Just some

0:31

loving happen so fast Kind of was

0:33

it. We're glad you're here if

0:35

you're new to the show This is

0:38

we made it weird the Friday bonus

0:40

episode where Val and I catch up

0:42

That's right and as Val said in

0:44

this episode We always do these intros

0:46

right after we did the episode You mentioned

0:49

that this is kind of a classic, a

0:51

return to form in that we're talking about

0:53

what we're watching, what we're reading, what we're

0:55

loving. And I think, I always think these

0:57

are great. I always look forward to it.

0:59

Yep. And it was awesome and I'm glad

1:01

everybody is here to listen. That's right. Thank

1:04

you for listening. Only a couple things

1:06

up top. Pete holmes.com. We just

1:08

added a late show Thursday because

1:10

Salt Lake City sold out. So

1:12

that's awesome. Thank you, my Utah

1:14

friends. So check out if you

1:16

tried to get tickets and couldn't,

1:18

we just added the late Thursday

1:20

show. Pete holmes.com and then after

1:22

that is Arizona. And there's Largo

1:24

once a month in L.A. February

1:26

15th is the next Largo show

1:28

here in L.A. That was emotional.

1:30

The last one was so sweet

1:32

with everything that L.A. is going

1:34

through to gather together and laugh.

1:36

It was really beautiful. So hope

1:38

you can be there as well

1:40

and that. was a fundraiser and

1:42

people really showed up for that

1:44

and Largo added $2,000 on top

1:47

of it. So it was seven

1:49

grand for a wonderful cause. But

1:51

two of that was Largo. Wow.

1:53

Just Largo being. Yeah, thank you

1:55

Flanney and Largo. All right everybody.

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5:52

you're here Valerie get into it

5:54

I mean what are we looking

5:56

for when we when we open

5:58

the podcast app or the Spotify

6:00

app or the Apple music app

6:02

or a third-party podcast app If

6:04

we're opening some sort of podcast

6:06

streaming app and of all of

6:08

the many thousands, of all of

6:10

the many thousands of choices, we

6:12

decide why not our old standby?

6:14

You made it weird or or

6:17

oh, oh, yes, yes Oh

6:19

Jeff colds here or perhaps

6:21

we're we're trying something new

6:23

Yeah, something something you what

6:25

you made it weird. Oh,

6:27

that's always interesting when someone

6:29

someone in a conversation makes

6:32

it weird. That's always something,

6:34

let's be real, if I'm

6:36

at a cafe having a

6:38

bouquet, if I'm having a

6:40

bouquet at a cafe, and

6:42

I hear someone say, you

6:44

made it weird. I'm gonna

6:46

be honest, I might, I

6:49

might from that moment only

6:51

pretend to read the newspaper

6:53

or my iPad if that's

6:55

what the times are. As

6:57

Bob Dylan said, newspapers are

7:00

now an iPad. Do you

7:02

remember he said that in

7:04

1964? He was a

7:06

prophet. Everybody knows that.

7:08

Newsbables are now Apple

7:10

brand iPads. That was

7:12

the first draft. Of course,

7:14

then we didn't know that we

7:17

weren't really going to call them

7:19

Apple brand, I thought. He was

7:21

so close. He was so close.

7:23

Yeah. Have I done that on

7:25

the show before? Because one of

7:27

the things you are looking for

7:30

when you click on a podcast,

7:32

that's maybe a standby or maybe

7:34

something new, is what are you

7:36

looking for? You're looking for bits?

7:38

You're looking for laughs. Wait

7:40

a minute. Is this one of

7:43

those podcasts where people riff? I've

7:45

heard like a church girl in

7:47

the 1940s, I've heard a podcast

7:49

like you, like she's been warned

7:51

about them. I've heard of your

7:53

kind. The devil's riffs? You never

7:56

know where riff might go.

7:58

And that's very unsettling. to

8:00

her dad who you know wears

8:02

perfectly round glasses. Perfectly round wire frame

8:04

and the frame is loose and he

8:06

wraps them around his ear. That was

8:09

the iPad of that time. Was your

8:11

glasses going to come up because we've

8:13

hooked it behind your ear. I know.

8:16

That was the Steve Jobs of 1911

8:18

was like, and now with new

8:20

hook technology. Why did they still,

8:22

like, why did they put them on

8:24

that way? Were the, the sides so

8:27

flaky? Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah, you

8:29

couldn't. Ah, it was dependent on the

8:32

hook. It was the only way to

8:34

put them on. It was like threading

8:36

a needle. It wasn't like putting on

8:39

glasses. That must have been so uncomfortable.

8:41

Also there's so many different ear shapes.

8:43

Yeah, but I could also very easily

8:46

see someone from that time with a

8:48

daughter who's worried about those kind of

8:50

podcast. and I'm at home and

8:52

it's dark because electricity's kind of

8:54

new and we only have a couple

8:57

lanterns. And I got my glasses on

8:59

and I'm in my study, you're picturing

9:01

it perfectly. It's like he reads in

9:04

there because it's so dark. When I

9:06

put my desk and the desk is

9:08

kind of in the middle of the

9:11

room, there's a lot of leatherbound books

9:13

and I forgot what we were talking

9:15

about. What did you say? I could

9:18

see that man saying once they make

9:20

the hard ones that go on and

9:22

like hold their shape, him being

9:24

like, but on Sunday I put

9:26

them in my front vest pocket and

9:29

they fit perfect. Yeah. British now. He

9:31

probably is. Also was electricity new in

9:33

the 40s? I've been saying 1911. His

9:36

daughter said I know about those types

9:38

of podcasts. So presumably she's like 20

9:40

at that time. He was inventing those

9:43

glasses in 1911. Yeah, like a riff

9:45

exhaustion. Yeah, that's why it's so fun

9:47

when someone's doing a con, like a

9:50

dirty John, wasn't funny. It was like

9:52

a very fucking. up thing, but like

9:54

when you see someone who's doing a

9:57

con getting caught and they're just

9:59

so exhausted, the fatigue of like...

10:01

They have to have a spreadsheet at

10:03

home. Like what did I say? My

10:05

dog who died in Puerto Rico is

10:08

named. Gosh, totally. It's insanity. That's like

10:10

the, you know, nightmare, like I have

10:12

had nightmares and we're watching Bad Sisters.

10:15

I can't do it. That's another thing

10:17

you're looking for when you tune into

10:19

a podcast. Maybe a show that you

10:22

don't know. And I'm Dracula dead and

10:24

loving. We love bad sisters. The Harvey

10:27

sisters. Can I tell you something? Are

10:29

you going to remember? Are you

10:31

going to remember what you going

10:33

to remember what you're going to remember

10:35

what you're going to remember what you're

10:38

going to remember what you're going to

10:40

remember what you're going to? Nope, say

10:42

it. Probably not, but it doesn't matter.

10:45

Say it. Just that that's a specific

10:47

nightmare of mine is that like I

10:49

somehow accidentally murder somebody and then like

10:52

I have to, it's not that, it's

10:54

not the murdering, it's that I have

10:56

to pay attention to the details and

10:59

not get caught. You're truly funny. It's

11:01

not. My life paying attention. Top

11:03

tier. Top tier riff. Top-tier riff.

11:05

It's not the trauma of murdering somebody.

11:07

It's the remembering your story. Yeah. On

11:10

Thursday? Trying to get it all right.

11:12

Because in a murder mystery people are

11:14

always asking where were you the night

11:17

John Paul died. So ask me that.

11:19

Where were you the night John Paul

11:21

died? What night was that? Yeah. Well,

11:24

that was to remember how that was

11:26

basically the entire conceit of cereal. Like

11:28

she even started it by being like,

11:31

the one thing I do know is

11:33

that it's really hard to remember where

11:35

you were 15 years later and

11:37

we're like, yeah, we know. I

11:39

was watching, it was Allen Ginsburg in

11:42

the Bob Dylan, what's that one called?

11:44

No direction. No direction. They're just taking

11:46

every line from like a Rolling Stone.

11:49

They're turning it into magazines. And they're

11:51

turning it into a movie and a

11:53

documentary. The next one is Gave Obama

11:56

Dime. There's going to be a new

11:58

Bob Dylan movie nonprofit that helps people.

12:00

gave a bummer dime. If you know,

12:03

if you're not laughing at that riff,

12:05

it's once upon a time in your

12:07

prime, you gave a bummer dime.

12:09

It's the first line of the

12:11

song. I never noticed that he says,

12:14

through the bums a dime, I think.

12:16

I think it's, okay, through the bums

12:18

a dime. Through the bums a dime.

12:21

Through the bums a dime, it only

12:23

meant unhouse people there were like. I

12:26

don't know what I'm talking about. Writing

12:28

the rails. They were hobos nobles and

12:30

drifters. Well, I was thinking it was

12:33

a different culture. It was more like

12:35

the Hayash Barry like, you know, like

12:37

people who like, like transient. Transients. Yeah.

12:40

Yeah, I don't know if we're, if

12:42

we've ripped ourselves into a corner

12:44

here, but I've, but we just

12:46

made it weird. Yeah. And when, when,

12:48

when, when, when, when you turn into

12:51

a new broadcast, maybe, maybe you're hoping,

12:53

maybe you're hoping. This is, maybe, Valley

12:55

Heat. I knew it and I just

12:58

didn't want to call you out. I

13:00

know I'm glad. I'm glad. And Valley

13:02

Heat, the podcast, is I... It's changing

13:05

our lives. It's changing our lives. It's

13:07

the greatest thing I've ever heard. I'm

13:09

recommending it to everybody. It's a complete

13:12

silly podcast. It's just comedy. There's no

13:14

learning or hugging as the Seinfeld

13:16

rule goes. But I'm listening to

13:18

it and I'm obsessed and I'm going

13:20

to have the man who made it

13:23

Christian on the... on the podcast. He's

13:25

so good. So this really is like,

13:27

remember how when we started this podcast,

13:30

which recently we just had like the

13:32

200 episode and we just didn't acknowledge

13:34

it, but this is great, like around

13:37

the 200 episode, we're sort of getting

13:39

back to the very original conceit of

13:41

what these bonus episodes were, which is

13:44

Val and Pete talk about like what

13:46

they're reading, what they're listening to,

13:48

what they're watching, and in general.

13:50

at that time especially because it was

13:52

the pandemic. We was all like spiritual

13:55

psychological stuff which it often is. But

13:57

right now what is in our orbit

13:59

big time. Peak Dive is Bad Sisters

14:02

Valley Heat, Bob Dylan. That's

14:04

exactly right. Yeah, we're just,

14:06

and it came out organically, but

14:09

I would love to talk about

14:11

this. I want to hit all

14:14

three of those. Let's start with

14:16

Bob Dylan because I just want

14:18

to say, kind of in a Valley

14:20

Heat sort of way, because

14:22

I'm loving, I'm loving just

14:24

talking like Valley Heat. But

14:27

even if you don't know the

14:29

show. One of the formula, and it's so

14:31

hard to pick up on any formula of

14:33

that show, is he'll have a confrontation, the

14:35

character. So he's just talking about his neighborhood.

14:38

He'll have a confrontation. And one of the

14:40

things I love about it is it's very

14:42

earnest and it's also fearless. He's always just

14:44

facing his problems. So I love that. So

14:46

he'll be like, and very calmly, very, always

14:49

even. And people are always insulting him and

14:51

he'll go, I'll take that remark. Like he,

14:53

there's something. I don't even want to say this

14:55

to him because I don't want to put

14:57

it in his mind, but there's something almost

14:59

Buddhist about it. It's like he's just or

15:01

maybe like the big Lebowski. He's just sort

15:03

of like. going through life, conflict is happening,

15:05

and he faces it. But then he'll be

15:07

like, my neighbor said I took her rake,

15:09

but I didn't take her rake. Well, I

15:11

did take her rake. But I think a

15:13

rake is actually the sort of thing. It's

15:15

like an implement that in a tribe sort

15:17

of way should be like, it should belong

15:19

to the street. And if you live on

15:21

a cul-de-sac, you have one rake. That was

15:23

Theodore Roosevelt, actually. A cul-de-sac means those who

15:26

own one one one rake those who own

15:28

one rake, one rake, one rake, one rake,

15:30

You come by to confront me about

15:32

the rake and then we end up

15:34

having a debate as to whether or

15:36

not rakes Would the world be a

15:39

better place if the whole street owned

15:41

a rake? You know what I mean?

15:43

Yeah, and you took my rake and

15:45

it's like but rakes like they're

15:47

like umbrellas like we

15:49

should just share umbrellas and rakes

15:51

and rakes and then we'll come

15:54

back to that debate in just

15:56

a minute after this promotion and

15:59

then like later They'll be like,

16:01

there's an ad bought by the person he's

16:03

fighting with to be like, one rake per

16:05

household. It's a new campaign and he's kind

16:07

of like, go to one rake per household.

16:10

I, it's just too, it's so good and

16:12

it's unlike anything. I feel like we're, I

16:14

mean, no, no, no, we're not doing it

16:16

justice and that's, you're not hurting my feelings.

16:19

That's exactly my point. Is there's not a

16:21

lot of things and this. I concede. I

16:23

lower my weapons. A lot of things I

16:25

watch and I'm kind of like, I love

16:27

it and I'm thinking about what they're doing.

16:30

Any kind of a sense of what they're

16:32

doing. You're thinking about what they're doing while

16:34

you're enjoying what they're doing, what they're doing,

16:36

Valley Heat and Bad Sisters to a lesser

16:39

extent, but I love, it's less, whatever. It's

16:41

a different kind of thing. But Valley Heat

16:43

I'm really like, the main thing is I'm

16:45

like, I'm like, he doesn't sound like, he

16:47

doesn't sound like a guy doing like a

16:50

guy doing like a guy doing a guy

16:52

doing a guy doing a guy doing a

16:54

guy doing a bit. He doesn't sound like,

16:56

I doing, I doing, I doing, I doing,

16:59

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I, I'm

17:01

like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

17:03

I'm like, I, I, I, I, I, I,

17:05

I'm like, I, comititized that even as I

17:07

tried to do it, I was like, and

17:10

you have a cul-de-sac means those who own

17:12

one, right? He does it in a way

17:14

that you don't know comedy is happening, which

17:16

sounds like a burn, but then, and sometimes

17:19

you're not even laughing. And then sometimes later

17:21

you'll describe an episode of Valley Heat to

17:23

your wife Valerie and then you're choking with

17:25

laughter That's totally what happened. So it's like

17:27

it's like a magic trick. It's the greatest

17:30

podcast and I love it and it's short

17:32

and and if you listen to this and

17:34

you like it and but sometimes I'm in

17:36

the car and I don't want something that's

17:39

kind of deep or this or that I

17:41

throw on Valley Heat and I know I

17:43

am not being paid to say that but

17:45

I am talking like Valley Heat That is

17:47

exactly what happened is you sent it to

17:50

me. I listened to the first episode and

17:52

in sort of that arrested development way just

17:54

kept thinking like this is so funny. Yes,

17:56

it is the arrested development way where I

17:59

wasn't like laughing, but I was like, this

18:01

is so fucking funny. It almost puts you

18:03

in a state of alert that you're just

18:05

like, oh my God, this is so funny,

18:07

but you're too frozen. fight flight freeze you're

18:10

like I'm frozen by this right and you

18:12

don't want to miss anything by laughing that's

18:14

why you laugh when you're telling someone about

18:16

it well that's what I mean and so

18:19

then that night we were laying in bed

18:21

and like whispering because we sleep with our

18:23

child but then it turns out that we're

18:25

like the kids trying we're the ones with

18:27

the flashlight and the Spider-Man comic book yeah

18:30

and I was telling you my favorite parts

18:32

and just cry we were dying like couldn't

18:34

get it out I was laughing have you

18:36

gotten to the ads for the motorcycles where

18:39

your arms are real up. And then he

18:41

goes, so long and tall bikes, they'll make

18:43

your handlebars real high, you know, you're going

18:45

down the highway and you look like you're

18:47

saying touchdown. And they'll also put the front

18:50

wheel way in front of the bike. Yeah,

18:52

and he kind of laughed there and it's

18:54

the only time I ever heard that. Yeah.

18:56

God, I can't wait to meet him. From

18:59

what I've heard, just a very funny person,

19:01

Christian Dugge, Dugay, Dugay. Dugay. And Doug Dugay

19:03

is the host of Valley Heat. That's his

19:05

character. It's so fucking funny. I love that

19:07

you said, let's talk about Bob Dylan and

19:10

then you just went into a full thing

19:12

about Valley. Well, because I realize, especially because

19:14

I'm wearing headphones and you're not so I

19:16

can really hear my voice. Oh yeah. A

19:19

lot of the humor comes from him being

19:21

like, and well, welcome to Valley Heat, this

19:23

is the episode, about my neighborhood, the Rancho

19:25

equestrian neighborhood of Burban California. like talk radio

19:27

it's almost like you know what it is

19:30

to me remember the movie pump up the

19:32

volume with Christian Slater that movie sucks fucking

19:34

I don't even think I ever saw Christian

19:36

Slater knows that movie sucks sure like I

19:39

just mean like the conceit didn't hold up

19:41

I'm not saying his performance sex I'm not

19:43

saying anybody that wrote it sucks I'm saying

19:45

it just didn't age well it's this idea

19:48

of this guy doing a radio show in

19:50

his bedroom and somehow everyone's obsessed with it

19:52

but I'm

19:55

sorry it's just a bridge too

19:57

far to be like there's a

19:59

guy and he And he's pretending

20:01

to masturbate. He's almost like a

20:03

Howard Stern. Yeah, he's smoking cigarettes.

20:05

Here's why, here's why it doesn't

20:07

hold up. Just in case anyone

20:09

listening did work on the movie,

20:11

pump up the volume. Christian Slater,

20:13

if you're listening, full respect. And

20:15

I know you are. He definitely

20:18

is. I love making it weird.

20:20

I love the Christian Slater Assents

20:22

and I respect this movie, but

20:24

we just, we live in and

20:26

it was like. Trying

20:28

to science fiction the cult of personality

20:30

of podcasts and the internet and it

20:32

just was off So he's being interesting

20:35

in a way that is a guess

20:37

on what might be interesting But now

20:39

we've had too many tastes of what

20:41

actually is interesting. What actually would go

20:43

viral and it's not Christian Slater being

20:46

like I'm gonna beat my meat again

20:48

and everyone being like I can't stop

20:50

listening. Anyway, this is this news. Yeah

20:52

Bob Dylan Bob Dylan well I was

20:54

just gonna say it I have yet

20:56

to see somebody do a podcast on

20:59

a show or a movie and it

21:01

feel right. No. I just, and I,

21:03

and I, and I, you know, like

21:05

I'm not even, I'm, I'm, I can't

21:07

tell you why it's wrong most of

21:10

the time. It just feels not quite

21:12

right. Like they did it on the

21:14

new Sex in the City, and just

21:16

like that. She had a podcast briefly.

21:18

That didn't feel right. And then I'm

21:20

gonna say, and I don't want this

21:23

to be shot spired because I haven't

21:25

watched the show enough and I know

21:27

a lot of people are loving it

21:29

and I love Kristen Bell, but she

21:31

has that new show that's like, nobody

21:34

wants this. Okay. And it's like on

21:36

that, she has a podcast with her

21:38

sister, I believe. I only watched like

21:40

half of the pilot. And I was

21:42

just like, I don't. I don't know

21:44

why. I know why. It's when it's

21:47

the same thing when they try to

21:49

put improv theater in a, Mikey Brabiglia

21:51

did a great job and don't think

21:53

twice. He did. And the way they

21:55

did it is they actually improvised. Yeah.

21:58

But a lot of times, like if

22:00

it's. Fake improv which just feels wrong.

22:02

And a podcast. Or fake stand-up.

22:04

It's really hard to do stand-up

22:06

well. I agree. And fake bombing

22:08

at stand-up or fake. All of

22:10

the things that I did brilliantly

22:12

on. You did. You really did. JK. JK.

22:15

Jake. Dub Davidoff did an incredible job

22:17

of fake bombing on our show. He

22:19

was very good too. Yeah. But, sorry,

22:21

I just sidetracked you. No. That

22:24

was it. Television. is scenes and

22:26

page counts and minutes, and there's a

22:28

line producer and the keeping an eye

22:30

on it. And it's really hard to

22:32

say, for the podcast scene, we should

22:34

be talking about this, this, and this.

22:36

But even that is too limiting. You

22:38

and I are trying to talk about

22:40

Bob Dylan, Valley Heat, and Bad Sisters.

22:42

And we can't fucking do it. And

22:44

that's what a podcast is. That's what

22:46

it is. So if you turn it

22:48

into a... A grocery burp, a burp,

22:50

so fucking funny. Just like we're

22:53

all just ignoring it. It didn't

22:55

actually come out. I stopped it. Like

22:57

a huge Trojan horse filled with

22:59

belly gas, came to the gates.

23:01

And I didn't, but it's very

23:03

old man. It's like that Malaney

23:05

bit of talking through a burp.

23:07

I talked through denying a burp.

23:09

It's like I got a call

23:11

from a correctional facility that houses

23:13

my gas. Like you have a

23:16

collect call from... And I was

23:18

like, I can't accept the charges.

23:20

I'm not accepting the charges. I'm

23:22

in the middle of a sentence.

23:24

I can't do this. But instead,

23:26

you just got the gap where I

23:28

was telling it no. And it was real.

23:30

This is why I don't believe

23:32

nobody wants this is like Kristen

23:34

Bell and the girl who plays

23:36

Willa in succession. are like in

23:38

full hair and makeup because it's

23:40

the show. And they're like in a

23:43

great looking apartment and they're being

23:45

really cute and interesting. And maybe

23:47

that is actually how some people

23:49

podcast, but I podcast with somebody

23:52

who burps during the session. Yeah,

23:54

I know. Look, look, the steam cleaners have

23:56

come for us and they've, and maybe it's

23:58

great, but we have a deer. friend who

24:00

edits podcasts and his whole job

24:03

is to take out moments like

24:05

a burp just came up yeah

24:07

and you know not to say

24:09

but I do I do prefer

24:11

it that's what it is sloppy

24:13

and and I've said sloppy and

24:16

crappy I've said a million times

24:18

the more artificial intelligence is enhancing

24:20

our creativity the more will crave

24:22

burps I think there's gonna be

24:24

a whole genre called gas gas

24:26

comedy it's a gas they call

24:29

it's a gas they call it's

24:31

a gas they call it's a

24:33

gas they call it's a And

24:35

you come out and there's burps

24:37

and farts and some of the

24:39

people are like, like the big

24:42

closers, they just pick up a

24:44

used Q-tip. But then it's blackout

24:46

before you can really see what's

24:48

on it. I'm pretty sure they've

24:50

been doing that in Montreal the

24:53

whole time. Like clown stuff? Yeah.

24:55

Oh my god, is this the

24:57

return of clown? Every year when

24:59

I went to the Montreal Comedy

25:01

Fest, we were all these like

25:03

comedy snobs and we're there in

25:06

our attitude leather jackets and our

25:08

clean white sneakers and would fill

25:10

out big theaters and with our

25:12

rye observations. And on our way

25:14

from the hotel to the venue,

25:16

you would pass the hardest working

25:19

Montreal clowns that are farting and

25:21

like someone behind a scrim is

25:23

like, like blowing a trumpet. I'm

25:25

like. All these LA people were

25:27

there and that's just not for

25:29

us. But maybe because of AI,

25:32

the hardworking Quebec clowns will finally

25:34

get their due. And the air

25:36

that accompanies poo poo. We can

25:38

only hope. We can only hope.

25:40

All right, Bob Dylan. I was

25:43

going to say. So I had

25:45

a conversation last week with somebody

25:47

who reminded me of my own

25:49

fundamentalism growing up. I can't know

25:51

this person, I can't know their

25:53

beliefs, but they were just sort

25:56

of conjuring up a feeling that

25:58

I hadn't had in a really

26:00

long time. And I was like

26:02

kind of thrown by it. And

26:04

I actually wrote down a couple

26:06

things because I had a really

26:09

good therapy about it. But as

26:11

we were talking, I was like,

26:13

and it was on a podcast

26:15

and I was. like, and I

26:17

was just sort of like, am

26:19

I offending this person? Am I

26:22

upsetting them? Because like, so many

26:24

of my views have changed from

26:26

that time. So now I'm talking

26:28

to somebody, and again, I can't

26:30

be sure, but seemed to have

26:33

beliefs similar to my beliefs when

26:35

I was in my early faith.

26:37

And I was like, got really

26:39

upset, or I didn't get really

26:41

upset, I got worried that maybe

26:43

I had upset them or maybe

26:46

might upset their listeners. And then

26:48

Bob Dylan. Yeah. like symbols and

26:50

avatars and Batman and why we

26:52

love these things is you were

26:54

like Pete Think of Bob. Like

26:56

you just said your truth and

26:59

you said it calmly and with

27:01

compassion and you're patient and used

27:03

humor and you were yourself and

27:05

Bob like so when you think

27:07

of Bob Dylan as an avatar

27:09

of like artistic integrity and truth

27:12

then he's just sort of like

27:14

but like to an absurd extent

27:16

I was envisioning him being like

27:18

I'm sorry you told you told

27:20

someone your truth and you didn't

27:23

sell out. Yeah, is that why

27:25

you're upset and I would feel

27:27

better right and it'd be like

27:29

did you track mud on somebody's

27:31

carpet? Oh did you upset the

27:33

status quo? Oh wait write that

27:36

down and I was really moved

27:38

yeah and then last night at

27:40

the farmers market here in the

27:42

Rancho equestrianer neighborhood of Burbank. We're

27:44

at the farmers market and there

27:46

was a young kid playing Bob

27:49

Dylan, he was playing the times

27:51

they were changing. And it was

27:53

very moving that there was just,

27:55

I mean, it looked like it

27:57

was 13 years, 15 probably, I

27:59

was like, yeah, we needed, I

28:02

think society at this time needed

28:04

some Bob Dylan, needed some like...

28:06

A reminder, like... What I, my

28:08

reminder is be yourself, just be

28:10

yourself. What's wrong with being yourself?

28:13

You can be kind, but be

28:15

yourself. You don't have to be

28:17

ashamed of who you are. I

28:19

want to be electric. You know

28:21

what I mean? Yeah. The hippies

28:23

didn't like it. Oh, well, well,

28:26

hi. Give a bummer dime, my

28:28

new charity, Apple iPad, touchscreen. Two

28:30

fingers, you used to zoom. Triple

28:32

hit the home button for Apple

28:34

pay. It's double. It's going to

28:36

drive a lot of people crazy

28:39

that is double. Swap down from

28:41

the upper right to get your

28:43

shortcuts. Every cut to the audience.

28:45

What? What is this? So what

28:47

does that make you think? I

28:49

just went out a big tear.

28:52

Yeah, no, I, so to give

28:54

context, obviously we saw the Bob

28:56

Dylan movie together and then we

28:58

used sentencing it before me and

29:00

then we went and saw it

29:03

together. Yeah, I just want to

29:05

bring that up any chance I

29:07

can't. And, and then we both

29:09

watched also separately the no direction

29:11

home documentary. Look, man, again, when

29:13

are we going to watch a

29:16

four-hour more than Scorcesi documentary? I'm

29:18

just teasing for fun. I'm on

29:20

planes. But it is, it is

29:22

very helpful to have, just to,

29:24

like, you know, agree with you.

29:26

It's very helpful to have this

29:29

image of a person who is

29:31

like... I'm not your man. Like,

29:33

you know, anytime somebody was like,

29:35

you're political like us. He's like,

29:37

nah, I'm not your man. And

29:39

like any time somebody was like,

29:42

I'm fucking dead right now. You're

29:44

the voice of our generation. He's

29:46

like, what, what generation man? I'm

29:48

singing to whoever's listening. That is

29:50

good. Just so helpful. Yeah, he's

29:53

not. It's like, I think probably

29:55

it ain't me, me, babe is

29:57

like his most authentic voice. song.

29:59

Like that's like the truest. And

30:01

it's so, it's a, it's an

30:03

iniogram four for sure. And it's

30:06

just, it's really attractive, even though

30:08

I am certain that like if I

30:10

were his life partner, I

30:12

would get so annoyed by that

30:14

and that would be so hard

30:16

to live with. Oh, nobody wants

30:18

to live with that. Yeah. It's

30:21

incredibly attractive. So, okay. So

30:23

this set me on this

30:26

whole journey, honestly. Reacqu. Is

30:28

that right? Reacquainting? I think

30:30

that's one of those words that no

30:33

one knows how to say, so you just

30:35

barrel through it. You go reacquainting

30:37

myself with Bobby D. Has been

30:40

this whole thing because when I

30:42

was in, probably when I was, it

30:44

started in eighth grade really, I got

30:47

like, I don't know, a greatest hits

30:49

or something. And I started to

30:51

get really into Bob Dylan. And then

30:53

in Mr. Harvey's class, his English class,

30:56

we had to do like a poetry

30:58

notebook. It was our biggest project. It

31:00

was like a project we worked on

31:02

all year. And so we had to

31:04

pick a poet and like do like

31:07

all this, you know, like biographies and

31:09

then like analyzing the poems. And I

31:11

did Bob Dylan. So I like did

31:13

a very deep dive. Cool choice though.

31:15

Thank you. And that's also I think

31:17

when I... I watched Don't Look Back,

31:20

which is the black and white one

31:22

that was made in the 60s.

31:24

That's what we can watch that

31:26

one together. Yeah, I'm excited to

31:28

watch that one. And then, like

31:30

immediately, like the night after I

31:32

watched that I had my first

31:35

sex dream about Bob Dylan in

31:37

black and white. And it who

31:39

depied that? You got the same

31:41

DP from Don't Look Back for

31:43

your dream? Deep penetration. Double penetration.

31:46

Oh yeah. I'm a dork.

31:48

I'm just going to say if you

31:50

type DP into a porn browser. It's

31:52

not going to be deep. It's going

31:54

to be one of the weirder things

31:56

you can see. I clearly don't

31:59

explore that. corner of the

32:01

internet much. That's a rough one.

32:03

Yeah, I can imagine. But I,

32:05

so he was, so he really

32:07

was like one of my first

32:09

real hard like obsessive crushes. Yeah.

32:11

And then that continued like throughout

32:13

high school sort of I would

32:16

go in and out, you know.

32:18

Much like DP. But anyway, so

32:20

this sort of a woken, this

32:22

a, oh, why can I speak?

32:24

A woke. A woke. Oh, I

32:26

haven't had any calories. Oh yeah,

32:28

we shouldn't open. We can say

32:30

that in the intro is that

32:32

you've been very ill. I've been

32:34

incredibly ill and a stomach virus

32:36

and really like I'm drinking chicken

32:38

broth right now and it's the

32:41

first galleries I've had in a

32:43

long time. You're doing great. This

32:45

is the first time I've noticed

32:47

any issue. Thank you. So it

32:49

awoken in me a primal urge.

32:51

But it really did, it like

32:53

connected me to this younger self

32:55

and like this crush. And so

32:57

there was all these different, so

32:59

I just really fell in deep

33:01

where like I told you I

33:03

was looking at pictures of him

33:06

at night so that I would

33:08

dream about him. Yeah. Yeah, because

33:10

I completely get it and I'm

33:12

like, I'm just so happy that

33:14

I'm always, but that you're my

33:16

partner because I'm like, that's the

33:18

right kind of. Obsy, he's worthy

33:20

of an obsession. Yeah. I think

33:22

we've talked about before that I've

33:24

in the past been just so

33:26

turned off by how like cold

33:28

and cool he is. So cool

33:31

he's cold. And I was like,

33:33

fuck you. And now I'm like,

33:35

no, that energy, that like, I

33:37

ain't your man. And I'm just

33:39

doing what like I do. Like

33:41

I'm following my own North Star

33:43

and I'm and I'm doing it.

33:45

but like I'm not here to

33:47

this this or this. Yeah. It's

33:49

exactly what we're missing. Weird name

33:51

drop here, but I was talking

33:53

to Zach Galphanek about that. Not

33:55

about this specifically, but he was

33:58

talking about, we were talking about

34:00

mystique and show business. And I

34:02

don't think in mind, I won't

34:04

even say who said what, but

34:06

we were just kind of in

34:08

general talking about like actors are

34:10

too over interviewed and like, and

34:12

show business used to be like.

34:14

And he didn't say this, neither

34:16

of us said this, but I

34:18

kind of pictured like when you,

34:20

when a carnival would pop up.

34:23

And there's a curtain and they

34:25

ask for $5 and you go

34:27

in the curtain and well, whatever

34:29

version of that it is, they

34:31

had mystique. That's literally what mystique

34:33

is. We have something. You've been

34:35

out there doing your life. We've

34:37

been thinking of something that's gonna

34:39

amaze you and it's behind this

34:41

curtain. And when that pays out.

34:43

Tying bad sisters and when you

34:45

watch good TV you're like holy

34:48

shit like it'll put you in

34:50

a magical mood Yeah, and you

34:52

know this is not a new

34:54

point, but like so much of

34:56

show business has just been The

34:58

rabbit chasing the rabbit just going

35:00

like what makes money and I

35:02

don't even need to finish that

35:04

point. Yeah, everyone knows what I'm

35:06

talking about. It's just rebuts and

35:08

reimagings and proven IPs and this

35:10

this this this to make money

35:13

and and then I'm like we

35:15

needed an infusion of Bob Dylan

35:17

and I hope the young people

35:19

are watching it that's why the

35:21

kid at the farmers market I

35:23

was like yeah I hope you

35:25

guys are taking a note from

35:27

them because I don't know if

35:29

we're the I don't know if

35:31

we're cool yeah well you know

35:33

it's interesting that's so true we're

35:35

because we are sort of also

35:38

it is important but we're the

35:40

generation of like the generation of

35:42

like You know, maybe arguably overly

35:44

vulnerable. We're so interested in trying

35:46

to heal and learn and that

35:48

will share all of our stuff

35:50

and we just give it all

35:52

away right away Yeah, yeah, yeah,

35:54

and there is so there's something

35:56

sort of counterbalancing. Yeah, mistake is

35:58

coming back. It's interesting. Yeah, I

36:00

wonder if it will. In the

36:02

Bob Dill, in the Scorsese one,

36:05

they're backstage and they go, there's

36:07

somebody called into the theater and

36:09

said they're going to shoot you.

36:11

Yeah. And Bob Dylan's like 20,

36:13

he looks like he's 20 years

36:15

old, but he's maybe 25, I

36:17

don't know. Yeah. He's in his

36:19

20s. He goes, oh man. I

36:21

don't mind getting shot, I just

36:23

don't want to be told about

36:25

it. Yes. And I'm like, I've

36:27

literally done shows where I'm worried

36:30

someone in the audience is mad

36:32

at me and then I'm nervous

36:34

to perform. Yeah. I'm like, what

36:36

if somebody's mad at me? Right.

36:38

And he's like, I don't mind

36:40

getting shot as long as I

36:42

don't need to know about it.

36:44

And I'm like, I literally have

36:46

the chills right now. That was

36:48

similar to this was Matt Johnson.

36:50

Yeah, yeah. And it's a similar

36:52

thing. He's like incredibly principled. Yeah.

36:55

And I think you and I

36:57

are both really drawn to like

36:59

a backbone in that way. A

37:01

backbone and mystique and something authentic

37:03

and. Like self perpetual motion machine

37:05

like it's them that drives them

37:07

It's not just money or fame

37:09

or this and the Matt Johnson

37:11

Canadian filmmaker Matt Johnson who were

37:13

both obsessed with absolutely love him

37:15

He has a story where they

37:17

shot something in a museum in

37:20

Toronto. Yeah, we were in Toronto

37:22

and they were in Toronto and

37:24

they just illegally kind of Eric

37:26

Andre, kind of Ali G or

37:28

Borat style. They like just went

37:30

in the museum. We've talked about

37:32

this before. They set up a

37:34

fake thing and then they broke

37:36

it and then they ran out

37:38

of the museum with real security

37:40

really chasing them. Yeah, which is

37:42

so fucking cool. Not, when I

37:45

talked to him about Matt did

37:47

this podcast, he told me. that

37:49

he's not really a prank guy.

37:51

So he's also really uncomfortable with

37:53

that. He's scared, but he's doing

37:55

it anyway. But he's doing it

37:57

for the show, which is also

37:59

fun. I'll say cool. But then

38:01

I forget where we heard this

38:03

story, but he was in a

38:06

meeting with, I think it was, who

38:08

made that show? It's like the

38:10

bad boy network, Vice. So he's

38:12

in a meeting with Vice and

38:15

like the Canadian Film Board or

38:17

whatever, and like someone there was

38:19

representing the museum. And this woman.

38:22

was saying in no uncertain terms,

38:24

I know you have this footage,

38:27

like you went in a museum

38:29

and you shot this prank and

38:31

you shot it illegally, it will

38:34

never see the light of day.

38:36

And Jay, Matt's partner, the story

38:38

goes, Matt's, Matt laughed. He just

38:40

laughed. Yeah. He's like, yeah, it

38:43

will. Yeah. And every lawyer and

38:45

every person and every serious judge

38:47

in a gown with a gavel

38:49

and a wig was saying, no,

38:52

it's not. Yeah. And he was

38:54

just laughing. That's like, I'm not

38:56

your guy. Yeah, totally. I know

38:58

emotions are high right now. Yeah.

39:00

I know you're mad right now.

39:03

Because you just found out, I

39:05

think that's in the story too,

39:07

because I promise you this will

39:09

be on television. I promise you

39:11

this. And I'm like, that's, it

39:13

ain't me, babe, and that's once

39:15

upon the time, I mean, you're

39:17

pam, and that's going electric. And

39:19

you know, I am, and I'm even

39:22

gonna say it's a little bit of

39:24

valley heat. I mean, like, there's something

39:27

about art. When, and I'll be

39:29

the first to say, like, my

39:31

stand-up is very clean and very

39:33

pure, meaning I do that with my

39:35

full, full, whatever, mistake. Yes. A lot

39:38

of other aspects of my life, not

39:40

all of them, but you know, I'll

39:42

do a thing for a thing, and

39:44

it's fine. But like, I am very

39:47

attracted to people that are

39:49

just like... Well, it's... No,

39:51

I'm smoking in your elevator.

39:53

Yeah, it's freedom to us

39:55

for a couple of sweetie

39:57

pleasers and I know we're

39:59

not that and I know we're

40:01

working we're both working on it

40:03

and have our moments where we're

40:05

not doing that but as people

40:07

who have felt limited by being

40:09

the one that is going to

40:12

please everybody and what's funny good

40:14

it's funny yeah to fauners this

40:16

is freedom yeah we're not it's

40:18

not even people pleasers it's worse

40:20

we are fauners meaning we feel

40:22

safe when we do what we're

40:24

told sort of thing. And that's

40:26

not always true. I say no

40:28

to things defensively, I say. But

40:30

that's one of the things I

40:32

wrote down about Bobby D. And

40:34

I really have almost none of

40:36

this, what I'm about to say.

40:38

In that doc, they tell a

40:40

story that someone was like, they

40:42

asked Bob, if you wanted to

40:45

be happy. And he was like,

40:47

happy. He goes, anybody can be

40:49

happy. What good is that? What

40:51

good is that? And I was

40:53

like, yeah, that I have zero

40:55

relationship. I don't understand that at

40:57

all, but any plan I have

40:59

to not be your guy or

41:01

it ain't me, babe or be

41:03

cool or keep my integrity right

41:05

next to me is another train

41:07

called my happiness. But also I

41:09

know and how cool is it

41:11

that he's like legacy. It's very

41:13

cool. And again, another thing that

41:15

I'm like, well, that would be.

41:17

that would get old. Like, and

41:20

in fact it does, like our,

41:22

like the people that we've known

41:24

in our life who don't seem

41:26

to care about being happy or

41:28

like, you know. Even seem to

41:30

want to struggle we get so

41:32

annoyed No, no, no that my

41:34

like a rolling stone is your

41:36

happiness and my happiness and Lila's

41:38

that's my blood on the tracks

41:40

Yeah, I'm going for that Okay,

41:42

I have more to say about

41:44

Bob Dylan, but let's go to

41:46

the midrolls Yeah, we'll go to

41:48

the midrolls and I want to

41:50

share that therapy thing too And

41:53

it ties into this that sounds

41:55

good Is that a good enough

41:57

cliffhanger for people to stick around

41:59

after the minerals that I'm going

42:01

to talk about therapy? Well, yeah,

42:03

but I burped again. Jesus. But

42:05

I'm going to say my Bob

42:07

Dylan thing first, so I don't

42:09

forget and we don't get on

42:11

a whole therapy tangent. Great. And

42:13

listen to Valley Heat and watch

42:15

Bad Sisters and Bob Dylan. And

42:17

my last Bob Dylan. I've made

42:19

my piece with that I'm the

42:21

fucking dork. that gets into Bob

42:23

Dylan after the movie. I don't

42:26

fucking care. That's who I am.

42:28

I'm this close to a universal

42:30

studio's like jacket with leather sleeves.

42:32

I'm a fucking dork. And I'm

42:34

a, I need the movie. There's

42:36

Tim Heidecker over there that's like

42:38

loved Bob Dylan for 30 years.

42:40

It ain't me, babe. I'm a

42:42

fucking dork. And I don't care.

42:44

But this, in my, in what

42:46

I'm about to say after the

42:48

mid rolls about Bob Dylan, there

42:50

is embedded in that a compliment

42:52

for you. So there's your cliffhanger

42:54

baby. Oh well, now I'll definitely

42:56

be listening. This episode is brought

42:59

to us by our friends at

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46:18

I've this going back to like

46:20

this is a woken in me

46:23

a primal urge I'm getting I'm

46:25

just remembering the glory of having

46:27

a crush and I was thinking

46:29

about that two day really how

46:32

lucky I am that I've been

46:34

in love like Yeah, I don't

46:36

know. Three times? I don't know.

46:39

I just said that about weddings,

46:41

by the way. I was like,

46:43

because my friend went to her

46:45

nephews and her nephew was like

46:48

20 and getting married. Yeah. And

46:50

she was like, it was such

46:52

a sweet wedding. She's like, I

46:55

know they're young and, you know,

46:57

who knows what's going to happen,

46:59

but the wedding was so sweet.

47:01

And I was like, more weddings,

47:04

I say, I think we should

47:06

drop the like... But this is

47:08

a just, I'm just taking a

47:11

strong opinion for fun. But what

47:13

if we dropped the like, this

47:15

means forever and ever, no matter

47:17

what, even if we're miserable element

47:20

of it. And instead, we are

47:22

throwing a party saying like, A

47:24

miracle happened. We fell in love.

47:26

Yeah. And we are like in.

47:29

We're in this. We're gonna really

47:31

try to do this. And like,

47:33

that's the wedding. I love that

47:36

I had two weddings. I loved

47:38

both of my weddings, so much.

47:40

I loved the second one more.

47:42

I was just saying I didn't

47:45

really like my first wedding, but

47:47

going. But anyway. Lucky. Lucky. Oh.

47:49

But yes, being in love and

47:52

so I just talked to my

47:54

friend Jen about this and like

47:56

having a crush we were talking

47:58

about how like. It's like the

48:01

highest frequency when you have

48:03

a crush because you're living

48:05

your life, even if the

48:07

person that you have a

48:09

crush on is non-existent anymore.

48:11

I know he still, you know,

48:13

is living, but I have a

48:15

crush on 60s Dylan. So that

48:17

person doesn't exist. But you still

48:19

like, it like, it aligns your whole

48:21

system and the way she put

48:24

it is, you're the most current

48:26

version of yourself. So you're like

48:28

free. You got an update and

48:30

you're free from all these like,

48:32

you know, past old stories because

48:34

you're sort of like, it makes

48:36

you stand up straighter. It's sort

48:38

of like you're walking around the

48:40

world being like, if I ran

48:42

into that person, or if they

48:44

had like a crystal ball and

48:46

could see me right now, would

48:48

they be impressed? And it like

48:50

forces you to sort of, it

48:52

encourages you to live your best

48:54

life to be your most. crushable

48:56

person just because you have the

48:58

idea of this person who you

49:01

want to be impressed with you

49:03

yeah and that just for whatever

49:05

reason like I understand there's

49:07

like problems with you know

49:09

looking for external validation and

49:11

all of that but it

49:13

also is like I think a

49:15

fun game to participate in knowing

49:17

that really the absolute truth is that

49:20

this is the dance that we do

49:22

with the divine with the like ultimate

49:24

beloved with God where we have this

49:27

you know attraction and longing

49:29

and pining to be close with

49:31

God and then and you can

49:33

use that so it's this and

49:35

we just see it in individuals

49:37

yeah so that's what's happening that's

49:39

right so You know if you need like

49:41

a spiritual permission to fall into it you

49:44

are the impetus you are the the stimuli

49:46

that unlocks the place in me where I

49:48

am love and that's exactly what we

49:50

yes that's what we were talking about

49:52

me and Jen we were saying like

49:54

it unlocks something in you yeah you

49:56

become love yeah and you just you become

49:59

this like this version of yourself that

50:01

you love, that you're like, yeah,

50:03

fucking, yeah, I'm doing it. So

50:05

that is, what were you gonna

50:07

say? You're gonna say something. Just,

50:09

I often go through my life

50:12

feeling like I don't like things

50:14

and I don't like not liking

50:16

things and I love loving things

50:18

and I actually want to love

50:20

everything. Yeah. Not just like everything

50:22

but just like just allow everything.

50:24

So when I find something that

50:27

I do love or people that

50:29

I do love it feels so

50:31

good because that's like the truest

50:33

yes and best me is I

50:35

it's something that I acknowledge a

50:37

lot in my therapy is I'm

50:39

like Pete wants to love everybody

50:42

and we have to just honor

50:44

that like sometimes he can't but

50:46

like he wants to and that's

50:48

really beautiful. That's you know what

50:50

that's what I because I was

50:52

gonna put it to you and

50:54

say like, is that something that

50:56

you experience or is this more

50:59

of a strictly female thing where

51:01

maybe it's somehow related to us

51:03

like, you know, being told that

51:05

we need to find a good

51:07

husband and like so then we

51:09

just put more meaning on that?

51:11

But as I'm asking that, I

51:14

have seen you have that even

51:16

if it's like friend crushes where

51:18

you get really lit up about

51:20

somebody. And then, and it's like,

51:22

they become an avatar. Yeah. So

51:24

right now Bob Dylan's an avatar

51:26

for me, and it's literally making

51:28

me stand a little more straight.

51:31

I think it comes down to

51:33

like what outfit you're picking in

51:35

the morning, and if you're in

51:37

love, and like, or just have

51:39

a obsession or a, or even

51:41

just doing this podcast and having

51:43

such admiration for Valley Heat, being

51:46

like, let's do a great one.

51:48

Yeah, it's inspiration, which is so

51:50

necessary. Yeah, totally. Okay, so that's

51:52

one little piece and then here

51:54

comes the compliment for you. Can't

51:56

wait. It also helped me realize,

51:58

my obsession with Bob Dylan, that,

52:01

okay, I know that there is,

52:03

so attachment theory sort of has

52:05

that thing, we've talked about it

52:07

on the podcast where it's like

52:09

attraction. is you recognizing in someone

52:11

else that you have, you could

52:13

perpetuate a familiar pattern of attachment

52:15

and loving. Remember how we've talked

52:18

about that. So like, I think

52:20

Dr. Becky Kennedy, the parenting expert,

52:22

was the one that I heard

52:24

her say this on Glenn and

52:26

Doyle's podcast. And she, I think,

52:28

said, that's all attraction is. It's

52:30

what? It's just you recognizing in

52:33

someone else that you could have

52:35

a similar dynamic, attachment dynamic, to

52:37

what you are used to based

52:39

on like an attachment you had

52:41

mostly with your parents. Yeah. So

52:43

it's sort of like, and I

52:45

know how to love this person

52:48

sort of feeling and I know,

52:50

I know the agreements that we

52:52

would make and they would be

52:54

familiar and comfortable. Right. So I

52:56

don't think that's all attraction is.

52:58

I think there's so many levels

53:00

of it You know, like I

53:02

think there's like a body like

53:05

a pure like pheromonal primal one

53:07

I think there's like a spiritual

53:09

one. There's like probably some like

53:11

past life stuff happening But I

53:13

do think that on a psychological

53:15

level that makes sense to me

53:17

that that's what attraction is and

53:20

so I just realized that Finding

53:22

Bob Dylan so young started perpetuating

53:24

something that was already happening, which

53:26

is, and it's sort of a

53:28

relationship that I, that my whole

53:30

family had with my father, which

53:32

is like navigating the moods of

53:35

a moody, broody man. And like,

53:37

that, that's, I, the, like, the

53:39

phantom thread. of it all, you

53:41

know, like that, there's a reason

53:43

why that movie is so compelling

53:45

to me and so attractive to

53:47

me. And I remember Joan Baez

53:49

saying in that documentary, like the

53:52

whole tour, she was just, she

53:54

was like, it was just me

53:56

navigating his moods. And when he

53:58

was feeling silly and playful, it

54:00

was the best thing. world and

54:02

then sometimes he would just go

54:04

dark and there was no way

54:07

to reach him and I when

54:09

she said that I was like

54:11

that if I'm admitting the like

54:13

everything to myself that is specifically

54:15

what I'm attracted to is like

54:17

the idea of there is a

54:19

man who is unreachable to everyone

54:22

else but is incredibly

54:24

tender with me that's the

54:26

hottest thing in the world to

54:28

me. And so the compliment to

54:30

you is I realized like you

54:32

are that in the safest possible

54:35

way. Like you are, we've referenced

54:37

this so many times on the

54:39

podcast that you have like five

54:41

different versions of yourself every single

54:43

day. You feel every feeling a

54:45

person can feel in one day.

54:47

There's like all these moods and

54:49

different modes and I don't know

54:51

why I'm being this way and

54:53

I love it. I'm riding those

54:55

ways and it's so attractive to

54:57

me. but you also are incredibly

55:00

communicative and self-aware and

55:02

emotionally intelligent so it's

55:04

not actually consistent with

55:06

you and consistent with me which I

55:08

don't even understand to be honest

55:10

but no which which is the thing but

55:12

I don't even get that I mean who

55:15

subscribed to that magazine put it in

55:17

the mailbox ha but that's the that's

55:19

the exact thing That's the key part

55:21

is it's the like, but he's tender

55:23

with me part. That's essential. And even

55:25

when Joan Baez said like he would

55:27

go dark and I couldn't reach him,

55:30

I was like, I bet I could

55:32

have reached him. Yeah, yeah. Like you're

55:34

just like, I'll take that challenge.

55:36

And you are somebody that I

55:38

did that with and I'm not

55:40

giving myself the credit. But you

55:42

know what I mean, you opened

55:44

up to me. Yeah, sure. And

55:46

it worked. And it worked. And

55:48

it continues to work. Well, that

55:50

like doesn't destroy and break my

55:52

heart. Right. I well, I love that.

55:54

I, uh, I don't know. I don't

55:56

know. What do you want me to

55:58

say to that? Yeah, exactly. Would you

56:01

say that to the Beatles? We all

56:03

upset. Well, I wanted to, just because

56:05

we're bringing it into a close, do

56:08

you mind if I just bring up

56:10

my therapy thing? Yes, please. Is that

56:12

natural? And I'm reading the cues correctly.

56:14

And thank you for what you said.

56:17

That's what was missing. You're moody and

56:19

broody in your own way. Well, you

56:21

know what, when you are feeling like

56:23

you're a bit much or you're feeling

56:26

vulnerable. Because like I said that conversation

56:28

I had made me feel on the

56:30

podcast made me feel vulnerable like I'm

56:33

too much and what's my deal just

56:35

kind of like a just a vulnerability

56:37

hangover yeah when you live and have

56:39

friends and obviously a partner that can

56:42

be like I like the way you

56:44

are yeah that's like so much of

56:46

life is just getting some people around

56:49

you that's like the secret a huge

56:51

secret to life is You need people

56:53

around you that go, I like the

56:55

way you are. A hundred percent. And

56:58

with that truck. So simple. I like

57:00

the way you are. Yeah. And you're

57:02

like, I'm this way and this way.

57:05

I realize a lot of times like,

57:07

like I was bringing Lila and her

57:09

friend to the park last night or

57:11

to the farmers market last night. And

57:14

I'm like, no, like what? It's an

57:16

empty water bottle, you can handle it.

57:18

Like so I like, obviously we're making

57:20

a bit out of it, I'm not

57:23

being just a total turn. But then

57:25

I get to the farmer's bring and

57:27

I said to our friend Lou and

57:30

I was like, so weird, I'm so

57:32

soft with Lila, but with other kids,

57:34

I can't wait to be like, you

57:36

can't pick it up, why are you

57:39

pretending like, rolling out a red carpet?

57:41

Yeah. And he didn't say this to

57:43

me, like. I know that's a little

57:46

bit weird, because what Lou did say

57:48

is, I'm actually the opposite, I'm pretty

57:50

rough with my own kids, and then

57:52

I'm very gentle with other kids. That's

57:55

how I am too. And then I

57:57

was like, I'm saying, I'm not even

57:59

defending how I am, in fact I'm

58:02

sort of working on it, I'm like,

58:04

you gotta just be gentle. And I

58:06

was like, even if it's a joke,

58:08

because maybe kids don't know you're joking.

58:11

The one we were with knew I

58:13

was joking, we were laughing. Anyway, but

58:15

I was like, I see what you're

58:17

saying, that seems normal, but all I

58:20

want is someone to go. That's funny.

58:22

I like that. It's funny. It's funny.

58:24

You fucking weirdos. It's funny. Anyway, I

58:27

don't know if I stuck the landing

58:29

on that, but here's what I really

58:31

wanted to say. When you talk to

58:33

somebody who represents a way or seems

58:36

to represent a way that you used

58:38

to believe your faith used to be,

58:40

by the way, this is not a

58:43

big part of your life. I found

58:45

that to be like strangely inciting. I

58:47

didn't know what was going on. I

58:49

was like everything I've said on that

58:52

show, I've said before, but why did

58:54

I feel kind of off about it?

58:56

And then I had therapy and I

58:59

did parts, I do internal family systems

59:01

therapy. And we found, again, for someone

59:03

who's like not. really interested in doing

59:05

like past life regression hypnotherapy and stuff

59:08

like that because I'm so worried I'd

59:10

fake it when it comes to like

59:12

closing my eyes and knowing that you

59:15

are the authority of your parts like

59:17

you you are them so you can

59:19

find them so when you're looking for

59:21

the part of you meaning the aspect

59:24

meaning the age and the you know

59:26

just the time of what what version

59:28

of you is most sort of off

59:30

kilter right now I just literally closed

59:33

my eyes. Nobody trained, nobody needs to

59:35

be trained to do this. Just kind

59:37

of close your eyes and look for

59:40

it. And I won't fake it. My

59:42

therapist knows that. I don't care if

59:44

it gets awkward that it's been quiet

59:46

for a couple minutes. It's a weird

59:49

flex, but it's true. I will sit

59:51

there until I think I see it.

59:53

And it showed up right away and

59:56

it was very obvious it was 17

59:58

year old me and I'm wearing, I

1:00:00

shaved my head, I was in a

1:00:02

punk band and then I shaved my

1:00:05

head and put on a white button

1:00:07

up shirt and khakis and just overnight

1:00:09

became a youth pastor. Like I was

1:00:12

wearing a black leather jacket with spikes

1:00:14

in it and then the next day

1:00:16

I'm wearing like a polo and khakis

1:00:18

and like being nice to everybody. But

1:00:21

you know what I mean, being really

1:00:23

like youth pastor nice. So it's that

1:00:25

version of me, churchy version of me.

1:00:27

who was fawning to God, who was

1:00:30

like fawning to the divine, don't kill

1:00:32

me, don't torture me, I'll do whatever

1:00:34

you say, you want me to not be

1:00:36

cool with gay people, you got it,

1:00:38

you want me to not be cool

1:00:40

with other faiths, you got it. Like

1:00:42

I'm in your group, keep me with you,

1:00:44

don't devour me, don't torture me,

1:00:46

don't torture me. So we start

1:00:48

talking to him. And one of

1:00:51

the things I was like, remember

1:00:53

like the times we've been on,

1:00:55

Ketamine, but it hasn't only been

1:00:57

on substances. There have been times

1:00:59

of unitive clarity where love being

1:01:02

revealed is the nature of everything

1:01:04

is so apparent. You laugh and

1:01:06

you cry and you're like, oh

1:01:08

my God, it was there the

1:01:10

whole time. Then there's nowhere we

1:01:12

can go. So I was telling him that

1:01:15

and I was telling him about all

1:01:17

of the... seeking and listening

1:01:19

and learning we've done and

1:01:21

and to trust me as the grown-up

1:01:23

to trust me that he's safe and

1:01:25

that our beliefs are good and he

1:01:28

goes and he said are you sure

1:01:30

that was his question he goes are

1:01:32

you sure it was really kind of

1:01:34

it's very sweet to say are you

1:01:36

sure kind of scared are you sure yeah

1:01:38

and I wrote this on my mirror I

1:01:40

loved it so much I wrote I'm sure and

1:01:43

when we're not sure I'm sure we can

1:01:45

hold it And I thought that

1:01:47

was really beautiful. Meaning like,

1:01:49

it's not just my

1:01:52

ideologies are completely waterproof and

1:01:54

airtight and all that. Yeah. It's

1:01:56

like even when we're having those

1:01:59

days, you. you don't have any

1:02:01

coffee or laid over between two

1:02:03

flights and tired and you're grumpy

1:02:05

or you got a text from

1:02:07

your parents or this or that

1:02:09

and you're upset and suddenly it

1:02:11

falls apart. This sureness can also

1:02:14

accommodate that. This sureness isn't contingent

1:02:16

on a good mood or like

1:02:18

feeling grovy all the time. Even

1:02:20

when we're in dark despair and

1:02:22

doubt and having weird parts of

1:02:24

ourselves flare up and we're afraid.

1:02:26

This sureness can be there during

1:02:28

that and allow it. Not just

1:02:31

be with it, but allow it.

1:02:33

Be like, here's this. Right. It's

1:02:35

not easily threatened. No. It was

1:02:37

beautiful. It was like, yeah, sometimes.

1:02:39

It's like we've set a million

1:02:41

on the spot. It's like when

1:02:43

we are on our deathbeds, we'll

1:02:46

probably be in a bad mood.

1:02:48

Right. So it's like hard to

1:02:50

like hold on to it's all

1:02:52

glorious as you're literally. Yeah. Like,

1:02:54

you know, passing away. And it's

1:02:56

like, yeah, because that's not the

1:02:58

point. The point isn't to end

1:03:00

the symphony on the highest most

1:03:03

glorious note. And the point of

1:03:05

the symphony isn't to only play

1:03:07

high glorious notes. The point of

1:03:09

the symphony is to only play

1:03:11

high glorious notes. The point of

1:03:13

the symphony is to notice that

1:03:15

no matter what the notes are,

1:03:17

you're the paper. this better be

1:03:20

really related. I was thinking that

1:03:22

like sometimes I'll go where I'm

1:03:24

just playing out my whole life

1:03:26

like I'll just go down a

1:03:28

rabbit hole where I'm like I'm

1:03:30

gonna have to go through menopause

1:03:32

like that fucking sounds like it

1:03:35

sucks and it's like 10 years

1:03:37

of your life and then I'm

1:03:39

like and then like after that

1:03:41

I bet I'll feel really good

1:03:43

for maybe like another 10 years

1:03:45

and then like you know I'll

1:03:47

just all I'll start to feel

1:03:49

like what's it gonna feel like

1:03:52

when my brain feels like it's

1:03:54

harder to remember things and My

1:03:56

body is getting old and tired

1:03:58

and I just know that it's

1:04:00

only like gonna get harder from

1:04:02

there in those ways, you know.

1:04:04

And I just had this feeling

1:04:07

where I was like, but think

1:04:09

of all the things I will

1:04:11

have gotten through by that point.

1:04:13

And like, it's just resilience. Like

1:04:15

it always comes back to resilience

1:04:17

for me, which is like, is

1:04:19

the feeling of. Yes, and even

1:04:21

when that happens, we can hold

1:04:24

that. Yeah. And like, I'm just

1:04:26

getting better at holding discomfort. Every

1:04:28

opportunity that every season, even the

1:04:30

having the stomach flu, you know,

1:04:32

you just get better at having

1:04:34

at getting sick where you're like,

1:04:36

yeah, I've been here before. I

1:04:38

know it feels like my only

1:04:41

reality right now and and tomorrow

1:04:43

I'll be in a completely different

1:04:45

state, you know, it's just like,

1:04:47

you just get better at it.

1:04:49

So. Ideally if you get to

1:04:51

live a long life, by the

1:04:53

time you're dying, yeah, it's the

1:04:56

first time you are dying, but

1:04:58

it's also... It's not the first

1:05:00

time you've surrendered something. Yeah, and

1:05:02

have gone through something difficult, you

1:05:04

know. Yeah, yeah, totally. I love

1:05:06

that. I also had, by the

1:05:08

way, I'm not positive that I'm

1:05:10

not getting sick. Today's the first

1:05:13

day that I'm like, oh, something's

1:05:15

up. Which I'm glad we recorded

1:05:17

this because I'm like, I think

1:05:19

the rest of the day might

1:05:21

just meet me like chilling the

1:05:23

beans. One thing our family just

1:05:25

doesn't do is stop kissing each

1:05:28

other when one of us is

1:05:30

sick. Yeah, and you know, I

1:05:32

still may not be sick and

1:05:34

that would be great because then

1:05:36

I'd have a nice little ego

1:05:38

story, nice little bragging rights where

1:05:40

I'm like, I just didn't get

1:05:42

sick. Yeah, yeah. And I still

1:05:45

think I was telling myself that

1:05:47

for five days after Lila had

1:05:49

the stomach flu. But it's possible,

1:05:51

you sure take a lot of

1:05:53

supplements. I sure do, speaking of

1:05:55

the pizza picks. Anyway, the last

1:05:57

thing I wanted to say, this

1:05:59

was. beautiful when you're doing internal

1:06:02

family systems therapy which is just

1:06:04

kind of like it's almost like

1:06:06

a blend of you're almost kind

1:06:08

of meditating you're kind you

1:06:10

know you're getting quiet and really

1:06:12

asking your body questions asking your

1:06:15

unconscious questions and giving it the

1:06:17

floor so it's a little bit like

1:06:19

a dream and it's a little bit

1:06:21

like meditating and but you get into

1:06:23

like a softened and sort of even

1:06:25

heightened state here's what I mean what

1:06:27

do I mean by that I mean We were talking

1:06:30

about we were telling this part

1:06:32

that was scared Look at the

1:06:34

support we have and I'm always

1:06:36

like just look at reality. We've

1:06:38

talked about this before look at

1:06:40

Valerie look at Lila Then I

1:06:42

started talking about our friends and

1:06:44

the night before I me and

1:06:47

Lila you were sick Me and Lila

1:06:49

had gone to our friend Sam

1:06:51

in our Ella's house for dinner

1:06:53

and Sam cooks for us sometimes

1:06:55

He's a really amazing cook. He

1:06:57

makes Thai food and this you

1:06:59

made Korean food and in therapy

1:07:01

I was talking about and I

1:07:03

was telling this aspect of myself

1:07:05

this kind of small scared part

1:07:08

of me I was like in

1:07:10

Sam cooks for us and as

1:07:12

I was saying that like like

1:07:14

like a real ugly cry like

1:07:16

I couldn't even breathe cry Very

1:07:18

short, my pride wants to

1:07:20

remind everybody that I'm a

1:07:22

tough and cool person. But

1:07:25

it was wonderful. I was

1:07:27

like, it gave me a glimpse at

1:07:29

how things mean so much more

1:07:31

than we think they mean. And

1:07:34

I know we live in a

1:07:36

world where like we act like

1:07:38

that's true, but it actually is

1:07:40

true. Meaning... Things that are hurtful

1:07:42

can carry with you. We talk

1:07:44

about microaggressions and stuff. Well, I'm

1:07:46

here to say if you really

1:07:48

go into your inner reality, it's

1:07:50

not just things that hurt you.

1:07:52

It's things that helped you, things

1:07:54

that we're loving, means so much more

1:07:56

if you can get into your heart

1:07:58

and look at them. Like Sam's cooked for

1:08:01

us dozens of times. But telling a child,

1:08:03

my child's self, in me, like, there are

1:08:05

people that love us so much they cook

1:08:07

for us. And in India and other cultures,

1:08:09

like cooking and giving Darshan is so flex

1:08:11

with Darshan right there. Darshan flex is so

1:08:14

important. Like who makes your food and do

1:08:16

they make it with love and all that

1:08:18

sort of stuff? And I had a real

1:08:20

good look at like, oh my God, those

1:08:22

like hugs we give Lila, those snuggles and

1:08:24

movie nights and dinners and friends and rides

1:08:26

to the airport and picking Sam picked you

1:08:28

up once on the 33 when you got

1:08:31

a flat tire. Yeah. These things are, you

1:08:33

know, the commander in chief of our experience

1:08:35

are like our brain, our minds can go

1:08:37

like wow. It's nice to have friends. But

1:08:39

when you talk to your heart, your heart

1:08:41

is a puddle and can't even handle it.

1:08:43

And then that's very empowering to go like,

1:08:46

we have friends over and we cook for

1:08:48

them. And we, you know, and even if

1:08:50

we're not, we can do this, this, and

1:08:52

this. And the way that that can impact

1:08:54

somebody, if you really got a clean data.

1:08:56

is they're a puddle. They're an absolute puddle.

1:08:58

And that's beautiful. It's the most important thing.

1:09:01

It's what we need. And what's incredible is

1:09:03

when your friends also are like, this is

1:09:05

the most important thing. This is what I

1:09:07

need. And what's incredible is when your friends

1:09:09

also are like, this is the most important

1:09:11

thing. This is what I need. I told

1:09:13

Sam and he said he cried when he

1:09:16

got the text. And I hope he doesn't

1:09:18

care that I say. And I was just

1:09:20

like. It kind of makes me go like,

1:09:22

wow, it really is so simple. You

1:09:24

know, I'm not even

1:09:26

gonna you maybe you

1:09:28

can't text somebody so

1:09:31

I in that story

1:09:33

I texted him something

1:09:35

so their phones are

1:09:37

also connecting us, but

1:09:39

there's something very simple

1:09:41

about like like I

1:09:43

went Nick Thune as

1:09:46

the person who told

1:09:48

me about Valley heat.

1:09:50

I think he might

1:09:52

be on it. I

1:09:54

can't tell he might

1:09:56

be disguising his voice

1:09:58

well, but um One

1:10:01

birthday I saw Nick

1:10:03

Thune and I just

1:10:05

didn't have any plans

1:10:07

that birthday And he

1:10:09

was just like let's

1:10:11

go out right now

1:10:13

And we went to

1:10:16

like it's back when

1:10:18

I was drinking we

1:10:20

went to lunch at

1:10:22

some steak house Also

1:10:24

eating meat. We just

1:10:26

had like probably three

1:10:28

martinis each and oh

1:10:31

my gosh the madmen

1:10:33

lunch, you're like 11

1:10:35

30 in the morning.

1:10:37

Oh my god, and

1:10:39

That's and if you

1:10:41

ask my heart what

1:10:43

that meant That's

1:10:46

I like the way you are.

1:10:48

That's I like the way you are.

1:10:50

Yeah, I like the way you

1:10:53

are I don't have any plans. I

1:10:55

like the way you are I'm

1:10:57

gonna buy you birthday lunch, I'm gonna

1:10:59

cook you scallion pancakes and as

1:11:01

I'm saying this I'm remembering How

1:11:05

important it is to just go around and

1:11:07

maybe tell people I like the way you

1:11:09

are Yeah, and when they're telling you something

1:11:11

that's weird about them Mm -hmm. I'm I

1:11:13

would wager that most people just want you

1:11:15

to be like I like the way. Oh

1:11:17

my gosh totally

1:11:19

that's talk about like having a

1:11:21

crush and being Totally aligned

1:11:23

it makes me think of the

1:11:25

Marianne Williamson thing that we've

1:11:28

quoted on this podcast before Where

1:11:30

she said when you're falling

1:11:32

in love with someone We always

1:11:34

think that when you're falling

1:11:36

in love with someone you have

1:11:38

these like rose color goggles

1:11:40

on and then as you Are

1:11:42

with them for years and

1:11:44

years and years you start to

1:11:46

see who they really are

1:11:48

She's like but really it's the

1:11:50

opposite When you are falling

1:11:52

in love with someone you're seeing

1:11:55

them so clearly because you

1:11:57

don't yet have your own Experiences

1:11:59

with them and baggage and

1:12:01

associations to compare to compare and

1:12:03

to change how you're seeing

1:12:05

them like you're not You're not

1:12:07

tired by these quirks because they haven't wounded you

1:12:09

yes you know or whatever and that is exactly it that's

1:12:11

like yeah that's right and I've had I'm sad to say

1:12:13

I have experienced in friendships you

1:12:16

know in relationships too but

1:12:18

like being in love with certain

1:12:20

traits of someone and then getting to

1:12:22

the point where I hate not I

1:12:24

not that I hate those things about

1:12:27

them but those things will annoy me

1:12:29

yeah and that says so much that

1:12:31

says everything to do about that has

1:12:33

everything to do with me and not we

1:12:36

don't see the world as it is we

1:12:38

see it as we are and we don't see

1:12:40

people how they are we see them how we

1:12:42

are yeah right yeah so it's true the joy

1:12:44

of being in love is that you don't

1:12:46

You're not yet analyzing

1:12:48

them. There's no quarterly

1:12:50

report yet. Yeah, and I do

1:12:53

think that's the gift that friends

1:12:55

can have is there's enough of

1:12:57

a not having to share the mundane

1:12:59

responsibilities of life.

1:13:02

where it starts becoming annoying that they're

1:13:04

flighty or whatever. You just get to

1:13:06

enjoy them. Like that's what we can

1:13:08

offer in friendships is like, this thing

1:13:11

that might annoy your partner, I love

1:13:13

it. I think it's really interesting. Which

1:13:15

is why people get addicted to new

1:13:18

things, new jobs, new projects, new

1:13:20

people, new friends, new relationships, because

1:13:22

then you can just experience the

1:13:24

joy of loving somebody. Yeah. When

1:13:26

really, obviously I think it's richer

1:13:28

to stick and find a way

1:13:30

to keep loving. Yes, I agree. Well,

1:13:32

what wonderful times yes, all

1:13:34

right watch bad sisters season two

1:13:36

is out. Oh, I'm over there trying

1:13:39

to do the claim I guess fuck

1:13:41

you The only I can't do it

1:13:43

really the only thing I can say

1:13:45

is Becca Garvey and I in the

1:13:47

Garvey sisters because he's a

1:13:49

cock When I'm watching it I

1:13:52

can do it. Yeah, and as

1:13:54

soon as it's off I turn

1:13:56

into Scottish like every fucking Yankee

1:13:58

Well, well, thanks everybody We're glad you were

1:14:00

here, you were here.

1:14:02

Um, Keep

1:14:04

it Keep it crispy.